WTF Fiction Special

Posted on March 24, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

In WTF’s favourite comedy, The Importance of Being Earnest, venerable governess Miss Prism, speaking of a novel she once wrote, says  ‘the good end happily and the bad unhappily – that is what fiction means’. WTF, ever the optimist, nevertheless dreams of the day when the Dumb and Dumber of world politics, Boris Johnson and Donald Trump, are finally humbled and leave the stage. Perhaps that time is edging just a little closer. On this side of the Atlantic, Johnson had to face seven of his colleagues on the Commons Select Committee on Standards, where he was put to the sword on the question of misleading Parliament about Partygate.  Johnson responded to the charges against him with a toxic melange of mendacity, arrogance, irritation, bloviation and indignation. Sitting behind him, his legal adviser, Lord Pannick KC, into whose lap the tax payer is raining gold (£5,000 an hour, plus VAT), squirmed like a schoolboy with worms down his trousers, and pulled a variety of pained expressions which indicated to the onlooker that things were not going according to plan. First rule at barrister school – keep your face still. Pannick didn’t do that. First rule at witness school – don’t piss off the people from whom you want a favourable verdict. Johnson didn’t do that. But then Johnson will be Johnson. He seemed particularly surprised that the panel felt that his statement to the House that he had been assured that no rules were broken, when that assurance came not from a lawyer or a civil servant or Professor Chris Whitty, but from some paid political lickspittle, was a touch inadequate, given that the place was like Southend on a Saturday night, every night. The real issue is not whether he will be found guilty – because he is – but whether the Tories in the Committee will agree to impose a 10 day ban, which would allow Johnson’s constituents in Uxbridge to call for a by-election.

On the other side of the Atlantic, district attorneys various are now lining up to charge Donald Trump with all manner of offences. This includes the one in New York who is pursuing him for paying hush money to porn star Stormy Daniels, disguising that payment as a legal expense; and the one in the state of Georgia who is pursuing him for interfering with the 2020 Presidential election by asking Georgian Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger to “find” 11,700 votes to tip the election in his favour. Not to mention the US Attorney General Merrick Garland, who is taking a hell of a long time to charge Trump with incitement to riot and hoarding classified documents. Considering that it is now March 2023, you might think that these buggers would hurry up, but there you are. However, WTF’s dream of seeing Trump doing the perp walk of shame in handcuffs has been somewhat tarnished by the news that the man himself is looking forward to it as he thinks it will bolster his vote, not to mention be a nice little earner in terms of contributions from the gullible public. It is even reported that he would quite like to get shot, although not fatally, which would look good on TV.

 What these two shysters have in common, apart from a chronic inability to tell the truth and very silly hair, is that they inspire their supporters with a cult-like devotion that seems to withstand any misdemeanour or barefaced lie. Their supporters are quick to condemn any investigation into wrongdoing as a witch hunt. This week the idiot Jacob Rees-Mogg called the Standards Committee ‘a kangaroo court’ and while Johnson has yet to take to social media to urge his devotees to protest, as Trump did last week, it can only be a matter of time. In both cases the wheels of justice are grinding exceeding slow. But can it be Miss Prism will be proved wrong? And will WTF live long enough to see it? Let us hope that the answer is yes to both questions. 

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slop with singer Beyoncé wearing Dolce & Gabbana in an Instagram post on Oscars night.

Bey is drawn to trashy as a moth to a flame. She just can’t help herself, bless her; she makes JLo look classy. Here she is dressed as an actual Oscar complete with nipple pasties like the stuff chef Salt Bae wraps round his steaks at ££££ a time, a metal corset and an imminent Minge Moment. Bey’s hair is terrible and the glasses are worse. Next!

To the premiere of The Power, soon to be on Amazon Prime, where we find actor Toni Collette wearing Zimmerman.

Admittedly age is just a number, but Toni, who is 51, is dressed as one of the March sisters in Little Women with a side order of tits.

To the Malaga Film Festival and a newcomer to these pages, Spanish journalist Noemí Casquet wearing local Malagan designer Álvaro Calafat. Brace yourselves…. 

Noemí specialises in “sexual disclosure and ancestral sexual identity”, which qualifies her for a special place is Private Eye’s fabled Pseuds’ Corner. This dress is plain disturbing, as if Harvey Weinstein were standing behind her….. Why would you want to be groped by your own dress?

He’s back! WTF speaks of racing champ Lewis Hamilton, wearing Rick Owens.

 Lewis is the ultimate fashion victim for whom the dictum ‘more money than sense’ is made flesh. It therefore came as a surprise to WTF to learn that he actually employs a stylist!  A stylist!!  He should sue Eric McNeal, not pay him. We have previously seen Lewis in a Tommy Hilfiger kilt, to the great disapprobation of Scottish WTF aficionado Martyn of West London, and now he is dressed in a tabard and paying homage to Scottish king James 1. If this does not drive the Scots to independence, nothing will……

Next to the Fashion Trust Awards in LA and actor Tracee Ellis Ross wearing Erdem.

If a pair of washing gloves went to a fancy dress party as a rampant gorse bush, this is what it would look like….

Also there was singer Charlotte Lawrence wearing who knows what.

Miss Muffet wears a G String……

And here is a third horror from that same event, Cocaine Bear actor Aaron Holliday wearing something undone…..

WTF does not even know what this is supposed to be, but if Aaron wants to go willy waggling, he should have the courage of his convictions and buy a flasher Mac.

And finally another appallingly-dressed Spaniard, actor Milena Smit wearing Cavalli at the Fotogramas De Plata Awards in Madrid.

If the Spaniards keep this up, WTF will start warming to the notion of Brexit. Quite apart from the fact that she looks as if she has been recently exhumed, and is covered in tattoos, the boots are excruciating, like giant barnacles growing on her legs, while the dress would look better on the Gimp from Pulp Fiction.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Paula Gilvarry in relation to last week’s Oscars Special. She writes “So many black bow ties at the Oscars.. All ready tied…abominations! “

She continues “If you wear a very expensive Designer tux, please, please, get a tie-your-own-bowtie and LEARN TO TIE IT”. She is right. It’s naff. And It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

Posted in America, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Covid, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Harvey Weinstein, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Partygate, Politics, Stormy Daniels, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Lineker and Oscars Special

Posted on March 17, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

As a player, Gary Lineker was famous for a number of things, including never getting booked during his whole career.  WTF suspects that he never scored an own goal either, which is more than you can say for the waste-basket of Deplorables who lined up last week to kick him for (i) stating  an opinion they disagreed with and (ii) being a woke lefty. One suspects that this lot also do not like the fact that Lineker earns £1.3m for presenting football on the BBC.  If anyone should be rich, it should be bankers and businessmen and MPs and (right-wing) journalists, not chaps who used to kick a football a quarter of a century back.  In any event, anxious to distract the country from the horror of Cruela de Braverman’s plan to expel foreigners (who were all thieves and rapists invading the country) and to ship them as far away as possible at the greatest possible expense, the Deplorables seized upon a tweet from Lineker which said it was ‘an immeasurably cruel policy directed at the most vulnerable people in language that is not dissimilar to that used by Germany in the 30s’. How they howled for his immediate dismissal! The BBC is publicly funded and should be impartial! He had called Braverman a Nazi! (He hadn’t). At first the D-G of the BBC, Tim Davie, took no action, at which point the Deplorables foamed at the mouth even more and last Friday Lineker was suspended. At which point, both pundits on Match of the Day said they would not appear, the usual replacements said they would not appear either, even those who had never been asked to do so, and the commentators pulled out. The BBC could only broadcast 20 minutes of footage without commentary or punditry, at which point blind people took to the radio phone-ins loudly complaining that they had been abandoned and why had no one thought of them? Letting down the footie-mad public is one thing, but once you start ignoring the needs of blind viewers, you are fucked. Sunday night went the same way with only 10 minutes of silent highlights and by Monday, Lineker was restored to the Nation with the BBC and the Deplorables covered in ordure and looking very silly.

