WTF FBI Special

Hallo Readers, 

The moron without the mask on is Rep. Andrew Clyde, a GOP Congressman from Georgia. Here he is on 6 January 2021 helping his (masked) colleagues to barricade the door of the House Chamber against a mob of feral thugs in MAGA hats, waving Donald Trump Flags, and screaming “Nancy (Pelosi, the House Speaker) we’re coming for you”…..Elsewhere, similar types were storming the Senate looking to hang Vice-President Mike Pence. 

Clyde, who attained the rank of Commander in the US Navy before retiring back to Backwoodsville to deal guns, had his sorry arse saved by the bravery of Congressional and DC police. Only he is not very grateful. He said of the mob “.. if you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from 6 January, you would actually think it was a normal tourist visit”. Of course, the House and the Senate often have to barricade them in against normal tourist visits. This week,  Clyde and twenty of his disgusting House colleagues voted against a bi-partisan Bill to award medals to the men who saved them, many of whom were horribly injured in the process and four of whom have since died. One man who survived the attack, Officer Michael Fanone, was tasered repeatedly at the base of his skull and beaten with sticks, had a heart attack and sustained brain damage.  This week he went back to Congress to try and talk sense into the men and women who wanted to deny him a medal; the snivelling Clyde turned away and refused to talk to him or to shake his hand. 

Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona, formerly a dentist, who also voted against the Bill, alleges that an officer lay in wait for a woman called Ashli Babitt and “executed her”  (while she was breaking into the House through a window as part of the mob). At which point, Gosar’s siblings tweeted  “… on behalf of the actual sane members of our family, which is everyone but Paul, we apologize on behalf of our family for his despicable comments and disgraceful behavior through this whole incident.”. Speaking on CNN, his brother Tim said  “It’s really hard to go back to the truth once you become a pathological liar like Paul.”  Unsurprisingly, Paul Gosar and his siblings have not spoken for years, and they actively campaigned against his re-election in 2018.

It is also no surprise that MAGAmorons like Reps. Louis Gohmert of Texas, Matt Gaetz of Florida and Marjorie Taylor-Greene of Georgia are busily spreading any conspiracy theory to shift the blame for the Capitol attacks away from Trump. At first, Antifa was to blame. Now it is the FBI. This is because the indictments for some rioters refer to their ‘un-indicted co-conspirators.’  This is standard legal wording in order not to name someone before they have been charged. But in MAGAspeak, it means the co-conspirators have not been indicted because they are FBI agents, and it is all a conspiracy between leftists and the Deep State and George Soros, (because you have to get a Jew in there), not to mention Chy-na and Black Lives Matter. And now Gohmert and Gosar and others are demanding an investigation into the non-existent role of the FBI. The irony is these are the same people who voted against an independent commission into what lay behind the 6 January insurrection. Welcome to post-truth America 2021….

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Next week we will have the WTF Summer Stinker 2021, where celebs battle for the coveted prize of the worst dressed of the first half of 2021 with you, the Readers, voting for the winner. But this week, we start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness in Carvis Bay, Cornwall last weekend featuring Louis XV1 and Carrie-Antoinette. Carrie is wearing rented togs from Amanda Wakeley.

WTF has spared you the horror of seeing Johnson alongside Joe Biden (who looks damn good in a suit) and Macron, who is dapper. What a slob our chap is. The suit is terrible, the shoes are terrible, he is terrible. As for Carrie-Antoinette, she resembles one of those women in corporate colours who show you where to go at trade shows…..

Next up, we have Love Island‘s Olivia Atwood launching her clothing range for I Saw It First, a brand beloved of reality stars. And it is BAD….

As WTF remarked the last time she featured I Saw It First, then on Lauren Goodger, she wished she had never seen it at all. As far as she can see, this appears to be a knitted nappy with matching vest, and it is foul. Unless Olivia has incontinence issues, she should rethink her design strategy….

Next up, we have the Duchess of Wessex, Sophie Windsor,  at Royal Ascot, wearing ARoss Girl.

WTF understands that the Royals are having a bad time at the moment, what with Prince Andrew gone to ground, Prince Harry gone to pyscho-babble and Prince Philip gone to Heaven. But in breaking news,  Sophie is planning her own escape and is heading to a nunnery to become a novice.

This is singer Ciara Wilson wearing Mugler.

She is beautiful. The suit is not. She looks like reverse road markings….

Now we are at the Tribeca Film Festival with singer John Legend wearing Burberry.

Mercifully John’s trousers are not as tight as they usually are, where one could be forgiven for thinking that he has put the entirety of his sock drawer down his crotch. But the man-boobage is too much and Burberry Chav look was never good to start with; now it has the further demerit of looking tired. Questions must also be posed about the loafers.

This is former model, former TV presenter, former actress, now radio DJ Kelly Brook wearing who even knows what this is?

Is it a dress? Is it shorts? If Hyacinth Bucket went to a fancy dress party as Hilda Ogden off Corrie, this is what she would look like.

This next one is a serious affront to the eyeballs. Here is Christine Quinn from the estate agent show on Netflix, Selling Sunset, wearing one of the most ridiculous things that WTF has ever seen. Which is saying a lot.

Christine had a baby recently and has been gushing in the press about having “amazing post-partum sex” with her husband a month after giving birth, and that she is “completely healed.” Good for her. It will certainly take WTF more than a month to heal completely or at all after seeing this Cupid hologram getup with its own tunnel-of-love entrance. Yurgle.

And finally, she’s back. WTF speaks of Kim Kardashian wearing a Luis de Javier corset and a trouser suit by Jean Paul Gauthier. Careful now….

As WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney remarked, Kim is being slowly absorbed into a bowl of pea soup, but the real nightmare is the corset with its own chameleon tongue lapping at her lady-parts. Linda Lovelace, star of the ground-breaking 1970s blow job movie Deep Throat wrote a book about  how she would go shopping with her vibrator in situ. But sprawling on a sofa for Instagram with your built-in fanny-fondler is another thing altogether.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire who is aghast at this horrible footwear from Balenciaga.

It is safe to say that Bindy is not a fan of these, er, things. She writes, ‘ A perfectly foul shape with a snow plough heel, this faecal abomination for feet is composed of a variety of polyester and plastics- which makes the price of well over a grand another thing that does not amuse”. In fact the price is £1165. Bindy is bang on. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday for the WTF Summer Stinker. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

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1 Response to WTF FBI Special

  1. quixote
    quixote says:

    Erm, well, my mum did say “If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything.” So, I like the baby. The baby is cute and well dressed.

    The rest … aieee. KimKard being perhaps the weirdest of a very weird field. What even is that green dangly thing? (Don’t answer that.)

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