WTF Brantub Special

Hallo Readers,

This week’s rant is combined with a variant of It’s Got To Go, namely She Had To Go. You know when you go to the funfair and you dip into the brantub and pull out a prize? That is what it is like being Hyacinth Bucket lookalikey Maria Miller. In her case, several prizes including one for going home.

In 2005, Miller, latterly Secretary of State for Culture Media and Sport, was elected MP for Basingstoke. Soon after her election, she increased the mortgage on her family home in Wimbledon by £100,000 and declared it to be her second residence despite the fact that she and her husband lived in it with her children and her aged parents and her brothers. The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe had more space. Her main residence was said to be a succession of rented houses in the constituency where she visited at weekends. Most people would designate their primary home, on the assumption of course that they have more than one, which most of them do not, as the one they actually live in but on Planet Westminster home is not where the heart is but where your expenses go furthest which in Miller’s case was the place she had already lived in as a home for 9 years. In 2007 she increased the mortgage by another £50,000. As a result, Tommy and Tilly Tosser, the taxpayers, subsidised  a substantial part of Miller’s mortgage and at one point at least, all of it, despite the fact that she has never said what the additional £50,000 was for and has now admitted that claims for that part of the interest, namely £5,800, were “inadvertent“. Yes and WTF is the tooth fairy.

Of course this was Manna from Heaven for the papers opposed to the Leveson controls that Miller was overseeing not to mention the backswoodsmen in her own party who felt that her championing equal marriage brought them into imminent danger of being buggered senseless by hordes of rampant homosexuals or something equally offensive to their sense of Christian propriety but Miller didn’t half ask for it. To quote Julia Gillard, WTF is offended. She is offended that public money can be used to allow MPs to borrow money to improve their properties and then reclaim the interest from the taxpayer whilst trousering the capital profit from the sale of a bigger and better home. She is offended that the rules allowed MPs not just to claim for moat cleaning and tennis court maintenance and porn films but that they took full advantage of those rules whilst lecturing the public on morality and self-denial. She is offended that Miller obstructed the official enquiry into her financial affairs, which are our financial affairs since we were bloody paying for them, with all the haughtiness of  that horrid harridan Leona Helmsley who famously declared “only little people pay taxes” and that she paid M’Learned Friends to raise specious points of procedure and only supplied the minimum information after repeated requests both from the Independent Standards Commissioner and the Parliamentary Standards Committee.  She is offended that the Standards Committee, which appears to be as much use as tits on a fish, found that Wimbledon was indeed Miller’s main home but held that it was still reasonable for her to have claimed it as her second home in the light of the advice she received at the time and so let her off £39,200. If you get duff advice from your accountant or lawyer, are you let off? No you are not. She is offended that Miller made a graceless 34 second apology to Parliament. She is offended that Call Me Dave keeps insisting that Miller was cleared of the main charges against her when she was censured for obstructing the Commissioner and the Committee and was ordered to pay back £5,800. She is offended that Miller Took so long to do the decent thing and to resign. And she is offended that Miller pocketed a £17,000 payoff albeit that she seems to have now donated it to charity. From us. Tilly and Tommy Tosser the taxpayers open up the brantub yet again. We’re all in it together, apparently. Really?

If it was a disastrous week for Miller, there were others who copped it sartorially. We start with model Lily Aldridge wearing Marc Jacobs.

I know, I know…we are all so bloody bored with the sheer-dress-and-big-drawers-thing but years after it first spat in our face, it is still continuing. However, we can take solace from the sight of the man in the mirror who seems to have a pair of blue panties on his head.

This is designer Jean Paul Gaultier at an exhibition of his work in London.

Yurgle. Angelina’s 2012 Oscar pose was bad enough, but at least she wasn’t flashing a hairy leg, socks and boots.

We now have a foursome of horrors from the American Country Music Awards which always offer rich pickings and this year they are particularly cholestrol-rich.   First we have  Shakira wearing Zuhair Murad.

Gosh the moths must be hungry in Las Vegas. And the side view is worse.

Ugh. Like a butterfly in a pair of badly-laddered tights. And that hair has definitely got to go.

Then there is singer Shawna Thompson wearing Yanina Couture.

Like an explosion in a poppy field. Why?

Next, in a triumphant second successive year appearance, we have singer Rae Lynn.

This is as bad as last year, the Sugar Plum Fairy goes street walking although in those tarts’ trotters she will not get very far.

Finally, there is singer Frankie Ballard wearing a suit by veteran tailor Manuel. 

Apart from everything else that is wrong with this $2,700 piece of tat, why is the jacket wonky? Are those feathers or floating condoms? What in the name of Heaven is going on here?

Say hallo to Brazilian TV person, Ana-Maria Braga at the amFAR Sao Paolo Gala in, er, Sao Paolo.

Gulp. There is in fact no age at which anyone could wear this appalling get-up but Ana-Maria is 65 years old and ought to know better than to dress like a superannuated belly dancer – especially as she does not have the belly for it. As for the tit-tinsel…there are no words.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep your comments coming in and let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

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3 Responses to WTF Brantub Special

  1. Re: Jean Paul Gaultier
    I had never seen a genitalia curtain on a man.

  2. Belle says:

    65?? How much Botox has that woman had?

    Presumably the veteran tailor who made that suit was Manuel of Fawlty Towers, whipping a little something up in his tea break.

  3. RE Miller, well said. I feel physically sick at the hypocrisy shown by MPs over “expenses” (I use this term sarcastically while rolling around the floor laughing), and the way people who are on benefits (often getting absolute paultry £55 per week), have to account for every single penny and who, if they are even a tenner over what they should be getting , because they can’t survive, are severely penalised, most often than not with a caution and a probably a criminal record.
    After seeing Panorama the other night, on the rent capping effects RE Brent Council, I have come to the conclusion that Welfare reforms are about deeper and deeper enslavement of a group of already entrapped people.

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