It is hard to nominate the worst contribution to this fiasco. There was the BBC bowing to the mob complaining about the need for BBC impartiality, although the mob was quite happy with the BBC Chair having helped Boris Johnson, the PM who appointed him, to secure a guarantor, a long lost cousin of Johnson’s, apparently, for a £800K loan  – the same chair who had contributed £400K to the Tory Party. After all, nothing says impartiality like a £400K cheque. And the mob did not mind other BBC presenters publicly tweeting support for the Tories, like Lord Alan Sugar and more-right-wing-than-Genghis-Khan Andrew Neil. There was also the appalling Jonathan Gullis MP alleging – wholly falsely – that Lineker had called his constituents ‘racists’ and the people who had lost relatives in Nazi concentration camps alleging that Lineker had cheapened the Holocaust (he hadn’t because he didn’t refer to it). But the winner is Sir John Hayes MP who appeared on every channel simultaneously over the weekend demanding that Lineker must go and suggesting that as a mere footballer, he had no right to pronounce on matters he did not understand. He then ensured his place on the podium in the Commons on Tuesday by calling Lineker  a ‘self-indulgent, out of touch, insensitive, avaricious, smug, and arrogant football pundit’. As Regan remarked of King Lear, ‘he did ever but slenderly know himself’. 

Deplorables all – you took one hell of a beating. You look like fools and that is because you are.  Lineker is not a news broadcaster and he should be entitled to voice his opinions, even ones you do not like. He stuck to those views and he stuck it to the lynch mob baying for his blood. As for the BBC, sort your Chairman out first, not to mention the Board member who worked for Theresa May. Draw up a clear social media policy and apply it fairly to everyone. Stop kow-towing to the Tories. Do your bloody job and let Lineker do his. 

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Our review of the week’s crappy clothing is all about the Oscars, either on the White Carpet or at the Vanity Fair Afterparty. We start with actor Florence Pugh, who is becoming something of a regular in these pages, wearing Valentino.

From the neck up, everything is good. From the neck down, it is perfectly ridiculous, like a kiddie from a chorus peeping out from behind ornate theatre curtains. Meanwhile WTF is tired of having to point this out, but satin creases horribly and should never be worn unless there is someone from the atelier following behind with a hand-held steamer.

Next up we have actor Danielle Brooks wearing Nina Ricci. Brace yourselves… 

The good news is that no actual animal died in the making of this affront to the eyeballs as it is faux-fur. The bad news is that the faux-fur affront to the eyeballs is unfastened, exposing appalled onlookers to a great deal of Danielle in a sparkly bodysuit which is wrinkling around her knees like Nora Batty from Last of the Summer Wine. And Nora would have had no truck with that turd topknot.

Here is actor Harvey Guillén wearing Christian Siriano.

This is actually rather fabulous in its own weird way, but the whole thing puts WTF in mind of  the opera singer bloke in the Go Compare ads.


This is actor and director Olivia Wilde wearing Gabriela Hearst.

The alleged dress is a trifle snug around the hips but that is the least of it. Regular Readers will know that WTF hates a one-armed garment on a two-armed person almost above all things, but Olivia has gone one worse and has got rid of the whole right side of the garment in order to expose tit goggles like the ones you wear on your eyes when using a sun bed.

Along comes actor Eva Longoria wearing Zuhair Murad.

This is more boo-hoo than boho, like those lacy things you drape over cheap chairs at weddings. It is designed for someone about a foot taller, and features both a giant tit window and a This-Way-To-My-Minge arrow.

Now we have actor Riz Ahmed wearing Prada.

The trousers are tragic and if you are going to wear a shirt, button it at least a little bit. Or ditch it. But not both. The collar looks like a giraffe’s tongue showing pink tonsils.  

And now two women not wearing anything much at all in ‘dresses’ by Dundas. First we have model Alessandra Ambrosio.

Sigh. And then singer Ciara wearing even less.

At least Alessandra’s has some nice embroidery, and while WTF does not like thongs under sheer, at least hers is better than whatever Ciara has got under her fishing net, which looks like a jockstrap. And of course, there are the mandatory arse cheeks…

Next up, we have muscled actor Lucien Laviscount wearing Gucci.

This is a random collection of nonsense, more tragic trewsies, a ruff like a choir boy, bovver boots, opera gloves and, most puzzlingly, a giant hernia belt.

 

Finally, here comes actor Hunter Schafer  wearing Ludovic De Saint Sernin for Ann Duelemeester. Careful now….

It takes longer to name the designer than it does to look at his creation, which is basically an under-slip and a very small upturned sanitary pad. Yurgle.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go (no room this week, sorry!) and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

Posted in BBC, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Gary Lineker, Immigration, Oscars, Politics, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Lefty Lawyers Special

Posted on March 10, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

This week Cruela de Braverman, the woman whose every hour, awake and asleep, is consumed with keeping millions, if not billions, of foreigners out of the UK, particularly ones in boats, announced a new plan to replace the old plan which replaced the one before that – all of them introduced by Conservative Governments since 2010. It had to be Conservative Governments because there has not been any other sort of Government since 2010 because the idiotic British public keeps voting them back in. This new plan, which is more or less the same as the old plan, is to deter migrants from sailing over in unseaworthy boats by locking them up on arrival, sending them back whence they came and stopping them ever obtaining citizenship no matter the circumstances. Any anyway they are clearly all violent criminals and opportunists. Furthermore, according to her and her boss, Rishi Sunak, anyone who opposes this plan hates Britain and wants open borders, including the Leader of the Opposition, civil servants, people from Islington, tofu-eaters and readers of the Guardian – oh, and the dastardly lefty lawyers who have the temerity to go to court to challenge proposed deportations. No doubt they would love to emulate Benjamin Netanyahu, whose disgusting Israeli Government is seeking to pass a law allowing it to ignore any decision of the Supreme Court with which it disagrees. In fact, Dominic Raab mooted something similar about two administrations back (it is hard to keep track of who was in when) but so far he has not tried to put it onto the statute books. 

Be that howsoever it may be, Cruela is determined to determined to steam ahead, despite a number of problems. First, what she is proposing is against international law because people have a right to seek asylum. If they are fleeing persecution, they are unlikely to be allowed to walk into a British embassy or consulate and fill in papers while continuing to live in the country they are trying to flee – particularly as the Home Office under Cruela and her useless predecessors moves slower than an arthritic tortoise on a Zimmer frame, by which time they would probably be dead or in prison. Second, it is not clear where these people are going to be sent back to. And third, where are they going to be kept until they can be sent anywhere? Our jails are full. There is no spare housing to speak of. Hotels where those seeking asylum have been parked are now subject to vile attacks by bigots whose hatred of foreigners has been whipped up by people like Cruela and 30 p Lee Anderson, deputy chair of the Conservative Party. But point out these facts and you are Lord Haw-Haw. Or Gary Lineker, who apparently is not entitled to voice an opinion about politics because he is on the BBC presenting football once a week.

The worst bit about this utter disregard for decency, international law, compassion and the fact that many people are fleeing from the chaos we helped to create by invading Afghanistan and Iraq, is that the Government claims to be doing this to help those coming here by making it not worth their while. This is the political version of the line you get when you are dumped – it’s not you, it’s me. I’m not a vile xenophobe stirring up public opinion because there is no real reason why anyone would vote us back in, we are so useless. I am doing this to help you not get trafficked or ripped off or exposed to danger by gangs running the boats. And if you are trafficked here, you cannot stay and we will not help you, but it is for your own good. You will thank us in the end… It is the same line peddled by Trump where Mexicans  and others who cross the border are drug smugglers and rapists. And it stinks. 

