WTF Awards Galore Special

Hallo Readers,

It has been quite a week for the Liberal Democrats, the party led with all the authority of Mickey Mouse by Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg following  a QC’s  report into its former CEO, Lord Rennard, who was accused of groping 4 female party members, an allegation he strenuously denies. Isn’t he adorable?  George Clooney must be worried….

rennard

Despite the first complaint being made in 2007 when Rennard was warned about his conduct, it was only when an internal report criticised Clegg’s lack of response that he was forced to appoint one of M’Learned friends to carry out an investigation. This concluded that it could not be proved beyond reasonable doubt that Rennard intended to act inappropriately although he found the women’s evidence to have been “broadly compelling”. Harassment is not about intention, it is about unwelcome conduct, but there you go. The report recommended that Rennard apologise. Rennard refused. Little Cleggy huffed and puffed and said that if Rennard did not apologise, he would be very cross and do something or other once he had thought of something or other to do. Rennard still did not apologise and demanded that the party apologise for upsetting him.  He is now suspended although mediation is being attempted….

Up to 11 LibDem women have made similar allegations about their former CEO. It might be either a coincidence or a conspiracy or an outbreak of hysteria like the Salem Witch trials. Or it might be true. In the meantime, a collection of fossils last seen on the Jurassic Coast have popped up to support their lordly mate.  According to MEP Chris Davies, touching a woman’s knee is on a par with “Italian men pinching women’s bottoms” and is not a hanging offence”. Sadly neither is being a prat but that does not make it right. Davies was forced to apologise, only for his ghastly wife, displaying no understanding of abuse or personal space, then to tell us that if a man touches your knee, you just have to tell him to remove it. Elsewhere on the fossil front, someone called Lord Greaves told the BBC that half the men in the House of Lords had pinched a woman’s bottom at some point during their lifetime and Lord Carlile, Rennard’s legal adviser, insinuated that it is all a put-up job and that at least one of the women has a “character flaw”. Who hasn’t? If shaming women for raising harassment is liberal then what qualifies as illiberal? 

So this is what WTF has learned from this unsavoury episode (i) Cleggy & Co would struggle to run a whelk stall (ii) you can call yourself progressive but still believe that it is alright to touch women who should be grateful for the attention (iii) if a woman complains she is divisive and rocking the boat (iv) the House of Lords is full of tossers and (v) one can at least take comfort from the fact that Mr and Mrs Davies are married to each other, sparing two other people a lifetime of misery.

No sooner had the Golden Globes come and gone than we had the National Television Awards (NTAs) over here and the Critics’ Choice Movie Awards and the Screen Artists’ Guild (SAG) Awards over there. One barely knew where to throw up first. Let us begin with the NTAs where soap “actress” Jennifer Metcalfe gives us the Minge Moment of the Week courtesy of Liverpudlian designers Philip Armstrong. Ready? You won’t be…

jennifer mnge

You have heard of a fig leaf. This is a minge leaf and the dress also has tit circles. Here is the back view….

jen rear

Basically this is a flowery tooshie towel. Jennifer wants us to know that she is not wearing knickers. Duly noted. Now go away and put some clothes on…..

To the Critics Circle and Pharrell Williams wearing Lanvin.

pharrell rolled up trews

Oh for Goodness sake. WTF deplores the wonky bow tie and the buttoned-up, too-tight, too short (even on him) Norman Wisdom jacket but worst of all are the ridiculous rolled-up trousers. Is he going paddling?

Next up is Michelle “I-Speak-Your-Weight-Machine” Dockery wearing J Mendel.

michelle-dockery-in-j-mendel-sag-awards-2014.jpg?w=640

Michelle seems to have taken the SAG Awards rather too literally, and the combination of the droopage and the high front slit known to all WTF aficionados as genitalia curtains is excessive. Love the lippie though.

What possessed fine actress Alfre Woodard to wear this hideous Tadashi Shoji dress?

alfre woodard

Frilled tits are inappropriate for anyone of any age and as for the sweetie-wrapper fabric …

Then there was Emma Thompson in vintage William.

emma SAG

What? Why? WTF is dumbfounded. There is a squid dancing over Emma’s breasts, not to mention what appears to be a catastrophic hem failure. The flat shoes are the only sensible thing on show (that includes Emma herself) but they look dreadful with the dress.

