WTF Much Ado about Nothing Special

Hallo Readers, 

Did anyone actually think that an orange numbskull with the attention span of a gnat, who has been winging it since the day of his inauguration, and whose idea of diplomacy consists of removing a speck of dandruff from the President of France’s lapel whilst loudly announcing what he is doing to the world’s press, would manage to denuclearise North Korea? Why? There was as much chance of Spanky persuading Kim Jong Un to give up his nuclear weapons as there was of Kim persuading Spanky to confess to collusion with the Russians. It was never going to happen.

Yesterday Spanky called it off. It was Much Ado about Nothing without the happy ending. Benedick is played by Spanky and Beatrice by Kim. (Remember that in Shakespeare’s day, all the roles used to be played by men). At the beginning of the play, Beatrice and Benedick have a long standing antipathy. Beatrice has called Benedick a ‘dotard’. Benedick has referred to Beatrice as ‘little rocket person’ . “Courtesy itself must turn to disdain if you come in her presence.” But like many dramatic antipathies, this one bristles with sexual tension. Finally, they are brought together by the sleight of hand of their friends Don Pedro (President Moon Jae-In) and Hero (Mike Pompeo). Amazed, Beatrice and Benedick find themselves falling in love and resolve to meet on 12 June to consummate their relationship. Sadly, it is not to be. Benedick gets cocky and mints coins to mark the date, boasting how Beatrice has already succumbed to his charms. Don John, (John Bolton) goes on every Sunday news show saying that Beatrice has agreed to relinquish her rockets, and comparing her to Benedick’s former conquest Libya, who wound up used and humiliated. Beatrice gets the dead raving needle and insults Benedick’s friend Claudio, (Mike Pence), calling him “stupid” because he openly agreed with what Don John said. Benedick says he is enraged although in truth he suspects he is about to get dumped, and gets his blow in first by sending Beatrice a letter of sheer poetry. “Dear Beatrice, I saw on Fox News that you have been bad mouthing my mate, which will not play well with my 30%. So it’s over. I can go back to what I love best, golf and spreading lies on Twitter. It could have been so good between us, but you blew it bigly. I know you think you have your weapons, but remember, my button is much, much, bigger than your button. So that’s it. If you change your mind and want to play nice, you can always write or call me.”  The only upside of the whole sorry debacle is that the Nobel Peace Prize, for which Spanky was nominated by eighteen sycophantic Republicans, is further away than Pyongyang on foot from Washington DC. And we all know that Spanky cannot go more than 100 yards without a golf cart…

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To the Royal Wedding, which was rather splendid. WTF, watching on her laptop from Rome, came to sneer but turned into a blithering idiot, yelling “she’s in mint green!” and “Here comes Meghan!!!” (Yes, the dress didn’t fit, anywhere, which was a shame, seeing as it cost the same as a couple of houses in Windsor High Street, but she still looked gorgeous). The music was great and WTF even quite liked the Bishop, although he went on so long, it was nearly time for the Cup Final. Here is a tip, your Grace – do not say “I must wrap it up, we need to get y’all married” and then carry on for another ten minutes. It is irksome. Leave them wanting more…

And now let us turn our attention to the worst dressed guests, starting with fitness trainer and wannabe celebritee, Chloe Madeley, wearing Reiss, seen here with her fiancé, England rugby player, James Haskell.

James, an old mate of the groom, looks fine, but the same cannot be said of his fiancée. This is what WTF aficonado Thane Prince describes as #titgate. Even if you have tip-top titties, you do not flash them, sans bra, in a church, let alone in St George’s Chapel. And here is a WTF rule – a fascinator is not a hat, not even at all. It is a saucer with feathers.

Here is superstar billionaire Oprah Winfrey wearing Stella McCartney.

To be fair to Oprah, this dress was run up at the last minute, after she realised that her preferred outfit was inappropriate and had to beg Stella to conjure up something overnight. Even so, it is far too tight over the chest, making her look like an over-stuffed armchair, whilst the skirt resembles a bordello lampshade.

Benjamin Franklin said there were only two things certain in life: death and taxes. WTF would add a third: that the Hinge and Bracket of the Royal Family, Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice, will always feature in this blog on any big occasion.  Here is Eugenie, wearing Gainsbourg.

Come fly with me, 1970’s style.

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And Beatrice, wearing Roksanda.

Like an outbreak of frothy teal pustules….

And here is their aunt, Princess Anne, wearing who knows what?

HRH has dedicated her life to dressing as badly as possible and has been faithful to that mission for the last fifty years. Many commentators likened this ensemble to Hugh Hefner’s dressing gown, but WTF takes the view that Anne is channeling  Alexandr the meerkat. Simples!

To New York and singer Solange Knowles, at the Parsons Event, wearing Shanel (sic) and Y/Project.

Oh the irony! Solange was being honoured for her commitment to fashion, but frankly, she looks as if she should just be committed. Insofar as WTF is able to deconstruct this outfit, the top seems to consist of a tit ribbon and the remains of a shirt after the rest has been ripped up for dusters. The Transformer trousers, by Y/Project, have transformed the trousers into a nappy with leg covers and groin gaps. On the plus side, the sandals are excellent.

Next we go to the Billboard Music Awards, always a rich source of sartorial stupidity, starting with a rapper called Lil’Pump, né Gazzy Garcia.

Is that a tattoo on his chin or some sort of facial growth? This whole look is simultaneously silly and scrofulous, he has forgotten his teeshirt and those jeans are a health hazard. But if you are going for silly and scrofulous, you should avoid pimping it up with a $350 Gucci belt.

Singer Julia Michaels, wearing Morphew.

WTF is sorry to observe that this dress can best be described as trailer trash bride.

Singer Christina Aguilera, wearing 16Arlington.

The last time WTF saw this much pinstripe, it was at the underwriters’ annual general meeting at Lloyds of London. Just terribly, terribly, terrible.

Makeup guru Patrick Starr, wearing who even knows what this is…..

Blooming heck…..If a mutant grasshopper went to a fancy dress party dressed as Carmen Miranda, this is what it would look like. 

Rappers Sandra Denton and Cheryl James, aka Salt-N-Pepa

Sandra is wearing an encrusted body stocking with a minge mask. Cheryl is wearing a plastic flasher mac.  They should both have stayed at home.

Finally, here are dancer and singer Frankie Grande, half brother of Ariana Grande, seen with actress Erika Joyce.

Erika needs to take a size up, and there is more train than dress. Frankie  has a badger’s bum haircut and looks like a Popeye in a tux at a gay wedding. As for the footwear, Neil Armstrong wore those boots when he stepped onto the moon.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionados Leslie and Nick from Lisson Grove, who are enraged, with every justification, by food being consumed in cinemas. They write, ‘Today’s audiences appear not to be able to sit quietly for two hours without chomping constantly from a selection of smelly, noisy, food – burgers, cheesy nachos (with that vile sauce), popcorn (which was hoovered up from the floor after the last audience left!), fizzy drinks, served in oil drum sized containers etc. The ticket price of a decent film in a comfy chair is almost topping £25 and for that price you feel that you are surrounded by a herd of manatees eating their body weight in sea lettuce. No one will starve in the time it takes to watch a film’. Agreed. It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

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Posted in Billboard Music Awards, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Meghan Markle, Prince Charles, Prince Harry, Royal Wedding, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF Met Gala Mega-Nonsense Special

Hallo Readers,

Democracy is a pain. You have to put up with idiotic decisions made by other people because they are more of them.  Or, in the case of the USA, there are less of them but the cockamamie system lets an orange moron win even though they are less of them. In June 2016, the majority in the UK made an idiotic decision. A catastrophic decision. We were going to leave the EU because…. because….well? In some cases, they voted to leave because they wanted their sovereignty back. In some cases, they voted to stop foreigners clogging up the system. Some voted because they were fed up with those pesky human rights, even though human rights are part of the Convention of Human Rights and nothing to do with the EU. Some voted because they wanted to give the establishment a bloody nose. That worked, didn’t it?  Some wanted to give the NHS £350m a week. Some have no idea why they voted. And others simply did not understand the facts. Even those who voted to stay. What the hell did we know about the Customs Union? What thought did we give to the Irish Border? The old saying is that in the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In this country, we all seem to have glaucoma. The Prime Minister leading us out of the EU is and always was pro-EU.  The Opposition Leader who pretended to be pro-EU has always hated the EU. Opposition MPs who are pro-EU are silent. Government politicians who are pro-EU, and have been since the beginnings of recorded time,  are reviled by their colleagues, who actually agree with them, but for whom power is more important. And the lunatics are in charge of the asylum, with no idea what to do next, except to blame the foreigners who are not falling over themselves to assist us to leave them and who, for some unfathomable reason, do not see why they should give us exactly what we had before but without us paying for it. Who knew?

