WTF Shylock Special

Hallo Readers

It is hard to survey the forthcoming election with any enthusiasm. Every day, Boris Johnson looks more and more inept, a pinker, posher, version of Donald Trump, lacking any ability to communicate with anyone whom he does not want to shag or who did not go to a public school. His belated visit to Yorkshire, days after the denizens of that County had been sloshing about knee deep in dirty water, was a sight to behold, with fed-up citizens telling him to buzz off and look snappy about it. Like Jacob Rees-Mogg, that old Etonian charm is like a large Chicken Chow Mein –  pleasant at the time, but wears off very quickly, leaving you with a taste for something else.

But is that something else Jeremy Corbyn? The polls do not think so, but then pollsters have got it wrong before. Apart from those who now declare that they will vote for the Brexit Party rather than Labour, even in constituencies which have never voted anything else, there is the small matter of the Jewish Community, many of whom have declared that they would rather stuff their faces with bacon butties than to vote for a party whose Leader has repeatedly supported rabid Jew haters whose Leadership has failed to expel those making antisemitic remarks (and in some cases has actively intervened to get them off the hook), and whose local constituencies have pursued pro-Israel MPs with a vengeance, not to mention those who have dared to criticise JC Himself. Only this week, we were treated to the sight of the candidate for Clacton, Gideon Bull, having to stand down after press exposure, when it emerged that he had called a fellow Haringey councillor Shylock. The lady in question, Zena Brabazon, happened to be Jewish, but Bull claimed that he had not known that Shylock was a Jew. In other breaking news, the Elephant Man was disabled, and Dracula was a vampire from Transylvania. One would say that Bull was too stupid to be an MP, until you remember Andrew Bridgen. In Bull’s case, a complaint had been made about him in July, but it seems that no one had got around to dealing with it. What a surprise. Adopting people like Bull as Labour candidates is hardly likely to assuage Jews’ concerns about Labour and it leaves the Liberal North London elite, of which WTF is a paid up member, as well as a Jew, in a real quandary. She does not want Johnson. She is uninspired by Jo Swinson, and remembers what happened last time the Liberal Democrats got into a coalition. Nor does she think that Article 50 should be repealed without a second referendum.  She is not eligible to vote for the Scottish Nationalists.  But can she and her fellow Jews vote for a man who has shown such scant empathy for the community to which she belongs? To those who say, suck it up for the greater good, that is easy to say if you are not the one under threat….

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slops with Prime Ministerial Consort Carrie Symonds, wearing Marks and Spencer, and her swain, Boris Johnson, en route to the Cenotaph for Remembrance Sunday.


Boris looks like a bundle of laundry, so no change there. Just how hard is it to get an iron, a pair of trousers that fit, and an overcoat in the right size? (Answer – in his case, very.) The shirt is folded as if it were an intricate piece of origami, while the trousers flap gently in the breeze like a flag at half mast. When Jeremy Corbyn looks better turned out than you do, you need to rethink as a matter of urgency. As for Carrie, she is dressed like Jacob Rees-Mogg’s beloved Nanny, and wearing a fascinator anywhere, let alone to a funeral, should be a criminal offence.

To LA where we find born-again Christian Kanye West, and his wife Kim Kardashian, both wearing Burberry.

Kanye has tucked his trousers into his boots like a cycling librarian. His wife is displaying her surgically-enhanced derrière in a particularly foul pair of denim-jeans-cum-leather-chaps which appear to merge straight into her bootees, like a vacuous fashionista remake of Brokeback Mountain set in Rodeo Drive.

We are now at the People’s Choice Awards, whose logo profusely proclaimed that The People Have Spoken. The People’s language must have been choice indeed. Take singer Gwen Stefani, wearing Vera Wang Bridal.

Gwen was not actually getting married, which makes her choice of attire somewhat surprising. But not as surprising as the revelation that Vera Wang makes wedding dresses that suggest to appalled onlookers that the bride has got an exceptionally long and wide loo-roll stuck to her bottom.

Here is another one for the People to Speak about, singer Kelly Rowland wearing Iris van Herpen.

WTF admires Iris van Herpen’s originality, but there is originality and there is plain bonkers, and this is the latter, squared, and then multiplied to the power of n. This seems to be a shower curtain decorated with prints of Maori caricatures, and WTF deplores the way that one of those caricatures is sitting directly over Kelly’s ladyparts.

And bringing up the rear, Moschino’s chief designer Jeremy Scott, wearing himself.

Jeremy is becoming ever more ridiculous. If a matador went to a S&M party straight from the bullring, this is what he would look like.

Now here we are at the Glamour Women of the Year bash and young actress Sophia Lillis wearing Bathsheva.

Sophia is only 17, but that is no excuse for dressing the poor girl in frou-frou wrapping paper like an unopened birthday gift from the 1980s.

There are an awful lot of galas about. This one was in New York and it featured model Coco Rocha wearing Jean Paul Gauthier.

Jean Paul has been knocking out these dafter-than-daft, half and half things for a while now, and they are not getting any more acceptable. Coco looks like a scaly anteater with one trouser leg, one sleeve, and no taste whatever.

Here we are at the LA premiere of Charlie’s Angels. It was rubbish originally and WTF has no reason to believe that it will be any better this time around. One of the guests was makeup artiste Melly Sanchez.

Melly, who is a Nicki Minaj lookalikey, seems to share the same predilection for interfering with the workings of nature, because she seems to be full of more plastic than a landfill site, although she is very beautifully made up. WTF has no idea what she is wearing, not even at all, but she resembles a posh lady fox-hunter in thermals who has taken a bad tumble. Tally ho!

And finally, a strong contender for the WTF Christmas  Turkey 2019 and there are still five more blogs left until then. Wait for it. If you are squeamish or religiously inclined, please prepare yourself. Ready? You won’t be. This is actress Laverne Cox wearing  Hakan Akkaya.

All together now. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! It is all bad, from the slave halter to the tit strips to the imminent Minge Moment, courtesy of the tiny velvet tabard thingy. It is a good job that Johnnie Walker was sponsoring the event because many present would have needed a nip, or more than one, to recover from seeing this affront to the eyeballs. Pretty please, Laverne, put it away, love! Yurgle.

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OK Readers that’s your lot for this week. It’s Got To Go has gone for this edition but it will be back next week. Hope you will be as well. Keep those suggestions coming as well as your comments, which soothe WTF’s soul during these troubled times. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

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2 Responses to WTF Shylock Special

  1. Louise Nicholson says:

    Fantastic darling. Fortunately, we cannot vote as we’ve been non-res for more than 15 years; out last vote was to REMAIN – and a fat lot of good it did. If we had the vote, like you we’d be very stuck on how to use it.

  2. quixote says:

    “When Jeremy Corbyn looks better turned out than you do, you need to rethink as a matter of urgency.”

    :multilol!:

    “the bride has got an exceptionally long and wide loo-roll stuck to her bottom.”

    Oh lordy. I hadn’t finished laughing over Corbyn when that hit.

    I have to say, I kind of like the anteater. (Not the clothes. The cute one.)

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