wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

This week was a Big Awards week, what with the Emmys and the MTV Video Music Awards and we have a lot to get through but first WTF must vent about the Ice Bucket Challenge, thus neatly combining the rant and It’s Got To Go.

The Ice Bucket Challenge does exactly what it says on the tin – Person A has a bucket of ice-cold water thrown over him/her, posts the pic on Twitter or Facebook, sends £3 to a Motor Neurone Disease charity in the US or to a cancer charity in the UK and then nominates Persons B and C to undergo the same ritual. Think of it as a chain letter only wetter and colder. If anyone wimps out of this unsolicited challenge, h/she forfeits £10 which is the charitable equivalent of demanding money with menaces. You can either risk serious injury (someone actually died doing it) for £3 or look like a sad fucker for £10. Guardianistas have protested about the waste of water, which is certainly a consideration but WTF is far more exercised about the innate narcissism of the whole exercise. Look what I’m doing for charity, even though I’m not quite sure what it’s all about! I’m soaked and freezing and risking pneumonia!!!! LOOK AT ME!!!! I’M ON SOCIAL MEDIA DOING MY BIT! DID YOU SEE ME????? And of course celebs are jumping on the soggy bandwagon so they can appear in the Mail Online Sidebar of Shame in a wet teeshirt showing off their buffness. 

As you might have guessed, WTF is throwing ice cold water over the whole thing. She doesn’t like the sadism of the nominations any more than she likes the me-me-me-ism of the participants. She doesn’t see why people have to do something inherently dangerous and pointless before a charity can benefit in order to find cures for deadly diseases and provide care for those already stricken by them. Yes, it has raised a lot of money but how to up the ante next time round? You could stick your head in a lion’s cage or dodge a moving truck,  or you could just set up a standing order to a charity, stay safe and stop making it all about you. Just saying….

Talking of me-me-me, there was some quite shocking fashion this week with everyone feeling the need to get out their bits. One of our male celebs flashed his chest, seemingly having forgotten his shirt and the other showcased his lunchbox. What is occurring? When will it stop? Here is a good example in the person of actress Tara Reid at the Sharknado 2 premiere wearing WTF’s biggest bugbear, Michael Costello.

Tara’s décolletage still looks all wrong after plastic surgery to correct her earlier, botched plastic surgery, which is why Costello’s designs are a bad choice for her (insofar as they can be said to be a good choice for anybody, which they can’t). The top resembles a split cardboard giftbox and the skirt is just split.

Next we meet Orange Is The New Black’s Taryn Manning wearing Christiano Bruni at a pre-Emmys party.

It seems that Tits and Stomach Are The New Dress Code.  The illusion panel is keeping them in but is not keeping them covered. Extra minus points for the badger’s bum coiffeure.

The Emmys themselves featured some stinkers. Here is the wonderful actress Robin Wright wearing a not-at-all-wonderful jumpsuit by Ralph Lauren. 

Robin is as lean as a whippet but this is simply unflattering. The back seam is straining across her (enviable) bottom, the trousers are too long and there is no back, not even of any kind. It looks like a straitjacket where the makers ran out of material. Meanwhile, Robin urgently needed a splash of colour, starting with some lipstick because she looks like a cut-out ghost.

And then there is actress and writer Lena Dunham wearing Giambattista Valli. At least she is covered up, apart from the terrible tattoos. 

Before WTF is bombarded with the usual allegations of woman-hating, this is not a size thing. This is a taste thing. The bowling shirt is too small whilst the pink-to-red fluffy crinoline slanket is too large and has its lining on show. She looks like an inverted ice cream sundae. Meanwhile, if Lena insists upon walking the Red Carpet she would do well to follow this advice (i) lose the peroxide pudding bowl hair (ii) stop slouching and (iii) buy a bloody bra.

The VMAs are always a sartorial shocker and 2014 was no exception. We start with man-about-town, blogger and Vine star (which, when you think about it, is not any sort of a proper job) Jerome Jarre wearing who knows what.

Mirrorball prickboasters. Brogues with no socks. Hair up in a point like a Mekon. Just Go Away.

And there was actress Victoria Justice wearing a top by Alice & Olivia and a skirt by Russian-born, Dallas-based designer Lublu Kira Plastinina. 

The top is like a shrunken bandage whilst the mullet skirt seems to be the product of an OCD sufferer folding hundreds of bin bags into little squares. As for the bag – hashtag #stupid.

Sorry, Readers but she’s back although WTF promises that she will now be embargoed for a decent interval. This is Kim Kardashian wearing Balmain. 

Put your mammaries away pet. Particularly as they’re fake and we’ve all seen them. As for the dress, it looks bad even without the tits and on a supermodel, in this case Joan Smalls, who attended the same event in virtually the same dress.

If WTF had a dog, these blankets are what it would sleep on.

This is designer Jeremy Scott wearing, er, Jeremy Scott. Clock the little patent be-bowed pumps.

This is excruciatingly terrible. What has happened to his shirt? The back is also bad, if not worse.

People usually run away to the Circus but Jeremy looks as if he is running away from one. As the Spencer Davis Group used to sing, Keep On Running. 

This last one is bad. You have been warned. Here is pointless celebrity Amber Rose wearing a purported “dress” by Laura Dewitt, who, to be frank, is taking the piss. The person with her in a stupid shirt is her husband, rapper Wiz Khalifa.

Wiz has scrawny little legs and huge feet. Perhaps he broke out of the same circus as Jeremy Scott. Mrs Wiz used to step out with Kanye West and, like her successor Kim Kardashian (see above), she has a marked predilection for flashing everything she has regardless of whether anyone wants to see it. The rear view is also terrible.

Amber looks like a burlesque dancer in a South Side speakeasy and since Rose MacGowan exposed her whole arse and a great deal of side-boob at the same event in 1998, she does not even have the virtue of originality.

WTF has asked this before and she asks it again – when did it became alright to walk around in public like this? (answer – IT NEVER DID. AND IT STILL ISN’T).

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep your comments coming in and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x