Hallo Readers,

The website ConservativeHome carries out monthly surveys among grassroots Tories to gauge their approval of the members of the Cabinet. In July, colourless dimwit Liz Truss, the Trade Secretary, came top with 89%, with Dishy Rishi Sunak, the Chancellor who brought us the cheap lunches last summer but gave loads of people Covid in consequence, on 74.1%. Third was Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab, the man who thought that Réunion was part of the landmass of France, rather than an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean between Madagascar and Mauritius. But then, when he was Brexit Secretary, Raab never bothered to read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through, so he obviously does not put a premium on knowledge.

Boris Johnson, however, fared less well, dropping 36 points from June to an embarrassing 3.4%. AND THIS IS A POLL OF ACTUAL TORIES.  There were only three Cabinet members less popular than Johnson. Immediately below him is Robert Jenrick, the oleaginous Housing Secretary, with 1.3%. Frankly, Jenrick is so ghastly that WTF can only surmise that the 1.3% comprise his mum and dad, his Auntie Flora and the cleaning lady. Readers may recall that Jenrick was involved in a little local difficulty when it transpired that he had overruled the planning Inspectorate and waived through a billion-pound property development for Richard Desmond, a Tory donor whom he had sat next to at a fund-raising dinner, thus saving Desmond the not inconsiderable sum of £50m. Public outcry caused the approval to be scrapped, but only after a series of texts came to light in which Desmond declared that ‘I do not want to give my doe (sic) to Marxists’, a reference to the elected councillors of Tower Hamlets Borough Council, where the project was to be situated. Below Jenrick is the Conservative Party Chair, Amanda Milling, who is sitting on  a net disapproval rating of -14.3%. And, fittingly, bringing up the rear with -44.1% is Education Secretary Gavin Williamson, a man for whom the word idiot has insufficient nuance. That someone so irremediably thick as Williamson is Education Secretary is all you need to know about the calibre of this Cabinet.

The fact that Johnson has picked such duffers, and yet has managed to be eclipsed by nearly all of them in a survey of his own party members, must rank as the political equivalent of having your trousers fall down in public. There are people in that Cabinet no one has ever heard of. Mark Spencer MP, anyone?  Baroness Evans? They both got more approval than Johnson and no one even knows who they are. Having chucked people with real intelligence, merit and ethics out of the party altogether, he surrounded himself with mediocrity in order to make himself look good. And the sad thing for him is that, even then, he is ranked fourth from bottom. Oh, the ignominy. WTF cannot recall such a low-quality Cabinet.  You would do better at MFI.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion fiascos with actress Margot Robbie at the premiere of The Suicide Squad, in which she stars as Harley Quinn,  wearing Chanel.

The Mummy has returned – wearing Chanel. Why is the beauteous Margot wearing a tit sling? What is occurring below the knees? What the actual fuck is going on here?

Next up, we have ubiquitous singer Rita Ora at the same premiere, wearing Azzi & Osta.

WTF does not wish to cause offence, but this resembles a meringue with  a prolapse. What are those things protruding unpleasantly from the hem? And it has also has cut-outs showcasing bits of Rita’s tattoos. On the plus side, the shoes are pretty. 

Now we are at another premiere, Aftermath, starring actress Ashley Greene wearing a dress by Berta from the 2017 collection.

Yurgle. This dress should have remained dead and buried at the back of Berta’s warehouse, but instead it has been disinterred and put on the lovely Ashley, complete with feathers, sheer inserts and a most disturbing diamanté minge diamond and a furry thing around her waist. The fabric pattern reminds one of those ultra-manicured medieval gardens.

This is influencer and make up mogul Bretman Rock wearing who can even say what.

That is more cleavage than you get from the girls in Love Island, he seems to have wing mirrors on his jacket (or is it just so that he can look at himself without opening the man-bag?) and he is wearing a very frayed pair of cowboy’s chaps which appear to have been savaged by a hungry coyote…..

And now a trio of nastiness from Monôt at the LuisaViaroma Benefit Ball for Unicef in Capri, starting with actress Dylan Penn and celebritee and former Miss Universe Olivia Culpo.

These two are obviously gearing up for a new version of The Flintstones, where Wilma is going to a funeral and Dino the Dinosaur has taken a bite out of Betty Rubble.

Also in Monôt we have model Cindy Bruna. 

Er….. where is the rest of the outfit? There is a coat/cloak and a hat last seen on the Sandeman Port Man,  but at least he had boots and trousers, whereas Cindy is displaying a great deal of fanny flappage as well as a giant tit window.

Finally, away from the monochrome, here is singer Lady Gaga out and about in New York, wearing Valentino with a Philip Treacy hat.

If a purple bell went to a fancy dress party as a muppet in ski goggles, this is what it would look like. Is she supposed to be the Liberty Belle? #baffled

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionados Dean and Pam from Fife, who are fascinated but appalled by the swollen lips sported by most of the ladies on ITV2’s idiot-fest, Love Island. A number of pretty girls have done themselves a mischief  by having labial infills and the result is simply ghastly.

There are a number of trout missing their pouts. Why would anyone want to look as if they had been  repeatedly punched in the mouth by Tyson Fury?  What nonsense is this? It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.