WTF Demob Happy Special

Hallo Readers,

This is the last blog until 23 December, as WTF is off abroad to escape this shitshow of a Government before she goes completely off her head. So you will have to entertain yourself until then or you can go to @WTF_EEK, if you have not ditched Twitter yet, and get the occasional horror show pic to tide you over. Be brave. WTF really, really needs this break. And on 30 December there will be the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll and it will be a doozy.

Meanwhile….

Rishi Sunak is still Prime Minister. He has lasted a whole three weeks. Which is more than you can say for Frank Spencer lookalikey ‘Sir’ Gavin Williamson, whose stay in the Cabinet was abruptly terminated this week. As nobody had the faintest idea what he was actually meant to be doing there, it is probably safe to say that the country will limp on without his ministerial talents. Williamson has the dubious distinction of having been booted out of the cabinet three times. WC Fields once observed ‘If at first you don’t succeed try again. Then quit. No good being a damn fool about it.’ The problem is that Williamson is a damn fool, combining a total lack of talent and an obnoxious personality with an overwhelming sense of his own importance. The best thing you can say about him is that at least he mixes it up a bit in giving the Prime Minister of the day reason to sack him. Theresa May booted him out as Defence Secretary for leaking. Boris Johnson dispensed with his services as Education Secretary for being completely useless, even by the inauspicious standards of that particular regime. And now Sunak has showed him the door as Minister without Portfolio for being a bully and a bounder, after he had got into a strop at being left off the guest list of the Queen’s funeral despite him being a Privy Councillor and repeatedly abused Wendy Morton, the Chief Whip under Liz Truss (remember her?), compounded by an earlier offence when he was Defence Secretary of telling a civil servant to go away and slit his throat. If only he had shown the same ferocity when dealing with Vladimir Putin, whom he famously told to’ go away and shut up’ after two Russian expatriates were poisoned in Salisbury by KGB agents. Putin must have been quaking in his boots…. at least he got the heave ho for what he had done before his appointment, which saved Sunak the trouble of doing it after he had screwed up whatever it was he was supposed to be doing. A stitch in time save nine….

The only fascinating thing about Williamson is why anybody allowed him a sniff of power. He makes Chris Grayling, that other powerhouse of failure, look like Disraeli. WTF, a confirmed arachnophobe, has no time for anyone who keeps a tarantula as a pet, a sure sign in her eyes of being an arsehole, but she would rather spend an evening cosying up to the tarantula than putting up with half an hour of Williamson’s squeaky voice, air of entitlement and absence of charm. The tone of his abusive texts to Wendy Morton shows that Williamson is still the playground bully picking on the fat boys or the kids from the one-parent family or kicking off at not being chosen for the first eleven football team. It is faintly depressing and terribly British that this nonentity was able to make any progress up the slippery pole down which he has now slid for a third time in the game of political snakes and ladders that is Westminster. Whether he will have a fourth chance at a Red Box cannot be ruled out but for now it suffices to say to him – go away and shut up.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with Rishi Sunak in terrible trousers.

Would it really be too much to ask for a Prime Minister who does not look utterly ridiculous? There is a school of thought that Sunak wears his trewsies so short to make his legs look longer, being only 5’7″; but frankly if he wants to look taller, he would look less absurd wobbling about on a pair of stilts.

To the London premiere of Wakanda Forever where we find one of its stars, actor Danai Gurira, wearing Elie Saab.

She is very beautiful and it is nice to see a normal pair of tits. Nevertheless, this is not so much a dress and more of a showgirl costume as favoured by the late lamented Josephine Baker in her pomp in Paris during the 1920s. 

That is one hell of a minge muff.

Also at the premiere was Chelsea and Engerland footballer Mason Mount wearing Burberry. Scroll down slowly…..

Blimey. You could get the whole Chelsea midfield into those trousers and still have room for the goalie. The whole thing is reminiscent of a family-sized sleeping bag. And those shoes are the pits.

Next we are at a gala at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art (LACMA) where the glitterati turned up to have their photos taken, including model Kendall Jenner wearing Burc Akyol.

Akyol is putting the berk into Burc while Kendall is giving us an unusual experience, namely the imminent Minge Moment from above, rather than below, courtesy of a roll of foil wrapped around her hips over a sheer top. That is bad enough, Heaven knows, but not nearly as bad as the tit ribbons and the pause button symbol on her belly button.

Another guest was actor Taron Egerton wearing something by an unnamed designer.  Good call on the designer’s part, because this is rank.

Did the unnamed designer send the wrong trousers? Or did the original ones split, necessitating a last minute change? The jacket is too small, the shirt is too large and he is wearing shoes without socks. All in all, he looks like a ring bearer at his big sister’s wedding.

And then there was singer Billie Eilish and her new boyfriend Jesse Rutherford, lead singer of The Neighbourhood, both wearing Gucci.

The young couple are ready for beddy-bye-byes. Just looking at them is enough to give you logo lassitude. And look! They are not only wearing Gucci, they are sharing Gucci, to whit a Gucci eiderdown.

Finally we are at the CFDA Awards where we encounter actor Julia Fox wearing Valerievi. Well, perhaps wearing is not quite the right word. Again, scroll down slowly.

Sigh. Why even bother with the dress? Next!

Last up is designer Vera Wang wearing herself.

Vera is 73 and looks 37, but that does not entitle her to wear a giant zipped cloche hat as a dress with a tit band and very stupid shoes. WTF used to feature a section called Physician Heal Thyself aimed at designers who wear their own shocking apparel and here are the words of the Lord Jesus made flesh…

  

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney who was aghast at the sight of Tory MP Rachel MacLean on Newsnight in preposterous glasses.

Look, to some extent one can understand Rachel’s choice. There are so many clowns in the Tory party that it is difficult to remember that they are supposed to be serious politicians interested in saving us from whatever. But those glasses are not so much over the top as flying through outer space. Timmy Mallett would have sneered at them. They’ve Got to Go.

    

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. And indeed for a while. WTF will be back on 23 December. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Chris Grayling, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, Liz Truss, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF Kangaroo Bits Special

Hallo Readers,

Rishi Sunak has completed his second week as PM. It is confusing trying to keep up, and perhaps he should be referred to in terms of his predecessors to put everything in context, like Elkanah in the story of Hannah and Peninah in Samuel 1 that we Jews read on Rosh Hashanah. (It’s a good yarn about his wives childless Hannah and  Peninah who has children and taunts Hannah about it). It begins ‘There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite’. So Sunak should be Rishi the successor of Liz, the successor of Boris, the successor of Theresa, the Successor of David, a Chipping Nortonite. Anyway, Rishi is shaping up to be every bit as bad as his predecessors. In Prime Minister’s Questions this week, he answered every question from Keir Starmer with ‘Jeremy Corbyn’. As in ‘If the asylum system is broken who broke it?’ ‘Jeremy Corbyn’. ‘Why hasn’t the Prime Minister sacked Cruella de Braverman yet?’ ‘Jeremy Corbyn’. ‘What did the Prime Minister have for breakfast this morning?’ ‘Jeremy Corbyn’.  You get the picture. Meanwhile hapless Ministers are forced to undergo the auto da fe that is the round of political media interviews in the morning, and to explain, not that they can, why something the Prime Minister said last week is inoperative this week. This is the ministerial equivalent of eating a kangaroo’s testicle on ‘I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here’. If you want to win the prize, get munching.

