WTF Them and Us Special

Hallo Readers,

It does appear that there really are two sorts of people in this country. Not the haves and the have-nots, but Them and Us. Them are the ones who get away with everything, regardless of how heinous their conduct is. Take for example the Prime Minister who appears to have been able to attend parties, not that they were parties, and yet escaped the fines doled out to those who did attend parties, not  that there were parties, even though they were mostly the same parties. It seems that there were lines across the room, like the border in the Irish Sea, so that you can be on one side of the line and not be at a party, not that is it is a party, or on the other side of the line and have to pay £50 for being at a party which was a party after all. I mean, how does that even happen? Either it’s a party where nobody should have been or it’s a party where everyone should have been. But somehow these were both and neither, depending  on whether you had the initials MP after your name.

And then there is the little matter of those people who cannot afford simultaneously to put the oven on to feed their family and to feed their family, and those people who berate the people who cannot afford simultaneously to put the oven on to feed their family and to feed their family. George Eustace, Secretary of State for Agriculture, tells people who cannot afford to feed themselves properly to buy supermarket own brands rather than brand brands, as if the people living on a fixed budget had not thought of that particular saving themselves. And  Rachel MacLean, the Safeguarding Minister, who came up with a particularly brilliant ruse to earn more money. Get a better job! Do more hours! You have to be a real genius to think of that one. WTF fully expects Ms McLean to be shaking hands with the King of Sweden when he dishes out next year’s Nobel Prize for Economics.  And Tory MP Lee Anderson, a card-carrying idiot, who thinks that the problem is that families do not know how to knock up a plate of nutritious deliciousness for 30 pence.  Oh and do not forget old Etonian, hedge-fund-owning Jacob Rees-Mogg, aptly described by Keir Starmer this week as an overgrown prefect, who dismissed the concept of a windfall tax on oil companies “as waving a magic wand”.

These people just don’t get it. And more worrying is the fact that they don’t get that they don’t get it. Even more worrying than that is the idea but they think that they do get it. We are one of the wealthiest countries in the world but a growing number of people are faced with the appalling prospect of not being able to pay their bills, even though one or both of the household are in work. And whilst the Government tells us they are concerned, they don’t appear to be either willing or able to do a thing about it. Shame on them. And shame on us for tolerating it.

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We devote this week’s review of the week’s fashion fiascos to the Billboard Awards in Las Vegas, starting with country singer Lainey Wilson wearing Cat O’Nine.

Could this be any more unflattering? Those trousers look like legs of lamb wrapped in foil and ready for the oven and the Ukrainian-coloured corsage has nothing to do with anything else, not even at all. She also appears to have no feet.

Next up we have celebritee and mega-makeup-billionairess Kylie Jenner wearing Balmain.

It is an illusion dress although it is more of a delusion dress. Her tits look awfully lop-sided, as if the cameraman were pissed or she were listing like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.  Or both.

And now a gruesome twosome in the form of actor Megan Fox wearing David Koma…..

…followed by her fiancé, singer Machine Gun Kelly wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

What is it with these two? She is as trashy as hell, all tits and bits, while he has come dressed as a spiny echidna. As a way of warding off groupies and journalists, it has some merits, but is it even legal? He is a walking offensive weapon.

Rapper Doja Kat, wearing Schiaparelli. 

More spikes. Dangerous place, the Billboard Awards. It is amazing that anyone got out of the room with both their eyes intact. WTF deplores nipple pasties almost above all things, and the footwear is downright creepy…..

Rapper Megan Thee Stallion, wearing Mugler.

This is basically a bikini and Minge Moment skirt, complete with groin gap and a tabby’s tail with a mind of its own.

Singer Mary J Blige, wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

Oh Mary! No. Just no. Please stop. If you have cleavage and torso on display, spare us the slit skirt with a This-Way-To-My-Minge arrow.

Rapper Burna Boy wearing Gerrit Jacob.

This is unpleasant, like the album cover from King Crimson In the Court of the Crimson King and the exposed zip is a whole It’s Got to Go all on its own.

And finally, here is actress Dove Cameron wearing Ashlyn.

Dove has now made it into the fashion flotsam twice in a fortnight. Last week was bad but this is worse, because it looks as if she has been eviscerated, and those weird lines are like the marks they draw on your body when you are about to have plastic surgery. Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF mega-aficionado Leslie from Lisson Green, supported, one suspects, by 99.99999% of the public, who is aghast at  the Rebekah Vardy libel claim against Colleen Rooney. People cannot afford to put the hot water on and these two vacuous bimbos are chucking money about like a drunk with no armsLeslie says “Well, entertaining as it was in the beginning (handbags at dawn etc…) the Vardy v Rooney shit show has surely run its course? This is not an issue for the High Gourt, it’s surely a waste of court time, (considerable) money, and an insult to our judicial system. The Jeremy Kyle Show. That’s the place for this, sandwiched in between Loose Women and Come Dine With Me”. He is so right. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Last week your messages made happy so please keep them coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in Billboard Music Awards, Boris Johnson, Colleen Rooney, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Jamie Vardy, Keir Starmer, Partygate, Politics, Rebekah Vardy, Uncategorized, Wagatha Christie, WAGs, Wayne Rooney, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Beergate Special

Hallo Readers,

And so we stagger on in the long-running Whitehall farce that is Partygate. WTF cannot even be bothered to go back over the bollocks meted out to the British people where every day some hapless Minister, on the pain of being demoted to the backroom  role in the Northern Irish Office, is wheeled out to deflect any probing questions with a lot of waffle about vaccine rollouts and fanciful assertions about various statistical benefits over other G7 countries. But then The Mail on Sunday,  which has returned to fully feral mode, charged to the rescue with allegations that Keir Starmer was just as bad, if not worse, than the Tory lot, because he had consumed a beer and a curry one night in April 2021 with his fellow canvassers during a bye-election in Hartlepool and had scheduled that dinner! So far, no one appears to have identified any actual law  that Starmer is alleged to have broken, but no matter – he was officially branded a wrong’un. And he was a hypocrite! To which WTF feels compelled to point out that (a) if hypocrisy were a crime, you would need to build a lot of new prisons and (b) he would only be a hypocrite if he had actually done the same thing he had accused Johnson of doing, to whit breaking the law and then lying to Parliament about having broken the law – in Johnson’s case, both true. However, these distinctions did not trouble the Daily Mail and the Mail on Sunday  and the Daily Express and the dimmer-than-a dead-lightbulb host of Sunday Morning, Sophie Raworth, and the ghastly Tory Shills on LBC like Andrew Pierce who, coincidentally, is Associate Editor of the Daily Mail. All they could all talk about was that Starmer had necked down a bottle of Heineken and a Chicken Korma in the company of people with whom he had been working all day and who, according to Starmer, carried on working afterwards. Which is  a lot more credible that Johnson’s assertions that he had stayed at various parties, not that he knew that they were parties, for a few minutes before retuning to work, given that everyone knows that he is a lazy as hell and does not read his briefs- instead, he was probably discussing wallpaper with his interior decorator or phoning up some Tory donor for a sub. 

As Starmer had demanded that Johnson should resign because he was the first PM to be under investigation for breaking the laws he had drafted, the Shills demanded that Starmer should resign as he was now under investigation himself by the Durham Constabulary, which had previously declared that no offence had been committed and which also failed to prosecute Johnson’s former consigliere Dominic Cummings for driving  round the county in order to check that his eyesight  – something which could at best be deemed to be a high risk strategy. The Shills were therefore somewhat confounded when Starmer then agreed to resign were he adjudged to have broken the law (as did his deputy Angela Rayner who had apparently also been present, although it had previously been denied). At which point the Shills waxed indignant and accused Starmer of putting pressure on the police. Heads we win, tails you lose.  Simples.

That the right wing press are liars is of no surprise to any sentient being, but even by their own subterranean standards, this seems to be a case not so much of scraping the barrel as shredding it. Eating dinner brought into the office where people were working is not analogous to sixteen knees-ups held a year earlier when people were dying like flies while workers  quaffed wine trundled into no 10 in wheelie bags and held farewell parties and ‘thank-the-Lord-Cummings-has-gone’ parties (one hosted by Johnson’s wife in Johnson’s flat) and Christmas parties and birthday parties and ‘oh-it’s-sunny’ parties and ran around the garden pissed as farts and breaking Wilfrid Johnson’s swing. But then truth has long since left both no 10 and the Houses of Parliament.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing comedies on the set of American Idol where we find one of the judges, singer Katy Perry.

Katy seems to have left the dressing room in her undergarments. Was there a fire alarm? There is a lot of dangle…..

And here is former Pussycat Doll  and all-purpose celebritee Kimberly Wyatt at some drinks event wearing who can even say what this is?

Over the years WTF has featured a LOT of deeply dodgy denim and this one is right up there, a bralet under a straitjacket and a skirt with full Minge Access. Kill me now.

We are now at the GLAAD Gala in New York, where actor Dove Cameron was attending, wearing Louis Vuitton.

If a dove went to a bondage party which was raided by the police and it hid in a pile of corrugated candy-coloured cardboard, this is what it would look like.

To Miami, where racing driver Sir Lewis Hamilton turned up in the paddock wearing head to-toe- shocking pink Valentino. With the emphasis on shocking.

Valentino has pink-bombed the catwalk and every woman and man on the red carpet has been pictured in it. One is only surprised that Lewis’s pet pooch Roscoe has not been seen sporting it. As for Lewis, he looks like he is guest starring in Scrubs. The pink trainers were, to put it mildly, overkill. In fact they had sped past overkill some miles back and are now racing towards For Fuck’s Sake.

This is actor Tiffany Haddish wearing Dolce & Gabbana at the premiere of Doctor Strange – Multiverse of Madness. More pink. Scroll down slowly….

Why is this even happening? The whole thing is far too Lady Penelope but her Ladyship would have opted for one or the other of shorts or trousers and stuck to it. As Lady Bracknell would say ‘This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd’

And now to the BAFTA TV Awards director in London where we come across actor Ncuti Gatwa,  the new Doctor Who, wearing Orange Culture Nigeria.

Frankly, this is more a case of Doctor Why? Quite apart from the unfortunate trompe l’oeil reflection of the strips, which makes Ncuti appear to be wearing no trousers (he is, he is), he looks like the lovechild of a tit window and a whip.

We welcome back Olympic gold medallist diver Tom Daley wearing Bethany Williams.

This deeply puzzling garment seems to have been constructed from a My Little Pony beach towel.

And finally here is Small Axe director Steve McQueen wearing something extremely strange.

Why is Steve dressed as a Fruit Ninja?

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Tom Laidlaw who sent in this picture, having discovered it through the tweet of  author and historian Jessie Childs who herself saw the dress in question in Selfridges. Selfridges!!!! It is by Jean Paul Gaultier and it costs £501.

Tom asks ‘What in the name of all that’s holy is this?  It’s Got to Go’. Agreed. Especially when WTF tells Tom and others that the back of the dress has, um, the back view…..

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Last week there were oodles of messages and it made WTF happier than a happy thing on happy pills, so keep them coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Angela Rayner, Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Dominic Cummings, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Keir Starmer, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Super-Gigantic Tenth Birthday Special

Hallo Readers,

It is WTF’s tenth birthday and it has been one hell of a ride. Over the past decade, the clothes have got sillier and the world has got worse. Since 2012, we have gone through Brexit and Trump and Boris Johnson, Covid and Ukraine. Syria, Afghanistan and Iraq have all fallen into chaos. Innocent citizens have been murderously attacked on London and Westminster Bridges. And now comes another assault on liberty in the unsavoury shape of a leaked draft judgment from the US Supreme Court preparing to overturn Roe v Wade, the case which almost fifty years ago established the right for women to terminate their pregnancies safely in a clinic and avoid the fates of those women who in the past were forced to resort to backstreet abortions and who either died or came damn close.

Given the makeup of the court, with its majority of right wing, religious fanatics, it was hardly surprising that it seized upon the chance to hold that Roe was not only not settled law but was bad law. It is one of the ironies of politics that Donald Trump, who has fathered five children by three different wives, a licentious, irresponsible, self-righteous ball of orange blubber, should have come to power on the back of the Christian vote and the promise that if they were to support him, he would ensure the end of Roe. Anyone with one functioning brain cell could see that his three appointees, Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barratt, were selected to kill off Roe. Sadly for American womanhood, Senator Susan Collins from Maine and Senator Lisa Murkowski from Alaska, both supporters of the right to choose, were off school with a note from their mothers on the day they were due to learn about common sense and judgement of character. And so it was that both of them accepted the assurances from candidates that they would not disturb Roe. But then it was Senator Collins who, after much handwringing, voted to acquit Trump on the first impeachment on the grounds that he had ‘learned his lesson’. (To be fair, she and Murkowski did vote to impeach second time round). Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Or as Lady Bracknell might have said, to accept assurances from one fanatical Christian right wing Donald Trump judicial nominee is a misfortune; twice looks like carelessness. Senators Collins and Murkowski are now expressing astonishment that they might not have been told the truth. In other news, bears shit in the woods.

In a month or two, when the final judgment is handed down, the Supreme Court will turn America into Gilead, where twenty or more Republican states, in a horrifying version of life imitating art, will force women to bear children they do not want, in many cases even if they are pregnant as a result of rape or incest, unless they are able to find the money to travel to a Democrat state or are willing to risk the backstreet abortionists. What is next for the chop? Do you think this lot will just stop here? Do you think that they will long tolerate gay marriage and gay adoption? Senators Murkowski and Collins, take a bow and then go and stand in the corner with your dunce’s hats…

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On this birthday, it is more than fitting that we have a mega-bumper-deluxe-super-special selection of sartorial shite from the 2022 Met Gala in New York, where the theme – not often adhered to – was the Gilded Age.  We startwith celebritee Kourtney Kardashian and new husband musician Travis Barker  arriving at an afterparty. She is wearing Thom Browne.

Having bra kkups is all well and good but the point of a bra kkup is that it is supposed to encase all, or at least a large proportion, of the contents. We can therefore say with some certainty that these kkups are way too small for Kourtney’s squished embonpoint, while the skirt is a Minge Moment waiting to happen. As for Travis, he l0oks like he is ready to shake his maracas in a Benidorm nightclub and he appears to be wearing a lamb chop frill as a teeshirt.

Model and new wifey  Nicole Peltz Beckham, wearing Valentino. 

Valentino has gone all in on the Lady Penelope pink this season, which is fine, but this dress is objectionable because a) there seems to be a total absence of underwear and b) there is a gaping tit gateway. And those shoes are like kinky horses’ hooves.

Very rich divorcée Wendi Deng Murdoch, wearing Giambattista Valli.

In the past few weeks WTF has brought you parrotcide and muppetcide. This seems to be flamingocide.

Model and actor Evan Mock, wearing Head of State.,

If a butter pat went to a fancy dress party as a medieval pageboy, this is what it would look like.

Actor Louisa Jacobson, wearing Schiaparelli.

