WTF Be A Stranger Special

Hallo Readers,

 You can breathe out now. Suddenly, everything seems a bit better, as if a four -year migraine has abated. The air seems sweeter. Colours seem brighter. Public officials are qualified to do their job. The President and the Vice- President give a damn about 400,000 people who have died from a virus and are prepared to acknowledge that they actually died. Both of them give every sign of loving, liking, and respecting their spouses. And the world’s leading epidemiologist has acknowledged that he is now able to say what he thinks without fear off the sack and to base his opinions on science, not sycophancy. Thank you God. Thank you.

The orange man has left the building with his vapid, flinty-faced wife, and his hideous family and has gone home to Florida. Similarly, his pious, obsequious Vice-President and his smug wife have also left the building and gone home to Indiana. Instead we have a couple of decent people trying to do their best to mop up the ordure, a job akin to deep-cleansing the Augean stables. Whether they will succeed is too early to say. In the meantime, Wednesday was the time to enjoy the fresh air of the Inauguration, and there was much to enjoy. In particular, everywhere you looked there were fabulous women. The charming and empathetic First Lady, a woman who actually earned her degree rather than pretending to have one. The smiley Vice-President, so smiley that her smile radiated out from the inside of her mask. Siblings, kids and step-children all beautifully dressed, particularly Ella Emhoff in a Prada coat awash with sparkles across her shoulders to match the joy in her step-mother’s eyes. Lady Gaga looking fantastic and sounding even better. JLo looking like a Chanel sailor and sounding good. The amazing 22-year-old Amanda Gorman, in a yellow coat and red hairband with her inspiring poetry. And Senator Amy Klobuchar as joint MC, glowing with happiness at the occasion and as smart as a whip.  Even the Supreme Court Judge who swore in the V-P was a woman. So let us enjoy these few rays of winter brightness and hope that they turn into spring sunshine. And even if the future may be greyer and less colourful, at least it won’t be orange.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shite with the former FLOTUS Melania Trump arriving in Florida to start life out of the White House and as maîtresse of Mar-A-Lago (not for long – Ed) wearing a $3,700 Gucci kaftan.

Having departed the Nation’s Capital in drop-dead gorgeous Chanel jacket and a $77,500 lizard Hermés Birkin handbag, looking fabulously elegant, if funereal, she changed en route and arrived in Palm Beach looking like a particularly nasty 1970’s living room. By the way, clock the caked on makeup and the fact that for the first time ever, she is wearing flatties and not vertiginous heels. Goodbye and Good Riddance. Be a stranger.

 

On the principle of out with the old and in with the older, President Joe Biden’s Inauguration took place at noon attended by dignitaries various. Three living Presidents were in attendance (Jimmy Carter being too old to risk it at 96, and the recent incumbent having buggered off as aforesaid), including Bill Clinton and his wife, former Senator, Secretary of State, and Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. Hillary is wearing Ralph Lauren.

She’s still wearing those bloody pantsuits. Heaven knows how many votes they cost her in 2016. Just think – had she desisted from the Angela Merkel look and gone for something tailored, that orange lunatic might never have been elected and we could have been spared four years of pain. What black booties have to do with an aubergine coat and a violet ensemble WTF cannot say, but more objectionable is the flouncy scarf which makes her resemble Prince in his purple phase.

Also there was Senator Bernie Sanders, Biden’s rival for the Democratic nomination. No new overcoat for Bernie – he was wearing his beloved Burton jacket and an enormous pair of woollen mittens, knitted for him from up-cycled wool by a constituent.

Bernie did not give a stuff about the eyebrows raised at his somewhat casual garb. He told reporters,  “You know in Vermont, we dress warm, we know something about the cold, and we’re not so concerned about good fashion, we want to keep warm. And that’s what I did today.” Bless. WTF could not but wonder whether those mittens were sewn onto his sleeves, like kiddies going to school.

Next up we have rapper Cardi B wearing Rey Ortiz and a very lairy Vuitton handbag.

Goodness me. The zip goes right round the minge area and the bra-thingies appear to be a couple of very well cooked scooped-out potato skins and filled with Cardi B.

Now we have singer Dua Lipa wearing Monôt.

While her fellow Brits are locked indoors and threatened with infection by all manner of new viruses if they so much as venture out, Dua has taken herself off to somewhere exotic. Wherever that is, it ain’t Regent’s Park. Quite apart from rubbing our noses in it, we are also being exposed to the threat of arse cheeks, like spotting a builder’s bum on a construction site.

Here is internet influencer Tana Mongeau wearing a very extraordinary ensemble.

is she going to be someone’s caddie? Pringle has a lot to answer for, although it is not clear whether this is actually by Pringle. Whoever had the audacity to design this, s/he was clearly influenced by the terrible trousers worn by golfer John Daly at the PGA in 2010.

And finally, we have model and presenter Heidi Klum in a publicity shot for Germany’s Next Top Model wearing Nicolas Jebran.

The use of the word ‘wearing’ is perhaps a trifle abstract here. This is more of a crotch curtain with a massive helping of side boob, like the sun peeking out from behind Uluru in the Northern Territory.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Louise from Gloucestershire who expresses some reservations about Dr Jill Biden’s footwear when she and the new President walked along Pennsylvania Avenue to their new home. She had discarded the blue stilettos that matched her dress, coat and mask and changed instead into a pair of nude pumps.

We all understand that new shoes hurt, especially when you have to walk in them, but Louise’s view, unyielding as it might seem, is that new shoes should be worn in before a special occasion and not abandoned halfway through it. She also takes the view that nude shoes generally are an abomination because they do not flatter the foot, the leg or the outfit. In other words, It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they give WTF great cheer, as well as your tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

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WTF FOOD PARCEL SPECIAL

Hallo Readers,

The items in this picture are supposed to provide five lunches for a child who is not at school because of the pandemic, and who need them because his or her parents cannot afford to pay for them. Sometimes this is the only proper meal those kids eat all day. When schools shut down during lockdown, they would not have continued to get free school lunches had Manchester United footballer Marcus Rashford, who grew up poor, not kicked up a fuss and shamed this shit-show of a Government into performing yet another U-Turn, its umpteenth of 2020, and to agree to keep dishing up. And now that kids are at home again, the Government was forced to make the necessary arrangements.  But rather than give parents vouchers to buy food, it has instead opted to award contracts to a variety of companies to provide the ingredients.

The gourmet feast above comprises a loaf of sliced white bread. A tin of beans. Some cheese slices in clingfilm, doubtless somewhat sweaty as a result. A bag of something inchoate which WTF prefers not to think about. Some fruit. Two spuds. Two carrots. Some sweetie things. If you went to the supermarket and had to pay more than £5 for that, you would be on the phone to Trading Standards. A company called Chartwells, which was responsible for this largesse, claims that it received £10 55 to provide a week’s meals for each child. That sum has been questioned, but whatever Chartwells was paid, what it supplied was manifestly inadequate and fell short of any reasonable nutritional standard. Some other companies with similar contracts have provided equally poor comestibles, including in one case, half a red bell pepper and a piece of ham which was not so much tired-looking as chronically exhausted. Another mum was delivered her measly groceries in a black plastic bin bag.

And you know what, Readers? Someone is taking the piss. Children need good, wholesome food, not sliced cheese and sliced white bread. When lorry drivers got stuck outside Dover after France closed the border to the UK because of the new strain of coronavirus, some fabulous Sikhs from Coventry cooked up 800 delicious-looking chick pea curries and took a 300-mile round trip to deliver them – for free. And not only did it look delicious, it was full of protein and probably cost a fraction of the delicacies on offer from Chartwells and their chums. Maybe the Sikhs should be called in to advise the Department of Education. How could any of these businesses think that they were fulfilling their mandate to feed hungry kids with cheese and white bread? How did these companies come to be chosen, and why, and by whom? Now Chartwells has admitted that their foodstuffs fell way short and say it will make good. As it should. As  should any supplier who fell way short. Because we are all shamed by this, not just them.