Which brings us to former Health Secretary, Matt Hancock. Having presided over the disastrous shambles that was the Johnson government’s handling of the covid crisis in 2020-2021, Hancock was captured on CCTV at work snogging his ‘adviser’ Gina Coladangelo at a time when he was advising the rest of us to stay within our family group and keep our viruses to ourselves. Hancock resigned, ditched Mrs Hancock and the little Hancocks and set up home with Coladangelo, waiting for the call to return to ministerial office.  There he was loitering on the steps of Conservative Central Office when the new Leader arrived in triumph,  pressing forward with other wannabes and sycophants to touch the hem of his garment. Sadly for Hancock, the Premier in waiting ignored him. His political prospects having hit the buffers, Hancock announced this week that he was off to join the cast of I’m a Celeb in Australia for some £350,000, about four times his MP’s salary. Seeing that he is unlikely to be of much use to his constituents whilst he is hob-nobbing with Boy George and titsy soap stars various, he has had the whip suspended. If proof were required of Hancock’s idiocy this is it. Anyone who hates him, which is just about everyone, will be jamming the phone lines to vote for him to do the ghastly Bushtucker trials, nibbling the aforementioned kangaroo bits, dipping his head into buckets of creepy crawlies and probably sticking some spiny creature up his arse in a bid to earn rations for his campmates. But is that worse than Environment Minister Mark Spencer MP having to explain to a sceptical public how Sunak’s decision to go to COP27 after all tallied with Therese Coffey’s comments last week that it was ‘just a gathering of people in Egypt?’ Or Robert Jenrick, the Immigration Minister, squirming to distance himself from the comments of his boss Cruella who had described the arrival of migrants as an ‘invasion’? Maybe eating raw kangaroo cock is not so bad. And much better paid.

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We start our review of the week’s comedy clothing with actor Lupita N’yongo wearing at the premiere of Wakanda Forever wearing Balmain.

This is a tit bandage and a skirt that is, in essence, a shark’s teeth minge moment.  Last week, WTF aficionado Quixote made an excellent point about actor. Muriel Hernandez, whose minge was about to make an imminent appearance. ‘I keep having this issue: the mingetastic-type clothes. How do they work? I mean what happens if, say, you want to move? …Inquiring minds want to know’. And it is a good question. Once you move off the X marking the spot to have your photo taken, how do you keep your minge from being on show to the world? It is indeed a puzzle.

Next up, we have actor and influencer Addison Rae wearing who even knows what this is? Scroll down slowly…….

This would have to improve just to be ugly, and it comes with some very disturbing minge detailing. Addison also seems to have been rolling in mud. Perhaps her outfit is some sort of homage to Sylvester Stallone as Rambo…..

Time for some real Z listers. WTF refers to singer and influencer Michelle McKenna and her partner, actor Daniel Johnson, at the London premiere of The Last Heist. She is wearing Pretty Little Thing.

Michelle is flashing her panties, which is just boring, but the chief disapprobation is reserved for Daniel’s trousers. Are they actually supposed to look like that? Have his calves swollen up? He looks like a Victorian soldier in plimsolls.

Next up, we have singer Rihanna making an appearance for the second week running, wearing something or other at the launch of her Savage x Fenty fashion line.

This is as uncomfortable as it is unflattering and comes with an unfathomable leather minge waterfall. If Riri is (unreasonably) worried about the baby weight, why not wear something else? Preferably with an actual skirt?

Now we meet actor Lee Page looking ridiculous.

From the waist up, he looks like David Beckham. From the waist down, he looks like David Beckham having been savaged by a large mastiff and lucky to retain possession of his goolies.  The expression of  the woman in the sunglasses says it all.

To the Wall Street Journal Innovator Awards where we encounter model Kate Moss wearing YSL.

If an olive went to a fancy dress party as a lingerie model, this is what it would look like. Meanwhile, something very odd is occurring around Kate’s belly button, but what could it be? And finally, this does not really count as clothes but it is the weirdest thing WTF ever did see in her life. Here is model and TV presenter Heidi Klum dressed up for Halloween with her husband, German rock singer Tom Kaulitz. Easy now…..

Who says the Germans do not have a sense of humour? They do. It is just very very, sick. Why is the worm giving the fisherman a blow job with its tail? What the actual fuck?

  

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney, who is sick to the back teeth of cheeky chappies Ant and Dec. And WTF is in full agreement.

Not content with inflicting pain on their ‘celebrities’ in the Jungle, where they smugly preside over kangaroo fellating activities by others, they also are responsible for a Santander campaign to prevent scamming which is about as funny as a barbed wire enema. WTF will only be happy when these two little shites are forced to nibble on a kangaroo’s testicle live on TV – while it is still attached to the kangaroo. They’ve Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those top- suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming in and your excellent comments. Let us meet again next Friday for the last blog until 23 December as WTF is taking time off and travelling abroad. Be good x

Posted in asylum, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Liz Truss, Matt Hancock, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Second Chance Special

Hallo Readers, 

Until 6 September 2022, Boris Johnson was Prime Minister. Well, sort of. He had in effect checked out on 22 July when he announced he would resign after the election of the new Tory Leader and between then and the handover to the next incumbent, he spent most of the time on holiday abroad or holed up in Chequers enjoying the sunshine or re-celebrating his lockdown marriage by a big bash in some rich blokes’ garden. On 6 September, Liz Truss became Prime Minister. On 20 October, she announced she too would step down. On Monday, only one person secured the required 100 MP nominations for Leader, a figure the 1922 Committee had just invented to stop the bloody thing having to go back to the members, seeing how they had cocked it up royally the last time. And so it was that on Tuesday 24 October, Rishi Sunak officially became Prime Minister. Just before publication this morning, WTF checked that he was still there. He is. For now.

You may recall that one of the reasons Johnson had to go was because he was the first PM in history to be fined for breaking the law. Yet Sunak, inadvertently or otherwise, also attended the same event and he was also fined. You may also recall that Johnson was forced to step down, albeit against his will, because 57 members of his Government thought him wholly unfit to govern and resigned. Yet seven weeks later, he was throwing his hat back into the circus ring and many of those who had abandoned him then now earnestly championed him again, including appalling creep Nadim Zahawi, who accepted the Chancellorship after Sunak resigned from Johnson’s Cabinet, then told Johnson to resign two days later but supported his bid to return on Saturday and, after Johnson hit the buffers without enough votes, came out for Sunak 29 minutes later. And got a job in the new Cabinet. You may also recall that Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Catsmeat Potter-Purbright of 21st century politics, denounced Sunak in August as a ‘socialist’ and said he would never serve under him. Indeed, said Moggy, only Johnson had the right to be Prime Minister. On Monday, when Johnson  removed his piece from the board, Rees-Mogg announced that he no longer thought Sunak was a socialist and was willing to serve under him after all.  Luckily, he never got the invitation and is now free to spend more time with his Nanny.

Cruella de Braverman had been Truss’ Home Secretary and a Liz loyalist. You may recall that on Tuesday 18 October, Truss sacked her as Home Secretary, which was the only reasonable thing she did during whilst in office. Cruella had not only sent sensitive government information on her personal email to a MP mate and to someone she thought was the MP mate’s wife, but was in fact someone else entirely, she had also denied it all until confronted with the evidence. On Sunday morning, despite Johnson having sought her vote, she came out for Rishi and on Tuesday afternoon, to the sound of jaws dropping across the UK and cries of ‘you must be fucking joking’, there she was smirking her way along Downing Street to become Home Secretary again after only six days. So what if she had broken all manner of laws and protocols? How was she to know?  So what is she had previously been Attorney General? Does that mean you have to know about the law? Oh…Out came the usual arse-lickers, liars and bullshitters to rally around the latest Cabinet casualty. ‘She has learnt her lesson’ mumbled Oxymoron James Cleverley, inexplicably retained as Foreign Secretary and as much use as tits on a fish. ‘ Everyone is entitled to a second chance’ whined Zahavi. In this new Government they certainly are. Even Frank Spencer lookalikey Sir Gavin Williamson, the most useless Minister EVER, is back. It can only be a matter of time before Chris Grayling gets the call……

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We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with actor Quintessa Swindell at the premiere of her new movie, Black Adam, wearing Vera Wang.

Think Inspector Gadget with tattooed thighs and a turd topknot.

Next up, we have country singer Kelsea Ballerini at the Giambattista Valli dinner in Los Angeles.

Baby Doll Barbie lives! Only this baby doll seems to made from an old pillow case and although Kelsea is hardly big, (120 lbs), there is not enough fabric to go round her.

Here is Readers’ favourite, singer Halsey, wearing Enfants Riches Déprimés at Audacy’s We Can Survive Concert at the Hollywood Bowl (nope, me neither).

There is a tit mask like Batman with sideboob, dominatrix gloves, an Annie-Get-Your-Gun cowboy skirt, stupid boots and some sort of battered dishcloth around her hips. Enfants Riches Déprimés means depressed rich kids and this getup has plenty for people to get depressed about. Step away from the knives….

Here we are at the Time 100 Next Gala in New York City where we find even-more-heavily-tattooed singer Machine Gun Kelly looking preposterous. No change there ….

MGK is the lovechild of Daemon Targheayn  and a graffiti wall. The result is unsettling……

Here is singer Queen Latifah wearing Thom Browne at TheGrio (sic) Awards in Beverley Hills.

Austerity may be upon us but you cannot say that Thom Browne is skimping on fabric. There is a LOT of fabric here, more than enough to make about six normal outfits. This outfit left normal behind several miles back and is currently hurtling towards insanity. It looks like Queen Victoria’s dressing gown with a double side order of mega-malignant triffids.

We are popping into the WACO Wearable Art Gala where we find actor Halle Bailey wearing Georges Hobeika.

Contrary to reasonable belief, WACO stands for Where Art Can Occur as opposed to WHACKO, which is what this is. Halle recently created a bit of a storm by portraying the Little Mermaid in a Disney movie of the same name, where racists various got upset at the idea of a BLACK mermaid. I mean, that’s unrealistic, right? Pursuing the nautical theme, Halle is wearing a tit-and-torso tambour that resembles boats nestling round a jetty.

Now we are attending the premiere of Black Panther – Wakanda Forever attended by new parents, rapper ASAP Rocky and his partner, singer and fashion/beauty entrepreneur Rihanna  wearing a Rick Owens dress and Guiseppe Zanotti sandals.

Riri seems to have been working at a particularly sloppy pottery wheel, like Demi Moore in Ghost, and is carrying the surplus around in a bucket attached to her hip. On a topical theme, her pointy little sandals are like witches’ hats on Halloween. As for Rocky, he seems to be standing in a burlap sack to protect his trewsies from flying clay.

And finally, we have actor Muriel Hernández wearing something very, very mingetastic. And tittastic.

MINGE!!!!!!!!! MASSES OF MINGE!!!!!! AND GROIN!!!! AND UNDERBOOB!!! JUST MAKE IT STOP. And why she is she wearing concrete blocks on her feet?

  

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who is fed with idiot Tory MP Lee Anderson, he of the you-can-cook-a-meal-for-30p-a-person-advice given to a speechless Parliament. Even his own colleagues gulped.

Comedian Eddie Izzard, who now identifies as a gender-fluid lesbian, is on a shortlist to be the next Labour MP for Sheffield Central. The oaf Anderson responded to Izzard’s intentions by saying,  ‘I won’t be following him into the toilet’.  Here is the news. First, Eddie is usually a she and would probably be using the ladies’ loo and you should not be in there, should you Gammon-Face? Second, you ain’t God’s gift to women. Or to men. Or to anyone. Just Go Away.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those top- suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming in and your excellent comments because WTF gets very upset when they aren’t any. Reading numbers have gone UP!!!!! Bigly UP!!!!! Which is great, so let’s have the comments to go with the growing audience. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chris Grayling, Country Music Awards, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss, Penny Mordaunt, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Folly Special

Hallo Readers,

Last week, you hardly dared to pop into the loo for fear of missing the latest debacle. In fact it was better to stay seated because the constant U-turns, and U-turns on the U-turns, idiocies and mis-judgments make your head spin worse than taking a turn on an out-of-control carousel after one spliff too many. Last Friday, Liz Truss sacked her Chancellor for doing everything she had asked him to do. The mini-budget had gone badly, to say the least, so one of them had to go and it was not going to be her. There is a reason why no one else had attempted to impose a budget of preserving bankers’ bonuses in full, cutting taxes for the rich and borrowing loads to pay for it. Like rarely performed Shakespeare plays, which are rubbish, it is because the whole idea was bonkers. But it is the sort of thing you do when you have a Cabinet stuffed with headbangers, ideologues and arselickers, and when the main qualification for the role is that I Love Liz. On Monday, she appointed Jeremy Hunt as the new Chancellor, having disinterred him from the grave of his political career, while the Health Secretary admitted that she handed out her leftover antibiotics to friends and family. On Tuesday, Truss sat behind Hunt as he tore up such parts of her Budget she had not already jettisoned herself. On Wednesday, Truss insisted that she was staying on, Cruella de Braverman resigned, to be replaced by the oleaginous Grant Shapps, Tory MPs had a physical tussle in the House of Commons with Party Whips who insisted on their supporting a fracking bill in what may or may not have been a vote of confidence, depending on what time of the day you asked and whom you asked, and Wendy Morton, the Chief Whip, may or may not have resigned but nobody could be entirely sure (she hadn’t, or maybe she had and then she changed her mind). On Thursday, 10 Downing Street announced at noon that Truss was not stepping down, only for Truss to announce at 1:30 that er, she was, after only 44 days in office.

As Proverbs 26.11 tells us ‘As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly’. The Tories are yet again trudging down the path of choosing a new Prime Minister. The usual suspects are already marking out their place in the paddock. Penny Mordant, Rishi Sunak and God help us,  Cruella de Braverman, who was in office for even less time than Truss, although she lasted longer than Kamikazi Kwarteng. And now, proving that Proverbs 26.11 was bang on the money, the Tory dog may be about to return to the vomit that is Boris Johnson. Yes, you read that right. You thought you had seen the back of him but it seems that this conclusion may have been premature. The Bring Back Boris campaign is gathering momentum amongst some Members of Parliament (possibly 140 of them) and Party members alike, which only strengthens WTF’s lingering belief that Truss and Kwarteng had been put up to assume power and blow the whole thing up in weeks in order to smooth the path for Johnson’s return to power. And in Truss’s case, to get £115,000 a year by way in pension. Last week, WTF somewhat unkindly referred to Therese Coffey as the fat friend who made Truss look good. And now it seems the Truss was playing the dumb blonde version of the fat friend to make Johnson look good. And you know what, Readers? The scheme might well succeed……

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry at the London Film Festival, where we happen across actor Emma Corrin wearing JW Anderson.

Yes, she is wearing a goldfish bowl in a bag…….Not only should the RSPCA be informed but also the Royal Society for the Prevention of Too-Big Shoes.

Still in London, here is actress Kate Hudson wearing a nasty dress by St Laurent to the premiere of Glass Onion – A Knives Out Sequel. 

Not only is she in danger of an imminent nip slip, which is bad, and the colours are horrible which is very bad, but Kate looks like a poor soul in the throes of incontinence, which is worse. And no, you are not getting a picture.

We are now at the screening of the series of The Peripheral and one of its starsChloe Grace Moretz, wearing Molly Goddard.

WTF is baffled. And then baffled some more. What is this even supposed to be? It is as if some Victorian bathing belle was asked to stand in at a rehearsal of Strictly Come Dancing and donned a net ballet skirt to practice the American Smooth.

Next we are at the Academy Museum Gala in Los Angeles  where a lot of people looked down right ridiculous, beginning with singer Joe Jonas and his wife, actor Sophie Turner. Both are wearing Louis Vuitton.

As will become apparent in due course, Louis Vuitton has become ever more ridiculous with Joe and Sophie serving up a matrimonial dog’s breakfast at which the hungriest street mutt would turn up its nose. She resembles Sherlock Holmes going deerstalking in lacy tights while he is dressed as a set of kinky dominos.

 

Also at the Gala and a victim of the LV nonsense is actor Alana Haim (who was fab in the excellent Licorice Pizza) wearing one of the silliest things WTF ever did see in her life.

Clearly Alana is short of closet space and so has attached her handbags to her dress as a sort of perambulating hanging storage unit, the one you buy at Lakeland for £10 and keep in your wardrobe. And she has found room for her keys as well.

And keeping up the leather dominator schtick at the same event, we have actor Ashton Sanders wearing who can even say what this is supposed to be?

Why is Ashton dressed as a Gimp doll? Just very weird.

Next, we are in New York at God’s Love We Deliver’s 2022 Golden Heart Awards (nope, me neither) where actor Lea Michele was to be found wearing Michael Kors.

WTF’s dislike of a one-armed dress on a bibrachial person is well known, and some slavering beast has taken a chunk out of the waist as well. Meanwhile.… how to put this politely? No, sod it, it can’t be put politely. Lea looks as if someone has ejaculated over her.  And no, you are not getting a picture for this one either…..

And finally to the Elle Women in Hollywood and actor Sydney Sweeney wearing Rokh.

This is an awful lot of leather – bolero peekaboo jacket, skirt AND trousers plus a pair of nonsensical tit goggles. If a sofa went to a fancy dress party as Amelia Earhart, this is what it would look like.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Liz Truss had to go and she went, so there is no separate section on It’s Got To To this week. Let us meet again Next Friday. Be good.

Posted in Boris Johnson, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Grant Shapps, Kwasi Kwarteng, London Fashion Week, Nadine Dorries, Penny Mordaunt, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Therese Coffey, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Year Zero Special

Ok Hallo Readers

Between 1976 and 1979, Cambodia was ruled by a despotic Marxist-Leninist dictator by the name of Pol Pot. During that time, Pol Pot’s regime instigated a policy of Year Zero, the idea of which was to transform the country into an agrarian socialist society where everyone had equal shares of nothing. All the usual norms were swept away. Anyone educated or dissenting or likely to cause trouble was imprisoned or murdered and many more died of starvation. After the fall of his appalling regime, he told a journalist ‘I want you to know that everything I did, I did for my country’.

Watching the lunacy that is Liz Truss’s government reminded WTF of the late, unlamented dictator’s Year Zero policy. To call it chaotic is to be charitable, and WTF is not feeling charitable. In fact she is feeling pretty bloody uncharitable because this is a farce and it is growing evermore farcical. Truss is basically a principle vacuum in a bad bra, laying waste to the economy, political credibility, basic common sense and reality. Together with her Chancellor, she has managed in a matter of weeks to tank the pound, raise interest rates, frighten the life out of anybody with a pension or a mortgage and reduce Britain to an international laughing stock. Frankly, it is embarrassing. Truss is embarrassing. Chancellor Kamikwasi Kwarteng is embarrassing. The whole cabinet is embarrassing, comprising lickspittles you have either never heard of or people you have heard of or always thought were crap. Step forward Therese Coffey, literally the fat friend who is there to make Truss look good.  Step forward Cruella de Braverman, still dreaming of loading asylum seekers onto those non-existent planes to Rwanda and this week objecting to any trade deal with India on the grounds that it would allow lots of brown people into the country. Step forward Jacob Rees-Mogg, who toured the media studios on Wednesday insisting that the current economic debacle was wholly unconnected to the catastrophic mini-budget, a contention equivalent to a child with chocolate smeared around their mouth protesting vehemently they have been nowhere near the larder. And step forward human oxymoron James Cleverly, who did the rounds on Thursday insisting that the Government had a plan. We know that it has a plan. The problem is that the plan is dismal, conceived to appeal to the handful of backwoodsmen who voted her into the leadership of the party and therefore into 10 Downing Street. It was never going to work and anyone with a single brain cell knew it. Which apparently excludes both Truss and Kamikwasi.

Meanwhile, the U-turns continue apace. We have already said goodbye to the abolition of the 45 pence tax rate for higher earners. We have already bid farewell to cuts in public spending, although Truss still has time to change her mind before dinner. Now it appears she is about to ditch the cuts in corporation tax despite campaigning throughout the summer on this very promise. And it is very probable that she is going to ditch Kamikwasi as well because someone has got to be the scapegoat for this madness and Truss is not volunteering. Speaking of U-turns, Kamikwasi had to hotfoot it home early from New York as the scale of the disaster became clear, not to mention the mutinous intentions of shell-shocked Tory MPs. People have had food in the fridge for longer than this particular version of our Government. The truth is it is already long past its sell by date.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam at the Latin American Billboard Awards in Florida with Cuban singer and actress Seidy La Niña wearing Judith Cabrera. 

Whatever it is that is peeking out from underneath the sarong should not be on show and it is making WTF extremely nervous. If a bowl of custard went to a fancy dress party as a Minge Moment with a floral tit decoration, this is what it would look like. 

Also there was Colombian singer Manuel Turizo wearing Moschino.

Manuel is dressed as a sky blue spaceman in motorcycle boots. Who knows why?

To New York and the W Magazine 50th anniversary party where we find newly-single model and actress Emily Ratajkowski wearing Tory Burch.

Emily is doing that thing the Daily Mail always claims newly-separated women are doing when they appear with tits and arse hanging out, namely showing the departed chap ‘what he’s missing’. Given that they are always out, he had probably seen enough of her bits and pieces and we certainly have. This is a fishing net over very small undies. Never was the term ‘scanties’ so appropriate. Rather in the way that ‘dog bites man’ is not a headline but ‘man bites dog’ is, Emily with her tits out is not news. Give it a rest, poppet, for Gawd’s sake.

Next we are in LA where we encounter actor Jessica Biel wearing Giambattista Valli at the Children’s Hospital Gala in LA.

Jessica! What the actual fuck???? WTF hopes that you were paid a lot of money to wear this with the proceeds going to charity. You look like a loo roll doll, heavy on the bows.

Now we are in Milan (we are zipping about all over the place today) at the end of Fashion Week where we find actor Erykah Badu wearing Rick Owens.

Erykah is only 4’11”, which is presumably why she often wears that preposterous chapeau like Dr Seuss’s cat. In this case, however, it appears that she skinned the cat, used its skin as a coat, hung its balls around her neck and put on a trouser thing with furry bottoms inspired by those Cabac street sweeping machines.

Finally, this last one is bad. Not just bad, but VERY, VERY BAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. IF YOU ARE EATING YOUR BREAKFAST, STOP NOW.

Here is singer Lizzo wearing ….not enough. Ready? You won’t be…..

There is a fine line between being proud off your body and giving everyone too much of an eyeful. This crossed that line a long way back so that it can be seen only with the aid of a Jodrell Bank telescope. There is a LOT of vulva on display. There is a LOT of everything on display. And it appears that Lizzo has one of these outfits in every colour. Here she is in the yellow version…..

Lizzo. Three words. Stop it now……

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes (separately) from WTF aficionados Yvonne in Jedburgh and Cathy from Peckham and concerns the frightful rapper Kanye West.

First, West saw fit to parade about Milan (i) in a White Lives Matter sweatshirt and (ii) with the appalling right-wing, opinionated idiot Candace Owens on his arm. That is enough right there, but West then doubled down by making anti-semitic remarks on Facebook and on Twitter and has now been removed from both. You’re not well, love. You’ve Got To Go. 

 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Kwasi Kwarteng, Liz Truss, Milan Fashion Week, Politics, Suella Braverman, Therese Coffey, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Madhouse Special

Hallo Readers,

There is only one question dominating the nation – what the actual fuck is going on? How can this Government be so appallingly inept? How can any Prime Minister be so awful? How can a Party Conference be so disastrous? It is like watching Game of Thrones, but without the dragons – you never know when someone is going to take a swipe at someone else with their trusty sword or be defenestrated or thrown into a vat of boiling oil. There is a smell of death in the air and it is rancid. Only weeks into her tenure, Liz Truss has already performed more U-Turns than an Uber driver without a sat nav. As Tories gathered in Birmingham last weekend to anoint their new Leader, Truss and her ever-so-smooth Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng toured the studios assuring us that the 45% tax rate would be abolished and that the Government would be sticking to its guns; this despite the pound toppling off a cliff and interest rates soaring. By Monday morning, Truss had changed her mind, leaving Kwarteng to get out the Tippex and change parts of his keynote speech, which he then had to deliver that afternoon, gurning and giggling, to a largely silent auditorium, many of the delegates looking as though as they had been shot through with novocaine. By Tuesday, Ministers were fighting like ferrets in a sack, some condemning the U-turn and others applauding it, some condemning Truss’s refusal to confirm that benefits would rise to keep pace with inflation and others condemning the ones who were doing the condemning. Meanwhile the Home Secretary, Cruella de Braverman, was mourning her inability to shove asylum seekers onto a one way flight to Rwanda, something which she disclosed was her ‘dream’. Instead she has come up with a new notion, namely deporting anyone who dares to seek asylum on the grounds that they were illegal immigrants, although because they are seeking asylum, they are not illegal immigrants. You get the feeling that if Cruella could chuck all migrants into the sea, weighed down with copies of the Human Rights Act, she would be up for it. It takes a lot to make her predecessor look good, but Cruella is managing to make Priti Patel look like Mother Teresa.

On Wednesday, Truss addressed the faithful, the ones who had voted her in only weeks earlier. It was painful. Many would gladly have undergone hours of root canal treatment in preference to listening to her monotonous assaults upon our liberties, coupled with inspirational anecdotes about her childhood, none of which appear to have been actually true. In summary, spurred on by the misery she saw around her as a teenager (when the Tories were in power, a fact she conveniently chose to overlook), she vowed to make Britain a better place and so came into politics. Omitting the bits where she joined the Liberal Democrats, campaigned to abolish the Monarchy and was an opponent of Brexit, doubtless cut only for reasons of time, she informed us that the only answer to our present malaise (unrelated of course to the dozen years of Tory Government, of which she has been a part), was Growth, Growth, Growth and that anyone who disagreed with her was part of an ‘Anti-Growth Coalition’ made-up of lefties, the Metropolitan Elite, the Twitterati, anyone who lives in North London, anyone who makes or listens to podcasts and the BBC. One was only surprised that she left out George Soros and Bill Gates. And then, her speech over, she ran to the Prime Ministerial limo as if she were Dame Kelly Holmes and sped back to London to continue cocking everything up. Does she have weeks? Months? Who can say? But just watching her fills you with both astonishment and a tinge of guilt at wanting more. Centuries ago, people used to visit madhouses for their entertainment. Now you can just sit and watch it live on the telly instead….

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam at Paris Fashion Week with young cosmetics billionaire and celebritee Kylie Jenner wearing Dilara Findikoglu. 

Kylie seems to have encountered Freddy Kruger in the bathroom, where he tried to have his evil way with her, ripping her dress to shreds and drawing blood – lots of blood – before she managed to escape. Yurgle.

Next we have perennial favourite, actor Jared Leto wearing – wait for it -Gucci. Does he even own togs by any other designer?

Has he matched his hair to his boots or his boots to his hair? He looks like a prat either way, but most of all, he resembles a leather-clad Tinky Winky in a wig moonlighting as a kinky chauffeur.

Over to Loewe, where we find model Karlie Kloss wearing one of its  creations. 

Well, this gives a new meaning to the phrase Minge Moment. And Mammary Molestation. Karlie is being groped by her own dress, which to be frank is in very bad taste. Did you know that Karlie is married to the brother of (barely) Human Ken Doll Jared Kushner, which means that #NepotismBarbie Ivanka Trump is her sister-in-law? And yet she manages to smile……

Also there was model and skateboarder Evan Mock. You can see who he’s wearing.

Evan is a silly little person and his preppy attire makes him look even sillier, like an extra on Return of the Nerds.

And here is fashionista Laura Santo Domingo wearing who can even say what this is?

Now we are into the Brave New World of cycling, upcyling and recycling, Laura, despite being very rich and married to someone even richer, has decided to turn her wastepaper bin into a jacket with tit pockets and wear it over a pair of flared dungarees. She may be saving the Planet but she looks ridiculous.

It gets worse. Here is professional son Jaden Smith wearing Louis Vuitton.

If a stained glass window had sex with a centurion while wrapped in a sack, this is what their offspring would look like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And finally, away from Paris Fashion Week, we find comedian Megan Stalter,  host of the Power of Women Awards, wearing Lucille Reynolds. 

Oh dear. Oh very dear. Surely the Power of Women should stop you from flashing your sizeable, non-matching smalls under some lavender bubblewrap bedecked with bows? Get a grip, woman.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington, who hates Cruella de Braverman (see above) and also hates her dress sense and hates that smug expression even more. 

One word to Cruella – SPANX. Two more. Go away. Four more words. She’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x

Posted in asylum, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Ivanka Trump, Kwasi Kwarteng, Liz Truss, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, Priti Patel, racism, refugees, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Growth Special

Hallo Readers, 

One week into Donald Trump’s presidency, WTF wrote ‘Trump’s election has not turned out to be as bad as she thought. It is much worse’. Similarly, while WTF knew that Liz Truss’s tenure as Prime Minister would be a shitshow with added shit, the first few weeks have been much worse than even she could ever have imagined. Last Friday, Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng unveiled a mini budget in which he threw money around like a drunken sailor, cutting taxes, slashing National Insurance and removing the cap from bankers’ bonuses with the purported  aim of encouraging growth. Sadly, the only things that appears to have grown are (i) the number of Tory MPs who have realised that it would have been better to have Jacob Rees Mogg’s nanny running the show instead and (ii) the size of everyone’s mortgage and (iii) the Nation’s anxiety levels. The markets plunged almost before the Chancellor had sat down with the pound in freefall. Had this been the Eurovision Song Contest, the representatives from the other participating countries would have been compelled to awarded nul points, that is if they were able to stop laughing long enough to enunciate the scores. By the end of the weekend, the pound hit 1.03 to the dollar, a record low, before ‘rallying’ to 1.07. Since this was all apparently part of her Master Plan, one would have thought that Truss would have been out and about all weekend soothing the nation’s fevered brow. Instead, she disappeared from sight and stayed there. We got used to Boris Johnson holing up in Chequers at the first sight of trouble, which meant that he was there a lot, but in Johnson’s case we came to welcome his absences. In Truss’s case, seeing that our savings were disappearing down the plug hole at the rate of knots, some sort of explanation and reassurance was the very least we could expect, but like so much else about Truss, she fell short. It was not until Thursday that our valiant leader emerged from wherever she had been hiding and told us in her I-speak-your-weight-machine delivery that the budget was right, everyone else was wrong and we were now on the road to recovery, albeit with previously undisclosed stopovers at enormous pain, citizens defaulting upon their mortgage if they already had one or failing to get one if they did not, and the price of everything going up. 40% of mortgage products have been withdrawn from the market leaving buyers floundering, facing the choice of no mortgage or one at a zillion percentage per annum.

By the end of the week WTF was beginning to wonder whether this was all not some in fact some pre-planned act of sabotage with Truss and Kamikwarteng screwing everything up with maximum prejudice in order to facilitate the return of Boris Johnson in exchange for a house full of Lulu Lytle gold wallpaper and garish sofas, a peerage and a lifetime subscription to Hotel Chocolat. Because the alternative explanation is that, despite a fistful of degrees and qualifications from the world’s top universities, they have either taken leave of such senses they may once have possessed or are simply taking the piss. Except that it is not even remotely funny. Fasten your seat belts. Have your sickbag handy, and an extra one just in case. Your flight to Planet Growth is not just going to be bumpy; somebody appears to have removed the engine from the plane.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cobblers with our own racing champ, Sir Lewis Hamilton, in a lime green boilersuit.

Bless him, he just can’t help himself? He has this pathological compulsion to look like a prat. or in this case, like a pastel porno plumber.

Next we are in Zurich where we encounter actor Diane Kruger wearing Alexander McQueen.

WTF can only assume that the black arm bands are in mourning for the bra top like a makeshift bandage applied in an emergency hospital unit by a drunken doctor, and for the preposterous length of the trousers.

And now we are at NYFW with actor Julia Fox dressed as a mermaid at the Parsons MFA student fashion show.

We have all seen Julia’s abs and pelvis, so she is now giving us another body part, to whit her breasts which are draped with some primordial slimy seaweed and a tail which is about to turn into an imminent Minge Moment.

Next up, we have actor Jurnee Smollett wearing Alexandre Vauthier.

WTF is all for people leaving a little room in their clothes, but there is roomy and there is ballroomy. This getup makes June look positively square,  like an IKEA superstore.

Meet actor Evan Mock from Gossip Girl wearing who can even say what.

Why does he have a load of arse paper trailing from his trewsies?

 

We are at the Sustainable Fashion Awards in Milan with fashionista Olivia Palermo wearing Ermanno Scervino.


Tits ahoy!! And very squished tits at that. Why would you wear a chainmail dress? After you take it off, your body would resemble an intricately patterned, char-grilled tuna steak.

To Paris Fashion Week and celebritee and cosmetics billionaire, Kylie Jenner, wearing Balmain.

If a blowup sex doll with very improbable looking tits went to a fancy dress party as a crocheted lampshade, this is what it would look like. And there is every possibility that her breasts are about to make a break for the border.

And finally here are actor Megan Fox and her fiancé, musician Machine Gun Kelly out and about in Paris.

Not so much a case of a sight for sore eyes as a sight to make you wish you could dig your own eyes out with a teaspoon. She looks like a cut-price Kim Kardashian while he looks like the lovechild of Mrs Doubtfire and Abby Cadabby.

 

OK Readers that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go (not time for that this week, sorry). Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Kwasi Kwarteng, Liz Truss, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Liz Special

Hallo Readers,

 No sooner had the new Prime Minister Liz Truss unpacked her dismal array of wash’n’wear dresses in the Master Bedroom of 11 Downing Street than Her Majesty the Queen Shuffled off this mortal coil. This meant that all political dispute was suspended for the 10 day period of official mourning. While the downside of this was that the Nation had to put up with non-stop wall-to-wall Royal Verbiage from obsequious black-clad courtiers, so-called experts, has-beens, never-weres and nonentities, the upside was that we were given a respite from bloviating politicians evading the important questions of what, if anything, the Government intended to do to solve the various crises which we face; for example, that the cost of living has soared, gas and electricity bills have quadrupled and you have more chance of taking tea with Elvis Presley than catching a glimpse of your GP or dentist. But after Her Majesty was interred on Monday, political life resumed and it became clear that Truss was sailing full steam ahead into the horizons of tax cuts, persecution of those who do not or cannot work full time, fracking and platitudes. On Wednesday, Jacob Rees Mogg, now ludicrously Secretary of State for Business, suggested that those people who opposed fracking were in the pay of the Russians. This went down like a cup of cold sick with backbench Tory MPs, who now have to explain to their constituents why the earlier promise that no fracking would take place without their consent is no longer operative.  On Thursday, Therese Coffey launched her new plan for the NHS, which is basically to overload chemists and shame doctors into doing longer hours. There does not appear to be any additional money, particularly because on Friday, Chancellor Kwazi Kwarteng intends to repeal the raise in National Insurance implemented only months earlier and to allow companies and rich people to keep more of their money. In particular, the Chancellor will go the extra mile for those in society who really need his help and who have been struggling to make ends meet in this age of growing austerity. No, not those on a low income. Bankers whose bonuses have been capped. And if that sounds deranged, go onto Google and witness Kwarteng’s extraordinary performance in the pews at Westminster Abbey on Monday, where he wriggled about like a man suffering from St Vitus dance and appeared to laugh uproariously to himself up for no reason. Even Suella Braverman was appalled. If an ordinary person had behaved like that in public, the men in white coats would have been called. As long as you were prepared to wait 12 hours or more for them to appear.

 As for Truss, she went from the Abbey straight to the UN in New York to continue hobnobbing with the world’s leaders. Not that most of them probably knew who she was. During Monday’s obsequies, the commentator from Australian television failed to recognise her and described her as a minor Royal. Were that the case, at least she would have been better dressed. Even before landing  in the Big Apple, Truss was forced to admit that the chances of a trade deal with the US in the near or further-away future was on the unlikely side of impossible, Joe Biden and Congress being of the view that if Britain was going to renege on the Good Friday Agreement, it did not deserve, and would not get, a deal, not even of any kind. Of course those people who made this point and opposed Brexit during the 2016 Referendum, including a certain Liz Truss, were branded as purveyors of Project Fear. Except that what they said was true. Who knew? Answer – anyone with a brain.

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We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with Liz Truss wearing Reiss at Queen Elizabeth’s funeral.

In the same way as she committed acts of grievous bodily harm upon the King James Bible in her “reading” during the ceremony (a stuffed parrot would have given it more welly), Truss manages to suck the life out of anything she wears, which is always cheap-looking, ill-fitting, unflattering and boring as fuck, the sartorial equivalent of supermarket own-brand Ovaltine. As for the hat, it looks like someone immolated a pie and then put it on her head. Epic fail. Get the woman a stylist – STAT.

Also present were the Former Guy, Boris Johnson and his present wife Carrie Johnson. She is wearing a (rented) dress by Karen Millen, for which she paid £7, and a handbag worth over £2,500.

Here is a WTF rule. Tit activity does not belong at a funeral. Not even at all. Carrie Antoinette seems to be channelling the Gruesome Twosome Melania and Ivanka Trump in their Sicilian Widows garb when they met (a very unimpressed) Pope Francis in May 2017. Her husband  looks his usual repulsively dishevelled state, like an unmade bed with bugs in the mattress.

To New York Fashion Week where an array of horror awaited, beginning with singer Kanye West wearing whatever.

Oh Gawd. He looks as if he spent the afternoon washing trucks…

Next we have singer RAYE wearing Laquan Smith.

Yurgle.  If a labial elf went to a fancy dress party as a floozy, this is what it would look like.

And here is singer Madonna out and about in New York with a person young enough to be her grandson..

Quite apart from the fact that she resembles a prawn cocktail whose jeans have been through the shredder, Mads’ face evidences that there has been interference with the workings of nature. WTF has seen more movement in the Elgin Marbles.

He’s back! It’s actor Jared Leto wearing Gucci.

Merlin lives! In white socks and embroidered slides.

And finally, we are at the premiere of Bros with its star actor Debra Messing wearing Christian Siriano. Deep breath now….

Debra, who is 54, seems to have gambolling in a floral meadow, having first mated with a black sheep. Which said sheep ate the flowers off her back.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Ben from Bromley who is furious about MPs, Lords and VIPs various being allowed to jump the queue to see Her Majesty’s coffin lying in state at Westminster Hall. Not only that, but they could take four mates as well. In Ben’s view, these bigwigs can fuck right off. Ordinary people had to stand in the cold for 12-14 hours in order to pay their respects, as did footballer David Beckham and actor Tilda Swinton. WTF agrees and has nothing to add save that It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Carrie Symonds, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Ivanka Trump, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Joe Biden, Kwasi Kwarteng, Liz Truss, Melania Trump, Politics, Royal Family, The Queen, Therese Coffey, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF End of an Era Special

Hallo Readers,

It may seem odd to be shocked by the demise of a nonagenarian but when it came it was shocking and discombobulating and terribly sad. Of course anybody born after February 1952 had never known any other sovereign, yet suddenly the radio and TV kept talking about the King and the Queen Consort and you had to keep asking yourself “who?’.  Until you remembered that the Queen had gone and that Charles, following the longest apprenticeship in history, was now the Monarch.

Whatever doubts WTF might have about the Royal Family in general, and Charles in particular, (although so far he has been splendid), she had nothing but admiration for the Queen who spent seven decades performing a job she was not born to; even when she realised that she would one day ascend the throne, after the abdication of her feckless uncle Edward VIII, she certainly did not expect her father to die in his 50s, forcing her to become Queen at the age of 25. She was brilliant at it. She exuded dignity, decency and devotion to duty and the country appreciated it. Of course she made mistakes, including a tone-deaf response to the death of Diana and an inexplicable attachment to her boorish son Andrew. But she presented a calm stability, never better demonstrated then her extraordinary speech during the Covid lockdown, which somehow made you feel as if your grandmother had put her arms around you and soothed you. Rest in peace Ma’am. You have earned it.

Given that the country has not had to mourn a monarch – or  a Mon-Ark, as CNN keeps saying – for 70 years, there has been some confusion about the proper way to go about things. The basics are there;  everyone on TV bedecked in black, the superb pageantry and the stoicism of Brits lined up from Westminster to Timbuktu waiting for a glimpse of the Royal Coffin. Yes WTF did not publish the blog last Friday, only hours after the death was announced. But was it really necessary to cancel all football matches last weekend? To cancel National Guinea Pig Awareness Week? For Center Parcs to throw holidaymakers out on the day of the Funeral, leaving them to wander about forlornly like the Israelites in the wilderness until they could reclaim their chalets the following day? (This stupid idea was ditched quite quickly and no doubt whoever thought it up will shortly be spending time with their P45). Why did the British Cyclists Association advise their members to show their respects to Her Majesty by desisting from travelling on two wheels on Monday?  And who thought it was a good idea to cancel operations on Monday leaving people who had already waited and waited and waited to wait even longer? Do you suppose that Her Majesty would have given a toss if someone were to nip out on their bicycle for a pint of milk? Do you think that His Majesty, as now is, would want someone to be deprived of surgery because he is burying his mother? Would either of them  consider it right to arrest citizens making a peaceful protest about the institution of Monarchy, which is supposed to be one of the rights on which this country is based? Let people mourn as they think fit. Let people protest as they think fit, provided that they do so lawfully. This is still a free country and long may it continue to be so under King Charles.

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We start our review of the last fortnight’s sartorial silliness with singer Meghan Thee Stallion wearing who can say what?

If a Swiss cheese went to a fancy dress party as a rainbow with tits, this is what it would look like.

Next up, we have singer Rita Ora in London wearing Ottolinger.

On the plus side, Rita is covered up. On the minus side,  there are still things dangling, only in this case blame lies at the door of Ottolinger who has decorated Rita’s trousers with random bits of string like a Hassidic Jew.

To the MTV VMAs where we encounter actor Taylor Russell wearing Balenciaga.

This very ridiculous concoction is not a pair of trousers designed for John Goodman in a fatsuit, although you would be entitled to think so. It is in fact half a long skirt  and a miniskirt at the back. But the worst bit is the slit right up the front, like a banana sliced open by a sword.

Here is another one who has decided to put her bits away and go for a new way of annoying us. WTF speaks of actor Julia Fox.  

Having exhausted peek-a-boo denim and minge-baring leather, Julia has pulled a large condom over herself and called it a dress. And clock the clingfilm boots. Yurgle.

And now to the Emmys, the US TV Awards, where we have actor Kaley Cuoco wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Kaley’s stylist, Brad Goreski, described her as a ballerina Barbie. WTF is of the view that this is more a case of Tinkerbell with a lot of dried fruit stuck on her dress, but either way Kaley is about 25 years too old for this mullet mess.

Now this next one is officially a pity. Here is wonderful actor Julia Garner from “Ozark” wearing Gucci.

Really? WTF abhors a bare belly button almost above all things. What seems to have happened here is that some very incontinent pigeons have flown through the pelvic picture window and shat all over her velvet dress with most unfortunate consequences.

We are now at the Front Row of New York Fashion Week where we find rapper Doja Cat wearing Viktor & Rolf.

Remember WTF mentioning the concept of John Goodman in a fat suit? This is John Goodman in a fat suit blown up with helium. What??????

And finally we pop in to the Creative Emmys where we find fashionista Jonathan van Ness wearing a frock.

Look. It doesn’t fit. Anywhere. The tit pockets are empty, the dress is like something seen on a 1950’s housewife in Minnesota at the Christmas town dance and the shoes are the absolute pits. 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was aghast  at the result of these  horrible Balenciaga flipflops. Do not adjust your eyeballs.

$640 to look like an utter pillock. This nonsense has to stop. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.

 

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WTF Boudicca Special

Hallo Readers,

Britain have had some great female warriors. Think Boudicca, leader of the Iceni, who took on the Romans. She was described as “very tall and terrifying in appearance with a harsh voice and a piercing glare”. Think Elizabeth I, who though she did not herself take up arms, presided over mighty victories and who in her famous speech said “I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but I have the heart and stomach of a king and the king of England too…”. Now admittedly there was no television during the reign of either of those women, but one would like to think that if the then-contemporaneous versions of Andrew Neil or Nick Robinson had sought an audience with their Majesties, their request would have been granted. Of course, it is perfectly possible that either man might have had their guts and goolies removed with maximum prejudice had they overstepped the mark, but that was before the days of the Bill of Rights and other such.

Now it is 2022 and a new Elizabeth is ready to take her place at the helm. Only this one appears to lack the heart and stomach to take on either Andrew Neil or Nick Robinson, and she has refused to be interviewed as part of her campaign to become next Prime Minister. Liz Truss talks big but only when there is no chance of her being shown up. Even Rishi Sunak was put on his best behaviour by the Tory Party concerned about the optics of Cabinet colleagues tearing each other to shreds in public. Faced with the prospect of being properly probed on her policies, including whether she actually has any and, if she does, whether they will work or even make any sense, she concluded that she would be better off somewhere, anywhere, else. WTF has no brief for Sunak but at least he had the balls to explain himself and to answer questions whereas Truss did not, pulling out of the interview with Robinson only a day before it was due to take place on Tuesday on the basis that she was “too busy”. Has anyone explained to her how Prime Minister’s Questions work? Although, to be frank, a cardboard Truss would probably make far more sense at the despatch box and have a more animated delivery. With Truss, there is always the risk that she will fail to get to the end of the sentence without losing the thread and she sounds like a I-speak-your-weight machine but with less interesting information. She is a charisma-free zone, without principle (she has declined to have an ethics adviser) and, it seems, devoid of any compassion for the people she is about to govern. Her solution to the crippling utilities charges about to be unleashed upon us is to cut taxes, something unlikely to assist people who do not actually pay taxes. She may talk big, she may pose in a tank in full military gear and she may well suggest that Putin is quaking in his boots in contemplation of her impending accession. We can but conclude that someone who cannot even explain herself to a journalist in a television studio is unlikely to cut much of a figure on the world stage.  Truss is not known for listening but perhaps she chose to heed the words of Abraham Lincoln It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid then open it and remove all doubt”.

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We start our bumper review of the week’s clothing craziness with WTF perennial racing driver Lewis Hamilton out and about at the racetrack in Spa, Belgium ahead of the Grand Prix.

The weather in Europe has been decidedly warm so it is unclear why Lewis felt the need to don this autumnal ensemble like a perambulating plum and still less clear why he was wearing a tea cosy on his head and trainers with pustules. But he looks like a proper pillock.

Next we are in Venice where we meet lovely actor Jodie Turner-Smith at the Venice Film Festival wearing Gucci.

That is not a dress. That is a baby doll nightie last seen on a vintage Barbie – the one where Barbie runs a brothel. There is no call for either the fuck-me boots or the elongated baby blue washing up gloves. The sunglasses, however, are cool.

And here is proper film star Julianne Moore wearing Alaia.


WTF loves Julianne but is perplexed as to what is occurring with the tit cones, which seem to be a blend of Mickey Mouse ears and a witches’ hat.

To the MTV VMAs, always a rich source of outrage, where we come across comedian and SNL star Chloe Fineman wearing ThreeBYFOUR.

Well this one certainly got a laugh from WTF. It’s an eiderdown with straps. At least she’ll be warm.

Next we have singer Lizzo wearing a lot of Jean Paul Gaultier. 

Lizzo has come dressed as the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia. Who knows why?

Now we have Canadian singer Tate McRae wearing Niné.

Betty Rubble gives the world a Minge Moment…..

Meet drag performer Kerri Colby wearing Mugler.

It is not just that Kerri is dressed as a strawberry popsicle, prompting lickage jokes aplenty. It is the preponderance of pudendum on view, like something on a screen at an undergraduate gynaecology lecture.

And we also have actor Mike Mulderrig wearing some things which are wayyyy too small.

Has Mike bulked up since purchasing these items of clothing? The buttons on his jacket are hanging on for dear life and failing to cover up a lot of moobage, while he seems to have the entire contents of his sock drawer down his trousers. Call for the Canisten!

And finally, here is rapper Lil Nas X wearing Harris Read.

Did you know that there is a condition known as trypophobia – fear of holes? WTF is currently suffering from acute trypophobia over this getup, not least because it seems to herald a horrible new phenomenon, namely Penis Peek. As for the boots, there seems to be a pair of small suitcases attached to his feet.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was aghast  at the result of a truly horrible Balenciaga collaboration with Crocs. Do not adjust your eyeballs.

They are called Crocs Madame (Geddit? – oh never mind) and they come in a variety of colours with an 80mm heel. If you are completely raving mad they can be yours for only £450. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next Friday. And keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Go, not to mention your top comments. Be good x.

Posted in Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Liz Truss, MTV VMAs, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Uncategorized, Venice Film Festival, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments