WTF Britain Has Gone Stark, Staring Mad Special

Hallo Readers,

Those of you who are regular visitors to this blog or who follow WTF on  Twitter (what do you mean you don’t do Twitter? @WTF_EEK) will have guessed that WTF was not prostrate with grief at the demise of Lady Thatcher. Although she was obviously a brilliant woman with astonishing presence and formidable debating skills, WTF is old enough to have lived through Thatcherism and  the destruction of the miners, the decimation of the unions, the demonisation of gays, the depiction of Nelson Mandela as a “terrorist” and the cultivation of the elbows-out, greed-is-good, me-me-me, fuck-you culture of the 1980’s and she hated it. Nor does she buy into the mythology that Lady T’s remarkable achievement of becoming the first female Prime Minister blazed a trail for women.  That said, WTF is not one for dancing on people’s graves and so she was all bristling disapproval at the exultant juvenilia that burst out within minutes of  the announcement. Of course, those who loathed everything Lady T stood for were entitled to toast her passing, not least those from former mining communities or whose relatives had been smeared as having pissed on the Hillsborough dead. But dancing round Brixton or Glasgow swigging champagne is another thing entirely and when the likes of Johnny Rotten, Billy Bragg and Martin McGuinness all think something is going too far, then the chances are that it probably is.

On the other hand, Call me Dave has quite lost his marbles in trying to create a degree of mass mourning that would embarrass North Korea. Did Dave not appreciate that spending £10m on a quasi-State funeral, featuring such luminaries as Joan Collins, Jeremy Clarkson and Dame Shirley Bassey, would not be universally popular? Did he not think that calling MPs back from their sunbeds for the obsequies and recompensing them thousands in public funds for doing so would not be well received? (Anyway, why aren’t they already back at work? Every other bugger is). Did he not think that ordering civil servants and diplomats to wear funereal black next Wednesday was a bit OTT? Was there any sight as nauseating as the ghastly old fossils who had knifed her 23 years ago now standing up in Parliament and praising her to the skies? Or any sight as glorious  as pompous Tory windbag Sir Tony Baldry MP (knighted, no doubt, for services to arselicking) being squashed flat by the Speaker when he rose to protest that Glenda Jackson was being rude about the sainted Lady T? What did he think she was going to do? Recite Christina Rosetti’s Remember Me When I am Gone Away?

So on Wednesday 17 April, WTF will be staying indoors. She won’t be dancing in the street and frightening the horses. She won’t be throwing flowers at the gun-carriage and wailing like a banshee.  She will however be enjoying the splenetic fury of the Daily Mail and The Daily Telegraph which have failed to grasp that somehow the Nation is bearing up. The Mail excelled itself this week with a story about Romany Blyth, a teacher for special needs students (anathema) who compared Lady T to Hitler (double anathema) and called for street parties (triple anathema) and for people to piss on Lady T’s grave (Call the Firing Squad). Romany, squealed the Mail, had breast implants on the NHS because of poor self esteem!!!!! WTF is unable to see what this had to do with the price of fish but there we are. Paul Dacre has clearly gone more bonkers than Dave and doubtless a cardiac surgeon and an expert in hypertension are on permanent stand-by in the gilded lobby at Mail HQ in the event that he has a seizure.

Let us distract ourselves with some badly dressed people, starting with Z list singer and celebritee, Aubrey O’Day.

aubrey suspenders

Aubrey was a member of a girl group  Danity Kane (no, me neither) but she was chucked out  in 2008 and now earns a living in the traditional celebritee way, namely baring all for Playboy, appearing in shite TV reality shows and singing the odd tune. Here is she flashing the flesh in Las Vegas dressed as a St. Trinian’s slapper. The silver belt resembles a medieval implement of torture although it cannot be nearly as painful as the cheesewire crotch-skimming leotard. If there isn’t a law against wearing this in public, then there should be.

Now we turn to Little Mix’s Leigh-Anne Pinnock wearing the most appalling trousers WTF ever did see in her life. Well, I say trousers…….

leigh-anne

First we have Aubrey in her suspender-leotard and now we have Leigh-Anne in her crushed velvet suspender-trousers. What is the point of suspender-trousers? They do not keep your legs warm and they look stupid but at least Leigh-Anne has the thighs for them. WTF fears that in keeping with the governing rule of British street fashion, namely the fatter the leg the shorter the skirt, wobbling fatties will soon come tottering down the High Street  of a Saturday night with flesh spilling out of their suspender-trousers like little hippos peering from a watering hole. As for the tee-shirt babbling on about parental guidance…. where were Leigh-Anne’s parents to talk her out of this ghastliness?

Now we meet dancer and actress Julianne Hough wearing Peter Pilotto Fall 2013

julianne in pilotto

This is not so much Fall 2o13 as Fail 2013 with its cornucopia of patterns, shapes and fabrics.  There is the white thing across the shoulder-blades like the hood on an academic gown – think watching an episode of Lewis on psychedelic drugs. There are the very swirly tits – think Katie Price’s bikini top. There is the slimy green/blue mermaid fabric and the horrible little frilled skirt and the pattern around the minge department. In fact, the whole thing is deeply disturbing.  Just say no.

Here is The Cars’ Ric Ocasek, pictured with wife of 24 years, actress and model Paulina Porizkova, at a bash in NYC.

Ric Ocasek

WTF likes the way that Ric and Paulina have colour-coordinated their ensembles and thinks that Paulina looks lovely and much younger than 48, which she is. WTF also likes the way that Ric, 64, looks like Bill Wyman’s bookworm Auntie. She is, however, less keen on the colour-swirly jacket with the Aboriginal fish print which is giving her a headache. We can but be grateful that Julianne Hough was not there because had she, Rick and Paulina all stood together, opthalmic departments all over Manhattan would have been crammed with citizens suffering from retinal damage.

Off we go to the Academy of Country Music Awards where we shall examine a couple of complete disasters. First off, we have singer Rae Lynn.

rae lynn

Rae Lynn is 19 years old so why she is dressed as a paedophile’s wet dream, WTF cannot say. The frock is deeply offensive, a frou-frou of peachy froth and silver thread, but to team it with matching Hallo-y’all-I-live-at-Southfork booties is beyond all comprehension.

But bad as that was, this is worse. Meet Tobi Lee from Mustang Sally.

Tobi

This is just so wrong on every level. WTF has seen some stinkeroonies in her time but this doesn’t just take the biscuit, this is the whole McVitie’s factory working on overtime. Tobi is wearing a leopard-skin bodice and  a tutu the colour of shit worn with a red bejewelled over-bodice and red platform booties. Why? Why design it? Why buy it? Why wear it? As for the hair, someone should have warned the poor girl not to touch an electric socket with wet hands…. Note to Tobi –  you are either colour blind or you are taking the piss, but either way, stop it please.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There was a bumper crop of comments last week, which made WTF’s heart sing. Keep them coming this week and let us meet again next week. Have fun and be good x

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31 Responses to WTF Britain Has Gone Stark, Staring Mad Special

  1. fashionshark says:

    testing, testing…..

  2. Tracylena Morgan steinberg says:

    This week was the best esp. Comments re MT. Song from wizard of oz Not enough. Let’s revive the old Dylan great. “Don’t want to work on Maggie’s farm no more”

  3. laura says:

    I haven’t read 50 Shades of Grey (yet) but I did wonder if it might have had some influence on fashion – could “B.D.S.M. Chic” be the latest trend?

    • fashionshark says:

      Laura, are you referring to anyone in particular in this blog or generally? BTW I think I failed to respond to your earlier message about our mutual friend and kidnap – what happened to you?

      • laura says:

        Yes, sorry the Aubrey and Leigh Anne suspender thingies. Thing is I got terribly distracted firstly by the fact that I had believed Aubrey to be a name for males but having searched it I found out that it is used for both, I was then amused to discover the the meaning which is “Fair Ruler of the Little People” or “King of the Elves”. The suspender outfit to me was more Miss Whiplash than Elf-like so I googled Miss Whiplash and discovered that Lindi St Clair had given it all up and become a Christian. I realised by then that I was out of touch and wondered was there a possibility that the latest trends might be based on B.D.S.M. in which there is a huge and growing interest, in fact according to a recent article in that top quality newspaper The Mail B.D.S.M has evidently trickled from M’lud down to “the accused” and women prisoners are demanding to read it.

      • fashionshark says:

        I am totally loving the Lindi St Clair story and may have to work it into the copy sometime….

  4. zara says:

    Also continuing last week’s conversations, this came out a while back: commercial pressure to model one’s nether regions to resemble Rae Lynn’s knees:
    http://www.allvoices.com/contributed-news/11924264-indian-company-launches-clean-dry-intimate-wash-designed-to-brighten-the-female-private-parts-hq-video

    • laura says:

      Well look how happy she was once she used that product! If you want your “lady garden” to be “nice and white” you can also try this http://www.caspah.com/vaginal-bleaching.html

      • zara says:

        Yikes :0

      • zara says:

        Christine from Iowa says it all…

        “Many of us are mothers and tend to “let ourselves go” as we get carried away with our busy lives. The intimate lightening cream is amazing because it gives confidence and femininity back, and takes little time or money to invest in. After just one month I have noticed a huge improvement, and just in time for bathing suit season too! I will continue to stand by this product knowing it is safe and free from hydroquinone.”

      • thenewrosegarden says:

        One word.
        WHYYYYYYYYYYY??????!!!!!

