WTF Bears Defecate in Areas Full Of Trees Special

Hallo Readers,

This week brought news so shocking that Britain will never be the same again. Counselling is being offered to those affected. Black arm bands are being worn.  It turns out that our Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, lied to none other than Her Majesty the Queen. Three Caledonian Appeal Judges took the view that in telling the Head of State that Parliament needed to be prorogued to allow for the Queens speech, when in reality he was doing it to avoid scrutiny of his handling, if that is the right word, which it manifestly is not, of Brexit, whether with a deal or without, power had been exercised for an improper purpose. The Courts do not tend to judge whether a political decision is a good idea or a bad idea – but they are entitled to intervene if the exercise of that power is undermining the democratic process. In this, the Court of Session differed from their English legal brethren, who had taken the view that Johnsons political shenanigans were not the business of the judiciary. And so the Supreme Court will wheel out its finest English, Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish Justices on Tuesday to decide the matter. Stand by for the usual onslaught from the popular press about Oxbridge toffs, and snobs who like French cheese, a good Burgundy, and holidays in Tuscany. Remoaners the lot of them…..

Of course, Johnsons penchant for telling porky pies is more a case of do bears shit in the woods rather than man bites dog. It runs through him like a stick of Brighton Rock. He has lied to his wives, his editors and his party leader. He told the British People that if we left the EU, there would be £350 million a week to lavish on the NHS. Frankly, it would have been more of a shock had he told Her Majesty the truth. Everyone knew what he was doing and why he was doing it  – indeed, Leavers were hopping around with undisguised glee at his cunning, as if suffering from advanced St Vituss Dance. Our Queen may not have gone to university, and she may have produced four children with the collective IQ of a root vegetable, but she is no fool. She knew exactly what Johnson was playing at, but having kept the Monarchy on track all this time, she was not, at the age of 93, about to embark on a new practice of provoking a constitutional crisis. Nor did she need to, because  Johnson, aided and abetted by his henchman, the dreadful little Moggy, and the rebarbative Dominic Cummings, is more than capable of provoking one himself. 

Her Majesty’s ancestor, Queen Elizabeth I, would have been less forgiving of such insolence. Johnson would have been hanged, drawn and quartered, his goolies separated from his person, and his innards removed and put on public display to show the proles what happens when a citizen is minded to get arsey. Now when you screw up and let your Sovereign down, you get to go to the House of Lords, should you so wish, and dole out peerages like sweeties to your equally failed friends, where they are rewarded for making a total ballsup with a nice £300 a day for attending the House of Lords and a slap-up lunch…..

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We start our review of the weeks sartorial slurry with actress Shailene Woodley wearing Louis Vuitton.


Oh dear. Oh very dear. Superwoman goes skateboarding. And did LV run out of time before they could finish the bodice?

We are off to Toronto for the Film Festival, and the premiere of some new rubbish called Hustlers starring, amongst others, JLo. Here she is wearing Maison Yeya and a new blonde bob.

If Big Bird from Sesame Street went to a film premiere in a ball gown and sexy sandals, and got run over en route, this is what he would look like.

And this is JLOs co-star Constance Wu ,wearing Georges Hobeika.

Georges Hobeika, why have you put poor Constance into this teeny-weeny imminent Minge Moment with a massive bow? And why did you not take all that fabric for the bow and make it into a skirt?

Actor Ansel Elgort was out and about in New York City, looking like a knob.

Those are not proper trousers. There is no fly. These are toddler trousers….

Next to the DKNY bash at New York Fashion Week, where we find singer Halsey wearing DKNY.

If there is one thing WTF hates almost above all things, it is a crotch curtain. There also appears to be some skimpage around the chest. Appalled onlookers were left worrying which bit or bits of Halsey, tattooed or otherwise, they would suddenly be eyeballing.

And now two stinkers at the Harpers Bazaar Icons party. First, actress Lily Collins wearing Georges Hobeika,].

Oh Lord. It isn’t even a nice colour – a mulch-hued leotard under a beaded fly curtain. Kill me now.

And also there was actress Dascha Polanco wearing Bronx and Banco.

WTF is beginning to think that Dascha is doing this on purpose. How terrible is this? It is like the Sandeman Port chap gone pervy.

Ah! Lil Kim. Bless her.

Lil Kim is dressed as a bale of hay in ripped boots and a bondage belt. The whole thing is weirder than weird, most notably because Lil Kims head appears to have no relation to the bale of hay. Is she standing behind it?

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sumarumi from Wales who has directed us to these alleged trousers from Pretty Little Thing.

First of all these are not trousers – she is just wrapped in cling film like an item ready for to be popped into the freezer. Second, if there is a more unflattering garment ever in the history of ever, WTF is glad she missed it. And it seems to be an ensemble with a matching cling film jacket. Hideous, and then some. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Put a smile on WTF’s face by keeping those comments rolling in, as well as your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

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Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Cummings, Harper's Bazaar ICONS, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Queen's Speech, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Cain and Abel Special

Hallo Readers,

And so here we are back again on the roller coaster that is the Brexit Big Dipper. You will need a head for heights and a strong stomach. One minute you are soaring towards the top of the wheel with the common people down below cheering your valour and your political nous. The next minute, you are plummeting back down to earth like Harry Kane in the penalty box, your insides now coating your outsides, and the rude citizenry giving you the bird. It is like a funfair – only without the fun. Roll up, roll up, roll up.

Last week, Boris Johnson was cock of the walk, with the emphasis on cock. Everyone praised his cunning plan to prorogue Parliament, stymying debate on Brexit and scrutiny of any new deal, not that there is a New Deal, or that there will a New Deal. The New Deal is the Emperor has no clothes on, and it is flashing its naked arse. Leavers wallowed in the discomfort of the Remainers. But then the wheel started on its downwards trajectory, and suddenly the heroes were zeros. Outraged Tories went all Sydney Carton and sacrificed their political careers rather than acquiesce with this chicanery. One Tory actually crossed the floor during Johnson’s speech in the debate, taking Johnson’s majority with him. Even the threat of losing the whip and their right to stand as Tories, did not stop 21 MPs, former Chancellors, and Ministers, and eminent backbenchers, and people who themselves had challenged for the Leadership only a few golden summery weeks ago, defying orders and voting to take control of the timetable, at which point they were expelled quicker than someone’s lunch on descending the aforesaid Big Dipper. That in turn prompted other  departures, including Johnson’s own brother, Jo, the brother that got the sense of decency and the common sense. When your own brother decides that your political tactics are so unsavoury that he can neither stay as a Minister in your government, nor as an MP supporting your government, things are taking a decided turn for the worse.

After Cain had murdered his brother Abel, God asked him where his brother was. Cain answered, “I know not; am I my brother’s keeper?”  Jo has not only declined to be his brother’s keeper, he has checked out of the zoo, leaving Johnson floundering and incoherent on a trip to Leeds designed to rally the faithful. It took a heart of stone not to laugh.

The only consolation in all of this has been the exposure of the loathsome Jacob Rees-Mogg as just another arrogant posh boy. The charming Old Etonian manners melted away as the new Leader of the House insulted everyone, including the people he was supposed to keep on board, lolled across three benches like a Roman Emperor visiting the vomitorium, and wound up a bad week by comparing a respected doctor, who had warned that a no-deal Brexit would leave the country without much needed medicines, to another, but discredited, doctor who had been struck off for fear-mongering. The outrage of the medical world poured forth upon the little twerp, and quite right too. Let us that hope that Johnson and Moggy, the Dumb and Dumber of current politics, maintain one of the shortest  government partnerships in recorded history. May it come soon. Amen.

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We start the review of the fashionable flotsam of the week with singer Leigh Anne Pinnock wearing Ana Ljubinkovic.

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There is a lot going on here and none of it good, a cacophony of lace and bows and latticework like something out of a Restoration comedy.

 

Here is actor Timothee Chalamet wearing Haider Ackermann. 

There is directional and there is daft. The only direction this should be is going in is downwards and into the bin. In particular, the trousers rolled up like a french beige Freemason are to be deplored.

 

Here is #NepotismBarbie, aka the appalling Ivanka Trump, who continues to impersonate a political adviser. This week she was in Colombia wearing Colombian designer Silvia Tcherassi. The gentleman next to her is the Deputy US Secretary of State.

#NepotismBarbie thought it would be appropriate to visit Venezuelan migrants, who have fled to Colombia with nothing but the clothes they stood up in, wearing an $1,800 dress and circulation-stopping sandals. The dress, which is horribly ugly, resembles an old burlap sack, hand painted by depressed children as part of an art therapy course.

To the GQ Awards in London and TV presenter Maya Jama wearing Labourjoisie. And no knickers.

Sigh. WTF cannot even be bothered to bring you the sight of the Jama buttocks, exposed beneath a shimmering condom. Apparently her ex-boyfriend was also present at the bash, and so the tabloid law of failed relationships dictates that she must have been showing him what he was missing. Or maybe she was just flashing her buttocks. WTF is voting for option B.

Also there was singer Rita Ora wearing Maticevski.

WTF does not mix in such exalted circles, and therefore can only wonder whether the invitation specified that women will be admitted only if they are baring various parts of their anatomy. Not that Rita is usually dressed any other way. 

To the Venice Film Festival and French actress Adele Exarchopoulos, wearing Jacquemus.

If a flamingo entered the Tour de France, this is what it would look like.

Still in Venice, we conclude with Italian actress Francesca Guiliano, wearing an old net curtain.

