wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Ched Evans is a scumbag, even on his own account of the night in May 2011 that led to his being convicted of rape. Evans, then 22, his friend Clayton Macdonald and two others were out on the lash in his hometown of Rhyl. Macdonald met a drunk 19-year-old waitress in a kebab shop at 3 am and took her back to his hotel room and they had sex. At which point Evans walked into the room, having obtained a key from the receptionist. Evans said Macdonald invited him to join in. Macdonald said it was Evans’ suggestion. Both agreed that the woman said yes but the woman claimed to have no recollection of the events at all. Evans then had sex with her whilst other pals tried to film events through the window. Macdonald left through the door and Evans by the fire escape, leaving the woman to wake up in the morning with no idea where she was, how she had got there, who she had been with and what had happened. Evans and Macdonald were charged with rape on the grounds that the woman had been too intoxicated to have consented. They claimed that she was able to, and did, consent. Curiously, Macdonald was acquitted but Evans was convicted and got 5 years. Various friends and relations were later convicted and fined for naming the woman on social media. Evans maintains his innocence and has hired a QC to draft his appeal.

None of this sorry tale would have merited more than a few lines in the local paper had the accused not been professional footballers. Macdonald’s career was undistinguished but Evans played for Sheffield Utd and was a Welsh international. Today he is released, having served half his sentence and  the question is whether he should be allowed to resume his career which presents feminist liberals like WTF with a real dilemma. On the one hand, he is clearly a pig who was found guilty of a very serious offence. 145,000 people have signed a petition opposing his re-employment. On the other hand, he has served his sentence. Had he previously been employed in a factory and returned to work, he would have been praised for rehabilitating himself. Does the fact that he is returning to glamorous and lucrative employment mean that he should never be allowed to return to it at all?  Where is the dividing line between acceptable and unacceptable employment and to which crimes does it apply? And if the argument is that footballers are role models, why should arrogant arse-wipes who can kick a ball about be seen as role models anyway? On balance, WTF has reluctantly concluded that he should be allowed to play because the lines are otherwise too arbitrary and there is no point in sending someone to prison unless they can come out and start again. Of course, Evans will have all manner of shit heaped on him by the opposing fans (and maybe some of his own) whenever he steps onto the pitch but once he scores a goal most Sheffield Utd fans will cheer him to the rafters. And his girlfriend is standing by him. Depressing isn’t it?

To the sartorial stinkers of the week, starting with X Factor judge Mel B, aka Scary Spice, leaving after the second live show.

OMG! Talk about a wolf in lamb’s clothing. She’s even got the bloody ears. And those pom-poms! A friend who supports Glasgow Rangers tells me that Aberdeen FC supporters like to wear sheep masks before kickoff and then turn them to the back of their heads to watch the game, giving an unnerving experience to anyone standing amongst them who is not a sheep shagger. WTF has roughly the same sensation on seeing Mel.

Here are Vas J Morgan and Jasmin Walia off TOWIE out and about in London.

Jasmin is doing that white lace and black bra thing that WTF REALLY HATES and Vas, a newcomer to the series, looks like a twat in a see-through top exposing not just his chest but his bellybutton and groin. Meanwhile, anyone over the age of 10 wearing a back-to-front baseball cap is an idiot. Fact.

And this is Sarah Jessica Parker also doing that white lace and black bra thing wearing Elie Saab.

Sarah is threatening a third Sex And The City movie, despite the fact that the last one needed to improve 1000% just to be putrid. Both Sarah’s style and her career are still irretrievably linked with Carrie Bradshaw and it is time for her to move on. As for the dress, it seems to have been attacked by moths.

Next up we have Australian rapper, Iggy Azalea.

My, this is ugly. It is as if Iggy has parachuted in from Planet Crapsville and then knocked up this ensemble using a mini sewing machine concealed in her backpack. The finish, particularly on the seams and hems, is terrible and WTF is perturbed by the health hazard posed by those revolting boots. They are laced so tightly that they are causing indentations, like a couple of latticed pork pies and are cutting off the circulation to her toes.

Sigh. Here is the lovely Christina Hendricks looking not at all lovely in this execrable white suit.

First of all, no one should wear a white trouser suit unless they are either the Man from Del Monte or Tony Manero in Saturday Night Fever.

Second, if you do wear a white trouser suit, it should not be this one. The trousers are so eye-wateringly tight over the crotch that they fall squarely into WTF’s category of Call For The Canesten. Camel toe should never be on view except on a camel. The trousers are very unflattering and the buttoned jacket is straining over Christina’s magnificent bosom. When she looks so wonderful in pencil skirts and fitted dresses accentuating her curves, why would she even think of wearing this?

WARNING! THIS NEXT ONE IS VERY BAD.

Yes, it’s Mariah Carey on tour in China.

Yurgle. Both the skirt and the triangular-titted corset are very ridiculous and WTF suspects that Mariah is doing that post-breakup “showing him what he’s missing” nonsense after splitting from husband Nick Cannon. Sadly this might well have the opposite effect because it may be that he got tired of her showing it. We certainly are. Mariah would be well advised to take that dangling fabric and wrap it about her to save further embarrassment.

This week’s It’s Got To Go was suggested by WTF aficionado Sarah Bourke and she put it so brilliantly that here it is verbatim for you to enjoy. It concerns televised fishing.

Robson Green and the bloke that looks like a geography teacher spend hours clogging up the TV schedules each day with their brand of “extreme” angling. All the shows seem to feature them going somewhere exotic to catch some fugly fish with massive teeth. The fish doesn’t want to be caught but they get it in the end. Once you have seen one, you have seen them all. It is as interesting as being read highlights from the Wickes catalogue and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers that’s your lot for this week. Keep those excellent comments rolling in and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x