WTF Mega-Enormous “Fashion” Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF was going to give you a week off this week until she realised that last weekend was both the MTV VMAs and the Met Gala, so how could she? Anyway she suspects that many of you do not read down to the sign-off at the very end and probably did not even realise that this was the original plan. Be that howsoever it may be, a cornucopia of fashion faux pas awaits you but before you get there, it is worth saying a few words about the Cabinet reshuffle this week.

In It’s Got To Go last week, WTF suggested that Gavin Williamson had got to and Readers! He has. It is the only thing Boris Johnson has ever done that WTF actually agrees with. Following him out of the door to the back bench and political nowheresville are Housing Secretary Robert Jenrick (the man who agreed to wave through a planning application for a dignitary whom he just happened to sit next to at a Tory fundraising dinner, thereby saving said dignitary £50m), Amanda Milling, (not even a household name in her own household) and Justice Secretary Robert Buckland (who seems to have been shafted only because Dominic Raab was ousted from the Foreign Office and was given Buckland’s portfolio instead, plus the title of Deputy Prime Minister to shut him up).

Given the paucity of talent available, the reshuffle was like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Liz Truss, the woman who redefines vapid, is now Foreign Secretary. Nadine Dorries, whose principal contribution to culture has been appearing on I’m a Celebrity and writing a couple of crappy novels, is now the Culture Minister. Oliver Dowden, who looks and sounds like a school prefect, takes over as Party Chair. The one thing they have in common is that they are Johnson loyalists and that is the main qualification for promotion. Think Kim Jong Un, but with milder penalties if they turn against him – the boot, rather than being torn apart by a pack of dogs or bumped off at an airport with poisonous chemicals.

A few weeks ago, WTF pointed out that polls amongst the Tory faithful showed that Johnson was one of the lowest rated performers with only Jenrick, Milling and Williamson below him. Of course he was not likely to sack himself so he has survived to bumble through surrounded by yes men who are there to play the role of the fat friend to the pretty girl and make him look good. The problem is that they cannot make him look good. Nothing and no one can make him look good. Not even Nadine Dorries. 

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We have a LOT of horror today. We start our whopping review of the week’s wankiest wear at the MTV Video Music Awards in New York last Sunday, with Brazilian singer Anitta wearing Miss Sohee. 

Yurgle. Some ectoplasm is creeping over her boobies straight out of the hottest chapter of a Stephen King novel. And WTF hates an exposed belly button almost above all things.

This is Australian singer Troye Silvan wearing who can even say what?

He has baggy shorts displaying his little pipe cleaner legs, long black socks and brogues and a teeny weeny crop top. He looks like the lovechild of a 1930s footballer and Hayley Bieber.

Here is model Winnie Harlow wearing LaQuan Smith.

The lovely Winnie is wearing a slanket tied around the waist showing off an  incontinence truss. This is fashion?

Here is Megan Fox, pictured without beau Machine Gun Kelly, wearing Thierry Mugler. 

There comes a time when it is pointless wearing anything and this sone of those times. Megan would have done better letting the wet-look mermaid hair grow a bit and wrapping it over her bits. There is also a preponderance of bare arse-cheeks but WTF is going to spare you those.

Next up we have singer Ashanti wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello.

More arse cheeks. Michael Costello has never knowingly missed an opportunity to leave a body part uncovered and there is more strappage than at a fetish festival. WTF also fears bigly for Ashanti’s circulation. Meanwhile that floor length pigtail is presumably to be used as a spare if there are more fetishists than straps. 

Finally from the VMAs we have Jennifer Lopez wearing David Koma.

Jennifer is in the second flush of love with Ben Affleck, her former fiancé from about four relationships ago. Yes she is beautiful and she has a banging body but aren’t you just a little bit sick of seeing it? If it is warm enough for a turtleneck sweater, you do not need a tit mullion and matching sparkly minge mask. Put it away love for Gawds’s sake…..

Now we go to the Met Gala, which took place the night after the VMAs. The theme was “American Independence” although in reality it was more a case “Planet Zog Independence” with some top designers falling over themselves to produce a load of old tat. We start Whoopi Goldberg wearing Valentino.

Scarlett O’Hara needs an iron. And what has happened to her arms? She looks like a double amputee.

This is model Anja Rubik wearing Christian Siriano.

The good news is that she is wearing panties. The bad news is that she seems to have been mauled by three particularly pissed off ostriches.

And here is actor Maisie Williams wearing something she knocked up herself.

Maisie is petite to start with but here she resembles a demented goth pixie with a minge placket and her hair looks as if she is wearing one of those hats worn by Spanish bullfighters. Olé!

Here is the new hot couple in showbiz, rapper ASAP Rocky wearing ERL and Rihanna wearing Balenciaga.

Rihanna looks great but Rocky appears to grabbed his granny’s quilted bedspread and called it an outfit. At least he will have kept warm…..

Motor racer Lewis Hamilton was there. Of course he was. And he is in here too. Of course he is. He is wearing Kenneth Nicholson.

Er, what? Is he the bridegroom or is he the bride?

And now German singer and songwriter Kim Petras wearing Collina Strada.

Kim is dressed as a floral pantomime cow. Who knows why?

This is actor Tessa Thompson at the afterparty wearing not much.

She is wrapped in gold ribbons with washing up gloves on her feet. Washing up gloves for a four-fingered person.

And finally WTF’s Twitter feed (@WTF_EEK, look we’ve had this conversation….) exploded with people scratching their heads about actor Dan Levy wearing Loewe.

WTF could have lived with the shirt and trousers – the artwork was a tribute to the late American artist David Wojnarowicz, one of the most influential LGBTQIA+ activists, who painted the original piece. She could have survived the Cartier diamonds embossing them. But she is having very serious difficulties with the parachute around his shoulders and a load more trouble with the studded boots, like something worn by a Hell’s-Angel-turned-troubador.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Tony from Chislehurst who is appalled at the sight of  Mexican rapper Dan Sur. Here is why.Dan has decided that hair is so last decade and instead has had gold and silver chains HOOKED INTO HIS HEAD. Plus gold grills on his teeth. Good luck going through security controls, poppet. It’s Go To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

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WTF Broken Promises Special

Hallo Readers,

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Boris Johnson has broken another promise. Keeping promises is not his forte – just ask the first and second Mrs Johnson and his string of discarded mistresses. Readers may recall the £350 million a week for the NHS never happened and the 14 new hospitals turned out to be neither new nor hospitals, but new wings in existing hospitals. Or his promise to his Uxbridge constituents that he would lie down in front of bulldozers rather than allow a third runway to be built at Heathrow airport, but when the vote for the third runway came up in the  House, Johnson, then foreign secretary, suddenly remembered an urgent appointment in Afghanistan and was airborne as his colleagues trooped through the lobbies. If Johnson does keep a promise, he only manages to do so by breaking a different promise – for example, he met his commitment to bring the UK out of the EU but only at the cost of breaking his promise that there would be no border between Northern Ireland and Great Britain. Similarly, this week he kept his promise to do something about social care but only by ignoring the promise not to raise taxes and imposing an across-the-board hike in National Insurance. As a result, people at the bottom of the scale as well as the top must pay another 10% of that tax in order to ensure that those at the top can pass their multi million pound homes on to their children. There were other potential sources of income but Johnson was not going to do anything to upset the big donors to the Conservative Party, particularly the construction giants. So there is no rise in corporation tax. There is no rise in inheritance tax. There is no attempt to make international mega companies pay any or some tax on their profits. There is no rise in taxes on unhealthy sugary and salty foods, the consumers of which clog up their own arteries and then clog up the hospitals. Only last month, when such a proposal was made by food czar Henry Dimbleby, Johnson dismissed it, saying “I’m not, I must say, attracted to the idea of extra taxes on hardworking people. Let me just signal that.” One month later, that reticence vanished into the ether and we now have an extra tax on hard working people starting in three years’ time.

In ordinary life, that degree of forgetfulness would have the speaker shipped off to a care home, paying £1500 a week while the people who look after him or her will not clear that in a month and will now be forced to pay higher National Insurance for the privilege. That is, the ones who will still work there and who will not remain post-Brexit in their countries of origin or who will not have gone off to work for the NHS because they do not need a vaccination there, or who have not been lured away to work for Amazon – oh the irony – which will pay them twice or three times their care home wages. Sadly they will soon find out that Mr Bezos’s beneficence comes at a high price.

People pay their tax and NI throughout their career. In return they should be cared for if they cannot afford to do it themselves. The idea that poorer people work their whole lives and still have to pay the same as rich people for future care is just plain wrong.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing chaos with rapper Lil Baby (né Dominique Armani Jones) wearing Bape x Coach.

WTF dislikes a shorts suit on men unless they are army officers or in law enforcement, and this shorts suit is especially distasteful to her as she hates snakeskin patterns almost above all things. Why would a grown man want go about dressed as Kaa from the Jungle Book? And how does he hold his neck up with all those chains around it? He must have an osteopath on permanent standby…..

Next up, we have actor and rapper Akwafina wearing Monse.

More Monsense. If a ghost went a fancy dress party as a bedraggled businessman, this is what it would look like. And the boots are downright ugly.

To the National Television Awards, which are always bad. WTF aficionado Mark was so outraged by boxer Nicola Adams and her partner model Ella Baig that he messaged WTF late at night to protest at their awfulness. Ella’s dress is by ROTATE Birger Chirtensen. 

We saw Lil Baby in his shorts suit. Now we see Nicola in hers and she does look like an Army officer. The Afrika Corps from WW2. Whoever thought of the orange socks and matching eyeshadow is not her friend. As for Ella, she has cut up Granny’s damask curtains and added leg of mutton sleeves and hideous platforms. 

Meet actor Annaleigh Ashford at the launch of Impeachment- American Crime Story, wearing Sebastian Gunawan.

This is a very silly dress, which takes away Annaleigh’s neck and makes her look like one of those ever-so-eco cloth Christmas trees.

To the GQ Men of the Year Awards in London with singer Ed Sheeran wearing Versace.

WTF has cited this movie before, but it bears repetition. In Tin Men,  a superb and under-rated movie about dodgy double glazing salesmen in the 1960s (GO AND WATCH IT), Tilly (Danny de Vito) is up before the Home Improvements Commission accused of selling his wares by deception. He replies “look…if you work in a clothing store, some guy tries on a suit and he looks like shit, but you tell him he looks wonderful… the guy’s standing there looking like a sack of shit, the salesman says what a great suit, and he buys it. That’s deception…” Bravo Tilly. Ed may be wearing a £3,000 Versace jacket but he looks like a sack of shit. Not to mention the crumpled shirt, wonky tie, terribly-fitting trousers and Boris Johnson hair. Yurgle.

We are now at the knockings of the Venice Film Festival where we encounter actor Cynthia Erivo, wearing Valentino.

You know those mad people who wrap themselves and their pets in tinfoil to avoid X-rays or whatever? Cynthia looks exactly like that. And her shoes are a health hazard…..

And here is actor Kristen Stewart wearing Chanel.

Chanel!!! Ye Gods. It was a toss-up between a tweed Chanel romper and this ghastly ensemble but this is worse because at least the romper looks expensive and awful, whereas this babydoll nonsense looks cheap and awful, the sort of thing you buy online from K-Mart. Meanwhile, the purpose of the black ribbon passeth all understanding…..

And finally, here is alleged singer Cheryl performing at the Mighty Hoopla Festival, wearing something foul.

WTF noticed a headline the other day announcing that Cheryl (formerly aka Tweedy, then aka Cole, then aka Fernandez-Versini) had returned to singing. This came as a surprise to WTF who did know that she ever started. Rutting foxes sound more harmonious. Anyway, here she is wearing something so horrific that it is included here even though stage outfits are usually out of bounds. There is a LOT of thigh and crotch plus hair that used to be attached to a pony’s arse, like Spiderwoman gone lap dancing.

STOP PRESS – WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney contacted WTF today to say ‘That bloody Cheryl! She looks like Liberace doing a Las Vegas season. In his late period’.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from the whole of Britain, whether WTF aficionados or not, and concerns that utter moron, the Education Secretary Gavin Williamson.

In what is admittedly a competitive field, Williamson is way ahead of the pack, having no redeeming features and giving full nuance to the words over-promoted. This week he consolidated his lead still further by managing to confuse Marcus Rashford the black footballer with Maro Itoje the black rugby player, claiming that he had met the former by Zoom instead of the latter. In fact, as both are campaigning for matters relating to Williamson’s own department, Rashford for free school meals and Itoje for free school computers, he should know them and be able to distinguish them, and he should be holding frequent discussions with them both. He is a complete tosser and He’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. We will not be meeting next Friday because Thursday is the Day of Atonement and WTF will be busy atoning, but she will be back with you on Friday 24 September. Please keep those excellent suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Be good x.

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, GQ men of the Year Awards, National TV Awards, Northern Ireland, Politics, Uncategorized, Venice Film Festival, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Raab Special

Hallo Readers,

Watching Dominic Raab give evidence to the House of Commons Foreign Affairs Committee this week was further proof, not that proof is required, that competence, diligence and a mastery of the facts are no longer essentials on a ministerial job specification. Raab was questioned by MPs of all parties but either failed to answer them or waffled on with a word salad that, insofar as it could be understood at all, seemed to have nothing to do with the price of fish. He was clearly irritated at having to explain his disastrous handling of the Afghanistan crisis, despite the fact that this is the raison d’etre of such committees – to ask probing questions and to get detailed answers. Or, in this case, not to get them.

Raab has never been big on detail. When Brexit Secretary, he admitted that he had not read the whole of the Good Friday Agreement, which is rather like a surgeon going into a viva and admitting that he had not finished Gray’s Anatomy. On this occasion, a steely Tom Tugendhat, this year’s unlikely hero, asked Raab about a report dated 22 July 2021 which had warned  that Peace talks are stalled and US Nato withdrawal is resulting in rapid Taliban advances. This could lead to: fall of cities, collapse of security forces, Taliban return to power, mass displacement and significant humanitarian need. The embassy may need to close if security deteriorates.” Raab bristled like a hedgehog and inquired where Tugendhat had got that information, only to receive the reply “it’s your principal risk report”. Which clearly indicated that Robb had either not read it or had read it but had been untroubled by its contents. Either way, when a few weeks later the Taliban cut through the hapless Afghan Army like a hot knife through butter, Raab was to be found sprawled on a sun lounger in Crete working on his tan. The opprobrium he faced as a result still rankles and although his tan may be fading, his indignation at being questioned is undimmed. He refused to answer questions about when he had left for his holiday in Greece and was shirty at the suggestion that he had cocked up by failing to come home early. Apology was there none. Details were scanty. Figures explaining who was left behind were vague. Names of counterpart Foreign Ministers  with whom he had spoken, and the dates he had spoken to them, were unparticularised. The only real display of animation came when he accused Labour Committee Members asking impertinent questions like “why did you not evacuate the British Embassy earlier?” of setting a political ambush. It was as striking a display of ineptitude and unfitness for office as we have seen for some time, even from this shit-show of a Government.

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We start our review of the week’s awful apparel with actress Zolee Griggs wearing Prabal Gurung. 

Zolee describers herself as a “humanitarian.” She will need all that saintliness and goodwill to mankind to forgive whoever it was who thought it was a good idea to put her into this ridiculous outfit, which seems to be the lovechild of a romper suit and a pair of dice.

Next up, we have presenter  and talent judge Alesha Dixon at the LGBT Awards in London, wearing Attico.

Alesha clearly has a thing about pink. This time, she is putting the shocking into shocking pink. The shoulders are taking us back to 1980, which is where they should have stayed, the skirt is, as ever, too short and the turd topknot is like something a pervy Aladdin would have worn. Dismal.

Also present was singer Pixie Lott, wearing Nue.

The sandals are yummy but she has forgotten her skirt and the jacket has tit goggles. And Pixie is proof positive of a WTF Golden Rule  –  if  you have to hold your  handbag in front of your minge, there  is  something  wrong with your outfit. And with you for wearing  it.

Here we are in LA where we meet actor Kevin Quinn at the premiere of Cinderella, wearing Alexander McQueen.

Kevin is giving WTF a headache just by looking at him. He is very swirly with a skull and crossbones on his crotch.  And is that a gun holster?

To Venice, where a variety of celebritees assembled to wear borrowed Dolce & Gabbana clobber, beginning with Kourtney Kardashian and her beau, drummer Travis Barker.

These two are really annoying. She is wearing a sheer shower curtain over a bra and thong, a flower instead of a belt and her boyfriend’s hand on her tit. Travis is a Lurch lookalikey and while his suit is rather elegant, he is in hiking boots (gosh, his feet are HUGE!!!!) and without a shirt, not even of any kind. Meanwhile, WTF hates a tattooed head even more than she hates a tattooed neck, which is an awful lot of hate. 

Also there to share the glam was actor January Jones.

Not content with more frills than a toilet doll on acid, D&G has added sparkly tits, diamanté straps and the most vulgar belt ever in the history of ever.

And finally, we have singer Bebe Rexha.

A few pictures ago, we had Lurch and Morticia from the Addams Family and here is the lovely Bebe looking as if she has been recently exhumed, complete with a head full of rats’ tails and, for reasons that are not entirely clear, a Minge Butterfly. 

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from many appalled WTF aficionados, with Sarah from Lancaster first across the line. Their nominations? Yes of course, it’s Michael Gove, Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, strutting his stuff in an Aberdeen nightclub at 2 am last Saturday night.

Look. If  Gove wants to shake it all about, so be it. He is a (newly) single man and wants to have fun. BUT (i) NO ONE goes raving in a suit (ii) he looks like a dork and (iii) reports from the club say that Michael is a schnorrer who tried to get in for free rather than paying a fiver like everybody else. As WTF aficionado Yvonne put it, It’s Got To Gove.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Afghanistan, Brexit, Dominic Raab, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Good Friday Agreement, Labour Party, Michael Gove, Northern Ireland, Politics, Uncategorized, Venice Film Festival, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Stone in the Pond Special

Hallo Readers,

There were many strange sights and sounds this week. There was the Defence Secretary, Ben Wallace, describing the allegation from a former para who complained of the Government abandoning him in Afghanistan as “bollocks”. There were dehydrated babies being passed over barbed wire at Kabul Airport to bemused US soldiers by their despairing mothers, and more babies being born on the aircraft taking their parents to safety. There was some idiot woman on Fox News blaming Jill Biden for Joe Biden’s handling of Afghanistan. In the UK, there were anti-vaccine, anti-lockdown, anti-brain demonstrators, led by a bloke who used to be in Coronation Street for about half an hour, invading the ITV/Channel 4 News building in Central London and heckling Jon Snow (no, not that one, the newscaster). But nothing was more striking than the sight of Donald Trump,  The Former Guy, at a super-spreader rally in Alabama getting the bird from some of the crowd for admitting that he had been jabbed against Covid and advising them to do the same.

To put this in context, Alabama, the Land That Time Forgot, is ranked 50th out of the 50 US states for vaccinations – only 47% of  its citizens have been inoculated. It is also ranked the 5th lowest state in terms of education, and my Goodness, it shows. Even its Governor, Kay Ivey, a woman who makes Margaret Thatcher look like Rebecca Long-Bailey, has lost patience with her electorate as infection rates climb steadily, remarking, “Folks are supposed to have common sense”. Not in Alabama they aren’t. When she greeted TFG on the tarmac as he flew in for the rally, did she bend his ear and ask him to have a word? If she did, then she is bound to be off this year’s Christmas card list because even TFG, a man whose word is usually heard as reverentially as that of the Almighty Himself, was roundly booed for even suggesting vaccines might be OK.

TFG has been long been walking a tightrope about this. 30% of his supporters do not actually believe he has even been jabbed at all. He was in fact vaccinated back in January but be chose to say nothing about it. Since then, he has been virtually silent on the topic, unlike all the other living Presidents. At the same time, TFG has promoted his own role in hurrying through the vaccines, even though many of his followers regard them as more ungodly than a foursome with Dr Fauci, Bill Gates and every Jew-hater’s favourite nightmare, George Soros. And on Saturday night, we saw why TFG had chosen silence. While he has previously said nothing, his handmaidens on Fox News and OANN and Newsmax,  radio hosts who, in another age, would have been taken away in a straitjacket and the likes of Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene (ditto), have all rubbished the vaccines so that now even TFG cannot persuade his own devoted followers to take them. And this is a man whom they believed when he claimed that the election was nobbled and that American patriots had kissed and cuddled police officers at the Capitol on January 6. He has unleashed this madness and now even he cannot control it. As WTF’s late Russian granny used to say, it takes one fool to throw a stone in the water and ten wise people to get it out again.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with Madonna, celebrating her 63rd birthday in Italy with her current beau, dancer Ahlamalik Williams.

Commentators have sniped at the age difference between Mads and Ahlamalik (27), but frankly, WTF is not bothered at all – good luck to them. She is however unimpressed by her outfit which manages to combine equal parts of mumsiness, old-style Southern Belle and silliness, particularly the socks. Overall, the impression is very Driving Miss Daisy……  

 

Next up we have lovely actor Sarah Paulson wearing Miu Miu.

 The good news – the shoes are lovely, although impossible to walk in, and Winnie the dog is a real cutie.  Winnie’s look of bewilderment on looking at Sarah dressed like a saucy French Maid is noted and endorsed. That dog is a critic. WTF is going to offer her a guest slot ……

 

More black and white with actor Lily Collins wearing Ronald van Der Kemp at a Cartier party in Los Angeles.

Love the hair and makeup, very Katherine Hepburn, but the outfit is to long at the back and too short at the front with shoulders where the hanger seems to have been left in in the jacket. If a penguin went to a fancy dress party as a hat check girl, this is what it would look like.

Love Island 2020 twins Eve Gale and Jess Gale out and about in London.

There has been a distinct interference with the workings of nature, and they both have that now-obligatory trout pout, faces shinier than a ten pin bowling ball, tits like balloons and skin the colour of stewed tea. They are also going out to dinner in London dressed as if they were still lounging round the pool at the Majorcan villa and flashing their arse cheeks, which WTF has decided to spare you …. instead here are the girls before they met Botox. Look and weep.

Sigh……

Next up, here is TOWIE person Gemma Collins and former (and perhaps reinstated fiancé) Rami Hawash. 


Rami’s jeans are not so much distressed as destroyed and Gemma looks like a perambulating kaleidoscope in sandals. Oh and the teeny-weeny bag is Valentino and costs £1550.

Now we have model Shanina Shaikh wearing Christopher Esber.

Well, I say “wearing” but there is not much to wear. There is a giant tit window and a minge mullion, and seems to the lovechild of an old sheet and a discarded Ku Klux Klan robe.

Newcomers to these pages, England and Manchester Citeh footballer Jack Grealish and Love Island 2018 person Ellie Brown. They are in a nightclub in Manchester.

They are not together, they both claim (Jack has a girlfriend) and they just bumped into each other by the loos, as you do. Ellie’s bustier makes her look even bustier, but WTF is more interested in Jack’s ridiculous attire made more ridiculous by the hems tucked into his socks like a geography teacher cycling to school.  Footballers have a lot of time on their hands and Jack seems to have spent his scribbling on his trouser legs which look like illustrated carrots.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from appalled WTF aficionado WTF in Islington who came across this picture tweeted by Simon from Wharfedale in Yorkshire. Ready? You won’t be……

Look, let us not mince words. It may be that the person who wrote this did not have English as a first language, or that he/she was taking the piss.  But does the supermarket involved not have a someone in charge who is even vaguely literate? If you were considering making chilli con carne or shepherd’s pie, and you saw this, you would hotfoot it to the vegan section before you could say moose knuckle. There is no question. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Alabama, America, Anthony Fauci, Anti-Semitism, Antisemitism, Covid, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, George Soros, Ivanka Trump, Politics, Uncategorized, vaccines, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Back to 2001 Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF’s heroes are not so much falling from Grace as plummeting. Last week it was New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. This week it is US President Joe Biden. He told us that he would always be straight with us and would admit when he made a mistake. Yet he made a catastrophic error and is failing to own it. Getting out of Afghanistan was always going to be a mess. But this is worse than a mess. Anyone could have seen that announcing the US was off by September 11, but with no formal agreement in place between the US Government, the Afghan Government and the Taliban, would open the door to chaos. The US also ignored memos from diplomats on the grounds in Kabul advising them against the planned withdrawal, and it did not even bother to talk to its Allies about its plans.  We were however assured that the Afghan army, supposedly trained by the US and UK to a high standard, was more than capable of defeating the Taliban but that promise was based on the assumptions that the Afghan Army was the size they said it was and that it was up for a fight, whereas neither was true. The Afghan Government, or at least a large part of it, was too busy shovelling money into its pockets to find time to pay the military for over a year, so it is unsurprising that its soldiers had no stomach for combat. Last weekend, Afghan capitals fell one by one like dominos under the merest puff of air, and before we knew it, Taliban fighters were posing proudly in the Presidential office. Meanwhile, the Afghan President skipped town in a helicopter, allegedly accompanied by suitcases of cash, and is now safely ensconced in the UAE.

Because things collapsed so rapidly, foreign nationals are still stuck in Afghanistan, as are many Afghans who were interpreters and teachers and others who helped to free women from the medieval quagmire into which they had been sunk after 2001, and to which they will doubtless rapidly return. If you’re going to go, then go. But make sure there is some sort of agreed exit strategy. Look after those who risked their lives for your ill-defined political purposes. Arrange for people to get out before you go. At least ensure that the road to the airport is clear because there is no point promising to take people out if they can’t get to the planes. Have a plan. Some plan. Any plan. But at least have a bloody plan that is more comprehensive than ‘we’re going now, bye bye’.

Meanwhile, Boris Johnson and Dominic Raab thought it was more important for them to go on holiday than to hang around Whitehall and do something. They failed to rise to the occasion and they failed again in the House of Commons on Wednesday, offering no cogent explanation for their inaction. Instead,  they radiated arrogance, irritation and self-satisfaction, with Johnson simultaneously telling us that that this had been foreseen and that it had not. But who was remotely surprised that either of them is incompetent? Biden, on the other hand, is another matter. WTF naively had hoped that his decency, empathy and experience would have helped him to handle this with some forethought. It didn’t happen. Instead he blamed the Afghan Army, ran away from reporters at his Press Conference and has been less than frank. For shame.

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We start our survey of the week’s sartorial slurry with singer and actor Jennifer Hudson wearing Valentino.

Jennifer is promoting her new movie in which she plays Aretha Franklin, but she seems to have another movie on the go as well in which she plays a cheese grater in bootees.  And leather shorts should be worn only by Germans and Austrians at beer festivals.

Next up, we have actor Jai Courtney wearing Paul Smith.

The colour is pretty, but either (i) Jai has lived on a diet of cake since he bought the suit, or (ii) he accidentally put it on a hot wash in the machine or (iii) it was always two sizes too small. Every seam is holding on for dear life…. he has also teamed the delicate suit with what appear to be hobnail boots.

Here is celebritee Draya Michele in LA, wearing who can even say what?

Those are very terrible trousers, apparently recycled from some kiddie’s bedroom curtains together with the original fringing, and worn with a scarf serving as a bra showing oodles of under-boob.

She’s back! I speak of newly-minted billionaire Rihanna wearing a load of old tat.

Ever since RiRi has started hanging out with A$AP Rocky, she has been favouring ridiculous jeans. Are they jeans? Or are they joggers?  As for the thing around her chest, it is not so much a handkerchief as a titkerchief. Perhaps now she is so rich, she feels the need to dress down like a Victorian beggar….

Our old pal is back, TV presenter and former model Heidi Klum wearing Dolce & Gabbana on the set of America’s Got Talent.

NBC’s viewers must have jammed the switchboard for hours complaining of retinal damage. Are D&G having a laugh? She looks like one of those patchwork teddies, only without the pot belly.

And now we have singer Dua Lip wearing Marshall Columbia.

Dua’s wardrobe has been attacked from a swarm of particularly hungry moths flying in formation like the Red Arrows. Not to mention giving us all a parallel Minge Moment.

And finally, we say hello again to singer Orville Peck wearing Beyonce’s new collection, Ivy Park.

Orville fans will know that he never shows his face, but there is a mask and there is this thing, the lovechild of the Lone Ranger and some backwoodsman from the Ozarks.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado   Yvonne from Jedburgh and if this is not the most revolting thing  you ever saw in your life, then you have led a seriously disturbed life and need some sort of assistance.

WARNING – THIS IS REALLY HORRIBLE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Well, you were warned. Yvonne wants to know what sort of person would want to drink out of this cup, and apart from members of the Coprophiliacs’ Club, WTF does not know the answer either. But she does know that It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

Posted in Afghanistan, America, Andrew Cuomo, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Raab, Draya Michele, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Joe Biden, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Cuomosexual Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF has always had a penchant for clever, arrogant, witty and charismatic men who look like they know stuff. Even when she suspects that they are not actually very nice, she will usually suppress the thought where there are enough flashes of brilliance and a few bons mots. And so it was last spring, when Covid was first upon us, and the then President of the US was making a pig’s ear of his country’s response (if indeed denying that there was a problem and plugging some iffy medicine can be deemed a response). The daily appearances of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo charmed the world and charmed WTF even more. His combination of sense, competence, eloquence, empathy and understanding,  combined with witty aperçus and an obvious contempt for President Orange meant that his briefings became required viewing for residents of New York State and across the globe. At a time when there was no vaccine, or even the expectation of one, Cuomo’s reassurance that things would eventually be OK, however terrible they were at the time, was the perfect antidote to our fears.

And then….as 2020 continued and the horror of New York doctors in plastic bin bags coping with thousands of dying citizens abated, it became clear that Cuomo’s management of the crisis had been less adept that had appeared at the time; not least because of his policy of transferring old and sick people from hospitals to nursing homes where they spread the virus and many died. For a while, that was covered up while Cuomo won an Emmy for his daily TV chats and made some $5 m from his book boasting how well he has handed it all. When details of the cover-up crept out, they were squashed with cynical ruthlessness by the Governor and his staff.

Then another scandal started to emerge, namely that Cuomo was a  serial sex pest. Even after a report by the Attorney-General, a woman he himself had appointed, found that he had molested eleven women, Cuomo persisted in his denials, sending his Rottweiler lady lawyer onto TV shows to pour obloquy on his accusers – exactly the same tactics practiced by the man he claimed to deprecate, now the former President. But  the  women did not back down and this week, Cuomo resigned. Did we get a fulsome and grovelling apology, coupled with an admission that his conduct has been sleazy and disgusting? No, we did not. Instead this 63-year old man, father, lawyer and politician insisted that he had never intentionally assaulted anyone, but that ‘the boundaries had moved’ and he had not realised it. Really?  The acceptable boundaries of behaviour from a man, a father, a lawyer and a politician never included groping women’s breasts or squeezing their buttocks or running a finger down their spine or demanding of a 25 year old assistant whether she found men of his age attractive. One is left to conclude that either Cuomo really did not know that, in which case he was unfit for office, or that he did know it but he thought that the rules did not apply to him, in which case he was unfit for office. The moral of the story  is that wit, charm and intelligence are all well and good but they may well – and often do – cover up something a lot less appetising and a lot more problematic.

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We start our review of the week’s outrageous outfits with talent judge and former singer Alesha Dixon,  seen here with her husband Azuka Ononye at Ant McWotsit’s wedding. Alesha is wearing Kalmanovich.

Here is a WTF Golden Rule. Do not go to someone else’s wedding dressed like a showgirl, unless of course you are a showgirl appearing in the post-prandial Cabaret. This is too tight, too short, too showy and makes her look like a very brightly coloured cockatoo.

Next up we have actor Winston Duke (from the Marvel movies) wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

He seems to have been shopping at the D&G skip. The shirt has nothing to do with the suit or the shoes and the monogrammed polo neck is just plain wanky.  The whole effect is of  one of those terribly twee china minstrels that your granny had on her mantelpiece.

Here she is! It’s Lady Gaga in New York, wearing Christopher John Rogers.

If a decanter went to a fancy dress party as a picnic tablecloth,  this is what it would look like. And those are the world’s ugliest boots….. 

And here is another regular, sort of actress Phoebe Price, at a garage in LA.

Is she going to the gym or to the S&M club? And as the petrol hose is not in the aperture, what is she planning to do with it? Frankly, it does not bear thinking about. Even the lap-dancing doxies in last night’s Love Island were better dressed. Yurgle.

Meet How to get Away With Murder actor Conrad Ricamora wearing a most extraordinary ensemble at the premiere of Night House in New York.

So here we have a cornucopia of everything WTF cannot abide. A one armed-jacket on a two-armed person. Nothing under the jacket save for chains various. And brogues without socks. Was he attacked by a savage doggie?

We haven’t seen rapper Iggy Azalea in a while. Here she is, wearing Thierry Mugler. Careful now.

Good Lord! A perambulating circus tent…..

And finally, here is Instagram star Stephanie Gurzanski wearing who even knows what this is?

This is the lovechild of a leather sofa and Disney’s Angus the pony and is putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment.

This week’s It’s Got to Go concerns someone who is in fact about to go. WTF speaks of Britney Spears’ dad Jamie Spears, who has been his daughter’s conservator since 2008 when she had a funny turn. Britney is now nearly 40, has two children and had this novel idea that she is entitled to run her own life and to handle the money she makes.

 It is not as if Britney does not know what day it is. She regularly gives sell-out concerts, and Dad gets the money to look after it for her. Recently, Britney applied to wind up the conservatorship and last night her dad says he stepping down. Good riddance. He’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

Posted in America, Andrew Cuomo, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, sexism, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Duffers Special

Hallo Readers,

The website ConservativeHome carries out monthly surveys among grassroots Tories to gauge their approval of the members of the Cabinet. In July, colourless dimwit Liz Truss, the Trade Secretary, came top with 89%, with Dishy Rishi Sunak, the Chancellor who brought us the cheap lunches last summer but gave loads of people Covid in consequence, on 74.1%. Third was Foreign Secretary Dominic Raab, the man who thought that Réunion was part of the landmass of France, rather than an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean between Madagascar and Mauritius. But then, when he was Brexit Secretary, Raab never bothered to read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through, so he obviously does not put a premium on knowledge.

Boris Johnson, however, fared less well, dropping 36 points from June to an embarrassing 3.4%. AND THIS IS A POLL OF ACTUAL TORIES.  There were only three Cabinet members less popular than Johnson. Immediately below him is Robert Jenrick, the oleaginous Housing Secretary, with 1.3%. Frankly, Jenrick is so ghastly that WTF can only surmise that the 1.3% comprise his mum and dad, his Auntie Flora and the cleaning lady. Readers may recall that Jenrick was involved in a little local difficulty when it transpired that he had overruled the planning Inspectorate and waived through a billion-pound property development for Richard Desmond, a Tory donor whom he had sat next to at a fund-raising dinner, thus saving Desmond the not inconsiderable sum of £50m. Public outcry caused the approval to be scrapped, but only after a series of texts came to light in which Desmond declared that ‘I do not want to give my doe (sic) to Marxists’, a reference to the elected councillors of Tower Hamlets Borough Council, where the project was to be situated. Below Jenrick is the Conservative Party Chair, Amanda Milling, who is sitting on  a net disapproval rating of -14.3%. And, fittingly, bringing up the rear with -44.1% is Education Secretary Gavin Williamson, a man for whom the word idiot has insufficient nuance. That someone so irremediably thick as Williamson is Education Secretary is all you need to know about the calibre of this Cabinet.

The fact that Johnson has picked such duffers, and yet has managed to be eclipsed by nearly all of them in a survey of his own party members, must rank as the political equivalent of having your trousers fall down in public. There are people in that Cabinet no one has ever heard of. Mark Spencer MP, anyone?  Baroness Evans? They both got more approval than Johnson and no one even knows who they are. Having chucked people with real intelligence, merit and ethics out of the party altogether, he surrounded himself with mediocrity in order to make himself look good. And the sad thing for him is that, even then, he is ranked fourth from bottom. Oh, the ignominy. WTF cannot recall such a low-quality Cabinet.  You would do better at MFI.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion fiascos with actress Margot Robbie at the premiere of The Suicide Squad, in which she stars as Harley Quinn,  wearing Chanel.

The Mummy has returned – wearing Chanel. Why is the beauteous Margot wearing a tit sling? What is occurring below the knees? What the actual fuck is going on here?

Next up, we have ubiquitous singer Rita Ora at the same premiere, wearing Azzi & Osta.

WTF does not wish to cause offence, but this resembles a meringue with  a prolapse. What are those things protruding unpleasantly from the hem? And it has also has cut-outs showcasing bits of Rita’s tattoos. On the plus side, the shoes are pretty. 

Now we are at another premiere, Aftermath, starring actress Ashley Greene wearing a dress by Berta from the 2017 collection.

Yurgle. This dress should have remained dead and buried at the back of Berta’s warehouse, but instead it has been disinterred and put on the lovely Ashley, complete with feathers, sheer inserts and a most disturbing diamanté minge diamond and a furry thing around her waist. The fabric pattern reminds one of those ultra-manicured medieval gardens.

This is influencer and make up mogul Bretman Rock wearing who can even say what.

That is more cleavage than you get from the girls in Love Island, he seems to have wing mirrors on his jacket (or is it just so that he can look at himself without opening the man-bag?) and he is wearing a very frayed pair of cowboy’s chaps which appear to have been savaged by a hungry coyote…..

And now a trio of nastiness from Monôt at the LuisaViaroma Benefit Ball for Unicef in Capri, starting with actress Dylan Penn and celebritee and former Miss Universe Olivia Culpo.

These two are obviously gearing up for a new version of The Flintstones, where Wilma is going to a funeral and Dino the Dinosaur has taken a bite out of Betty Rubble.

Also in Monôt we have model Cindy Bruna. 

Er….. where is the rest of the outfit? There is a coat/cloak and a hat last seen on the Sandeman Port Man,  but at least he had boots and trousers, whereas Cindy is displaying a great deal of fanny flappage as well as a giant tit window.

Finally, away from the monochrome, here is singer Lady Gaga out and about in New York, wearing Valentino with a Philip Treacy hat.

If a purple bell went to a fancy dress party as a muppet in ski goggles, this is what it would look like. Is she supposed to be the Liberty Belle? #baffled

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionados Dean and Pam from Fife, who are fascinated but appalled by the swollen lips sported by most of the ladies on ITV2’s idiot-fest, Love Island. A number of pretty girls have done themselves a mischief  by having labial infills and the result is simply ghastly.

There are a number of trout missing their pouts. Why would anyone want to look as if they had been  repeatedly punched in the mouth by Tyson Fury?  What nonsense is this? It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF Emperor’s New Clothes Special

Hallo Readers

You would think that being a veteran and having fought in I-raq would be the quintessence of the flag-waving, Trump-loving, law-and-order-insisting MAGATs’ beliefs, not to mention donning the policeman’s uniform to hold the line against the unruly mob. But Readers, you would  be so wrong, as wrong as wrong can be. Not when the unruly mob is made up of the self-same, flag-waving, Trump-loving, law-and-order-insisting,MAGATs, so the values demonstrated by the policemen on duty on 6 January at the Capitol count for zero. And so it is that when four police officers gave their evidence to the House Committee on Tuesday this week enquiring into what happened on January 6 and why, and described how they were beaten with flagpoles and clubs, covered with pepper spray which burned into their skin, repeatedly tasered, with people trying to gouge out their eyes and crushing them into doorframes, the reaction of the MAGATs was not to throw up their hands in horror, giving thanks to the bravery of the men protecting the Centre of their Government. Instead, the MAGATS called them liars and ‘crisis actors’ and they were mocked on Fox News for their Oscar-worthy performances. One officer  who recounted how he was called ‘a fucking ni**er’, was challenged to produce the evidence, as if a crowd capable of the violence we all saw would somehow demur at using racial epithets and insults. Another officer, who had a heart attack following repeatedly being tasered, got a voice message on his phone calling him a liar, ‘a fucking pussy’ and ‘a faggot’. Because in post-Trump America, even what you see for yourself is not true if it in any way casts doubt  on the integrity of the former President and those who support him, no matter the price. Which is why most GOP congressmen and senators stayed silent when Trump described the crowd as ‘loving’ who were ‘hugging and kissing’ the policemen, the same crowd which erected a gallows outside the Capitol and roamed the building shouting ‘Hang Mike Pence’, just as they stayed silent at his repeated lie that the Presidential election was stolen from him, and are threatening to take disciplinary action against the two congressmen who are actually participating in a committee to find out exactly what happened on that day.

Meanwhile, last week,  Dawn Butler MP rose to her feet in the House of Commons and said what any sentient being with a braincell knew to be true – namely that Boris  Johnson was a liar. This is a breach of Parliamentary protocol and she was invited to withdraw it by the deputy Speaker.  Butler noted, as indeed was the case, that it is strange that the person who lies repeatedly in Parliament incurs no sanction, whereas the person pointing out that the liar is lying is sanctioned and expelled. And if that is not a perfect metaphor for our current political situation both here and across the Atlantic, WTF does not know what is. Do not believe that you see or hear, even when you see or hear it. Accept an explanation you know to be false or, if you challenge the falsity, be prepared  to be subjected to abuse and obloquy. Because the issue is not whether you know that the Emperor is not wearing new clothes but whether you have the guts to point out that he is not.

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We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with celebritee DJ Chantel Jeffries, wearing who knows what.

This is the lovechild of a zebra and a barber’s pole.  And something very unpleasant is happening around the minge area.

Next we have celebritee presenter Maya Jama, wearing Azzi & Osta.

WTF does not even know what this is supposed to be. It appears to be a khaki straitjacket with a generous helping of tits bubbling over the top like overcooked soufflés.

Next up we have model Hailey Baldwin Bieber wearing Alessandra Rich, accompanied by husband Justin Bieber. 

It is very rare to spot either Hayley or Justin in full outfits, so try and treasure this moment. This is the quintessential example of genitalia curtains and presumably Justin is holding on to her hips to prevent an imminent minge moment. 

Next up, we have singer Travis Scott wearing some very silly jeans.

It appears that Travis has slid his hips into a denim tent. Travis is currently squiring Kylie Jenner, and frankly he could get the entire Kardashian/Jenner clan into a single trouser leg

Here is rapper Megan Thee Stallion, wearing Natalia Fedner.

Megan  is wearing a bicycle chain as a dress. Go figure…..

This is influencer Tana Mongeau out and about.

If a camel went to a fancy dress party as a carrot in a baby-grow, this is what it would look like. There is serious camel-toe on show, and this falls squarely into the category of Call for the Canesten.

 

 

More ghastliness on celebritee Eve Gale, wearing not enough.

She’s wearing a cobweb. That is all.

And finally here is model Lottie Moss wearing I do not know what…..

WTF cannot see the point of Lottie Moss who, were she not Kate Moss’s half  sister,  would probably be a cashier at Aldi. What is the point of her? Anyway, here she is wearing lacy fisherman’s waders and a vest and looking entirely ridiculous. Get her off. The end……

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF who is sick of bloated male lard-buckets like Piers Morgan (actually you could stop the paragraph right there) who have spent the week slagging off gymnast Simone Biles for having the temerity to withdraw from Olympic competition because of concerns for her mental health.

Simone is experiencing what gymnasts called ‘the twists’, where you suddenly find yourself hanging in mid air without a clue how you got there or how you are going to get down again. But according to lard-buckets various. she should just get on it with it, even when getting on with it involves doing somersaults on tiny pieces of equipment with the risk of breaking your neck. This coming from people who probably get a stitch doing up their shoelaces. They can fuck right off. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

Posted in America, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion Disasters, Olympics, Politics, sexism, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Joffrey Special

Hallo Readers,

The political drama playing out in Downing Street, in Chequers and in Westminster is like a prep school, cut-price version of Game of Thrones with a dollop of Whitehall farce. It is sadly a version where, in the interests of economy, or perhaps to preserve Covid-compliant working conditions, they have dispensed with the heroes and kept the villains. So Dominic Cummings is an amalgam of all the creepy and evil advisers to the Kings, Carrie Johnson is Margaery Tyrell and Boris Johnson is a fat and tousled version of Joffrey Baratheon but who has, at least to date, avoided the fate imposed upon that little swine by Olenna Tyrell, Margaery’s auntie. 

According to Cummings’ account this week, both he and the then-future third Mrs Johnson regarded Johnson as a useful idiot who was patently not up to the job of being PM, a sentiment with which all of us can readily agree. At first Cummings, working with a coterie of unidentified schemers, had the upper hand and was able to bend Johnson to his aim of getting the UK out of Europe. Sadly for him, and for all of us, while Johnson proved to be sufficiently malleable, he also proved to be without policy, principle, or purpose and with no agenda other than to remain in power. Cummings tells us that he and his unidentified gang decided that after Brexit was done, Johnson would have to go, to be replaced by who knows whom, but before he could execute this plan, he himself was ousted by the ascendancy of Carrie Johnson, which is why Boris Johnson remains in place and Cummings is reduced to sniping from the sidelines and howling at the wind.

Watching Cummings’ interview on Monday with an incredulous and discomfited Laura Kuenssberg, the BBC Political Editor, one did not know whether to admire the singularity with which Cummings had approached his task, untroubled by conscience, decency or any fear of looking like the shit that he is, or to be appalled at the complete contempt in which he held not only Johnson, but also the British public and the democratic process. To Cummings, the end absolutely justified the means. To Johnson, the end is just to be the Prime Minister and one senses that he does not care either how he got there or how he gets to stay there.  To Mrs Johnson, do we worry that she really loves this man, in which case she is an idiot, or that she is using him for her own purposes, in which case she is to be deplored? The combination of all or any of these people in charge of us and the damage they wrought upon the Country with no obvious end in sight is horrible to behold.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cloacas with racing champion Lewis Hamilton and Roscoe the dog at Silverstone circuit. Who can even say what this is?

Roscoe’s face speaks for the nation. The kindest thing that can be said of Lewis’ ridiculous ensemble is that it is clearly a nod to the paint-splattered police during the demonstrations in Barcelona in 2018 when the Catalonians tried to declare independence.

And now we are off to Cannes for the rest of our horror show, starting with actor Rosmund Pike wearing Dior.

Oh dear. Rosamund often gets it wrong, even in Dior, with a preponderance of sideboob  peeking out of her heart-shaped fluffy bodice, like a tacky greetings card……

 

Director Spike Lee, wearing something colourful.

The suit has some merit but not when worn with a driver’s peaked cap and trainers like an acid-induced train trip – with the emphasis on trip.

Actor Florence Pugh, wearing Stella McCartney.

Regular Readers will know that WTF has long nurtured the view that Stella is taking the piss, and here is another example. The lovely Florence is wrapped in a hideous peek-a-boo, shit-coloured thing with both a tit-window and  a tummy-window, looking for all the world like a bandaged teddy bear with no neck.

Model Liya Kebede, wearing McQueen.

The tailoring is, as ever, immaculate nearly down to the ankles but the suit is totally ruined by those cascades of arse-paper…..Yurgle.

Actress Luna Wedler, wearing Acne

This is truly terrible; see-through trewsies, which WTF hates almost above all things, combined with what can only be described as Ronnie Barker’s shop-keeper’s coat in Open All Hours which scores the hat-trick of being (i) ugly both in colour and design (ii) ill-fitting, with sleeves designed for an orangutang and (iii) creased to hell.

Actor Kat Graham wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.

Kat appeared in a number of shocking items in Cannes but this is WTF’s choice for the worst, incorporating a ruched lavender nappy and a tsunami of lavender frills from curtains randomly draped across her person. 

And finally we have model Elisa de Panicis wearing Farhad Re. This one is BAD.

Elisa used to go out with preening footballer Cristiano Ronald0. Other than that, she has done little apart from walking Red Carpets dressed in provocative outfits like this one with a bodice like the eye-masks you get in sex shops and a skirt that flashes her panties under a waistband like the entrance of Luna Park in Melbourne. An early contender for the WTF Christmas Turkey 2021.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who is disgusted by the appalling sexism of the European Handball Federation which has told the Norwegian Ladies’ Beach Handball Team that they are compelled to wear the stipulated uniform of tight bra top and bikini bottoms “no more than 10cm in size”. The team had asked to wear blue shorts instead but was refused and threatened with a fine of 1500 Euros.

The Men’s Beach Handball Team wears tee-shirts and shorts. No one is asking them to wear prickboasters allowing sand to disappear up their cracks so that we can all perve up at the sight of their arses. But women must bare most of their bums for the delectation of the onlookers. It’s despicable and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Cannes Film Festival, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Dominic Cummings, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Mings Special


Hall0 Readers,

Sometimes a moment is so perfect that all you can do is lie back and gurgle with pleasure like a new born baby with a freshly changed nappy. Sadly this is not the moment when Harry Kane scored the winner against Italy for England in the Final of the Euros, because that didn’t happen.  Instead, it was the moment when Tyrone Mings, the black Aston Villa and England defender, shot back a tweet to Priti Patel after she had purported to express her outrage at the racist abuse showered over the three black English players who had failed to score in the dreaded penalty shoot out. He said “You don’t get to stoke the fire at the beginning of the tournament by labelling our anti-racism message as ‘Gesture Politics’ & then pretend to be disgusted when the very thing we’re campaigning against, happens.” It was as perfectly phrased and mellifluous as a Shakespearian sonnet and it put the ghastly Patel firmly in her place.

You did not have to be a soothsayer to see what would happen the moment the three young men missed their penalties. And indeed seconds after they had, the abuse began on social media. Monkey emojis. Questions why these ‘migrants’ were playing for England. Tweets complaining that “Ni**ers have cost us the Euros”. And yet those who rushed to condemn this foul conduct completely failed to make the association between it and their disdain for taking the knee, an act that had been booed by many supporters  during the early stages of the campaign. It was Patel, the Home Secretary for Heaven’s sake, who described taking the knee as ‘gesture politics’ and refused to condemn the booing.  And it was Johnson who refused to condemn Patel. The ‘gesture’  was to make the point that black lives matter, but to Patel and Johnson and the knuckle heads who respond inanely ‘well, white lives matter too’, taking the knee is not about black lives mattering but about being woke and uppity. One fool,  Tory MP Lee Anderson, went as far as announcing that he would not watch the team play until they abandoned taking the knee. After the game, a number of Tory MPs loftily instructed Mings and Rashford and others to stick to football and practice their spot kicks. Because it appears that if you’re black, you have no right to express your opinion about anything, not even if it relates directly to the treatment aimed at you and your black team-mates.

So, for the umpteenth time, here’s the thing.  All lives matter but for many, white lives seem to matter more and black lives seem to matter less. Not just in terms of living or dying, but in the treatment you get because of the colour of your skin. When you have a cracking game for England, you’re English.  When you have a crappy game for England, you’re black and a migrant (even when you are born here).  It is about equal respect for everyone, all the time. Taking the knee is making that point, and if you boo it, you are condoning the very thing it is protesting against. 

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We start our review of the recent sartorial shockers with actor Jordan Alexander at the launch of the new series of Gossip Girl wearing Wiederhoeft.

\This is part of a bridal collection. Just imagine your groom’s face when you float down the aisle looking a cheap Madonna tribute act…….

Next up, we have rapper ASAP Rocky, the new beau of the lovely Rihanna, wandering around Brooklyn looking like a tool.


What are those trousers? Is he smuggling Rihanna into the hotel in one leg? The bows makes him look like a maypole. He needs to be careful or people will start dancing round him.

 We go to the Cannes Film Festival where we encounter delectable French actor Marion Cotillard wearing Chanel.

There are many times when Chanel seems to be taking the piss, and this is one of them. Either that or Marion is auditioning for the role of a transitioning Lance Armstrong.

Next up we have Bulgarian actor Maria Bakalova (of Borat Subsequent Moviefilm fame), wearing Louis Vuitton.

The dress is very unflattering and there is a good deal of squashed boobage, but WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the the utterly ridiculous boots, like Christopher Robin’s acid-trip wellies.

Now we have actor Josh O’Connor, wearing Loewe.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. This is a shirt with a built in tank top, a look last seem on the late lamented Diana Spencer in 1980. And the trousers have shrunk in the wash.

This is French actor Deborah Lukumuena, wearing Lanvin.

Er…. there is simultaneously too much fabric and too little, a weird combination of a frilly four-poster bed and a Minge Mullet.

She’s back! Posh pointless person Lady Victoria Hervey wearing something foul. 

Many years ago, toymakers Mattel issued a Grecian Barbie, only that one was covered up,  was not flashing her panties and was not wearing those deeply weird chiffon trewsies that make her look like someone with particularly nasty psoriasis.

We continue with actor Jodie Turner-Smith, wearing Gucci. 

If a fluffy bird went to a fancy dress party in a bustier, this is what it would look like……

We continue with model Bella Hadid, wearing Schiaparelli.

We are of course used to tit windows. But we are not used to tit windows with tit ticklers. And frankly, we should not have to get used to tit ticklers because tit ticklers are just plain silly. Schiaparelli seems to have been inspired by Nude Gardening Week……


We leave Cannes to go to Las Vegas where we find Oscar-nominated actor Andra Day wearing God Save Queens (!). Careful now…..

If this is not a Zebra Minge Moment, WTF does not know what is. Enlarge your screen if you can bear it and try and work out what is nestling beneath the penultimate stripe. And then bury your head in your hands and ask yourself what happened to dignity.

 

AND NOW….THE WINNER OF THE WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL 2021. IT IS

 

DRUMROLL…….

 

Kim Kardashian!!!! She bolted out of nowhere, the lead having been occupied variously by MNEK, Gareth Southgate (!) and Kim’s sister’s best friend Sassie A flashing her arse cheeks. But in the end, Kim’s horrible pea green trouser suit with built-in fanny-fondler won the day. Yikes. Stassie A was second and MNEK third.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who has sent in quite the most revolting thing WTF has ever seen. Meet the Redbridge Rainbow Monkey. Careful now…..

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monkey was commissioned by the London Borough of Redbridge as part of National Reading Week. What book was Monkey promoting? The Kama Sutra?  Fifty Shades of Filth? Why did it need a ten inch dick? What the actual fuck? It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  It is nice to be back. Keep those splendid suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Cannes Film Festival, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Fashion Disasters, Football, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments