Whilst WTF is away enjoying a rest in Morocco, here are 18 of the worst dressed people from the 2012 Land of Celebritee. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to decide which of them deserves the Award of WTF Christmas Turkey 2012. Scroll down the list, with smelling salts to hand, then make your decision and vote.
No 1 FLORENCE WELCH, SINGER
Florence pitched up at the Met Ball dressed in this remarkable concoction by Alexander McQueen which WTF felt compelled to liken to a Lidl white plastic Christmas tree. It is also extraordinarily unflattering in the tits department. They look like two drop scones.
No 2 NANCY DELL’OLIO, CELEBRITEE
Ah. Nancy. What would WTF do without her? This offering, at the Annual GQ Awards, was particularly rank, displaying tits like spaniels’ ears and a great deal of makeup like an Egyptian Shabti from the tomb of the late lamented Tutankhamun.
No 3 ADRIANNE CURRY, MODEL
Adrianne was the winner of the first ever America’s Top Model so it seems a sad and undignified fate for her to be the one to walk the streets flashing the new phenomenon of the underboob. The sideboob was bad enough. The combination of the tits and the cut-out tinfoil trousers was truly lethal.
No 4 VANESSA FELTZ, BROADCASTER
O.M.G. Like an orange-coloured portly Diamond Lil with very bad hair. Just utterly and entirely ghastly.
No 5 CHAKA KHAN, SINGER
Chaka lost loads of weight and so felt obliged to parade her cameltoe in this vile outfit. WTF struggled to understand what was going on in the leg department, and months later, she still has no idea, save that they seem to be some sort of sparkling peeptoe gaiters.
No 6 MARC JACOBS, DESIGNER
Apparently Marc wore this to the Met Ball because he didn’t want to wear a tuxedo. As WTF remarked at the time, that would be like someone going to a restaurant, not wanting a steak and ordering a turd. There is what Tony Blair used to call the Third Way, and whatever it is, it certainly should not involve wearing white boxers under a see through black shirt dress and buckled shoes.
No 7 KERLI, SINGER
Kerli, who hails from Estonia, is the High Priestess of a form of “music” called Bubblegoth. As WTF asked at the time, is this why the Soviet Bloc collapsed? So that Comrades would be free to dress as the Sugar Plum Fairy transported to Fairyland’s Red Light District and imprisoned on 2 blocks of raspberry ripple? Come back Stalin, all is forgiven
No 8 JENNA DEWAN-TATUM, ACTRESS
Jenna, wife of hot Hollywood heartthrob Channing Tatum, wore this Marchesa creation to the Marchesa show in New York Fashion Week. As WTF noted at the time, this woman is being groped by her own dress. Weird and disturbing.
No 9 CHERYL COLE, SINGER
Cheryl recovered from the ignominy of being chucked off American X Factor even before it started by taking to the concert stage and miming, whoops, singing, her oeuvre wearing a horrific multicoloured onesie. The bronze panels and the seams around the minge make her look as if she has had the full Brazilian.
No 10 CHELSEE HEALEY, ACTRESS
Z lister par excellence Chelsee (the name alone deserves a slap) sported this abominable ensemble whilst out and about in Manchester on her birthday, looking like nothing so much as the frill at the bottom of a lamb cutlet.
No 11 ASHANTI, SINGER
Keen-eyed Readers will recognise Ashanti’s mind-boggling outfit with its built-in minge mask as WTF’s avatar. Just terribly, terribly terrible.
No 12 MICHAELA SCHAEFFER, GLAMOUR MODEL
This strumpet turned up at the Berlin premiere of Men in Black wearing not very much at all, the principal component being what looks like film tape. A gust of wind and she would have whipped herself to death. Sadly, it never happened.
No 13 HELEN FLANAGAN, ACTRESS
Bimbo Helen is formerly off Corrie where she ran, as Dorothy Parker would say, the gamut of emotions from A to B. She is now a WAG and has just starred in I’m a Celebrity displaying her cleavage in itsy bitsy bikinis. However this nude slip dress, worn on a night out in Manchester in February, showed all of it and made her look as if she wasn’t wearing anything at all. Yikes.
No 14 DAPHNE GUINNESS, FASHIONISTA SUPREME
As WTF remarked at the time Daphne is famous for outré, eye-wateringly expensive haute couture but here she resembles nothing so much as a nun with a broken neck. The Garieng Tribeswomen necklace is just plain daft and the shoes are beyond hideous.
No 15 STEVEN TYLER, SINGER
You can never leave Steven out of a round-up like this one. Not dressed like this. He looks a complete prat but what caught WTF’s eye in particular was the cod-piece. WTF hasn’t seen something like that since she last watched Errol Flynn as Robin Hood.
No 16 BETH DITTO, SINGER
Strictly speaking, Beth isn’t really wearing clothes, just a pair of Spanx and a teeshirt but the reaction from WTF Readers, a mixture of horror, bemusement and revulsion, means that she just had to be included. Not so much camel toe as moose knuckle.
No 17 HILARY ALEXANDER, FASHION EDITOR
Hilary was the Fashion Editor of The Daily Telegraph until her retirement this year. It wasn’t just the mish-mash of non matching items in which she was attired, or even the visible nipple activity, it was the ridiculous floral garland on her head which put one in mind of King Lear wandering around Kent whilst off his rocker.
No 18 SHY’M, SINGER
French R&B singer Shy’m appeared at the NRJ Awards in Paris in February wearing, well, actually, WTF does not have a clue what the hell this is supposed to be. It looks like a perspex breastplate and a bedsheet. There is a certain irony in France banning the burkha but allowing women to walk about (un)dressed like this.
OK Readers get voting and get your friends, family, neighbours and pets voting too. The results will be announced next Friday so you have until 9am on 21 December. See you then.