WTF Liz Special

Hallo Readers,

 No sooner had the new Prime Minister Liz Truss unpacked her dismal array of wash’n’wear dresses in the Master Bedroom of 11 Downing Street than Her Majesty the Queen Shuffled off this mortal coil. This meant that all political dispute was suspended for the 10 day period of official mourning. While the downside of this was that the Nation had to put up with non-stop wall-to-wall Royal Verbiage from obsequious black-clad courtiers, so-called experts, has-beens, never-weres and nonentities, the upside was that we were given a respite from bloviating politicians evading the important questions of what, if anything, the Government intended to do to solve the various crises which we face; for example, that the cost of living has soared, gas and electricity bills have quadrupled and you have more chance of taking tea with Elvis Presley than catching a glimpse of your GP or dentist. But after Her Majesty was interred on Monday, political life resumed and it became clear that Truss was sailing full steam ahead into the horizons of tax cuts, persecution of those who do not or cannot work full time, fracking and platitudes. On Wednesday, Jacob Rees Mogg, now ludicrously Secretary of State for Business, suggested that those people who opposed fracking were in the pay of the Russians. This went down like a cup of cold sick with backbench Tory MPs, who now have to explain to their constituents why the earlier promise that no fracking would take place without their consent is no longer operative.  On Thursday, Therese Coffey launched her new plan for the NHS, which is basically to overload chemists and shame doctors into doing longer hours. There does not appear to be any additional money, particularly because on Friday, Chancellor Kwazi Kwarteng intends to repeal the raise in National Insurance implemented only months earlier and to allow companies and rich people to keep more of their money. In particular, the Chancellor will go the extra mile for those in society who really need his help and who have been struggling to make ends meet in this age of growing austerity. No, not those on a low income. Bankers whose bonuses have been capped. And if that sounds deranged, go onto Google and witness Kwarteng’s extraordinary performance in the pews at Westminster Abbey on Monday, where he wriggled about like a man suffering from St Vitus dance and appeared to laugh uproariously to himself up for no reason. Even Suella Braverman was appalled. If an ordinary person had behaved like that in public, the men in white coats would have been called. As long as you were prepared to wait 12 hours or more for them to appear.

 As for Truss, she went from the Abbey straight to the UN in New York to continue hobnobbing with the world’s leaders. Not that most of them probably knew who she was. During Monday’s obsequies, the commentator from Australian television failed to recognise her and described her as a minor Royal. Were that the case, at least she would have been better dressed. Even before landing  in the Big Apple, Truss was forced to admit that the chances of a trade deal with the US in the near or further-away future was on the unlikely side of impossible, Joe Biden and Congress being of the view that if Britain was going to renege on the Good Friday Agreement, it did not deserve, and would not get, a deal, not even of any kind. Of course those people who made this point and opposed Brexit during the 2016 Referendum, including a certain Liz Truss, were branded as purveyors of Project Fear. Except that what they said was true. Who knew? Answer – anyone with a brain.

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We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with Liz Truss wearing Reiss at Queen Elizabeth’s funeral.

In the same way as she committed acts of grievous bodily harm upon the King James Bible in her “reading” during the ceremony (a stuffed parrot would have given it more welly), Truss manages to suck the life out of anything she wears, which is always cheap-looking, ill-fitting, unflattering and boring as fuck, the sartorial equivalent of supermarket own-brand Ovaltine. As for the hat, it looks like someone immolated a pie and then put it on her head. Epic fail. Get the woman a stylist – STAT.

Also present were the Former Guy, Boris Johnson and his present wife Carrie Johnson. She is wearing a (rented) dress by Karen Millen, for which she paid £7, and a handbag worth over £2,500.

Here is a WTF rule. Tit activity does not belong at a funeral. Not even at all. Carrie Antoinette seems to be channelling the Gruesome Twosome Melania and Ivanka Trump in their Sicilian Widows garb when they met (a very unimpressed) Pope Francis in May 2017. Her husband  looks his usual repulsively dishevelled state, like an unmade bed with bugs in the mattress.

To New York Fashion Week where an array of horror awaited, beginning with singer Kanye West wearing whatever.

Oh Gawd. He looks as if he spent the afternoon washing trucks…

Next we have singer RAYE wearing Laquan Smith.

Yurgle.  If a labial elf went to a fancy dress party as a floozy, this is what it would look like.

And here is singer Madonna out and about in New York with a person young enough to be her grandson..

Quite apart from the fact that she resembles a prawn cocktail whose jeans have been through the shredder, Mads’ face evidences that there has been interference with the workings of nature. WTF has seen more movement in the Elgin Marbles.

He’s back! It’s actor Jared Leto wearing Gucci.

Merlin lives! In white socks and embroidered slides.

And finally, we are at the premiere of Bros with its star actor Debra Messing wearing Christian Siriano. Deep breath now….

Debra, who is 54, seems to have gambolling in a floral meadow, having first mated with a black sheep. Which said sheep ate the flowers off her back.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ben from Bromley who is furious about MPs, Lords and VIPs various being allowed to jump the queue to see Her Majesty’s coffin lying in state at Westminster Hall. Not only that, but they could take four mates as well. In Ben’s view, these bigwigs can fuck right off. Ordinary people had to stand in the cold for 12-14 hours in order to pay their respects, as did footballer David Beckham and actor Tilda Swinton. WTF agrees and has nothing to add save that It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Carrie Symonds, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Ivanka Trump, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Joe Biden, Kwasi Kwarteng, Liz Truss, Melania Trump, Politics, Royal Family, The Queen, Therese Coffey, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF End of an Era Special

Hallo Readers,

It may seem odd to be shocked by the demise of a nonagenarian but when it came it was shocking and discombobulating and terribly sad. Of course anybody born after February 1952 had never known any other sovereign, yet suddenly the radio and TV kept talking about the King and the Queen Consort and you had to keep asking yourself “who?’.  Until you remembered that the Queen had gone and that Charles, following the longest apprenticeship in history, was now the Monarch.

Whatever doubts WTF might have about the Royal Family in general, and Charles in particular, (although so far he has been splendid), she had nothing but admiration for the Queen who spent seven decades performing a job she was not born to; even when she realised that she would one day ascend the throne, after the abdication of her feckless uncle Edward VIII, she certainly did not expect her father to die in his 50s, forcing her to become Queen at the age of 25. She was brilliant at it. She exuded dignity, decency and devotion to duty and the country appreciated it. Of course she made mistakes, including a tone-deaf response to the death of Diana and an inexplicable attachment to her boorish son Andrew. But she presented a calm stability, never better demonstrated then her extraordinary speech during the Covid lockdown, which somehow made you feel as if your grandmother had put her arms around you and soothed you. Rest in peace Ma’am. You have earned it.

Given that the country has not had to mourn a monarch – or  a Mon-Ark, as CNN keeps saying – for 70 years, there has been some confusion about the proper way to go about things. The basics are there;  everyone on TV bedecked in black, the superb pageantry and the stoicism of Brits lined up from Westminster to Timbuktu waiting for a glimpse of the Royal Coffin. Yes WTF did not publish the blog last Friday, only hours after the death was announced. But was it really necessary to cancel all football matches last weekend? To cancel National Guinea Pig Awareness Week? For Center Parcs to throw holidaymakers out on the day of the Funeral, leaving them to wander about forlornly like the Israelites in the wilderness until they could reclaim their chalets the following day? (This stupid idea was ditched quite quickly and no doubt whoever thought it up will shortly be spending time with their P45). Why did the British Cyclists Association advise their members to show their respects to Her Majesty by desisting from travelling on two wheels on Monday?  And who thought it was a good idea to cancel operations on Monday leaving people who had already waited and waited and waited to wait even longer? Do you suppose that Her Majesty would have given a toss if someone were to nip out on their bicycle for a pint of milk? Do you think that His Majesty, as now is, would want someone to be deprived of surgery because he is burying his mother? Would either of them  consider it right to arrest citizens making a peaceful protest about the institution of Monarchy, which is supposed to be one of the rights on which this country is based? Let people mourn as they think fit. Let people protest as they think fit, provided that they do so lawfully. This is still a free country and long may it continue to be so under King Charles.

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We start our review of the last fortnight’s sartorial silliness with singer Meghan Thee Stallion wearing who can say what?

If a Swiss cheese went to a fancy dress party as a rainbow with tits, this is what it would look like.

Next up, we have singer Rita Ora in London wearing Ottolinger.

On the plus side, Rita is covered up. On the minus side,  there are still things dangling, only in this case blame lies at the door of Ottolinger who has decorated Rita’s trousers with random bits of string like a Hassidic Jew.

To the MTV VMAs where we encounter actor Taylor Russell wearing Balenciaga.

This very ridiculous concoction is not a pair of trousers designed for John Goodman in a fatsuit, although you would be entitled to think so. It is in fact half a long skirt  and a miniskirt at the back. But the worst bit is the slit right up the front, like a banana sliced open by a sword.

Here is another one who has decided to put her bits away and go for a new way of annoying us. WTF speaks of actor Julia Fox.  

Having exhausted peek-a-boo denim and minge-baring leather, Julia has pulled a large condom over herself and called it a dress. And clock the clingfilm boots. Yurgle.

And now to the Emmys, the US TV Awards, where we have actor Kaley Cuoco wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Kaley’s stylist, Brad Goreski, described her as a ballerina Barbie. WTF is of the view that this is more a case of Tinkerbell with a lot of dried fruit stuck on her dress, but either way Kaley is about 25 years too old for this mullet mess.

Now this next one is officially a pity. Here is wonderful actor Julia Garner from “Ozark” wearing Gucci.

Really? WTF abhors a bare belly button almost above all things. What seems to have happened here is that some very incontinent pigeons have flown through the pelvic picture window and shat all over her velvet dress with most unfortunate consequences.

We are now at the Front Row of New York Fashion Week where we find rapper Doja Cat wearing Viktor & Rolf.

Remember WTF mentioning the concept of John Goodman in a fat suit? This is John Goodman in a fat suit blown up with helium. What??????

And finally we pop in to the Creative Emmys where we find fashionista Jonathan van Ness wearing a frock.

Look. It doesn’t fit. Anywhere. The tit pockets are empty, the dress is like something seen on a 1950’s housewife in Minnesota at the Christmas town dance and the shoes are the absolute pits. 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was aghast  at the result of these  horrible Balenciaga flipflops. Do not adjust your eyeballs.

$640 to look like an utter pillock. This nonsense has to stop. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

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WTF Boudicca Special

Hallo Readers,

Britain have had some great female warriors. Think Boudicca, leader of the Iceni, who took on the Romans. She was described as “very tall and terrifying in appearance with a harsh voice and a piercing glare”. Think Elizabeth I, who though she did not herself take up arms, presided over mighty victories and who in her famous speech said “I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but I have the heart and stomach of a king and the king of England too…”. Now admittedly there was no television during the reign of either of those women, but one would like to think that if the then-contemporaneous versions of Andrew Neil or Nick Robinson had sought an audience with their Majesties, their request would have been granted. Of course, it is perfectly possible that either man might have had their guts and goolies removed with maximum prejudice had they overstepped the mark, but that was before the days of the Bill of Rights and other such.

Now it is 2022 and a new Elizabeth is ready to take her place at the helm. Only this one appears to lack the heart and stomach to take on either Andrew Neil or Nick Robinson, and she has refused to be interviewed as part of her campaign to become next Prime Minister. Liz Truss talks big but only when there is no chance of her being shown up. Even Rishi Sunak was put on his best behaviour by the Tory Party concerned about the optics of Cabinet colleagues tearing each other to shreds in public. Faced with the prospect of being properly probed on her policies, including whether she actually has any and, if she does, whether they will work or even make any sense, she concluded that she would be better off somewhere, anywhere, else. WTF has no brief for Sunak but at least he had the balls to explain himself and to answer questions whereas Truss did not, pulling out of the interview with Robinson only a day before it was due to take place on Tuesday on the basis that she was “too busy”. Has anyone explained to her how Prime Minister’s Questions work? Although, to be frank, a cardboard Truss would probably make far more sense at the despatch box and have a more animated delivery. With Truss, there is always the risk that she will fail to get to the end of the sentence without losing the thread and she sounds like a I-speak-your-weight machine but with less interesting information. She is a charisma-free zone, without principle (she has declined to have an ethics adviser) and, it seems, devoid of any compassion for the people she is about to govern. Her solution to the crippling utilities charges about to be unleashed upon us is to cut taxes, something unlikely to assist people who do not actually pay taxes. She may talk big, she may pose in a tank in full military gear and she may well suggest that Putin is quaking in his boots in contemplation of her impending accession. We can but conclude that someone who cannot even explain herself to a journalist in a television studio is unlikely to cut much of a figure on the world stage.  Truss is not known for listening but perhaps she chose to heed the words of Abraham Lincoln It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt”.

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We start our bumper review of the week’s clothing craziness with WTF perennial racing driver Lewis Hamilton out and about at the racetrack in Spa, Belgium ahead of the Grand Prix.

The weather in Europe has been decidedly warm so it is unclear why Lewis felt the need to don this autumnal ensemble like a perambulating plum and still less clear why he was wearing a tea cosy on his head and trainers with pustules. But he looks like a proper pillock.

Next we are in Venice where we meet lovely actor Jodie Turner-Smith at the Venice Film Festival wearing Gucci.

That is not a dress. That is a baby doll nightie last seen on a vintage Barbie – the one where Barbie runs a brothel. There is no call for either the fuck-me boots or the elongated baby blue washing up gloves. The sunglasses, however, are cool.

And here is proper film star Julianne Moore wearing Alaia.


WTF loves Julianne but is perplexed as to what is occurring with the tit cones, which seem to be a blend of Mickey Mouse ears and a witches’ hat.

To the MTV VMAs, always a rich source of outrage, where we come across comedian and SNL star Chloe Fineman wearing ThreeBYFOUR.

Well this one certainly got a laugh from WTF. It’s an eiderdown with straps. At least she’ll be warm.

Next we have singer Lizzo wearing a lot of Jean Paul Gaultier. 

Lizzo has come dressed as the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. Who knows why?

Now we have Canadian singer Tate McRae wearing Niné.

Betty Rubble gives the world a Minge Moment…..

Meet drag performer Kerri Colby wearing Mugler.

It is not just that Kerri is dressed as a strawberry popsicle, prompting lickage jokes aplenty. It is the preponderance of pudendum on view, like something on a screen at an undergraduate gynaecology lecture.

And we also have actor Mike Mulderrig wearing some things which are wayyyy too small.

Has Mike bulked up since purchasing these items of clothing? The buttons on his jacket are hanging on for dear life and failing to cover up a lot of moobage, while he seems to have the entire contents of his sock drawer down his trousers. Call for the Canisten!

And finally, here is rapper Lil Nas X wearing Harris Read.

Did you know that there is a condition known as trypophobia – fear of holes? WTF is currently suffering from acute trypophobia over this getup, not least because it seems to herald a horrible new phenomenon, namely Penis Peek. As for the boots, there seems to be a pair of small suitcases attached to his feet.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was aghast  at the result of a truly horrible Balenciaga collaboration with Crocs. Do not adjust your eyeballs.

They are called Crocs Madame (Geddit? – oh never mind) and they come in a variety of colours with an 80mm heel. If you are completely raving mad they can be yours for only £450. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.

Posted in Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Liz Truss, MTV VMAs, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Uncategorized, Venice Film Festival, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Useless Lump Special

Hallo Readers,

Not long to go now. It is nearly all over, although the end cannot come soon enough. We have endured a balls-aching summer of hot air and empty promises by the two people promising to undo the mess that Britain is in, despite their having held the highest Cabinet positions. Not that you would know it as they prefer not to dwell on that bit. This week’s idiocies included Liz Truss positively salivating at the prospect of pushing the nuclear button, her admission greeted by an ecstatic round of applause from Tory voters at the hustings she was addressing. Vote Truss! Get nuked out of existence! If that isn’t a winning slogan, WTF does not know what is.

Meanwhile since his return from holiday, sightings of Boris Johnson have been rarer than hens’ teeth. He has been holed up at Chequers, enjoying the benefits of its swimming pool, tennis courts and rolling grounds and trying to work out how to steam gold wallpaper off the walls of the Downing Street flat he is soon to vacate, declining to become involved in anything that might be taken for work or to make any decisions that could assist a country becoming ever more petrified at the likely rises in fuel bills and food. However, you cannot keep a narcissist hidden forever and so it was that Johnson boarded the Government plane and headed to Ukraine to cuddle President Zelinskyy and pledge shed-loads of money to helping his fight against the Russian invaders. The fact that Johnson had previously declined to spend any public money on resolving the energy crisis, preferring to leave the decision to his successor, but yet felt able to splash the cash to help the beleagured Ukrainians, has less to do with leadership and more to do with polishing the brand, which has become a little tarnished of late, in preparation  for a life outside politics raking in the millions that await him for books, speaking engagements and who knows what directorial appointments. It is also possible that he is attracted by the idea of having a street named after him there, something wholly unlikely to happen over here. Walking with Zelinskyy through Kyiv and enjoying the adulation of cheering crowds was no doubt far more satisfying even than running around in a high viz jacket and hardhat or hobnobbing with nurses and doctors in one of the hospitals struggling following years of Tory neglect. Johnson has always been a man without shame and there was no reason to think that he would change in the dying weeks of his premiership. Nor did he.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing catastrophes with actor Ema Horvath wearing Pamela Rolland at the premiere of the latest interminable Lord of the Rings saga.

Deary me. There is more bow than dress. She looks like a giant birthday present.

Next we are in Japan, where WTF is sorry to report that Brad Pitt is continuing his run of very silly clothing while promoting his movie Bullet Train.

WTF has nothing against janitors. They do sterling work. But if you are not a janitor, WTF sees no reason to dress like one, not least when you are a mega-movie-star and your janitorial ensemble does not come from the local B&Q but instead is another dastardly creation by Haans Nicholas Mott who is taking the piss, bigly. As a result, Brad looks like the character played by Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty.

Now we have singer Dua Lipa wearing a bralet, skirt and shoes by Marc Jacobs.

That is not a bralet for an adult person. That is leftover ribbon from Ema Horvath’s parcel, and it is patently not up to its allotted task. As for the alleged boots, to call them dog ugly would be a major insult to canines. Woof.

Say hallo again to singer Justin Bieber and his wife Hayley Baldwin Bieber. Justin is wearing stuff from his own Drew House fashion line while Hayley is flashing loads of flesh, as usual, wearing Blumarine with clumpy shoes by Alexander Wang. Remarkably they are going to the same event, and it is not a Halloween party but a launch party for Kylie Jenner’s new Tequila (I know. I KNOW).

Oh please. Hayley’s little leggies look ridiculous in those shoes, as if she has been weighed down by concrete slabs prior to being ditched in the river by rough types, and the combo of short skirt and hold up stockings put appalled onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment. As for her spouse, he has been wearing stupid trousers for some years, but these are among the worst, being both bewilderingly baggy (he has to gather them when walking, like a Victorian dowager) and having little frills around the hems, like the paper things you put on the end of lamb chops to protect your fingers when eating them.

Here is lovely actor Idris Elba wearing something quite nonsensical at the premiere of BEAST.

There is original and then there is fuck-me-that’s-terrible. And this is way, way, beyond fuck-me-that’s-terrible. He looks like a dentist in a tie, only dentists do not wear ties. That said, there are many people who would love to have a filling ….

And finally, thanks to the sharp eyes of WTF aficionado Gita, we welcome back actor Nicole Kidman posing for Perfect Magazine, wearing Glenn Martens and Y/PERFECT boots.

Glenn Martens is also responsible for the Y/PERFECT line. We saw these ridiculous boots on Rihanna last week. They were grey suede and these are black patent but just as silly, like a couple of bin bags, but in fact the boots are the least of it. There is the hideous hair, the pussy pelmet that makes her look as if she is pissing bile and the horribly sexualised squat. The whole thing is an affront to dignity and so, both for the pose and the boots, WTF is combining this with her regular feature and saying IT’S GOT TO GO!! All of it.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

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WTF Cheney Special

Hallo Readers, 

Had anyone told WTF two years ago that she would come to extol Congresswoman Liz Cheney, WTF would have expressed considerable surprise and suggested the speaker seek immediate medical assistance. Not only is Cheney the daughter of disgusting, war-mongering, profit-seeking Dick Cheney, formerly vice president of the United States under George W Bush, but she is politically to the right of Genghis Khan, only less cuddly. However, only people who have either fallen under the spell of Donald Trump, or know that he is sociopath and a liar but are sticking with him anyway, could deny that Cheney is a hero. Last year she was number three in the Republican Party in Congress. This year, she is reviled by her colleagues and has just lost the primary to be the next Republican candidate for Congress in Wyoming. Two years ago, she received 75% of the primary vote; this week it was 25%, trounced by a Trump-worshipping harridan called Harriet Hageman who has fully embraced the Big Lie that the 2020 election was stolen and that the 45th President in fact won by “a lot”. In 2016, Hageman was involved in a fierce struggle to ensure that Trump was denied the candidacy but times change and Hageman has clearly changed with them.

So what did Liz Cheney do wrong? Did she organise an insurrection to try and deny an incoming president his victory? Did she take the Fifth Amendment 400 times in a deposition concerning her companies and her taxes? Did she store classified information in her home, and then falsely instruct her lawyers to say that it had all been returned? Funnily enough, no. That was the 45th President. Rather, she decided that law and order, truth and the Constitution were more important than parroting the party line and that somehow it mattered if the man who had put his hand on the Bible and sworn to uphold the Constitution against enemies foreign and domestic had instead encouraged civil disobedience, murderous violence and blatant lies. And in the Trump Republican Party, opposition is anathema so Cheney has lost her seat. Republicans hate her. Democrats love her. Not just because in the world of politics my enemy’s enemy is my friend, but because in the world of politics both here and in the United States, it is such a rarity to find someone willing to hold to a principle, whatever the price. The idea that Liz Truss could even identify a principle, let alone to stick by one, is risible. WTF does not agree with Cheney on anything, and notes that she supported Trump loyally throughout his presidency. But when Cheney saw Trump’s hijack of the GOP, of the critical faculties of vast swathes of Americans, and of truth, dignity, decency and democracy, she put her principles before her politics and her party. Let us applaud her. Let us hope that she continues to be a thorn in Trump’ side for as long as possible. Well done that woman.

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We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with ghastly Tory MP Esther McVey wearing something ghastly.

WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh remarked with every justification that Esther looks as if she had just popped out onto the doorstep to collect the milk. What the actual fuck is going on here? She is wearing a dressing gown over a dental nurse’s smock and white jeans crinkling like the proverbial sharpei’s bum.

Next up, pointless celebritee Nicola Peltz Beckham  wearing Fendi.


It is bad trousers week? Mind you, every week is bad trousers week in this blog. These ones are particularly bad, crafted out of an old deerstalker hat last seen on Sherlock Holmes and it seems as if the Hound of the Baskervilles has taken a sizeable bite out of the side of them. 

Meet actor Angus Cloud wearing Louis Vuitton.

That suit is more overblown that a Murano glassblower on steroids….

To the premiere of the Game of Thrones spin-off House of the Dragon and one of its stars, actor Emily Carey, wearing Prier de Soane.

First we had the Hound of the Baskervilles tearing a bit out of Mrs Beckham’s trousers and now we have a dragon fire-blasting Emily’s green satin frock. What is this sudden fashion for hip-baring? Although given a choice between hips and arse-cheeks, it is a blessed relief.

Now we are the HCA Awards in LA where we find actor Nico Santos wearing a Paul Smith suit and preposterous shoes. 

The suit is jolly, if ill-fitting, but the bag is inexcusable and also has nothing in common with the 1970s floral shirt. However, WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the shoes, which look like a couple of freshly baked meringues.

Here is actor Julia Fox in LA wearing not enough.

WTF will soon to be able to stop putting Julia in the blog because at this rate of diminishing returns, there will be nothing left to show. Here she is in Minge-Moment, torn bin-bags.

And finally, we have singer and new mum Rihanna wearing preposterous boots by Y/PROJECT. If you are stark raving mad and want to throw £1600 down the toilet, these are right up your street.

WTF has seen a lot of bad boots in her time but these ones are as silly as any boots ever in the history of ever. If Nellie the Elephant went to a fancy dress party dressed as Rihanna, this is what she would look like.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Libby who has nominated butt-ripped jeans. Like these ones worn by Kylie Jenner. 

Kylie has a shapely butt. But we still do not need to see it. And just think of those people whose arse is less shapely. Just. Stop.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.

Posted in America, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Esther McVey, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, US Election | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Crisis Special

I Hallo Readers,

Last week WTF lamented the fact that nothing works in this country. Including the Prime Minister. Boris Johnson is back from his holiday this week but you would not know it. For a man who is usually gagging for a photo opportunity, he has been about as visible as Osama Bin Laden. No pics of him in hard hat and high vis jacket pretending to be Bob the Builder. No sign of him lurking in hospital wards, peering at terrified patients who cannot work out if they have died and woken up in the 7th circle of hell. Whatever it is that he is doing, it does not appear to be for the public good. Which is why, in a surprise to absolutely nobody, Downing St announced that this PM has no intention of intervening in the energy crisis, preferring to leave it to his appointed successor to take up the fight in September. His workload does not, it seems, extend to assisting or assuaging terrified citizens who have absolutely no idea how they will pay the gas bill, the electricity bill and the water bill, all of which are heading sky high. Pensioners who foresee the very real possibility of freezing to death in their own homes. Families who will have to make the choice between heating or eating. People with serious health conditions which require them to run machines which help save their lives. People on chemotherapy who overheat during the process but cannot afford to put on a fan afterwards. Army veterans, injured when fighting for their country, let down by the National Health Service in their treatment and now unable to keep themselves warm or cook themselves a meal. None of this matters to Johnson. Nor, apparently, does it matter much to the-robot-whose-batteries -are-running-down and Prime Minister in waiting, Liz Truss, to whom the idea of a profits tax is anathema. For Truss, the only thing that matters is cutting taxes so that those people who already have plenty of money to pay their bills will have even more. She also has a wizard wheeze to cut National Insurance for people who do not earn enough to pay it anyway. This is what we have to look forward  as 2022 draws to an end.

And this, Readers, is what a dozen years of Tory government has brought us. A messianic obsession with profits over people. A commitment to enriching their friends and paymasters rather than the community they were elected to serve. A failure to understand how ordinary people struggle on a daily basis. A gaping void where you would usually expect to see compassion. It just makes you feel so utterly ashamed. This is the 21st century’s version of Thatcher’s poll tax and it needs to be met with the same fury in the streets. Because if our government is indifferent to the fate of its citizens, then its citizens will have to take matters into their own hands. And that includes voting out this shower at the very earliest opportunity.

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We start our review of the week’s comical clothing with singer Katy Perry wearing a Cult Gaia dress and shoes from her own new line.

The shoes are horrible, as if she were standing on two pieces of red cardboard. Don’t give up your day job, love. Meanwhile, the sleeves on the dress are like a couple of deflated balloons.

Next, we have singer Kesha (formerly known as Ke$ha), wearing Fanci Club and what seems to be a dressing gown.

WTF was in great indignation when she saw Kesha in what appears to be a dressing gown. Then Kesha took it off and WTF hugely lamented the dressing gown, as what she saw instead was a pair of patterned tights masquerading as a dress with nothing but a tiny thong underneath, showcasing bare arse-cheeks and a globular pair of tits like a couple of melons in the moonlight. Careful now…. Nipples ahoy!

To LA where we find actor, singer and comedian Donald Glover at the launch of Beyonce’s new record, Renaissance.

Is it black knickers week? First Kesha, and then Donald. The party theme was retro. In Donald’s case this appears to mean the era of Edwardian wrestlers, namely a spangly leotard worn with preposterous boots.

And our hostess with the mostest, Beyoncé, with husband Jay-Z.

Oh please. Why does she never wear proper clothes? She is like a Michael Jackson tribute act with added tits and dangly bits.

To London, where we encounter Love Island so-called “star,” Antigoni Buxton en route to the show’s wrap party wearing (!!!!!!) Pretty Little Thing.

It is a shame that Antigoni did not wrap up rather more instead of running around coram publico in a tit-and-belly-button-baring leotard and matching “skirt”,  making her torso look like a squished face peering out of a wimple.

And finally, singer-songwriter Jesse Jo Stark and her boyfriend, singer Yungblud.

Jesse is giving us an imminent Minge Moment. As for her beau, if the Joker went to a fancy dress party as Ronald McDonald, this is what he would look like.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington and follows on from aficionado Gita’s submission last week.  It is people walking around London wearing less than they would wear on the beach. Look it’s hot. We get it. But bare-chested men in Barnet?  No.  A bra top made from a manky scarf in Stoke Newington? NO!!!! WTF was happily consuming a schnitzel in Stoke Newington Church Street last night when she was horrified by the sight of a giant pair of knockers bouncing away as its owner sashayed along with her partner. It put WTF right off her dinner, and rightly so. Put them away, people!!!! Have compassion for your fellow citizens. It’s Got to Go

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

 

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WTF Holiday Special

Hallo Readers,

So the good news is, as Cecily recorded in her diary in The Importance of Being Earnest, that the weather continues charming. The bad news is that we are hurtling towards a recession. Interest rates are the highest they have been for years. Meanwhile, following the four-fold quarterly profits made by British Gas last week, the oil companies cleaned up this week with massively increased profits amounting to billions. People are receiving new standing orders for their heating bills which are beyond ludicrous and certainly beyond affordability. And where is the Prime Minister? On holiday. Where is the Chancellor of the Exchequer? Oh holiday. God forbid these people could do their bloody job. It takes us back to last summer when Britain abandoned Afghanistan and desperate people besieged the airport, including British citizens and those promised sanctuary by Britain. And where was the Foreign Secretary? On holiday. And where was the Permanent Secretary at the Foreign Office? On holiday. Holiday is a very big thing with these people. Far bigger than attending to the needs of the citizens they claim to to represent. Considering that both Boris Johnson and Nadim Zahawi will have plenty of time on their hands in a month, one would have thought that they could have postponed the bucket and spade activities, but no.  They couldn’t.

In their absence, the next Prime Minister, Liz Truss or Rishi Sunak, is running around the country talking rubbish. Both of them continue to invent policy on the hoof in an ever desperate bid to win the hearts and minds of 150,000 tossers who have paid their subs to the Tory party. Sunak’s big idea was to punish people who do not big up Britain, whatever the hell that means. Truss’s big idea, announced one night, was to cut the pay of civil servants in the regions in order to mirror market forces. Needless to say, this idea went down like a cup of cold sick with the civil servants concerned, and was roundly mocked by one and all. By the morning, the plan was deader than a deceased dodo with advanced rigor mortis. The reason for abandoning it, according to Truss, was that it had been misrepresented by the press. WTF, somewhat naively, cannot see why a plan that had been misrepresented had to be abandoned rather than representing it properly, but then reality has long since abandoned this particular contest. As the Book of Jonah recounts, ‘And the LORD God prepared a gourd, and made it to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head, to deliver him from his evil. So Jonah was exceeding glad because of the gourd… But God prepared a worm when the morning rose the next day, and it smote the gourd, that it withered”. `That is policy, Truss-style. Say something stupid. Then backtrack hours later and blame somebody else. Sounds familiar? Honestly, you will hardly notice that Boris Johnson has gone…

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We start our review of the week’s clothing calamities with actor Brad Pitt  at the LA premiere of Bullet Train wearing Haans Nicholas Mott, designed just for him.

Haans was also responsible for the horrible linen skirt suit Brad wore for the premiere in Berlin. That one prompted WTF aficionado Quixote to ask “They made Brad Pitt look ugly? Brad Pitt? How do you even DO that?”  Brad is not ugly but why is he in a Kermit-the-frog coloured, badly-cut jacket and matching baby-rompers with a crumpled shirt and very silly trainers? This Haans is a menace. Fact.

And another of the movie’s stars, actor Zazie Beetz, wearing Acne Studios.

WTF is all for recycling but Acne has just stitched together manky denim offcuts and called it a dress. Worse, it seems to have an attached sack over her shoulder like one of the Seven Dwarves. 

Influencer Tana Mongeau was also at the premiere, wearing not enough. 

Tana has five million Instagram followers….. five million people whom she wants to influence to have their tits hanging out of a gaping tit cavern and their arses hanging out of a Minge-Moment skirt. Yurgle.

To the London premiere of Nope and one of its stars, actor Keke Palmer, wearing Valentino.

The good news. It is Valentino but it is not that dreary  shocking pink. The bad news. Some poor bird has died in vain to give her a minge muff.

Still in London, here is actor Gwendoline Christie wearing Rick Owens at another premiere, this time The Sandman.

Er…if Brienne of Tarth went to a party with a sequinned shield,  a pair of jeans and a new hairdo, this is what she would look like.

Someone else at the premiere was celebritee Tallia Storm wearing Fashion Nova (yours for only £33, reduced from £37).

Good grief. She seems to have a basset hound asleep on her person.

Next up, here is hip hop artiste Jatavia Shakara Johnson wearing an old sofa.

Have you seen those nails??? How do get ANYTHING done? How do you do up the zip on those horrendous trousers or on those foul tabi boots?

And finally, we have comedian Eddie Izzard wearing Zara.

This is not a trans thing, this is an eyeballs thing. Eddie looks like a sack of shit in this dress, which does not flatter her burgeoning midriff, not even at all. Worse, that hair adds to the impression that Eddie is moonlighting as a Nadine Dorries tribute act.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who has brought this item to public attention. Yikes!

 There are no words. WTF has just gone veggie, It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

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WTF Going Nowhere Special

Hallo Readers,

Have you noticed how absolutely nothing works in this country anymore? It is so embarrassing. It is either too hot, or too cold, or the wrong sort of rain, or the wrong sort of snow, or the wrong sort of wind. But the result is always the same, namely things grind to a halt. Last week, in a heatwave of 39 degrees, the tarmac melted at Luton airport. Do you hear about the tarmac melting in O’Hare Airport in Chicago? Or Changi Airport in Singapore? Of course you don’t. But this is Britain 2022. Take the airports. What used to be a hop, skip and a jump to some European idyll is now a marathon akin to something undertaken by Phineas Fogg.  You queue to check in your luggage, at which point you may have to bid it farewell for a prolonged period, perhaps forever. You queue to get through security, where you will find that eight scanning machines out of twelve are not operating. That is, of course, if your flight has not been cancelled between your locking the front door and climbing into an early morning taxi and arriving to join crowds of putative holiday makers in scenes resembling the evacuation of Paris in 1940. Then there are the ferries. It seems that those who voted for Brexit did not consider the old adage that ‘you have to be in it to win it’. As a result of the UK waving two fingers at our European friends, they are exacting their revenge by sending a limited number of gendarmes to go through your passport line by line at Dover or Folkestone, that is once you have survived a twelve-hour queue on the M20 or the M2, your kids screaming hysterically at the back and you and your partner screaming hysterically at the front, everyone in desperate need of a wee wee. By the time you set sail, it is nearly time to come home again. Or you might want to go by train. That is, if there are any. Even if the tracks have not melted like a fondue in the sizzling summer sunshine, the drivers, led by the splendid Mick Lynch, are often on strike, so you cannot let the train take the strain. You could stay in Blighty, where you will be royally ripped off by greedy Airbnb merchants and Basil Fawlty-type establishments in seaside resorts various, but in order to get there you will have to fill your car with petrol at two quid a litre and sit on the A 303 admiring Stonehenge for hours on end, your kids screaming hysterically at the back and you and your partner screaming hysterically at the front, everyone in desperate need of a wee wee.

Meanwhile there appears to be no Government to speak of, not even of any kind. You have not heard a word from the Prime Minister or the Chancellor, and the Foreign Secretary is busy running around the country imitating a Dalek on Mogadon, the Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport is busy insulting the Foreign Secretary’s rival’s footwear and the Secretary of State for Transport is far too busy to intervene in the train strike, or the tube strike, because it is not apparently his job. No one can afford to put the oven on while the owner of British Gas has just declared a four-fold profit for the last quarter. But Readers, do not despair! There is good news. Boris Johnson and Carrie Antoinette are celebrating their belated wedding on Saturday in some leafy corner of the Cotswolds. It is so nice to see that our Prime Minister still has his priorities straight.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shite with Home Secretary (for now) Priti Patel at Glorious Goodwood races, wearing something frightful.

Patel’s politics are firmly rooted in the 1970s and it seems that her wardrobe is as well, like a cut-price Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, down to the brooch on the coat and pearls. Just shockingly shocking.

This is actor Gabrielle Union wearing Farai London.

She’s gorgeous, but this outfit is a dud, like a carrying harness for twins. It was also a recipe for tit slippage, which duly happened but WTF is sparing you the pic because life is traumatic enough…. 

Meanwhile, whoever that other lady is, she has forgotten her skirt and that is either a garter or a handbag, but it is unclear which.

To ComicCon in LA and comedian Alice Wetterlund wearing By Moumi.

This dress probably got a bigger laugh than any punchline Alice has ever delivered onstage. It is completely horrible, like a crinkled condom. And the back view is worse, with Alice flashing her bare bum-cheeks. Put them away, love, for Gawd’s sake.

To NYC and the opening night of the stage adaptation of the novel The Kite Runner where we find  OITNB actor Laverne Cox, wearing Mugler.

Oh Laverne! Why are you allowing Mugler to do this terrible thing to you? Or why are you doing this terrible thing to yourself? Have you not heard of the word ‘no’? You have taken braver decisions in your life than declining to turn up at a Broadway premiere dressed as the Gimp from Pulp Fiction.

We are now at the Los Angeles premiere of House of the Dragon, the prequel of Games of Thrones, and this is actor Emily Carey wearing Givenchy. Brace yourselves.

If a polar bear auditioned for the Julia Roberts role in an ursine remake of Pretty Woman,  this is what it would look like. And what’s with the bloomers?

Still in Los Angeles, we are now at the ESPYs, the Sports Awards, where we encounter American football quarterback Russell Wilson, who is wearing Dolce & Gabbana, and his wife, singer Chiara who is wearing Sabina Bilenko Couture.

Something has gone seriously awry with Russell’s trousers, which are concertina-ering around his thighs, although the jacket is excellent. As for his wife, she has apparently taken a couple of nursing pads and used them as tit coasters.Next up is another comedian, Quinta Brunson, wearing Prabal Gurung.

Why is she wearing a feather duster? She probably spent the night praying that no one crunched a canapé into the carpet or a member of the serving staff would have picked her up and put her to work sweeping up the crumbs.

And finally we have actor Alison Brie wearing Cavalli. 

There is too much strappage and the effect of the flowers meandering over her minge is like a floral vajazzle. No wonder the poor love looks so haunted….

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Gita from Bromley, aka @MsAlliance. Gita says ‘do you know what’s got to go? Wearing just a bra as a top in public.’

 She continues, ‘I have seen far too many of these this week. Goodness knows, I’m open-minded but just NO.. ‘ She is, as ever, right on the money. These two ladies above were ejected from a Wetherspoons pub for wearing unsuitable tops as tops. There is a difference between the beach and the boozer, the swimming pool and the street. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, ESPYs, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Louse and Flea Special

Hallo Readers,

Six more weeks of this. Six more weeks of two people you can’t stand vying with each other to replace someone else you can’t stand, with the winner being decided by 200,000 people you can’t stand and whose only qualification to make the decision is that they are members of the Governing party. The British public as a whole has no say in this farce and therefore will have one of these two numpties foisted upon them as the new Prime Minister for the next two and a half years. And if that is not enough to make you contemplate setting about yourself with a kitchen knife, WTF does not know what is.

The choice to be made by the Tory faithful brings to mind the often quoted words of Dr Johnson when he remarked ‘Sir, there is no settling the point of precedence between a louse and a flea’. As it happens, both the louse and the flea look pretty good when compared to Liz Truss, a woman who makes Theresa May look like Joan Rivers, and Rishi Sunak, aka Rish!, whose interviews exude the enthusiasm of the head prefect of a swanky public school giving the speech on Founder’s Day. The fact that both of them stuck to Boris Johnson like shit to a blanket for the past three years, supporting him in public and sitting in his Cabinet, troubles them not at all, even though Sunak at least bolted for the exit days before the curtain came down on the Johnson premiership. Truss is now claiming that she was in violent disagreement with Sunak’s economic policies but was forced to abide by collective Cabinet responsibility; she intends to cut taxes like a deranged axe-person to the tune of £30 billion, at which Sunak cannot contain his contempt and incredulity and the rest of us roll our eyes and wish we lived elsewhere.

WTF is no fan of Sunak, but he does at least have the advantage of sounding as if he knows what he is talking about. Truss, on the other hand, gives the impression that she is reading off an autocue but has forgotten her glasses. And her brain. If she does have a belief in anything, other than her determination to be Prime Minister, it has yet to become apparent as she swings from Remainer to Brexiteer, from putting up taxes to cutting taxes, from Lib Dem to Tory, from Shirley Williams to Margaret Thatcher. She also appears to have delusions of grandeur, the lovechild of the Iron Lady and Donald Trump. Listen to Truss and her achievements are indeed remarkable. She has apparently done massive trade deals. She has saved Ukraine. She is probably going to save the planet from climate change and find a cure for cancer. But actually, her achievements are unremarkable save for her progress up the slippery slope of politics, discarding any policies which proved to be unpopular or inconvenient. She sounds awful. She looks awful. She is awful. And Heaven help us, by virtue of pandering to the right wing and being a white woman rather than an incredibly rich brown man, she will probably be moving into number 10 Downing St on 5 September. Kill me now…..

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We start our review of the week’s clothing calamities in New York with the wonderful Julia Garner from Ozark, wearing Prada on her way to be interviewed by Jimmy Kimmel.

The colour does absolutely nothing for her and the belt appears to have attached itself to her person at random. The main complaint, however, is that this is another example of the nasty new phenomenon of tit bags, which we saw recently on Ashley Roberts. Frankly, WTF finds them deeply disturbing.  That is all there is to be said about tit bags. Next!

Next is singer Gwen Stefani wearing a Cult Gaia top and Dion Lee cargo pants.

The cargo pants are fine, but they seem to be worn over high-rise fishnet panties, like chaps like to show off their Calvin Klein boxer shorts over the waist of their jeans. As for the top, not only does it look as if Gwen has had a double-nipplectomy, but the design is reminiscent of a dog’s rear end.

Here is ghastly ex-Presidential daughter-in-law Lara Trump, the one married to the gormless Eric, at her mother-in-law’s funeral in New York City.

Look, New York is hot at present. And sweaty. WTF gets that, she really does. But even if you can excuse wearing a sleeveless dress to your mother-in-law’s funeral (the late Ivana Trump), put the cleavage away, love, for Gawd’s sake.  And the back is even worse…..

That slit goes all the way up to her bum! You do not flash your arse at your mother-in-law’s funeral, even if your mother-in-law is Ivana Trump. No class. None at all.

And now we have actor Karreuche Tran wearing Didu at the London premiere of NOPE.

NOPE is le mot juste. What on earth is this? WTF does not like tit pockets any more than she likes tit bags and the bits and pieces of fabric various, like J-Cloths, make Karreuche look like a patchwork doll with no feet.

Welcome back to model Naomi Campbell receiving an honorary Ph.D. from the Chancellor of UCA, Professor Bashir Makhoul. Naomi is wearing Burberry. 

Ph.D in what? Phone-throwing? Anyway, those are the most preposterous pair of trousers WTF ever did see in her life. Yurgle. Burberry seems to have been inspired by a building in Suzhou, China, called Gate of the Orient but known locally as the Pair of Trousers, (or Pair of Pants, if you are American).  

This is Victoria Secrets’ model Joy Corrigan wearing who knows what at the Poster Girl Swim Show in South Beach, Miami.

IMMINENT MINGE MOMENT!!!! IMMINENT ARSE MOMENT!!!! And, for that matter, IMMINENT TIT MOMENT!!!!

To the Paris premiere of Bullet Train with actor Joey King wearing Thom Browne.

What that label on the skirt says, Heaven knows. Perhaps it reads “Do not wear this in public or you will look like an idiot”.

And the caravanserai for Bullet Train moved on to Berlin, where we find actor Brad Pitt looking awful.

What on earth is happening here? Does Brad’s hotel not have an iron? Or better still, a minion to do the ironing? Brad claimed that he was wearing a skirt as it was airier. In which case, why is he wearing what looks like tweed and heavy hobnail boots? In short, why is he dressed as Hyacinth Bouquet from Keeping Up Appearances?

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Katie from Highgate, who sent in a pic of these leggings.  They are by Schein, or Shite as WTF prefers to call them.

Katie is not impressed. She says she came across this and “it just screamed It’s Got To Go. Leggings without the legs and a terrible Minge Moment”. She is right. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Climate Change, Donald Trump, Eric Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Liz Truss, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Penny Dreadful Special

Hallo Readers,

Joni Mitchell once sang ‘don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone’. You have to say that she was right on the nail. Although Boris Johnson has not actually gone, he is going. And despicable and mendacious as he is, he is starting to look like Gladstone and Disraeli combined when you consider the shower of shit lined up to replace him. As an up yours to his Party, his Government and his Cabinet  who wanted him out, it is sweet revenge because the next Prime Minister of the United Kingdom will redefine the word ghastly.

There have already had two rounds of voting by Tory MPs which has left them with the following choices: Rishi Sunak, the overgrown school prefect in overpriced sneakers who was Chancellor until last week; Liz Truss, still Foreign Secretary, and dimmer than a dead light bulb; Kemi Badenoch, the Anti-Woke-Warrior of whom no one had heard until a few days ago, a state of blissful ignorance to which we hope fervently to return; Penny Mordaunt, a cut price Margaret Thatcher without the brain who is also a barefaced liar; and Tom Tugendhat, who was a Lieutenant-Colonel in the Territorial Army but who has never held Government office. Grant Shapps and Savid Javid failed to get enough votes even to get on the ballot and Jeremy Hunt and Nadim Zahawi bit the dust in Round One. Thursday was made more bearable by the elimination of Suella Braverman, the Attorney-General who is so anti -European that if she bit you, you would immediately need to undergo a double dose of rabies treatment. Had she ever made it to number 10 Downing St, WTF would have emigrated to Outer Mongolia.

The remaining runners and riders are now vying with each other to be the one to cut taxes the most, ship the maximum number of people off to Rwanda on a one way ticket, slap political correctness in the face and pretend they had never been anywhere in the proximity of Boris Johnson. Never mind that two of them sat in his Cabinet defending his every transgression and two of them were junior ministers in his Government. Listen to them and you would think that they had been on the Opposition Benches since 2010. Only Tugendhat has the twin advantages of never having been in government and having been openly critical of Johnson. But it does not change the fact that he shares many of the views of his rivals and, like the others save for Sunak, is busy promising tax cuts galore with no indication of how they will be paid for.

Mordaunt might be the favourite but she is more ghastly than the rest of them. In the 19th Century, a penny dreadful was cheap serialised popular literature, usually a murder mystery. In the 21st Century, Penny Dreadful is pitching herself as the love child of Boudica and Lord Nelson with a side order of Pinocchio. During the Brexit Referendum, Penny Dreadful not only posed proudly by the side of the infamous bus promising £350m a week for the NHS but repeatedly asserted that the UK would be overrun by zillions of Turks who were about to join the EU which Britain could not veto. This is what is known as a barefaced lie but she is still unrepentant and has refused to retract what she then said. She has not only done a volte face on trans people, but she now claims she never supported self-identification. This is another lie. We would therefore be swapping one liar and fantasist for another; and worse still, her campaign is being run by the appalling Andrea Loathsome, whose own run for Leader crumbled when she misspoke about Theresa May being childless and when it emerged that her CV would put Fancy McFanciful to shame.  Since it was lies and fantasies that did for Boris Johnson, one can only ask what on earth is the point of all this nonsense? Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose…..

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We start our review of the week’s comedy clothing with dancer and singer Julianne Hough out and about wearing who even knows what this is.

As you know, Readers, WTF hates a one-armed garment on a two-armed person almost above all things. And when she first saw this, she thought Julianne was wearing a truss. (Not Liz Truss – the medical support device.)  Did someone die before they’d finished knitting this? Or did they just give up in disgust? She looks like a half-shorn sheep.

And now to Rome for Haute Couture Week, kicking off with more shocking pink from Valentino, this time on Oscar-winning actors Anne Hathaway and Ariana DeBose.

They resemble a couple of peonies blooming happily in warm sunshine, but they have both forgotten their skirts. WTF’s chief indignation, however, is at the horrific horses’ hooves on their feet. How ugly are those shoes? And how do you walk in them?

Meet actor and singer-songwriter Nat Wolff , also wearing Valentino.

It isn’t shocking  pink, for which much thanks. But it isn’t clothes either. It’s a pyjama top. End of. These ones from Gant are a lot cheaper…..

Here is actor Emma Watson wearing Schiaparelli.

Not to be critical – Heaven forfend! -but what the actual fuck is going on here? That is one of the most ludicrous jackets that WTF ever did see in her life and she has seen a few. The humungous shoulders in contrast with the gamine Emma’s little leggies, combined with the generally nautical air, would make you think this is Popeye’s nemesis Bluto. Ahoy there!

She’s back! It’s Rita Ora, also wearing Schiaparelli.

Ouch! The men in white coats are on standby to intervene with Schiaparelli’s head designer, Texan-born Daniel Rosebery, who appears to have gone stark staring mad. Rita’s trousers don’t fit but the main culprit is the bralet, which seems to be doing horrible things to her tits like a bejewelled cheese slicer.

Next up is fashionista and blogger Chiara Ferragni wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.

Speaking of stark staring mad…..?  You can see her gusset! Here is a WTF rule. Gussets should never be on view. If a corsetière went to a fancy dress party as a character from One Flew over the Cookoo’s Nest, this is what she would look like.

Finally, welcome back Zara Phillips, daughter of Princess Anne and 21st in line to the Throne. She is at her half-sister’s wedding wearing a foul dress by Zimmerman with Valentino pumps and a stupid hat.

English women really do not know to dress for weddings, do they? Why has she got a pair of rabbit’s ears on her head? As for the alleged dress, is she trying to upstage the bride? This is too short but it is also just a really nasty garment, buttoned to the neck like Queen Victoria and very tight around the titties. Worst of all, it looks cheap although it costs £2,082.  That’s a lot to pay to look like Jade from Casualty.

Talking of Royalty, this week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF (well, it is my blog) who, like a large part of the Nation, was very concerned to see little Prince George in a suit and tie at the Wimbledon Men’s Final last Sunday.

What nonsense is this? It was 3o+ degrees and the poor thing was forced to swelter in formal attire. He is eight years old,  for Heaven’s sake. Sod the rules. Women in the Royal Box do not have to wear a suit and tie, or even long sleeves, so why should men? And why should kids have to abide by the rules for adults? Let him wear a shirt and chinos like every other kid. It is a blessing he did not get heat stroke. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending your splendid comments as well as your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Dominic Cummings, European Court of Human Rights, Fashion Disasters, Jeremy Hunt, Liz Truss, Nadine Dorries, Penny Mordaunt, Politics, Priti Patel, racism, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment