Hallo Readers,

WTF had never heard of Margaret Ferrier,  Scottish Nationalist MP for Hamilton and Rutherglen, until she watched Channel 4 News at 7 pm on Thursday, where she learned that Ms Ferrier had been feeling unwell last Saturday, had had a Covid test that very day, and had then travelled by train from Hamilton to London, a journey of about six hours, on Monday before she had got the result. She then addressed the House of Commons on Coronavirus and its effect on Scottish jobs. On Monday evening, she received the news that she had tested positive. The next morning, she took the train back to Scotland, another six hour trip and has since been self-isolating. During that ninety-six hour period, MPs, train customers and probably taxi drivers were all subject to the turbulent vortex of Ms Ferrier’s droplets. And of course, the journeys were paid for by us, the taxpayers. Ms Ferrier has since apologised ‘unreservedly’ for breaking the law, which she described as ‘a mistake’. No, love. Leaving your credit card in the store is a mistake. Buying into the bi-annual myth that aubergine is the new black is a mistake. Travelling four hundred miles each way by train to speak on Scottish Covid policies is sheer irresponsibility, putting others at risk. You are not some skanky student dancing on a table in the college dining room while gurning into your iPhone. It was certainly nice of you to start your speech by thanking NHS workers for their efforts, but they would probably have preferred that you had not potentially given them extra work to do, because they are already exhausted and run off their feet.

Ms Ferrier has been suspended from her party and is facing calls to resign. But then, as we all know, what is sauce for the goose is not sauce for the gander. Not when the gander is the Prime Minister’s own personal Rasputin, who drove himself and his family to Durham, rather than staying put after he, or his wife, or both of them, who even knows, had tested positive for the virus, and a few weeks later,  saw fit to ‘test his eyesight’ by taking a sixty miles round trip to a local beauty spot on his wife’s birthday. On that occasion, obsequious Cabinet Ministers rushed to Twitter to praise Dominic Cummings for acting as any father would by ensuring that his young son would be near to his paternal grandparents, should both he and his wife become incapacitated and unable to look after him. 

Meanwhile, WTF needs to ask this question. How the hell did Ms Ferrier get a test on the very day she started feeling unwell? But at least Londoners now know where to go if we need an urgent Covid test. Pass me the railway timetable …

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry with our valiant PM Boris Johnson at a builder’s training centre in Exeter.

Look, not only is he a poor Prime Minister, but he looks like a sack of shit. Those can only be described as comedy trousers which do not fit anywhere, particularly around the crotch, and they are also concertina’d around his ankles. The tie is going for a walk stage right and his hair looks as if a mop has randomly dropped upon his head.

Here is ‘actress’ and presenter Amanda Holden stirring up a storm on Britain’s Got Talent, wearing Celia Kritharioti.

Britain may or may not have talent, but Amanda’s main talent is to keep on the right side of tombstone-toothed Simon Cowell, the purveyor of the aforesaid rubbishy show, and to flash as much flesh as possible on prime time television. Like this dress, which displays acres of tittage and threatens an imminent Minge Moment.

235 saddo citizens apparently complained about Amanda’s décolletage and possible nip-slip. Which of course was the whole point of her wearing it. As Oscar Wilde remarked, it is better to be talked about than not talked about….

Next we have Model Cara Delevigne, looking very silly. 

Yi-haw!!! Cara is clearly inspired by Jon Voight in Midnight Cowboy, only he wasn’t wearing a bra.

Now we meet car heiress and Italian reality star  Elettra Lamborghini getting married to a Dutch DJ called Afrojack, who used to go out with Paris Hilton. Clearly, he likes ’em rich….. The bride is wearing Gahlia Lahav.

This is Elettra’s second appearance in this column and she was not wearing enough then either. Call WTF old-fashioned, but if you are going to get married in what looks like a very traditional marriage by the side of Lake Como, it would be better if your arse was not visible through the sides of your wedding dress. Frankly, she should have borrowed the security attendant’s facemark and stuck it on her bum. And that is not all…..

Her cups runneth over…….

Next up we have actress Bella Thorne with her boyfriend Benjamin Mascolo, out and about in Hollywood

Bella looks like the lovechild of Madame Whiplash and GI Jane with a dinky little Chanel bag. And WTF hates a tattooed leg almost above all things.

Finally, here is actress Maisie Williams (aka Arya Stark in Game of Thrones) at Paris Fashion Week, wearing Dior.

WTF loves Maisie but Dior has dressed her as a fisherman who has forgotten his trousers. Why would you buy this from Dior when you can get the same thing in a sporting goods store for a trillionth of the price?

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from many outraged women both on Twitter and among WTF’s acquaintance, all of whom are incensed by the dress code imposed on her staff by top divorce lawyer Ayesha Vardag. In a memo last year, which has only just come to light, she demands that women lawyers should be ‘discreetly sexy and colourful and flamboyant at the same time according to your preference’ and should aim for ‘a Chanel/Dior/Armani look’ with ‘nothing homespun or homely’. Men should recall the rule ‘never brown in town’. Is she is paying them enough to wear Chanel, Dior or Armani?  One hopes so. 

She’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, be careful, and keep washing your hands! x