WTF Knacker’s Yard Special

Hallo Readers,

This week Parliament finally got to vote on Mrs Maybe’s Brexshit deal. To the surprise of absolutely no one, Parliament rejected it. To the surprise of quite a few, it did not just reject it, it jumped up and down on it, kicked it in the goolies, cocked its collective leg over it and then dumped the putrid, mutilated, corpse into a skip. The losing margin of 230 was the largest Parliamentary defeat ever in the history of ever. But on a Vote of Confidence in the self-same Government that had just had its deal rejected, all the Tory MPs who had voted against it, including all the MPs who had voted against the Prime Minister only a few weeks ago, and the DUP, which had been screaming bloody murder all week, trooped merrily through the lobbies to support the woman whose bill they had so comprehensively trashed twenty-four hours earlier. Why? Because half of them did not want an election where the Will of the People could be tested, even though the Will of the People was what they were supposedly fighting for. And the other half of them did not want an election where the Will of the People could be tested, even though the Will of the People was what they were supposedly fighting against, because they want a second referendum instead, or simply just to scrap the whole thing. Meanwhile the Opposition, which did want to test the Will of the People, was actually offering the same option, i.e. Brexshit, as the Government it was seeking to topple, even though this is not party policy. Now the UK has 70 days to come up with something, anything, before the trapdoor opens, and Parliament will not vote for a No-Deal departure either. Instead, Mrs Maybe, who has repeatedly insisted upon upholding the Will of the People and delivering Brexshit, will probably have to postpone our departure currently scheduled for 29 March, or call the whole thing off. Or come up with a better deal, which she can’t. Not to mention that she kept telling us that no other deal could be obtained.

Here’s the thing, Readers. Everyone is making a terrible fool of themselves, and we have become an international laughing stock. What is the point of it? This is not so much flogging a dead horse as attempting to ride it in the Grand National – it is a non starter. It is disqualified before it even gets to the starting gate, let alone the finishing line. Everyone knows it isn’t going to be happen. So why are we investing all this time and effort and expense in stabling it, grooming it, feeding it and advertising its next race? Why aren’t we taking it to the knackers’ yard and at least getting a few quid for the corpse?

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This week, our review of the week’s sartorial slurry comes from the Critics Choice Awards where a variety of horror awaited our appalled gaze. We begin with Roseanne actress and producer Sara Gilbert and her wife, singer Linda Perry.

Sara has forgotten to brush her hair but otherwise passes muster but sadly the same cannot be said of her spouse, whose outfit can best be described as Sir Francis Bacon in platform boots and a flasher mac. And what’s with the mouth, like a giant cold sore?

Director and comedian Bo Burnham wearing Thom Browne.

Bo seems to have been sliced in half and put into two different suits and socks before re-assembly; the only things the two halves have in common are that the jackets are too short and the trousers have had a catastrophic fall out with Bo’s ankles.

Actress Lucy Boynton wearing Gucci.

This is just a bad nightie with very frilly tittage. 

Lucy should have got together with his director, Boots Riley, and his lady friend.

She is dressed as an extra from Oklahoma! Boots (né Raymond) is wearing a dressing gown. For some reason, he took great exception to newspapers pointing out that he was wearing a dressing gown. WTF can clear this matter up. Newspapers pointed this out because Boots was wearing a dressing gown. He might as well have complained that they said he was wearing glasses.

Actress Dina Shihabi, wearing Sandra Mansour.


This dress is like a (rightly) discarded costume for a budget pantomime production of Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves. The whole thing is just terribly, terribly, terrible, but that glowing green inter-galatic thing around her hips looks positively radio-active.

Actor Stephan James wearing Thom Browne.

Thom Browne does it again. Stephan must have spent the night with people asking him to bring them another Chablis or more cashews. And why is he wearing combat boots?

Actress Judith Light wearing Christian Siriano.

Cruella de Vil lives.

He’s back again, and WTF suspects we will be seeing him right through Awards season. Here is Cody Fern wearing vintage Yohji Yamamoto and foul Maison Martin Margiela Tabi boots.

Seeing as the suit is vintage, WTF did wonder whether the moths had got at it, but has since concluded that it was indeed designed like that so as to allow emergency access to the wearer’s pancreas. As for the Tabi Boots, WTF is sick of seeing them.

TV host Carrie Keagan wearing Victor Lopez.

Which is the more offensive? Is it the Minge Moment, or those tassels dangling from her shoulders like the entrance to a Kuala Lumpur knocking shop?

Finally, actor Billy Porter wearing Rinat Brodach.

Sartorially speaking, Billy is the gift that keeps on giving and here he has gift-wrapped himself in brown silk more wrinkled that a Shar Pei’s bum and a bow big enough to encase the Statue of Liberty.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is from WTF aficionado and stalwart Leslie from Lisson Grove, who has taken great issue with this male legwear and with very good reason. Are you ready? You won’t be….meet the concept of Mantyhose manufactured by e-MANcipate. I mean, the names themselves merit a slap before you even get to the horror of the picture.

Why would anyone, male or female, want to wear something that makes them appear to have ulcerative colitis?. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not neglect to send your splendid comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

 

 

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Posted in Brexit, Critics'' Choice Awards, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Jeremy Corbyn, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | 6 Comments

WTF Grayling Special

 

Happy New Year, Readers,
 
But is it?
 
In any sane country, Chris Grayling, Secretary of State, would long since have been consigned to a home for the terminally useless, where he would present even the most skilled physicians with their greatest challenge to date. This King Midas is not so much in reverse as hurtling backwards over a cliff at full speed, showering citizens with ordure as he crashes down to earth. But this is not a sane country, far from it, and so Grayling is in charge of Transport, and in particular, transport in the event of a no-deal Brexshit. Brexshit is already a mess. Add Grayling to the mix, making the mess messier, and you have the perfect storm. Continuing his practice of making a cock-up of everything he touches, he has awarded a £14m contract to run cross-Channel ferries to Seaborne Ferries, a company with no ferries, which has never traded and some of whose directors have a colourful business history. The theory is that we will need extra freight arrangements in order to ease the backlog once we are out of the Customs Union, at which point the the M20 will become a parking lot, Danish insulin will be held up at Calais for days and Dutch tulips will wilt in a 50km queue at Ostend. Even the rehearsal for this scenario was an unmitigated disaster, with £60,000 gurgling down the plughole on an exercise where an insufficient number of trucks volunteered, even at £550 a time, to cause a traffic jam. Matters took a yet more comical turn when the company’s standard terms and conditions turned out to be copied from a home food delivery business, prompting much merriment and cries of “Mine’s a pepperoni pizza with extra mozzarella”. Grayling is, as ever, unrepentant, safe in the knowledge that May cannot sack him as she is a bit short of candidates. Once upon a time, Ministers resigned when they screwed up. Now they  hand out millions to a company where one director’s previous company sank without trace, owing a fortune to Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs, and another director was once banged up for unlawful possession of a shotgun, and then they pop up on TV and radio, boasting of their pride in supporting a “start-up business”. With our money.
 
Meanwhile, shaven-headed yobs with the IQ of a root vegetable are bravely protecting our democracy by harassing and intimidating Remain MPs, most notably Anna Soubry, calling them Nazis and Fascists, and issuing threats against police officers, declaring them to be “fair game”. One hero was caught on camera telling a black copper “and you’re not even fucking British, Mate”. Perish the thought that these protesters could ever be described as “racists”. They just want the Will Of The People to prevail, even though many of The People did not understand the consequences of what they were voting for, and were spoon-fed lies by the ladleful. But the People Have Spoken and so here we are, less than three months from B Day, adrift on a friendless sea, our Grayling-commissioned vessel fatally holed below the waterline, and the crew frantically steering it onto the rocks while we bail out the water with jam jars. There are life boats, or the options of changing course or delaying the journey, but Admiral May is determined not to use any of them. As Dido sang, “I will go down with this ship”….

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Our first dip of 2019 into the week’s clothing cloaca is at the Golden Globes in Hollywood, the first of the annual Awards for thespian types. We begin with musician and singer Joanna Newsom, wife of presenter Andy Samberg, wearing Rodarte.


Wearing your heart on your sleeve is one thing. Wearing your heart on your tits is quite another, especially when it is not anatomically accurate and it is also transparent, showcasing visible nipple activity (VNA).

Next up, we have actor Billy Porter, wearing Randi Rahm.

Billy is like a verdant meadow in velvet pumps and white socks. But WTF does admire the shocking pink silk lining, like the dress Marilyn Monroe wore in “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend”.

Next up, we have Killing Eve actress Jodie Comer, wearing Ralph & Russo.

