WTF Brits and Pieces Special

Hallo Readers,

Some bad things have been done in the name of tourism. (Remember tourism?) Every year save f0r 2020, sunny seaside spots in Spain, Cyprus and Greece are overrun with visitors who get horribly drunk, copulate on car bonnets and are rowdy, disrespectful and unmanageable. Stag and hen parties terrorise peaceful citizens in picturesque cities, running amok and having punch-ups on planes. Football fans routinely smash up cafes, pubs and bars and indulge in oik-to-oik combat with rival home supporters. But WTF is struggling to recall any touristic incident in which thousands of feral deplorables storm a nation’s Parliament, smashing in doors and windows to effect entry, attack policemen with flags, attempt to gouge out officers’ eyes, call loudly for the hanging of the country’s Vice-President (having handily erected a set of gallows in front of the building), piss in the corridors and leave billets-doux for prominent politicians indicating that for them, the end is nigh. Oh, and cause, directly or indirectly, the death of four policemen. WTF is also struggling to see how such actions qualify as tourism, as opposed to bloody insurrection, sedition and domestic terrorism.

But apparently, WTF is wrong. As wrong as wrong can be. One of the GOP’s finest, Rep. Andrew Clyde of Georgia, said on Wednesday that the events of January 6 in Washington were merely ‘acts of vandalism’ and that it was a ‘boldfaced lie‘ to call what happened that day an ‘insurrection’. He told a Congressional Committee enquiring into where the armed forces were on that day, ‘Watching the TV footage of those who entered the Capitol and walked through Statuary Hall showed people in an orderly fashion staying between the stanchions and ropes, taking videos, pictures… You know, if you didn’t know the TV footage was a video from 6 January, you would actually think it was a normal tourist visit.’

No, actually, Rep. Clyde, you would not think that unless you were either a complete moron or someone who has broken his oath of office and whose only interest has been distilled into telling lies on behalf of the Former Guy.

Not that Rep. Clyde is alone in his beliefs. Rep. Paul Gosar of Arizona told the same hearing  ‘Outright propaganda and lies are being used to unleash the national security state against law-abiding U.S. citizens, especially Trump voters’  and Rep. Ralph Norman of South Carolina dismissed the absurd notion that the men and women wreaking havoc that day were Trump supporters, despite the fact that they wore MAGA hats, chanted his name, carried flags with his face on it and were described by the man himself as ‘great patriots’ and told ‘we love you – you’re very special’.

And so yesterday was another terrible day for truth. Not only did the House Republicans remove out their third in command because she refused to peddle the Big Lie that the US election had been stolen; but some of them then used their roles on a House Committee enquiring into the insurrection to gaslight the nation by denying that it was an insurrection and to deny what everyone saw and heard on that day. Apparently, this was not attempted murder and mayhem, and a coup to keep a man in office who lost by seven million votes; this was a self-guided tour of the Capitol with optional extras of lynching, assault, battery, criminal damage and theft. And the worst thing of all – people all across the US believe that it is true.

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We start the survey of the the week’s clothing clunkers with singer Miley Cyrus on Saturday Night Live, wearing Schiaparelli.

Deary me. Madonna was giving us conical bras decades ago, but Schiaparelli has gone further still. Doubtless, after the shirt has fallen foul of a coffee stain or yellowed or whatever, you can cut it up and use it as nippled placemats. Disturbing.


Next up, we have singer Rosalía wearing Oresund Iris. Brace yourselves.

There is obviously some sort of post-Covid thrift going on. First we have a shirt with built-in nippled placemats, and now we have a straitjacket doubling as a corset. And since this excrescence costs £588, you would be in need of one for being mad enough to pay that much.

And now we have megastar Beyoncé posing on Instagram wearing KNWLS.

KNWLS stands for Charlotte Knowles, a young English designer, and not Beyoncé Knowles. WTF has seen some daft outfits in her time, and this one is right up there, reminiscent of those photographs of celebritees stark naked with their body painted…..

Now we are off to the Brit Awards on London where appallingness was in great abundance. First up is singer Harry Styles wearing Gucci (of course he is).

WTF has some admiration for the jacket, but not when worn with those ghastly bellbottom trousers and the stupid handbag. The whole thing is very 1970’s front room, and that is not a compliment.

Singer Dua Lipa, wearing Vivienne Westwood.

Sigh. WTF loves Dame Viv’s creations and she loves this one as far as it goes. The problem is that it does not go far enough, i.e. it is an imminent Minge Moment, she is flashing her suspenders and she looks likes something out of a Toulouse-Lautrec drawing.

Actor and singer Billy Porter, wearing threeASFOUR. 

 

Do you think he owns a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt? It is getting boring now. Those boots are made for walking …..to the trashcan. The handbag is only suitable for a two year old girl. Billy is not Audrey Hepburn and threeASFOUR is certainly not Hubert Givenchy.

Singer Olly Alexander from Years and Years wearing Gucci.

Olly did a fabulous duet with Elton John, singing It’s a Sin with great panache. But even so, it was not enough to keep him out of this blog because this nonsense is not to be borne, from the blue shirt thingy to the S&M harness to the dead birdies on his arms and the overall impression of an uber-gay Puck in an avant-garde production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

 More fluffiness, this time on singer Celeste, wearing Ashley Williams.

If a baby raven went to a fancy dress party as a ballerina, this is what it would look like.

And finally, singer and musician MNEK (né Uzoechi Osisioma Emenike) wearing Robert Wun.

And before you ask, WTF would have disliked the outfit had it been worn by Celeste or Dua Lipa. How did he walk in those trewsies without going arse over tit? What the hell has he got on? And why is he wearing a pleated valance WITH A MATCHING HANDBAG? 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ben from Bromley, who brought this foul thing to WTF’s attention. Once again, brace yourselves….

This shocker comes from a company called Dark-isawesome.com and costs a massive $49. Ben came across it on Facebook and contacted WTF to ask (hopefully tongue-in-cheek) whether she thought it would be a good present for his wife. WTF counselled against. Its’s horrendous. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

 

Posted in Brits, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Football, Mike Pence, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Cancel Culture Special

Hallo Readers,

Voltaire famously said ‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.’ Except that it was not actually Voltaire who said it but the writer Beatrice Evelyn Hall, who published a book about him under a pseudonym, S. G. Tallentyre. Be that howsoever it may be, the principle is one with which – in principle – we all agree. But what would either Voltaire or Miss Hall have said about Facebook’s decision in January 2021 to ban The Former Guy, a ban which this week it extended for another six months?

Supporters of TFG have been up in arms, screaming about ‘cancel culture’,  despite the fact that the GOP is about to sack its no 3 in Congress, Liz Cheney, because she is not prepared to support the lie that TFG won the November 2020 Presidential Election but had it stolen from him by all or any of Joe Biden (‘The Present Guy’), Democrats, Chyn-ah, the late President Chavez of Venezuela (who died in 2013), the manufacturers of the voting machines and/or the software for the voting machines, [add any other unlikely and innocent suspects as wished]. They have also been screaming about free speech and the First Amendment, which does not apply to private companies like Facebook and Twitter. But they have not addressed their mind to the distinction between free speech and blatant lies. And to the consequences of TFG’s blatant lies which have all but brought democracy to its knees in the US with millions of morons brainwashed into believing that TFG should be TPG and TPG should either be in jail or in a home for the terminally bewildered, with the GOP now showing the door to anyone who says differently. 

WTF sees no reason why private companies with – admittedly poor enforced – terms of use should allow blatant lies to be peddled to millions of people, who then repeat them blindly; because if you have read it on Twitter or FaceBook, it must be true. And if you have read it a zillion times, how can it not be true? People only tend to read the tweets and posts of those who share their views, and so truth is defined by volume and repetition, and before you know it rampant fantasy becomes fact and contradiction becomes intolerable. And so TFG should not be allowed to lie on these platforms, and those who oppose him should not be thrown out on their ear because they try and stop the madness. But sadly, it is probably too late, because, as we saw in the summer of 2016 with Brexit and the £350,000,000 a week for the NHS, and in the autumn of 2016 when Mexico was going to pay for the Wall, and now in 2020 and 2021 when TFG had the election stolen from him, lies are just alternative facts that permit of no other alternative.

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We start our review off the week’s vomit-making vestments with WTF’s favourite Z lister, celebritee Lizzie Cundy, arriving at her birthday celebrations in London, wearing something nasty and Louboutin bootees.

Lizzie does not look like the Lizzie of recent years and THAT Lizzie did not look like the Lizzie before that and there has clearly been some more interference with the workings of nature. Oh – and blonde is so not her colour. As for the outfit, the dress with that oversized ruffle looks like a particularly virulent snake about to bite. Yurgle.

Next up, we have mega-celebritee Kim Kardashian wearing a load of old nonsense.

No designer has owned up to this. Good call. If Cleopatra went to a fancy dress party wrapped in rug offcuts, this is what she would look like.


Here is model Chrissy Teigen at the Vax Live global event, wearing Valdrin Sahati.

This is the lovechild of a chair and a pumpkin that has been subject to a knife attack by a frenzied lunatic. Who knows? Maybe it originally started off with full sleeves (or at least a symmetrical bodice) before loony boy got going. And what is the point of a modesty panel which fails to achieve modesty and where the flesh colour is not the colour of the wearer’s skin? Frankly, Chrissy should take  that train, wrap it all around her like a shroud and slink away……

This is ‘influencer’ Tana Mongeau (she has 5.7 m Instagram followers), wearing not enough.

O.M.G.  Someone should influence Tana to wear more clothes, including a top that covers at least some parts of her tits and which does not look like a cat’s cradle.

Now we go to the cast party for the TV show Pose which wrapped up its final ever episode this week. There were were some utter shockers on view, starting with actor Angel Bismark Curiel wearing Lanvin.

WTF does not even want to think about why Angel’s hand is down his trousers, like a pervy Napoleon. As for the outfit, someone at Lanvin has clearly been watching a rerun of Casablanca and has fixated on the dastardly but charming Capt. Renault….

And here is actor Jason Rodriguez, wearing who can even say what this is.

This is like an über-camp suit of armour with a willy vajazzle.

Back again, our old friend actor and singer Billy Porter wearing Robert Wun.

WTF has seen Billy look stupendous in skirts and ballgowns, but this is not his finest hour, half washerwoman, half Joseph in his coat of many colours. What is this Joseph thing? A few weeks ago, we had actor Darren Criss in his Balmain version and now Billy. Stop. It. Now.

 And finally this is actress Mj Rodriguez, wearing Jean Paul Gaultier Couture.

It is difficult to know what to hate most. Is it the nip slip? Is it the foot blotch? Or is the truly terrible dress like an explosion in a corset factory?

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes (separately) from WTF aficionados Yvonne from Jedburgh and Daniel from Stevenage, both of whom are rightly appalled by Tony Blair’s hair.

Look. We all got shaggy over lockdown. WTF herself resembled a greying scotty dog. But this is truly the stuff of nightmares…he looks like Bob in Twin Peaks. Is there no pair of kitchen scissors in any of the Blairs’ many houses?  It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in America, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Tony Blair, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Oscars Super-Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF’s friends and relations will readily affirm that she is a spendthrift and likes a label. Her house is decorated with Farrar & Ball paint and Indian silk cushions from Good Earth in Delhi. But here is the difference between WTF  on the one hand and our Prime Minister and his consort Carrie Antoinette on the other. WTF paid for her décor herself out of money she earned herself and is not beholden to anyone as a result of it.

It is a good job that Johnson and Carrie Antoinette are together because that way, only two people are unhappy instead of four. WTF has never taken to Carrie Antoinette because (i) how can you like someone who finds that portly, mendacious scoundrel attractive? (ii) she appears to have a champagne taste on a Chardonnay income (iii) she has a permanent smirk and (iv) she has now dissed John Lewis, the nation’s beloved High Street department stores, an act of extreme and unwarranted snobbery that borders on plain unpatriotic. But Carrie Antoinette is not the problem. She is not elected to anything. The problem is her fiancé, who has yet again demonstrated, not that we did not already know it, that he regards the electorate, the Ministerial Code of Conduct, and basic decency with contempt. Sending out his minions to parrot the phrase ‘he has paid for it and there is nothing to see here and let us talk about the vaccine roll-out’ does not fool anyone, because we all know that there would be a lot to see if only Johnson would draw back the Lulu Lytle drapes and let us have a look. This blasé approach also failed to convince the Electoral Commission that rules have not been broken, and it has launched an investigation into who paid what to whom and when and why. Which means that yet again, our Prime Minister is being investigated for potentially dodgy and dishonest conduct. On top of everything he has done to date….

Readers, if Johnson and Carrie Antoinette want to decorate their current home like an Edwardian knocking shop, that is a matter for them, their eyeballs and their credit cards. But when the money for the knocking shop came from Lord or Lady Bigwig, whoever he or she may be, we have to ask why Lord or Lady Bigwig was giving money for £11,000 owl lanterns and £9,000 sofas and ever-so-floral wallpaper at £840 a roll, and what, if anything, was expected in return. And, more to the point, whether he or she has actually received, or expects to receive, any sort of quid pro quo for the outlay. If we do not know who he or she is, we cannot know whether he or she has been rewarded for  with a nice big Government contract or a tax break or what have you. And on top of the torrent of slurry rolling through Whitehall with PPE contracts for people who knew the people to know, and appointments for unadvertised jobs, and what knows what else, it stinks to High Heaven. And that is why it matters. Because we can all smell it, at which, like Trinculo in The Tempest,  our noses are in great indignation.

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Our review of the week’s sartorial slurry concentrates on the more sombre 2021-Covid-version of the Oscars, starting with the musical director for the ceremony, musician Questlove (né Ahmir Khalib Thompson), wearing some weird shit. Scroll down slowly…..

There was room for a whole band in those trousers, but WTF’s disapprobation is reserved for the gold Crocs. GOLD CROCS!!!! Here is a WTF rule. Crocs, of any material and in any colour, are an abomination in the sight of the Lord. Even on chefs. These ones are like a couple of perforated gold ingots.

Singer H.E.R. (née Gabriella Sarmiento Wilson), Winner of the Oscar for Best Song (Fight For You in Jesus and the Black Messiah), wearing Dundas.

 

The colour is fantastic and it was all going so well until you get to the see-though belly dancer’s trousers. And as regular Readers will know, WTF hates a see-through trouser almost above all things….

 

Actor Callum Scott Howells, wearing JW Anderson at Elton John’s Oscars party in London.

Young Callum, who made his name in the recent hit series It’s A Sin, is wearing a most puzzling ensemble, the love child of Bertie Wooster in spats and an Austrian mountain climber. And heaven knows what that thing is around his neck – is it keeping his head on?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Actress Halle Berry, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

It is always hard to love the colour puce, and this is puce. Not to mention the fact that the combination of the said puce and the swooshy bits around her waist suggest that she had an ill-fated encounter with Game of Thrones’ Ramsay Bolton, as a result of which her innards are falling out. Meanwhile, whoever was responsible for that haircut should be sued into penury.

Actress Amanda Seyfried wearing Armani.

Amanda looks amazing in red and Armani’s workmanship is exquisite, but what on earth is happening in the tits department? As WTF aficionado Sally remarked, she may have been up for Best Supporting Actress (in Mank) but she had no support from her own dress. The ruffly bits must be tickling her armpits and remind WTF of those feather flirt stick sex toys.

Producer Dana Murray, wearing Christopher John Rogers, and Writer/Director Pete Docter. They won the Oscar for Best Animated Film (Soul).

The pattern of Dana’s dress is pretty but the cut is preposterous. Top marks to WTF aficionado Rebecca from Cornwall who pointed out the similarity in its shape to Blueberry Girl from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

Actor Colman Domingo, wearing Versace.

It fits him beautifully but there is colourful and there is over the top. This passed over the top way back and is heading towards extreme retinal damage. Frankly, flamingos would need sunglasses…..

And now two people nominated for an Oscar who took the whole thing too literally and came dressed as an Oscar in actual gold. First, we have Leslie Odom Jr (nominated for Best Supporting Actor in One Night in Miami), wearing Brioni.

Is that a mask around his neck or a polo neck?  And then we have actress Andra Day (nominated for Best Actress in People v Billie Holiday) wearing Vera Wang.

Both of them were amazing in their respective films, but sadly not in their choice of apparel. It is as if they are covered in that gold liquid slime you can buy on Amazon. At least Leslie did not have his arse hanging out…..

Finally we have actress Laura Dern, wearing Oscar de la Renta. 

WTF loves Laura but not when she is dressed as if emerging from an egg like a new-born chick in a sweater.

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Leslie from Lisson Grove, who is very unamused by the Prince Philip Memorial Teddy Bear. 

Leslie says, ‘the day before Prince Philip’s funeral, this delightful advert appeared in The Times. I cannot decide what annoys me most, that it appeared in the Times or that it appeared anywhere! By the way, this pile of land fill costs £249 + P&P’. As ever, Leslie is bang on the money. Prince Philip was many things but he was not cuddly and he did not have embroidered feet. This is literally stuff and nonsense. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, David Cameron, Oscars, Politics, Prince Philip, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Not-So-Super Special

Hallo Readers,

‘And the Lord God prepared a gourd and made it to come up over Jonah  that it might be a shadow over his head to deliver him from grief. So Jonah was exceeding glad of the gourd. But God prepared a worm when the morning came the next day and it smote the gourd that it withered.’

And that, Readers, is the story of the European Super League. One day it was there. The next day, like Jonah’s gourd, it had withered. The idea was that AC Milan, Arsenal, Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Chelsea, Inter Milan, Juventus, Liverpool, Manchester City, Manchester United, Real Madrid and Tottenham would all play each other in midweek games. There would be no promotion, relegation or elimination, just an endless loop of football to delight television viewers across the world. Players would be flying all over Europe during the week and dragging themselves back for ordinary Premier league games at the weekend. Only you can bet your bottom euro that the star players would be kept on ice for the midweek games and the babies would be wheeled out to play Burnley or West Brom. To hell with the fans. These  billionaire owners do not care about the local fans. This is not about love of the club. It is about money – the money you get from selling the games to TV and selling shirts. That is why games are now played on every day of the week to suit the TV schedules. That is why London fans have to drag themselves up to Manchester on a Monday night with no chance of getting home before 2 am because the game has to start at 8 pm, and vice versa  That is why a match ticket costs more than a trip to Covent Garden. That is why clubs change their strip every season and have three strips, which they flog at exorbitant prices. Do you think these guys understand the love affair between a fan and his or her football club? Clearly they do not, because the outcry from this licence to print money was so great, and the threats from the Premier League and UEFA to ban every player from any competition so swift, that the six English club owners crumbled like Arsenal’s defence and backed down, offering profuse apologies drafted by their PR teams. 

Football has long been about greed – the outrageous salaries paid to players, the outrageous fees paid for players, the outrageous commissions made by agents, the repeated squeezing and inconveniencing of the fans. With the exception of Russia’s Roman Abramovich, who cannot actually get to see his team Chelsea play live because the UK will not let him in, most of the billionaires who own the UK clubs never come and watch a game because they live in the US or in Monaco and probably do not even like football –  or should that be soccer? It is significant that the big German clubs were never going to put their noses in the trough because German law provides that fans have a major stake, and so they would never have consented to it. The Super League was a chance to make some very rich captains of industry even richer. It failed. But they will come up with something else sooner or later.  And it won’t be the supporters they are thinking about when they do it.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing chaos with model and TV presenter Heidi Klum in silly leather trousers.

Imagine going through a metal detector in those – there would be armed police and doggies and evacuation orders and all sorts. Plus they are downright pervy, like something you’d find in one of those dodgy clubs off Berlin’s Reeperbahn. 

We next visit the Latin American Music Awards where we encounter singer Christian Chavez, wearing Jusef Sanchez.

This suit appears to be the lovechild of a job-lot of pockets and the safari suit worn by Prince Charles on his trip to Uluru with then wife St Diana of Kensington. There’s a profusion of dangly bits, no shirt, not even of any kind, and not enough trouser leg. This could be one of the silliest suits WTF has ever seen, and that is saying something.

She’s back! Yes, it is actress Dascha Polanco, wearing House of Jewel.

The lovely Dascha has ventured out in an elongated straitjacket, a miniature stockade around her neck and a turd topknot.

 

Now we are off to the American Country Music Awards where we find a newcomer to these pages, singer Devin Dawson wearing something surprising.

YEE-HAW!! WTF is surmising that Devin did a spot of bareback riding prior to the ceremony and fell off into a large cowpat.


Also there was singer Ingrid Andress, wearing custom Stella McCartney. 

Regular reasons will know that WTF has long thought that Stella has been taking the piss and here is yet more evidence, were more evidence required, which it was not, that she was right. What is this recent thing for macrame tits? Last week, we saw Maisie Williams in a macrame potholder bra and here is Ingrid with a conical bra like Brunnhilde wearing a macrame wall hanging. Please can this stop?

And here is the host of there event, actor and singer Leslie Jordan wearing something colourful.

He is attired in one of those painted backdrops you hire for parties. It is fun, but the effects of those overly-snug trousers could be rather less than fun when he removes them. As for the boots, WTF prefers not to speak of them….

Finally, and horribly, former Big Brother contestant Chanelle McCleary wearing a ‘jacket’ by Zara and alleged ‘trousers’ by Pretty Little Thing. WARNING – THIS IS BAD!

AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST WARNING!!! 

You have to stoop pretty low to make Lauren Goodger look classy, but compared to Chanelle here, Lauren is Audrey Hepburn. The ‘jacket’ has been tied so as to act as a Minge Mask and the ‘trousers’ appears to be no more than a pair of tights with the pattern nicked from the album cover of Pink Floyd’s The Wall. And how does she put then on and off with those talons?

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionados everywhere, who cannot stand the sight of our Prime Minister turning up on important State occasions like a sack of shit. It was bad the other week when he announced the demise of Prince Philip while giving the impression that he had just got out of bed. This week he pitched up at the Virtual Climate Change Summit looking like he’s been popped into the oven at 220 C.

What is it about the British that they cannot get the hang of sunscreen? The sun burns your skin, even in this troglodyte nation. Especially when your normal pallor is that of a peeled prawn. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

 

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Country Music Awards, European Super League, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Football, Latin American Music Awards, Politics, Russia, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Snouts in Trough Special

Hallo Readers,

You may recall that in September 2015, just after David Cameron was elected as Prime Minister for the second time, someone published a trashy book alleging that, as a student at Oxford, he had poked a pig’s head as part of an initiation ceremony into some posh boys’ food-throwing booze-fest. The story was probably untrue, based as it was on second or third hand hearsay, but it served to distract us from the horrors of austerity and UKIP.  Less than a year later, following the debacle of the Brexit referendum caused by Cameron’s hubris and folly, he had sidled out of the door of Downing Street into relative obscurity, to the great disappointment of nobody. But if you thought that he was just writing his dreary memoirs, you would have thought wrong. Cameron may not have poked the pig, but his snout was deep in the trough. He went to work for Greensill, a company owned by an Australian called Lex (né Alexander) Greensill, which specialised in supply-chain finance (also known as reverse-factoring). When he was still in no 10, Lex Greensill apparently had cards showing him as a Special Adviser to no 10. In 2016, Cameron became an adviser to Greensill with share options worth ££££££. Of course, Cameron was not there for his business expertise, but for his address book. When Greensill began to fail, Cameron started earning those share options. A text to Rishi Sunak (who replied that he was ‘pushing’ his team to make things happen). Phone calls to other Treasury Ministers. An ‘informal’ drink with Matt Hancock, with Lex Greensill present. Had the company flourished, Cameron could have been looking at millions of pounds in stock. Sadly (for him, not to mention the company’s creditors), it collapsed and the only people who will get anything out of it are M’Learned Friends, who are currently dancing round Lincoln’s Inn Fields in high excitement and laying in the champers.

It stinks. Indeed, the stench is worse than a roomful of farting ferrets.  Cameron tried to ride it out, failed, and this week issued a statement to the effect that he had done nothing wrong, but accepted his communications with ministers should have been ‘done through only the most formal of channels, so there can be no room for misinterpretation’. And now there is to be an enquiry into the matter led by – wait for it – a senior partner of a magic circle law firm which has acted in opposition to tightening the laws against lobbying, which were promised by, but not enacted by, a certain David Cameron.

The stench of entitlement lingers around Tory politicians and it keeps on lingering. Do not forget that on leaving office in 2016, Chancellor George Osborne walked into a one-day-a-week job at Blackstone for a measly £650,000 a year; Blackstone, which just happened to own large parts of Uber, which the Tory Government waved through as a taxi rival to black cabs. Only recently, we have had Johnson and the money which found its way into the bank account of his ‘technology tutor’ Jennifer Arcuri when he was Mayor of London and just happened to be sleeping with her at the time; Robert Jenrick, who waived through planning permission for Lord Desmond, whom he just happened to have sat next to at a charity dinner; the contracts for PPE which just happened to be awarded to all manner of people known to Ministers and their advisers and civil servants; and appointments for jobs which were never advertised but just happened to be given to wives of Ministerial mates. Only this morning we learn that Matt Hancock’s sister’s company, a specialist in paper shredding, gets NHS contracts and he has been given shares in it. Nobody ever says sorry, or puts their hand up to having done wrong. Never mind wearing a face mask – with this lot, you need a nose peg.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shockers with Love Island Celebritee Jess Gale wearing something frightful.

Jess has a twin who is also all hair, tits and teeth, but WTF took the view that one of them was more than enough, not least where Jess’s twins are bursting out in a surfeit of under-boob, barely restrained by a strap like an Elastoplast. Meanwhile that fake tan is giving The Former Guy a run for his money……

And here is another celebritee, only this one is a billionaire –  Kim Kardashian, wearing who knows what.

GI Jane meets Pussy in Boots. Just. Go Away.

 

Next up, we have actress Maisie Williams wearing H&M, for whom she is the new Global Sustainability Ambassador.

If Arya Stark came across anyone wearing this excrescence, she would probably take her trusty Needle Sword and swipe the straps off the over-bra, which appears to have been sustainably, but unfathomably, recycled from an old macrame pot holder.

To the BAFTAs in London, where we encounter actress Priyanka Chopra wearing Pertegaz and her spouse, singer Nick Jonas, wearing Armani.

Regular Readers will know that these two get right up WTF’s nose, as they have made smugness into an art form.  He has managed to find an Armani suit which simultaneously is too big on the shoulders and too short in the leg, while she is wearing a jacket with not so much as a tit window as a gaping gateway, paired with ridiculous harem trousers. As for the black pop sox under white trewsies, the last time WTF saw something similar, it was on the late Princess Diana. 

 

Also there was actress Cynthia Erivo, wearing Louis Vuitton.

WTF is unsure what is worse, the sparkly talons or the heavy armour-like top, putting one in mind of Brienne of Tarth. (Both Brianne and Arya in one post – blimey).

Actress Janelle Monae is posing by the pool somewhere in Mexico, wearing PatBo.

She is lovely, but the dress has two major flaws. First, it is sheer, and we are all bored by sheer. Second, and more importantly, it has shell-tits, like My Little Mermaid.

This is actor Darren Criss at the Costume Designers Guild Awards, wearing Balmain.

Meet Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Nightmarecoat. Darren looks as if someone has thrown up over him, having first consumed several cartons of M&Ms. 

Finally, the presenter on the night. actress Lana Condor, wearing Prabal Gurung.

Prabal Gurung is taking the piss. This seems to have been inspired by a malignant burgundy bird nesting on a parcel of silk in Liberty’s fabric department, and what the trousers have to do with the piece of fish, WTF cannot say.

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Susie from Greenwich, who is sick to the back teeth of being made to feel like a war criminal simply because she wants to drive her car around London. On Wednesday it took Susie TWO HOURS to drive from Greenwich to Islington (for lunch with WTF’s garden as it happens), a journey of eleven miles. And another two hours back again. Roads that used to be open have now are not and Susie notes that ‘Thirty years of cut-through knowledge have been cut off by bloody planters at every turn’, and adds ruefully that she was forced to ‘do more U-turns than Gavin bloody Williamson’. And have you tried driving along the Euston Road these days with cycle lanes taking up more room than car lanes? You could hop backwards quicker. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

 

Posted in David Cameron, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Matt Hancock, Politics, Uber, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Back to Normal Special

Hallo Readers,

So here we go. Come Monday and the key will turn a little more in the lock which has purportedly kept us all indoors since November 2020. We can freeze our bits off in the garden with five friends, as opposed to freezing our bits off on park benches, our hands tightly wrapped around a Costa Coffee. We can go shopping, that is if any shops are still open and have not gone bankrupt. We can eat in restaurants al fresco, that is if any restaurants are still open and have not gone bankrupt. We can go to the gym, get our hair cut (and, more importantly, coloured), and take driving lessons. The English and Welsh can cross each other’s borders. And thirty people can gather at a funeral. Let joy be unconfined.

If we are all well behaved, come no earlier than 17 May, we can gather in groups of thirty people outdoors and up to six people indoors, go to the pub, eat indoors, take Zumba classes, and have thirty people at a wedding. Oh, and we can go on holiday abroad! That is, if you don’t mind standing in a four- hour queue at the departure airport, sitting for hours on a plane and then standing for another four hours at the arrival airport, masked the whole time, while drunken yobbos run amok and treat appalled onlookers to helicoptering and fist fights and children throw up everywhere and scream the place down.

Why? Why the hell would you want to go abroad such circumstances? You would be a nervous wreck before you got to your hotel and a nervous wreck throughout the trip at the prospect of having to go through it all over again on the way back. The whole thing will cost you a fortune and you will probably bring back some exotic and hitherto-undiscovered mutation of the virus thereby infecting your family, your friends, your colleagues, and any other bugger unlucky to come within two metres of you. Just so you can get a suntan and some duty-free vodka.

But then throughout this pandemic people have been selfish and thoughtless. They have gathered in groups indoors, had or attended parties, and not worn masks – usually the same people who have complained about the ongoing ignominy of being deprived of their liberty. Many of these are doubtless also the same people who will refuse to be vaccinated because (i) Bill Gates wants to inject you with a microchip (ii) any combination of Bill Gates, Dr Fauci, and George Soros want to get rich at your expense (iii) they don’t need a jab because they are healthy and/or take vitamins and/or it’s all a hoax and/or more people have suffered from depression than died of Covid and (iv) it’s not safe, innit, as if Covid is so good for you. When these people get ill, they will be the first ones demanding treatment from an over-pressed, under-resourced NHS, but before that they will continue to do whatever they want, whenever they want it, and to hell with the consequences. So expect another spike. And perhaps a fourth lockdown. And enjoy your freedom while it lasts.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shockers at the Makeup Artists and Hair Stylists Guild Awards 2021 and its co-presenter, actress Sibley Scoles wearing Yves St Laurent.

Sibley has fabulous legs, but that does not entitle her to turn up in public like the lovechild of the late and legendary bandleader Edmundo Ros and a French maid’s pubic pinafore. And where is her right hand?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next up, we have rapper Doja Cat, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

The coat is good, albeit the arms seems to have cut for an orangutang, but as Readers will know, WTF deplores a transparent trouser almost above all things, and almost as much as she loathes a Tabi boot. If a white camel went to a fancy dress party as Mother of the Bride, this is what what it would look like.

Our next stop is at the virtual Screen Actors’ Guild Awards, where we come across Daniel Kaluuya, (winner of Best Sporting Actor for Jesus and the Black Messiah) wearing Louis Vuitton.

Yes, he is handsome and yes, he was excellent in the movie, but WTF must speak frankly. These look like pyjamas and a dressing gown because they ARE pyjamas and a dressing gown.  Think Cary Grant in hobnail boots. And then weep……

Next we have actress Merle Dandridge  (nominated for Flight Attendant) wearing Georges Chakra.

Sadly, the lovely Merle is putting the sag into SAG as her sparkling bodice resembles a pair of low-slung rabbit ears.

Here is someone we have not seen for a while – Jared Leto, wearing Gucci. 

The suit is rather charming in that ridiculous 1970s sort of way, but the voile shirt, necktie and shiny shell clutch prove what everyone always suspected, that Jared just wants to be Prince Stefan in the Rapunzel fairy tale.

We now welcome a newcomer to these pages, Florence Hunt (Bridgerton), wearing Chanel. CHANEL!!!!! Ye Gods…..

No, sorry, WTF is not having it. This is not Chanel, but more of a cheap knock-off version of the Italian National football kit.

This is Emma Corrin (nominated for The Crown), wearing Prada.

For reasons best known to herself, Emma turned up for the event dressed as Emmeline Pankhurst in half-petticoat and builders’ boots.

And finally, another newcomer to this blog, Sam McCarthy, (nominated for Dead To Me) wearing Kenzo.

In this attire, Sam is definitely Dead to WTF. This is not a suit. This is an oversized beanbag worn with white clogs. You could get the whole cast of Dead to Me down one trouser leg.

 

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington, who has had enough of footballer Gareth Bale’s turd topknot.

I mean, look at him. He looks utterly ridiculous, and not just because he plays for Spurs. He looked ridiculous when he played for Real Madrid as well.  WTF deplores a turd topknot on men and women alike, but Gareth manages to look particularly bedraggled…

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

Posted in Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, George Soros, Politics, SAG AWards, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Boris Groundhog Day Special

Hallo Readers,

So here are the ones we know about. There was A, whom he married, only to have an affair with M. He divorced A and married M, only to have a four-year affair with P, who became pregnant by him and had an abortion. Oh and at some point he was also seeing another journalist, Aa. He lied about the affair with P to his boss and got the sack. He later got a new job and started an affair with H, an unpaid adviser, who was living with a man called Pi. She had a baby girl in 2009 who looked very like our priapic hero, which came as a shock to Pi, as neither he nor H was strawberry blond with blue eyes. A left Pi and the affair with our hero ended, but M threw him out on his ear, although she eventually took him back. In 2010, he was censured by his new employer for failing to declare his relationship with H. In 2012, he started a relationship with J, who – coincidentally – managed to secure various valuable financial grants for her start-up businesses, plus a couple of trips abroad. That affair went on for four years but once again, our hero returned to M, only to be thrown out again when she discovered that he was now having an affair with C from HQ, to whom he is now engaged and who lives with him and their baby. And these are just the ones we know about.

We are talking about our Prime Minister, by the way. What a lad….

Last year, Johnson and Jennifer Arcuri both denied any jiggy-jiggy and said yes, he had visited her flat on Friday afternoons, and no, those meetings were not in his diary, but she was just giving him lessons in IT. Oh, and those pink things that just flew past your window were pigs….This week, after a few previous interviews where she hinted but did not confess, to teaching Johnson more than how to waggle his dongle, Arcuri decided to tell the Daily Mirror what everyone had already guessed, namely that she and Johnson were indeed making the beast with two backs, including having sex on the sofa in his matrimonial home. Now there are renewed calls for Johnson to be investigated for breaching the Nolan Principles for Public Life, namely, his failure to declare his relationship with Jennifer while he was Mayor of London while allowing her to profit financially, but he is unlikely to care about that. On Monday his press secretary, Allegra Stratton, claimed that he acted with ‘honesty and integrity’ as Mayor and that he had no case to answer over Arcuri’s allegations. Oh look. There go more of those pink flying things….. Telling the truth about his sex life is no more important to him than telling the truth about straight bananas or economics or the Irish border – it is a mixture of arrogance, laziness and recklessness which has characterised his entire life, whether as a lover, a husband, a journalist, an MP, London’s Mayor, a Government Minister or Prime Minister. And apparently, rather like the Former Guy in the US, people vote for him anyhow…….

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cobblers with celebritee and socialite Caprice Bourret out and about in London, wearing who knows what this is?

Caprice is strutting down the high street in a polo-neck tit bandage and bared belly-button, without a thought for the sensitivities of long-suffering Londoners exhausted by the rigours of a year’s forced seclusion. There is ‘if you’ve got it, flaunt it’, and there is ‘for Gawd’s sake, put it away love’. This passed for Gawd’s sake, put it away love’ many miles back down the road, and is now heading towards ‘Oh my eyes!!!!’ without the benefit of any brakes.

Now we venture virtually to LA where a bevy of badly dressed celebs attended the NAACP (National Association for the Advance of Colored Peoples) Image Awards. First off is actress Tracee Ellis Ross, wearing Schiaparelli. 

The golden bird is preposterous and the dress is very Wicked Witch of the North, but WTF could live with them, which is more than she can do with the hideous footwear, like a couple of rubber-soled floor uplighters….

Here is actor Nicco Annan wearing KAMSI-TCHARLES and a Givenchy necklace.

Gorgeous guy, awful necklace and seriously shocking suit, like the lovechild of a nurse’s uniform and some very poncy wallpaper…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meet the MC for the ceremony, TV presenter Tanika Ray.

Yawn. WTF thought we were over sheer, but Tanika clearly thought otherwise. Not only is the ensemble very unflattering, but one is reminded of Tiwi, the balding ostrich from Pembrokeshire, who lost her feathers in a fight. Only in her case, her owners were appealing for someone to knit her a sweater to cover up the bald patch…..

Now we have British actress Cynthia Erivo, wearing Lanvin.

Lanvin has gone right down the pan, having put the lovely Cynthia into a silvery version of those foam soft fruit protectors, showing off black bra and panties,  (whatever happened to the concept of lining?) and a hideous apricot pelmet.

And this is actress Jurnee Smollett, wearing Minge Maestro Alexandre Vauthier Haute Couture.

Actually, this is relatively modest for Alexandre although the slit is too high, like everything else he makes. WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the alleged bodice, which puts her in mind of Joe Biden wearing his mask.

Away from the NAACP Awards, but still in LA, we encounter celebritee and cosmetics entrepreneur Kylie Jenner, wearing Pierre Louis Auvray. Careful now…

Good grief. She is a perambulating thermal image with extra minge shading and those tits are downright disturbing.

And finally, she’s back after a long absence. WTF refers to rapper Lil’ Kim.

No one can ever explain any of Lil Kim’s fashion choices, and Readers are reminded of the retrospective on her last year in the depths of lockdown where every outfit was a stinker. This one is well down to standard. If Marge Simpson went to a fancy dress party as a kinky Tinkerbell in trouser suspenders, this is what she would look like…..

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Honsa from West London, who has sent a picture of these utterly revolting cycling shorts. WARNING – THIS IS BAD!!!!

AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST WARNING…….

Look, I am sure the saddle gets very sweaty, not to mention those thighs, which are like a couple of hocks of ham. But net over arse-cheeks? No. Just no. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Have a lovely Easter and a lovely Passover and let us meet again next Friday where we will review the SAG Awards Red Carpet and other nonsense. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your comments. Be good x.

 

 

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WTF America the Not-So-Beautiful Special

Hallo Readers,

America is quite convinced that it is the Greatest Democracy in the World. Which is a joke. Let us start with the fact that in this month alone, eight people were shot dead in various massage parlours in Atlanta, Georgia and ten others were shot dead in a grocery store in Boulder, Colorado. In both cases by young men with obvious mental health issues, and in the case of the one in Colorado, with a previous conviction for violence, who were nevertheless able to get their hands on an assault rifle and let rip. As a Colorado state representative observed on TV, ‘this guy could buy a gun in ten minutes, but if he needed an appointment with a psychiatrist, it would have taken him two months to get one’. Living in the Greatest Democracy in the World, even if it were, which is it isn’t, is not worth a damn if you cannot work in a massage parlour, or pop down to the local store, without getting a bullet in your brain from a total stranger on the rampage. The Declaration of Independence famously begins ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’. But it is always the unalienable right to possess a gun which trumps the unalienable right to life. This week, Republicans voiced their usual mealy-mouthed regrets and offered up ‘thoughts and prayers’, before attacking anyone who dared to suggest that they should instead start regulating the sale of deadly weapons, a sentiment dismissed by Senator Ted Cruz as ‘theatre’. It is of course utterly irrelevant that Cruz has received campaign contributions from the NRA and other gun-toting madmen to the tune of more than $300,000. And that he hopes to run for President in 2024.

Meanwhile, a large number of Republican-controlled states are busy trying to make it harder for black people, and brown people, and anyone who might be vaguely liberal, to vote. Voting is, you might think, a cornerstone of democracy. Unless you happen to be black, or brown, or vaguely liberal in a GOP-controlled state, in which case you will be made to scramble through hoops you did not even know existed. WTF is old enough to remember when a large number of states in the Greatest Democracy in the World (some of them controlled by Democrats), not only denied black people the right to vote, but made them sit at the back of the bus, and the back of the diner, and opposed integration in schools. And decades later, those states are still trying to make it harder for citizens to vote because they know that unless they do, there will be more places like Georgia which replaced its two venal, lickspittle, Republican senators with a black pastor and a Jew, both Democrats, thus tipping the balance of the Senate to Joe Biden.

Oh and do not get me started on the fact that over 73 million voters voted for a man who was ignorant, racist, useless, lazy, denied science and oversaw the death of 540,000 people. And then maintained that he had won, even though the other guy got 7 million more votes than their guy.

Joe Biden, who is a good man, likes to tell us that ‘there is nothing America cannot do when we put our minds to it’. Yes, they have put men on the moon and sent a spaceship to Mars. But maybe they should be less concerned about  Mars and more concerned about Minneapolis, Missouri and Mississippi.

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We start our survey of the week’s awful attire with former TOWIE person Yazmin Oukhellou in Dubai, (DUBAI!!!!!!) wearing Pretty Little Thing.

WTF aficionado Louise from Gloucestershire was aghast by Yazmin’s attire, noting that ‘instead of a bun in the oven, she has two buns up top’. WTF is of the view that those things appended to Yazmin’s chest are more like a couple of cottage loaves, but whatever they are, they should not be paraded around Dubai, or, for that matter, anywhere else.

Next up, we have American entrepreneur and Netflix reality star of the show Bling Empire, Christine Chiu.

Christine owns a string of plastic surgery clinics, and is married to a plastic surgeon, which might come in handy where you are feeling a bit saggy around the jawline. On the evidence of this photo, though, she should divorce him and take up with a stylist instead. Not only is she wearing a see-through beach coverup, but she appears to have the top half of an earthenware jar around her waist. Did she get stuck in one and had to be broken out of it?

This is actress Ashley Benson, wearing Gianbattista Valli.

This is obviously a week for silly things added on to fairly ordinary outfits to make them look silly. In Ashley’s case, what appears to be a flying saucer appended to her sports bra. As for the trewsies, they seem to have been designed for a taller person.

Now we have pointless celebrity Kourtney Kardashian out with her beau, musician and music producer Travis Barker. Travis looks a mess. Kourt’s cardie is by Victoria Beckham and is rather nice, but the pleather trousers are an offence against humanity.

Is this a case of vag ventilation? Or was it worn in homage to Balaclava Man in Line of Duty?

We now encounter actress Florence Pugh, wearing Louis Vuitton.

WTF has no idea what this supposed to be, but it is not good. There is spilth tumbling out of the bodice forming a second set of tits, and the skirt is downright ugly, like acrylic floor tiling in an industrial kitchen.

To LA and award-winning rapper Megan Thee Stallion, wearing Christian Siriano.

WTF can only assume that Meghan was going to a fancy dress party dressed as a peek-a-boo poodle.

Finally, be prepared to be horrified by what model Winnie Harlow is wearing while out and about in Beverley Hills

Let us leave aside the fact that she is wearing a deckchair and is carrying what is possibly the ugliest Chanel bag in the history of bags.  The bag is called Sand By the Sea and costs £4,500, but it would be more aptly named Ripoff By Chanel. No, WTF is more concerned by the fact that Winnie is not wearing a skirt, not even at all. If ever there was a Minge Moment waiting to happen, here it is walking along Santa Monica Drive. And Winnie is not alone. This appalling trend was also seen last month on model Kara del Toro, where it looked even worse.

First of all, she is wearing a bra. WTF will say it again – a bra is not a top. A bra is worn under a top.  This one is also showing off two-tone tits and two-tone tits are a Bad Thing. Period. Second, Kara’s fake tan is positively ludicrous. And third, for the reasons set out above, that is not a skirt. Both of these ladies look as if they are auditioning for a feminist remake of Tarzan……

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Gita from Hong Kong, who has taken great exception to the new Burberry range, which is basically the usual lairy pattern with the word LOVE painted on it. Yours for £££££££££. 

Gita is unimpressed and says  ‘Not only was this now ubiquitous print horrid in the first place, but they now expect you to pay £500 for one daubed with paint where you can’t even see the paint’. She’s right. It’s Got To Go.
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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as WTF just loves them like anything. And your suggestions for It’s Got To Go of late have been bang on the money. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and stay safe. x

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF Mega-Grammys Special

Hallo Readers, The next time anyone says to you ‘this is the greatest country in the world’, just raise an eyebrow at them. And point to two things that happened over the last week. On Saturday, women holding a peaceful vigil on Clapham Common in honour of Sarah Everard, a young woman murdered as, or shortly after, she walked home from dinner with friends one night, had their protest broken up by the police. While doing so, they manhandled a number of women, one of them 5 feet 2 tall and weighing about 100 lbs, and put them in handcuffs. As it happens, the vigil was supposed to have been called off because the police deemed it unsafe in these times of Covid, even though the organisers had promised to ensure that masks were worn and that people would be socially distanced. And of course that it was to be outside.  Those on the vigil were wearing masks, although they did not look very socially distanced, and it might have been better had they not been there. But the way in which they were man-handled was crass in the extreme, particularly as the suspect in custody was a serving Metropolitan Police Officer. Women are scared to walk the streets and they wanted the world to know it. Because every day, women are subjected to indignities at the hands of men – touched, stalked, cat-called, followed, insulted, made scared. And worse. And not much seems to be done about it. And the answer is not ‘oh you shouldn’t be walking around in the dark’. Because in this country it is dark from mid-afternoon for five or six months of the year. And because the dark is not a licence to molest and terrify. Not that these incidents are confined to darkness. It is not women being reckless, it is men being disgusting and criminal. And then came Tuesday’s Parliamentary vote on the Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill, introduced by the appalling Priti Patel, a woman who despises free speech and thinks lawyers are the Devil’s spawn. The Bill allows police to set the decibel level for demonstrations with powers to intervene when the noise is disrupting the ‘activities of an organisation’ or has a ‘relevant impact on persons in the vicinity’ . It also allows Patel, without seeking approval from Parliament, to make laws which will define what constitutes ‘serious disruption’ . Which presumably is anything of which she disapproves, which is her case is Priti much everything, and everyone, who is left-wing, do-gooding and interested in such radical concepts as being able to walk the streets in safety and the right to protest against things with which they disagree. The Suffragettes were very disrupting. And those Northerners who came down from Jarrow to protest against poverty during the Great Depression. And the million-plus people who protested against the Iraq War in 2003. Christ, they were noisy. Not to mention that lot marching through London to show their disapproval of Brexit…. If they can’t whisper, then they will just have to stay at home and do as they are told.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shit-pile with a dirty dozen from this week’s Grammys Awards from Los Angeles, where the music industry gathered to look daft. It was like the good old days and WTF was as happy as happy can be. Let us start with Phoebe Bridgers wearing Thom Browne.
Er…. no doubt Thom Browne thought he was being very avant garde, but in fact the designer of kiddies onesies on the Not On The High Street website beat him to it.
Beyoncé, wearing Schiaparelli.
If Bey was looking for something as unflattering as possible, she found it. Even Mariah Carey would have thought twice about this one. Schiaparelli has left her looking like a leather-clad egg-timer.  Finneas wearing Gucci.
Finneas is Billie Eilish’s brother, showing that there is something seriously wrong with that family when it comes to clothing, even if that clothing is from Gucci. Here he looks like he is auditioning for a role in Oklahoma! Haim, namely sisters Danielle, Alana and Este, all wearing Prada.
Oh look, there are all wearing the same colour, a harmony in baby blue lining silk. Prada is taking the piss. The girls resemble the night shift on the local NHS orthopaedic ward. 
Jhay Cortezwearing who even knows what? The designer of this execrescence is not owning up – good call.
It starts bad and gets progressively worse as you pan southward, with the stunted trousers and the oversized trainers, like a chunky version of the UPS guy in Legally Blonde. Jhené Aiko, wearing Monsoori.
She is cute, but the dress is inordinately fluffy, like a furry cat basket bought by people with more money than sense. Of course Harry Styles is included in this round-up. You would be astonished were he to be absent. Naturally, he is wearing Gucci. Harry looks like a cross between a 1940s spiv and Liberace. And there is no excuse, not even at all, for yellow shoes. Lizzo, wearing Balmain.
The 1980s called and want their fashion back. The fabric is super-slithery, the cut is dismally dreadful, and the colour puts WTF in mind of a tree frog.
DaBaby, wearing Dolce & Gabbana
The hat is fab, but the shoes are straight out of the Prince Regent’s wardrobe, while the suit is like a very expensively wrapped wedding gift. As for the diamanté D&G brooch, WTF prefers not to speak of it. Doja Cat Fausto Pugli for Roberto Cavalli
WTF is unable to say whether the excess boobage and the exposed belly-button are as a result of a lack of shame or the leather top being too tight to zip up. But either way there is Too Much Tit. The skirt appears to be constructed of  sun-damaged kelp littered with dead fishes and detritus various. Kevin Parker, wearing Versace. 
WTF could have lived with the jacket without the shirt, or with the shirt without the jacket. But not both together. And certainly not with those trousers. Versace has clearly been overdosing on The Golden Girls…. And finally, Noah Cyrus wearing Schiaparelli.
The dress is lovely from the knees down, but WTF deplores the turd topknot, which is a whole It’s Got To Go on its own, although not nearly to the same degree as the ridiculous billowing bedsheets. The whole thing is the lovechild of a do-it-yourself Halloween costume and an Elizabethan ruff.      
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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Alessandra from Stanmore, who has sent WTF these revolting ‘shoes’ which she saw posted on Facebook.
Chinese women used to bind their feet to make them dainty. Now models are expected to totter about with their feet in tin cans. Do you ever see men in this sort of nonsense? Of course not. It’s Got To Go.
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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as WTF just loves them like anything. And please don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. There were some corkers last week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and stay safe. x
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WTF The Golden Globes Are Back Special!

Hallo Readers,

So sorry about yesterday’s non-appearance. As Harold MacMillan used to say, ‘events, dear boy, events….’

The Royal Family has been awash with scandal this week, but as far as WTF is concerned, the real story is not what Meghan Markle and Prince Harry, aka the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, may or may not have said to in their TV interview with Oprah Winfrey, or whether the Duchess wore diamond earrings given to her by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. No Readers, that is as nothing compared to the real scandal here, which is that ITV have scheduled the broadcast of this major non-event for Monday night at 9 pm GMT, thereby depriving legions of fans of Episode 3 of the new series of Unforgotten, a cracking police drama starring the fabulous Nicola Walker investigating cold crimes. Which in this case is literally true, because the body found in the opening scene had been in an abandoned freezer since 1990. Viewers will be forced to wait a further 24 hours to find out how Nicola and her sidekick, played by Sanjeev Bhaskar, are planning to solve this one. Warning to the BBC – try something similar with the new series of Line of Duty and you will have a riot on your hands……

It is almost impossible to turn on the TV or open your paper, digitally or otherwise, without being assailed by bucketfuls of guff about the Sussexes and what they did or did not do to his granny, her father, his brother, her friends, and their staff. People who have never met them feel able to pontificate that he is henpecked, she is domineering, he is dimmer than a waning 15 watt lightbulb, she is a scheming minx, he has let everyone down, and she is no better than she ought to be. As to which, WTF takes the view who gives a stuff? He seems like a nice boy who was unhappy, traumatised by what happened to his mother, and looking for love. He was never going to be King, not once his brother had produced three children. Fortunately, he met a beautiful woman and he fell in love with her. Unfortunately, she was American, an actress AND mixed race and she was never going to be absorbed into the dreary, pompous, snobbish Victoriana that is our Royal Family. When told she had to wear pantyhose, even in 90 degree temperatures, and had to put up with endless racist crap from the tabloids, she got fed up and persuaded her adoring spouse to move across the Atlantic. Er, that’s it. They haven’t killed anyone. They haven’t committed any crimes.  Yes they are trading on their titles. So what? Who wouldn’t? As WTF remarked at the time it went tits up, taking tea with Prince Andrew or cocktails with Brad Pitt? We know the answer.

And talking of Prince Andrew….  he does not perform any royal duties either, having been told to stay indoors until further notice, but unlike his nephew, he retains the title of His Royal Highness and the bells of Westminster Abbey rang out for his 60th birthday. If we are determined to be outraged, let us be outraged about the fact that this bloated, useless, lump continues to be mollycoddled by his mother, and that he is still not co-operating with the FBI  investigations into the many crimes committed by Andrew’s old pals Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell. But yeah, let’s have a major investigation to see if Meghan was rude to her press secretary……

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We are back to holding Award Ceremonies as a sort of return to sort-of-normality hovers on the horizon.  And very welcome it itoo. This week’s survey of the week’s sartorial sluice bucket finds us at the Golden Globe Awards, starting with actress Kristen Wiig wearing Prada.

Kristen is 48 years old and looks like a loo roll holder, a veritable Jeffrey Epstein wet dream. And while WTF is being critical, alien as it is to her nature, why are Kristen’s legs ten shades darker than the rest of her?

Next we have actress Kyra Sedgwick and her husband, actor Kevin Bacon.

Kevin looks like the neighbourhood bank manager, and perhaps as a consequence of the Pandemic, he has forgotten how to tie his tie. His wife looks great from the neck up, but not from the neck down, as she seems to be dressed as Tracy Emin’s famous exhibit ‘My Bed’,  minus the used condoms.

Here is co-compere, Amy Poehler wearing Moschino.

Amy was clearly paying homage to Laurence Olivier as Richard 111.

We have a twofer. First, TV personality Zuri Hall wearing Zara Umrigare.

Those tits are both lopsided and improbable.  And in the same vein, we also have actress and English rose Rosamund Pike, wearing Molly Goddard.

You get the picture. Both ladies are encased in acres and acres of crimson froth, as if someone had taken Elmo from Sesame Street and shoved him into the Magixmix. Twice. 

And by the way, what in the name of God has Rosamund got on her feet? Was she on manoeuvres with the SAS?

This is not good. Not even at all. WTF speaks of actress Bryce Dallas Taylor wearing Temperley.

Oh dear. Oh very dear. Something very horrible has happened in the tits area, as if they have dropped irrevocably, and the ombré tinfoil dress puts the appalled onlooker in mind of a poor woman who has suffered an unfortunate public moment having been caught sans tampon…. and no, you are NOT getting a picture.

Here is actor Josh O’Connor, who won an award for his portrayal of Prince Charles in The Crown, appearing virtually and wearing Loewe.

The roses are lovely, but what could have possessed Josh to turn up as an extra from Hi di Hi?

Finally, this is a real stinker. This is actress and comic Maya Rudolph, (Saturday Night Live‘s Kamala Harris) wearing Valentino.

Maya is 49 but is dressed like a granny from Boca Raton heading down to the pool complete with Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil Factor 2 and verruca cream. What on earth is she wearing? It looks like a hairdresser’s gown. Did she dash straight to the Red Carpet from her hair appointment? Hideous sandals as well. Yurgle.

 

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Martyn from Scotland, who was horrified – and with reason- by last week’s CPAC (Conservative Political  Action Conference) held for rabid Republicans in Orlando, an event which marked the unwelcome return of The Former Guy.

As WTF remarked two weeks agothe GOP is suffering from advanced Stockholm Syndrome and still worships the Former Guy, despite the fact that during his four year tenure, he succeeded in losing the Presidency, the House and the Senate, abused them all on a regular basis, rendered the USA a laughing stock, and was a lying piece of shit. These deluded people are so enamoured of him that they erected this graven image of TFG in gold in the lobby. Remember when Moses came down from Mount Sinai and discovered the Israelites  worshipping the golden calf?  This is more of a golden pig. It’s very, very, definitely Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as WTF just loves them like anything. And please don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. There have been some corkers this week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good and stay safe. x

 

 

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