WTF Fashion Special

Hallo Readers,

It is an ill-wind that blows nobody any good and it appears that the pandemic has blown a veritable gale of opportunity in the direction of mates of prominent Tories. Like the chappie who advised Liz Truss when she was at the Department of Trade, and whose start up £100 company was awarded a multi-million pound contract to make PPE, only for the contract to be transferred to an offshore property trust to which the chappie acted as a consultant. Or former MP Owen Paterson, who was paid bucketloads of dosh for his advisory services to two Northern Irish companies, one of whom secured another whopping contract to make PPE. Or Alex Bourne, who ran Matt Hancock’s local pub and who also had a company making plastic containers. Hancock insisted that Bourne had not been awarded a £40 million contract to manufacture vials for the NHS  and that the contract went to Alpha Laboratories. When the government was finally made to produce the contract, Alpha had sub-contracted the whole of the production to another company, whose name was redacted. The redacted company has now been revealed to be Hinpack, the owner of which is… Alex Bourne!!!  To date, no one has explain how Hinpack’s name came to be redacted and on whose orders. Hancock waxed indignant in the House of Commons and said that we should all be grateful that these companies had put so much effort into saving people’s lives. However, they have also made a few quid en route. We are apparently supposed not to mind that these profits have been made at the expense of Tim and Tilly  Tosser the Taxpayers. Well, we do. We really, really, do.

Of course Boris Johnson’s November started to go tits up when he put enormous effort into trying to save Owen Paterson from censure, despite his being bang to rights for openly lobbying on behalf of companies who were paying him as a consultant. But this is a Government that regards the laws it makes as inapplicable to those who make the laws. We already know that Dominic Cummings was driving around the North East in order to test his eyesight at a time when people were discouraged from leaving their homes. And we also know that when Hancock, yes him again, was telling everybody to abstain from physical intimacy outside their household, he was giving one to his special advisor. And now we find out that when everyone else had their Christmas cancelled in 2020 and were unable to invite anyone to their home or have a party or visit their granny, people were coming in and out of Downing Street like a fiddler’s elbow and there were all manner of  parties for 30 or 40 people in a small room with copious booze, food and games. Games! Ye Gods. Johnson has not answered questions about this and instead has simply repeated the mantra that all the rules were followed. Except that the rules forbade large gatherings, so that explanation is clearly a lie, like almost everything else that comes out of his mouth. Perhaps he should find a kind donor to pay the £10,000 that is the fine payable for breaking  lockdown rules. It would be an awfully good investment for someone when they want to develop a business opportunity later on…

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flops with Little Mix singer Leigh-Anne Pinnock wearing Tara Hakin at the premiere of a film in which she stars, Boxing Day

Leigh-Anne gave birth to twins in August and so she is busy doing that post-baby-body thing that the tabloids are so obsessed by. As a result, she has taken a dress that is perfectly respectable from the front, and even has a high neck, only to give us very little at the back, leaving the impression of a bum-and-side-boob-baring bin-bag, while the pose makes her look as if she is trying to avoid a moment of incontinence.

The rest of our horrors come from the Albert Hall in London and the Fashion Awards 2021. Here is model Iris Law (daughter of Jude and ex-wife Sadie Frost) wearing Dilara Finikoglu.

Iris has taken the phrase ‘key to my heart’ literally in the tit department and has wrapped an old net curtain around her hips as a Minge Mask. As for those boots, they are the colour of diarrhoea. 

And here is Iris’s brother, actor Rafferty Law, wearing Valentino. 

If an Amish man had sex with a fishing net, this is what their lovechild would look like. And what on earth has happened around the ankles? The trousers are having a Mexican stand-off with the clumpy shoes, which look like giant mousetraps, and the white socks are an abomination.

This is designer of the year Simone Rocha, seen with her husband Eoin McLoughlin, wearing herself.

He looks like Bob from Twin Peaks and she is wearing her duvet. Funky shoes though….                                                 

Of course, we have actor Billy Porter wearing Richard Quinn.  In fact all the remaining outfits are by Richard Quinn, who seems to be taking the piss….

It is a good job that Covid has stopped us hugging, because anyone trying to give Billy a cuddle would probably have an eye gouged out or their sleeve ripped as they try and navigate his shoulder. If Batman went to a fancy dress party as Cruella de Vil, this is what he would look like.

Here are that really annoying pair, actress Priyanka Chopra wearing Richard Quinn and her husband Nick Jonas.

She looks like an explosion in the John Lewis soft furnishing department, and,  although he is fine from the ankles up, he seems to be wearing Tabi sneakers, the ones with the camel toe. In this case, red camel toe.

And finally, we have actor Tommy Dorfman (she/her) wearing Richard Quinn.

Here are WTF’s objections to this getup. First, it is very ugly with a number random pieces of fabric stitched together for a laugh. Second the trousers are both silly and too long. Third, her hair is unbrushed. And fourth, she has a look of the late Queen Mary, the one who was married to George V.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Sally from Totteridge in leafy North London who is annoyed about dick pics. Sally asks (with every justification) ‘Why would anyone consider sending a photo of their knob to anyone other than a consultant urologist? Because they are a knob’.

Sally continues ‘The idea that a man thinks that a woman will be impressed or turned on by a photo of his willy is SO misogynistic, it’s just laughable.
Do men really think that women will be attracted to them by that aloneEven stud racehorses or dogs are not sold on the size of their willies. The only response that can be given to someone who does that is – WHAT A DICK!!’ She is right. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Cummings, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Matt Hancock, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Boat Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF cannot trace her roots in England back to William the Conqueror. They do not even go back as far as William Gladstone. Her parental grandmother and grandfather were Jewish refugees. They came here from Poland at the beginning of the 20th century to avoid being killed in the pogroms. Luckily it was in a big ship which was seaworthy. They set up a draper’s shop in the East End of London and raised four sons, a bookkeeper, an industrial chemist, a solicitor and a doctor (WTF’s father). Had they stayed in Poland, they would probably have been murdered in another pogrom or, had they avoided that fate, they would have later died in a concentration camp.

WTF’s mother and her mother were also Jewish refugees. They came from Bessarabia which used to be part of Russia until it became part of Romania and is now Moldova. They fled to what was then British-administered Palestine via boat to Istanbul to avoid being killed in a rampage by the Iron Guard. Indeed, when they emerged from hiding in the cellars for a week before  they left, they found the decapitated body of a friend on the street. Had they stayed, they would probably have been murdered in another rampage or, had they avoided that fate, they would have been died in a concentration camp. As they had relatives in Tel Aviv, they were lucky enough to get legal entry papers into Palestine, where they arrived safely in 1941, but many of their friends were not so lucky. In1942, they crammed onto a boat to Istanbul called the Struma, where it was detained by the Turkish authorities at the behest of the British, anxious to prevent too many Jews from entering Palestine. Eventually a handful of Jews with legal entry papers were allowed to disembark and travel overland to Palestine but the rest were forced to stay onboard with barely any food and to drift aimlessly on the High Seas until the ship was torpedoed by the Russian Navy and 800 people drowned. WTF mère, who got a job with the British Army in Tel Aviv, met and married WTF père, a captain in the Medical Corps, and they were repatriated to Blighty in 1946. WTF grandmère followed in 1948. They all died in their beds, having lived their lives.

My family members were escaping from death and mayhem. As were the people who drowned on Wednesday in their overcrowded, unseaworthy dinghy in the freezing cold Channel. Why else would they run away from their towns and their family to trudge through the darkness with their belongings on their back, that is if they were lucky enough to salvage any belongings at all? Why else would they set sail across in pitch black into one of the busiest shipping lanes in the world ? Why else would they spend all they have on dangerous boat trips run by scumbags? They were desperate. They saw their towns flattened. They feared torture and death. They did not wish to live under tyranny and chaos and religious fanaticism. In many cases the West had bombed their country, causing havoc, and then gone away, yet its citizens now criticise them for trying to escape that havoc. These were human beings with a history. They had reasons for risking their lives to save their lives. And it is not for £5 a day and a shitty hostel. What would you do in the same situation? Why can’t we show some basic humanity?

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We change tone and begin our review of the week’s clothing crapulence at the Latin Grammys where we meet Haitian lawyer and beauty pageant winner, Saroj Bertin wearing Jovana Louis by Jovana Benoit.

Quite  apart from the fact that her dress is putting horrified onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment, which is bad, the bodice appears to be adorned with gold coving, which is worse. The sandals however, are good.

Next, we are at the Latin American Music Awards in Sunrise, Florida where we have another encounter with Brazilian singer Anitta, wearing David Koma.

An off the shoulder bralet with sleeves, which is patently not up to the task of encasing some improbable-looking tits, has been paired with an alleged skirt composed of a sparkly version of that stuff  they put around bottles in off licences to prevent breakages.To the American Music Awards in LA where we find a most remarkable sight, singer and actor Billy Porter wearing TROUSERS!!!!! Yes really. It is like man bites dog. His outfit is by Botter.

The outfit makes Billy look like like a masseur in a  swanky spa and the nipple-flash is frankly unnecessary. As for the thing on his head, at least he will not have to worry about leaving his brolly on the bus.

 

And here is model Winnie Harlow wearing Zuhair Murad.

It’s Mata Hari with no knickers on. The minge fringe is very confusing because frankly one is not sure what one is looking at…..

This is singer Kali Uchis wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

The robe is lovely. Such a pity that she did not either do it up or stay indoors, rather than venturing out dressed as Betty Boop in her scanties.

Here is our old pal Cardi B wearing Jean Paul Gaultier.

Cardi changed outfits ten times during the show, for which she was MC. This one really caught WTF’s eye, especially the lime-sunflower-titties with extra nipple activity and that thing growing out of her bellybutton. 

And finally here is singer Halle Bailey wearing Laquan Smith.

Halle is very pretty but her dress is simply a lattice-work tit and tummy pie, while WTF is worried that her sandals will provoke a thrombosis.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Leslie from Lisson Grove, prompted by last week’s from Daniel of Stevenage complaining about MP Michael Fabricant’s ridiculous hair. Leslie’s beef is with hair transplants. He says “Technically it sounds fine! Hair is taken from hirsute parts of the body (Arse! Armpit! Between the toes! Etc) and replanted to make a receding hair line retrace its steps. Transplanted is perhaps glossing over the pain involved – they dig a hole and put the rooted follicle in with a needle!!!! What could go wrong? I’ll tell you what can go wrong…… You end up looking like rows of carrots from Mr MacGregors kitchen garden have been planted on your head”.

Leslie, who is on a roll,  continues “The other unsettling (temporary) side effect is that you have a badly bruised purple head for a couple of weeks while you wait to find out if your ‘procedure’ has taken!”  Agreed. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

Posted in AMAs, Antisemitism, asylum, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Grammys, Latin Grammys, Politics, refugees, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Cricket Special

This gallery contains 16 photos.

Hallo Readers, On Tuesday the nation was gripped by the story of former cricketer Azeem Rafiq, who gave sometimes tearful evidence to the House of Commons Committee on Culture and Sport about the blatant and unchecked racism which he had experienced … Continue reading

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WTF Snouts in the Trough Special

Hallo Readers,

Last week we were treated to the unedifying spectacle of Owen Paterson MP, who, unable to scrape by on an MP’s salary of £81,932 a year plus all the expenses you can think of, trousered another £100,000 a year from two companies in Northern Ireland and was found to have lobbied on behalf of one or other of them no less than a dozen times. The majority of Tory MPs were whipped into voting to get him off the hook, instead setting up a Mickey Mouse tribunal with an inbuilt Tory majority, and were roundly shat upon by their constituents as a result, only to discover the Government had changed its mind after breakfast the following morning. The Prime Minister has declined to apologise for any of this while displaying the cowardice for which he is famous, and was absent from the debate on the debacle on Monday. In the political equivalent of washing his hair, he instead roamed  maskless around the corridors of Hexham Hospital, 300 miles from London, on a visit with no purpose other than dodge the Parliamentary flak. Hapless agriculture secretary George Eustace, sent out to defend his beleaguered boss, claimed it was all a storm in a Westminster teacup, like Comical Ali, the man who denied that Baghdad had fallen even as US tanks rolled into view behind him.

There is more. As Gertrude remarked in Hamlet, when sorrows come, they come not single spies but whole battalions. Enter Brian Blessed sound-a-likey, former Attorney-General Sir Geoffrey Cox MP. Sir Geoffrey, a barrister of some repute, has combined his MP’s duties with a very lucrative legal career. Worse still, while everyone was locked indoors as the pandemic raged, Sir Geoffrey was beavering  away in the Caribbean tax haven that is Tortola in the British Virgin Islands, representing allegedly dodgy personages accused of corruption. Not only did he earn nearly £1m in 2020/2021, but he was also voting remotely from his luxury suite overlooking the turquoise blue waters. It is not unreasonable to suppose that his constituents were unlikely to have received much of his time and attention during this period, but Sir Geoffrey denies any wrongdoing, despite being out of the country for weeks on end and spending 40+ hours a week on his legal practice.

Meanwhile in a yet further example of the contempt in which this Government holds the electorate, Johnson and Co are determined to appoint Paul Dacre, former editor of the Daily Mail,  to head broadcasting regulator Ofcom. Dacre hates the BBC with a passion. Giving him the job would be like putting Oswald Mosley in charge of Yorkshire County Cricket Club. Dacre was duly interviewed and adjudged to be ‘unappointable’  but was this Government deterred? It was not. Just as it sought to change the rules for maintaining Parliamentary standards, leading to the colossal cockup last week, it has rewritten the job description to accommodate Dacre’s feral personality and trenchant political views. It is to be hoped that this effort will also flounder but it is clear that when this lot come up against a brick wall, they do not go round it, but try to demolish it. And they will continue in this vein as long as they think they can get away with it.

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We start our survey of the week’s sartorial sluice with actor Kristen Stewart, seen here with singer Joan Jett. Joan looks fine. Kristen is sort of wearing DSquared.

This falls into the category of  ‘that is not even clothes’. Not even at all. And the hair is atrocious. It is as if a puppy is snoozing on her head.

To the Country Music Awards in Nashville with singer Carrie Underwood wearing Jean-Louis Sabaji. 

Good Lord. Has a raptor flown into a pile of Christmas tree decorations?

Next we happen upon actor Precious Lee at some fashion bash in Qatar, wearing Halpern.

Whoever put Precious into these Victorian drapes was not her friend. She looks like the set of a dramatisation of Barchester Towers.

He’s back! Yes, its actor Jared Leto out and about in London wearing – of course – Gucci.

This is on any view a perfectly ridiculous garment,  a Gucci tea cosy over a Gucci rugby shirt. 

However, WTF confesses to some fondness for the toning wooly hat.

We now visit the Los Angeles Center of Modern Art where actor Elle Fanning is wearing Gucci at an Art & Film bash hosted by, er, Gucci.

WTF is so tired of sheer nonsense, particularly when it comes with genitalia curtains and an Oscar Wilde flower, but she reserves particular disdain for  the black tit pads which resemble a burglar peering out from behind a black net curtain.

Here is singer Ciara wearing Baba Jayne x Kollun Carter at an event in LA honouring her mate Missy Elliott.

Where to start? First, this is a bit in-yer-face as a supporting act to her friend, and she may find herself off Missy’s Christmas Card list. Second, why is she dressed as Venus the Mutant Ninja Turtle? Third, what is occurring around the ankle department? And fourth, how does she pee?

We are now at an amFAR gala in Los Angeles with Moschino designer Jeremy Scott, a long term WTF offender, and singer Anitta, both wearing Jeremy Scott.

Jeremy is 46. Anitta is 28. They are both too old for this Beatrix Potter whimsical shit.

And finally, we are at the CFDA Awards 2021 in New York with rapper Kid Cudi, wearing ERM.

Yurgle. Are those pantaloons?  With lace trainers? If Kid Cudi went to the Costume Designer Fashion Awards as Ms Haversham, this is what he would look like. Oh, hang on….

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne Ridley in Jedburgh. She may live in Scotland now but, as a Geordie, she was utterly appalled by the gruesome sight of Prime Minister Boris  Johnson, complete with visible nipples and stupid hair,  spreading his viral load around Hexham Hospital while not wearing a mask. 

So he tucks his tie in but his mouth and nose are uncovered? What a total moron. Yvonne sums it up very neatly and WTF need only repeat her words verbatim. ‘No mask, no awareness- the emotional intelligence of a brick …’ Agreed.  It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Abject Special

Hallo Readers, 

The Independent Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards found that Owen Paterson MP had lobbied Ministers a dozen times while receiving fistfuls of wonga from two companies whose interests he was pursuing. She referred her adjudication to the Committee for Standards which has MPs of all parties on it and which upheld her finding. Despite the fact that he was bang to rights, Paterson maintained he had not been given a right of appeal (although you might think that the process before the committee was an appeal from the Commissioner). A motion was tabled to suspend him for thirty days, whereupon Andrea Leadsom, his former Cabinet colleague, proposed an amendment to suspend the suspension and instead to appoint a new committee with a Tory majority, chaired by former Media Minister, John Whittingdale MP. This committee would “overhaul’ the whole process with retrospective effect. Tory MPs who baulked at this bare faced corruption were threatened with having money withheld from their constituencies and subjected to a three-line whip. The amendment passed, albeit narrowly, with Paterson voting to exonerate himself. Nine Tories voted against the amendment and many others abstained. One abstainer was immediately  sacked as a Parliamentary Private Secretary. Paterson then popped up on TV, saying that he would do the same again.

All hell broke loose. Opposition MPs declared a boycott of the new committee. The Daily Mail went mental. Those Tories who had voted for the motion, some of whom had had their own collar felt by the Commissioner (including Whittingdale, who had failed to declare a paid-for trip to the MTV awards in Amsterdam with his then-girlfriend, a professional dominatrix), were bombarded with protests from outraged constituents. Leader of the House Jacob Rees-Mogg announced a U-Turn faster than the one performed by Steve McQueen in Bullitt. Moggy told the House that the vote the previous night had caused ‘a certain amount of controversy’, which is like saying that the Blitz had caused a certain amount of damage to London and Londoners. The kangaroo committee was thus disbanded before it had ever met and there would now be bi-partisan changes without retrospective effect. In addition, a vote would be taken on the original motion to suspend Paterson. No one had actually told Paterson, who learned of  it when a BBC reporter phoned him as he was in a supermarket. He promptly resigned, citing the ‘cruel world’ of politics and MPs who had mocked the suicide of his wife the previous year (which nobody had). Oh, and the PPS got her job back before her nameplate had ever been removed from her desk.

To climb down within twelve hours is a rank humiliation, even for this lot. It started because Boris Johnson, himself a past and possible future subject of the Commissioner’s intentions, decided to save Paterson from censure, wheeled out the heavy ammo to enforce it and then ran away when the shit hit the fan. Again. In doing so, he left casualties in the slipstream. Paterson himself. Those Tory MPs who did as they were told, all for nothing. Smoothiechops Kwasi Kwarteng, the Business Secretary, wheeled out to do the morning media interviews, who suggested the Commissioner should ‘consider her position’, only to return to his office to discover that, er, the message was no longer operative. And the growing perception that this Government is sleazy as hell. Abject.

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We start our survey of the week’s sartorial slops with Boris Johnson at COP26 in Glasgow looking like a sack of shit.

We are used to him looking appalling. It would be more of a surprise if he were to look reasonable. But this is beyond anything. He looks like Benny Hill. And it is a good thing that Benny Hill is no longer with us, or he would sue.

Next up, we have actor Jennifer Tilly at the 46th Academy of Science Fiction Fantasy & Horror Awards in LA, wearing Iris van Herpen.

You have heard of the Dance of the Seven Veils. Well, this is  the Prance of the Seven Ascot Hats, all worn on top of each other. And it is very, very weird…

Still in LA, we find a newcomer to these pages, Australian actor Kodi Smit-McPhee wearing Gucci at Gucci’s Love Parade’ fashion show in LA, where famous persons showed off the season’s wares.

WARNING – SUNGLASSES REQUIRED!!! AND HEDEX!!!

If a young Jacob Rees-Mogg went to a fancy dress party as a set of 1970’s curtains, this is what he would look like. And why is he wearing a Germolene pink shirt and a giant maroon bowtie? Yurgle….

We move on to find singer Mabel wearing a Statnaia corset and Wesley Harriott bodysuit. 

Mabel is very pretty and sings well but that does not excuse her parading about like the contents of a giant shredder with a side order of tits.

This is actor Dan Levy on Jimmy Kimmel, wearing Valentino.

As a Marks & Spencer TV food ad might say, these are not just pyjamas. These are Valentino pyjamas. They are certainly striking but he could have got his jimjams from ASOS for £39 and given the rest to charity……..

Ah! Bless her! I refer to actor and presenter Whoopi Goldberg wearing Christian Siriano.

Stone The Crows! It’s a remake of Mary Poppins! All she needs is an umbrella and someone who can do a cockney accent better than Dick van Dyke (i.e. anybody, anywhere, ever). 

This is fabled designer Vera Wang wearing Vera Wang and we are back to Physician, Heal Thyself!

Vera is in her 70s but looks more like someone six decades younger peeking out of a kiddie’s mosquito net…

And finally, we welcome back actor Bella Thorne wearing not enough.

We all have those bad days when your trousers do not do up or your waistband feels like a tourniquet. However, WTF suspects that Bella is more likely to be playing peek-a-boo minge. She is also struggling to understand the pearly white boobies…..

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Julie from Wales who has been disgusted by thgas-guzzling gonzos from across the world who descended upon a waterlogged Glasgow to save the planet.

Amongst them was Julie’s pick, gazillionaire Jeff Bezos, who flew in on his $48m Gulf Jetstream and then fondly reminisced about his utterly pointless trip into Space, the combined cost of which could have paid for an awful lot of insulation. However, WTF gives a dishonourable mention to Boris Johnson, who flew back to London on a private jet in order to have dinner with a load of right-wing toffs at the Garrick Club. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Owen Paterson, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Do As I Say Special

Hallo Readers

Under the headline “physician heal thyself”, WTF occasionally features fashion designers dressed in their own apparel and looking absolutely ghastly. It was Jesus who said it unto whomever He said it unto, and He was right on the money. WTF is the daughter of a GP and can attest to the fact that he was absolutely useless at looking after his health, as evidenced by the fact that he smoked like a chimney for over 50 years and was prone to a slug or two of whisky. Now it seems that this degree of neglect has affected not just doctors but the Secretary of State for Health.

Sajid Javid appeared as a press conference in Downing St on Wednesday, airily advising the  Public to make an effort to avoid the ever-increasing growth of covid cases. They should get vaccinated, he said, and they should wear masks in public places. It should be remembered that, like his predecessor in the post Matt Hancock, Javid succumbed to Covid although in his case he had been double vaccinated.  Yet on Monday, when the Parliament was crammed with MPs paying tribute to the late Sir David Amess, there was not a mask to be seen on the Tory benches. When Winston Churchill designed the new House of Commons chamber after the Second World War, the original having been bombed by the Germans, he deliberately wanted it to be small and intimate. The Tory MPs crowded together certainly had every opportunity to sample their neighbours’ viral load. When this was pointed out after Javid’s “do as I say, not do as I do” performance, Jacob Rees-Mogg, that sad excuse for a human being, explained the Tory snuggling. They were all very matey with each other and so they trusted each other, he said, thus proving the old adage that it is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you’re stupid than to open it and prove that you are.

Mask wearing is not being observed by a vast number of people who clearly do not give a stuff about the wellbeing of their friends and neighbours. The London Tube purports to operate a mandatory policy of mask wearing but you would never know it. Trains are no better. People have their masks under their nose (Why do people do that? It is so damn dumb) or they don’t have them on at all. The degree of ignorance and indifference is stupefying. In the Second World War, people pulled together and helped each other out, but those days have long since melted away and instead we are stuck fast in the era of “Fuck You Jack, I’m alright.” This could be seen in the way that people rushed out at the beginning of the pandemic to fill their cupboards with bog roll, middle-aged women engaged in Mortal Kombat over the last packet of super-soft, caress-your-bum, aloe-vera-soaked Andrex. That principle has continued unabated, whether it is scummy neighbours blasting their music at full volume or people staring at you defiantly on the bus whilst breathing all over you. Meanwhile, the Prime Minister and his advisors flaunted the rules of lockdown, the previous Health Secretary was giving one to his advisor, and others were ensuring that their mates cleaned up on contracts to produce PPE and hand sanitiser. Tories are quick to shout about family values and levelling up. But it now appears to be no longer de rigeur actually to set an example, so it is perhaps unsurprising nobody else can be bothered to do the right thing.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial scruff with actor Tiffany Haddish wearing Minge Maestro Alexandre Vauthier.

MINGE MOMENT!!!!!  Any shorter and this bandage skirt could be giving  us the full gynaecological experience.Yurgle.Next up, we have dancer Julianne Hough wearing ALIÉTTE.

She is wearing an onion bag.  That is all.

We are in London at the premiere of Dune where we encounter actor Jason Mamoa wearing Henry Poole & Co. 

Jason is what the Aussies call ‘a big unit’ and he undoubtedly has a striking presence. There is also a great deal of good about the jacket, which is a gorgeous colour with elegant embroidery on the sleeves. BUT, as Kendal Roy would say…the jacket is too short (for Jason, anyway), he is wearing a waistcoat without a shirt, exposing a lot of hairy chest, and what the hell is happening with those trewsies – they are billowing and then sighing around his BARE ankles.

Actor Emma Watson is wearing Harris Reed at a recycled environment event.

Oh Lord. Make your mind up.

Next up, we have influencer Bella Porch wearing who the hell knows what this is supposed to be.

Miss Haversham goes slithery…..

This is producer Taika Wahtiti,  Rita Ora’s beau, at the premiere of Eternals, wearing Thom Browne.

He is a handsome man, but he looks like an unfinished suit on a tailor’s dummy. And what is this nonsense with too-short-jackets? Not to mention too-short trewsies and brogues without socks….

And finally we have internet person and former bunny girl Sarah Longbottom.

Sarah is the lovechild of a medieval serving wench and an oilskin tablecloth. And please put those nipples away…….

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Leslie from Lisson Grove who says, “There has been a proliferation of shops trying to zussh themselves up by tacking plastic flowers around the doors and windows. It was great when the first one appeared in Sloane Square but they used real flowers and foliage, the effect was lovely”. 

“The Johnnie come latelys are not so lovely, lacking the ‘handbag’ of the Sloane Square brigade their efforts with plastic flowers are, and smell, hideous. Please make them stop, roll on a high wind!” Yup. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF Oven-Ready Special

Hallo Readers,

Sorry about yesterday’s premature publication. Gremlins (in other words, read “my ineptitude”).

ANYWAY…

WTF has long railed about the death of shame, but with this shitshow of a Government, shame is not a word in its lexicon. In 2019, Boris Johnson told us that he would “get Brexit done”. Not only that, he said that he had an oven-ready deal to get it done. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, it now turns out that Johnson’s oven-ready deal was not oven-ready at all. It was not even defrosted. Instead, it was unfit for human consumption, but he went ahead and sold it to the public. This is what happens when you have a unprincipled liar as Prime Minister, surrounded by other unprincipled liars for whom winning is the only outcome. Truth is no longer even the aim, let alone the norm – instead, you say whatever you need to say when you need to say it and work on the assumption that you will say something else later. Once upon a time people resigned over stuff like this, but that was then and this is now. Now you wave two fingers at everybody and carry on regardless. At which point your minions are dispatched onto radio and television to proclaim that you are showing strong leadership, while you are actually not at work at all but posturing on the veranda of your borrowed holiday home, loaned by a friendly old Etonian billionaire whom you elevated to the House of Lords when he lost his seat.

When Brexit was first mooted, the people of Northern Ireland pointed out that this would leave them in an impossible position. The Good Friday Agreement, negotiated as long ago as 1998, gave citizens of Northern Ireland and Southern Island certain interchangeable rights and of course they already had freedom of movement as both countries were members of the EU. Leaving the EU would put a spoke in those arrangements, they said, but nobody was listening. The then-Brexit secretary, Dominic Raab, admitted to an astonished Parliamentary committee that he had not read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through and it is doubtful whether Boris Johnson has ever read it at all. In order to get the UK out of the EU, Johnson signed an agreement guaranteeing movement of goods between North and South but it appears that he did not regard signing a legal document as any sort of impediment to doing whatever he needed to do in due course – something he freely admitted to the Democratic Unionist Party at the time. We learned this on Tuesday from Rasputin-turned-Reject Dominic Cummings who cheerily informed Twitter that it was always intended that the Withdrawal Agreement would be broken, that no one should be surprised this was the case and the foreigners had it coming. Meanwhile the man who actually negotiated the Agreement, David Frost, (he got a peerage for his efforts), is now running around complaining that the Agreement is lousy and he only signed it because of pressure of time and because those nasty Eurocrats were being unreasonable about everything. WTF has heard of buyer’s remorse but was unaware that it was enough to get you out of a deal, whether international or private, and is determined to put this defence to the test next time someone tries to get her to pay up under a contractual obligation.

 The best bit, not that there is a best bit, is the outrage with which Brexiteers greeted the remarks of former Irish Prime Minister Leo Varadkar, who had negotiated the deal with Frost. Varadkar pointed out that if this was the UK’s attitude to negotiating deals, maybe other countries should think twice before entering into any agreements with it. And no doubt they will…… we have sunk another notch down.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion fiascoes with singer Zendaya wearing Loewe.

For some reason, the lovely Zendaya is wearing a gold-tinted urinal as a corsage, with matching shoes like the mother of the bar mitzvah boy in the 1960s. Loewe is taking the piss…..

Actor Benedict Cumberbatch wearing STORY mfg.

As WTF has often observed, women always dress up to the nines for film premières while (with a few exceptions) men look like they are popping down to McDonald’s for a double cheeseburger and fries. STORY mfg. sells “organic clothing made from organic fibre & dyed with leaves, bark, roots, and fruit”. This jacket costs £365 and appears to have been embellished by kiddies doing hand painting….

Here is singer and celebritee Ashley Roberts at her 40th birthday party, wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

If a shower curtain went to a fancy dress party as a Minge Moment, this is what it would look like. Minge Maestro Julien has done it again…..

Now we have singer Jesy Nelson recently departed from Little Mix, wearing Balenciaga.

Jesy has had a rough time of late, being accused of “black fishing” in her latest video and being trolled generally. WTF is sympathetic but that is no excuse for her wandering around in public wearing see-through shorts  as shiny and slithery-looking as a condom, over what appears to be a white bikini.

Next we are in NYC where we encounter the ineffable Kim Kardashian wearing Balenciaga.

Bugger me, it’s Darth Vader……


And now we are at Cardi B’s 29th birthday party with a very celebritee-studded turnout. Our pictures do not actually include Cardi B – for a change – but the ones we do are BAD. First, we welcome rapper Snoop Dogg, a newcomer to these pages, wearing a most remarkable ensemble.

Deary me. He looks like a pile of perambulating vomit in a woolly hat….

THIS LAST ONE IS VERY BAD. VERY BAD INDEED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Singer Lizzo wearing Matthew Reisman.

WTF usually abhors a My Little Ponytail but in this case, she fell to her knees and thanked the Almighty for it. And you will see why……

Look. Just because you can does not mean that you should. And she shouldn’t. No one should.  No to nipple pasties!!!! No to visible thongs!!! No to arse-cheeks!!! No to let-it-all-hang-down!!! If this is not a public order offence, WTF does not know what is. The bar for the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2021 has just been set sky high……

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Gita (@MsAlliance) who is not happy, not even at all, about Beauty Advent Calendars. Gita is trenchant in her views so WTF will just repeat them….

“You know what has got to go, mate? Ruddy beauty Advent calendars. Sold from September. Teeny samples of skincare and stuff all packaged in tiny plastic miniatures. No-one needs them because we already have our skincare stuff. They end up chucked in the oceans. I say no!”

Yup. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Cummings, Dominic Raab, Northern Ireland, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Karaoke Special

Hallo Readers,

Nothing summed up the callousness, selfishness and insensitivity of this week’s Conservative party conference in Manchester more than the sight of the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions, Therese Coffey, belting out Time of my Life from the movie Dirty Dancing. The cigar smoking Coffey made a scalded cat sound like Adele; but the real scandal about her performance, complete with barefoot dancing, was that on that particular day the Government had closed off the £20 uplift in Universal Credit which had benefited six million people during the Covid pandemic. Even by her own abysmally low standards, this was a new low for Coffey, to the point where even some Tory MPs were forced to admit that this was more tone deaf than her horrible singing. Coffey however does not care, any more than she cared when she voted against a Bill to require rented houses to be fit for human habitation (she herself is a landlord), or any more than she cares about depriving people of a much-needed £1,000 a year while herself claiming over £175,000 a year in Parliamentary expenses.

But then the Tories  gave the impression that the UK really is having the time of its life. Which is doubtless why the Prime Minister was keen to tell us that things are on the up. Our economy is thriving, we’re flogging lamb to America, and we are going to level up, whatever that means (because it actually does not mean anything). As far as WTF can see, the only levelling up going on is that no one can get any fuel, with citizens engaging in man-to-man combat on the forecourts of non-filling stations. This is because there is a shortage of lorry drivers. That is because all the foreign lorry drivers have gone home post-Brexit, which is what happens when you make people feel thoroughly unwelcome. Johnson did not mention this in his speech, let alone offer a solution for it. His barnstorming address to the faithful on Wednesday also failed to mention that inflation is going up; gas and electricity is going up; NHS waiting lists are getting longer; there is a serious possibility that shelves are going to be empty by Christmas; and 10,000 people have died since Freedom Day on the 19 July. We have even run out of butchers, for God’s sake. They have gone home as well. Not that there will be a lot of butchery for them to do, given that the supermarkets are running out of food. Johnson simply ignored all this, instead preferring to tell us about fifty times that the Government was going to “level up”. It was a speech so vapid and lacking in specificity that even the Daily Mail gave it the nostril. If there is a political embodiment of the expression “all fur coat and no knickers”, it is Boris Johnson and his useless, incompetent cohorts. And Readers do you know what the worst bit is? They are still miles ahead in the polls…

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We start our survey of the last fortnight’s sartorial slurry with Boris Johnson allegedly out jogging in Manchester. Kill me now….

If he jogs so much, why is he so portly? And what the fuck is he wearing? No one, absolutely no one, goes jogging in a white dress shirt with cufflinks, black socks and brogues. On the same day that Fatboy was pretending to run around Manchester, 40,000 actual runners were taking part in the London Marathon. Yes, people ran dressed as buses and cakes and whatever, but WTF is willing to bet that not a single one of them was dressed like this. As the Americans used to say about TFG, days without being a national embarrassment – zero.

Next, singer Grimes out and about reading Das Kapital. Like you do…

Grimes walking while reading Das Kapital and dressed as a pile of mouldy medieval books is as plausible as Boris jogging in dress shirt and brogues. WTF also deplores the arrow pointing to her Minge.

And now some chaps from the Tonys Red Carpet in New York, starting with actor/singer Jesse Tyler Ferguson, seen here with his husband Jason Mikita.

Quite apart from the fact that (i) no redhead should ever wear lilac and (ii) no man should ever wear evening dress without socks, there is no excuse, not even of any kind, for an adult to be dressed like a pageboy at a country wedding. 

Actor Tom Sturridge was also there, wearing Thom Browne.

Ignore the stupid hat – he always wears one, it’s his schtick. But this is The Blue Brothers directed by Quentin Tarantino, and it prompts many questions. Is that a gunshot wound on the left side of his shirt? If not, what is it? Why are his trousers at half mast? And when was the last time that shirt saw the inside of a washing machine? Manky. 

This is singer Madonna wearing who knows what at a showing of her Madame X  film concert in New York.

This is more a case of Madame Why? There is growing old disgracefully. And there is looking like a waitress in an S&M beach bar. 

Here is singer Olivia Rodrigo wearing St Laurent (!!!!!!) at the opening of the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures in Los Angeles.

Olivia is covering her bits with Mickey Mouse’s auricles. Walt Disney must be turning in his grave….meanwhile, one can but wince thinking about the  pain Olivia must have experienced when removing the tit tape when getting undressed…. yurgle.

 

 

Actor Jennifer Connolly is Louis Vuitton’s muse, perhaps because she is one of the few people who can keep a straight face when wearing their tat. Like here…

Earlier we had Olivia Rodrigo with Mickey Mouse’s ears covering her bits. Now we have Jennifer with Mickey Mouse’s ears covering her shoulders like a mousey carapace. If a cowboy went to a fancy dress party as a macrame lampshade, this is what he would look like.

Another one prepared not to laugh when wearing LV’s silly clothes is actor Cody Fern. And this is about as silly as silly can get.

Paddington goes pastel……

Andcolumn favourite, rapper Cardi B  wearing Richard Quinn.

Cardi likes to be colourful, which is good. But she is dressed like Little Weed from the ancient BBC kiddies programme, Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men, which is bad. Very bad.

Finally, we have former Big Brother contestant Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace wearing Abyss by Abby. BE CAREFUL AS YOU SCROLL…….

WTF aficionado Kathryn from Bromley was so appalled by the sight of Aisleyne’s arse, enhanced by about 50 lbs of Brazilian butt-fill, that she got in touch with WTF on Thursday evening demanding its inclusion. And how right she was….. some things are better covered up, love. In your case, with a tarpaulin.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Martyn from Isleworth who is very unimpressed by the new offering on Netflix  “Diana: The Musical”, a filmed version of the Broadway show described by The Guardian’s Stuart Heritage as ‘the year’s most hysterically awful hate-watch”.

Martyn has a point. The show features a group of paparazzi chasing Diana through Paris singing in faux-cockney accents “Better than a Guinness, better than a wank / Snap a few pics, it’s money in the bank”. Hasn’t her family suffered enough? Haven’t we ALL suffered enough? It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Fashion, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, Tonys 2021, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Not So Special Relationship Special

Hallo Readers,

It is clear that Joe Biden has little time for Boris Johnson. Not only is Johnson a blowhard and a buffoon, whom he once described as a clone of Donald Trump, but in 2008, Johnson was profoundly offensive about Barack Obama, sneering that he had moved a bust of Winston Churchill out of the Oval Office because his “Kenyan ancestry”  meant that he had “an ancestral dislike of the British Empire.” As Obama’s Vice President, Biden was unimpressed. And given that Biden is of Irish ancestry, he is not at all dewy-eyed about Britain in the way that Donald Trump claimed to be, what with his old mum leaving Scotland to marry Trump père and live unhappily ever after. This Special Relationship is not very special at all.

It is therefore unsurprising that Johnson’s visit to the US this week failed to secure a trade deal, or even a promise of one, because Biden is in no hurry to do Britain a favour, and he is also unimpressed at our Government’s attempts to skirt around the Northern Irish Protocol. Readers will recall that despite Johnson’s promise that there will be no border between Britain and Ireland, there now is one and with large numbers of Congress of Irish extraction, that is not the sort of thing they will let pass unremarked. This was however news to the idiot former MEP Daniel Hannan, a man who has been wrong about almost everything, but who nevertheless scored a seat in the House of Lords. It was Hannan who assured us in 2016 that “No one is suggesting that Britain will leave the single market after Brexit” which shows the analytical skills of Comical Ali.  However, Hannan is not the sort of chap who allows his being completely wrong about everything to deter him in any way, popping up on Newsnight to insist that a deal was indeed on the cards. Rep. Brendan Boyle, who sits on the House Trade Committee, expressed surprise at this statement, pointing out that he would have heard of it were it an actual thing. Hannan was undeterred, describing the Congressman as “an Irish lobbyist” and assuring bemused viewers that Boyle was not talking to the people I’m talking to”.  That is doubtless true because Hannan is talking to half-witted, ill-informed bullshitters like Hannan while Boyle is talking to, you know, people who get to vote on trade deals with the UK, not that there is a trade deal with the UK because if there were one, he would know about it, and would certainly know about before Hannan.

But then, as we have seen with this shower, being wrong and also being utterly useless at your job is not an impediment to remaining part of the political elite. Mislead everyone about the consequences of Brexit and you end up in the House of Lords. Be the worst Education Secretary in the history of ever and you get a knighthood for your services to failure. Stay on your luxury sun lounger instead of heading home to save Brits and Afghans who risked their life for Brits, and you still get to be Deputy Prime Minister.  Is this what is meant by levelling up? That the rubbish ones get to be as powerful as the less rubbish ones?

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We start our review of the week’s fashion follies in London with the British Vogue x  Tiffany dinner to mark London Fashion Week. This is celebrity son Jaden Smith wearing MSFTS, a label he partly owns.

If a Yeoman of the Guard at the Tower of London got bored and started doodling snakes’ innards on his uniform, this is what he would look like. And his boots are scuffed, which would not be tolerated by any self-respecting Yeoman. And for the necklace OVER the collar and tie, WTF prefers not to speak of it.

Also there was British model Jourdan Dunn ( who was first spotted in Hammersmith’s Primark aged 16) wearing Miss Sohee.

WTF aficionado Gita aka @MsAlliance tweeted WTF the day after the event in great excitement, pointing out that Jourdan was “so shiny! Is she encased in plastic?”. Well, Gita, the answer is that it certainly looks like it. Mattel had the same idea for Barbie some years back……

And finally from that bash, this is German-born artist and fashion photographer Juergen Teller and his partner Dovile Drizyte. Scroll down slowly……

Yikes! Juergen seems have to drawn his inspiration from fellow German, Arsenal’s goalie Bernd Leno, and then thrown on any old tat over it. That jacket is too small and WTF fears that Juergen has been overdoing it on the bratwürst. And why are his legs ten times darker than his face?

While we are at London Fashion Week, here is designer and Mulberry Muse Alexa Chung wearing Simone Rocha at Simone’s show.


This is sort of kinky Jane Austen meets a bundle of washing. WTF asked this question some time ago and she continues ask it…..what is the point of Alexa Chung? An answer is still required. Feel free to comment below or tweet on @WTF_EEK. 

And now to the Emmys in LA where silliness was in great abundance, starting with Australian actor Bowen Yang wearing a suit by Zegna (OK-ish) and boots by Syro (not OK).

WTF would have been prepared to overlook the fact that Bowen needed to take a size up in the tuxedo, but not the silver boots last seen on something having a drink in the Cantina in Star Wars.

Here is actor and comedian Amy Poehler wearing who can even say what?

You cannot see the top of the dress but it seems unexceptional. Why she has put that dreary belted jacket over it, WTF cannot say. Either there is droopage or her waist is but inches from her boobage, but whichever it is, the effect is like a designer tramp.

Now we have actor Issa Rae, wearing Aliette.

The good news is that those are her own tits. The bad news is that we can see them. And the dress is just an elongated string vest, like something worn by Rab C Nesbitt.

Here is actor Dan Levy (Schitt’s Creek) wearing Valentino

The jacket is a cross between a judo jacket and a dressing gown, worn with baggy trewsies and hobnail boots, like Hugh Hefner getting street.

And finally we have actor Emma Corrin (The Crown), wearing Miu Miu.

If Ofred from The Handmaid’s Tale went to a fancy dress party as swimmer Esther Williams, this is what she would look like. The talons would have come in very handy for Ofred, who could have fended off Fred and had a good go at Aunt Lydia.

 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF, who is sick to the back teeth of electric scooters whizzing along the pavement, scattering terrified pedestrians. Get off the pavements. Get in the cycle lanes – they bloody cost enough. Or better still, just bugger off and get the bus. It’s Go To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. WTF is having a little break next week but she will be back bright-eyed and bushy-tailed on 8 October. In the meantime, be good x.

 

Posted in Afghanistan, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Dominic Raab, Donald Trump, Emmys, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, London Fashion Week, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Mega-Enormous “Fashion” Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF was going to give you a week off this week until she realised that last weekend was both the MTV VMAs and the Met Gala, so how could she? Anyway she suspects that many of you do not read down to the sign-off at the very end and probably did not even realise that this was the original plan. Be that howsoever it may be, a cornucopia of fashion faux pas awaits you but before you get there, it is worth saying a few words about the Cabinet reshuffle this week.

In It’s Got To Go last week, WTF suggested that Gavin Williamson had got to and Readers! He has. It is the only thing Boris Johnson has ever done that WTF actually agrees with. Following him out of the door to the back bench and political nowheresville are Housing Secretary Robert Jenrick (the man who agreed to wave through a planning application for a dignitary whom he just happened to sit next to at a Tory fundraising dinner, thereby saving said dignitary £50m), Amanda Milling, (not even a household name in her own household) and Justice Secretary Robert Buckland (who seems to have been shafted only because Dominic Raab was ousted from the Foreign Office and was given Buckland’s portfolio instead, plus the title of Deputy Prime Minister to shut him up).

Given the paucity of talent available, the reshuffle was like rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Liz Truss, the woman who redefines vapid, is now Foreign Secretary. Nadine Dorries, whose principal contribution to culture has been appearing on I’m a Celebrity and writing a couple of crappy novels, is now the Culture Minister. Oliver Dowden, who looks and sounds like a school prefect, takes over as Party Chair. The one thing they have in common is that they are Johnson loyalists and that is the main qualification for promotion. Think Kim Jong Un, but with milder penalties if they turn against him – the boot, rather than being torn apart by a pack of dogs or bumped off at an airport with poisonous chemicals.

A few weeks ago, WTF pointed out that polls amongst the Tory faithful showed that Johnson was one of the lowest rated performers with only Jenrick, Milling and Williamson below him. Of course he was not likely to sack himself so he has survived to bumble through surrounded by yes men who are there to play the role of the fat friend to the pretty girl and make him look good. The problem is that they cannot make him look good. Nothing and no one can make him look good. Not even Nadine Dorries. 

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We have a LOT of horror today. We start our whopping review of the week’s wankiest wear at the MTV Video Music Awards in New York last Sunday, with Brazilian singer Anitta wearing Miss Sohee. 

Yurgle. Some ectoplasm is creeping over her boobies straight out of the hottest chapter of a Stephen King novel. And WTF hates an exposed belly button almost above all things.

This is Australian singer Troye Silvan wearing who can even say what?

He has baggy shorts displaying his little pipe cleaner legs, long black socks and brogues and a teeny weeny crop top. He looks like the lovechild of a 1930s footballer and Hayley Bieber.

Here is model Winnie Harlow wearing LaQuan Smith.

The lovely Winnie is wearing a slanket tied around the waist showing off an  incontinence truss. This is fashion?

Here is Megan Fox, pictured without beau Machine Gun Kelly, wearing Thierry Mugler. 

There comes a time when it is pointless wearing anything and this sone of those times. Megan would have done better letting the wet-look mermaid hair grow a bit and wrapping it over her bits. There is also a preponderance of bare arse-cheeks but WTF is going to spare you those.

Next up we have singer Ashanti wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello.

More arse cheeks. Michael Costello has never knowingly missed an opportunity to leave a body part uncovered and there is more strappage than at a fetish festival. WTF also fears bigly for Ashanti’s circulation. Meanwhile that floor length pigtail is presumably to be used as a spare if there are more fetishists than straps. 

Finally from the VMAs we have Jennifer Lopez wearing David Koma.

Jennifer is in the second flush of love with Ben Affleck, her former fiancé from about four relationships ago. Yes she is beautiful and she has a banging body but aren’t you just a little bit sick of seeing it? If it is warm enough for a turtleneck sweater, you do not need a tit mullion and matching sparkly minge mask. Put it away love for Gawds’s sake…..

Now we go to the Met Gala, which took place the night after the VMAs. The theme was “American Independence” although in reality it was more a case “Planet Zog Independence” with some top designers falling over themselves to produce a load of old tat. We start Whoopi Goldberg wearing Valentino.

Scarlett O’Hara needs an iron. And what has happened to her arms? She looks like a double amputee.

This is model Anja Rubik wearing Christian Siriano.

The good news is that she is wearing panties. The bad news is that she seems to have been mauled by three particularly pissed off ostriches.

And here is actor Maisie Williams wearing something she knocked up herself.

Maisie is petite to start with but here she resembles a demented goth pixie with a minge placket and her hair looks as if she is wearing one of those hats worn by Spanish bullfighters. Olé!

Here is the new hot couple in showbiz, rapper ASAP Rocky wearing ERL and Rihanna wearing Balenciaga.

Rihanna looks great but Rocky appears to grabbed his granny’s quilted bedspread and called it an outfit. At least he will have kept warm…..

Motor racer Lewis Hamilton was there. Of course he was. And he is in here too. Of course he is. He is wearing Kenneth Nicholson.

Er, what? Is he the bridegroom or is he the bride?

And now German singer and songwriter Kim Petras wearing Collina Strada.

Kim is dressed as a floral pantomime cow. Who knows why?

This is actor Tessa Thompson at the afterparty wearing not much.

She is wrapped in gold ribbons with washing up gloves on her feet. Washing up gloves for a four-fingered person.

And finally WTF’s Twitter feed (@WTF_EEK, look we’ve had this conversation….) exploded with people scratching their heads about actor Dan Levy wearing Loewe.

WTF could have lived with the shirt and trousers – the artwork was a tribute to the late American artist David Wojnarowicz, one of the most influential LGBTQIA+ activists, who painted the original piece. She could have survived the Cartier diamonds embossing them. But she is having very serious difficulties with the parachute around his shoulders and a load more trouble with the studded boots, like something worn by a Hell’s-Angel-turned-troubador.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Tony from Chislehurst who is appalled at the sight of  Mexican rapper Dan Sur. Here is why.Dan has decided that hair is so last decade and instead has had gold and silver chains HOOKED INTO HIS HEAD. Plus gold grills on his teeth. Good luck going through security controls, poppet. It’s Go To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Send in your suggestions coming in for It’s Got To Gonot to mention your very top comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x.

 

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