WTF Islington Special

Hallo Readers, 

Here in the People’s Republic of Islington, home of the Guardian-reading, quinoa-consuming, Pinot-Noir-drinking, poncy Liberal Elite, things are, not to put too fine a point on it, tough. Two silver-haired men, both aged 67, are wreaking havoc with the things we once held dear, the red flags we all revered. We voted Remain by 75%-25%. It was 1931 when either Islington North or Islington South & Finsbury (where WTF resides) last elected a Tory MP. We don’t do Tories in Islington. Or Liberal Democrats, although they did get within 500 votes of Emily Thornberry in Islington South in 2005 and once ran the Council until we turfed them out, sick of their sanctimonious ways and their road humps the size of Becher’s Brook. Our local football team, Arsenal, had a golden spell between 1997 and 2004, winning the League and the FA Cup and sometimes both at the same time. Ah, happy days!

But now Islington is menaced by two silver-haired sexagenarians who are stuck in the past and ignoring calls for them to go.  One is Arsene Wenger, the only manager in world football to decide when he should quit. Arsenal won the League in 2003/2004, going through the whole season unbeaten but since then they have been the nearly men. On Sunday they will most likely fail to qualify for the Champions’ League for the first time in 20 years and then get stuffed by Chelsea in the Cup Final the following week. Supporters have taken to chartering planes to fly over grounds trailing  Wenger Must Go banners but he is going nowhere, intending to go on and on (like Mrs Thatcher) because he genuinely believes that he is the right man to lead the team.

As does Jeremy Corbyn, MP for Islington North and Leader of the Labour Party. On the whole, the country does not believe that he can find his arse with SatNav, let alone run the country in times of Brexit. Until his election as Leader, he had never run anything, never held government office, had been camped on the outskirts of mainstream political life, firmly rooted in the politics of the 1980’s and endlessly defying the party whip. Even after he was elected to succeed Ed Miliband following the crushing defeat in 2015, he has defied himself, ignoring Party policy to vote against Trident. His defence of staying in Europe was perfunctory and he buggered off on holiday in the middle of the Referendum campaign, something for which we Islingtonians cannot forgive him. Theresa May is so dull and unspontaneous that she makes ditchwater look like Krug but at PMQ’s she regularly nutmegs Corbyn in a way that would make Wenger gurgle with pleasure, whilst his ability to miss an open goal is sadly familiar to those of us who have watched Arsenal all season. But like Wenger, Corbyn firmly believes that he is the right man to lead the team, buoyed up by his fervent band of his disciples, some of whom are not even party members, who cheer him to the rafters and dismiss anyone objecting to him as Zionists and Blairites – even when they are neither.

So what the hell do we do come June? Our season tickets are up for renewal – do we fork out another £1700 a seat and go on suffering? Do we vote Labour and endorse  someone we know is not Prime Ministerial (and please don’t quote me Donald Trump – look how well that one is working out), half of whose Party despises him? Do we forget about his betrayal of Remain? Do we vote (shudder) Lib Dem and hope that Corbyn will resign with dignity whilst Theresa May carries on destroying the country, the NHS, the benefits system, legal aid and schools? Do we piss away a vote on the Greens or the Monster Raving Loonies or the Manuka Honey Party? Thornberry has a majority of 12,500, Corbyn’s is 21,000. It might not really matter what we do here in Islington, because we will not vote Tory (or rather, vote for Theresa and what she loftily referred to yesterday as “her team”) but across the country many lifelong Labour voters will. This is a nightmare.

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We turn to the sartorial shitpile of the week, starting with singer Harry Styles from mega boy-band One Direction, wearing Edward Styles with Gucci loafers.

Harry is wearing a bespoke horse blanket.

That two fingered Churchillian victory salute should be inverted and directed towards whoever devised this ridiculous getup. 

And this is Harry’s bandmate Liam Payne, wearing Gucci.

Liam is in a relationship with Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini-soon-to-be-Payne-maybe, who has just has his baby. Obviously there was some money left over from the layette because Liam splashed out £2,000 on this jejune doggie jacket and ripped-to-within-an-inch-of-their-life jeans which, if you saw them in a skip, you would not pick up even with disinfected tongs.

Next up, we have Strictly Come Dancing dancer Katya Jones, wearing Somi Han.

It is hard to criticise Katya for anything, given that she and Ed Balls brought us THE best and most life-enhancing television moment of 2016, namely their Gangnam Style routine on SCD. But even if she did a side order of Mother Teresa this would still be unforgivable, from the cottage loaf on her head to the swirly shower curtain with lurid orange bra, visible seams and more hanging beads than the entrance to a Bangkok brothel. 

This is singer Halsey at the Wango Tango festival. And no, WTF has no idea what the hell is going on here.

“Knowledge is sacred”Really? To almost quote Alexander Pope, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Here is the rear view.

It looks like she picked up her mail on her way out of the house and shoved it down the back of her trousers. As for the front, she looks as if she is wearing a cricket box to protect her non-existent goolies. 

To the Cannes Film Festival Red Carpet and pointless socialite Hofit Golan, wearing Stephane Rolland.

The front view is fine if you ignore the spume of mosquito netting flowing out of her buttocks. However the back view is not.

Sigh. Why is this even allowed? Next…

This is actress Emily Ratajkowski wearing Peter Dundas.

Game of Thrones fans will recognise this outfit as a take on Melisande’s smoke monster, only that came out of her front bottom whilst this is emerging from her back bottom. Bottom trains are definitely a thing at Cannes. There is also a preponderance of peekaboo.

Let us meet actress Li_Yuchun, wearing Maison Margiela designed by John Galliano.

Well, it is novel, like a naughty schoolboy going wading. WTF even has some fondness for the hat. But try as she may, she cannot escape the ineluctable conclusion that those things hanging down are a cross between the tzitzits worn by Orthodox Jews and strands of toilet paper caught in her waistband.

Given Galliano’s conviction for anti-semitic outbursts, this is, to say the very least, tactless.

Oh this last one is bad. BAD. Here are TV personality Angelique “Frenchy” Morgan (left) and actress/serial showoff Phoebe Price  (right), out and about in LA.

Frenchy is wearing lacy fuchsia long johns with what looks suspiciously like a ripped crotch and is tottering about balanced on a couple of tin cans. Phoebe is wearing a shaping body over cobwebs and under what appears to be a garment comprising minge-chaps and a clerical yoke, topped off with a priestly hat and flowing leopardskin dental coat. The two of them are a perambulating traffic hazard.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sarah from Edinburgh, who has taken justified exception to this Chanel boomerang. It is on sale worldwide, including in Australia, for the equivalent of £1,040.

Indigenous Australians were unhappy at what they saw as cultural appropriation, not to mention a blatant ripoff. Chanel grovelled and issued a statement claiming that it ‘is extremely committed to respecting all cultures, and regrets that some may have felt offended’. But it is still selling them to idiots with more money than sense. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Arsene Wenger, Brexit, Cannes Film Festival, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Football, General Election, Jeremy Corbyn, Politics, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | 4 Comments

WTF You’re Fired Special

Hallo Readers,

If there is something worse than being lied to about matters which are plain from what Hamlet was wont to call the sensible and true avouch of your own eyes, it is being lied to and patronised about those matters by people with no integrity and the IQ of a root vegetable. President Trump fired James Comey on Tuesday in a letter which failed to thank him for his years of public service but noted that Comey had on three occasions assured him that he, Trump, was not under investigation. However, according to the White House, there was no link, not even of any kind, between that and Comey’s investigation into Trump’s associates’ links with Russia  (for which he had asked for more money on Monday) or Trump’s bonkers tweets (also on Monday) that the whole Russia story was FAKE NEWS and the investigation a waste of taxpayers money. 

On Tuesday night, we were told that Trump fired Comey because his Attorney-General, Jeff Sessions, had a memo from his newly appointed Deputy, Rod Rosenstein, had advised him that Comey had to go. In a memo dated, er, Tuesday. Sessions, who has a face like a dying tortoise, has recused himself from the investigation given that he himself is potentially under investigation. Trump himself referred to the investigation in his letter. But the dismissal was because of Comey’s handling of the Clinton email scandal. Which happened last year. And which Trump praised to the skies. According to spokesman Sean Spicer, “it was a Department of Justice decision”. Malignant pastel pixie Kellyanne Conway, the woman who introduced us to “alternative facts”, went on every TV news channel to dismiss Trump’s previous praise of Comey because that was when he was a Presidential candidate, not when he was the actual President and acted on the recommendation of his deputy AG. It was enough to make you sicker than a sick parrot with parrot sickness. 

On Wednesday, the story changed again, probably as a result of Rosenstein threatening to resign if they persisted in blaming him. Instead Conway and Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the Deputy Press Secretary who would have to have intensive coaching just to be a moron, told us Trump had been concerned about Comey for some time because of the way he handled the Clinton email scandal. The gruesome twosome also claimed that Comey had lost the confidence of his FBI colleagues –  all 36,500 of them. That canard was squashed yesterday by the Acting Head of the FBI, Andrew McCabe, who told the Senate Intelligence Committee, that Comey had broad support within the FBI – and still does”.  Huckabee Sanders then came back on Thursday with yet another version. Now Trump had always intended to fire Comey because he was a “showboat”  and a “grandstander”. He did not rely on the recommendation of the Attorney-General and his deputy. Even though on Tuesday he said he had. And then Trump went on TV on Thursday night and admitted that the “Russia thing” had been on his mind when he decided to fire Comey – even though throughout the week his minions had maintained that it hadn’t.

But fuck it, who cares about the truth anyway? Trump, Conway and Sanders don’t. Sean Spicer, when he is not floating about on a ship on military duty, doesn’t. Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan, Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber, don’t. In Trumpland, you can say something and keep on saying it until you change it and say something else and then deny you ever said the first thing, even though you did and everyone saw and heard you say it on TV and Twitter. There have already been more flip flops than the Moscow State Circus and there will be plenty more. By the weekend we will be told that Comey was monitoring the President though his microwave and dances stark naked round his garden whilst sacrificing chickens. Someone ghastly, like Rudi Giuliani, will succeed Comey. There will be no enquiry into Russian collusion. There will be no independent prosecutor. There will probably be more enquiry into Clinton’s emails. And Trump and his gang of inept, incompetent, ignorant liars will keep feeding us shit and will keep expressing hurt and amazement that we aren’t buying it and that our noses can still smell  the shit. This is the Presidency in Trumpland. Hail to the Chief.

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We start our examination of the week’s fashion flotsam with top golfer Rickie Fowler at the Kentucky Derby, wearing a jacket by Vineyard Vines costing $495.

WTF might have let Rickie off with a final written warning – had the jacket been worn with sober trousers – on the grounds of themed fun. But combining that nightmare vision of blue and white gee-gees galloping across a flaming-flamingo-pink field with a hospital-scrubs green trewsies-and-tie combo and brown brogues is simply unforgivable. Not so much putt as putz.

Next up is singer Kelly Rowland, wearing Monsoori.

There is an Annual Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest in New York City every June. This would be more than a worthy winner….

To the MTV TV Awards in Los Angeles, where we encounter actor and comedian Adam Devine wearing a truly horrific suit by Jil Sander.

This might have passed muster on an extra from Apocalypse Now in 1979. But not on a spring evening in Los Angeles in 2017. And especially not with white plimsolls. 

Here is Hunger Games actress Amandla Stenberg, wearing Fendi.

This is yet a further example of WTF’s loathed concentration camp chic, only this time in a rag doll version with shaven head and cyanotic lipstick.  Vile.

Next we have 13 Reasons Why Actor Tommy Dorfman wearing Vivienne Westwood MAN and DSquared2 boots. Scroll down slowly……

As Ant remarked when Susan Boyle first started warbling I had a Dream on Britain’s Got Talent to a faux-stunned panel “Wow! You didn’t expect that, did yous? No!”. This is a voyage of horrifying discovery, like when you walk through a wood only to discover a burial site after the bluebells. First Tommy’s lovely face, then the lairy Mr Toad jacket, the ruched skirt – very Dame Viv – and finally the disco wellies as if Studio 54 were underwater.

And now a trio of golden showers. Brace yourselves… this is going to be BAD. First up we have actress/singer Jennifer Lopez wearing WTF bugbear, Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

This is basically a deconstructed apron within a double helping of tits. We know that Jen has a banging body but do we have to see so much of it? And so bloody often? 

Second, WTF’s favourite Z Lister, Lizzie Cundy at her birthday party, wearing Marie’s Boutique.

This dress costs £49 95. Which is £49 too much. Just when you think that Lizzie cannot sink any lower, you find her in some subterranean recess deep, deep below the earth’s crust like some sartorial pot-holer. Never mind Lock Her Up. Block Her up!

Finally we have Modern Family actress Ariel Winter, wearing Falguni Shane Peacock.

Ariel is fighting to stop body shaming, which is good. She isn’t stick thin, she doesn’t want to be and she doesn’t need to be, she looks great.  However, this dress, not that it is a dress, is not the dress to do it in. It is cheap-looking, tacky and tawdry. Hate the sheer inserts fashioned from a pair of tan tights. Hate the overabundance of bosom. Hate the pube pelmet. Hate it. Give women back their pride. But not like this.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF of Islington who was appalled to learn this week, amongst all the other things she was appalled to learn this week, that one of the fruits of privatising phone services (part of the determination of Governments various to sell off the family silver) is that phoning some Directory Services 118 numbers can cost a staggering £15 98 just to get the number! Ask them to put you through and it can cost £7 99 A MINUTE! £7 99 A MINUTE! OFCOM is now investigating. Whoopie fucking woo. Not everyone has wifi or 4G. Sometimes even if you have them, they don’t work. OFCOM has been slower off the mark than a broken-down bus without wheels. Abject.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were some fine comments last week which  WTF much enjoyed. Keep them coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

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WTF Bumper Fifth Birthday Special

Hallo Readers,

Who knew politics would be this tricky? President Maydogan certainly didn’t. She seemed to think that we would leave the EU with everyone lined up to wave us off like in The Sound of Music where the kiddies sang  at Captain von Trapp’s posh party at his house on the lake in Salzburg. “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight……” Everyone would be all smiles over the champagne and canapés, swapping email addresses and trade deals. “You will come to visit, won’t you Jean-Claude? Don’t be a stranger!” “I vill, Theresa. And please can ve have fifty thousand Range Rovers by next Thursday, ve are running low”. Sadly, it is not quite turning out like that. Those dastardly foreigners are playing hardball. You have Jean-Claude Juncker and Michel Barnier round to dinner at No 10 and they bring bile instead of bonbons. They sit round your table feasting on beef in red wine (outside caterers, apparently) and drinking your claret whilst listening to David Davis, the Brexit secretary, telling them the same story three times about how he once sued the UK Government. And how do they thank you? They tell you to your face that you do not understand what you are doing and that the EU is not a golf club” where you can just cancel your subscriptions. They expect to be paid the full whack on the divorce settlement and they are keeping the apostle spoons or there will be no trade deal. And you can forget about the secret negotiations on the settlement you were hoping for. As they leave, rather than waxing lyrical over the magnificent cuisine, they tell you that they are “ten 10 times more sceptical” than when they arrived.

And worse was yet to come. The next day, they slag you off to their mate Angela, saying that you are living in another galaxy and are delusional. Angela then suggests in public that you could not find your arse with both hands and a map. And then they leak the whole dinner conversation to a German newspaper which has the temerity to print it in German, so that you have to translate it into English using Google and we all know how irritating that is. That is the last time you serve them boeuf bourguignon. Next time they can eat jellied eels.  Bastards.

Of course this is being explained to us as “negotiations”. But if you constantly attack your negotiating partners in public like a cut-price Boudicca and tell them point blank over dinner that you are not paying a penny piece and you want negotiations kept confidential and certain things sewn up in months, you expose yourself to the risk that they will view the UK Government as out of its depth, under-prepared and winging it. David Davis in particular, seems unable to grasp that we are bound by contractual and legal commitments. You do not just get up and walk away, like rising from your chair after a restaurant meal. May’s complaint that the EU is interfering with the General Election is just bonkers. And in the meantime the public, promised that Europe needed us more than we needed them, is up in arms at its refusal to let us have the same benefits outside as inside, only without paying for them. The fact is, as any schoolkid would tell you, that you have to be in it to win it. Who knew politics would be this tricky? Well, most of us actually.

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Today is WTF’s Fifth Birthday and we are celebrating it at the Annual Met Gala in New York.  The theme was a celebration of Comme des Garçons designer Rei Kawakubo and almost everyone looked ludicrous. Let us start with singer Pharrell Williams and his wife Helen Lasichanh.

Pharrell was Co-Chair of the event but he did not give his outfit much thought. Writing the word Rei on your kneecap in biro is hardly making an effort. Helen is wearing Comme des Garçons and looks like Po from the teletubbies. Eh Oh.


Next up we have actress Hailee Steinfeld, wearing Vera Wang.

This is a straitjacket with a peplum. If you were not certifiable before you put it on, you would be after you had so this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The glistening turd on her head is a metaphor for the whole look.

This is rapper Wiz Khalifa, wearing Thom Browne.

Wiz seems to have high stepped out of the chorus line in of 42nd Street where the wardrobe mistress washed his costume at too high a temperature. The waistcoat would have to take a bus to get to the trousers and the hems would need to hitchhike to the ankles, only to find those ridiculous boots when they arrived.

And here is Beyonce’s sister, singer Solange (or, as WTF likes to call her, Solangé), also wearing Thom Browne.

 

There is nothing wrong with wearing a padded coat over your outfit in inclement weather. WTF has several of them, all different levels of warmth, including a white one that makes her look like a polar bear with weight issues. But Solangé is wearing this padded coat as an outfit, which comes with its own trailing corrugated groundsheet.

This is model Chrissy Teigen, wearing Marchesa.

Chrissy chose to come dressed as a series of snow flakes melting into a dirty puddle. Marchesa should have saved this one up for the Bergdorf Goodman windows come Christmastime.

Another model, Kendall Jenner, wearing La Perla Couture (i.e. undies).

WTF does not even know what this is supposed to be but she does know that there is not enough of it. Particularly at the back. Not that there is one.

Maybe Kendall wants to be a perambulating wank fantasy but WTF wishes that she would go and perambulate somewhere else. Like Siberia.

Meet celebrity son Jaden Smith (his parents are Will and Jada), wearing Louis Vuitton.

There are three reasons to dislike this. First, the stupid trousers. Second, the fact that he shaved off his dreadlocks and brought them to the party as a fashion accessory. And third, the hideous mouth grill.

And of course there was singer Rihanna, wearing Comme des Garçons.

Rihanna is dressed as a giant mutant dahlia, like something out of one of those science fiction movies when someone has overdone it with the chemical crop spraying. It is certainly colourful but it gives you one hell of a headache. WTF does however confess to a sneaking admiration for the laced sandals and for Rihanna’s general élan.

Of course there was Madonna, wearing Moschino.

WTF aficionado Alison sagely observed that Madge is masquerading as a veteran of the Mosul campaign, complete with tits more squashed than the Victoria Line at 8 am, leather gloves, a camouflage netting boa and a khaki water-bottle/handbag.  And she was another one with a mouth grill.  What is going on here?

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And finally we have another Co-Chair of the event, singer Katy Perry wearing Maison Margiela.

This is, to use WTF’s new favourite expression, a load of my arse, a blood-spattered bridal gown with an absolutely revolting minge donut like a blood-soaked merkin. And then there was the veil, a sort of Salvador Dali insanity with wing mirrors. Wing mirrors! At least you can see who is pissing themselves with laughter behind you. 

And this is what she wore at the after party, this time by Ulanya Sergeenko.

Katy is clearly having a Major Minge Crisis. Call an ambulance!! Or ask Hailee to lend her the straitjacket.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Andrew Purcell, leaver of wonderful comments on the blog (read them – they’re brilliant). Andrew has brought these Barracuda jeans to WTF’s attention. They sell at Nordstrom for $425 and are daubed with fake mud.

Now WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person but this is just not funny. $425 for fake mud? If you really want to look like a leftover from Woodstock, buy a pair of jeans from Gap and roll around in some real mud. If it isn’t muddy, you will still have loads of cash left over with which to buy a watering can and make your own mud in the back garden or local park.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were some fine comments last week which kept WTF from worrying. Take your inspiration from Andrew Purcell and keep them coming. Not to mention your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, General Election, Met Gala 2017, Politics, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Le Pen Special

Hallo Readers. 

Are you sick of the election already? WTF certainly is. Have you heard anyone say anything interesting? Has anyone inspired you? Does it fill you with joy when Sir Michael Fallon comes on? Or Diane Abbott? Tim Farron anyone? Are you thrilled that Zac Goldsmith and Paul Nuttall are back in the frame? It is all as enjoyable as a barbed wire enema. And there are weeks of it to go. Weeks. You could have punch several grannies in the street and be out of prison in less time. And all in the name of cynical opportunism dressed up as getting the country united – united to cheer on President Maydogan as she steers us out of Europe without anyone having the temerity to question what she is doing. The good news is that Nigel Farage is not standing. The bad news is that he is therefore free to comment endlessly on every News Outlet going.

Meanwhile, across the Channel we have another election going on but this one will be done in a fortnight with a run-off between Emmanuel Macron, the man formerly known as “Who?” and Marine, the woman formerly known as Marine Le Pen and Leader of the Front National. (She stepped down to fight the election. When she loses, she will be back.) Le Pen dropped her surname to pretend that she is not the daughter of fascist, antisemitic, holocaust-denying scumbucket Jean-Marie le Pen. Given that both Le Pen père et fille are synonymous with the Front National, this ruse is as about as effective as going to a lynching in ordinary clothes whilst still wearing your pointy white hood with the eye holes. No one is fooled. 

Predictably, other right wing bigots are behind Marine. Although he claimed not to endorse her, Trump endorsed her, noting that she was strongest on borders and  what is going on in France. “Whoever has the toughest policy on radical Islamic terrorism will do well in the election” he said. Unsurprisingly, Le Pen père said he thought his daughter would win if she campaigned à la Trump. The rebarbative Katie Hopkins told Fox “I just wanted to say that Marine Le Pen is not far right, she is just off the right. And she is in the right. She wants to keep France for the French”.  France for the French – ring any bells? Nigel Farage also told Fox’s neanderthal viewers that Le Pen “has dragged the FN a long way from their racist past”. Really? Le Pen wants to deport legal immigrants if they remain unemployed for six months and drastically to reduce immigration. Less than a fortnight into the election, she claimed that the French had played no part in rounding up 38,000 Jews deported to Auschwitz between July and September 1942 (of whom only 780 survived) . According to Le Pen, the people  involved were not French because the real French, the Free French, were in exile. So if you didn’t manage to escape France in 1940, you were a traitor. This from the woman who made a virtue of chucking her father out of the Front National for describing the Holocaust as a “detail of history”.  

Farage and Le Pen have a lot in common. They both trouser the €108,000 salary as a MEP plus the preposterously generous expenses whilst pissing on it at every turn. They both champion nationalism. They both appeal to the nasty, feral, foreigners-are-bad xenophobia that led us to Brexit. And Trump to the Presidency. Admittedly Le Pen has been helped by the terrorist attacks in France and the uselessness of French Intelligence. The French Intelligence could clearly not catch an elephant in a cupboard. Fortunately, everyone who does not want a racist in power will band together to see Le Pen off next Sunday. But look at those queuing up to cheer her on. By their friends shall ye know them…..

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We dip our toes into the week’s sartorial wankiness, starting with actress Jaime King wearing Johanna Ortiz.

No, WTF doesn’t know what is going on here either. The best she can suggest is that Jaime is appearing in a cash-strapped production of Aladdin where the producers told the costume department to use offcuts of curtain material. And frilly, flowery bloomers for the shoulder pads. The fact that Jaime managed a smile is a tribute to her thespian skills. Or evidence that she is bonkers. Or both.

WTF aficionado Pam from Edinburgh will not be happy but here is Orange is the New Black actress Danielle Brooks, wearing Eloquii.

Is it International Curtain Week? First we had Jaime in her curtains and now we have Danielle in flocked brocade and what used to be called a corselette. Frankly, she looked better in her prison uniform.

We are now going A List with actor Ben Affleck, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

The trousers are too short, the shirt and tie are a disgrace and the jacket is too tight. He looks forlorn, like a moping kingfisher.

Next up we have a load of nonsense in our Sheer Tedium section, starting with actress Jena Dewan Tatum wearing WTF bugbear, Minge Maestro Julian Macdonald.

Macdonald is the silliest thing to come out of Wales since they actually named  a place there Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. And this creation is  simply a black lace truss.

Next up is actress Zoey Deutsch, wearing Rodarte.

This is a white lace truss. When did trusses become an actual thing, sartorially speaking? Is there a world hernia epidemic?  *puzzled*

Now we have singer Ellie Goulding wearing Valentino. Valentino!

This horror costs £5,000. Ellie seems to be standing in a torn cardboard box filled with cobwebs. Signor Valentino, who always resembles a man rolled in creosote,  is clearly suffering from advanced sunstroke. 

Bringing up the rear of our Sheer Tedium section is Arianna Huffington, founder of The Huffington Post.

This is not a case of flashing your bra. This is a built in bra. It is just terribly, terribly, terrible. WTF is also in great indignation at the un-manicured toes.

Lastly, and I AM NOT LEAVING HER OUT WHATEVER YOU MAY SAY, Kim Kardashian walking the streets wearing lace cycling shorts by La Perla and a very shiny bra.

Not desperate. Not even a bit desperate. Apparently she was going to a friend’s house for dinner. Had she walked into WTF’s house dressed like that, she would have been wearing her dinner. Idiot.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF of Islington, who has had enough of white anchovies. They are unspeakable, taste like old socks and pop up in dishes where white anchovies are not supposed to be. Like in a Salad Niçoise. Or a Caesar Salad (by the way, the number of places which spell it Ceaser Salad is a whole It’s Got To Go on its own).  Stop serving these excrescences. Now!!!!

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were lots of excellent comments last week which kept WTF from gloom so keep it up. Not to mention  your  suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Anti-Semitism, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Emmanuel Macron, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, French Presidential Election, Marine Le Pen, Politics, racism, UKIP, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Tumbrils Special

Hallo Readers,

You see, this is how it goes. It starts with calling the 48% who voted Remain “Remoaners”. Then there is an attack on the Lord Chief Justice and two members of the Court of Appeal as “enemies of the people” when they rule that Article 50 has to be put to a Parliamentary vote. One judge is called out for being a “an openly gay fencer”. The Lord Chancellor is so cowed by the press, especially the Daily Vile, that she abrogates her sworn constitutional duty to defend the judiciary. The woman who brings the action asking whether Article 50 should go to a Parliamentary vote receives racial abuse and death threats. The Supreme Court gets the same treatment. The Lord Chancellor again bottles it. Article 50 is duly passed with a craven capitulation by the Opposition and the Tory MPs who support the EU, save for the awesome Ken Clarke. But still, the very idea MPs want to challenge and question the final Brexit deal is too much for our Prime Minister. This week, having denied that she would call a snap General Election, she called a snap General Election on the basis that “although the Country is coming together (really?), Parliament is not” and “division in Westminster will risk our ability to make a success of Brexit.” The Opposition opposing! How very dare they? The Daily Vile trumpeted “Crush the Saboteurs!” whilst The Sun literally screamed “Blue Murder!”, crowing that May would “kill off Labour” and would “smash rebel Tories too”. President Erdogan would approve. Well done Theresa. Let us rid ourselves of anyone who dares to question your stance on Brexit. Not that we know what it is. Not that you know what it is. Groucho Marx used to sing

Whatever it is, I’m against it

No matter what it is or who commenced it

I’m against it.

This is the opposite. In the world of President Maydogan, whatever it is, you have to be for it – or you will be for it. Never mind that the referendum was not about the terms on which we would leave Brexit.  Yes meant shut the fuck up forever. On June 8, the tumbrils will roll down the streets and those MPs who dared to question our glorious Brexit Deal (tba) will be despatched into oblivion with only their Parliamentary pensions to live on.

In the world of President Maydogan, the fact that she said one thing (repeatedly) and then went back on it is irrelevant. Walking through Snowdonia with her husband, it dawned on her that she needed an election because the Opposition might, you know, oppose (the clue is in the name, love). The fact that Labour crumbled like a newly-baked loaf and voted with the Government on Article 50 is irrelevant. The fact that neither Parliament nor the electorate has any idea what deal we will get, or won’t get, is irrelevant. It is the patriotic duty of every citizen to back President Maydogan WHATEVER HAPPENS. We have to look united or those foreigners will sense weakness and go for the jugular. The fact that Corbyn may be kicked into oblivion is also irrelevant. 

Readers, here’s the thing. President Maydogan might say that this is an election about Brexit but just because she says it does not mean that it is or that it has to be. It can be about whatever the electorate wants it to be about and that includes failing schools, failing hospitals, the £350m a week for the NHS that seems to have gone walkies, failing public services, a fair tax system and the end of fat cats getting away with anything and everything. As far as WTF is concerned, President Maydogan’s decision to go to the polls is cynical opportunism wrapped up in a big bow of deception. Don’t let her get away with it. ….

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Meanwhile, let us distract ourselves with the week’s fashion follies, starting with Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice (seen with their cousin Prince William) going to church at Windsor on Easter Sunday.

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Eugenie is wearing Burberry with a very silly hat by Goldust Milliners and looks like Inspector Gadget in drag.

Beatrice is wearing a lace tablecloth by All Saints and a metallic coffee bean on her head by JBH Millinery. These sisters have no idea. None at all.

To New York and Model Gigi Hadid, wearing Morgan Lane.

Sleepwalker alert! They may cost $538 but they are pyjamas. They are made as pyjamas. They are sold as pyjamas. Just because Gigi is wearing dainty little sandals and a pair of specs does not convert them into outdoor wear. It just makes her look silly.

Next up, we have actor Christopher Meloni at the premiere of Free Fire.

Why is it that actresses are forced to dress up to the nines for premieres whilst actors just turn up as if they were en route to collect a takeaway? WTF is devoted to Christopher, who played moody, manly Elliott Stabler in her favourite show Law and Order: Special Victims’ Unit for 11 years before he flounced off because they wouldn’t pay him enough. But even WTF’s devotion to him cannot excuse this mess, especially the horrid teeshirt/sweater combo and the back-to-front baseball cap for which there is no excuse, not even of any kind.

Now we have Frieda Pinto at the premiere of her new Sky TV series, Guerilla, wearing Bally.

As WTF aficionado Belinda rightly observed, these are “make-me-a-short-arse” trousers with seams more puckered than a bee-stung bum and horrible hems, exacerbated by the unflattering length of the very boxy jacket. Not to mention the S&M necklace. Just Bally awful.

To the preenfest that is the Coachella festival in California, where luvvies and models various parade in artful hip. Here is actor Jared Leto, wearing Gucci. He never wears anything else.

He is wearing a bank robber’s mask with sunglasses! Are they also Gucci? Knowing him, they probably are. The ridiculous studded and bleached denim jacket is a ridiculous $3,900. You would not want to nestle on the wearer’s shoulder or you would have indentations like an Elizabeth Shaw mint.

The ridiculous teeshirt is a ridiculous $577. And he is wearing a flamingo pink woolly hat in 35 degrees. Ridiculous.

Also sporting ridiculous denim was singer and actress Ryan Destiny wearing jeans “styled” by celebrity stylist Scot Louie.

“Styled” is one word for it. “Grievous bodily harm” are three more. Scot has inflicted grievous bodily harm on an innocent pair of jeans by removing one vital element, to whit, the whole of the right side so that the only thing holding them up is the belt. One-legged jeans are as much use as tits on a fish. Period (as Sean Spicer would say). 

Here we go with more Sheer Tedium, It is not going away, clearly. First up, model Kara del Toro.

Kara is wearing a cobweb and tiny black panties. A veritable mingerama.

Finally, we have singer and reality show judge, Paula Abdul. Who knows what this is?

The designer remains anonymous. Good call. Paula is wearing a froth of spotted tulle and ruffles over a slip with Mickey Mouse ears, showcasing spherical tits and resembling an exploded negligee. When did nightwear become evening wear, any more than it became street wear?

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This week’s It’s Got to Go has been brought to WTF’s attention by aficionado Sally from Totteridge, who came upon these absolutely shocking boots.

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Sally, you will be appalled to learn that these pigs-trotters-cum-cameltoe bootees are in fact by Maison Martin Margiela and cost about £650. They are called Tabi boots, based on a Japanese design and were first launched a couple of years ago. Why anyone would want to spend a small fortune on porcine/vaginal footwear is anyone’s guess but It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were some lovely comments last week which made WTF very happy so get busy with the keyboard and keep up those suggestions for It’s Got To Go as well. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Brexit, Coachella, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Chocolate Cake Special

Hallo Readers,

It is Good Friday. But will we be here the same time next year or will the World be blown to smithereens? Russia is cross with the US for bombing Syria. Syria is more than cross with the US for being bombed. North Korea hates the US. The US hates North Korea and is threatening to sort them out. A supposed ISIS hideout in Afghanistan has been blown to shit by the biggest US bomb since Nagasaki. Let’s face it – things are not looking good.

In principle, WTF has no objection to bombing the shit out of Assad. Those who try and pretend that the Syrians were not responsible for the chemical attacks – take a long look at yourself. In principle, WTF has no objection to bombing the shit out of ISIS. But that is just the point. There has to be a principle. There has to be a policy. What is exactly is US foreign policy? America First has yielded to Ivanka First. The First Daughter was upset by pictures of horribly maimed little kiddies and so Daddy stepped in to sort the bastards out. But was there a game plan, other to keep Ivanka happy? And what the hell was it? And was there a game plan involved in bombing ISIS? And what the hell was that?

At the time of the attacks, China’s President Xi was paying a State Visit to Trump’s golf club in Palm Springs. Trump had previously been very upset with China and threatened to declare it as a “currency manipulator” but it is amazing how some one-to-one time over pudding can repair international relations. Trump described how he broke the news to his guest. “I was sitting at the table. We had finished dinner. We’re now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen and President Xi was enjoying it. And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded, what do you do? And we made a determination to do it, so the missiles were on the way. And I said, Mr. President, let me explain something to you.” Lord Palmerston gave us Gunboat Diplomacy. Now we have Dessert Diplomacy with an added plug for the Mar-A-Lago chef. There may be a World War, there may be truffle ahead, but President Xi enjoyed his chocolate cake. However, not to fudge the issue, this is bloody dangerous.  

Trump is on a voyage of discovery about international relations and history, things he knows nothing about. For him, history started when he took office.  He described relations between the US and Russia as at an all-time low, clearly unaware of the little matter of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Previously Putin was wonderful and China was horrible. China had to sort out North Korea. Then Putin backed Assad and President Xi explained the history of China and Korea. “After listening for 10 minutes, I realised it’s not so easy, I felt pretty strongly that they had a tremendous power over North Korea. But it’s not what you would think.” Just as he realised that healthcare was more complicated than he had thought, not that he had thought. Just as last week NATO was obsolete and this week it is not obsolete. That is the thing about governing a country. It is complicated. You have to know stuff. Or at least know that you don’t know stuff. And you have to ask people who do know stuff to explain it to you. Which does not include your preppy little twat of a son-in-law. And preferably before you start bombing countries without thinking through the consequences. Mind you, as a distraction from the Russians influencing the election and his still unproven allegations against Obama, it is pretty damn effective. 

Anyway something good has come out of this. Trump and Xi are now best mates. Trump said yesterday, “President Xi is a terrific person, we spent a lot of time together (two days) and he is a very special man”. This is a fine bromance. It is enough to make you ganache your teeth.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry with former Arsenal captain, Tony Adams, wearing a very rascal suit.

Adams has just been appointed manager of Spanish team Granada and on the day this photo was all over the press, despite the fact that it is apparently two years old. Nevertheless, it merits inclusion as one of the very worst suits ever in the history of ever, the lovechild of bathroom mosaic and a picnic tablecloth.  And there are three pieces of it!! Here is how Tony should be dressed. If only he still were….

This is from May 1998 when he scored the fourth goal against Everton at Highbury to clinch the League Title. Those were the days when we used to win things and when we had a defence (*weeps uncontrollably*).

To the Olivier Awards in London where a variety of people were appallingly dressed. Like actress Anita Dobson, formerly Ange off East Enders. WARNING!! A STROBERAMA AWAITS YOU! 

WTF can only conclude that Anita was seeking to repair relations with Spain following the fracas over Gibraltar but frankly, the Spaniards would rather see a couple of Royal Navy battleships steaming towards them than this OTT Flamenco kaleidoscopic frillfest worn with tights and mules. If this isn’t a declaration of war, WTF doesn’t know what is.

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Reader’s favourite Nancy dell’Olio is back again, wearing something horrible and Giuseppe Zanotti wedges, which are also horrible. What was she even doing there?

This net curtain thing is not providing Nancy’s embonpoint with any support and she seems to be on the verge of flashing her all. But the real concern is the shiny face, like a death mask. Yurgle.

And now a trio of Dior excrescence. There is sheer. And there is rip-off Designer sheer. First up, actress Rose Leslie.

Oh come off it! Really? Underneath the dress are black knitted J’Adior boxer shorts (£600). And you can see them.

Admittedly, if you are going to wear £600 of anything, you would want to show it off. But in this case you should resist because it is BAD. It is UGLY. Why would you channel Mark Wahlberg in his Calvin Klein modelling period?

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And there was actress Ruth Wilson, also showing us her under-crackers.

That stance is unflattering, like Keats’ Stout Cortez “when with eagle eyes. He star’d at the Pacific..” The dress is also unflattering because it makes her look square, which she is not. Ruth, no one wants to see your panties. As the other iconic Ruth, Ruth Archer in The Archers, would say…Ooooh Noooo!

And finally, at the premiere of The Fate of the Furious, actress Charlize Theron.

Again, Oooh Noooo! Dior, get a bloody grip. This is like a Roman Centurion in bra and panties. Why? Why the boots? Why the necklace? Just why, ad infinitem??????

Yes, I know she was in last week but this crime against the eyeballs cannot be overlooked. It is WTF’s favourite Z Lister, Lizzie Cundy. Again. This time she is attending the premiere of The Hatton Garden Job, wearing Diaso London. Brace yourselves……

All together now……AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! At least Eve wore a fig leaf that fitted her. And here literally is the rear view.

WTF doesn’t need to say anything, does she? Lizzie, for Gawd’s sake, give it a rest. Cover up. Stay indoors. Go away.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from aficionados @magpie_ms and @UncannyVal who brought the website Buykud.com to WTF’s attention. Or should that be Buykrud.com? @magpie_ms found these revolting “jeans”, a cross between Thai fishermen’s trousers and a bad acid trip. 

@UncannyVal found this cotton dress, the epitome of Concentration Camp Chic. Except that it isn’t chic, just downright offensive.

Someone, somewhere, is taking the piss. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were lovely comments last week which cheered WTF up a treat. With Arsenal going down the pan and nuclear war looming, she needs cheering up, believe me. Keep those suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming as well. Let us meet again next Friday. In the meantime, Happy Easter, Happy Passover, Happy Everything. Be good  x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Olivier Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

WTF Ken Special

You know what. Readers? I really wasn’t going to write about former London Mayor and now “househusband” Ken Livingstone and his views on Hitler’s support of Zionism before he had a turn and went all murderous. I wrote about it last April when he was suspended. On Tuesday, Livingstone was found guilty of bringing the Labour Party into disrepute and banned from holding any office for another year. But as the week has gone on, I have become more and more outraged. Outraged at Livingstone not only standing by what he said but repeating it ad nauseam on every radio and TV show that would have him. Outraged at idiots glibly tweeting that he was only stating a fact. Outraged at the suggestion that this is all faux outrage by the anti-Corbyn lobby and the Blairite lobby and the Zionist lobby. Outraged that instead of chucking him out, the Party let him stay on terms that made no difference to his life.  So I’ve changed my mind. Here goes.

WTF is Jewish. As a child, several of my parents’ friends had tattoos on their arms, people whose parents and grandparents died in the gas chambers. That said, I am not a member of any lobby or caucus (except the Labour Party) although I am a member of a synagogue and even go occasionally. I hate Tony Blair. I hate the Israeli government. My outrage is not faux. It is not prompted by a desire to get Corbyn out or to bring Blair back. I am just fucking furious at the lies attempting to link Hitler and Zionism and angrier still that some people are going along with it.

Last year Livingstone chose to wade into a dispute involving Naz Shah MP who posted antisemitic rubbish about Zionism on Facebook a few years back and proposed a solution by moving Israelis to America. She accepted she was wrong and apologised but after her apology, Livingstone went on the radio arguing Shah had not been anti-semitic, even though she said the opposite, He claimed that Hitler had “supported Zionism” before “he went mad and killed 6m Jews”. Livingstone hates Zionism He wants to link Hitler and Zionism. He wants you to think that the most evil bastard in history was in favour of a Jewish state and that the Jewish State now acts as Hitler once acted. The man who murdered 6m Jews was their former champion. In fact, it’s bollocks. Hitler saw the desire for a State Of Israel as a cynical ploy for Jews to defraud the world in a haven where they could escape censure, not because they wanted to live there. The word support had a genial connotation, in the sense of rendering assistance. It does not apply to a man who alloŵed some Jews to leave only on condition that their goods were confiscated and in effect bought back by people in Palestine buying German goods to beat the international boycott. That is not support, it is blackmail. And while Hitler was supposedly all cosy with Zionists, laws were passed to ban Jews from practising law, from editing papers, from the army, from being teachers, from being pupils. from being vets. They had to wear yellow stars. They had to surrender their passports, they had to surrender their businesses.  You think that is supporting Zionism? He was getting a few out,  getting some goods sold and biding his time whilst he plotted the final solution.

Equally offensive is the idea that Hitler only started killing Jews after he went mad. Is that supposed to be an excuse? “M’Lud, my client pleads not guilty to murder by reason of diminished responsibility”. Poor chap. If only he had not driven all the Jewish psychiatrists and psychotherapists into exile and gassed the rest,  he might have been cured. Again, in fact it is bollocks.  This was always his intention. Read Mein Kampf.  

So when Jews and non Jews say they are outraged, they are. And that is why they are outraged. It is conjuring up every smear against Jews, just like when Livingstone said London Jews were rich so he wouldn’t bother canvassing them as they wouldn’t vote Labour. That trope of the grasping rich Jew behind every ill. He diminished the Holocaust. I don’t want to hear about other people who haven’t been thrown out. like Blair. What Livingstone said was offensive and disgusting and he is still saying it. Corbyn has to act, which it seems he now will. And those supporting Livingstone, in the real sense of the word, have to stop their specious excuses for him. 

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We are lightening the mood and revisiting the week’s sartorial shockers, starting with model Shaun Ross at the Front Row Fashion Awards in Los Angeles, wearing Ports 1961.

The hair looks like he has been plugged into the mains during a power surge. The boots are of different lengths and the thing around his waist looks like a Lego castle. Fashion?

To the GLAAD Awards and actress Victoria Justice, wearing Raisa & Vanessa.

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She looks like a bad bedspread. What’s with the Minge Fringe?

Also there was Michael’s Jackson’s daughter Paris Jackson, wearing Yanina Couture.

If Salomé had done the Dance of the Seven Veils with shower curtains, this is what she would have looked like.

Now we have model and “star” of TV reality rubbish Real Housewives of Atlanta, Cynthia Bailey.

Tits. Legs. Laced-up labial seam. Peekaboo. The whole nine yards.

Here is a newcomer to these pages, country singer Chris Lane, at the American Country Music Awards in Las Vegas.

The suit not only resembles chintzy curtains but his ankles and his trousers are not on speaking terms. Not to mention the brogues without socks, which WTF hates almost above all things.

She’s back! I refer of course to rapper Nicki Minaj who had a go at looking respectable and then got bored and gave up. Here she is bouncing around Beverley Hills wearing Charbel Zoé and Philipp Plein gladiator sandals.

 Nicky is allowed one ridiculous garment at once.  But not two.  She looks like an extra from Up Pompeii. 

Time to duck behind the sofa. Take care before feasting your eyeballs on US TV personality Savannah Chrisley, wearing Alice & Olivia.

Savannah appears on a programme called Chrisley Knows Best. On this evidence,  WTF begs to differ. Particularly on the inverted crotch cut-outs.

Finally we have WTF’s favourite Z-lister Lizzie Cundy, out and about in Mayfair -Mayfair!!!!!

The dog is trying to make a getaway. He looks mortified, but then everyone else was as well.  The Residents of W1 pay through the nose to live in that poshest of posh areas. They do not expect to see Lizzie’s bits and pieces on parade around the streets. They wear more clothes in Shepherd Market,

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from an appalled Yvonne Ridley, who nominates Michael Howard, another failed Tory leader on a nice little earner in the House of Lords. Last Sunday Howard popped up on our TV screens calling for Britain to go to war with Spain to protect the tax free shopping street and ape sanctuary that is Gibraltar. We needed to sort those dagos out like we sorted  out the Argies when they grabbed the Falklands in 1982. Never mind that we no longer have a navy capable of defending Southend, let alone the Mediterranean. Let us invoke the spirit of St Margaret of Thatcher. Hell, it will take everyone’s mind off the Brexit fiasco.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There was only the one comment last week which drove WTF even more mental than she is normally. She needs your comments at the moment. Keep those suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming as well. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Anti-Semitism, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Ken Livingstone, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments