WTF Snouts in Trough Special

Hallo Readers,

You may recall that in September 2015, just after David Cameron was elected as Prime Minister for the second time, someone published a trashy book alleging that, as a student at Oxford, he had poked a pig’s head as part of an initiation ceremony into some posh boys’ food-throwing booze-fest. The story was probably untrue, based as it was on second or third hand hearsay, but it served to distract us from the horrors of austerity and UKIP.  Less than a year later, following the debacle of the Brexit referendum caused by Cameron’s hubris and folly, he had sidled out of the door of Downing Street into relative obscurity, to the great disappointment of nobody. But if you thought that he was just writing his dreary memoirs, you would have thought wrong. Cameron may not have poked the pig, but his snout was deep in the trough. He went to work for Greensill, a company owned by an Australian called Lex (né Alexander) Greensill, which specialised in supply-chain finance (also known as reverse-factoring). When he was still in no 10, Lex Greensill apparently had cards showing him as a Special Adviser to no 10. In 2016, Cameron became an adviser to Greensill with share options worth ££££££. Of course, Cameron was not there for his business expertise, but for his address book. When Greensill began to fail, Cameron started earning those share options. A text to Rishi Sunak (who replied that he was ‘pushing’ his team to make things happen). Phone calls to other Treasury Ministers. An ‘informal’ drink with Matt Hancock, with Lex Greensill present. Had the company flourished, Cameron could have been looking at millions of pounds in stock. Sadly (for him, not to mention the company’s creditors), it collapsed and the only people who will get anything out of it are M’Learned Friends, who are currently dancing round Lincoln’s Inn Fields in high excitement and laying in the champers.

It stinks. Indeed, the stench is worse than a roomful of farting ferrets.  Cameron tried to ride it out, failed, and this week issued a statement to the effect that he had done nothing wrong, but accepted his communications with ministers should have been ‘done through only the most formal of channels, so there can be no room for misinterpretation’. And now there is to be an enquiry into the matter led by – wait for it – a senior partner of a magic circle law firm which has acted in opposition to tightening the laws against lobbying, which were promised by, but not enacted by, a certain David Cameron.

The stench of entitlement lingers around Tory politicians and it keeps on lingering. Do not forget that on leaving office in 2016, Chancellor George Osborne walked into a one-day-a-week job at Blackstone for a measly £650,000 a year; Blackstone, which just happened to own large parts of Uber, which the Tory Government waved through as a taxi rival to black cabs. Only recently, we have had Johnson and the money which found its way into the bank account of his ‘technology tutor’ Jennifer Arcuri when he was Mayor of London and just happened to be sleeping with her at the time; Robert Jenrick, who waived through planning permission for Lord Desmond, whom he just happened to have sat next to at a charity dinner; the contracts for PPE which just happened to be awarded to all manner of people known to Ministers and their advisers and civil servants; and appointments for jobs which were never advertised but just happened to be given to wives of Ministerial mates. Only this morning we learn that Matt Hancock’s sister’s company, a specialist in paper shredding, gets NHS contracts and he has been given shares in it. Nobody ever says sorry, or puts their hand up to having done wrong. Never mind wearing a face mask – with this lot, you need a nose peg.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shockers with Love Island Celebritee Jess Gale wearing something frightful.

Jess has a twin who is also all hair, tits and teeth, but WTF took the view that one of them was more than enough, not least where Jess’s twins are bursting out in a surfeit of under-boob, barely restrained by a strap like an Elastoplast. Meanwhile that fake tan is giving The Former Guy a run for his money……

And here is another celebritee, only this one is a billionaire –  Kim Kardashian, wearing who knows what.

GI Jane meets Pussy in Boots. Just. Go Away.

 

Next up, we have actress Maisie Williams wearing H&M, for whom she is the new Global Sustainability Ambassador.

If Arya Stark came across anyone wearing this excrescence, she would probably take her trusty Needle Sword and swipe the straps off the over-bra, which appears to have been sustainably, but unfathomably, recycled from an old macrame pot holder.

To the BAFTAs in London, where we encounter actress Priyanka Chopra wearing Pertegaz and her spouse, singer Nick Jonas, wearing Armani.

Regular Readers will know that these two get right up WTF’s nose, as they have made smugness into an art form.  He has managed to find an Armani suit which simultaneously is too big on the shoulders and too short in the leg, while she is wearing a jacket with not so much as a tit window as a gaping gateway, paired with ridiculous harem trousers. As for the black pop sox under white trewsies, the last time WTF saw something similar, it was on the late Princess Diana. 

 

Also there was actress Cynthia Erivo, wearing Louis Vuitton.

WTF is unsure what is worse, the sparkly talons or the heavy armour-like top, putting one in mind of Brienne of Tarth. (Both Brianne and Arya in one post – blimey).

Actress Janelle Monae is posing by the pool somewhere in Mexico, wearing PatBo.

She is lovely, but the dress has two major flaws. First, it is sheer, and we are all bored by sheer. Second, and more importantly, it has shell-tits, like My Little Mermaid.

This is actor Darren Criss at the Costume Designers Guild Awards, wearing Balmain.

Meet Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Nightmarecoat. Darren looks as if someone has thrown up over him, having first consumed several cartons of M&Ms. 

Finally, the presenter on the night. actress Lana Condor, wearing Prabal Gurung.

Prabal Gurung is taking the piss. This seems to have been inspired by a malignant burgundy bird nesting on a parcel of silk in Liberty’s fabric department, and what the trousers have to do with the piece of fish, WTF cannot say.

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Susie from Greenwich, who is sick to the back teeth of being made to feel like a war criminal simply because she wants to drive her car around London. On Wednesday it took Susie TWO HOURS to drive from Greenwich to Islington (for lunch with WTF’s garden as it happens), a journey of eleven miles. And another two hours back again. Roads that used to be open have now are not and Susie notes that ‘Thirty years of cut-through knowledge have been cut off by bloody planters at every turn’, and adds ruefully that she was forced to ‘do more U-turns than Gavin bloody Williamson’. And have you tried driving along the Euston Road these days with cycle lanes taking up more room than car lanes? You could hop backwards quicker. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

 

Posted in David Cameron, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Matt Hancock, Politics, Uber, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Back to Normal Special

Hallo Readers,

So here we go. Come Monday and the key will turn a little more in the lock which has purportedly kept us all indoors since November 2020. We can freeze our bits off in the garden with five friends, as opposed to freezing our bits off on park benches, our hands tightly wrapped around a Costa Coffee. We can go shopping, that is if any shops are still open and have not gone bankrupt. We can eat in restaurants al fresco, that is if any restaurants are still open and have not gone bankrupt. We can go to the gym, get our hair cut (and, more importantly, coloured), and take driving lessons. The English and Welsh can cross each other’s borders. And thirty people can gather at a funeral. Let joy be unconfined.

If we are all well behaved, come no earlier than 17 May, we can gather in groups of thirty people outdoors and up to six people indoors, go to the pub, eat indoors, take Zumba classes, and have thirty people at a wedding. Oh, and we can go on holiday abroad! That is, if you don’t mind standing in a four- hour queue at the departure airport, sitting for hours on a plane and then standing for another four hours at the arrival airport, masked the whole time, while drunken yobbos run amok and treat appalled onlookers to helicoptering and fist fights and children throw up everywhere and scream the place down.

Why? Why the hell would you want to go abroad such circumstances? You would be a nervous wreck before you got to your hotel and a nervous wreck throughout the trip at the prospect of having to go through it all over again on the way back. The whole thing will cost you a fortune and you will probably bring back some exotic and hitherto-undiscovered mutation of the virus thereby infecting your family, your friends, your colleagues, and any other bugger unlucky to come within two metres of you. Just so you can get a suntan and some duty-free vodka.

But then throughout this pandemic people have been selfish and thoughtless. They have gathered in groups indoors, had or attended parties, and not worn masks – usually the same people who have complained about the ongoing ignominy of being deprived of their liberty. Many of these are doubtless also the same people who will refuse to be vaccinated because (i) Bill Gates wants to inject you with a microchip (ii) any combination of Bill Gates, Dr Fauci, and George Soros want to get rich at your expense (iii) they don’t need a jab because they are healthy and/or take vitamins and/or it’s all a hoax and/or more people have suffered from depression than died of Covid and (iv) it’s not safe, innit, as if Covid is so good for you. When these people get ill, they will be the first ones demanding treatment from an over-pressed, under-resourced NHS, but before that they will continue to do whatever they want, whenever they want it, and to hell with the consequences. So expect another spike. And perhaps a fourth lockdown. And enjoy your freedom while it lasts.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shockers at the Makeup Artists and Hair Stylists Guild Awards 2021 and its co-presenter, actress Sibley Scoles wearing Yves St Laurent.

Sibley has fabulous legs, but that does not entitle her to turn up in public like the lovechild of the late and legendary bandleader Edmundo Ros and a French maid’s pubic pinafore. And where is her right hand?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next up, we have rapper Doja Cat, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

The coat is good, albeit the arms seems to have cut for an orangutang, but as Readers will know, WTF deplores a transparent trouser almost above all things, and almost as much as she loathes a Tabi boot. If a white camel went to a fancy dress party as Mother of the Bride, this is what what it would look like.

Our next stop is at the virtual Screen Actors’ Guild Awards, where we come across Daniel Kaluuya, (winner of Best Sporting Actor for Jesus and the Black Messiah) wearing Louis Vuitton.

Yes, he is handsome and yes, he was excellent in the movie, but WTF must speak frankly. These look like pyjamas and a dressing gown because they ARE pyjamas and a dressing gown.  Think Cary Grant in hobnail boots. And then weep……

Next we have actress Merle Dandridge  (nominated for Flight Attendant) wearing Georges Chakra.

Sadly, the lovely Merle is putting the sag into SAG as her sparkling bodice resembles a pair of low-slung rabbit ears.

Here is someone we have not seen for a while – Jared Leto, wearing Gucci. 

The suit is rather charming in that ridiculous 1970s sort of way, but the voile shirt, necktie and shiny shell clutch prove what everyone always suspected, that Jared just wants to be Prince Stefan in the Rapunzel fairy tale.

We now welcome a newcomer to these pages, Florence Hunt (Bridgerton), wearing Chanel. CHANEL!!!!! Ye Gods…..

No, sorry, WTF is not having it. This is not Chanel, but more of a cheap knock-off version of the Italian National football kit.

This is Emma Corrin (nominated for The Crown), wearing Prada.

For reasons best known to herself, Emma turned up for the event dressed as Emmeline Pankhurst in half-petticoat and builders’ boots.

And finally, another newcomer to this blog, Sam McCarthy, (nominated for Dead To Me) wearing Kenzo.

In this attire, Sam is definitely Dead to WTF. This is not a suit. This is an oversized beanbag worn with white clogs. You could get the whole cast of Dead to Me down one trouser leg.

 

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington, who has had enough of footballer Gareth Bale’s turd topknot.

I mean, look at him. He looks utterly ridiculous, and not just because he plays for Spurs. He looked ridiculous when he played for Real Madrid as well.  WTF deplores a turd topknot on men and women alike, but Gareth manages to look particularly bedraggled…

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

Posted in Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, George Soros, Politics, SAG AWards, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Boris Groundhog Day Special

Hallo Readers,

So here are the ones we know about. There was A, whom he married, only to have an affair with M. He divorced A and married M, only to have a four-year affair with P, who became pregnant by him and had an abortion. Oh and at some point he was also seeing another journalist, Aa. He lied about the affair with P to his boss and got the sack. He later got a new job and started an affair with H, an unpaid adviser, who was living with a man called Pi. She had a baby girl in 2009 who looked very like our priapic hero, which came as a shock to Pi, as neither he nor H was strawberry blond with blue eyes. A left Pi and the affair with our hero ended, but M threw him out on his ear, although she eventually took him back. In 2010, he was censured by his new employer for failing to declare his relationship with H. In 2012, he started a relationship with J, who – coincidentally – managed to secure various valuable financial grants for her start-up businesses, plus a couple of trips abroad. That affair went on for four years but once again, our hero returned to M, only to be thrown out again when she discovered that he was now having an affair with C from HQ, to whom he is now engaged and who lives with him and their baby. And these are just the ones we know about.

We are talking about our Prime Minister, by the way. What a lad….

Last year, Johnson and Jennifer Arcuri both denied any jiggy-jiggy and said yes, he had visited her flat on Friday afternoons, and no, those meetings were not in his diary, but she was just giving him lessons in IT. Oh, and those pink things that just flew past your window were pigs….This week, after a few previous interviews where she hinted but did not confess, to teaching Johnson more than how to waggle his dongle, Arcuri decided to tell the Daily Mirror what everyone had already guessed, namely that she and Johnson were indeed making the beast with two backs, including having sex on the sofa in his matrimonial home. Now there are renewed calls for Johnson to be investigated for breaching the Nolan Principles for Public Life, namely, his failure to declare his relationship with Jennifer while he was Mayor of London while allowing her to profit financially, but he is unlikely to care about that. On Monday his press secretary, Allegra Stratton, claimed that he acted with ‘honesty and integrity’ as Mayor and that he had no case to answer over Arcuri’s allegations. Oh look. There go more of those pink flying things….. Telling the truth about his sex life is no more important to him than telling the truth about straight bananas or economics or the Irish border – it is a mixture of arrogance, laziness and recklessness which has characterised his entire life, whether as a lover, a husband, a journalist, an MP, London’s Mayor, a Government Minister or Prime Minister. And apparently, rather like the Former Guy in the US, people vote for him anyhow…….

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cobblers with celebritee and socialite Caprice Bourret out and about in London, wearing who knows what this is?

Caprice is strutting down the high street in a polo-neck tit bandage and bared belly-button, without a thought for the sensitivities of long-suffering Londoners exhausted by the rigours of a year’s forced seclusion. There is ‘if you’ve got it, flaunt it’, and there is ‘for Gawd’s sake, put it away love’. This passed for Gawd’s sake, put it away love’ many miles back down the road, and is now heading towards ‘Oh my eyes!!!!’ without the benefit of any brakes.

Now we venture virtually to LA where a bevy of badly dressed celebs attended the NAACP (National Association for the Advance of Colored Peoples) Image Awards. First off is actress Tracee Ellis Ross, wearing Schiaparelli. 

The golden bird is preposterous and the dress is very Wicked Witch of the North, but WTF could live with them, which is more than she can do with the hideous footwear, like a couple of rubber-soled floor uplighters….

Here is actor Nicco Annan wearing KAMSI-TCHARLES and a Givenchy necklace.

Gorgeous guy, awful necklace and seriously shocking suit, like the lovechild of a nurse’s uniform and some very poncy wallpaper…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet the MC for the ceremony, TV presenter Tanika Ray.

Yawn. WTF thought we were over sheer, but Tanika clearly thought otherwise. Not only is the ensemble very unflattering, but one is reminded of Tiwi, the balding ostrich from Pembrokeshire, who lost her feathers in a fight. Only in her case, her owners were appealing for someone to knit her a sweater to cover up the bald patch…..

Now we have British actress Cynthia Erivo, wearing Lanvin.

Lanvin has gone right down the pan, having put the lovely Cynthia into a silvery version of those foam soft fruit protectors, showing off black bra and panties,  (whatever happened to the concept of lining?) and a hideous apricot pelmet.

And this is actress Jurnee Smollett, wearing Minge Maestro Alexandre Vauthier Haute Couture.

Actually, this is relatively modest for Alexandre although the slit is too high, like everything else he makes. WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the alleged bodice, which puts her in mind of Joe Biden wearing his mask.

Away from the NAACP Awards, but still in LA, we encounter celebritee and cosmetics entrepreneur Kylie Jenner, wearing Pierre Louis Auvray. Careful now…

Good grief. She is a perambulating thermal image with extra minge shading and those tits are downright disturbing.

And finally, she’s back after a long absence. WTF refers to rapper Lil’ Kim.

No one can ever explain any of Lil Kim’s fashion choices, and Readers are reminded of the retrospective on her last year in the depths of lockdown where every outfit was a stinker. This one is well down to standard. If Marge Simpson went to a fancy dress party as a kinky Tinkerbell in trouser suspenders, this is what she would look like…..

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Honsa from West London, who has sent a picture of these utterly revolting cycling shorts. WARNING – THIS IS BAD!!!!

AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST WARNING…….

Look, I am sure the saddle gets very sweaty, not to mention those thighs, which are like a couple of hocks of ham. But net over arse-cheeks? No. Just no. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Have a lovely Easter and a lovely Passover and let us meet again next Friday where we will review the SAG Awards Red Carpet and other nonsense. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

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WTF America the Not-So-Beautiful Special

Hallo Readers,

America is quite convinced that it is the Greatest Democracy in the World. Which is a joke. Let us start with the fact that in this month alone, eight people were shot dead in various massage parlours in Atlanta, Georgia and ten others were shot dead in a grocery store in Boulder, Colorado. In both cases by young men with obvious mental health issues, and in the case of the one in Colorado, with a previous conviction for violence, who were nevertheless able to get their hands on an assault rifle and let rip. As a Colorado state representative observed on TV, ‘this guy could buy a gun in ten minutes, but if he needed an appointment with a psychiatrist, it would have taken him two months to get one’. Living in the Greatest Democracy in the World, even if it were, which is it isn’t, is not worth a damn if you cannot work in a massage parlour, or pop down to the local store, without getting a bullet in your brain from a total stranger on the rampage. The Declaration of Independence famously begins ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’. But it is always the unalienable right to possess a gun which trumps the unalienable right to life. This week, Republicans voiced their usual mealy-mouthed regrets and offered up ‘thoughts and prayers’, before attacking anyone who dared to suggest that they should instead start regulating the sale of deadly weapons, a sentiment dismissed by Senator Ted Cruz as ‘theatre’. It is of course utterly irrelevant that Cruz has received campaign contributions from the NRA and other gun-toting madmen to the tune of more than $300,000. And that he hopes to run for President in 2024.

Meanwhile, a large number of Republican-controlled states are busy trying to make it harder for black people, and brown people, and anyone who might be vaguely liberal, to vote. Voting is, you might think, a cornerstone of democracy. Unless you happen to be black, or brown, or vaguely liberal in a GOP-controlled state, in which case you will be made to scramble through hoops you did not even know existed. WTF is old enough to remember when a large number of states in the Greatest Democracy in the World (some of them controlled by Democrats), not only denied black people the right to vote, but made them sit at the back of the bus, and the back of the diner, and opposed integration in schools. And decades later, those states are still trying to make it harder for citizens to vote because they know that unless they do, there will be more places like Georgia which replaced its two venal, lickspittle, Republican senators with a black pastor and a Jew, both Democrats, thus tipping the balance of the Senate to Joe Biden.

Oh and do not get me started on the fact that over 73 million voters voted for a man who was ignorant, racist, useless, lazy, denied science and oversaw the death of 540,000 people. And then maintained that he had won, even though the other guy got 7 million more votes than their guy.

Joe Biden, who is a good man, likes to tell us that ‘there is nothing America cannot do when we put our minds to it’. Yes, they have put men on the moon and sent a spaceship to Mars. But maybe they should be less concerned about  Mars and more concerned about Minneapolis, Missouri and Mississippi.

