wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers, 

Every so often the nation is dragged back to the 1980s and 1990s and the disaster that was the marriage of Prince Charles, as he then was, and Lady Diana Spencer, as she then was. He should never have married her – he was too old for her and he did not love her, being in love with someone else – the woman who is now his wife and the Queen – who had given up n being proposed to and had married someone else. But he was under pressure from his father to take a wife, and not just a wife, but a wife who was both an aristocrat and a virgin; and that was a very circumscribed job specification. They were not well suited, having little in common except, in time, two fine sons. He continued to see the woman he really loved and she took lovers in retaliation; they separated in 1992 and divorced in 1996.  She died a year later. But we are all still supposed to stand on one side of the line or the other, Diana’s devotees or Charles’ champions, acting as though we were privy to everything that happened between them from 1981 to1997 and able to speak with authority on the subject. Not to mention the so-called Royal Experts, who are rubbing their hands with glee and pontificating up a storm. 

So there we were this week coming to terms with the fact that we might all be dead within a matter of months because of AI run mad. Suddenly, up pops one of the least likeable men in public life, namely Charles, Earl Spencer, Diana’s younger brother. It is right to say that WTF never had time for Spencer. He has had three public and unpleasant divorces in  each of which his unfortunate wives have disclosed that he is a piece of work and someone whose adherence to his marriage vows is, or was, tenuous. WTF certainly did not approve of his celebrated funereal eulogy, when Spencer thought it appropriate and comforting to his bereaved nephews to defecate all over their father’s family and to pledge that their mother’s “blood family” would protect them.  At which point, he buggered off to South Africa. WTF was therefore surprised that Spencer could sink any lower in her estimation, and yet this week he has managed it. Because nothing says classy as much as publishing a book nearly 30 years on claiming that his former brother-in-law, a man who has cancer, was “giddily elated as if he had won the lottery” at the death of his former spouse and that he had told Spencer on the phone “we’ll forget her soon enough”. There are only two people who know whether this is true. Those are the parties to the telephone conversation. Spencer knows that Charles would never sue him because that is not how he conducts himself. The reason for this revelation now, for which the Daily Mail has paid a fortune, is to publicise his new book about his sister. Given that he does not need the money, WTF assumes that his main motive is spite. Which seems at odds with his pledge to protect his nephews made at the funeral in Westminster Abbey back in 1997. WTF will make only two comments. First, she does believe that a man as malevolent and unpleasant as Spencer would have let this nugget lie for three decades; and second, she doubts that the Prince would ever say such a thing. In any event, she is confident in her view that the only proper response to this spiteful drivel is to show it and the author the contempt they so richly deserve.

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Our review of the week’s terrible togs  all come from the Emmys in Los Angeles, starting with actor Riz Ahmed (Bait) wearing Loewe.

Sorry, but this is his dad’s suit. WTF could get in there with him, and there would still be room for a large meal – for both of us.

Actor Kristen Bell (Nobody Wants This), wearing Alberta Ferretti.

The artist Frederick Carl Frieseke painted a portrait of a young girl examining her torn clothing, which is clearly where Alberta Ferretti found her inspiration for this moth-eared, raggedy, nightgown. And the colour completely washes Kristen out.

Actor Timothy Simons (Nobody Wants This), wearing who knows what this is.

 Nobody wants this, certainly. No adult man should be seen in a floppy pink bow tie, like a pair of piggy ears, and the ombré colour scheme is like a particularly poncy occasion cake.

Actor Eunice Bae (Your Friends and Neighbors), wearing vintage Bill Blass from his 1980 collection.

Eunice is dressed as Big Bird from Sesame Street, and has replaced Big Bird’s red webbed feet and mouth with some red lipstick instead. Why, WTF cannot say.

Actor Alan Cumming, wearing Bode and Christian Louboutin shoes. 

WTF has often said that no man should wear white shoes unless he is a tennis player or a dentist. His trousers have had a serious argument with his ankles, and the suit makes him look like a member of a Mexican Mariachi band.

Actor and comedian Meg Stalter (Hacks), dressed as an Emmy at the Emmys.

There are no words except one. Yurgle.

Denee Benton (the Gilded Age), wearing Cong Tri.

Oh, for Heaven’s sake. She is censoring her own titties.

Actor Harry Hamlyn (Sterling Point) wearing…..well, you will see. Scroll down slowly…..

Oh Harry! It was all going so well, although the floppy bow tie is a bit silly. But then we get to those GIGANTIC trousers. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE TROUSERS???? They have no relationship to the jacket, not even at all. Even Charlie Chaplin would have scoffed at them.

Actor Elysia Roorbach (The Pitt), wearing Elias Matso.

Blimey, it’s Tinkerbell with tits. That bodice is not up to the job, like pouring a quart into a pint pot.

And finally, this is actor Shailene Woodley (Paradise), wearing Balenciaga.

Shailene’s stylist, Karla Welch, was very upset at what she called the “super rude” comments in social media about this outfit. To which WTF can only say……sweetie, as a stylist sows, so shall she – and her client – reap. And if you put your client in a blue top that is not so much a tit window as a tit chasm, purple opera gloves and a pair of gold trousers that are made of pebble dash, the exterior coating much loved by pensioners living in bungalows in windy British seaside towns, you have only yourself to blame.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. No It’s Got To Go this week, but please keep your nominations for it, and your other comments, rolling in. WTF frets when you don’t. And you don’t want that, surely? Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x