2016 has brought us every sort of aberration and upset, from Brexit and the departure of David Cameron to the election of Donald Trump. Boris Johnson is Foreign Secretary. Nigel Farage was touted as the future Ambassador to Washington. Toblerones got smaller. Leicester won the Premier League. Just when you thought nothing could get any weirder, it did. So it was fitting that the year is ending with a fixation on the Prime Ministerial trousers.
When Nicky Morgan was Education Secretary, she confined herself to mouthing the scripts handed to her by Central Office and giving the impression, despite being a graduate of St Hugh’s College Oxford, of being deeply dim. Since getting the chop upon May’s ascension to office, she has taken to speaking out. She is against the re-introduction of grammar schools and against Brexit. In a TV interview, she took it upon herself to criticise May’s horrible leather slacks (Amanda Wakeley, £995 and now sold out thanks to their gracing the Prime Ministerial limbs) worn during a photo-shoot for the Sunday Times. Morgan said that her constituents would be horrified by so much being spent on a pair of trousers and that she herself had never spent that much on anything save for her wedding dress. This, as you would expect, went down small in No. 10 and Morgan has now been banned from the premises by May’s Joint Chief of Staff, Fiona Hill, in a series of petulant texts that would embarrass a 10 year old. Morgan was further discomfited when it was pointed out that her own Mulberry handbag costs £950 although, to be fair, the cost-per-wear of a handbag is somewhat lower than of a pair of shit-coloured gorblimey trousers. (For the record – they are ugly and floppy, do nothing for May and clash with the grey horse-blanket sweater. But I digress).
For WTF, the issue is not whether May spent £995 on her trewsies (if indeed she did purchase them, rather than borrow them for the shoot). All her clothes are expensive and WTF would rather she did not pretend to shop at M&S, a trick beloved of Sam Cameron come Party Conference time. No-one ever complained about the costs of Cameron’s and Osborne’s Savile Row suits which must have topped £3K a time. Morgan, however ham-fistedly, was trying to point out that despite her condescending promises on taking office to the Just About Managing (JAMs), May does not seem to understand the widening gap between rich and poor. Social services are on the verge of collapse with local authorities urged to put up council tax (that will help the JAMs) to pay the shortfall. Home carers have, for the most part, a paltry 15 minutes per visit to attend to the needs of the elderly and disabled. Care homes, whether council or private, pay dismal wages to mostly female staff. Council tenants have to pay the despicable bedroom tax if they have a room spare for their family to come and visit. Benefits have been repeatedly cut. Hospitals struggle to cope with the budget for nurses and midwives regularly slashed to meet the Government imposed targets. Prisons are at breaking point with warders regularly attacked because there are not enough of them. Legal aid is almost as rare as rocking horse shit. There is no money to pay for these things. But Corporation Tax has been cut. The Inheritance Tax limit on properties has been raised. The citiziens of Loughborough (Morgan’s constituency) and other constituencies outside posh Maidenhead (May’s constituency) probably do not have the cash to pay for the expensive white flowers in May’s cut glass vases, let alone £900+ for either a handbag or a pair of strides. The Government may talk of its concerns, but as far as action is concerned, it is JAM tomorrow, not today.
We start our last review in 2016 of the week’s sartorial slag heap in Sydney at the Australian Academy of Cinema and Television Arts Awards, where we happen upon illusionist Cosentino.
Cosentino is trying to give the illusion that he is well-dressed. He is not. He is simply a prat in a hat and pinstripes.
Also there was actress Jessica Marais, wearing Louis Vuitton.
Do you remember when Louis Vuitton used to be elegant? This is several dresses sewn together worn, like the whole Vuitton collection this season, with hobnail boots. The top looks as if Jessica is standing behind half-opened blinds in her bra.
Here is singer Halsey at the Billboard Women in Music Awards, wearing August Getty.
This dress, not that it is a dress, at least keeps onlookers guessing, i.e. will they get a glimpse of under-boob before or after they are afforded a Minge Moment? The overall effect is that of a teenager in a first-aid class (the one you do to avoid doing sport) practising bandaging – and needing a lot more practice. As for the tattoos, WTF prefers not to speak of them.
To the GQ Awards in LA where we meet Albanian-born singer Bebe Rexha.
This look can best be characterised as Victorian stays as modelled by Britney Spears.
And here is actor Aldis Hodge, excellent in Straight Outta Compton.
I mean, what IS this? It makes him look all stumpy like one of Santa’s Little Helpers and there are random bits of fabric flying off in all directions. The bizarre shape of the trousers takes WTF back to the weird jumpsuits Stella McCartney used to make – and wear – which gave the impression that a scuba diver had farted into her wetsuit.
And we have Bella Thorne, wearing Steven Khalil Couture.
More peekaboo sheer tedium that has bedevilled 2016. (And 2015. And 2014. And 2013.) Half the dress is lovely but that is the issue – there is only one half. Those sequins seems to blow across her crotch like metal filings in the wind. The back, such as it is, is also bad with its silver whoopie-cushion.
The whole thing hovers on the borderline between modesty and a public order offence.
Next up,we have actress Kaley Cuoco wearing Noon by Noor.
Kaley is worth a staggering $45m. It is therefore puzzling that she should venture out to an awards ceremony in ill-fitting turn-up pants and a matching frilly shower curtain. Her expression says what everyone else is thinking….
Finally, we have “plus-size” model Ashley Graham out and about on the streets of New York.
Ashley is gorgeous. You do not have to be a stick insect to be lovely. But no-one could look lovely in this outfit, which gives the impression that the wearer is suffering from a particularly nasty rash.
This week’s It’s Got To Go is suggested by WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh, who is in a rage about the horror that is the X Factor’s Honey G.
David Cameron lookalikey Honey G burst upon an unsuspecting world “rapping”, or in her case crapping, with a conspicuous lack of talent and about as edgy as a baby’s teething ring. Honey, née Anna Gilford, is no gangsta but a 35-year old middle class Londoner with a Masters degree in management who runs her own recruitment company. She survived on X Factor until week 7 and is now releasing a single in time for Christmas. But she can’t rap. She is just another delusional, talentless wannabe, the female Ed Balls of Saturday Night Entertainment. When you say Honey!, we say “Go Away!”
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were loads of top comments last week and WTF was happy as anything, so keep it up, as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday when you will be much entertained by the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2016 with 21 revolting specimens to vote for. Be good x