WTF Corona Cockup Special

Hallo Readers,

So how is your lockdown going? If you have a partner, are you planning on consulting a solicitor the moment the siren blows and we can all venture outdoors again? Are you fantasising about putting the kids up for adoption? Are you dreaming of an omelette or freshly baked bread? Are you fed up with climbing over your loo-roll mountain every time you go into the garage? It is like being retired without the benefits of your free bus pass and cheap cinema tickets.

This may be a war but this is not like the Blitz. In full knowledge that a bomb could blow you and yours to smithereens any second, people went out and about and savoured the moment. They got married, they had sex, they went to the pub, and they went to see films and plays and musicals and concerts. But none of those options are available (except the sex, and even then your options are very limited). You are stuck indoors, apart from terrified trips to the shops in search of foodstuffs, distilled almost to jelly with the act of fear when anyone encroaches into your personal six-feet exclusion zone, ears cocked for every cough and sniffle and body stiffened against a potential droplet of sputum heading your way, And it is not like the Blitz, because then you knew who the enemy was, and you could hate the enemy and claim the moral high ground. And, at least after 1940, you had a leader in whom you could trust, both on this side of the Atlantic and the other side. Sixty years later, your enemy is a virus and your leaders are idiots who have misjudged this every step of the way, failed to prepare for what was coming, and left us all in  danger. They put the Market above our health and safety, until they realised that they would not be allowed to get away with it. They talked down the threat of the virus and let us all go out and mingle, with disastrous results. They failed to buy in the equipment necessary to protect our medical staff and to save our lives. They talked endlessly of testing, but failed to provide enough for those who need it. They are fighting a war without giving their troops the necessary equipment. They are downright bloody useless, and the result is that the anger and resentment a previous generation directed at Hitler, Mussolini and Hirohito is rewound endlessly on TV and social media and directed at the people who are supposed to be rescuing us, either because they didn’t rescue us soon enough or because their rescuing us is imperilling someone’s share portfolio. In the First World War, the incompetence of the generals caused people to say that Lions Led By Donkeys. Today, with doctors recycling their masks and going down like ninepins, Heroes Led By Dimwits. We can wash our hands as often as we like, but sadly we cannot wash our hands of them.

Stay safe everyone.

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You may have noticed, no one is going out, unless it is to go to score eggs at the supermarket, go down the off licence, or pop into the COVID-19 centre. So WTF has decided to take a different path, and to consider the sartorial history of many of our regular celebrities over the years that she has been taking the piss out of celebrity fashion. If you would like to nominate a celebrity for next week, feel free to comment below or to tweet @WTF_EEK. To kick off, we have one of our most regular regulars, Rita Ora, with seven years’ worth of horror to keep you entertained. We begin in July 2013 with our heroine in concert at London wearing Ashish.

Rita has a great body. We know this because we have seen more of it than Rita’s personal physician, boyfriends and masseuse combined. But was it really necessary for her to flash her bra? Meanwhile, those “jeans” are what would happen if DJ Khalid had sex with a glossy downpipe. 

Here we are in June 2014 with Rita wearing Jaime Lee,

En route to whichever Red Carpet event this was, Rita’s limousine ran over a swan, whereupon she scooped up the remains of the roadkill and wrapped it around herself so as to lessen the effect of the Minge Moment.

Here’s Rita in London in October 2015 at a recording of The X Factor, wearing Emmanual Ungaro.

Those boot are the pits, like elaborately decorated tent poles at a posh marquee wedding.

January 2016 saw Rita in Paris for fashion week, wearing Versace. 

Nowadays we all recognise that shade of orange as Trump Visage – in those halcyon days, we had no idea what was coming at us. We had more difficulty in getting our heads around this getup, which was essentially what Wilma Flintstone would have worn at a Bedrock S&M club.

We are now in July 2016 with Rita wearing Philipp Plein.

Wearing is perhaps a trifle inaccurate, but it gives WTF a chance to repeat one of her favourite maxims, namely that if you have to hold your hand over your minge when disembarking, there is something wrong with your dress. And with you for wearing it.

In October 2017, Rita appeared at the BBC Radio 1 Teen Awards in London, wearing Burberry.

This is about the silliest outfit Burberry ever produced, as if Just William were to go designer shopping. Football hooligans various used to wear Burberry before it went poncy and this is exactly what they used to look like.

 

At the end of that year, November 2017 to be exact, Rita went to the MTV EMA Awards in London, wearing Palomo Spain.

WTF was firm on this point at the time, and she still is. This was a bathrobe. It was a very nice bathrobe. But it was a bathrobe. A bathrobe worn with sparkling stilettos and a rather fine diamond necklace was still a bathrobe. One can but be grateful that she was wearing panties.

Here we are in August 2018 in London with Rita wearing Koché.

WTF does not even know what this was supposed to be. At the time she thought Rita was wearing an Arsenal shirt, but it wasn’t, it was (as WTF aficionado Norman points out), a Paris St Germain shirt. Whatever it was, it looked like someone threw up over her, and with good reason, because this is positively emetic.

September 2019 saw Rita at Milan Fashion Week attending the amFAR Gala, wearing Prada.

If a white dragon went to a fancy dress party as Caspar the Friendly Ghost, this is what it would look like.