Francesca has a magnificent embonpoint but one fears that her bosoms about to makes their escape from the confines of their lacy prison and make a dash for the lagoon, where a gondola await to row them to freedom.  WTF has also taken against the furry bits around the shoulders, like the tufts of dog hair on the floor of a pet parlour.

 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from the Borders  who has directed us to these revolting trousers and matching top from ASOS.

For reasons you will readily understand, they have been nicknamed Poopy Pants and they look like shit, something Bobby Sands wore during the 1970s Dirty Protests in Belfast prisons during the Troubles. Yikes. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Put a smile on WTF’s face by keeping those comments rolling in, as well as your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. WTF will be back next Friday. Be good x

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, GLAAD, GQ men of the Year Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, Venice Film Festival, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Anything Could Happen Special

Hallo Readers, 

Do you remember when Boris Johnson spoke at various Tory Party Leadership Election Hustings and said that the chance of a no-deal Brexit was a million to one against? WTF does – it was on 26 June 2019. Then Johnson took office. By 14 August, a no-deal Brexit had become ‘more likely’.  Thank goodness he doesn’t run a casino – his business would have gone belly-up, just like that of his mentor Donald J Trump, who managed to lose money on not one, not two, but three, Atlantic City casinos in the 1990s and put each of those businesses into bankruptcy.

This week, the chances of a no-deal Brexit are looking extremely very likely and then some. Johnson and his side-kick, Dominic Cummings, came up with a plan to stop Parliament stopping  them – they announced that Parliament would be prorogued on 9 September, only days after it comes back from its summer holidays on 3 September. It will then reassemble on 14 October, leaving just over a fortnight for MPs to debate the Queen’s speech that no one gives a stuff about and to debate the new deal that Johnson says he can get from the EU, which he can’t, and probably doesn’t believe he can anyway. Even if he does get one, if it is no better than the Theresa May deals, who will vote for it? So out we go on 31 October with no deal. Which is what some, if not most, of his Cabinet wanted all along.

Of course there might be vote of no confidence. If the Government lose, there could be an election, and Jeremy Corbyn might win it, under a coalition of odds and sods various. So the person who in 2016, and for decades beforehand, probably wanted Brexit more than either May (who voted against it) or Johnson (who only decided to back Brexit on what seems to have been the toss of a coin and an eye on the main chance), might end up as Prime Minister to stop a Government that wanted Brexit. The people who wanted Brexit to reclaim our Parliamentary sovereignty are cheering loudly for the voice of Parliament to be silenced. And the ones who went on and on about how Europe wanted us more than we wanted them, and how we would be given a cracking deal, are now busy pretending that they always knew it would be this bad, and that they voted in the full knowledge that this would happen, even though they attacked every one who said it would be this bad as pedalling Project Fear.

So that is clear, right?. We might be leaving with a deal. We might be leaving without a deal. We might have Johnson ushering in the new dawn. We might have Jeremy Corbyn ushering in the new dawn. We might have some other bugger ushering in the new dawn, There might not be a dawn. Meanwhile, anyone worried about getting their flu vaccine this Autumn – whoops. That might be a problem because we do not have enough vaccine in stock, and the rest will be sitting on lorries outside Calais in a 100 km queue.  And if you are waiting for that promised US Trade Deal Trump was waffling on about at the G7- you might have to wait even longer than for your flu jab. These things take time to negotiate, and then the US Congress has to pass it – which it has said it will not unless there is provision for the Irish border issue is resolved. It may be a while before you can tuck in to your US chlorinated chicken, which might make you sick, in which case you can go to the newly privatised, Trump-owned NHS and have your stomach pumped. It will be worth the wait…..

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We survey the weekly fashion flotsam with the clothing on show at the MTV Video Music Awards in Newark, New Jersey, where sartorial horror abounded. We start with singer Camila Cabello wearing Balmain.

Balmain? Really? This thing is just a peekaboo bed sheet and WTF is always worried when there is more train than dress. Not that this is a dress.

Next up, we have model Bella Hadid, wearing Charlotte Knowles.

This is more a case of Charlotte No!!!!! – a boobtube and ruched slip with braces (or suspenders, as our American friends would call them). WTF has a number of objections to this apparel, not least that it is uglier than a very ugly dog. And WTF has also taken against Bella’s pout, which makes her look like a duck pretending to be Melania Trump.

Of course, former model Heidi Klum was there. She is always at these things, and always wearing something silly.  In this case, it is by Nedo.

It looks like a sparkly bin bag with Dynasty-style shoulders and a crotch curtain. Heidi should remove the dress and line the dustbin with it. And then put her stylist’s contract into the trash and get a new stylist.

Here is one of WTF’s favourites, rapper and Law and Order – Special Victims Unit actor Ice-T, and his fragrant wife, glamour model, cabaret artiste and Internet personality Coco Austin. She is wearing not a lot, whilst he is wearing Versace.

Regular Readers will know that WTF is a huge fan of SVU, where Ice-T plays Fin Tutuola, the grumpy cop with a heart of gold. He and the pneumatic Coco have been married for 17 years and they still seem happy. However WTF is not happy with Coco’s dress, because she might have as well have doodled on herself in her tiny thong and not bothered with anything else.

Meet singer Ava Max, wearing Kalmin.

If the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz went to a fancy dress party dressed as Superwoman in a truss, this is what he would look like.

Here is actress Drea de Matteo with her kiddies Alabama and Waylon. Drea is wearing a dress by The Paper Bag Princess.

Alabama is 11 years old and has no business dressing as Mummy’s mini-me, and Ice-T should revert to being Fin Tutuola and arrest Mummy forthwith for child cruelty.  And if that wont stick, to arrest her for wearing a stupid dress and flashing her knickers in public.

Back again! It’s singer Bebe Rexha wearing Christian Siriano.

Readers, we have now hit a really rough patch – what follows are assorted body parts on display under what are laughingly supposed to be clothes. Bebe here is flashing her bottom through what appears to be a silver cake doily.

And this is Prince Derek Doll. No, WTF doesn’t know who the hell he is either.

This is the sort of peekaboo, no-knickers, thing that one of the terrible Kardashian sisters would wear. Now men have started doing it too, which is to be deplored. And he seems to have some sort of giant bird on his shoulders. Kill me now.

This one is even worse. Bringing up the rear, quite literally, we have the star of Love and Hip Hop: Miami Bobby Lytes wearing That Trendy Guy. Careful now.

This is the male no-knickers look, worn under a yellow version of Bebe’s cake doily. And what follows is not good either. In fact it is very very bad.

He is flashing his buttocks in a sheer panel inserted into the cake doily, like a pervy cowboy in chaps taking parts as a contestant in a Wild West Bakeoff. You never saw John Wayne dressed like this. Yurgle.

 

The winner of the Worst of the Worst Poll was …….. Bobby Norris in his 2014 version of the cock-sock. Go and look at last week’s blog to see it in all his horror. You have seen enough male bits for one week in this one.. 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Let us meet again next week. Keep those comments coming and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Be good. x

 

Posted in Alabama, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Uncategorized, VMAs 2019, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF The Worst of the Worst Poll Special

Hallo Readers,

 

Imagine that you were to invite someone to your house for the weekend. You steam-clean the carpets, air the spare bed, and get the caterers in for a slap-up dinner. Then he goes on Twitter and announces that he wants to buy your back garden. You, somewhat surprised, reply that your back garden is not for sale, and the idea is absurd. At which point, the guest tweets that the visit is off, and that you have insulted him. And then he calls you ‘nasty’, a word he only ever deploys for women who contradict or criticise him. And then he attacks you for not forking out your share of club dues. All because you did not agree to sell him something that was never for sale, and which he had not previously mentioned he wanted to buy.

Do not adjust your brain. This is not a test. This is the President of the USA in August 2019. He fancied putting in a bid for Greenland, the semi-autonomous state that is part of the Kingdom of Denmark. He did not convey this interest to Denmark, or for that matter to the 56,000 inhabitants of Greenland. He did not mention it when Queen Margrethe II invited him to pop over to Copenhagen for some hygge and a meal at the Palace. The first she, and Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen, knew about it was when they saw it in the papers. The first they knew that the trip was off was when they saw it on Twitter. This is not how international diplomacy is supposed to work.

Trumpy’s non-appearance is unlikely to upset the Royal Household, where they are doubtless running around shouting ‘Fedt!’, which WTF aficionado Anya Palmer assures me is the Danish for ‘great!’ They do not have to smile politely over the Aebleflæsk as he rambles on about how He is the new King of Israel, and how He is the Chosen One, and how surgeons in El Paso came running out of the operating rooms to greet him when he came to ‘console’ the victims of the shooting his vile rhetoric had inspired.  In short, they have had a result. But the USA has not had a result. The World has not had a result. Because this man is unhinged. He and reality are no longer on speaking terms. He is threatening the global economy. He is threatening NATO. He is becoming more and more erratic. It is too late to hope that members of the Republican Party will find a pair of balls between them, which leaves impeachment as the only option. Because this is not funny any more.

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We turn to our first ever Worst of the Worst Poll. The word ‘shocker’ has insufficient nuance to describe what awaits you, namely fourteen ghastly ‘outfits’, some of them so small that they do not even count as outfits. Indeed Bobby Norris, formerly of TOWIE, should probably never have qualified at all. Readers are counselled to exercise extreme caution when accessing pictures of Bobby, the runaway winner of the Summer Stinkers in 2014 and 2015.

Looking at the winners since 2012, the early ones were either very mingetastic or very, er, cocky. It is with relief that one gets to the four recent winners, all of them male (admittedly the 2018 Christmas Turkey was an all-male affair) and to see that however truly preposterous they look, they are at least wearing actual clothes.

OK Readers! You’re off! You can vote for as many of these champions as you like, as often as you like, and leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes. The results will be announced next week. Enjoy your August Bank Holiday and that unusual yellow thing in the sky, beaming out warmth. It is called  “the sun”.

HERE WE GO!!!!!

1. Adrianne Curry, model and celebritee. WTF Christmas Turkey 2012

The first ever winner of any WTF competition, Adrianne Curry, set a standard for others to follow – underboob, no panties, camel toe, and thrush-inducing tinfoil trousers. Yurgle. Take that, 2013 onwards!

2. Nadine Merabi, designer. Summer Stinker 2013

Nadine designs fancy frocks for celebritees and WAGS, and appeared at a footballers’ charity ball in Manchester in this mega-mingetastic creation made from an old pair of tights scattered with iron filings, and displaying the ugliest side- seam ever seen North of the Watford Gap.

3. Lil’ Kim, rapper. WTF Christmas Turkey 2013

Lil’ Kim picked up Adrianne’s camel toe challenge and ran with it all the way to the top of the podium of the 2013 Christmas Turkey. Ouch. And again Ouch. Call for the Canesten.

4. Bobby Norris, TOWIE celebritee. WTF Summer Stinker 2014

CAUTION! AND ANOTHER CAUTION TO GO WITH THE FIRST CAUTION!

I know. I KNOW!!!! Bobby is wearing a cock-sock disappearing up his crack at the back. And he has colour-coordinated his cocktails and his eyebrows are more arched than Joan Crawford. Shocking. And then some. 

5. Bai Ling, actress. WTF Christmas Turkey 2014

Compared to Bobby, Bai Ling is almost overdressed. Just because she was attending the premiere of a film called The Key is no excuse for draping one such over your chest and calling it a top. And there can never be an excuse, not even of any kind, for wearing a minge marigold.

6. Bobby Norris (Again). WTF Summer Stinker 2015

THIRD CAUTION! AND A FOURTH CAUTION TO GO WITH THE THIRD CAUTION!

At this point, WTF decided to ban Bobby from entering any more competitions on the basis that he had stopped wearing clothes altogether. He looks like a tattooed string bean in a willy-warmer.

7. Charlotte Dawson, celebritee. Christmas Turkey 2015

2015 was a very bad year for visible body parts. No wonder she has her hair covering her face. And those hooves are horrible.

8. Shawn Everett, sound technician. WTF Summer Stinker 2016

It was a relief to welcome Shawn into the Summer Stinker Poll 2016 as he turned up at the Grammys that year wearing actual clothes. Horrible clothes. But clothes. Hurrah!

9. Baddiewinkle, internet sensation. WTF Christmas Turkey 2016

I mean, this is sort of deeply wonderful as well as appalling. Baddiewinkle, née Helen Ruth Elam, was a very sprightly 88 when this picture was taken. She is still going strong at 91. 

10. Sundy Carter, US reality star. WTF Summer Stinker 2017

Sundy was doing that look-at-me!!!!!!! thing you do when you have no talent to speak of and want to get your picture in the papers. Removing the criss-cross tit-tape must have been absolute agony, which serves her right. And the blue lipstick makes her look cyanotic.

11. Lewis Hamilton, racing driver. WTF Christmas Turkey 2017


Ah Lewis! Where would the blog be without him? People keep voting for him because with all his zillions of pounds, he dresses like a prat, but he thinks he looks good. Newsflash. He doesn’t. And he seems to have forgotten his trousers.

12. Jeremy Scott, head designer at Moschino. WTF Summer Stinker 2018

If a bank manager keen on falconry went to a fancy dress as Russell Crowe in Gladiator, this is what he would look like.

13.A$AP Rocky, rapper. WTF All Male Christmas Turkey 2018

He is head to toe Gucci. The suit is fine. But the frilled headscarf and silk dressing gown are very Princess Margaret meets Noël Coward. I bet he wasn’t dressed like this during his recent sojourn in a Swedish prison. where this getup would not have been warmly received. 

14. Lyali Hakaraia, stylist.  Summer Stinker 2019

And so our last winner, who is just plain creepy. The beard looks badly stuck on, there is the threat of glimpsing what we do not wish to see, and what are those golden tassels dangling down? *baffled*

 

 

 

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as well as your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Royal Family, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF reminder – no blog today!

Hallo Readers,

 

This is always a test of whether you read right down to the end each week. If you did, you’d have known that WTF is taking a break. So I am not around blog-wise until 23 August, when you will be able to read the rant (onTrump probably – the man is a sociopath), and also to take part in the WTF Worst of the Worst Poll, all the winners of the Christmas Turkey and Summer Stinker Polls since December 2012 – 14 truly disgusting specimens of fashion horror.

 

Just so you don’t get complete withdrawal symptoms, here is Julianne Moore wearing Givenchy. Givenchy! The house that used to dress Audrey Hepburn…..

This is the lovechild of a Playboy bunny and a collapsed parachute. It is very, very bad, as are the bootees. The stylist needs a slap, a P45 and another slap.

 

Now entertain yourselves for the next two Fridays. See you on 23 August.

 

Be good x

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

WTF No Welcome in the Hillsides Special

Hallo Readers,

The Britain Trump completed the first full week of his hopefully short-lived tenure as Prime Minister and in truth, it did not go that well. In England, the East Midlands and the North West are under water, following torrential rain, as if heralding what was to come in the early hours of Friday morning,

 namely the people of Brecon and Radnorshire in Wales telling him where to stick his party, his candidate and his plan for a no-deal Brexit. In truth, it may have had quite a bit to do with fact that the former Tory MP, Chris Davies, had pleaded guilty of fiddling his Parliamentary expenses, prompting his constituents to get up a petition and recall him. This necessitated a by-election and the Conservatives selected……former Tory MP Chris Davies. Good call, chaps.  The voters did not accord a welcome in the hillsides to Davies, and little wonder. If you send back a steak in a restaurant because it is rancid, you do not serve the same steak second time round. As a result, they voted for the Liberal Democrat candidate Jane Dodds, who won by 1,425. She, had done a deal with both the Greens and Plaid Cymru, overturning Davies’ 8,000 majority. It also did not help Johnson that the Brexit Party split the Brexit vote. Be that as it may, his Parliamentary majority is down to 1, and this from an area that voted to leave in 2016. That was probably because they were promised a very favourable deal by….oh yes. Boris Johnson. And his majority could go down to zero shortly, because another Tory MP is thinking of defecting to the Liberal Democrats.

The new PM did a grand tour of the Union this week, albeit  that he, as Leader of the Conservative and Unionist Party, is about to preside over the demise of the Conservatives AND the Union, all in the name of a Brexit he does not really believe in. The EU had already told him where to shove his plan for a renegotiated Brexit. In Scotland, Ruth Davidson, leader of the Scottish Conservatives, told him to where to shove his plan for a no-deal Brexit, and he had to sneak out through Nicola Sturgeon’s back door, having been booed by unfriendly Scots at the front door. In Wales, the Welsh Government told him where to shove his plan for a no-deal Brexit. Johnson left one hundred well wishers standing about in the rain (it rains a lot in  Wales, that is why those valleys are so bloody green) and did not speak to them or the public, although he did cuddle a Welsh chicken, pissing off the press who were huddled into a shed like battery-hens, unlike the fine specimens on show. In Northern Ireland, he played political footsie with the Democratic Unionist Party, whose allegiance had been purchased by Theresa May for a billion quid, but was told where to shove his ‘no-backstop, no-EU negotiations’, demand by both the leader of Sinn Fein and by the Irish Taoiseach, Leo Varadkar. 

Johnson and the First Girlfriend, Carrie Symonds, have commandeered the bigger flat at 11 Downing Street, which has four bedrooms, leaving the nominal occupant of that building, Chancellor Sajid Javid, crammed into the smaller two bedroomed flat at 10 Downing Street – despite the fact that Johnson and Symonds have no children, whereas the Saj and his wife have four. Maybe Johnson needs the space for when his kids by his former wife come to stay, not to mention the love child, and any other ones he may have, but whose existence he refuses to confirm or deny.  Be that as it may, the happy young couple should not rush to pick out new wallpaper and drapery just yet- they may not be there very long.

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We start our review of the sartorial silliness of the last seven days with actor and talk-show host James Corden, out and about wearing Gucci.

Just recently, James has gone mega-poncey in Gucci. Readers may remember his appearance at the Tony Awards in a floral Gucci suit and now he is parading about in a £1,600 striped cardigan looking like a nautical deckchair. By the way, WTF would wager a tenner that James could have bought something similar in H&M for £16.

To the London premiere of Quentin Tarantino’s Once Upon A Time in Hollywood  Once Upon A Time in Hollywood where we find actress Lena Dunham wearing Arlington 16.

It is of course always possible that Lena was wearing this for a bet. Because the other possibility is that someone actually told her that she looked good dressed as a Mae West tribute act.

And here we are at the US premiere of the same movie with actor Eli Roth.

Here are three unpleasant items of clothing, made all the more unpleasant by their being worn together. John Travolta would have turned down this outfit for Saturday Night Fever and he was not even a star then.

Here is singer and presenter Kristen Chenoweth wearing something absolutely vile.

Aqua Barbie is alive and well and sporting silver bootees.

Peaky Blinders starts a new series shortly and this is Charlene McKenna at the launch party, wearing Manley Studio.

These are another three revolting individual items of clothing, but the worst is the jacket with its pussy peephole and built-in valance. What possessed her to wear this? She could call upon the nearest exorcist – stat.

Here is actor Michael B. Jordan looking like a right prat.

What fresh hell is this? From the chest down, he looks great. From chest to neck he looks ridiculous. No one, and that is no one, can wear a boat neck sweater over a white shirt. 

And now another trio of terribleness, beginning with actress Jackie Cruz  at the premiere of the final series of Orange Is The new Black, wearing LouLou.

What on earth is going on here? She is like a cappuccino in panties.

Next to Comic-Con and actress Ajiona Alexus in Dany Mizrachi.

Ajiona, who is a young Janet Jackson lookalikey, is dressed as the lovechild of a funky chicken and a swimsuit model and the effect is not pretty. The netting on the bodice is the wrong shade for her skintone and looks like a tan-line.

And the last of the trio, octogenarian Joan Collins.   wearing something whose designer has rightly gone to ground. Scroll down slowly…..

The top is pretty, which is more than can be said for the mullet wig, but that is a full-on minge moment. The encrustations are not up to the job, making her appear to have had a particularly savage waxing. They clearly ran out of wax lower down as the feathers are distinctly patchy.

And finally – the moment you have been waiting for. The winner of the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2019 is……drumroll! ‘Stylist’  Lyali Hakaraia.

Lyall Hakaraia

Lyali had a ferocious four-way fight with Perez Hilton, Lewis Hamilton and Gillian McKeith and edged victory by half a percentage point. Yikes! But you will agree that he is worthy winner.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is again from WTF aficionado Leslie from Lisson Grove but wow, what a corker. This might be one of the most revolting things WTF has ever seen, and she has seen a few.  Trust me on this. Are you ready? You won’t be. Here are the Cantaloupe Panties. Easy now.

Leslie says ‘in all fairness Nick Jones really should have the kudos for this humdinger….. Scientists have devoted their lives to creating an internet which shares wisdom, intelligence, information, and generally makes the world a better informed place —— however, occasionally something like this peeps through. I doubt if this will pass your “Hayes” test but honestly, if (in my grindr days) I met someone wearing these babies, I’d head for the hills.’ Agreed. I feel ill. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Put a smile on WTF’s face by keeping those comments rolling in, as well as your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. WTF is having a break and will be back on 31 August. Be good x

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Met Gala 2014, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2019

Hallo Readers,

Usually the annual WTF Summer Stinker Poll is a politics free zone, but it would be impossible to publish anything this Friday without mentioning one of the most ridiculous weeks in British history. We all knew it was coming, but it is better to travel hopefully than to arrive. And this is what we arrived at.

Be still my beating heart. On Tuesday, we learned that this absolute buffoon, this charlatan, this barefaced liar, this adulterous, love-child-spawning, chancer,would shortly be ensconced in 10 Downing Street and poised to lead us to, and then over, the Brexit precipice. And like some two-bit Southern Baptist preacher, he will get us there with optimism! And with enthusiasm! Believe and We Will Leave! Click your heels together three times and say ‘There’s no place like home’ and you’ll be there. Only in this case, home is shit creek with a serious paddle shortage.

On Wednesday, Donald Trump, another charlatan, pathological liar and adulterer, praised Johnson and boasted that people were saying (Trump-speak for he just made it up) that he was ‘the Britain Trump’. He is, but only in the ‘buy one, get one free’, sort of way. After a waffling speech better suited to Sports Day at St Trinian’s outside his new residence and before the world’s press, Johnson then assembled the most dismal Cabinet in living memory, a Hammer House of Horror of right-wing fervour, mediocrity, ignorance, mendacity, and sheer incompetence. Say hallo to dim-as-a-dead-lightbulb Priti Patel and to pipsqueak Gavin Williamson, sacked by Mrs Maybe for lying and leaking respectively. Blow a kiss to Esther McVey, who lied blatantly to the House of Commons. Wave to Dominic Raab, the former Brexit Secretary (for about twenty minutes), who never bothered to read the Good Friday agreement, but still felt free to opine on the vexed issue of the Irish border, and who admitted that he had only recently realised the importance of the English Channel. Doff your cap to Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright of Westminster, who is the new Leader of the House of Commons and who is allowed to attend Cabinet by special Old Etonian dispensation. He talks in Latin and so people think he is ever-so-intellectual. And this dismal collection of numpties, nobodies, and ne’er-do-wells constitute the new Government. Our new Government. Kill me now.

On Thursday, as if signalling His displeasure with what was occurring in Britain, the Almighty (not Trump, Him Upstairs), sent us the hottest July day since records began and our already-suffering citizens sweltered and sweated while train lines melted, tarmac cracked and tempers flared, followed by thunder, lightning, flooding and all sorts. The frogs and locust are probably on their way. Get ready, Britain, for a roller-coaster ride – with no safety certificate.

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And so the main business – the Summer Stinker Poll!!!!!! All you have to do is to vote for the ghastly fashion disasters below, all of them vying for the coveted title of the WTF Summer Stinker 2019. None of that Single Transferable Vote nonsense here – just vote as often as you like, and for as many as you like, and tell all your friends and neighbours to do the same. Are you ready? Here they are, in first name alphabetical order, denoting no preference whatsoever on the part of WTF, the compiler of this shower of sartorial shite.

1. B Simone, rapper.

B pitched up at the BET Awards in a sheer condom with frilled boobage, an encrusted minge, and what looks suspiciously like a folded antimacassar around her neck.

2. Billy Porter, entertainer.

Frankly, anything that Billy has worn on the Red Carpet recently would have been eligible for nomination, but this suit from the Critics’ Choice Awards gets the nod because it is wrinkled like a sharpei’s bum and has a bow large enough to wrap around Broadway – twice.

3. Celine Dion, singer.

The last time WTF saw that many bones, they were in an ossuary. Extra minus points for the ridiculous shoulders, sunglasses worn in the dark, and the black leather cap like a pervy private.

4. Charly Arnolt, actress and WWE announcer.

Not so much a woman, more a fluorescent tangerine with globular tits. Just. Very. Bad.

5. Cynthia Erivo, actress.

Like an exploded candy-floss maker. The good news is that she is wearing panties. The bad news is that you can see them.

6. Gillian McKeith, TV nutritionist (right). Her daughter (left) is not a candidate.

Will this be third time lucky for Gillian?  She has been robbed of the award twice running. A polo-neck body, a fishing net in lieu of a skirt, a pair of foul velvet bootees, a cape made from an old curtain, and a toy crown do not an outfit make. Except for her.

7. Halsey, singer.

Halsey looks like an anaemic frog in a bikini. Great hair, though.

8. Kim Kardashian West, pointless celebrity.

Ouch! It is one thing to have straps over your nipples. It is quite another to have them so tight that there is spilth above and below, leaving Kim with imprimatur for days afterwards.

9.Lewis Hamilton, racing driver.

A distinguished former winner, Lewis is the ultimate fashion victim. Dressed like this, he should consider making an application to the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board.

10. Lil Kim, rapper.

As WTF remarked at the time, if a scaly anteater went to a fancy dress party as Lil’ Kim, this is what it would look like. The Chanel handbag resembles a wrecking ball and is stupid.

11. Linda Cardellini, actress.

A raspberry muppet with a mullet. And a bow, just in case there was the smallest danger of someone thinking that Linda was underdressed.

12. Lyali Hakaraia, designer and stylist (!)

He is wearing a prick-skimmer as a skirt, which is horrific enough, but more offensive still is the abundant man-cleavage. Button that coat, sir!!!! And then go away.

13. Nana Ghana, actress.

Nana is wrapped up like a birthday present, the fabric is cutting into her right boob, and she is wearing her bedroom mules. None of this makes any sense.

14. Nick Cannon, entertainer and TV host.

This is preposterous. Why is Louis Vuitton making bullet proof vests with matching gas mask and deck shoes? On what occasion would you wear them, other than during a civil war in Monte Carlo?

15. Olivia Munn, actress.

The material looks like the scum floating on top of polluted water and she appears to be micturating, courtesy of the minge waterfall.

16. Odell Beckham Jr, American footballer.

Odell is dressed as a Prada postman complete with sewn-in mailbag.

17. Patrick Starr, makeup artist.

Patrick! Bless him! He should be on top of a Christmas tree.

18. Perez Hilton, personality and celebrity blogger.

Look Readers, this man publishes a blog featuring the week’s worst dressed celebrities. As Jesus was wont to remark, Physician, heal thyself.

19. Poppy, singer.

This seems to be a Hell’s Angel’s nightgown with a tit-frill and spiked collar, while Poppy’s head appears to have been photoshopped onto it.

20. Post Malone, rapper.

WTF hates a tattooed face almost above all things, and she is also resoundingly unimpressed by the preponderance of baby pink studded leather WITH MATCHING BOOTS. Even more unpleasant is the fit of the trousers with built-in crotch-snuggle.

21. Shawn Everett, sound technician.

Shawn is another distinguished former winner of this competition, and now seems he is making a bid for a double crown (a feat previously achieved only by Bobby Norris in his assorted cock socks), dressed as an extra from Game of Thrones.

22. Tiffany Young, actress.

This is part pantomime boy, part Minge Moment and the voile boots are very, very, silly.

OK Readers, now it’s your turn. WTF has made the selection. Now you get to select from that selection. You can vote as many times as you like, and as often as you like, and the polling form allows you to leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes – or you can comment in the usual manner below. The results will be published next Friday. See you then. Be good.

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Raab, Donald Trump, Esther McVey, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Priti Patel, Russian hacking, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment