WTF Shameful Special

Hallo Readers, 

Somebody, somewhere, has seriously fucked up. Self-evidently, a concrete building like Grenfell House, home to 124 families, should not burn like that. Self-evidently, the Royal Borough of Kensington & Chelsea (“RBKC”) spent nearly £10m on cladding, possibly to tart up the exterior, but was much less interested in the interior. Self-evidently, the management company neglected the tenants’ needs (we hear of lifts out of action for weeks in a 24-storey block, power surges with nothing done about them). Self-evidently, tenants’ concerns about being burnt to death were ignored until many of them, so far an unknown number but likely to be in the high dozens, burnt to death. Or suffocated to death. Or leapt to their death. And if the cladding conformed to all building standards, then self-evidently there is something seriously wrong with those building standards because the fire spread upwards in 15 minutes. Fitting retrospective sprinklers would have cost £200,000.  That money was not spent. And how appropriate that our Prime Minister, clinging to office like shit to a blanket, appointed Gavin Barwell as her new Chief of Staff. Barwell was the Minister of Housing until 8 June. During his tenure, he was urged to expedite a review of housing safety standards and promised that he would do so. Except that he did not do do. He lost his seat on Thursday and walked straight into a new job on Saturday. A nice fat MP’s pension and a salary, all courtesy of the taxpayer. Meanwhile, it took the Government until late Thursday afternoon to promise to rehouse those left homeless. 

People are angry. They are shocked. They are bereaved. They know they have been shafted. They were promised things and those things didn’t happen. They complained and they were ignored. RKBC seems not to have sent officials to co-ordinate the amazing work being done by volunteers and pastors and imams and rabbis and local residents. The Police cannot say who is and who is not dead as they have to rely on sniffer dogs (lighter, quicker) to go into the upper floors since the building, burnt and water damaged, is dangerous and fires are still sporadically flaring. Identification of the bodies, even when they are recovered  is very difficult. Theresa May came and went, not stopping to meet a single resident or willing to show the, any empathy. Like the election (and look how well that turned out for her), May does not do people. She does photo opportunities. Sadiq Khan came and copped all the anger, abuse and frustration that has been welling up in everyone since it happened. It is much to his credit that he took it and he understood it. And everyone knows that had this it happened in the Borough’s posher streets, the multi-million-pound mansions of the Camerons and the Beckhams and Russian oligarchs various, or to Kensington Palace which has had a gazillion pound refurbishment, there would have been a damn sight more effort and visual presence to resolve something that would not have happened in the first place. The residents of Grenfell Tower were just not that important. The first named victim is a Syrian refugee, an engineering student, who fled the murderous maniacs in that country only to perish on the 14th floor of a building manifestly unfit for purpose.

But you know what, Readers? In the middle of this miserable, depressing, obscene vision of rich and poor, corporate and voiceless, this have-and-have-not Britain, there were stories that made you feel humble, moved and, well, better. The magnificent bravery of the firefighters. The young Muslims waiting to start the fast for Ramadan who ran into the building and rescued people, waking them up when the alarms (of course) did not ring. People who turned up at the scene with provisions and clothing, some of whom had travelled hundreds of miles to get there whilst RKBC seemingly could not send people down the road. There was the man from Hanley in West London who went to the scene with £300 in pound coins and distributed them to the kids so they could experience a few minutes of normality by going to the sweet shop. There was the woman from Stepney who filled bags with food and drink and went to St Mary’s Paddington to give them to the exhausted, shocked, medical staff. There was the man from Leicester who loaded his van with supplies donated within two hours by people of all faiths in response to his Facebook posting and drove down the M1 to distribute it. There was the woman in a wheelchair who went to the scene straight from the airport to help after she arrived back from holiday and heard the news – she was still there 24 hours later, accommodated overnight by someone working alongside her. There were the people who contributed mountains of clothes and bedding and toiletries and the people who turned up to sort them and to bag them and the van drivers who volunteered to transport them. The contrast with those whose moral and statutory duty it was to look after the residents of Grenfell Tower is sobering but it does remind you that despite the ineptitude and the indifference and the pursuit of profit over people and the savage, swingeing cuts, there are fundamentally good men and women about and thank God for them.


What follows is the usual stupidity and frivolity, but then we need something to smile about, don’t we?  So just forget the misery and the anger for two minutes and read about the week’s sartorial shockers. We start at the CMT Music Awards with singer RaeLynn.

Brocade frou-frou and illusory sheer (which is oddly disconcerting). Raelynn is 23 years old and married. There is something a bit Little Miss Sunshine about this ensemble, which is even more disconcerting.

Next up, we have former Real Housewife of Beverley HillsBrandi Glanville .

Well, this is classy. Not that Brandi does classy any more than Theresa May does people. Skin the colour of cuprinol, fake tits like footballs, what appear to be like giant cartoon eyeballs peeping out of the cleavage and an imminent Minge Moment. Ugh.

Next up, we have model Bella Hadid. This one is actually from the Cannes Film Festival several weeks ago but WTF missed it. Thanks to WTF aficionado Jen for drawing it to her attention.

Bella is lovely and all that but honestly….she is wearing a panty-pad under one of those little laundry bags you use to wash your undies in the machine. It is just terribly, terribly, terrible.

To the Tony Awards in New York, the theatrical equivalent of the Oscars, where much nonsense abounded. Here is TV presenter and former dancer Keltie Knight wearing Rodarte.

More sheer tedium but the worst of it is that it is just so damn ugly. 

And now a trio of ridiculous gentlemen, starting with Vogue Editor-at-Large Hamish Bowles.

Dear me. He looks like a perambulating pink fondant fancy. And the frilly shirt is very barmiztvah boy.

fondant fancy

Next up, we have artist and costume designer David Zinn.

The faux-kilt is bad enough but the yomping boots and fancy socks with it are beyond anything. You wouldn’t see this walking down Sauchiehall Street. Happily.

And finally we have theatre-owner – quite a few of theatres actually – Gucci-wearing  Jordan Roth.

Here’s Jordan, glowing like a neon watermelon with preposterous buckled shoes as worn by a extra in Tom Hardy’s Taboo. Yours for only $4,900 (the suit, not Tom Hardy. If that were all Tom cost, WTF would be down the cash machine in seconds flat. But I digress.) This is the back…. 

Tony the Tiger lives on. All we need is Katy Perry singing I am a tiger, let me hear you roar…..

And now…drumroll….. the results of the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2017. It’s bad, I’m telling you. The runaway winner was Sundy Carter, deservedly so in WTF’s view.

WTF described this last week as “Blue lipstick. Tits. X marks the spots. Minge. The whole nine yards. Offensive. And then some”. As Sundy got 16% of the vote, way ahead of her nearest rivals, it seems that you shared that sentiment. Talking of Katy Perry, she came joint second with actor Tommy Dorfman.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep those comments coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go  (which had to go this week for reasons of space). Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. 

Posted in CMT Music Awards 2017, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, General Election, Grenfell Tower, Politics, Theresa May, Tonys 2017, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2017

Hallo Readers,

What with the horrific events of last weekend and the General Election campaign, this is the time to cheer ourselves up with some inconsequential silliness. So no rant this week, no It’s Got To Go, just 20 fashion shockers from WTF’s blog this 2017 for you to peruse whilst you nurse your election party hangovers and/or lack of sleep and moan about whoever it is who has won, if indeed any party has actually won. To be frank with you, WTF has probably not only been up all night watching the results (she may still be at it as you read this) but she also needed a break from ranting. She has been screaming at the TV all week, whether it is President Maydogan or Boris Johnson or the idiot Angela Rayner or Donald bloody Trump or murderous fuckers who think Allah wants you to slice people open in the name of religion. The normal splenetic service will be resumed next week.

Anyway, what follows are Super-Stinkers. All you have to do is to study these clothing calamities and then to vote for as few or as many of them as you like. They are featured in alphabetical order by first name so there is no indication of WTF’s preferences or personal views. (Should you ask, there are one or two she thinks are particularly revolting, but you are the electorate, not her). There is no Single Transferable Vote nonsense here – you just vote for whoever you want and as many as you want, as many times as you want, and tell everyone you know to do the same. Bigly.

Brace yourselves. What follows is BAD, BAD, BAD. Off we go!

1. Ariel Winter, actress, wearing who knows what.

Ariel allegedly wore this as a statement against body-shaming. Frankly, WTF and her pals did not spend years fighting for feminism so that women could go out dressed in what appears to be a deconstructed centurion’s uniform with an open-wide tit window and a pube pelmet. 

2. Chris Lane, singer, wearing who knows what.

Chris is wearing his granny’s curtains. Let us hope that he asked her first and that the summer nights are not keeping her awake. Extra minus points for the matching pocket hankie (as if the jacket needed any more colour) and the trousers, which are engaged in a Mexican stand-off with his ankles.

3. Halsey, singer, wearing Juun.J.

Halsey is wearing her trench coat as a skirt, her bra as a top and a ball of household string as footwear. Thrifty, yes, but horrid.

4. Helen Lasichanh, model, wife of Pharell Williams and recent mother of triplets, wearing Comme des Garçons. 

The Met Gala this year honoured Rei Kawakubo of Commes des Garçons so Helen was at least adhering to the theme of the night. However, there is no excuse for turning up anywhere dressed as a Teletubby. And when you look at her face, you can see that she shares that opinion.

5. Jared Leto, actor, wearing Gucci.

Jared was so thrilled by the new Gucci Cruise Collection that he decided to wear all of it at the same time. WTF is particularly exercised by the pink velvet dressing gown, which looks highly flammable, and the stupid silver space bootees with their oh-so-artfully-undone laces.

6. Jessica Pimentel, actress, wearing Malan Breton.

There is nothing wrong with the dress. There just needed to be more of it. A lot more.

7. Katy Perry, singer, wearing Maison Margiela.

What this had to do with the theme at the Met Gala, Heaven alone knows, but Katy’s blood-soaked bridal outfit, complete with minge donut and headdress adorned with wing mirrors (WHY??????), was a shocker.

8.Kylie Jenner, pointless celebrity, wearing Balmain.

This absurd concoction looks like Wilma Flintstone after being savaged by Dino the Dinosaur. 

9. Lady Victoria Hervey, pointless aristocrat, wearing who knows what.

Lady Victoria was really going for it, combining badgers’-bum hair, a plunging neckline/skintight trousers combo displaying more bones than an ossuary and a double helping of camel-toe.

10. Lewis Hamilton, champion motor racing driver, wearing Givenchy.

At some point over the past few years, Lewis has gone full fashion victim. Here is he sporting (see what I did there?) the top half of a bull-fighter and the bottom half of a navvy, complete with jeans with incorporated kneeling-pads and builders’ boots. 

11. Lizzie Cundy, professional WAG, wearing who knows what.

Lizzie’s public appearances have descended into desperation, as evidenced by her wearing this net curtain over black panties in a London street. Surely this is a public order offence? And if it isn’t, it should be.

12. Marnie Simpson, TV reality star, wearing who knows what.

At no 2, we had Chris in his granny’s curtains, and now we have Marnie in her granddad’s long johns, unfortunately displaying more lumps and bumps than the tarmac on a neglected country road.

13. Nancy dell’Olio, pointless celebrity, wearing who knows what.

The under-slip is patently not up to the job, the dress is too tight and the sandals are ridiculous. And what has happened to her face? 

14. Nicki Minaj, rapper, wearing a Mugler jacket and a pair of leather shorts by Givenchy. Careful – boob alert!

Both the jacket and the shorts are perfectly fine. Which is more than can be said for the bare breast with a bit of tape masking the nipple, not to mention the silly sunglasses like the eye-protection your dentist wears when attending to your gnashers.

15. Princess Caroline of Hanover, wearing Chanel.

Full credit to Her Serene Highness for managing a smile, given that she appears to have been sliced into segments with her head and shoulders pasted onto one of those bridal dolls you find on a wedding cake. Karl Lagerfool strikes again…

16.Rickie Fowler, golfer, wearing a jacket by Vineyard Vines.

Rickie was at the Kentucky Derby so the horse motif had some relevance to the event. But why he teamed the blue, pink and white of the jacket with the hospital-scrubs green of the trousers and tie and the brown of the shoes is a mystery right up there with the Bermuda Triangle and why Arsène Wenger was awarded a new contract at Arsenal.

17. Salma Hayek, actress, wearing Gucci.

As WTF noted at the time, ABBA would have given the nostril to this unflattering puce swirlfest with flared trousers, worn inexplicably with multi-hued trainers and a daft embroidered bag. That pattern is positively migraine-inducing.

18. Sundy Carter, Baseball Wife (ex), wearing who knows what. 

Blue lipstick. Tits. X marks the spots. Minge. The whole nine yards. Offensive. And then some.

19. Tommy Dorfman, actor, wearing Viviene Westwood Man.

The suit is very Mr Toad goes trans and there is simply no justification, not even at all, for the sparkling disco wellies.

20. Tyra Banks, model and TV host, wearing who knows what.

What is the point of a double breasted lace jacket and trousers? They are as much use as tits on a fish. And why has she struck that knock-kneed pose, like a child wanting a wee-wee?

OK Readers. Now you have to decide which one is the WTF Summer Stinker 2017. Vote early and vote often. The results will be announced next Friday 16 June. Let us meet again then. Be good.


Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, General Election, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF No-Show Special

Hallo Readers,

Our glorious leader called an election for next Thursday so we could all back her glorious vision of Brexit. We know that it is a glorious vision although we don’t know what it is because we have yet to be told what it is. But it will be glorious. Even if we end up with no deal at all, it will still be glorious. And we must believe her even though we have no idea how glorious it will be. And neither does she. As Tertullian said, not that he actually said it, “Credo quia impossible” – which means “I believe although it is impossible”. Anyway, President Maydogan cannot allow herself to be distracted by an election from planning her negotiation strategy, even though she was the one who called it for the date ten days before negotiations are due to start. She stayed away from the BBC Election Debate on Wednesday because she was too busy thinking about Brexit and said that Corbyn should be thinking about it too, not running about TV studios. The election was supposed to be about her glorious vision, not the NHS and benefits and why people’s houses would be confiscated to pay for their care should they go doolally. In her view, Corbyn should be developing his Brexit strategy for the negotiations even though he never thought he would have to do them and he has to campaign to get elected or he will not be elected, and if he is not elected he will not need to have a strategy anyway because she will be doing the negotiations, not him. 

Her campaign has been a shambles, starting with her calling it at all. Had she said that she wanted a mandate because she was not even elected by her Party let alone the country, that would at least have been honest. Had she said that she wanted to wipe him and Labour out, that would at least have been honest. She did neither. She underestimated him and the way he would come across. She threatened to take people’s homes away until it went down so badly that she took it off the menu. She thought she could avoid the hard questions. She couldn’t. She thought she could parrot the phrase “strong and stable government” and everyone would accept it. They didn’t. She thought she could impress us with her character and determination but she has the personality of a pot plant and has wobbled more than the Millennium Bridge before they had to close it to eliminate the wobble. The cult of personality only works when you have got one. Leadership only works when you show it, and when you show up. She got smaller and less commanding whilst Corbyn went the other way and grew in stature. She even declined to appear on Woman’s Hour. Let us hope her negotiation strategy is better than her election strategy because her election strategy was shit.

And so Readers, by the time you log on to WTF next week (where you will find much-needed light relief in the shape of the Summer Stinker Poll), President Maydogan will probably still be in charge with her useless, lightweight bunch of Ministers. Corbyn will still lead the Labour Party because his vote will have stood up and we shall at least be spared his even more lightweight bunch of Shadow Ministers and the horror of Diane Abbot as Home Secretary. Not that Amber Rudd is much better. Those who consoled themselves with the thought that he would be wiped out and have to resign will not even get that, because he’s done an Arsene Wenger and he won’t be going anywhere. With any luck, Paul Nuttall will go away and save the world with his scientific discoveries and Tim Farron will just go away. It will all be the same as it is now, only with the Glorious Leader holed below the water line by her own hubris. We have had weeks of this nonsense – and for what?


We start our weekly review of the sartorial shit-pile with football pundit Alan Shearer, looking a right state during the BBC Cup Final coverage last Saturday. (Arsenal won. Just saying.)

Alan’s dishevelled appearance suggested that he had spent the previous night in the cells and come straight to Wembley from the magistrates court. Unshaven, cutaway collar like the butler in Downton Abbey and a tie not so much askew as curved like a banana. Smarten yourself up, Al!

Gucci had its cruise wear collection on show this week and here is Jared Leto making a show of himself in some, as per usual.

]ared has been rummaging in the Gucci dressing up box  again.  His velour bathrobe, or a very good approximation, can be found at T K Maxx for a fiver and he is wearing a random selection of candy-hued, over-priced, con-clothes paired with silver space bootees like Capt. Spock at a Gay Pride March.

To Cannes, where the Film Festival drew to a close. This is model Irina Shayk, who gave birth only recently to Bradley Cooper’s baby, wearing Balmain.

Like a slashed rubber tyre floating in an oil slick. Even a  beauty like Irina had no chance with this monstrosity,

Cannes also hosted the amfAR gala where models wore ridiculous clothing. Let us start with Laury Thillerman, wearing Jean Paul Gauthier.

laury thilleman

Not only is it ugly as sin (all it needs is a wimple to go full Canterbury Tales) but the metal collar makes her look like a nodding doggie on the back shelf of a car.


Then there was Shanina Shaik wearing Philipp Plein. 

This is a bit too bacofoil but that said, there needs to be more of it and a lot less of everything else including the side boob. Loving the bracelet though….

And there was also model Bella Hadid, nearly wearing Ralph & Russo. Mind how you go with this one…..

The fabric is exquisite. With a lining, it would have been great. But there is no lining, not even of any kind. We can however congratulate Bella’s waxing technician ……

Bella is gorgeous. But this is vulgar. WTF has spared you the arse cheeks because she is bored by arse cheeks. Enough already with the arse cheeks. 

Finally, we encounter Britain’s got Talent judge Amanda Holden wearing Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald. Extra careful now….

Amanda’s only talent is for crawling up Simon Cowell’s rectum (now that could be an interesting programme, Britain’s Got Arse-Lickers) and so she has to wear this sort of tat to keep people interested in her. BGT is supposed to be a family show, not a peep show but Amanda cannot resist baring her creosoted tits and bits. Just go away, you ridiculous woman.


This week’s It’s Got to Go is on behalf of 75,000 BA passengers affected by another catastrophic computer failure (there have been several over the past year) which grounded all BA flights last Saturday and many more for the rest of the bank holiday. Aspirant passengers spent their weekend sitting on airport floors or standing in interminable queues with no information about what was happening, when it would happen or whether it would happen at all with their luggage at large. Alex Cruz, BA’s Spanish Chairman, avoided all questions until Monday, although he did post encouraging messages on the BA website wearing a high-viz jacket – at BA HQ!! As if the sight of a hairy-faced corporate arsewipe was going to encourage anyone, except to thoughts of violence. On Monday, Cruz assured us that he was “profusely sorry” but saw no reason to resign and denied that his cost cutting measures, including outsourcing the IT department to India, was in any way responsible. On Tuesday, luggage was still AWOL and passengers phoning to enquire as to its whereabouts found themselves fobbed off on a premium rate number at a squillion pounds a minute. This is all part of what WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney  aptly termed “Corporate Contempt”. Sod the customers. Don’t tell them what’s going on. Play them a recorded message which tells them nothing whilst ripping them off to listen to it. Let them spend their long-awaited, much-anticipated, non-holiday treated like shit. It’s Got To Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Next week, when you are weary from watching the election all night, and from the election generally, WTF will lighten your load with the WTF Summer Stinker Poll – no rant and twenty revolting fashion disasters for you to choose from. See you next Friday. Be good. 

Posted in amFAR, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Cannes Film Festival, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Fashion, Football, General Election, Jeremy Corbyn, Politics, Theresa May, UKIP, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF Bandwagon Special

Hallo Readers,

After Manchester, some small things made you feel that humanity had not completely died at 10 30 pm on Monday. Doctors and nurses came into work whether they were supposed to be there or not whilst hotels and restaurants donated food. Taxi drivers ferried hysterical families away from the Arena free of charge. People opened their doors to those shocked and stranded from out of town, offering tea and a bed for the night. The citizens gathered together in Albert Square in solidarity, Christians, Moslems, Hindus, Jews, Sikhs, Buddhists, those of no religion at all and supported each other.

But as usual, the upheaval dislodged the slime which always slithers to the surface on occasions such as these. The usual motormouth rabble-rousers blaming the Government for letting Islamic terrorists into the UK (even though Salman Abedi was born in Manchester). The vile Katie Hopkins calling for “a final solution”, later surreptitiously amended to “a true solution”. Invoking the Holocaust was really what we needed this week, Katie. American right-wingers berating us for condemning Trump’s travel ban, which last night was again stayed by the US Court of Appeals and Trump himself attacking NATO leaders over the evils of migration. Trump, champion of Islamophobia who curtseyed to the Saudis, those avid supporters of terror. Journalists bashing at the doors of distraught parents and siblings who were sat inside waiting for news of those still missing. Those who know nothing about Islam insisting that what Abedi did was in total compliance with his religion, wanting to intern Moslems, condemning the community for failing to turn him in – even though it turned out that numerous people had reported him to the authorities who had done nothing about it. The only laugh of the week was when the former UKIP MEP Janice Atkinson, who now sits as an independent, called for the death penalty for suicide bombers. That is the sort of deep thinking we need to tackle the issue. On the other hand, on the left the conspiracy theorists were out in force, suggesting that the Tories had planned the attack as an election strategy and that Theresa May was a terrorist. Today Jeremy Corbyn will make a speech suggesting that our invasions of Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya have, at least in part, caused the rise of ISIS. He is not wrong but he will get dogs’ abuse for it. 

When Thomas Mair murdered Jo Cox MP, no one demanded that the white population of Batley & Spens should apologise, let alone the British white population. When Dylan Roof broke into a church in Charleston S.C. and shot nine black worshippers, no-one demanded that the white population of that city apologise, let alone the American white population. But it is apparently incumbent upon every Moslem in the UK, however law-abiding, however patriotic, however devout, to grovel for the horrifying, murderous acts of a few. We are faced with deadly killers, deadlier still because some of them are not the obvious rampant activists but petty criminals, wastrels and dope-smokers, often leading the most un-Islamic of lives. Clearly the situation needs the utmost vigilance. Where there is suspicion it must be rigorously  followed up, whatever the budget. Mistakes have been made in the past and checks have not been properly carried out, people admitted or allowed to stay or permitted to remain at liberty when they should not have been. But vilifying a whole community will not work, is wholly unfair and lessens us as a nation.


Let us try and cheer ourselves up with our review of the week’s fashion fiascos, starting with Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge wearing Alexander McQueen, seen here with her little daughter Princess Charlotte.

Kate is 35 but looks like Dame Vera Lynn extolling the White Cliffs of Dover. The meh-coloured dress has pleated tits, aptly described by WTF aficionado Gerry as “slipper tits”, making her look more droopy than a pair of spaniel’s ears. Meanwhile, there is never an excuse for a fascinator. Wear a hat or don’t. Shit or get off the pot.  

To the Cannes Film Festival and actress Jeanne Balibar wearing Jacquemus, seen here with her former spouse, actor Mathieu Amalric. How very Gallic…

Film critic Jonathan Romney, on duty at Cannes, brought this excrescence to WTF’s attention and was anxious to let her know that the suit is exactly the same at the back as the front, like looking at yourself in a rear view mirror.

Next up is actress Salma Hayek, wearing Gucci.

WTF had to check her drink to make sure that it had not been spiked but this is what the outfit is meant to look like,  the pattern and cut so mind-numbing that even Agnetha and Anni-Frid from ABBA would have rejected it as OTT.


And here is actress Eva Longoria wearing Balmain.

Eva seems to be standing behind a one-dimensional silhouette of a giant bunny rabbit, as if she were at a funfair having her picture taken. As for the flesh-coloured illusion panels, whoever’s flesh they are supposed to match, it is not hers, whilst the zip is so obvious and bulky it could probably be seen from the moon.

Here is singer Rihanna wearing Adam Selman.

Rihanna is dressed as a medieval Damsel in Distress. WTF is a Damsel in Distress at the sight of the panty-peekaboo and the bodice resembling a silken bullet-proof vest.

And away from Cannes, this is Rihanna again, this time in New York wearing a trouser suit by Mathew Adams Dolan.

Rihanna should donate this oversized monstrosity to White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, who likes a roomy jacket, especially one with sleeves big enough for three Popeyes on steroids. 

To the Billboard Music Awards where a feast of horror awaited, starting with rapper Machine Gun Kelly.

When the Fashion Police and the Earhole Police come looking for him, Machine Gun can slip into an Indian restaurant and stand up against the flock wallpaper, safe in the knowledge that he will escape detection. Meanwhile his trousers and his ankles have had a major falling-out – or are they just tucked into his socks?

Singer Rita Ora is back again, wearing Signor Sheer aka Francesco Scognamilio.

Half a couture fencer wrapped in a fishing net. And of course, being Rita, there are the mandatory arse-cheeks.

Now we have singer Halsey, quite the regular these days, wearing Juun.J.

Wearing your trench coat as a skirt whilst flashing your bra is like seeing Inspector Clouseau perform in a cross-dressing cabaret.

This is possibly the most annoying person ever. Meet You Tube sensation Chris Oflyng.

No, really, an urge to slap him is the automatic response of all right-thinking people. And that is before you watch him babbling on in a high-pitched squeal. He is already in his jim-jams and should be sent to bed without supper.

Of course there is singer Z Lala.

Z Lala apparently sings in 19 different languages, including sign language. The latex dress has more holes than a colander but WTF is chiefly struck by the rubber ball on her head, like a circus seal. Here is a sign to  her from WTF:

Finally, Cameroonian singer Dencia is another staple on any music awards’ worst-dressed list.

Dencia steps out (or used to) with Manchester United star Paul Pogba, with whom she allegedly had such noisy rumpy-pumpy in a hotel one night that guests either dialled 999 or complained vociferously to the management. Imagine their reaction had they caught sight of this ensemble, like a deconstructed Rubik’s Cube with Minge Mask and Dencia’s head poking out of the Rubik-ruff like a bad photoshop.


This week’s “It’s Got to Go” controversially comes from WTF aficionado Keith from Melbourne who nominates Jeremy Corbyn. Why? Let Keith explain it himself. “Simply because he’s making Australian politicians look good and that is unforgivable. How very dare he? We rightly have the monopoly on stupid, unintelligible, supercilious, shallow, self-serving, ignorant prats.  You  have Red Ken and  Missy May. Enough already. He’s Got to Go”.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Billboard Music Awards, Cannes Film Festival, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, General Election, Jeremy Corbyn, Jo Cox, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

WTF Islington Special

Hallo Readers, 

Here in the People’s Republic of Islington, home of the Guardian-reading, quinoa-consuming, Pinot-Noir-drinking, poncy Liberal Elite, things are, not to put too fine a point on it, tough. Two silver-haired men, both aged 67, are wreaking havoc with the things we once held dear, the red flags we all revered. We voted Remain by 75%-25%. It was 1931 when either Islington North or Islington South & Finsbury (where WTF resides) last elected a Tory MP. We don’t do Tories in Islington. Or Liberal Democrats, although they did get within 500 votes of Emily Thornberry in Islington South in 2005 and once ran the Council until we turfed them out, sick of their sanctimonious ways and their road humps the size of Becher’s Brook. Our local football team, Arsenal, had a golden spell between 1997 and 2004, winning the League and the FA Cup and sometimes both at the same time. Ah, happy days!

But now Islington is menaced by two silver-haired sexagenarians who are stuck in the past and ignoring calls for them to go.  One is Arsene Wenger, the only manager in world football to decide when he should quit. Arsenal won the League in 2003/2004, going through the whole season unbeaten but since then they have been the nearly men. On Sunday they will most likely fail to qualify for the Champions’ League for the first time in 20 years and then get stuffed by Chelsea in the Cup Final the following week. Supporters have taken to chartering planes to fly over grounds trailing  Wenger Must Go banners but he is going nowhere, intending to go on and on (like Mrs Thatcher) because he genuinely believes that he is the right man to lead the team.

As does Jeremy Corbyn, MP for Islington North and Leader of the Labour Party. On the whole, the country does not believe that he can find his arse with SatNav, let alone run the country in times of Brexit. Until his election as Leader, he had never run anything, never held government office, had been camped on the outskirts of mainstream political life, firmly rooted in the politics of the 1980’s and endlessly defying the party whip. Even after he was elected to succeed Ed Miliband following the crushing defeat in 2015, he has defied himself, ignoring Party policy to vote against Trident. His defence of staying in Europe was perfunctory and he buggered off on holiday in the middle of the Referendum campaign, something for which we Islingtonians cannot forgive him. Theresa May is so dull and unspontaneous that she makes ditchwater look like Krug but at PMQ’s she regularly nutmegs Corbyn in a way that would make Wenger gurgle with pleasure, whilst his ability to miss an open goal is sadly familiar to those of us who have watched Arsenal all season. But like Wenger, Corbyn firmly believes that he is the right man to lead the team, buoyed up by his fervent band of his disciples, some of whom are not even party members, who cheer him to the rafters and dismiss anyone objecting to him as Zionists and Blairites – even when they are neither.

So what the hell do we do come June? Our season tickets are up for renewal – do we fork out another £1700 a seat and go on suffering? Do we vote Labour and endorse  someone we know is not Prime Ministerial (and please don’t quote me Donald Trump – look how well that one is working out), half of whose Party despises him? Do we forget about his betrayal of Remain? Do we vote (shudder) Lib Dem and hope that Corbyn will resign with dignity whilst Theresa May carries on destroying the country, the NHS, the benefits system, legal aid and schools? Do we piss away a vote on the Greens or the Monster Raving Loonies or the Manuka Honey Party? Thornberry has a majority of 12,500, Corbyn’s is 21,000. It might not really matter what we do here in Islington, because we will not vote Tory (or rather, vote for Theresa and what she loftily referred to yesterday as “her team”) but across the country many lifelong Labour voters will. This is a nightmare.


We turn to the sartorial shitpile of the week, starting with singer Harry Styles from mega boy-band One Direction, wearing Edward Styles with Gucci loafers.

Harry is wearing a bespoke horse blanket.

That two fingered Churchillian victory salute should be inverted and directed towards whoever devised this ridiculous getup. 

And this is Harry’s bandmate Liam Payne, wearing Gucci.

Liam is in a relationship with Cheryl Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini-soon-to-be-Payne-maybe, who has just has his baby. Obviously there was some money left over from the layette because Liam splashed out £2,000 on this jejune doggie jacket and ripped-to-within-an-inch-of-their-life jeans which, if you saw them in a skip, you would not pick up even with disinfected tongs.

Next up, we have Strictly Come Dancing dancer Katya Jones, wearing Somi Han.

It is hard to criticise Katya for anything, given that she and Ed Balls brought us THE best and most life-enhancing television moment of 2016, namely their Gangnam Style routine on SCD. But even if she did a side order of Mother Teresa this would still be unforgivable, from the cottage loaf on her head to the swirly shower curtain with lurid orange bra, visible seams and more hanging beads than the entrance to a Bangkok brothel. 

This is singer Halsey at the Wango Tango festival. And no, WTF has no idea what the hell is going on here.

“Knowledge is sacred”Really? To almost quote Alexander Pope, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Here is the rear view.

It looks like she picked up her mail on her way out of the house and shoved it down the back of her trousers. As for the front, she looks as if she is wearing a cricket box to protect her non-existent goolies. 

To the Cannes Film Festival Red Carpet and pointless socialite Hofit Golan, wearing Stephane Rolland.

The front view is fine if you ignore the spume of mosquito netting flowing out of her buttocks. However the back view is not.

Sigh. Why is this even allowed? Next…

This is actress Emily Ratajkowski wearing Peter Dundas.

Game of Thrones fans will recognise this outfit as a take on Melisande’s smoke monster, only that came out of her front bottom whilst this is emerging from her back bottom. Bottom trains are definitely a thing at Cannes. There is also a preponderance of peekaboo.

Let us meet actress Li_Yuchun, wearing Maison Margiela designed by John Galliano.

Well, it is novel, like a naughty schoolboy going wading. WTF even has some fondness for the hat. But try as she may, she cannot escape the ineluctable conclusion that those things hanging down are a cross between the tzitzits worn by Orthodox Jews and strands of toilet paper caught in her waistband.

Given Galliano’s conviction for anti-semitic outbursts, this is, to say the very least, tactless.

Oh this last one is bad. BAD. Here are TV personality Angelique “Frenchy” Morgan (left) and actress/serial showoff Phoebe Price  (right), out and about in LA.

Frenchy is wearing lacy fuchsia long johns with what looks suspiciously like a ripped crotch and is tottering about balanced on a couple of tin cans. Phoebe is wearing a shaping body over cobwebs and under what appears to be a garment comprising minge-chaps and a clerical yoke, topped off with a priestly hat and flowing leopardskin dental coat. The two of them are a perambulating traffic hazard.


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sarah from Edinburgh, who has taken justified exception to this Chanel boomerang. It is on sale worldwide, including in Australia, for the equivalent of £1,040.

Indigenous Australians were unhappy at what they saw as cultural appropriation, not to mention a blatant ripoff. Chanel grovelled and issued a statement claiming that it ‘is extremely committed to respecting all cultures, and regrets that some may have felt offended’. But it is still selling them to idiots with more money than sense. It’s Got to Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Keep those comments coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Arsene Wenger, Brexit, Cannes Film Festival, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Football, General Election, Jeremy Corbyn, Politics, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | 3 Comments

WTF You’re Fired Special

Hallo Readers,

If there is something worse than being lied to about matters which are plain from what Hamlet was wont to call the sensible and true avouch of your own eyes, it is being lied to and patronised about those matters by people with no integrity and the IQ of a root vegetable. President Trump fired James Comey on Tuesday in a letter which failed to thank him for his years of public service but noted that Comey had on three occasions assured him that he, Trump, was not under investigation. However, according to the White House, there was no link, not even of any kind, between that and Comey’s investigation into Trump’s associates’ links with Russia  (for which he had asked for more money on Monday) or Trump’s bonkers tweets (also on Monday) that the whole Russia story was FAKE NEWS and the investigation a waste of taxpayers money. 

On Tuesday night, we were told that Trump fired Comey because his Attorney-General, Jeff Sessions, had a memo from his newly appointed Deputy, Rod Rosenstein, had advised him that Comey had to go. In a memo dated, er, Tuesday. Sessions, who has a face like a dying tortoise, has recused himself from the investigation given that he himself is potentially under investigation. Trump himself referred to the investigation in his letter. But the dismissal was because of Comey’s handling of the Clinton email scandal. Which happened last year. And which Trump praised to the skies. According to spokesman Sean Spicer, “it was a Department of Justice decision”. Malignant pastel pixie Kellyanne Conway, the woman who introduced us to “alternative facts”, went on every TV news channel to dismiss Trump’s previous praise of Comey because that was when he was a Presidential candidate, not when he was the actual President and acted on the recommendation of his deputy AG. It was enough to make you sicker than a sick parrot with parrot sickness. 

On Wednesday, the story changed again, probably as a result of Rosenstein threatening to resign if they persisted in blaming him. Instead Conway and Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the Deputy Press Secretary who would have to have intensive coaching just to be a moron, told us Trump had been concerned about Comey for some time because of the way he handled the Clinton email scandal. The gruesome twosome also claimed that Comey had lost the confidence of his FBI colleagues –  all 36,500 of them. That canard was squashed yesterday by the Acting Head of the FBI, Andrew McCabe, who told the Senate Intelligence Committee, that Comey had broad support within the FBI – and still does”.  Huckabee Sanders then came back on Thursday with yet another version. Now Trump had always intended to fire Comey because he was a “showboat”  and a “grandstander”. He did not rely on the recommendation of the Attorney-General and his deputy. Even though on Tuesday he said he had. And then Trump went on TV on Thursday night and admitted that the “Russia thing” had been on his mind when he decided to fire Comey – even though throughout the week his minions had maintained that it hadn’t.

But fuck it, who cares about the truth anyway? Trump, Conway and Sanders don’t. Sean Spicer, when he is not floating about on a ship on military duty, doesn’t. Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan, Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber, don’t. In Trumpland, you can say something and keep on saying it until you change it and say something else and then deny you ever said the first thing, even though you did and everyone saw and heard you say it on TV and Twitter. There have already been more flip flops than the Moscow State Circus and there will be plenty more. By the weekend we will be told that Comey was monitoring the President though his microwave and dances stark naked round his garden whilst sacrificing chickens. Someone ghastly, like Rudi Giuliani, will succeed Comey. There will be no enquiry into Russian collusion. There will be no independent prosecutor. There will probably be more enquiry into Clinton’s emails. And Trump and his gang of inept, incompetent, ignorant liars will keep feeding us shit and will keep expressing hurt and amazement that we aren’t buying it and that our noses can still smell  the shit. This is the Presidency in Trumpland. Hail to the Chief.


We start our examination of the week’s fashion flotsam with top golfer Rickie Fowler at the Kentucky Derby, wearing a jacket by Vineyard Vines costing $495.

WTF might have let Rickie off with a final written warning – had the jacket been worn with sober trousers – on the grounds of themed fun. But combining that nightmare vision of blue and white gee-gees galloping across a flaming-flamingo-pink field with a hospital-scrubs green trewsies-and-tie combo and brown brogues is simply unforgivable. Not so much putt as putz.

Next up is singer Kelly Rowland, wearing Monsoori.

There is an Annual Toilet Paper Wedding Dress Contest in New York City every June. This would be more than a worthy winner….

To the MTV TV Awards in Los Angeles, where we encounter actor and comedian Adam Devine wearing a truly horrific suit by Jil Sander.

This might have passed muster on an extra from Apocalypse Now in 1979. But not on a spring evening in Los Angeles in 2017. And especially not with white plimsolls. 

Here is Hunger Games actress Amandla Stenberg, wearing Fendi.

This is yet a further example of WTF’s loathed concentration camp chic, only this time in a rag doll version with shaven head and cyanotic lipstick.  Vile.

Next we have 13 Reasons Why Actor Tommy Dorfman wearing Vivienne Westwood MAN and DSquared2 boots. Scroll down slowly……

As Ant remarked when Susan Boyle first started warbling I had a Dream on Britain’s Got Talent to a faux-stunned panel “Wow! You didn’t expect that, did yous? No!”. This is a voyage of horrifying discovery, like when you walk through a wood only to discover a burial site after the bluebells. First Tommy’s lovely face, then the lairy Mr Toad jacket, the ruched skirt – very Dame Viv – and finally the disco wellies as if Studio 54 were underwater.

And now a trio of golden showers. Brace yourselves… this is going to be BAD. First up we have actress/singer Jennifer Lopez wearing WTF bugbear, Minge Maestro Julien Macdonald.

This is basically a deconstructed apron within a double helping of tits. We know that Jen has a banging body but do we have to see so much of it? And so bloody often? 

Second, WTF’s favourite Z Lister, Lizzie Cundy at her birthday party, wearing Marie’s Boutique.

This dress costs £49 95. Which is £49 too much. Just when you think that Lizzie cannot sink any lower, you find her in some subterranean recess deep, deep below the earth’s crust like some sartorial pot-holer. Never mind Lock Her Up. Block Her up!

Finally we have Modern Family actress Ariel Winter, wearing Falguni Shane Peacock.

Ariel is fighting to stop body shaming, which is good. She isn’t stick thin, she doesn’t want to be and she doesn’t need to be, she looks great.  However, this dress, not that it is a dress, is not the dress to do it in. It is cheap-looking, tacky and tawdry. Hate the sheer inserts fashioned from a pair of tan tights. Hate the overabundance of bosom. Hate the pube pelmet. Hate it. Give women back their pride. But not like this.


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF of Islington who was appalled to learn this week, amongst all the other things she was appalled to learn this week, that one of the fruits of privatising phone services (part of the determination of Governments various to sell off the family silver) is that phoning some Directory Services 118 numbers can cost a staggering £15 98 just to get the number! Ask them to put you through and it can cost £7 99 A MINUTE! £7 99 A MINUTE! OFCOM is now investigating. Whoopie fucking woo. Not everyone has wifi or 4G. Sometimes even if you have them, they don’t work. OFCOM has been slower off the mark than a broken-down bus without wheels. Abject.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were some fine comments last week which  WTF much enjoyed. Keep them coming as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Bumper Fifth Birthday Special

Hallo Readers,

Who knew politics would be this tricky? President Maydogan certainly didn’t. She seemed to think that we would leave the EU with everyone lined up to wave us off like in The Sound of Music where the kiddies sang  at Captain von Trapp’s posh party at his house on the lake in Salzburg. “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight……” Everyone would be all smiles over the champagne and canapés, swapping email addresses and trade deals. “You will come to visit, won’t you Jean-Claude? Don’t be a stranger!” “I vill, Theresa. And please can ve have fifty thousand Range Rovers by next Thursday, ve are running low”. Sadly, it is not quite turning out like that. Those dastardly foreigners are playing hardball. You have Jean-Claude Juncker and Michel Barnier round to dinner at No 10 and they bring bile instead of bonbons. They sit round your table feasting on beef in red wine (outside caterers, apparently) and drinking your claret whilst listening to David Davis, the Brexit secretary, telling them the same story three times about how he once sued the UK Government. And how do they thank you? They tell you to your face that you do not understand what you are doing and that the EU is not a golf club” where you can just cancel your subscriptions. They expect to be paid the full whack on the divorce settlement and they are keeping the apostle spoons or there will be no trade deal. And you can forget about the secret negotiations on the settlement you were hoping for. As they leave, rather than waxing lyrical over the magnificent cuisine, they tell you that they are “ten 10 times more sceptical” than when they arrived.

And worse was yet to come. The next day, they slag you off to their mate Angela, saying that you are living in another galaxy and are delusional. Angela then suggests in public that you could not find your arse with both hands and a map. And then they leak the whole dinner conversation to a German newspaper which has the temerity to print it in German, so that you have to translate it into English using Google and we all know how irritating that is. That is the last time you serve them boeuf bourguignon. Next time they can eat jellied eels.  Bastards.

Of course this is being explained to us as “negotiations”. But if you constantly attack your negotiating partners in public like a cut-price Boudicca and tell them point blank over dinner that you are not paying a penny piece and you want negotiations kept confidential and certain things sewn up in months, you expose yourself to the risk that they will view the UK Government as out of its depth, under-prepared and winging it. David Davis in particular, seems unable to grasp that we are bound by contractual and legal commitments. You do not just get up and walk away, like rising from your chair after a restaurant meal. May’s complaint that the EU is interfering with the General Election is just bonkers. And in the meantime the public, promised that Europe needed us more than we needed them, is up in arms at its refusal to let us have the same benefits outside as inside, only without paying for them. The fact is, as any schoolkid would tell you, that you have to be in it to win it. Who knew politics would be this tricky? Well, most of us actually.


Today is WTF’s Fifth Birthday and we are celebrating it at the Annual Met Gala in New York.  The theme was a celebration of Comme des Garçons designer Rei Kawakubo and almost everyone looked ludicrous. Let us start with singer Pharrell Williams and his wife Helen Lasichanh.

Pharrell was Co-Chair of the event but he did not give his outfit much thought. Writing the word Rei on your kneecap in biro is hardly making an effort. Helen is wearing Comme des Garçons and looks like Po from the teletubbies. Eh Oh.

Next up we have actress Hailee Steinfeld, wearing Vera Wang.

This is a straitjacket with a peplum. If you were not certifiable before you put it on, you would be after you had so this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The glistening turd on her head is a metaphor for the whole look.

This is rapper Wiz Khalifa, wearing Thom Browne.

Wiz seems to have high stepped out of the chorus line in of 42nd Street where the wardrobe mistress washed his costume at too high a temperature. The waistcoat would have to take a bus to get to the trousers and the hems would need to hitchhike to the ankles, only to find those ridiculous boots when they arrived.

And here is Beyonce’s sister, singer Solange (or, as WTF likes to call her, Solangé), also wearing Thom Browne.


There is nothing wrong with wearing a padded coat over your outfit in inclement weather. WTF has several of them, all different levels of warmth, including a white one that makes her look like a polar bear with weight issues. But Solangé is wearing this padded coat as an outfit, which comes with its own trailing corrugated groundsheet.

This is model Chrissy Teigen, wearing Marchesa.

Chrissy chose to come dressed as a series of snow flakes melting into a dirty puddle. Marchesa should have saved this one up for the Bergdorf Goodman windows come Christmastime.

Another model, Kendall Jenner, wearing La Perla Couture (i.e. undies).

WTF does not even know what this is supposed to be but she does know that there is not enough of it. Particularly at the back. Not that there is one.

Maybe Kendall wants to be a perambulating wank fantasy but WTF wishes that she would go and perambulate somewhere else. Like Siberia.

Meet celebrity son Jaden Smith (his parents are Will and Jada), wearing Louis Vuitton.

There are three reasons to dislike this. First, the stupid trousers. Second, the fact that he shaved off his dreadlocks and brought them to the party as a fashion accessory. And third, the hideous mouth grill.

And of course there was singer Rihanna, wearing Comme des Garçons.

Rihanna is dressed as a giant mutant dahlia, like something out of one of those science fiction movies when someone has overdone it with the chemical crop spraying. It is certainly colourful but it gives you one hell of a headache. WTF does however confess to a sneaking admiration for the laced sandals and for Rihanna’s general élan.

Of course there was Madonna, wearing Moschino.

WTF aficionado Alison sagely observed that Madge is masquerading as a veteran of the Mosul campaign, complete with tits more squashed than the Victoria Line at 8 am, leather gloves, a camouflage netting boa and a khaki water-bottle/handbag.  And she was another one with a mouth grill.  What is going on here?

MadonnaMouth Grill

And finally we have another Co-Chair of the event, singer Katy Perry wearing Maison Margiela.

This is, to use WTF’s new favourite expression, a load of my arse, a blood-spattered bridal gown with an absolutely revolting minge donut like a blood-soaked merkin. And then there was the veil, a sort of Salvador Dali insanity with wing mirrors. Wing mirrors! At least you can see who is pissing themselves with laughter behind you. 

And this is what she wore at the after party, this time by Ulanya Sergeenko.

Katy is clearly having a Major Minge Crisis. Call an ambulance!! Or ask Hailee to lend her the straitjacket.


This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Andrew Purcell, leaver of wonderful comments on the blog (read them – they’re brilliant). Andrew has brought these Barracuda jeans to WTF’s attention. They sell at Nordstrom for $425 and are daubed with fake mud.

Now WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person but this is just not funny. $425 for fake mud? If you really want to look like a leftover from Woodstock, buy a pair of jeans from Gap and roll around in some real mud. If it isn’t muddy, you will still have loads of cash left over with which to buy a watering can and make your own mud in the back garden or local park.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were some fine comments last week which kept WTF from worrying. Take your inspiration from Andrew Purcell and keep them coming. Not to mention your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, General Election, Met Gala 2017, Politics, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments