WTF Augean Stables Special

Hallo Readers,

To be honest, there are few, if any, members of the current Cabinet you would want to hang around with. Michael Gove? Grant Shapps? Suella Braverman? I mean, come on – wouldn’t you rather endure a barbed wire enema? Perhaps Therese Coffey could be a bit of a laugh, were it not for her repulsive views on gay marriage, her penchant for removing people’s Social Security payments and her foul habit of smoking cigars, and that is  ignoring the fact that she is best mates with Liz Truss. Nevertheless, WTF would rather lock herself in a room with all of the above than spend even ten minutes in the company of Dominic Raab, the Justice Secretary and Deputy Prime Minister. Raab is one of those supercilious, sneering types who is simultaneously immensely arrogant and not very bright, and to date, he has not distinguished himself in his current or any of his previous Cabinet posts. As Brexit Secretary, he was forced to admit that he had not read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through, which, as WTF remarked at the time, was like trying to be a doctor though never having read Gray’s Anatomy. He later became Foreign Secretary, lounging by the pool of his holiday hotel in Greece as Afghanistan fell to the Taliban, a dereliction of duty then compounded by his sulky defence of his inactivity and his insistence that he had not gone surfboarding as “the sea was closed”. Reshuffled out of that post by Boris Johnson, he was made Minister of Justice and Lord Chancellor, only to insult striking criminal legal aid barristers, misrepresenting how much they were paid and spitting whenever he had to utter the words “human rights”. Liz Truss gave him the heave-ho, but a few short weeks later, he bounced back under Sunak and was reinstalled at the Justice Department, as if the whole Truss thing had never happened – rather like Bobby Ewing in Dallas, standing in the shower after two seasons during which he was supposed to be dead. Go figure…..

On becoming Prime Minister one hundred days ago, Sunak stood outside No 10 and vowed to clean out the Augean stables, a promise that fell apart about 29 minutes later when a horrified nation watched Braverman, who had been sacked the previous week by Truss for breaches of the Ministerial Code, strolling along Downing Street to reclaim her spot at the Home Office. Since then, Sunak has lost the dubious services of “Sir” Gavin Williamson, who fell on his sword following bullying allegations and last week, he was forced to sack Nadhim Zahawi, not just for being iffy with his taxes, but for failing to mention that he had been iffy with his taxes and threatening to sue anyone who suggested that he had been iffy with his taxes. But Raab, the subject of ongoing bullying claims by civil servants at various departments he has purported to run, remains in situ, clinging to power like shit to a blanket. Adam Tolley KC is carrying out an independent enquiry into the allegations, all of which were public before Sunak appointed him, and underlings various are forming an orderly queue outside Tolley’s door to dish the dirt on their boss.  Raab was stoutly defended by the unspeakable Jacob Rees-Mogg, who complained that people should not be too snowflakey” about getting told off at work, so perhaps that will do for him in the end, but like the unspeakable Priti Patel, Raab will probably not go voluntarily if the allegations are upheld. Perhaps Sunak will be forced to sack Raab, unlike Johnson, who shielded Patel even after she was found to have bullied her officials, and after a senior civil servant in her department had to be paid oodles of public cash to settle his unfair dismissal claims after he quit in disgust. But, as WTF said last week of Zahawi, shame and honour are not the defining qualities of this or any recent Tory governments. Zahawi was sacked only two days after WTF’s rant. One suspects it will take a lot longer before Raab packs his pencil case.

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We begin our survey of the week’s sartorial shite with model and influencer Jasmine Sanders at Pamela, A Love Story, a film about Baywatch star Pamela Anderson.

Pussy in Boots. Jasmine is doing that ‘I’ll-turn-up-and-flash-my-fanny-and get-my- picture-in-the papers’ thing that people do when they have no actual talent. And what is worse, there is (presumably an intentional) rip in the gusset of her pantyhose. 

Look love, to quote Bertie Wooster, you are taking up space which is required for other purposes. Just. Go. Away.

Next, celebritee and sometime singer Tallia Storm, at a Magic Mike launch wearing who knows what?

The handbag is more substantial than the rest of the outfit put together. The top looks like a face mask, the sort of things the killer dons in Midsomer Murders to wipe out half a dozen villagers before Inspector Barnaby finally cracks the case, while the skirt looks like a truncated waste paper bin. To which this outfit should have been consigned….

Next we have actor Jeremy Pope wearing a most extraordinary creation with much moobage. What is it supposed to be?

If a Ju Jitsu fighter had an early night, this is what he would look like. Meanwhile clock the steel-toed shoes, not to mention the very unfortunate elephant-vagina syndrome around the crotch.

And here is another man who cannot find a shirt. This is actor Simu Liu wearing a suit and Tiffany jewellery at a Tiffany Lock event in Toronto.

There is nothing wrong with the suit. Or those abs. But not only can you see the abs, you can also see his under crackers. As such, he is this week’s winner of the Cute Bare-chested Baby Award. Any excuse to use this pic again……

Yes, it’s her again. Rita Ora was wearing Fendi at the Fendi Show at Paris Fashion Week.

WTF can safely say that she hates loo everything Rita is wearing, from the blue cyanotic lipstick to the cut-out coat to the blue welly-like boots. The whole thing is clearly inspired by the King of the White Walkers from Game of Thrones.

To New York and actor Rose Byrne with her partner, actor Bobby Cannavale. WTF has long thought that Bobby is a piece of terrific and she likes Rose, but she does not like what Rose is wearing, which is a dress by Ulla Johnson. The jury is out on the shoes and has been sent home for the weekend to think about it some more.

Here is the thing about Rose’s dress. First, it resembles something that Rose’s great granny wore and which has discoloured over a period of time. Second, the sleeves are silly. And third, the way it falls around the minge area makes her appear to have a penis. And no, you’re not getting a picture.

Finally, we have (yet again) Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the newly installed Governor of Arkansas and former Trump Press Secretary, wearing something truly horrible. Brace yourselves.

For Goodness Sake! Don’t they have clothing boutiques in Little Rock? Or mirrors? And, for that matter, opticians? This woman is the Governor of the State. The same State Bill Clinton used to govern. At least try and look the part, Sarah. Those knees should never be on show, except to loved ones and Orthopaedic Surgeons. She looks like Dennis the Menace in pearls. Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is fed up with the ridiculous sums being spent on footballers. This week, Chelsea paid Portuguese club Benfica a UK record fee, €121m (£107m), for Enzo Fernandez. This is simply obscene. People can’t afford the electric bill to switch their tellies on and a club pays this sort of money for a 22 year old player? No, no, no. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Goit is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Afghanistan, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Raab, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Football, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss, Nadhim Zahawi, Politics, Priti Patel, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Therese Coffey, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Shysterama Special

Hallo Readers,

Welcome to another edition of ‘Nothing to see here, move along, well maybe there is something, whoops’, in which undistinguished members of the Conservative Government behave badly, deny blindly that they have behaved badly, threaten to call in m’learned friends if anyone suggests that they behaved badly, are subsequently shown to be bang to rights, and then try and cover it up. This week’s contestant is Party Chairman Nadhim Zahawi, who for a short period was Chancellor of the Exchequer under Boris Johnson after Rishi Sunak resigned from that post. Zahawi founded the polling company YouGov and he is very rich, although not as rich as Rishi Sunak, his predecessor and the present Prime Minister. Do keep up. During his short stint as Chancellor, Zahawi was forced to negotiate a settlement of his outstanding liabilities arising out of some complex arrangement in which his shares in YouGov were held in the name of his father in a trust in Gibraltar. The taxman was unimpressed with Zahawi’s claim that he was not liable to pay tax on this and in the end the taxman’s view prevailed over his boss, who was forced to fork out millions of pounds as a result. When news of the settlement became public a few months ago, an indignant Zahawi bridled at the suggestion that there was anything iffy going on and he threatened to sue anyone and everyone for libel, at which m’learned friends got very excited and started doing jigs around Lincoln’s Inn Fields and planning their new cars. However, it is now clear that not only did Zahawi have to pay tax, but had to pay penalties for not having originally paid the tax. Zahawi maintains this was all an innocent error but as the Head of the Service pointed out, you don’t pay penalties on an innocent error, unless of course the innocent error is that you haven’t paid the tax due in the first place, instead asking Messers Less Is Better LLP to shove it in a Gibraltarian trust and save you a shedload. Sunak now claims that nobody told him about these penalties and looks like a man with itching powder down the seat of his (far too short) trousers, Tory MPs find themselves plunged into another shitshow and want Zahawi gone, and everyone else is pissing themselves laughing and enjoying the discomfiture.

Zahawi himself has declared that he is staying put, but then Zahawi does not do shame, as evidenced by his accepting the appointment as Chancellor under Johnson, only to turn round 36 hours later and urge him to resign, then to   himself stand for Leader, fail, back Liz Truss, back Johnson’s return after Liz Truss went and ten minutes after Johnson withdrew his candidacy, to go full throttle in favour of Sunak. A man who sticks his head up so many different bottoms in such a short time is unlikely to be fazed by a little matter of having to negotiate with the department he presided over to pay outstanding tax that his department is obliged to collect. Sunak has tried to kick the whole matter into the long grass by appointing an inquiry into whether his Party Chairman broke the ministerial code (answer – of course he did), in which the part of Sue Gray is now played by some bloke in a suit who is his new ethics adviser. You couldn’t make it up, but sadly you don’t need to because this is now becoming standard fare. Standards in public life have slipped to a subterranean place so tucked away from sight that crack teams of cavers armed with infrared equipment could not locate them.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cobblers with actor Chase Liefeld wearing who can even say what this is?

This falls  squarely into the category of ‘you must be fucking joking matey’,  as does the fact that not only did Chase wear this horrible shiny thing but actually HAD A STYLIST who found it for him. And the stylist claims credit for doing so. Not even a man as handsome as Chase can carry off something this ludicrous. Yurgle.

Next up, actor and singer Jennifer Lopez at the premiere of her new RomCom (read, rubbish) Shotgun Wedding, wearing Valentino.

Why has she wearing a beaver bow under her gown? WTF tried to think of the she last saw anything so silly and then gave up. Younger Readers are fortunate not to have been born when Tony Orlando and Dawn released a vomit-inducing ditty called Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree. Click on the link and weep. It is all about a convicted felon coming out of prison after three years and travelling home to find out if his wife still wants him. If she does, she should tie a yellow ribbon round the aforementioned tree, a traditional American welcome home for those who have been away. (Spoiler – she did. A hundred of them). WTF does not know about Sgr Valentino’s musical tastes, but he seems to have been inspired by Tony’s warbling from all those years back.

And now we go to Paris Fashion Week where we encounter actor Lucien Laviscount wearing Louis Vuitton.

The top half is cute. The floaty thing over the bottom half is not cute, the love child of overalls and a peignoir. And on what on earth are those things on his feet? They look like mini hoovers……

Meanwhile, over at Dior, actor Robert Pattinson graced the Front Row wearing this.

What nonsense is this? He resembles the late Princess Margaret in her prime.

Next, celebritee Kylie Jenner on the steps of the Schiaparelli show.

Er…. what? WHAT?????!!! She has a lion growing out of her tit. It is as if they have remade the Wizard of Oz starring noted lion and tiger slaughterers, Eric and Donald Trump Jr.

Also there and also wearing Schiaparelli was singer Doja Cat.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. Doja is a walking. blood-soaked pustule, like a germ version of the old Sissy Spacek movie, Carrie.

We are not done yet, Readers. Here are identical twin and US TV personalitees Shannon and Shanade Clermont wearing not enough.

The twins even have had identical plastic surgery (they admit the surgery, except for the tits. Because those tits are so realistic, aren’t they?).  As for the alleged outfits,  there is insufficient fabric between the two sets of tit covers to make a small dishcloth, let alone to cover the two pairs of globularity stuck onto their chests, the hoodies are not so much cropped as aborted and they are wearing minge pads. If a couple of baseball players went to a fancy dress party as titsy Palomino ponies, this is what they would look like.


And finally, rapper J Balvin wearing Loewe at Loewe. Scroll down slowly….

 Oh my Lord. He looks like a giant ballsack. And no, you are NOT getting a picture.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from women everywhere, although the news this evening (Thursday night) has changed this to She’s NOT Going To Go. WTF refers to convicted double rapist, né Adam Graham, who now (post -rapes) goes by the name of Isla Bryson and says she is a trans woman waiting for gender reassignment. 

The Scottish Government’s original position was that Isla is a woman and so she would have the right to serve time in a woman’s prison, once sentenced. Even though the heinous crimes were committed by Adam Graham, a man who violated two women with the penis Isla still has. As you can see from the picture above. But such is the outcry that even Nicola Sturgeon had has to admit that this would be an outrage and so Adam/Isla is going to a man’s prison. Hopefully for a very, very, long time. Let us not have this nonsense ever again. Rapists do not belong in a woman’s prison. Full stop. The end.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Goit is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Donald Trump Jr, Eric Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Nadhim Zahawi, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Sleaze, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Baguette and Brioche Special


Hallo Readers,

On hearing that many of her subjects could not afford to buy bread, Queen Marie Antoinette replied “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche”—“Let them eat cake.” As may be imagined, this went down badly with les citoyens français, who would have loved to have got their hands on a couple of brioches, given that they could not even afford a mouldy baguette. Two centuries on and the United Kingdom, one of the richest economies in the world, is providing food for its struggling citizens by way of food banks. Among those making use of this facility are nurses, currently on strike for the first time in their history. The starting salary for a nurse is some £27,000 and more senior nurses may earn £35,000. Reminder – these people have your life in their hands. They went through the Pandemic with inadequate protection, working around the clock and putting their own lives at risk; indeed, many died. Every Thursday night, as the clock struck 8, we stood on our door steps applauding and banging saucepan lids to show our appreciation of their efforts. Except that our appreciation does not run to paying them properly for those efforts. They could earn much more in McDonald’s and get free burgers to boot. And fries.

This week, as another round of strikes began, Simon Clarke MP, a former Cabinet Minister, but now relegated to the back benches by Rishi Sunak, thought it would be a good idea to criticise the nurses’ claim that some of them had to use food banks. In Clarke’s opinion, anyone earning £35,000 a year (which not all of them do), was clearly not budgeting properly and “my message is everyone needs to take responsibility in their lives’. This from the man who was Chief Secretary to the Treasury under Johnson, was Secretary of State for Levelling Up for about 10 minutes in a government led by Truss, and who was an enthusiastic advocate for Brexit, which everyone but its most misguided supporters now admit is not what it was supposed to be and which has failed to lead us into the sunlit uplands in which we were supposed to frolic.

An MP earns £84,000 a year and Cabinet Ministers get another £65,000. Clarke also trousered £16,876 severance pay on getting the boot from the Cabinet. He further claimed £220,000 in expenses last year, including rent in London of £2,400 pounds a month, office expenses and travel (First Class of course) to and from his constituency in Teesside. Plus someone contributed £5,000 pounds, multi-millionaire “Lord” Zac Goldsmith gave him £7,500 pounds and Clarke and his partner, whoever that unfortunate person may be, got £1,200 worth of Wimbledon tickets. Which is a lot of baguette and brioche; not only that, it is baguette and brioche thickly spread with artisanal butter and the most expensive confitures. In other words, this public-school educated Oxford graduate, who trained as a solicitor before going to work for Dominic Raab, is an absolute tool, ignorant, spoiled and tone-deaf in common with many of his colleagues on the Tory benches. The Tories have been in power since 2010. They have trashed the National Health Service, which is on its knees. Clarke is (over)paid from the public purse, he has cocked up everything he has put his hand to, and he now has the temerity to open his mouth and criticise people paid a wholly inadequate wage, people who actually do something useful, and who do not have the benefit of heavily subsidised, exquisitely cooked lunches and dinners in the House of Commons, and who have to pay their own fares to work. Not to put too fine a point on it, Simon Clarke should shut the fuck up.

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Our survey of this week’s sartorial sludge comes from the Red Carpet at the 2023 Critics’ Choice Awards in Los Angeles, where actors various paraded about in borrowed finery. We start with Marcia Gay Harden wearing One/Of.

This is certainly One/Of.  One/Of the worst things WTF has seen for a while, not least because it doesn’t fit, not even at all, and also because it appears to be a recycled damask curtain with a plume of black fumes blowing out of her bottom, like the Smoke Monster in Lost. Why is there a This-Way-To-My-Minge black arrow effect? 

Marcia gains extra minus points for the blotchy marmalade legs with matching blusher.

Anya Taylor-Joy wearing Dior.

Dior!!??!!??!!?? Mais non! Mon Dieu! That is so NOT Anya’s colour, as she is already pinky beige enough without more pinky beige to go over the pinky beige. Also, WTF has a question. Here it is. If you are going to line a dress, why stop above the crotch? As WTF remarked of Prince Harry last week, either piss or get the pot.  This looks like the lovechild of a tailor’s dummy and a pair of those very overpriced Gucci tights. And she has a cottage loaf on her head.

Julia Garner, wearing Ferragamo.

This is like a Mark Rothko with added minge moment and bellybutton detail. We can but be thankful that she added a bralet from Skims to avoid full nippleage. 

WTF also hates the shoes, which look like silken door-stops with straps.

 Sebastian Stan, wearing Givenchy.

Yurgle. He is handsome, but even he cannot carry off wearing a crappy tee shirt with a cummerbund. Is this the beginning of a new trend? Because this new trend is bad. Very bad. What is next? A nappy and a bow tie?

The baby looks cute. But then, he’s a baby.

Elle Fanning wearing Alexander McQueen. 

In between leaving her hotel and arriving at the ceremony, Elle was set upon by a vicious gang which tore her dress to shreds, rather like Cinderella when the Ugly Sisters attacked her and destroyed her gown.

Natasha Lyonne wearing Gucci.

We seem to have entered a fairytale phase. We have had Cinderella and her tatters and now we have half Wicked Witch, half black beetle, with poor Natasha teetering on sky-high heels and looking as miserable as sin.

Quinta Brunson wearing Robert Wun.

Dear me, she looks like she is being devoured by a grizzly bear. 

Meanwhile, WTF deplores a turd topknot almost above all things, and that is a particularly large turd.

And finally, here is Devery Jacobs wearing Simone Rocha.

WTF is occurring? Everything from the neck down is ugly, from the suit to the I’m-yomping-into-Baghdad-boots to the thing hanging off the suit, which seems to be a pair of painter’s overalls made from a bundle of sheets.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF who is fed up with the freezing weather and the inability of trains, planes, cars, buses and roads to cope with it. We are told we will have a hot summer, even hotter than the one we had in 2022, and that was bloody hot. And then the trains, planes, cars, buses and roads will be unable to cope with that as well. Come on, people! The climate has changed. This is our life now. Get with the programme. Stop being so useless. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Goit is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Critics' Choice Awards, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF One Backside at Two Weddings Special

Hallo Readers,

One could write about the furore surrounding Prince Harry’s book in just three words. Make. It. Stop. If only. Every day, our royal hero pops up on some chat show or interview, turgidly regurgitating his many grievances against his father, his stepmother, his brother, his sister-in-law, courtiers various, the press, the army… It is a wonder that the Good Lord himself has escaped censure. But maybe that is for the next book or Oprah interview. Or the one after that.

The book’s title, Spare, reflects the root of the problem. Being a monarch is not susceptible to a job share arrangement. You cannot have William from Monday to Thursday and Harry from Friday to Sunday. WTF’s grandmother was wont to quote the old Yiddish expression – ‘Mit eyn por fis ken men nit tantsn af tsvey khasenes’  which roughly translates ‘as you can’t dance with one backside at two weddings’. Similarly, you cannot have two heads with one crown. Or, for that matter, two backsides on one throne. Someone has to do the job. And it isn’t him.

WTF was not always unsympathetic to Harry and Meghan. The Royal Family is old-fashioned, hamstrung by pointless conventions, and dull as ditchwater. When the Almighty was handing out brains to them, he obviously skimped on the rations. And WTF has no doubt that the tabloid press behaved with its usual rapacious cynicism and innate racism in the coverage meted out to the young couple. If, as a result, they wanted to go off to the US and walk away from royal duties and intrusive publicity, fair enough. However, frankly, you must either piss or get off the pot. You can be royal. Or you can be private. But once again, ‘Mit eyn por fis ken men nit tantsn af tsvey khasenes’.  Either you are a mighty warrior wiping out the Taliban or you are a wimp bleating on about the fact that your brother shoved you in the course of an argument. And what you cannot do is to throw buckets of ordure over your family in public, with a double side order of whinge, and then bemoan the rift between you and them and their reluctance to kiss and make up. It is all about choices and tactics. And Harry’s choices are poor.

We are told Harry is using his Californian Gwyenth-Paltrow-Goop-style therapy techniques as a catharsis. WTF would be more impressed with this explanation were he not making gazillions in the process. The trouble with washing your dirty linen in public for cash is that once people have seen your smalls, they tend to view you somewhat differently. And once you have dished the dirt in extenso, there is very little left to give the public next time, and even less appetite for them to hear it. WTF wishes the young couple well.  They will clearly have enough to live on in great comfort and they can devote themselves to restoring their mental and physical well-being and spending time with their children. But for Heaven’s sake, give it a rest. Enough already. As Clement Atlee once remarked to a colleague,  ‘a period of silence on your part would be welcome’. Amen to that.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial sludge with Love Island America  contestant Deborah Chubb, wearing something unspeakable.

This is excessively, nay, disturbingly, labial. And it is also horrible and ill-fitting with a very real risk of an immediate nipple outage.  WTF is sad to say that Deb looks like like a blowup sex doll in sandals, and she also wishes to enquire as to the provenance of Deb’s hair, which appears to have started life on somebody or on something else.

Next, our old friend, singer Rita Ora, is back. Here she is at at an Elvis Birthday party (yes, I know he’s dead) before the Golden Globes Awards in LA.

Sigh. By the way, when was the last time that Rita actually sang? She is far too busy these days running around the place with her bits and bobs on show, and it is getting dreary. Next!

So here we are at the actual Golden Globes where we find actor Eddie Redmayne wearing Valentino.

WTF could have lived with the giant corsage on Eddie’s lapel, which is just silly, but she is having much more difficulty with the ridiculous trousers which have concertina’ed around his ankles and which gape like a couple of fishes’ mouths.

This is actor Emma D’Arcy of House of the Dragon fame wearing Acne Studios.

This is a bit of everything – trousers, skirt, twinkly bootees, a jacket originally designed for a massive fatso and purple gloves. WTF can only conclude that Emma came straight from rehearsals for The Smurfs in which she plays Gargamel.Welcome actor and singer Donald Glover wearing Saint Laurent.

Seriously? If the doorman of a swanky hotel in Dubai nicked a guest’s tuxedo, this is what he would look like.

And now we have TV  presenter and former model Heidi Klum wearing Kevin Germanier.

This is bad, even for Heidi. WTF has long protested at a one-sleeved top or one-legged trouser on a person with a standard-issue number of limbs. Now we have a single boob-cover on a two-boobed person, albeit hidden behind a feather boa last seen at one of Jay Gatsby’s parties, coupled with an imminent Minge Moment. There may be times when dressing like a nightclub floozy is OK, but the Golden Globes Read Carpet is emphatically not one of them.

And finally, we leave the Golden Globes and travel to Arkansas, the land that time forgot, where a familiar face awaits us. Yes, it is Sarah Huckabee Sanders, formerly Donald Trump’s Press Secretary (read bare-faced liar) and now, Heaven help us, the newly installed Governor of that State. Here she is just last month, wearing something truly, truly, terrible.  WTF is indebted to aficionado K. Thomas, living out in the American North-West, who alerted her to this horror show.

Oh mah Lord.  Sarah’s first proclamation on taking power this week was to ban the word Latinx, a gender-neutral term for those of Latin descent. Her second proclamation should be to ban herself from appearing in public dressed as an extra from Annie Get Your Gun. And those knees need to be kept covered….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sue Peters, who has discovered these execrable men’s pants available on Amazon. Brace yourselves, because this is B.A.D.

The words toxic masculinity made flesh. Andrew Tate, these are your wet dream. Sue claims that she came across these purely by chance when shopping. Hmmm, if you say so sweetie. Anyway one thing is clear. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Goit is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in America, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Golden Globes, Oprah Winfrey, Politics, Prince Charles, Prince Harry, Prince William, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Politics and Fashion Special

Hallo Readers

Hallo Readers and Happy New Year,

In an environment where egregious falsehoods are peddled as part of the daily cut and thrust of political life, standards start to slip. But even by current political standards, or rather the lack of them, the story of Congressman-Elect George Santos is astonishing. Santos was elected for New York State’s 3rd District in November last year. Openly gay (like his Democratic opponent) and a devotee of Donald Trump (unlike his Democratic opponent), he claimed to be a graduate of two distinguished colleges, a successful former banker who had worked for Goldman Sachs and Citibank. He claimed to have run an animal rescue charity. He claimed his Ukrainian Jewish grandparents had fled the Holocaust, taking shelter in Belgium before settling in Brazil where he was born, and although raised a Catholic, he regarded himself as a Jew. He claimed his mother had been a successful business woman who had died on 9/11. And he also claimed to earn a salary of $750,000 from his family foundation, which enabled him to loan his election campaign $700,000 (American election law is very strict on disclosing the source of your election funding). In fact, all of this turned out to be complete bollocks. Santos had no degree, not even of any kind. He had never worked for either Goldman Sachs or Citibank, as a banker or anything else. His animal charity was never registered. His grandparents did not flee the Holocaust and were born in Brazil, making him about as Jewish as a bacon sandwich. His mother was not a successful businesswoman but a cook and she did not die on 9/11 but in 2016. And the family foundation which paid him a vast salary is as real as rocking horse shit. More information emerges almost daily, including that he is wanted for theft of a chequebook in Brazil, that he owes money all over the place and that he once claimed to have a brain tumour from which he seems to have made a remarkable recovery.

Given the fact that, as Lady Bracknell remarked, he has been quite exploded, you would think that Santos would have slunk away into obscurity, waiving his right to be sworn in and foregoing the $174,000 salary that goes with the post. Wrong. He admitted that he had “embellished his resumé” but he is fully determined to serve those who had elected him, albeit that they thought they were electing someone else altogether. On his first day at work, Santos cut a lonely figure. Even his new Republican colleagues, the same ones who espouse the Big Lie that the 2020 election was stolen, and who lick Donald Trump’s instep, gave him  a wide berth. But, remarkably, there is no provision for Congress to refuse to seat him. The only constitutional requirements are that you have lived for seven years in the US, are over twenty-five and live in the district that elected you. As long as you can tick those boxes, you are free to legislate and to trouser the salary, that is unless you are banged up for election fraud following the intervention of district attorneys various. The weasel Kevin McCarthy, who at the time of writing has now failed on eleven attempts to become Speaker of the House, needs Santos’ vote and so has remained silent on his shortcomings. But Santos’ continued presence on Capitol Hill is the inevitable result of the culture of lies and contempt for the truth that permeates not just American but British politics. For shame.

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No celebs were out and about this week – they were either at home ill, or recuperating from being ill, or staying home to avoid being ill or they were just recuperating from Christmas and New Year. So, not being one to let down her loyal readers, with no fashion faux pas, WTF is bringing you another selection by theme, as she did during the pandemic, and today’s theme is politicians.  They not only are appalling – they look appalling. Have a receptacle handy. Seriously. Here we go…..

First off, here is David Cameron. Remember him? He’s the one who brought us Brexit, vowed to make it work and then instead scuttled away to a comfortable life of shameless lobbying and roaming the rubber chicken circuit at $100,000 a time.  This is him on holiday during his Premiership, wearing a very expensive pair of Vilebrequin swimming trunks, yours for only £230 a time.

Dear Lord! He looks like the lovechild of Fred Flintstone and a porpoise.

The next one is not strictly a politician but he might as well be, as the Junta running Thailand bangs up anyone who criticises him. And anyway, WTF is not passing this photo up and cannot understand how she missed it the first time. This is King Maha Vajiralongkorn, who acceded the Throne in 2016, getting off a plane in Munich. Ready? You won’t be….

The tattoos are fake but the rest of him is real. No one, royal or otherwise, should be walking around dressed as a Brazilian rent boy. His Majesty is giving us more bare torso than Britney Spears and is stuffed into low slung jeans which put onlookers in fear of imminent penis peek. From the rear, there is a hint of Bangkok butt crack. The lady is his wife and the poodle is called Fu Fu, who is better dressed than either of them. 

The King was so besotted with Fu Fu that he appointed it as a senior ranking official in Thailand’s Air Force and it was given a four-day state funeral when it went to the great kennel in the sky. Woof.

Next up is Cameron’s successor, Theresa Maybe, welcoming Donald Trump to Chequers in June 2019. And it was her fault he was here, because she was the one who invited him for a State Visit in the very first week of his Presidency. As Galatians 6:7 puts it, “for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap”. 

We will get to the Orange Oaf shortly. The question before us is WTF is Mrs Maybe wearing? Has she come straight from the school sack race? Only she seems to have trodden on it, whereupon it got ripped up the back, and far too near the Prime Ministerial buttocks for comfort.

Talking of Trump…. the day after Chequers, he and wife Melania were at Buckingham Palace as guests of the late Her Majesty the Queen. 

Trump, being a 300 lb slob, was unequal to the challenge of white tie, which requires the waistcoat to end at the waist in line with the tailcoat. Sadly, Trump does not have a waist and so avoided the humiliation of an avalanche of stomach rolling under the aforesaid waistcoat by lengthening the waistcoat over the aforesaid stomach, ending up looking like a cross between a penguin and a badly dressed butler.

After Mrs Maybe skipped off in 2019, we got Boris Johnson, a man who made an unmade bed look like King Charles. 

As if being British were not embarrassing enough, Johnson compounded his many faults by giving the impression that he had slept in the car before turning up to negotiate our rights away with EU leaders. Worzel Gummidge lives…..

After the Johnson debacle, we had an even bigger debacle. WTF refers to the 45-day wonder of wonders, Liz Truss.

As PM, Liz stuck to a dreadful selection of wash’n’wear dresses, and, owing to the death of HMQ, had to wear black for 10 of her 45 days in office. She was more adventurous as a Cabinet Minister, including this ensemble, worn in 2019 when she was Chief Secretary to the Treasury. Technically these are known as Paper Bag Trousers, presumably because you need a paper bag to throw up in when you see someone wearing them. Why would anyone want to look like a colourful garden gnome?

And finally, of course, we have to have Rishi Sunak, Truss’ successor.

His suits are made to order, so one can only presume that his trousers are that short because he likes them like that. As WTF speculated in November, because he is 5’7″, perhaps he thinks it makes him look taller, but he would look less ridiculous  wobbling around like stilts.

AND NOW…..

DRUMROLL…..

The winner of the WTF Christmas Turkey 2022 is…….

Erykah Badu, wearing Rick Owens. She was in the lead almost from the start fighting off a fierce challenge from Lizzo, whom she beat by 5 percentage points, and actor Julia Fox third. A most worthy winner.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, WTF from Islington, whose distress at Arsenal’s goalless draw against Newcastle on Monday was exacerbated by the sight of frightful bare-chested Toon fans flaunting themselves in the cold and rain.

 No. Just no. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Goit is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, David Cameron, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, George Santos, Liz Truss, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Royal Family, The Queen, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2022

 

Hallo Readers,

We will shortly get to the main business of today, which is your selection of the WTF Christmas Turkey 2022. But first let us reflect briefly on the past year, which many of you will agree stank. And stank worse than a malodorous skunk with body odour issues. The world watched on aghast as a liar with charisma and some good jokes was replaced as Prime Minister by a humourless automaton whose 47 days in power tanked the economy, only to be replaced herself by the man she beat in the election to succeed the liar, only the new chap wasn’t elected at all by anyone because by then everyone was thoroughly fed up with the whole thing. The present incumbent is one of the richest men in the country thanks to his marriage to the daughter of a billionaire, a man who wears £400 shoes and custom-made suits but who lectures us about living within our means and who denies nurses, ambulance drivers and postman a decent wage. We also have a home secretary who was sacked on a Tuesday night by the automaton but was back in office the following week under the new chap and who dreams of deporting asylum seekers to far-off African countries. Inflation is soaring, house prices are falling, gas and electricity have gone through the roof, the NHS has collapsed, everybody is on strike, nothing works and Brexit has turned out to be nothing like it was promised to be. Covid seems to be back along with new strains of ‘flu, scarlet fever is making a comeback and nobody seems to have any immunity to anything anymore with people going down like a sack of potatoes for weeks on end. Oh, and the Queen died, the only Head of State anyone under 70 had ever known, Prince Andrew has been locked in a cupboard and is only allowed out to go to church on Christmas Day and Harry and Meghan are conducting warfare by media, banging on endlessly despite apparently being filmed 24 hours a day in their own home, with all the best bits featured in a six part bore-fest on Netflix about the intrusions into their privacy.

So what was good about 2022? Errr…. the summer was very warm. There was an excellent men’s World Cup final and England’s women triumphed in the European football championship. Arsenal are doing jolly well. WTF had a lovely five weeks in Australia…. And of course you have the unalloyed joy of the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll. All you have to do is select the worst of the fashion disasters that follow. 18 of them, all utterly frightful. You can vote for as many of them as you like and as often as you like and you can leave unpleasant comments to go with your selection. Don’t worry about complicated voting and transferable votes and all that malarkey. Just choose whom you like. The winner will be announced in the first blog of 2023 which is only a week away.

Happy New Year! It can’t be worse than last year. Can it?

Right! Off we go….

1. Billy Porter, American actor and singer.

The word ghoul has insufficient nuance to describe Billy’s appearance in this foul Rick Owens ensemble and WTF was going on in the shoulders? Did he have a dining chair stuck to his back?

2. Brad Pitt, American actor.

When even Brad Pitt looks bad in something, it is bad. And this is bad, like Miss Marple goes hill-walking. Only Miss Marple would not be displaying varicose veins and tattoos. Yurgle. 

3. Dencia, Cameroonian singer.

Dencia exists principally to appear at Music Awards and look ridiculous, and she  more than satisfied the brief on this occasion, resembling a titsy and glitzy Roman centurion with silly boots.

4. Donald Glover, American actor and singer.

Er….what???? Like an Edwardian wrestler in black knickers and Rupert Bear boots with a double side order of moobage. Just. Very. Bad.


5. Emma Watson, British actor.

There are exaggerated shoulders and there is nonsensical. This left nonsensical about five miles down the road and was heading towards ‘are you fucking joking?’.

6. Erykah Badu, American actor.

It started as absurd with the padded shoulders and ended in farcical with the floor mop feet.

7. Jared Leto, American actor.

Well, it would not be a Christmas Turkey Poll without Jared, would it? Here he was dressed as the love child of a hippie Merlin and Jesus. With deleterious results.

8. Julia Fox, American actor (and ex of Kanye West)

Julia’s outfits have been getting smaller and smaller and this was just a shredded bin bag held together, somewhat precariously, with twisted coat hangers. Titsy, tawdry and mingetastic.

9. Lil Nas X, American rapper.

Lil Nas’s courage to come out as a gay rapper is admirable, but did he really have to play penis peek?

10. Lizzo, American rapper and flautist.

No. Just no.

11. Machine Gun Kelly, American musician.

As a way of getting people to keep their distance, the suit was a success. As a suit, it is preposterous. Let us hope he remembered to take it off before embracing his fiancée, the lovely Megan Fox.

12. Megan Stalter, American comedian.

The fabric looked like flounced curtains, enhanced with pink bows like Shirley Temple in her pomp. Extra minus points for the little pink handbag.

13. Megan Thee Stallion, American rapper.

How did she get that technicolour yawn outfit on with those nails? This is a mystery right up there with the Bermuda Triangle and why anyone could vote for Liz Truss.

14. Muriel Hernandez, Spanish actor.

The ultimate Minge Moment.  One sudden move in any direction and that that pudendum panel would have been rendered redundant.

15. Rihanna, Barbadian singer. 

Yes, RiRi had a baby this year and was likely feeling a trifle unhappy with her weight (unnecessarily). But did she really need to wear that leather Minge Waterfall emanating from her jacket? Why not wear a skirt? Or trousers? Just asking…..

16. Rita Ora, English/Kosovan singer. 

Even by Rita’s standards, that was not even clothes. Not even at all. And the mask thing made her look as though she had been bottoxed to death.

17. Summer Walker, American singer.

She was wearing a gold necklace as a skirt and a couple of light switches as a bra. Make. It. Stop.

18. Taylor Russell, American actor.

Not only was  is excessively, not to say disturbingly, labial but it billowed like billy-o, as if a series of farts had increased the volume exponentially.

OK Readers, now it is over to you. Remember you can vote as often as you like and there is a multiple choice option, so feel free to select all your choices. Scroll down on the voting panel to get to the bottom names. The results will be published next Friday 6 January 2023. See you then!!!

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF I’m Back Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF is back from her lengthy holiday and lovely though it is to be with you once again, she is not happy. It is not just the weather, which is frightful. Admittedly, it would be churlish to expect the weather in London in December to be as nice as the weather in Australia. It is winter here and it is spring/summer there. But honestly, when your first household chore upon your return to Blighty is to scrape the ice off your front steps and get busy with the grit, a woman is entitled to be a little wistful. Especially as 36 hours earlier, she had been on Bondi Beach. But it is not just that. London has turned into a sort of plague pit where every other person seems to be ailing with the ‘flu or Covid or any combination of ‘flu and Covid, although there is  a flagrant contempt for the concept of masks. And worse, absolutely nothing bloody works. Nothing. Nada. The ambulances are on strike. The nurses are on strike. The train drivers are on strike. The postal persons are on strike. And as far as WTF can see, Rishi Sunak is on strike because no one has seen sight nor sound of him in weeks. Isn’t he supposed to be the Prime Minister? Or at least the current iteration of the Prime Minister?

The government is supposed to run the country. That is what it is for. Instead, members of this government have abrogated all responsibility for everything and instead, either say nothing at all or mouth soundbites in the media. The Secretary of State for Health, Steve Barclay, refuses to discuss pay with the nurses in order to resolve their strike. His job is to prevent strikes or, if he cannot prevent them, at least to try and stop them. Barclay however has other ideas, insofar as he has any ideas at all, of which there is scant evidence. Pressed on his so-called strategy to get the nurses back nursing, he insisted that the government would abide by the recommendations of the pay review board, despite the fact that previous recommendations from that august body have been happily ignored if they did not suit. You cannot get an ambulance to get you to hospital, and even if you do get to hospital, there are no nurses there to nurse you in the hospital, and it is no good trying to get to the hospital by train because there no trains,  and if you want to write a letter to your MP, don’t bother to post it because it will not get there. So you are better off staying at home where you can happily freeze to death because it is too bloody expensive to put the heating on, and if you have a Christmas tree, you cannot plug in the fairy lights without  mortgaging your granny or going without your Christmas dinner, not that you can afford to put the oven on to cook it anyway, which is probably just as well since turkeys seem to have gone down with avian flu.

So happy Christmas and Happy Chanukah and Happy Holidays. You probably cannot get to see your loved ones, what with no trains and the price of petrol going through the roof, which is probably just as well because they will all have got the lurgy and there are no antibiotics to treat the lurgy because they have run out, stuck in the supply chain thanks to Brexit. But be of good cheer because the BBC is yet again relying on Mrs Brown’s Boys to constitute its principal Christmas entertainment. And you can be of even better cheer because, on the basis that you survive the festivities, WTF will be back next Friday with the fabled WTF Christmas Turkey poll where you can choose from a variety of utterly ghastly fashion faux pas. 

Did WTF mention that is is good to be back?

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We start our review of the past weeks’ sartorial silliness with actor Sydney Sweeney wearing LaQuan Smith at the GQ Awards in London.

For some reason, 2022 was the year of the breastplate, but Sydney took this trend to a whole new low by resembing the Man in the Iron Mask peeping out from behind the arras. The proportions here are seriously askew and regular Readers will know that WTF deplores a one-armed garment on a two-armed person almost above all things.

We now hop over to the GQ Awards in Madrid where we encounter actor Israel Cruz Cordóva wearing Willie Norris. Scroll down slowly…

This is a descent into lunacy, from a perfectly fine DJ with dress shirt and bow tie to a satin skirt, socks with suspenders and hobnail boots. The look seems to have been inspired by the late lamented actor Spencer Tracy, minus the top hat and patent pumps.

Here is actor Katie Holmes wearing Tove at the iHeart Radio awards.

There is dressing down. And there is fucking up. Guess which this is? Wearing your bra over your top, like Superman wearing his pants over his tights, paired with horrible jeans and manky trainers, is not an outfit, not even at all. Yurgle.

And of course she’s back. WTF speaks of singer Rita Ora wearing Nensi Dojaka to the Fashion Awards in London.

Fashion? This is a bikini under a sheer curtain whose unfortunate colour makes her look as if she is paddling in Pinot Noir. But Readers! It gets worse. So much worse, because here come the inevitable arse cheeks. 

By the way,  if you are wondering what has happened to Rita’s face, it appears that she is wearing some sort of mask. It is only a pity that she did put the mask to better use and cover her arse instead.

And now we go to American Music Awards where we find singer Anitta wearing Mugler.

More arse cheeks.  Only these ones look as though someone is feeling them up.

 And here is Cameroonian singer Dencia, wearing who even knows what.


Dencia broke her toe so the sparkly cane can be excused. Which is more than you say for the Silver Spaceman look with tits and top boots. 

And finally, here is another old friend of the blog, musician Machine Gun Kelly, wearing Gucci.

How does he hug his fiancé, Megan Fox? She would be more full of holes than a colander.  And who knew spiny anteaters were purple?

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, Yvonne from Jedburgh, who has highlighted a ridiculous marketing faux pas by a Canadian chocolatier.  It’s called…wait for it…SHYTE.

SHYTE is an acronym which stands for Seriously Helps You To Energize but sadly Kevin Richards faced to recognise that there were alternative meanings for his product, not to mention his slogan #EATSHYTE. Deary me. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile. She needs it. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Goit is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday for the fabled 2022 WTF Christmas Turkey Poll. Be good x

Posted in American Music Awards, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, GQ Awards, Politics, strikes, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Demob Happy Special

Hallo Readers,

This is the last blog until 23 December, as WTF is off abroad to escape this shitshow of a Government before she goes completely off her head. So you will have to entertain yourself until then or you can go to @WTF_EEK, if you have not ditched Twitter yet, and get the occasional horror show pic to tide you over. Be brave. WTF really, really needs this break. And on 30 December there will be the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll and it will be a doozy.

Meanwhile….

Rishi Sunak is still Prime Minister. He has lasted a whole three weeks. Which is more than you can say for Frank Spencer lookalikey ‘Sir’ Gavin Williamson, whose stay in the Cabinet was abruptly terminated this week. As nobody had the faintest idea what he was actually meant to be doing there, it is probably safe to say that the country will limp on without his ministerial talents. Williamson has the dubious distinction of having been booted out of the cabinet three times. WC Fields once observed ‘If at first you don’t succeed try again. Then quit. No good being a damn fool about it.’ The problem is that Williamson is a damn fool, combining a total lack of talent and an obnoxious personality with an overwhelming sense of his own importance. The best thing you can say about him is that at least he mixes it up a bit in giving the Prime Minister of the day reason to sack him. Theresa May booted him out as Defence Secretary for leaking. Boris Johnson dispensed with his services as Education Secretary for being completely useless, even by the inauspicious standards of that particular regime. And now Sunak has showed him the door as Minister without Portfolio for being a bully and a bounder, after he had got into a strop at being left off the guest list of the Queen’s funeral despite him being a Privy Councillor and repeatedly abused Wendy Morton, the Chief Whip under Liz Truss (remember her?), compounded by an earlier offence when he was Defence Secretary of telling a civil servant to go away and slit his throat. If only he had shown the same ferocity when dealing with Vladimir Putin, whom he famously told to’ go away and shut up’ after two Russian expatriates were poisoned in Salisbury by KGB agents. Putin must have been quaking in his boots…. at least he got the heave ho for what he had done before his appointment, which saved Sunak the trouble of doing it after he had screwed up whatever it was he was supposed to be doing. A stitch in time save nine….

The only fascinating thing about Williamson is why anybody allowed him a sniff of power. He makes Chris Grayling, that other powerhouse of failure, look like Disraeli. WTF, a confirmed arachnophobe, has no time for anyone who keeps a tarantula as a pet, a sure sign in her eyes of being an arsehole, but she would rather spend an evening cosying up to the tarantula than putting up with half an hour of Williamson’s squeaky voice, air of entitlement and absence of charm. The tone of his abusive texts to Wendy Morton shows that Williamson is still the playground bully picking on the fat boys or the kids from the one-parent family or kicking off at not being chosen for the first eleven football team. It is faintly depressing and terribly British that this nonentity was able to make any progress up the slippery pole down which he has now slid for a third time in the game of political snakes and ladders that is Westminster. Whether he will have a fourth chance at a Red Box cannot be ruled out but for now it suffices to say to him – go away and shut up.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with Rishi Sunak in terrible trousers.

Would it really be too much to ask for a Prime Minister who does not look utterly ridiculous? There is a school of thought that Sunak wears his trewsies so short to make his legs look longer, being only 5’7″; but frankly if he wants to look taller, he would look less absurd wobbling about on a pair of stilts.

To the London premiere of Wakanda Forever where we find one of its stars, actor Danai Gurira, wearing Elie Saab.

She is very beautiful and it is nice to see a normal pair of tits. Nevertheless, this is not so much a dress and more of a showgirl costume as favoured by the late lamented Josephine Baker in her pomp in Paris during the 1920s. 

That is one hell of a minge muff.

Also at the premiere was Chelsea and Engerland footballer Mason Mount wearing Burberry. Scroll down slowly…..