For some reason, Jodie has come dressed as David Copperfield’s aunt, Miss Betsey Trotwood.

Next up, we have actress Indya Moore, wearing Louis Vuitton.

Indya is modelling the newest prototype for Donald Trump’s Big Beautiful Wall. This one really fits the bill, as it is see-through and is apparently made of steel. Sadly, recent tests have demonstrated that you can cut right through Trumpy’s wall. One can but pray that Indya has come prepared….

This is young actor Timothée Chalamet, wearing also Louis Vuitton.

Timothée is a dedicated follower of fashion, and so he has permitted Vuitton to dress him in a sparkling kiddie harness and some very snug-fitting trewsies.

Actress Julianne Moore wearing Givenchy.

Oh Julianne! White is so not your colour, but even worse, you look as if you are in a neck sling. And considering that the outfit is custom made, it doesn’t fit.  

Here is actor Bradley Cooper wearing Gucci with partner, model Irina Shayk, wearing Versace. Irina looks lovely. Bradley does not.

Bradley is wearing a truly terrible suit, like a louche steward on a cruise liner, with elephant vagina crotch and a comedy bow tie.

Actress Kate Beckinsale popped into one of the after parties, wearing Aardnevik.

This appears to be an elongated white Christmas tree that has fallen into the hands of a crazed topiarist, complete with minge fringe.

This is actress Debra Messing wearing Pamela Roland.

At first, WTF thought that a bear had escaped from one of the National Parks, what with the rangers being furloughed for the duration of the US Government shutdown, but then she realised that it was just Debra in a ludicrous frock.

This is Australian actor Cody Fern,wearing head-to-toe Maison Martin Margiela.

Er…OK. It is different, certainly, and very well made, but it is also on the far end of the WEIRD spectrum, with a double helping of extra weird. Margiela’s unforgivable devil’s hoof Tabi boots have previously featured in It’s Got To Go, and rightly so because to call them dog ugly would be a gross insult to canines.

And finally, we have actress Anne Hathaway wearing Elie Saab.

A Boudicca metal breastplate (what happens if the sun shines directly on it, your tits must cook like a couple of chicken fillets) and a skirt for which several animals seem to have died in vain. Why has the World Wildlife Fund not protested? It’s hideous.

And for those who missed the announcement, the winner of the WTF Christmas Turkey 2019 was….drumroll……ASAP ROCKY!!

ASAP Rocky

WTF described this as at the time as Princess Margaret meets Noël Coward and many of you agreed. He was clearly in the lead from the off and stayed there with around 14% of the vote.

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This weeks It’s Got To Go is from Claire from Boston, Mass. who has taken great issue with the use of nouns as verbs, particularly the word “gifting”, which she maintains does not exist, not even at all. Recently even The Daily Telegraph used the word in respect of our own Glorious Majesty, who “​gifted” tiaras to Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle. The Daily Telegraph!! Is this the end of civilisation as we know it?  Because it certainly seems like it. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not neglect to send your splendid comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Golden Globes, racism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF All-Male Christmas Turkey Poll 2018


Hallo Readers

Yes, it is that time of the year again. I mean, the time to vote for the WTF Christmas Turkey 2018 (it went quickly, didn’t it?). This year, after six years of men and women vying for the much-coveted prize, this is an all-male line-up, such is the shockingness of their apparel this year. Men’s fashion has gone totally batshit crazy. Their trousers are not on speaking terms with their ankles. Their jackets are not covering their bums. Their jackets are sometimes worn without shirts or teeshirts, not even of any kind. Their brogues are sans socks. Here are twenty examples of male madness for you to choose from. Remember that you can vote for as many people as you like, and as often as you like – none of that single transferable vote stuff here, just good old fashion ticks in the appropriate box or boxes. The guys here appear in first name alphabetical order which absolutely denotes no preference on WTF’s part.

It remains to wish you all a very Happy Christmas, a Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays generally. WTF will be back, tanned and rested, on 11 January 2019.

So – to business. Here is your selection of twenty fashion faux-pas. Off you go!

1.  ASAP Rocky, rapper.

Rocky is usually very dapper, and is the face of Dior Homme. But here he is in Gucci, looking like a cross between HRH Princess Margaret and Noël Coward. Extra minus points for the ridiculous fur-lined slippers.

2. Billy Porter, entertainer.

Several months have passed since Billy appeared in the weekly blog, a prat in a hat, but WTF’s opinion has not changed. Billy is wearing a used condom as a coat. And strangely, that is not even the worst part of it, because that top is truly unforgivable.

3. David Potts, celebritee.

The suit is heinous, and he needs to take several sizes up and lose the tie. Or keep the tie and lose the suit. Or, preferably, both. The same goes for the pose which makes him look like a little boy at his first ballet class.

4. Gareth Gates, singer, (seen here with fiancée Faye Brookes).

Is crushed velvet a thing again? And even if it is, this is the colour of a sick person’s poo, and is a perfect example of a too-short jacket and too-short trousers, and is also very tight over the unmentionables.

5. Harry Styles, singer.

Like crushed velvet, flares seem to be back, but these trousers are not so much flares as a couple of inverted Laura Ashley lampshades.

6. Jalen Mills, American footballer.

Just because he has a tattooed chest does not mean that it can be worn in substitution for a shirt. The watch and the neck chain must weigh about the same as a whole room in Fort Knox, and there is no excuse for having a frog perched on your head.

7. Jared Leto, actor.

Ah Jared! Bless him! As WTF remarked at the time, this is Game of Thrones meets American Pie.

8. JaVale McGee, basketball player.

WTF cannot improve on the tweet from a JaVale fan at the time, observing, ‘I get that it’s Gucci or whatever, but do you really gotta put that shit on your waist ‘n all, u could’ve just left it in the car or some shit. That’s why they got Pockets for that stuff.’  Indeed.

9. Jonathan van Ness, TV fashion guru.

It isn’t that he is wearing a skirt. It is actually rather a nice skirt. It is the sheer top, the visible shorts, and the Angelina Jolie Oscars pose. Yurgle.

10. Julian Schnabel, artist and film director.

Yes, he is a famous artist and film director, but facts are facts, and it is a fact that he is wearing his pyjamas on the Cannes Red Carpet. He may have a blazer over it with toning buttons, but they are still pyjamas. End of.

11. Kanye West, rapper, seen with wife Kim Kardashian.

It takes a lot of effort to look worse than Kim, but Kanye manages it effortlessly.  The suit may be Vuitton, but he seems to have slept in it, there is chest instead of shirt, and he is wearing slides from his label Yeezy WITH GREY SOCKS.

12. Laurence Fishburne, actor.

WTF aficionado  Philippa Charles asked “are those trousers on L Fishburne or did he have to do some crafty work with a tablecloth after an unfortunate spillage/splittage???“ And frankly, there can be no other explanation.

13. Lewis Hamilton, racing driver.

Lewis specialises in looking like a pillock, and this is pillock plus. Having dissed his little nephew for wearing a skirt, and being covered in obloquy as a result, (including bolting out of nowhere to win last year’s WTF Christmas Turkey), Lewis thought he would make amends by appearing in this Tommy Hilfiger-designed kilt. The question is, what is he going to wear next year to make amends to the Scots for this year?

14. Nick Cannon, singer and TV talent-show judge.

On the plus side, it is very colourful. On the minus side, it is seriously terrible, and that includes the headscarf and sunglasses.

15. Nico Tortorella, actor.

Since when did fashion consist of a string vest, pyjama bottoms, a kimono with writing on it, and a hat last seen on Michael Crawford in Some Mothers Do ‘Ave Them? Oooooh, Betty.

16. Patrick Starr, makeup artist.

If a giant orange Gerbera Daisy went to a fancy dress party as Carmen Miranda, this is what it would look like.

17.  Pedro Capó  singer.

This suit, like a cloth backgammon board, is capable of causing severe retinal damage and constitutes a veritable health hazard. And he isn’t wearing socks.

18. Robert Pattinson, actor.

It is all going so well until the kneecaps and then it all goes horribly wrong, an overgrown schoolboy with skinny little legs and a farouche expression.

19. Thom Yorke, singer.

The suit is like the dark blue section of the Dulux colour chart and is made much, much, worse by those slides. Gentlemen – please remember that if you show your toes, you need to get a pedicure first. Thank you.

20. Tommy Dorfman, actor.

This is designed by Thom Browne, the man who gave us the shorts suit. Ironically, this is the time when a pair of shorts would have been very welcome, as the whole thing is very Britney Spears singing ‘Whoops, I Did It Again’.

 

OK readers, get voting!!!! See you on 11 January. Love and kisses to you all.

 

Posted in Cannes Film Festival, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Grammys, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

WTF Pink Elephant Special

Hallo Readers,

It is almost Christmas and so WTF thought she would end the year with a fairytale for you. Next week will bring you the fabled WTF Christmas Turkey 2018, and then there will be a break until 11 January 2019 while WTF suns herself on the other side of the world and drinks a lot of Riesling and Pinot Noir.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.

Once upon a time, a girl called Theresa lived in a big, tall house in the middle of a city. Theresa was the city’s leader and was obliged to do the people’s bidding. And the people had asked for two pink flying elephants circling above the main square singing ‘Happy’. Now Theresa knew that this request was impossible, but she was a dutiful girl and she tried her hardest to make this happen. She travelled to the Land of the Elephants and had many meeting with Herr Tusk, the Chief Elephant Master, but, as she knew she would, she failed. And so she was obliged to return to the city and tell the people that there were no pink flying elephants, not even of any kind, but that she was holding an option on two grey elephants, who could neither fly nor sing. All they could do was to walk round and round making loud trumpeting sounds and blowing watery snot at onlookers. Oh – and there was a lengthy minimum hire period for the elephants, and a possibility that the lease could go on for years.

The people were furious. The ones who had wanted pink, flying, elephants singing ‘Happy’ refused to accept grey, perambulating, elephants who could not sing and who blew watery snot at them. Those who had always thought that it was cruel to put elephants on show at all were also scornful. Everyone demanded that Theresa return to Herr Tusk to get a better deal, and, if she couldn’t, then she should step down and let the evil pygmies, Mophead and Moggy, carry out the negotiations instead. Mophead and Moggy had promised the people that they would get tough with Herr Tusk and would demand pink, flying, elephants that not only sang ‘Happy’ but also ‘Three Lions on the Shirt’. And if Herr Tusk still failed to oblige, they would buy elephants from somewhere else, spray them pink and fly them around the square on wires, and to hell with the health and safety regulations, which were probably imposed by Herr Tusk in the first place.

The people were not given a vote on whether to go with Theresa or with Mophead and Moggy. Instead, the burghers of the city  had a secret vote and chose Theresa, sending Mophead and Moggy and their pygmy followers scampering back into the shadows. Theresa had won! She was so happy. Except that she now had to go back to Herr Tusk and ask him for pastel-coloured, flying, elephants that sang  ‘Happy’  or at least ask whether she could take the grey, non-singing, elephants on approval. But Herr Tusk held firm. It was the grey, non-singing, elephants on a long lease or nothing at all.

And the thing is, boys and girls, there was no magic wand to turn grey into pink, or perambulating into flying, or watery snot-blowing into singing. There would be no happy ending for Theresa, Mophead, Moggy, the pygmies, or the people. Because there is no such thing as a pink, flying, elephant. An elephant cannot sing Happy. And the moral of the story is not to ask for things you cannot get………

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flatulence at the British Fashion Awards in London and singer Olly Murs, wearing River Island Man.

WTF went off wearing brown after the 1970’s, when she had a very fetching brown Afghan coat with orange embroidery, and a pair of brown platform boots which could only be closed by lying on the bed with one’s leg up at a right angle and a metal coat hook pulling at the zip. Olly’s brown suit makes him look like a draylon teddy bear with black facings and slip-on sneakers.

Next up, we have model and actress Suki Waterhouse, wearing Mulberry.

One can only conclude that Suki spilt something on her skirt or trousers. There is short. And there is a scalloped snatch-sighting. And this is in danger of becoming the latter any moment.

This is model Doutzen Kroes, wearing David Koma.

If a woman with bad liver spots went hula hooping, this is what she would look like.

Finally from this event, we have actress Kristen Scott-Thomas, wearing Valentino.

There is enough fabric here for a small marquee and she appears to have lost an arm in some dreadful accident.

We now move to Los Angeles and the premiere of the movie Aquaman, starring actress Amber Heard, who is becoming something of a fixture in this blog, wearing Minge Maestro, Julien Macdonald.

If there is a body part to be flashed, Julien is your man and this is very typical of his oeuvre. He has dressed Amber as a scaly sea-creature with a minge panel and no feet.

Next we go to an event for designers Herring & Herring, where we encounter actress Olivia Munn,wearing Yanina Couture.

Olivia is wearing a sheer dress patterned with little Regency-period ladies and gentlemen, including one gentleman who appears to be hovering unnervingly close to her lady parts. One should not be expected to put up with scenes of gross indecency on someone’s skirt. WTF has spoken.

This is actress and singer Tessa Thompson wearing Marc Jacobs.

Tessa’s outfit is the lovechild of Aladdin and one of the Duchess of Cornwall’s wedding hats, and she also has a turd on her head.

We haven’t seen actor Jared Leto for a while, but we always knew that he would return – and he has.

Jared is giving us a mashup of Game of Thrones and American Pie, and it is to be deplored.

We are now in London at the Capital FM Jungle bell Ball where we meet singer Marina Diamandis, wearing who can even say what this is?

Wearing a croptop shorts suit decorated with scrunched-up doilies over a pair of net curtains fashioned into trousers is a new one to WTF, and it is an experience that she could happily have lived without, and hopes fervently to be able to do so in the future.

Also there was singer Ellie Goulding, wearing something extremely bad.

WTF is sorry to see Ellie in white incontinence pants and matching bralet over a white shroud, which is not so much ethereal as excruciating.

And last, bringing up the rear, literally, at the Women in Music festival, we have singer Janelle Monáe wearing a deeply preposterous ensemble by Gareth Pugh.

Cowboys wear chaps, yes, but over jeans. They do not have their crotches on display, and with good reason, because when the wind comes whistling through Wyoming, you do not want your nether regions exposed to the elements. These are pinstriped nappy-chaps, and they are manifestly not up to the job. 

The problem with pinstriped nappy-chaps is they do not cover your arse. It might do for Brokeback Mountain but they are ill-advised for ordinary wear. And the length of the trousers is a health hazard.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. We had a bumper fashion fiasco section this week and so It’s Got To Go became It’s Had To Go. But keep sending in your comments and your splendid suggestions for future editions of It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

Posted in Barack Obama, Boris Johnson, Brexit, British Fashion Awards 2018, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Labour Party, Texas, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Revelations Special

Hallo Readers,

This week brought a number of revelations, all of them surprising. Revelation number one. The German word for ‘shitstorm’ is ‘shitstorm’. It appears that our main contribution to the EU will be the word ‘shitstorm’. What a legacy. As Christina Rossetti almost said,

Remember me when I am gone away 

Gone far away into the silent land

When you can no more hold me by the hand,

Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay….

Yet if You should forget me for a while, and afterwards remember….

Remember I gave you the word shitstorm.

Not of course that we are going very far away, should May’s deal go through. Revelation number two – her proposal has us stuck temporarily in the EU, part in, part out, without a say in anything but still paying through the nose for the privilege of Great Britain staying in the customs union and Northern Ireland remaining in the single market, with the border floating about somewhere in the ether, until we can negotiate a better deal and finally leave. Except that we now know that the Attorney General advised the Government that we may never be able to leave because the Transition Agreement may not allow it, even were the negotiations to fail – or never start at all. We will be in limbo, flailing about like a character in a Greek myth, trapped forever by our own hubris. Which brings us to revelation number three. A Government can be held in Contempt of Parliament. It happened this week after May refused to hand over the aforesaid legal advice in full because she said it was privileged (despite having waived the privilege by talking about it). And no wonder she did not want us to see it, as  it showed that her plan was more stark-bollock-naked than the Emperor in Hans Christian Anderson’s fairy tale. Revelation number four. When the deal is rejected in Parliament next Tuesday, as it will be, the idea of a second referendum, once reviled as the stupidest idea since David Cameron promised us a referendum to shut up the UKIP-inclined contingent in the Tory party, may not be as unlikely as everyone once thought because the alternative is even worse, to leave without a deal and be out of everything with no guarantee of anything and the likely dissolution of the Union to boot. Oh and revelation number five, hot off the press. There will be no Brexit Deal showdown between May and Corbyn on ITV or BBC as no one can agree on its timing or format. WTF’s idea to merge the debate with the final of I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here came to nothing, Like everything else about this debacle.

There are times when WTF wonders whether May has been playing a blinder, making Brexit so hopeless that everyone would say ‘oh to hell to it, let’s stay in after all’.  She probably hasn’t. But it would be lovely to think that she has been a leopard-skin-shod Trojan horse all along, making fools out of Johnson and Gove and Davies and Fox and little Moggy. Not that they needed any help….

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We start our review of the week’s clothing crapulousness with actress Mandy Moore at the Hollywood Reporter Power 100 Women in Entertainment party, wearing Gabriela Hurst.

Readers, over the years you and I have become used to a tit window, but this is an appalling new phenomenon, a tit window with curtains. and not just that, but a hearse tit window with half curtains. 

This is rapper ASAP Rocky wearing Dior Homme.

Rocky, the new face of Dior Man, is trying his best to look good in a lacy see-through shirt, silver foil trewsies and overpriced trainers. But it is a task beyond anyone, even a cool dude like him.

To the British Independent Film Awards in London where we encounter the new Dr Who, actress Jodie Whittaker, wearing Aphid London and Louboutin bootees.

If a time machine could whisk Jodie back to the moment before she put on this frillfest and hideous booties like a Regency doxy, WTF would bet a penny to a pinch of shit that she would hop right on board. 

Actor Christopher Meloni at the Netfliux premiere of Roma, wearing a load of old tat.

Christopher used to play mean, moody and manly Detective Eliot Stabler, partnering the lovely, touchy-feely, Detective Olivia Benson on Law & Order – Special Victims’ Unit. Then he stomped out in a huff because of a dispute over money and since then he has been largely anonymous, occasionally pitching up wearing shocking outfits like this one. No one should wear a back-to-front baseball cap, and particularly not a man in his late 50s, because it makes everyone look like a prat.

To Melbourne where we meet the designer duo behind the Australian label Romance Was Born, Luke Sales and Anna Plunkett.

He looks like Luciano Pavarotti singing Rudolfo in La Bohème. Anna resembles the Australian galah bird in fuchsia bootees.

And now a couple of total shockers from the Versace Front Row in New York. First actress Tracee Ellis Ross.

The dress is a gorgeous colour but the tits are more adrift than a couple of castaways and for reasons which are far from clear, she has curtain ties hanging from the hem and ears. Yurgle.

And here we have actor Norman Reedus and his beloved, actress Diane Kruger.

Diane used to go out with lovely Joshua Jackson, but then switched her attention to Norman, who looks like a cut price Sean Bean with bad hair. He is in the sort of a foul checked suit worn by a bookie’s runner. WTF does not even know what Diane is supposed to be wearing but, like Tracee, it is not doing the job in the tits department, or indeed, in any department, not even at all.

Finally, brace yourselves, because here is über-ghastly health guru Gillian McKeith. One hopes that she is not making another bid for the coveted WTF Christmas Turkey this year because it is going to be an all-male affair…..

Gillian sprang to fame on TV examining people’s poo. Now she has taken to wearing it. 

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Sue from London, who has taken against Melania Trump’s Christmas decorations for the White House featuring these blood-red trees.

There is festive, there is folly and there is Hammer House of Horror. This is not so much Christmas as Nightmare on Pennsylvania Avenue. The present incumbents of number 1600 are quite frightening enough with adding this bloodbath into the mix. One expects Freddy Kruger to pop out from behind the foliage at any minute. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not neglect to send your splendid comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, David Cameron, David Davis, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Nigel Farage, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Rake Special

Hallo Readers,

It is a misapprehension amongst people of very small brain that because it is very cold in certain places at the moment, there is no such thing as climate change. Step forward Donald J. Trump, who noted that the US East Coast was experiencing the coldest Thanksgiving since, like, forever. (Donald himself was at his luxury golf resort in sunny Florida on the taxpayers’ dime, revelling in his preferred decor of gilded splendour like Louis XIV’s biggest and best wet dream. When asked what he was most grateful for this thanksgiving, he replied – for himself). ‘Whatever happened to global warming?’ he crowed. To which most people replied, ‘Whatever happened to the time when the US President had either a brain or advisers with a brain – or both?’ Trump gave us more insight into his unique blend of ignorance and fantasy when he visited the site of the devastating Camp Fire in Northern California, which has killed 86 people with hundreds more missing.  (The Kardashians apparently hired their own fire service to protect their home. Most people might find that a little expensive). According to Trump, the fires had nothing to do with the drought that has afflicted the state, leaving everything so dry that the place was a natural hazard. No, it was because the forests were not properly maintained (side note – the forests in California fall under Federal management. i.e. him. And he’s cut the budget). He had been speaking to the President of Finland the previous week, who had told him that Finland had no problem with fires because they “raked the forest floors”. Never mind that there is a slight difference between the climate of Finland and California. The former is in the Arctic Circle, where winter temperatures can fall to minus 30C and where summer temperatures rarely rise about 18C. Never mind that the President of Finland denies ever telling Trump this. Never mind that the current drought is the worst in 1200 years. Just get out your rake. Rake America Great Again. 

Global warming is only one aspect of climate change, but the Trumps, the Nigel Lawsons, the climate change deniers, seize upon every cold spell to assert that the whole thing is a left wing conspiracy designed to destroy capitalism (you can bet they see George Soros as its architect). And that is why they don’t want to believe it, why they studiously ignore the opinion of every reputable scientist, the fact that the Polar Icecap is melting, the succession of hurricanes and cyclones that have lashed the Caribbean and Southern states of America. Because it interferes with the God of Free Trade. Because it means introducing steps which cost money and cut profits, which also alienate the big businesses that give you money. It means aligning yourself with perceived liberals and how can you admit that a liberal is right about anything? So instead you deny, you mock and you talk bollocks about raking and chilly blasts whilst we face dangers far more lethal that the perceived threats from immigrants and Kim Jong Un…… 

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We start our review of the week’s fashion follies with actress Gretchen Mol wearing Batsheva.

Gretchen is really pretty but here she just looks shiny and weird, like a cross between Alice in Wonderland and the bride of Chucky.

Next up, we meet American entertainer Billy Porter wearing Rinat Brodach.

 

 

Look, WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person but this is just ridiculous. The hat is good, but not the matchy-matchy maternity top and the gossamer pink coat, as slippery as a used condom.

 To the Latin Grammys in California and singer Rosalia wearing YolanCris.

The Sugar Plum Fairy goes clubbing….

Also present at the Awards was singer Pedro Capó  wearing a most remarkable suit.

Pedro’s work is unknown to WTF but that is one hell of a suit, in essence a backgammon board with too short trousers worn with brogues and no socks – which, as regular Readers will know, WTF hates almost above all things.

To Shanghai and actress Amber Heard at some event or other, wearing Celine.

That is not so much as a tit window as a tit atrium. And WTF does not even want to think about what happens when she sits down……

Meet actor Marcus Scribner at the 100th episode party of Black-ish, wearing who can even say what?

Apparently this was worn as a homage to Prince, run up by Marcus’ mum from a pair of old curtains. Didn’t poor Prince suffer enough without having this heinous horror perpetrated in his name?

And here is actor Laurence Fisburne at the same event, wearing something scandalously bad.

Laurence was mesmerisingly sexy in his prime, but he seems to have let himself go. I mean, what is going on here? The trousers are out of some Sharjah souk and are paired, quite inexplicably, with a tallit (the Jewish prayer shawl). Is Laurence trying to bridge the gap between Judaism and Islam? Or was WTF aficionado Philippa Charles right when she asked “are those trousers on L Fishburne or did he have to do some crafty work with a tablecloth after an unfortunate spillage/splittage???

To the Soul Train awards in Santa Monica and singer Justine Skye.


For the busy working woman. this is the perfect compromise – a couture pantsuit with built in dusters so that you just brush up against things and get your housework done as you walk. Genius!

Finally, fashionista and singer Erykah Badu wearing Rick Owens.

No, you are not seeing things. The coat is constructed from scaffolding nicked from a building site and WTF confesses to confusion about what is occurring around the nether regions where the shiny black corset, like a cockroach’s carapace, ends in a minge triangle. And then there seem to be boots and random drapes and all sorts. Meanwhile the face jewellery is the lovechild of an old fashioned telephone headset and a ball gag as seen on Marcellus in Pulp Fiction.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF who has had enough of Cheryl‘s attempts to convince us that she can sing. Because she can’t. Not even at all. This week, she popped up on X Factor, the show on which she used to be a judge, yowling like a scalded cat, licking her hand, and generally making a show of herself, causing viewers to hide behind their own sofas with their hands over their ears.

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Cheryl gave an interview in The Guardian (why??????) and said that should her latest comeback be met with negativity, she would walk away. Cheryl, those boots are made for walking. You’ve Got to Go. 

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. It has been a bit of a shit-show this week, but bear with me, normal service will be resumed next Friday. In the meantime, send in your comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Climate Change, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Kim Jong Un, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF ANNOUNCES THE LATE ARRIVAL OF FRIDAY’S BLOG

Instead, it will arrive on Saturday morning. Many, many apologies.

 

Here’s a picture of actor Laurence Fishburne looking utterly absurd to tide you over .

 

Sorry!!!!!

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments