Last week, you hardly dared to pop into the loo for fear of missing the latest debacle. In fact it was better to stay seated because the constant U-turns, and U-turns on the U-turns, idiocies and mis-judgments make your head spin worse than taking a turn on an out-of-control carousel after one spliff too many. Last Friday, Liz Truss sacked her Chancellor for doing everything she had asked him to do. The mini-budget had gone badly, to say the least, so one of them had to go and it was not going to be her. There is a reason why no one else had attempted to impose a budget of preserving bankers’ bonuses in full, cutting taxes for the rich and borrowing loads to pay for it. Like rarely performed Shakespeare plays, which are rubbish, it is because the whole idea was bonkers. But it is the sort of thing you do when you have a Cabinet stuffed with headbangers, ideologues and arselickers, and when the main qualification for the role is that I Love Liz. On Monday, she appointed Jeremy Hunt as the new Chancellor, having disinterred him from the grave of his political career, while the Health Secretary admitted that she handed out her leftover antibiotics to friends and family. On Tuesday, Truss sat behind Hunt as he tore up such parts of her Budget she had not already jettisoned herself. On Wednesday, Truss insisted that she was staying on, Cruella de Braverman resigned, to be replaced by the oleaginous Grant Shapps, Tory MPs had a physical tussle in the House of Commons with Party Whips who insisted on their supporting a fracking bill in what may or may not have been a vote of confidence, depending on what time of the day you asked and whom you asked, and Wendy Morton, the Chief Whip, may or may not have resigned but nobody could be entirely sure (she hadn’t, or maybe she had and then she changed her mind). On Thursday, 10 Downing Street announced at noon that Truss was not stepping down, only for Truss to announce at 1:30 that er, she was, after only 44 days in office.
As Proverbs 26.11 tells us ‘As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly’. The Tories are yet again trudging down the path of choosing a new Prime Minister. The usual suspects are already marking out their place in the paddock. Penny Mordant, Rishi Sunak and God help us, Cruella de Braverman, who was in office for even less time than Truss, although she lasted longer than Kamikazi Kwarteng. And now, proving that Proverbs 26.11 was bang on the money, the Tory dog may be about to return to the vomit that is Boris Johnson. Yes, you read that right. You thought you had seen the back of him but it seems that this conclusion may have been premature. The Bring Back Boris campaign is gathering momentum amongst some Members of Parliament (possibly 140 of them) and Party members alike, which only strengthens WTF’s lingering belief that Truss and Kwarteng had been put up to assume power and blow the whole thing up in weeks in order to smooth the path for Johnson’s return to power. And in Truss’s case, to get £115,000 a year by way in pension. Last week, WTF somewhat unkindly referred to Therese Coffey as the fat friend who made Truss look good. And now it seems the Truss was playing the dumb blonde version of the fat friend to make Johnson look good. And you know what, Readers? The scheme might well succeed……
We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry at the London Film Festival, where we happen across actor Emma Corrin wearing JW Anderson.
Yes, she is wearing a goldfish bowl in a bag…….Not only should the RSPCA be informed but also the Royal Society for the Prevention of Too-Big Shoes.
Still in London, here is actress Kate Hudson wearing a nasty dress by St Laurent to the premiere of Glass Onion – A Knives Out Sequel.
Not only is she in danger of an imminent nip slip, which is bad, and the colours are horrible which is very bad, but Kate looks like a poor soul in the throes of incontinence, which is worse. And no, you are not getting a picture.
We are now at the screening of the series of The Peripheral and one of its stars, Chloe Grace Moretz, wearing Molly Goddard.
WTF is baffled. And then baffled some more. What is this even supposed to be? It is as if some Victorian bathing belle was asked to stand in at a rehearsal of Strictly Come Dancing and donned a net ballet skirt to practice the American Smooth.
Next we are at the Academy Museum Gala in Los Angeles where a lot of people looked down right ridiculous, beginning with singer Joe Jonas and his wife, actor Sophie Turner. Both are wearing Louis Vuitton.
As will become apparent in due course, Louis Vuitton has become ever more ridiculous with Joe and Sophie serving up a matrimonial dog’s breakfast at which the hungriest street mutt would turn up its nose. She resembles Sherlock Holmes going deerstalking in lacy tights while he is dressed as a set of kinky dominos.
Also at the Gala and a victim of the LV nonsense is actor Alana Haim (who was fab in the excellent Licorice Pizza) wearing one of the silliest things WTF ever did see in her life.
Clearly Alana is short of closet space and so has attached her handbags to her dress as a sort of perambulating hanging storage unit, the one you buy at Lakeland for £10 and keep in your wardrobe. And she has found room for her keys as well.
And keeping up the leather dominator schtick at the same event, we have actor Ashton Sanders wearing who can even say what this is supposed to be?
Why is Ashton dressed as a Gimp doll? Just very weird.
Next, we are in New York at God’s Love We Deliver’s 2022 Golden Heart Awards (nope, me neither) where actor Lea Michele was to be found wearing Michael Kors.
WTF’s dislike of a one-armed dress on a bibrachial person is well known, and some slavering beast has taken a chunk out of the waist as well. Meanwhile.… how to put this politely? No, sod it, it can’t be put politely. Lea looks as if someone has ejaculated over her. And no, you are not getting a picture for this one either…..
And finally to the Elle Women in Hollywood and actor Sydney Sweeney wearing Rokh.
This is an awful lot of leather – bolero peekaboo jacket, skirt AND trousers plus a pair of nonsensical tit goggles. If a sofa went to a fancy dress party as Amelia Earhart, this is what it would look like.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Liz Truss had to go and she went, so there is no separate section on It’s Got To To this week. Let us meet again Next Friday. Be good.