WTF loved Louisa (younger daughter of Meryl Streep) in The Gilded Age but she does not love her in this. Whether that is an actual Minge Moment or a virtual one under the waist ruff, it is deeply unnerving and one is looking at a mound of something that should not definitely not be on show. WTF is also worried that Louisa is about to poke someone’s eyes out with all that cornicing on her chest and arms and she looks like a frothy rocket that has just been launched.

Actor Gemma Chan, wearing Louis Vuitton.

This presumably is based on the notion of the structured skirt from The Gilded Age but in this case, Gemma seems to be standing in a large hatbox embroidered with velvet knobbly bits. And she is wearing the sort of bed jacket your nan wore  when she retired to bed to ease her bunions and save on the heating bills….

Film producer Franklin Leonard, wearing who can say what this is?

Rather than stand in a hatbox, like Gemma, Franklin is sitting on one…. and gentlemen of that era did not have phones in their pockets. At least, one hopes that it is a phone…..

Celebritee La La Anthony, wearing LaQuan Smith.

She has a jewelled frisbee on her head and is exhibiting a good deal of spilth around the hip area like a burst plum… 

Rapper Future (né Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn), wearing Boss.

If only he were Past. The Artful Dodger has lost his trousers. And WTF hates a tattooed leg almost above all things…..

Model Cara Delevigne wearing Dior and her own tits.

You’ve heard of Putting on the Ritz? This is Putting on the Tits.

Actor Tommy Dorfman (she/her), wearing Christopher Kane.

No. NO. Tommy seems to be melting in a sea of peekaboo plastic slime…..

And now two horrors from Burberry. First, rapper Bad Bunny.

Why Bad Bunny is dressed as a Victorian schoolmarm in a burlap sack is a mystery right up there with the Bermuda Triangle and why Boris Johnson is still in no 10……

More Burberry horror with rapper Nicki Minaj.

If a Hell’s Angel with giant knockers crashed into a pen of black poultry, this is what he/she/they would look like.

Model Kendall Jenner wearing Miu Miu underwear at an after party.


This falls squarely into the category of That’s Not Even Clothes.  I mean, why bother? That said, Kendall looks positively overdressed in comparison to fellow model Bella Hadid, wearing Dilara Findikoglu.

Bella had better be careful or she will strangle herself with her own tit harness.

And finally, Swedish self-styled ‘Creative Director’  (nope, me neither) and fashionista Fredrik Robertsson, wearing Iris van Herpen.

Do not adjust your eyeballs…this is not Jared Leto but he is certainly a Jared Leto lookalikey with more than a touch of the late lamented Kenny Everett, going through a metamorphosis from human to bird. Or perhaps from bird to human. It is not easy to tell…. either way, he is showing a great deal of pasty chest like an undercooked Victoria sponge.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There is no room for It’s Got To Go this week, but do not neglect your excellent suggestions for the coming weeks. And your trenchant comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Abortion, Boris Johnson, Brett Kavanaugh, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, London Bridge, Met Gala 2022, Politics, Uncategorized, Westminster Attack, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

WTF Freddie Filth MP Special

Hallo Readers,

Over the years the esteem  in which the public holds Members of Parliament has become less and less reverential.  Heaven knows, there have been many low points recently including  Wallpapergate and Partygate. But this week we reached the nadir with Wankgate when we learned that a Tory MP was sitting on the benches in the House of Commons glued to his screen of his mobile phone watching porn. With what he was glued WTF would rather not speculate. Now, it is true that much parliamentary business is as dull as ditch water. The complexities of clause 299(1)(b)(ii) of the Ways and Means (Sewerage and Waste)(Yorkshire) Bill is not as much fun as watching a man with a huge dick pretending to be a plumber and giving the full service to some titsy blonde in her scanties, whilst she encourages him on with monotone exclamations of ‘ride me big boy’ and ‘ooh, that’s nice’. Nevertheless, there is a time and place for such entertainment and the Chamber of the House of Commons is neither the time nor the place. A few years ago, Damian Green MP, then a Government bigwig, was forced to step down from his post when saucy stuff was discovered on his work laptop. But at least that was in the privacy of his office rather than on the leather benches of the Mother of Parliaments. In contrast, Freddie Filth MP subjected not only himself, but his colleagues, to an eyeful, rather than furthering the interests of the constituents whom he was elected to serve.

Elsewhere in parliament it turns out that 53 MPs including three Cabinet ministers, two shadow ministers and sundry others are facing complaints of sexual harassment, while an unnamed Tory MP was busy suggesting to the Mail on Sunday that the deputy leader of the Labour Party, Angela Rayner MP, was not only as rough as a bear’s arse and an unmarried mother (Carrie Johnson, anyone?) but had resorted to emulating Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct and flashing her minge at the Prime Minister to put him off his superior Oxbridge debating skills at the despatch box. One does not know whom to despise more – the sexist scumbag who fed the story to the Mail on Sunday, the newspaper for printing it, the editor Dave Dillon for refusing a summons to meet the Speaker of the House on the purported  grounds of freedom of the press or ghastly Daily Mail columnist Sarah Vine, the former Mrs Michael Gove, for claiming that Rayner should be jolly flattered by the suggestion that her female allure could distract the self-proclaimed saviour of Ukraine and the Man Who Got Brexit Done.

Rounding off the week, we had Johnson and Matt Hancock excoriated in the High Court for sending elderly and vulnerable people into care homes where they perished from COVID at the height of the pandemic. Thousands of them. Dumb and Dumber responded by lying through their teeth and suggesting that they had had absolutely no idea that there was any risk of asymptomatic transmission, despite being advised of that very possibility by their own Government Medical Officer and countless boffins who had raised this issue. Readers, you will not be surprised to hear that neither of them has stepped down. Nor is there any possibility that they will do so, given that the only thing that matters now in politics is keeping your bum on the seat and hoping the public will forget how horrible and useless you really are….

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with actor Alysia Reiner at the premiere of HBO’s We Own This City. No one has owned up to designing this outfit. Good call. Scroll down slowly…

Alysia, whom you will recognise from Orange Is The Only Black, seems to be dressed as Ghandi in a sprigged dhoti. Even little Justin Bieber does not wear his crotch that low…

Next we are in London at the BAFTA Craft Awards, where we encounter writer Russell T Davies.

Russell is a good writer but even his most fevered Dr Who imagination could not have conjured up more terrible trousers. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE TROUSERS? They have taken on a life of their own, billowing in all directions like a fleet of ships lost on a storm-tossed sea. And they are paired with a tightly buttoned overcoat like Reggie and Ronnie Kray on a day trip to Clacton with their old mum….

Here we are in California with glamour model and personalitee Demi Rose wearing Shein.

It is not just that a horse’s tail has landed on her head and that she is wearing ridiculous ombre boots like an extra from Better Call Saul. It is not even that radio handbag. It is the fact that she is dressed as one of the Tiller Girls, a group of dancers that used to perform in synchronisation on Sunday Night At the London Palladium in the 1950s and early 1960s in a more gentle and decorous period of TV entertainment.

We are in Leicester Square for the premiere of Downton Abbey – The New Era, aka Let’s trot out more old bollocks and laugh all the way to the bank. Actor Laura Carmichael aka Lady Edith is wearing Giambattista Valli Couture.

It is so droopy and so horribly unflattering. It is as if she is cocooned in sheets wound randomly around her person…..

 

Another Laura, actor Laura Haddock who is new to the cast list, as Lady Whatnot wearing Prada.

Last week WTF introduced you to the notion of parrotcide, where innocent parrots are stripped of their feathers to adorn dresses for big nights out. Now we have Muppetcide in the former form of Maurice the Muppet, now sadly gone to Heaven in the name of fashion. RIP Maurice… you are now reduced to a minge fringe like extra fluffy pubes.

Here we are at model Gigi Hadid‘s 27th birthday party in New York City. She is wearing Dion Lee.

This is a white lace peignoir worn over a nappy and a see-through trouser. Loyal Readers will know that WTF deplores a see- through trouser almost above all things. Was poor Gigi ambushed on her way to the boudoir where somebody stole her skirt?

And finally we have actor, singer and now author Janelle Monáe wearing Dead Lotus Couture.

OK, love, we get it. The book is futuristic and so you are dressed in something futuristic. The thing is, it is excessively clingy, affording everyone an in-depth view of your minge. If an astronaut went to a fancy-dress party as the Flying Nun, this is what he/she would look like. Meanwhile it is fervently to be hoped that the Good Lord has blessed Janelle with a large tube of Canesten because she will be needing it….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Honsa from Paddington who was unimpressed by then-candidate, now victorious French President, Emmanuel Macron showing a great deal of very hairy chest and manspreading to the power of n….

Honsa says ‘there is nothing wrong with chest hair (I myself come from Eastern tribes) but seriously?  Could he not have done up one more button? If it is not OK for a woman to unbutton her shirt so low, it should not be OK for a man either’. Agreed. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF cheery. And cheery is good, right? Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

Posted in Angela Rayner, Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Emmanuel Macron, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, French Presidential Election, Matt Hancock, Michael Gove, Politics, sexism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Scheherazade Special

Hallo Readers,

This Government has a habit of saying no which turns out to mean yes. More specifically, it means no when it says no, but then it finds itself unable to progress with no because no comes under remorseless attack from everyone, including its own backbenchers, and is given the nostril; so that before you can say Three Line Whip, it is yet another U Turn and the policy in question goes glug, glug, glugging down the toilet bowl.

And so it was this week that yet another wizard wheeze hit the buffers. We kept hearing how Johnson would come to Parliament once the Sue Grey report was published and/or the Met finally handed down its Fixed Penalty Notice, or Notices as the case may be.  One has almost lost hope of ever seeing the Sue Grey report, which seems to slip further and further away with every new party, sorry, gathering, like Scheherazade concocting yet another tale for her husband to stop him slicing her head off the next day. But the Met then served the first FPN on Johnson, Mrs Johnson and Rishi Sunak plus 50 other people and the weatherman says there’s more to come. And so it was that Johnson appeared in the House on Tuesday and told us that he was very, very, sorry indeed for doing whatever it was that he was sorry for, not that it was remotely clear what he was sorry for, as he never actually said what it was. Instead he writhed and undulated like Uriah Heep, dodging every question and  repeating how sorry he was for whatever it was that he was sorry for. And he did not knowingly mislead the House when he said that there were no parties, and if there were parties, he did not know about them and although he had attended them, he did not know that they were actually parties until Sue Grey and/or the Met told him otherwise. Meanwhile, we were at war with Russia and he was too busy leading the World’s response to spend any more time on this stuff.  But he was really very, very, sorry and very, very, ‘umble.

This new-found state of ‘umbleness did not last long. That evening, Johnson cast his Uriah mask aside and returned to maintaining that he had  done nothing wrong and that he certainly had not misled the House, and who did the Archbishop of Canterbury think he was slagging off the Government’s plan to ship asylum seekers on a one way ticket to Rwanda and the BBC was no better. At which point, the Opposition Parties decided to table a motion to sanction an investigation into whether and why Johnson misled Parliament. Johnson then authorised a proposed amendment adjourning the investigation until the Sue Grey report, a move which was not so much a case of kicking the can down the road as throwing it into the undergrowth and burying it under concrete. It was too much for its backbenchers and so it was announced that er, there would be no amendment and that Johnson ‘welcomed’ the investigation. Of course, it is about as welcome as a bread pudding at the Passover table and the exact opposite of what was said about an hour earlier. But Johnson is at least consistent in his inconsistency. Meanwhile, some Tories are poking their heads back up above the parapet and calling for him to go, Ukraine or no Ukraine. As the self-proclaimed Brexit hard man Steve Baker put it, the Prime Minister’s contrition “only lasted as long as it took to get out of the headmaster’s study … Really, the Prime Minister should just know the gig’s up.” Maybe he does but they will have to carry him out of no 10 because he is going nowhere voluntarily….

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam with actor Claire Foy in New York, wearing Valentino.

It pains WTF to speak frankly but, as Gwendoline put it so well in The Importance of Being Earnest, ‘On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one’s mind. It becomes a pleasure’. These are hairy pyjamas. Cute hairy pyjamas. But hairy pyjamas nonetheless. Why Claire would want to walk around New York like wee Willie Winkie, WTF cannot say…

Nest up, we have actor Tessa Thompson wearing Schiaparelli.

The sandals are miraculous and the jumper looks snuggly, but the skirt has a pube porthole, putting appalled onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment. Yikes!

Now we are forced to acknowledge two separate examples of parrotcide. First up, we have actor Nicole Kidman wearing Prada at the premiere of The Northman.

RIP birdies. As for Nicole and Prada, the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds has been alerted of your crimes.

And also complicit is actor Tracee Ellis Ross wearing Germanier on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

More parrotcide. What is occurring? Has Will Smith’s violently slapping Chris Rock brought out every thespian’s worst tendencies? We should be told……

Now we have pregnant singer Rihanna in Barbados with her babyfather ASAP Rocky. Riri is wearing Dundas. 

No sooner has ASAP Rocky landed back in the US from his Caribbean sojourn than he was arrested by the cops in connection with an assault with a deadly weapon in 2021. Frankly, Dundas should be arrested and charged with something similar for foisting this horror upon us, like the lovechild of a corset and an exploding parcel.

To California where we encounter celebritee sibling Khloe Kardashian out to lunch, in every sense of the word, wearing Mugler.

Mugler has been churning out these foul leggings this season, and they look no better on Khloe than on anyone else, ie they look like a sack of shit. That central seam is very unfortunate, with more camel toe than a dromedaries’ day trip to Dakar.

And finally, in case you were worried that there were no chaps this week, breathe out. Here is actor Dan Stevens, the one who was married to I-Speak-Your-Weight-Machine Lady Mary in Downton Abbey, at the premiere of Gaslit in New York wearing Licong Gong. Scroll down slowly and have a receptacle at hand…..

Frankly, WTF was reaching for the receptacle at the green tinted sunglasses but its need became ever more urgent when she got to the coat and trewsies of many colours, and was imperative once she saw the striped footwear. There is a burger bar in Beverley, Yorkshire that has taken to serving rainbow burgers. Whether that that was inspiration for this dog’s breakfast is unclear….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Alessandra from North London who objects – with every reason – to these foul jeans from Shein, or, as WTF prefers to refer to the brand, Sheit.  

Can you imagine the indentations on her personage? Not to mention the degree of polishing and waxing of the pubes before putting them on? Eek!!!! It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in – there were loads last week and WTF was as happy as a happy thing on happy tablets. Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Partygate, Politics, Steve Baker, Ukraine, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Hotel Rwanda Special

Hallo Readers, 

There are few things to be said in favour of Boris Johnson and Priti Patel, but you have to hand it to them. Michelle Obama famously said of the Trump camp ‘when they go low, we go high’. In the case of this grizzly duo, when they go low, they go lower. And lower still. If they keep this up they will be in Australia in no time…

WTF was already reeling at the unexpected news that we are at war with Russia. Yes really. It seems that we cannot rid ourselves of the pimple on the arse of politics that is our present Prime Minister because of the war in Ukraine, or, as some ministers have taken to calling it, the European war. As far as WTF knows, no declaration of war has been made, no piece of paper has been waved and our troops have not yet been deployed to partake in man-to-man combat in the streets of Kharkiv. But apparently Ukraine’s survival depends upon the pudgy liar who is ‘leading the world’s response’ to Putin’s invasion. It seems that President Zelenskyy cannot do without him by his side, although the reality is that Zelenskyy would give Beelzebub a cuddle were he to come calling with some anti-tank missiles and a crate load of AK47s. The willingness of this Government to dance on the grave of Ukrainian citizens in order to shore up the Prime Minister is utterly sickening.

Meanwhile, in the most blatant dead cat bounce since Johnson’s trip to Kiev last week in order to distract us all from Partygate, he and Patel have come up with a wheeze to allay the concerned citizens of Kent and Essex and the backwoodsman who represent them in Parliament. Yesterday, they announced that single men arriving in the UK and claiming asylum would be put on a one way flight to Rwanda where their claims would be processed by Rwandans. If they are then adjudged to be genuinely seeking asylum, they can have it – in Rwanda. Never mind that Rwanda, contrary to the assurances of our Prime Minister, has an appalling human rights record and a President who received 99% of the votes at the last election. The Israelis tried shipping their asylum seekers to Rwanda and withdrew PDQ as nearly every one of them ran away. Like the God-awful Australian Government which assured its citizens that scooping up desperate boat people and shipping them to Papua New Guinea was really for their own good because it stopped the traffickers in their tracks, our own Government is trying to tell us that flying desperate people 4,000 miles away to Africa is for their own good because it will save them from the traffickers, even if they can only get here by using traffickers. Out of sight, out of mind. Heads we win, tails you lose. Have a nice flight. Don’t forget the Duty Free…..

Of course, this designation of single men will apply to brown people and Muslims – Syrians, Afghans, Iraqis, while Ukrainians – white and Christian – will be fine because they’re women and children and granddads. One does not know what is worse with our lot. The cynicism. The dishonesty. The hypocrisy. The incompetence. The inhumanity. But one thing we do know. This Government will go lower. And lower still….

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial sluice with superstar Beyoncé wearing Celia Kritharioti.

Sigh. At least her boobs look genuine, but we can see a great deal of them, and indeed of her, in this alleged ‘dress’ which gives the illusion that she has been partially spray-painted with particular concentration on the nipples and the minge area. As for the sunglasses, they are silly.

Next up, we have actor Anya Taylor-Joy at the premiere of Northman in London, wearing Dior.

Anya has the most fabulous face but this outfit seems to have been inspired by a vintage Barbie skater doll and is far too short. How on earth she sits down in it without giving everyone a view of her lady parts, WTF cannot say. Nor is she convinced that ice-pink is Anya’s colour…….

To the Kids’ Choice Awards 2022 where we encounter ubiquitous TV personality, Heidi Klum,wearing Christian Cowan.

Quite apart from the fact that WTF hates a one-armed garment on a two-armed person, this also seems to be a one-legged garment on a two-legged person, and if that is not enough to put WTF in a foul mood, she does not know what is. Heidi looks like a mutant aubergine.

To WTF’s extreme disappointment, the Country Music Awards Red Carpet was positively tasteful. Have these people no compassion for someone waiting to take the piss out of them? For shame! Luckily, Queer Eye presenter Tan France was there, wearing Grenier. 

You know the expression someone ‘looks good enough to eat’? Tan certainly does, but only because his suit is covered in Smarties.

Here is actor Julia Fox wearing not enough. As per bloody usual.

It has got to the point where WTF is more familiar with Julia’s torso and groin than her own. There is also the strong possibility, nay, probability, of an imminent Minge Moment given that Julia has removed the waistband from her jeans and used it as a bra, leaving very little infrastructure to ensure that the jeans stay up. Not to mention an imminent nip slip. It is all at risk of hanging out, Readers. The bag has more fabric than the rest of the outfit…..

We are at the premiere of Sonic the Hedgehog 2  where we find rapper Kid Cudi wearing some very remarkable items.

 WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE JEANS???? They seem to be made from frosted shredded wheat. And while we are on the subject, WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE TRAINERS??????

Here is  actor Natasha Lyonne at the premiere of the latest  series of her show, Russian Doll, wearing Moschino.

Oh how we laughed! Jeremy Scott, Moschino’s designer, is making a pun about knockers!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha… not.

Now finally, back to London and the Olivier Awards. Singer and musical actor Beverley Knight was there, wearing Rami Kadi.

She is wearing a fishing net. And you can see her knickers. That is all.

And finally, actor Emma Corrin wearing Loewe.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. It is a dress with balloons so she has burst balloon tits!! Loewes’s Jonathan Anderson and Moschino’s Jeremy Scott should go out for a drink together and get this nonsense out of their system. And just to make sure we are not affronted enough, Emma has doubled down with the ugliest boots on the history of boots. If ever there was a reason to burst a balloon with a darning needle, this is the reason made flesh – and PVC…..

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is aghast at the conspicuous consumption of the $3m extravaganza that was the Nicola Peltz/Brooklyn Beckham wedding …..

 STOP PRESS! Nonentity One marries Nonentity Two. No one cares about either of them except their nearest and dearest and a load of celebs with their tits out guzzling champagne. Just. Go. Away. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in – there were NONE again last week and WTF was very sad. Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Happy Easter. Happy Pesach. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Glamorous Grammys Special

Hallo Readers, 

You can be married to a British citizen, give birth to British children, own three magnificent houses in the UK (not to mention a California beachside home) and live in a Government building set aside for those who are  supposed to run the country – and yet, while you are obliged to pay taxes on any income you have in the UK, you pay diddly squat on your income outside the UK, which is a serious loss to the Exchequer because your income outside the UK has been estimated at some £11 million a year. And you also get to avoid inheritance tax on the death of your parents, which again is a serious loss to the Exchequer because your father is a billionaire and your share of whatever he’s got is on the large side of extremely large. So what if you’ve lived here for nine years? Register as a Non Dom for the trifling sum of £30,000 a year and you are exempt from the rules that govern ordinary residents. Many may think that if they could legally avoid paying tax, they would. The problem here is that the person depriving the Exchequer of this money is none other than the wife of the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Whoops.

No one was surprised that Rishi Sunak’s wife Akshata Murthy was availing herself of a tax advantage. This Government has not lost its moral compass because it never had one. If there is a trough, there will  be a minister or a ministerial spouse or family member with their snouts shoved inside it. Murthy is of course entitled to avoid tax, but just because you can does not mean that you should.  She is not popping over for the occasional  holiday -she has lived here for nine years. Her husband has dreams of becoming Prime Minister, although those dreams now seem fanciful. WTF would have preferred Murthy to have waved two fingers at the public rather than issuing a mealy-mouthed and misleading statement suggesting that her Indian citizenship and birthplace governed her tax status. Indian citizenship is irrelevant to Non Dom status; it does not come to you, you go to it – with a cheque for £30,000 and a great deal of expensive advice from Messers That’s Mine, Now Bugger Off LLP. 

Last month Sunak’s Spring Statement failed to help those who do not have £30,000 to give HMRC and who are now facing astronomical fuel rises and cannot sleep for worrying how they will feed their kids, not to mention themselves and the Department of Health stopped giving out free Covid lateral flow tests. This week the Government hoiked up the cost of National Insurance despite Johnson’s promise in 2019 that he would not increase taxes. While pensioners huddle under blankets and families live off food banks, it was no comfort to them to know that the Chancellor’s wife was acting legally.  At 7 pm on Friday night Murthy said that she would pay tax on overseas income in this country after all – doubtless in an attempt to save her husband’s career. It may well be too late…..

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Our review of the week’s clothing crapulence is all from the Grammys which were held last Sunday in Las Vegas, starting with singer Tayla Parx dressed as a wankersaurus.

Er…… WTF’s adored great nephew and niece would go crazy for an outfit like this, but they are aged 5 and 3 respectively. Tayla is 28. Further, while WTF has no great expertise in palaeontology, she doubts whether dinosaurs had arses like that, or wore studded pom-poms in their hair, probably because they did not have any hair. 

Actor and singer Jared Leto wearing Gucci.

It as if the Sheriff of Nottingham moonlighted as a lingerie model for Victoria’s Secrets. Meanwhile, WTF has long made clear her views on white boots – no. No. NO. 

Singer Carrie Underwood wearing Dolce & Gabbana. 

In the interests of bringing culture to the naffs, someone is remaking Pride and Prejudice using the Jumanji characters. Mudboy is cast as Elizabeth Bennett, and here she is having arrived at Netherfield with a dirty petticoat to the great disapprobation of Mr Bingley’s sisters. “Yes, and her petticoat; I hope you saw her petticoat, six inches deep in mud, I am absolutely certain; and the gown which had been let down to hide it, not doing its office.”

Award-winner on the night, singer Jon Batiste, wearing Gucci.

A sparkling Harlequin in crocodile boots. Yurgle.

Japanese Breakfast aka Michelle Zauner wearing Valentino.

This is more Dog’s Breakfast than Japanese Breakfast. If a forsthyia went to a fancy dress party as a plate of scrambled eggs, this is what it would look like….. 

Record producer Benny Blanco wearing who knows what?

Benny has modelled his look on John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons. Except that John’s trousers did not hang forlornly above his ankles, he did not wear Mexican peasant bootees and he did not have embroidered saddlebags.

Singer H.E.R. wearing Dundas.

This seems to be the lovechild of Hyperion and a banana.

Rapper Jidenna wearing his granny’s curtains. And ombre boots.

It is to be hoped that Granny was doing her house up and throwing these out after 5o years of good service. It would be unconscionable were Jidenna to have nicked them, even in the name of recycling, leaving  the old dear exposed to daylight and the prying eyes of her neighbours.

Singer Cailin Russo wearing an old armchair.

The outfit is an excrescence, composed of the offcuts from Furniture Village; and the combination of the pale green hair and orange leather puts WTF in mind of a tree frog.


And finally, we have singer Justin Bieber wearing a Balenciaga suit AND Balenciaga Crocs.

What a total knob. Kudos to WTF aficionado Dan from Stevenage who let WTF know that Justin’s preposterous look, minus the neon pink beanie hat and Crocs, is straight out of the old Tom Hanks movie, Big.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire who was aghast to discover this dress recommended by the Daily Telegraph as the perfect dress in the perfect colour for any occasion….. it is by Voyager London and costs £260.

 Bindy disagrees with the premise of the article. She says  ‘Perfect?? This is the sort of dress that makes anyone except the skeletally thin feel terrible. If you are channeling your inner Ma Larkin then this dirigible in slime green is just the thing’. Agreed. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in – there were NONE last week and WTF came over all funny as a result. Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Akshata Murthy, Boris Johnson, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Grammys, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities, Yorkshire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Super-Enormous Oscars Special


Hallo Readers,

Forty years ago, Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands. Acknowledging the failure to prevent this debacle, Lord Carrington, the Foreign Secretary, promptly resigned and John Nott, the Defence Secretary, proffered his resignation but Mrs Thatcher refused to accept it. The days when people behaved with honour have long gone. This week saw a number of shameless people spit on the concept of honour and wave two fingers at the public. Any of them could have been the subject of this week’s rant but that would mean leaving someone out. So here we go – WTF’s Roll of Shame March 2022.

1. The Chief Executives, medical staff and midwives at the Shrewsbury & Telford NHS Trust for years of gross negligence resulting in the death of hundreds of babies and some of the mothers who bore them. Faced with allegations of ineptitude, doctors hung up on bereaved parents, midwives blamed mothers for being too fat or for not complaining loudly enough (not that they would have listened), medical records were altered and internal reports were ignored. Despite this, instead of donning sackcloth and sitting in ashes like the King of Nineveh and his people, the previous CEOs in charge over that period have all gone on to bigger and better things, earning a fortune and looking forward to their big, fat, gold-plated pensions. Resignations? Don’t be silly.

2. Boris Johnson. For not answering a single bloody question at what is laughably called Prime Minister’s Question Time. For refusing even to admit any criminality during the Downing Street parties-that-weren’t-parties-but-work-gatherings after 20 Enforcement Notices were issued by the Met. For lying repeatedly to the House of Commons. Last week he told the House the Government would take action against P&O for breaking the law when sacking 500 people to replace them with something cheaper. This week Transport Secretary Grant Shapps said the Government had no power to do so. Resignations? Don’t be silly.

3. Every Tory MP who attended a slap-up dinner at the Park Plaza Hotel on Tuesday on the day the aforesaid #Partygate notices were issued and on the first anniversary of the nearby Covid Wall commemorating the 165,213 souls who died of it. The MPs walked past a demonstration by some bereaved families without so much as an acknowledgement, anxious to wrap their faces round champagne, salmon tart, chicken thighs and chocolate praline and, as mop-haired muppet Michael Fabricant MP put it, ‘having some fun’.  Who cares if there are people out there who cannot turn on their central heating or light the stove to boil an egg as energy prices soar by up to 100%?  Let them eat canapés. Resignations? Don’t be silly.

4. Chancellor Rishi Sunak, who is busily telling UK companies to sever all links with Russia while his wife, daughter of a billionaire, holds $900 MILLION in shares in her daddy’s company Infosys, which continues to operate in Russia despite other Big Tech companies pulling out. When challenged on this, Rishi bristled, stamped his little £300 grey leather trainers and said his wife is not elected. No she isn’t, but he is. Presumably, unless things have gone tits up chez Sunak, he enjoys some of the benefit of her wealth. Resignation? Don’t be silly.

5. And talking of wives, Will Smith, who laughed uproariously at Chris Rock’s stupid joke about Jana Pinkett-Smith’s crewcut until he caught a glimpse of his missus’s expression, realised he was in deep matrimonial doo-doo and leapt up onto the stage to lamp Rock before shouting and swearing at him. In the customary lachrymose speech after he won the Oscar an hour later (for Best Actor, not Best Lamper) Smith apologised to everyone except the person he assaulted. And, it emerged on Thursday, he refused to leave the building after the assault, despite being told to. As for the Academy, what did they think Rock was going to talk about?  Daffodils? And as for those who stood and cheered Smith to the rooftop when he won Best Actor….. The bar for next year has been set high. Anything less than someone being eviscerated live on stage will be a real letdown. Resignations? Don’t be silly.

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We begin our review of the Oscars sartorial shit-pile with actor Kristen Stewart, wearing Chanel.

There is dressing down. And there is looking like a chorus girl in a 1940s musical. Any minute now and she will burst into song and do a tap dance. Meanwhile, her hair looks like a Pomeranian died on her head.

Actor Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, aka Jaime from Game of Thrones, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Is he moonlighting on The Love Boat? And the fit of those trewsies is just terribly, terribly terrible.

Model Elsa Hosk wearing Mônot at the Vanity Fair Party.

Of course she has an amazing body, but that is not so much a tit window as a French window with a breast flattener.

Singer Joe Jonas, wearing Louis Vuitton.

Good grief. He looks like he is being electrocuted. Throw a blanket over him!

Makeup artiste Jane Vernon, wearing something frightful and fluffy with leather leggings.

If Ozzie Osbourne had sex with a Norwegian Forest Cat, this is what their progeny would look like…….

 Actor Timothée Chalamet wearing Louis Vuitton.

At least Joe Jonas was wearing a shirt with his LV suit. Prat. Next!

Singer and actor Janelle Monáe, wearing Christian Siriano.

Yurgle. She seems to be trapped in a backgammon board while giving us flashes of under-boob and putting us in fear of an imminent Minge Moment.

Colombian actor Sebastián Yatra wearing custom Moschino. 

Moschino nicked the design for this suit from the Security Staff at the Bank of England, adding a pair of toning Co-Respondent shoes just in case there was not enough pink…. 

Actor Tracee Ellis Ross, wearing Caroline Herrera.

Aficionado Michelle tweeted to ask WTF, ‘Did you see Tracee Ellis Ross’s red dress? For a woman with style, I dread to think who told her wearing that did her any favours #toomuchtit’. Michelle, WTF did see it and her eyes bulged out of her head as much as yours did. It is not so much a case of #toomuchtit but #toolittlebodice as those mice ears were clearly not up to the job. And for that matter, #toosmallaroundthehips.

Actor Wesley Snipes, wearing Bogard by MikeB.

If a red cabbage went to a fancy dress party wearing a penis pelmet, this is what it would look like.R&B singing sisters Chloe x Halle namely Chloe Berry (left) wearing Robert Cavalli and Halle Berry wearing LDVF (right, or in her case, very wrong).

MINGE!!!!!!!!! Put some knickers on, girls. Chloe seems to have come from the beach while Halle’s dress appears to have split along the seam. And those purple sandals are beyond hideous.

Finally, we have actor and Instagram person RickeyThompson wearing GCDS.

For some reason, Rickey has chosen to attend the event dressed as a display stand from well-known tat retailer, Claire’s Accessories. As for the trousers, Rickey needed to take a size up – at least…….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sal who brought this monstrosity to our attention – it’s the new Balenciaga Men’s Collection.

 Sal observes that ‘This year’s fashion look for menswear appears to be, “my mum says I’ll grow into it”.’ She is right. Men’s clothes are getting sillier and sillier. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF happy and you don’t want her to be unhappy, do you? Of course you don’t. And do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Oscars, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Uncategorized, Will Smith, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Send Her Back Special

Hallo Readers,

In Dickens’s Martin Chuzzlewit, Mark Tapley, Martin’s manservant, does his best to remain relentlessly cheerful despite the many vicissitudes which meet man and master.  One suspects that even Mark would currently struggle to maintain his equilibrium. War still rages in Ukraine. Here in the UK, the billionaire Chancellor of the Exchequer failed to assist those who have sunk from Just About Managing to Being Unable to Turn on the Heating or to put on the oven to cook a food bank potato. And even when there is good news, the return of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe after six years of incarceration in Iran, it turns out that a woman not born in the UK, not white and not Christian, will be castigated for failing to show sufficient gratitude for her release.

Zaghari-Ratcliffe did a number of things to offend the gammon. For a start, she looked well. She was not covered in scabies and her ribs were not sticking out. Since the outbreak of COVID she had been under house arrest in her parents’ home in Tehran where she had the benefit of eating properly, adequate personal care and a comfortable bed. Never mind the depression, the nightmares, the years of solitary, the mental torture – her hair was glossy! Second, she dared to contradict her husband who had politely thanked everyone in the UK government working for his wife’s release. Zaghari-Ratcliffe pointed out, ever-so-gently while squeezing her husband’s hand, that there had been five Foreign Secretaries during her stay in Iran and she had lost faith in all of them, given that their promises to her never translated into freedom. For the gammon this was tantamount to pissing on a portrait of Her Majesty the Queen while shouting Allahu Akbar and torturing a cat. Her poor husband! After everything he did for her! What a miserable bitch! He’ll be sorry soon enough, if he isn’t already! And the woman is downright ungrateful! Many of these same people regarded the requirement to wear a mask on the number 15 bus and in Asda as cruel and unusual punishment but find it unreasonable that a woman failed by successive governments, and especially by the man who is now Prime Minister, feels aggrieved to have been separated from her husband and her child for so long when all five foreign secretaries knew exactly what had to be done to free her, namely to pay the debt to Iran owed for decades for equipment it never received.

The hashtags #SendHerBack and #UngratefulCow were soon trending, full of woeful, xenophobic ignorance. It was her fault for going there and she was warned not to go! (Was she?). She’s not even British! (She is). We couldn’t pay the ransom because the EU regulations forbade it! (Rubbish). What sort of mother goes out to a place like that and leaves her child behind? (She took little Gabriella with her).  She was a journalist, so what did she expect? (She wasn’t). Never mind that former Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt and former Foreign Office minister Alistair Burt both admitted that there was a case to answer on the charges of incompetence and delay – the gammon know better. This brown Muslim woman, with the good fortune to marry a Brit, is an ungrateful cow and should be sent back whence she came. There are times when this country makes you shudder. Even Mark Tapley would be reaching for the sick bucket.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry at the Gibraltar marriage of former boyband singer Lee Ryan (Blue) and his bride Verity Paris. Also present was baby Ryan…..

This was sent in by WTF aficionado Kari Mac who noted ‘It’s lovely to see any happy couple on their wedding day, but I’m not sure why Lee Ryan thought it was a good idea to dress up as Jimmy Tarbuck?’. WTF respectfully disagrees with Kari and is getting more of a Tony-Blackburn-on Top-of-the-Pops-vibe. She does however agree that as an outfit in 2022, nuptial or otherwise, it is the pits; she also notes there is very little room in those trewsies and further she deplores the blushing bride’s fascinator on the basis that all fascinators are an abomination. The family tableau is only saved by the baby, who looks cute….

To the Producers Guild of America Awards in LA where we find actor Kerry Washington wearing Sergio Hudson.

It’s so slithery, with seams where seams ought not to be. If a prawn cocktail went to a fancy dress party as a courtesan, this is what what it would look like.

Here is singer Lily Allen out and about in New York wearing a vintage frock, no bra and black knickers.

WTF says vintage, but in truth the previous owner appears have been Miss Haversham from Great Expectations. And she says black knickers, but in truth she is extremely worried that they might be something else, like over-abundant pubes. WTF has also taken against that smug look on Lily’s face, which is annoying.

Gucci has been going down the pan for some time, and here are two outfits proving that fact. The first is worn by actor Jared Leto at the premiere of his new movie Morbius.

The second is worn by actor Dakota Johnson at the South by Southwest Film Festival in Austin, Texas.

Forget Jared’s ridiculous red lace gloves like Scarlett O’Hara and the rebarbative 1970’s curtain fabric of Dakota’s suit. The real assault on the eyeballs are the horrible external zips on both of them, particularly the bit at the end of Dakota’s which looks like an exposed genital wart.

To the UK premiere of season 2 of the fuckfest that is Bridgerton,  the historical romp that is as nonsensical as it is watchable. Sadly, Regé-Jean Page is not in it this season but actor Luke Newton, who plays one of the Bridgerton younger brothers, is. He is wearing something very heinous.

Whoever put Luke into this foulness is not his friend. A shit-coloured brown tux is a criminal offence (and if it isn’t, it should be), especially when worn with a matching wonky bowtie and trewsies made of gold Thai silk like an extra from The King & I. The whole outfit puts WTF in mind of those wedding outfits they make for doggies accompanying their adoring owners to the altar.

Now that Lady Daphne and the Duke of Whatnot have romped off into the hinterlands, the spotlight shifts to Daphne’s brother Viscount Thingy and a new character, Kate Sharma, played by Simone Ashley. Here she is wearing Gucci.

The green velvet pelmet is baffling but not nearly as baffling as the white thing which seems to a serviette which has landed randomly upon her chest and shoulders.

We are now at the Marbella Film Festival where we meet a newcomer, Argentine actor Valentina Zenere wearing not nearly enough.

MINGE!!!!!!!! VULVA!!!!!!!!!! YURGLE!!!!!!!!!!

We are certainly zipping about today. Here we are at the iHeart Radio awards in LA with singer Maggie Lindemann wearing Andre Emery.

See that black mark above her right knee? That is where the hemline should have been. There should also have been more side, more tit-cover and less homage to Raquel Welch in One Million Years BC.

Finally, and horribly, this is singer Halsey “wearing” Andres Sarda.

Oh. My. Gawd.  She is making Ms Lindemann look positively overdressed. It is as if Kaa the Snake had dipped himself in silver before crawling all over Mowgli…..

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Annette via Ange Waters, who sent in this vile excuse for an outfit from “designers” FIERYCR.

 It’s on sale!!! If you are completely raving mad with the taste of a washed-up Vegas showgirl, you can now buy it for only $34 99.  Or you can send the money to the Ukraine appeal, bleach out your eyeballs and develop some taste. Your call. WTF, Annette and Ange are quite clear on this one. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF cheerier than Mark Taplow. And of course,  your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again on Friday – it’s the Oscars edition! Be good x

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Bridgerton, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, iHeartRadio Music Awards, Iran, Liz Truss, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, Oscars, Politics, Producers Guild of America, Richard Ratcliffe, sexism, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Success Special

Hallo Readers 

Jacob Rees-Mogg popped up on the radio this week in an interview on LBC. For some people the big takeaway was his admission that he had never owned a pair of jeans or a tee shirt. Of course he hasn’t. But for WTF, the most striking part was his assertion that Brexit has been a great success. WTF seems to recall some stuff during the referendum campaign about how leaving the EU would return British jobs to British workers, apart that is from the ones that they do not wish to do and which nobody is now doing, like fruit picking and long distance lorry driving. Although if those benighted Ukrainians ever manage to get past Priti Patel’s maze of red tape, they can always hotfoot it down to the rural idylls of England and get cracking on the strawberries. However 800 British people did have British jobs working for P&O, the ferries that sail between the UK and the Continent. That is, they had jobs until lunchtime on Thursday when they received a Zoom message from the management announcing they were all getting the push with immediate effect to be replaced by cheap labour, presumably un-unionised and inexperienced, brought in via a “third party” from who knows where in order to save money. Never mind that the company, now owned by a “wealth fund” in Dubai, was quick to take millions of pounds of furlough money during lockdown, not to mention a sub of £33 million. Now that the era of Covid is officially over  (© Boris Johnson) and people are venturing back on holidays,  P&O has decided to reward experienced seafarers by chucking them on the scrapheap. The law requires 90 days consultation before a redundancy takes effect, but P&O paid as much attention to that as they did to loyalty and decency. Vote Brexit! Get the sack! If the Ukrainians are not up for a bit of agriculture, perhaps the newly-unemployed seafarers can give it a go… If this is what Rees- Mogg (who is, do not forget, the Minister for Brexit Opportunities), regards as a great success, one shudders to think what failure looks like. Although we know what failure looks like. It looks like him and his wretched colleagues…

There was one bright light this week in a slough of despond. Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe and Anoosheh Ashoori finally returned home to their families after the Foreign Office did what it should have done decades ago and repaid Iran the £400 million it owed them for an aborted arms deal. There was an emotional reunion at RAF Brize Norton in the early hours of Thursday morning. WTF gives credit to Foreign Secretary Liz Truss for actually pushing the deal through, which is more than her predecessors managed, especially the five pounds of shit in a four pound bag that is Boris Johnson, whose lack of preparation and arrogant stupidity extended her stay in a Tehran prison. But just as WTF was beginning to think more warmly of the Truss, she saw that she had barged her way into the Brize Norton reunions, photobombed practically every picture of the happy families and then retweeted endless pictures of herself throughout the day. With Truss, no good deed goes unpublicised.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam with singer Rihanna out and about wearing a diamond bra, leather jacket and mini skirt by Alexander Wang and Amina Muaddi boots.

Rihanna is pregnant, apparently. Who knew? Answer – bloody everyone.  It is very tedious. This time she has ventured out dressed as Glenn Hughes aka Leatherman from Village People in a pair of kinky top boots.

And here we are at the BAFTA Awards in London actor Emma Watson wearing Oscar de la Renta,

Emma’s outfit caused WTF aficionados Baroness Bishop LLB Hons Ph.D to point out that Emma was dressed as something out of Swan Lake with a black regulation swimming costume and John to ask why Emma was dressed as a chicken. And they are both bang on the nail.

And a rare honour for Emma because she is in twice! This has happened only about three times over the past ten years. Her second appearance is for her choice of legwear/shoes thingy at the Chanel BAFTA dinner.

WHAT???? WHY???? And they are so wrinkled! Even Nora Batty in Last of the Summer Wine would be embarrassed…

 This is actor Daniel Kaluuya, wearing Prada.

 

Jeff Goldblum wore the black version of this nonsensical item at Milan’s Men’s Fashion Week and although this fits Daniel much better than it fit Jeff, the Russian hats on the arms are even sillier in cobalt blue than they were in black. At least WTF can repeat the picture from last time …..

Finally from the BAFTAs here is actor Florence Pugh wearing Carolina Herrera.

Oh Lord. Really? The bow and train are like a flowing placenta….

For reasons quite unclear to everyone, the BAFTAs took place on the same night as the Critics Choice Awards in LA, starting with actor and director Kristen Wiig wearing Rodarte. 

Yawn. Next.

Next up we have actor Lady Gaga wearing Gucci.

This is a stinker if ever there was one. In contrast to her gorgeous Ralph Lauren  dress worn for the BAFTAS, this is tawdry and tacky. And since when did California introduce a tit mask mandate?

This one is just plain sad. Here is former tennis superstar Venus Williams, wearing Versace

From the earliest days of the blog, WTF has always said that Versace was Italian for vulgar and if this is not proof positive of that adage, what is? Either wear a skirt or don’t. But do not venture out on the Red Carpet wearing a loincloth.

Next we have actor Jodie Turner-Smith, also wearing Gucci. Gucci was having a bad night on both sides of the Atlantic.

This is like a checklist of things that WTF hates almost above all things. A one-sleeved dress on a two-armed woman. Frills where frills do not need to be.  A thing around her neck like a silk floor mop.  She resembles an overdone cockatoo.

And finally, it’s her again. Yes, singer Rita Ora  in Elie Saab and  her producer boyfriend Taika Waititi.

MINGE!!!!! GROIN!!!!! BELLY BUTTON!!!!! It’s a gynaecologist’s wet dream. Give it a rest love, for Gawd’s sake. 

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado David from the Barbican who has taken against Lady Gaga’s handbag at the  BAFTAS. Not the beautiful Ralph Lauren dress she wore but the handbag.

David says ‘This is possibly the ultimate Minge / Merkin moment being held at a distance as if it were some kind of exhibit. And its he wrong? It’s so HAIRY!!!! Who holds their handbag like that? Although in this case you can see why…..It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments which cheer WTF up no end. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in BAFTAs, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Critics' Choice Awards, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss, masks, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, Nigel Farage, Politics, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments