wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Under UK election law, if you are in prison serving a sentence of more than 12 months, you cannot become an MP, although there is nothing to stop you standing once you have done your time. Rules for local councillors are stricter; if you were sentenced to more than three months’ imprisonment in the past five years, even if that sentence was suspended, you are not allowed even to stand for the seat; and if you are imprisoned when you are an elected councillor, or are convicted of a corrupt or illegal practise by an election court, you automatically lose your seat. 

Joshua Bonehill-Paine, from Crewkerne in Somerset, was sentenced to three years in prison for the racially aggravated harassment of Luciana Berger, then an MP, and now a peer. At the time, Bonehead-Pain was a proud neo-Nazi, dedicated to fighting against “Jewification”. He hounded Berger while she was heavily pregnant just because she was a Jew. Nothing to do with Israel or Gaza or Zionism; because she was a Jew. He had already been sentenced to prison in 2015 for posting anti-Semitic material ahead of a planned rally in Golders Green in North London, a prominent Jewish area. At his 2016 trial, the judge said  it was difficult to envisage a worse case of racially aggravated harassment and noted that the defendant had sat in the dock smirking throughout the proceedings, and had plainly enjoyed Berger’s discomfort in the witness box; His Honour was also unimpressed by his having given a full Nazi salute to his supporters in the public gallery.

Bonehead-Pain served his time and went home to Somerset. He seems to have found Christianity. This year, he decided to stand as a local councillor for the Conservatives. He had changed, he told us, and was indeed helping the Home Office to fight the scourge of anti-Semitism. When the facts came to light and the shit hit the fan, he was backed to the hilt by Tory leader Kemi Badenoch, a woman who never misses the chance to wedge her foot firmly into her mouth. She drew a distinction between standing as an MP and standing locally because, as a councillor, you are mainly concerned with “parking and people’s bins”. Thanks for drawing that distinction, love. Bonehead-Pain has since decided not to stand and will instead act as an advisor to the Tories on combating anti-Semitism.

If Bonehead-Pain Really has changed his ways, good. If he can do something about the rising tide of anti-Semitism in the UK, good. After all, there is no point in sending someone to prison if you cannot at least hope that they will mend their ways, through religion, education, or otherwise. But it is one thing to do good works behind the scenes, as Jonathan Aitken now does as an ordained minister. It is quite another to stand as an local councillor and thrust yourself into public life with the full backing of the idiot leader of the Conservative Party. And yes, it is true that the first Secretary of State, Louise Haigh, was convicted of an offence of fraud some years ago when failing to admit that she had since found the phone she had previously reported stolen. But that is hardly the same as the wilful practise of Jew hate; nor did Haigh get a custodial sentence. If Bonehead-Pain really wants to show us that he is a changed man, he will carry on helping others and eschew the limelight for himself – not to mention those councillors’ fees from public funds.

***************************************************************************

It is not always easy to find people wearing bad stuff in August, because the only thing most people are wearing are bikins and cut-off shorts. Nevertheless, the show must go on, and so WTF has done her best. She is however set to bugger off to Cornwall next week, following by a few days in leafy Sussex, leaving you all to your own devices for the next fortnight; although if Count Binface were to win the by-election in Clacton next Thursday, WTF may have to make an unscheduled editorial appearance. Here’s hoping. Let us start our review of the week’s clothing crapulence in London at the première of Spider-Man: Brand New Day, with its director, Destin Daniel Cretton.

Why is he wearing a transparent tee-shirt over a shirt and under a suit? As for the suit itself, it seems to have been constructed from grass clippings, showing the effect of our having had no rain (down South anyway), not even of any kind, for far too long.

Next to Los Angeles and a screening of Practical Magic 2, starring actors Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock (pictured on the left) and Maisie Williams on the right, (Arya Stark of blessed memory in Game of Thrones).

WTF aficionado Trevor from St Agnes will be pleased to see Sandra, as he is a massive fan, although even he will have noticed that she is a little, er, glossy around the face, like Victoria Beckham’s older sister. Mind you, compared with Nicole Kidman, her face (Sandra’s, not Victoria’s) is more mobile than Rowan Atkinson’s. As for Maisie, she seems to be wearing a swimsuit under a lace dress and stupid gloves. WTF’s chief concerns, however, are the sandals and the horrible white stockings, like the old foot binding traditions in China.

Here we are in Chicago at the Lollapalooza Music Festival, where we encounter singer Jesse Rutherford, from The Neighbourhood, onstage in a highly bizarre ensemble.

The shirt is fine. WTF likes the shirt – it is very jolly. What it has to do with the Chicago Bulls top is anybody’s guess. As for the jeans, they are truly disgusting, as if Jesse had been rolling in pigshit, and they constitute a veritable health hazard.

To Comic-Con in San Diego to greet actor Hunter Schafer wearing Marc Jacobs and looking very slithery.

WTF is all for recycling – clearly trashing our trash is the reason why we Londoners are all sleepless, grumpy and dying of hot while half of Europe is smouldering. And yes, lots of clothing is made out of recycled this and that. It is just that you would expect Marc Jacobs to make something that does not look as if it has been recycled, and, further, does not make the wearer into a Will Scarlett lookalikey from The Adventures of Robin Hood.

And that is not the end of the plastic not-at-all-fantastic, because here is actor Charlize Theron, still on her odyssey to promote The Odyssey, pitching up in Japan wearing Tom Ford. Tom Ford!

WTF has said this before and when they prise the laptop out of her cold, dead hand, she will only just have finished saying it for the umpteenth time. Undies are not clothes. Aprons are not clothes. Plastic bags are not clothes, although they can be made into clothes. Hunter and Charlize have access to all the designers they want. WEAR SOME ACTUAL BLOODY CLOTHES!!!

Finally, here is actor Hayes Warner traipsing around promoting her show The Shards, wearing Valentino.

Those shoulders are giving off vibes of Joan Crawford in Mildred Pierce, the lacy top makes the poor girl look as if she is suffering from a particularly nasty skin condition and the Rockstud shoes are extremely vulgar. But WTF’s chief ire is reserved for that minge turban. No wonder relations between Prime Minister Modi and the Rancid Kunquat are suffering. Any more of this sort of behaviour and he will have another war on his hands…. 

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington, who is fed up with having to look at badly applied fake tan. Like the one lovely Hannah Waddingham was displaying while publicising the new series of Ted Lasso in the US.

That is one of the worst cases of footblotch WTF has seen in quite a while. Indeed, it sets new standards of subterranean low. Follow the instructions on the bottle, people. Put it on evenly. Let it dry. This is very bad and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your your excellent suggestions for It’s Got to Go, and do not stint on the comments either. Let us meet again on Friday 21 August. Be good x