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We start our review of the week’s atrocious attire in London where we find actor Idris Elba at the premiere of his new movie Luther, wearing E of W.

E of W probably stands for Extremes of Wankiness. WTF is unable to understand why Idris is dressed as a puce-coloured dentist but she really, really wishes he wasn’t. And if he does have to dress as a puce-coloured dentist, which he does not, why do the trousers not match the smock? #baffled

Next we are at the Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica with actor Jodie Turner-Smith wearing Elie Saab.

Peekaboo Tinkerbell in fanny feathers. Awful.

And now we are at the premiere of Scream in Beverley Hills starring actor Jenna Ortega wearing Jean Paul Gaultier Couture.

Younger readers will probably not know much, if anything, about legendary film stars Fred Astaire and Judy Garland. He danced like a dream and she sang like an angel. Here they are together in the film Easter Parade singing We’re Couple of Swells, which was clearly the inspiration for this ridiculous getup.

And now we are at Paris Fashion Week where a lot of people looked very silly, including celebrity son Jaden Smith wearing Louis Vuitton.

WTF has no time for Jaden, who seems to be as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike. Here he is flashing his bellybutton, looking like a tiled bathroom, wearing a luggage label in the manner of Paddington Bear “Please look after this prat, thank you” and carrying a doll’s house, like you do, and very ridiculous shoes resembling a couple of toy racing cars.

Next, we have actor Florence Pugh wearing Valentino.

Sigh. That skirt is neither use nor ornament. And stand by for the mandatory arse cheeks….

And here is actor Jared Leto wearing Vivienne Westwood.

If a lumberjack went to a fancy dress party as Miss Marple in hideous platform boots, this is what he would look like. And what that thing on his nose is, nobody knows.

And now we have model Emily Ratajkowski, wearing Loewe.

Emily has a penis growing out of her chest. Kill me now…

Finally we have actor Julia Fox wearing who can even say what? Brace yourselves and scroll down SLOWLY……

This could very well be the stupidest footwear WTF ever did see in her life. When she first saw this picture, WTF emitted a squawk like an electrocuted parrot, causing great alarm both to her neighbours and to herself. Julia’s outfits have become smaller and smaller but now she is compensating by accentuating the footwear, so that she looks like the legendary Bigfoot, the creature said to dwell in North American forests. 

This week’s It’s Got To Go was drawn to WTF’s attention by aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who saw this poor sod on Twitter with a Boris Johnson tattoo on his leg.

 

How moronic do you have to be to have Boris bloody Johnson tattooed on your leg? Yvonne knows that some of those who have previously featured in It’s Got To Go have ended up going and so she is hoping it will work again (not the moron with the tattoos but Boris Johnson). So let’s all say it together 1….2…3… It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Film Independent Spirit Awards, Lee Anderson, Politics, refugees, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Lorelei Special

Posted on March 3, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

This week saw a public fracas between two people where the sentient public would be hard pressed to pick the most dislikable. In the blue corner, we have the 21st Century version of the Renaissance Man – Matt Hancock, politician, consumer of kangaroo-private-parts, love-rat and author of a recent book called something like ‘It Wasn’t My Fault, Honest’ in which he tries to convince a sceptical public that the Government’s catastrophic handling of the Covid Pandemic in 2020 was nothing to do with him, even though he was Secretary of State for Health at the time. In the bluer corner, we have journalist Isabel Oakeshott, the peroxide piranha, who, like Lorelei, the siren on the rocks, lures the gullible to their own destruction. 

Why anyone with more than one braincell would trust Oakeshott with their Deliveroo order, let alone hand them over 100,000 personal WhatsApp messages, is a mystery, as when it comes to journalistic ethics, she always seems to have left them in her other handbag. This was the woman who persuaded Vicky Pryce, former and aggrieved wife of disgraced politician Chris Huhne, to tell her how Huhne, then a Government Minister,  had persuaded someone else to take his driving points in order to avoid a ban. The trouble was, that person was Pryce, who duly ended up in prison after the DPP demanded to know Oakeshott’s source, which she handed over with alacrity, presumably to show her contempt of her right to protect her sources under the European Convention of Human Rights. Oakeshott was also the co-author of the biography of David Cameron which asserted, on very scant evidence, that Cameron had poked a (dead) pig’s head as part of an initiation ceremony at some posh Oxford University dining club. Despite this dubious record, and the fact that she was a known opponent of  lockdown, the idiot Hancock chose her to help him write his account of his stint as Health Secretary which had come to a sudden end when, having told everyone else to stay indoors and stick to their family members, he was captured on CCTV at work canoodling with his Special Adviser, Gina Coladangelo, at which point he dumped Mrs Hancock and the little Hancocks and they set up home together. Last November, he went off to Oz to take part in ‘I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here’ and lost the Tory whip as a result. It was this action, claims Oakeshott, which led her to pass all 100,000 WhatsApp messages to the Daily Telegraph, the Boris Johnson Official fanzine, so upset was she at his abandoning her to write this book in his absence. These messages show Hancock ignoring advice to test everyone going in and out of care homes at the time on the grounds that there weren’t enough tests. Oakeshott also claims that her duty as a journalist was to break the story in the public interest. And if you believe that, you will believe anything. 

As for Hancock, he was a fool to trust Oakeshott and it serves him right. He has now been caught with his trousers down twice in two years, once literally, one metaphorically. Far from throwing a ring of steel around care homes, he turned them into human petrie dishes, with underpaid carers going in and out untested with inadequate PPE, and either bringing Covid into the homes or taking it out with them and bringing it home to infect their loved ones. His weaselly book cannot disguise that fact – or the fact that PPE was short in the first place because his department had failed to stockpile enough to start with, leaving it running around like a headless chicken buying defective stuff from Pals of People in High Places, all of whom made a fortune as a result. As far as WTF is concerned, he and Oakeshott are both thoroughly shameless and they deserve each other. If we were to hear nothing about either of them ever again, it would be too soon.

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We start our review of the week’s cringeworthy clothing with actor and writer Jordan Firstman wearing Aslan.

This vest and suit thing is going too far, and those trousers are not so much baggy as ballooning. If Charlie Chaplin went to a fancy dress party as Michael Jackson going to a fancy dress party dressed as Rab C Nesbitt, this is what he would look like.

And this is comedian Megan Stalter wearing something very silly.

And if Xena the Warrior Princess got her skirt caught in her knickers, this is what she would look like.

This is  actor Jessica Frances Dukes, who was fab in the brilliant Ozark, wearing Marc Bouwer.

WTF feels compelled to suggest that Jessica might have done better had she taken that ridiculous ruff and used it to curtain off the giant tit window. As it is, her head seems to be peeking out of a bird’s arse. 

This is Jessica Williams wearing Rosie Assoulin.

We have the full accoutrements of horror – under-boob, sheer and Minge Moment. The whole nine yards. This is essentially a fish tank, but in this case the tank contains not little fishies but Jessica swimming in a sea of see-through chiffon.

Finally from the SAGs we have actor Aubrey Plaza, so good in the second series of White Lotus, wearing Michael Kors.

Here are the problems with this alleged dress. First, it seems to be on back to front, leading to the second problem, which is an imminent Minge Moment. Third, she seems to have grown a second pair of tits. And no, you are not getting a picture.

To the Billboard Women in Music Awards where we find singer Rosalía. This is not her first time in this blog and frankly, it is unlikely to be the last….

Rosalia looks like a mountain primate in boots with under-boob. Somebody alert Sir David Attenborough…….

Here we are at the Costume Design Awards with actor Greg Tarzan Davis wearing a most remarkable ensemble.

Everything is flopping around, like a Southern belle on an interminably hot day in South Carolina. Even the flower at his waist is suffering from extreme lassitude. The last time WTF saw an outfit on this, it was on Jean Harlow, and it looked much better on her.

Still at the CDAs, the theme was Naked Without Us ie the costumes designed by the designers. Maybe so, but WTF is of the view that designer Dawn Ritz wearing her own creation took this to excess. Mind how you go now. Scroll down sl0wly…

She has a cottage loaf on her head, sticky tape across her tits and more sticky tape on her crotch. (Good luck with removing that, love. OUCH) And she is wrapped in clingfilm, as if she is just about to pop herself into storage.

And finally….it’s them again. Yes, Sam Smith continues to make a total tit of themselves (Sam answers to they), posing for a variety of revolting snaps for Perfect. Presumably, short for perfect prat. WTF is not sure that you are ready for this, but here we go. Have a receptacle handy and the number of a health professional on speed dial. 

No. NO!!!!! YURGLE. They are trussed up like a rolled breast of chicken, lots of things are sticking out which should be covered up and we are about to get penis peek. Just. Go. Away.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF and many outraged people across the country at the arrogance, insensitivity and sheer stupidity of Kemi Badenoch, the Minister of Women and Equalities.

Badenoch is supposed to look after women’s interests but in her appearance before the Commons Women and Equalities Committee, which was considering the introduction of menopause as a protected characteristic,  she did not just dismiss such an idea, but treated it with undisguised contempt. To her, the fact that millions of women suffer horribly with brain fog, sleeplessness, hot flushes and depression which lead many of them to lose, or to walk away from, their jobs is just woke left-wing nonsense and menopausal women are no more deserving of this extra protection than people with ginger hair or people who are short.  She is a smug, dreadful woman and She’s Got To Go .

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chris Whitty, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Matt Hancock, Politics, SAG AWards, Screen Actors Guild Awards, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Mr Prime Minister Special

Posted on February 24, 2023 by fashionshark

 Hallo Readers,

The other night, WTF was watching CNN as she still does later in the evening (old habits die hard and things are hotting up again, Trump-wise) when up popped bloated buffoon Boris Johnson talking about Ukraine to veteran anchor Wolf Blitzer. At this point, WTF started to emit yelping noises similar to a constipated cat and scrambled about trying to find the remote, which, as usual, had disappeared beneath the cushions. Blitzer, who is scrupulously polite, kept addressing Johnson as ‘Mr Prime Minister’, because in America holders of any office, no matter how brief the tenure, are always addressed by that title, even decades later, including – shudder – President Trump. WTF eventually found the remote and hit the off button with all the force she could muster.

Fortunately, in the UK Johnson remains as Mr Former Prime Minister rather than Mr Prime Minister, but it is perfectly obvious that he has not abandoned hope of resuming occupation of no 10, whatever he has to do to get back there. Admittedly we have had two Prime Ministers since then (including Madam Prime Minister Liz Truss, the Lady Jane Grey of 21st Century politics), but you may recall that Johnson won a landslide victory in 2019 by promising us a definitive Brexit based upon what he called an ‘oven-ready deal’ with no border down the Irish Sea. Only the deal was not so much oven-ready as deep-frozen and riddled with salmonella and there is now a border down the Irish Sea because there has to be one somewhere, being a border between us and the EU. The vast majority of Northern Irish voted overwhelmingly to stay in the EU and the Good Friday Agreement allows them enjoy freedom of movement of themselves and goods in and out of the Republic of Ireland. And to retain the protection of those pesky Directives guaranteeing them protection against discrimination and the right to equal pay and other such, the rights we were persuaded to throw away in exchange for getting our sovereignty back and gambolling in the sunlit uplands of independence. Despite downright lies that the Province is struggling post-Brexit, the opposite is true; its exports to the EU went up 55% in 2022 while its imports went up by 30% which is more than you can say for the rest of the UK which, far from reaching the sunlit uplands, is still bogged down with the worst economic forecast in Europe.

The solution, according to the Headbanger faction of the Tory Party which still idolises Bloviating Boris, is to pass a Bill which allows us to break the bits of the Northern Ireland Protocol we don’t like. Even though we would be breaking international law in doing so. The last thing the Headbangers want is for us to reach any sort of workable agreement with the EU, and so it was that last week, in between his posing as the Sole Saviour of Ukraine, Bloviating Boris was busy attacking his successor but one, the actual Mr Prime Minister (albeit unelected by anyone except 100 Tory MPs, most of them on a promise), and urging him to discard the Agreement Johnson’s Government had negotiated. There will be a lot more of this in the months to come, attacking Sunak on anything and everything in order to keep the Headbangers on a rolling simmer and in readiness for the putsch. But then, as we always knew, Mr Prime Minister Johnson would, as WTF’s granny used to say, drown anyone in a thimbleful of water to get what he wants. And the sad thing is that like the devotees of that other bloated liar, Mr President Trump, there are many people who don’t care but just want him back.

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We start out review of the week’s weirdo wear with singer Will Young wearing who knows what at designer Dame Vivienne Westwood’s funeral.

Deary me. Will looks like the lovechild of a theatrical backdrop and a vicar fallen on hard times. The Dennis the Menace socks are particularly to be deplored. Although that is to complain of a particular turd among other turds in a toilet bowl of turds.

Also in attendance was artist Philip Sallon, another one wearing who knows what.

Now look. Dame Viv was unconventional. No one was expected to attend the obsequies in funereal black – in fact,  guests would probably be shown the door were that to appear in such garb. Nevertheless, there is wacky and there is wanky and this is wanky +++ with a side order of mega-wanky. WTF spent some time trying to work out what was happening and then gave up. The best she can do is to suggest that Philip is wearing Beefeater overalls and is minded to punch a few paparazzi should he have the opportunity to do so.

We pop in briefly to Milan Fashion Week where we encounter Portuguese model Sara Sampaio wearing Cavalli.

So now we have a new phenomenon, the Minge Medal. Kill me now…

To the BAFTAs in London, with actors as far as the eye can see, starting with actor Anya Taylor-Joy wearing Schiaparelli.

What nonsense is this? Is Anya playing velour Pharaoh with the soft furnishings?

And now a rare honour. It is a while since the same person was featured twice in the same week – from memory, it was Rita Ora and that was many years ago. Anyway, here is Anya again, this time at the after-party, wearing Jean Paul Gaultier. 

Anya has turned up as a yeti. Who can say why?

Next up, we have model Leomie Anderson wearing Celia Kritharioti.

What is this latest trend of pustules? Last week, we had Ashnikko at the Brits wearing a condom with pustules. This week we have Leomie at the BAFTAs wearing an Emmental cheese with pustules. And she is giving us an imminent Minge Moment. The whole thing is enough to make you develop extreme lactose intolerance….

Next up, model Roșie Huntington-Whitely wearing Alaia.

It is time to make your mind up, Rosie. Either wear a skirt. Or wear something  that shows what appears to be a codpiece peeking through dog’s teeth. Your call.

 

This is actor Andreea Cristea wearing Rahul  Mishra. 

Wow. Just wow. If a topiary hedge went to a fancy dress party as a pretzel, this is what it would look like.

And finally, we are at the Toronto Film festival where we meet model Rebecca-Jo Dunham and her husband, actor Jay Baruchel at the premiere of Jay’s new film Blackberry.

Oh please.  This is a string shopping bag containing Rebecca.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire, who recounts a conversation with a cab driver in London which sums up the problems faced by Extinction Rebellion.

The chatty driver told Bindy that he had been hired by some Extinction Rebellion members for a long journey to join their demonstration: “and me pointing out I had a diesel cab and all..” Bindy, who is rather sympathetic to Extinction Rebellion’s objectives but is sceptical of its tactics, says that if these grimly laughable double standards continue, it is the Rebellion that is destined for Extinction; and It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

Posted in America, BAFTAs, Boris Johnson, Brits, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Good Friday Agreement, Liz Truss, Northern Ireland, Politics, Ukraine, Uncategorized, US Election, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Brits Bigly Special

Posted on February 17, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

 Three weeks ago, a lady called Nicola Bulley, 45,  dropped her daughters at school and went for a walk with the family dog. She has not been seen since. Her phone was found on a bench near a local river and the dog was nearby but of Nicola there was no sign. Lancashire Police announced that they had a working hypothesis that she had fallen into the river and that she may well have been swept out to sea. Her family and friends, whose anguish must be appalling, clearly felt that Lancashire Police had leapt to conclusions and that they should consider other options. Twitter of course exploded with many nonsensical theories about what might have happened, Nicola’s partner Paul disputed the police’s view, and the general consensus of opinion appears to be that Lancashire Police could not find an elephant in a cupboard. Nicola was described as a loving mother who would never desert her children.

 Clearly stung by the criticism they were getting, Lancashire Police called a press conference on Wednesday to share the information that Nicola had a number of “vulnerabilities”,  and that she had “suffered with some significant issues with alcohol which were brought on by her ongoing struggles with the menopause [which had] resurfaced over recent months”. In other words, it was not Lancashire Police’s fault that it did not have a clue where Nicola was and that she had probably fallen into the river because she was either pissed or mental or both, what with the hot flushes and the sleepless nights and raging hormones and all. Various organisations and women MPs expressed surprise that such personal information had been made public, and quite rightly so. Half the population is female, all women go through the menopause and many women suffer badly as they go through it. It is physically uncomfortable, exhausting, often painful and can bring with it depression, memory loss and coming to terms with the fact that you are drying up and your womb has passed its sell-by date. Many women are far too embarrassed to tell their employers about their condition for fear of being seen as useless and a liability, and menopausal women are often a figure of fun. If Nicola was indeed struggling with the menopause, she was one of many. To use her condition and the problems it caused her, both mentally and physically, as a reason for not finding her was tactless, insensitive and appalling. It will do nothing to reassure women that they still matter, even if they are no longer able to bear children and are getting older; and it will do nothing to persuade women that their disappearance may not be taken seriously by the authorities. In the meantime, we can only pray that Nicola is alive and keep her family and friends in our thoughts.

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Our review of the week’s fashion fiascoes all come from the Brit Awards in London last Saturday where clothing crapulence was more plentiful than white marks around the nostril of some of the attendees. Not the ones pictured here of course…..let us start with singer Tallia Storm wearing a fluffy coat thing and bootees by Imi Studios with a Harti Swim Bikini.

Harti Swim is the brainchild of Tallia’s mum, Tessa Hartman, and makes swimwear recycled from plastic. Which is all well and good, but to be frank, the bikini probably looked better when it was a Diet Coke bottle and the coat looks like an exploding gonk.

Rapper KSI, wearing Heliot Emil.

The suit, minus shirt, makes him look as if he has parachuted into the arena, he has a carabina hook poking out of his pocket and WTF hates the zips around the ankles. But all this might have been overlooked had it not been for the purple washing up gloves. 

Singer Ellie Goulding, wearing Cameron Hancock.

This Amazonian breastplate stuff has to stop. Ellie’s version is particularly titsy and nippleacious with a protruding bellybutton for good measure and her trousers are too long. But at least if she goes goes arse over tit, the tits will be protected….

Swimmer and celebritee Tom Daley, wearing Georges Hobeika. 

For some reason, Tom has turned up dressed as Sailor Moon on the razz. Nothing goes with anything else, the trewsies are horribly creased and the last time WTF saw shoes like that, they were on Sister Sledge in 1974.

Here is actor Billie Piper wearing Roberto Cavalli.

If two legs of mutton wore an ill-fitting silk bra and a pair of tights, this is what they would look like. Meanwhile, Billie’s pose only goes to prove WTF’s golden rule that if you have to stand with your bag in front of your minge, there is something wrong with your outfit. And with you for wearing it.

Singer MNEK, wearing Dionne Reeves Bespoke and pink Doc Martens. 

Bespoke??? Really??? It does not fit and it does not flatter, not to mention that it clashes horribly with the pink sweater with its matching snood and the pink Doc Martens (although they are actually rather scrummy). He looks like a tin of Germolene out on the town.

Singers Rhian Teasdale and Hester Chambers from Wet Leg, wearing Diesel.

Deary me, they seems to have escaped from a Victorian flophouse……

Weirder than weird singer Ashnikko, wearing a collaboration between Vassu Vu and Hydra.

On her Instagram account, Ashnikko described the concoction  “as an ecosystem of interconnected infinite selves”. Oh. OK then. Whatever…. but to everyone else, she resembles a perambulating condom with particularly nasty pustules.

And finally, singer Sam Smith looking like a prat, wearing Harri.

Sam looks like a burnt spatchcock chicken and is giving WTF – and many others – mental and visual salmonella.

Meanwhile Sam is also this week’s It’s Got To Go at the urging of WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who retweeted Sam’s picture and got a shedload of abuse from some of her more religious followers as a result. Sorry about that, Yvonne. Anyway, she has had more than enough of Sam, of whom she says – He’s really got to go….drinking piss in his video last week and then wrapping himself like pork loin. Get rid of him pleeeeeeese!!!”. Then she referred to a picture of David Bowie in something similar.

Yvonne adds….”he’s not even original. Except Bowie had style and tried to be inclusive while this tub of lard has ;pissed off most women by talking about women’s hips”. She doesn’t seem to like him but WTF agrees that He’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than. anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.

Posted in Brits, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Super-Special Grammys Special

Posted on February 10, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Just when you thought that Rishi Sunak’s political judgment could not be any worse, along comes his new appointment for Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party, rent-a-gob, man-of-the-people, one-braincell-up-from-a root-vegetable, Lee Anderson MP. Yes him – the same one who told a disbelieving House of Commons that that it was perfectly possible to cook a nutritious meal for 30 pence, and has since been dubbed ‘30 p Lee’. Anderson is the posh Tory’s idea of what the working class ought to be – thick, trenchant and Tory. Ever since both were elected in 2019 (as a result of the collapse of the Red Labour Wall ‘oop North) although neither of them was expected to retain his deposit, let alone win, 30 p Lee and fellow gobshite Jonathan Gullis have been in fierce competition to claim the official title of the most obnoxious, yobbish and pig-ignorant Member of the House of Commons. Gullis made a lot of the early running, but 30 p Lee has now sprinted to victory and is the face of the new Tory Party. God help us all.

Just before his appointment, 30 p Lee gave an interview to the Spectator, and that interview came out this week, the same week as he moved into his new office at Smith Square. In it, we learned that 30 p Lee believed that migrants saw the UK as ‘El Dorado’ and had said ‘They are seeing a country where the streets are paved with gold – where, once you land, they are not in that manky little fucking scruffy tent. They are going to be in a four-star hotel!’ He would ship them straight back on Royal Navy ships, no messing about, and if the French didn’t like it, well, tough, we’d have to take them on in combat. He was also, to the surprise of absolutely no-one, fervently in favour of capital punishment, arguing ‘Nobody has ever committed a crime after being executed. You know that, don’t you? 100 per cent success rate.’ This is the sort of blue sky thinking that persuaded the Prime Minister to promote 30 p Lee. Could he be onto something here? Maybe Sunak should have booted Suella Braverman out of  the Home Office and installed him instead. Start a war in the Channel with the French and hang felons to keep the crime rate down. And why stop with murderers? If we castrated every man under 65 in the country, we could put a stop to rape. Admittedly this would affect the birth rate, but that is simply an unfortunate by-product of a radical new policy to make the streets safer. When you run the country, you have to make difficult decisions. 

This, Readers, is populism made flesh, the rise of the brain-dead, loud-mouthed turnip in positions of power and influence. 30 p Lee is the hairy-arsed UK equivalent of Marjorie Taylor Greene, the Q-Anon-loving, election-denying, half-wit who is into her second term as a US Congresswoman and who thinks that the Nazi secret police were called the Gazpacho. Speaker Kevin McCarthy has just appointed to her to two of the most influential House Committees. The stupider you are, tra-la, the higher you go.

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This week we are at the Grammys for an awesomely terrible baker’s dozen of clothing calamities. First up is singer Bebe Rexha wearing Moschino.

The giant tit window opens on to boobs resembling a couple of large baked potatoes.  

Next up, we have singer/songwriter Julia Michaels wearing Azzi and Osta.

This is a nightmare, made worse by the sleeve tattoos and bunion-inducing sandals. It is basically a cut-out paper ghost with genitalia curtains.

Welcome back rapper and producer Pharrell Williams, wearing Ernest W Baker. Guess what the W stands for…..

If a Chanel handbag wore its granny’s fur coat and a baseball cap with stupid sunglasses, this is what it would look like. 

R&B singer and Instagrammer Hannah Monds, wearing Diana Couture. Couture!!!!!!

And if a loo roll holder went to a bondage party, this is what it would look like. Which is a shame, because the skirt is spectacular.

Here is singer Miguel wearing Diesel.

Are those boots or jeans tucked into boots? Whatever it is, his outfit seems to have been rescued from a skip. And why is his zip exposed, although thankfully that is all that is exposed. WTF’s first thought was that the whole outfit (as opposed to Miguel) needed a good wash. She then realised that poor Miguel had clearly been the victim of a flour bomb thrown by a protester as he sauntered along the Red Carpet.

Now meet musician and 2022 Grammy winner, Isolde Fair.

No, WTF had never heard of her either. And now that she has seen her, she wishes that she never done that either. Isolde appears to be channelling the blood-soaked-bride look last seen on Lucia di Lammermoor in Donizetti’s opera of the same name. WTF is also struggling to understand why Isolde is wearing wellington boots.

Singer and serial offender Lizzo, wearing Dolce & Gabbana. 

Whoever persuaded Lizzo that she should appear in public dressed as an oomph-loompah, flower-bedecked, Tutankhamun is so not her friend.

The aptly-named musician Grim.

Not to be confused with Ben Affleck, who sat with his spouse JLo at the ceremony with a face like thunder. It is not Grim’s fault that he is standing in front of a picture-logo that makes it look as if he is wearing Mickey Mouse ears. But it IS his fault that he has ventured out of doors wearing a jacket previously worn by Manuel in Fawlty Towers, no shirt, assorted chains and pearls, snakeskin trousers, suede bootees like Rupert Bear and masses of groin. And sunglasses. 

Madonna wearing Mugler Haute Couture and someone else’s face.

Bondage and silly shoes are par for the course with Madonna, but the face is new and seems to have been borrowed from the set of the new horror film M3GAN about an AI doll that turns out to be not very nice. Madge has built a whole career on telling people to go and fuck themselves and so it is a disappointment that she has succumbed to a tanker-load of botox.

Singer Shania Twain wearing Harris Reed.

Was this supposed to be a joke? Because it really is not funny. Shania looks like a cross between a garden gnome and a pantomime cow. Meanwhile, memo to Shania. Erykah Badu, the winner of the coveted WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2022, called and she wants her hat back.

Cameroonian singer Dencia wearing who knows what this is?

You never see Dencia other than on occasions such as these when she pitches up in something very stupid to get herself noticed. And it works, because she is wearing something very stupid and WTF did notice. If King Richard 111 wore a geode round his neck, this is what he would have looked like.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And now we have the ever-more-ridiculous Harry Styles wearing Egonlab. Brace yourselves.

Elmer the Elephant meets Svarovski. Yurgle……

Finally, celebritee “model and socialite” Blac Chyna wearing something very weird.

Blac posted on her Instagram page “this is authencity”. Really? It is authentically terrible, but otherwise WTF defies anyone, even a team of rocket clients working round the clock, to identify what the hell she is talking about. Three more questions. First, why was she there at all, given that her claim to fame ended when she ended her relationship with Rob Kardashian? (And before that, she had a relationship with rapper Tyga, who then went out with Rob’s half-sister Kylie Jenner – do keep up). Second, why doesn’t she buy some smudge-proof mascara? And third, why is she dressed as a curly-headed crow?

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There is no room this week for It’s Got To Go, but it will be back next week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Grammys, Jonathan Gullis, Lee Anderson, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Augean Stables Special

Posted on February 3, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

To be honest, there are few, if any, members of the current Cabinet you would want to hang around with. Michael Gove? Grant Shapps? Suella Braverman? I mean, come on – wouldn’t you rather endure a barbed wire enema? Perhaps Therese Coffey could be a bit of a laugh, were it not for her repulsive views on gay marriage, her penchant for removing people’s Social Security payments and her foul habit of smoking cigars, and that is  ignoring the fact that she is best mates with Liz Truss. Nevertheless, WTF would rather lock herself in a room with all of the above than spend even ten minutes in the company of Dominic Raab, the Justice Secretary and Deputy Prime Minister. Raab is one of those supercilious, sneering types who is simultaneously immensely arrogant and not very bright, and to date, he has not distinguished himself in his current or any of his previous Cabinet posts. As Brexit Secretary, he was forced to admit that he had not read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through, which, as WTF remarked at the time, was like trying to be a doctor though never having read Gray’s Anatomy. He later became Foreign Secretary, lounging by the pool of his holiday hotel in Greece as Afghanistan fell to the Taliban, a dereliction of duty then compounded by his sulky defence of his inactivity and his insistence that he had not gone surfboarding as “the sea was closed”. Reshuffled out of that post by Boris Johnson, he was made Minister of Justice and Lord Chancellor, only to insult striking criminal legal aid barristers, misrepresenting how much they were paid and spitting whenever he had to utter the words “human rights”. Liz Truss gave him the heave-ho, but a few short weeks later, he bounced back under Sunak and was reinstalled at the Justice Department, as if the whole Truss thing had never happened – rather like Bobby Ewing in Dallas, standing in the shower after two seasons during which he was supposed to be dead. Go figure…..

On becoming Prime Minister one hundred days ago, Sunak stood outside No 10 and vowed to clean out the Augean stables, a promise that fell apart about 29 minutes later when a horrified nation watched Braverman, who had been sacked the previous week by Truss for breaches of the Ministerial Code, strolling along Downing Street to reclaim her spot at the Home Office. Since then, Sunak has lost the dubious services of “Sir” Gavin Williamson, who fell on his sword following bullying allegations and last week, he was forced to sack Nadhim Zahawi, not just for being iffy with his taxes, but for failing to mention that he had been iffy with his taxes and threatening to sue anyone who suggested that he had been iffy with his taxes. But Raab, the subject of ongoing bullying claims by civil servants at various departments he has purported to run, remains in situ, clinging to power like shit to a blanket. Adam Tolley KC is carrying out an independent enquiry into the allegations, all of which were public before Sunak appointed him, and underlings various are forming an orderly queue outside Tolley’s door to dish the dirt on their boss.  Raab was stoutly defended by the unspeakable Jacob Rees-Mogg, who complained that people should not be too “snowflakey” about getting told off at work, so perhaps that will do for him in the end, but like the unspeakable Priti Patel, Raab will probably not go voluntarily if the allegations are upheld. Perhaps Sunak will be forced to sack Raab, unlike Johnson, who shielded Patel even after she was found to have bullied her officials, and after a senior civil servant in her department had to be paid oodles of public cash to settle his unfair dismissal claims after he quit in disgust. But, as WTF said last week of Zahawi, shame and honour are not the defining qualities of this or any recent Tory governments. Zahawi was sacked only two days after WTF’s rant. One suspects it will take a lot longer before Raab packs his pencil case.

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We begin our survey of the week’s sartorial shite with model and influencer Jasmine Sanders at Pamela, A Love Story, a film about Baywatch star Pamela Anderson.

Pussy in Boots. Jasmine is doing that ‘I’ll-turn-up-and-flash-my-fanny-and get-my- picture-in-the papers’ thing that people do when they have no actual talent. And what is worse, there is (presumably an intentional) rip in the gusset of her pantyhose. 

Look love, to quote Bertie Wooster, you are taking up space which is required for other purposes. Just. Go. Away.

Next, celebritee and sometime singer Tallia Storm, at a Magic Mike launch wearing who knows what?

The handbag is more substantial than the rest of the outfit put together. The top looks like a face mask, the sort of things the killer dons in Midsomer Murders to wipe out half a dozen villagers before Inspector Barnaby finally cracks the case, while the skirt looks like a truncated waste paper bin. To which this outfit should have been consigned….

Next we have actor Jeremy Pope wearing a most extraordinary creation with much moobage. What is it supposed to be?

If a Ju Jitsu fighter had an early night, this is what he would look like. Meanwhile clock the steel-toed shoes, not to mention the very unfortunate elephant-vagina syndrome around the crotch.

And here is another man who cannot find a shirt. This is actor Simu Liu wearing a suit and Tiffany jewellery at a Tiffany Lock event in Toronto.

There is nothing wrong with the suit. Or those abs. But not only can you see the abs, you can also see his under crackers. As such, he is this week’s winner of the Cute Bare-chested Baby Award. Any excuse to use this pic again……

Yes, it’s her again. Rita Ora was wearing Fendi at the Fendi Show at Paris Fashion Week.

WTF can safely say that she hates loo everything Rita is wearing, from the blue cyanotic lipstick to the cut-out coat to the blue welly-like boots. The whole thing is clearly inspired by the King of the White Walkers from Game of Thrones.

To New York and actor Rose Byrne with her partner, actor Bobby Cannavale. WTF has long thought that Bobby is a piece of terrific and she likes Rose, but she does not like what Rose is wearing, which is a dress by Ulla Johnson. The jury is out on the shoes and has been sent home for the weekend to think about it some more.

Here is the thing about Rose’s dress. First, it resembles something that Rose’s great granny wore and which has discoloured over a period of time. Second, the sleeves are silly. And third, the way it falls around the minge area makes her appear to have a penis. And no, you’re not getting a picture.

Finally, we have (yet again) Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the newly installed Governor of Arkansas and former Trump Press Secretary, wearing something truly horrible. Brace yourselves.

For Goodness Sake! Don’t they have clothing boutiques in Little Rock? Or mirrors? And, for that matter, opticians? This woman is the Governor of the State. The same State Bill Clinton used to govern. At least try and look the part, Sarah. Those knees should never be on show, except to loved ones and Orthopaedic Surgeons. She looks like Dennis the Menace in pearls. Yurgle.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is fed up with the ridiculous sums being spent on footballers. This week, Chelsea paid Portuguese club Benfica a UK record fee, €121m (£107m), for Enzo Fernandez. This is simply obscene. People can’t afford the electric bill to switch their tellies on and a club pays this sort of money for a 22 year old player? No, no, no. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Afghanistan, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Raab, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Football, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss, Nadhim Zahawi, Politics, Priti Patel, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Therese Coffey, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Shysterama Special

Posted on January 27, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Welcome to another edition of ‘Nothing to see here, move along, well maybe there is something, whoops’, in which undistinguished members of the Conservative Government behave badly, deny blindly that they have behaved badly, threaten to call in m’learned friends if anyone suggests that they behaved badly, are subsequently shown to be bang to rights, and then try and cover it up. This week’s contestant is Party Chairman Nadhim Zahawi, who for a short period was Chancellor of the Exchequer under Boris Johnson after Rishi Sunak resigned from that post. Zahawi founded the polling company YouGov and he is very rich, although not as rich as Rishi Sunak, his predecessor and the present Prime Minister. Do keep up. During his short stint as Chancellor, Zahawi was forced to negotiate a settlement of his outstanding liabilities arising out of some complex arrangement in which his shares in YouGov were held in the name of his father in a trust in Gibraltar. The taxman was unimpressed with Zahawi’s claim that he was not liable to pay tax on this and in the end the taxman’s view prevailed over his boss, who was forced to fork out millions of pounds as a result. When news of the settlement became public a few months ago, an indignant Zahawi bridled at the suggestion that there was anything iffy going on and he threatened to sue anyone and everyone for libel, at which m’learned friends got very excited and started doing jigs around Lincoln’s Inn Fields and planning their new cars. However, it is now clear that not only did Zahawi have to pay tax, but had to pay penalties for not having originally paid the tax. Zahawi maintains this was all an innocent error but as the Head of the Service pointed out, you don’t pay penalties on an innocent error, unless of course the innocent error is that you haven’t paid the tax due in the first place, instead asking Messers Less Is Better LLP to shove it in a Gibraltarian trust and save you a shedload. Sunak now claims that nobody told him about these penalties and looks like a man with itching powder down the seat of his (far too short) trousers, Tory MPs find themselves plunged into another shitshow and want Zahawi gone, and everyone else is pissing themselves laughing and enjoying the discomfiture.

Zahawi himself has declared that he is staying put, but then Zahawi does not do shame, as evidenced by his accepting the appointment as Chancellor under Johnson, only to turn round 36 hours later and urge him to resign, then to   himself stand for Leader, fail, back Liz Truss, back Johnson’s return after Liz Truss went and ten minutes after Johnson withdrew his candidacy, to go full throttle in favour of Sunak. A man who sticks his head up so many different bottoms in such a short time is unlikely to be fazed by a little matter of having to negotiate with the department he presided over to pay outstanding tax that his department is obliged to collect. Sunak has tried to kick the whole matter into the long grass by appointing an inquiry into whether his Party Chairman broke the ministerial code (answer – of course he did), in which the part of Sue Gray is now played by some bloke in a suit who is his new ethics adviser. You couldn’t make it up, but sadly you don’t need to because this is now becoming standard fare. Standards in public life have slipped to a subterranean place so tucked away from sight that crack teams of cavers armed with infrared equipment could not locate them.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cobblers with actor Chase Liefeld wearing who can even say what this is?

This falls  squarely into the category of ‘you must be fucking joking matey’,  as does the fact that not only did Chase wear this horrible shiny thing but actually HAD A STYLIST who found it for him. And the stylist claims credit for doing so. Not even a man as handsome as Chase can carry off something this ludicrous. Yurgle.

Next up, actor and singer Jennifer Lopez at the premiere of her new RomCom (read, rubbish) Shotgun Wedding, wearing Valentino.

Why has she wearing a beaver bow under her gown? WTF tried to think of the she last saw anything so silly and then gave up. Younger Readers are fortunate not to have been born when Tony Orlando and Dawn released a vomit-inducing ditty called Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree. Click on the link and weep. It is all about a convicted felon coming out of prison after three years and travelling home to find out if his wife still wants him. If she does, she should tie a yellow ribbon round the aforementioned tree, a traditional American welcome home for those who have been away. (Spoiler – she did. A hundred of them). WTF does not know about Sgr Valentino’s musical tastes, but he seems to have been inspired by Tony’s warbling from all those years back.

And now we go to Paris Fashion Week where we encounter actor Lucien Laviscount wearing Louis Vuitton.

The top half is cute. The floaty thing over the bottom half is not cute, the love child of overalls and a peignoir. And on what on earth are those things on his feet? They look like mini hoovers……

Meanwhile, over at Dior, actor Robert Pattinson graced the Front Row wearing this.

What nonsense is this? He resembles the late Princess Margaret in her prime.

Next, celebritee Kylie Jenner on the steps of the Schiaparelli show.

Er…. what? WHAT?????!!! She has a lion growing out of her tit. It is as if they have remade the Wizard of Oz starring noted lion and tiger slaughterers, Eric and Donald Trump Jr.

Also there and also wearing Schiaparelli was singer Doja Cat.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. Doja is a walking. blood-soaked pustule, like a germ version of the old Sissy Spacek movie, Carrie.

We are not done yet, Readers. Here are identical twin and US TV personalitees Shannon and Shanade Clermont wearing not enough.

The twins even have had identical plastic surgery (they admit the surgery, except for the tits. Because those tits are so realistic, aren’t they?).  As for the alleged outfits,  there is insufficient fabric between the two sets of tit covers to make a small dishcloth, let alone to cover the two pairs of globularity stuck onto their chests, the hoodies are not so much cropped as aborted and they are wearing minge pads. If a couple of baseball players went to a fancy dress party as titsy Palomino ponies, this is what they would look like.


And finally, rapper J Balvin wearing Loewe at Loewe. Scroll down slowly….

 Oh my Lord. He looks like a giant ballsack. And no, you are NOT getting a picture.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from women everywhere, although the news this evening (Thursday night) has changed this to She’s NOT Going To Go. WTF refers to convicted double rapist, né Adam Graham, who now (post -rapes) goes by the name of Isla Bryson and says she is a trans woman waiting for gender reassignment. 

The Scottish Government’s original position was that Isla is a woman and so she would have the right to serve time in a woman’s prison, once sentenced. Even though the heinous crimes were committed by Adam Graham, a man who violated two women with the penis Isla still has. As you can see from the picture above. But such is the outcry that even Nicola Sturgeon has had to admit that this would be an outrage and so Adam/Isla is going to a man’s prison. Hopefully for a very, very, long time. Let us not have this nonsense ever again. Rapists do not belong in a woman’s prison. Full stop. The end.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Donald Trump Jr, Eric Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Nadhim Zahawi, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Sleaze, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Baguette and Brioche Special

Posted on January 20, 2023 by fashionshark


Hallo Readers,

On hearing that many of her subjects could not afford to buy bread, Queen Marie Antoinette replied “Qu’ils mangent de la brioche”—“Let them eat cake.” As may be imagined, this went down badly with les citoyens français, who would have loved to have got their hands on a couple of brioches, given that they could not even afford a mouldy baguette. Two centuries on and the United Kingdom, one of the richest economies in the world, is providing food for its struggling citizens by way of food banks. Among those making use of this facility are nurses, currently on strike for the first time in their history. The starting salary for a nurse is some £27,000 and more senior nurses may earn £35,000. Reminder – these people have your life in their hands. They went through the Pandemic with inadequate protection, working around the clock and putting their own lives at risk; indeed, many died. Every Thursday night, as the clock struck 8, we stood on our door steps applauding and banging saucepan lids to show our appreciation of their efforts. Except that our appreciation does not run to paying them properly for those efforts. They could earn much more in McDonald’s and get free burgers to boot. And fries.

This week, as another round of strikes began, Simon Clarke MP, a former Cabinet Minister, but now relegated to the back benches by Rishi Sunak, thought it would be a good idea to criticise the nurses’ claim that some of them had to use food banks. In Clarke’s opinion, anyone earning £35,000 a year (which not all of them do), was clearly not budgeting properly and “my message is everyone needs to take responsibility in their lives’. This from the man who was Chief Secretary to the Treasury under Johnson, was Secretary of State for Levelling Up for about 10 minutes in a government led by Truss, and who was an enthusiastic advocate for Brexit, which everyone but its most misguided supporters now admit is not what it was supposed to be and which has failed to lead us into the sunlit uplands in which we were supposed to frolic.

An MP earns £84,000 a year and Cabinet Ministers get another £65,000. Clarke also trousered £16,876 severance pay on getting the boot from the Cabinet. He further claimed £220,000 in expenses last year, including rent in London of £2,400 pounds a month, office expenses and travel (First Class of course) to and from his constituency in Teesside. Plus someone contributed £5,000 pounds, multi-millionaire “Lord” Zac Goldsmith gave him £7,500 pounds and Clarke and his partner, whoever that unfortunate person may be, got £1,200 worth of Wimbledon tickets. Which is a lot of baguette and brioche; not only that, it is baguette and brioche thickly spread with artisanal butter and the most expensive confitures. In other words, this public-school educated Oxford graduate, who trained as a solicitor before going to work for Dominic Raab, is an absolute tool, ignorant, spoiled and tone-deaf in common with many of his colleagues on the Tory benches. The Tories have been in power since 2010. They have trashed the National Health Service, which is on its knees. Clarke is (over)paid from the public purse, he has cocked up everything he has put his hand to, and he now has the temerity to open his mouth and criticise people paid a wholly inadequate wage, people who actually do something useful, and who do not have the benefit of heavily subsidised, exquisitely cooked lunches and dinners in the House of Commons, and who have to pay their own fares to work. Not to put too fine a point on it, Simon Clarke should shut the fuck up.

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Our survey of this week’s sartorial sludge comes from the Red Carpet at the 2023 Critics’ Choice Awards in Los Angeles, where actors various paraded about in borrowed finery. We start with Marcia Gay Harden wearing One/Of.

This is certainly One/Of.  One/Of the worst things WTF has seen for a while, not least because it doesn’t fit, not even at all, and also because it appears to be a recycled damask curtain with a plume of black fumes blowing out of her bottom, like the Smoke Monster in Lost. Why is there a This-Way-To-My-Minge black arrow effect? 

Marcia gains extra minus points for the blotchy marmalade legs with matching blusher.

Anya Taylor-Joy wearing Dior.

Dior!!??!!??!!?? Mais non! Mon Dieu! That is so NOT Anya’s colour, as she is already pinky beige enough without more pinky beige to go over the pinky beige. Also, WTF has a question. Here it is. If you are going to line a dress, why stop above the crotch? As WTF remarked of Prince Harry last week, either piss or get the pot.  This looks like the lovechild of a tailor’s dummy and a pair of those very overpriced Gucci tights. And she has a cottage loaf on her head.

Julia Garner, wearing Ferragamo.

This is like a Mark Rothko with added minge moment and bellybutton detail. We can but be thankful that she added a bralet from Skims to avoid full nippleage. 

WTF also hates the shoes, which look like silken door-stops with straps.

 Sebastian Stan, wearing Givenchy.

Yurgle. He is handsome, but even he cannot carry off wearing a crappy tee shirt with a cummerbund. Is this the beginning of a new trend? Because this new trend is bad. Very bad. What is next? A nappy and a bow tie?

The baby looks cute. But then, he’s a baby.

Elle Fanning wearing Alexander McQueen. 

In between leaving her hotel and arriving at the ceremony, Elle was set upon by a vicious gang which tore her dress to shreds, rather like Cinderella when the Ugly Sisters attacked her and destroyed her gown.

Natasha Lyonne wearing Gucci.

We seem to have entered a fairytale phase. We have had Cinderella and her tatters and now we have half Wicked Witch, half black beetle, with poor Natasha teetering on sky-high heels and looking as miserable as sin.

Quinta Brunson wearing Robert Wun.

Dear me, she looks like she is being devoured by a grizzly bear. 

Meanwhile, WTF deplores a turd topknot almost above all things, and that is a particularly large turd.

And finally, here is Devery Jacobs wearing Simone Rocha.

WTF is occurring? Everything from the neck down is ugly, from the suit to the I’m-yomping-into-Baghdad-boots to the thing hanging off the suit, which seems to be a pair of painter’s overalls made from a bundle of sheets.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF who is fed up with the freezing weather and the inability of trains, planes, cars, buses and roads to cope with it. We are told we will have a hot summer, even hotter than the one we had in 2022, and that was bloody hot. And then the trains, planes, cars, buses and roads will be unable to cope with that as well. Come on, people! The climate has changed. This is our life now. Get with the programme. Stop being so useless. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Critics' Choice Awards, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment