WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL 2020

Hallo Readers,

Before we turn to the main business  of the week, the Summer Stinker Poll, we must pause to consider the matter of why it (rightly) unacceptable to denigrate Muslims, or people of colour, or the disabled, but it is acceptable to denigrate Jews. Not Israel. Not Nethanyahu.  Jews. And why Twitter, which will suspend your account almost instantaneously if you abuse any of the aforementioned groups, or if you were to call someone a moron, even if they are, or to suggest that they push off and have sex with themselves, nevertheless is slow to act when the targets of the attack are Jews.

Last weekend, a rapper called Wiley, of whose existence WTF had hitherto been unaware, sent out a continuous torrent of anti-Semitic filth. The immediate target seemed to be his managers, who are Jews. And then the verbal diarrhoea started, and it went on and on. Jews were the ‘worst people in the world’. They had ‘got rich on the backs of black people’. They also got the best service in hospitals (eh?). There might well have been a tweet about them using the blood of babies for matzos but WTF managed to miss it. What she did not miss was both the wave of outraged Jews and non-Jews on Twitter demanding that the stuff be taken off, or those who supported Wiley in similar terms and were then retweeted by him. And what did Twitter do? Nothing,

Let us imagine that someone had written that blacks ae the worst people or Muslims are the worst people in the world. The howls of outrage from the left would deafen us all. But substitute the word ‘Jew’ and the excuses come thick and fast. ‘It is not racist because Jews are not a race’. Actually, they are, but in any event, Muslims are not a race either and the sentence ‘Muslims are the worst people in the world’ would never be tolerated. ‘It is an attack on Israeli aggression’. No, it is an attack on Jews. Wheel out the old Jewish tropes. Jews control the banks. Jews control the world. Jews own the media. Jews are mean. Jews are venal. Blah, blah, blah. Bring back the yellow stars.

But this time, Jews – and those who understood the reality of these attacks on Jews, and Twitter’s inaction  – had had enough. They boycotted Twitter for 48 hours. And guess what? Wiley has been now banned from Twitter. Because the place to hit Twitter – and Facebook, and Instagram – is in the pocket.

Wiley is unrepentant, offering that splendid non-apology that he was not attacking Jews, he was attacking ‘slimy people.’ Right.

So here is the question, anti-racism warriors who either supported Wiley or stayed silent. Where the hell were you?

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NOW it is time for the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2020. Yes, people stopped going out from mid March, but fortunately the early months were in Award Season – Oscars, Grammys, Critics’ Choice, BAFTAs – and so we still have rich pickings from which to choose. Sixteen of them.  All you have to do is to study these clothing calamities and then to vote for as many or as few of them as you like. They are featured in alphabetical order (by first name), so there is no indication of WTF’s preferences or personal views. There is none of that Single Transferable Vote malarkey  here – you just vote for whomsoever you want, and for as many as you want, and as many times as you want, and then tell everyone you know to do the same.

The results will be in next week’s edition on 5 August. 

Brace yourselves. What follows is BAD, BAD, BAD. Off we go!

  1. Billy Porter, American Broadway star, wearing Hogan McLaughlin.

Billy has been appearing in dresses at Red Carpet events for a while now, some of them rather stunning, like the one he wore to the Oscars in 2019 by Christian Siriano. But this one looked like the back of a dining chair with a skirt, as you see at weddings, while Billy’s faux butterfly tattoos set WTF all of a flutter, and not in good way.

2. Cardi B, American rapper, wearing Nicholas Jibran.

Cardi B has always been open about having had her tits done, but then she could hardly have denied it, as normal tits do not look like a couple of oversized crème caramels. As for the dress, the bottom half was fine, although it was in truth a lot more than a half, given how small the top bit was. She must have bought up California’s entire supply of tit tape.

3. Celine Dion,  Canadian singer, wearing Prada.

Celine seems to employ the same tanning technician – and to use the same shade – as the Trumps. As for the outfit, she looked like a technicolour refuse collector. 

4. Edith Bowman, British radio DJ and presenter.

The über-frilly dress, like Queen Victoria’s nightie, was bad enough, but made infinitesimally worse by an inexplicable yellow belt and blue Marigold washing- up gloves. One word for Edith – hairbrush.

5. Gwyneth Paltrow, American actress and wellness guru, wearing Fendi and  (borrowed) Bulgari diamonds.

Peekaboo frills the colour of diseased animal droppings with a side order of buttock. And there was also the necklace worn UNDER the dress. At the time,  WTF wondered whether this was a precaution against the risk of her jewels being nicked by a dastardly jewel thief. If only someone had nicked the dress the night before and done everyone a favour.

6, Harry Styles, British singer and actor, wearing Gucci.

Harry, once a gormless lad in bad jeans on The X Factor, has become quite the fashionista, clad in head-to-toe Gucci. WTF could have lived with the trousers, but not the lacy-collared shirt and cashmere sweater worn with pearls, like the lovechild of Greta Garbo and Miss Marple. And white shoes on men are never acceptable. Fact.

7. Hunter Schafer, American model and actress, wearing Rick Owens.

 

When the hideous backdrop looks better than what you’re wearing, you have a problem. In this case, a yellow top that resembled an oversized gas mask and double-split genitalia curtains like a giant sanitary pad, worn with horses’ hooves.

8. Jon Hamm, American actor, wearing Tom Ford.

This is officially a pity. Jon is a handsome man, but even he was defeated by this snug-fitting, satin suit like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. Questions also had to be asked about the white sneakers and the grey poloneck. And the answer to both was ‘no’.

9. Jorja Smith, British singer, wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier.

The colours were great, and WTF quite enjoyed the matching Three Musketeer boots. But not the shadow of death around the minge and running down her inner thighs. Yurgle.

10. Lauren Goodger, British celebritee, wearing Oh Polly!

This is more a case of “Oh Dear!’. Those tits are deeply improbable and the last time that WTF saw lips like that, they were attached to a four-wheel drive. As for the onesie, there was more lace on Harry Styles’ shirt collar. Cheap and nasty. It is time for Lauren to go away and do something useful with her life.

11. Lizzo, American rapper and singer. 

There was probably a good reason why Lizzo stepped out in public looking a pantomime boy in an avante-garde production of The Sleeping Beauty set in a Spanx factory. It is just that WTF has no idea what it was. The hair and makeup, however, were tops.

12. Retta, American comedienne and singer.

WTF does not even know what this was supposed to be. But whatever it was supposed to be, it probably got Retta a bigger laugh than any of her punchlines. Unless her intention was to look like a raffia doll left out in the rain.

13. Richard Malone, Irish fashion designer, wearing himself.

Richard looked like a third rate bullfighter with a late growth spurt, and he needs to tailor his trousers better, because these suffered from elephant vagina syndrome. As for the platform boots, WTF had a pair of those in the 1970’s, only not nearly as ugly – or as high. They were from Sacha, long gone, and were so tight that they left indentations on your calves for hours after they had been taken off.

14. Ricky Rebel, American singer-songwriter and Trump toady.

What was it with raffia this year? That was not a top and the lace cloak was preposterous, but the penis peepholes were plain offensive. Just. Go. Away.

15. Shaun Ross, American model, wearing an outfit of his own design.

He appeared to be covered in Maltesers after the chocolate has been sucked off them. How did he sit down without extreme discomfort around his nether regions?

16. Tommy Dorfman, American actor, wearing Martin Margiela.

More male crotch. The outfit was fine as far as it went, save for the Pan Am air stewardess hat from the 1960s, and the ‘ickle candy clutch with thumb hole, which had nothing to do with the price of fish. But it did not go far enough, to whit a total absence of anything even vaguely resembling trousers, affording us a glimpse of his crotch. Further, blue lips are never a good idea on anyone because they make you look cyanotic.

OK Readers, now it is your turn to do the work. You have sixteen spew-making specimens to choose from. GET VOTING!!!!

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Lesley from Devon. who is appalled by Dr Stella Immanuel, who is madder than a box of frogs with mental issues.

Dr Immanuel was born in Cameroon, trained in Nigeria and practices medicine in Houston, Texas. She is also a preacher at the Divine Church of the Raving Mad, and espouses the view that female ailments are as a result with nighttime nookie with incubi. Yet President Trump retweeted her endorsement of using  hydroxychloroquine for treating coronavirus (she is a paediatrician, not an epidemiologist). When her unusual views were put to him, he declared both that he thought her impressive and her views important, and that he knew nothing about her. To be frank, BOTH of them Have Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments, and please don’t forget your sizzling suggestions for It’s Got To Go and for the celebrity fashion retrospective. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, be careful and wash your hands. x

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WTF Spot the Rhino Special

Hallo Readers,

 

Until recently, President Trump thought that a Rino meant ‘Republican In Name Only’, an epithet he uses to describe any member of the GOP who has the temerity to disagree with him. But now the rhino (with an h) has taken on a new significance. Look at the three animals above. PRESIDENT TRUMP CAN NAME ALL OF THEM! ALL OF THEM! Yes, really. And not only can he do  that, but he can repeat back five words given to him, AND THEN DO IT AGAIN 10 MINUTES LATER!!! Yes, really. And there is more! When he repeated the words back the second time, his doctors were so astonished at his accomplishment, they told him ‘that was amazing, Sir’.   They were amazed because, ‘nobody gets it in order, it’s actually not that easy’.

But it is. It is not meant to to be hard. The purpose of these questions, known as the Montreal Cognitive Assessment Test, is to determine whether someone might be suffering from early Alzheimer’s or have had a stroke. But to hear Trump describe it, you would think that it is the test to become a Fellow of All Souls, Oxford, or the viva for a PhD. When interviewed last week by Fox News’ Chris Wallace (who, despite whom he works for, is actually a proper journalist), Trump bristled at the suggestion that the test was not actually ‘very hard’ and insisted that Wallace would not have done as well as he had, and would have been unable to answer the last five questions. These ask the subject to name the date, the year, the month,  the place and the city.  It would not be going out on a limb to suggest that Wallace, a Harvard graduate, probably would have found the correct replies – eventually. Trump is now demanding that his rival for the Presidency, Joe Biden, take the same test because, in his view, he (Biden) ‘does not know he’s alive’ and has ‘lost it’. Biden has yet to respond. Would he pass it? One hopes so.

Trump may be able to recognise a rhino, count backwards from 100, and  know that he is in Washington DC, but surely the role of President demands something more than being, as he described it, ‘cognitively there’?  Even if he is, which is a matter open to question. This is a man who talked about that well-known African country ‘Nambia’; who referred to rioting in ‘Mindianapolis’; who thought that Helsinki was in Russia; who called Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple, ‘Tim Apple’; and who described how the soldiers fighting the War of Independence ‘manned the airports’. In 1776. This is a man who can barely read from a teleprompter, who refuses to read any brief longer than a couple of pages, if he reads it at all, which he often does not,  and who spends 8-10 hours a day watching Fox News or tweeting. Stephen Hawking, he is not. He is lazy, ignorant, and lacking in any intellectual curiosity.  He regularly puffs books on Twitter but it is wholly unlikely that he has ever read one, at least not all the way though. Even if it is about him.

America is being ravaged by COVID, racism and a struggling economy. The next President needs to have more about him than the ability to recognise wild animals. He needs to be more interested in running the country than in boasting about his intellectual acuity. And Donald Trump is not that man.

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Next week will bring you the legendary WTF Summer Stinker Poll. Despite a short timespan of people going out and about in 2020 before the plague confined us all indoors, WTF can guarantee you an absolutely ghastly selection.

This week’s retrospective of weird wear features sportsmen and sportswomen but excluding footballers, whom we have already featured a few weeks back. We start in December 2012 with Olympic silver medal-winning gymnast, Louis Smith, clad in Vivienne Westwood Man.

Louis is a good-looking man but this suit was a dud. The jacket was too short, the crotch was not so much dropped as collapsed, and the trewsies were too long. Plus his bow-tie was more crooked than the Soprano family. He looked like a member of the Nation of Islam.

In May 2014, Olympic gold medallist snowboarder Jamie Anderson went to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner wearing this. Do not adjust your eyeballs,

It is possible that there is a more unflattering dress somewhere out there in the world. Luckily, WTF has been blessed enough never to have seen it. It was unfinished around the tits  and it had a minge waterfall. The whole effect was of skin peeling after too long in the sunshine.

 In August 2014, Rory McIlroy showed off his US Masters trophy at Manchester United’s home ground, Old Trafford.

What the hell was that suit? To call it putrid is to be kind. Even legendary racing pundit and TV personality, the late John McCririck, would have thought that pattern was too over-the-top. And red socks? 

We are now in August 2016 with our Olympic British women’s cycling team, namely Katie Archibald, Joanna Rowsell-Shand, Elinor Barker and Laura Trott wearing their Stella McCartney-designed cycling gear. 

Why have they got codpieces???? Was Stella inspired by Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange?

In June 2017, boxer Chris Eubank went to Ascot. Scroll down slowly.,…

What nonsense was this? He looked like the love-child of Fred Astaire and a Victorian coachman, and he appeared to have stuffed the entire contents of his sock drawer into his very snug jeans.

September 2017 saw golfer Rickie Fowler at the Kentucky Derby looking very remarkable.

This might just have fallen into the category of novelty clothing, with the jacket decorated with little horsies, but the preponderance of vomit green, worn with a pink, blue, and white jacket, was like an explosion of sweeties in their wrappers.

October 2017 saw British tennis player Heather Watson at the premiere of the tennis movie Battle of the Sexes. She was almost wearing Amanda Wakeley.

How do I hate this? Let me count the ways….. strap marks, arse-cheeks, hideous shoes, and her designer label peeking out.

In March 2018, Olympic gold medallist skater Adam Rippon popped up at the Oscars wearing Moschino.

WTF likes Adam, who as an openly gay man refused to hob-nob with the obsequious, homophobic Vice President Mike Pence. But even that principled stand cannot make her forgive him for having gone out in public looking like the Gimp from Pulp Fiction.

We are now at the ESPYS, the American sports awards, in July 2018  with American footballer Jalen Mills.

A three piece suit without a shirt, not even of any kind, just looked ridiculous, especially when worn with matchy-matchy sneakers, a heavy gold chain, and what appeared to be a dead frog on his head. The colours were like an exotic bird.

The same event also gave us basketball player JaVale McGee wearing Gucci.

The suit was silly, like a floral meadow at night,  and his trousers were engaged  in a stand-up row with his sockless ankles. As for the bag, WTF wholly concurs with the tweet posted at the time from a JaVale fan observing, ‘I get that it’s Gucci or whatever but do you really gotta put that shit on your waist n all, u could’ve just left it in the car or some shit. That’s why they got Pockets for that stuff’. Seconded.

And another one from the ESPYS that year, Olympic gold medallist skier Lindsey Vonn (an ex of Tiger Woods), wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello.


To be fair, this is a lot less mingy than Michael’s usual offerings, i.e. it is at least covered up. If a pair of shiny pantyhose went to a fancy dress party as Batman, this is what is what it would look like.

And finally, we are in April 2019 with former American footballers Vince Wilfork (left) and DeAngelo Williams.   

Vince is dressed  like a Keralan fisherman with a sense of humour, whilst De Angelo resembles an extra from Strictly Come Dancing.

 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sam, who felt compelled to send in a picture of these foul denim shorts, which were brought to HER attention by her friend Harriet.

As Sam observes, these are shorts with a zip over the arse crack. They are as ugly  as sin and they probably leave horrible marks on your bum. Sam is right. They’ve Got To Go

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments, and please don’t forget your sizzling suggestions for It’s Got To Go and for the celebrity fashion retrospective. Let us meet again next Friday for the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2020. Be good, be careful and wash your hands. x

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF School Special


Hallo Readers,o

The useless, fact-free, science-denying pair of Boris Johnson and Donald Trump  are determined to force children back to school. Because if the children do not go back to school, many of their parents cannot go back to work. And if parents cannot go back to work, or continue to work from home, shops, cafes, restaurants and Pret A Manger will wither on the vine because no one will be in them. And if shops, cafes, restaurants and Pret A Manger wither on the vine because no one will be in them, the economy will fail. This is even more important for Trump because his election strategy is largely based on a booming economy with a double-side-helping of racism and idolatry for long-dead, slave-owning, traitors.

Sadly, not only do Johnson and Trump have absolutely no idea how to get kids safely back to school but their respective Cabinet Ministers for Education have no idea where to find their own bottom, not even when equipped with a pair of hands, a map and a mirror. In the UK, education has been delegated to Frank Spencer lookalikey and soundalikey, Gavin Williamson, a man for whom the word ‘gormless’ would be complimentary. Williamson bolted forth from obscurity in November 2017 when Theresa May made him Secretary of State for Defence. As Williamson was her Chief Whip, it was thought that he must have had the goods on her, whatever those goods may have been. Eighteen months later, in May 2019, he suffered the indignity of being sacked for leaking and then lying about the leaking, but was reinstated to a Cabinet post by Boris Johnson in July of that year and given the education brief. How children are supposed to go back into already-overcrowded classrooms and maintain a safe distance from each other and their teachers is unclear. At least it is unclear to Williamson, but we are to take it on trust that he has a plan. He is always about to unveil the plan, although like Trump’s evidence that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, and Billy Bunter’s postal order, we are still waiting. And we will go on waiting long past the time when these kids are having their own kids and grandkids because, to use that fine old Yorkshire expression (he hails from the county), he is a twonk.

But there is good news for Williamson. Compared to his American counterpart Betsy DeVos, he is Aristotle, Confucius, Euclid and Socrates rolled into one. DeVos is the daughter, sister and wife of billionaires and donated a lot of money to Trump’s election campaign, thereby securing her the job of looking after the States’ education, despite her intense dislike and suspicion of State education. It is like putting a vegan in charge of farming (oh, hang on – Jeremy Corbyn did just that). DeVos is also insistent that children must go back to school. When asked what her plan was, she was clear – children must go back to school. It was pointed out to her, repeatedly, this was not a plan, it was an order. DeVos was not deterred by such nonsense.  She had a plan. Her plan was that other people should come up with a plan.  Which, to be fair, is a plan. Just not a very good one.

These two – four, if you include their bosses – should not be in charge of a kindergarten tombola  let alone the education, health and wellbeing of millions of children. Of course children need education but they also need to stay healthy, and even if they themselves do not become ill, they can pass it onto others who could. But the economy trumps that minor consideration. For shame.

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WTF’s dad used to rant on (we’re all like that in our family) about untalented people infesting the television (this was in the days before social media) and how this was ‘the apotheosis of the untalented’. Thank Heaven he is not still alive to witness the Z-Listers who are famous for being famous, or, even worse, famous for being attached to someone famous. They are a shower, freeloading their way from party to party and premiere to premiere with all the other Z-Listers. Since none of them have anything to say, who knows what they talk about? Anyway, here is a glimpse at some of their worst fashion faux pas. We start in December 2012 with Nancy Dell’Olio attending the GQ Awards in London.

Ah, Nancy! A qualified lawyer in Italy, she sprang to public attention in 2001, when she came to the UK as the partner of hopeless, overpaid, Sven Goran Eriksson who was the new England football manager. Nancy was everywhere, flashing the flesh and displaying a particular penchant for cameltoe.  This hideous outfit displayed a great deal of tired-looking tit while her makeup made her look like an Egyptian shabti.

In March 2014, fashionista Daphne Guinness  was seen parading around New York in this extraordinary ensemble.

What is the purpose of wearing a fur gilet while simultaneously exposing your thighs to the elements in tiny shorts and suspenders over tights?  As for those ridiculous hooves, apart from constituting a serious health hazard, they are as ugly as anything WTF ever did see in her life. Black Beauty lives…..

In January 2015, TOWIE nonentities  Tommy Mallet (left) and Mario Falcone were out and about in London.

If you were to count their collective brain cells, you would not even need both hands. Mari0 could be described as dapper, but Tommy’s trousers were so snuggly that there was no need to ask which side he dresses. Yurgle. And this was also the beginning of the hideous no-sock trend on orange feet.

October 2014 saw ‘author’ (also model, celebritee and serial divorcée)  Katie Price at the launch of ‘her’  novel, ‘Make My Wish Come True’. Which she did not pretend to have written.

Katie’s chest has gone up and down more often that the US Stock Market in the wake of Covid19. At this point, it was up, in the sense that the dome of St Paul’s Cathedral is up. It was as if the Mitchell Brothers from EastEnders were hiding in her bodice,


In November 2015, we saw Charlotte Dawson parading around Manchester in this.

It is to be hoped that Charlotte’s hair was draped across her face out of a sense of shame, but this was not the likely explanation, given that Charlotte’s only raison d’être, other than being the daughter of comic Les Dawson, is to put horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment. This was a perfect example of genitalia curtains, creating the impression that she was having a pee.  And no, you are NOT getting a comparison picture. It’s breakfast time.

Here we are in May 2016 with former WAG Lizzie Cundy.

Lizzie used to be married to footballer Jason Cundy, who left her for an opera singer (no, truly). She is more ubiquitous than a maskless shopper in a London supermarket and WTF harbours serious doubts that Lizzie owns a knife and fork as she is always out and about, usually attired in outfits like this one and showing her all.  If a net curtain went to a fancy dress party as Lizzie Cundy, no one would blink an eyelid.

In January 2017, Lady Victoria Hervey  appeared at a BAFTAs party in Los Angeles. She is another one who gets everywhere.

Milady is the daughter of a previous Marquess of Bath, and er, that’s it. She is as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike. This outfit was, to say the least, unflattering to her gaunt figure, with more bones on show than in an ossuary, not to mention a lot of cameltoe.

In March 2017, the ‘star’ of Geordie Shore Marnie Simpson tottered around Newcastle in this.

Grimy Grandpa goes to Gateshead. Horrible.

We are now in January 2018, where we find TOWIE person Bobby Norris at the National Television Awards in London.

Bobby is best remembered for his foul cocksock, but we have all seen enough of that particular item, and he looks just as terrible in clothes. Here he is, the Grays geisha.

October 2018 saw another ghastly outing from ex-TOWIE nobody, Lauren Goodger.

She left the series. Her former fiancé is now  a TV presenter married to a talented and pretty actress, but true fame has eluded Lauren, whereupon she became ever more desperate, going under the knife again and again and choosing ever sheerer outfits. Like this. 

Finally, another one from Geordie Shore. In January 2019, Chloe Ferry went out in Newcastle dressed like this. That is her boyfriend Sam. 

This was not so much under-boob as thunder-boob, and of course we had the dreaded nip slip. This is what happens when you venture out with your top half wrapped only in a tiny fuchsia bandage.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado  Jan, locked down in Melbourne, Australia  (again), who sent in this absolutely revolting picture of how not to wear a mask.

WARNING – THIS IS DEEPLY, DEEPLY, HORRIBLE!!

AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST WARNING!!!!!

Last week  WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh complained that It’s Got To Go had gone. Well, this week it is back, and Yvonne might wish that the clock had been rolled back to 10 July. That will teach her.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do keep those comments coming in, which keep WTF cheery.  And please do not forget both your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your nominations for the fashion retrospectives. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, STAY INDOORS AND/OR DISTANCED IF YOU CAN, AND WASH YOUR HANDS  x

 

 

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WTF Blame Game Special

Hallo Readers,

Welcome to another edition of ‘No, I Didn’t Say That’, the popular political game where Boris Johnson says one thing in the morning, has it explained away in a wholly different light by his spokespersons at No 10 within the hour and then denies ever having said it at all before lunchtime the next day. This is a franchise of the American version ‘Trumpy Says Fake News’,  where the tangerine-faced moron who is President of the United States denies everything, even though it is on tape, and then blames all and any of MSM, George Soros, President Obama, Joe Biden, Antifa, Black Lives Matter, Liberals, Mexican caravans and anyone who isn’t white.  In our UK version, the lovable mop-haired Prime Minister is less aggressive than Mr Tangerine Man but just as mendacious, and the bigger the scandal,  the more mendacious he becomes. And there is no bigger scandal than the deaths of 20,000 elderly care home residents who died from Covid-19. Blind Pugh could have seen it coming. It was clear from the earliest stages that the most affected  the elderly and the medically vulnerable (in many cases, this was the same thing) and that the virus could be spread by close contact. It was obvious that residents of care homes, living and dining together, and being looked after by carers who go in and out of those homes into the virus-ridden community, would be at serous risk. But the Government ignored care homes for a long time; it did not publish the death figures for deaths in those homes until shamed into it; it did not provide enough PPE; and because it did not provide enough testing, it allowed people to go in and out of hospital and then back to care homes without testing them, thus spreading the virus into and within those homes. And nearly 20,000  (1 in 20 of those resident in care homes) have died. So far.

So what did our Glorious Leader do? He blamed the care homes and the carers, people, predominantly women, working for low wages and risking their lives to do so. Indeed, 257 of them have died. Many of them had no more than a crappy apron, a few pairs for gloves and maybe a low-quality mask, and 257 of them died, but Johnson said that it was their fault because ‘Too many care homes did not really follow the procedures in the way that they should have….’. Once the horror of this had sunk in, Downing Street explained that what he had meant was that there were different procedures at that time. That was greeted with outrage as well, given that the Nation may be beaten and bedraggled by the last few months, but it still has ears and can understand basic English. So it was even more outraged when Johnson stood up in the House of Commons and told Keir Starmer that he had never blamed the care workers at all. He professed that ‘the last thing I wanted to do is to blame them or for them to think that I was blaming them ….No one knew that the virus was passed asymptomatically in the way that it is that that is why the guidance and procedure changed’. Er….they did know that.  That, as Starmer pointed out, was known at the early stages of the pandemic. Everyone knows that this Government cocked it up, and cocked it up big. Johnson of course was not having it, because he loves and admires carers and he put up the Living Wage!  How dare Starmer blame this Government? Anyone would think that it had been in power for a decade. Oh, hang on…..

Incompetence is bad. Lying about it is worse. Pretending that the Government has done a good job is worse still. Like Mr Tangerine Man across the ocean, Johnson just cannot handle the truth. But we know what the truth is. 

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This week, our fashion retrospective features male singers various who have appalled us over the past 8 years with their foul fashion faux pas. We start our survey in December 2012 with Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. Yes, he is on stage, but with him, it really makes absolutely no difference. He probably wears this to go shopping.

If Janis Joplin went to a fancy dress party as a Native American Chief, this is what she would have looked like.

In August 2013  2Chainz (né Tauheed Epps) ventured forth in head to toe Versace.

No wonder his head is bent forward like that – look at the weight of those chains! It is a wonder that his head is not at floor level. As it is, he looks like a Versace-clad Mayoral Sir Dick Whittington, but without the cat. And Sir Dick would never have worn a baseball cap back to front, even had such a thing existed in the 14th century, which it didn’t.

Here we are in October 2013 with Pharrell Williams in a hotchpotch of nonsense.

WTF can only surmise that the fire alarm went off and Pharrell grabbed whatever he could in the pitch darkness and put in on as he ran downstairs to safety. Because why else would you go out looking like a pile of charity discards?

In June 2015, Will Young went to Glastonbury. 

Dear Lord! What on earth was he wearing? Was he going for the Edwardian bather in hobnail boots look? And if he was going for that look, why was he going for that look? Putrid.

In August 2016, Elton John and his husband David Furnish (the one behind him with a beard) went strolling around P0rto Cervo in Sardinia.

WTF has never been a fan of a shorts suit, which is a bit Empire Customs’ official, but at least (i) officials do not have a choice other than to wear it and (ii) theirs are in khaki or some other muted hue. Elton looked like the love child of a grasshopper and a leprechaun, the fit was deplorable and he is about 50 years too old to wear a shirt with matching trainers. As from the brooch, it was last seen on Her Majesty the Queen.

November 2016 introduced us to Cole Whittle from DNCE.

Make that DUNCE. Whatever he was wearing, he should not have been wearing it, a sort of wizard’s plumbing assistant in snow boots. WTF also remains mystified by the red thing across his neck….. is it a magic wand? If so, it was a pity he did not make himself disappear.

We are in February 2017 at the Grammys, where we feast our eyes on Ceelo Green.

To be fair to Ceelo, he was wearing a costume for his new alter ego, Gnarly Davidson.  But he still went out in public looking like a giant knob, and a gold one at that….

In November 2017 Machine Gun Kelly went to the AMAs.

There is painterly and there is a prattish. Jackson Pollock, eat your heart out…..

We have arrived at June 2018 where we find Harry Styles, formerly of One Direction, wearing Gucci.

Last week we had Gucci designer Alessandro Michele looking like a Laura Ashley wet dream, and now we have Harry epitomising that wet dream in Laura’s vintage thistle print. WTF hates the whole thing, from the absurd lapels to the nappy-style fit of the bell-bottom, too-long trouser. And is he brushing his teeth? 

Here we are at the Attitude Awards in London in October 2018 and this is Sam Smith.

No one should ever wear lace trousers, whether in bottle green or any other shade whatsoever, not even at all, and certainly not with a matching bed jacket, like a lactating new mother, paired with black brogues. Absolutely frightful. WTF is as horrified at this as when she first saw it nearly two years ago….

In December 2018, Kanye West, the next President of the United States, attended 2Chainz’s wedding accompanied by his wife, future FLOTUS Kim Kardashian. Kanye was wearing Louis Vuitton but the real horrors are on his feet and ankles, namely slides from his own Yeezy collection ($150) and socks.

WTF does not approve of suits without a shirt or t-shirt, and while the colour was nice, the cut was not. But the slides, which do not even fit, were an outrage.

Apparently, Kanye was following the Japanese way. We know this because he told us so.  ‘Your heal (sic) should extend 1-2 cm off the back of the wooden sole’.  Or maybe you should just choose bigger slides. And then keep them in the wardrobe when attending someone else’s wedding. In the unlikely event that Kanye does become the 46th President, he will at least have something in common with the 45th – neither of them can spell.

We conclude in November 2019 at the AMAs with Lil’ Nas X.

This outfit was the spawn of a frog and a tiger. With most unfortunate results. And those shoes were the absolute pits. And the gloves. And the earring……..

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. No room for It’s Got To Go this week. Keep sending in your comments, which put a spring into WTF’s wearied step, and please don’t forget your scintillating suggestions for It’s Got To Go  and your nominations for the fashion retrospectives. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, BE CAREFUL OUT THERE AND KEEP WASHING YOUR HANDS!. x

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WTF Mask Special

Hallo Readers,

‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. Oh, and the right to infect other people with COVID19’.

The Founding Fathers provided for irresponsible spreading of germs. And made sure that right was documented.In the UK we have no written constitution, but we do have the European Convention of Human Rights (to which we are still a signatory, despite the belief of certain Brexiteers). That guarantees us the rights to freedom of speech, expression and religious belief.  And that, it seems, gives boneheads the right to spread contagion in the name of liberty. And, it appears, the Almighty. In the US, there have been extraordinary scenes where Libertarians various (i.e. morons) have protested their unalienable right not to wear a mask on the grounds that ‘it kills people’ and that it interferes ‘with God’s wonderful breathing system’. Doctors might tell you that COVID19 is bad for God’s wonderful breathing system, in that it stops you breathing. But the anti-maskers are adamant. WTF is unaware of the passage in the Bible which forbids wearing a mask, but what does she know? She can’t find the bit about shooting kiddies at random either, but it seems that God is big on that one too.

Donald Trump, of course, does not like wearing a mask. He considers it unpresidential, unlike, for example, having a face the colour of a satsuma or retweeting pensioners shouting ‘White Power’ or accusing cable news network hosts of murder. He considers that it shows weakness, this from a #bunkerboy cowering in the White House basement and then tear-gassing peaceful protesters in order to clear the way for a stroll to a church he doesn’t worship at and holding a Bible he doesn’t read. And so his idiot supporters also scorn wearing one. They convene at his rallies and firework displays without one, only to go down like ninepins a few days later. ‘Dulce e decorum est pro Trumpium mori…..’

Over here, people are equally as dumb. Last week, hundreds of thousands of people crowded onto the Beach at Bournemouth, the Boca Raton of the South,  spreading out their towels and their sausage roll picnics inches from the next set of sun-worshippers. Public toilets were not open and so they peed and shat anywhere and everywhere like incontinent puppies. There was not a mask in sight, not even to use as loo paper. One chap, half-man, half-lobster, and clearly the Emeritus Professor of Epidemiology at Trump University (in liquidation), was interviewed on the telly. ‘Well’, quoth he, ‘I suppose there will be a second wave after this, innit? I mean, I dunno really, I don’t know no one what’s had it”.  Yup. Professor Brainstorm does not know any of those 517,000 people who have died of the virus across the world, so it isn’t really a thing, right? And this weekend, pubs and restaurants, hairdressers and cinemas will be opening for business and there is no law requiring anyone to wear a mask. What could possibly go wrong?

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In Luke 24 it is recounted how Jesus said unto whomsoever it was He said it unto, “Ye will surely say unto me this proverb, Physician, heal thyself: whatsoever we have heard done in Capernaum, do also here in thy country”. Following His guidance, WTF has an occasional series called ‘Physician, heal thyself’  featuring fashion designers looking like a sack of shit in their own stuff.  So let us consider them over the past eight years, starting in August 2012 with Chanel designer Karl Lagerfeld in Cannes.

Karl was always creepy, bless him, but this is really creepy, like the love child of Nosferatu and the Swedish chef from The Muppets. And those trousers were so snug that the zip had gone for a walk and ended up several inches away from where it should have been.

In November 2012 Stella McCartney attended (and won a prize at) the British Fashion Awards.

Stella looked like a cross between one of the Seven Dwarves and a rhinestone scuba diver who has farted in her wetsuit.

In October 2013, Nadine Merabi was seen at a charity ball organised by Manchester United in this creation, as a result of which she was a the runaway winner of the 2013 WTF Summer Stinker award. Easy now…..  THIS IS BAD!!!

MAJOR MINGE MOMENT ALERT!!  Readers will be unsurprised to learn that Nadine’s clientele consists of soap stars, WAGS and celebritees various, all anxious to flash the flesh in bits of mesh with embroidery providing faux pubes over your newly waxed lady parts. The colour of the embroidery brings to mind Stormy Daniels’ memorable description of Donald Trump’s ‘yeti pubes’, and that seam is downright ugly.

 

 

Here we are in August 2014 at the Video Music Awards, where we encounter persistent offender Jeremy Scott, Creative Designer of Moschino. 

Well this was colourful. Mind you, so is vomit. If a rubber duck went to a fancy dress party as a ringmaster, this is what it would look like.

 

In November 2015 Alessandro Michele,  Creative Designer of Gucci, popped up at the British Fashion Awards in this ridiculous suit,

He wore a ribbon tie like John Wayne visiting a Western saloon, and the suit HAD MATCHING SHOES!!!!! The whole thing was a Laura Ashley wet dream.

In December 2015, we came across Ralph Lauren with his wife, photographer and author Ricky Lauren. 

Which one of them forgot to pack their trousers? Did they have a fight about which of them was going to wear the only available pair? Did Ralph give up the bottom half of his suit to his wife, like Sir Walter Raleigh laying down his cloak for Queen Elizabeth?

In December 2017, the British Fashion Awards welcomed young Brit designer Matty Dovan.

Matty thought it would be a really good idea to pitch up dressed as a rag-doll version of Madame Butterfly. Why he thought it, WTF cannot say. 

In February 2019, Tommy Hilfiger and his wife Dee Ocleppo (who is also a designer) turned up at the Grammys. 

It was Tommy who dressed his Worldwide Clothing Ambassador Lewis Hamilton in that very silly kilt causing WTF aficionado and patriotic Scot Martyn to spit out his porridge. This suit is even worse, as there is a lot more tartan. Tommy looks like a one-man version of the Tartan Army.

In December 2019 Donatella Versace came to the British Fashion Awards

The dress would have been lovely on someone with a 32AA cup  and the colour was gorgeous. But there was a distressing amount of spilth around the tit department, like raspberry soufflés tumbling out of their ramekins.

We conclude in February 2020 and Richard Malone at the BAFTAs held at the Royal Albert Hall in London.

You what? Really? Was he going bullfighting? Frankly, the combination of the elephant-vagina crotch, the too-short trousers and those frightful platform boots left one rooting for the bull.

 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF who continues to be outraged by Propaganda Barbie aka Kayleigh McEnany, the White House Press Secretary. The so-called Christian has continued to lie her head off to comical effect. This week she assured an aghast Press Corps that Trump was ‘the best informed person on Planet Earth when it comes to the threats we face’. Yeah and WTF is the tooth fairy…..

However, what chiefly caused Kayleigh’s return to this section was her hair parting. What is going on in that parting? Admittedly all of us have hair a lot less good that it was pre-COVID lockdown, but few of us look like something has d(r)ied on our head. WTF chooses not to speculate what it was in there, but whatever it was, It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do keep those comments coming in, which keep WTF cheery.  And please do not forget both your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your nominations for the fashion retrospectives. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, STAY INDOORS AND/OR DISTANCED IF YOU CAN, AND WASH YOUR HANDS  x

 

 

 

 

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WTF Whoops, Sorry Special

Hallo Readers,

In series 2 of the original Spitting Image, the Almighty appeared and sang Whoops, Sorry, I Cocked It Up Again’,  including the line ‘Why Did I let Timmy Mallet get to Number 1′?. Frankly, the Tory Party should ditch ‘Land Of Hope and Glory’ and adopt the Spitting Image song, because the cock ups keep coming. We’ve had Dominic Cummings on a sixty mile drive to test his eyesight, the total mishandling of the Covid-19 crisis, and now smarmy Robert Jenrick caught with his Ministerial trousers down. Jenrick overruled a local authority to grant planning permission to Billionaire Richard Desmond, and did so in time for Desmond to avoid an additional £40m in local taxes. Desmond and Jenrick had met at a Tory fundraising dinner, swapped mobile numbers like lovestruck teenagers, and then kept in touch with the rebarbative Desmond stating that he did not wish ‘to give his doe (sic) to Marxists’, a reference to Tower Hamlets Borough Council,  the poorest and most deprived council in Europe. Jenrick has since acknowledged that his intervention was unlawful for its appearance of bias and planning permission has been set aside, to be decided by someone else. And it now appears that Johnson was at the same dinner and had also played metaphorical footsie with Desmond.  But Johnson, as he did with Cummings, has declared that there is nothing to see here and that the matter is closed. 

Donald Trump once famously declared that he could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and Republicans would still vote for him. Similarly, one is bound to ask what on earth do you have to do in this Government to get the sack? Lying is clearly not a problem, nor could it be with Johnson at its helm. Breaking lockdown is not a problem. Running the department that grants planning permission to someone you chatted to over noisettes d’agneau à la Thatcher and apricot clafoutis gets you Prime Ministerial support. WTF is worried that Ministers will have to up their game to get the push and will start staging armed robberies of Bond Street jewellers or torturing cats. 

In contrast, Labour Leader Keir Starmer sacked his former rival for the post, Rebecca Long-Bailey, from her Shadow Education brief after she tweeted an interview in The Independent with actress Maxine Peake, who had suggested à propos of George Floyd, that the US Police had taken seminars in chokeholds from the Israeli Defence Forces. This was bollocks and Peake has since admitted she was wrong. Starmer took the view that antisemitic conspiracy theories should not be endorsed, even indirectly, by a member of his Shadow Front Bench, and anyway it gave him a chance to give her the heave-ho, which he seized with alacrity. WTF has not spared her criticism of the Labour Party’s mishandling of antisemitism, but wonders whether this could not have been better handled, with more negotiation and less virtue signalling. Long-Bailey was tone-deaf, given Starmer’s determination to rebuild relations with the Jewish community, and  she should have disavowed Peake’s statement on the IDF whilst endorsing her pro-Labour comments, but surely he should have sat down with her first? So the week ends with one prominent politician still in situ and another in shittu. Funny old game, politics……..

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Just for a change, today we turn our back on celebrity fashion and concentrate on the very best, or should that be worst, of the feature we began in 2014 called It’s Got To Go.  Loyal readers send in things that are getting on their nerves. This can be a politician, or some poncy food matter like the absurd tendency to serve food on things other than plates, or dodgy clothing items, and sometimes they come with photos. Read on. And be prepared to be shocked. As in needing a defibrillator shocked……

In June 2014, WTF aficionado David complained about Thom Browne’s new line of suits, as modelled here by the designer himself, composed of ridiculous shorts worn with shrunken jackets and brogues without socks. Kill me now.

He looks ridiculous. The jacket is inspired by the ones worn by late comic Norman Wisdom, a man much revered in Albania where they have a statue of him. And Thom’s tie is more askew than Donald Trump’s polling figures.

In December 2014, WTF aficionado Michael from Sydney discovered this. WTF wishes that he had never done so. But he did. DEEP BREATH, NOW. IT’S ONLY A TROMPE L’OEIL.  Meet the Colombian Ladies Cycling Team.

There is only one question. WHY? Frankly, the answer provided by the designer, Angie Tatiana Rojos, does not quite cut it. ‘The patch of fabric covering the rider’s crotch and midriff is gold, not nude as the photo made it appear. It’s sad that it takes something like this for cycling, and women’s cycling in particular, to get this much press’. Yeah right. Give women faux-midriffs and a faux minge and then express surprise when people express surprise. Who knew that would happen?

In January 2015, WTF aficionados David, Jan and Trisha were all shocked, and with good reason, by designer Rick Owens sending male models down the runway with a bad case of penis peek. WARNING!!!!!! MALE GENITALIA ON PARADE!!  SKIP AHEAD IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU CAN NEVER UNSEE…….

Acording to Rick, ‘I thought it was the most simple, primal gesture—and you know I love a simply tiny, little gesture that packs the wallop’. Codswallop more like..…. No one wants to see a penis peephole. Yurgle.

In September 2015 WTF aficionado @GazaBoatConvoy shifted her attention from matters Palestinian to this disgusting backpack, known as the Scrote Tote.

Citizens have the right to go about their lawful business without being confronted with a giant scrotum, not to mention one much nearer to eye level than would normally be the case where two people are both standing up. As WTF aficionado Cath remarked, ‘Imagine being stuck in a tube carriage at rush hour with that inches from your face’. Indeed.

The following week, the Scrote Tote was challenged for awfulness by the late, lamented WTF aficionado Andrew Purnell, who sadly died last year. He produced these plastic bull testicles.

They are hung from the trailer hitch of your pick-up truck in Texas. You can buy them in a wide choice of colours, from realistic tans and browns through to pastels and winding up at bright fluorescent primary colours that glow in the dark. Just say no.

In March 2016 WTF aficionado Leslie brought this item to our appalled gaze – the cantaloupe panties.

This could possibly be one the worst things ever in the history of ever.  Made worse by the fact that the model’s bikini wax makes her look like a plucked chicken with freezer burn,

In May 2017, WTF aficionado Sarah complained about this ludicrous Chanel boomerang,

Indigenous Australians were unhappy at what they saw as cultural appropriation, not to mention a blatant ripoff. Chanel grovelled and issued a statement claiming that it ‘is extremely committed to respecting all cultures, and regrets that some may have felt offended’. Don’t you just hate it when someone ‘apologises’  without apologising? Chanel was not sufficiently sorry to withdraw this nonsense from sale. Not while there were people with more money than sense willing to pay £1,040 for it.

In June 2017, WTF aficionado Sally took extreme umbrage at these revolting Martin Margiela Tabi boots.

As Orwell put in at the end of Animal Farm, ‘The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.’ Sadly, these horrors are still hanging around on both men and women, most recently on actor Cody Fern at the Critics’ Choice Awards in 2019.

In August 2018, the wondrous Andrew Purnell again highlighted something totally disgusting – wait for it – Czech beer by ‘The Order of Yoni’.  made with ‘vaginal bacteria’.  Yes really.

The blurb for this devil’s brew reads: ‘A golden drink brewed with her lure and grace and flavored with wild instincts. Imagine a beer which every sip offers a rendez-vous with this hot woman of your dreams… she hugs you and kisses you gently, looking straight into your eyes… How much would you give for such a beer?.. ‘(Answer – zero. But I digress). ‘The beer containing quintessence of femininity….The secret of the beer lies in her vagina. Using hi-tech of microbiology, we isolate, examine and prepare lactic acid bacteria from vagina of a unique woman. The bacteria, lactobacillus, transfer woman’s features, allure, grace, glamour, and her instincts into beers and other products, turning them into dance with lovely goddess.’ WTF is not sure how to put this politely, but if you want something tasting of vagina, there are other ways of getting it. Just saying……

It is a relief to get to September 2018, when WTF aficionado Rebecca drew our attention to this horrible jeans jacket, sold by US department stores Nordstrom for £370. 

£370 is an awful lot of money to look as if you have rolled about in a pigsty. Were you to buy a denim jacket from Uniqlo and a train ticket to the countryside, you could find a farm, roll around in the pigsty yourself, and still have enough left over to get a decent wardrobe.

In April 2020, WTF aficionado Yvonne brought this Trump sandwich to light.

That pile of ham would make a better President than the idiot Trump and the mouth is giving WTF nightmares. As is this steak, which Yvonne noticed last week on Twitter as featured by Peter A Macdonald. Wait for it…….

As Yvonne remarked, if this does’t turn you vegan, nothing will.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do keep those comments coming in, which keep WTF cheery.  And please do not forget both your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your nominations for the celebrity fashion retrospectives. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, STAY INDOORS AND/OR DISTANCED IF YOU CAN, AND WASH YOUR HANDS  x

 

 

 

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WTF TRUMP GANG FASHION SPECIAL

Hallo Readers,

In 1980, Mrs Thatcher made a speech at the Tory Party Conference in which she declared ‘You turn if you want to – the lady’s not for turning’. This was a play on words based on Christopher Fry’s The Lady’s Not For Burning,  but Thatcher, who lacked any  sense of humour, had no idea this was meant to be a pun. In contrast, Boris Johnson’s Government has already performed more U-turns than Steve McQueen in that famous car chase in Bullitt. It was only a few weeks ago that Johnson refused to exempt migrant NHS health workers from the Immigration Health Surcharge,  only to change his mind 24 hours later. And this week, the wheels have just kept on spinning. First, having refused to provide free school lunches for needy children during the school holidays, Johnson then agreed to do this after a brief campaign by Manchester United and England striker Marcus Rashford.  The boy done good and stuck it in the back of the net, leaving Johnson looking like the legendary  goalkeeper invented by Private Eye, one-legged Wally Foot. Had this been at Old Trafford, supporters would have showered Johnson with orange peel and crisp packets and possibly the odd pound coin, before being escorted out by stewards and coppers shouting incomprehensibly about wrongful arrest.

That was bad enough, but there was more! Never settle for one screw-up when you can get two. Politics as BOGOF – buy one, get one free. Only this offer has cost Tim and Tilly Tosser, the taxpayers, over £108m. Three months ago, Matt Hancock, who is making a determined bid for Chris Grayling’s crown as the worst Minister ever in the history of ever, decided to invest in a coronavirus tracing app that was supposed to identify via their smartphones those who had been in close contact with someone infected. Those in the know about such things warned that the system would not work but Hancock ploughed ahead, only to throw in the towel this week. It appeared that the NHS App only recognised 4% of iPhones and 75% of Android phones, because phones go to sleep when not in use and cannot be re-activated by Bluetooth. Plus the App had trouble distinguishing between one metre (bad) and three metres (good) and so was about as useful as tits on a fish.  £108m has gone glug-glug-glugging down the plughole and the system that was supposed to be up and running by May 2020 will neither be up nor running full stop and it is back to square one. So it is another triumph for Matt Hancock, the man who promised you 100,000 tests by the start of May (nope) and for this shit-show of a Government. Don’t you feel proud to be British?

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This week’s fashion retrospective features the Trump Family and their associates and nochschleppers. What an absolute shower. Let us start with the first Mrs Trump, former Czech skier Ivana Trump.  Here she is in Miami in April  2016 wearing a most ill-advised outfit.

Despite an acrimonious divorce, she and her ex are on good terms, to the chagrin of the third Mrs Trump.  But then, Ivana did well in the settlement, receiving a 45-room mansion in Greenwich, Connecticut, an apartment in Trump Plaza, the use of Florida hell-hole Mar-a-Lago for one month every year, plus $14 million.  You can live on it. As for the dress, it looks like one of those experiments you do at school in physics class using a magnet and iron filings. And it is way too short for a woman of 67.

Next up, we have Trump shill Kellyanne  Conway, the woman who brought you the new concept of ‘alternative facts’. Indeed, everything Kellyanne says qualifies as an alternative fact, because it sure ain’t a real fact, or anything approximate to it. Kellyanne pitched up at the Trump inauguration in January 2017 in Gucci.


 This cost $3,600!!! $3,600 to resemble a toy soldier.

Talking of Mar A Lago, welcome to Miami on New Year’s Eve 2017, where we find hosts Donald Trump and Melania Trump  ready to welcome their guests to dinner and dancing. She is wearing Erdem.

For a man with money, it is surprising that Trump cannot find a tailor to make him a decent pair of trousers. Melania’s dress, like every single thing she wears, was far too tight around the tits and made her look like a Christmas tree bauble.

In June 2018, Melania Trump went to visit migrant kiddies locked up in cages in Texas wearing a parka by Zara retailing at $39 99, the back of which read ‘I Really Don’t Care, Do You?’. This went down like a cup of cold sick, and rightly so.

Opinion was divided between the interpretation that she was having a poke at Trump (the nearest he probably gets to one these days), and having a poke at the Media, which seems to be part of the Trump DNA.  But either way, should FLOTUS really have behaved like Kevin the Teenager?

Another year, another New Year’s Eve at Mar a Lago, with the whole Trump Family. Meet Trump’s younger son by Ivana, Eric Trump, and his wife Lara Lea Trump.

Eric’s principal function is to make village idiots feel better about themselves. Lara currently helps to run the Trump Re-Election campaign. Like all Trump females, she has long hair and looks ready to bake you an apple pie or punch your face in, depending on your political alliances. For some reason, she chose to see in 2019 dressed as a mermaid.

June 2019 saw the whole Trump family, apart from young Barron, his son with Melanoma, in the UK for a State Visit, where they attended a White Tie Dinner at Buckingham Palace.  

The problem with being a 300-lb slob is that you are not built for the short, tight, white waistcoat under the tailcoat. To wear one would reveal a mountain of stomach overhanging your trousers like an awning over a shop front. His tailor therefore knocked up this extra-long truss-waistcoat, which made him look like the love child of Carson the Butler from Downton Abbey and Percy the Penguin. And where was his wing collar?

Donald Trump Jr was also in attendance.

Another terrible look. That tailcoat would been fitted his dad. He looked like the love child of Carson the Butler and a fucking idiot.

Trump’s adored daughter Ivanka Trump  visited Westminster Abbey with husband Jared Kushner. She was wearing a suit and fascinator by Alessandra Rich (£3,000) and Gianvito Rossi pumps (£700).

These two have done very well financially out of their roles as Trump’s advisers, but they should both be given the Medal of Honor for services to plastic – Nepotism Barbie and boyfriend Ken made flesh. The suit is horrible but the real horror here was that thing on her head, like a giant incontinence pad.

To the delight of absolutely no one, the Trumps were back in the UK in December 2019. They popped into Buckingham Palace for tea, she in a yellow Valentino Cape and magenta Louboutins.

Never say these two have nothing in common. Their faces and her legs were both sprayed the most ridiculous shade of toxic orange, but his little trotter hands and her elegantly manicured ones are as pink and smooth as a baby piglet.

March 2020 saw Lara Trump and Don Jr’s girlfriend, ex-Fox News presenter Kimberley Guilfoyle,  at Mar A Lago to greet the Brazilian President and to celebrate Kim’s 51st birthday.

Kimberley, who is almost ten years older than her beau, is also part of the Trump Re-Election campaign and is very much out of central casting as far as Trump females are concerned. They both look ghastly, and could easily be part of a US version of Geordie Shore

Finally, here is Mr Tangerine Man himself in horrifying closeup.

 

No, sorry. No one has a face that colour. No one at all.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Honsa from West London, who has highlighted another Gwyneth Paltrow Goop horror coming onto the market. Following the appalling This Smells Like My Vagina candle, we now have….. the This Smells Like My Orgasm Candle. Yes, really.

According to the website blurb, there are whiffs of  ‘tart grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose absolutes for a scent that’s sexy, surprising, and wildly addictive.’  In WTF’s opinion, this smells like bullshit, and rip-off bullshit at that, as this nonsense retails for $75. It – and Gwyneth – have got to go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do keep those comments coming in, which keep WTF cheery.  And please do not forget both your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your nominations for the fashion retrospectives. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, STAY INDOORS AND/OR DISTANCED IF YOU CAN, AND WASH YOUR HANDS  x

 
 
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WTF George Special

Hallo Readers,

Two weeks after George Floyd died, demonstrations continue across the US and across the world. His killing has turned on a universal switch. People of colour are not prepared to see what happened to Floyd, and to many others before him, keep happening. They are tired of hearing about ‘bad apples’ and ‘things must change’. They are tired of seeing black men and women choked to death when arrested for not dimming their car lights, or for allegedly passing a dodgy $20 bill, or seeing them shot to death in their own apartments. They are tired of police officers getting away with murder. They are tired of being tired. And they are tired of us, the liberal white people, sympathising and asserting how we, the liberal white people, are not racist and how we feel their pain. Because talk is cheap, and they want more than words – they want change. And the liberal white people get it and they are also tired. 

What came out of Floyd’s death was the glimmer of understanding for us liberal white people of what it is like to be black in America, and, in particular, what it is like to be a black male in America. And the word is frightening. Frightening to see a cop approaching you, even if you are doing nothing wrong. Frightening to walk through a nice neighbourhood, even if you live in it. Frightening to drive a nice car, even if you own it.  Because there is a good chance that you will be stopped, and a chance that you may be shot or you may be arrested and choked to death, whether you are resisting arrest or not. And you know that the chances are that unless someone is filming the incident, or even if they are, your family will not get justice. The police will cover it up. The DA will be reluctant to prosecute because he or she knows that the might of the Police Union will sweep him or her out of elected office. The jury will be reluctant to prosecute because it wants to believe that the police really are there to support and serve. And so you become one more statistic on CNN and MSNBC, while Fox presenters and Twitter suggest that you are scum and that you had it coming.

But perhaps not this time.  Perhaps the sight of Floyd fighting for his last breath and calling for his mother, played and replayed on your TV and iPhone, has genuinely triggered a movement for change. And not just in the US.  And while you can argue that a pandemic is not the right time to cram together with or without masks, and whilst it is true that some people were just there to make trouble, the fact is that most people have been moved and angered and disgusted by Floyd’s plight. Perhaps Covid 19 has made us all realise how a chance encounter can take your life. But whatever it is, please God it prompts us all down a different and better path – and Donald Trump out of office.

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We need a laugh, and here it comes. This week, our fashion retrospective is rude rapper Nicki Minaj,  the gift that keeps on giving. Feast your eyes on these sartorial shockers. WARNING – You are advised to have the number of a healthcare professional on speed dial.

We begin in April 2012 where Nicki roamed around London wearing this. Whatever this was.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. This really was an actual  thing, as if Big Bird with tits and too short a skirt had got its head stuck inside a kaleidoscope.

June 2013 saw Nicki wearing this on her Pink Friday : Roman Reloaded (no, me neither) tour.

A better title might have been Barbie Goes Bonkerz. Apparently, Nicki is obsessed  by Barbie, calling her fans ‘Barbz’.  And what are those boots? She seemed to have been cemented into a brick wall in a flamingo enclosure.

May 2014 saw Nicki at a Memorial Day Event at the Mirage Hotel in Las Vegas, wearing a most remarkable ensemble.

Who knew renown Dutch graphic artist M C Escher designed rapper outfits? WTF certainly didn’t. It is unsurprising that Nicki chose to keep her large sunglasses on, in case she caught a glimpse of herself. One hopes there was a minion nearby with a jumbo pack of Tylenol.

In October 2015, Nicki was at a TIDAL event wearing a giant cobweb and tit tape.

One can only surmise that after reading Charlotte’s Web, Nicki decided to make an X-rated version and pitched up at TIDAL to seek out some backers.  There is another explanation of course, namely that she was barking mad. WTF is voting for option 2.

In October 2016, Nicki attended an American football game dressed like this.

Most people attend sporting events in jeans, tee-shirt, sweater and maybe a team scarf. Not Nicki….I mean, dressing as a dominatrix madea whole load of sense, right? Right? No, it didnt. It was insane.

March 2017 saw Nicki in Paris Fashion Week wearing a Mugler jacket and shorts by Givenchy. Careful now…..

The shorts were scrummy. The jacket was scummy, even if it had not also featured her tit bared to the world with a nipple pasty like an ultra-shiny band-aid. Mind you, Mugler may not have designed the jacket with tittage in mind.  She was also wearing ski-goggles, the purpose of which was not immediately apparent. Still, Sir Peter Lely would have approved. He was doing the one-tit look in 1618.

In August 2017, Nicky attended the VMAs wearing a latex onesie by Vex.

Like a shocking pink blow-up sex doll. Classy.

August 2018 saw Nicki at the VMAs, wearing Off White.

There is apparently a craze for turning up to fancy dress parties dressed as a condom. Yes really. Nicky was dressed as a swimsuit in a condom, complete with My Little Pony Hair.

 

September 2018 and Nicki was at Milan Fashion Week, wearing Fendi. 

You can tell it was Fendi because it had Fendi printed all over it like a stick of seaside rock. As for the sweater, it sported that vile trend of under boob, although had she raised her arms even a teeny, tiny, bit, it would have been a case of boob boob.

This next one is very very bad.  It is from 2019 with her then boyfriend, now husband, Kenneth Petty.

Oh Lord. I just can’t…Next!

Finally, we find ourselves in October 2019 at Milan Fashion Week, again wearing Fendi.

The good news is that she was wearing more than she usually does. The bad news is that she encased herself in some security grilles and had a kilo of carrots on her head.

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We have Nicki Barbie, and now this week’s It’s Got To Go is Propaganda Barbie, aka White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany.

 Having promised not to lie, not even at all, the devoutly Christian Propaganda Barbie immediately slipped into lying mode and has stayed in that lane without deviation or hesitation. Fresh from her triumph last week, when she compared Trump’s bible-waving stunt outside St John’s Church in Washington to Churchill visiting bombed-out Londoners during the Blitz, this week she defended her boss’ claim that a 75-year-old cancer victim, who was knocked to the ground by police in Buffalo, NY, had set the whole thing up and given himself a subdural hematoma,  and the next day  described Trump as someone with ‘the African-American community very near and dear to his heart’. Like he has a heart. And even if he did, which he doesn’t, the only things near and dear to it are Ivanka and a Big Mac with fries. She’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do keep those comments coming in, which keep WTF cheery.  And please do not forget both your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your nominations for the fashion retrospectives. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, STAY INDOORS IF YOU CAN AND WASH YOUR HANDS  x

 
 

 

 

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WTF Churchill Special

Hallo Readers,

For nearly ten days the US has erupted in anger and disgust at the murder of George Floyd by four white cops, one of whom knelt on his neck for nearly nine minutes, ignoring his cries of ‘I can’t breathe’ and ‘Mama’. For the last three of those long, horrifying minutes, he was almost certainly dead. All this was captured on an onlooker’s cellphone and has rarely been off the air since, a snuff movie in real time played out on the streets of Minneapolis.  It was not just that this was only one more in a long line of black people murdered by white cops; it was the failure to arrest any of the perpetrators, even after the Police Chief had fired them, and when anyone with one working retina could see that this was a serious crime committed by one with the complicity of the other three. It was also the failure of the President, who has called for crooks to be let out, and political enemies to be jailed, to say anything about this particular incident, other than to observe that he had seen the footage and that he did not like what he had seen. So last week, black and white, young and old, took to the streets in protest. Some took advantage to loot and attack policemen. Most just expressed their fury and their desire to change, and did so peacefully.

Over the weekend, the President cowered in the White House. You can tell that things are bad when he does not spend the weekend golfing. As the crowds gathered outside, he and his family were taken down to the bunker, like they do on the telly when a madman is running amok in the West Wing, Except that in this case, the madman lives in the White House and “works”, using the word in its loosest sense, in the West Wing. By Monday, stung by the criticism of his hiding away, even though he had been, he turned into the lovechild of General Patton and Kim Jong Un. Now it was all about ‘domination’, and ‘strength’  and ‘battlespaces’, and calling in the military. Military police were then deployed to clear peaceful demonstrators out of the public spaces in front of The People’s House, using pepper spray gas and rubber bullets and shields, while he made a speech in the Rose Garden about being the ‘President of Law And Order’. The only connection Trump has with Law And Order is that half the people in his address book have faced criminal charges and he himself is an un-indicted co-conspirator referred to in court as ‘Individual 1′. Following his speech, with the air in the Rose Garden heavy with chemical gas, he walked two blocks to a church that had been partially burnt out by some rioters the previous night.  Whereupon, he held up a bible (upside down) to the photographers,  and er, went home again. Not so much General Patton as knitting pattern – for a baby’s romper. This ridiculous stunt backfired bigly, with bishops, generals, journalists and politicians expressing their disgust and the rest of us laughing our heads off. We laughed even more when Propaganda Barbie, his new, ever-so-blonde, ever-so-girly, ever-so-Christian Press Secretary, compared his visit to a Church he did not enter, where he met no-one and uttered no prayer, as akin to Winston Churchill visiting bombed-out homes in the Blitz. Not really, love. In 1940, the Brits were under attack from the Germans, not their own army and their own Prime Minister.

Trump has yet to condemn police brutality against blacks. He has yet to recognise the fear every black man, no matter how well educated or successful, experiences whenever a police officer approaches him. He has yet to acknowledge the social and economic legacy of four hundred years. He talks of  electoral postal fraud, but not of the thousands of black people deliberately disenfranchised in Republican states. But then this is a man who literally cannot tell one end of the Bible from the other. His only interest is in retaining plower, however he can hang onto it, and no matter whom he deceives, hurts or exploits in the process. Otherwise, it will be him facing a jury……

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Here’s the thing about the subject of this week’s selection for the fashion retrospective, superstar Madonna. There are always bits of her on show. Indeed, many of us are more familiar with her bits than our own. She is like a gynaecological textbook for the uninitiated. And added to that, she is also very annoying, always spouting high-minded but fatuous nonsense as a justification for flashing her all.  Only she could have made a video about the dangers of Covid19 from her bathtub. Still, Material Girl remains WTF’s go-to karaoke number, and you have to admit that over the years she has knocked out some good tunes and is as fit as a fiddle.

We start in November 2012 with what is a stage costume, but even so. Behold one of the quintessential Minge Moments, as Madge hit the stage. Careful now. This is BAD.

Ouch! Your eyes start to water even looking at the photo. That is the Full Monty of waxing. WTF once had a Brazilian wax in Hong Kong. She was still jet-lagged, having flown in that morning from the UK (Those were the days, Planes, Remember them? Those silver things in the sky). Luckily she was so zonked out that she slept though most of it, but during the times when she was awake, it bloody hurt).

March 2013 saw Madge at GLAAD, the organisation championing  LGBT rights. She was protesting gay boys being banned from the Scouts.

Why the fingerless gloves and the black tights? Lord Baden- Powell must have been turning in his grave. 

In May 2013, Madge attended the Met Gala in New York, wearing Givenchy. The theme that year was ‘punk’.

If Cleopatra went to a fancy dress party as a dominatrix in pink fuck-me shoes, this is what she would look like.

In August 2014, Madge went to stay in a friend’s yacht in Cannes, as you do. But despite the sunny weather, or perhaps because of it, she was swaddled from head to toe in truly terrible clothes.

There was much to dislike here, including the Adidas jacket and the floral petticoat, but WTF’s principal disapprobation was reserved for the Chanel fingerless gloves and the hideous hat. Was Madge auditioning for the role of Maude in a remake of The Golden Girls? She would certainly not have looked out of place in the queue to secure a good table for the earlybird dinner special.

February 2015 saw Madge at the Grammys, wearing Givenchy.

Madge was dressed as a Spanish fluffer complete with beaver bow, to be sent in to titillate the bull in an unusual variation before the Toreador gets busy with the cape. What was not titillating was the rear view. And when WTF says rear, she means rear.

WTF is coming to the view that Madge is an enthusiastic masochist. Why else would she wear this ultra-snug arse-harness? Her bum cheeks look like they are going through a cheese slicer.

Here is Madge in April 2015 wearing Alexander Wang,

Spiderwoman goes couture. And she has those fingerless gloves on again. Madonna, pet – people get older. your hands get older. Just slather on the Clarins Jeunesse de Mains.


In May 2016, Madge hit the Red Carpet at the Met Gala, with more or less everything out on show. 

In a post on Instagram at the time, Madge explained that her outfit was a “political statement,” fighting ageism and the idea that women stop being sexy at a certain age. There is a technical term for this. It called is ‘bollocks’. Her arse was out as well, but when was it ever in? The whole thing seems to have been inspired by the cartoon drawings of an Ahsoka slavegirl.

A year later, in May 2017, Madge was back on the Met Gala Red Carpet, this time wearing Moschino.

Dear Lord. Donald Trump would probably like this, given its overtly military overtones. Demi Moore as GI Jane would have worn it to dine in the Officers’ Mess, once she’d stopped wiping out troops off Iraqis single-handed.

Although Demi would probably not have bothered with the long leather gloves and mouth grill. WTF has but two questions. What the actual fuck? And why?


In August 2018 Madonna went to the VMAs in New York, inexplicably dressed as a Bedouin tribeswoman, complete with lethal pointed headgear. 

This is not a nod to Bedouin culture, this is an appropriation of Bedouin culture, but as we know Madge doesn’t do things by halves, although frankly a half of an half of a half would usually be more than enough.  

Finally, in May 2019, Madonna was launching her new Madame X tour and, for reasons that WTF confesses she cannot fully fathom, she was sporting an eyepatch and a coat of many colours by Versace.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Long John Silver was alive and well and had regrown a leg.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Leslie from Lisson Grove, who is on a roll. This time, it is more a case of It Will Have To Go, as Leslie is living in fear of thr war stories people will tell about their lockdown experiences. He says

‘People will be only too ready to socialise again; cocktail parties, dinners,  etc. But there walks amongst us a great threat. These people move around showing absolutely no symptoms, which go completely undetected. Until….. quite innocently and with your guard down, you ask……… what did you do during the lockdown?……. Too late…….the trap has been sprung…..the conversation goes thus…..
“Oh, I learned to speak Swahili, listen, I can recite the Lords Prayer”………
“Oh, I’ve taken up the bassoon, I have my music with me, let me play you a Kurkistan dirge”…..
“Bunty and I have learned to sing all the duets from the Savoy Operas, do you have a piano?”….
The lockdown bores are waiting and their moment will not be denied them. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep on sending in your comments, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your nominations for the fashion celebrity retrospective. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.  STAY INDOORS IF YOU CAN AND WASH YOUR HANDS. x

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WTF Wiz Special

Hallo Readers, The Mighty Wizard of Oz, surrounded by fire and smoke, promised Dorothy that if she brought him the Wicked Witch of the West’s broomstick, he would help her return to Kansas, help the Scarecrow to get a brain, help the Tin Man to get a heart, and help the Cowardly Lion to find some courage. But when Dorothy handed over the broomstick, the Wizard seemed reluctant to keep his side of the bargain until Toto, Dorothy’s dog, pulled back the curtain to expose a feeble old man with a sound system.  And that, Readers, is our Prime Minister. Tug at the curtain with your little doggy teeth, take away the bluster and the bombast and the joie de vivre, and what have you got? A feeble, fifty-five-year-old with a microphone, telling you that yes, it was imperative for you to stay indoors, even if your elderly mother was on her own, even if your father was in a home with dementia, even though your child was in a hospital bed all alone, even if you had to say goodbye to your dying spouse using the doctor’s iPhone, even if you have not seen your grandchildren for weeks on end,  even if your business was going down the drain. But his Spccial Adviser Dominic Cummings was entitled to get in his car with his wife, who was positive for Covid-19, and his little son, and drive 260 miles up to Northumberland in case they both got too ill to look after the lad, in which case his sister could do it. Or something. And he was entitled to go for a sixty-mile round trip on a beautiful day with his wife and son because he needed to ensure that his eyesight was good enough for him to drive back to London the next day. To a beauty spot. On his wife’s birthday. Apparently his wife does not drive. So had, 30 miles out, Cummings discovered that his eyesight was too dodgy to go another foot, who was going to get the family back to Durham? Was the little boy going to do it, talked through the motions like the air stewardess in Airplane? Cummings was apparently following ‘his instincts as a father’ – something Boris Johnson would know very little about. Hell, he probably does not even know how many children he is father of. The Brits can forgive a screw-up. They can accept an apology. But they really, really, hate someone taking the piss. And Cummings was not just taking the piss, he had removed our kidneys and was squirting the contents all over us, the rule of law, and the sacrifices decent people made to ensure that this bloody nightmare abates as soon as possible. And they do not want to told that Cummings’ instincts as a father permit him to do what many other people have not done, or that their not having done it makes them bad parents, or bad children, or bad siblings, or bad partners. Or to be told it with sputtering disdain. Or to hear it parroted out by the dim, craven, nonentities who make up the Cabinet. They want their Prime Minister to stand up for the people who kept to the rules, not for the person who broke them. And when the Guardian, the Daily Mail, the Church of England, Sir Roger Gale MP and Alastair Campbell all think that you are in the wrong,  you probably are. Toto has pulled back the curtain, And we can all see what lurks behind it.

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Readers, WTF got so excited when researching this Footballer Fashion Special last week that she pressed ‘publish ‘instead of ‘save draft’. Apologies to those who received a wordless blog last week only hours after the WTF Scarlet Pimpernel Special pinged into your inbox or flashed up on Twitter  Don’t worry – there have been some changes to make it even better, (or should that be even worse?) plus the comparison pics and the commentary. Never was the phrase dick pic so appropriate. So read on. If anything defines the phrases ‘more money than sense’, and  ‘fashion victim’,  it is a footballer paid £££££££££££££££ a week. The football suggestion came from WTF aficionado and stalwart Leslie of Lisson Grove. Leslie harkened nostalgically to the days of Watford, Liverpool and England footballer  John Barnes, a very classy player and a very ridiculous dresser. Here is John (far right) and some Liverpool colleagues from the 1996 FA Cup Finalist team wearing ludicrous Emporio Armani suits.  (They lost to Manchester Utd 0-1). Although this was well outside the period which is usually covered by these fashion retrospectives (2012 onwards), this one features John in deference to Leslie. Liverpool’s players looked like the Man From Del Monte ads. Only he said yes. WTF says no. Here we are in October 2012 with then-Liverpool footballer Djibril Cissé, wearing Givenchy. Who knew Mohicans could be Beefeaters? And why is that loo-chain pull hanging around his neck ? Now we are in September 2013 with Gareth Bale, formerly of Tottingham Hotspurs, now Real Madrid and Wales, wearing Louis Vuitton. WTF is unable to tell whether that was a LV-logoed teeshirt under the cardie or a cardie with a peplum. Whichever it was, it was shocking,  like designer long johns but without the lunchbox.   In September 2014, we featured Mario Balotelli, formerly of Inter Milan and Manchester City, out on the town in Manchester wearing who knows what? WTF does not even know what this was supposed to be. There is distressed, and there is frenzied. In April 2015, we saw  Charles N’Zogbia formerly of Newcastle, Wigan Athletic and Aston Villa, wearing this flowery concoction. He had been dobbed in by a fed-up teammate, who put the pic on Twitter. WTF cannot better the observation of a tweet at the time, which observed that Charles looked as though he had been shat out by Cath Kidston. Speaking of whom…. April 2015 also saw Alex Song,  formerly of Arsenal and Barcelona, wearing this.  Alex was clearly channeling Pharrell Williams, but he was more of a prat in a hat, like a Mountie wearing his toddler’s denim jacket. In October 2016, we found Manchester City, then Stoke, player Wilfried Bony, wearing something preposterous. WTF does not mind the yellow leather jacket, but she is in the greatest indignation at the Masonic Apron and the shoes like something out of The Magic Flute.  This one hurts. A lot. Here is Arsenal legend Tony Adams in April 2017 in a truly terrible suit. WTF has retinal fatigue. Bigly. Tony resembled Harry the Horse from Guys and Dolls. Another Arsenal player, Spanish full back Hector Bellerin seen in January 2019 at London Fashion Week, wearing Prada. Another prat in a hat, only this hat was last seen on Inspector Clouseau. The eyebrows were pure Groucho Marx and the trousers were borrowed from Charlie Chaplin. We are how in Paris in February 2019 where we encounter Brazilian captain and Paris St Germain player Dani Alves, celebrating teammate Neymar’s birthday. Good grief. He looked like a town crier with tattoos and a can of Red Bull. And here is the aforesaid Neymar Jnr  as he launched a joint fragrance with Diesel in May 2019.\ If Neymar went to a fancy dress party as singer Billie Eilish, this is what he would look like. You could get the whole PSG team into those shorts and have room for the training staff. We cannot go on without David Beckham. Here he is in December 2019 wearing Dior. Look, Becks used to be handsome. Now he is seedier than a newly-reopened garden centre. And his mega-expensive suit looks like an oil slick. And we have saved the best till last. February 2020 saw Everton player Tom Davies wearing Michael Kors at New York Fashion Week. He is wearing a dressing gown like Noēl Coward, only Sir Noēl would have sneered at the yellow glasses, arranged his cravat properly, and eschewed the pointy purple pumps. Itsgottogo-x1200px
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire who is rightly appalled by the new-format, Covid-relevant episodes of the long-running radio soap The Archers, which now has only badly-written monologues or one-sided-phone-calls. It is more wooden than Oliver Stirling’s apple orchard.
As Bindy rightly remarks, if she wanted monologues  she would go to Alan Bennett’s Talking Heads. It’s Got To Go.
Itsgottogo-x1200pxbottom OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep on sending in your comments, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your nominations for the fashion celebrity retrospective. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, STAY INDOORS AND WASH YOUR HANDS. x
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