A month later, in October 2019, she appeared in this thing.

Frankly, there is always a problem when there is more material in your boots than in your dress. This appears to be a child’s shiny romper suit with a double side helping of side boob and some ugly-looking tattoos. 

Our last selection is Rita in December 2019 at the Capital Radio Jingle Bell Ball in London, wearing Guy Laroche.

Is she about to have a C-section? This combines pretty much everything WTF dislikes – peekaboo, bellybutton, toeless boots and one sleeve on a two-armed person. And extra minus points for the turd topknot.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado Jen from London, who has taken exception to these clear plastic men’s swim shorts.  

No, sorry, this is getting out of hand. Many WTF Readers are still recovering from Bobby Norris and his thing in a thong, aka the cock sock, but at least his thing was covered up. Just think what would happen if someone decided to dispense with the under garment. We can all agree that It’s Got To Go. 

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments, which gladden WTF’s heart, and your excellent suggestions It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good AND WASH YOUR HANDS. x

 

 

 

Posted in amFAR, Andrew Cuomo, Anthony Fauci, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Football, Matt Hancock, Meghan Markle, Piers Morgan, Politics, Prince Charles, Prince Harry, Royal Family, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged | 4 Comments

WTF Corona Chic Special

Hallo Readers,

So weeks after anyone who knew anything about anything knew that this was going to be big, and that it was going to be bad, and that the best way to avoid it was to stay indoors for the foreseeable future, the British Government decided that this was going to be big and that it was going to be bad, and that the best way to avoid it was to stay indoors for the foreseeable future. But only after it had spent a couple of weeks pursuing a policy that the old, the broken down, the disadvantaged, and the not completely well, would be hauled off to the knackers yard and save the NHS a fortune. And then it spent another week telling people that it would be awfully nice if they were to stay indoors and keep out of the way of the virus, whereupon a large number of people kept going to work on crowded tube trains and buses, and going out to dinner, and boozing in the pub, and enjoying the spring sunshine in groups, and engaging in man to man combat in the supermarket aisles for that last bottle of Flash and that last packet of disinfectant wipes, with everyone coughing all over each other in close proximity. On Monday, the Government finally ordered people to stay indoors, save for walking the dog, visiting your sick relatives and engaging in man to man combat in the supermarket aisles for that last bottle of Flash and that last packet of disinfectant wipes. Whereupon a large number of people kept going to work on crowded tube trains and buses, and boozing in parks, and enjoying the spring sunshine in groups, with joggers running six inches away from you as you walk the dog, instead of six feet, and engaging in man to man combat in the supermarket aisles for that last bottle of Flash and that last packet of disinfectant wipes with everyone coughing all over each other in close proximity. And the death rate keeps rising, and the NHS staff still can’t get tested for the virus they are treating everyone for, and hospitals are running out of personal protective equipment and ventilators because the Government didn’t get around to ordering any weeks ago, when everyone who knew anything about anything knew that this was going to be big and that it was going to be bad.

In such circumstances, with most of the country still in their pyjamas until lunchtime, the main activities have been: 

  • getting up at 4 am to nab that Ocado delivery slot five weeks hence,
  • abusing the fat cats who made millions off the work force, but who prefer not to pay their wages and so have laid them off,
  • wallowing in buckets of schadenfreude that Prince Charles has got the virus, although fortunately still in good health,
  • banging dustbins in praise of the NHS workers whose health and welfare they have imperilled by behaving like selfish bastards for weeks on end, and
  • getting very worked up when they see a celebritee trending on Twitter, only to find that they haven’t actually died, but have said something stupid or joined with other celebrities in caterwauling some uplifting ballad on YouTube. 

And this is only five days in……..Stay safe everyone.

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Look Readers, let me be frank. Hardly any bugger is going out. There is no red carpet. Life is tough for a piss-taking fashion blogger in such circumstances. WTF is put in mind of Evelyn Waugh’s Vile Bodies, where a newspaper gossip columnist, aka Mr Chatterbox, commits suicide after libelling everyone who is anyone in London Society. As a result, and some sixty-odd writs later, the new Mr Chatterbox, Adam Fenwick-Symes, is reduced to making people up, including a Count Cincinnati who wears a bottle green bowler hat. Readers, things have not got quite as bad as that, but WTF has had to cast the net wide this week, although there have been some surprisingly rich pickings. 

We start our review of the week’s corona chic with epidemiologist, Professor Chris Whitty,  a stalwart of of many of the Prime Ministerial briefings.

Look, the prof is a busy man, handling the Nation’s coronavirus outbreak. WTF gets that. But that is no excuse for looking like a sack of shit. That shirt is not fresh on. The collar its a disgrace – as WTF aficionado Andrew commented, he is wearing a size 17 collar on a size 14 neck. And the tie is manky. If he cannot do better than this, then let him come to the press briefings in scrubs and be done with it. That is, if he can find any.

Donald Trump becomes ever more ridiculous and ever more orange with every press briefing.

Frankly at this point, we would all like him to don a face mark, one made out of sticky tape covering his mouth. Instead, he has chosen to don an eye mask while spray tanning, or whatever he does to get to that hue, making him appear to be peering out from inside an overripe pumpkin. How can he actually think that he looks good like this?

Next up, we have Real Housewife of New Jersey Melissa Gorga nipping down to the mailbox in face mask, surgical gloves and gym kit. 

That driveway is very Anthony Soprano, but the mask is more Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs.

To Slovakia, where we find its Prime Minister Zuzana Čaputová wearing Kuzmi.

Is that face mask germ-proof? She looks like a magenta bank robber with colour coordinated footwear. And with respect, Madam Prime Minister, you probably needed to take a size up.

And here she is again, celebritee Lauren Goodger, popping down the shops.


As WTF aficionado Susie observed, Lauren is the gift that keeps on giving…. everything fake and protruding, Chanel handbag chain slung over her enormous breasts like a mountaineer’s climbing rope, and a yashmak like a Turkish pantomime princess.

Finally, we have singer and producer Erikah Badu, wearing Louis Vuitton.

Oh please…. an LV hazmat suit? And why does she have a pair of Pomeranians on her feet?

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado, Michael from Sydney, who is aghast at these foul, fully insulated, sleeping bag onesies with built in camel toe.

Yours for only AUS$49 95. Can you get the virus from grass? Whatever, It’s Got To Go. 

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments, which gladden WTF’s heart, and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Chris Whitty, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Prince Charles, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Corona Clowns Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF is bringing out the blog for as long as there is something to write about, even though the fashion part might get a bit scarce, given that everyone is locked down. But while we can still manage a smile, let us try and prompt one. Here is WTF’s selection of the week’s Corona Clowns.

  • Boris Johnson – Cometh the hour, cometh the hopeless. If you want a brazen, floppy-haired liar to crack a few jokes and repeat ‘Let’s Get Brexit Done’ ad nauseam, Boris is your man. When it comes to dealing with a pandemic, you would be better off with Dwayne Johnson (aka The Rock) or Boris Becker or a wobbly banana blancmange. When questioned by journalists at the daily press conferences, Johnson B looks like a guilty toddler who has done a whoopsie in his pants but does not want to admit it as he might not get any sweeties after tea. Last week, he was all for sacrificing 250,000 citizens to save the NHS the bother of looking after us, given that ten years of Tory Government has run it into the ground and it clearly cannot cope. This week, he is telling everyone to stay indoors for the foreseeable future, although he will not make it mandatory, thus allowing another week of people going out and about and infecting each other. But then, this was the man who proudly boasted only a few weeks ago that he would happily shake everyone’s hand, even in hospitals.
  • Donald Trump – See Boris Johnson.  With knobs on, as the US has five times the population of the UK. Just shut up and leave the talking to the experts. 
  • Mike Pence – If Pence ever needs a new career (and please God, may that be in January 2021), he could go into gay porn, because he clearly has no problems giving blowjobs in public. His verbal fellatio of the President is unquestionably the most nauseating sight and sound in modern life. At a press conference the other day, as he praised the Orange Moron to the skies, a wit tweeted ‘someone grab Pence’s legs quick before he completely disappears up Trump’s ass’. Quite. Although he seems to like it up there, so he may not want to be rescued.
  • Fat British yobs various in Benidorm – Determined to show Europe what it will be missing, a bunch of ghastly, sun-burnt, shaven-headed, fat-stomached,  tattooed plankton on their holidays gathered in the streets of Benidorm to get pissed and ‘sing’ football songs, despite the Spanish Government having put the whole country into quarantine. One portly moron informed an appalled TV interviewer – ‘it’s just the ‘flu innit?’ Er no, fatso, it isn’t. They were lucky that the Spanish Police did not get lively with their batons, as they are wont to do. And to be frank, many of us would have enjoyed watching.
  • Brainless young people out and about in crowded bars, pubs and beaches – See above. Buoyed by the belief that they are not going to get ill from the virus, they are partying like it’s 1999. Sadly, new evidence shows that being young may not be the shield they thought it to be. But in any event, they could still be carriers and might end up killing their grannies. Not that they would probably care.
  • Bog-roll hoardersYes, they are still at it, emptying the shelves like a plague of locust attacking Africa. No person is too elderly not to be shoved aside whilst grabbing the last roll of Andrex with extra Aloe Vera. No kiddie is too small not to be manhandled if he or she is standing between the shopper and a packet of penne pasta. Meanwhile, they are stockpiling cigarettes on the basis that while keeping safe from coronavirus, they might as well die from lung cancer instead. 

Stay safe, guys……

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Look, WTF won’t lie. When no one goes out, this blog is tough to produce. She has done her best. Who knows what on earth will be on show next week. If anything at all. Direct your complaints to Mr B Johnson, Mr D Trump and President bloody Xi. Anyway here we go….

Let us kick off this survey of the week’s fashion faux pas with double Oscar-winning actress Hilary Swank, wearing Elie Saab.

At forty-six, Hilary is about thirty-five years too old for this frilly ensemble, which was last seen on 1930s child star Shirley Temple.

This is actor Matthew Morrison looking very silly.

These are four bad pieces of clothing, made all the worse by their being worn together. The trewsies appear to have shrunk in the wash but most offensive is the Italian priest’s hat. Just very bad.

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Here we are in London where we find radio presenter Kelly Brook wearing Hush.

Dearie me, this is unflattering. If a cartoon leopard went to a fancy dress party as Kelly Brook, this is what it would look like.

Meet actress and film writer Hannah Marks wearing Elkin.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. Not so much a case of checks and balances as Laura Ashley (RIP) and tartan imbalances. And the bag is absurd. Bonkers.

Back in London we have singer Rita Ora out and about, wearing Courrèges. 

Wozzis?  Peekaboo leggings over a caffe latte undergarment. It is fouler than a foul, foul thing lurking at the bottom of a swamp. And the rear view is worse. 

She has Paris written on her bum. Why would you have Paris written on your bum? #baffled

Finally, say hallo to Little Women‘s director Greta Gerwig in New York at the premiere of the movie  ‘Never Rarely Sometimes Always’, wearing Farm Rio.

This should never be worn. Ever. It looks like a kaleidoscope has thrown up all over her.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado Amski, who is unimpressed with the new Saint Laurent ad for the women’s fashion range.

What on earth is occurring? It is only about ten days since International Women’s Day and here is St Laurent playing titterama with a giant mushroom bodice. Amski is right. It’s Got To Go. 

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments, which gladden WTF’s heart, and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and wash your hands. x

 

Posted in Andrew Cuomo, Anthony Fauci, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Joe Biden, Mike Pence, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Bog-roll Special

Hallo Readers,

So are you feeling confident that World Leaders have got a grip on coronavirus? Do you believe that Boris Johnson has got his finger on the Nation’s fevered pulse? Are you reassured by Donald Trump’s steadying hand on the tiller? Because if you are, you are either taking lots of happy pills or are more chilled than a freezer-full of ice cream. That is if you can find any ice cream in the shops, or indeed anything in the shops. Every day, across the world, citizens are engaging in person-to-person combat in supermarket aisles as they try and pile their trollies high with umpteen mega-jumbo-packs of bog-rolls, disinfectant wipes and rigatoni. Between 1920 and 1933, America imposed an alcohol ban which led to boot-legging and violent crime. Now, chemists are flogging hand sanitiser, usually sold for a few quid, at ten times the price.  Once people used to stockpile whisky. Now they will probably have to use it to wipe down their kitchens and clean their hands. Of course, it does not occur to these panicked fools that if they buy all the health products, others without access to them will not be able to protect themselves and pass the virus on to them. Dentists, doctors, carers, will suffer. Welcome to the Fuck-You-I’m-Fine society. Don’t it make you feel proud?

Of course pandemics cause panic and chaos, but management to date has been dismal, and nowhere more dismal than in America, where the idiot Trump spent so much time telling everyone that this was just like ‘flu, that everything would be fine, and that the media and the Democrats were stirring things up, that he ran out of time to make things better. He kept assuring the public that tests are available for any citizen who wants one, which is an orange-faced lie. His televised address on Wednesday, delivered in a flat monotone like a I-speak-your-weight machine, when he banned flights from Europe and said things were serious, must have come as a surprise to the ardent morons who worship him and who had joined him in scoffing at the seriousness of the situation. Prominent Republican politicians have had to self-isolate (please let that carry on indefinitely). But even on Thursday, he was maintaining that there were millions of tests available, while the sainted Dr Anthony Fauci, who is on the Coronavirus task-force and is an actual doctor, admitted to Congress (on oath) that ‘we have failed’. As most people are not being tested, no one has the faintest idea how many Americans have it. Meanwhile over in the UK, there is no travel ban, no ban on large gatherings, no ban on sporting events, no closure of schools, and Johnson has airily told the public that ‘many loved ones will die’ And now that Trump has banned flights from Europe, but exempted Brits and the Irish, European travellers will just fly here and transit to the US. It is an ill wind that blows nobody any good, particularly the winds across the Atlantic.

At least one person is keeping a sense of perspective. Last week, First Lady Melania Trump, she of the Einstein entry visa, tweeted a photo of herself plastered in makeup with her hair tweaked to within an inch of its life, wearing a hard hat and pretending to inspect architectural drawings for a new tennis pavilion at the White House. She told usI am excited to share the progress of the Tennis Pavillion at @WhiteHouse. Thank you to the talented team for their hard work and dedication.’ When this tone-deaf, Marie-Antoinette-with-a-tennis-racket drivel was widely met with a  negative response, she got into a spin and tweeted again two days later ‘I encourage everyone who chooses to be negative & question my work at the @WhiteHouse to take time and contribute something good & productive in their own communities. #BeBest’, only to be met with another volley of abuse. So US citizens, never mind that you cannot find anything with which to wipe your bum, and that spaghetti is but a distant dream. Next year the Bidens will have a lovely new tennis pavilion. And if that does not cheer you up, WTF does not know what will.

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Bloody hell, we need a laugh this week of all weeks. So let us start our review of the fashion flotsam with singer Harry Styles, wearing Gucci. 

WTF aficionado Mark from Essex was so appalled by this apparition that he sent it in with this emoji. And no wonder. Harry is dressed as Katherine Hepburn, one of the first Hollywood actresses to wear trousers.

Here is model Suki Waterhouse at the premiere of the new movie Behaviour, wearing Reem Acra.

The coat is nice. The rest of the ensemble seems to consist of a ice-skating costume with a couple of deceased skunks hanging off a stupid sheer skirt.

We are at the Global Awards in London where we encounter singer Camila Cabello wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

This is a cross between an Edwardian courtesan and a French maid. Where is the bottom half of this outfit? Oooh la la ….

And also there was TV presenter Kate Garraway wearing Very.

This is very. Very horrible, like something the late lamented Nanny Pat, her off TOWIE, would wear.

This is dancer and TV talent show judge Paula Abdul wearing Michael de Paolo at an event in Las Vegas called Keep Memory Alive.

WTF would rather that her memory of Paula’s outfit were entirely obliterated. And of the shoes decorated with moss. If a leprechaun went to a fancy dress party as an Elizabethan courtier, this is what he would look like.

Here is actress Katja Herbers wearing Iris van Herpen.

Iris’ designs are beautiful but something has gone seriously awry here around the crotch, because the lining looks like the sort of nappy worn by Sumo wrestlers. 

We are at the premiere of Bloodshot whee we meet one of the stars, actress Eiza Gonzalez, wearing Christopher Kane.

This is distinctly mingey, and you worry about what you may be seeing, whether you are actually seeing it or not. The whole thing is evocative of Janet Leigh behind the blood-soaked shower curtain in Psycho. (As it was a black and white movie, they used chocolate. Honestly.)

Here is one of our regulars, singer Celine Dion, wearing Prada.

WTF likes a laugh as well as the next person, but this is ridiculous. This is the sort of thing worn by refuse collectors, except that Celine could not be a refuse collector as she seems to have lost her arms. At least she will never get lost in a snowstorm.

 Finally, we have singer Meghan Trainor wearing Christian Cowan.

Well this is colourful. In the way that Herry Monster is colourful. Extra minus points for the blue pigtails.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado, Annie from the North Pennines, scoring a rare entry two-weeks-running which is pretty impressive. Last week, it was circus-tent-like inflatable latex trousers. This week it’s Rick Owens fashion show in Paris. Cop a load of this….

What on earth is occurring? It’s a fashion show, not the Moscow State Circus. And the clothes are horrible as well. Rick Owens – stop it. It’s Got To Go. 

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments, which gladden. WTF’s hearts and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

 

 

Posted in Barack Obama, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Football, Joe Biden, Melania Trump, Politics, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Biden My Time Special

Hallo Readers, 

So Super Tuesday came and went and a number of candidates went with it – Mayor Pete Buttigieg, Senator Amy Klobuchar and multi-billionaire (a real one) Mike Bloomberg. All of whom came out and supported Obama’s Vice-President Joe Biden, who bolted out of nowhere to win 10 out of 14 states. He had been Biden his time, having been declared dead after a very poor showing on the first couple of primaries. Bloomberg spent $1bn on his brief and ill-fated campaign but, Readers, do not worry about him – he still has about $60bn left, so there will be no need for any economies in his household budget and he can probably still afford a summer holiday, coronavirus permitting. Senator Elizabeth Warren (70), who is smarter than all of the remaining candidates put together, dropped out yesterday. Which leaves the Democratic fight to two male septuagenarians, Biden (77) and Senator Bernie Sanders (78), with the winner taking on Donald Trump (a mere stripling of 73) in November. 

None of these three is remotely the best option. Trump is unspeakable, as well as mind-bogglingly stupid. This week, appalled onlookers were treated to the sight of him enquiring of the world’s leading experts on viruses whether the existing ‘flu vaccine would work on the coronavirus. (Answer – of course not, you fucking idiot. IT IS A DIFFERENT VIRUS. But then he thinks that it is called corona flu…..). Trump is less concerned with the victims and more concerned with the effect on the Stock Market, his main USP in the forthcoming election. He also contradicted the World Health Organisation’s estimate that 3.4% of those contracting the virus will die, this based on his own ‘hunch’. Sanders (who is not even a Democrat, but an Independent who caucuses with the Democrats) has many good points, but also has three main drawbacks. First, he is manifestly too left wing for most Americans to vote for, which means he will not beat Trump. Second, his supporters have the same cultish devotion and boorishness as our own Corbinistas, and are furious at every Democrat who had the temerity to vote for someone other than their beloved Object. Third, he constantly attacks the Establishment and millionaires, although he is a Senator and a millionaire who owns three homes. As for Biden, he also has many good points but WTF worries that he has, as her late mother used to say, gone old. He can seem as sharp as a bumper bag of cotton wool. His sentences sometimes drift off into the hinterlands of comprehension, if they even get that far. His foot is often placed firmly inside his mouth. Much as one wants to love him, and there is much to love, it is difficult not to worry about a 77-year-old whose memory seems to be fading and who often lacks energy. But even a half-functioning Biden is better than a fully-functioning Trump, always assuming that he is actually fully functioning, about which WTF entertains great doubt. Hell, a box of coronavirus-soaked tissues is better than a fully-functioning Trump, because Trump peddles hated, division, derision, and racism, as well as a determination to enrich himself and his circle. Which is why it is imperative that Biden picks a viable, smart, running-mate, preferably one of those who should have had his job in the first place, because it may be that he will not last four years, or, if he does, he will have to rely on his VP more and more. Call for Senator Warren or Senator Kamala Harris or Senator Klobuchar because it is probably the only way the US will ever get a female President……..

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry at an event dedicated to the late singer Lena Horne, with singer Solange Knowles wearing David Koma. 

This can reasonably be described as odd, as if she has recently undergone radical surgery.

We are at Milan Fashion Week and in the company of our long-term friend, actor Jared Leto.  He is wearing Gucci. Of course he is.

The last time that WTF saw a shirt like that, it was on the late, lamented, Jim Morrison.  It does not go with the trousers, complete with their blingy Gucci logo, or with the jacket with its blingy-but-gorgeous brooch, or with the stupid hat, and nothing goes with anything else. As per usual. Love the shoes though..

Meet artist and musician Casey Spooner also at Milan Fashion Week, wearing Prada.

If Glenn from Village People went to a fancy dress party as a motorcycle cop, this is what he would look like. And that fly zip is an invitation to trouble…..

We are now at Paris Fashion Week, with actress Shailene Woodley. wearing Stella McCartney.

Those are very bad jeans with built-in chaps. WTF?

And here is actress Ashley Benson, wearing Giambattista Valli.

Throughout the world, people are stockpiling toilet paper in anticipation of being quarantined at home with the aforementioned coronavirus. Now we know where most of it went- into Giambattista’s workshop and onto Ashley.

More bad denim, this time on model Bella Hadid wearing Balenciaga.

The kindest description of this is that it is a mess. And the hair! She looks like Neil in The Young Ones.

Now we have rapper Kanye West and his wife Kim Kardashian, celebritee, law student and prison campaigner, the Elizabeth Fry de nos jours. They are on their way to a church service conducted by Kanye. He is wearing his own fashion line, Yeezy, and Kim is wearing Balmain. 


Apparently, at Kanye Church Services, a gospel choir sings songs written by…Kanye. Er, right. Presumably Kanye can wear what he likes at his own church, but Kim’s outfit is an abomination. As Jesus almost remarked ‘Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel toe to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.’ Call for the Canesten! It is also the colour of poo and has gloves instead of, or attached to, the sleeves.  And who wears fuck-me sandals on a Sunday morning in March???

Finally, this is actor Tommy Dorfman wearing Martin Margiela.

Yurgle, The coat is totally tops, as is the jacket/waistcoat, but no one wants to see either penis peek or Springtime for Hitler boots worn with bare thighs. Or, for that matter, cyanotic lips. 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is from a number of different WTF aficionados, Yvonne from Jedburgh, Claire from Boston and Annie from the North Pennines, all of whom – separately – have got the hump with these vile latex trousers from graduate designer Harikrishnan at the London School of Design. Ready? You won’t be….

The trousers are inflated with a seven millimetre-wide inflation valve at the bottom. The designer got the idea from his dog (WTF is not making this up) and how exaggerated objects must look from such a low angle. “The thought of him seeing me as a giant figure or not seeing my head at all was intriguing, so I decided to reimagine the people around me through the game of distortion – detached from the stereotypical, pre-determined notions of the human perspective.” It looks as if someone has farted into their trousers. It’s dreadful, it’s pretentious, and without any question whatsoever, It’s Got To Go. 

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. You have not been sending in your comments, leaving WTF despairing in these tough times – none in two weeks apart from the MAGA moron making racist comments about Michelle Obama. And do keep sending in your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

Posted in Abortion, Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Joe Biden, Milan Fashion Week, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Where’s Wally Special

Hallo Readers,

Welcome to another dismal week in the still-but-only-just United Kingdom. It is freezing cold and although the blossom is out, it will not last long in these temperatures. We have had Storm Ciara and Storm Dennis, and now half the country is under water with despondent householders watching their furniture bob-bob-bobbing around the sitting room and no obvious relief in sight. Many of them are not insured because their houses have flooded before and are now uninsurable. As they splash outside to survey the rising river levels, there are plenty of journalists recording their misery, plus some brave men and women from the Armed Forces rescuing grannies and stacking sandbags to stem the flow. If they are really unlucky, they may catch a glimpse of the Environment Secretary George Eustice wading about in his wellies, looking sympathetic. Eustice was taking a break from his other main duty as Environment Secretary, namely refusing to deny that Britain will soon be awash with another form of pestilence, US chicken washed in lactic acid. Yummy yummy says my tummy…. But Prime Minister Boris Johnson was nowhere in sight, Perhaps he was disheartened after his visits to flooded Yorkshire in December, where he was told to fuck right off by the blunt-speaking locals. He seems to have taken them at their word.

So where was Wally? Not only was he not visiting the waterlogged, he was not on TV or radio or anywhere public. Instead  he was holed up at Chevening, the grace and favour country residence of the Foreign Secretary. Johnson and his inamorata Carrie Symonds laid claim to it for half-term week as the Prime Ministerial country house, Chequers, has the builders in. You might think that what with the country beset with floods and storms, threatened with coronavirus and acid-washed chooks, and needing to make some trade deals post-Brexit, Johnson would have some work to do, but it appears that he continues to emulate Donald Trump, this time in taking as many holidays as possible at someone else’s expense. He saw in 2020 at a luxury villa in the Caribbean which may or may not belong to David Ross, the bloke who founded Carphone Warehouse (Johnson says it was Ross’ home, and he was lent the villa; Ross – who ought to know- says it was not). But six weeks after returning from St Lucia, the PM and his consort disappeared into the Jacobean delights of Chevening and only emerged in time to attend the Black and White Ball, a thrash for rich Tory donors organised by….David Ross. Captains of industry various necked champagne and bid for such items as a signed copy of the Withdrawal Agreement (WTF is not making this up), a flight in a Lancaster Bomber with Grant Shapps (WTF would have bid for that one, but only if she could have pushed him out mid-air), whisky tasting with Liz Truss (you would need to drink a lot of it to get through an hour with her), and lunch in a prison with the Justice Minister Robert Buckland. Some prat with more money than sense paid £50,000 to play tennis with Boris Johnson. As WTF’s late father was wont to ask, why would a man voluntarily dip his head in a bucket of shit? If only the flood victims in the North and the Midlands could (a) have reached their wallet (b) found £15,000 to pay for a table, there to feast on red mullet with salsa verde and (c) had access to non-mouldy evening wear, they too could have been there. Because it was the only way they were ever going to meet Boris Johnson…,.

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The week’s fashion flotsam is as dismal as the weather and the prospect of acid-washed chicken. Let us begin with Donald Trump and his spouse Melania Trump in front of the Taj Mahal. FLOTUS is wearing Atelier Caito for Hervé Pierre

They are both more orange than an orange. His hair is preposterous, his teeth are preposterous, and he is wearing comedy trousers. Her face is more plastic that the K-Tel factory and she is the only woman to emerge from kidney surgery with bigger tits, wasting no opportunity thereafter in showing them off by fastening something around her waist and pulling it tight. In India it is most inappropriate to emphasise your breasts, crotch and bottom, but Melania was going for the hat trick. All that is bad enough, but she is also touring the Taj Mahal in sky-high white stilettos. NO ONE DOES THAT. NO ONE. 

Next, to LA and actress Quintessa Swindell wearing something foul.

She was attending the premiere of the new movie I Am Not OK With This. Who would be? She is flashing her drawers and covered in shedded fur from a deceased bunny. And the shoes were last seen on a Miami matron at the pool of the Fontainbleu Hotel.

Meet model and activist Hunter Schaefer at the Burberry Show in London, wearing Burberry.

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WTF’s immediate thought was that poor Hunter needed a blood transfusion – stat. Her next thought was to try and work out which flappage was part of the coat and which flappage was part of the top, both of them the same (lack of) colour as the pale face above the collar and the bloodless limbs emerging from the matching Minge Moment skirt. And then there are the ugly bootees, like bandages around a camel’s hooves.

This is top stylist and America’s Next Top Model judge Law Roach. Who even knows what he is wearing?

If Paddington Bear went to an Apocalypse Now party as a military nun from  hiding in the jungle, this is what he would look like.

To Italy, and actress Zazie Beetz wearing Rodarte at Milan Fashion Week.

1980s fashion was bad enough the first time. Why revive it? And it is catching, because here is superstar singer Rihanna, wearing Givenchy.

Yikes. Zazie and RiRi could both have fitted into the top part of that dress with its linebacker shoulders, and the ruffles are hideous. Clearly someone somewhere was paying a tribute to Joan Collins in Dynasty. At least her dress had a waist.

To the NAACP Image Awards, where we find lovely actress Cynthia Erivo wearing Prabal Gurung.

Ouch! That bodice is so small that it is slicing her boobies in half, like a skilled butcher filleting an acid-washed chicken. And what is occurring with the over-skirt, resembling the spores of some very nasty virus as seen under the microscope.

This is celebritee Lauren Goodger out and about in London wearing I Saw it First.

The last time Lauren was here, she was also wearing I Saw It First and that was horrid as well. That is not so much a cleavage as two canyons between a narrow valley. It is bad, but not as bad as the split trousers over clompy boots.

Finally, a newcomer, Broadway actress and singer Da’Vine Joy Randolph at BET Black Film Honours.

The lady has buckets of attitude but not enough to overcome the fact that this is a ruched bin-liner onesie, and it is just terribly, terribly, terrible.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado Ruth-Anne, who sent in this revolting example of revoltingness.

Apparently it is for people who don’t like their feet. Or perhaps it is a piss-take.  But whatever it is, it is truly revolting and It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments, which will bring cheer to WTF in these dark times, and please don’t forget your super suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Raab, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Floods, General Election, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Weirdos and Misfits Special

Hallo Readers,

We want to hire an unusual set of people with different skills and backgrounds to work in Downing Street … The categories are roughly: data scientists and software developers; economists; policy experts; project managers; communication experts; junior researchers one of whom will also be my personal assistant; weirdos and misfits with odd skills…”

As a hiring strategy, what could possibly go wrong? But this was the very result the employer wanted. And what he got, in the shape of 27 year-old, political ‘super-forecaster’ Andrew Sabisky. Sabisky may or may not be awfully bright, but it turned out that he has more political skeletons in his closet than Jeffrey Dahmer. He had previously written enthusiastically about Eugenics, the theory that you can breed a race to perfection by screening out bad genes and producing a tip top result, like human cockapoosApparently, you get rid of the ‘permanent underclass’ or ‘residuum,’ thus ending up with the cream swag. Sabisky had proposed whittling down the ‘underclass’ by forced contraception. Oh, and he thought that black people had lower IQs than white people. Sounds familiar? 

Here’s the thing, Readers. Sabisky was hired to work at No 10 Downing Street. By and for Dominic Cummings, Boris Johnson’s Svengali. The artfully-deshabillé Cummings, who looks as though he got dressed in the dark only to dragged through a hedge backwards by a giant Great Dane, (and then back again, just to make sure that nothing remained un-crumpled), is a great fan of causing chaos, tearing things down, shaking things up, and generally treating Government as a giant tumble dryer. Advertise for misfits and weirdos to work at 10 Downing Street and you get people like Sabisky. Although the invitation to apply, which appeared in Cummings’ blog, suggested that Whitehall was too full of Oxbridge types (Cummings himself went to Exeter College Oxford), the job spec demanded that candidates should have gone to the ‘top universities’ with the best degrees. Like Sabisky.

At some point, a quick check would have discovered that Sabisky not only wrote about Eugenics in 2014, but also in 2016, where he gave a big hello to  the benefits of a so-called cognitive enhancer, which could prove fatal, but was ‘probably worth a dead kid once a year’. But either no one did check, or they did check and liked what they saw. In any event, the shit hit the fan, and Sabisky resigned, moaning about being quoted out of context, as people always do when caught red-handed. No 10 itself refused to condemn Sabisky’s views although asked to do so no less than ten times. So who is next to qualify for Cummings’ super-squad? Katie Hopkins is not doing much these days, except tweeting and waiting for the next terrorist outrage so she can have a go at Mayor Sadiq Khan (she only went to Sandhurst, but flexibility is all when getting the right people). David Irving is still knocking about somewhere. Hey, he is 81, but why be ageist? There is a rich vein of misfits and weirdos just waiting to saunter up Downing Street to join the ones inside……

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Let us begin the survey of the week’s sartorial shipwrecks with young actress Anna Taylor-Joy, promoting her new movie Emma, wearing Halpern.

Those footsies are deeply disturbing, like a tap-dancing leopard. And why is she wearing a bin bag?

This is comedienne Katherine Ryan wearing Millia London.

Wozzis? She looks like an exploded tomato in leather boots. It’s so….BIG. And that belt is really, really horrible.

We are at the BRIT Awards in London where a variety of people appeared in ridiculous clothing. Like singer and actor Harry Styles wearing Gucci.

Miss Marple goes to the Brits.  All her detective skills will be required to discover who put Harry into a shirt with a lacy collar, a puce sweater and a string of pearls.

Here is singer Ashley Roberts wearing Celia Kritharioti.

When  your handbag is bigger than your top, you need more top. Not that it is a top, more of a sparkling bandage and matching groin glitter, like a Broadway Showgirl in times gone by.

This is serial offender singer Ellie Goulding, wearing Koche.

Well this is a right Koche-up. The dress is not so much ragged as hanging on for dear life and Ellie needs to let Rentokil loose on her closets and look snappy about it. Meanwhile, there is also an excess of side boob. Any sudden movement and a waiter would have needed to replace the newly-liberated item with a warm spoon.

Last from the Brits Red Carpet,  singer Jorja Smith, wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier .

The colours are great, and WTF could even have lived with the matching boots. But not with the shadow of death around the minge and running down her inner thighs. Yurgle.

Here we are at a BRIT afterparty at the ballsachingly hip Chiltern Firehouse, attended by singer Charli XCXwearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

This is of course very typical of Julien’s oeuvre.  It would seem that Charli was in an aviary and some sort of bird flu wiped out many of our feathered friends. Charli just happened to be covered with glue at the time and the dead birdies moulted onto her. WTF is also bound to point out that it was bloody cold in London last week and this is definitely not what you want to be wandering around in on a chilly evening. Brrrr…..

We are back in New York with actor Jon Hamm wearing Tom Ford.

Fuck me. It’s Robocop in a polo-neck sweater. And those trousers are tighter than a camel’s jockstrap in a sandstorm.

And still in New York at New York Fashion Week, we conclude with singer Tinashe, wearing Laquan Smith at the designer’s show.

We have come full circle from Anna to Tinashe, only Tinashe is much, much, worse. If a leopard went to a fancy dress party as a pole dancer flashing her all, this is what she would look like. Mingetastic. 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is from outraged Royal subjects various, of whom WTF of Islington is one,  who were forced to listen to the bells at Westminster Abbey chiming yesterday to mark the 60th birthday of nonce’s friend Prince Andrew. There may well be a few people outside his immediate family who were willing to wish Andrew Happy Birthday, but most of them are probably behind bars. Everyone else feels that his ridiculous defence of his friendship with erstwhile mate Jeffrey Epstein, coupled with his failure to assist the District Attorney’s office in New York with their enquiries into the deceased, means that he is beyond the pale and does not deserve any public tribute, particularly in the week that Prince Harry has been told not to make any use of his Royal status. It is enough to make you sick and It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments, which will bring cheer to WTF in these dark times, and please don’t forget your super suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brits, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Cummings, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, General Election, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Prince Andrew, Prince Harry, racism, Royal Family, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment