WTF FOOD PARCEL SPECIAL

Hallo Readers,

The items in this picture are supposed to provide five lunches for a child who is not at school because of the pandemic, and who need them because his or her parents cannot afford to pay for them. Sometimes this is the only proper meal those kids eat all day. When schools shut down during lockdown, they would not have continued to get free school lunches had Manchester United footballer Marcus Rashford, who grew up poor, not kicked up a fuss and shamed this shit-show of a Government into performing yet another U-Turn, its umpteenth of 2020, and to agree to keep dishing up. And now that kids are at home again, the Government was forced to make the necessary arrangements.  But rather than give parents vouchers to buy food, it has instead opted to award contracts to a variety of companies to provide the ingredients.

The gourmet feast above comprises a loaf of sliced white bread. A tin of beans. Some cheese slices in clingfilm, doubtless somewhat sweaty as a result. A bag of something inchoate which WTF prefers not to think about. Some fruit. Two spuds. Two carrots. Some sweetie things. If you went to the supermarket and had to pay more than £5 for that, you would be on the phone to Trading Standards. A company called Chartwells, which was responsible for this largesse, claims that it received £10 55 to provide a week’s meals for each child. That sum has been questioned, but whatever Chartwells was paid, what it supplied was manifestly inadequate and fell short of any reasonable nutritional standard. Some other companies with similar contracts have provided equally poor comestibles, including in one case, half a red bell pepper and a piece of ham which was not so much tired-looking as chronically exhausted. Another mum was delivered her measly groceries in a black plastic bin bag.

And you know what, Readers? Someone is taking the piss. Children need good, wholesome food, not sliced cheese and sliced white bread. When lorry drivers got stuck outside Dover after France closed the border to the UK because of the new strain of coronavirus, some fabulous Sikhs from Coventry cooked up 800 delicious-looking chick pea curries and took a 300-mile round trip to deliver them – for free. And not only did it look delicious, it was full of protein and probably cost a fraction of the delicacies on offer from Chartwells and their chums. Maybe the Sikhs should be called in to advise the Department of Education. How could any of these businesses think that they were fulfilling their mandate to feed hungry kids with cheese and white bread? How did these companies come to be chosen, and why, and by whom? Now Chartwells has admitted that their foodstuffs fell way short and say it will make good. As it should. As  should any supplier who fell way short. Because we are all shamed by this, not just them.

Or are we? On Good Morning Britain Matt Hancock, the hapless Secretary of State for Health, apologised for the obvious inadequacies of Chartwells and others. He was then pressed on whether he now regretted voting against free school meals. Of course, he did not answer that, instead spewing out media-trained bullshit about how happy he was that the matter had had such a good outcome, whereupon both Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid administered him a well-deserved kicking. Elsewhere, Pauline Latham, 72, the Tory MP for mid-Derbyshire, pooh-poohed the outcry, telling Channel 4 “The whole point of this is to give a balanced meal for the children. It’s only their lunch, it’s not all meals every day. It’s enough for lunches for a child for a week … Usually.”  This is the same woman who told a constituent who had asked her whether she could live on £94 statutory sick pay per week during the pandemic to “get a life”. Do you think that either Hancock or Latham would last five minutes on a Chartwells diet?

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Now to the week’s fashion flotsam, and Prime Minister Boris Johnson, seen here visiting Chase Farm Hospital in North London.

WTF aficionado Behsat from West London sent this picture to WTF, as he was simply aghast, and accompanied it with many unpleasant comments, which are reproduced here with fervent agreement. Use your smartphone,  iPad or laptop to zoom in on Johnson’s bitch tits, for example. VNA (Visible Nipple Activity) is equally bad on men and women. Then recoil in horror at the complete absence of waist, so that the belt has given up all hope of resting on something and simply sits forlornly about the flab. Move onto the untucked shirt, as if he has just had a piss, and which does not seem to have seen the inside of a washing machine for some time. Pass along the baggy trousers to the shoes  which are held together with glue and which have yet to meet a tin of Cherry Blossom polish. Meanwhile, Behsat rightly points out that the combination of the stance and the mask make Boris looks like the Fat  Pelican….

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Next up we have celebritee sister Kourtney Kardashian, wearing Miu Miu.

Kourtney and her sisters are as much use as as ashtray on a motorbike, but here she has outdone herself in a teeny weeny tartan and pearl thingy for which Miu Miu has the effrontery to charge $5,400, and some horrible sandals. And the look is not even original because Barbie was wearing it in the 1960s.

Instagram brought us actress Hailee Steinfeld wearing Cong Tri. Scroll down slowly…….

It starts off as a really ethereal top and ends up in furry leggies like a Wampa from Star Wars.

I am afraid things do not improve with singer Kylie Minogue, wearing Moschino.

‘Allo, ‘allo. This what would happen if Marie Antoinette had sex with a leather trunk. Ludicrous.

Meet a newcomer to these pages, the star of Selling Sunset, the smash hit Netflix show about LA estate agents. Her name is  Christine Quinn and she is not wearing enough. 

Contrary to first impressions, Christine is not swinging a Pomeranian about, it is a handbag. Travel south from the head and you find a very cheap looking dress with a preponderance of under-boob like golf balls peeping from their holders, to the side laces which fail to lace and which reveal her black tights, to the shoes last seen on Louis XIV.

We started with a male politician and we end with another one, US Congressman Jeff Van Drew opposing impeachment in the House of Representatives wearing the most appalling suit. Sensitive Readers are advised to reach for their sunglasses and a sick bucket. Here we go….

Van Drew is a jerk at the best of times, not that he has any, but pitching up dressed as an extra from Boardwalk Empire at the second impeachment of a President, an event without precedent in American history, takes some nerve. Extra minus points for the nasty tie and ridiculous pointed pocket handkerchief.

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh, who, like the rest of the world, has been glued to CNN for the past week, at which point she spied another GOP scumbucket, Representative Matt Gaetz from Florida.

WTF’s view is that Matt has got to go, period, because he is unspeakable, as evidenced by his speech  in defence of Trump on Wednesday, during which he managed to refer to the ‘Biden Crime Family’, dead people voting and other blatant bullshit, all in the space of 90 seconds. However, Yvonne is highlighting Matt’s new quiff, which has confused people even more than his unexpected engagement on New Year’s Eve. It turns out that Elvis is alive and well and living in Pensacola. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming in as they give WTF great cheer, as well as your tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again on next Friday. Be good and stay safe.

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2 Responses to WTF FOOD PARCEL SPECIAL

  1. SueP says:

    Nice to see Boris representing our country in his usual style. Is Hailee Steinfeld really tall or was the picture taken from a very strange angle? Or maybe she’s on stilts.

  2. quixote
    quixote says:

    Somebody with a stronger stomach than I should dive into the Weirdo Web and find out what’s up with the electric blue suits. There’s Drew above, but there was also Ted Cruz in a cobalt blue number that looked only slightly less out of place.

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