WTF Benn, Beer and Bingo Special

Hallo Readers,

 Last Friday, just as WTF’s tribute to Bob Crow was published, the news broke that Labour Party grandee and former Cabinet Minister Tony Benn had died peacefully aged 88. Once again, (almost) everyone spoke well of him and trotted out the old chestnut “National Treasure”. All those who had denigrated him as a swivel-eyed loony, a ranting commie and a danger to Britain, rushed to praise him. We were told that he was “a conviction politician” and “a man of principle”, as if politicians should ever be anything else. But then, as we know, such politicians are rare as rocking horse shit. As @mrsnickyclarke sagely remarked “It is indicative that we all hunger for the real thing, not the PR fuelled Stepford politicians we are forced to choose between”.

Benn was the real thing. He did what he thought was right. He did not disguise his privileged background (Westminster and Oxford) but when the law decreed that he had to leave the Commons on the death of his father and take up his hereditary peerage, he fought to change the law and three years later, he did. He campaigned to change the Labour Party and although he largely failed, he stuck to his guns. He did not believe in pay ceilings for trade unions. He argued with Prime Minister Harold Wilson over abandoning the Labour Party manifesto once in office. He hated the idea of spin doctors or the IMF setting policies and of the European Union setting laws. He distrusted the US’s interventionist foreign policy. He said what he thought, not what he thought he should say. 

Benn was vilified throughout his life and mocked for his identification with “ordinary” people, for shortening his name from Anthony Wedgwood Benn and for drinking builders’ tea out of a large mug but he really did believe that we were all in it together. Unlike Gideon George Osborne, whose Budget this week pandered shamelessly to a patronising Tory vision of the common man by taking 1p off a pint of beer and 10% off the tax on Bingo. If there had been taxes on ferrets and jellied eels, Osborne would doubtless have cut those too. So if you drink 5 pints of beer a night down the pub, you will be a whole 35p a week better off, as well as having a beer gut and an odds-on chance of developing cirrhosis. As for the Bingo, the industry has already announced that the reduction in tax will bring no material benefit to the punters. This did not stop Tory Chairman, the appalling Grant Schapps, from tweeting this poster:

Note the use of the word “they”. The Romans appeased the plebs with bread and circuses; the Tories have opted for beer and bingo. Tony Benn would have enjoyed the irony. RIP Tony. You were a good man and you too will be missed.

To the week’s sartorial horrors, travelling first to Sydney and the premiere of Sabotage starring Sam Worthington, a person with no point whatsoever. Also present was Sam’s ghastly girlfriend, model and general celebrity-at-large Lara Bingle wearing Dion Lee.

Lara looks like the world’s oldest 28-year-old under that slap whilst the very ugly dress makes her look like a hologram in a shrunken sports bra.

Our next subject is stylist and fashionista Cameron Silver at the launch of someone else’s shoe collection in New York.

Here we have a random collection of extremely silly clothes thrown together to maximise their extreme silliness. He resembles nothing so much as a gaudy fresco in a felt hat and WTF also wishes to express great disapprobation at the rope-belt and the rolled up trouser legs.

WTF’s nephew, on being informed that Scarlett Johansson would feature this week, could hardly believe his ears. He refused to believe that his favourite actress could ever merit inclusion in this post. But Auntie is sorry to say that in this Armani Privé outfit, she so does.

Scarlett is undoubtedly beautiful and is blooming in her pregnancy and to be fair, said nephew is probably not looking so much at the clothes as at their contents. But it must be acknowledged that whereas her skirt is lovely, the top is not. Why is she dressed as a titsy Chinese armoire? And even more alarmingly, what happens when you pull those tassels?

We must now turn to Lea Michele at Glee’s 100th episode party wearing Milly and a pair of $1,500 Brian Atwood bejewelled sandals.

Sigh. The ghastly see-through-and-big-panties look lingers on like the smell of stale smoke behind the bike sheds or piss in a public doorway. Make it stop. Please. Before we all die of boredom.

Moving on, whilst one hesitates to pick on a young teenager, Kiernan Shipka, Sally Draper in Mad Men, isn’t half asking for it in this Valentino thing.

Does this remind you of anyone?

We are back to bread and circuses but WTF is not entertained. If Kiernan wanted to dress as a gladiator, she could at least have gone the whole hog and worn Roman sandals and a shield. Frankly, the action of whoever put Kiernan into this getup is tantamount to child cruelty.

This week’s It’s Got To Go features Sky News’ Kay Burley. WTF is still recovering from her performance outside St. Mary’s Hospital when Prince George was born when she ran up and down the street screaming “It’s a boy” and was fortunate to escape immediate admission to the psychiatric ward. Then there was her crass insensitivity when little April Jones went missing in North Wales. As volunteers combed the countryside, Kay took it upon herself  to inform two shocked women that “this is now a murder enquiry”. Oh and let’s not forget the Norwegian bombings when she commented  during a press conference “Whatever language you’re listening to, ‘Boom’ probably means the same thing”. For her latest coup, Kay was part of a posse chasing grieving relatives in Kuala Lumpur up a down escalator in the aftermath of MH370. As she struggled to keep up and slipped over she could be heard yelling “I should have gone to the gym” and “I’ve lost my phone”. Kay – you’ve got to go.

WTF always like to feature a newcomer to these posts, and therefore is happy to introduce you to actress Maggie Q at the premiere of Divergent, in which she has a small role. Maggie is wearing a typically foul creation by WTF bugbear Anthony Vaccarello.

Anna dello Russo wore the same dress last year, only strapless and WTF hated that as well although Maggie, being younger and with a fantastic body, wears it much better. However, the issue is whether anyone should be wearing it at all. This, Readers, is the classic headline hijack in which minor actresses hog the limelight in an attempt to make it big by wearing something small and to be frank, this tawdry, tarty, thigh-baring, “Hey-I’ve-got-no-panties-on!!!!!” outfit is the pits.

Another newcomer, half-Iranian, half-German film producer Minu Barati Fischer wearing Fendi and carrying a revolting Fendi handbag at a Fendi  boutique launch in Munich. 

Minu is the 5th wife of the veteran German politician and former Foreign Minister Joschka Fischer and 30 years his junior. Fendi has conned her into dressing as a hairy bison and her truly hideous handbag features what appears to be a squashed brown rodent with one remaining eyeball.  You would think that the woman would have had more sense but clearly not.

Lastly we have the Queen’s granddaughter Zara Phillips.

It is not easy to be worse dressed than Princess Anne. It would normally take a team of rocket scientists working around the clock and high on crystal meth to devise such an outfit but somehow Zara has managed to outdo her mother in awfulness. Does she not possess an iron? Has her horse been kipping on her raincoat? What the hell is that feathered cabin crew hat?  And what are those things on her feet? WTF is not bothered by the baby weight but a tightly belted close-fitting mac, whether it has crumples or not, is unflattering on a new mum. Or, for that matter, on anyone busty. And Zara is both.

OK Readers. That’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

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4 Responses to WTF Benn, Beer and Bingo Special

  1. Sarah Denby says:

    Wow. Where to start? I think you have outdone yourself, my beloved WTF!!! I loved your comments on Maggie Q (those knicker-less outfits give me the shivers–mainly I’m terrified that their wearers will try to cross their legs in public–EEEK!!). As well as those on Scarlett (what DOES happen when you pull the tassels???). And especially on Zara Phillips/Princess Anne–perhaps if you’re royalty people think you’re well-dressed? (As it happens, I was a classmate of her stepmother, Sandy Pfleuger, but haven’t seen her since our graduation from high school in 1972. I wonder how she dresses these days–back then we were in seriously ugly uniforms…) Happy Spring!

  2. Belle says:

    Oh what a bumper selection this week! I can’t think of a reason why anyone would want to wear tit tassels (unless they are required for the carrying on of one’s profession) but if they did surely the tits in question would have to be perky?

    I am in awe of the young ladies who wear these obviously knickerless outfits. Where on earth do you put your Tena Lady?

  3. One of your best. Congratulations.
    -Tony Benn. Don’t follow UK politics that closely. Vaguely remember him as disappearing at the beginning of the reign of the Wicked Witch of the… oops, Margaret Thatcher. Loved your tribute to Mr. Benn. Well written with style. You seem to be channeling the late Molly Ivins (that’s high praise), although imagining her Texas twang filtered through Great Britain does produce a chuckle on its own.
    -Scarlett Johansson. I wouldn’t have noticed that she was there. Would have raved about the motorcycle instead. 
    -Maggie Q. Yeah. The outfit is crude. But I want proof that she can actually walk more than three steps in those shoes. 
    -Zara Phillips. It is a given that the Royals haven’t got a clue. Picking on them is like fishing with dynamite. That space should have gone to to someone who earned it. 

  4. Lovely tribute.
    Tony Benn was an outstanding human being and a politician that was rare and probably we will never see the like of again.
    I have seen him at many rallies where he graciously allowed me to photograph him and last year sat and chatted to him at a meeting in Manchester. He was a genuinely decent human being and amazingly despite have had a serious fall he still came to that meeting. He asked after my family which was very sweet.
    He was someone who genuinely cared about humanity and tried to back that sentiment with sincere action. Everyone can learn from his actions not just the politicians.
    He was genuinely my political and humanitarian hero.

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