WTF Cornucopia of shockingness special

Hallo readers,

Earlier this week, it all went bonkers over here. We’re knee-deep in the financial doo-doo but we Brits were proud. We staged the Olympics and the Paralympics, both of which were a triumph (if you don’t count Coldplay – WTF had to hide the knives in her house to prevent a suicide bid) and we won loads of medals at both events. On Monday, a million people turned out to cheer the athletes as they paraded through the streets of London, ending outside Buckingham Palace where there were speeches from David Cameron and Boris Johnson. The rivalry between those two is now amazing. Boris may be a bumbling idiot  in a rumpled suit with an overactive appendage and bad hair but he is now the bookies’ favourite to be the next PM. These Games have turned him into a cult figure and he is cheered to the rafters wherever he goes. As Boris was whipping the crowd into a frenzy, Dave gave him a look that would have frozen vodka in the Gobi desert. (Talking of Dave, he has filled out a bit. As WTF’s late mother used to say, he’s gone double).  Then Monday/Tuesday got even better when the Murray won the US Open. When he cried after losing the Wimbledon final, and then sang the National Anthem and smiled a lot after winning Olympic gold, the polar icecap of public opinion started to melt. When he beat that noisy Serb to win the US Open, global warming was complete. The nation stumbled into work on Tuesday on 4 hours sleep with a dozy smile on its face.  And then Wednesday brought the news that  for 23 years there had been a systematic establishment cover-up of the negligence that led to the death of 96 Liverpool supporters, who were then blamed for what happened. And suddenly all that sporting prowess didn’t seem to matter much after all.

What with the Toronto Film Festival, the Video Music Awards, New York Fashion Week and the TV Choice Awards, last week was a cornucopia of sartorial shockingness. The TV Choice Awards are a Z-listers paradise. People have now gone way past orange and are currently parked at burnt umber. There is no space for the full Z lister of the week feature, but just to show you what passes for Z list style, if that isn’t an oxymoron, here is Shona McCarthy off East Enders.

It’s a dustbin bag, you know the ones with tie-pulls, worn with bootees. To be perfectly frank, it looks a little tight. The whole outfit probaby cost about ten quid down Walford Market. Mind you, the poor girl can’t even stand on the cross on the carpet earmarked for the photocall so what do you expect?

Here i$ Ke$ha  at the VMA$.

The good new$ i$ that $he $aved money by de$igning it her$elf. The bad new$ is that it’$ rank. Thi$ i$ a cla$$ic ca$e of don’t give up your day job becau$e $he look$ like an albino naturi$t covered in leeche$. Carrying on with her economy drive, Ke$ha ha$ recycled a hor$e tail for u$e a$ a handbag.

WTF now accords Rita Ora a rare honour – two ghastly outfits worn on the same day and both featuring in The Emperor’s New Clothes.

This is by Pucci, who is obviously taking the piss. Why would anyone design this? Why would anyone wear it? It’s Captain Kirk as a rhinestone cowboy with a side helping of tits, and there is something very disturbing about that front seam. And then for the after-show party, Rita wore this  horror by Alexandre Vauthier.

A gold lace pantsuit with matching accessories and  sunglasses!! There is an old song called Have You Ever Seen A Dream Walking?  This is King Midas’ Wet Dream Walking. Even Joan Collins in her Dynasty days would have said no to this one. Rita must have used a whole roll of tit-tape; taking that jacket off would have felt like having a full Brazilian.

But the worst VMA outfit (and perhaps ever) was worn by Ezra Miller,  new rising star,  seen here with Emma Watson. If you can explain what the hell Ezra is wearing, please be sure to post your comment below as WTF has absolutely no idea.

Full credit to WTF reader and tweeter Sally for her suggestion that either Ezra’s trousers are on backwards or his legs are.  There is a sort of Viva Zapata vibe going on here minus the sombrero, although WTF doubts that Zapata rode around Mexico sporting a patterned crotch. Emma’s dress by Peter Pilotto seems to have been made out of Zapata’s old saddle blanket, complete with little cacti. 

Sometimes WTF sees pictures and emits a squawk. Here comes one of those pictures. This is actress Jenna Dewan-Tatum (wife of latest heartthrob Channing Tatum) at the Marchesa show at New York Fashion Week. Deep breath now…

One word….WHY? This woman is being groped by her own dress. WTF has no idea what those silver animals are supposed to be, although they look a bit like jovial dragons. She does know that she does not want to see Jenna, or anyone, being sexually molested by sequinned beasties in the name of fashion. And the hem isn’t straight. Maybe the beasties had a nibble.

OK, here is a health and safety warning. Put on your sunglasses and have some strong painkillers to hand. This is Kelly Osbourne at NYFW in this week’s edition of “Stylists Who Need To Go To Specsavers”.

Ouch! The dress is from the Chris Benz  2013 S/S collection (the very show Kelly was attending). Chris styles himself as the Prince of Colour and there is little chance that he will be sued for misrepresentation. On the other hand, he may well be getting a writ or two from litigants claiming nervous shock and occular damage. As for Kelly, whereas David Cameron has gone double, Kelly has gone half, and looks great. However, whilst the sunglasses are a total triumph (and much needed, given her outfit) her lipstick and tacky foot tattooes are to be deplored. The main problem, though, is the hairstyle. WTF is sorry to say this but it looks just like a glistening turd.

OK readers, over to you. Press that comment button……

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6 Responses to WTF Cornucopia of shockingness special

  1. Sarah says:

    Love your blog – makes me laugh every time. thanks!

  2. Keith of HK says:

    Nu? So why isn”t the ‘s’ in because a ‘$’?

  3. Josh LaPorte says:

    Ezra looks like he just stepped off the stage of a “Hee-Haw” skit.

  4. Sara Williams says:

    Love the news briefing nearly as much as the fashionista assault.. Keep up the great work.

  5. Kelly’s ‘glistening turd’ this week and Nicole Richie’s hair creation last week – Pebbles Flintstone has indeed created a fashion statement that celebs are keen to emulate. You may have had a hand in bringing this to the attention of the fashion world.

  6. SJ says:

    Ezra Miller: Tonto from the Lone Ranger or Chevy Chase from the Three Amigos?

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