WTF Brexit Anniversary Special

Hallo Readers,

Big News! Boris Johnson finally managed to deport somebody to Rwanda – himself. Sadly, unlike the unfortunates who might find themselves flying there courtesy of the UK taxpayer, he has a return ticket for himself and his fragrant wife Carrie Antoinette. Perhaps after two crushing defeats last night, losing Wakefield and Honiton (Honiton has been Tory since forever) by, as Trump would say, ” a lot”, and the immediate resignation of his Party Chairman Oliver Dowden, the Johnsons will stay in Rwanda, the country whose virtues the Tories have been extolling. 

Johnson is there for a Commonwealth Heads of Government meeting. WTF  did not know that Rwanda (and Mozambique) were in the Commonwealth, not being former British colonies. But then, unlike the Brits who voted to Brexit six years ago today, countries seem keen to be members of organisations and alliances. This week both Ukraine and Moldova took their first official steps to join the EU. It seems that while President Zelinskyy thinks highly of Johnson, who seems to spend more time in Kyiv than he does in Parliament, he is less enamoured of his friend’s views on the advantages of the organisation we voted to leave in June 2016 and left in January 2020. Not that we have finally sorted out the problem of Northern Ireland, which is why we are now proposing to introduce legislation to allow us to break the agreement we negotiated about it, even though it was touted as a great triumph at the time.

Deputy Prime Minister and Lord Chancellor, Dominic Raab, is promoting another bout of convention hokey- cokey. This time, we are waving two fingers at the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg because it is apparently unconscionable for Brits to have their laws and policies interfered with by foreigners who for some reason imagine that they are entitled to interpret those laws and policies in the light of the Articles of the Convention that Britain itself largely drafted only a few years after the end of World War Two – with the input and encouragement of that well known lefty, Sir Winston Churchill. Raab proposes to change the law so that we can ignore anything in the Convention we don’t like and any judgments that we don’t agree with. Raab is also contemplating allowing government ministers to disagree with any judicial review of ministerial decisions by UK judges, even though they are not even foreign. But it appears that Johnson, Raab and others are interested in proclaiming our freedoms as long as they don’t have to uphold them if they don’t like them. Rather like Johnson’s role model,  Trump, who put aside the trifling fact that he had lost in order to subvert the 2020 election, and damn near succeeded, the attitude prevailing in Westminster, as it did and still does in parts of Washington D.C, is that you do what you want, say what you like, fill your own or pals’ pockets with loads of money and then avoid the consequences by denying the facts or changing the rules or both. The voters of Wakefield and Honiton have shown Johnson what they think of him and his arrogance. He says he will listen. He always says that. But he never means it.

***************************************************************

We start our review of the week’s wanky wear in NYC with singer Lil Nas X inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame wearing who knows what?

Bless him. His fringe is so long that he was unable to see where he was going as he wandered out across Madison Avenue, where he got hit by a truck and run over. Look – you can see the skid marks….. 

Next up, we have actor Winston Duke wearing Dolce & Gabbana on the front row of its fashion show during Milan Fashion Week.

Great dressing gown. Great pyjamas. But not to be worn outdoors. Because they are a dressing gown and pyjamas. As for the basketwork shoes, WTF prefers not to speak of them.

The Tribeca Film Festival is STILL going on. It is taking longer than the January 6 hearings. Here is actor Julia Fox wearing not very much, so no change there….


Julia featured last week but this is even worse because there is even less of it, to whit a Pretty Woman Minge Moment mini, which is more of a belt, and a bralet-cum- neck-clamp. As for the eyebrows, they are preposterous and unnerving in equal measure.

And now we have a pair of Harlequins who are as silly as silly can be. First, we are in London where we encounter splendid actor Michael Shannon at the Paramount + Dinner .

Dearie me. He has raided the nearest Sue Ryder Charity Shop attempting to emulate Picasso’s Harlequin with a Mirror. Only Picasso’s harlequin did not wear horrible trainers and WTF is also willing to wager that the shade of his trousers matched the shade of his jacket. Memo to Michael – buy a travel iron.

Our other harlequin is in Miami, namely actor Casey Thomas Brown at the premiere of the remade Father of the Bride,  wearing Wiederhoeft.

We are all sick to death of shocking pink, but WTF could have lived with the basic suit were it not for the plethora of dangly bits. He looks like a maypole that rustics dance around in episodes of The Larkins  and Midsomer Murders.

Finally, here is actor Tessa Thompson at the launch of the latest series of WestWorld wearing Interior.

The front of the alleged ‘dress’ has a built-in, encrusted, crotch cup as well as incorporated tit-toppers, while the back gives use the now-near-mandatory arse cheeks. It took WTF a while to work out that there is a bum-bow, because for a white she thought it was a small rodent. Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sue Peters who has spotted these deeply distasteful jeans on Twitter and has quite properly brought them to WTF’s attention.  

What the actual FUCK!!!!??????? What is next? How about some Grenfell jeans? Or  maybe a pair commemorating the latest school massacre in Uvalde Texas? Unacceptable, and then some. These jeans have so Got To Go…

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep the comments coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To GoLet us meet again next Friday when you will get to decide the WTF Summer Stinker 2022. Be good x

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Raab, Donald Trump, European Court of Human Rights, Politics, refugees, Rwanda, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF The Only Way is Ethics Special

Hallo Readers,

The late and much lamented Peter Cook and Dudley Moore did a deeply disgusting sketch about the worst job in the world. WTF is not going to repeat the details, so you will just have to go and look it up on YouTube. But Pete and Dud were part of a world very different to the present one. In those days, politicians used to resign when they did something wrong, whether they were caught with their pants round their ankles or acting in some other dishonourable way. However, that was then. This is now. Which is why WTF’s nomination for the worst job ever has got to be the role of Boris Johnson’s ethics adviser. Frankly most people would rather shovel shit in the furthest reaches of some particularly noxious sewer, although the ambience is not dissimilar. It is little wonder that our Prime Minister, having parted company with two ethics advisers in three years, is now hinting that he may not bother to recruit a third. You might as well order the tide to stop rolling in. It just won’t and you end up looking very silly, having wasted a lot of your own and everybody else’s time. As we know that Johnson’s solution to an ethical problem is to ignore it or, even better, to change the rules and abolish the ethical problem. And if neither of those work, he just lies his way out of it and sets off in search of a new photo opportunity, preferably sporting a hard hat and a hi-viz jacket in a fetching citrus hue. 

