Hallo Readers,
There are less than three weeks until the Midterm Elections in the US and it is safe to say that it is not looking good for the Republican Party, and, by extension, for the President. If the Rancid Kumquat’s approval numbers sank any lower, they would probably resurface in Sydney Harbour. Not that he knows that because he insists on rallying the support across the US by telling bigger and bigger lies in the belief that more of him will make people less sick of him. However, it seems that you can have too much of a bad thing, and the combination of rising inflation, rocketing fuel prices, a pointless war waged by a man who promised no more wars, and the relentless stench of corruption, has worn down all but the most fervent supporters. Admittedly, the Midterms are usually an excuse for the electorate to wave two fingers at the White House, but this time no excuse is necessary; even some of the reddest of red states, where a squashed pumpkin could be elected senator or congressman as long as it sported a GOP rosette, are staring defeat in the face. Kansas. Iowa. North Carolina. Not to mention Texas, where an adulterous shyster by the name of Ken Paxton, who has managed to accumulate a $27 million property portfolio on a government salary, and who was impeached by his own party, is finding out that having the Presidential imprimatur does not necessarily guarantee success at the polls. Indeed, so worrying is the prospect of Paxton losing that the Vice-President, purportedly a devout Catholic, has been reduced to implying that the Democratic candidate, James Talarico, a genuinely devout Christian, is both gay and a paedophile. Because nothing says Christianity so much as telling blatant lies about your opponent when you know that you are on the skids. Meanwhile, the Rancid Kumquat failed – again- to win the Nobel Peace Prize, which he claimed was an indelible stain on Norway. In the same speech as he threatened to obliterate Iran. He was obliged to recant on his promise to live-stream the execution by firing squad of an Army Officer who has murdered 13 soldiers at Fort Hood after public outcry and revulsion at home and across the world. And he had to fire the woman who was previously engaged to his oldest son, and who was rewarded for being dumped with an appointment as US Ambassador to Greece – for corruption. Oh, the irony. He then tried to pretend that he barely knew her.
A bad week was made worse by the debut of his new Press Secretary, Katie Zacharia. The word catastrophic has insufficient nuance to summarise her first Press Conference on Tuesday. On the face of it, Zacharia satisfies the job spec in that she looks like every other MAGA-Ivanka-lookalikey – long blonde hair extensions, more plastic than is to be found in the Evian bottling plant, and make-up applied with a trowel. The Rancid Kumquat picked her in the absence of his Chief of Staff not because of her expertise or her experience, but because of her undoubted loyalty to him. Sadly, however, she immediately demonstrated an inability to read aloud or to think on her Louboutins, and no understanding of current government policy. She ascended the podium like a rabbit in headlights, barely looked up as she stumbled through her script, took three questions from safe journalists, confused her husband with the President, and bolted after a mere 14 minutes. And while we expect any White House spokesman to be a blatant liar, Bargain Basement Barbie immediately got into trouble when it emerged that although she has a degree and a law degree, she failed the bar exam so that her claim to be an attorney (i.e. that she had passed the bar exam) was as mythical as her previous support for various Q-Anon looney-tunes conspiracies, most notably that Hillary Clinton ran a murderous paedophile ring from the basement of a Washington pizzeria. It was like watching a car crash in slow-motion. But then competence was never a pre-requisite for working for this Administration……
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We start our review of the week’s woeful wear at the Singapore Grand Prix, where celebritee and SKIMS magnate Kim Kardashian was playing the role of Lewis Hamilton’s supportive girlfriend (LOOK AT MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!), wearing Alaïa.
This is a rip-off of the swimsuit and pareo worn by the ditsy Chloë in The White Lotus. Only she was supposed to be on a yacht in Thailand. Further, Visible Nipple Activity (VNA) is not generally regarded as a good idea in rather prim Singapore – or, for that matter, at all.
Next, we go to London for the British Film Institute London Film Festival and the première of Elsinore. This is one of its stars, Olivia Colman, wearing Zimmerman. Watermarked Zimmerman, as sadly the weather proved to be inclement that night.
Was this garment designed for a larger actor? Because it is lopsided. And enormous. There is room in there for the entire cast of the movie, and still space for any latecomers. It is also very austere, channelling Septa Unella, the one who ushered a stark-naked Cersei through the streets of King’s Landing in Game of Thrones, ringing up a storm on her handbell and chanting “Shame!”
This is actor Ayo Edebiri from The Bear, wearing Chanel. Scroll down slowly….
Three quarters of this outfit is lovely. The other quarter is a fluffy pigeon’s arse. To be accurate, a Punt Pigeon’s arse. As a matter of interest, how do you sit down with a fluffy pigeon’s arse? How do you get into the limo taking you to the Red Carpet with a fluffy pigeon’s arse? Are you just teleported from A to B and back again? #baffled
Attending the première of Ink, we have actor Jack O’Connell wearing Dior. Seriously.
Are you fucking kidding me? Dior? It will probably cost about £2,000 when it hits the shops in Spring 2027. WTF has seen better-dressed men living in cardboard boxes along the Embankment.
Our last one from the BFI features actor Alexander Skarsgård at the première of Wicker, wearing St Laurent.
Waitsorrywhat? It is bad enough that he is dressed as a shirtless gold ingot. But clock those shoes!!!!!! WTF is combining this bit with this week’s It’s Got To Go.
St Laurent’s design director of shoes, explained that the look is called “O. Fan,” after adult online platform OnlyFans, and are a celebration of sexuality in the gay community. Really? You can get the same effect from a joke shop at a fraction of the price.
We move across London to the Natural History Museum in South Kensington, where George and Amal Clooney were hosting their annual event honouring global justice defenders, journalists, and activists.Hannah Waddingham wearing a dress she designed herself in collaboration with Sharon Gilham.
Hannah went to the ball dressed as the Slime Monster. Who knows why? Stick to the day job, sweetie, because this is horribly unflattering. WTF is unsure whether dressing as a Slime Monster is susceptible to being flattering, but – and to be fair, it is a long shot – if it is, Hannah did not manage it.
We move to West Hollywood and the MISTR’s 2nd Annual National PrEP Day, dedicated to preventing and combatting AIDS. One guest was singer Christina Aguilera, wearing Didu and Christian Louboutin boots.
WTF checked out the attendees and can confirm that the men were not in their undies. So why were the women? Still, look on the bright side. At least Katie Zacharia can always earn a living as a Christina Aguilera tribute act once she gets the push.
And finally, at the same event, singer Chappell Roan wearing Christian Cowan.
Yurgle. If Lola from Shark Tale had sex with a traffic cone, this is what their offspring would look like.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep your comments coming in and your suggestions for It’s Got to Go, which gladden WTF’s heart. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x
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