Blimey. You could get the whole Chelsea midfield into those trousers and still have room for the goalie. The whole thing is reminiscent of a family-sized sleeping bag. And those shoes are the pits.

Next we are at a gala at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA) where the glitterati turned up to have their photos taken, including model Kendall Jenner wearing Burc Akyol.

Akyol is putting the berk into Burc while Kendall is giving us an unusual experience, namely the imminent Minge Moment from above, rather than below, courtesy of a roll of foil wrapped around her hips over a sheer top. That is bad enough, Heaven knows, but not nearly as bad as the tit ribbons and the pause button symbol on her belly button.

Another guest was actor Taron Egerton wearing something by an unnamed designer.  Good call on the designer’s part, because this is rank.

Did the unnamed designer send the wrong trousers? Or did the original ones split, necessitating a last minute change? The jacket is too small, the shirt is too large and he is wearing shoes without socks. All in all, he looks like a ring bearer at his big sister’s wedding.

And then there was singer Billie Eilish and her new boyfriend Jesse Rutherford, lead singer of The Neighbourhood, both wearing Gucci.

The young couple are ready for beddy-bye-byes. Just looking at them is enough to give you logo lassitude. And look! They are not only wearing Gucci, they are sharing Gucci, to whit a Gucci eiderdown.

Finally we are at the CFDA Awards where we encounter actor Julia Fox wearing Valerievi. Well, perhaps wearing is not quite the right word. Again, scroll down slowly.

Sigh. Why even bother with the dress? Next!

Last up is designer Vera Wang wearing herself.

Vera is 73 and looks 37, but that does not entitle her to wear a giant zipped cloche hat as a dress with a tit band and very stupid shoes. WTF used to feature a section called Physician Heal Thyself aimed at designers who wear their own shocking apparel and here are the words of the Lord Jesus made flesh…

  

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney who was aghast at the sight of Tory MP Rachel MacLean on Newsnight in preposterous glasses.

Look, to some extent one can understand Rachel’s choice. There are so many clowns in the Tory party that it is difficult to remember that they are supposed to be serious politicians interested in saving us from whatever. But those glasses are not so much over the top as flying through outer space. Timmy Mallett would have sneered at them. They’ve Got to Go.

    

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. And indeed for a while. WTF will be back on 23 December. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Chris Grayling, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, Liz Truss, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF Kangaroo Bits Special

Hallo Readers,

Rishi Sunak has completed his second week as PM. It is confusing trying to keep up, and perhaps he should be referred to in terms of his predecessors to put everything in context, like Elkanah in the story of Hannah and Peninah in Samuel 1 that we Jews read on Rosh Hashanah. (It’s a good yarn about his wives childless Hannah and  Peninah who has children and taunts Hannah about it). It begins ‘There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite’. So Sunak should be Rishi the successor of Liz, the successor of Boris, the successor of Theresa, the Successor of David, a Chipping Nortonite. Anyway, Rishi is shaping up to be every bit as bad as his predecessors. In Prime Minister’s Questions this week, he answered every question from Keir Starmer with ‘Jeremy Corbyn’. As in ‘If the asylum system is broken who broke it?’ ‘Jeremy Corbyn’. ‘Why hasn’t the Prime Minister sacked Cruella de Braverman yet?’ ‘Jeremy Corbyn’. ‘What did the Prime Minister have for breakfast this morning?’ ‘Jeremy Corbyn’.  You get the picture. Meanwhile hapless Ministers are forced to undergo the auto da fe that is the round of political media interviews in the morning, and to explain, not that they can, why something the Prime Minister said last week is inoperative this week. This is the ministerial equivalent of eating a kangaroo’s testicle on ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here’. If you want to win the prize, get munching.

Which brings us to former Health Secretary, Matt Hancock. Having presided over the disastrous shambles that was the Johnson government’s handling of the covid crisis in 2020-2021, Hancock was captured on CCTV at work snogging his ‘adviser’ Gina Coladangelo at a time when he was advising the rest of us to stay within our family group and keep our viruses to ourselves. Hancock resigned, ditched Mrs Hancock and the little Hancocks and set up home with Coladangelo, waiting for the call to return to ministerial office.  There he was loitering on the steps of Conservative Central Office when the new Leader arrived in triumph,  pressing forward with other wannabes and sycophants to touch the hem of his garment. Sadly for Hancock, the Premier in waiting ignored him. His political prospects having hit the buffers, Hancock announced this week that he was off to join the cast of I’m a Celeb in Australia for some £350,000, about four times his MP’s salary. Seeing that he is unlikely to be of much use to his constituents whilst he is hob-nobbing with Boy George and titsy soap stars various, he has had the whip suspended. If proof were required of Hancock’s idiocy this is it. Anyone who hates him, which is just about everyone, will be jamming the phone lines to vote for him to do the ghastly Bushtucker trials, nibbling the aforementioned kangaroo bits, dipping his head into buckets of creepy crawlies and probably sticking some spiny creature up his arse in a bid to earn rations for his campmates. But is that worse than Environment Minister Mark Spencer MP having to explain to a sceptical public how Sunak’s decision to go to COP27 after all tallied with Therese Coffey’s comments last week that it was ‘just a gathering of people in Egypt?’ Or Robert Jenrick, the Immigration Minister, squirming to distance himself from the comments of his boss Cruella who had described the arrival of migrants as an ‘invasion’? Maybe eating raw kangaroo cock is not so bad. And much better paid.

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We start our review of the week’s comedy clothing with actor Lupita N’yongo wearing at the premiere of Wakanda Forever wearing Balmain.

This is a tit bandage and a skirt that is, in essence, a shark’s teeth minge moment.  Last week, WTF aficionado Quixote made an excellent point about actor. Muriel Hernandez, whose minge was about to make an imminent appearance. ‘I keep having this issue: the mingetastic-type clothes. How do they work? I mean what happens if, say, you want to move? …Inquiring minds want to know’. And it is a good question. Once you move off the X marking the spot to have your photo taken, how do you keep your minge from being on show to the world? It is indeed a puzzle.

Next up, we have actor and influencer Addison Rae wearing who even knows what this is? Scroll down slowly…….

This would have to improve just to be ugly, and it comes with some very disturbing minge detailing. Addison also seems to have been rolling in mud. Perhaps her outfit is some sort of homage to Sylvester Stallone as Rambo…..

Time for some real Z listers. WTF refers to singer and influencer Michelle McKenna and her partner, actor Daniel Johnson, at the London premiere of The Last Heist. She is wearing Pretty Little Thing.

Michelle is flashing her panties, which is just boring, but the chief disapprobation is reserved for Daniel’s trousers. Are they actually supposed to look like that? Have his calves swollen up? He looks like a Victorian soldier in plimsolls.

Next up, we have singer Rihanna making an appearance for the second week running, wearing something or other at the launch of her Savage x Fenty fashion line.

This is as uncomfortable as it is unflattering and comes with an unfathomable leather minge waterfall. If Riri is (unreasonably) worried about the baby weight, why not wear something else? Preferably with an actual skirt?

Now we meet actor Lee Page looking ridiculous.

From the waist up, he looks like David Beckham. From the waist down, he looks like David Beckham having been savaged by a large mastiff and lucky to retain possession of his goolies.  The expression of  the woman in the sunglasses says it all.

To the Wall Street Journal Innovator Awards where we encounter model Kate Moss wearing YSL.

If an olive went to a fancy dress party as a lingerie model, this is what it would look like. Meanwhile, something very odd is occurring around Kate’s belly button, but what could it be? And finally, this does not really count as clothes but it is the weirdest thing WTF ever did see in her life. Here is model and TV presenter Heidi Klum dressed up for Halloween with her husband, German rock singer Tom Kaulitz. Easy now…..

Who says the Germans do not have a sense of humour? They do. It is just very very, sick. Why is the worm giving the fisherman a blow job with its tail? What the actual fuck?

  

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney, who is sick to the back teeth of cheeky chappies Ant and Dec. And WTF is in full agreement.

Not content with inflicting pain on their ‘celebrities’ in the Jungle, where they smugly preside over kangaroo fellating activities by others, they also are responsible for a Santander campaign to prevent scamming which is about as funny as a barbed wire enema. WTF will only be happy when these two little shites are forced to nibble on a kangaroo’s testicle live on TV – while it is still attached to the kangaroo. They’ve Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those top- suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming in and your excellent comments. Let us meet again next Friday for the last blog until 23 December as WTF is taking time off and travelling abroad. Be good x

Posted in asylum, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Liz Truss, Matt Hancock, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Second Chance Special

Hallo Readers, 

Until 6 September 2022, Boris Johnson was Prime Minister. Well, sort of. He had in effect checked out on 22 July when he announced he would resign after the election of the new Tory Leader and between then and the handover to the next incumbent, he spent most of the time on holiday abroad or holed up in Chequers enjoying the sunshine or re-celebrating his lockdown marriage by a big bash in some rich blokes’ garden. On 6 September, Liz Truss became Prime Minister. On 20 October, she announced she too would step down. On Monday, only one person secured the required 100 MP nominations for Leader, a figure the 1922 Committee had just invented to stop the bloody thing having to go back to the members, seeing how they had cocked it up royally the last time. And so it was that on Tuesday 24 October, Rishi Sunak officially became Prime Minister. Just before publication this morning, WTF checked that he was still there. He is. For now.

You may recall that one of the reasons Johnson had to go was because he was the first PM in history to be fined for breaking the law. Yet Sunak, inadvertently or otherwise, also attended the same event and he was also fined. You may also recall that Johnson was forced to step down, albeit against his will, because 57 members of his Government thought him wholly unfit to govern and resigned. Yet seven weeks later, he was throwing his hat back into the circus ring and many of those who had abandoned him then now earnestly championed him again, including appalling creep Nadim Zahawi, who accepted the Chancellorship after Sunak resigned from Johnson’s Cabinet, then told Johnson to resign two days later but supported his bid to return on Saturday and, after Johnson hit the buffers without enough votes, came out for Sunak 29 minutes later. And got a job in the new Cabinet. You may also recall that Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Catsmeat Potter-Purbright of 21st century politics, denounced Sunak in August as a ‘socialist’ and said he would never serve under him. Indeed, said Moggy, only Johnson had the right to be Prime Minister. On Monday, when Johnson  removed his piece from the board, Rees-Mogg announced that he no longer thought Sunak was a socialist and was willing to serve under him after all.  Luckily, he never got the invitation and is now free to spend more time with his Nanny.

Cruella de Braverman had been Truss’ Home Secretary and a Liz loyalist. You may recall that on Tuesday 18 October, Truss sacked her as Home Secretary, which was the only reasonable thing she did during whilst in office. Cruella had not only sent sensitive government information on her personal email to a MP mate and to someone she thought was the MP mate’s wife, but was in fact someone else entirely, she had also denied it all until confronted with the evidence. On Sunday morning, despite Johnson having sought her vote, she came out for Rishi and on Tuesday afternoon, to the sound of jaws dropping across the UK and cries of ‘you must be fucking joking’, there she was smirking her way along Downing Street to become Home Secretary again after only six days. So what if she had broken all manner of laws and protocols? How was she to know?  So what is she had previously been Attorney General? Does that mean you have to know about the law? Oh…Out came the usual arse-lickers, liars and bullshitters to rally around the latest Cabinet casualty. ‘She has learnt her lesson’ mumbled Oxymoron James Cleverley, inexplicably retained as Foreign Secretary and as much use as tits on a fish. ‘ Everyone is entitled to a second chance’ whined Zahavi. In this new Government they certainly are. Even Frank Spencer lookalikey Sir Gavin Williamson, the most useless Minister EVER, is back. It can only be a matter of time before Chris Grayling gets the call……

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We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with actor Quintessa Swindell at the premiere of her new movie, Black Adam, wearing Vera Wang.

Think Inspector Gadget with tattooed thighs and a turd topknot.

Next up, we have country singer Kelsea Ballerini at the Giambattista Valli dinner in Los Angeles.

Baby Doll Barbie lives! Only this baby doll seems to made from an old pillow case and although Kelsea is hardly big, (120 lbs), there is not enough fabric to go round her.

Here is Readers’ favourite, singer Halsey, wearing Enfants Riches Déprimés at Audacy’s We Can Survive Concert at the Hollywood Bowl (nope, me neither).

There is a tit mask like Batman with sideboob, dominatrix gloves, an Annie-Get-Your-Gun cowboy skirt, stupid boots and some sort of battered dishcloth around her hips. Enfants Riches Déprimés means depressed rich kids and this getup has plenty for people to get depressed about. Step away from the knives….

Here we are at the Time 100 Next Gala in New York City where we find even-more-heavily-tattooed singer Machine Gun Kelly looking preposterous. No change there ….

MGK is the lovechild of Daemon Targheayn  and a graffiti wall. The result is unsettling……

Here is singer Queen Latifah wearing Thom Browne at TheGrio (sic) Awards in Beverley Hills.

Austerity may be upon us but you cannot say that Thom Browne is skimping on fabric. There is a LOT of fabric here, more than enough to make about six normal outfits. This outfit left normal behind several miles back and is currently hurtling towards insanity. It looks like Queen Victoria’s dressing gown with a double side order of mega-malignant triffids.

We are popping into the WACO Wearable Art Gala where we find actor Halle Bailey wearing Georges Hobeika.

Contrary to reasonable belief, WACO stands for Where Art Can Occur as opposed to WHACKO, which is what this is. Halle recently created a bit of a storm by portraying the Little Mermaid in a Disney movie of the same name, where racists various got upset at the idea of a BLACK mermaid. I mean, that’s unrealistic, right? Pursuing the nautical theme, Halle is wearing a tit-and-torso tambour that resembles boats nestling round a jetty.

Now we are attending the premiere of Black Panther – Wakanda Forever attended by new parents, rapper ASAP Rocky and his partner, singer and fashion/beauty entrepreneur Rihanna  wearing a Rick Owens dress and Guiseppe Zanotti sandals.

Riri seems to have been working at a particularly sloppy pottery wheel, like Demi Moore in Ghost, and is carrying the surplus around in a bucket attached to her hip. On a topical theme, her pointy little sandals are like witches’ hats on Halloween. As for Rocky, he seems to be standing in a burlap sack to protect his trewsies from flying clay.

And finally, we have actor Muriel Hernández wearing something very, very mingetastic. And tittastic.

MINGE!!!!!!!!! MASSES OF MINGE!!!!!! AND GROIN!!!! AND UNDERBOOB!!! JUST MAKE IT STOP. And why she is she wearing concrete blocks on her feet?

  

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who is fed with idiot Tory MP Lee Anderson, he of the you-can-cook-a-meal-for-30p-a-person-advice given to a speechless Parliament. Even his own colleagues gulped.

Comedian Eddie Izzard, who now identifies as a gender-fluid lesbian, is on a shortlist to be the next Labour MP for Sheffield Central. The oaf Anderson responded to Izzard’s intentions by saying,  ‘I won’t be following him into the toilet’.  Here is the news. First, Eddie is usually a she and would probably be using the ladies’ loo and you should not be in there, should you Gammon-Face? Second, you ain’t God’s gift to women. Or to men. Or to anyone. Just Go Away.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those top- suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming in and your excellent comments because WTF gets very upset when they aren’t any. Reading numbers have gone UP!!!!! Bigly UP!!!!! Which is great, so let’s have the comments to go with the growing audience. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chris Grayling, Country Music Awards, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss, Penny Mordaunt, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments