WTF Joffrey Special

Hallo Readers,

The political drama playing out in Downing Street, in Chequers and in Westminster is like a prep school, cut-price version of Game of Thrones with a dollop of Whitehall farce. It is sadly a version where, in the interests of economy, or perhaps to preserve Covid-compliant working conditions, they have dispensed with the heroes and kept the villains. So Dominic Cummings is an amalgam of all the creepy and evil advisers to the Kings, Carrie Johnson is Margaery Tyrell and Boris Johnson is a fat and tousled version of Joffrey Baratheon but who has, at least to date, avoided the fate imposed upon that little swine by Olenna Tyrell, Margaery’s auntie. 

According to Cummings’ account this week, both he and the then-future third Mrs Johnson regarded Johnson as a useful idiot who was patently not up to the job of being PM, a sentiment with which all of us can readily agree. At first Cummings, working with a coterie of unidentified schemers, had the upper hand and was able to bend Johnson to his aim of getting the UK out of Europe. Sadly for him, and for all of us, while Johnson proved to be sufficiently malleable, he also proved to be without policy, principle, or purpose and with no agenda other than to remain in power. Cummings tells us that he and his unidentified gang decided that after Brexit was done, Johnson would have to go, to be replaced by who knows whom, but before he could execute this plan, he himself was ousted by the ascendancy of Carrie Johnson, which is why Boris Johnson remains in place and Cummings is reduced to sniping from the sidelines and howling at the wind.

Watching Cummings’ interview on Monday with an incredulous and discomfited Laura Kuenssberg, the BBC Political Editor, one did not know whether to admire the singularity with which Cummings had approached his task, untroubled by conscience, decency or any fear of looking like the shit that he is, or to be appalled at the complete contempt in which he held not only Johnson, but also the British public and the democratic process. To Cummings, the end absolutely justified the means. To Johnson, the end is just to be the Prime Minister and one senses that he does not care either how he got there or how he gets to stay there.  To Mrs Johnson, do we worry that she really loves this man, in which case she is an idiot, or that she is using him for her own purposes, in which case she is to be deplored? The combination of all or any of these people in charge of us and the damage they wrought upon the Country with no obvious end in sight is horrible to behold.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cloacas with racing champion Lewis Hamilton and Roscoe the dog at Silverstone circuit. Who can even say what this is?

Roscoe’s face speaks for the nation. The kindest thing that can be said of Lewis’ ridiculous ensemble is that it is clearly a nod to the paint-splattered police during the demonstrations in Barcelona in 2018 when the Catalonians tried to declare independence.

And now we are off to Cannes for the rest of our horror show, starting with actor Rosmund Pike wearing Dior.

Oh dear. Rosamund often gets it wrong, even in Dior, with a preponderance of sideboob  peeking out of her heart-shaped fluffy bodice, like a tacky greetings card……

 

Director Spike Lee, wearing something colourful.

The suit has some merit but not when worn with a driver’s peaked cap and trainers like an acid-induced train trip – with the emphasis on trip.

Actor Florence Pugh, wearing Stella McCartney.

Regular Readers will know that WTF has long nurtured the view that Stella is taking the piss, and here is another example. The lovely Florence is wrapped in a hideous peek-a-boo, shit-coloured thing with both a tit-window and  a tummy-window, looking for all the world like a bandaged teddy bear with no neck.

Model Liya Kebede, wearing McQueen.

The tailoring is, as ever, immaculate nearly down to the ankles but the suit is totally ruined by those cascades of arse-paper…..Yurgle.

Actress Luna Wedler, wearing Acne

This is truly terrible; see-through trewsies, which WTF hates almost above all things, combined with what can only be described as Ronnie Barker’s shop-keeper’s coat in Open All Hours which scores the hat-trick of being (i) ugly both in colour and design (ii) ill-fitting, with sleeves designed for an orangutang and (iii) creased to hell.

Actor Kat Graham wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.

Kat appeared in a number of shocking items in Cannes but this is WTF’s choice for the worst, incorporating a ruched lavender nappy and a tsunami of lavender frills from curtains randomly draped across her person. 

And finally we have model Elisa de Panicis wearing Farhad Re. This one is BAD.

Elisa used to go out with preening footballer Cristiano Ronald0. Other than that, she has done little apart from walking Red Carpets dressed in provocative outfits like this one with a bodice like the eye-masks you get in sex shops and a skirt that flashes her panties under a waistband like the entrance of Luna Park in Melbourne. An early contender for the WTF Christmas Turkey 2021.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who is disgusted by the appalling sexism of the European Handball Federation which has told the Norwegian Ladies’ Beach Handball Team that they are compelled to wear the stipulated uniform of tight bra top and bikini bottoms “no more than 10cm in size”. The team had asked to wear blue shorts instead but was refused and threatened with a fine of 1500 Euros.

The Men’s Beach Handball Team wears tee-shirts and shorts. No one is asking them to wear prickboasters allowing sand to disappear up their cracks so that we can all perve up at the sight of their arses. But women must bare most of their bums for the delectation of the onlookers. It’s despicable and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Cannes Film Festival, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Dominic Cummings, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Mings Special


Hall0 Readers,

Sometimes a moment is so perfect that all you can do is lie back and gurgle with pleasure like a new born baby with a freshly changed nappy. Sadly this is not the moment when Harry Kane scored the winner against Italy for England in the Final of the Euros, because that didn’t happen.  Instead, it was the moment when Tyrone Mings, the black Aston Villa and England defender, shot back a tweet to Priti Patel after she had purported to express her outrage at the racist abuse showered over the three black English players who had failed to score in the dreaded penalty shoot out. He said “You don’t get to stoke the fire at the beginning of the tournament by labelling our anti-racism message as ‘Gesture Politics’ & then pretend to be disgusted when the very thing we’re campaigning against, happens.” It was as perfectly phrased and mellifluous as a Shakespearian sonnet and it put the ghastly Patel firmly in her place.

You did not have to be a soothsayer to see what would happen the moment the three young men missed their penalties. And indeed seconds after they had, the abuse began on social media. Monkey emojis. Questions why these ‘migrants’ were playing for England. Tweets complaining that “Ni**ers have cost us the Euros”. And yet those who rushed to condemn this foul conduct completely failed to make the association between it and their disdain for taking the knee, an act that had been booed by many supporters  during the early stages of the campaign. It was Patel, the Home Secretary for Heaven’s sake, who described taking the knee as ‘gesture politics’ and refused to condemn the booing.  And it was Johnson who refused to condemn Patel. The ‘gesture’  was to make the point that black lives matter, but to Patel and Johnson and the knuckle heads who respond inanely ‘well, white lives matter too’, taking the knee is not about black lives mattering but about being woke and uppity. One fool,  Tory MP Lee Anderson, went as far as announcing that he would not watch the team play until they abandoned taking the knee. After the game, a number of Tory MPs loftily instructed Mings and Rashford and others to stick to football and practice their spot kicks. Because it appears that if you’re black, you have no right to express your opinion about anything, not even if it relates directly to the treatment aimed at you and your black team-mates.

So, for the umpteenth time, here’s the thing.  All lives matter but for many, white lives seem to matter more and black lives seem to matter less. Not just in terms of living or dying, but in the treatment you get because of the colour of your skin. When you have a cracking game for England, you’re English.  When you have a crappy game for England, you’re black and a migrant (even when you are born here).  It is about equal respect for everyone, all the time. Taking the knee is making that point, and if you boo it, you are condoning the very thing it is protesting against. 

