This week a man was sent to prison for killing his girlfriend. His family was shocked and angry. Friends and family of the deceased felt vindicated. Yes, poor Peter Barlow off Coronation Street went down for the murder of barmaid Tina and is now doing life despite the fact that the killer was his brother-in-law, the shifty-eyed Rob, who is also about to become a double-brother-in-law by marrying Peter’s step-sister Tracy (who herself did time for murder). But I digress. It became increasingly difficult to distinguish between the Oscar Pistorius trial in Pretoria and the Peter Barlow trial in Manchester. Both had brooding, troubled defendants dressed in black who wept, wailed and threw up and a beautiful dead victim and lawyers so hammy that you’d think they would struggle to get a role in the Market Snodsbury Christmas Panto. The Judge delivered both the Pistorius verdict and the sentence with such dramatic, lengthy pauses that one was reminded of Dermot O’Leary informing X Factor finalists which of them has got the heave-ho. It was no advert for televising criminal trials, not least when you couldn’t see the facial expressions of most of the witnesses, like Law and Order Pretoria but on sound only.
It seems we have all become experts on the South African Penal Code and after the sentence everyone had their say. There was the insufferable Uncle, Arnold Pistorius, who banged on about the trauma of the accused and railed at the prosecution for daring to charge a man with premeditated murder when all he had done was to fail to notice that his girlfriend was not in bed with him and shot not one, not two, not three but four bullets into the door of a locked toilet cubicle with no escape possible for whoever was behind it. There were the sportswriters and athletes who instantly started speculating on when and if Pistorius could return to the track. There were the reporters screaming questions at Reeva’s family as they left the courtroom. The whole thing was hugely unedifying. In the end, a young woman was shot dead by her boyfriend, a man known to have a nasty temper and a predilection for guns. The evidence of neighbours who heard her screams before the gunshots was dismissed in a televised trial because they might have been influenced by the publicity surrounding the trial. The Judge bottled it. Oscar may not be going to the 2016 Rio Olympics but Reeva will not be going anywhere, ever. Her life was worth a damn sight more than a pathetic 10 months in a prison hospital and then house arrest in some comfortable suburban villa with swimming pool and gymnasium. The whole thing was a circus from beginning to end. We need to remember that this was not an actress who is alive and well and always in the tabloids. This was a real woman who died on St Valentine’s night in a hail of bullets behind a toilet door.
We turn to the week’s sartorial shit-pile. WTF is battle-hardened when it comes to bad fashion but this week is as bad as she can remember. What happened to the concept of dignity? Is this what the Women’s Movement has achieved? We start with the Angel Ball in New York where we come across model and professionally-wronged wife Liberty Ross wearing vintage Versace.
WTF is bemused. And then she is bemused some more. As she remarked on @WTF_EEK, she had heard of a waist belt and a hip belt but never of an arse belt. Either that or Liberty is wearing a leather incontinence pad.
Then there was Jennifer Hudson who cannot stop showing us how she lost 80lbs four years ago.
We get it love. You’re thinner. That doesn’t mean we need to see your push-up bra and your stockinged thigh in what looks like a silk dressing gown. Now stop it.
Mel B was in last week but there is no way that this effort can be ignored. Here she is on the X Factor Results Show on Sunday wearing Alessandra Rich.
WTF suspects that Simon Cowell tricked Mel into wearing this as revenge for the previous night when she suggested that one of his acts was “cheating” at which Simon was in great indignation. But not as indignant as WTF is at the elongated tit window displaying a manky bra and the hideous skirt like a minge moment apron over lace, yours for only £1,285.
Next we have singer Tinashe at the launch of her new album.
It isn’t really clothes but you can’t leave this one out. Baggage Katie Price launched her new novel (written of course by someone else) dressed like this.
WTF can’t bear it. Katie, please Make My Wish Come True. Bugger off.
And here is singer K Michelle at the MOBO Awards in London.
Oh dear. Oh very dear. Are those her knickers showing? Her butt certainly is. Is that a valance around her knees? Hideous, just hideous.
These next three dresses, not that they are dresses, are repulsive. First we have Clint Eastwood’s 21 year daughter and budding thespian, Francesca Eastwood at the Environmental Media Awards 2014. No, WTF doesn’t know what she was doing there either.
Dah dah, dah dah!!!! Minge Moment alert! Pubes on show to get noticed! Dah dah, dah dah! This is the fate of celebrity daughters whose parents outstrip them in fame. Look at Rumer Willis. Clint should ride into town, cheroot clamped to his lips, and sort this one out.
And then we have actress Naomi Grossman from the TV series American Horror Story wearing Natalia Fedner.
American Horror Story are les mots justes. Dah dah, dah dah, Minge-and Arse-Moment alert! The dress is dog-ugly and appears to be composed of coconut matting tacked onto sheer chiffon. It is reminiscent of the effort worn by designer Nadine Merabi which ran away with the 2013 WTF Summer Stinker Award.
And then we have serial offender Maitland Ward in this hideous leather item by soi-disant high-end designer J. Loren for Adolfo Sanchez. Rear end, more like. Ready? You won’t be….
It’s a Minge Waterfall. Yes, folds are cascading from her minge like Victoria Falls. It is all visible – tits, groin, everything. And the back view is also deplorable.
Top marks to WTF aficionado Kathryn who described the hole at the seam as a “fart flap”. As for J. Loren, he should have his pencil, pad and scissors confiscated until he promises to stop designing these overpriced flash-fests.
This week’s It’s To Go is courtesy of WTF aficionado Leslie of Lisson Grove who has taken umbrage at the nonsensical presence of Christmas fare (or should that be Christmas Fayre?) in supermarkets although it is only October.
Leslie points out that we have just had Diwali and have yet to get through Halloween, Guy Fawkes’ Night and Chanukah before we even think about Christmas and yet supermarket shelves are crammed to the gills with all manner of Yuletide rubbish. It’s Got To Go.
They are all so bad this week that we need a poll. Get voting!!!!
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep your excellent comments coming in and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x
Naomi Grossman looks like she has devil horns. I then realised it was the words on the wall behind her.
Difficult to know whether appropriate to an outfit like that, or not.
I’m shocked, appalled and disgusted – well done !
A poll? You didn’t tell me that I was going to have to think.
Well, you did warn me to avoid food and drink while reading this.
I saw your tweet earlier this week with Katie Price. Couldn’t imagine her placing second. How do you top an inflatable doll from a porn site? With the combination minge waterfall and fart flap. This is a pretty ruthless competition.
I do feel bad for the other ladies. They tried so hard, and in any other week they could have been number one, but Ms. Price and Ms. Ward are just in a universe of their own.
What about the Duchess of Cambridge’s little black dress?
I didn’t like it much but compared to these monstrosities…..
Dear God, do none of these people own a full length mirror or have a real friend? Ii just found Mel B’s outfit, weird. What’s with the baggy sleeves and the oversize cuffs?!