Which leaves us in the very strange position of trying to save ourselves from the worst excesses of idiocy by the most undemocratic body imaginable. The House of Lords. That body of arse-lickers, bank-rollers, lick-spittles, has-beens, no-marks, aged thespians, the clinically dead, retired generals, civil servants on a fuck-off pension, and those looking for somewhere to have a nice lunch and an afternoon snooze and cannot be bothered to join the Garrick, or who can be bothered to join the Garrick but cannot afford to stump up the joining fee or who can afford to stump up the joining fee, but who have been blackballed because they are too boring. No one has voted for any of them. Once in, they cannot be got out again, however heinously they may behave. And yet this shower, a group of people one would normally despise, and whose tenure is based upon privilege, politics and patronage, is all that appears to be standing between us and the slavering jaws of the Hard Brexiteers and the Daily Mail. At least whilst everyone else is changing sides and standing where they are unaccustomed to stand, the Daily Mail is exactly where we all expect it to be – screaming ‘traitor’ at anyone and everyone who stands in the way of an up-yours exit. For which relief, much thanks, otherwise none would even have the faintest idea which side is up.

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Off we go to to the Met Gala, where the theme for the night was ‘Heavenly Bodies – Fashion and the Catholic Church’, a celestial chance for everyone to look like a prat and for the Daily Mail to bust a gut in outrage. Let us begin with actress and producer Sarah Jessica Parker, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Dolce & Gabbana have dressed Sarah as the Queen of Hearts. Not Princess Diana, but the other one from Alice in Wonderland. The only difference is that Sarah is wearing a shrine as a hat.

And talking of icons, here is actor Darren Criss, also wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Darren has got himself on his own jacket. Honestly. Even Jesus Christ did not goeth around with a picture of Himself on his garments. And Darren is no Jesus Christ. WTF also wishes to object in the strongest terms to Darren’s trousers, which have had a catastrophic fallout with his ankles.

Lawyer Amal Clooney wearing Richard Quinn.

There is a lot going on here, and none of it good. Presumably the huge semi-skirt-train is supposed to invoke the Garden of Eden, but what the rumpled silk trewsies and the tinfoil breastplate are for, WTF cannot say.

Lewis Hamilton wearing Tommy Hilfiger, for whom he is Global Ambassador.


Are those trainers welded onto his feet? He never seems to wear anything else and they look positively preposterous with that be-jewelled suit, which is not so much communion boy as Barry Manilow in his pomp. Could it be magic? No. And Readers! He has rolled up his trousers better to show off the trainers!

Momager Kris Jenner, also wearing Tommy Hilfiger.

Aficionado Julia immediately messaged WTF on sight of Kris to observe that her outfit was “like a car wash roller dressed for the garage Xmas party”  She is not wrong.

Annoying little twerp, rapper Jaden Smith wearing Louis Vuitton.

Not only does his outfit have nothing to do with the theme of the night, but the lad brought along his gold record to show us! From which WTF can only conclude that Jaden loves himself so much that he regards his very presence as a religious experience.  Just. Go. Away.

Actress Shailene Woodley, wearing Ralph Lauren.

Blimey, it is Joan of Arc re-imagined as a pantomime boy in kinky boots. ‘Au secours! Look behind you, Joan!!!! There are some dastardly Englishmen about to barbecue you! Boooo!’

Model Cara Delevigne, wearing Dior.

Cara has come to the party dressed as a confessional, complete with the grill separating priest and congregant. (Did she drink her champagne through a straw? Just asking). Doubtless there are many people of both genders who would like to enter, but possibly for motives that would then oblige them to go to a real confessional and be very, very, penitent indeed. 

American footballer Cam Newton, wearing Versace.

There is no reason why a Mountie in welder’s goggles should not be admitted to the Kingdom of Heaven, but Cam’s choice of headgear was a trifle unexpected. WTF has no problem with the jacket, and would even be prepared to overlook the shirt collar with wingitis and the wonky bow tie, but below the waist it all goes horribly wrong. His trousers are more snuggly than Prince Harry and Meghan Markle going through the wedding RSVPs, and he has also forgotten his socks.

Actress and director Greta Gerwig, wearing The Row.

The dress appears to be the result of a night of passion between Mary Queen of Scots and the Mother Superior who warbled Climb Every Mountain to Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. All she needs are a crucifix and a wimple.

Rapper Cardi B, wearing Moschino by Jeremy Scott.

Cardi, who is pregnant, is flashing a magnificent pair of knockers, but who knew that angels could be with child? 

Gucci designer Alessandro Michele, singer Lana del Rey and actor/singer Jared Leto, all wearing Gucci.


It is indicative of the madness of this terrible trio that Alessandro looks the least loony of the three of them. Lana has been shot with arrows that have also taken out the pet bird in a basket perched on her head. Jared, who should be taken out, period, is dressed as Jesus Christ with a crown of golden thorns in a blue suit and pink pussycat bow. As a Jew, WTF is unfamiliar with the New Testament, but she suspects that a pink pussycat bow was not His outfit of choice.

Singer Katy Perry, wearing Atelier Versace.

Funky Chicken meets Icarus. And remember what happened to Icarus. However beautiful the dress and boots, this is just certifiably bonkers.

And finally, singer Solange wearing Iris van Herpen.

This is the story of St Solangé of Houston who devoted her life to promoting the risible fashions of mad designers. One day Solangé went to the Met Gala in order to help Iris, a poor little Dutch girl. Iris did not have much money and could only afford to put Solangé in a dress and boots made from reconstituted plastic bin bags. Solangé stood under the blaze of flash bulbs and TV lights on a hot, sultry, night in New York, whereupon the dress and boots melted onto her, causing her to die in hideous agony. Such was her godliness, however, that she kept smiling until the end, whereupon the Good Lord crowned her with a filigree gold halo.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF of Islington who is totally fed up with see-through, peekaboo, wedding dresses, like this one from Pronovias.

If you want to get married, get married. But desist from flashing your fanny at the spouse and your guests. The spouse will get a chance to look at it later. Everyone else is just there to eat the canapés and get pissed. It has Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Labour Party, Politics, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Dodgy as F**k Special

Hallo Readers,

To employ one iffy professional is a misfortune. To employ more than one looks like carelessness. To be surrounded by dodgy professionals looks like you yourself are dodgy as fuck. WTF speaks of Donald J Trump, who is as dodgy as fuck. There is so much dodginess to behold that you hardly know where to look first, your head spinning round and round like Regan in The Exorcist. 

The week began with the re-emergence of the appalling Dr Harold Bornstein, Trump’s former New York physician. Bornstein, who looks like Kermit the Frog in an animal remake of Easy Rider, popped up to explode two bombshells. First, he disclosed that the letter he allegedly wrote in 2016 assuring the American people  that Trump would be ‘the healthiest President ever’, was in fact dictated by the patient himself. Not that anyone believed that a fat, septuagenerian, slob who lives on cheeseburgers and double scoops of ice-cream, who needs a golf cart to walk more than 100 yards, was even remotely healthy, any more than they believed that other dodgy medic, also now ditched, White House physician Admiral Ronny Jackson, when he said that Trump had great genes, had grown an inch and weighed only 239 pounds. Bornstein also complained that in early 2017, Trump’s bodyguard had ransacked his office and removed all Trump’s medical  records, days after the good doctor, somewhat in breach of his professional obligations, had disclosed to the press that he had long prescribed the patient a hair growth drug called Finasteride, despite it being known that it could cause erectile dysfunction, depression and erratic behaviour. WTF would not consult Bornstein over a chipped fingernail, let alone allow him access to her bits and pieces, but as long as he kept Trump supplied with hair fertiliser and fake medical reports, he clearly had his uses. Now he has been dumped and says he feels as if he has been raped. Perhaps he should join a support group ….

The week ended with the heartbreaking discovery that Trump’s now-former lawyer Michael Cohen, the one who supposedly paid off porn star Stormy Daniels from his own funds, and who is now facing the possibility of multiple charges of fraud and all sorts, was repaid after all. WTF, who had been much impressed by Michael’s generosity, is desolate, and, to be frank, she may never get over it. The news was broken on Wednesday night by Trump’s newest lawyer, former NYC Mayor Rudi Giuliani, a man with evilly-flashing teeth and an air of all-purpose malevolence, who went on a media rampage to announce that money had been ‘funnelled’ by Cohen through a Delaware company (set up to buy off floozies various who claimed to have had knowledge of the Trump todger). This disclosure was made to deflect allegations that election law may have been broken in that undeclared payments were made to benefit Trump’s campaign; but, like  Finasteride, it had unfortunate side effects. Trump had previously denied any knowledge of the Stormy pay-off, so Giuliani’s explanation suggested that Trump must have been lying. Whoops, whoops and thrice whoops. When your lawyer lands you in the shit, it is time to get another lawyer. Trump, his other lawyers, and White House flunkies all ran around in concentric circles screaming in unison. By lunch time on Friday, Giuliani’s revelations were declared to be Fake News. Trump denied ever denying he knew nothing about the Stormy pay off, even though the denial is on film; he said that Guiliani had only been on the job for one day (actually, it is a fortnight) and was not up to speed; and that nobody had done anything wrong, except of course Hillary Clinton, Barrack Obama, James Comey and the Democrats. Giuliani was then forced to issue a statement explaining that when he said that Trump knew that Cohen had paid Stormy off and had then repaid him, what he had really meant was that he, Giuliani, knew that Trump had inadvertently repaid Cohen through retainers of $420,000 a year, but had not known what the money for. So that is now clear. Not. As WTF writes this, it is late Friday night and everyone still has ample time to change their stories several times before breakfast. Meanwhile, Giuliani, who was once a fine lawyer, but appears to have gone well off the boil, will doubtless soon follow Bornstein, Jackson, Cohen, and many, many, others through the Exit Door to oblivion (otherwise known as a career on Fox News.) God Bless America.

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Let us turn to the clothing excesses of the week, starting with dancing judge Bruno Tonioli, wearing who even knows what…

WTF aficionado @MsAlliance was particularly worried that Bruno would catch a chill in that getup. Bruno is an extremely fit 62 years old, but that is no excuse for going about dressed as an American football referee in crotch-caressing shorts, not to mention that ridiculous medallion.

Next up, we have actress Blake Lively, wearing Sonia Rykiel.

There are not enough words in the lexicon to express WTF’s loathing of the bow tie. Blake resembles a contestant on Dancing With The Stars, the one specialising in Broadway tap-dancing routines.  She could be dancing with our next contestant …

Derek Hough. Derek is a dancer on DWTS and used to squire Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini-whatever-she-is-now-known-as.

WTF is all for a bit of colour,  but Derek has come out wearing his silky jim jams….

Here is daytime TV personality Adrienne Bailon, wearing Resty Lagare.

Here is the question. Would you rather date Rob Kardashian for two years and have that collection of harpies as your putative sisters-in-law? Or would you rather pitch up at a Daytime TV Awards Ceremony in a dress that makes you look like a survivor of a shark attack? Adrienne is a very unlucky woman.  She has done both.

Singer and actress Janelle Monae, wearing Christian Cowan.

The lovely Janelle has been split in half from top to toe, half funereal black, half zingy zebra, with a side order of leopard skin in a particularly extreme example of sartorial schizophrenia.

Meet actress Lilly Melgar, wearing Patricia Nascimento.

Lilly looks as if she is naked and covered in iron filings with abundantly untamed pubes, like a sartorial naughty-bits version of Wooly Willie.

To New York and the GLAAD Rising Stars luncheon, where we meet actor Nico Tortorella.

Er…a one-sleeved iridescent skirt and jacket and matching brogues. It is all a bit like a tattooed Miss Marple going to the Women’s Institute Christmas Cocktails.

Finally, we have model Victoria Clay wearing a bodysuit by Lasula Boutique.  Careful now. This one is a shocker….

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That top costs £17. It is safe to say that Victoria has overpaid – by about £16 50. This is not so much a tit window as a tit carriage entrance (WTF aficionado and stalwart Andrew Purcell suggests that tit canyon would be more apt), worn with Beasty-Yeastie -inducing flared trewsies.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes, quite separately,  from a large number of WTF aficionados, all equally outraged by these utterly ridiculous jeans from LA company Carmar Denim. They are called Extreme Cut Jeans and they cost £138. Here they are…..

There is something fundamentally wrong when there is more fabric in the pockets than in the rest of the jeans. And there is a total absence of arse cover.

No really, this just has to stop. These are not jeans, they are denim G-strings and they have so GOT TO GO.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday (I promise) ,where we shall consider the merits of the Met Gala outfits. Be good x

 

 

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SORRY FOLKS – 24 HOUR DELAY

WWW.WTFFASHIONSHARK.COM REGRETS TO ANNOUNCE THE DELAY IN THE ARRIVAL OF TODAY’S BLOG – IT WILL BE WITH YOU TOMORROW AT 8 15 AM.

 

MANY APOLOGIES

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WTF Amber Alert Special

Hallo Readers,

Here is the bad news.  Albert Thompson has prostate cancer.

Here is the good news. The NHS has now given him a date in May when he will start radiotherapy.

Here is more bad news.  Thompson, who has suffered from lymphoma for a decade, was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had an operation in January 2017. In November 2017, he went to hospital to start his course of radiotherapy, only to be told that he needed to provide proof of residence or else pay £54,000. Thompson had neither a passport nor the money. Why? Because Thompson is a victim of the change of immigration laws in the 1970’s and further changes in 2014 when David Cameron and Teresa May decided to get tough on illegal immigrants in a bid to stave off a mass defection of voters to UKIP. At the time, they were warned that the new laws would hurt Caribbean and Commonwealth people who came here quite legally at a time when they were not required to apply for indefinite leave to remain and have lived here for decades. But May ploughed ahead and the policy, started by her and carried on by her hapless successor Amber Rudd, a woman who makes Comical Ali look like the fountain of truth, has resulted in people who didn’t even know they were not British, who have spent their whole adult life here, who  have paid taxes and National Insurance here, who have married and had children here, have been threatened with deportation, evicted from their homes, and treated as criminals.

Thompson’s mother came here at the invitation of the British Government in 1966 to work in the NHS as a nurse. Albert followed in 1973 as a young teenager. He went to school here. He worked as a mechanic for thirty years. He paid tax. But because he could not produce his passport to show when he arrived, he was evicted from his home -A MAN WITH CANCER – and denied treatment by the self- same NHS he had paid his taxes for, denied the legal aid he had paid his taxes for and threatened with deportation. It was only after a hell of a fuss that May had to climb down, and now he is to be given the treatment he needs and the indefinite leave to remain he deserves. 

There are many others just like Albert Thompson, respectable, hard working, committed, decent people whose parents were invited here to staff the transport services and the Health Service, many who came on the Windrush as children and who were never warned that without proof of arrival, they could be thrown out of their houses and denied medical treatment and treated like scum – even though the Home Office had destroyed their arrival records, the evidence that they would have needed to remain here untroubled by threatening letters and demands for money they don’t have and the prospect of deportation to places they have no wish to go to because their home is in England. What sort of country have we become, that we are prepared to treat people like this because a few years ago the Tories were so worried about losing votes to a racist party? No one resigns any more. May won’t resign. Rudd won’t resign. No one has enough shame to do that these days. But every citizen of this country should be deeply, deeply, ashamed.

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Let us cheer ourselves up with the week’s sartorial shockingness where everyone appears to be in a stage costume. We start with the Ken and Barbie of Washington DC, Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump. Ivanka is wearing a dress by Rodarte which costs $12,800.

No one cares what Jared is wearing unless it is an orange jumpsuit with Department of Corrections written on the back. Barbie is dressed as a souvenir Scarlett O’Hara toilet roll cover. WTF would really like it if they both just went far, far, away.

Next up, we have celebritee and former inamorata of Kanye West, Amber Rose , wearing something very bizarre indeed and Stella McCartney trainers which cost £450.

WTF has trouble in deciding what is the more offensive. The skeleton onesie, the fake nipples, the cameltoe or the fact that anyone would pay £450 for a pair of hideous trainers. This outfit is a real stinkeroony.

Next up, singer Lenny Kravitz wearing Chanel. Chanel!!!!!!!!

This might have passed muster in the Casbah in 1972. MIGHT have. Someone forgot to hem his trewsies and those shoes are plain nasty.

To the Tribeca Film Festival where we encounter actor Ansel Elgort wearing Alexander McQueen and model Suki Waterhouse wearing Dior.

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Ansel’s suit is beautifully cut and the colour is great but those trainers are giving WTF a migraine and he looks like he has a couple of toy boats on his feet. As for Suki’s Dior creation, WTF once made a macrame plant holder just like it. She has been wondering where it had got to…

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Here is singer Rihanna wearing Y/Project.

WTF aficionado Joanne Morley was incensed at the sight of Rihanna wrapped up in what looks like the Turin Shroud compete with nipple activity and perfectly preposterous boots. Joanne says “What is wrong with her leg? She looks deformed, has she got a toddler strapped to her hip underneath her designer hessian sackcloth?”.

Finally, Orange is the New Black actress Dascha Polanco wearing – well, who can say what the hell this is?

Yurgle. And the rear view is even worse… 

As you know, Readers, criticism is alien to WTF’s nature but Dascha looks like a sack of shit. It is not just the arse cheeks, although arse cheeks are to be deplored. If Elmo from Sesame Street went to a fancy dress party dressed as tap-dancing chorus girl, this is what he would look like.

 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF stalwart Andrew Purcell and not only because his point is a good one. But it permits WTF to say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW!!!! With love and kisses from your many fans….

Andrew has brought this nonsensical food poncification to WTF’s attention, courtesy of We Want Plates….

No. NO. NO!!!!!!!!! Some sort of raspberry jelly served on a sanitary pad is enough to put anyone off their food. WTF likes a laugh as well as the next person but this is just plain revolting. What bloody hell is this?

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Amber Rudd, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Coachella, Fashion, Immigration, Politics, Theresa May, UKIP, Uncategorized, Windrush, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Lawyers Special

Hallo Readers,

Whilst WTF has been on blog holiday, it has all gone off with Donald Trump and Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen. You may recall that Cohen is the generous lawyer who sorted out Trump’s problems with women he did not schtupp, including porn star Stormy Daniels, by paying them off with his own money through a dodgy Delaware company set up for the purpose, again from his own funds. Cohen says he did not tell his client anything about the pay offs to Stormy, and perhaps other ladies, because Trump was too busy running for President at the time, and, once elected as President, was too busy tweeting and playing golf to be bothered with such trivial matters. Last week, the New York Court issued warrants for New York’s finest to raid Cohen’s offices and his Midtown hotel room and to take away loads of stuff which may or may not be privileged, depending on whether what was being discussed was legal business or criminal business or not legal business at all. Trump claimed Cohen’s premises had been “broken into” and now everyone is running about like Duracell bunnies demanding injunctions and disclosure of documents and declarations and depositions and accusing everyone else of bad faith and all manner of misfeasance. So Trump’s lawyer is under investigation by the Feds and has had to get a lawyer, and Trump has had to get new lawyers to stop the Feds getting their hands on documents about what he did or didn’t say to his former lawyer, and what he did or didn’t know about the pay-off to Stormy Daniels. And then there is Stormy Daniels and her lawyer, Michael Avenatti. (As far as WTF can see, Avenatti has not been home in weeks and has changed his address to care of CNN because, as WTF’s late dad used to say, he’s always on.). Avenatti wants to talk to Trump and is talking to Trump’s lawyers. And then there are Trump’s other lawyers, not Cohen, or the ones he had to replace Cohen with after Cohen got his own lawyer, but the lawyers he already had to deal with the Russia investigation. Those lawyers are telling him not to speak to Mueller (who is a lawyer) because Trump cannot be trusted not to perjure himself as he is a pathological liar and if you lie to the Feds, you can end up in big trouble. Just ask Michael Flynn and George Papadopoulos.

Meanwhile when Cohen and Cohen’s lawyers and Trump’s lawyers, the ones he hired to replace Cohen, who now has his own lawyer, and the New York DA and his lawyers and Stormy Daniels and her lawyer, all went to court this week to discuss who should see what documents from Cohen’s office and it turned out that Cohen had two other clients or possible clients. One is a ghastly pig from the Republican National Committee, who had impregnated a bunny girl. The other is Sean Hannity, the rabid and rebarbative Fox News host. Except Hannity says he was not a client and never paid him anything and just asked occasionally for some free legal advice. WTF told you, Readers. You do not get many lawyers like that; or, indeed, any. Although lots and lots of lawyers are making lots and lots of money, Michael Cohen continues as the Mother Teresa of Manhattan….

ps Last week, in between worrying about Cohen, and berating James Comey’s new book and calling for his arrest, Trump bombed Syria. It is amazing that he found the time.

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Off we go into the week’s sartorial shockers (and some from a week or two back) with sleaze-bucket Michael Cohen wearing Isaia.

As WTF previously tweeted on @WTF_EEK, Cohen should be locked up on the basis of the jacket alone, let alone any other nefarious activities in which he may have been involved. $3,000 is a criminal amount for money for a jacket that manifestly does not fit, and frankly  he needs to take a size up. At the very least. #lockhimup

Model and actress Olivia Culpo wearing Calzedonia.

She has a great body but this is not even clothes. This is a bikini as seen through a mullion window.

Here is actress Chloe Hurst at the premiere of  the movie I feel Pretty.

There is too much of most things and not enough of others. She looks as if she has gone three rounds with a sabre-toothed tiger….and lost.

Next up is singer Britney Spears, wearing Giannina Azar.

This is pretty much what Britney wears every time she pops out of an evening, i.e. titsy, tawdry and way too short. But this one has two distinguishing features. First, it is so tight around the tits that she is practically rubbed raw; and second, that fake tan foot blotch, like white bits on a horse, has got to go. Yikes.

horsey

Ain’t I cute?

Actor Wilson Cruz  at the Glaad (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) Gala wearing Vivienne Westwood.

Westwood seems to have bought up all the blue and yellow checked cloth which explains why Michael Cohen’s $3,000 jacket is too small. It is safe to say that Dame Viv has not skimped on the fabric here. Michael and Wilson could each have a trouser leg with room to spare.

This is actress Isabella Rossellini, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

WTF was having her hair cut the other day and showed this photograph to her stylist who guffawed in horror, as well she might when someone is walking around like a choirmaster with a ruffled clerical cotta fashioned from an old stage curtain. She looks like her mother, mused WTF. “Who was that?’ asked the stylist. “Ingrid Bergman” said WTF. “Who?” asked the stylist. WTF turned her head away and wept.

Here is another guest at the same event, designer August Getty.

There is a lot going on here,  and none of it good. He looks like Lee Marvin in The Man Who Shot Liberty Vallance.

This is singer Leona Lewis at the Daily Front Row 4th Annual Fashion Awards wearing Marc Jacobs.

Oh dear. Those trousers make her look like Stumpy, the eighth of the seven dwarves, she has a ridiculous sheer top with a sheer green poloneck, as if it has gone mouldy, and a 1940s wartime headscarf that makes her look like Rosie the Riveter.

Finally, this one is bad. BAD. Greet ridiculous Moschino designer Jeremy Scott wearing Jeremy Scott

OMG! Here he is greeting socialite Derek Blasberg.

WTF can say with some confidence that this is just about the stupidest thing she has ever seen, part City gent, part gladiator, part falcon-handler. Beyond frightful….

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is more They’ve Got to Go and comes from WTF who wants anyone and everyone in the Home Office sacked who had any responsibility for throwing out the landing records for the Windrush generation whom we asked to come here to man our transport and health service. Now, their kids are being thrown out because they can’t prove they had permission to be here when the Home Office itself destroyed the evidence. Abject. Don’t let these buggers retire on their fuck-off index linked pensions whilst the people whose lives they have ruined arterrified and some are being denied urgent medical treatment despite paying taxes their whole adult life. They’ve Got To Go .

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Michael Avenatti, Michael Cohen, Politics, Stormy Daniels, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments