WTF BET and Balls Special

Hallo Readers,

Today the selfie is everything, the quintessence of vacuousness and idiocy. Obama and Cameron were at it at Mandela’s funeral. It is now acceptable to take a selfie anywhere, even grinning inanely whilst standing in front of blood-spattered sun loungers in Sousse, like someone turning up too late for a snuff movie. Every day, thick-as-double-dogshit persons snap themselves  in front of a mirror, showing off their bits and put it on Instagram. If you are a so-called celebrity, the Daily Mail will reproduce the snap in the Sidebar of Shame.  It is a short cut to fame and fortune. But at what cost?

Labour MP for Rochdale Simon Danczuk, 47 and his buxom wife Karen Danczuk, 32 have just split up after 3 years of marriage and 2 children and are now engaged in the preliminary skirmishes of what promises to be a dirty divorce. Both of them are everywhere washing their smalls in public. (The Daily Telegraph is covering it. The Daily Telegraph!). According to Simon, his wife is obsessed by selfies of her cleavage and bum which she posts on social media. As  result, she has become a celebrity and addicted to fame. It is said by some that there may have been a dalliance with the personal trainer who has helped her lose 2 stone although Karen and her trainer deny it. According to Karen, Simon is jealous of her new-found celebrity. She told the Mirror that “It used to be all about Simon. I used to be his plus-one, but it changed dramatically and became more about me. Even at MP events, I became the star. Simon probably just felt a little taken aback.” Karen stood down as a local councillor in May to pursue a career in the media and is taking the Yellow Brick Road to Z list Heaven. Already she is talking about having her own reality show and she has an agent. Before you know it Karen will be in the Australian jungle dressed in a skimpy bikini and fellating a kangaroo’s testicle, albeit unattached to the marsupial in question. You can also expect a column in OK! Be still my beating heart…

WTF harbours some reservations about Simon who also appears a little too keen on the limelight. If he were made of chocolate he would eat himself. Nor did WTF approve of his dissing Party Leader Ed Miliband during the election campaign which, to be frank, was poor behaviour. But there is no denying that he has done excellent work in exposing the Establishment cover-up that allowed a former Rochdale MP, filthy, fat paedophile Cyril Smith, to get away with it for years and he was also instrumental in the campaign to have Lord Janner brought to court for similar alleged offences.  And yet the soon-to-be-former Mrs Danczuk considers herself the bigger “star”. And what has she done to achieve this?  By helping Mr Jones of Coronation Street, Rochdale to get a home carer for his sick wife? By writing a novel? No – Karen considers herself to be a “star” because she posts endless selfies of her cleavage and arse and has loads of followers on Twitter, most of whom post remarks along the lines of “Phwoar get a load of that!”Karen has a brain, had political commitment and was doing something worthwhile but now all she wants is to be famous. Simon helps people. Karen helps herself.  What sort of role model is this for young women?

Vacuous celebrity seems a good place to start our sartorial review of the week in the form of former Made In Chelsea reality star and current swimwear designer, trustafarian Kimberley Garner wearing Mimi Tran. 

Dah dah, dah dah!!! Belly button buzzer! Dah dah, dah dah! Minge moment alert! Evacuate the building! Repeat – evacuate the building! Meanwhile, Kimberley resembles a client at a beauty spa smeared liberally with revolting turquoise slime – the sort of detoxifying bollocks Gwyneth Paltrow bangs on about on her Goop website. Except this looks like gloop, not goop.

Wimbledon is upon us so it seems appropriate to feature Polish tennis star Urszula Radwanska wearing not nearly enough at the WTA Pre-Wimbledon Party.

This is more Radwanksa than Radwanska. One had hoped that we had got over the Look-At-Me-I’ve-Got-No-Knickers-On! nonsense but clearly not. WTF hates a pube-porthole almost above all things and the lovely Urszula just comes off looking tacky. She also needs to sort those roots out – stat.

This is  actress and professional car crash Lindsay Lohan wearing Francesco Scognamilia.

Quite apart from anything else, the dress is plain ugly but there is also an excess of tittage. Later in the evening Lindsay removed the slip (in line with how the designer intended it to be worn) which made it even worse. As for the fronds, WTF can but surmise that Francesco is an ardent tennis fan and has nicked the Fred Perry logo.


To Glastonbury and warbling singer Will Young wearing stripes, socks and bush boots.

This is mattress ticking. Why?


The BET Awards are always a rich source of revoltingness and 2015 was no exception. Heaven alone knows what any of this lot thought they are doing. We start with gospel singer Deitrick Haddon and his pregnant wife Dominique.

Dominique looks a bit swirly but WTF could have lived with it, were it not too close to Dietrick’s slithery, chequerboard suit like the lining in a cheap overcoat, his horrible tasselled loafers and a silk scarf last seen on the late Isadora Duncan. And look how that ended for her…

Now we have actress Raven Goodwin wearing Monif C.

This is just terribly, terribly terrible. Raven is wearing a giant scarlet nappy with unflattering slashed sleeves and there is something highly disconcerting about the labial folds of fabric around the crotch area…..

This is singer Mila J wearing WTF bugbear Michael Costello, a man who deplores a sewn-up seam.

Padded 70’s shoulders and a bajingo blind worn with dominatrix booties. Hideous.

Meet singer Charlie Wilson. He looks very cheery.

In fact, Charlie looks much cheerier than he deserves to look given that his ensemble is made from offcuts from the soft furnishings basket. They should have stayed in there…

Finally, we have actress Christina Milian wearing Erevos Aether.

And this is the side view.

This is sort of Pocahontas meets Barbarella and it is bad. The trousers are nestling into her crotch so snugly that they qualify for the category of Call for the Canesten and the pointy tit-spatulas are amongst the silliest things WTF has seen all year.

This week’s It’s Got To Go can be taken shortly but in truth it should be taken away in a hearse. Tennis fans who have been out all day, you know, at work, have previously been able to come home and watch highlights of the top games at Wimbledon on BBC2 with some illuminating match analysis in the studio from former star players. No longer. Instead the BBC, determined to make things “fun” and “current”, have devised a steaming pile of poo called – wait for it – Wimbledon2day. This features hardly any highlights and a lot of inane chat set in a mock bar with mock grass, pundits leaning on bar tables and members of  the public standing about to no purpose. There are also home movies of little kiddies playing tennis and some shockingly bad jokes. Oh and there is Clare Balding without whom no national event can ever now be broadcast. Here is the news. Tennis fans have enough fun watching tennis. They do not require jokes, kiddies and pretend pubs. It’s Got To Go. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in because they make WTF’s day. There was a paucity last week so hit that button right away and don’t neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

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10 Responses to WTF BET and Balls Special

  1. Sue Peters says:

    A particularly `cruel but fair` blog this week. Lindsay Lohan seems to have lost her arms, or it playing the female version of pocket billiards. Deitrick Haddon appears to be making sure everyone knows that he is the daddy, by clutching his wife’s belly. I have learned two new and (very useful) WTFisms – `bajingo blind` and `tit spatulas`. What would we do without WTF’s phrase book? Great selection this week.

  2. Laura says:

    Not having had a t.v. for approx 18 years I often have to click the links placed above the photos to educate myself on just who these people are, this week was no exception. Who the hell are these people and what are they for? Why have they been promoted into positions of “fame” where people want to read about what they are doing and wearing every day? Is it a mass distraction project by sinister powers behind the Government to stop people from reflecting on how difficult “real life” is becoming? Might Russell Brand* have the answers?

    Being named Laura and therefore having some interest in the history of laurel leaves and their uses I felt somewhat miffed to discover these crowns of great militaristic, athletic or intellectual achievement being appropriated a symbol to crown Ms Lohan’s tits. What victory was her dress designer alluding to?

    Will Young looks splendid, I really like his outfit and find it is sensible for the mud or the sunshine, I especially love the fact that he has no visible tattooes, a trend that is becoming truly disturbing. Raven Goodwin (who) well what would you wear with that size and shape? (Cue hate mail). Fat shaming is an offence far worse than murdering old grannies for their pension these days. I think her dress designer took his inspiration from the lobster he had just eaten for lunch, you have to admit that he had a terribly difficult task to take on.

    My suggestion for “it’s got to go” is the hot summer weather because frankly some things I have seen out there are best covered up and the sooner the better.

    *Russell Brand = I was joking

    • Lottie says:

      Raven Goodwin is a US child actress, in her early twenties. She’s not very tall, so every extra pound will show. She certainly did herself no favours with that red bedsheet rompersuit but no designer makes clothes that look good on women over a size zero.

      As for ‘fat shaming’ – why would you? I’m sure she doesn’t need anyone to point out that she’s overweight, and why would you want to make someone ashamed of themselves? Not a very nice thing to do.

  3. Laura says:

    Ooops. Clicked on the post comment too soon. I wanted to defend Simon Danczuk M.P. by posting a link to his voting record, please check Hansard. If his (ex) wife turned their personal lives into a bit of a circus at least the facts are available that Simon stands for real “Labour values” and as you already mentioned he is making a great stand for justice for the survivors of child abuse. Let us hope that Simon can move on with dignity where his work as an M.P. is the focus and not his wife and her ill judged selfies.

  4. “Fellating unattached kangaroo testicles”?
    You need to learn to be more assertive.
    Tell us what you really think.

  5. Sarah Denby says:

    Definitely one of your better posts, WTF. Lindsay Lohan is definitely a professional train wreck, and the dress was really hideous. Loved your description of Dedrick’s “Isadora Duncan” scarf, which doesn’t come close to blending with that awful suit. And Raven’s giant orange diaper–doesn’t she have a stylist? A mother? A friend??? But the tit-spatulas on Christina really cracked me up. Well done.

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