This week, an American court decided that Lady Gaga did not have to pay a reward of $500,000 to one Jennifer McBride for the return of her kidnapped French bulldogs because McBride had been part of the plot to kidnap the doggies at the first place. McBride had already pleaded guilty to receiving stolen property, to whit the doggies, which had been taken by two men, one of whom was her boyfriend. I mean, that is the definition of chutzpah. It reminded WTF of the case brought several hundred years ago in an English court where one Highwayman sued another for failing to divvy up the spoils. Not only did his claim not succeed, but he and his partner in crime were both hanged, and their lawyer transported to Australia.
McBride’s shamelessness was surprising, not to mention ill judged, but then shamelessness is the essence of our times. And nowhere was shamelessness on clearer display than in Manchester this week where the Conservatives were holding their annual conference. Having run out of new ideas, including ideas on how to honour the promises they have already made, ministers decided that the only way forward was to make stuff up and hope that nobody noticed. And so we had Energy Secretary Claire Coutinho repeating Rishi Sunak’s rubbish from last week about a tax on meat and claiming that Labour was intent upon introducing this policy, something no shadow minister has ever suggested. When this was put to Coutinho, she initially tried to justify it, and then attempted to claim it merely was a moment of lightness in her speech. Sunak insisted that he would not allow councils to force householders into recycling their rubbish in seven different bins (known colloquially as the seven deadly bins), except that no council has ever put forward any proposal in those terms. And Transport Minister, Mark Harper, declared that he would not permit councils to dictate the days on which people could go shopping in their boroughs, except again no council had put forward a proposal in those terms. And then up pops the Minister for Technology, Michelle Donelan, who had clearly checked in her brain at the door, to tell delegates that the Tories were the party of truth, which they so aren’t. The legacy of Boris Johnson and his complete disregard for the truth runs through the party like the writing inside a stick of seaside rock. No one is even bothering about the truth anymore, and this was well demonstrated in Sunak‘s tedious, head boy on founders’ day speech to close the conference, in which he seemed to suggest as he had only been in power for a year, Nothing was his fault, he was doing his best to fix it and that he was the agent of change. The head of a party that has been in office for 13 painful years. The party of truth? This lot would not recognise the truth if it bit them on the bum. Which it will do next year when we finally get a general election. Bring it on.
We start our review of the week’s awful apparel with actor and walking-around-all-the-time-with-everything-falling-out person Julia Fox wearing not a lot.
Julia has long since dispensed with actual clothing and now adorns herself in a variety of items affixed randomly to her person. In this case, tit flowers, a Halloween mask, compression leg bandages and what looks for all the world like a pair of raffia slippers. Although raffia slippers make no sense. Not even at all. But then nothing about this outfit makes any sense.
Meanwhile, WTF wants to know how in the world do those groin huggers stay up? It is a miracle of engineering second only to the Clifton Suspension Bridge.
Next up, we are at a ball thrown for charity by Amal and George Clooney’s Clooney Foundation, attended, amongst other notables, by singer Mary J Blige wearing Tony Ward.
That is not a dress. That is a brocade lampshade with fringes.
More preposterous Tony Ward, this time on actor Kate Beckinsale at the Zodiac Charity Ball at the Houdini Estate in Los Angeles.
Harry Houdini would have moved heaven and earth to get out of this ghastliness. Kate is in her corset and trapped in a large mosquito net, waiting for the staff in her tropical island-idyll hotel to come and free her.
The rest of our horrors come from Paris Fashion Week, which is still going on. This is actor Cynthia Erivo wearing LV at an LV party.
Cynthia seems to have come dressed as Supergirl in silk stilettos.
And now we are at the Vivienne Westwood show where we encounter actor Christina Hendricks.
Our last outfits come from the Business of Fashion party, beginning with actor Jared Leto wearing Maison Margiela.
Oh dear, this is an elongated, donkey jacket as worn by manual workers in the 1970s, but updated to 2023 with toe-vagina boots and red washing up gloves. Even by Jared’s standards, this is pretty putrid. And he needs to lay off the eyeliner.
Here is singer and actor Troye Silvan wearing Prada. Scroll down slowly.………
Troye cannot help having spindly little legs. When you do have spindly little legs, however, you should not put them into giant baggy shorts and wear large black shoes with them. Nor should you put your arms into shirtsleeves designed for an Orangutang. The whole effect is a couture Dobbin.
And now actor Jeremy Pope wearing Gaurav Gupta.
Someone needs to send a search party out for his feet. And to find the rest of his synchronised swimming team.
Finally, here is Canadian model Coco Rocha wearing Christian Cowan (or should that be Christian Clown)?
While the search party is out looking for Jeremy’s synchronised swimming team and his feet, they can have a look for Coco’s arms. Where are they? WTF has more questions. How does she wee? And if she does wee, how does she wash her hands? Is she actually inside the disco ball or just holding it in front of her? And, most importantly, what the actual fuck is going on here?
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Hannah from Herne Hill who was stunned by this ASOS Luxe pleated ruffle bandeau body.
She has gone mouldy. It is a mushroom boob tube attached to a thong…..Whose idea was this Mycotic excrescence? It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x