WTF is back from her lengthy holiday and lovely though it is to be with you once again, she is not happy. It is not just the weather, which is frightful. Admittedly, it would be churlish to expect the weather in London in December to be as nice as the weather in Australia. It is winter here and it is spring/summer there. But honestly, when your first household chore upon your return to Blighty is to scrape the ice off your front steps and get busy with the grit, a woman is entitled to be a little wistful. Especially as 36 hours earlier, she had been on Bondi Beach. But it is not just that. London has turned into a sort of plague pit where every other person seems to be ailing with the ‘flu or Covid or any combination of ‘flu and Covid, although there is a flagrant contempt for the concept of masks. And worse, absolutely nothing bloody works. Nothing. Nada. The ambulances are on strike. The nurses are on strike. The train drivers are on strike. The postal persons are on strike. And as far as WTF can see, Rishi Sunak is on strike because no one has seen sight nor sound of him in weeks. Isn’t he supposed to be the Prime Minister? Or at least the current iteration of the Prime Minister?
The government is supposed to run the country. That is what it is for. Instead, members of this government have abrogated all responsibility for everything and instead, either say nothing at all or mouth soundbites in the media. The Secretary of State for Health, Steve Barclay, refuses to discuss pay with the nurses in order to resolve their strike. His job is to prevent strikes or, if he cannot prevent them, at least to try and stop them. Barclay however has other ideas, insofar as he has any ideas at all, of which there is scant evidence. Pressed on his so-called strategy to get the nurses back nursing, he insisted that the government would abide by the recommendations of the pay review board, despite the fact that previous recommendations from that august body have been happily ignored if they did not suit. You cannot get an ambulance to get you to hospital, and even if you do get to hospital, there are no nurses there to nurse you in the hospital, and it is no good trying to get to the hospital by train because there no trains, and if you want to write a letter to your MP, don’t bother to post it because it will not get there. So you are better off staying at home where you can happily freeze to death because it is too bloody expensive to put the heating on, and if you have a Christmas tree, you cannot plug in the fairy lights without mortgaging your granny or going without your Christmas dinner, not that you can afford to put the oven on to cook it anyway, which is probably just as well since turkeys seem to have gone down with avian flu.
So happy Christmas and Happy Chanukah and Happy Holidays. You probably cannot get to see your loved ones, what with no trains and the price of petrol going through the roof, which is probably just as well because they will all have got the lurgy and there are no antibiotics to treat the lurgy because they have run out, stuck in the supply chain thanks to Brexit. But be of good cheer because the BBC is yet again relying on Mrs Brown’s Boys to constitute its principal Christmas entertainment. And you can be of even better cheer because, on the basis that you survive the festivities, WTF will be back next Friday with the fabled WTF Christmas Turkey poll where you can choose from a variety of utterly ghastly fashion faux pas.
Did WTF mention that is is good to be back?
We start our review of the past weeks’ sartorial silliness with actor Sydney Sweeney wearing LaQuan Smith at the GQ Awards in London.
For some reason, 2022 was the year of the breastplate, but Sydney took this trend to a whole new low by resembing the Man in the Iron Mask peeping out from behind the arras. The proportions here are seriously askew and regular Readers will know that WTF deplores a one-armed garment on a two-armed person almost above all things.
We now hop over to the GQ Awards in Madrid where we encounter actor Israel Cruz Cordóva wearing Willie Norris. Scroll down slowly…
This is a descent into lunacy, from a perfectly fine DJ with dress shirt and bow tie to a satin skirt, socks with suspenders and hobnail boots. The look seems to have been inspired by the late lamented actor Spencer Tracy, minus the top hat and patent pumps.
Here is actor Katie Holmes wearing Tove at the iHeart Radio awards.
There is dressing down. And there is fucking up. Guess which this is? Wearing your bra over your top, like Superman wearing his pants over his tights, paired with horrible jeans and manky trainers, is not an outfit, not even at all. Yurgle.
And of course she’s back. WTF speaks of singer Rita Ora wearing Nensi Dojaka to the Fashion Awards in London.
Fashion? This is a bikini under a sheer curtain whose unfortunate colour makes her look as if she is paddling in Pinot Noir. But Readers! It gets worse. So much worse, because here come the inevitable arse cheeks.
By the way, if you are wondering what has happened to Rita’s face, it appears that she is wearing some sort of mask. It is only a pity that she did put the mask to better use and cover her arse instead.
And now we go to American Music Awards where we find singer Anitta wearing Mugler.
More arse cheeks. Only these ones look as though someone is feeling them up.
And here is Cameroonian singer Dencia, wearing who even knows what.
Dencia broke her toe so the sparkly cane can be excused. Which is more than you say for the Silver Spaceman look with tits and top boots.
And finally, here is another old friend of the blog, musician Machine Gun Kelly, wearing Gucci.
How does he hug his fiancé, Megan Fox? She would be more full of holes than a colander. And who knew spiny anteaters were purple?
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, Yvonne from Jedburgh, who has highlighted a ridiculous marketing faux pas by a Canadian chocolatier. It’s called…wait for it…SHYTE.
SHYTE is an acronym which stands for Seriously Helps You To Energize but sadly Kevin Richards faced to recognise that there were alternative meanings for his product, not to mention his slogan #EATSHYTE. Deary me. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile. She needs it. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday for the fabled 2022 WTF Christmas Turkey Poll. Be good x
Writing from New Zealand, I can understand just how you feel. But the hellebores will be up in a few weeks, so there’s hope!