Next week you have the chance to vote in the fabled WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2023, and it is a real treat of terrible toot. But first we must consider this week’s hot topic.
In last week’s It’s Got to Go, (it appears at the end of the blog after the fashion, I think some of you miss out on it) WTF, on behalf of all sentient beings, nominated Nadine Dorries MP. As you may recall, having failed to get her long- predicted peerage in Boris Johnson’s Resignation Dishonours List for services to sycophancy, Dorries announced that she was resigning her seat with immediate effect, which would have caused a by-election. Except that by last week she had not gone and she still has not gone this week and, it appears, she has absolutely no intention of going until she receives an explanation for her omission from the ermine. As a result, she continues to earn her MP’s salary, and the pension and benefits that go with it, doing bugger all for her constituents of Mid Bedfordshire while holding down two other jobs; a piss-poor chat show on Talk TV, proprietor Rupert Murdoch Esq, and a piss-poor column in the Daily Mail, proprietor the 4th Viscount Rothermere, who champions British values while living abroad for tax reasons. She has not spoken in the House of Commons for nearly a year and voted only six times. So although she has not resigned, would anyone actually notice? Had she been elevated to the House of Lords, at least she would have had to turn up, as you have to sign in before earning your £350 daily allowance for attending, even though you can turn around and go straight out again. Although you might want to stop and have a splendid, heavily subsidised, lunch first.
WTF has been wondering how many other MPs are raking it in in similar manner. When one looks at pictures of the Commons Chamber, it is usually virtually empty, a few people lounging around on the green leather while someone drones on about something from the front bench. In recent times, Parliamentary business has sometimes finished by two or three o’clock in the afternoon. On Monday, when MPs debated whether to censure Boris Johnson for lying to the House, most Tory MPs did not even bother to turn up, let alone to vote. Brendan Clarke-Smith, a man with a brain the size of a hazelnut, spent the previous week touring the television and radio studios descrying the treatment of his former boss and making a fool of himself in the process. But come the Monday and the vote, he was nowhere to be seen, preferring to watch England v Australia instead. Even the Prime Minister failed to turn up to vote on the motion, trotting out a variety of excuses each lamer than the last, including the fact that he did not wish to influence anyone (no danger there, Sunak has no influence whatsoever as far as WTF can see), that he was meeting the Swedish Prime Minister (all afternoon – yeah, right) and probably that he had an urgent meeting with the engineers concerning his heated swimming pool in his lavish constituency home in North Yorkshire. It seems that the majority of Tory MPs are afflicted by torpor, contemplating life after the next election and feeling thoroughly demob unhappy. Meanwhile we are subsidising them, their salaries, their expenses, their second homes, their second jobs and their food and drink. No one asked them to stand. But they did. And now it is time for them to show up or ship out. And particularly the MP for Mid Bedfordshire.
We begin our review of the week’s weird wear in Italy with Italian singer Mahood wearing Valentino.
If Kermit the frog went to a fancy dress party as a lifeboat operative, this is what he would look like. Meanwhile WTF hates socks with shorts almost above all things…..
Here is actor Nicola Coughlan of Derry Girls and Bridgerton fame wearing Mara Hoffman at a Netflix Tudum Global Event. Whatever that is….
Series 3 of Bridgerton is nearly upon us. This time it will centre on the will-they-won’t-they romance between Nicola’s character and one of the umpteen Bridgerton boys, no doubt with much rumpy pumpy involved. Nicola’s dress is nice enough but it is worn, for reasons not even a team of rocket scientists could fathom, even on overtime, with blue Marigold washing up gloves.
It has Pharrell’s footprints all over it. He always did favour silly short trousers, avoiding anything that goes even near the ankle, and now Maluma has to strut about in them looking like a raggedy-arsed, pastel-hued urchin. WTF deplores the absence of a shirt or t-shirt and deplores still more the huge ornament hanging around his neck, like a doggy doorstop.
We are now in London for the opening of the re-vamped National Portrait Gallery where we find fashionista Alexa Chung wearing Nensi Dojaka.
Yurgle. The bodice is a silhouette of Mickey Mouse’s ears and a large tit window worn with sparkly cycling shorts like Lily Savage taking up spin classes. Meanwhile, a hairbrush would have been useful.
And finally we are at the American Black Film Festival in Miami Beach where actor Taraji P Henson pitched up to support her friend, actor Gabrielle Union, at the premiere of The Perfect Find. Wearing this.
This dress was not the perfect find. It is good that Taraji wanted to support her friend but she also should have supported her titties rather than leaving it to nature, a bodystocking and a pair of X-marks-the-spot nipple pasties. And she was not the only one clad in nylon because here is Gabrielle, wearing Burc Akyol. Mind how you go with this one….
This can be summed up as follows. There is not enough of what should be there, like opaque fabrics. And there are things that should not be there at all, for example, more this-way-to-my-minge triangles,only this time there are a pair of them and horizontal, and, puzzlingly, tied around the back as arse-cheek curtains.
And then there are even more curtains, this time white ones hanging off the top of Gabrielle like half-drapes in a café window.
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Ben from Bromley, himself a father of two adorable kiddies, who is disturbed by the outbreak of septuagenarians and octogenarians fathering babies (Ben is barely into his 40s). Only last month, Robert de Niro, a sprightly 79, became a father for the seventh time while last week Al Pacino, 83, became a father for the fourth time.
Ben is unimpressed, finding their fecundity selfish as they may not be around for long. WTF agrees and is reminded of the glorious exchange in When Harry Met Sally where Sally bemoans the fact that her biological clock is ticking whereas Charlie Chaplin had babies when he was 73, to which Harry replies ‘Yeah, but he was too old to pick ’em up’. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday for the fabled WTF Summer Stinker Poll. Be good x