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We start our review of the recent sartorial shockers with actor Jordan Alexander at the launch of the new series of Gossip Girl wearing Wiederhoeft.

\This is part of a bridal collection. Just imagine your groom’s face when you float down the aisle looking a cheap Madonna tribute act…….

Next up, we have rapper ASAP Rocky, the new beau of the lovely Rihanna, wandering around Brooklyn looking like a tool.


What are those trousers? Is he smuggling Rihanna into the hotel in one leg? The bows makes him look like a maypole. He needs to be careful or people will start dancing round him.

 We go to the Cannes Film Festival where we encounter delectable French actor Marion Cotillard wearing Chanel.

There are many times when Chanel seems to be taking the piss, and this is one of them. Either that or Marion is auditioning for the role of a transitioning Lance Armstrong.

Next up we have Bulgarian actor Maria Bakalova (of Borat Subsequent Moviefilm fame), wearing Louis Vuitton.

The dress is very unflattering and there is a good deal of squashed boobage, but WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the the utterly ridiculous boots, like Christopher Robin’s acid-trip wellies.

Now we have actor Josh O’Connor, wearing Loewe.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. This is a shirt with a built in tank top, a look last seem on the late lamented Diana Spencer in 1980. And the trousers have shrunk in the wash.

This is French actor Deborah Lukumuena, wearing Lanvin.

Er…. there is simultaneously too much fabric and too little, a weird combination of a frilly four-poster bed and a Minge Mullet.

She’s back! Posh pointless person Lady Victoria Hervey wearing something foul. 

Many years ago, toymakers Mattel issued a Grecian Barbie, only that one was covered up,  was not flashing her panties and was not wearing those deeply weird chiffon trewsies that make her look like someone with particularly nasty psoriasis.

We continue with actor Jodie Turner-Smith, wearing Gucci. 

If a fluffy bird went to a fancy dress party in a bustier, this is what it would look like……

We continue with model Bella Hadid, wearing Schiaparelli.

We are of course used to tit windows. But we are not used to tit windows with tit ticklers. And frankly, we should not have to get used to tit ticklers because tit ticklers are just plain silly. Schiaparelli seems to have been inspired by Nude Gardening Week……


We leave Cannes to go to Las Vegas where we find Oscar-nominated actor Andra Day wearing God Save Queens (!). Careful now…..

If this is not a Zebra Minge Moment, WTF does not know what is. Enlarge your screen if you can bear it and try and work out what is nestling beneath the penultimate stripe. And then bury your head in your hands and ask yourself what happened to dignity.

 

AND NOW….THE WINNER OF THE WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL 2021. IT IS

 

DRUMROLL…….

 

Kim Kardashian!!!! She bolted out of nowhere, the lead having been occupied variously by MNEK, Gareth Southgate (!) and Kim’s sister’s best friend Sassie A flashing her arse cheeks. But in the end, Kim’s horrible pea green trouser suit with built-in fanny-fondler won the day. Yikes. Stassie A was second and MNEK third.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who has sent in quite the most revolting thing WTF has ever seen. Meet the Redbridge Rainbow Monkey. Careful now…..

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monkey was commissioned by the London Borough of Redbridge as part of National Reading Week. What book was Monkey promoting? The Kama Sutra?  Fifty Shades of Filth? Why did it need a ten inch dick? What the actual fuck? It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  It is nice to be back. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Cannes Film Festival, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Fashion Disasters, Football, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL 2021

Hallo Readers

It’s here! The coveted title of the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2021 is up for grabs with you, Readers, voting for the winner and, if you like, adding unpleasant comments to go with your votes. We will get back to that in a moment.

WTF is taking time off for the next couple of weeks, and she needs it because quite frankly she has had enough. The pandemic has been challenging enough, but it has been made infinitely worse by the selfishness and meanness of spirit in people that seems to have got worse over the past year, culminating in a generalised attitude of “fuck you” that pervades most ordinary daily activities.  Here are a few examples that have driven WTF demented:

Item -electric scooters ON THE PAVEMENTS. Why? When did it become acceptable to whizz along pavements at 40 mph, forcing terrified citizens to dive sidewards as the rush of air hits their faces? If WTF had her way, she would throw every electric scooter into the Thames. And the people who ride them. They aren’t even supposed to ride them at all, let alone ride them on the bloody pavement. No helmets. No insurance. No manners. Bastards.

Item – Delivery people who knock loudly on the door and ring the bell and then knock louder and ring ever more insistently after only about ten seconds, a period in which even Usain Bolt would struggle to get to the door of a standard sized flat. Do they imagine that everyone is sitting on a chair in the hall on the off chance that the man from DHL might come to call? Bastards.

Item – Rude, hand-scrawled, messages sellotaped onto doors and windows of businesses, instructing the public not to come in unless they have an appointment, and even if they do have an appointment, warning them only to knock ONCE and then wait for an answer. There is now a pervasive can’t do attitude, so that the simple act of booking a dental appointment becomes a battle of wits between you and the relevant staff, who go out of their way to avoid you. WTF aficionado Ayesha from Tower Hamlets was reduced to phoning the receptionists of her dental surgery, whom she could see clearly through the glass windows and who persistently failed to answer her calls.  Their phone rang incessantly and then cut off – on four tries. She was at least spared the tinnitus tinkle music, but only because of the noise of the main road behind her, as police cars sped by with their sirens blaring to break up local crack dens and buses cranked into action. Eventually, enraged, she ignored the prohibition on the handwritten paper and bashed hard both on the window and the door. A sullen young woman appeared, only for Ayesha to stick her foot into the door and demand satisfaction. The receptionist first accused her of having rung the wrong number (brave woman, but foolhardy -very foolhardy) and then said that she could not deal with her anyway because the surgery was shut between 1 and 2, at which point Ayesha pointed to the clock on the wall which said 12 55, adding that she had been standing there for fully five minutes. Eventually, she got her appointment BUT IT SHOULD NOT BE THAT HARD!!!!! The clue is in the word receptionist – you are supposed to receive people, not repel them. They truly are repellant. Bastards.

And whilst we are about it, Grant Shapps and your minions, leaving the public waiting for your announcement about red, green and amber countries for three hours with no apology or explanation is just bloody rude. Bastards.

So while WTF unwinds with a large drink in her hand, and a bit of Cornish sea air, you can be paying attention to the Summer Stinker Poll. There are 19 appalling fashion disasters for you to choose from. Just scroll down and vote for however many of them you like – none of that Single Transferable Vote malarkey. And you can vote as often as like. The results will be published on 16 July, when normal blog service resumes.

OFF YOU GO!!

1. Anastasia Karanikolaou,  aka Stassie A, influencer.

As WTF aficionado Lottie remarked, imagine having to sit on a chair immediately after Stassie’s bare bum, thinly covered by fishnet tights and a  arsecrack cover, has been on it. Yurgle.

2. Ashanti, singer.

WTF loves Ashanti, one of whose outfits is her avatar on Twitter. This one was well down to standard, like a dinosaur going to a strip club, and she forgot to put on her trousers. Meanwhile, those tits are very improbable.

3. Billie Eilish,  singer.

Up until recently, Billie went about covered up from head to toe until she, like teenage Jihadi consort Shamina Begum, ditched the modesty and started putting it all on show. This weird ensemble made her look like a Ninja turtle and the trewsies were barely able to contain the snow boots. If one were obliged to look for a positive, it would be that she would never get lost in an avalanche, as you could spot the lime green from Space, never mind from a rescue helicopter.

4. Billy Porter, actor and singer.

Some readers are outraged at Billy’s admission to any of WTF’s blogs, let alone this one, on the grounds that he is a just a show off. But how can you leave this out? This was Pleats Please meets Joseph and His Coat of Many Colours, except that Joseph did not go out and about around Cairo perched on ridiculous white plastic sandals  (yes, that white thing is a sandal, see Bretman Rock below) and carrying a handbag.

5. Bretman Rock, vlogger.

It’s those shoes again. They are made by Rick Owens, who should be thoroughly ashamed of himself, and they are fouler than a foul, foul thing,  resembling a couple of plug-in air fresheners.  He has a nice chest, but we did not need to see it, especially when paired with a pair of trousers that suggest a schizophrenic schlong.

6. Cardi B, rapper.

No, she wasn’t standing behind something in a funfair, this was an actual outfit. It was not just the lace-trimmed trompe-l’œil that was offensive, it was the fact that the trompe-l’œil looked  like a burnt body in bikini bottoms. The sandals, however, were good.

7. Chanelle McCleary reality star.

The only positive comment you can make about Chanelle’s ensemble is that at least she had the decency to add a minge mask. Er, that’s it. And how does she get her tights on with those nails? Just. Go. Away.

8. Christine Quinn, TV reality star and estate agent.

Christine sprang to fame in Selling Sunset, a reality show about estate agents in Beverley Hills, and has since gone the way of all reality stars, wandering the streets in ridiculous onesies. This one was particularly horrible, although to be fair to her, she probably wanted to show the world how quickly she had regained her figure only weeks after having her baby. The worst bit is the tunnel-of-love strip over her minge.

9. Doja Cat, rapper.

Doja saw in 2021 in New York’s Times Square dressed like something out of a 1920’s speakeasy and looking for all the world as though she were about to service Steve Buscemi in Boardwalk Empire.

10. Gareth Southgate, England Football Manager.

Gareth commissioned this shacket (half shirt, half jacket, although in truth it should stand for shit jacket) as part of a capsule wardrobe from men’s designer Percival. Are they paying him to wear it? You could not pay WTF enough to go out in this thing, last seen on the man who brings your order of bathroom tiles out of the warehouse in B&Q. England rose up as one to give it the bird and Gareth spent the whole week having buckets of piss poured over his head, as much for England’s dismal performance against Scotland as for his apparel. For the game against Czechoslovakia this week,  he appeared in a plain blue navy suit. Good call.

11. Harry Styles, British singer and actor.

Harry gets sillier every day, always clad in head-to-toe Gucci. This suit, fully encapsulating the 1970’s obsession with brown and orange, plus bell-bottoms, Ina horrid, as were the non-toning shirt and the brown handbag with a bamboo handle. Meanwhile anyone who can work out what Harry had in his other hand can have a prize.

12. Jason A Rodriguez, American actor.

Not only was this outfit very unpleasant, especially the little pointy willy vajazzle, but it was also badly cut and looked cheap. That is all that needs to be said.

13. Kim Kardashian, American celebritee.

This was plain pervy. There was a chameleon’s tongue lapping at her lady parts and the effect was disturbing. Who wears a fanny fondler in public?

14. Kylie Jenner, Kim’s half-sister, American celebritee and cosmetics queen. 

There is something very wrong with that family. First Kim with her fanny- fondler, and now Kylie in her perambulating thermal image with extra tit and minge shading. Momager Kris Jenner has a lot to answer for….

15. Lena Dunham , actress and writer.

Lena always gets it wrong and this is a fine example, a strapless bustier dress like a Royal Copenhagen plate, a shirt as worn by Edwardian schoolmistresses, thick black tights that had nothing to do with the price of fish – oh, and galoshes. Putrid. 

16. Megan Thee Stallion, rapper.

Again, trying to find the positive, the good news is that at least the tits seem to be her own. The bad news is that we could see a lot of them, as well as an expanse of hip and stomach. The main objection is that it all looked so tacky. Why do women feel the need to get their bits out for the cameras?

17. MNEK, British singer.

Whether MNEK nicked his idea from Billy Porter, or Billy Porter nicked his idea from MNEK, WTF cannot say, but both of them should Stop. It. Now. There was a lot of material hanging about to no purpose and how he managed to walk along the Brits Red Carpet at all with those trailing hems is a miracle right up there with that stunt Jesus pulled with the loaves and the fishes.

18. Phoebe Bridgers, American singer and actress.

Phoebe pitched up at the Grammys dressed in this creation. Who knows why? WTF can only conclude that her Halloween party had been cancelled in 2020 due to Covid and she did not waste the outfit.

19. Sam McCarthy, actor.

Sam has a very sweet face and looks about 14 (he is 19), but he cannot be allowed to get away with the suit he sported at the Emmys. It was big enough for the whole cast of his show Dead to Me to get into and still have room for a few new roles to be written in. That was A LOT of fabric gone to waste. Meanwhile there is nothing to be said in favour of white plastic clogs, unless you are working in a fish gutting factory.

OK Readers! Time to GET VOTING!!!!!!!!!!!!! Scroll down the polling paper for the full list, they’re all there.

 

See you on 16 July! Be good. Byeeee!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF FBI Special

Hallo Readers, 

The moron without the mask on is Rep. Andrew Clyde, a GOP Congressman from Georgia. Here he is on 6 January 2021 helping his (masked) colleagues to barricade the door of the House Chamber against a mob of feral thugs in MAGA hats, waving Donald Trump Flags, and screaming “Nancy (Pelosi, the House Speaker) we’re coming for you”…..Elsewhere, similar types were storming the Senate looking to hang Vice-President Mike Pence. 

Clyde, who attained the rank of Commander in the US Navy before retiring back to Backwoodsville to deal guns, had his sorry arse saved by the bravery of Congressional and DC police. Only he is not very grateful. He said of the mob “.. if you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from 6 January, you would actually think it was a normal tourist visit”. Of course, the House and the Senate often have to barricade them in against normal tourist visits. This week,  Clyde and twenty of his disgusting House colleagues voted against a bi-partisan Bill to award medals to the men who saved them, many of whom were horribly injured in the process and four of whom have since died. One man who survived the attack, Officer Michael Fanone, was tasered repeatedly at the base of his skull and beaten with sticks, had a heart attack and sustained brain damage.  This week he went back to Congress to try and talk sense into the men and women who wanted to deny him a medal; the snivelling Clyde turned away and refused to talk to him or to shake his hand. 

Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona, formerly a dentist, who also voted against the Bill, alleges that an officer lay in wait for a woman called Ashli Babitt and “executed her”  (while she was breaking into the House through a window as part of the mob). At which point, Gosar’s siblings tweeted  “… on behalf of the actual sane members of our family, which is everyone but Paul, we apologize on behalf of our family for his despicable comments and disgraceful behavior through this whole incident.”. Speaking on CNN, his brother Tim said  “It’s really hard to go back to the truth once you become a pathological liar like Paul.”  Unsurprisingly, Paul Gosar and his siblings have not spoken for years, and they actively campaigned against his re-election in 2018.

It is also no surprise that MAGAmorons like Reps. Louis Gohmert of Texas, Matt Gaetz of Florida and Marjorie Taylor-Greene of Georgia are busily spreading any conspiracy theory to shift the blame for the Capitol attacks away from Trump. At first, Antifa was to blame. Now it is the FBI. This is because the indictments for some rioters refer to their ‘un-indicted co-conspirators.’  This is standard legal wording in order not to name someone before they have been charged. But in MAGAspeak, it means the co-conspirators have not been indicted because they are FBI agents, and it is all a conspiracy between leftists and the Deep State and George Soros, (because you have to get a Jew in there), not to mention Chy-na and Black Lives Matter. And now Gohmert and Gosar and others are demanding an investigation into the non-existent role of the FBI. The irony is these are the same people who voted against an independent commission into what lay behind the 6 January insurrection. Welcome to post-truth America 2021….

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Next week we will have the WTF Summer Stinker 2021, where celebs battle for the coveted prize of the worst dressed of the first half of 2021 with you, the Readers, voting for the winner. But this week, we start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness in Carvis Bay, Cornwall last weekend featuring Louis XV1 and Carrie-Antoinette. Carrie is wearing rented togs from Amanda Wakeley.

WTF has spared you the horror of seeing Johnson alongside Joe Biden (who looks damn good in a suit) and Macron, who is dapper. What a slob our chap is. The suit is terrible, the shoes are terrible, he is terrible. As for Carrie-Antoinette, she resembles one of those women in corporate colours who show you where to go at trade shows…..

Next up, we have Love Island‘s Olivia Atwood launching her clothing range for I Saw It First, a brand beloved of reality stars. And it is BAD….

As WTF remarked the last time she featured I Saw It First, then on Lauren Goodger, she wished she had never seen it at all. As far as she can see, this appears to be a knitted nappy with matching vest, and it is foul. Unless Olivia has incontinence issues, she should rethink her design strategy….

Next up, we have the Duchess of Wessex, Sophie Windsor,  at Royal Ascot, wearing ARoss Girl.

WTF understands that the Royals are having a bad time at the moment, what with Prince Andrew gone to ground, Prince Harry gone to pyscho-babble and Prince Philip gone to Heaven. But in breaking news,  Sophie is planning her own escape and is heading to a nunnery to become a novice.

This is singer Ciara Wilson wearing Mugler.

She is beautiful. The suit is not. She looks like reverse road markings….

Now we are at the Tribeca Film Festival with singer John Legend wearing Burberry.

Mercifully John’s trousers are not as tight as they usually are, where one could be forgiven for thinking that he has put the entirety of his sock drawer down his crotch. But the man-boobage is too much and Burberry Chav look was never good to start with; now it has the further demerit of looking tired. Questions must also be posed about the loafers.

This is former model, former TV presenter, former actress, now radio DJ Kelly Brook wearing who even knows what this is?

Is it a dress? Is it shorts? If Hyacinth Bucket went to a fancy dress party as Hilda Ogden off Corrie, this is what she would look like.

This next one is a serious affront to the eyeballs. Here is Christine Quinn from the estate agent show on Netflix, Selling Sunset, wearing one of the most ridiculous things that WTF has ever seen. Which is saying a lot.

Christine had a baby recently and has been gushing in the press about having “amazing post-partum sex” with her husband a month after giving birth, and that she is “completely healed.” Good for her. It will certainly take WTF more than a month to heal completely or at all after seeing this Cupid hologram getup with its own tunnel-of-love entrance. Yurgle.

And finally, she’s back. WTF speaks of Kim Kardashian wearing a Luis de Javier corset and a trouser suit by Jean Paul Gauthier. Careful now….

As WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney remarked, Kim is being slowly absorbed into a bowl of pea soup, but the real nightmare is the corset with its own chameleon tongue lapping at her lady-parts. Linda Lovelace, star of the ground-breaking 1970s blow job movie Deep Throat wrote a book about  how she would go shopping with her vibrator in situ. But sprawling on a sofa for Instagram with your built-in fanny-fondler is another thing altogether.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire who is aghast at this horrible footwear from Balenciaga.

It is safe to say that Bindy is not a fan of these, er, things. She writes, ‘ A perfectly foul shape with a snow plough heel, this faecal abomination for feet is composed of a variety of polyester and plastics- which makes the price of well over a grand another thing that does not amuse”. In fact the price is £1165. Bindy is bang on. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday for the WTF Summer Stinker. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

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WTF Ahoy There Special

Hallo Readers

For a man with an ego as large as his, it is no surprise that Boris Johnson loves a vanity project. After all, whose vanity is projected more on the long- suffering British public than Johnson’s? Londoners have already had to put up with £300,000 water cannons that he was never allowed to use, with his ridiculous cable car and then with the Garden Bridge, which managed to fritter away £60m of ratepayers’ money without a brick laid or a footing dug. Boris is very good at spending other people’s money, as we saw with his recent, albeit  ultimately stymied, redecoration of no 10. Now Johnson has a new notion – a Royal Yacht. Two hundred million pounds worth, to be called The Prince Philip. In the middle of a pandemic.

No one, including HMQ, wants a Royal Yacht. Except Johnson. The Palace has let it be known that she was not consulted about this plaything and that she was not consulted about its name. Had she been consulted on either, there would have been a very different outcome. Be that as it may, Johnson is sailing full steam ahead. He intends to use this folly to help secure trade deals post Brexit, although why Australia, New Zealand, India or anywhere would want to trade with us based on the fact that Liz Truss, Secretary of State for Trade, is standing on the poop as it bobs into harbour, WTF cannot say. Perhaps the idea is to have a Royal on board. Prince Andrew used to have that gig as Trade Ambassador but he is now confined to quarters by his mum. Prince Harry has absented himself from these shores, leaving Wills and Kate, Edward and Sophie or Charles and Camilla to do the honours.

The best part is that the yacht will probably not even be built in the UK. It would be in breach of a WTO agreement apparently. You remember the WTO? It was going to be our saviour after we gave the Europeans the heave-ho. So the yacht will have to be built abroad, and £200m will not even enrich some of our boaty citizens who have to pay for it out of their hard earned taxes. That just about sums upon this Government.The only good thing is that given its record of handing huge contracts to its pals, at least it will not be feathering their nests on this occasion.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing chaos with The Former Guy addressing a Republican shindig in Greenville North Carolina. WTF has a question for you after you have surveyed the photograph. Ready?

Here is the question. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE THOSE TROUSERS????????? Take a closer look……

Now as you know, Readers, criticism is alien to WTF’s nature, but these trousers are abominable, even by TFG’s standards. On the night, Twitter was awash with speculation that they were on back to front or that they were incontinence pants. In fact, it turns out that TFG was wearing trousers with a fly and it was just a trick of the light. Be that howsoever it may be, the trewsies are deeply shocking and those crotch creases are, to say the least, puzzling, resembling a blue concertina.

Next up, we are at the CMT Music Awards in Tennessee with singer Lauren Alaina.

These are trousers. Oh, and a skirt thingy. And a fluffy negligee thing, which makes her seem to have a vaporised left tit. Whatever it is, it is frightful.

Now we are at the TV BAFTAs in London with presenter AJ Odudu wearing Tran Hung.

It is quite something to combine a dress which looks like one of those fluffy birdie pencils with an Imminent Minge Moment, but AJ has managed it.

And then there was Strictly Come Dancing presenter Claudia Winkleman, wearing Taller Marmo.

Speaking for herself, WTF is bored-as-bored-can-be-without-becoming-comatose-bored by Claudia’s heavy fringe and blackened eye schtick and the last time she saw an outfit like that, it was on Michael J Fox as Marty McFly.

Here is a newcomer, Golda Rosheuvel (who was Queen Caroline in Bridgerton), wearing Simone Rocha. 

As WTF has observed before, there is quirky and there is stark raving mad. Like this. WTF can but conclude that Golda’s next role is as the Red Queen in another remake of Alice in Wonderland.

He is back! Of course he is! It’s actor Billy Porter attending a drive-in screening of the final series of Pose. Who even knows what this is, except that the shoes are by Rick Owens.

If the Artful Dodger went to a fancy dress party as a bedraggled 18th century doxy with tins cans on her feet, this is what he would look like.

And finally, we have model, influencer and Kylie Jenner’s best friend, Anastasia Karanikolaou, also known as Stassie. 

Stassie has ten million followers on Instagram, which is horrific enough. Even worse, she was GOING OUT TO DINNER in a leotard with a tit window, fishnet tights and matching boots. But that is not the worst bit. CAREFUL NOW!!!!!

No. NO!!!!!!! WTF is fed up with arse cheeks. Stassie has won the Mitchell Brothers Gleaming Bald Heads Prize. WTF has awarded it before and is forced to do it again but hopes she will not have to award it ever again. Please, ladies – just stop it.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Susie in South-East London, who has had enough of Michael Crawford lookalikey, the Secretary of State for Education Gavin Williamson.

Gavin is a shockingly bad Education Secretary who has messed up the future of a whole generation of schoolkids. But despite having loads of stuff to worry about, Gavin spent the week ranting about the graduate students at Magdalen College Oxford – all ten of them – who voted to remove HMQ’s portrait from their common room. Susie, who has a school-age son, expresses a strong desire to punch Gavin on the nose. She also points out that when he was a failed fireplace salesman in an earlier life, he had an affair with a colleague behind his wife’s back and she and WTF are both astounded that there are at least TWO women  who once wanted to go to bed with this man. Gavin has Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

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WTF Wedding Bells Special

Hallo Readers,

Last weekend, Boris Johnson and his fiancée Carrie Symonds tied the knot at Westminster Cathedral and are now officially man and (third) wife. What a triumph! They threw her Majesty’s Gutter Press off the scent by sending out hold the date invitations for next year and then slipped into church and made  their vows.  If only Boris had paid that much attention to, and had done as much planning for, Covid 19, maybe 135,000 people would not have died. WTF is indebted to aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire for pointing out that Carrie’s rustic wedding reception with the garden of Number 10 Downing Street decorated in hay bales and the bride barefoot in a peasant gown with a diadem of flowers around her head, was like Marie Antoinette playing shepherdess at Le Petit Trianon, only it was SW1 and not Versailles or Arcadia. As for Johnson, you would have taken him for Carrie’s portly parent, the man who gave her away and not the man who got her. 

It came as something of a surprise to learn that Johnson was entitled to marry in a Catholic church, let alone in England’s principal Catholic place of worship. Most of us thought that a thrice-divorced philanderer with at least two children born out of wedlock and another one aborted by a former mistress, would never be allowed inside the porch, let alone up the aisle. But it appears that if your previous nuptials were not conducted under the auspices of the Catholic Church, they do not count. Which probably comes as news to all those divorcés and divorcées who are not Prime Ministers and who did not renounce their faith and seek confirmation as an Anglican, but who have been told to take a hike by parish priests up and down the country when they asked to marry their beloved under Catholic rites……

Meanwhile The Guardian, which has fallen headlong into foolishness, has taken to describing Mrs Johnson as the ‘First Lady’. Not even the Third Lady!  Perhaps The Guardian has not noticed that we are not a Republic and we do not have a POTUS or a FLOTUS, although as someone remarked on Twitter, Johnson’s increasing girth reminds us that we do have a BLOTUS. Or as someone else remarked, a SCROTUS. Carrie Antoinette has aspirations above her station. Which in her case is East Sheen…. It becomes ever more clear that Boris and Carrie Antoinette are set fair for a long and royal reign. Nothing, it appears, can stop them. Certainly not the Labour Party with its inept failure to hit home on any subject. Whatever Johnson does, the public has long ceased to be outraged about it, or even to give a stuff. And so we now have rival royal courts, their Avignon to HMQ’s Rome. It is not the most appetising of choices, but WTF knows which one she would opt for should push come to shove…..

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial stinkers with singer Gwen Stefani on set for the finale of The Voice wearing Michael Ngo. 

Gwen’s hair looks like a badger’s bum, the cropped shirt is perhaps one of the silliest garments WTF has ever seen and the enormous red trousers clearly belong to a massively fat fireman.

This is singer Mabel out and about in London wearing who can even say what this is?

Memo to Mabel. Do a bulk buy on moth balls or call in Rentokil, because you have a serious problem in your wardrobe. And not just because it has this jumpsuit in it, resembling  a couple of mouldy lattice-work sausage rolls.

And now we are off to the iHeart Radio Awards in Los Angeles, where we encounter rapper LL Cool J, wearing some terrible old tat.

If a teddy bear went to a fancy dress party as a cuddly Freemason, this is what it would look like. What has he done to his trousers leg? Why has he done it? And why is he wearing a cassette tape around his neck?

Here is a WTF favourite, not to say, regular, singer Doja Cat wearing Brandon Maxwell.

Compare Doja Cat with LL Cool J above. He is wearing comfy leisurewear and looks like a teddybear in a silly hat. His right calf is on show but his arse is not hanging out and you cannot see his chest. Doja Cat, on the other hand,  is wrapped in a roll of chiffon with her panties on full view and her tits making a bid for freedom, like a 21st Century Mata Hari. Equality? Not really.

Next up we have more regulars, musician Machine Gun Kelly wearing Comme des Garçons and his inamorata Megan Fox, wearing Mach and Mach.

Either Megan’s jumpsuit was so tight that it has split across the crotch and her beau is protecting her modesty (too late, sweetie, too late) or he is copping a feel. Either way, Megan is in serious danger of a vulvectomy, because MGK has nails like Edward Scissorhands.

And that is not all because in his silver shorts suit with accessories sweetly  picking up on Megan’s pinkness, he looks like a Victorian silver pageboy. As well as a total knob.

And it gets worse. Here is rapper Megan Thee Stallion wearing Bryan Hearns.

We have seen Megan a few times recently, but this is rock bottom. Literally. As we can see in this snap of Megan and her partner, rapper Pardi Fontaine. Once again, he is fully covered whilst she is showing most of what she has, not that we want to see it. This is not a tit window, this is a tit coastline AND for good measure, Hearns has given us an Imminent Minge Moment. Yurgle. 

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Leslie from Lisson Grove who sent in this horror-show. These jeans are by wetlookdenim.com and they cost £50.

Leslie writes that ‘at my age I really don’t need jeans that make me look like I’ve peed myself’. No one needs them at any age, Leslie. What WTF fails to understand is why you need to buy jeans that look as if you have peed yourself when you can simply piss on an old pair of your own jeans and save yourself the money. It’s preposterous. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Covid, Dominic Cummings, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, iHeartRadio Music Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Domageddon Special

Hallo Readers,

It is no surprise that our Prime Minister is a bumbling, mendacious oaf living in fear of the next Daily Telegraph editorial. This we already knew. But what we did not know, until it was laid out for us in a sumptuous five-course banquet by Johnson’s former aide Dominic Cummings when he gave evidence to a House of Commons committee on Wednesday, is that Johnson changes his mind more regularly than some men change their socks. We did not know that he revelled, like his role model Donald Trump used to do, in chaos. The reason? Because “that way everyone will look to me to sort to it out”, a strategy which is not only loathsome but also ineffective given his refusal to sort anything out if he could avoid doing so. We did not know that he based his leadership on the Mayor of Amity Island in Jaws. And look how well that worked out for both of themIt is like the British Medical Association developing a new protocol with a desire to emulate Dr Harold Shipman.  And although we might have suspected it, it also appears that Matt Hancock, who had previously attempted to come across as Mr Nice Guy, had regularly been accused of lying to his colleagues and to the public, accusations made both by Cummings and by the Cabinet Secretary. Or that he was only saved from the boot by the fact that Johnson was saving him for later so that he could be the sacrificial lamb when the inevitable enquiry revealed the extent to which the Government’s grip on the crisis had gone tits up.

No one likes Dominic Cummings with the possible exception of his immediate family and WTF is not even willing to vouch for them without proof of their affection. But on the basis that my enemy’s enemy is my friend, at present we all absolutely love Cummings. Yes, he is an arrogant, unpleasant, abusive apparatchik, and horribly right wing with it. He lied about the reasons for his trip to the North East during the height of the first Covid lockdown (while everyone else was shut up indoors for 23 hours a day), lies so blatant that one hardly knew whether to marvel at his audacity or to despise him for the gross contempt in which he so clearly held the public. But because a man is a fully-fledged, card-carrying shit does not mean that he always lies about everything. To WTF’s eye and ear, even discounting the clear animus he felt towards Johnson and Hancock (and who can blame him?), most of what he said appeared to have the ring of truth. And the best part is that having rushed to defend his jaunt to Durham last year, and having praised him for his fatherly concerns in removing himself and his wife and child 260 miles north to Durham, and then driven on a 60-mile round trip to a local beauty spot to test whether his eyes were working, Government Ministers including Hancock are a little stymied in now turning on him and calling him a liar. 

So where does this leave the public? It leaves us with proof positive that over the past year, with our lives overturned, our health put at risk, 130,000 people dead, businesses closing, people sinking into depression and many of us living in abject fear of the unknown, the Government we suspected to have been incompetent was even worse than we thought it was. 

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with singer Katy Perry wearing Mélique Street.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. The coat is deliberately designed to have only one outsized shoulder. WTF tried to think anything more silly and then gave up. Why would anyone want to emulate Shakespeare’s Richard 111? There is a reason why Katy is standing by a dumpster……

Next up, we have actress Lena Dunham wearing Ganni.

Lena is the lovechild of an Edwardian schoolmarm and a willow pattern plate. There is quirky and then there is this……

Here is model Lottie Moss, half-sister of Kate Moss, almost wearing I am Gia.

As you know, criticism is alien to WTF’s nature, but what exactly is the point of Lottie Moss? Were her sister Kate Stone, would she get any attention at all? The hair is an abomination and that is not so much a tit window as a triple French tit window, with the worry about an imminent Minge Moment thrown in for good measure.

To the Billboard Awards 2021 and a real Red Carpet!! Only it’s black. Here is singer Doja Cat, née Amala Ratna Zandile Dlamini, wearing Balmain.

If a circus tent went to a fancy dress party as a bat, this is what it would look like. How did Doja Cat manage to walk in those trousers, the hems of which are spooling on the floor like giant melted puddles of seaside rock? She would needs stilts to walk….. and there is always something wrong when your necklace is bigger than your top.

Singer Kehlani, in Tony Ward.

WTF hates a tattooed neck almost above all things, whether male or female, and it looks even worse when it has a pearl necklace on it. Kehlani has wrapped herself in red clingfilm like one of those bundles you get at a kiddies’ party and has preserved her modesty with a bellydancer’s bralet and a taffeta crotch curtain.

Singer Karol G wearing Celia Kritharioti.


Sigh. We have had a tit window and now we have a belly bay worn with a minuscule thong, nipple pasties and blue hair. The whole lot is clearly inspired by Emily the Corpse Bride.

Actress Megan Fox wearing Mugler, accompanying her beau, singer Machine Gun Kelly wearing Balmain.

Machine Gun Kelly looks like his nappy has come loose. As for Megan, that horrible bodice is as if someone has tattooed a large clef on her. Her dress is almost as offensive as her foot blotch.

And finally we have singer Saweetie (née Diamonté Quiava Valentin Harper), wearing Giambattista Valli. Careful now……


There is something very disturbing about that skirt, reminiscent of the giant 33 metre vagina carved into the earth by Juliana Notari in Northern Brazil.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Jen from Devon, who has brought this nonsense  to WTFs attention. It is called a pillow bra by Sleep & Glo and costs $75.

The point of this is to stop your tits getting crinkled. The blurb says “the pillow bra helps fight skin creases and cleavage wrinkles when sleeping on the side. A must have for ladies with gorgeous forms. Made of premium materials: natural silk and lace from the outside, cotton from the inside. The filling is of tiny foam balls to ensure air circulation”. Yuk. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

Posted in Billboard Music Awards, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Clear As Mud Special

Hallo Readers,

How are your holiday plans coming along? Has all that lockdown baking and sourdough starters had a drastic effect on the fit of your summer wardrobe? Are those strappy little tops displaying arms like hocks of ham? Are the budgie-smugglers showing a tummy the size of a Saxon burial mound? WTF can see that these are important matters as you face the prospect of exposing yourself to the gaze of your fellow sun-seekers, but she has three questions for you which are of much more importance. First, do you actually understand the rules about where you can go and where you cannot? Second, do you even care? And third, why on earth do you want to go at all?

On the first point, the Government has maintained its dizzying standard of ineptitude with Ministers issuing messages which make no sense and which contradict each other. We know that we can visit Green-list countries without having to quarantine on our arrival  home (unless you are Welsh, in which case you can only travel if your trip is ‘essential’). Of course, many of the Green-list countries are deemed safe because they are not actually letting anyone in, like Australia and New Zealand; some are in the middle of the freezing South Atlantic and are cold, wintry and boring; others will make you quarantine when you get there like Singapore (which is also boiling hot with a zillion per cent humidity); and Israel may not be wholly attractive to tourists unless they fancy risking bits blown off them as they rush to the air raid shelters. (Yes there is a cease fire, but for how long?). That leaves Iceland, Portugal and Gibraltar, which may be a touch crowded as a result. But what about the Amber list? Should you go or should you stay? Are they OK to visit as long as you quarantine at home after you return? The answer depends upon which Government Minister is wheeled out on media duty. On Wednesday Boris Johnson told Keir Starmer that the policy was perfectly clear.  Er, no it is not. Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking would struggle to comprehend it.

On the second point, it is abundantly clear that many people do not give a monkey’s about whether they can or should go. They are going! They would crawl over broken glass to go. So what if they bring back something that could see off their neighbours or their colleagues? What do we want, suntan! When do we want it, now! Because everyone has the unalienable right to infect anyone else in order to have two weeks by the pool, some badly-cooked kebabs and lots of cheap booze.

On the third point, why would you want to go at all? On Monday, when some form of semi-demi-normality returned, the airports were packed to the rafters with travellers barely inches from each other as they probably spent more time in a check-in queue and then a passport queue than on the flight to Faro. What insanity is this? How can it possibly be a price worth paying? How can you be sure that whatever the bloke ahead of you in the queue, the one whose suitcase keeps clipping your anklebone, is suffering from will not hit you within days of your arrival at the hotel of your dreams? Or that the bartender has not got who knows which strain of the virus as he pours you a cocktail? Are you all completely mad? 

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We start our review of the week’s fashion fiascos with Stylist of the Year Law Roach wearing GmbH at the première of Cruella in Los Angeles.

It is May in Los Angeles and Law is wrapped in an off-the-shoulder fur coat showcasing his tattoos and looking like a particularly mangy lion in stiletto boots.

Next up, we have model Demi Rose Mawby,  wearing her own range for Pretty Little Thing. Brace yourselves.

Demi is giving us oodles of under-boob falling out of a giant tit window. The bodice only reinforces the impression that she has a pair of twins asleep on her chest with matching bonnets. And that thing dangling down is horribly reminiscent of a tampon string.

Here is singer Katy Perry on the set of American Idol wearing Tomas Maticevski.

Katy is giving up the pop stuff and having a shot at grand opera, kicking off with Madame Butterfly. Memo to Katy – I know you have had a baby recently, but those trousers seems to presage a bad case of Call for the Canesten.

The rest of the blog is from the MTV Movie & TV Awards in Los Angeles, starting with actor Chase Stokes (Outer Banks) wearing Fendi.

WTF is an equal opportunities abuser. She hates sheer on women and she also hates it on men. And that is A LOT of red. Chase looks like an elongated red pepper in fancy trainers.

This is actress Addison Rae wearing Christopher Esper.

The jacket and palazzo pants are lovely, as is she, but WTF deplores a tit bandage almost above all things. It is as if someone had taken her chest hostage. And why is she wearing a tiara around her waist?

 Now we have actress Victoria Pedretti (You), wearing Louis Vuitton.

WTF has not got the faintest idea what this is supposed to be, but whatever it is, it is frightful. If Victoria were a new show, it would be called Aladdin gets ripped off in Paris.

This person is influencer and beauty vlogger Bretman Rock, who won the award for Social Breakthrough Star. He is wearing a jacket by Materiel, trousers by Mia Vesper and Rick Owens boots.

Here is the good news. His hair is lovely and he has the sweetest face. The bad news. Everything else is dismal, but special minus points for the ridiculous shoes with blue perspex heels which look like a couple of plug in air fresheners.

And finally, here is actress Madison Bailey (Outer Banks) wearing Versace.

Do you remember those Yoyo dolls you used to make at school using circles of leftover scraps of fabric? It seems that Versace remembered them as well…….

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who saw this tweet from FiJustFi (@bitchystichy). HERE IS A WARNING !!!. THIS IS BAD!!!!!

Pussy hair on your pussy. Moggy fur on your minge. There goes your breakfast. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, British Airways, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, MTV Movie and TV Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Brits and Pieces Special

Hallo Readers,

Some bad things have been done in the name of tourism. (Remember tourism?) Every year save f0r 2020, sunny seaside spots in Spain, Cyprus and Greece are overrun with visitors who get horribly drunk, copulate on car bonnets and are rowdy, disrespectful and unmanageable. Stag and hen parties terrorise peaceful citizens in picturesque cities, running amok and having punch-ups on planes. Football fans routinely smash up cafes, pubs and bars and indulge in oik-to-oik combat with rival home supporters. But WTF is struggling to recall any touristic incident in which thousands of feral deplorables storm a nation’s Parliament, smashing in doors and windows to effect entry, attack policemen with flags, attempt to gouge out officers’ eyes, call loudly for the hanging of the country’s Vice-President (having handily erected a set of gallows in front of the building), piss in the corridors and leave billets-doux for prominent politicians indicating that for them, the end is nigh. Oh, and cause, directly or indirectly, the death of four policemen. WTF is also struggling to see how such actions qualify as tourism, as opposed to bloody insurrection, sedition and domestic terrorism.

But apparently, WTF is wrong. As wrong as wrong can be. One of the GOP’s finest, Rep. Andrew Clyde of Georgia, said on Wednesday that the events of January 6 in Washington were merely ‘acts of vandalism’ and that it was a ‘boldfaced lie‘ to call what happened that day an ‘insurrection’. He told a Congressional Committee enquiring into where the armed forces were on that day, ‘Watching the TV footage of those who entered the Capitol and walked through Statuary Hall showed people in an orderly fashion staying between the stanchions and ropes, taking videos, pictures… You know, if you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from 6 January, you would actually think it was a normal tourist visit.’

No, actually, Rep. Clyde, you would not think that unless you were either a complete moron or someone who has broken his oath of office and whose only interest has been distilled into telling lies on behalf of the Former Guy.

Not that Rep. Clyde is alone in his beliefs. Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona told the same hearing  ‘Outright propaganda and lies are being used to unleash the national security state against law-abiding U.S. citizens, especially Trump voters’  and Rep. Ralph Norman of South Carolina dismissed the absurd notion that the men and women wreaking havoc that day were Trump supporters, despite the fact that they wore MAGA hats, chanted his name, carried flags with his face on it and were described by the man himself as ‘great patriots’ and told ‘we love you – you’re very special’.

And so yesterday was another terrible day for truth. Not only did the House Republicans remove out their third in command because she refused to peddle the Big Lie that the US election had been stolen; but some of them then used their roles on a House Committee enquiring into the insurrection to gaslight the nation by denying that it was an insurrection and to deny what everyone saw and heard on that day. Apparently, this was not attempted murder and mayhem, and a coup to keep a man in office who lost by seven million votes; this was a self-guided tour of the Capitol with optional extras of lynching, assault, battery, criminal damage and theft. And the worst thing of all – people all across the US believe that it is true.

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We start the survey of the the week’s clothing clunkers with singer Miley Cyrus on Saturday Night Live, wearing Schiaparelli.

Deary me. Madonna was giving us conical bras decades ago, but Schiaparelli has gone further still. Doubtless, after the shirt has fallen foul of a coffee stain or yellowed or whatever, you can cut it up and use it as nippled placemats. Disturbing.


Next up, we have singer Rosalía wearing Oresund Iris. Brace yourselves.

There is obviously some sort of post-Covid thrift going on. First we have a shirt with built-in nippled placemats, and now we have a straitjacket doubling as a corset. And since this excrescence costs £588, you would be in need of one for being mad enough to pay that much.

And now we have megastar Beyoncé posing on Instagram wearing KNWLS.

KNWLS stands for Charlotte Knowles, a young English designer, and not Beyoncé Knowles. WTF has seen some daft outfits in her time, and this one is right up there, reminiscent of those photographs of celebritees stark naked with their body painted…..

Now we are off to the Brit Awards on London where appallingness was in great abundance. First up is singer Harry Styles wearing Gucci (of course he is).

WTF has some admiration for the jacket, but not when worn with those ghastly bellbottom trousers and the stupid handbag. The whole thing is very 1970’s front room, and that is not a compliment.

Singer Dua Lipa, wearing Vivienne Westwood.

Sigh. WTF loves Dame Viv’s creations and she loves this one as far as it goes. The problem is that it does not go far enough, i.e. it is an imminent Minge Moment, she is flashing her suspenders and she looks likes something out of a Toulouse-Lautrec drawing.

Actor and singer Billy Porter, wearing threeASFOUR. 

 

Do you think he owns a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt? It is getting boring now. Those boots are made for walking …..to the trashcan. The handbag is only suitable for a two year old girl. Billy is not Audrey Hepburn and threeASFOUR is certainly not Hubert Givenchy.

Singer Olly Alexander from Years and Years wearing Gucci.

Olly did a fabulous duet with Elton John, singing It’s a Sin with great panache. But even so, it was not enough to keep him out of this blog because this nonsense is not to be borne, from the blue shirt thingy to the S&M harness to the dead birdies on his arms and the overall impression of an uber-gay Puck in an avant-garde production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

 More fluffiness, this time on singer Celeste, wearing Ashley Williams.

If a baby raven went to a fancy dress party as a ballerina, this is what it would look like.

And finally, singer and musician MNEK (né Uzoechi Osisioma Emenike) wearing Robert Wun.

And before you ask, WTF would have disliked the outfit had it been worn by Celeste or Dua Lipa. How did he walk in those trewsies without going arse over tit? What the hell has he got on? And why is he wearing a pleated valance WITH A MATCHING HANDBAG? 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ben from Bromley, who brought this foul thing to WTF’s attention. Once again, brace yourselves….

This shocker comes from a company called Dark-isawesome.com and costs a massive $49. Ben came across it on Facebook and contacted WTF to ask (hopefully tongue-in-cheek) whether she thought it would be a good present for his wife. WTF counselled against. Its’s horrendous. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

Posted in Brits, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Football, Mike Pence, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Cancel Culture Special

Hallo Readers,

Voltaire famously said ‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.’ Except that it was not actually Voltaire who said it but the writer Beatrice Evelyn Hall, who published a book about him under a pseudonym, S. G. Tallentyre. Be that howsoever it may be, the principle is one with which – in principle – we all agree. But what would either Voltaire or Miss Hall have said about Facebook’s decision in January 2021 to ban The Former Guy, a ban which this week it extended for another six months?

Supporters of TFG have been up in arms, screaming about ‘cancel culture’,  despite the fact that the GOP is about to sack its no 3 in Congress, Liz Cheney, because she is not prepared to support the lie that TFG won the November 2020 Presidential Election but had it stolen from him by all or any of Joe Biden (‘The Present Guy’), Democrats, Chyn-ah, the late President Chavez of Venezuela (who died in 2013), the manufacturers of the voting machines and/or the software for the voting machines, [add any other unlikely and innocent suspects as wished]. They have also been screaming about free speech and the First Amendment, which does not apply to private companies like Facebook and Twitter. But they have not addressed their mind to the distinction between free speech and blatant lies. And to the consequences of TFG’s blatant lies which have all but brought democracy to its knees in the US with millions of morons brainwashed into believing that TFG should be TPG and TPG should either be in jail or in a home for the terminally bewildered, with the GOP now showing the door to anyone who says differently. 

WTF sees no reason why private companies with – admittedly poor enforced – terms of use should allow blatant lies to be peddled to millions of people, who then repeat them blindly; because if you have read it on Twitter or FaceBook, it must be true. And if you have read it a zillion times, how can it not be true? People only tend to read the tweets and posts of those who share their views, and so truth is defined by volume and repetition, and before you know it rampant fantasy becomes fact and contradiction becomes intolerable. And so TFG should not be allowed to lie on these platforms, and those who oppose him should not be thrown out on their ear because they try and stop the madness. But sadly, it is probably too late, because, as we saw in the summer of 2016 with Brexit and the £350,000,000 a week for the NHS, and in the autumn of 2016 when Mexico was going to pay for the Wall, and now in 2020 and 2021 when TFG had the election stolen from him, lies are just alternative facts that permit of no other alternative.

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We start our review off the week’s vomit-making vestments with WTF’s favourite Z lister, celebritee Lizzie Cundy, arriving at her birthday celebrations in London, wearing something nasty and Louboutin bootees.

Lizzie does not look like the Lizzie of recent years and THAT Lizzie did not look like the Lizzie before that and there has clearly been some more interference with the workings of nature. Oh – and blonde is so not her colour. As for the outfit, the dress with that oversized ruffle looks like a particularly virulent snake about to bite. Yurgle.

Next up, we have mega-celebritee Kim Kardashian wearing a load of old nonsense.

No designer has owned up to this. Good call. If Cleopatra went to a fancy dress party wrapped in rug offcuts, this is what she would look like.


Here is model Chrissy Teigen at the Vax Live global event, wearing Valdrin Sahati.

This is the lovechild of a chair and a pumpkin that has been subject to a knife attack by a frenzied lunatic. Who knows? Maybe it originally started off with full sleeves (or at least a symmetrical bodice) before loony boy got going. And what is the point of a modesty panel which fails to achieve modesty and where the flesh colour is not the colour of the wearer’s skin? Frankly, Chrissy should take  that train, wrap it all around her like a shroud and slink away……

This is ‘influencer’ Tana Mongeau (she has 5.7 m Instagram followers), wearing not enough.

O.M.G.  Someone should influence Tana to wear more clothes, including a top that covers at least some parts of her tits and which does not look like a cat’s cradle.

Now we go to the cast party for the TV show Pose which wrapped up its final ever episode this week. There were were some utter shockers on view, starting with actor Angel Bismark Curiel wearing Lanvin.

WTF does not even want to think about why Angel’s hand is down his trousers, like a pervy Napoleon. As for the outfit, someone at Lanvin has clearly been watching a rerun of Casablanca and has fixated on the dastardly but charming Capt. Renault….

And here is actor Jason Rodriguez, wearing who can even say what this is.

This is like an über-camp suit of armour with a willy vajazzle.

Back again, our old friend actor and singer Billy Porter wearing Robert Wun.

WTF has seen Billy look stupendous in skirts and ballgowns, but this is not his finest hour, half washerwoman, half Joseph in his coat of many colours. What is this Joseph thing? A few weeks ago, we had actor Darren Criss in his Balmain version and now Billy. Stop. It. Now.

 And finally this is actress Mj Rodriguez, wearing Jean Paul Gaultier Couture.

It is difficult to know what to hate most. Is it the nip slip? Is it the foot blotch? Or is the truly terrible dress like an explosion in a corset factory?

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes (separately) from WTF aficionados Yvonne from Jedburgh and Daniel from Stevenage, both of whom are rightly appalled by Tony Blair’s hair.

Look. We all got shaggy over lockdown. WTF herself resembled a greying scotty dog. But this is truly the stuff of nightmares…he looks like Bob in Twin Peaks. Is there no pair of kitchen scissors in any of the Blairs’ many houses?  It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in America, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Tony Blair, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment