Autumn has arrived, making you wonder where the last 12 months went. (As we gear up to start bombing Iraq, you wonder where the last 11 years went but that is another blog). The Party Conferences are upon us where politicians make dreadful jokes and promise the earth in scripted platitudes put together by young people from Head Office who have never had a proper job and who know bugger all about anything. This week was the turn of Ed Miliband who took to the stage in Manchester to set out his stall for the 2015 General Election. Frankly, his wares were sub-standard, more Walford Market than Borough Market. It is time to acknowledge that Ed does not cut the mustard.
The speech exhorting us to “do it together” was interminable, a throw-back to those endless perorations from the Politbureau where hatchet-faced men droned on for hours about collectivisation. In 1981, David Steel, then Leader of the Liberal Party, told his members to “Go back to your constituencies and prepare for Government”. Ed has been preparing for Government by wandering around parks and thoroughfares accosting members of the public like some amiable dosser and then regurgitating their responses at the Conference. Like Long Lost Family, the blub-making TV show which unites families separated at birth, one suspects that they edited out the less favourable outcomes so that Ed omitted to tell us all about the citizens whose response to his question “Will you vote for me?” was “you must be fucking joking matey…”. Perhaps Davina McCall and Nicky Campbell will soon be making a sequel called “Long Lost Voters”. Worse than all the homely bits were the non-bits, the bits which somehow didn’t make it into the speech, stuff about unimportant matters like the Deficit and Immigration that might have been thought to be of interest to those people whose day was interrupted by a wild-eyed man with an adenoidal drone. Immigration never was included in the advance draft distributed to the press and whilst the Deficit was in, Ed (who glanced only occasionally at his notes) left it out, reminding WTF of the time when she sat her History A Level and penned an essay about Charles 1 meriting execution without mentioning the small matter of the Civil War. Being Prime Minister means taking hard decisions. If you cannot even face talking about the hard stuff, it does not encourage voters to think that you are the man to tackle the hard stuff. Ed might win by default if Farage splits the Tory vote and the lefter-leaning Liberals defect to Labour when Clegg blows up like a soggy firework. But he does not look the real deal and sadly WTF has concluded he is not the real deal. He may be the best of a bad bunch but that is hardly inspirational, is it? No wonder 45% of Scots wanted out….
To the week’s sartorial nastiness, starting in Las Vegas with actress Hilary Duff wearing WTF bugbear Anthony Vaccarello.
WTF abhors a tit window almost above all things, and in this she is joined by aficionado Antonis Daikos who tweeted @WTF_EEK in great indignation (with good reason) on seeing this picture. Although this dress is positively demure by Vaccarello standards, if standards is the word WTF is looking for, which it isn’t, it still displays an unpleasant amount of under-boobage and seems a colossal waste of £4,000. Oh – and it’s too tight.
Then we have vacuous WAG Alex Gerrard, wife of the Liverpool FC and former England captain Steven Gerrard, wearing Balmain.
Alex describes herself as a columnist, producing piss-poor copy in The Mirror giving her aperçus on lipstick shades and the latest wares at Cricket, the WAG shopping nirvana where presumably she picked up this execrable onesie affording glimpses of her nutmeg tan, flesh-toned bra and white panties. She looks like a cut-price Paris Hilton or should that be Alex Travelodge?
We now cross the globe to Melbourne where we meet (for the first but probably not for the last) time, designer and “celebrity” Gabi Grecko wearing a dress of her own conception.
Gabi, 25, is engaged to colourful ex-jailbird Australian entrepreneur Geoffrey Edelston, 71. WTF has no doubt that it is a true meeting of minds like Jean Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir. Geoffrey owns an AFL team and Gabi was on his arm at the Brownlow Awards where sportsmen get medals and flash their WAGS. Gabi is flashing quite a lot of her own here including her panties, although we should at least give thanks for her wearing any, and the whole thing is downright offensive although particular opprobrium is reserved for the spiked gloves like Edward Scissorhands in drag and the hideous hosiery which appears to be on back to front.
To Milan Fashion Week where horror abounded. Take pointless socialite Hofit Golan wearing a Gina Bocconi cape and Billionaire sandals.
Hofit has forgotten her skirt and is using her handbag as a minge shield in consequence. As for the footwear, WTF can only surmise that she injured herself falling off her Louboutins and is wearing leg braces.
And we have designer Jeremy Scott wearing a nonsensical suit of his own design.
Jeremy is not right on the money with this suit and serious objection is taken to the dangly chains on his bare chest. Not to mention the matching pumps.
MFW would not be complete without fashionista Anna dello Russo looking ridiculous and as ever she did not disappoint us.
WTF has no idea what is going on here with the pink-and-white romper suit and the yellow silk propeller but she is more concerned by Anna’s alarming tan and her unfortunate resemblance to sun-bed-addict Patricia Krentcil, aka Tanning Mom.
Finally there is actress Rosario Dawson wearing Vionnet at the amFAR party.
Sadly, the lovely Rosario resembles a bundle of soiled bed linen hanging out of a washing machine. WTF is that porthole? Truly terrible. And worse, the dress is bloody ugly.
This week’s It’s Got To Go is suggested by WTF aficionados Leslie Verrinder and Nick Jones who have taken serious exception to men carrying their handbags with a crooked arm – like Marc Jacobs here.
Leslie and Nick are certainly not homophobic and have the credentials to prove it but they are appalled by this habit which they find preposterous and drives them to distraction. The only thing worse, they say, is when a little doggie peeps out of the bag. They want it to stop – now.
OK Readers that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in, as well as your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x