WTF Oven-Ready Special

Hallo Readers,

Sorry about yesterday’s premature publication. Gremlins (in other words, read “my ineptitude”).

ANYWAY…

WTF has long railed about the death of shame, but with this shitshow of a Government, shame is not a word in its lexicon. In 2019, Boris Johnson told us that he would “get Brexit done”. Not only that, he said that he had an oven-ready deal to get it done. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, it now turns out that Johnson’s oven-ready deal was not oven-ready at all. It was not even defrosted. Instead, it was unfit for human consumption, but he went ahead and sold it to the public. This is what happens when you have a unprincipled liar as Prime Minister, surrounded by other unprincipled liars for whom winning is the only outcome. Truth is no longer even the aim, let alone the norm – instead, you say whatever you need to say when you need to say it and work on the assumption that you will say something else later. Once upon a time people resigned over stuff like this, but that was then and this is now. Now you wave two fingers at everybody and carry on regardless. At which point your minions are dispatched onto radio and television to proclaim that you are showing strong leadership, while you are actually not at work at all but posturing on the veranda of your borrowed holiday home, loaned by a friendly old Etonian billionaire whom you elevated to the House of Lords when he lost his seat.

When Brexit was first mooted, the people of Northern Ireland pointed out that this would leave them in an impossible position. The Good Friday Agreement, negotiated as long ago as 1998, gave citizens of Northern Ireland and Southern Island certain interchangeable rights and of course they already had freedom of movement as both countries were members of the EU. Leaving the EU would put a spoke in those arrangements, they said, but nobody was listening. The then-Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, admitted to an astonished Parliamentary committee that he had not read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through and it is doubtful whether Boris Johnson has ever read it at all. In order to get the UK out of the EU, Johnson signed an agreement guaranteeing movement of goods between North and South but it appears that he did not regard signing a legal document as any sort of impediment to doing whatever he needed to do in due course – something he freely admitted to the Democratic Unionist Party at the time. We learned this on Tuesday from Rasputin-turned-Reject Dominic Cummings who cheerily informed Twitter that it was always intended that the Withdrawal Agreement would be broken, that no one should be surprised this was the case and the foreigners had it coming. Meanwhile the man who actually negotiated the Agreement, David Frost, (he got a peerage for his efforts), is now running around complaining that the Agreement is lousy and he only signed it because of pressure of time and because those nasty Eurocrats were being unreasonable about everything. WTF has heard of buyer’s remorse but was unaware that it was enough to get you out of a deal, whether international or private, and is determined to put this defence to the test next time someone tries to get her to pay up under a contractual obligation.

 The best bit, not that there is a best bit, is the outrage with which Brexiteers greeted the remarks of former Irish Prime Minister Leo Varadkar, who had negotiated the deal with Frost. Varadkar pointed out that if this was the UK’s attitude to negotiating deals, maybe other countries should think twice before entering into any agreements with it. And no doubt they will…… we have sunk another notch down.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion fiascoes with singer Zendaya wearing Loewe.

For some reason, the lovely Zendaya is wearing a gold-tinted urinal as a corsage, with matching shoes like the mother of the bar mitzvah boy in the 1960s. Loewe is taking the piss…..

Actor Benedict Cumberbatch wearing STORY mfg.

As WTF has often observed, women always dress up to the nines for film premières while (with a few exceptions) men look like they are popping down to McDonald’s for a double cheeseburger and fries. STORY mfg. sells “organic clothing made from organic fibre & dyed with leaves, bark, roots, and fruit”. This jacket costs £365 and appears to have been embellished by kiddies doing hand painting….

Here is singer and celebritee Ashley Roberts at her 40th birthday party, wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

If a shower curtain went to a fancy dress party as a Minge Moment, this is what it would look like. Minge Maestro Julien has done it again…..

Now we have singer Jesy Nelson recently departed from Little Mix, wearing Balenciaga.

Jesy has had a rough time of late, being accused of “black fishing” in her latest video and being trolled generally. WTF is sympathetic but that is no excuse for her wandering around in public wearing see-through shorts  as shiny and slithery-looking as a condom, over what appears to be a white bikini.

Next we are in NYC where we encounter the ineffable Kim Kardashian wearing Balenciaga.

Bugger me, it’s Darth Vader……


And now we are at Cardi B’s 29th birthday party with a very celebritee-studded turnout. Our pictures do not actually include Cardi B – for a change – but the ones we do are BAD. First, we welcome rapper Snoop Dogg, a newcomer to these pages, wearing a most remarkable ensemble.

Deary me. He looks like a pile of perambulating vomit in a woolly hat….

THIS LAST ONE IS VERY BAD. VERY BAD INDEED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Singer Lizzo wearing Matthew Reisman.

WTF usually abhors a My Little Ponytail but in this case, she fell to her knees and thanked the Almighty for it. And you will see why……

Look. Just because you can does not mean that you should. And she shouldn’t. No one should.  No to nipple pasties!!!! No to visible thongs!!! No to arse-cheeks!!! No to let-it-all-hang-down!!! If this is not a public order offence, WTF does not know what is. The bar for the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2021 has just been set sky high……

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Gita (@MsAlliance) who is not happy, not even at all, about Beauty Advent Calendars. Gita is trenchant in her views so WTF will just repeat them….

“You know what has got to go, mate? Ruddy beauty Advent calendars. Sold from September. Teeny samples of skincare and stuff all packaged in tiny plastic miniatures. No-one needs them because we already have our skincare stuff. They end up chucked in the oceans. I say no!”

Yup. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Cummings, Dominic Raab, Northern Ireland, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Karaoke Special

Hallo Readers,

Nothing summed up the callousness, selfishness and insensitivity of this week’s Conservative party conference in Manchester more than the sight of the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Therese Coffey, belting out Time of my Life from the movie Dirty Dancing. The cigar smoking Coffey made a scalded cat sound like Adele; but the real scandal about her performance, complete with barefoot dancing, was that on that particular day the Government had closed off the £20 uplift in Universal Credit which had benefited six million people during the Covid pandemic. Even by her own abysmally low standards, this was a new low for Coffey, to the point where even some Tory MPs were forced to admit that this was more tone deaf than her horrible singing. Coffey however does not care, any more than she cared when she voted against a Bill to require rented houses to be fit for human habitation (she herself is a landlord), or any more than she cares about depriving people of a much-needed £1,000 a year while herself claiming over £175,000 a year in Parliamentary expenses.

But then the Tories  gave the impression that the UK really is having the time of its life. Which is doubtless why the Prime Minister was keen to tell us that things are on the up. Our economy is thriving, we’re flogging lamb to America, and we are going to level up, whatever that means (because it actually does not mean anything). As far as WTF can see, the only levelling up going on is that no one can get any fuel, with citizens engaging in man-to-man combat on the forecourts of non-filling stations. This is because there is a shortage of lorry drivers. That is because all the foreign lorry drivers have gone home post-Brexit, which is what happens when you make people feel thoroughly unwelcome. Johnson did not mention this in his speech, let alone offer a solution for it. His barnstorming address to the faithful on Wednesday also failed to mention that inflation is going up; gas and electricity is going up; NHS waiting lists are getting longer; there is a serious possibility that shelves are going to be empty by Christmas; and 10,000 people have died since Freedom Day on the 19 July. We have even run out of butchers, for God’s sake. They have gone home as well. Not that there will be a lot of butchery for them to do, given that the supermarkets are running out of food. Johnson simply ignored all this, instead preferring to tell us about fifty times that the Government was going to “level up”. It was a speech so vapid and lacking in specificity that even the Daily Mail gave it the nostril. If there is a political embodiment of the expression “all fur coat and no knickers”, it is Boris Johnson and his useless, incompetent cohorts. And Readers do you know what the worst bit is? They are still miles ahead in the polls…

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We start our survey of the last fortnight’s sartorial slurry with Boris Johnson allegedly out jogging in Manchester. Kill me now….

If he jogs so much, why is he so portly? And what the fuck is he wearing? No one, absolutely no one, goes jogging in a white dress shirt with cufflinks, black socks and brogues. On the same day that Fatboy was pretending to run around Manchester, 40,000 actual runners were taking part in the London Marathon. Yes, people ran dressed as buses and cakes and whatever, but WTF is willing to bet that not a single one of them was dressed like this. As the Americans used to say about TFG, days without being a national embarrassment – zero.

Next, singer Grimes out and about reading Das Kapital. Like you do…

Grimes walking while reading Das Kapital and dressed as a pile of mouldy medieval books is as plausible as Boris jogging in dress shirt and brogues. WTF also deplores the arrow pointing to her Minge.

And now some chaps from the Tonys Red Carpet in New York, starting with actor/singer Jesse Tyler Ferguson, seen here with his husband Jason Mikita.

Quite apart from the fact that (i) no redhead should ever wear lilac and (ii) no man should ever wear evening dress without socks, there is no excuse, not even of any kind, for an adult to be dressed like a pageboy at a country wedding. 

Actor Tom Sturridge was also there, wearing Thom Browne.

Ignore the stupid hat – he always wears one, it’s his schtick. But this is The Blue Brothers directed by Quentin Tarantino, and it prompts many questions. Is that a gunshot wound on the left side of his shirt? If not, what is it? Why are his trousers at half mast? And when was the last time that shirt saw the inside of a washing machine? Manky. 

This is singer Madonna wearing who knows what at a showing of her Madame X  film concert in New York.

This is more a case of Madame Why? There is growing old disgracefully. And there is looking like a waitress in an S&M beach bar. 

Here is singer Olivia Rodrigo wearing St Laurent (!!!!!!) at the opening of the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures in Los Angeles.

Olivia is covering her bits with Mickey Mouse’s auricles. Walt Disney must be turning in his grave….meanwhile, one can but wince thinking about the  pain Olivia must have experienced when removing the tit tape when getting undressed…. yurgle.

 

 

Actor Jennifer Connolly is Louis Vuitton’s muse, perhaps because she is one of the few people who can keep a straight face when wearing their tat. Like here…

Earlier we had Olivia Rodrigo with Mickey Mouse’s ears covering her bits. Now we have Jennifer with Mickey Mouse’s ears covering her shoulders like a mousey carapace. If a cowboy went to a fancy dress party as a macrame lampshade, this is what he would look like.

Another one prepared not to laugh when wearing LV’s silly clothes is actor Cody Fern. And this is about as silly as silly can get.

Paddington goes pastel……

Andcolumn favourite, rapper Cardi B  wearing Richard Quinn.

Cardi likes to be colourful, which is good. But she is dressed like Little Weed from the ancient BBC kiddies programme, Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, which is bad. Very bad.

Finally, we have former Big Brother contestant Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace wearing Abyss by Abby. BE CAREFUL AS YOU SCROLL…….

WTF aficionado Kathryn from Bromley was so appalled by the sight of Aisleyne’s arse, enhanced by about 50 lbs of Brazilian butt-fill, that she got in touch with WTF on Thursday evening demanding its inclusion. And how right she was….. some things are better covered up, love. In your case, with a tarpaulin.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Martyn from Isleworth who is very unimpressed by the new offering on Netflix  “Diana: The Musical”, a filmed version of the Broadway show described by The Guardian’s Stuart Heritage as ‘the year’s most hysterically awful hate-watch”.

Martyn has a point. The show features a group of paparazzi chasing Diana through Paris singing in faux-cockney accents “Better than a Guinness, better than a wank / Snap a few pics, it’s money in the bank”. Hasn’t her family suffered enough? Haven’t we ALL suffered enough? It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Fashion, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, Tonys 2021, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Not So Special Relationship Special

Hallo Readers,

It is clear that Joe Biden has little time for Boris Johnson. Not only is Johnson a blowhard and a buffoon, whom he once described as a clone of Donald Trump, but in 2008, Johnson was profoundly offensive about Barack Obama, sneering that he had moved a bust of Winston Churchill out of the Oval Office because his “Kenyan ancestry”  meant that he had “an ancestral dislike of the British Empire.” As Obama’s Vice President, Biden was unimpressed. And given that Biden is of Irish ancestry, he is not at all dewy-eyed about Britain in the way that Donald Trump claimed to be, what with his old mum leaving Scotland to marry Trump père and live unhappily ever after. This Special Relationship is not very special at all.

It is therefore unsurprising that Johnson’s visit to the US this week failed to secure a trade deal, or even a promise of one, because Biden is in no hurry to do Britain a favour, and he is also unimpressed at our Government’s attempts to skirt around the Northern Irish Protocol. Readers will recall that despite Johnson’s promise that there will be no border between Britain and Ireland, there now is one and with large numbers of Congress of Irish extraction, that is not the sort of thing they will let pass unremarked. This was however news to the idiot former MEP Daniel Hannan, a man who has been wrong about almost everything, but who nevertheless scored a seat in the House of Lords. It was Hannan who assured us in 2016 that “No one is suggesting that Britain will leave the single market after Brexit” which shows the analytical skills of Comical Ali.  However, Hannan is not the sort of chap who allows his being completely wrong about everything to deter him in any way, popping up on Newsnight to insist that a deal was indeed on the cards. Rep. Brendan Boyle, who sits on the House Trade Committee, expressed surprise at this statement, pointing out that he would have heard of it were it an actual thing. Hannan was undeterred, describing the Congressman as “an Irish lobbyist” and assuring bemused viewers that Boyle was not talking to the people I’m talking to”.  That is doubtless true because Hannan is talking to half-witted, ill-informed bullshitters like Hannan while Boyle is talking to, you know, people who get to vote on trade deals with the UK, not that there is a trade deal with the UK because if there were one, he would know about it, and would certainly know about before Hannan.

But then, as we have seen with this shower, being wrong and also being utterly useless at your job is not an impediment to remaining part of the political elite. Mislead everyone about the consequences of Brexit and you end up in the House of Lords. Be the worst Education Secretary in the history of ever and you get a knighthood for your services to failure. Stay on your luxury sun lounger instead of heading home to save Brits and Afghans who risked their life for Brits, and you still get to be Deputy Prime Minister.  Is this what is meant by levelling up? That the rubbish ones get to be as powerful as the less rubbish ones?

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We start our review of the week’s fashion follies in London with the British Vogue x  Tiffany dinner to mark London Fashion Week. This is celebrity son Jaden Smith wearing MSFTS, a label he partly owns.

If a Yeoman of the Guard at the Tower of London got bored and started doodling snakes’ innards on his uniform, this is what he would look like. And his boots are scuffed, which would not be tolerated by any self-respecting Yeoman. And for the necklace OVER the collar and tie, WTF prefers not to speak of it.

Also there was British model Jourdan Dunn ( who was first spotted in Hammersmith’s Primark aged 16) wearing Miss Sohee.

WTF aficionado Gita aka @MsAlliance tweeted WTF the day after the event in great excitement, pointing out that Jourdan was “so shiny! Is she encased in plastic?”. Well, Gita, the answer is that it certainly looks like it. Mattel had the same idea for Barbie some years back……

And finally from that bash, this is German-born artist and fashion photographer Juergen Teller and his partner Dovile Drizyte. Scroll down slowly……

Yikes! Juergen seems have to drawn his inspiration from fellow German, Arsenal’s goalie Bernd Leno, and then thrown on any old tat over it. That jacket is too small and WTF fears that Juergen has been overdoing it on the bratwürst. And why are his legs ten times darker than his face?

While we are at London Fashion Week, here is designer and Mulberry Muse Alexa Chung wearing Simone Rocha at Simone’s show.


This is sort of kinky Jane Austen meets a bundle of washing. WTF asked this question some time ago and she continues ask it…..what is the point of Alexa Chung? An answer is still required. Feel free to comment below or tweet on @WTF_EEK. 

And now to the Emmys in LA where silliness was in great abundance, starting with Australian actor Bowen Yang wearing a suit by Zegna (OK-ish) and boots by Syro (not OK).

WTF would have been prepared to overlook the fact that Bowen needed to take a size up in the tuxedo, but not the silver boots last seen on something having a drink in the Cantina in Star Wars.

Here is actor and comedian Amy Poehler wearing who can even say what?

You cannot see the top of the dress but it seems unexceptional. Why she has put that dreary belted jacket over it, WTF cannot say. Either there is droopage or her waist is but inches from her boobage, but whichever it is, the effect is like a designer tramp.

Now we have actor Issa Rae, wearing Aliette.

The good news is that those are her own tits. The bad news is that we can see them. And the dress is just an elongated string vest, like something worn by Rab C Nesbitt.

Here is actor Dan Levy (Schitt’s Creek) wearing Valentino

The jacket is a cross between a judo jacket and a dressing gown, worn with baggy trewsies and hobnail boots, like Hugh Hefner getting street.

And finally we have actor Emma Corrin (The Crown), wearing Miu Miu.

If Ofred from The Handmaid’s Tale went to a fancy dress party as swimmer Esther Williams, this is what she would look like. The talons would have come in very handy for Ofred, who could have fended off Fred and had a good go at Aunt Lydia.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF, who is sick to the back teeth of electric scooters whizzing along the pavement, scattering terrified pedestrians. Get off the pavements. Get in the cycle lanes – they bloody cost enough. Or better still, just bugger off and get the bus. It’s Go To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. WTF is having a little break next week but she will be back bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on 8 October. In the meantime, be good x.

 

Posted in Afghanistan, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Dominic Raab, Donald Trump, Emmys, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, London Fashion Week, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Mega-Enormous “Fashion” Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF was going to give you a week off this week until she realised that last weekend was both the MTV VMAs and the Met Gala, so how could she? Anyway she suspects that many of you do not read down to the sign-off at the very end and probably did not even realise that this was the original plan. Be that howsoever it may be, a cornucopia of fashion faux pas awaits you but before you get there, it is worth saying a few words about the Cabinet reshuffle this week.

In It’s Got To Go last week, WTF suggested that Gavin Williamson had got to and Readers! He has. It is the only thing Boris Johnson has ever done that WTF actually agrees with. Following him out of the door to the back bench and political nowheresville are Housing Secretary Robert Jenrick (the man who agreed to wave through a planning application for a dignitary whom he just happened to sit next to at a Tory fundraising dinner, thereby saving said dignitary £50m), Amanda Milling, (not even a household name in her own household) and Justice Secretary Robert Buckland (who seems to have been shafted only because Dominic Raab was ousted from the Foreign Office and was given Buckland’s portfolio instead, plus the title of Deputy Prime Minister to shut him up).

Given the paucity of talent available, the reshuffle was like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Liz Truss, the woman who redefines vapid, is now Foreign Secretary. Nadine Dorries, whose principal contribution to culture has been appearing on I’m a Celebrity and writing a couple of crappy novels, is now the Culture Minister. Oliver Dowden, who looks and sounds like a school prefect, takes over as Party Chair. The one thing they have in common is that they are Johnson loyalists and that is the main qualification for promotion. Think Kim Jong Un, but with milder penalties if they turn against him – the boot, rather than being torn apart by a pack of dogs or bumped off at an airport with poisonous chemicals.

A few weeks ago, WTF pointed out that polls amongst the Tory faithful showed that Johnson was one of the lowest rated performers with only Jenrick, Milling and Williamson below him. Of course he was not likely to sack himself so he has survived to bumble through surrounded by yes men who are there to play the role of the fat friend to the pretty girl and make him look good. The problem is that they cannot make him look good. Nothing and no one can make him look good. Not even Nadine Dorries. 

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We have a LOT of horror today. We start our whopping review of the week’s wankiest wear at the MTV Video Music Awards in New York last Sunday, with Brazilian singer Anitta wearing Miss Sohee. 

Yurgle. Some ectoplasm is creeping over her boobies straight out of the hottest chapter of a Stephen King novel. And WTF hates an exposed belly button almost above all things.

This is Australian singer Troye Silvan wearing who can even say what?

He has baggy shorts displaying his little pipe cleaner legs, long black socks and brogues and a teeny weeny crop top. He looks like the lovechild of a 1930s footballer and Hayley Bieber.

Here is model Winnie Harlow wearing LaQuan Smith.

The lovely Winnie is wearing a slanket tied around the waist showing off an  incontinence truss. This is fashion?

Here is Megan Fox, pictured without beau Machine Gun Kelly, wearing Thierry Mugler. 

There comes a time when it is pointless wearing anything and this sone of those times. Megan would have done better letting the wet-look mermaid hair grow a bit and wrapping it over her bits. There is also a preponderance of bare arse-cheeks but WTF is going to spare you those.

Next up we have singer Ashanti wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello.

More arse cheeks. Michael Costello has never knowingly missed an opportunity to leave a body part uncovered and there is more strappage than at a fetish festival. WTF also fears bigly for Ashanti’s circulation. Meanwhile that floor length pigtail is presumably to be used as a spare if there are more fetishists than straps. 

Finally from the VMAs we have Jennifer Lopez wearing David Koma.

Jennifer is in the second flush of love with Ben Affleck, her former fiancé from about four relationships ago. Yes she is beautiful and she has a banging body but aren’t you just a little bit sick of seeing it? If it is warm enough for a turtleneck sweater, you do not need a tit mullion and matching sparkly minge mask. Put it away love for Gawds’s sake…..

Now we go to the Met Gala, which took place the night after the VMAs. The theme was “American Independence” although in reality it was more a case “Planet Zog Independence” with some top designers falling over themselves to produce a load of old tat. We start Whoopi Goldberg wearing Valentino.

Scarlett O’Hara needs an iron. And what has happened to her arms? She looks like a double amputee.

This is model Anja Rubik wearing Christian Siriano.

The good news is that she is wearing panties. The bad news is that she seems to have been mauled by three particularly pissed off ostriches.

And here is actor Maisie Williams wearing something she knocked up herself.

Maisie is petite to start with but here she resembles a demented goth pixie with a minge placket and her hair looks as if she is wearing one of those hats worn by Spanish bullfighters. Olé!

Here is the new hot couple in showbiz, rapper ASAP Rocky wearing ERL and Rihanna wearing Balenciaga.

Rihanna looks great but Rocky appears to grabbed his granny’s quilted bedspread and called it an outfit. At least he will have kept warm…..

Motor racer Lewis Hamilton was there. Of course he was. And he is in here too. Of course he is. He is wearing Kenneth Nicholson.

Er, what? Is he the bridegroom or is he the bride?

And now German singer and songwriter Kim Petras wearing Collina Strada.

Kim is dressed as a floral pantomime cow. Who knows why?

This is actor Tessa Thompson at the afterparty wearing not much.

She is wrapped in gold ribbons with washing up gloves on her feet. Washing up gloves for a four-fingered person.

And finally WTF’s Twitter feed (@WTF_EEK, look we’ve had this conversation….) exploded with people scratching their heads about actor Dan Levy wearing Loewe.

WTF could have lived with the shirt and trousers – the artwork was a tribute to the late American artist David Wojnarowicz, one of the most influential LGBTQIA+ activists, who painted the original piece. She could have survived the Cartier diamonds embossing them. But she is having very serious difficulties with the parachute around his shoulders and a load more trouble with the studded boots, like something worn by a Hell’s-Angel-turned-troubador.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Tony from Chislehurst who is appalled at the sight of  Mexican rapper Dan Sur. Here is why.Dan has decided that hair is so last decade and instead has had gold and silver chains HOOKED INTO HIS HEAD. Plus gold grills on his teeth. Good luck going through security controls, poppet. It’s Go To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Broken Promises Special

Hallo Readers,

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Boris Johnson has broken another promise. Keeping promises is not his forte – just ask the first and second Mrs Johnson and his string of discarded mistresses. Readers may recall the £350 million a week for the NHS never happened and the 14 new hospitals turned out to be neither new nor hospitals, but new wings in existing hospitals. Or his promise to his Uxbridge constituents that he would lie down in front of bulldozers rather than allow a third runway to be built at Heathrow airport, but when the vote for the third runway came up in the  House, Johnson, then foreign secretary, suddenly remembered an urgent appointment in Afghanistan and was airborne as his colleagues trooped through the lobbies. If Johnson does keep a promise, he only manages to do so by breaking a different promise – for example, he met his commitment to bring the UK out of the EU but only at the cost of breaking his promise that there would be no border between Northern Ireland and Great Britain. Similarly, this week he kept his promise to do something about social care but only by ignoring the promise not to raise taxes and imposing an across-the-board hike in National Insurance. As a result, people at the bottom of the scale as well as the top must pay another 10% of that tax in order to ensure that those at the top can pass their multi million pound homes on to their children. There were other potential sources of income but Johnson was not going to do anything to upset the big donors to the Conservative Party, particularly the construction giants. So there is no rise in corporation tax. There is no rise in inheritance tax. There is no attempt to make international mega companies pay any or some tax on their profits. There is no rise in taxes on unhealthy sugary and salty foods, the consumers of which clog up their own arteries and then clog up the hospitals. Only last month, when such a proposal was made by food czar Henry Dimbleby, Johnson dismissed it, saying “I’m not, I must say, attracted to the idea of extra taxes on hardworking people. Let me just signal that.” One month later, that reticence vanished into the ether and we now have an extra tax on hard working people starting in three years’ time.

In ordinary life, that degree of forgetfulness would have the speaker shipped off to a care home, paying £1500 a week while the people who look after him or her will not clear that in a month and will now be forced to pay higher National Insurance for the privilege. That is, the ones who will still work there and who will not remain post-Brexit in their countries of origin or who will not have gone off to work for the NHS because they do not need a vaccination there, or who have not been lured away to work for Amazon – oh the irony – which will pay them twice or three times their care home wages. Sadly they will soon find out that Mr Bezos’s beneficence comes at a high price.

People pay their tax and NI throughout their career. In return they should be cared for if they cannot afford to do it themselves. The idea that poorer people work their whole lives and still have to pay the same as rich people for future care is just plain wrong.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing chaos with rapper Lil Baby (né Dominique Armani Jones) wearing Bape x Coach.

WTF dislikes a shorts suit on men unless they are army officers or in law enforcement, and this shorts suit is especially distasteful to her as she hates snakeskin patterns almost above all things. Why would a grown man want go about dressed as Kaa from the Jungle Book? And how does he hold his neck up with all those chains around it? He must have an osteopath on permanent standby…..

Next up, we have actor and rapper Akwafina wearing Monse.

More Monsense. If a ghost went a fancy dress party as a bedraggled businessman, this is what it would look like. And the boots are downright ugly.

To the National Television Awards, which are always bad. WTF aficionado Mark was so outraged by boxer Nicola Adams and her partner model Ella Baig that he messaged WTF late at night to protest at their awfulness. Ella’s dress is by ROTATE Birger Chirtensen. 

We saw Lil Baby in his shorts suit. Now we see Nicola in hers and she does look like an Army officer. The Afrika Corps from WW2. Whoever thought of the orange socks and matching eyeshadow is not her friend. As for Ella, she has cut up Granny’s damask curtains and added leg of mutton sleeves and hideous platforms. 

Meet actor Annaleigh Ashford at the launch of Impeachment- American Crime Story, wearing Sebastian Gunawan.

This is a very silly dress, which takes away Annaleigh’s neck and makes her look like one of those ever-so-eco cloth Christmas trees.

To the GQ Men of the Year Awards in London with singer Ed Sheeran wearing Versace.

WTF has cited this movie before, but it bears repetition. In Tin Men,  a superb and under-rated movie about dodgy double glazing salesmen in the 1960s (GO AND WATCH IT), Tilly (Danny de Vito) is up before the Home Improvements Commission accused of selling his wares by deception. He replies “look…if you work in a clothing store, some guy tries on a suit and he looks like shit, but you tell him he looks wonderful… the guy’s standing there looking like a sack of shit, the salesman says what a great suit, and he buys it. That’s deception…” Bravo Tilly. Ed may be wearing a £3,000 Versace jacket but he looks like a sack of shit. Not to mention the crumpled shirt, wonky tie, terribly-fitting trousers and Boris Johnson hair. Yurgle.

We are now at the knockings of the Venice Film Festival where we encounter actor Cynthia Erivo, wearing Valentino.

You know those mad people who wrap themselves and their pets in tinfoil to avoid X-rays or whatever? Cynthia looks exactly like that. And her shoes are a health hazard…..

And here is actor Kristen Stewart wearing Chanel.

Chanel!!! Ye Gods. It was a toss-up between a tweed Chanel romper and this ghastly ensemble but this is worse because at least the romper looks expensive and awful, whereas this babydoll nonsense looks cheap and awful, the sort of thing you buy online from K-Mart. Meanwhile, the purpose of the black ribbon passeth all understanding…..

And finally, here is alleged singer Cheryl performing at the Mighty Hoopla Festival, wearing something foul.

WTF noticed a headline the other day announcing that Cheryl (formerly aka Tweedy, then aka Cole, then aka Fernandez-Versini) had returned to singing. This came as a surprise to WTF who did know that she ever started. Rutting foxes sound more harmonious. Anyway, here she is wearing something so horrific that it is included here even though stage outfits are usually out of bounds. There is a LOT of thigh and crotch plus hair that used to be attached to a pony’s arse, like Spiderwoman gone lap dancing.

STOP PRESS – WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney contacted WTF today to say ‘That bloody Cheryl! She looks like Liberace doing a Las Vegas season. In his late period’.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from the whole of Britain, whether WTF aficionados or not, and concerns that utter moron, the Education Secretary Gavin Williamson.

In what is admittedly a competitive field, Williamson is way ahead of the pack, having no redeeming features and giving full nuance to the words over-promoted. This week he consolidated his lead still further by managing to confuse Marcus Rashford the black footballer with Maro Itoje the black rugby player, claiming that he had met the former by Zoom instead of the latter. In fact, as both are campaigning for matters relating to Williamson’s own department, Rashford for free school meals and Itoje for free school computers, he should know them and be able to distinguish them, and he should be holding frequent discussions with them both. He is a complete tosser and He’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. We will not be meeting next Friday because Thursday is the Day of Atonement and WTF will be busy atoning, but she will be back with you on Friday 24 September. Please keep those excellent suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, GQ men of the Year Awards, National TV Awards, Northern Ireland, Politics, Uncategorized, Venice Film Festival, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Raab Special

Hallo Readers,

Watching Dominic Raab give evidence to the House of Commons Foreign Affairs Committee this week was further proof, not that proof is required, that competence, diligence and a mastery of the facts are no longer essentials on a ministerial job specification. Raab was questioned by MPs of all parties but either failed to answer them or waffled on with a word salad that, insofar as it could be understood at all, seemed to have nothing to do with the price of fish. He was clearly irritated at having to explain his disastrous handling of the Afghanistan crisis, despite the fact that this is the raison d’etre of such committees – to ask probing questions and to get detailed answers. Or, in this case, not to get them.

Raab has never been big on detail. When Brexit Secretary, he admitted that he had not read the whole of the Good Friday Agreement, which is rather like a surgeon going into a viva and admitting that he had not finished Gray’s Anatomy. On this occasion, a steely Tom Tugendhat, this year’s unlikely hero, asked Raab about a report dated 22 July 2021 which had warned  that Peace talks are stalled and US Nato withdrawal is resulting in rapid Taliban advances. This could lead to: fall of cities, collapse of security forces, Taliban return to power, mass displacement and significant humanitarian need. The embassy may need to close if security deteriorates.” Raab bristled like a hedgehog and inquired where Tugendhat had got that information, only to receive the reply “it’s your principal risk report”. Which clearly indicated that Robb had either not read it or had read it but had been untroubled by its contents. Either way, when a few weeks later the Taliban cut through the hapless Afghan Army like a hot knife through butter, Raab was to be found sprawled on a sun lounger in Crete working on his tan. The opprobrium he faced as a result still rankles and although his tan may be fading, his indignation at being questioned is undimmed. He refused to answer questions about when he had left for his holiday in Greece and was shirty at the suggestion that he had cocked up by failing to come home early. Apology was there none. Details were scanty. Figures explaining who was left behind were vague. Names of counterpart Foreign Ministers  with whom he had spoken, and the dates he had spoken to them, were unparticularised. The only real display of animation came when he accused Labour Committee Members asking impertinent questions like “why did you not evacuate the British Embassy earlier?” of setting a political ambush. It was as striking a display of ineptitude and unfitness for office as we have seen for some time, even from this shit-show of a Government.

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We start our review of the week’s awful apparel with actress Zolee Griggs wearing Prabal Gurung. 

Zolee describers herself as a “humanitarian.” She will need all that saintliness and goodwill to mankind to forgive whoever it was who thought it was a good idea to put her into this ridiculous outfit, which seems to be the lovechild of a romper suit and a pair of dice.

Next up, we have presenter  and talent judge Alesha Dixon at the LGBT Awards in London, wearing Attico.

Alesha clearly has a thing about pink. This time, she is putting the shocking into shocking pink. The shoulders are taking us back to 1980, which is where they should have stayed, the skirt is, as ever, too short and the turd topknot is like something a pervy Aladdin would have worn. Dismal.

Also present was singer Pixie Lott, wearing Nue.

The sandals are yummy but she has forgotten her skirt and the jacket has tit goggles. And Pixie is proof positive of a WTF Golden Rule  –  if  you have to hold your  handbag in front of your minge, there  is  something  wrong with your outfit. And with you for wearing  it.

Here we are in LA where we meet actor Kevin Quinn at the premiere of Cinderella, wearing Alexander McQueen.

Kevin is giving WTF a headache just by looking at him. He is very swirly with a skull and crossbones on his crotch.  And is that a gun holster?

To Venice, where a variety of celebritees assembled to wear borrowed Dolce & Gabbana clobber, beginning with Kourtney Kardashian and her beau, drummer Travis Barker.

These two are really annoying. She is wearing a sheer shower curtain over a bra and thong, a flower instead of a belt and her boyfriend’s hand on her tit. Travis is a Lurch lookalikey and while his suit is rather elegant, he is in hiking boots (gosh, his feet are HUGE!!!!) and without a shirt, not even of any kind. Meanwhile, WTF hates a tattooed head even more than she hates a tattooed neck, which is an awful lot of hate. 

Also there to share the glam was actor January Jones.

Not content with more frills than a toilet doll on acid, D&G has added sparkly tits, diamanté straps and the most vulgar belt ever in the history of ever.

And finally, we have singer Bebe Rexha.

A few pictures ago, we had Lurch and Morticia from the Addams Family and here is the lovely Bebe looking as if she has been recently exhumed, complete with a head full of rats’ tails and, for reasons that are not entirely clear, a Minge Butterfly. 

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from many appalled WTF aficionados, with Sarah from Lancaster first across the line. Their nominations? Yes of course, it’s Michael Gove, Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, strutting his stuff in an Aberdeen nightclub at 2 am last Saturday night.

Look. If  Gove wants to shake it all about, so be it. He is a (newly) single man and wants to have fun. BUT (i) NO ONE goes raving in a suit (ii) he looks like a dork and (iii) reports from the club say that Michael is a schnorrer who tried to get in for free rather than paying a fiver like everybody else. As WTF aficionado Yvonne put it, It’s Got To Gove.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Afghanistan, Brexit, Dominic Raab, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Good Friday Agreement, Labour Party, Michael Gove, Northern Ireland, Politics, Uncategorized, Venice Film Festival, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Stone in the Pond Special

Hallo Readers,

There were many strange sights and sounds this week. There was the Defence Secretary, Ben Wallace, describing the allegation from a former para who complained of the Government abandoning him in Afghanistan as “bollocks”. There were dehydrated babies being passed over barbed wire at Kabul Airport to bemused US soldiers by their despairing mothers, and more babies being born on the aircraft taking their parents to safety. There was some idiot woman on Fox News blaming Jill Biden for Joe Biden’s handling of Afghanistan. In the UK, there were anti-vaccine, anti-lockdown, anti-brain demonstrators, led by a bloke who used to be in Coronation Street for about half an hour, invading the ITV/Channel 4 News building in Central London and heckling Jon Snow (no, not that one, the newscaster). But nothing was more striking than the sight of Donald Trump,  The Former Guy, at a super-spreader rally in Alabama getting the bird from some of the crowd for admitting that he had been jabbed against Covid and advising them to do the same.

To put this in context, Alabama, the Land That Time Forgot, is ranked 50th out of the 50 US states for vaccinations – only 47% of  its citizens have been inoculated. It is also ranked the 5th lowest state in terms of education, and my Goodness, it shows. Even its Governor, Kay Ivey, a woman who makes Margaret Thatcher look like Rebecca Long-Bailey, has lost patience with her electorate as infection rates climb steadily, remarking, “Folks are supposed to have common sense”. Not in Alabama they aren’t. When she greeted TFG on the tarmac as he flew in for the rally, did she bend his ear and ask him to have a word? If she did, then she is bound to be off this year’s Christmas card list because even TFG, a man whose word is usually heard as reverentially as that of the Almighty Himself, was roundly booed for even suggesting vaccines might be OK.

TFG has been long been walking a tightrope about this. 30% of his supporters do not actually believe he has even been jabbed at all. He was in fact vaccinated back in January but be chose to say nothing about it. Since then, he has been virtually silent on the topic, unlike all the other living Presidents. At the same time, TFG has promoted his own role in hurrying through the vaccines, even though many of his followers regard them as more ungodly than a foursome with Dr Fauci, Bill Gates and every Jew-hater’s favourite nightmare, George Soros. And on Saturday night, we saw why TFG had chosen silence. While he has previously said nothing, his handmaidens on Fox News and OANN and Newsmax,  radio hosts who, in another age, would have been taken away in a straitjacket and the likes of Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (ditto), have all rubbished the vaccines so that now even TFG cannot persuade his own devoted followers to take them. And this is a man whom they believed when he claimed that the election was nobbled and that American patriots had kissed and cuddled police officers at the Capitol on January 6. He has unleashed this madness and now even he cannot control it. As WTF’s late Russian granny used to say, it takes one fool to throw a stone in the water and ten wise people to get it out again.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with Madonna, celebrating her 63rd birthday in Italy with her current beau, dancer Ahlamalik Williams.

Commentators have sniped at the age difference between Mads and Ahlamalik (27), but frankly, WTF is not bothered at all – good luck to them. She is however unimpressed by her outfit which manages to combine equal parts of mumsiness, old-style Southern Belle and silliness, particularly the socks. Overall, the impression is very Driving Miss Daisy……  

 

Next up we have lovely actor Sarah Paulson wearing Miu Miu.

 The good news – the shoes are lovely, although impossible to walk in, and Winnie the dog is a real cutie.  Winnie’s look of bewilderment on looking at Sarah dressed like a saucy French Maid is noted and endorsed. That dog is a critic. WTF is going to offer her a guest slot ……

 

More black and white with actor Lily Collins wearing Ronald van Der Kemp at a Cartier party in Los Angeles.

Love the hair and makeup, very Katherine Hepburn, but the outfit is to long at the back and too short at the front with shoulders where the hanger seems to have been left in in the jacket. If a penguin went to a fancy dress party as a hat check girl, this is what it would look like.

Love Island 2020 twins Eve Gale and Jess Gale out and about in London.

There has been a distinct interference with the workings of nature, and they both have that now-obligatory trout pout, faces shinier than a ten pin bowling ball, tits like balloons and skin the colour of stewed tea. They are also going out to dinner in London dressed as if they were still lounging round the pool at the Majorcan villa and flashing their arse cheeks, which WTF has decided to spare you …. instead here are the girls before they met Botox. Look and weep.

Sigh……

Next up, here is TOWIE person Gemma Collins and former (and perhaps reinstated fiancé) Rami Hawash. 


Rami’s jeans are not so much distressed as destroyed and Gemma looks like a perambulating kaleidoscope in sandals. Oh and the teeny-weeny bag is Valentino and costs £1550.

Now we have model Shanina Shaikh wearing Christopher Esber.

Well, I say “wearing” but there is not much to wear. There is a giant tit window and a minge mullion, and seems to the lovechild of an old sheet and a discarded Ku Klux Klan robe.

Newcomers to these pages, England and Manchester Citeh footballer Jack Grealish and Love Island 2018 person Ellie Brown. They are in a nightclub in Manchester.

They are not together, they both claim (Jack has a girlfriend) and they just bumped into each other by the loos, as you do. Ellie’s bustier makes her look even bustier, but WTF is more interested in Jack’s ridiculous attire made more ridiculous by the hems tucked into his socks like a geography teacher cycling to school.  Footballers have a lot of time on their hands and Jack seems to have spent his scribbling on his trouser legs which look like illustrated carrots.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from appalled WTF aficionado WTF in Islington who came across this picture tweeted by Simon from Wharfedale in Yorkshire. Ready? You won’t be……

Look, let us not mince words. It may be that the person who wrote this did not have English as a first language, or that he/she was taking the piss.  But does the supermarket involved not have a someone in charge who is even vaguely literate? If you were considering making chilli con carne or shepherd’s pie, and you saw this, you would hotfoot it to the vegan section before you could say moose knuckle. There is no question. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Alabama, America, Anthony Fauci, Anti-Semitism, Antisemitism, Covid, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, George Soros, Ivanka Trump, Politics, Uncategorized, vaccines, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Back to 2001 Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF’s heroes are not so much falling from Grace as plummeting. Last week it was New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. This week it is US President Joe Biden. He told us that he would always be straight with us and would admit when he made a mistake. Yet he made a catastrophic error and is failing to own it. Getting out of Afghanistan was always going to be a mess. But this is worse than a mess. Anyone could have seen that announcing the US was off by September 11, but with no formal agreement in place between the US Government, the Afghan Government and the Taliban, would open the door to chaos. The US also ignored memos from diplomats on the grounds in Kabul advising them against the planned withdrawal, and it did not even bother to talk to its Allies about its plans.  We were however assured that the Afghan army, supposedly trained by the US and UK to a high standard, was more than capable of defeating the Taliban but that promise was based on the assumptions that the Afghan Army was the size they said it was and that it was up for a fight, whereas neither was true. The Afghan Government, or at least a large part of it, was too busy shovelling money into its pockets to find time to pay the military for over a year, so it is unsurprising that its soldiers had no stomach for combat. Last weekend, Afghan capitals fell one by one like dominos under the merest puff of air, and before we knew it, Taliban fighters were posing proudly in the Presidential office. Meanwhile, the Afghan President skipped town in a helicopter, allegedly accompanied by suitcases of cash, and is now safely ensconced in the UAE.

Because things collapsed so rapidly, foreign nationals are still stuck in Afghanistan, as are many Afghans who were interpreters and teachers and others who helped to free women from the medieval quagmire into which they had been sunk after 2001, and to which they will doubtless rapidly return. If you’re going to go, then go. But make sure there is some sort of agreed exit strategy. Look after those who risked their lives for your ill-defined political purposes. Arrange for people to get out before you go. At least ensure that the road to the airport is clear because there is no point promising to take people out if they can’t get to the planes. Have a plan. Some plan. Any plan. But at least have a bloody plan that is more comprehensive than ‘we’re going now, bye bye’.

Meanwhile, Boris Johnson and Dominic Raab thought it was more important for them to go on holiday than to hang around Whitehall and do something. They failed to rise to the occasion and they failed again in the House of Commons on Wednesday, offering no cogent explanation for their inaction. Instead,  they radiated arrogance, irritation and self-satisfaction, with Johnson simultaneously telling us that that this had been foreseen and that it had not. But who was remotely surprised that either of them is incompetent? Biden, on the other hand, is another matter. WTF naively had hoped that his decency, empathy and experience would have helped him to handle this with some forethought. It didn’t happen. Instead he blamed the Afghan Army, ran away from reporters at his Press Conference and has been less than frank. For shame.

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We start our survey of the week’s sartorial slurry with singer and actor Jennifer Hudson wearing Valentino.

Jennifer is promoting her new movie in which she plays Aretha Franklin, but she seems to have another movie on the go as well in which she plays a cheese grater in bootees.  And leather shorts should be worn only by Germans and Austrians at beer festivals.

Next up, we have actor Jai Courtney wearing Paul Smith.

The colour is pretty, but either (i) Jai has lived on a diet of cake since he bought the suit, or (ii) he accidentally put it on a hot wash in the machine or (iii) it was always two sizes too small. Every seam is holding on for dear life…. he has also teamed the delicate suit with what appear to be hobnail boots.

Here is celebritee Draya Michele in LA, wearing who can even say what?

Those are very terrible trousers, apparently recycled from some kiddie’s bedroom curtains together with the original fringing, and worn with a scarf serving as a bra showing oodles of under-boob.

She’s back! I speak of newly-minted billionaire Rihanna wearing a load of old tat.

Ever since RiRi has started hanging out with A$AP Rocky, she has been favouring ridiculous jeans. Are they jeans? Or are they joggers?  As for the thing around her chest, it is not so much a handkerchief as a titkerchief. Perhaps now she is so rich, she feels the need to dress down like a Victorian beggar….

Our old pal is back, TV presenter and former model Heidi Klum wearing Dolce & Gabbana on the set of America’s Got Talent.

NBC’s viewers must have jammed the switchboard for hours complaining of retinal damage. Are D&G having a laugh? She looks like one of those patchwork teddies, only without the pot belly.

And now we have singer Dua Lip wearing Marshall Columbia.

Dua’s wardrobe has been attacked from a swarm of particularly hungry moths flying in formation like the Red Arrows. Not to mention giving us all a parallel Minge Moment.

And finally, we say hello again to singer Orville Peck wearing Beyonce’s new collection, Ivy Park.

Orville fans will know that he never shows his face, but there is a mask and there is this thing, the lovechild of the Lone Ranger and some backwoodsman from the Ozarks.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado   Yvonne from Jedburgh and if this is not the most revolting thing  you ever saw in your life, then you have led a seriously disturbed life and need some sort of assistance.

WARNING – THIS IS REALLY HORRIBLE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Well, you were warned. Yvonne wants to know what sort of person would want to drink out of this cup, and apart from members of the Coprophiliacs’ Club, WTF does not know the answer either. But she does know that It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

Posted in Afghanistan, America, Andrew Cuomo, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Raab, Draya Michele, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Joe Biden, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Cuomosexual Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF has always had a penchant for clever, arrogant, witty and charismatic men who look like they know stuff. Even when she suspects that they are not actually very nice, she will usually suppress the thought where there are enough flashes of brilliance and a few bons mots. And so it was last spring, when Covid was first upon us, and the then President of the US was making a pig’s ear of his country’s response (if indeed denying that there was a problem and plugging some iffy medicine can be deemed a response). The daily appearances of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo charmed the world and charmed WTF even more. His combination of sense, competence, eloquence, empathy and understanding,  combined with witty aperçus and an obvious contempt for President Orange meant that his briefings became required viewing for residents of New York State and across the globe. At a time when there was no vaccine, or even the expectation of one, Cuomo’s reassurance that things would eventually be OK, however terrible they were at the time, was the perfect antidote to our fears.

And then….as 2020 continued and the horror of New York doctors in plastic bin bags coping with thousands of dying citizens abated, it became clear that Cuomo’s management of the crisis had been less adept that had appeared at the time; not least because of his policy of transferring old and sick people from hospitals to nursing homes where they spread the virus and many died. For a while, that was covered up while Cuomo won an Emmy for his daily TV chats and made some $5 m from his book boasting how well he has handed it all. When details of the cover-up crept out, they were squashed with cynical ruthlessness by the Governor and his staff.

Then another scandal started to emerge, namely that Cuomo was a  serial sex pest. Even after a report by the Attorney-General, a woman he himself had appointed, found that he had molested eleven women, Cuomo persisted in his denials, sending his Rottweiler lady lawyer onto TV shows to pour obloquy on his accusers – exactly the same tactics practiced by the man he claimed to deprecate, now the former President. But  the  women did not back down and this week, Cuomo resigned. Did we get a fulsome and grovelling apology, coupled with an admission that his conduct has been sleazy and disgusting? No, we did not. Instead this 63-year old man, father, lawyer and politician insisted that he had never intentionally assaulted anyone, but that ‘the boundaries had moved’ and he had not realised it. Really?  The acceptable boundaries of behaviour from a man, a father, a lawyer and a politician never included groping women’s breasts or squeezing their buttocks or running a finger down their spine or demanding of a 25 year old assistant whether she found men of his age attractive. One is left to conclude that either Cuomo really did not know that, in which case he was unfit for office, or that he did know it but he thought that the rules did not apply to him, in which case he was unfit for office. The moral of the story  is that wit, charm and intelligence are all well and good but they may well – and often do – cover up something a lot less appetising and a lot more problematic.

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We start our review of the week’s outrageous outfits with talent judge and former singer Alesha Dixon,  seen here with her husband Azuka Ononye at Ant McWotsit’s wedding. Alesha is wearing Kalmanovich.

Here is a WTF Golden Rule. Do not go to someone else’s wedding dressed like a showgirl, unless of course you are a showgirl appearing in the post-prandial Cabaret. This is too tight, too short, too showy and makes her look like a very brightly coloured cockatoo.

Next up we have actor Winston Duke (from the Marvel movies) wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

He seems to have been shopping at the D&G skip. The shirt has nothing to do with the suit or the shoes and the monogrammed polo neck is just plain wanky.  The whole effect is of  one of those terribly twee china minstrels that your granny had on her mantelpiece.

Here she is! It’s Lady Gaga in New York, wearing Christopher John Rogers.

If a decanter went to a fancy dress party as a picnic tablecloth,  this is what it would look like. And those are the world’s ugliest boots….. 

And here is another regular, sort of actress Phoebe Price, at a garage in LA.

Is she going to the gym or to the S&M club? And as the petrol hose is not in the aperture, what is she planning to do with it? Frankly, it does not bear thinking about. Even the lap-dancing doxies in last night’s Love Island were better dressed. Yurgle.

Meet How to get Away With Murder actor Conrad Ricamora wearing a most extraordinary ensemble at the premiere of Night House in New York.

So here we have a cornucopia of everything WTF cannot abide. A one armed-jacket on a two-armed person. Nothing under the jacket save for chains various. And brogues without socks. Was he attacked by a savage doggie?

We haven’t seen rapper Iggy Azalea in a while. Here she is, wearing Thierry Mugler. Careful now.

Good Lord! A perambulating circus tent…..

And finally, here is Instagram star Stephanie Gurzanski wearing who even knows what this is?

This is the lovechild of a leather sofa and Disney’s Angus the pony and is putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment.

This week’s It’s Got to Go concerns someone who is in fact about to go. WTF speaks of Britney Spears’ dad Jamie Spears, who has been his daughter’s conservator since 2008 when she had a funny turn. Britney is now nearly 40, has two children and had this novel idea that she is entitled to run her own life and to handle the money she makes.

 It is not as if Britney does not know what day it is. She regularly gives sell-out concerts, and Dad gets the money to look after it for her. Recently, Britney applied to wind up the conservatorship and last night her dad says he stepping down. Good riddance. He’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

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WTF Duffers Special

Hallo Readers,

The website ConservativeHome carries out monthly surveys among grassroots Tories to gauge their approval of the members of the Cabinet. In July, colourless dimwit Liz Truss, the Trade Secretary, came top with 89%, with Dishy Rishi Sunak, the Chancellor who brought us the cheap lunches last summer but gave loads of people Covid in consequence, on 74.1%. Third was Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab, the man who thought that Réunion was part of the landmass of France, rather than an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean between Madagascar and Mauritius. But then, when he was Brexit Secretary, Raab never bothered to read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through, so he obviously does not put a premium on knowledge.

Boris Johnson, however, fared less well, dropping 36 points from June to an embarrassing 3.4%. AND THIS IS A POLL OF ACTUAL TORIES.  There were only three Cabinet members less popular than Johnson. Immediately below him is Robert Jenrick, the oleaginous Housing Secretary, with 1.3%. Frankly, Jenrick is so ghastly that WTF can only surmise that the 1.3% comprise his mum and dad, his Auntie Flora and the cleaning lady. Readers may recall that Jenrick was involved in a little local difficulty when it transpired that he had overruled the planning Inspectorate and waived through a billion-pound property development for Richard Desmond, a Tory donor whom he had sat next to at a fund-raising dinner, thus saving Desmond the not inconsiderable sum of £50m. Public outcry caused the approval to be scrapped, but only after a series of texts came to light in which Desmond declared that ‘I do not want to give my doe (sic) to Marxists’, a reference to the elected councillors of Tower Hamlets Borough Council, where the project was to be situated. Below Jenrick is the Conservative Party Chair, Amanda Milling, who is sitting on  a net disapproval rating of -14.3%. And, fittingly, bringing up the rear with -44.1% is Education Secretary Gavin Williamson, a man for whom the word idiot has insufficient nuance. That someone so irremediably thick as Williamson is Education Secretary is all you need to know about the calibre of this Cabinet.

The fact that Johnson has picked such duffers, and yet has managed to be eclipsed by nearly all of them in a survey of his own party members, must rank as the political equivalent of having your trousers fall down in public. There are people in that Cabinet no one has ever heard of. Mark Spencer MP, anyone?  Baroness Evans? They both got more approval than Johnson and no one even knows who they are. Having chucked people with real intelligence, merit and ethics out of the party altogether, he surrounded himself with mediocrity in order to make himself look good. And the sad thing for him is that, even then, he is ranked fourth from bottom. Oh, the ignominy. WTF cannot recall such a low-quality Cabinet.  You would do better at MFI.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion fiascos with actress Margot Robbie at the premiere of The Suicide Squad, in which she stars as Harley Quinn,  wearing Chanel.

The Mummy has returned – wearing Chanel. Why is the beauteous Margot wearing a tit sling? What is occurring below the knees? What the actual fuck is going on here?

Next up, we have ubiquitous singer Rita Ora at the same premiere, wearing Azzi & Osta.

WTF does not wish to cause offence, but this resembles a meringue with  a prolapse. What are those things protruding unpleasantly from the hem? And it has also has cut-outs showcasing bits of Rita’s tattoos. On the plus side, the shoes are pretty. 

Now we are at another premiere, Aftermath, starring actress Ashley Greene wearing a dress by Berta from the 2017 collection.

Yurgle. This dress should have remained dead and buried at the back of Berta’s warehouse, but instead it has been disinterred and put on the lovely Ashley, complete with feathers, sheer inserts and a most disturbing diamanté minge diamond and a furry thing around her waist. The fabric pattern reminds one of those ultra-manicured medieval gardens.

This is influencer and make up mogul Bretman Rock wearing who can even say what.

That is more cleavage than you get from the girls in Love Island, he seems to have wing mirrors on his jacket (or is it just so that he can look at himself without opening the man-bag?) and he is wearing a very frayed pair of cowboy’s chaps which appear to have been savaged by a hungry coyote…..

And now a trio of nastiness from Monôt at the LuisaViaroma Benefit Ball for Unicef in Capri, starting with actress Dylan Penn and celebritee and former Miss Universe Olivia Culpo.

These two are obviously gearing up for a new version of The Flintstones, where Wilma is going to a funeral and Dino the Dinosaur has taken a bite out of Betty Rubble.

Also in Monôt we have model Cindy Bruna. 

Er….. where is the rest of the outfit? There is a coat/cloak and a hat last seen on the Sandeman Port Man,  but at least he had boots and trousers, whereas Cindy is displaying a great deal of fanny flappage as well as a giant tit window.

Finally, away from the monochrome, here is singer Lady Gaga out and about in New York, wearing Valentino with a Philip Treacy hat.

If a purple bell went to a fancy dress party as a muppet in ski goggles, this is what it would look like. Is she supposed to be the Liberty Belle? #baffled

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionados Dean and Pam from Fife, who are fascinated but appalled by the swollen lips sported by most of the ladies on ITV2’s idiot-fest, Love Island. A number of pretty girls have done themselves a mischief  by having labial infills and the result is simply ghastly.

There are a number of trout missing their pouts. Why would anyone want to look as if they had been  repeatedly punched in the mouth by Tyson Fury?  What nonsense is this? It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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