WTF Supreme Special

 Hallo  Readers,

The whole process of appointing the slimy, evasive, God-bothering, Brett Kavanaugh to the US Supreme Court has been a complete farce. He may deny it, but everyone knows that he has been chosen to roll back Roe v Wade, the landmark decision which held that women had a right to an abortion. He was put on a shortlist by a right-wing think tank which then handed the list to the White House. And what made Kavanaugh stand out on that list was not just that he was anti-abortion, anti- gay marriage, and anti-liberal; not just that he been legal adviser to George W Bush and an enthusiastic participant in prosecuting Bill Clinton for perjury. What made him stand out for Trump was that he, uniquely amongst the other conservatives on that list, would likely rule that Presidents could not be pursued for criminal or civil claims for acts committed whilst President. Which, seeing the way that things are going, what with Trump’s former associates singing more loudly than a Metropolitan Opera production of Wagner’s Ring Cycle, could come in very useful. So Trump wants him and the sycophants and fixers on the Senate Judiciary Committee are determined to railroad through the appointment, regardless of the candidate’s dodgy demeanour and predisposition to tell porkies, including about whether he told porkies the last time he went through the process, then for appointment as a Federal Judge.

Faced with accusations buy Christine Blasey Ford that Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her when they were teenagers three decades ago, neanderthal Senator Chuck Grassley, 85, first tried to brush them off. When he saw he could not do that, he proposed talking to her and to Kavanaugh by phone and then pressing on with the vote. After it became clear that this would also be unacceptable, he fixed a date for next Monday without bothering to ask Ford if it was convenient for her to attend.  Grassley thinks it is appropriate to decide this matter by just hearing the two of them, with eleven pale, stale, male, Republicans cross-examining her with the obvious purpose of discrediting her so that they can get on with the confirmation. Several of them have already publicly indicated that they do not believe her. They do not think it appropriate to ask the other person allegedly present during the assault to give evidence under oath. They do not think it appropriate to ask the FBI to investigate the matter, even though the last time a putative Supreme Court Judge was facing similar accusations in 1991, the FBI carried out a full investigation and twenty two witnesses were called to give evidence, both courses supported by a certain Senator Chuck Grassley. They intend to make a decision without exploring whether there is any supporting evidence for Ford’s allegations.  They pooh-pooh Ford’s objections that she wants an investigation first and that she also wants protection when she does attend, given the death threats and harassment she has already received. The majority members of the Senate Judiciary Committee are not interested in fairness but in expediency; because if they cannot get this vote through before November, there is a real chance that the Senate will fall under Democratic control and Kavanaugh’s appointment will be voted down. Tick. Tock.

WTF does not know whether Ford is telling the truth. She has not heard her give her account. It was a long time ago, and her evidence may be unreliable. But the Senate should ask why she is willing to go through this vitriol and danger and public humiliation if it is untrue, or why she raised it with her husband and a therapist eight years ago before Kavanaugh was ever mentioned as a Supreme Court possibility, or whether she would blatantly lie just to take one for the Democratic team, like some political kamikaze pilot. She has not heard Kavanaugh give his account. He might deny it because it never happened or because he was drunk and he cannot remember whether it happened or not. Or he may deny it because he wants to be a Supreme Court Judge and get rid of Roe v Wade. She has not heard the evidence of anyone else who might be able to assist in deciding what might or might not have happened. But she does know that some people still don’t get it when it comes to sexual assault. They still ask: Why didn’t she come forward earlier? What’s in it for her? What about the poor man and his wife and kiddies? This might be the era of #MeToo but the Majority of the Senate Judiciary Committee, eleven men committed to saving Trump’s arse (except perhaps Senator Sasse), the White House, and Republicans various are still living in the good old days when boys could be boys.

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To the fashion foolishness of the week, starting with actor Joel Edgerton wearing Bruno Cuccinelli.

This is bad. Bad. BAD. He looks as if he has been rolling around in pig-shit. Nothing fits, nothing matches. He needs to take a size up. And buy an iron. And a mirror.

Here is Rihanna at the Diamond Ball she hosted, wearing Alexis Mabille.

This has a certain wit, but it has also a white lace Minge Moment. Which can never be good. WTF has also taken against the giant tit-bows like a bra for bunnies’ ears.

To New York Fashion Week and fashionista Anna dello Russo.

She is the lovechild of a squashed Christmas cracker and a mutant granite spiny lizard.

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And now to the Emmys, the TV Oscars, where there was a fair amount of shockingness on view, starting with Gwendoline Christine, back again after last week’s debacle. This time she is wearing what appears to be a yellow nightgown by her boyfriend, Giles Deacon.

It’s Lady Macbeth, out for a nighttime stroll. 

Meanwhile, WTF is tired of having to say this. Satin. Creases. Bigly.

This is actor and comedian Chris Sullivan wearing a most ridiculous suit by Mr Turk.

This suit is made out of the brocade wallpaper found in a Victorian knocking-shop. And there is more going on than in a Victorian knocking-shop. The only thing that is not going on, at least on Chris’s feet, is a pair of socks, leaving us to gaze forlornly upon pasty ankles. 

Actress Tracee Ellis Ross wearing Valentino.

Tracee resembles a collapsed rhubarb crumble, (with matching eye makeup). It must be extremely stressful having to walk around all night clutching your embonpoint in one hand and your handbag in the other. What happened when she wants a glass of champagne or a canapé? Or she needs to shake someone’s hand? Was a minion on hand to feed her and proffer a straw? And as WTF observed earlier, Satin. Taffeta.  Creases. Bigly. 

This is model and activist Munroe Bergdorf wearing Gypsysport.

This deconstructed denim nonsense is getting well out of hand. First it was torn denim. Then it was virtually no denim at all, other than a sort of suspender effect. Then it was denim belts worn as bodices. Now the whole outfit is composed of denim belts. WTF is also extremely nervous of the consequences of someone un-popping those poppers

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from all right-thinking people who cannot unsee the mental image of Donald Trump’s dick, as described by Stormy Daniels in her new book ‘Full Disclosure’. According to her, not only is the Trump todger smaller than average, but ‘It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool’. Plus he has ‘yeti pubes’ and was crap in bed. The good news is that Trump cannot contradict the description or her assessment of his prowess, as he denies that he ever had jiggy-jiggy with her. The bad news is that, like a haunting melody, the image of that mushroom lingers on, and with it, a large number of previously enjoyable culinary experiences are now forever impossible. You did that Stormy. You have destroyed the mushroom industry, And given us all nightmares. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

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Posted in Brett Kavanaugh, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Christine Blasey Ford, Donald Trump, Emmys, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Senate Judiciary Committee, Stormy Daniels, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF BA Special

Hallo Readers, 

A few weeks ago, British Airways dismissed Sid Ouared, 26, after only two weeks in his job because he had a man bun. Sid, who is young enough to get away with a mun, was told that ‘he looked like a girl’ and was given the choice of wearing a turban (he is not Sikh), wearing his hair in dreadlocks (he is not Rastafarian), or getting the sack. He opted for the third and is now unemployed, doubtless consulting M’Learned Friends about an action for sex discrimination.

BA was very concerned that a male staff member might look like a girl. It should be more concerned about its CEO looking like an overpaid pillock, although, to be frank, hairy-faced Alex Crux would have to improve about 10,000 per cent just to aspire to pillock. Ever since he took over The World’s Favourite Airline’ in 2016, having previously run the cut-price, crap, Spanish airline called Vueling, it has been one cock-up after another. Last year, the computer packed up on the second May Bank Holiday weekend. One thousand flights were cancelled and passengers were left stranded around the world, sleeping on the floor in departure lounges for several days, their luggage AWOL, or forced to abandon their sunny holidays and trudge back home to watch the umpteenth repeat of The Sound of Music on the telly. This year, the website was hacked (it took a whole fortnight before anyone noticed) and the data of 380,000 passengers (WTF’s included) was appropriated, including such insignificant matters as our names, addresses, credit card information (including the pin numbers) and bank account details. As it did last year, BA apologised profusely but has failed to accept any actual blame whilst Cruz remains in his preposterously well-paid job (he pocketed £1.36m in 2017) and will carry on wrecking BA with all the enthusiasm of a wrecking ball on steroids. Already under his tenure, he has abolished free food on flights in Economy lasting less five hours, instead flogging overpriced Marks & Spencer sandwiches and charging £3 50 for a paper cup of pre-brewed coffee, smelling of old socks. He has narrowed the legroom between seats in short-haul Economy to twenty-nine inches, less than on Ryanair, and has also removed reclining seats in short-haul Economy, presumably for the same reason. Customers are treated with open contempt by ground crew and cabin crew. You would have a more luxurious ride on the 253 bus to Tottenham Court Road. But hey! Who cares? Cruz certainly doesn’t. Shave a few quid off here, cut a corner there. So what if customers’ knees are embedded in the seat-back like a Tom and Jerry cartoon? So what if they can’t move their elbows without committing an act of grievous bodily harm on their neighbouring customers? So what if they are in London and their luggage is in Lagos? So what if someone is busily dipping into our bank account because BA could not keep its website safe? So what if customers have spent the last three days sitting on a phone line trying to get through to BA or to our Banks or our Credit Card issuers; at least it is not on the premium phone line BA set up last year after the May Bank holiday fiasco. And you know what, Readers? BA is going to get a massive fine for breaching its data protection obligations, and will have to pay millions more in compensation to those affected, and will probably lose a lot of customers who will switch to other airlines. But do you think Cruz will forgo his massive pay cheque and bonuses? Of course not. Do you think he is ashamed of his rubbish airline, his awful service, his uncomfortable seats and his ill-functioning  IT? Cruz does not do shame. Shame is so last century….

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We start our sartorial review with Tony award-winning actress Cynthia Erivo at the Toronto Film Festival, wearing Stella Macartney.

This is one ugly dress, sort of Caspar the Friendly Ghost takes clerical orders, and is yet further evidence, not that evidence were necessary, that Stella is taking the piss – bigly.

And here we are at the Creative Arts Emmys and Jonathan van Ness from Queer Eye, wearing Margiela.

Jonathan tweeted ‘We absolutely came to slay this lewk & fuck a gender norm, biggest congrats to the @queereye family on our wins!’, WTF is not bothered by gender norms, but she is bothered by a see-through top, a black shawl last seen on the King of Spain’s granny, but here worn as a skirt, and that ridiculous pose made infamous by Amgelina Jolie – and it looked stupid on her as well. 

And now nonsense of the highest level at New York Fashion Week, starting with actress Gwendoline Christie (aka Brienne of Tarth in Game of Thrones), wearing Calvin Klein.

We have seen a few chaps in pyjamas recently, like the ridiculous Julian Schnabel on the Red Carpet in Venice last week. Now we have Gwendoline with hair like a poodle in her jim-jams, and her feet forced into extremely unfortunate sandals showcasing some strange-looking toes and no pedicure.

Next, we have pregnant model Slick Woods wearing Nina Ricci.

Slick is wearing a feather duster with matching mules. Does she rub herself up against the furniture to get it nice and shiny? 

Actor Ansel Elgort wearing Prada Linea Rossa.

Ansel’s outfit is clearly inspired by The Golden Girls, the TV sitcom where four, ahem, mature ladies retire to Miami. He looks mortified, and he is not wrong.

This is  a person called GloeNYC who manufactures the ‘the only bra and leg harness”, $200. The blinkers could be yours for only $80.

Why? That is the question. WHY? Why is a woman going about in a Swarovski -studded bra and leg harness? Fugaichi Pegasus was the world’s most expensive racehorse ever and even he didn’t have a Swarovski harness – or BOSS blinkers.

The Marc Jacobs show featured Nicki Minaj wearing one of his creations.

If Little Bo Peep went to a fancy dress party as pair of curtains with tits, this is what she would look like.

We call into the Harper’s Icons party hosted by Carine Roitfeld, where well known women looked really stupid. First up is singer Christina Aguilera, wearing Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood.

This is Christina looking like a white Silkie chicken with red lippie and matching pumps (Christina, not the chicken).

And this is actress Victoria Justice wearing Paolo Sebastian.

This is the quintessence of Tacky McTacky from Tackyville. Paolo Sebastien should be tarred and feathered, whilst Victoria has been glued and fringed like a sleazy showgirl. The groin garland is greatly to be deplored. And she’s moulting…

Finally, here is model Bella Hadid wearing Mugler.

Whatever this is, it isn’t clothes, it is a flesh-coloured Minge Moment. She looks like a dance student who has forgotten her tutu and those tits are making the most determined bid for freedom since Clint Eastwood escaped from Alcatraz.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is Twat-In-A-Hat Ian Bone,  an anarchist aged 71, seen here berating Jacob Rees-Mogg and his kiddies outside the Rees-Mogg residence in London on Wednesday.

Bonehead handed out various insults to Moggy and then told the junior Moggies, ‘Your daddy is a horrible, horrible person’. You can see that the little boy in the red shorts is very upset. WTF yields to no-one in her dislike of the ghastly Rees-Mogg, who is a knob, but having a go at his kiddies is another thing altogether and it stinks. This is real class warfare, isn’t it mate, picking on posh kiddies? Someone should take Bone’s stick and shove it where the sun don’t shine. He’s Got To Go….

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in British Airways, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, New York Fashion Week, Uncategorized, Venice Film Festival, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Just Do It Special

Hallo Readers,

This week, Nike put out a new series of ads for its new campaign ‘Dream Crazy’, featuring a host of famous athletes, including two of its major stars, Serena Williams and LeBron James, and its newest signing, American Footballer Colin Kaepernick. The campaign was launched on Monday with a giant billboard showing Kaepernick’s face in full closeup and the words ‘Believe in Something. Even if it means sacrificing everything.‘ At which point, America was hit by another collective attack of Trump-induced idiocy.  So what else is new?

Kaepernick played football for the 49ers until 2016, when he became a free agent, but although he had been well regarded, no other NFL team came in for him. Why? Many believe it was linked to his decision that year to take a knee during the National Anthem in protest against unarmed black kids shot dead by white police officers, officers who were never brought to justice. The kneeling gesture came out of Kaepernick’s discussion with an army veteran who advised him that whilst sitting on the bench during the Anthem, his initial protest, was disrespectful, kneeling with his hand on his heart was not. Which is what Kaepernick then did, and others soon followed, only to be attacked for disrespecting the flag, the military and veterans. Kaepernick is now suing the NFL for conspiring to deny him a career. Matters hotted up last year when Trump, in one of his rabble-rousing, Nuremberg-style rallies to the faithful (collective IQ 45, and WTF is being generous), called protesting players ‘sons of bitches’ and demanded they be fired. Since then Trumpy, who might well be thought to have more important things to worry about, like being impeached, has waged war on the NFL for allowing these kneeling displays to continue, and on the players, who are black, calling them unpatriotic. This from a man who said that Sen. John McCain, who was tortured for five years as a POW in Hanoi, was not a hero because he had been captured, and who described his (Trumpy’s) own personal Vietnam as avoiding the clap.

When the billboard appeared on Monday, Twitter went raving mad with morons who probably have done no exercise in 25 years other than walking to the fridge to stuff their faces with comestibles full of sugar, salt and fats, calling for a boycott of Nike and burning their trainers.  In one case, someone  set fire to his trainers whilst he was still in them, and then posted pictures of himself in the Emergency Ward with toasted tootsies. You have to be a special kind of stupid to ignite your trainers whilst your feet are still in them, and also not to grasp that burning stuff you have already paid for is not a boycott, but a wardrobe cleanse.

Taking the knee is not disrespecting the flag. It is not dissing the military. It is not attacking American values. What does assault American values is shooting unarmed citizens because of the colour of their skin, and then getting away with it, because in the USA, all men are supposedly created equal with certain inalienable rights, including the right not to shot dead when they just have popped out for a pint of milk or are driving along in their car minding their own business. According to Trump and the Trumpistas, well-paid players should just pocket their pay checks and be grateful. But you know what Readers? Colin Kaepernick and his colleagues do not have to be grateful, except perhaps to the Lord for giving them wonderful talent. As prominent black Americans, they have a voice and they want to, and need to, make that voice heard. They will not be told to shut up. They believe in something. And in Kaepernick’s case, it has cost him his career. Nike’s motives may be more commercial than social, but good on them for giving Kaepernick a platform. Because there are certain things that must be fought for. Just Do It.

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There is a lot of dodgy clobber to get through this week. We begin our review  at the Venice Film Festival, where nonsense was in much abundance. Take actress Chloe Grace Moretz, wearing Miu Miu. Scroll down slowly. At first you will wonder what the fuss is about. Then you will know….

Prince Hal (the Shakespearian one, not our current one) remarked of Falstaff that ‘he doth lard the earth as he walks along‘. Similarly, Chloe doth polish the floor as she walks along. WTF has seen many really stupid pairs of trousers, but these ones take the Bex Bissell.

And now a trio of appallingly dressed men, starting with veteran film director Spike Lee wearing who can even say what?

Any of these items of clothing might have been OK worn with something sensible, but putting them altogether is just plain bonkers like a blindfold rummage in the couture outlet store.

Next director and artist Julian Schnabel wearing his jim jams.

Did he oversleep? Why is he on the Red Carpet in his pyjamas and a most ill-fitting jacket? Why would you give a man who can’t tie his own shoelaces a zillion-dollar budget to make a movie? *Baffled*

And last, singer Thom Yorke wearing Dries van Noten.

This is sort of part ageing hippie, part Dulux colour chart. And he has a mun (a man-bun). Thom looks embarrassed. He should be.

And we cannot leave Venice without reeling at actress Chloë Sevigny wearing Chanel.

This is a sick swan. This swan needs to go to the Swan Sanctuary at Shepperton, Middlesex (yes, there really is one). This is Swan Lake with droopage. Call the vet!

Back in Blighty and here is Love Island starlet Cally Jane Beech wearing Pretty Little Thing.

Sigh. You can get the whole ensemble for £48. And you will have overpaid. Buy a cheap net curtain from Dunelm, put a piece of it over your bra and form some sleevelets, find some white panties, and you’re good to go.

Sadly we must again feature actress Dascha Polanco, wearing something truly, truly, bad.

Is poor Dascha entirely friendless in the world? Because she seems so lovely. Surely someone, a friend, a family member, a loved one, her agent, can take to one side and point out that almost everything she wears makes her look like a sack of shit? Particularly the boots. How do you get them on? And off again? And why would you want to put them on in the first place?

And now a cornucopia of crap from the GQ Men of the Year Awards in London, starting with singer and another WTF regular Rita Ora, wearing Ralph & Russo.

Part striptease artiste, part metal fence. And whoever did her makeup needs a slap, a P45 and another slap.

Model Abbey Clancy wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

We have not seen Abbey for a while as she had another baby a few months ago. Her body is amazing, but anyone dressed in Julien Macdonald will end up in a froth of vulgarity and this is absolutely no exception. Abbey looks as if she got half way through the Dance of the Seven Veils before being interrupted, like Coleridge when  his train of thought for Kubla Khan was disturbed by the Person from Porlock. WTF observes two things. First, that pointless floaty thing passing as a skirt has been speared by Abbey’s stiletto and has a hole in it. And second, as she has said in relation to women posing with their hands over their hands over crotch, if you have to put your hand over your breast, there is something wrong with your dress. And with you for wearing it.   

Meet musician Olly Alexander, wearing Palomo.

He looks as though he is playing Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. What the hell is he wearing?

And finally, actress Kate Beckinsale  also wearing Julien Macdonald.

On seeing this horror, WTF aficionado Schona from Paddington noted that Kate resembled a lady wrestler who did not know how to put on her sari. A sari is composed of five metres of fabric which are supposed to go around your body at least once, with lots of folds and tucking in. This is seriously deficient in the folds and tucking-in departments. And in the decency department. Julien Macdonald – go away.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go,  for which there was simply no room this week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

Posted in Colin Kaepernick, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF English Irony Special

Hallo Readers,

In 2013, Jeremy Corbyn, then a back bencher with no thought of higher office, made a speech in support of the representative of the Palestinian Authority whose words had been recorded at an earlier meeting by ‘the thankfully silent Zionists who were in the audience and then came up and berated him afterwards for what he’s said’. Apparently, the aforementioned Zionists had misunderstood what had been said. So, said Corbyn to this particular meeting, attended, by the way, by a vicar who thinks that the Israelis were behind 9/11,

‘Two problems. One is they don’t want to study history, and secondly, having lived in this country for a very long time, probably all their lives, they don’t understand English irony either.’

Let us put aside the fact that Corbyn has the sense of humour of a dormant potato. Let me, as a Jew, the daughter of a refugee mother who first came here in 1947 and a father born here to parents who arrived here in 1907 to escape the pogroms, explain exactly what is so offensive about what Corbyn said.

First, ‘Zionists’ here means ‘Jews’. Of course there are Zionists who are not Jews just as there are Jews who are not Zionists. But it is as clear as day that Corbyn was not talking about non-Jews because, if he had been, he would not have referred to their purported inability to understand ‘English irony’ despite having lived in this country for a very long time’.  It means that ‘they’ are outsiders who are not part of this country.  ‘They’ do not belong here. ‘They’ do not get it. ‘They’ are not like us. Even Baroness Chakrabati’s infamous ‘investigation’ into Labour Anti-Semitism accepted that she had  “heard testimony and heard for myself first hand the way in which the word ‘Zionist’ has been used personally, abusively or as a euphemism for “Jew”‘. But of course Corbyn did not mean ‘Jew’ here. He never does.

Second, do you suppose for one minute that Corbyn would have used that language about someone whose heritage was African or Pakistani or Irish? Despite having lived in this country for a very long time…they don’t understand English irony either’. And had the aforementioned ethnic minority persons then objected to his use of language and the sentiments behind it, would they have had their arguments rejected as ‘smears’ and ‘conspiracies’ ? You know damn well that they would not.

Third, this seems to be happening just a little too often to be a coincidence, don’t you think? One may be regarded as a misfortune. Twice looks like carelessness. Time and time again looks like either an inability to understand or downright hostility.

And fourth, when you have the enthusiastic support of David Duke, former Grand Leader of the Ku Klux Klan (also a big supporter of Donald Trump), and Nick Griffin (former head of the BNP) for your comments about Jews, you have probably got it  wrong. Look at his other supporters. Look at the guy who tweeted this week ‘Joined the Labour Party today. Why? When an honest, decent, compassionate man like JC is villified by an unholy alliance of the right-wing press, the jewish lobby and backstabbers like Berger, Umunna and Watson, time for people to make their voice heard’. The Jewish lobby. You know, those Jewish, Globalist, Blairite, bankers with no sense of British irony. So that’s it, Readers. Corbyn and I are done. 

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We start our non-English ironic review of the week’s sartorial sluice, with model Hailey Baldwin and her fiancé, singer Justin Bieber.

Hailey and Justin are soon to become one in the eyes of God, and it seems that they already have, adopting identical blond buns like his’n’hers continental breakfasts.

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As these two go through life together, let us hope that their relationship is closer than the one Justin’s shorts have with his waist. How hard is it to keep your shorts up? 

To the Venice Film Festival and model Izabel Goulart, wearing Philisophy di Lorenzo Serafini.

This is mostly the usual yawn-making sheer stuff, but in this case unaccountably topped off with a puritan ruff as if Rembrandt had been transported into the tawdry world of the 21st century nonsense that is the fashion industry.

This is actress and celebrity daughter, Rumer Willis, wearing August Getty Atelier.

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Is she sleepwalking, like a boudoir-clad Lady Macbeth? She must have been asleep when she bought or borrowed this ensemble because it is silly and it does not to fit her anywhere – the sleeves are too long, the trousers are too tight, the sandals are too big and the bralet is too small. Mathematics are not WTF’s strong suit, but you would think that, just on the law of averages, Rumer would have got one of them right.

To the iHeart Radio MMVA Awards in Toronto and singer Meghan Trainor, wearing The Blonds.

Meghan is wearing the sort of bra Rigby & Peller reserve for formidably upholstered dowagers, whilst her jacket looks like something Robinson Crusoe wore after a couple of years cast ashore on the desert island.

Singer Bebe Rexha, was in Toronto as well,  also wearing The Blonds.

Bebe is dressed as a trapeze artist doing a waitressing shift in the circus café. If it is cold enough for boots, then it is surely not warm enough for a bejewelled leotard with a bodice as ill-suited to its task as Theresa May is to African dancing.

To the BET Black Girls Rock! Awards in New Jersey and singer Janet Jackson, wearing Christian Siriano.

The dress is lovely, despite the studded harness, but why does she have a giant turd on her head? 

Next we have actor Bazaar Royale and his wife, former model and founder of the event, Beverly Bond.

Here is another happy couple mirroring each other (in this case literally) as they strive to preserve a lifetime of connubial bliss. Beverly’s décolletage is less a tit window and more the whole shop frontage of Saks Fifth Avenue. As for her spouse, he reminds WTF of the late perennial election candidate, Screaming Lord Sutch, whilst his shoes are inspired by Coco the Clown.

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Finally, here is singer Mary J Blige in Roberto Cavalli.

It is of course supremely vulgar because Cavalli is the quintessence of vulgarity, including the inevitable threat of an imminent minge moment, as per bloody usual. The top is adorned by a tit tiger-lily and the polo neck top makes Mary’s head appear to have been plonked on from someone else’s body.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF who has taken against Congressman Ron deSantis, the Republican gubernatorial candidate for Florida.

This slimebucket, a devoted Trump acolyte, went on Fox News – where else? – to warn Floridians against the perils of electing ‘socialist’ Andrew Gillum, the Democratic candidate, who happens to be black. DeSantis said ‘The last thing we need to do is to monkey this up by trying to embrace a socialist agenda with huge tax increases and bankrupting the state.’ Even Fox News thought that was unacceptable, so you can imagine how bad it was. Now deSantis could have been dog whistling, in which case he is a piece of shit; or he was too inept to know that using ‘monkey’ when talking about a black person is utterly crass, and, by refusing to apologise, he is a piece of shit. Either way, he is a piece of shit and he has simply Got To Go….

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

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WTF Dog Whistle Special

Hallo Readers,

The former British Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, has fallen out of the obligations, not that he observed them much, of life in the Cabinet, and bigly back into the schmaltz of citizenship, starting with a fat paycheque from The Daily Telegraph, thought to be in the region of £275,000, not to mention his salary as an MP (£74,000). Hey, you can scrape by on that. He marked his freedom from Protocol by penning an article attacking women wearing the burkha and comparing them to ‘letterboxes’. He added that if ‘a female student turned up at school or at a university lecture looking like a bank robber’, he would ask her to remove her face covering. Even in an article opposing the recent Danish ban on wearing burkhas in public, he managed to be crass and insulting. These aperçus can be added to Johnson’s impressive list of insults against many, including the saucy song he once made up about the Turkish President, describing him as the ‘wankerer from Ankara’. Oh, how we howled.

As it happens, WTF is not in favour of the burkha. Not because it makes other people feel uncomfortable  – that can never be a basis for forbidding an article of clothing, because the next thing you know, there goes the hijab and the yarmulke and the turban, followed by the crucifix and the star of David and the kara. WTF dislikes the burkha for two reasons. First, because she regards it as a subjugation of women to reduce them to an anonymised piece of cloth. And second, because there are security reasons why people should be recognisable in public. But these are sensitive matters. There is an argument to be had, but it has to be had sensibly and delicately. Johnson was not interested in sensitivity and delicacy. Sensitivity and delicacy are not publicity-grabbing. Sensitivity and delicacy do not rally the bigots and bullies and hardliners whose support he needs to advance to 10 Downing Street. It did not take long for some yobs to approach women dressed in burkhas and attempt to stuff their faces with letters. Johnson said his analogies were a joke. No. By using language like ‘bankrobbers’ and ‘letterboxes’, Boris was blowing the dog whistle, just like Nigel Farage during the Brexit debate then he declared that foreigners came over here hogging hospital beds with their HIV-related conditions. This is the level of political discourse in Britain today. Humiliation. Denigration. Dehumanisation.  

Perhaps Boris is emulating his hero, Donald Trump, a man who has consistently scraped the bottom of the barrel since aspiring to, and then gaining, the highest office in the Western World. Trump hit a new low this week, even for him, by referring to a former White House employee, previously his TV associate, as a ‘dog’.  Omarosa Manigault Newman is probably as big a publicity-seeking opportunist as Trump, but she happens to be both black and female. Calling her a ‘dog’ toots that whistle beautifully for the Trump faithful, just as his constant references to prominent black politician Maxine Waters, CNN TV presenter Don Lemon and leading black footballers and baseball players as ‘dumb’, neatly invoking the soubriquet of the dumb n****r, a race too stupid and contemptible to be worth listening to. 

And Readers, this is why people love Trump and Johnson and Farage – they are rude and racist and they have made it alright to be rude and racist and people love them saying the things that people would never previously have said in public, particularly by mainstream politicians. Blow that dog whistle, lads. Way to go. Let’s all frolic in the gutter and watch decency go glug, glug, glug, down the toilet. 

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Let us now plunge into the latest review of rebarbative fashion, starting with Jennifer Lopez wearing preposterous Versace denim boots.

Look! They are proper jeans, with belt loops and pockets and all….

Those boots are not meant for walking… and wearing jean-boots is not a substitute for putting something on under your shirt. Like trousers, jeans, shorts, ANYTHING to avoid a minge moment.

Another WTF favourite, singer Rita Ora visiting Radio One in London, wearing Koché.

WTF continues (blindly, though brokenly) in her loyalty to the Arsenal, sponsored by Emirates Airlines, but even she has her limits – and this is it. If Joseph, he of the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat, went to a fancy dress party as an Arsenal supporter, this is what he would look like.

Next up, we have singer Nicole Scherzinger at a Unicef gala in Porto Cerva, Italy, wearing Jessica Choay.

What is that thing across her chest? It appears to be a silk tit sling. In what circumstances does a woman require a tit sling? You don’t see many of those on Casualty.

Here is celebritee Blac Chyna out and about in LA, wearing who even knows what?

The criss-cross nip-tape provides a classy touch, as do the flap-frills framing her tiny G-string. The final coup de grace is the word ‘fuck’ tattooed under her armpit. Audrey Hepburn lives….

Off we go to the Teen Choice Awards in Inglewood, California, where a variety of nastiness awaits your appalled gaze. First, we have actor K J Apa wearing Dzojchen.

KJ said he chose this suit because he thought it looked ‘spiffy’. That is one way of putting it. Perhaps he meant ‘spliffy’. Or ‘dressed-like-an-apricot-coloured-US-mailman’. 

This is the co-host of the event,Venezuelan celebrity-something-or-other, Lele Pons, wearing a dress by Kaimin and Giuseppe Zanotti sandals….

This is preposterous, half negligee and half Michael Jackson in Thriller. Did one of the ghoulies eat part of Michael and stick the rest onto the remains of a half-consumed, female person?

And here is the other co-host, singer and entertainer Nick Cannon.

So obviously Nick also really, really, wants to be Joseph and his coat (and trainers) (and sunglasses) of many colours…. Perhaps he and Rita can have a sing-off for the role.

And finally singer Bebe Rexha wearing Laroxx.

Bebe is wearing head-to-toe, Pepto-Bismol-coloured, bruise-revealing, thrush-inducing latex, with matching sandals, hair like a dilapidated mermaid, and a sequinned bra. Pepto-Bismol is an aid to nausea. WTF has just ordered in a lorryload……

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado and contributor-of-comments-supremo Andrew Purcell of Texas, who has drawn attention to possibly the MOST REVOLTING THING ever in the history of ever. This is right up with the scrote tote. I refer to a beer made from the ‘vaginal lactic acid of hot underwear models’.

A Warsaw brewery has launched ‘The Order of Yoni’. The blurb for this devil’s brew reads: ‘A golden drink brewed with her lure and grace and flavored with wild instincts. Imagine a beer which every sip offers a rendez-vous with this hot woman of your dreams… she hugs you and kisses you gently, looking straight into your eyes… How much would you give for such a beer?.. ‘(Answer – zero. But I digress). ‘The beer containing quintessence of femininity….The secret of the beer lies in her vagina. Using hi-tech of microbiology, we isolate, examine and prepare lactic acid bacteria from vagina of a unique woman. The bacteria, lactobacillus, transfer woman’s features, allure, grace, glamour, and her instincts into beers and other products, turning them into dance with lovely goddess.’

In other words, it is beaver beer, a minge mouthful, and It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Burkha, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Nigel Farage, Omarosa Manigault Newman, Politics, racism, Teen Choice Awards, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Humble Pie Special

PHallo Readers,

Admittedly like the rest of the population, WTF is suffering from some sort of advanced heatstroke, but try as she might, she simply cannot remember Brexiteers telling us that if we voted leave, we might be leaving without a deal. Nor can she recall being told that leaving without a deal would mean that we would all have to start stockpiling corned beef, tomato soup, and baked beans in anticipation of that glorious moment at midnight on 29/30 March 2019. Normally, there would be street parties but it seems that there will be sod-all to eat. WTF advises you all to dash down to the off-licence and buy in a few bottles of Prosecco and some of those nice Dutch cheesy nibbles, because there is no chance of being able to afford them once we have reclaimed our sovereignty and told M. Barnier to stick his customs union where the sun don’t shine. No, it is back to the halcyon days when Blighty stood alone against the Hun. So what if food was rationed? Everyone was thinner and healthier (that is, until a bomb landed on their house and blew them to smithereens). We all pulled together to the sound of Dame Vera Lynn. Gosh, it was good.

Here is what you were allowed every week in 1940.

  • Bacon & Ham         4 oz 
  • Other meat           value of 1 shilling and 2 pence  (7p) (equivalent to 2 chops)
  • Butter                      2 oz
  • Cheese                     2 oz
  • Margarine              4 oz
  • Cooking fat            4 oz
  • Milk                          3 pints
  • Sugar                       8 oz
  • Preserves               1 lb every 2 months
  • Tea                           2 oz
  • Eggs                         1 fresh egg (plus allowance of dried egg)
  • Sweets                    12 oz every 4 week.

Thanks to the stalwart efforts of Nigel and Boris and David and Michael and Gisele and Jacob and their pals, Britain will soon regain both its dignity and its waistline. Ok, everything will taste like shit, but isn’t a powdered yolk a price worth paying to be rid of the yoke of Brussels? Just think of the camaraderie as you and your family sit down to a plate of Lord Woolton Pie (basically carrots and spuds under a potato pastry crust), or tuck into a plate of snoek and chips. (If you are wondering what snoek is, it is a species of snake mackerel. Apparently it is very low in fact, and tastes absolutely disgusting. During the war, most Brits found it so repulsive that they preferred to go hungry, but stick a bit of curry sauce on it and anaesthetise yourself with some clandestinely-obtained claret, and you won’t even notice how horrible it is until you throw it up later). Nothing comes without sacrifice.  Particularly stupidity. 

Oh, by the way, could you please try not to get ill? Or if you do, can you get ill with something that does not need to be treated with medicines made abroad? Because it seems that there will be a shortage of those as well. Still, not to worry. According to Jacob Rees-Mogg, after fifty years everything will be tickety-boo again. Just be patient. And in good health. And have a trust fund and a house in Provence. It will be all be fine…..

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WTF is taking a summer break so this is the last fashion round up until 17 August. Let us begin with actor and singer/rapper Daveed Diggs. wearing Agnès B.

He is cute, but the suit is like having your eye super-glued open to the viewing end of a kaleidoscope. And the striped socks are definitely de trop. 

Next, we have English rose, actress Lily James, wearing Hellessy.

Ww came to know Lily in Downton Abbey, where she gave a performance so wooden that Equity started receiving applications from items of furniture. She is now quite the movie star, and is currently starring in Mamma Mia 2 in which ageing thespians again warble crap songs out of tune against a Mediterranean backdrop. Lily’s pink trousers appear to have their own attached toddler reins.

Lily is 28.

To the US and basketball player Chris Paul of the Houston Rockets, wearing Dolce & Gabbana. WTF aficionado Andrew Purcell will not be happy to see someone from his home town dressed like this.

Last week’s quintessence of queasiness in the manly shape of American footballers and basketball players was a big hit, so here is another one. Chris has decked himself in kiddies’ wrapping paper, and is clashing horribly with the event logos, but it was a child’s thing so at least he got into the spirit of the occasion.

There was no room last week for designer Celia Valverge at the Vogue party in Spain, wearing herself. 

If the opera curtains at the Teatro Real in Madrid went to a fancy dress party dressed as a pervy bishop, this is what they would look like.

Teatro-Real

To Newcastle and Sophie Kasaei, ‘star” of Geordie Shore, wearing Pretty Little Thing trousers and not enough else. 

The trousers are a trifle snug around the lady parts, but that is like quibbling about the finish on the deck of the Titanic as it went glug, glug, glug, to the bottom of the ocean. That is not a top. That is a child’s napkin intervening  in a brave quest to save Sophie’s nipples from a public outing. Citizens going about their business in Newcastle should not have to see this sort of thing. In fact, no one should. Actually, that is WTF aficionado Yvonne Ridley’s home town. She will not be happy either……

Now we have actor Ezra Miller at Comic-Con in LA.

Ezra is dressed as a transgender toadstool. Why is this even happening? There is costume. And there is weird. Guess which one this is?

And now, two nightmares from the Maxim Hot 100 Party in Los Angeles. First up is actress Porscha Coleman.

There is a serious design fault when there is more material in the sleeves than in the rest of the garment. And, as WTF has remarked before, if you have to keep your hand over your minge, there is something fundamentally wrong with your dress. And with you for wearing it.

Finally, here is actress and model Lindsey Pelas wearing Stello.

Stello is the new name for the clothing line M T Costello, designed by Minge Maestro, Michael Costello, a man incapable of sewing up a seam. No gap is too big for Michael to leave untouched by a needle and thread. Whilst there is a surprising amount of skirt, there is a horrifying amount of tit bursting out of an origami tit window. One is tempted to observe that the current chest support is rather  inadequate.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from British taxpayers various who are forking out for Boris Johnson to occupy the grace and favour £20m residence at One Carlton Gardens, SW1.

The problem is that Boris has no grace and there is no reason to do him a favour. The house is for the use of the Foreign Secretary, and he relinquished that post three weeks ago. And yet he is still living there, whilst his own house in Islington is rented out. To which WTF says, tough shit. Boris earns a fortune from the Daily Telegraph, in addition to his MP’s salary, he is going to get a £17,000 payoff as Foreign Secretary, plus he has the rent from his home and his wife is a QC. He is worse than a squatter. He is a schnorrer. Go to a hotel. Phone up Airbnb. Stay with family. There is no defence. Boris has Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on Friday 17 August. Be good x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, David Davis, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Michael Gove, Nigel Farage, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments