wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers

No sooner had the country digested more revolting revelations about Jimmy Savile, including more stuff about necrophilia than you never needed to know, than Rolf Harris was convicted of  11 counts of sexual assault, including on children as young as 7. Just to make you feel better about everything, it was also disclosed that a dossier handed to the then Home Secretary Leon Brittan in the 1980s and containing the names of 18 prominent alleged paedophiles in public life has got “lost”. Last year Brittan maintained he could not remember getting any dossier. This week he said he gave the dossier to officials in his department but knows nothing about what happened to it. Later on the same day he said that parts of it were passed to the Public Prosecutors. Who knows whose names were on it, although one suspects that Fat Cyril Smith probably was.  How many of them on the list are still at large and fondly regarded as National Treasures? 

In December 2012, WTF wrote a blog called WTF Colourful Special which began “Admit it – you’ve been speculating madly who will be the next to be arrested in the Jimmy Savile child abuse scandal”. Harris was one of those WTF had in mind, altho0ugh there were a few others. He certainly used to be regarded as a National Treasure, even though he was born in Australia. He had a silly beard. He was very cheery. He sang. He painted. He played the didgeridoo. He played Glastonbury. He hosted Animal Hospital for Heaven’s sake. But he is now exposed as an arrogant pervert who believed that he has some innate right to put his hands wherever he chose, regardless of where he was and who the victim was and how old she was, simpering “Rolfie deserves a cuddle” whereas what he actually deserved were several slaps and a long prison sentence. And just as with Savile (with whom, unsurprisingly, Harris was friends) and with Fat Cyril, people knew about his proclivities and even warned each other about them but nothing was done to bring him to the attention of the authorities, leaving him to carry on with his foul behaviour for half a century. The magic carpet of celebrity allowed Rolfie to fly away from trouble and on to his next victim.

What really got on WTF’s nerves this week were those phoning in to radio programmes and tweeting away in a wank-fest of self pity that their happy childhood memories had been sullied by the news that Rolf was a horrible human being and how upset they were. How upset they were? This is the me, me, me culture we now have. What sort of person puts their distress at not being able to hum Two Little Boys above the horror of being groped in your most intimate places by a bearded pervert?

To the sartorial horrors of the week starting with country music legend Dolly Parton at Glastonbury wearing the sort of thing that Dolly Parton wears. Read ghastly.

Never mind the unspeakable “are-they-shorts-are-they-trousers”. What is that ornament adorning Dolly’s lady areas? A spirited debate broke out amongst like-minded twitterati including @WTF_EEK  about the correct description. Some of them are too rude even for this blog to repeat (so you know they must be bad) but WTF is going with a clunge chain. Pull in the case of emergency.

To the Serpentine Gallery Annual Summer Party in Hyde Park where the usual suspects lurked. Welcome back Readers’ favourite Nancy dell’Olio. 

It has been some time since Nancy graced these pages but she is back with a bacofoil-wrapped bang, bra on show, trouser legs billowing and folds around the too-tight crotch like a concertina. One trusts that she has a tube of Canesten handy because she will be needing it.

And of course there was Lady Victoria Hervey wearing Sorapol.

Ah, Lady Victoria. She describes herself on Twitter as “Extraordinaire, Model, Producer, Designer, Reality star, writer, Philanthropist and Humanitarian. Human Being”. She was a model but are any of the rest of the nouns true? Here she is wearing a silver corset fashioned from the inner part of an old fridge adorned with white tulle double-split genitalia curtains and displaying a halter-neck bikini tan line. This was the time to whip out the Instant Tan and colour in the white bits, M’Lady ….

This week’s It’s Got To Go was suggested by WTF aficionado Dee from North London who has rightly taken great exception to these novelty golf tees marketed by Dunlop as “Nudie Tees”. Geddit? Headless female torsos to rest your balls on! That’s hilarious, right? Well no actually. It’s sick. Decapitation and mutilation are not funny. Of course, some men were quick to defend them, producing gadgets based on willies and wotnots. But so what?  Those items would not be marketed by one of the biggest sports brands in the World. WTF would like to approach golfers using these monstrosities (probably the sort who belong to male-only clubs) and stick then where the sun don’t shine. 

The rest of this section wrote itself on Monday morning when WTF saw the pictures from the 2014 BET (Black Entertainment Television) Awards. Every year is the same – for some reason, beautiful women feel the need to channel their inner Pretty Woman so that appalled onlookers are treated to a tidal wave of tits, thighs, Minge Moments and all sorts. This year was well down to standard with a cornucopia of nastiness beginning with actress Erica Hubbard wearing something so bad that the designer is not even owning up to it. Good call.

 WTF is having trouble thinking of anyone who could get away with this net curtain worn over a bodysuit with its built-in glittering tit panel. But whoever that person may be, Erica is not that person.

Next up, we have singer Sevyn Streeter who is not wearing any underwear.

Yurgle. Sevyn’s lack of panties was proved by the moment when her skirt flew up exposing her bum (and no, WTF will NOT be bringing you that picture). Vile.

Then we have WTF inspiration, singer Ashanti wearing WTF bugbear Michael Costello.

Titsy, tawdry and trashy. In other words, a typical Michael Costello dress. Costello is one of those designers designers incapable of sewing up a seam, leaving huge amounts of flesh on show. Like here. Legs. Tits. Sides. Hideous.

And worse than all of them, actress and singer Keke Palmer wearing Alon Livné.

Not only is it one of the Minge Moments of the year but it is wholly unflattering. How does she walk in it without giving everyone an eyeful? And why is she wearing it at all?

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments rolling in and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good.