We pause for It’s Got to Go featuring WTF’s bugbear, police helicopters.

met-police-helicopter-3-tower-bridge_jpg_display

Of course helicopters do good work and that includes police helicopters. But do the bastard things really need to be buzzing about at rooftop height for hours making such a hideous racket? In Islington, where WTF resides, one of them flies overhead every night at 1 am. Is this the appointed time when burglars, miscreants and terrorists all run around N1 and N7 pursuing their nefarious activities? Should the cops not ask themselves the question posed in WW2 – is your journey really necessary?

Next we have Meryl Streep wearing Stella McCartney.

image

This is a couture slashed bin bag, only a bin bag is useful because there is no hole at the bottom. As for Stella, she is lucky not to be in the dock at the Old Bailey charged with obtaining by deception.

We now come to a pregnant Kerry Washington wearing Prada.

kerry w sag

No love. Just no. No one expects pregnant women to wear smocks any more but this is a step too far. The skirt is so voluminous that it could double as the birthing pool and the tiny bump-revealing top is exposing more than we want to see.

Last week we had Gwendoline Christie wearing Giles Deacon’s fetishtist baby doll dress and this week we have her Game of Thrones colleague Rose Leslie in something even worse by Temperley of London. All the above-named are Brits – poor show chaps.

rose

This is just jaw-droppingly terrible. There is a Jungle Book skirt (this was obviously the end of the roll and the pattern tails off inexplicably) worn with a lilac lace top with blue embroidered thingies and no bra.  The hair is wrong. The whole thing is wrong. WTF is thinking of burning her passport….

This is Mayim Bialik from The Big Bang Theory wearing Rachel Livingston.

mayim bialik

As @debbiegregory4 remarked with reference to the character Mayim plays of the show, she looked better when she was plain. The lace frill seems hellbent on strangling her to death, the colour is ugly and she has no feet. Luckily it was custom-made so at least there aren’t more of them. WTF cannot escape the mental picture of Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady singing about chocolates and a room somewhere. Preferably one where the door is locked so we don’t have to see her…..

Back to the Critics’ Choice Awards and to what, in the face of stiff competition, was the worst dress of the week. WTF gives you French actress Adele Exarchopoulos, star of Blue is the Only Colour, wearing Louis Vuitton.

Adele Exarchopoulos

The back is catastrophic..

Adele Exarchopoulos rear

This appears to be an embroidered shroud with American Footballer’s shoulders worn over lycra cycle shorts and, from the look of it, the cycle seat as well. WTF also loathes the trompe l’oeil  effect that Adele is wearing seamed stockings like a cut price Dita von Teese. 

OK  Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep the comments coming plus your suggestion for It’s Got to Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

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6 Responses to WTF Awards Galore Special

  1. Rebecca Jay says:

    I know you should never judge a book but in the case of one of the aforementioned in this week’s blog – and in the words of Lionel Bart’s famous song sung by Fagin…’I’m reviewing the situation’…

  2. ladyroisin says:

    Please put my name forward as a fashion stylist to those UK folk so badly served…Emma’s outfit was good – it just needed trousers then the shoes would have been fine…thes poor girl in the lilac blouse…xxR

  3. Andrew Purcell says:

    Do the folks who dress Pharrell Williams not have a tape measure?
    What part of “It doesn’t fit” do they not understand?

  4. laura says:

    What I wouldn’t give for Jennifer Metcalf’s waist . . . . amazing, but why would Adele highlight her terrible droopy buttocks – better described as mud guards to the world? Oh sorry is this blog supposed to be about clothes – well the clothes seem incidental it is their body parts we are supposed to be seeing right. The Liberal party have also had to content with a Muslim Prospective Party Candidate tweeting out cartoons of Prophets that are for Muslims extremely offensive. The Muslim in question is what I would call a “double extremist” who was (he alleges) a jihadist but who saw the light and became a government advisor (well paid stooge) on extremism. Having covered both ends of the scale of extremism you would think he would wish to enjoy a quiet life but he chose to insult and offend instead. His position as P.P.C. for Hampstead and Kilburn now hangs in the balance.

  5. Sarah Denby says:

    Why does Stella McCartney, who I believe has a rather classy mum and dad, insist on designing clothing that looks like someone has taken a pair of garden shears to it? She’s supposed to be one of the fashion world’s darlings, but I’ve rarely seen anything that actually looks like it’s worth the thousands of quid it costs….

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