  5. laura says:

    Oh My God ! there is so much more I need to feel insecure about !! Who Knew ???? . . . . . .
    “Nipple Bleaching is a new trend. Women are realizing that they can brighten and lighten their nipples for a more youthful appearance. When you are in your teens to early 20’s most nipples are light pink, but as we age our nipples tend to get darker and darker. One of the best ways to keep your youthful look is with a intimate area lightening product like the ones below. These products can double as nipple lightening treatments.”

    • fashionshark says:

      This correspondence is taking a VERY STRANGE direction.

      I love it……

      Goodnight nice ladies…..

    • fashionshark says:

      No, actually I can’t sleep before I know whether the lady from Arizona is 100% satisfied because her sex life has improved so much after the bleaching or because it is a good product or both.

    • thenewrosegarden says:

      Except if you happen NOT to be WHITE CAUCASION!!
      I cant keep up!
      In the 70’s and 80’s black and asians were hated for being brown. Then came in the sunbed mania, and some of the people look darker than those naturally born in the Indian subcontinent.
      Now your nether regions are going too dark???? WHO CARES?!!!!

  6. thenewrosegarden says:

    Well said RE Thatcher and her thatcherite spawn.
    I remember when she came in 1979, that seemed to be the end of neigbourliness and the community spirit.
    I have no issue with Ding Dong being aired- it is after all democracy in action. However rather than having the parties, I think the those people should do something which she would have really hated.
    I think (and ’tis only my humble opinion) that people should go and check in on there neighbours and set up permanent neighbourhood care/help groups. That would really have old T spinning in her grave..” NO ! NO! This lady was never meant for turning!!”
    Personally I never thought of her as woman. I think she never wore trousers because she didn’t want to let on she was part of the rolled up trouser leg brigade. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink…spiiiiiiiiiin!
    Me thinks that next weeks fashion watch should be a look out for the rolled up trouser legs at T’s re-writing of history funeral.

  7. thenewrosegarden says:

    sorry bought spelling, been a another fallout of T’s no such thing as society day today.

  8. thenewrosegarden says:

    oh God i did it again! time for a cup of cha.

    • fashionshark says:

      It isn’t meant to be worn, just meant to seen as a mega show off of wealth.

    • thenewrosegarden says:

      I agree it looks a mess. Even if it was designed as an art piece, it should look aesthetically pleasing, but instead it’s a hotchpotch of bead work and embroidery. The balance on the bodice is all wrong, the material doesn’t show the diamonds off and to be honest the black colour of the material is all wrong. Really bad design work.

  9. Joyce says:

    Glad I’m not in the UK on Wednesday and can avoid the blanket coverage of Mrs T’s funeral. Agree with WTF comments 100%.

    Actually just recovering from the jaw dropping ‘fashion’ on display at the Grand National – shows that its not only ‘celebs’ who don’t look in the mirror before they leave home.

  10. laura says:

    Is this the correct place to have a rant? About the state of British women’s clothes? I need to get this out of my system. Yesterday’s photos prove that British women have lost any idea of how to dress, thank God just thank God that everyone wore black or it could have been so much worse! Has no ones mother told them that you don’t wear a hat with your hair down? This is such a simple rule yet it has gone out of the window evidently. When I was young I remember my Grandmother rarely went out without a hat, least of all to church, so women were used to wearing hats and knew the rules. So called “fascinators” are disgusting in themselves, they were something that ladies who were not accustomed to wearing anything on their head, (other perhaps than a scarf to cover the rollers) – used as a compromise at weddings where they were not close relatives to the bride. Now this phenomenon has spread like a cancer. I see your tweet about Katherine Jenkins and having looked at her photo she was actually very well dressed yesterday apart from the silly hat spike, as an aside I didn’t have a clue who she was but on googling her found her website which informs me that she was due to perform at the Grand National ! Did she trot up and down a few times?
    Anyway, hair down and hats is a no no and I blame Kate for having worn a veil to her wedding with her hair down, something which is just not on. I suppose we are going to have to suffer seeing “our betters” looking like Shetland ponies wearing titfers for a long time to come. The Queen looked smart I suppose and her and the Duke smiled a lot, I seemed to remember that she didn’t like Thatcher, presumably she went yesterday to make sure she was dead then?

    I shall get a cup of tea now…..

    • fashionshark says:

      This is certainly the place to have a rant and a magnificent rant it was too. K Jenkins was well dressed apart from the stupid headgear which was also downright dangerous but I agree that many women looked totally terrible…

  11. Lord Dodo says:

    The entire Richmond to Stratford train now thinks I am completely stark raving bonkers as your reply left me laughing out loud at my iPhone. The notion of the Queen being there to check MT was indeed dead is just brilliant, BRILLIANT!

    • laura says:

      “As the coffin emerged into the sunlight, the crowd erupted in cheers” . . . . . a must read, just for the hyperbole, in the Mail where else? Try not to get distracted by Helen Flanagan’s erm dress while you are there.

  12. laura says:

    K.J. is getting a ticking off in the Mail for exposing too much cleavage, surely the fascinator would have distracted the eye northwards?

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