WTF Biff Bosh Bash Special

Hallo Readers,

To be frank, the main players in the EU Referendum have been getting on WTF’s tits for some time now. You would get more light on the issues from a 40 watt bulb and as D-Day approaches, both sides are getting desperate. The Britain Stronger in Europe boys, spearheaded by Dave Maybe-This-Wasn’t-Such-a-Good-Idea-After-All Cameron, accuse the Leave lot of frightening everyone to death with talk of being overrun by foreigners, and – worse – Muslim foreigners, most of whom will be on the ISIS payroll and minded to destroy civilisation as we know it, but not before crowding out our hospitals and getting handouts various. The Leave lot, spearheaded by Boris Me, Me, Me Johnson, accuse  the Britain Stronger in Europe boys of scaremongering. The Britain Stronger in Europe boys deny they are scaremongering and then make speeches about the likelihood of another war in Europe if we Brexit. And so on. No one has yet invoked an invasion from Mars as the likely consequence of staying in/Brexiting, but there is still time.

Both sides have been making extravagant claims about the financial consequences of doing what the other side wants. The Britain Stronger in Europe boys say that the cost of imports could rise by £11bn if we Brexit and 3m jobs would go down the toilet. The Leave lot say that when we Brexit, we can save £350m A WEEK which can then be spent on the NHS and £33bn a year by not having to comply with EU regulations. The  Treasury weighed in with a report which had suggested that Brexit would cost every household £4,300 a year.

Yesterday the House of Commons Treasury Committee produced an 83 page report signed by all its members, including rabid Brexiteers like Jacob Rees- Mogg, the Bertie Wooster of Westminster. The Chair of the Commons Treasury Committee, one Andrew Tyrie, who sounds like a decent sort, was scathing about all of these figures and stated that they were all either total tosh or exaggerated tosh but they were, without any question, tosh.  In other words, the wool has been pulled over our eyes by all sides so that we are stumbling about bumping into walls and this is alas also true of the Treasury, which is not supposed to be a side, and as usual Readers, the truth is always the first casualty of any political fight.

So who the hell are we supposed to believe? And even if they are telling the truth about other stuff, how are we supposed to know whether they are given that they are clearly not telling the truth about this stuff?  Where is the man or woman with integrity who will give us the facts?  Because this is a big decision and it has to be made on correct information. which at the moment is looking unlikely…..

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We start our weekly sartorial survey with the fag-end of the Cannes Red Carpet and glorious actress Marion Cotillard wearing JWAnderson.

marion

Marion looks like one of those edible grooms perched atop a black tiered wedding cake. But, despite her beauty, on this occasion, she is not good enough to eat. Yurgle….

This is also bad. I refer to actress Sarah Jessica Parker in New York wearing Valentino.

sjp

Who knew Valentino designed shower curtains?

Next we repair to the horrors of the Vogue 100 Festival  in London and to the X Factor ex-Judge and alleged “singer” now known as Cherylformally Fernandez-Versini, formerly Cole, née Tweedy, wearing Dion Lee.

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Ever mindful of fashion, the NHS has introduced the bare-shouldered straitjacket. It is hideous. Hideous. However, there is no point binding Cheryl’s arms if she can still stab herself to death with those high-heeled boots. Or lash herself  into unconsciousness with those fake tresses.

Also present was our old friend Kim Kardashian wearing Roberto Cavalli Couture (sic).

kk

MINGE!!!!!!!! MASSES AND MASSES OF MINGE!!!!! Whether naturally hers or embroidered is not the issue. The issue is that it should not be on display.

And here is Kim’s sister Kourtney Kardashian at a nightclub in LA.

LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 22: Kourtney Kardashian arrives at JEWEL Nightclub at ARIA Resort & Casino on May 22, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Denise Truscello/WireImage) *** Local Caption *** Kourtney Kardashian

Leather Lederhosen with tits. A prime example of what WTF Aficionado @Sumarumi calls Hoe Couture. To quote Cheese in Tin Men, one of WTF’s favourite movies, “there is definitely some kind of sickness that runs in that family….”

To the Billboard Music Awards and singer and reprobate Steven Tyler.

steve

WTF hates the stripes which are reminiscent of Concentration Camp Chic.

Singer Ciara was also there. Indeed she hosted it and changed outfits 7 times. This one is by Minge Moment Maestro, Michael Costello.

ciara 2

Ciara is stunning but this is essentially a tinfoil tabard displaying both tit and cellulitic thigh.  Bad. Although very Michael Costello.

This is “comedian” Josh Ostrovsky aka The Fat Jew (honestly – that is what he calls himself, not what WTF calls him).

LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 22: Internet personality Josh Ostrovsky aka 'The Fat Jew' attends the 2016 Billboard Music Awards at T-Mobile Arena on May 22, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by David Becker/Getty Images)

As Russell Crowe’s gladiator, Circus Maximus or whatever HE called himself, almost asked, are you not entertained by a man in his jim-jams with white socks and pigtail erectus? (Answer – no.  Just go away.). 

And here is singer Britney Spears, wearing Reem Accra.

LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 22: Singer Britney Spears attends the 2016 Billboard Music Awards at T-Mobile Arena on May 22, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by David Becker/Getty Images)

Britney has never got the hang of dressing for the Red Carpet, or, for that matter, at all. There should be more fabric in the body and less in the train. Who needs a train on a leotard? It is as much use as tits on a fish.

Finally, no major music event is complete without the attention-seeking “electro-singer”  (wozzat?) Z LaLa (nee Tania Muradian).

LAS VEGAS, NV - MAY 22: Recording artist Z LaLa attends the 2016 Billboard Music Awards at T-Mobile Arena on May 22, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by David Becker/Getty Images)

Z’s only real function is to turn up on these occasions looking like a fucking idiot and here she is, fulfilling her brief. This time she is ringing the changes by being dressed as a bell but she has dropped a clanger…..

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from an outraged Ale from North London who has had enough of Britain’s Got Talent “judge” Amanda Holden. Ale fulminates that not only is Amanda irritating and self-centred but her outfits for Finals Week should not have been allowed before the 9 pm watershed. Especially this one…

ah

To which WTF would add that (i) there is no hour in which this “dress” would be acceptable and (ii) to describe the talentless Amanda as irritating is the same as describing a dose of the clap as irritating, i.e. not a strong enough word to the degree of n-finity. She’s Got To Go.  

Itsgottogo-x1200px

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Its is always marvellous to read your comments so keep them coming and make WTF happy and glorious. As for your suggestions for It’s Got To Go, they have been totally tops. Let us meet again next Friday (and I do mean Friday). Be good  x

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5 Responses to WTF Biff Bosh Bash Special

  1. donesoverydone says:

    Reblogged this on things I've read or intend to.

  2. Andrew Purcell says:

    *So the main players in the EU Referendum are getting on your tits. Hadn’t heard that phrase before. I understand that the definitions of some words change when they cross the Atlantic Ocean, but assuming “tits” means the same thing in England as it does in the United States, it would seem that there are benefits to being a main player in the EU Referendum.
    *I didn’t realize that the EU Referendum had devolved into a choice between Dave and Boris. You have my sympathy. Maybe Scotland will declare independence and immediately annex the rest of the island.
    *I used to have that shower curtain. For the record, Sarah Jessica Parker did not come with it.
    *I also used to have striped pants just like Steven Tyler’s. It was 1969, I was eleven, and Mom bought them for me. Hated them but never made the concentration camp connection. If I had I would have painted a yellow star on my shirt. (I was an obnoxious kid. Aunt Fran once gave me a tee shirt reading “I’m a rotten nephew”. I wore it proudly.)
    *Aren’t Ciara and Amanda Holden wearing the same dress?
    *Just realized that the Z LaLa photo was taken with a wide angle lens. Fashion models rarely consider that to be flattering.

  3. Lottie says:

    Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a wipe-clean version of Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music.

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