Britain have had some great female warriors. Think Boudicca, leader of the Iceni, who took on the Romans. She was described as “very tall and terrifying in appearance with a harsh voice and a piercing glare”. Think Elizabeth I, who though she did not herself take up arms, presided over mighty victories and who in her famous speech said “I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but I have the heart and stomach of a king and the king of England too…”. Now admittedly there was no television during the reign of either of those women, but one would like to think that if the then-contemporaneous versions of Andrew Neil or Nick Robinson had sought an audience with their Majesties, their request would have been granted. Of course, it is perfectly possible that either man might have had their guts and goolies removed with maximum prejudice had they overstepped the mark, but that was before the days of the Bill of Rights and other such.
Now it is 2022 and a new Elizabeth is ready to take her place at the helm. Only this one appears to lack the heart and stomach to take on either Andrew Neil or Nick Robinson, and she has refused to be interviewed as part of her campaign to become next Prime Minister. Liz Truss talks big but only when there is no chance of her being shown up. Even Rishi Sunak was put on his best behaviour by the Tory Party concerned about the optics of Cabinet colleagues tearing each other to shreds in public. Faced with the prospect of being properly probed on her policies, including whether she actually has any and, if she does, whether they will work or even make any sense, she concluded that she would be better off somewhere, anywhere, else. WTF has no brief for Sunak but at least he had the balls to explain himself and to answer questions whereas Truss did not, pulling out of the interview with Robinson only a day before it was due to take place on Tuesday on the basis that she was “too busy”. Has anyone explained to her how Prime Minister’s Questions work? Although, to be frank, a cardboard Truss would probably make far more sense at the despatch box and have a more animated delivery. With Truss, there is always the risk that she will fail to get to the end of the sentence without losing the thread and she sounds like a I-speak-your-weight machine but with less interesting information. She is a charisma-free zone, without principle (she has declined to have an ethics adviser) and, it seems, devoid of any compassion for the people she is about to govern. Her solution to the crippling utilities charges about to be unleashed upon us is to cut taxes, something unlikely to assist people who do not actually pay taxes. She may talk big, she may pose in a tank in full military gear and she may well suggest that Putin is quaking in his boots in contemplation of her impending accession. We can but conclude that someone who cannot even explain herself to a journalist in a television studio is unlikely to cut much of a figure on the world stage. Truss is not known for listening but perhaps she chose to heed the words of Abraham Lincoln – “It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt”.
We start our bumper review of the week’s clothing craziness with WTF perennial racing driver Lewis Hamilton out and about at the racetrack in Spa, Belgium ahead of the Grand Prix.
The weather in Europe has been decidedly warm so it is unclear why Lewis felt the need to don this autumnal ensemble like a perambulating plum and still less clear why he was wearing a tea cosy on his head and trainers with pustules. But he looks like a proper pillock.
Next we are in Venice where we meet lovely actor Jodie Turner-Smith at the Venice Film Festival wearing Gucci.
That is not a dress. That is a baby doll nightie last seen on a vintage Barbie – the one where Barbie runs a brothel. There is no call for either the fuck-me boots or the elongated baby blue washing up gloves. The sunglasses, however, are cool.
And here is proper film star Julianne Moore wearing Alaia.
WTF loves Julianne but is perplexed as to what is occurring with the tit cones, which seem to be a blend of Mickey Mouse ears and a witches’ hat.
To the MTV VMAs, always a rich source of outrage, where we come across comedian and SNL star Chloe Fineman wearing ThreeBYFOUR.
Well this one certainly got a laugh from WTF. It’s an eiderdown with straps. At least she’ll be warm.
Next we have singer Lizzo wearing a lot of Jean Paul Gaultier.
Lizzo has come dressed as the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. Who knows why?
Now we have Canadian singer Tate McRae wearing Niné.
Betty Rubble gives the world a Minge Moment…..
Meet drag performer Kerri Colby wearing Mugler.
It is not just that Kerri is dressed as a strawberry popsicle, prompting lickage jokes aplenty. It is the preponderance of pudendum on view, like something on a screen at an undergraduate gynaecology lecture.
And we also have actor Mike Mulderrig wearing some things which are wayyyy too small.
Has Mike bulked up since purchasing these items of clothing? The buttons on his jacket are hanging on for dear life and failing to cover up a lot of moobage, while he seems to have the entire contents of his sock drawer down his trousers. Call for the Canisten!
And finally, here is rapper Lil Nas X wearing Harris Read.
Did you know that there is a condition known as trypophobia – fear of holes? WTF is currently suffering from acute trypophobia over this getup, not least because it seems to herald a horrible new phenomenon, namely Penis Peek. As for the boots, there seems to be a pair of small suitcases attached to his feet.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was aghast at the result of a truly horrible Balenciaga collaboration with Crocs. Do not adjust your eyeballs.
They are called Crocs Madame (Geddit? – oh never mind) and they come in a variety of colours with an 80mm heel. If you are completely raving mad they can be yours for only £450. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.