Or are we? On Good Morning Britain Matt Hancock, the hapless Secretary of State for Health, apologised for the obvious inadequacies of Chartwells and others. He was then pressed on whether he now regretted voting against free school meals. Of course, he did not answer that, instead spewing out media-trained bullshit about how happy he was that the matter had had such a good outcome, whereupon both Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid administered him a well-deserved kicking. Elsewhere, Pauline Latham, 72, the Tory MP for mid-Derbyshire, pooh-poohed the outcry, telling Channel 4 “The whole point of this is to give a balanced meal for the children. It’s only their lunch, it’s not all meals every day. It’s enough for lunches for a child for a week … Usually.”  This is the same woman who told a constituent who had asked her whether she could live on £94 statutory sick pay per week during the pandemic to “get a life”. Do you think that either Hancock or Latham would last five minutes on a Chartwells diet?

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Now to the week’s fashion flotsam, and Prime Minister Boris Johnson, seen here visiting Chase Farm Hospital in North London.

WTF aficionado Behsat from West London sent this picture to WTF, as he was simply aghast, and accompanied it with many unpleasant comments, which are reproduced here with fervent agreement. Use your smartphone,  iPad or laptop to zoom in on Johnson’s bitch tits, for example. VNA (Visible Nipple Activity) is equally bad on men and women. Then recoil in horror at the complete absence of waist, so that the belt has given up all hope of resting on something and simply sits forlornly about the flab. Move onto the untucked shirt, as if he has just had a piss, and which does not seem to have seen the inside of a washing machine for some time. Pass along the baggy trousers to the shoes  which are held together with glue and which have yet to meet a tin of Cherry Blossom polish. Meanwhile, Behsat rightly points out that the combination of the stance and the mask make Boris looks like the Fat  Pelican….

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Next up we have celebritee sister Kourtney Kardashian, wearing Miu Miu.

Kourtney and her sisters are as much use as as ashtray on a motorbike, but here she has outdone herself in a teeny weeny tartan and pearl thingy for which Miu Miu has the effrontery to charge $5,400, and some horrible sandals. And the look is not even original because Barbie was wearing it in the 1960s.

Instagram brought us actress Hailee Steinfeld wearing Cong Tri. Scroll down slowly…….

It starts off as a really ethereal top and ends up in furry leggies like a Wampa from Star Wars.

I am afraid things do not improve with singer Kylie Minogue, wearing Moschino.

‘Allo, ‘allo. This what would happen if Marie Antoinette had sex with a leather trunk. Ludicrous.

Meet a newcomer to these pages, the star of Selling Sunset, the smash hit Netflix show about LA estate agents. Her name is  Christine Quinn and she is not wearing enough. 

Contrary to first impressions, Christine is not swinging a Pomeranian about, it is a handbag. Travel south from the head and you find a very cheap looking dress with a preponderance of under-boob like golf balls peeping from their holders, to the side laces which fail to lace and which reveal her black tights, to the shoes last seen on Louis XIV.

We started with a male politician and we end with another one, US Congressman Jeff Van Drew opposing impeachment in the House of Representatives wearing the most appalling suit. Sensitive Readers are advised to reach for their sunglasses and a sick bucket. Here we go….

Van Drew is a jerk at the best of times, not that he has any, but pitching up dressed as an extra from Boardwalk Empire at the second impeachment of a President, an event without precedent in American history, takes some nerve. Extra minus points for the nasty tie and ridiculous pointed pocket handkerchief.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh, who, like the rest of the world, has been glued to CNN for the past week, at which point she spied another GOP scumbucket, Representative Matt Gaetz from Florida.

WTF’s view is that Matt has got to go, period, because he is unspeakable, as evidenced by his speech  in defence of Trump on Wednesday, during which he managed to refer to the ‘Biden Crime Family’, dead people voting and other blatant bullshit, all in the space of 90 seconds. However, Yvonne is highlighting Matt’s new quiff, which has confused people even more than his unexpected engagement on New Year’s Eve. It turns out that Elvis is alive and well and living in Pensacola. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they give WTF great cheer, as well as your tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

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WTF Rats Special

Hallo Readers and Happy New Year,

It was so obvious that Trump would not accept the results of the election. It was so obvious that he would lie that he had won, and keep on lying.  It was so obvious that he would incite his moronic followers to riot. It was even obvious that January 6 2021 was the day on which they would come to Washington DC to riot, because he has been telling everyone to turn up on that day – the day Congress would  confirm Biden’s Presidency  – and he had tweeted that the day would ‘be wild’.  And if WTF could see all this from Islington, some 3,600 miles from Washington DC, you would think that the DC Constabulary and the Capitol Police and the National Guard and the Department of Homeland Security might have given it some consideration, not to mention Harvard and Yale-educated lawyers like Senator Ted Cruz of Texas and Senator Josh Hawley of Missouri and the Leaders of the GOP who have stuck to Trump like shit to a blanket and allowed him to deny the fact Joe Biden got 7,ooo,000 more people votes than he did and 74 more Electoral College votes. They excused his ludicrous lawsuits. They told us that the people had a right to have their questions answered, when those questions had been posed  by the very people who now sought to further their political careers by airing them on the floor of the Senate and the House and on Fox News.

And guess what, Readers? Angry people flocked to DC on Wednesday. Idiotic people flocked to DC on Wednesday. Racists and gun fanatics and violent right wingers flocked to DC on Wednesday. QAnon adherents who believe that the capital is run by pedophile followers of Satan flocked to DC on Wednesday. And having listened to Trump Snr) and to Trump Jr and to Rudy Giuliani, all of whom told them to fight for America and to be ‘strong’, they marched down to the Capitol and broke in, some armed to the teeth with guns or iron bars, and trashed it. Someone hung a noose on the Western facade. Others brandished Confederate flags. A Capitol policemen died, as did a female Air Force veteran who had broken in with the mob and who was shot dead. Three others died as a result of medical episodes triggered by the riot. Congress had to adjourn its debate on whether Arizona’s electoral college votes were obtained by fraud and terrified lawmakers in gas masks were ushered to a place of safety.

And then, only then, did most of the GOP decide that they could not support Trump any longer. Oooh, he is a terrible man! Oooh, he has incited violence! Oooh, he has dishonoured the Constitution! Pass the smelling salts. And now they are making a bolt for the exit, just 13 days from the end of his term. it is too much. Not his allowing 362,000 people to die from Covid. Not his locking children in cages separated from their parents. Not his quid pro quo with Ukraine when he demanded dirt on Hunter Biden in exchange for much-needed military aid. Not his lies and insults and narcissism and innate stupidity. Not his attempt to deprive the poor of medical care in the middle of a pandemic. That they could take.  But lying face down in the House chamber while backwoodsmen went on the rampage….no, that proved too much for them.

On Wednesday Trump called his supporters ‘patriots’ and told them they were ‘very special – we love you’. Last night, knowing the game was up, he condemned the ‘heinous violence’ and admitted his term was almost over, albeit that it looked like a hostage video. The rats had finally jumped ship and he was all out of options. But how does America put out the fires he started? And you can bet he will carry on stoking.

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As we find ourselves back in lockdown, fashion disasters may be few and far between for a while, but luckily WTF has scoured the media and found some stinkers for your delectation, starting with Covid Taskforce guru Professor Chris Whitty, looking shockingly unkempt – AGAIN.

No one expectsProfessor Whitty to be a fashion plate, prancing around like Harry Styles. However, when you pop up on television every day to tell fed-up citizens to stay at home for another three months, you have to look the part. If you are bright enough to become a Professor, you can get your head around tying your tie so that the knot is approximate to your collar, and, as WTF aficionado Andrew from Canonbury remarked on an earlier occasion when Professor Whitty was featured in these pages, he seems to favour a size 17 collar on a size 14 neck.  Oh – and his complexion is that of a boiled pink prawn.

Next up we have celebritee Lauren Goodger wearing Oh Polly! Or, as WTF would prefer to say, Oh Gawd!!

Lauren has always been very keen for us to see as much of her bum as possible, and here it is again, although at least this time it is covered up. At school, WTF learned about the Continental Shelf in geography class, and here it is made (ample) flesh.

This is actress and director Regina King in Miami, wearing Louis Vuitton to a film premiere.

Ground control to Major King…. here is plenty of room for a fart or two in that spacesuit.

And now a bevy of New Year’s Eve horrors, starting with singer Taylor Swift wearing a bear’s head.

That is a very poorly bear in need of bowlfuls of honey. Why would anyone want to wear such a hideous item? WTF is put in mind of the famous stage direction from Shakespeare’s A Winter’s Tale, namely ‘exit pursued by a bear’.

To California where we encounter the gruesome twosome of Momager Kris Jenner wearing Balenciaga, and her soon-to-be-divorced FOR THE THIRD TIME daughter Kim Kardashian, who is wearing Schiaparelli.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that no matter how expensive the garment, put it on a Kardashian/Jenner (other than on Kendall Jenner) and even if it is nice to start with, it won’t be nice on them. As it happens, in this case, both the garments are so ghastly that even Kendall could not carry them off.  Kris is wearing a boiler suit that someone has tried to rip off her, exposing her lacy corset, while Kim looks like a mouldy version of Russell Crowe in Gladiator. WTF is also compelled to observe that Kim seems to have cotton wool wrapped around the middle toe of her left foot.

And now to New York  for Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and singer Doja Cat wearing not a lot.

Doja is dressed as the Tooth Fairy, preventing an Imminent Minge Moment by a few artfully-placed spangles and has covered her arse in tinsel, looking like the love child of a Christmas tree and a flapper. 

Finally the winner of the coveted WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2020 is……..

WAIT FOR IT…..

WORLD CHAMPION Racing driver Sir Lewis Hamilton !!!!

Yes he looks like a prat, but was he really the worst? REALLY??? Or were you guys just pissed off at him getting a knighthood, despite being a tax exile in Monaco? Anyway, he romped home with almost 25% of the vote, with Prime Minister Boris Johnson coming in second with 20.67% and CeeLo Green, dressed as a DFS sofa, in third place with 18.84%. But as Donald Trump found out this week, when the people have spoken, they have spoken…..

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Kathryn from Kent, a mother of two, who has had enough of panting joggers making a beeline for her and her kiddies when they are taking their hour’s constitutional in the park. Kathryn points out that there is little point staying at home to avoid exposure to Covid 19, only to get a face full of wet microbes from the said joggers as they pass within inches of you while ploughing onwards.  And God forbid that they could divert even slightly from their designated path to avoid you in case they miss the chance to shave 1.3 milli-seconds off their personal best. WTF is wholly in agreement and  she wishes to add to the hit list maskless wankers who shout into their phones in parks and elsewhere, thereby sending their turbulent vortex in your direction. They’re selfish, thoughtless and antisocial. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go so keep them coming. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF CHRISTMAS TURKEY POLL 2020

Hallo Readers,

It’s here!! The fabled WTF Christmas Turkey Poll for 2020, where 18 total fashion horrors await your appalled gaze and subsequent selection. They are all ghastly, and are arranged simply in first name alphabetical order, denoting no preference on WTF’s part. All you have to to do is to is choose as many horrors as you like and check the box at the bottom, as multiple choice is allowed. And when WTF says multiple choice, she does not mean that Single Transferable Votes malarkey, where you need a PhD to work out what to do. This is so much easier (or at least it should be, WordPress permitting). You can keep coming back as often as you like to vote for your favourite (or should that be least favourite?). The results will be out on January 8 2021 when WTF will be back with a bang.

As it is Christmas, there will not be the usual full rant because let us at least have one day of relative cheer.  Although this year is the first time in 9 years that a serving UK Prime Minister is among the contestants for the coveted Turkey award, and if that isn’t an indictment of the shit-show that this country has become, WTF doesn’t know what is. But she is in full agreement with aficionado Anna from Lambeth, who has nominated the ultimate It’s Got To Go. It is

2020!!!!!!

As WTF pointed out last week, 2020 has been the absolute pits. Lower than the pits, the bottom scrapings of the pits. It has been shittier than the shittiest septic tank. Covid 19. Businesses failing and people locked up at home and going bonkers. Black men and women murdered by US Police for no good reason. Donald Trump running amok, ending 2020 by undermining democracy and pardoning people whose morals are shittier than the shittiest septic tank. Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock bugging about. Priti Patel. 2021 can only be better, so let us  cross everything that is crossable, pray to whatever Deity we pray to, and hope that life rapidly improves for everybody.

Especially you, lovely Readers. Happy Christmas. Happy New Year. See you next year. Be good, wash your hands,  and remember to step away from the third helping of Christmas Pudding.

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Right, that is enough of the preliminaries. Meet the nominees.

1. Bai Ling, Chinese actress.

Bai Ling likes flashing the flesh, although this is relatively restrained for her We were at least spared a Minge Moment, although there was a flash of arse cheek. She popped up at a Taiwanese Film Festival dressed as Shanghai Lil and looking thoroughly ridiculous. Although she is to be congratulated for being able to stand in those heels, let alone balance on one leg.

2. Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

No, look at him. What a mess. Hair like a loo brush, a shockingly ill-fitting suit with the jacket button hanging on for dear life and the trousers ballooning around his hips like circus jodhpurs, not to mention a shirt that does not look fresh on. He is a mess. WTF could take you down the Strand and you would see people sleeping in cardboard boxes better dressed than this.

3. CeeLo Green, American singer.

CeeLo is what our Australian friends call a big unit, but it did seem rather drastic to cut up a DFS sofa and call it an outfit, particularly one revealing a particularly portly stomach. Meanwhile, it may be a reflection of the light, but something substantial seemed to be nestling under that bent trouser leg. Just saying….

4. Chloe Ferry, British celebritee.

Yes, this is an actual woman and not a blow up sex doll, but you would be hard pressed to tell the difference. There has been a substantial interference with the workings of nature on both the face and the body, and the last time WTF saw lips like that, they were on a fishmonger’s slab. The hair started life on something or someone else and the dress was no more than a turtle-necked condom with built-in Minge Moment. 

5. Draya Michele, American TV reality star.

Another Minge Moment, this time formed from the remnants of her Christmas wrapping ribbons. Extra minus points for the visible tattoos and the gormless expression.

6. Ezra Miller, American actor.


It is not the fact that he was wearing a dress, it is the fact that he was wearing THAT dress. with a giant tit window, displaying his hairy chest and his belly button. And those ugly seams on the footless tights. Prat.

7. Gemma Collins, UK reality celebritee.

This is all a nightmare, from the swimming cap like Esther Williams to the slithery, I’ve-just-thrown-up-everywhere veterinary-nurse scrubs, to the revolting Louis Vuitton vomit-pastel handbag, to the sparkly trainers. Just. Very. Bad.

8. Gwen Stefani, American singer.

Gwen wore this for the final of The Voice, where she is a Judge, and it just very silly. As WTF described it at the time, it was as if Odile from Swan Lake had attempted to crawl out of a casement window and got stuck while flowers died around her…..

9. Jared Leto, American actor. Scroll down slowly….

Jared wears a lot of Gucci, as he is besties with its chief designer, Alessandro Michele. This offering had a Mad Merlin shirt and shorts combo and then the silly logo-ed sock and slides. And the mun (man-bun). If Roy Wood from Wizard had a lovechild with Merlin, Jared is what he would look like.

10. Laverne Cox, American actress.

There is drama and there is foolishness. This left foolishness about ten miles back and is now heading towards insanity, a spangled swimsuit worn with a gold shower curtain and a toothy grin.

11. Lauren Goodger, UK Z lister.

Lauren has altered parts of her body with a combination of plastic surgery and photoshop, but here she was snapped by paparazzi as is, showing a lot of leg and a preponderance of arse cheeks. Lauren seems to think that people really, really, want to see her arse cheeks. As CNN would say, here is Breaking News….  they don’t.

12. Lewis Hamilton, British World Champion racing driver.

Lewis has always enjoyed looking like an idiot, and he was at it again, scooting along to a Grand Prix in the sort of outfit sported by seniors who have retired to Florida, a matching flowerpot hat AND PINK SOCKS.

13. Machine Gun Kelly, American rapper.

MGK always looks as if he has just crawled out from under a charity clothing pile, but he hit new lows here in what looked like a pair of silk incontinence trousers and a slashed-neck top allowing us full inspection of some very nasty tattoos seemingly drawn by a four year old child. And what was with the silver space boots?

14. Maisie Williams, British actress.

Angling is the most popular sport in the UK, but most people do not go out and about doing it in a Dior fisherman’s smock and matching wellies.

15. Rita Ora, British singer.

Rita omits few opportunities to show us some or all of her person, and her trip to Milan for Fashion Week was no exception. The jacket was lovely, but sadly she omitted to wear anything underneath it, like trousers or a skirt or leggings. WTF can only be thankful that she was wearing pants, but is not thankful for having to look at the said pants, or, for that matter,  the absurd French courtesan booties.

16. Sofia Carson, American actress. Again, scroll down slowly.

It was all going very well until we got to the skirt, where the beautifully made Giambattista Valli dress stopped being a dress and transmogrified into something closely resembling that revolving spit in Turkish and Greek restaurants selling chicken shawarma. 

17. Steflon Don, British rapper.

Yikes. Nothing went with anything else, she forgot her top, and the shorts were rather too short to cover the tops of her thighs. WTF also has a marked aversion to sunglasses worn at night.

18. Yungblud, British rapper.

He was wearing a cheetah-patterned straitjacket, a spiked necklace like a rabid pit bull terrier and lilac socks. And his hair made him look as though he had been plugged directly into the socket.

 

Alright, Readers, it’s now over to you. Get voting. Keep voting. Tell all your friends to vote and to keep voting. Off you go…..

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WTF 2020 is Nearly Over Special

Hallo Readers, 

Hang on in there, 2020 is almost done. What a vile year it has been. Hundreds of thousands of people across the world dead from something we had never even heard of in 2019. Worse, the whole thing was handled in many countries, including our own, with a level of incompetence that you could not have imagined. Trump and his mate from Brazil started off by ignoring the whole thing, and then, when it proved to be impossible to ignore and started killing people in droves, he mocked those who tried not to die of it whilst simultaneously taking credit for fighting it off. Johnson started off in the same vein, but then took it seriously after it out him in Intensive Care, since when he has veered wildly between excess and indecision. But as we have seen across the world, Government action is only as good as the willingness of its citizens to observe it. And many citizens here and in the US and elsewhere are very unwilling to observe it. They don’t believe in Covid, and it’s all a hoax, or just like the ‘flu, and they don’t know anyone who’s had it, and even if they have had it, they got over it, and I’m going down the pub without a mask and thence to shop in a crowded Oxford Street. And then the infection rates shoot up and those self same people complain that their unalienable right to infect the hell out of everyone else has been infringed. Because this is 2020 and the apotheosis of Fuck You All.

Many take the view of those who have died that, to quote Macbeth, they should have died thereafter. They had underlying conditions. They were old. They were fat. Some of them had underlying conditions, were old and were fat. WTF was however unaware that this guarantees an automatic death sentence. Some of her best friends have underlying conditions or are old or are fat and some of them qualify under more than one heading, probably including her. The selfishness of consigning others to the morgue so that you can sink a pint of beer and stuff a scotch egg into your face shows the callousness to which society has sunk. The legacy of 2020 saw us applauding health workers who sacrificed their lives to help others while continuing to ensure that they had plenty of work to do, and to abuse those who tried to point that out.

And let us not forget George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and Rayshard Brooks and the slow dawning realisation on white people that black people had a point. When taking the knee became a mark of respect (except at Millwall and Burnley Football Clubs). And that some white people could not hear the phrase ‘Black Lives Matter’ without resounding chippily ‘well White Lives matter too’, completely ignoring the fact that no one had to say that aloud because that was never the issue.

Sadly, despite the heroism of some, the hope brought by the vaccine against Covid, the vaccine against Trump that is Joe Biden and a new administration of grownups waiting in the wings, WTF will remember 2020 not just for the initial fear of dying, the deprivation of the company of her friends and family, and the sheer tedium of being stuck at bloody home, but for the growing recognition on her part that a lot of people are irredeemably stupid and a lot of people, and sometimes they are the same ones, are horribly selfish, and that hating people is the new Christianity. So let us hope that 2021 is better.  Because how could it possibly be worse?

Happy Holidays Readers. WTF will be back on Christmas Day with a cracking WTF Christmas Turkey Poll, and then back again on Friday 8 January 2021. 

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We start our final 2020 survey of the week’s clothing cloaca with Trade Minister Liz Truss, wearing something unpleasant.

This was brought to WTF’s attention by WTF aficionado Sue Peters, who was not happy with Liz’ crumpled and ill-fitting trousers, badly-cut, too-short, jacket and mumsy blouse. Even the shoes are terrible. It’s all terrible. WTF would not pop into the supermarket wearing this, let alone wear it to hobnob with Swiss Leaders on UK business. She looks like a bar mitzvah boy in a new suit. Only this kid looks way better than Liz does…. (and he can read Hebrew).

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Next, more evidence that singer Harry Styles and Gucci are a lethal combination.

The jeans-shorts are called ‘jorts’ and they are foul, especially when worn with white socks and lounge-lizard loafers. The whole look is very reminiscent of Prince Louis on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. Only he is a toddler and very cute.

Next up, two looks from the US version of The Voice. First, singer Kelly Clarkson. wearing Bronx and Banco.

If the Sheriff of Nottingham had sex with a drawing room curtain, this is what their lovechild would look like.

Here we are at the Scottish BAFTAs with host Edith Bowman wearing Anna Mason.

Not only does the colour take her out like a Granit Xhaka tackle, but she is also a dead ringer for a brown paper Christmas tree.

 

And here is singer Gwen Stefani, wearing Zoe Charbel.

Minge Moment Alert! It is as if Odile from Swan Lake had attempted to crawl out of a casement window and got stuck while flowers died around her…..

To the MOBO Awards, where nonsense abounded, including You Tuber Zeze Millz wearing Asissata Levi Ibrahima.

And here’s another Minge Moment Alert. This whole thing is even worse than Gwen’s effort because it is ugly and looks like cheap satin and polythene. WTF has said this before and she will say it again.  See-through trousers are neither use nor ornament. Not to mention that the jacket was designed for, ahem, a smaller person with less tit, and her napkin is still in her lap on her leaving the dinner table.

To end on a low note, here is English model Leomie Anderson wearing Jean Paul Gauthier. CAREFUL NOW!!

It’s a trio of Minge Moments, but this one has every other sort of Moment as well. Move over Eve…..

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from anyone with a brain who just wants Donald Trump to go away, which he seems very reluctant to do. And when he does, if he does, in a few week’s time, he can also take that ridiculous hair with him. Have you ever studied the back view?

 It is fair to say that the back view of Donald stepping aboard that helicopter on the South Lawn for the last time is what we are all praying for, but what is that ridge thing on the back of his head? Is it a wire planted by Vladimir Putin? Is it some large staple which sticks that mass of hair down? What the actual fuck? Anyway, whatever it is, both he and It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go so keep them coming. Let us meet again on Christmas Day. Be good and stay safe.

 

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WTF Deal Or No Deal Special?

Hallo Readers,

We have had a year of Covid and Trump and Black Lives Matter, and so the small matter of Britain’s collective suicide pact known as Brexit faded into the background. But January fast approaches, Brexit has heaved itself back into the foreground and, as if 2020 never happened, we are plunged again into the shit-show that is promises, bluster, and abject failure, not to mention the torture of listening to idiot Tory backbenchers hoping for a no-deal Brexit as if that had been their plan all along. And indeed, it has all been going on for so long that many may have forgotten that at the start of this fiasco  in 2015/2016, we were assured that the EU would be falling over themselves to get a deal and would rain gold into our laps. And it is true that the EU is falling over themselves – sadly, however, with laughing and not with Lamborghinis.

In the course of last-gasp negotiations, Johnson has been warning us to be ready for an Australian-style deal. Indeed, in the course of talks, we have been promised a deal named after all manner of countries. An Australian deal is not actually a deal at all, but a sort of gentleman’s agreement with access to trade. The problem about a gentleman’s agreement is that it will not work unless it is between gentlemen or gentlepersons.  Johnson is many things, but he is no gentlemen and his word is not his bond, more of a bouncing cheque…. Ursula von Der Leyen is not fool enough to trust him a centimetre. Would you? 

As it happens,  Mongolia and Afghanistan have more favourable deals with the EU than Australia does. If you do not fancy an Australian-style deal, and want less flying, there is the Canadian-style deal which gives you some access to EU markets with less regulation by EU bigwigs. Or you can go Norwegian, which means much more access to EU markets but more regulation. It is a veritable World tour of options, none of which appear to be available to us because we are forbidden to travel there. And of course, there is a substantial difference between Norway and the UK, because Norway twice rejected the chance to join the EU. Meanwhile Australia, Canada, Afghanistan, and Mongolia (i) are not European and (ii) are very far away. None of them ever had a previous deal which gave them access and free passage and stuff, but from which they walked away.  Last year Johnson assured us that we had ‘an oven-ready deal’. It seems that the oven ready deal turned out to be raw chicken, the national dish of La La Land. And you know what happens to you when you eat raw chicken….

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We start our survey of the week’s sartorial slops with the aforesaid Boris Johnson.

Our Prime Minister, Readers. This shambling, unkempt, badly-dressed, mop-headed pillock is our Prime Minister. Don’t it make you feel proud? (Answer – no). The suit jacket does not fit, with the single button hanging on for dear life, like a mountaineer clinging to the cliff-edge hundreds of metres above terra firma, while the trousers look like crumpled jodhpurs. If General Patton had sex with a dosser, this is what their offspring would look like.

On to the world of entertainment, where we find singer Kylie on the Jonathan Ross show, wearing something knocked up by her design team.

Kylie. God bless her! 52 and still a ball of energy. However, her design team deserves a slap, a P45 and another slap. The latticework resembles a flamingo fence, but the most puzzling thing is the silhouette on the stomach, perhaps simply a shadow, but eerily reminiscent of the Man in Black from Westworld.

Here’s another one WTF finds really annoying  – actress Priyanka Chopra, wearing Emilia Wickstead. AND CROCS.

Priyanka, who redefines the word ‘smug’, enjoys the exalted title of Crocs Ambassador. What in the name of all that is holy is a Crocs Ambassador? Is she called in for in-depth discussions with Ministers of Footwear across the globe? Be that as may be, Crocs are hideous at the best of times and are even worse when paired with this lacy nonsense showing too much tit. If Betsey Trotwood went to a fancy dress party as a black cloud, this is what she would look like.

Next up, we have rapper Cardi B at home and wearing not a lot. As per usual.

Cardi put this up on Instagram. There is another one of her rear view displaying a large quantity of tattooed arse. You have been spared, but WTF is more familiar with Cardi B’s arse than with her own. That dress is like the stocking bank robbers put over their heads while carrying out nefarious activities. And WTF hates a peeptoe boot almost above all things….

To Paris  where we encounter French model (and former Miss France, or should that be Mlle. France?) Maëva Coucke at the NRJ Awards, wearing Jean Paul Gauthier. 

How do those ribbons stay up on the air? It’s like those charming ladies who do rhythmic gymnastics…..

Next we go to the Movie and TV Awards in LA. Here is actress Lily Collins wearing St Laurent.

WTF has never been a fan of Lily, who always sports a rather gormless expression, but she really dislikes this St Laurent leather dress, which makes Lily look like a very shiny black beetle. And no one likes a shiny black beetle.

This is actress and Disney Channel presenter Sabrina Carpenter wearing Ralph and Russo.

Sheer. One shoulder. Yawn. Next…..

Here is actress Sofia Carson, wearing Giambattista Valli.

We have had a load of skirts recently shaped like loo brushes and carwash brushes, but this one looks more like those rotisseries in Turkish eateries serving chicken shawarma.

Finally, a newcomer (where has she been?) Instagram ‘Influencer’ Sabrina Parr wearing sew.n.2.me (really) and her fiancé, Basketball player Lamar Odom.

If only someone could influence Sabrina to wear a whole dress. This is a length of cloth draped randomly across her person, leaving horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment. It is as if she were peeking out from behind a funereal curtain.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF, who has joined what appears to be everyone in the US in taking against Senator Kelly Loeffler from Georgia. Loeffler, who is quite rich herself and married to someone even richer, was appointed to the seat by Governor Brian Kemp when the previous incumbent retired through ill-health, but now has to face her Democrat opponent in a Special Election on 6 January.

As part of that process, Loeffler debated the Rev. Raphael Warnock live on TV. Showing all the emotion and personality of a Stepford Wife on Sertraline, Loeffler had been pre-programmed to utter a handful of sentences, none of which had anything to do with the questions posed by either her opponent or the moderators. These were ‘Radical Liberal Raphael Warnock’, ‘I grew up on a farm’, ‘Donald Trump has the right to challenge the election results’ and ‘I am working hard for Georgians every single day’. She came across as unlikeable, inhuman and entitled. And as for the hair extensions – she is worth $800m and she cannot do better than that? It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go so keep them coming. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

 

 

 

 
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WTF Fat Cat Special

Hallo Readers,

As a Jew who had been through the Battle of Cable Street and World War Two, WTF’s late dad used to worry about Jews in the limelight for the wrong reasons, what he called ‘Jews making a show of themselves’.  His experiences had shown him that anti-semitism abounded without egregious conduct prompting any more of it. All WTF can say is that thank Heaven he missed Sir Philip Green. Green has been making a show of himself for decades, the quintessence of everything that is tasteless and crude.  Sir Stuart Rose, a former boss of Marks & Spencer, whom Green once grabbed by the lapels in the street when his second attempted takeover of the beloved British institution was thwarted, described him in withering terms this week as someone who was always an asset strippper and had the foulest mouth he (Rose) had ever encountered. Over the years, Green bought low and sold on high, revelling in his enormous wealth and flaunting his increasing girth by the side of luxury swimming pools or bob-bob-bobbing around on ever-bigger yachts and living ing tax exile in Monaco. His son’s bar-mitzvah and his family’s birthday parties were displays of extreme vulgarity costing millions with pop stars warbling their greatest hits. And of course there was the little matter of the £1.2bn dividend paid by the company he ran, Arcadia, to Lady Green, its principal shareholder, in 2005.

But it all went wrong, not for him, but for the poor buggers who had the misfortune to work for him. First there were the ones who had worked for BHS for years, only to find themselves jobless when it collapsed in 2016 with very little pension available. Green had seen the writing on the wall and had flogged it to a shyster for £1. It later transpired that over the previous ten years, Green and family had received dividends, rent, and other largesse amounting to some £300m. The hole in the pension funds was some £571m. Following a huge outcry, Green, fearful of losing his knighthood, agreed to cough up some £350m after pressure from the Pensions Regulator.

And now the Arcadia group, well known High Street brands such as TopShop, Burtons, Dorothy Perkins, Miss Selfridge and Wallis, has gone the way of BHS, with 13,000 jobs threatened and another hole in the pension funds, this one some £35om. To have one hole may be considered a misfortune. Two looks like carelessness. Fortunately Lady Green had coughed up £50m last year and signed over £210m worth of property, as you do, and will pay another £50m, but it is thought that there will still be a pension shortfall as property prices have fallen. Yes Covid has hit retail hard, but those who know say that Green failed to keep up with the times and was being outfoxed by internet-savvy retailers. Now Christmas is only weeks away and Arcadia’s employees face the scrapheap with Green unwilling to put his pudgy hand in his pocket to bail them out, even for a short while. He remains in Monaco with his luxury home, and his £100m luxury yacht (of which he took delivery while BHS was sinking), and his very full bank account (or his wife’s, anyway). And while those former employees wonder how they will put a festive dinner on the Yuletide table, and buy presents for their loved ones, the Greens are not going without. Indeed, the only thing they have ever gone without is class. They will be holidaying at the One & Only Reethi Rah resort in the Maldives, where the best villas (and what else would be good enough for the Greens?) cost £30,000 a night. Ding Dong Merrily On High……T’is verily the season to be jolly.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam at the GQ Awards with young actor Paul Mescal wearing Boss. Scroll down slowly…..

It was all going so well…..until you get to the ankles which are in a Mexican standoff with his ankles. That is bad enough, but the error is then bigly compounded by his wearing white socks. WHITE SOCKS!!!!! Like a tuxedo cat.

Next up we have SCD presenter Tess Daly wearing Galvan Mamounia.

Tess loves a one -shouldered dress and she loves a spangle, and this is both. It is very old-fashioned, although she does have terrific legs. But keen-eyed viewers were quick to point out that she blended right into the set. If only she had blended away completely….. and taken Claudia with her.

Next up, here is singer CeeLo Green

CeeLo is a big lad, and WTF understands that it may be difficult to find things in his size, but was it really necessary to strip a leather DFS sofa in order to provide him with his stage garb?

We switch to actress Tessa Thompson, wearing Christopher John Rogers.

Er…you what? What exactly is this supposed to be? If a set of tea towels went to a fancy dress party as the cast of Oklahoma, this is what it would look like…

Singer Paloma Faith has not been in this blog for a while. Here she is wearing Christopher Kane.

We have had loads of black sheer in this blog so that WTF cannot even be bothered to bother with it, but here is a whole new horror – red sheer with black bra and knickers. Kill me now. And not just sheer red and black bra and knickers but what l0oks like the sheer red plastic you used to wrap your books in at school. Horrible.

Now this one is admittedly not recent, in fact it is February’s New York Fashion Week, but WTF has only just come across it and it is far too appalling to ignore. Here is Everton footballer Dominic Calvert-Lewin in Manhattan wearing a lairy pinstripe suit with a Gucci bucket hat and a Louis Vuitton bag, teamed inexplicably with bright red and white trainers.

Sorry. No. What is occurring? He looks like Peaky Blinders’ Tommy Shelby gone fishing… and that bag is absurd.

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado David from the Barbican who is deeply unimpressed with Rita Ora’s 30th birthday party last week. This was held in what the Daily Mail called “a swanky Argentinian restaurant” in West London and broke lockdown rules by a lot. Rita paid up the £10,000 fine voluntarily, which probably only made a tiny dent in both the bill for the night and her not inconsiderable fortune. She has apologised for what her publicist decided to call a ‘serious and inexcusable error of judgment’.

David says that not content with inflicting a plague of fashion faux-pas upon us, Rita now tries her hand at super-spreading the virus around the Nation’s capital and beyond for her jet-set fashionsta friends. He is right. Irresponsibility coupled with “oh-don’t-worry-I-can-pay-for-being-naughty.” It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go so keep them coming, Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

 

 

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WTF Sucker Special

Hallo Readers,

Three weeks on from the US Election and incumbent Donald Trump has yet to admit that he lost, which he did, bigly. Instead, he has been channelling his energy into the three things he does best – (i) getting money out of the gullible (ii) lying, moaning and whingeing on Twitter and (iii) applying orange pancake makeup with the finesse of a drunken brickie. No energy has been expended upon more traditional Presidential pursuits such as running the country. Certainly he is not bothering to try and combat Covid 19 so that many hospitals have run out, or are running out, of beds, 160,000 new people daily are being diagnosed with it, and deaths from it are running at 2,000 a day. Meanwhile, he has found the time to pardon General Mike Lock-Her-Up Flynn, whom he views as a great patriot for having lied to the Vice-President (for which he was sacked by, er, Donald Trump), and to the FBI, and for pleading guilty (twice). Speculation is rife as to who will be next up for a pardon, although it is thought that Trump will probably pardon himself. It is a pity that Charles Manson could not have kept going for another couple of years or he too might have been shortly out of jail.

Trump will doubtless slink away on or before 20 January 2021, but he is in no hurry to go, because as P T Barnum reportedly remarked, ‘there’s a sucker born every minute’. Those suckers, sucking at the teats of Sean Hannity on Fox News, Chanel Rion on OANN, Rush Limbaugh on the radio, and lunatics on Twitter and Facebook, have been brainwashed into believing that Joe Biden stole the election with the assistance of all or any of the late Hugo Chavez, Chy-na, dodgy Germans, Democrats, socialists, communists, anarchists, civil servants, vote counters, and, somewhat to the surprise of many, the Republican Governor and Secretary of State from Georgia, both of whom Trump strongly endorsed only two years ago. The main fraud narrative has been pushed by Rudy Giuliani, who looks and sounds as though he rightfully belongs in a straitjacket, a frightful straight-out-of-central-casting Trumpian blonde legal Barbie called Jenna Ellis, whose main job is to make Rudy look competent, and a Texan lawyer called Sidney Powell, who is a she, whose extreme right-wing-QAnon-off-the-wall-and-down-int0-the-sewer conspiracy theories proved too much even for Trump, who fired her last week and then pretended he had never hired her in the first place. Powell has just filed a 104-page pleading in the Georgia Federal Court alleging much of the theoretical rubbish set out above. Giuliani and Ellis have been losing cases all over America with judges dismissing their claims using judicial speak for ‘get-the-fuck-out-of -here-and-look-snappy-about-it’. But this only allows Trump to continue to portray himself as the victim of injustice, sending out pleas for cash (to date 344 emails and letters) to fight the fiendish attack on democracy (not his, the alleged one on behalf of Biden). Donors may however have missed the small print at the bottom of the appeal which advises them that 75% of any money given (it was 60% but it went up this week) would not go to the Giuliani and Legal Barbie or to the Toxic Texan who sees reds under every bed, but to a SuperPac called Save America run by a certain Donald Trump. It is an ill wind that blows nobody again good, and this wind is proving to be very profitable.

