WTF Scumbag Special

Hallo Readers,

Ched Evans is a scumbag, even on his own account of the night in May 2011 that led to his being convicted of rape. Evans, then 22, his friend Clayton Macdonald and two others were out on the lash in his hometown of Rhyl. Macdonald met a drunk 19-year-old waitress in a kebab shop at 3 am and took her back to his hotel room and they had sex. At which point Evans walked into the room, having obtained a key from the receptionist. Evans said Macdonald invited him to join in. Macdonald said it was Evans’ suggestion. Both agreed that the woman said yes but the woman claimed to have no recollection of the events at all. Evans then had sex with her whilst other pals tried to film events through the window. Macdonald left through the door and Evans by the fire escape, leaving the woman to wake up in the morning with no idea where she was, how she had got there, who she had been with and what had happened. Evans and Macdonald were charged with rape on the grounds that the woman had been too intoxicated to have consented. They claimed that she was able to, and did, consent. Curiously, Macdonald was acquitted but Evans was convicted and got 5 years. Various friends and relations were later convicted and fined for naming the woman on social media. Evans maintains his innocence and has hired a QC to draft his appeal.

None of this sorry tale would have merited more than a few lines in the local paper had the accused not been professional footballers. Macdonald’s career was undistinguished but Evans played for Sheffield Utd and was a Welsh international. Today he is released, having served half his sentence and  the question is whether he should be allowed to resume his career which presents feminist liberals like WTF with a real dilemma. On the one hand, he is clearly a pig who was found guilty of a very serious offence. 145,000 people have signed a petition opposing his re-employment. On the other hand, he has served his sentence. Had he previously been employed in a factory and returned to work, he would have been praised for rehabilitating himself. Does the fact that he is returning to glamorous and lucrative employment mean that he should never be allowed to return to it at all?  Where is the dividing line between acceptable and unacceptable employment and to which crimes does it apply? And if the argument is that footballers are role models, why should arrogant arse-wipes who can kick a ball about be seen as role models anyway? On balance, WTF has reluctantly concluded that he should be allowed to play because the lines are otherwise too arbitrary and there is no point in sending someone to prison unless they can come out and start again. Of course, Evans will have all manner of shit heaped on him by the opposing fans (and maybe some of his own) whenever he steps onto the pitch but once he scores a goal most Sheffield Utd fans will cheer him to the rafters. And his girlfriend is standing by him. Depressing isn’t it?

To the sartorial stinkers of the week, starting with X Factor judge Mel B, aka Scary Spice, leaving after the second live show.

mel b sheep

OMG! Talk about a wolf in lamb’s clothing. She’s even got the bloody ears. And those pom-poms! A friend who supports Glasgow Rangers tells me that Aberdeen FC supporters like to wear sheep masks before kickoff and then turn them to the back of their heads to watch the game, giving an unnerving experience to anyone standing amongst them who is not a sheep shagger. WTF has roughly the same sensation on seeing Mel.

Here are Vas J Morgan and Jasmin Walia off TOWIE out and about in London.

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Jasmin is doing that white lace and black bra thing that WTF REALLY HATES and Vas, a newcomer to the series, looks like a twat in a see-through top exposing not just his chest but his bellybutton and groin. Meanwhile, anyone over the age of 10 wearing a back-to-front baseball cap is an idiot. Fact.

And this is Sarah Jessica Parker also doing that white lace and black bra thing wearing Elie Saab.

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Sarah is threatening a third Sex And The City movie, despite the fact that the last one needed to improve 1000% just to be putrid. Both Sarah’s style and her career are still irretrievably linked with Carrie Bradshaw and it is time for her to move on. As for the dress, it seems to have been attacked by moths.

Next up we have Australian rapper, Iggy Azalea.

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My, this is ugly. It is as if Iggy has parachuted in from Planet Crapsville and then knocked up this ensemble using a mini sewing machine concealed in her backpack. The finish, particularly on the seams and hems, is terrible and WTF is perturbed by the health hazard posed by those revolting boots. They are laced so tightly that they are causing indentations, like a couple of latticed pork pies and are cutting off the circulation to her toes.

iggy

Sigh. Here is the lovely Christina Hendricks looking not at all lovely in this execrable white suit.

hendricks2

First of all, no one should wear a white trouser suit unless they are either the Man from Del Monte or Tony Manero in Saturday Night Fever.

Tony Manero

del monte

Second, if you do wear a white trouser suit, it should not be this one. The trousers are so eye-wateringly tight over the crotch that they fall squarely into WTF’s category of Call For The Canesten. Camel toe should never be on view except on a camel. The trousers are very unflattering and the buttoned jacket is straining over Christina’s magnificent bosom. When she looks so wonderful in pencil skirts and fitted dresses accentuating her curves, why would she even think of wearing this?

WARNING! THIS NEXT ONE IS VERY BAD.

Yes, it’s Mariah Carey on tour in China.

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Yurgle. Both the skirt and the triangular-titted corset are very ridiculous and WTF suspects that Mariah is doing that post-breakup “showing him what he’s missing” nonsense after splitting from husband Nick Cannon. Sadly this might well have the opposite effect because it may be that he got tired of her showing it. We certainly are. Mariah would be well advised to take that dangling fabric and wrap it about her to save further embarrassment.

This week’s It’s Got To Go was suggested by WTF aficionado Sarah Bourke and she put it so brilliantly that here it is verbatim for you to enjoy. It concerns televised fishing.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Robson Green and the bloke that looks like a geography teacher spend hours clogging up the TV schedules each day with their brand of “extreme” angling. All the shows seem to feature them going somewhere exotic to catch some fugly fish with massive teeth. The fish doesn’t want to be caught but they get it in the end. Once you have seen one, you have seen them all. It is as interesting as being read highlights from the Wickes catalogue and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers that’s your lot for this week. Keep those excellent comments rolling in and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

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8 Responses to WTF Scumbag Special

  1. sairsebourke says:

    Woohoo!!! I’ve been quoted in wtf. I can now die happy:-)

    On a serious note, Chef Evans has spent time in prison but is nowhere near rehabilitated. As he denies the offence, he is ineligible to do the prison service sex offender treatment programme. He will also be ineligible for most probation sex offender programmes. Release and a return to football means that an untreated sex offender is back working in exactly the same environment where the index offence was committed. Pound to a penny he will breach his parole licence conditions. I just hope his offender manager has the nerve to recall the little scrote.

  2. dughall says:

    Whether or not Ched Evans returns to a career in professional football is less a moral matter than a child-protection one. Professional footballers generally undertake considerable work in the community, frequently in schools or around young people. As a convicted sex offender, Evans should be barred from such employment in the same way that a teacher would, for example.

  3. fashionshark says:

    Well I doubt whether he would be allowed near a school or young people as he is on the Sex Offenders’ Register. But I do not think that it is his primary occupation, which is to play football. there are certain professions where you cannot practice at all if you are convicted of a criminal offence but football isn’t one of them. It is very difficult and I can honestly see both sides and tried to put them both.

  4. I’m inclined to agree that the rapist footballer should be allowed to return to his profession. If he’s served his sentence our beef with him is essentially completed. I fully agree that it is an awkward choice.

    Had a great chuckle over the mini sewing machine bit.

  5. Mel B/Scary Spice in the sheep suit reminded me of the time John Wayne dressed as a pink rabbit for the American TV show Laugh-In, circa 1970.

  6. Jamie says:

    Wtf. Great commentary re Ched Evans. The law can’t decide where to draw the line re resumption of career. I think it has to be self regulated by the franchises/clubs. Footballers and football club owners/boards have to accept that the massive money they all make is due to the mass market media consumption of the product they purvey, and that with all that (much desired by them) media exposure comes the ability to influence behaviour and perceptions of normality/acceptability on many levels including social. If players step out of line in a grave enough way, then it’s up to the clubs themselves to use the incidents are ground for contract termination. If the clubs are reluctant to do so then outside groups can apply pressure and create negative feedback loop via corp sponsors who tend to be hyper sensitive about anything potentially toxic to ‘brand’ either directly or by association. I would use current NFL situations as perfect examples of how this dynamic can be an extremely effective mechanism for creating pretty rapid self regulation. Clearly this can get overdone at times (like the poor guy who got fired from Mozilla because he gave some money to a group supporting traditional marriage values), but for the most part I think it works very well. ‘Follow the money’ as they say in the movies.

  7. Tally says:

    I know it’s a bit trivial in the vast scheme of things, but please can I recommend the woman who thinks we will be Better off at Asda for `Its got to Go`? I have been to Asda. It was full of very loud music and screaming kids. I would definitely NOT be better off there. Thank you.

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