WTF Gratitude Special

Hallo Readers,

Every day some hapless Minister of the Crown is designated to do the rounds of the morning TV and radio programmes, there to explain how the Government’s Covid 19 strategy is going absolutely swimmingly. Although everyone with one eyeball and/or a working eardrum knows that it has not gone, and is not going, swimmingly; unless by swimmingly they mean that, like the Titanic, passengers have had to jump ship and take to the water. One day you might get Frank Spencer look-and-sound-a-likey Gavin Williamson, the Education Secretary. Another day you might get duller-than-ditchwater George Eustice, theAgriculture Secretary. Smoothie Nadim Zahawi, the Vaccines Minister, has been having some good run-outs recently, as the inoculation programme seems to be the only thing in the UK that is working. And very often you get the Health Secretary Matt Hancock.

Readers, you might think that the man who has presided over 130,000 deaths, pro rata the highest in the world, who has had 800 healthcare workers die while doing their job, who has handed out PPE contracts to all manner of weird and wonderful people and companies, and of whom the High Court said only last week failed to comply with procurement regulations, might, just might, have been willing to show a degree of contrition. But Readers, you would be wrong. Hancock does not do contrition. And not only does he not do contrition, but he bristles at the very suggestion that he should do contrition. And not only does he not do contrition and bristles at the very suggestion that he should do contrition, but he also upbraids those who raise these matters, because they should be thanking his team for procuring PPE and saving lives (apart, of course, from the 130,000 lives they did not save).  There may have been local shortages of PPE, but there was no ‘national outage’. No national outage, save that in many parts of the country which form this nation, medical staff and carers were wrapping themselves in bin bags and plastic aprons and reusing them and their masks again and again. For which apparently, we should be paying homage to Mr Hancock and his team. Perhaps he would like a hospital named after him? Or a peerage? 

Meanwhile we have still to discover how people and companies with less experience of PPE than WTF has of neurosurgery came to be awarded gigantic contracts to manufacture PPE. WTF has written about some of these contracts before, like Ayanda, an offshore finance company linked to a man who advised Secretary of Trade Liz Truss. That was worth £252 million. Now we have heard about Clandeboye, a company  in Northern Ireland that made sweeties, and which landed a gig worth £108 million. Not to mention Pestfix, which had previously killed pests, but which received at least six contracts worth a total of £345 million, despite having assets worth only £18,000, and whose first batch of face masks proved defective. We need to know about the system that allowed people recommended by Ministers to be ‘fast tracked’,  whether they had practical experience or not, and who stood a 1:10 chance of success, as opposed to everyone else, who stood only a 1:100 chance. All of these contracts were meant to be be made public within 30 days, but they weren’t, as Mr Justice Chamberlain noted in his withering judgment last week. However, Hancock saw nothing to apologise for because he would not have done anything different. He and the procurement team were too busy saving lives. Apart from the ones they didn’t ….. Thank you Mr Hancock.  Thank you. Oh and thank you all the people who worked and still work paid and unpaid to help the NHS do its job.

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We start our view the week’s fashion flops with celebritee and cosmetics tycoon Kylie Jenner, wearing an outfit by Tyrell.

If Kylie wants to indulge in a bit of frontage against the wall, that is up to her and her 213 million Instagram followers, but why does she need to do it in a see-through skirt with an inexplicable poke-hole and a top suggesting that members of the St John’s Ambulance Brigade have been practising First Aid on her?

As we have observed before, the apple does not fall far from the tree. Here is Kylie’s momager, Kris Jenner, wearing Dior. A lot of Dior.

WTF does not know whether Kris is practising to be a high wire artiste or is developing a new yoga pose which involves consuming cocktails when balancing on one leg, like a stalk out on the lash.  But either way, this is an excruciating mega-luxe-logo’ed excrescence constructed from “Technical Taffeta’. The cagoule costs £2,700 and the matching trewsies are a snip at £1,700, while the sneakers are a giveaway for £690. Which, whatever way you look at it, is a lot of money to pay to look stupid. Kris would have done better buying a clown’s outfit’s from the local fancy dress store.

 

To Paris, where we find actress Charlotte Gainsbourg wearing Jeremy Scott. She was great in her guest appearance on Call my Agent, by the way.

Jeremy, himself a distinguished former winner of the coveted WTF Summer Stinker award, designs both for Moschino and under his own name because it is more fun to take the piss under different labels. Here, he has put the lovely Charlotte in zipaway leather salopettes. If Peter Fonda in Easy Rider had dipped his head in a bucket of strawberry juice and had then been mauled by a malign coyote, this is what he would have looked like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now we find ourselves in LA with actress Phoebe Price going to CVS, a large drugstore chain.

Phoebe is an actress, although she seems to spend most of her time wandering around Los Angeles with parts of her person hanging out and her nether regions insufficiently covered. If anyone walked into Boots in the UK dressed like Supergirl’s gran,  the pharmacist would be dialling the local mental health authority before you could say stark raving bonkers…..

And next is transgender You Tube sensation and makeup artiste, Nikita Dragon.

Titsy, tacky and tawdry. And then some.  Nikita love….the Flintstones called. They want their outfits back.

And finally, we have singer Billie Eilish wearing items from her new clothing collection called The World’s A Little Blurry. I’ll say.

Everything is organic, apparently, except the socks. Billie’s hair looks very organic, because it is the colour of mould, and that position suggests that she has hanged herself. Fortunately, she is alive and well and flogging ugly shoes  like nefarious persons put on you before they drop you in the Harbour…..

“Try thinking of this as a totally immersive performance art installation.”

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Louise from Islington, supported by WTF herself,  who is beyond appalled at the BT Sport set which she spotted whilst watching the (terrific) Arsenavictory over Benfica in the EuroRubbish Cup.

What in the name of all that is Holy is this???? It’s like the Wizard of Oz staged in the foyer at a Vue cinema. It’s vile. It’s nausea-provoking. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF chipper, and don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

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WTF TFG Special

Hallo Readers,

It is just like Barack Obama said it would be. ‘With Joe and Kamala at the helm, you’re not going to have to think about the crazy things they said every day. And that’s worth a lot… You’re not going to have to argue about them every day. It just won’t be so exhausting’. And it isn’t. It’s dull. It’s  normal. Adults appear to be in charge and they have some idea of what they are doing and lots of experience of already having done it well. It’s great. Long may it continue.

But the Former Guy, as Biden called him the other night, has not gone away. He does not see his future at Mar A Lago,  playing golf and dodging the tsunami of lawsuits heading his way, but as the Leader in Exile Who Will Return. And the vast majority of GOP congressmen and senators see him on the same way. It does not matter that he bullied and insulted them day in, day out. They do not care that a baying mob, like something out of Deliverance, stormed the Capitol on 6 January and could have killed any or all of them. They remain in his thrall, like sufferers of Stockholm Syndrome. Idiot Senator Ron Johnson from Wisconsin went so far as to sneer at the idea that the mob was part of an armed insurrection as police had only found one gun. Actually a large number of guns were recovered and a mountain of ammunition, but Johnson however clearly wanted more than eyes gouged out and policemen beaten with sticks, fire extinguishers and American flags. Perhaps next time the Deliverance boys come calling, they will have AK47s. Let us hope that Johnson manages to dodge the bullets. And then there is Senator Lindsey Graham, the Talullah Bankhead of South Carolina, who spent four years so far up TFG’s bottom that only his shoes were on show. On 6 January, with order restored, he stood up in the Senate and declared that he and TFG were over, only to head back into his manly arms days later. And let us not forget House GOP Leader Kevin McCarthy. As the mob surged into the building, McCarthy placed frantic calls to the White House begging for assistance and failed to get it. But that night he still voted to block the Electoral College votes and only last week he was down in Florida kissing TFG’s ring, as CNN commentators put it. WTF dreads to think which of TFG’s rings they were talking about.

But all of these creeps have additional vertebra in comparison to turtle-faced former Senate Leader, Mitch McConnell. He stayed silent for a month after the election, and only accepted the result after the Electoral College votes were certified. After TFG was impeached by the House, he refused to recall the Senate for the trial which is part two of the process, and so by the time it started, TFG had gone back to Florida. At which point, McConnell voted against impeachment on the grounds that it was unconstitutional to impeach a former President. And only after the Senate had failed to muster the necessary two-thirds vote, despite the clearest evidence, did Turtle-Face stand up and declare that TFG was Truly Fucking Guilty and that he should be locked up for his perfidy. This is the equivalent of a man murdering his parents and then throwing himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan.  Now TFG is attacking McConnell and everyone is attacking those GOP Senators and Congressmen who followed their conscience and voted to impeach. They all deserve TFG and they all deserve each other.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shockers with our Supreme Leader Boris Johnson. Rather than do any actual work, he has taken to hanging around Covid wards and vaccine centres in his shirtsleeves with his tie tucked into the shirt and an expression of faux-empathy.

We have featured Johnson’s silly and capacious trousers on a number of occasions, but here we have a horrendous closeup of his moobs.  WTF has long been a sworn enemy of VNA (Visible Nipple Activity). It is however singularly inappropriate for our Prime Minister to be sporting more nipple activity than Peter Stringfellow’s tits-and-arse establishments.

Next up is French singer Yseult wearing Mugler at an awards ceremony in Paris.

OK, before you all start on me, this is not a fat thing, this is a taste thing. The jacket is great, although the shoulders are a bit gangster, and she has buckets of attitude. What she does not have, unfortunately, is a pair of trousers or a skirt and questions must also be asked about the thumbless gloves. If Liza Minnelli had sex with Tony Soprano, this is what their lovechild would look like.

Next up are ridiculous singer Justin Bieber and his wife, model Hailey Baldwin Bieber , out and about in LA.

WTF is always pleasantly surprised to see Hailey in actual clothes, but she looks fine. Her spouse, as ever, still has trouble reconciling the concept of his own crotch nestling in approximation to the crotch of whatever he has on his nether regions, and the legs of his joggers look like a pair of purple swizzle sticks.

This is Vietnamese-born American actress Lana Condor, wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

If a furry bird went to a fancy dress party as Dame Shirley Bassey, this is what it would look like.

Now we have The Crown actress Emma Corrin wearing Paco Rabanne.

The swagger is good but the outfit is entirely preposterous,  a cross between eighteenth-century English cleric John Wesley and an SS general complete with bovver boots.

And finally, a newcomer in the shape of Internet ‘influencer’ and make up artiste Hrush Achemyan wearing Louis Vuitton and what look like Christian Louboutin boots.

She is influencing WTF to cover up. That is one hell of a silhouette. Her bum is reminiscent of the burial mounds in the moonlight, like the ones at Sutton Hoo in East Anglia.

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Jan from Melbourne, Australia. Jan was horrified by these revolting jeans from Schein, yours for only £19 99, (and you would have been robbed blind).

Over the years, It’s Got To Go has brought you a lot of disastrous denim, but this pair can assert a vigorous claim to a podium position for worst of the worst. What is going on here? What is the point of pockets when they only serve only as a Minge Proscenium Arch?  More Schite than Schein. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF chipper, and don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 
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WTF Hotel Heathrow Special

Hallo Readers,

Remember The Eagles’ warbling on about Hotel California?

‘Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
“Relax, ” said the night man,
“We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!’

Britain is now offering you Hotel Heathrow. You have to check in whether you  like it or not, and you can only leave after ten days. And by ‘leave’, WTF does not just mean leave the hotel. She means leave the hotel room in which you and yours will be incarcerated for the full stay, forced to make your own bed with only a quick exercise break outside while accompanied by a burly security person to make sure that you do not skedaddle. And it gets worse. Not only is there nothing to eat but airline food, which is left on a tray outside your room (maybe they should shave the doors a bit and just push the tray underneath), but you have to pay for your stay as well. And not even the rack rent, but a set rate of £1,750  (£2,400 for two adults in the room)  and you do not get to find a cheaper price on Booking.com.  The Daily Mail had a picture of a room in one hotel in Heathrow, and frankly anyone stuck in there would have a slam dunk claim of cruel and unusual punishment against Matt Hancock because if there is an uglier carpet in Middlesex, WTF has yet to see it…..

So what is going on? Well, one year after other countries started doing it, the Government has realised that letting people wander in and out of the country willy-nilly, importing all manner of unpleasant Covid variants, is a Bad Thing. Who knew? (Answer- anyone with a braincell). From Monday 15 February,  travellers arriving from 33 ‘red list’ countries have to quarantine for 10 days in a designated hotel booked before you arrive in Blighty. If you do not pre-book, you can be fined up t0 £4,000 and you still have to check into one of the said hotels and you still have pay for your stay there. Should you try and pull a fast one and lie about your point of departure, you could face ten years in prison or a fine of £10,000. Ten years! People murder their grannies and they get out in less time….

Of course, this has not gone down well. Brits like a bit of sunshine and a chance to neck down the duty free before running around some foreign resort  with their arses hanging out of brightly patterned shorts and then passing out in a pile of vomit on the pavement. Think Newcastle’s Bigg Market with better weather. But a trip abroad is a lot less tantalising if you have to hole up in an overpriced hotel on your return looking at ugly carpets and eating lukewarm chicken casserole which is light on the chicken and heavy on the chemicals. Look, WTF gets it, she really does. It is nice going abroad. After virtually a year of lockdown, everyone is sick of the sight of their own walls. But come on people – isn’t saving lives and not endangering your own more important?

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slip-ups with Aussie rapper Iggy Azalea wearing clingy things.

A Minge Moment and a side helping of side boob. Not nice. She looks like a titsy robot in combat boots.

 

Next, we have singer Jennifer Lopez wearing Versace at her stylist’s house. In fact, she subsequently went out to a party wearing the silvery version of this ‘dress’ , which was even sheerer than the black version.


OK, gents who like ladies, and ladies who like ladies, put your eyeballs back into their sockets. Yes, she is sexy as hell (and amazing for her age etc. etc), but that is still no reason why she has to go around looking like Charlotte Rampling in The Night Porter and generally resembling a sado-masochist’s wet dream. 

Every year Americans get very excited about the final of their rubbish version of football, which is not football at all but a load of big blokes running into each other with extreme prejudice. WTF would rather stick a rusty fork into her lady parts than endure the Superbowl, but it does provide some very bad fashion. This year gave us rapper Offset wearing something purple and puffy in Florida.

For reasons best known to himself, Offset is wearing what appears to be a large amount of bubble wrap and seems to be about to be posted. WTF is with Lady Bracknell on this point. On learning that eligible batchelor Jack Worthing, who wants to marry her daughter Gwendoline, was left as a baby in a handbag at Victoria Station, she explodes ‘You can hardly imagine that I and Lord Bracknell would dream of allowing our only daughter – a girl brought up with the utmost care – to marry into a cloak-room, and form an alliance with a parcel?’.  

Offset in fact formed an alliance with rapper Cardi B, who is known to regular Readers as needing to be more wrapped up, rather than less. Here she is, wearing an Ottolinger ‘outfit’ and Bottega Veneta sandals….

Do Offset and Mrs Offset not talk about the weather before they venture out? He is dressed for the Antarctic while she is dressed for, er, Florida, and is doing a good impression of a creme caramel with tits, strings, water wings and what appear to be bedroom slippers. And question – how does she pull up her leggings with those nails?

This is NFL star Shaquil Barrett in a very lairy suit. He plays for the winning side, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

Umm…well it is certainly striking. In the same way as being punched in the face is striking.  When you are a top American footballer, you clearly have the swagger to appear on TV wearing a chequered tea towel and more chains than  an H Samuel warehouse.

And finally, another NFL star Derrick Henry.  He won the NFL 2020 Award for the Best Offensive Player. Readers may care to know that  this refers to his position of play, not his taste in clothes, although he is as deserving of a prize for the latter as for the former.  If you have a pair of sunglasses to hand, put them on now……. 

WTF can but conclude that Derrick was either having a laugh or was sponsored by Stabilo Boss…..

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from stalwart and aficionado Yvonne from the snowy Borders, who noticed a tweet from Bella Caledonia, like Yvonne, a proponent of Scottish Independence. They were both amused to note that someone South of the Border had expressed the bright idea of sending the Queen’s youngest son, Prince Edward, and his fragrant wife Sophie,  to take up residence at Holyrood Palace in Edinburgh. The purpose of this is to let them attend loads of events and to make the Scots embrace the concept of keeping the Union.

WTF has heard some crap ideas in her time but this one is a real doozy. Prince Edward, aka the Earl of Forfar, is as much use as tits on a fish and has done nothing of note since 1987 when hpersuaded his siblings to take part in It’s a Royal Knockout, one of the worst programmes in TV history. If anything is set to send our Caledonian cousins rushing into the arms of Nicola Sturgeon, these two are it. Whoever thought up this one Has Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF chipper, and don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF Jab Special

Hallo Readers,

It is never pleasant when someone you have long stuck up for does something so obviously wrong that you cannot defend it; worse, when you are disgusted by it. It is like when your parents and your friends all hate your boyfriend, whom you defend with alacrity – they don’t understand him, he is really, really, great if only they got to know him. Then, after you are forced to break up through their relentless pressure, your now-ex boyfriend goes and adds ballast to their  bullishness. Of course you are mortified. And of course they are triumphant. It could not be more galling. Because deep down, you still love him and you still think it could have worked,

So it was for us wet, elistist, Liberal, Europhiles, the ones who still mourn our departure from the EU and wish it were otherwise. But it is hard to sit atop the moral high ground when the Beloved Object tries to steal your vaccines; worse, when it tries to steal your vaccines because it failed to make timely arrangements to lay in its own supplies; and downright unbearable when in order to carry out this mugging, it plays extra dirty by threatening to impose a vaccine border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland if it didn’t get its way.

But to be fair, Ursula von der Leyden and co deserve the obloquy and more. Theirs was a cornucopia of errors. They were too slow to get the vaccine programme rolled out across Europe, particularly in comparison with the UK. (WTF had better declare an interest on this point, because she had her first jab on Thursday afternoon, and the organisation of the whole thing was top notch). UK had ordered loads of vaccine from Pfizer, and other vaccine is being made in the UK by  Oxford/AstraZeneca, but they demanded that our ordered doses be diverted to the EU, and when the drug manufacturers refused, went all Don Corleone and threatened to withhold export permissions to the UK. And then took another jab by stirring up the unresolved problem of the Irish border by threatening to involve Art. 16 of the Brexit deal, thereby managing to unite Johnson, the Ulster Unionists and the Irish Government in causing them all to explode with anger and complain about being bullied and being overridden and all sorts.

And that is not even the worst part. The worst part is that Boris Johnson was able to tell von der Leyden to get stuffed, not once but twice, in the space of an evening and to emerge looking like a hero after she crumbled like a freshly-baked Apfel Streusel and duly backed down. How the Daily Mail squealed with orgasmic delight. It was all you could do to keep your breakfast down. The chorus of ‘I-told-you-sos’ flowed across the country like a river bursting its banks. Things are difficult enough over here, Frau von der Leyen. Please desist from making them harder. Oh – and buy your own bloody vaccine. We need ours.

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We start our review of the week’s shocking suits and boots with model Kendall Jenner off to Pilates wearing Mad Happy.

WTF aficionado @Net_en_ya_hoo was appalled by this get up. Responding to WTF’s complaints last week about Britain being a laughing stock, she wrote ‘You think Britain is a laughing stock ??? Kendal Jenner’s clingy cranberry leggings have got to go!!!! #mingehighlighters eeks and vomits’. And she is not wrong. The sweat top resembles a crime scene from CSI Miami and those leggings display more camel toe than a camel park in Morocco. Yikes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now a newcomer to these pages, actor Aldis Hodge promoting his new movie One Night In Miami wearing Burberry.

Not only is he clad in lairy checks which are a trifle snug over the goolies, AND not only is he also wearing a sleeveless waistcoat-cum-capelet, BUT ALSO he has a horribly-clashing shirt. Burberry seem to have influenced by the late, unlamented, Duke of Windsor, who also had a penchant for lairy checks, as well as for skinny American women and Nazis.

She is back! WTF speaks of singer Billie Eilish wearing a murd.333r sweatshirt, nYC VIBEZ sweatpants and Moon Boots, all in a nasty shade of lime green.

Billie has always dressed somewhat eccentrically, but here she has outdone herself and is going out and about dressed as a Mutant Ninja Turtle. And that hair is an It’s Got To Go all on its own…..

Another regular awaits our appalled gaze, singer Rita Ora wearing Carolina Herrera.

Rita has dipped in the public favour following more revelations about her 30th birthday party in a swanky London restaurant during lockdown, which resulted in the manager being sacked. So here she is trying to swagger her way through the scandal, promoting a remake of Oliver Twist called Twist.  The dress fabric looks like the wallpaper in an upmarket knocking shop, the William Morris tights are just a ridiculous item with no relationship to the dress  and the hairstyle would look much better on a pampered pooch.

This next one is BAD.  Here is Chloe Crowhurst, the ‘star’ of a past series of Love Island wearing whatever the hell this is.

First of all, WTF, who is ever mindful of health and safety, cannot fathom how Chloe can walk half a metre without tripping arse over tit on those tassels. Second, whoever did her makeup needs a slap, a P45 and another slap, because Chloe looks as if she has been recently exhumed. And third, if Glenn from Village People was mauled by a feral dog, this is what he would have looked like.

Next up, we have top model Winnie Harlow wearing a PVC frock by Christian Cowan.

Oh dear. Fuchsia Barbie is alive and well and partying in Los Angeles, threatening us with an imminent Minge Moment.

And finally, one of WTF’s favourite favourites, singer Ashanti, wearing  a jacket by Alexander McQueen.

Ashanti is the one in the black bodystocking and slippers on the far left end of the ladies in the picture on the top of the blog, as well as the avatar for @WTF_EEK (look, we’ve had this discussion before, what do you mean you don’t follow me on Twitter?). She never disappoints in her ghastly clothing and this is no exception. The McQueen jacket is a dinosaur’s wet dream and she has forgotten to put anything on with the jacket, which is simply silly.

 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from all the citizens of Scotland and concerns Eric Trump, younger son of the  President by his first marriage. As WTF has remarked before, Eric’s primary purpose is to make village idiots feel good about themselves, but he also happens to have run Daddy’s property empire when Daddy was playing President, including two golf courses in Scotland, Turnberry and Trump International.

Green MSP Patrick Harvie this week called for an investigation into the sources of finance for the acquisition of these golf courses, at which young Eric was in high indignation. He called Harvie ‘a national embarrassment with his pathetic antics’ and berated the Scottish Government for putting off big important investors like him and his pop. (Harvie is an Opposition MSP).  Eric then said that ‘At a critical time when politicians should be focused on saving lives and reopening businesses in Scotland, they are focused on advancing their personal agendas’. This from the man whose father ignored Covid-19 in the USA and caused the death of hundreds of thousands of people. And to date neither golf club has paid any tax to the Scottish Government. Frankly, Eric can fuck right off and take his disgusting family with him. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF chipper, and don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF Laughing Stock Special

Hallo Readers,

Look, WTF is not going to beat around the bush. Britain has become an international laughing stock. And an object of pity. And a subject of bewilderment. You hardly dare answer FaceTime or WhatsApp calls from incredulous friends abroad, knowing that you will be called upon to explain why our per capita death rate is the highest in the world. Not that it takes very long to explain. All you have to say is that our Government is a shit-show; that everything has been too little, too late, badly explained and ill-defined; that cronyism runs rife with people getting contracts for no obvious reason other than they went to school with someone in high places; and that parts of the population, whether out of  stupidity or boredom or sheer bloody mindedness are STILL going into shops and on buses and into friends’ houses without masks. Then add that we are now engaged in man to man combat with the EU about who gets what vaccine – apparently getting your order in first does not cut it with Ursula Von Der Leyen -and the situation is bad and getting worse. The schools are closed until at least 8 March because teachers are not regarded as priority recipients for vaccines; high streets presage the future and are deserted; people are despondent and pissed off. And now we are taking steps to stop people going abroad, and people from abroad from coming here, making them quarantine in some ghastly hotel at their own expense. Ten months after other countries did it. The only wonder is why on earth anyone would want to come to the UK at all, risking life and limb as we paddle aimlessly in a sea of ineptitude. Perhaps they have a death wish. Or don’t fancy a trip to Dignitas.

The worst part is that Government Ministers keep telling us that they are working very hard and that Boris Johnson, a man who makes Coco the Clown look like Winston Churchill, has been working harder than anyone. First, it is their job to work hard. Second, they have not been working hard enough, and, in any event, the fruits of their labour are of the poorest quality. Third, Johnson has never worked hard in his life except when planning his next shag. Let us not forget that eleven months ago, he was AWOL for a fortnight, finally emerging from the country to attend a Tory fundraiser. He has performed more flip-flops than the Moscow State Circus and no doubt there are many more to come. In the mean time, we must suffer the daily horror of the statistics and the sneers of commentators on CNN – and stay away from the phone.

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We start our survey of the week’s sartorial shitpile with TOWIE personage Gemma Collins wearing who knows what in a guest appearance on TV skating extravaganza Dancing on Ice.

Er, what? If Brünhilde went to a fancy dress party as a mermaid, this is what she would look like. 

Next up we have actress Sarah Jessica Parker wearing who knows what and shoes from her own shoe collection SJP by Sarah Jessica Parker, seen here in her flagship in New York.

WTF is uncertain what SJP is wearing. Are they knickerbockers? Are they ordinary trousers rolled up to look like knickerbockers? Be that howsoever it may be, they are horrendous, as are the frightful woollen socks. Naturally gamine, she looks like a toddler…..

We now encounter actress Lily Collins wearing Prada while promoting her new movie Mank. Scroll down slowly…..

Lily is actually very good in Mank, but despite the loveliness of the shirt, the skirt is more Wank the Mank, resembling an embroidered swishing spider. It is enough to give you arachnophobia. Fab hair and makeup though….

Here is a WTF regular, sort-of-actress Phoebe Price out and about in LA.

This is Puss in Boots goes pole dancing, and that belt is plain vulgar.

Right, now this one is BAD. WTF speaks of celebritee son Brooklyn Beckham showing off his newest tattoo. Have a receptacle handy. Really.

Young Brooklyn has just got engaged to Nicola Peltz, an actress and the daughter of Nelson Peltz, a billionaire buddy of former President Orange. Nelson has been married three times and has sired ten children, which might perhaps explain the somewhat needy tone in Nicola’s love letter to her fiancé, signed ‘from your future wifey’. So touched was Brooklyn by this epistle that he had the whole lot tattooed on his back. As you do. Let us pray that the marriage (which has been budgeted at $10m) (i) takes place and (ii) stays the course, otherwise young Brooklyn will be having an awful lot of very painful plastic surgery.

This is British singer Dua Lipa, wearing Rui Zhou.

The word ‘wearing’ seems to be a trifle optimistic as there is not much of Dua’s outfit, which seems to be  the lovechild of a crocodile and some peeling plaster. She has a great body, but she appears to have developed a bad case of minge mould….

Finally, we have rapper Cardi B wearing a ‘dress’ by Pierre-Louis Auvray. Take care now…..

Dear God, what is happening? And why is it happening? That is just downright offensive. WTF is off to rest her retinas ……

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who has taken against QAnon newly-elected Georgia GOP Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene. 

This hideous woman not only believes (or, as she would have it, believed) that Washington is run by cannibal paedophiles, but that the school shootings at Sandy Hook and Parkland were fake, staged by people paid by George Soros. She has also liked Facebook posts calling for the death of prominent Democrats and has defended the insurrection at the Capitol. She has been busily deleting most of her posts in her social media accounts in these past few days and little wonder. Meanwhile lickspittle asshole Kevin McCarthy, the GOP Leader in the House of Representatives, has put her on – wait for it – the Education and Labour Committee. She is awful. He is awful. Actually, they have both Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF chipper, and don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF Be A Stranger Special

Hallo Readers,

 You can breathe out now. Suddenly, everything seems a bit better, as if a four -year migraine has abated. The air seems sweeter. Colours seem brighter. Public officials are qualified to do their job. The President and the Vice- President give a damn about 400,000 people who have died from a virus and are prepared to acknowledge that they actually died. Both of them give every sign of loving, liking, and respecting their spouses. And the world’s leading epidemiologist has acknowledged that he is now able to say what he thinks without fear off the sack and to base his opinions on science, not sycophancy. Thank you God. Thank you.

The orange man has left the building with his vapid, flinty-faced wife, and his hideous family and has gone home to Florida. Similarly, his pious, obsequious Vice-President and his smug wife have also left the building and gone home to Indiana. Instead we have a couple of decent people trying to do their best to mop up the ordure, a job akin to deep-cleansing the Augean stables. Whether they will succeed is too early to say. In the meantime, Wednesday was the time to enjoy the fresh air of the Inauguration, and there was much to enjoy. In particular, everywhere you looked there were fabulous women. The charming and empathetic First Lady, a woman who actually earned her degree rather than pretending to have one. The smiley Vice-President, so smiley that her smile radiated out from the inside of her mask. Siblings, kids and step-children all beautifully dressed, particularly Ella Emhoff in a Prada coat awash with sparkles across her shoulders to match the joy in her step-mother’s eyes. Lady Gaga looking fantastic and sounding even better. JLo looking like a Chanel sailor and sounding good. The amazing 22-year-old Amanda Gorman, in a yellow coat and red hairband with her inspiring poetry. And Senator Amy Klobuchar as joint MC, glowing with happiness at the occasion and as smart as a whip.  Even the Supreme Court Judge who swore in the V-P was a woman. So let us enjoy these few rays of winter brightness and hope that they turn into spring sunshine. And even if the future may be greyer and less colourful, at least it won’t be orange.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shite with the former FLOTUS Melania Trump arriving in Florida to start life out of the White House and as maîtresse of Mar-A-Lago (not for long – Ed) wearing a $3,700 Gucci kaftan.

Having departed the Nation’s Capital in drop-dead gorgeous Chanel jacket and a $77,500 lizard Hermés Birkin handbag, looking fabulously elegant, if funereal, she changed en route and arrived in Palm Beach looking like a particularly nasty 1970’s living room. By the way, clock the caked on makeup and the fact that for the first time ever, she is wearing flatties and not vertiginous heels. Goodbye and Good Riddance. Be a stranger.

 

On the principle of out with the old and in with the older, President Joe Biden’s Inauguration took place at noon attended by dignitaries various. Three living Presidents were in attendance (Jimmy Carter being too old to risk it at 96, and the recent incumbent having buggered off as aforesaid), including Bill Clinton and his wife, former Senator, Secretary of State, and Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton. Hillary is wearing Ralph Lauren.

She’s still wearing those bloody pantsuits. Heaven knows how many votes they cost her in 2016. Just think – had she desisted from the Angela Merkel look and gone for something tailored, that orange lunatic might never have been elected and we could have been spared four years of pain. What black booties have to do with an aubergine coat and a violet ensemble WTF cannot say, but more objectionable is the flouncy scarf which makes her resemble Prince in his purple phase.

Also there was Senator Bernie Sanders, Biden’s rival for the Democratic nomination. No new overcoat for Bernie – he was wearing his beloved Burton jacket and an enormous pair of woollen mittens, knitted for him from up-cycled wool by a constituent.

Bernie did not give a stuff about the eyebrows raised at his somewhat casual garb. He told reporters,  “You know in Vermont, we dress warm, we know something about the cold, and we’re not so concerned about good fashion, we want to keep warm. And that’s what I did today.” Bless. WTF could not but wonder whether those mittens were sewn onto his sleeves, like kiddies going to school.

Next up we have rapper Cardi B wearing Rey Ortiz and a very lairy Vuitton handbag.

Goodness me. The zip goes right round the minge area and the bra-thingies appear to be a couple of very well cooked scooped-out potato skins and filled with Cardi B.

Now we have singer Dua Lipa wearing Monôt.

While her fellow Brits are locked indoors and threatened with infection by all manner of new viruses if they so much as venture out, Dua has taken herself off to somewhere exotic. Wherever that is, it ain’t Regent’s Park. Quite apart from rubbing our noses in it, we are also being exposed to the threat of arse cheeks, like spotting a builder’s bum on a construction site.

Here is internet influencer Tana Mongeau wearing a very extraordinary ensemble.

is she going to be someone’s caddie? Pringle has a lot to answer for, although it is not clear whether this is actually by Pringle. Whoever had the audacity to design this, s/he was clearly influenced by the terrible trousers worn by golfer John Daly at the PGA in 2010.

And finally, we have model and presenter Heidi Klum in a publicity shot for Germany’s Next Top Model wearing Nicolas Jebran.

The use of the word ‘wearing’ is perhaps a trifle abstract here. This is more of a crotch curtain with a massive helping of side boob, like the sun peeking out from behind Uluru in the Northern Territory.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Louise from Gloucestershire who expresses some reservations about Dr Jill Biden’s footwear when she and the new President walked along Pennsylvania Avenue to their new home. She had discarded the blue stilettos that matched her dress, coat and mask and changed instead into a pair of nude pumps.

We all understand that new shoes hurt, especially when you have to walk in them, but Louise’s view, unyielding as it might seem, is that new shoes should be worn in before a special occasion and not abandoned halfway through it. She also takes the view that nude shoes generally are an abomination because they do not flatter the foot, the leg or the outfit. In other words, It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they give WTF great cheer, as well as your tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

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WTF FOOD PARCEL SPECIAL

Hallo Readers,

The items in this picture are supposed to provide five lunches for a child who is not at school because of the pandemic, and who need them because his or her parents cannot afford to pay for them. Sometimes this is the only proper meal those kids eat all day. When schools shut down during lockdown, they would not have continued to get free school lunches had Manchester United footballer Marcus Rashford, who grew up poor, not kicked up a fuss and shamed this shit-show of a Government into performing yet another U-Turn, its umpteenth of 2020, and to agree to keep dishing up. And now that kids are at home again, the Government was forced to make the necessary arrangements.  But rather than give parents vouchers to buy food, it has instead opted to award contracts to a variety of companies to provide the ingredients.

The gourmet feast above comprises a loaf of sliced white bread. A tin of beans. Some cheese slices in clingfilm, doubtless somewhat sweaty as a result. A bag of something inchoate which WTF prefers not to think about. Some fruit. Two spuds. Two carrots. Some sweetie things. If you went to the supermarket and had to pay more than £5 for that, you would be on the phone to Trading Standards. A company called Chartwells, which was responsible for this largesse, claims that it received £10 55 to provide a week’s meals for each child. That sum has been questioned, but whatever Chartwells was paid, what it supplied was manifestly inadequate and fell short of any reasonable nutritional standard. Some other companies with similar contracts have provided equally poor comestibles, including in one case, half a red bell pepper and a piece of ham which was not so much tired-looking as chronically exhausted. Another mum was delivered her measly groceries in a black plastic bin bag.

And you know what, Readers? Someone is taking the piss. Children need good, wholesome food, not sliced cheese and sliced white bread. When lorry drivers got stuck outside Dover after France closed the border to the UK because of the new strain of coronavirus, some fabulous Sikhs from Coventry cooked up 800 delicious-looking chick pea curries and took a 300-mile round trip to deliver them – for free. And not only did it look delicious, it was full of protein and probably cost a fraction of the delicacies on offer from Chartwells and their chums. Maybe the Sikhs should be called in to advise the Department of Education. How could any of these businesses think that they were fulfilling their mandate to feed hungry kids with cheese and white bread? How did these companies come to be chosen, and why, and by whom? Now Chartwells has admitted that their foodstuffs fell way short and say it will make good. As it should. As  should any supplier who fell way short. Because we are all shamed by this, not just them.

Or are we? On Good Morning Britain Matt Hancock, the hapless Secretary of State for Health, apologised for the obvious inadequacies of Chartwells and others. He was then pressed on whether he now regretted voting against free school meals. Of course, he did not answer that, instead spewing out media-trained bullshit about how happy he was that the matter had had such a good outcome, whereupon both Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid administered him a well-deserved kicking. Elsewhere, Pauline Latham, 72, the Tory MP for mid-Derbyshire, pooh-poohed the outcry, telling Channel 4 “The whole point of this is to give a balanced meal for the children. It’s only their lunch, it’s not all meals every day. It’s enough for lunches for a child for a week … Usually.”  This is the same woman who told a constituent who had asked her whether she could live on £94 statutory sick pay per week during the pandemic to “get a life”. Do you think that either Hancock or Latham would last five minutes on a Chartwells diet?

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Now to the week’s fashion flotsam, and Prime Minister Boris Johnson, seen here visiting Chase Farm Hospital in North London.

WTF aficionado Behsat from West London sent this picture to WTF, as he was simply aghast, and accompanied it with many unpleasant comments, which are reproduced here with fervent agreement. Use your smartphone,  iPad or laptop to zoom in on Johnson’s bitch tits, for example. VNA (Visible Nipple Activity) is equally bad on men and women. Then recoil in horror at the complete absence of waist, so that the belt has given up all hope of resting on something and simply sits forlornly about the flab. Move onto the untucked shirt, as if he has just had a piss, and which does not seem to have seen the inside of a washing machine for some time. Pass along the baggy trousers to the shoes  which are held together with glue and which have yet to meet a tin of Cherry Blossom polish. Meanwhile, Behsat rightly points out that the combination of the stance and the mask make Boris looks like the Fat  Pelican….

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Next up we have celebritee sister Kourtney Kardashian, wearing Miu Miu.

Kourtney and her sisters are as much use as as ashtray on a motorbike, but here she has outdone herself in a teeny weeny tartan and pearl thingy for which Miu Miu has the effrontery to charge $5,400, and some horrible sandals. And the look is not even original because Barbie was wearing it in the 1960s.

Instagram brought us actress Hailee Steinfeld wearing Cong Tri. Scroll down slowly…….

It starts off as a really ethereal top and ends up in furry leggies like a Wampa from Star Wars.

I am afraid things do not improve with singer Kylie Minogue, wearing Moschino.

‘Allo, ‘allo. This what would happen if Marie Antoinette had sex with a leather trunk. Ludicrous.

Meet a newcomer to these pages, the star of Selling Sunset, the smash hit Netflix show about LA estate agents. Her name is  Christine Quinn and she is not wearing enough. 

Contrary to first impressions, Christine is not swinging a Pomeranian about, it is a handbag. Travel south from the head and you find a very cheap looking dress with a preponderance of under-boob like golf balls peeping from their holders, to the side laces which fail to lace and which reveal her black tights, to the shoes last seen on Louis XIV.

We started with a male politician and we end with another one, US Congressman Jeff Van Drew opposing impeachment in the House of Representatives wearing the most appalling suit. Sensitive Readers are advised to reach for their sunglasses and a sick bucket. Here we go….

Van Drew is a jerk at the best of times, not that he has any, but pitching up dressed as an extra from Boardwalk Empire at the second impeachment of a President, an event without precedent in American history, takes some nerve. Extra minus points for the nasty tie and ridiculous pointed pocket handkerchief.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh, who, like the rest of the world, has been glued to CNN for the past week, at which point she spied another GOP scumbucket, Representative Matt Gaetz from Florida.

WTF’s view is that Matt has got to go, period, because he is unspeakable, as evidenced by his speech  in defence of Trump on Wednesday, during which he managed to refer to the ‘Biden Crime Family’, dead people voting and other blatant bullshit, all in the space of 90 seconds. However, Yvonne is highlighting Matt’s new quiff, which has confused people even more than his unexpected engagement on New Year’s Eve. It turns out that Elvis is alive and well and living in Pensacola. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they give WTF great cheer, as well as your tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

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WTF Rats Special

Hallo Readers and Happy New Year,

It was so obvious that Trump would not accept the results of the election. It was so obvious that he would lie that he had won, and keep on lying.  It was so obvious that he would incite his moronic followers to riot. It was even obvious that January 6 2021 was the day on which they would come to Washington DC to riot, because he has been telling everyone to turn up on that day – the day Congress would  confirm Biden’s Presidency  – and he had tweeted that the day would ‘be wild’.  And if WTF could see all this from Islington, some 3,600 miles from Washington DC, you would think that the DC Constabulary and the Capitol Police and the National Guard and the Department of Homeland Security might have given it some consideration, not to mention Harvard and Yale-educated lawyers like Senator Ted Cruz of Texas and Senator Josh Hawley of Missouri and the Leaders of the GOP who have stuck to Trump like shit to a blanket and allowed him to deny the fact Joe Biden got 7,ooo,000 more people votes than he did and 74 more Electoral College votes. They excused his ludicrous lawsuits. They told us that the people had a right to have their questions answered, when those questions had been posed  by the very people who now sought to further their political careers by airing them on the floor of the Senate and the House and on Fox News.

And guess what, Readers? Angry people flocked to DC on Wednesday. Idiotic people flocked to DC on Wednesday. Racists and gun fanatics and violent right wingers flocked to DC on Wednesday. QAnon adherents who believe that the capital is run by pedophile followers of Satan flocked to DC on Wednesday. And having listened to Trump Snr) and to Trump Jr and to Rudy Giuliani, all of whom told them to fight for America and to be ‘strong’, they marched down to the Capitol and broke in, some armed to the teeth with guns or iron bars, and trashed it. Someone hung a noose on the Western facade. Others brandished Confederate flags. A Capitol policemen died, as did a female Air Force veteran who had broken in with the mob and who was shot dead. Three others died as a result of medical episodes triggered by the riot. Congress had to adjourn its debate on whether Arizona’s electoral college votes were obtained by fraud and terrified lawmakers in gas masks were ushered to a place of safety.

And then, only then, did most of the GOP decide that they could not support Trump any longer. Oooh, he is a terrible man! Oooh, he has incited violence! Oooh, he has dishonoured the Constitution! Pass the smelling salts. And now they are making a bolt for the exit, just 13 days from the end of his term. it is too much. Not his allowing 362,000 people to die from Covid. Not his locking children in cages separated from their parents. Not his quid pro quo with Ukraine when he demanded dirt on Hunter Biden in exchange for much-needed military aid. Not his lies and insults and narcissism and innate stupidity. Not his attempt to deprive the poor of medical care in the middle of a pandemic. That they could take.  But lying face down in the House chamber while backwoodsmen went on the rampage….no, that proved too much for them.

On Wednesday Trump called his supporters ‘patriots’ and told them they were ‘very special – we love you’. Last night, knowing the game was up, he condemned the ‘heinous violence’ and admitted his term was almost over, albeit that it looked like a hostage video. The rats had finally jumped ship and he was all out of options. But how does America put out the fires he started? And you can bet he will carry on stoking.

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As we find ourselves back in lockdown, fashion disasters may be few and far between for a while, but luckily WTF has scoured the media and found some stinkers for your delectation, starting with Covid Taskforce guru Professor Chris Whitty, looking shockingly unkempt – AGAIN.

No one expectsProfessor Whitty to be a fashion plate, prancing around like Harry Styles. However, when you pop up on television every day to tell fed-up citizens to stay at home for another three months, you have to look the part. If you are bright enough to become a Professor, you can get your head around tying your tie so that the knot is approximate to your collar, and, as WTF aficionado Andrew from Canonbury remarked on an earlier occasion when Professor Whitty was featured in these pages, he seems to favour a size 17 collar on a size 14 neck.  Oh – and his complexion is that of a boiled pink prawn.

Next up we have celebritee Lauren Goodger wearing Oh Polly! Or, as WTF would prefer to say, Oh Gawd!!

Lauren has always been very keen for us to see as much of her bum as possible, and here it is again, although at least this time it is covered up. At school, WTF learned about the Continental Shelf in geography class, and here it is made (ample) flesh.

This is actress and director Regina King in Miami, wearing Louis Vuitton to a film premiere.

Ground control to Major King…. here is plenty of room for a fart or two in that spacesuit.

And now a bevy of New Year’s Eve horrors, starting with singer Taylor Swift wearing a bear’s head.

That is a very poorly bear in need of bowlfuls of honey. Why would anyone want to wear such a hideous item? WTF is put in mind of the famous stage direction from Shakespeare’s A Winter’s Tale, namely ‘exit pursued by a bear’.

To California where we encounter the gruesome twosome of Momager Kris Jenner wearing Balenciaga, and her soon-to-be-divorced FOR THE THIRD TIME daughter Kim Kardashian, who is wearing Schiaparelli.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that no matter how expensive the garment, put it on a Kardashian/Jenner (other than on Kendall Jenner) and even if it is nice to start with, it won’t be nice on them. As it happens, in this case, both the garments are so ghastly that even Kendall could not carry them off.  Kris is wearing a boiler suit that someone has tried to rip off her, exposing her lacy corset, while Kim looks like a mouldy version of Russell Crowe in Gladiator. WTF is also compelled to observe that Kim seems to have cotton wool wrapped around the middle toe of her left foot.

And now to New York  for Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and singer Doja Cat wearing not a lot.

Doja is dressed as the Tooth Fairy, preventing an Imminent Minge Moment by a few artfully-placed spangles and has covered her arse in tinsel, looking like the love child of a Christmas tree and a flapper. 

Finally the winner of the coveted WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2020 is……..

WAIT FOR IT…..

WORLD CHAMPION Racing driver Sir Lewis Hamilton !!!!

Yes he looks like a prat, but was he really the worst? REALLY??? Or were you guys just pissed off at him getting a knighthood, despite being a tax exile in Monaco? Anyway, he romped home with almost 25% of the vote, with Prime Minister Boris Johnson coming in second with 20.67% and CeeLo Green, dressed as a DFS sofa, in third place with 18.84%. But as Donald Trump found out this week, when the people have spoken, they have spoken…..

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Kathryn from Kent, a mother of two, who has had enough of panting joggers making a beeline for her and her kiddies when they are taking their hour’s constitutional in the park. Kathryn points out that there is little point staying at home to avoid exposure to Covid 19, only to get a face full of wet microbes from the said joggers as they pass within inches of you while ploughing onwards.  And God forbid that they could divert even slightly from their designated path to avoid you in case they miss the chance to shave 1.3 milli-seconds off their personal best. WTF is wholly in agreement and  she wishes to add to the hit list maskless wankers who shout into their phones in parks and elsewhere, thereby sending their turbulent vortex in your direction. They’re selfish, thoughtless and antisocial. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go so keep them coming. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

 

 

 

 

 

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WTF CHRISTMAS TURKEY POLL 2020

Hallo Readers,

It’s here!! The fabled WTF Christmas Turkey Poll for 2020, where 18 total fashion horrors await your appalled gaze and subsequent selection. They are all ghastly, and are arranged simply in first name alphabetical order, denoting no preference on WTF’s part. All you have to to do is to is choose as many horrors as you like and check the box at the bottom, as multiple choice is allowed. And when WTF says multiple choice, she does not mean that Single Transferable Votes malarkey, where you need a PhD to work out what to do. This is so much easier (or at least it should be, WordPress permitting). You can keep coming back as often as you like to vote for your favourite (or should that be least favourite?). The results will be out on January 8 2021 when WTF will be back with a bang.

As it is Christmas, there will not be the usual full rant because let us at least have one day of relative cheer.  Although this year is the first time in 9 years that a serving UK Prime Minister is among the contestants for the coveted Turkey award, and if that isn’t an indictment of the shit-show that this country has become, WTF doesn’t know what is. But she is in full agreement with aficionado Anna from Lambeth, who has nominated the ultimate It’s Got To Go. It is

2020!!!!!!

As WTF pointed out last week, 2020 has been the absolute pits. Lower than the pits, the bottom scrapings of the pits. It has been shittier than the shittiest septic tank. Covid 19. Businesses failing and people locked up at home and going bonkers. Black men and women murdered by US Police for no good reason. Donald Trump running amok, ending 2020 by undermining democracy and pardoning people whose morals are shittier than the shittiest septic tank. Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock bugging about. Priti Patel. 2021 can only be better, so let us  cross everything that is crossable, pray to whatever Deity we pray to, and hope that life rapidly improves for everybody.

Especially you, lovely Readers. Happy Christmas. Happy New Year. See you next year. Be good, wash your hands,  and remember to step away from the third helping of Christmas Pudding.

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Right, that is enough of the preliminaries. Meet the nominees.

1. Bai Ling, Chinese actress.

Bai Ling likes flashing the flesh, although this is relatively restrained for her We were at least spared a Minge Moment, although there was a flash of arse cheek. She popped up at a Taiwanese Film Festival dressed as Shanghai Lil and looking thoroughly ridiculous. Although she is to be congratulated for being able to stand in those heels, let alone balance on one leg.

2. Boris Johnson, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

No, look at him. What a mess. Hair like a loo brush, a shockingly ill-fitting suit with the jacket button hanging on for dear life and the trousers ballooning around his hips like circus jodhpurs, not to mention a shirt that does not look fresh on. He is a mess. WTF could take you down the Strand and you would see people sleeping in cardboard boxes better dressed than this.

3. CeeLo Green, American singer.

CeeLo is what our Australian friends call a big unit, but it did seem rather drastic to cut up a DFS sofa and call it an outfit, particularly one revealing a particularly portly stomach. Meanwhile, it may be a reflection of the light, but something substantial seemed to be nestling under that bent trouser leg. Just saying….

4. Chloe Ferry, British celebritee.

Yes, this is an actual woman and not a blow up sex doll, but you would be hard pressed to tell the difference. There has been a substantial interference with the workings of nature on both the face and the body, and the last time WTF saw lips like that, they were on a fishmonger’s slab. The hair started life on something or someone else and the dress was no more than a turtle-necked condom with built-in Minge Moment. 

5. Draya Michele, American TV reality star.

Another Minge Moment, this time formed from the remnants of her Christmas wrapping ribbons. Extra minus points for the visible tattoos and the gormless expression.

6. Ezra Miller, American actor.


It is not the fact that he was wearing a dress, it is the fact that he was wearing THAT dress. with a giant tit window, displaying his hairy chest and his belly button. And those ugly seams on the footless tights. Prat.

7. Gemma Collins, UK reality celebritee.

This is all a nightmare, from the swimming cap like Esther Williams to the slithery, I’ve-just-thrown-up-everywhere veterinary-nurse scrubs, to the revolting Louis Vuitton vomit-pastel handbag, to the sparkly trainers. Just. Very. Bad.

8. Gwen Stefani, American singer.

Gwen wore this for the final of The Voice, where she is a Judge, and it just very silly. As WTF described it at the time, it was as if Odile from Swan Lake had attempted to crawl out of a casement window and got stuck while flowers died around her…..

9. Jared Leto, American actor. Scroll down slowly….

Jared wears a lot of Gucci, as he is besties with its chief designer, Alessandro Michele. This offering had a Mad Merlin shirt and shorts combo and then the silly logo-ed sock and slides. And the mun (man-bun). If Roy Wood from Wizard had a lovechild with Merlin, Jared is what he would look like.

10. Laverne Cox, American actress.

There is drama and there is foolishness. This left foolishness about ten miles back and is now heading towards insanity, a spangled swimsuit worn with a gold shower curtain and a toothy grin.

11. Lauren Goodger, UK Z lister.

Lauren has altered parts of her body with a combination of plastic surgery and photoshop, but here she was snapped by paparazzi as is, showing a lot of leg and a preponderance of arse cheeks. Lauren seems to think that people really, really, want to see her arse cheeks. As CNN would say, here is Breaking News….  they don’t.

12. Lewis Hamilton, British World Champion racing driver.

Lewis has always enjoyed looking like an idiot, and he was at it again, scooting along to a Grand Prix in the sort of outfit sported by seniors who have retired to Florida, a matching flowerpot hat AND PINK SOCKS.

13. Machine Gun Kelly, American rapper.

MGK always looks as if he has just crawled out from under a charity clothing pile, but he hit new lows here in what looked like a pair of silk incontinence trousers and a slashed-neck top allowing us full inspection of some very nasty tattoos seemingly drawn by a four year old child. And what was with the silver space boots?

14. Maisie Williams, British actress.

Angling is the most popular sport in the UK, but most people do not go out and about doing it in a Dior fisherman’s smock and matching wellies.

15. Rita Ora, British singer.

Rita omits few opportunities to show us some or all of her person, and her trip to Milan for Fashion Week was no exception. The jacket was lovely, but sadly she omitted to wear anything underneath it, like trousers or a skirt or leggings. WTF can only be thankful that she was wearing pants, but is not thankful for having to look at the said pants, or, for that matter,  the absurd French courtesan booties.

16. Sofia Carson, American actress. Again, scroll down slowly.

It was all going very well until we got to the skirt, where the beautifully made Giambattista Valli dress stopped being a dress and transmogrified into something closely resembling that revolving spit in Turkish and Greek restaurants selling chicken shawarma. 

17. Steflon Don, British rapper.

Yikes. Nothing went with anything else, she forgot her top, and the shorts were rather too short to cover the tops of her thighs. WTF also has a marked aversion to sunglasses worn at night.

18. Yungblud, British rapper.

He was wearing a cheetah-patterned straitjacket, a spiked necklace like a rabid pit bull terrier and lilac socks. And his hair made him look as though he had been plugged directly into the socket.

 

Alright, Readers, it’s now over to you. Get voting. Keep voting. Tell all your friends to vote and to keep voting. Off you go…..

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WTF 2020 is Nearly Over Special

Hallo Readers, 

Hang on in there, 2020 is almost done. What a vile year it has been. Hundreds of thousands of people across the world dead from something we had never even heard of in 2019. Worse, the whole thing was handled in many countries, including our own, with a level of incompetence that you could not have imagined. Trump and his mate from Brazil started off by ignoring the whole thing, and then, when it proved to be impossible to ignore and started killing people in droves, he mocked those who tried not to die of it whilst simultaneously taking credit for fighting it off. Johnson started off in the same vein, but then took it seriously after it out him in Intensive Care, since when he has veered wildly between excess and indecision. But as we have seen across the world, Government action is only as good as the willingness of its citizens to observe it. And many citizens here and in the US and elsewhere are very unwilling to observe it. They don’t believe in Covid, and it’s all a hoax, or just like the ‘flu, and they don’t know anyone who’s had it, and even if they have had it, they got over it, and I’m going down the pub without a mask and thence to shop in a crowded Oxford Street. And then the infection rates shoot up and those self same people complain that their unalienable right to infect the hell out of everyone else has been infringed. Because this is 2020 and the apotheosis of Fuck You All.

Many take the view of those who have died that, to quote Macbeth, they should have died thereafter. They had underlying conditions. They were old. They were fat. Some of them had underlying conditions, were old and were fat. WTF was however unaware that this guarantees an automatic death sentence. Some of her best friends have underlying conditions or are old or are fat and some of them qualify under more than one heading, probably including her. The selfishness of consigning others to the morgue so that you can sink a pint of beer and stuff a scotch egg into your face shows the callousness to which society has sunk. The legacy of 2020 saw us applauding health workers who sacrificed their lives to help others while continuing to ensure that they had plenty of work to do, and to abuse those who tried to point that out.

And let us not forget George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and Rayshard Brooks and the slow dawning realisation on white people that black people had a point. When taking the knee became a mark of respect (except at Millwall and Burnley Football Clubs). And that some white people could not hear the phrase ‘Black Lives Matter’ without resounding chippily ‘well White Lives matter too’, completely ignoring the fact that no one had to say that aloud because that was never the issue.

Sadly, despite the heroism of some, the hope brought by the vaccine against Covid, the vaccine against Trump that is Joe Biden and a new administration of grownups waiting in the wings, WTF will remember 2020 not just for the initial fear of dying, the deprivation of the company of her friends and family, and the sheer tedium of being stuck at bloody home, but for the growing recognition on her part that a lot of people are irredeemably stupid and a lot of people, and sometimes they are the same ones, are horribly selfish, and that hating people is the new Christianity. So let us hope that 2021 is better.  Because how could it possibly be worse?

Happy Holidays Readers. WTF will be back on Christmas Day with a cracking WTF Christmas Turkey Poll, and then back again on Friday 8 January 2021. 

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We start our final 2020 survey of the week’s clothing cloaca with Trade Minister Liz Truss, wearing something unpleasant.

This was brought to WTF’s attention by WTF aficionado Sue Peters, who was not happy with Liz’ crumpled and ill-fitting trousers, badly-cut, too-short, jacket and mumsy blouse. Even the shoes are terrible. It’s all terrible. WTF would not pop into the supermarket wearing this, let alone wear it to hobnob with Swiss Leaders on UK business. She looks like a bar mitzvah boy in a new suit. Only this kid looks way better than Liz does…. (and he can read Hebrew).

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Next, more evidence that singer Harry Styles and Gucci are a lethal combination.

The jeans-shorts are called ‘jorts’ and they are foul, especially when worn with white socks and lounge-lizard loafers. The whole look is very reminiscent of Prince Louis on the balcony of Buckingham Palace. Only he is a toddler and very cute.

Next up, two looks from the US version of The Voice. First, singer Kelly Clarkson. wearing Bronx and Banco.

If the Sheriff of Nottingham had sex with a drawing room curtain, this is what their lovechild would look like.

Here we are at the Scottish BAFTAs with host Edith Bowman wearing Anna Mason.

Not only does the colour take her out like a Granit Xhaka tackle, but she is also a dead ringer for a brown paper Christmas tree.

 

And here is singer Gwen Stefani, wearing Zoe Charbel.

Minge Moment Alert! It is as if Odile from Swan Lake had attempted to crawl out of a casement window and got stuck while flowers died around her…..

To the MOBO Awards, where nonsense abounded, including You Tuber Zeze Millz wearing Asissata Levi Ibrahima.

And here’s another Minge Moment Alert. This whole thing is even worse than Gwen’s effort because it is ugly and looks like cheap satin and polythene. WTF has said this before and she will say it again.  See-through trousers are neither use nor ornament. Not to mention that the jacket was designed for, ahem, a smaller person with less tit, and her napkin is still in her lap on her leaving the dinner table.

To end on a low note, here is English model Leomie Anderson wearing Jean Paul Gauthier. CAREFUL NOW!!

It’s a trio of Minge Moments, but this one has every other sort of Moment as well. Move over Eve…..

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from anyone with a brain who just wants Donald Trump to go away, which he seems very reluctant to do. And when he does, if he does, in a few week’s time, he can also take that ridiculous hair with him. Have you ever studied the back view?

 It is fair to say that the back view of Donald stepping aboard that helicopter on the South Lawn for the last time is what we are all praying for, but what is that ridge thing on the back of his head? Is it a wire planted by Vladimir Putin? Is it some large staple which sticks that mass of hair down? What the actual fuck? Anyway, whatever it is, both he and It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go so keep them coming. Let us meet again on Christmas Day. Be good and stay safe.

 

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