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We start our survey of the week’s awful attire with former TOWIE person Yazmin Oukhellou in Dubai, (DUBAI!!!!!!) wearing Pretty Little Thing.

WTF aficionado Louise from Gloucestershire was aghast by Yazmin’s attire, noting that ‘instead of a bun in the oven, she has two buns up top’. WTF is of the view that those things appended to Yazmin’s chest are more like a couple of cottage loaves, but whatever they are, they should not be paraded around Dubai, or, for that matter, anywhere else.

Next up, we have American entrepreneur and Netflix reality star of the show Bling Empire, Christine Chiu.

Christine owns a string of plastic surgery clinics, and is married to a plastic surgeon, which might come in handy where you are feeling a bit saggy around the jawline. On the evidence of this photo, though, she should divorce him and take up with a stylist instead. Not only is she wearing a see-through beach coverup, but she appears to have the top half of an earthenware jar around her waist. Did she get stuck in one and had to be broken out of it?

This is actress Ashley Benson, wearing Gianbattista Valli.

This is obviously a week for silly things added on to fairly ordinary outfits to make them look silly. In Ashley’s case, what appears to be a flying saucer appended to her sports bra. As for the trewsies, they seem to have been designed for a taller person.

Now we have pointless celebrity Kourtney Kardashian out with her beau, musician and music producer Travis Barker. Travis looks a mess. Kourt’s cardie is by Victoria Beckham and is rather nice, but the pleather trousers are an offence against humanity.

Is this a case of vag ventilation? Or was it worn in homage to Balaclava Man in Line of Duty?

We now encounter actress Florence Pugh, wearing Louis Vuitton.

WTF has no idea what this supposed to be, but it is not good. There is spilth tumbling out of the bodice forming a second set of tits, and the skirt is downright ugly, like acrylic floor tiling in an industrial kitchen.

To LA and award-winning rapper Megan Thee Stallion, wearing Christian Siriano.

WTF can only assume that Meghan was going to a fancy dress party dressed as a peek-a-boo poodle.

Finally, be prepared to be horrified by what model Winnie Harlow is wearing while out and about in Beverley Hills

Let us leave aside the fact that she is wearing a deckchair and is carrying what is possibly the ugliest Chanel bag in the history of bags.  The bag is called Sand By the Sea and costs £4,500, but it would be more aptly named Ripoff By Chanel. No, WTF is more concerned by the fact that Winnie is not wearing a skirt, not even at all. If ever there was a Minge Moment waiting to happen, here it is walking along Santa Monica Drive. And Winnie is not alone. This appalling trend was also seen last month on model Kara del Toro, where it looked even worse.

First of all, she is wearing a bra. WTF will say it again – a bra is not a top. A bra is worn under a top.  This one is also showing off two-tone tits and two-tone tits are a Bad Thing. Period. Second, Kara’s fake tan is positively ludicrous. And third, for the reasons set out above, that is not a skirt. Both of these ladies look as if they are auditioning for a feminist remake of Tarzan……

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Gita from Hong Kong, who has taken great exception to the new Burberry range, which is basically the usual lairy pattern with the word LOVE painted on it. Yours for £££££££££. 

Gita is unimpressed and says  ‘Not only was this now ubiquitous print horrid in the first place, but they now expect you to pay £500 for one daubed with paint where you can’t even see the paint’. She’s right. It’s Got To Go.
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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as WTF just loves them like anything. And your suggestions for It’s Got To Go of late have been bang on the money. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and stay safe. x

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF Mega-Grammys Special

Hallo Readers, The next time anyone says to you ‘this is the greatest country in the world’, just raise an eyebrow at them. And point to two things that happened over the last week. On Saturday, women holding a peaceful vigil on Clapham Common in honour of Sarah Everard, a young woman murdered as, or shortly after, she walked home from dinner with friends one night, had their protest broken up by the police. While doing so, they manhandled a number of women, one of them 5 feet 2 tall and weighing about 100 lbs, and put them in handcuffs. As it happens, the vigil was supposed to have been called off because the police deemed it unsafe in these times of Covid, even though the organisers had promised to ensure that masks were worn and that people would be socially distanced. And of course that it was to be outside.  Those on the vigil were wearing masks, although they did not look very socially distanced, and it might have been better had they not been there. But the way in which they were man-handled was crass in the extreme, particularly as the suspect in custody was a serving Metropolitan Police Officer. Women are scared to walk the streets and they wanted the world to know it. Because every day, women are subjected to indignities at the hands of men – touched, stalked, cat-called, followed, insulted, made scared. And worse. And not much seems to be done about it. And the answer is not ‘oh you shouldn’t be walking around in the dark’. Because in this country it is dark from mid-afternoon for five or six months of the year. And because the dark is not a licence to molest and terrify. Not that these incidents are confined to darkness. It is not women being reckless, it is men being disgusting and criminal. And then came Tuesday’s Parliamentary vote on the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill, introduced by the appalling Priti Patel, a woman who despises free speech and thinks lawyers are the Devil’s spawn. The Bill allows police to set the decibel level for demonstrations with powers to intervene when the noise is disrupting the ‘activities of an organisation’ or has a ‘relevant impact on persons in the vicinity’ . It also allows Patel, without seeking approval from Parliament, to make laws which will define what constitutes ‘serious disruption’ . Which presumably is anything of which she disapproves, which is her case is Priti much everything, and everyone, who is left-wing, do-gooding and interested in such radical concepts as being able to walk the streets in safety and the right to protest against things with which they disagree. The Suffragettes were very disrupting. And those Northerners who came down from Jarrow to protest against poverty during the Great Depression. And the million-plus people who protested against the Iraq War in 2003. Christ, they were noisy. Not to mention that lot marching through London to show their disapproval of Brexit…. If they can’t whisper, then they will just have to stay at home and do as they are told.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shit-pile with a dirty dozen from this week’s Grammys Awards from Los Angeles, where the music industry gathered to look daft. It was like the good old days and WTF was as happy as happy can be. Let us start with Phoebe Bridgers wearing Thom Browne.
Er…. no doubt Thom Browne thought he was being very avant garde, but in fact the designer of kiddies onesies on the Not On The High Street website beat him to it.
Beyoncé, wearing Schiaparelli.
If Bey was looking for something as unflattering as possible, she found it. Even Mariah Carey would have thought twice about this one. Schiaparelli has left her looking like a leather-clad egg-timer.  Finneas wearing Gucci.
Finneas is Billie Eilish’s brother, showing that there is something seriously wrong with that family when it comes to clothing, even if that clothing is from Gucci. Here he looks like he is auditioning for a role in Oklahoma! Haim, namely sisters Danielle, Alana and Este, all wearing Prada.
Oh look, there are all wearing the same colour, a harmony in baby blue lining silk. Prada is taking the piss. The girls resemble the night shift on the local NHS orthopaedic ward. 
Jhay Cortezwearing who even knows what? The designer of this execrescence is not owning up – good call.
It starts bad and gets progressively worse as you pan southward, with the stunted trousers and the oversized trainers, like a chunky version of the UPS guy in Legally Blonde. Jhené Aiko, wearing Monsoori.
She is cute, but the dress is inordinately fluffy, like a furry cat basket bought by people with more money than sense. Of course Harry Styles is included in this round-up. You would be astonished were he to be absent. Naturally, he is wearing Gucci. Harry looks like a cross between a 1940s spiv and Liberace. And there is no excuse, not even at all, for yellow shoes. Lizzo, wearing Balmain.
The 1980s called and want their fashion back. The fabric is super-slithery, the cut is dismally dreadful, and the colour puts WTF in mind of a tree frog.
DaBaby, wearing Dolce & Gabbana
The hat is fab, but the shoes are straight out of the Prince Regent’s wardrobe, while the suit is like a very expensively wrapped wedding gift. As for the diamanté D&G brooch, WTF prefers not to speak of it. Doja Cat Fausto Pugli for Roberto Cavalli
WTF is unable to say whether the excess boobage and the exposed belly-button are as a result of a lack of shame or the leather top being too tight to zip up. But either way there is Too Much Tit. The skirt appears to be constructed of  sun-damaged kelp littered with dead fishes and detritus various. Kevin Parker, wearing Versace. 
WTF could have lived with the jacket without the shirt, or with the shirt without the jacket. But not both together. And certainly not with those trousers. Versace has clearly been overdosing on The Golden Girls…. And finally, Noah Cyrus wearing Schiaparelli.
The dress is lovely from the knees down, but WTF deplores the turd topknot, which is a whole It’s Got To Go on its own, although not nearly to the same degree as the ridiculous billowing bedsheets. The whole thing is the lovechild of a do-it-yourself Halloween costume and an Elizabethan ruff.      
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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Alessandra from Stanmore, who has sent WTF these revolting ‘shoes’ which she saw posted on Facebook.
Chinese women used to bind their feet to make them dainty. Now models are expected to totter about with their feet in tin cans. Do you ever see men in this sort of nonsense? Of course not. It’s Got To Go.
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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as WTF just loves them like anything. And please don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. There were some corkers last week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and stay safe. x
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WTF The Golden Globes Are Back Special!

Hallo Readers,

So sorry about yesterday’s non-appearance. As Harold MacMillan used to say, ‘events, dear boy, events….’

The Royal Family has been awash with scandal this week, but as far as WTF is concerned, the real story is not what Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, aka the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, may or may not have said to in their TV interview with Oprah Winfrey, or whether the Duchess wore diamond earrings given to her by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. No Readers, that is as nothing compared to the real scandal here, which is that ITV have scheduled the broadcast of this major non-event for Monday night at 9 pm GMT, thereby depriving legions of fans of Episode 3 of the new series of Unforgotten, a cracking police drama starring the fabulous Nicola Walker investigating cold crimes. Which in this case is literally true, because the body found in the opening scene had been in an abandoned freezer since 1990. Viewers will be forced to wait a further 24 hours to find out how Nicola and her sidekick, played by Sanjeev Bhaskar, are planning to solve this one. Warning to the BBC – try something similar with the new series of Line of Duty and you will have a riot on your hands……

It is almost impossible to turn on the TV or open your paper, digitally or otherwise, without being assailed by bucketfuls of guff about the Sussexes and what they did or did not do to his granny, her father, his brother, her friends, and their staff. People who have never met them feel able to pontificate that he is henpecked, she is domineering, he is dimmer than a waning 15 watt lightbulb, she is a scheming minx, he has let everyone down, and she is no better than she ought to be. As to which, WTF takes the view who gives a stuff? He seems like a nice boy who was unhappy, traumatised by what happened to his mother, and looking for love. He was never going to be King, not once his brother had produced three children. Fortunately, he met a beautiful woman and he fell in love with her. Unfortunately, she was American, an actress AND mixed race and she was never going to be absorbed into the dreary, pompous, snobbish Victoriana that is our Royal Family. When told she had to wear pantyhose, even in 90 degree temperatures, and had to put up with endless racist crap from the tabloids, she got fed up and persuaded her adoring spouse to move across the Atlantic. Er, that’s it. They haven’t killed anyone. They haven’t committed any crimes.  Yes they are trading on their titles. So what? Who wouldn’t? As WTF remarked at the time it went tits up, taking tea with Prince Andrew or cocktails with Brad Pitt? We know the answer.

And talking of Prince Andrew….  he does not perform any royal duties either, having been told to stay indoors until further notice, but unlike his nephew, he retains the title of His Royal Highness and the bells of Westminster Abbey rang out for his 60th birthday. If we are determined to be outraged, let us be outraged about the fact that this bloated, useless, lump continues to be mollycoddled by his mother, and that he is still not co-operating with the FBI  investigations into the many crimes committed by Andrew’s old pals Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. But yeah, let’s have a major investigation to see if Meghan was rude to her press secretary……

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We are back to holding Award Ceremonies as a sort of return to sort-of-normality hovers on the horizon.  And very welcome it itoo. This week’s survey of the week’s sartorial sluice bucket finds us at the Golden Globe Awards, starting with actress Kristen Wiig wearing Prada.

Kristen is 48 years old and looks like a loo roll holder, a veritable Jeffrey Epstein wet dream. And while WTF is being critical, alien as it is to her nature, why are Kristen’s legs ten shades darker than the rest of her?

Next we have actress Kyra Sedgwick and her husband, actor Kevin Bacon.

Kevin looks like the neighbourhood bank manager, and perhaps as a consequence of the Pandemic, he has forgotten how to tie his tie. His wife looks great from the neck up, but not from the neck down, as she seems to be dressed as Tracy Emin’s famous exhibit ‘My Bed’,  minus the used condoms.

Here is co-compere, Amy Poehler wearing Moschino.

Amy was clearly paying homage to Laurence Olivier as Richard 111.

We have a twofer. First, TV personality Zuri Hall wearing Zara Umrigare.

Those tits are both lopsided and improbable.  And in the same vein, we also have actress and English rose Rosamund Pike, wearing Molly Goddard.

You get the picture. Both ladies are encased in acres and acres of crimson froth, as if someone had taken Elmo from Sesame Street and shoved him into the Magixmix. Twice. 

And by the way, what in the name of God has Rosamund got on her feet? Was she on manoeuvres with the SAS?

This is not good. Not even at all. WTF speaks of actress Bryce Dallas Taylor wearing Temperley.

Oh dear. Oh very dear. Something very horrible has happened in the tits area, as if they have dropped irrevocably, and the ombré tinfoil dress puts the appalled onlooker in mind of a poor woman who has suffered an unfortunate public moment having been caught sans tampon…. and no, you are NOT getting a picture.

Here is actor Josh O’Connor, who won an award for his portrayal of Prince Charles in The Crown, appearing virtually and wearing Loewe.

The roses are lovely, but what could have possessed Josh to turn up as an extra from Hi di Hi?

Finally, this is a real stinker. This is actress and comic Maya Rudolph, (Saturday Night Live‘s Kamala Harris) wearing Valentino.

Maya is 49 but is dressed like a granny from Boca Raton heading down to the pool complete with Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil Factor 2 and verruca cream. What on earth is she wearing? It looks like a hairdresser’s gown. Did she dash straight to the Red Carpet from her hair appointment? Hideous sandals as well. Yurgle.

 

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Martyn from Scotland, who was horrified – and with reason- by last week’s CPAC (Conservative Political  Action Conference) held for rabid Republicans in Orlando, an event which marked the unwelcome return of The Former Guy.

As WTF remarked two weeks agothe GOP is suffering from advanced Stockholm Syndrome and still worships the Former Guy, despite the fact that during his four year tenure, he succeeded in losing the Presidency, the House and the Senate, abused them all on a regular basis, rendered the USA a laughing stock, and was a lying piece of shit. These deluded people are so enamoured of him that they erected this graven image of TFG in gold in the lobby. Remember when Moses came down from Mount Sinai and discovered the Israelites  worshipping the golden calf?  This is more of a golden pig. It’s very, very, definitely Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as WTF just loves them like anything. And please don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. There have been some corkers this week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and stay safe. x

 

 

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So sorry…….you’ll have to wait until tomorrow!

Hallo Readers

I have let you down. There is no blog today. There should be – but there isn’t. It will be tomorrow instead. Saturday at 8 15 am. Don’t worry, it will be worth it…

Meanwhile, tide you over,  this splendid example of total horror has been sent in by WTF aficionado Ruth-Anne Beckett  who saw them on Facebook and they have so GOT TO GO!!!!

 

See you tomorrow……

 

xx

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WTF Gratitude Special

Hallo Readers,

Every day some hapless Minister of the Crown is designated to do the rounds of the morning TV and radio programmes, there to explain how the Government’s Covid 19 strategy is going absolutely swimmingly. Although everyone with one eyeball and/or a working eardrum knows that it has not gone, and is not going, swimmingly; unless by swimmingly they mean that, like the Titanic, passengers have had to jump ship and take to the water. One day you might get Frank Spencer look-and-sound-a-likey Gavin Williamson, the Education Secretary. Another day you might get duller-than-ditchwater George Eustice, theAgriculture Secretary. Smoothie Nadim Zahawi, the Vaccines Minister, has been having some good run-outs recently, as the inoculation programme seems to be the only thing in the UK that is working. And very often you get the Health Secretary Matt Hancock.

Readers, you might think that the man who has presided over 130,000 deaths, pro rata the highest in the world, who has had 800 healthcare workers die while doing their job, who has handed out PPE contracts to all manner of weird and wonderful people and companies, and of whom the High Court said only last week failed to comply with procurement regulations, might, just might, have been willing to show a degree of contrition. But Readers, you would be wrong. Hancock does not do contrition. And not only does he not do contrition, but he bristles at the very suggestion that he should do contrition. And not only does he not do contrition and bristles at the very suggestion that he should do contrition, but he also upbraids those who raise these matters, because they should be thanking his team for procuring PPE and saving lives (apart, of course, from the 130,000 lives they did not save).  There may have been local shortages of PPE, but there was no ‘national outage’. No national outage, save that in many parts of the country which form this nation, medical staff and carers were wrapping themselves in bin bags and plastic aprons and reusing them and their masks again and again. For which apparently, we should be paying homage to Mr Hancock and his team. Perhaps he would like a hospital named after him? Or a peerage? 

Meanwhile we have still to discover how people and companies with less experience of PPE than WTF has of neurosurgery came to be awarded gigantic contracts to manufacture PPE. WTF has written about some of these contracts before, like Ayanda, an offshore finance company linked to a man who advised Secretary of Trade Liz Truss. That was worth £252 million. Now we have heard about Clandeboye, a company  in Northern Ireland that made sweeties, and which landed a gig worth £108 million. Not to mention Pestfix, which had previously killed pests, but which received at least six contracts worth a total of £345 million, despite having assets worth only £18,000, and whose first batch of face masks proved defective. We need to know about the system that allowed people recommended by Ministers to be ‘fast tracked’,  whether they had practical experience or not, and who stood a 1:10 chance of success, as opposed to everyone else, who stood only a 1:100 chance. All of these contracts were meant to be be made public within 30 days, but they weren’t, as Mr Justice Chamberlain noted in his withering judgment last week. However, Hancock saw nothing to apologise for because he would not have done anything different. He and the procurement team were too busy saving lives. Apart from the ones they didn’t ….. Thank you Mr Hancock.  Thank you. Oh and thank you all the people who worked and still work paid and unpaid to help the NHS do its job.

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We start our view the week’s fashion flops with celebritee and cosmetics tycoon Kylie Jenner, wearing an outfit by Tyrell.

If Kylie wants to indulge in a bit of frontage against the wall, that is up to her and her 213 million Instagram followers, but why does she need to do it in a see-through skirt with an inexplicable poke-hole and a top suggesting that members of the St John’s Ambulance Brigade have been practising First Aid on her?

As we have observed before, the apple does not fall far from the tree. Here is Kylie’s momager, Kris Jenner, wearing Dior. A lot of Dior.

WTF does not know whether Kris is practising to be a high wire artiste or is developing a new yoga pose which involves consuming cocktails when balancing on one leg, like a stalk out on the lash.  But either way, this is an excruciating mega-luxe-logo’ed excrescence constructed from “Technical Taffeta’. The cagoule costs £2,700 and the matching trewsies are a snip at £1,700, while the sneakers are a giveaway for £690. Which, whatever way you look at it, is a lot of money to pay to look stupid. Kris would have done better buying a clown’s outfit’s from the local fancy dress store.

 

To Paris, where we find actress Charlotte Gainsbourg wearing Jeremy Scott. She was great in her guest appearance on Call my Agent, by the way.

Jeremy, himself a distinguished former winner of the coveted WTF Summer Stinker award, designs both for Moschino and under his own name because it is more fun to take the piss under different labels. Here, he has put the lovely Charlotte in zipaway leather salopettes. If Peter Fonda in Easy Rider had dipped his head in a bucket of strawberry juice and had then been mauled by a malign coyote, this is what he would have looked like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now we find ourselves in LA with actress Phoebe Price going to CVS, a large drugstore chain.

Phoebe is an actress, although she seems to spend most of her time wandering around Los Angeles with parts of her person hanging out and her nether regions insufficiently covered. If anyone walked into Boots in the UK dressed like Supergirl’s gran,  the pharmacist would be dialling the local mental health authority before you could say stark raving bonkers…..

And next is transgender You Tube sensation and makeup artiste, Nikita Dragon.

Titsy, tacky and tawdry. And then some.  Nikita love….the Flintstones called. They want their outfits back.

And finally, we have singer Billie Eilish wearing items from her new clothing collection called The World’s A Little Blurry. I’ll say.

Everything is organic, apparently, except the socks. Billie’s hair looks very organic, because it is the colour of mould, and that position suggests that she has hanged herself. Fortunately, she is alive and well and flogging ugly shoes  like nefarious persons put on you before they drop you in the Harbour…..

“Try thinking of this as a totally immersive performance art installation.”

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Louise from Islington, supported by WTF herself,  who is beyond appalled at the BT Sport set which she spotted whilst watching the (terrific) Arsenavictory over Benfica in the EuroRubbish Cup.

What in the name of all that is Holy is this???? It’s like the Wizard of Oz staged in the foyer at a Vue cinema. It’s vile. It’s nausea-provoking. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF chipper, and don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

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WTF TFG Special

Hallo Readers,

It is just like Barack Obama said it would be. ‘With Joe and Kamala at the helm, you’re not going to have to think about the crazy things they said every day. And that’s worth a lot… You’re not going to have to argue about them every day. It just won’t be so exhausting’. And it isn’t. It’s dull. It’s  normal. Adults appear to be in charge and they have some idea of what they are doing and lots of experience of already having done it well. It’s great. Long may it continue.

But the Former Guy, as Biden called him the other night, has not gone away. He does not see his future at Mar A Lago,  playing golf and dodging the tsunami of lawsuits heading his way, but as the Leader in Exile Who Will Return. And the vast majority of GOP congressmen and senators see him on the same way. It does not matter that he bullied and insulted them day in, day out. They do not care that a baying mob, like something out of Deliverance, stormed the Capitol on 6 January and could have killed any or all of them. They remain in his thrall, like sufferers of Stockholm Syndrome. Idiot Senator Ron Johnson from Wisconsin went so far as to sneer at the idea that the mob was part of an armed insurrection as police had only found one gun. Actually a large number of guns were recovered and a mountain of ammunition, but Johnson however clearly wanted more than eyes gouged out and policemen beaten with sticks, fire extinguishers and American flags. Perhaps next time the Deliverance boys come calling, they will have AK47s. Let us hope that Johnson manages to dodge the bullets. And then there is Senator Lindsey Graham, the Talullah Bankhead of South Carolina, who spent four years so far up TFG’s bottom that only his shoes were on show. On 6 January, with order restored, he stood up in the Senate and declared that he and TFG were over, only to head back into his manly arms days later. And let us not forget House GOP Leader Kevin McCarthy. As the mob surged into the building, McCarthy placed frantic calls to the White House begging for assistance and failed to get it. But that night he still voted to block the Electoral College votes and only last week he was down in Florida kissing TFG’s ring, as CNN commentators put it. WTF dreads to think which of TFG’s rings they were talking about.

But all of these creeps have additional vertebra in comparison to turtle-faced former Senate Leader, Mitch McConnell. He stayed silent for a month after the election, and only accepted the result after the Electoral College votes were certified. After TFG was impeached by the House, he refused to recall the Senate for the trial which is part two of the process, and so by the time it started, TFG had gone back to Florida. At which point, McConnell voted against impeachment on the grounds that it was unconstitutional to impeach a former President. And only after the Senate had failed to muster the necessary two-thirds vote, despite the clearest evidence, did Turtle-Face stand up and declare that TFG was Truly Fucking Guilty and that he should be locked up for his perfidy. This is the equivalent of a man murdering his parents and then throwing himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan.  Now TFG is attacking McConnell and everyone is attacking those GOP Senators and Congressmen who followed their conscience and voted to impeach. They all deserve TFG and they all deserve each other.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shockers with our Supreme Leader Boris Johnson. Rather than do any actual work, he has taken to hanging around Covid wards and vaccine centres in his shirtsleeves with his tie tucked into the shirt and an expression of faux-empathy.

We have featured Johnson’s silly and capacious trousers on a number of occasions, but here we have a horrendous closeup of his moobs.  WTF has long been a sworn enemy of VNA (Visible Nipple Activity). It is however singularly inappropriate for our Prime Minister to be sporting more nipple activity than Peter Stringfellow’s tits-and-arse establishments.

Next up is French singer Yseult wearing Mugler at an awards ceremony in Paris.

OK, before you all start on me, this is not a fat thing, this is a taste thing. The jacket is great, although the shoulders are a bit gangster, and she has buckets of attitude. What she does not have, unfortunately, is a pair of trousers or a skirt and questions must also be asked about the thumbless gloves. If Liza Minnelli had sex with Tony Soprano, this is what their lovechild would look like.

Next up are ridiculous singer Justin Bieber and his wife, model Hailey Baldwin Bieber , out and about in LA.

WTF is always pleasantly surprised to see Hailey in actual clothes, but she looks fine. Her spouse, as ever, still has trouble reconciling the concept of his own crotch nestling in approximation to the crotch of whatever he has on his nether regions, and the legs of his joggers look like a pair of purple swizzle sticks.

This is Vietnamese-born American actress Lana Condor, wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

If a furry bird went to a fancy dress party as Dame Shirley Bassey, this is what it would look like.

Now we have The Crown actress Emma Corrin wearing Paco Rabanne.

The swagger is good but the outfit is entirely preposterous,  a cross between eighteenth-century English cleric John Wesley and an SS general complete with bovver boots.

And finally, a newcomer in the shape of Internet ‘influencer’ and make up artiste Hrush Achemyan wearing Louis Vuitton and what look like Christian Louboutin boots.

She is influencing WTF to cover up. That is one hell of a silhouette. Her bum is reminiscent of the burial mounds in the moonlight, like the ones at Sutton Hoo in East Anglia.

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Jan from Melbourne, Australia. Jan was horrified by these revolting jeans from Schein, yours for only £19 99, (and you would have been robbed blind).

Over the years, It’s Got To Go has brought you a lot of disastrous denim, but this pair can assert a vigorous claim to a podium position for worst of the worst. What is going on here? What is the point of pockets when they only serve only as a Minge Proscenium Arch?  More Schite than Schein. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF chipper, and don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 
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WTF Hotel Heathrow Special

Hallo Readers,

Remember The Eagles’ warbling on about Hotel California?

‘Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
“Relax, ” said the night man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!’

Britain is now offering you Hotel Heathrow. You have to check in whether you  like it or not, and you can only leave after ten days. And by ‘leave’, WTF does not just mean leave the hotel. She means leave the hotel room in which you and yours will be incarcerated for the full stay, forced to make your own bed with only a quick exercise break outside while accompanied by a burly security person to make sure that you do not skedaddle. And it gets worse. Not only is there nothing to eat but airline food, which is left on a tray outside your room (maybe they should shave the doors a bit and just push the tray underneath), but you have to pay for your stay as well. And not even the rack rent, but a set rate of £1,750  (£2,400 for two adults in the room)  and you do not get to find a cheaper price on Booking.com.  The Daily Mail had a picture of a room in one hotel in Heathrow, and frankly anyone stuck in there would have a slam dunk claim of cruel and unusual punishment against Matt Hancock because if there is an uglier carpet in Middlesex, WTF has yet to see it…..

So what is going on? Well, one year after other countries started doing it, the Government has realised that letting people wander in and out of the country willy-nilly, importing all manner of unpleasant Covid variants, is a Bad Thing. Who knew? (Answer- anyone with a braincell). From Monday 15 February,  travellers arriving from 33 ‘red list’ countries have to quarantine for 10 days in a designated hotel booked before you arrive in Blighty. If you do not pre-book, you can be fined up t0 £4,000 and you still have to check into one of the said hotels and you still have pay for your stay there. Should you try and pull a fast one and lie about your point of departure, you could face ten years in prison or a fine of £10,000. Ten years! People murder their grannies and they get out in less time….

Of course, this has not gone down well. Brits like a bit of sunshine and a chance to neck down the duty free before running around some foreign resort  with their arses hanging out of brightly patterned shorts and then passing out in a pile of vomit on the pavement. Think Newcastle’s Bigg Market with better weather. But a trip abroad is a lot less tantalising if you have to hole up in an overpriced hotel on your return looking at ugly carpets and eating lukewarm chicken casserole which is light on the chicken and heavy on the chemicals. Look, WTF gets it, she really does. It is nice going abroad. After virtually a year of lockdown, everyone is sick of the sight of their own walls. But come on people – isn’t saving lives and not endangering your own more important?

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slip-ups with Aussie rapper Iggy Azalea wearing clingy things.

A Minge Moment and a side helping of side boob. Not nice. She looks like a titsy robot in combat boots.

 

Next, we have singer Jennifer Lopez wearing Versace at her stylist’s house. In fact, she subsequently went out to a party wearing the silvery version of this ‘dress’ , which was even sheerer than the black version.


OK, gents who like ladies, and ladies who like ladies, put your eyeballs back into their sockets. Yes, she is sexy as hell (and amazing for her age etc. etc), but that is still no reason why she has to go around looking like Charlotte Rampling in The Night Porter and generally resembling a sado-masochist’s wet dream. 

Every year Americans get very excited about the final of their rubbish version of football, which is not football at all but a load of big blokes running into each other with extreme prejudice. WTF would rather stick a rusty fork into her lady parts than endure the Superbowl, but it does provide some very bad fashion. This year gave us rapper Offset wearing something purple and puffy in Florida.

For reasons best known to himself, Offset is wearing what appears to be a large amount of bubble wrap and seems to be about to be posted. WTF is with Lady Bracknell on this point. On learning that eligible batchelor Jack Worthing, who wants to marry her daughter Gwendoline, was left as a baby in a handbag at Victoria Station, she explodes ‘You can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell would dream of allowing our only daughter – a girl brought up with the utmost care – to marry into a cloak-room, and form an alliance with a parcel?’.  

Offset in fact formed an alliance with rapper Cardi B, who is known to regular Readers as needing to be more wrapped up, rather than less. Here she is, wearing an Ottolinger ‘outfit’ and Bottega Veneta sandals….

Do Offset and Mrs Offset not talk about the weather before they venture out? He is dressed for the Antarctic while she is dressed for, er, Florida, and is doing a good impression of a creme caramel with tits, strings, water wings and what appear to be bedroom slippers. And question – how does she pull up her leggings with those nails?

This is NFL star Shaquil Barrett in a very lairy suit. He plays for the winning side, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Umm…well it is certainly striking. In the same way as being punched in the face is striking.  When you are a top American footballer, you clearly have the swagger to appear on TV wearing a chequered tea towel and more chains than  an H Samuel warehouse.

And finally, another NFL star Derrick Henry.  He won the NFL 2020 Award for the Best Offensive Player. Readers may care to know that  this refers to his position of play, not his taste in clothes, although he is as deserving of a prize for the latter as for the former.  If you have a pair of sunglasses to hand, put them on now……. 

WTF can but conclude that Derrick was either having a laugh or was sponsored by Stabilo Boss…..

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from stalwart and aficionado Yvonne from the snowy Borders, who noticed a tweet from Bella Caledonia, like Yvonne, a proponent of Scottish Independence. They were both amused to note that someone South of the Border had expressed the bright idea of sending the Queen’s youngest son, Prince Edward, and his fragrant wife Sophie,  to take up residence at Holyrood Palace in Edinburgh. The purpose of this is to let them attend loads of events and to make the Scots embrace the concept of keeping the Union.

WTF has heard some crap ideas in her time but this one is a real doozy. Prince Edward, aka the Earl of Forfar, is as much use as tits on a fish and has done nothing of note since 1987 when hpersuaded his siblings to take part in It’s a Royal Knockout, one of the worst programmes in TV history. If anything is set to send our Caledonian cousins rushing into the arms of Nicola Sturgeon, these two are it. Whoever thought up this one Has Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF chipper, and don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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