Lord Geidt, the latest Johnson adviser to head for the exit, finally decided that he’d had enough when Johnson contemplated breaking the ministerial code in relation to steel tariffs. He said that he felt that he was being put in an ‘impossible and odious position. As opposed to what? What took him so long? Johnson has been breaking the ministerial code since his political balls dropped and he has every intention of continuing to do so, albeit that from time to time he is obliged to fake a grovelling apology for being dishonest, evasive, and downright dodgy. Geidt did not resign when Johnson lied to him about the identity of the bloke who coughed up for the gold wallpaper in No 10, and he seems to have been able to survive the constant stream of porkies coming out of the Prime Minister’s mouth in relation to Partygate or his announced intention to renege on the Northern Ireland Protocol. But like the camel whose back finally buckles under one straw too many, Geidt clearly decided that whatever benefits there might have been in his role were far outweighed by the constant humiliation of looking like a fool. Or as WTF’s mother used to ask ‘for what do I need such?’ Geidt is a bright man who needs neither the money nor the aggravation of trying to hold this shitshow of a government to account, and, worse, of having to justify his failure to control his boss in front of a roomful of frankly incredulous MPs asking him variations of the same question, namely ‘are you having a laugh?’ ‘WTF suspects that like those misguided women who always think that they will be the one  to change the reprobate with whom they are smitten, Geidt fancied his chances as the man who could hold Johnson to account. Like everyone else who has tried it, whether they be wives or girlfriends or employers or editors or party leaders or colleagues, he failed. Miserably.

****************************************************************

We begin a bumper review of the week’s sartorial shite with singer Madonna, seen with photographer Ricardo Gomes, wearing Balenciaga and a face that isn’t hers.

The top costs £975 and it sucks. The shorts look as if they cost about £9 75 and are creased as hell. But you know what isn’t creased? Her face. Madge,  you are 63 years old and lean as a whippet. But that is not your face. No-one has a face that smooth at the age of 63. WTF has seen billiard balls with more wrinkles. 

Next to the Tribeca Film Festival and the Chanel Party attended, amongst others, by actor Amandla Stenberg wearing Chanel.

Coco Chanel must be turning in her grave. The jacket has shrunk in the wash and Amandla (which is the Xhosa word for power) has badger’s bum hair. But worse still she is showing not just her pants but her hips in what is the female equivalent of builder’s bum. We saw Gigi Hadid doing this the other week. This trend has to stop. Right. Now. 

We are now at the Tony Awards in New York, the equivalent of the UK Olivier Awards for theatrical excellence. This is actor Tony Goldwyn, from Scandal, wearing who can even say what?

This really is a scandal. The shit-coloured tux is at least a size too small as well as too short, and its silky trim is matched by a toning barmitzvah-boy bow tie, worn with what appear to be white slacks. He looks like an extra from Hi-di-Hi. 

Next up we have actor Danielle Brooks (aka the wonderful Taystee from Orange Is The New Black) wearing Victorluna.

This is more a case of Victorloony. London Transport has just launched a range of gifts in the signature upholstery used on its brand new Elizabeth Line. Danielle’s dress seems to be a hitherto-unannounced addition to the line, the Elizabeth Line blow-up condom. Yurgle.

This is actor Ian Paget, wearing Lanvin.

Behold! A glass of orange slush on legs…..

And this is actress Kara Young wearing Christian Siriano.

If a Quality Street Orange Creme went to a fancy dress party as a dinosaur, this is what it would look like….We are now at the British Soap Awards in Manchester where we encounter serial offender, actor Chelsee Healey, wearing Patty Fashion.

Chelsee is almost half Madonna’s age but her visage also bears evidence of some interference in the workings of nature. As for the dress, she seems to have Venom perching on her left tit. 

Meet actor Paco Leon at Carolina Herrera’s Eyewear Launch in Aravaca, Spain.

There are two very odd things going on here. First, what is that dangling string thing clipped to his waistband, together with what seems to be a bag charm? And second, why has his shirt got tit slits in the shape of cats’ pupils? #baffled

Here is she is again. WTF speaks of actor Julia Fox wearing not enough, as per bloody usual.

As we have established, Julia likes flaunting her body but now that she does not have Kanye West on her arm, she needs more reason for people to look at her, which is why she is venturing forth wearing a bikini and leather jacket draped with a fishing net. The time has come for Julia to stay indoors….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado @enya-hoo who brought this horror to light. It is rapper Megan Thee Stallion wearing so-called jeans by  Mugler.

WTF can confidently say that these are not jeans. Not even at all.  These are arse-flashing denim chaps, held together by ‘illusion tulle’. They are extremely unpleasant, probably appallingly uncomfortable and just plain silly. At least Megan has a nice firm bum. What happens if the wearer does not? It doesn’t  even bare thinking about. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep the comments coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To GoLet us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, British Soap Awards, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Partygate, Politics, Tonys 2022, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Dead Cat Bounce Special

Hallo Readers 

Boris Johnson is saved for the nation! Of course he is – for now. Not overwhelmingly, but in the sneaky, scraping-through, abject, shambling sort of way that he gets through life – not gracious, not heroic, but it works for him.  On Monday, 201 cowardly, self-preserving toadies gave him their support in a vote of confidence and although 40% of the Parliamentary Party voted to show him the door, he remains Prime Minister, insisting, as miscreants always do, that we should put all the bad stuff – his bad stuff -behind us and stride forward into the sunlit uplands of post-Brexit, post-COVID, cost-of-living-going-through-the-roof Britain. The 1922 committee had barely disassembled when the lies began to roll out like waves crashing on a beach. It had been a great victory for him, this bollocks peddled by the same people who had sneered at Theresa May only a few years earlier when she survived a similar vote of confidence with more votes than he received. A puce-faced army type called Adam Holloway MP, of whose existence WTF had been happily unaware, appeared on Newsnight to blame the BBC for its biased coverage  and alleged that the producers had deliberately chosen pictures which made the Prime Minister look like a deranged axe murderer. Did we not know that Boris had done brilliantly during lockdown, but he had nearly died and that he had had a baby? And he had single-handedly kept Ukraine going. By Tuesday, the Daily Mail and others were busily blaming the national broadcaster for setting out to destroy that upstanding occupant of 10 Downing St. One headline read ‘From cocaine smears to Hannibal Lecter pictures, Boris Johnson never stood a chance thanks to the biased BBC and a political establishment determined to politically assassinate the Prime Minister who delivered Brexit’. WTF hardly knew whether to be more disgusted by the preposterous dishonesty of the journalist, a former editor of The Sun for God’s sake, or by the split infinitive. At this point the journalistic ethics of Pravda and Russia Today were looking good in comparison…..

Meanwhile it is full steam ahead, where new policies are released into the stratosphere like helium balloons floating as if at some fair. He had to do something to distract us from those members of his party who had given him the bird, not to mention those members of the public who had booed him on the steps of Saint Paul’s.  On Thursday Johnson announced a new scheme to allow people to buy their homes using some sort of state benefits. When pressed for the  details of this scheme, both Johnson and Therese Coffey, the Welfare Secretary, were somewhat short on specifics. No, they couldn’t give a number for how many people this would apply to. No, they did not have an agreement with any of the building societies or banks about mortgages. But it would be absolutely tops! And they are also working very hard on a new Bill to allow them to break the Northern Ireland Protocol on the grounds that it is jolly unfair and should never have been entered into, despite the fact that they were the ones who negotiated it, signed it, lauded it, and told us that it was oven ready. Oh and Deputy Prime Minister Dominic Raab is shortly to give us his Bill of Rights which will stop pesky left-wing lawyers in their tracks. As for minor concerns like heating, eating and finding a hundred quid to fill the car, there is no time for those trifling matters at the moment…. There are dead cats to be bounced all over Westminster.

**************************************************************

We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with diva Diana Ross at the Queen’s Jubilee Concert wearing black and white. A lot of black and white…..


And here is actor Jack Black at an event in the US wearing more black and white. A lot of black and white.

WTF has no idea whether Jack and Diana know each other, but it seems a coincidence that they chose to appear in public in the same week both dressed as giant pandas.

Another badly dressed man, actor Jeff Goldblum, at the premiere of Jurassic Park Dominion, wearing Prada.

Those are truly terrible trousers, like a pair of badly-fitting pyjama bottoms. The jacket is fine but what is he wearing underneath it? It appears to be a Liquorice Allsorts wrapper. He looks like a game show host, and that is not a complement.

To the MTV awards in California where we find young actress Sydney Sweeney also wearing Prada.

Those of you who paid attention during religious studies classes will recall the story of Jacob and his hirsute brother Esau. Their father Isaac preferred Esau who was into hunting and such, where as Jacob was more of a mother’s boy. Rebekah, for it is she, encouraged Jacob to trick his father, who was old, ill and blind, into blessing him as the eldest. Jacob said “Behold, my brother Esau is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man. Perhaps my father will feel me, and I shall seem to be mocking him and bring a curse upon myself and not a blessing.”  But Rebekah dressed him up in his brother’s clothes and  “the skins of the young goats she put on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck”. Isaac was duly fooled. Young Sydney seems to have borrowed Rebekah’s hairy goatskin and worn it as a Minge Moment skirt.

And now we have actor and Instagram person Chasity Saunders wearing Pretty Little Thing. Brace yourself….

Blimey. It’s a bikini and a couple of very laddered pairs of tights made into an alleged skirt. The bra top is struggling to contain her embonpoint, which, to be frank, would be better served by a pair of flying buttresses.

And lastly from the MTV Awards, meet comedian Meg Stalter wearing a vintage Jean Paul Gaultier corset over a slip dress. Warning. THIS IS BAD!

WTF speculated on whether the outfit was part of Meg’s act but concluded that it was not. She then wondered whether Meg was dressed as a Parisian floozie from a Toulouse Lautrec painting but dismissed that idea as well. Finally, she asked herself when she had last seen a worse outfit – and gave up.

She’s back! WTF speaks of singer Mary J Blige wearing Gaurav Gupta at the Time 100 Awards.

Mary appears to be drowning in a heart-shaped sea of snot. And no, you’re not getting a picture…..

Rounding it off, with the tackiness that only she can bring when she puts her mind to it, WTF gives you Jennifer Lopez wearing Tom Ford. Tom Ford!!!! O.M.G.

On seeing this picture of JLo, WTF, who is a battle-hardened veteran of exposure to tits and arse, emitted a squawk  like an anxious patriot with serious anxiety issues, and kept on squawking, causing great alarm to her neighbours. No! NO! NO!!!!!!!!!!  If Minnie Mouse went to a fancy dress party as a Minge Moment this is what she would look like…..

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who was outraged by the abject policing of the Champions League in Paris last month, when innocent fans were pepper-sprayed and teargassed for no other reason than they were Scousers and the gendarmes were totally rubbish. 

But she is even more outraged by the conduct of Paris Police Commissioner Didier Lallement, who had to admit yesterday that er,  maybe the police had overreacted and that er, maybe there was not a mass ticket fraud and that er, “I am well aware that people of good faith were gassed, and I am totally sorry for that, but I repeat, there was no other way.” Actually, matey, there was. You could have done your fucking job properly. You’ve Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep the comments coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Dominic Raab, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, MTV Movie and TV Awards, Politics, The Queen, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Jubilee Special

Hallo Readers,

Happy Jubilee, your Majesty. Seventy years is a very long time, seven decades of taking tea with boring bishops and pompous politicians and well-meaning members of the public, sniffing new paint fumes wherever your go, drinking endless cups of tea and making small talk of balls-aching banality. The Israelites wandered through the desert with nothing but manna to sustain them for 40 years. Current policy means that you have been there for about three life sentences and you are  still going, perhaps not as strong, but going nonetheless, determined to see it through and, one suspects, to last as long as possible so thwart the expectations of Prince Charles.

During your time, you have gone from Winston Churchill to Anthony Eden to Harold Macmillan to Alec Douglas Home to Harold Wilson to Edward Heath to Harold Wilson again to James Callaghan to Margaret Thatcher to John Major to Tony Blair to Gordon Brown to David Cameron to Theresa May and God help us all to Boris bloody Johnson. If there were ever a case of from Hyperion to a satyr, this is it. Frankly, you have to live longer if only to ensure  that your last Prime Minister is not a lying, unprincipled scoundrel, surrounded by fools, toadies and more fools, a man whose only instinct is to stay in situ as long as possible whilst flouting every concept of decency and honour. Have you not suffered enough of late? You have lost her husband.  You have seen the country ravaged by Covid. You have had Covid. Your son has turned out to be, at best, a nonce’s friend. Your grandson has buggered off to California, sold his soul to Oprah Winfrey and succumbed to therapy-speak and other new-age nonsense. Your legs have obviously either packed up or are about to pack up, although at 96, how long were they going to leave it? And now, you are forced to take tea every Tuesday with a charlatan with stupid hair whose staff partied like it was 1999 the night before you buried your husband. It is lucky that you are so stoic. A lesser woman would have locked herself in Balmoral with corgis at the door baring their corgi teeth at anyone daring to approach ….

Anyway. Once again, congratulations Your Majesty. Anyone under 70 has never known any other Monarch. In you they got a good one, diligent and dutiful. Put your feet up and enjoy a glass of wine while everyone else has to endure the alleged Jubilee treats ahead. The service at St Paul’s complete with wittering commentary. The God-Awful concert in your honour full of has- beens nearly as old as you are. Stay in and play with the doggies, cuddle your great grandchildren and practice saying No to Prince Andrew. Have a great weekend.

***************************************************************

We start our review of their week’s clothing crapulence with actor Olivia deJonge  at the London premiere of Elvis, in which she plays Priscilla Presley. She is wearing Jonathan Simkhai.

That is one of the problems with satin – it clings. And in Olivia’s case, it clings to her rib cage so that it looks as if she has grown a second pair of tits, although one pair is usually deemed sufficient, and an extra nose (ditto). Meanwhile those sleeves are the pits, making her look as if someone has attacked her and tried to wrench them off. If they ever make a movie about a young Nicole Kidman, Olivia has the role sewn up. Which is more than one can say for her sleeves…..

Here we have model Gigi Hadid out and about in New York wearing a swimsuit by Frankie’s Bikinis (£220), trousers and a straitjacket.

The question is why? WHY? It is a cute swimsuit. On a beach it would be lovely. But not in NYC with trousers at crotch level and a straitjacket…..

Next up, we have model Natasha Poly wearing Dundas at the amFAR Gala in Cannes.

Oh, for Heaven’s sake. She is wearing a hammock. With hammock booties. Why even wear anything at all? Just. Go. Away.

Model Soo Joo Park attended the same gala, wearing Loewe.

Emma Corrin wore a similarly stupid dress at the BAFTAS. First, we had Natasha wearing a hammock and now we have Soo wearing tit goggles. Will our next woman be dressed as an ice cream cone? Stay tuned…

No ice cream cone. Instead, we have very pregnant model Adriana Lima dressed as a belly dancer and wearing Nicolas Lebrun.

And not just a belly dancer, but a belly dancer with groin-a-go-go and built-in fanny flap. This is Adriana’s second appearance in as many weeks. Before that she last appeared in this blog as a contender in the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2013. So sad. Like an alcoholic lapsing after years of abstinence…..

Away from Cannes, we find actor Sofia Carson wearing Giambattista Valli.

Why is this even happening? If a puffball mushroom went to a fancy dress party as a clown, this is what it would look like.

           

 

And finally, we have bolted-out-of-nowhere actor Julia Fox wearing Sia.

Hands up who would like to see Julia in a tee shirt and high rise jeans? WTF has both hands up in the air – and her legs. Admittedly Julia has a banging body, but we’ve seen it. Ad nauseam. There is always so much of it on show, it is simply exhausting. Tits. Midriff. The whole nine yards. On this occasion, Julia has taken a sleeping bag, cut a hole in it, the better to flash her bits and pieces, and called it an outfit. It is time for Julia to stay indoors……

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, WTF from Islington who has fled the country rather than have to endure a weekend of  bollocks from so-called “Royal Experts”. What do you have to do to become a Royal Expert? Apart from reading the trashy press and affecting a posh accent and a knowledge of things you in fact know nothing about?  They know nothing while appearing to know everything, as if any of it even matters. Get them off. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep the comments coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hallo Readers,

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

WTF Sue Gray Special

Hallo Readers,

Is he sorry? Is he hell. But then in Boris Johnson’s mind what does he have to be sorry about? Yes, he popped in to party after party, not that they were parties, and yes he had a drink and made speeches and hobnobbed with staff, but these were all work dos. And not only were they work dos, not parties, but he was obligated to attend them as part of his role in leading the country. Because nothing says leadership in the middle of a pandemic more than drinking a glass of bubbly while toasting operatives who have been driven out of the building because they hated his wife as much as she hated them. And Readers, do not forget! They were working very hard at Downing Street and so they deserved to let their hair down. Much more than doctors and nurses and bus drivers and shop workers, who were just larking about….

WTF does not get how on earth anyone managed to do any work at all at Number 10. It seems that staff were either recovering from the party, not that it was a party, the night before, or running out to Tesco to stock up for the next party, not that it was a party, or queuing up at Marks and Spencer, no doubt in a socially distanced way, to acquire snacks for the said parties, not that they were parties, or side-stepping piles of vomit on the carpet, or rolling around drunk in the garden having broken Wilfred Johnson’s swing, or insulting the cleaning staff who had to mop up the said vomit, not to mention the red wine splashed on the wallpaper, or telling security staff to fuck right off in response to the suggestion that maybe they should not be partying in the middle of a pandemic. The place made Benidorm look like a branch of the Temperance Society…..

All this was documented by Sue Gray in her report except, puzzlingly, the so-called “strategy meeting” held by Mrs Johnson in the Downing St flat on the night Dominic Cumming left the building for the last time. As the only strategies Mrs Johnson seems to engage in are getting rid of her husband’s staff and spending other people’s money on wallpaper, the explanation for the raison d’etre of this gathering seems, to put it politely, unlikely. Nor was it clear why the strategising took place to the sound of ABBA warbling on about Waterloo and Dancing Queens. But what she did find demonstrates that just like Johnson himself, Number 10 was a bubbling cauldron of booze, bad behaviour, boorishness, bull-shittery and a complete disregard for the rules he had set and for the mugs across the country who followed them in the misguided belief that this was the right thing to do. And just as it was no surprise that the Prime Minister has fashioned his home and the people who work in it in his own image, it is no surprise that he holds himself responsible for none of it and has no intention of resigning, any more than it is no surprise that craven Tory MPs will stick to him like shit to a blanket in order to hang on to their seats….

***************************************************************

We begin our review of the week’s clothing comedy with celebritee Kourtney Kardashian and her spouse, musician Travis Barker, both wearing Dolce & Gabbana at their wedding in Portofino.

There is something fundamentally wrong when the train uses about ten times as much material as the dress. Not that this is a dress; rather it is the lovechild of a corset and a truss, complete with Imminent Minge Moment and lacy faux pubes. Not to mention that it is far too short. And the back is worse……

This is an arse flap. She was standing in front of a high altar with a gilded Madonna and another embroidered Madonna on her veil, taking her sacred vows while wearing an arse flap. What. The. Actual.Fuck?

This is actor Lucien Laviscount, wearing Dior at the Dior Menswear Show in Venice Beach, California.

He is very handsome but he seems to be dressed as a member of the peasant chorus in Don Giovanni plotting revenge for the seduction of Zerlina.

To the Cannes Film Festival, where we encounter pregnant model Adriana Lima, wearing Balmain.

No sooner are we spared further sightings of Rihanna’s baby bump, (she had a healthy boy last week), another one is wheeled out for us to gaze upon. This was not a mantle that Adriana needed to pick up, although frankly she would have done better to pick up a mantle and wrap it around her middle. Instead Balmain designed this foulness especially for her. WTF shuddered and then shuddered some more and she is still shuddering. A few years ago, motorist Grant Parker was driving his car along the road in York when it sank into a giant pothole. Grant’s hairless pate emerging from the said pothole bears a striking similarity to Adriana’s bump emerging darkly from her midriff…..

Next up, we have actor Isabelle Huppert. wearing Balenciaga.

Whoever thought of this trend deserves a slap. If a leprechaun went to a fancy dress party as the Turin Shroud, this is what it would look like. And her shoes are too big.

Meet newcomer to these pages, actor Edgar Ramirez, wearing Louis Vuitton.

These are pyjamas. Louis Vuitton pyjamas, yes, but as Juliet almost remarked, that which we call pyjamas by any other name would smell as sweet. He could have gone to Boden and saved himself a fortune.

Oh here she comes. Pointless socialite Lady Victoria Hervey always pops up on the Cannes Red Carpet wearing something frightful and this year is no exception. 

Whenever WTF sees Lady Victoria, she concludes that Robespierre had a point. Lady V has two points, both of which she flashes with monotonous regularity, as in this thing showing most of her,  save for  a pair of very ugly panties. The whole look is reminiscent of the King of Nineveh, who, on hearing from Jonah that the Lord was about to destroy his City because of its inhabitants’ general naughtiness ” arose from his throne, and he laid his robe from him, and covered him with sackcloth, and sat in ashes”.

And now we are going very scatalogical. First up is model Jeanne Cadieu and her partner, actor Jake Gyllenhaal.

That is not a bodice. That is a monkey’s arsehole. And she has silver foil around her ankles.

And next, away from Cannes, we have a very silly person, Selling Sunset’s Christine Quinn, parading around LA wearing Balenciaga.

It is that stupid tights-over-shoes thing again, as worn by Isabelle on the Red Carpet, but at least Isabelle’s was (i) a fetching shade of green and (ii) covered, at least in part, by a dress. This is turd-coloured and it literally looks like shit.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, nay stalwart, Yvonne from Jedburgh who brought this revolting tweet to her attention.
Jonty Campbell, for it is he, is not just a disgusting sleazebag but he is also a wannabe Tory Councillor and the Deputy Chair of the Preston Conservatives. Fortunately the voters of  Preston had enough sense not to vote him into office. It is to be hoped that Tory Central Office will ensure he is let nowhere near an official meeting ever again. He’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep the comments coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Dominic Cummings, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Partygate, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Them and Us Special

Hallo Readers,

It does appear that there really are two sorts of people in this country. Not the haves and the have-nots, but Them and Us. Them are the ones who get away with everything, regardless of how heinous their conduct is. Take for example the Prime Minister who appears to have been able to attend parties, not that they were parties, and yet escaped the fines doled out to those who did attend parties, not  that there were parties, even though they were mostly the same parties. It seems that there were lines across the room, like the border in the Irish Sea, so that you can be on one side of the line and not be at a party, not that is it is a party, or on the other side of the line and have to pay £50 for being at a party which was a party after all. I mean, how does that even happen? Either it’s a party where nobody should have been or it’s a party where everyone should have been. But somehow these were both and neither, depending  on whether you had the initials MP after your name.

And then there is the little matter of those people who cannot afford simultaneously to put the oven on to feed their family and to feed their family, and those people who berate the people who cannot afford simultaneously to put the oven on to feed their family and to feed their family. George Eustace, Secretary of State for Agriculture, tells people who cannot afford to feed themselves properly to buy supermarket own brands rather than brand brands, as if the people living on a fixed budget had not thought of that particular saving themselves. And  Rachel MacLean, the Safeguarding Minister, who came up with a particularly brilliant ruse to earn more money. Get a better job! Do more hours! You have to be a real genius to think of that one. WTF fully expects Ms McLean to be shaking hands with the King of Sweden when he dishes out next year’s Nobel Prize for Economics.  And Tory MP Lee Anderson, a card-carrying idiot, who thinks that the problem is that families do not know how to knock up a plate of nutritious deliciousness for 30 pence.  Oh and do not forget old Etonian, hedge-fund-owning Jacob Rees-Mogg, aptly described by Keir Starmer this week as an overgrown prefect, who dismissed the concept of a windfall tax on oil companies “as waving a magic wand”.

These people just don’t get it. And more worrying is the fact that they don’t get that they don’t get it. Even more worrying than that is the idea but they think that they do get it. We are one of the wealthiest countries in the world but a growing number of people are faced with the appalling prospect of not being able to pay their bills, even though one or both of the household are in work. And whilst the Government tells us they are concerned, they don’t appear to be either willing or able to do a thing about it. Shame on them. And shame on us for tolerating it.

************************************************************

We devote this week’s review of the week’s fashion fiascos to the Billboard Awards in Las Vegas, starting with country singer Lainey Wilson wearing Cat O’Nine.

Could this be any more unflattering? Those trousers look like legs of lamb wrapped in foil and ready for the oven and the Ukrainian-coloured corsage has nothing to do with anything else, not even at all. She also appears to have no feet.

Next up we have celebritee and mega-makeup-billionairess Kylie Jenner wearing Balmain.

It is an illusion dress although it is more of a delusion dress. Her tits look awfully lop-sided, as if the cameraman were pissed or she were listing like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.  Or both.

And now a gruesome twosome in the form of actor Megan Fox wearing David Koma…..

…followed by her fiancé, singer Machine Gun Kelly wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

What is it with these two? She is as trashy as hell, all tits and bits, while he has come dressed as a spiny echidna. As a way of warding off groupies and journalists, it has some merits, but is it even legal? He is a walking offensive weapon.

Rapper Doja Kat, wearing Schiaparelli. 

More spikes. Dangerous place, the Billboard Awards. It is amazing that anyone got out of the room with both their eyes intact. WTF deplores nipple pasties almost above all things, and the footwear is downright creepy…..

Rapper Megan Thee Stallion, wearing Mugler.

This is basically a bikini and Minge Moment skirt, complete with groin gap and a tabby’s tail with a mind of its own.

Singer Mary J Blige, wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

Oh Mary! No. Just no. Please stop. If you have cleavage and torso on display, spare us the slit skirt with a This-Way-To-My-Minge arrow.

Rapper Burna Boy wearing Gerrit Jacob.

This is unpleasant, like the album cover from King Crimson In the Court of the Crimson King and the exposed zip is a whole It’s Got to Go all on its own.

And finally, here is actress Dove Cameron wearing Ashlyn.

Dove has now made it into the fashion flotsam twice in a fortnight. Last week was bad but this is worse, because it looks as if she has been eviscerated, and those weird lines are like the marks they draw on your body when you are about to have plastic surgery. Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF mega-aficionado Leslie from Lisson Green, supported, one suspects, by 99.99999% of the public, who is aghast at  the Rebekah Vardy libel claim against Colleen Rooney. People cannot afford to put the hot water on and these two vacuous bimbos are chucking money about like a drunk with no armsLeslie says “Well, entertaining as it was in the beginning (handbags at dawn etc…) the Vardy v Rooney shit show has surely run its course? This is not an issue for the High Gourt, it’s surely a waste of court time, (considerable) money, and an insult to our judicial system. The Jeremy Kyle Show. That’s the place for this, sandwiched in between Loose Women and Come Dine With Me”. He is so right. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Last week your messages made happy so please keep them coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in Billboard Music Awards, Boris Johnson, Colleen Rooney, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Jamie Vardy, Keir Starmer, Partygate, Politics, Rebekah Vardy, Uncategorized, Wagatha Christie, WAGs, Wayne Rooney, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Beergate Special

Hallo Readers,

And so we stagger on in the long-running Whitehall farce that is Partygate. WTF cannot even be bothered to go back over the bollocks meted out to the British people where every day some hapless Minister, on the pain of being demoted to the backroom  role in the Northern Irish Office, is wheeled out to deflect any probing questions with a lot of waffle about vaccine rollouts and fanciful assertions about various statistical benefits over other G7 countries. But then The Mail on Sunday,  which has returned to fully feral mode, charged to the rescue with allegations that Keir Starmer was just as bad, if not worse, than the Tory lot, because he had consumed a beer and a curry one night in April 2021 with his fellow canvassers during a bye-election in Hartlepool and had scheduled that dinner! So far, no one appears to have identified any actual law  that Starmer is alleged to have broken, but no matter – he was officially branded a wrong’un. And he was a hypocrite! To which WTF feels compelled to point out that (a) if hypocrisy were a crime, you would need to build a lot of new prisons and (b) he would only be a hypocrite if he had actually done the same thing he had accused Johnson of doing, to whit breaking the law and then lying to Parliament about having broken the law – in Johnson’s case, both true. However, these distinctions did not trouble the Daily Mail and the Mail on Sunday  and the Daily Express and the dimmer-than-a dead-lightbulb host of Sunday Morning, Sophie Raworth, and the ghastly Tory Shills on LBC like Andrew Pierce who, coincidentally, is Associate Editor of the Daily Mail. All they could all talk about was that Starmer had necked down a bottle of Heineken and a Chicken Korma in the company of people with whom he had been working all day and who, according to Starmer, carried on working afterwards. Which is  a lot more credible that Johnson’s assertions that he had stayed at various parties, not that he knew that they were parties, for a few minutes before retuning to work, given that everyone knows that he is a lazy as hell and does not read his briefs- instead, he was probably discussing wallpaper with his interior decorator or phoning up some Tory donor for a sub. 

As Starmer had demanded that Johnson should resign because he was the first PM to be under investigation for breaking the laws he had drafted, the Shills demanded that Starmer should resign as he was now under investigation himself by the Durham Constabulary, which had previously declared that no offence had been committed and which also failed to prosecute Johnson’s former consigliere Dominic Cummings for driving  round the county in order to check that his eyesight  – something which could at best be deemed to be a high risk strategy. The Shills were therefore somewhat confounded when Starmer then agreed to resign were he adjudged to have broken the law (as did his deputy Angela Rayner who had apparently also been present, although it had previously been denied). At which point the Shills waxed indignant and accused Starmer of putting pressure on the police. Heads we win, tails you lose.  Simples.

That the right wing press are liars is of no surprise to any sentient being, but even by their own subterranean standards, this seems to be a case not so much of scraping the barrel as shredding it. Eating dinner brought into the office where people were working is not analogous to sixteen knees-ups held a year earlier when people were dying like flies while workers  quaffed wine trundled into no 10 in wheelie bags and held farewell parties and ‘thank-the-Lord-Cummings-has-gone’ parties (one hosted by Johnson’s wife in Johnson’s flat) and Christmas parties and birthday parties and ‘oh-it’s-sunny’ parties and ran around the garden pissed as farts and breaking Wilfrid Johnson’s swing. But then truth has long since left both no 10 and the Houses of Parliament.

************************************************************

We start our review of the week’s clothing comedies on the set of American Idol where we find one of the judges, singer Katy Perry.

Katy seems to have left the dressing room in her undergarments. Was there a fire alarm? There is a lot of dangle…..

And here is former Pussycat Doll  and all-purpose celebritee Kimberly Wyatt at some drinks event wearing who can even say what this is?

Over the years WTF has featured a LOT of deeply dodgy denim and this one is right up there, a bralet under a straitjacket and a skirt with full Minge Access. Kill me now.

We are now at the GLAAD Gala in New York, where actor Dove Cameron was attending, wearing Louis Vuitton.

If a dove went to a bondage party which was raided by the police and it hid in a pile of corrugated candy-coloured cardboard, this is what it would look like.

To Miami, where racing driver Sir Lewis Hamilton turned up in the paddock wearing head to-toe- shocking pink Valentino. With the emphasis on shocking.

Valentino has pink-bombed the catwalk and every woman and man on the red carpet has been pictured in it. One is only surprised that Lewis’s pet pooch Roscoe has not been seen sporting it. As for Lewis, he looks like he is guest starring in Scrubs. The pink trainers were, to put it mildly, overkill. In fact they had sped past overkill some miles back and are now racing towards For Fuck’s Sake.

This is actor Tiffany Haddish wearing Dolce & Gabbana at the premiere of Doctor Strange – Multiverse of Madness. More pink. Scroll down slowly….

Why is this even happening? The whole thing is far too Lady Penelope but her Ladyship would have opted for one or the other of shorts or trousers and stuck to it. As Lady Bracknell would say ‘This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd’

And now to the BAFTA TV Awards director in London where we come across actor Ncuti Gatwa,  the new Doctor Who, wearing Orange Culture Nigeria.

Frankly, this is more a case of Doctor Why? Quite apart from the unfortunate trompe l’oeil reflection of the strips, which makes Ncuti appear to be wearing no trousers (he is, he is), he looks like the lovechild of a tit window and a whip.

We welcome back Olympic gold medallist diver Tom Daley wearing Bethany Williams.

This deeply puzzling garment seems to have been constructed from a My Little Pony beach towel.

And finally here is Small Axe director Steve McQueen wearing something extremely strange.

Why is Steve dressed as a Fruit Ninja?

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Tom Laidlaw who sent in this picture, having discovered it through the tweet of  author and historian Jessie Childs who herself saw the dress in question in Selfridges. Selfridges!!!! It is by Jean Paul Gaultier and it costs £501.

Tom asks ‘What in the name of all that’s holy is this?  It’s Got to Go’. Agreed. Especially when WTF tells Tom and others that the back of the dress has, um, the back view…..

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Last week there were oodles of messages and it made WTF happier than a happy thing on happy pills, so keep them coming, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Angela Rayner, Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Dominic Cummings, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Keir Starmer, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Super-Gigantic Tenth Birthday Special

Hallo Readers,

It is WTF’s tenth birthday and it has been one hell of a ride. Over the past decade, the clothes have got sillier and the world has got worse. Since 2012, we have gone through Brexit and Trump and Boris Johnson, Covid and Ukraine. Syria, Afghanistan and Iraq have all fallen into chaos. Innocent citizens have been murderously attacked on London and Westminster Bridges. And now comes another assault on liberty in the unsavoury shape of a leaked draft judgment from the US Supreme Court preparing to overturn Roe v Wade, the case which almost fifty years ago established the right for women to terminate their pregnancies safely in a clinic and avoid the fates of those women who in the past were forced to resort to backstreet abortions and who either died or came damn close.

Given the makeup of the court, with its majority of right wing, religious fanatics, it was hardly surprising that it seized upon the chance to hold that Roe was not only not settled law but was bad law. It is one of the ironies of politics that Donald Trump, who has fathered five children by three different wives, a licentious, irresponsible, self-righteous ball of orange blubber, should have come to power on the back of the Christian vote and the promise that if they were to support him, he would ensure the end of Roe. Anyone with one functioning brain cell could see that his three appointees, Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh and Amy Coney Barratt, were selected to kill off Roe. Sadly for American womanhood, Senator Susan Collins from Maine and Senator Lisa Murkowski from Alaska, both supporters of the right to choose, were off school with a note from their mothers on the day they were due to learn about common sense and judgement of character. And so it was that both of them accepted the assurances from candidates that they would not disturb Roe. But then it was Senator Collins who, after much handwringing, voted to acquit Trump on the first impeachment on the grounds that he had ‘learned his lesson’. (To be fair, she and Murkowski did vote to impeach second time round). Einstein said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Or as Lady Bracknell might have said, to accept assurances from one fanatical Christian right wing Donald Trump judicial nominee is a misfortune; twice looks like carelessness. Senators Collins and Murkowski are now expressing astonishment that they might not have been told the truth. In other news, bears shit in the woods.

In a month or two, when the final judgment is handed down, the Supreme Court will turn America into Gilead, where twenty or more Republican states, in a horrifying version of life imitating art, will force women to bear children they do not want, in many cases even if they are pregnant as a result of rape or incest, unless they are able to find the money to travel to a Democrat state or are willing to risk the backstreet abortionists. What is next for the chop? Do you think this lot will just stop here? Do you think that they will long tolerate gay marriage and gay adoption? Senators Murkowski and Collins, take a bow and then go and stand in the corner with your dunce’s hats…

****************************************************************

On this birthday, it is more than fitting that we have a mega-bumper-deluxe-super-special selection of sartorial shite from the 2022 Met Gala in New York, where the theme – not often adhered to – was the Gilded Age.  We startwith celebritee Kourtney Kardashian and new husband musician Travis Barker  arriving at an afterparty. She is wearing Thom Browne.

Having bra kkups is all well and good but the point of a bra kkup is that it is supposed to encase all, or at least a large proportion, of the contents. We can therefore say with some certainty that these kkups are way too small for Kourtney’s squished embonpoint, while the skirt is a Minge Moment waiting to happen. As for Travis, he l0oks like he is ready to shake his maracas in a Benidorm nightclub and he appears to be wearing a lamb chop frill as a teeshirt.

Model and new wifey  Nicole Peltz Beckham, wearing Valentino. 

Valentino has gone all in on the Lady Penelope pink this season, which is fine, but this dress is objectionable because a) there seems to be a total absence of underwear and b) there is a gaping tit gateway. And those shoes are like kinky horses’ hooves.

Very rich divorcée Wendi Deng Murdoch, wearing Giambattista Valli.

In the past few weeks WTF has brought you parrotcide and muppetcide. This seems to be flamingocide.

Model and actor Evan Mock, wearing Head of State.,

If a butter pat went to a fancy dress party as a medieval pageboy, this is what it would look like.

Actor Louisa Jacobson, wearing Schiaparelli.

WTF loved Louisa (younger daughter of Meryl Streep) in The Gilded Age but she does not love her in this. Whether that is an actual Minge Moment or a virtual one under the waist ruff, it is deeply unnerving and one is looking at a mound of something that should not definitely not be on show. WTF is also worried that Louisa is about to poke someone’s eyes out with all that cornicing on her chest and arms and she looks like a frothy rocket that has just been launched.

Actor Gemma Chan, wearing Louis Vuitton.

This presumably is based on the notion of the structured skirt from The Gilded Age but in this case, Gemma seems to be standing in a large hatbox embroidered with velvet knobbly bits. And she is wearing the sort of bed jacket your nan wore  when she retired to bed to ease her bunions and save on the heating bills….

Film producer Franklin Leonard, wearing who can say what this is?

Rather than stand in a hatbox, like Gemma, Franklin is sitting on one…. and gentlemen of that era did not have phones in their pockets. At least, one hopes that it is a phone…..

Celebritee La La Anthony, wearing LaQuan Smith.

She has a jewelled frisbee on her head and is exhibiting a good deal of spilth around the hip area like a burst plum… 

Rapper Future (né Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn), wearing Boss.

If only he were Past. The Artful Dodger has lost his trousers. And WTF hates a tattooed leg almost above all things…..

Model Cara Delevigne wearing Dior and her own tits.

You’ve heard of Putting on the Ritz? This is Putting on the Tits.

Actor Tommy Dorfman (she/her), wearing Christopher Kane.

No. NO. Tommy seems to be melting in a sea of peekaboo plastic slime…..

And now two horrors from Burberry. First, rapper Bad Bunny.

Why Bad Bunny is dressed as a Victorian schoolmarm in a burlap sack is a mystery right up there with the Bermuda Triangle and why Boris Johnson is still in no 10……

More Burberry horror with rapper Nicki Minaj.

If a Hell’s Angel with giant knockers crashed into a pen of black poultry, this is what he/she/they would look like.

Model Kendall Jenner wearing Miu Miu underwear at an after party.


This falls squarely into the category of That’s Not Even Clothes.  I mean, why bother? That said, Kendall looks positively overdressed in comparison to fellow model Bella Hadid, wearing Dilara Findikoglu.

Bella had better be careful or she will strangle herself with her own tit harness.

And finally, Swedish self-styled ‘Creative Director’  (nope, me neither) and fashionista Fredrik Robertsson, wearing Iris van Herpen.

Do not adjust your eyeballs…this is not Jared Leto but he is certainly a Jared Leto lookalikey with more than a touch of the late lamented Kenny Everett, going through a metamorphosis from human to bird. Or perhaps from bird to human. It is not easy to tell…. either way, he is showing a great deal of pasty chest like an undercooked Victoria sponge.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There is no room for It’s Got To Go this week, but do not neglect your excellent suggestions for the coming weeks. And your trenchant comments. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Abortion, Boris Johnson, Brett Kavanaugh, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, London Bridge, Met Gala 2022, Politics, Uncategorized, Westminster Attack, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

WTF Freddie Filth MP Special

Hallo Readers,

Over the years the esteem  in which the public holds Members of Parliament has become less and less reverential.  Heaven knows, there have been many low points recently including  Wallpapergate and Partygate. But this week we reached the nadir with Wankgate when we learned that a Tory MP was sitting on the benches in the House of Commons glued to his screen of his mobile phone watching porn. With what he was glued WTF would rather not speculate. Now, it is true that much parliamentary business is as dull as ditch water. The complexities of clause 299(1)(b)(ii) of the Ways and Means (Sewerage and Waste)(Yorkshire) Bill is not as much fun as watching a man with a huge dick pretending to be a plumber and giving the full service to some titsy blonde in her scanties, whilst she encourages him on with monotone exclamations of ‘ride me big boy’ and ‘ooh, that’s nice’. Nevertheless, there is a time and place for such entertainment and the Chamber of the House of Commons is neither the time nor the place. A few years ago, Damian Green MP, then a Government bigwig, was forced to step down from his post when saucy stuff was discovered on his work laptop. But at least that was in the privacy of his office rather than on the leather benches of the Mother of Parliaments. In contrast, Freddie Filth MP subjected not only himself, but his colleagues, to an eyeful, rather than furthering the interests of the constituents whom he was elected to serve.

Elsewhere in parliament it turns out that 53 MPs including three Cabinet ministers, two shadow ministers and sundry others are facing complaints of sexual harassment, while an unnamed Tory MP was busy suggesting to the Mail on Sunday that the deputy leader of the Labour Party, Angela Rayner MP, was not only as rough as a bear’s arse and an unmarried mother (Carrie Johnson, anyone?) but had resorted to emulating Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct and flashing her minge at the Prime Minister to put him off his superior Oxbridge debating skills at the despatch box. One does not know whom to despise more – the sexist scumbag who fed the story to the Mail on Sunday, the newspaper for printing it, the editor Dave Dillon for refusing a summons to meet the Speaker of the House on the purported  grounds of freedom of the press or ghastly Daily Mail columnist Sarah Vine, the former Mrs Michael Gove, for claiming that Rayner should be jolly flattered by the suggestion that her female allure could distract the self-proclaimed saviour of Ukraine and the Man Who Got Brexit Done.

Rounding off the week, we had Johnson and Matt Hancock excoriated in the High Court for sending elderly and vulnerable people into care homes where they perished from COVID at the height of the pandemic. Thousands of them. Dumb and Dumber responded by lying through their teeth and suggesting that they had had absolutely no idea that there was any risk of asymptomatic transmission, despite being advised of that very possibility by their own Government Medical Officer and countless boffins who had raised this issue. Readers, you will not be surprised to hear that neither of them has stepped down. Nor is there any possibility that they will do so, given that the only thing that matters now in politics is keeping your bum on the seat and hoping the public will forget how horrible and useless you really are….

*****************************************************************

We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with actor Alysia Reiner at the premiere of HBO’s We Own This City. No one has owned up to designing this outfit. Good call. Scroll down slowly…

Alysia, whom you will recognise from Orange Is The Only Black, seems to be dressed as Ghandi in a sprigged dhoti. Even little Justin Bieber does not wear his crotch that low…

Next we are in London at the BAFTA Craft Awards, where we encounter writer Russell T Davies.

Russell is a good writer but even his most fevered Dr Who imagination could not have conjured up more terrible trousers. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE TROUSERS? They have taken on a life of their own, billowing in all directions like a fleet of ships lost on a storm-tossed sea. And they are paired with a tightly buttoned overcoat like Reggie and Ronnie Kray on a day trip to Clacton with their old mum….

Here we are in California with glamour model and personalitee Demi Rose wearing Shein.

It is not just that a horse’s tail has landed on her head and that she is wearing ridiculous ombre boots like an extra from Better Call Saul. It is not even that radio handbag. It is the fact that she is dressed as one of the Tiller Girls, a group of dancers that used to perform in synchronisation on Sunday Night At the London Palladium in the 1950s and early 1960s in a more gentle and decorous period of TV entertainment.

We are in Leicester Square for the premiere of Downton Abbey – The New Era, aka Let’s trot out more old bollocks and laugh all the way to the bank. Actor Laura Carmichael aka Lady Edith is wearing Giambattista Valli Couture.

It is so droopy and so horribly unflattering. It is as if she is cocooned in sheets wound randomly around her person…..

 

Another Laura, actor Laura Haddock who is new to the cast list, as Lady Whatnot wearing Prada.

Last week WTF introduced you to the notion of parrotcide, where innocent parrots are stripped of their feathers to adorn dresses for big nights out. Now we have Muppetcide in the former form of Maurice the Muppet, now sadly gone to Heaven in the name of fashion. RIP Maurice… you are now reduced to a minge fringe like extra fluffy pubes.

Here we are at model Gigi Hadid‘s 27th birthday party in New York City. She is wearing Dion Lee.

This is a white lace peignoir worn over a nappy and a see-through trouser. Loyal Readers will know that WTF deplores a see- through trouser almost above all things. Was poor Gigi ambushed on her way to the boudoir where somebody stole her skirt?

And finally we have actor, singer and now author Janelle Monáe wearing Dead Lotus Couture.

OK, love, we get it. The book is futuristic and so you are dressed in something futuristic. The thing is, it is excessively clingy, affording everyone an in-depth view of your minge. If an astronaut went to a fancy-dress party as the Flying Nun, this is what he/she would look like. Meanwhile it is fervently to be hoped that the Good Lord has blessed Janelle with a large tube of Canesten because she will be needing it….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Honsa from Paddington who was unimpressed by then-candidate, now victorious French President, Emmanuel Macron showing a great deal of very hairy chest and manspreading to the power of n….

Honsa says ‘there is nothing wrong with chest hair (I myself come from Eastern tribes) but seriously?  Could he not have done up one more button? If it is not OK for a woman to unbutton her shirt so low, it should not be OK for a man either’. Agreed. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF cheery. And cheery is good, right? Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

Posted in Angela Rayner, Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Emmanuel Macron, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, French Presidential Election, Matt Hancock, Michael Gove, Politics, sexism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments