WTF was going to give you a week off this week until she realised that last weekend was both the MTV VMAs and the Met Gala, so how could she? Anyway she suspects that many of you do not read down to the sign-off at the very end and probably did not even realise that this was the original plan. Be that howsoever it may be, a cornucopia of fashion faux pas awaits you but before you get there, it is worth saying a few words about the Cabinet reshuffle this week.
In It’s Got To Go last week, WTF suggested that Gavin Williamson had got to and Readers! He has. It is the only thing Boris Johnson has ever done that WTF actually agrees with. Following him out of the door to the back bench and political nowheresville are Housing Secretary Robert Jenrick (the man who agreed to wave through a planning application for a dignitary whom he just happened to sit next to at a Tory fundraising dinner, thereby saving said dignitary £50m), Amanda Milling, (not even a household name in her own household) and Justice Secretary Robert Buckland (who seems to have been shafted only because Dominic Raab was ousted from the Foreign Office and was given Buckland’s portfolio instead, plus the title of Deputy Prime Minister to shut him up).
Given the paucity of talent available, the reshuffle was like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Liz Truss, the woman who redefines vapid, is now Foreign Secretary. Nadine Dorries, whose principal contribution to culture has been appearing on I’m a Celebrity and writing a couple of crappy novels, is now the Culture Minister. Oliver Dowden, who looks and sounds like a school prefect, takes over as Party Chair. The one thing they have in common is that they are Johnson loyalists and that is the main qualification for promotion. Think Kim Jong Un, but with milder penalties if they turn against him – the boot, rather than being torn apart by a pack of dogs or bumped off at an airport with poisonous chemicals.
A few weeks ago, WTF pointed out that polls amongst the Tory faithful showed that Johnson was one of the lowest rated performers with only Jenrick, Milling and Williamson below him. Of course he was not likely to sack himself so he has survived to bumble through surrounded by yes men who are there to play the role of the fat friend to the pretty girl and make him look good. The problem is that they cannot make him look good. Nothing and no one can make him look good. Not even Nadine Dorries.
We have a LOT of horror today. We start our whopping review of the week’s wankiest wear at the MTV Video Music Awards in New York last Sunday, with Brazilian singer Anitta wearing Miss Sohee.
Yurgle. Some ectoplasm is creeping over her boobies straight out of the hottest chapter of a Stephen King novel. And WTF hates an exposed belly button almost above all things.
This is Australian singer Troye Silvan wearing who can even say what?
He has baggy shorts displaying his little pipe cleaner legs, long black socks and brogues and a teeny weeny crop top. He looks like the lovechild of a 1930s footballer and Hayley Bieber.
Here is model Winnie Harlow wearing LaQuan Smith.
The lovely Winnie is wearing a slanket tied around the waist showing off an incontinence truss. This is fashion?
Here is Megan Fox, pictured without beau Machine Gun Kelly, wearing Thierry Mugler.
There comes a time when it is pointless wearing anything and this sone of those times. Megan would have done better letting the wet-look mermaid hair grow a bit and wrapping it over her bits. There is also a preponderance of bare arse-cheeks but WTF is going to spare you those.
Next up we have singer Ashanti wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello.
Finally from the VMAs we have Jennifer Lopez wearing David Koma.
Jennifer is in the second flush of love with Ben Affleck, her former fiancé from about four relationships ago. Yes she is beautiful and she has a banging body but aren’t you just a little bit sick of seeing it? If it is warm enough for a turtleneck sweater, you do not need a tit mullion and matching sparkly minge mask. Put it away love for Gawds’s sake…..
Now we go to the Met Gala, which took place the night after the VMAs. The theme was “American Independence” although in reality it was more a case “Planet Zog Independence” with some top designers falling over themselves to produce a load of old tat. We start Whoopi Goldberg wearing Valentino.
Scarlett O’Hara needs an iron. And what has happened to her arms? She looks like a double amputee.
This is model Anja Rubik wearing Christian Siriano.
The good news is that she is wearing panties. The bad news is that she seems to have been mauled by three particularly pissed off ostriches.
And here is actor Maisie Williams wearing something she knocked up herself.
Maisie is petite to start with but here she resembles a demented goth pixie with a minge placket and her hair looks as if she is wearing one of those hats worn by Spanish bullfighters. Olé!
Rihanna looks great but Rocky appears to grabbed his granny’s quilted bedspread and called it an outfit. At least he will have kept warm…..
Motor racer Lewis Hamilton was there. Of course he was. And he is in here too. Of course he is. He is wearing Kenneth Nicholson.
Er, what? Is he the bridegroom or is he the bride?
And now German singer and songwriter Kim Petras wearing Collina Strada.
Kim is dressed as a floral pantomime cow. Who knows why?
This is actor Tessa Thompson at the afterparty wearing not much.
She is wrapped in gold ribbons with washing up gloves on her feet. Washing up gloves for a four-fingered person.
And finally WTF’s Twitter feed (@WTF_EEK, look we’ve had this conversation….) exploded with people scratching their heads about actor Dan Levy wearing Loewe.
WTF could have lived with the shirt and trousers – the artwork was a tribute to the late American artist David Wojnarowicz, one of the most influential LGBTQIA+ activists, who painted the original piece. She could have survived the Cartier diamonds embossing them. But she is having very serious difficulties with the parachute around his shoulders and a load more trouble with the studded boots, like something worn by a Hell’s-Angel-turned-troubador.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Tony from Chislehurst who is appalled at the sight of Mexican rapper Dan Sur. Here is why.
Dan has decided that hair is so last decade and instead has had gold and silver chains HOOKED INTO HIS HEAD. Plus gold grills on his teeth. Good luck going through security controls, poppet. It’s Go To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.