The older ones amongst you will recall horrible crook Leona Helmsley. In the 1970’s and 1980’s, Helmsley, known as “The Queen of Mean”, was a property and hotel tycoon with a marked aversion to paying bills. This aversion also extended to paying Federal taxes and in 1989, she found herself in court on charges of tax evasion, fraud and all sorts. Her housekeeper told the Court that Helmsley had said scornfully “We don’t pay taxes. Only little people pay taxes”. She went to prison, although not for long enough.
Fast forward to 2016 and the scandal that is the Panama Papers. Panama is a craphole that exists for the sole purposes of tax avoidance and dodgy shipping. A firm of attorneys there had their computer hacked and names poured forth into the public domain like pus from an abcess. The King of Saudi Arabia. Vladimir Putin. The Presidents of Argentina, UAE and Ukraine. The present Prime Minister of Iceland. The former Prime Ministers of Moldova, Italy, Georgia, Iraq and Qatar. Footballers like Michel Platini and Lionel Messi. And, somewhere down the list, Blairmore, a company set up by the late Ian Cameron, father of Call Me Dave, our own Glorious Leader.
There followed a week in which Call Me Dave wriggled more than a sackful of eels tickled with giant vibrators. He wouldn’t say whether he had money offshore or income from money offshore as it was a private matter. He didn’t have money offshore or income from money offshore. His wife, his children and his goldfish didn’t have money offshore or income from money offshore. He, his wife, his children and and his goldfish would never, ever in the future have money offshore or income from money offshore. Finally, he had had income from money offshore but he paid tax on it and it is all over now and he will never do it again. If this is an example of his prowess as a PR man, he would be well advised to find another line of work when Boris Johnson kicks his sorry arse out of Downing Street come June.
As a result, we now have the spectacle of politicians falling over themselves to publish their tax returns in a bid to show how law abiding and transparent they are. And in the middle of all this, it was disclosed this week that Mrs Cameron has a stylist who is paid up to £53,000 a year. By us. Rosie Lyburn, 28, a former model, has the title Special Adviser to Samantha Cameron with the onerous duties of putting Sam into Hussein Chalayan and Erdem with the seasonal dash into Marks & Spencer and Next come party conferences, election campaigns and trips to Cornwall and Lanzarote, there to mingle with the hoi polloi. There is no official position of First Lady here. Sam is not Michelle Obama with official duties. And she is richer than Croesus and has a consultancy with Smythson of Bond Street. But we are paying for some posh bird to put her in swirly, migraine-inducing Erdem.
The air of entitlement pervading the Establishment means that why pay if you don’t have to? Let some other bugger do it. Yes, Osborne declared his income from the family business but the family business had paid no corporation tax for 7 years. Yes, Cameron paid tax on Blairmore shares, but why were those shares in a Panamanian company to start with? Now Sam has her own Frock Adviser. On us. Pay your own way in life? Only little people do that…..
To the week’s sartorial slurry, starting with actress Bella Thorne (l), seen here with sister Dani, walking through Miami Airport
Bella went straight from the beach to the airport. It was only after she had checked in her luggage that she realised that she was still in her swimsuit with nothing to wear other than the harlequin trousers, bought for a fancy dress party, in her handbag. This whole getup puts one in mind of the ringmaster’s outfit Joe Pesci had to wear to court in My Cousin Vinny when his suit fell in the mud and the town’s only clothing store got the ‘flu.
To the MTV Movie Awards and a duo of pink outfits of great vileness, starting with Internet sensation Baddie Winkle, 87.
She’s 87 and doesn’t give a stuff. That, however, is no excuse for going about dressed as the lovechild of Jimmy Savile and Dame Barbara Cartland.
Then there was singer Halsey wearing Idan Cohen.
WTF has never been a fan of encrusted tits. Particularly when the encrustations are so ill-fitting. Was Halsey on the beach with Bella?
Also in attendance, although not in pink, was rapper Macklemore, né Ben Haggerty.
Macklemore is playing King of the Jungle in his mum’s curtains. Let us hope he returned them afterwards.
This is country singer Carrie Underwood on American Idol wearing Yanina Couture.
If an ostrich got into a fight with Wladimir Klitschko, this is what it would look like.
This woman could have been First Lady come January 2017. I refer to Ivana Trump.
Czech-born Ivana, 67, was married to Donald Trump two wives back. She recently expressed the view that the United States needs immigrants “who come here legally” to “vacuum our living rooms” and “clean up after us.” Her political judgment is as poor as her dress sense and it seems that she has covered herself in glue, rolled about in grit and called it a dress. There also comes a time when bare legs no longer look good. Like about 15 years ago…..
To the “Black Girls Rock” and singer Jazmine Sullivan.
The girl has a great voice but the combination of tits and cameltoe is hitting a bum note whilst the mosquito net around her waist is superfluous, not to mention ridiculous.
Say hallo to WTF’s favourite Z lister, Lizzie Cundy, wearing CC Couture by Claudia Croazzo at the Asian Awards.
Yes, you did read that right. The Asian Awards. Exactly the event not to wear an embroidered sheer sheath over a white thong. But then Lizzie was never one for cultural sensitivity. As the rear view demonstrates….
Lizzie, here is the news. No one, of any ethnicity, wants to see your arse. Or, for that matter, your front. Or, since we are on the subject, you. Just go away.
WTF had thought that Lizzie would be the worst this week until she saw actress Hailee Steinfeld, wearing Rodarte.
WTF’s screech could be heard in LA, where Hailee was showcasing what looked like (but, in fact, was not, as she wore flesh-coloured panties) a full Brazilian Moment. What happened to the rest of the outfit is anyone’s guess. Putrid. And that, Readers, is being generous.
This week’s It’s Got To Go has been nominated by Schona of West London and, under separate cover, Sian from South East London, both of whom are up in arms about Secretary of State for Health, Jeremy Hunt, aka Jeremy C**t. He is currently antagonising junior doctors into full strike action. In particular, Schona and Sian are furious that the new working arrangements for junior doctors and which are to be imposed unilaterally are discriminatory to women. Schona says she can barely mention the subject without cursing but this issue is the rancid icing on the cake. It is discriminatory but C**t claims that it can be “comfortably justified”. So that’s all right then. He’s Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments rolling in because they cheer WTF up and she absolutely needs cheering up at the moment, trust me. And don’t forget your top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x