Trump and co have been so effective in their lying that some 70% of Republicans now believe that he won the election by a lot, even states where he would not have won had no one else been on the ballot, like California and New York. And while he happily spends his SuperPac millions and plans which of his ghastly family will run in 2024, not excluding himself, his true legacy is that he has wholly undermined American democracy while attacking his predecessor for doing what he himself did. Yesterday he said he would leave if the Electoral College voted for Biden whilst still maintaining the election was stolen. Let us hope he is as good as his word.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam in Sydney with Aussie actress and singer Jessica Mauboy at the Australian ARIA awards, wearing something frightful.

Great smile. However, slits by the tits and genitalia curtains are bad enough, but not nearly as bad as the fabric, which makes Jessica look like a cheetah hiding in a haberdashery.

Next up we are in LA with TV celebritee Draya Michele, wearing Grayscale.

Christmas seems to have come early, as when Draya finished wrapping her yuletide gifts, she used the rest of the ribbon to wrap herself with extra ribbon employed as a Minge Mask. The outfit is by Grayscale, which gave WTF the perfect opportunity to remark that grayscale was the very nasty affliction suffered by characters various in Game of Thrones. And the grayscale looked better than the Grayscale.

Next up we are at the American Music Awards where we encounter diva Jennifer Lopez, wearing Balmain.

Look, JLo is the quintessence of sexy but that does not mean that everything she wears looks good. Here she does not look good, what with caught-in-the-rain hair and the ridiculous outfit made from draped bedroom curtains.

Meet newcomer, rapper Iann Dior wearing a rather floppy suit.

The fabric is a gorgeous colour and he is very cute, but he appears to have been caught in the rain alongside JLo because the whole thing is so damn droopy. Oh, and no man should ever been seen in a suit with a white belt. WTF is irresistibly reminded of the naughty pageboy Cherubino in The Marriage of Figaro.

And a third attendee, singer Bebe Rexha wearing Julien MacDonald.

Regular readers of this column (and if you are not a regular reader, where the hell have you been?) will know that WTF has an aversion to Julien, who cannot resist the urge to let his customers have everything hanging out. Meanwhile Bebe is clearly making a determined bid for the Jessica Rabbit Award 2020 and on this showing, she must be guaranteed at least a place on the podium.

Also there was actress Laverne Cox wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello.

Minge Maestro Michael is another one who prefers it out rather than in. If Wonderwoman went to a fancy dress party as a swimsuit model, this is what she would look like.

And finally from the AMAs, here is rapper Machine Gun Kelly wearing Balmain. Balmain! Ye Gods……

To be frank, a scrawny chest like that should be covered up and not paraded coram publico, and there is no excuse whatsoever for the silk incontinence trousers.

And she’s back after a long absence! Yes it’s actress Bai Ling, seen here in Taipei at a film festival wearing the sort of thing that only Bai Ling would wear.

This is quite restrained for Bai Ling, i.e, it is utterly ridiculous as opposed to totally, scandalously, terrible. The inspiration for this get up seems to have been Ruby Keeler as Shanghai Lil in the 1993 movie, Footlight Parade.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is aghast at Chancellor Rishi Sunak’s trousers.

For Heaven’s sake. The man is a billionaire and he cannot find a pair of trousers that has not had a major falling out with his ankles? It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go so keep them coming, Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

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WTF Dip in the Bran Tub Special

Hallo Readers,

 

Lunacy rages in the USA with wild allegations of conspiracy, corruption, and nefariousness of all kinds; on top of vote fiddling, there are allegations that Hugo Chavez masterminded dodgy electoral software to keep Trump out of the Presidency (Chavez died in 2013 long before Trump even decided to run). But let us not smirk too broadly, because here in the UK, we have our own nonsense to contend with; WTF refers to the shit-show that is our own Government. All week, it has been impossible to distinguish between news broadcasts on the one hand and old episodes of The Thick of It on the other, except that Malcolm Tucker is fictional and funny whereas this lot, sadly, are neither. Years ago, theatregoers used to enjoy what were known as Whitehall Farces (staged at the Whitehall Theatre) where the late Brian Rix used to drop his trousers. In 2020, the show is free and available on a rolling news cycle…..

Last week, no 10’s Backroom Slimebucket Dominic Cummings, and Director of Communications Lee Cain, two bald men fighting over a coxcomb, went to war with Milady de Winter, Carrie Symonds, the present Prime Ministerial consort. Cummings and Cain, Westminster’s Mitchell Brothers without the charm, thought they were in charge only to be outsmarted by Carrie, who did not like them any more than they liked her (they referred to her as Lady Nut Nuts). Cain, who in his days as a ‘journalist’ used to dress up as a chicken and harass Ministers (we saw this happen in  The Thick of It and laughed at the sheer absurdity of the concept), resigned on being denied the promotion he wanted, and a day later Cummings slipped out of the door carrying his belongings in a cardboard box, a highly appropriate receptacle given his strong resemblance to a dosser.

We then learned that Johnson had yet again come into contact with someone who later tested positive for Covid-19, and so he was forced to self-isolate. It is hard to have faith in the man leading the fight against the virus when he neither wears a mask in his own office nor requires his visitors to do so. Like the White House, where office space is also cramped, and which is also run by an idiot, no 10 seems to be a Petri dish of infection.

At least Johnson was able to stay out of sight for the next political whoopsie, namely a report from the National Audit Office about public procurement of PPE. We have heard already how people who knew the right people or went to school with them were awarded multi-million pound contracts, without any tendering process, to manufacture and supply face masks and scrubs and hand sanitisers, even though they did not know an N45 from a P45. Sometimes they delivered, sometimes they did not. It now emerges that there was a VIP list where the elite could be fast-tracked before dipping their hands into the bran tub. And worse still, we learned that the bran tub included payments for ‘middle men’, whose job it was to schmooze Chinese factories to make this stuff, even though the contracts were supposedly awarded to people on the basis that they already had that access. In one case, a Floridian jewellery maker got a contract for PPE, and he in turn enlisted some Spaniard to ease the deal, with the said Spaniard pocketing £21m of taxpayers’ money. We only know this because the jeweller is now suing the middleman for return of  some or all of the wonga alleging breach of contract. It is enough to put you off going to bed for fear of what will happen while you slumber……

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We turn to the review of the week’s fashion flops, starting in California with model Hailey Bieber, wife of singer Justin Bieber and niece of Alec Baldwin, out for lunch (in every sense) wearing who even knows what this is….

WTF is all for athleisure – millions around the World have worn little else for most of 2020, fast becoming veritable strangers to the concept of a zip. But venturing forth in a pair of kiddie jim-jams is another thing altogether, and whatever Hailey paid for this, if indeed she did, she could have gone to Marks & Spencer and bought these instead…..

Next up, we are at the Peoples Choice Awards in Santa Monica, hosted by singer Demi Lovato with no less than five changes of outfit. This one is by  Halpern.

The wig is ridiculous and the skirt length is very unflattering. If a mermaid went to a fancy dress party as a disco ball, this is what she would look like. ….. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also there was actress Ellen Pompeo (Gray’s Anatomy), wearing British  designer David Koma. 

Fortunately for Ellen, she is unrelated to fat fuck Mike Pompeo, the repulsive but soon-t0-be-former US Secretary of State.  Unfortunately for Ellen, her outfit is just a pair of glittery nurse’s scrubs, like Nurse Ratched out on the razz.  It also appears to have designed with a taller person in mind as the trouser legs are pooling on the floor like water leaking through a roof.

And here is actress Jameela Jamil, wearing Christopher John Rogers. 

Great colour and love the corsage, but there is oversized and there is Oh My God, WHAT?????? This left Oh My God, WHAT?????? many miles back and is now parked at Are You Having A Laugh?????? It is as if Jameela were six years old and trying on Daddy’s suit.

Back to Blighty and WTF stalwart celebritee Lauren Goodger, wearing Oh Polly!

Not so much Oh Polly! as Oh No! Whoever told Lauren that her bum was her best feature was not her friend. It is like looking at the dark side of the moon.

Still in the UK we greet young actress Emma Corrin, who is excellent as Princess Diana in The Crown, appearing on Graham Norton wearing Richard Quinn.

Emma is 24, but here she looks about 14, dressed in a most remarkable ensemble like bulging bin bags dumped in a rose garden.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And finally, here is singer and fashionista Harry Styles featured in Vogue, wearing Harris Reed. Harry is the first man ever to grace the cover.

Look, WTF is not bothered by a man in a dress, and in another picture he is wearing a Gucci frock and a tuxedo and looks rather good. But this is just daft, like a Victorian virgin whose crinoline has become entangled in a kissing gate.

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Stephen from Potters Bar who is fed up to the back teeth with the annual sado-masochism fest that is “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here”. This year Covid gave the Aussies a good excuse to refuse entry to hosts Ant and Dec and a gaggle of fifth-rate celebritees (with the notable exceptions of runner Sir Mo Farah and journalist Victoria Derbyshire), so they have gone to a chilly castle in Wales instead. . 

Stephen says that he is uninterested in nonentities having to eat animals’ naughty bits and crawling beasties, and expresses the view, with which WTF is wholly in agreement, that the only thing to induce him to watch would be if those two smug little tossers Ant and Dec had to put something nasty in their mouths in front of millions of viewers. It is nauseating. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go so keep them coming, Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

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WTF Big Boy Pants Special

Hallo Readers

For the five days between Tuesday November 3rd and Saturday November 7th, millions across the world lived between their bedrooms, their bathrooms and whatever room their TV was in. Days blended into night and back again, people eventually catching a few hours rest, only to find on awakening that the Electoral Votes Counter on CNN had not budged from when they went to bed – 253 for Joe Biden, 213 for Donald Trump. It was Groundhog Day on a loop. Finally, CNN called it and joy was unconfined. We could breathe again. We could bathe again. We could sleep again. Except of course that it was not over, because the Baby-In-Chief refuses to accept he lost. And just like when he did not win Emmys for The Apprentice, when he lost to Ted Cruz in a GOP primary, when Trump University was sued for fraud, he proclaimed that it was all rigged against him and that he had won by a lot. He has not put on his big boy pants. Everyone expected this, both because he cannot countenance being a loser and because he had telegraphed his strategy in neon for the best part of a year – cast aspersions on the election process, claim fraud when he loses, stay put. Especially when man-to-man combat with the attorneys from Southern District of  New York awaits him and his shyster family. The fact that his own security services have declared this as the most secure election ever and each state election board has declared there is no fraud is, of course, nothing to the point.

The week has not been without humour. Rudy Giuliani held a press conference in the parking lot of a North Philadelphia establishment called Four Seasons Total Landscaping, wedged between a sex shop and a crematorium or, as one wag put it, on the asphalt between dildo and death. As Tennyson remarked of The Charge of the Light Brigade, ‘someone had blundered’, mistaking the establishment for the somewhat swankier Four Seasons Hotel in the city centre – the equivalent of thinking you were booking a Mayfair hotel, only to find yourself outside a garden centre in Acton. Rudy’s star witnesses did not come up to proof, and one of them later proved to be a convicted sex offender. Meanwhile, sidestepping Trump’s capitalised shrieks of ‘THEY STOLE THE ELECTION’ and other such rubbish, his lawyers also failed to come up to proof, admitting to baffled Judges in Arizona, Pennsylvania and Michigan that they were not actually alleging fraud, but that someone’s sister’s friend’s cousin-twice-removed had heard from the garbage collector that there had been shenanigans.  None of these cases have any chance, which is what happens when you don’t have any actual evidence and take the piss, and when your opponent has got five million more votes than you and many more Electoral College votes. 

But while we all laughed at Rudy and hapless litigators producing witnesses who had seen no wrongdoing but had felt it in their water, this is not funny. Over 73 million people voted for Donald Trump. Some because they thought he would restore the economy his incompetent handling of the pandemic had destroyed. Some because they had been brainwashed into believing that Joe Biden is a radical socialist with a black woman sidekick who was more radical than Rosa Klebb, and who would take away their guns, and tax them into penury, and make them  drink Starbucks. And many voted for Trump not despite his racism, and his misogyny, and his ignorance, and his vulgarity, and his dishonesty, but because of it. Because they like him for it. Because he has made it OK to be hateful and contemptuous and ugly and stupid. 47% of those who voted last week wanted that man as their President. And a sizeable proportion of them genuinely believe that Trump was robbed, gobbling up lies and disinformation from the man who swore to uphold the Constitutional democracy he now trashes so as to stay in the White House and out of Sing Sing. That group is getting ever more angry, inflamed by lying tweets, fake videos, and doctored shareholder documents showing that Nancy Pelosi owns the software in electoral voting machines (she doesn’t), and that voting slips were burned in dumpsters (they weren’t), and that George Soros is paying everybody off (he isn’t). Maybe Trump will broker a deal to leave if he and his spawn never have to face any charges for anything, ever. Maybe he will get bored and slope off to Mar A Lago. Or maybe he will have to be dragged out of the White House by Marines on 20th January 2021, screaming at his betrayal by Fox News and Mitt Romney and Republicans who have edged away from placating him. God Bless America. Because it badly needs His blessing right now.

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Let us cheer up a bit. Our review of the week’s sartorial silliness at the 2020 Country Music Awards in Nashville starts with singer Maren Morris wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Maren always stands like that because her shoes are so high that she would otherwise topple over – every other photo on the night shows her propped up against her husband, who is clearly performing the role of a human Zimmer frame. As for the outfit, it not an outfit. It is waiting for the outfit,  and is no more than a bra and Spanx Higher Power Panties, worn with a lacy peignoir.

 And here is singer Charlie Puth wearing who knows what?

More Putz than Puth. The women at this event are all tits and legs with so much spangle that ophthalmologists in Nashville are booking luxury holidays in the Turks & Caicos from the proceeds of their emergency treatment for extreme retinal damage among the attendees. The men however pitch up in any old nonsense. Charlie looks like snoopy going for a jog.

To the MTV Europe Music Awards, where we find Little Mix singer Leigh-Anne Pinnock wearing Luis De Javier.

Luis is Spanish but moved to the UK to study design. He describes his work as  ‘a big “fuck you” to society’.  Well fuck you too, Luis because this is hideous, like a broken sea shell and matching tights with scribbles on.

And here is her Little Mix bandmate Jade Thirlwall, wearing Anniki.

Is it horrid tights week? These, and the matching coat-dress thingy, make Jade look like a strolling strawberry swirl cheesecake.

Now we have singer Doja Cat, wearing Givenchy.

Yawn. Next…..

This is our old friend singer Rita Ora, wearing Giambattista Valli.

Rita’s yellow fluff-fest puts one in mind the new Christmas gift craze, the Donald J Trump toilet brush.

Here is singer Bebe Rexha, wearing Christopher Kane. 

This is a bodystocking with a Minge Muff and leather bootees. If a Nazi stormtrooper went to a fancy dress party as a kinky Anna Pavlova, this is what he would look like. Actually, that Minge Muff looks like a Pavlova with tits and without the fruit. This is turning out to be dessert week as well as horrid tights week.

Here is singer  Madison Beer, sort of wearing Mugler….

Heaven knows what this cost. But for £23, she could have bought a swimsuit on sale from Unique21 and wrapped an old net curtain around her waist.

And finally, meet British singer Yungblud wearing Chrome Hearts.

Think Hannibal Lecter with leopardskin and magenta socks.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is perplexed by these ridiculous male Mary Jane shoes from Loewe.

You what? And they cost £450!!!! It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go and WTF is as happy as Joe Biden last Saturday night. Keep them coming, Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

 

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