WTF The Death of Shame Special

Hallo Readers, 

If ever there was an oxymoron, it is “House Intelligence”, as in House Intelligence Committee which is currently investigating connections between the Trump election campaign and/or Transition Team and Russia. Its little arsewipe of a Chairman, Devin Nunes, is a former member of the Trump transition team, which is In itself a trifle iffy. 10 days ago, Nunes suddenly went to the White House to brief the President on some top secret information he had got from “a source”. He did not inform his colleagues on the Committee about his intended trip. He did not tell them about the documents, much less share them. He told the Press that the  new information he had supported the theory that some members of the Trump team might have been surveilled, seemingly shoring up Trump’s unsupported tweets that Obama had tapped his phone.  Nunes said he had gone to the White House the previous evening to meet an unnamed person to look at the unspecified information and then had gone back to the White House the next day to tell the President about what he had learned from the unnamed person, but that the Trump administration had not known about his first visit and the source was not from the White House, which  rather begs the question what the hell that person was doing at the White House at all. The White House is the centre of the Trump administration. As far as WTF is aware, the White House does not take in lodgers. People tend to be there because they are working for the Trump Administration. Equally you cannot just stroll into the White House. You need an appointment. Someone has to sign you in. Someone has to sign you out. Despite this, there is apparently no record of Nunes’ arrival or departure.

Outrage abounded, particularly amongst his Committee colleagues but Nunes refused to tell them what he had learned or from whom. He then unilaterally changed the next Committee hearing from public to private; admitted that the information he had seen did not back up Trump’s claims that Obama had tapped his phone; and refused to resign. He saw nothing wrong with the Chairman of a Committee investigating the President having a cosy chat with that President about the investigation and giving the impression to all and sundry that he was trying to save him from scrutiny. This week, Nunes upped his game. He unilaterally cancelled even the private hearing that was supposed to take place on Monday, which was scheduled to hear from the former Attorney-General who had first warned Trump about the contacts between his former National Security Adviser, Mike “Lock Her Up” Flynn and the Russkies. The one who was sacked for lying about those contacts. The one who is now seeking immunity in exchange for testifying. That Mike Flynn.

Yesterday, The Failing New York Times named two White House officials as Nunes’ source. One of them had narrowly avoided the push after Flynn’s departure on the personal intervention of Jared Kushner and Steve Bannon. The other one was a former lawyer on – wait for it – the House Intelligence Committee. It is of course a complete coincidence that after this story appeared – denounced by Trump as a lie – the White House suddenly invited both Nunes and his Democrat colleague Adam Schiff, plus their Senate counterparts, to come over to look at documents. So Nunes is going back to the White House to look at a document he was shown 10 days ago by the President’s staff and which he went back to the White House to show the President, who already knew about it anyway. He seems to be in and out of the White House like a fiddler’s elbow.  With the emphasis on fiddle.

You know what Readers? It stinks. It stinks worse than a warehouse of fish where the freezers have been turned off. And what makes it stinkier is that this little arsewipe is still Chairman of the Oxymoronic Committee and the White House is still denying any complicity and Sean Spicer is still promising to look into the whereabouts of the Visitors’ Book and Trump is still calling this Fake News. And what makes it yet stinkier is that the whole thing is so bloody inept and yet we are expected to believe these blatant liars – and that they continue to voice outrage that we do not believe them. This is simply the death of shame. Bastards.

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We start our review of the sartorial shockers of the week with Donald Trump’s hair.

Seriously, what the fuck IS this? It is a comb-over combined with a side-over combined with a widow’s peak. When you own hair looks like a bad wig, it is time to rethink your hair.

Next up, we have actress Sara Escudero, wearing who knows what.

Sara, a grown woman, is dressed like as bordello Tinkerbell.

Next up we have actor Jason Sudeikis at the premiere of his new movie Colossal. 

Never mind Colossal, Jason looks a colossal chump. He is clearly channelling the late Benny Hill.

Jason is somewhat underdressed icomparison with his co-star, Anne Hathaway, wearing Armani.

Jason rolls up looking like a schloch whilst Anne parades in a preposterous couture frock with a colossal lace thing poking her in the face, as if she were peeking out from behind a fan. How is this fair?

Meet actress Dania Ramirez,wearing Gosia Bacznyska.

This is just terribly, terribly, terrible, denim offcuts with a pube porthole. What the bag has to do with the price of fish, WTF cannot say, but it is BAD.

This is Gogglebox’s Sandi Bogle at the National Television Awards, wearing KiKi Riki.

If the Sugar Plum Fairy went to a fancy dress party dressed as a flamenco dancer savaged by a bull, this is what she would look like. There is a great deal of tattooed tit. Apparently at one point there was even more tit when one “accidentally” fell out in front of the paparazzi. Yeah. Right.

And now a trio of lacy horror in our Sheer Tedium feature. We start with model Bianca Balti at the Dolce & Gabbana party, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

The top has shrunk in the wash and regular Readers will know that WTF hates a sheer trouser almost above all things.

And then we have former model and new America’s Got Talent Judge Tyra Banks.

Tyra has gone one better than Bianca because she has a lace suit! A double-breasted lace jacket is much use as mudguards on a tortoise and whilst Tyra has knickers on, the effect is of abundant pubes. Extra minus points for the purple lipstick and the ridiculous stance, like a toddler about to do a wee-wee.

She’s back! Readers’ favourite Nancy dell’Olio emerged from a period of obscurity, which frankly we were all enjoying, at an event in the National Portrait Gallery. Brace yourselves.

As you know, criticism is alien to WTF’s nature, but Nancy’s face is shinier than a snooker ball in floodlights at the Crucible. There seems to have been some interference with the workings of nature. As for the dress, it is an abomination.

By all means wrap yourself in a lace curtain if you must, but at least make sure it fits. The zip appears to have surrendered and the nude under-slip is short enough to make onlookers very worried.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is another example of the Death of Shame. WTF nominates Andy Coulson, the former editor of the News of the Screws, who did time inside for presiding over phone hacking. Now Coulson’s company is doing PR for The Telegraph papers and his main brief is thought to be to promote them as truthful and authoritative. Ye Gods. He’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. This has been another traumatic week and WTF needs your  comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go to keep her even vaguely sane. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, National TV Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Not Cowed Special

Hallo Readers,

It did not take long for the vultures to circle over the corpses left by the London terror attacks on Wednesday. It is an ill wind that blows nobody any good and in this case a notable profiteer was the despicable Katie Hopkins, laughably described last year by Donald Trump as a “respected columnist”. Hopkins is not a respected anything – her role in life is to insult, shock and offend, the media equivalent of urinating into someone’s drink in a public bar. For the past few years, pandering to the Neanderthals who lap this stuff up, Hopkins has attacked Muslims suggesting that they are, pretty much, to blame for everything bad that ever happened. When something bad happened to Muslims, namely being forced to flee from Syria and getting drowned en route, Hopkins wrote in The Sun that “Make no mistake, these migrants are like cockroaches. They might look a bit ‘Bob Geldof’s Ethiopia circa 1984’, but they are built to survive a nuclear bomb”.  Hopkins eventually left The Sun and found her spiritual home in the Mail Online where she has continued in similar vein. Only last year she cost the paper £150,000 when she suggested with no evidence of any kind, that Mohammed Tariq Mahmood and Mohammed Zadiq Mahmood, two British men removed unceremoniously from a Disneyland-bound flight by US authorities, were terrorists with links to Al Quaeda. WTF cannot be bothered to repeat the litany of Hopkins’ other outrages from the mouth and pen of this disgusting excuse for a human being because whatever she writes just makes your skin crawl.

Even before Wednesday’s assailant and his victims had been identified, Hopkins was at it again, tweeting “We are not united. Multiculturalism means we die together too”. She then appeared on Trump’s favourite channel Fox News talking to his lickspittle Tucker Carlson where she said of London and Londoners, “People are cowed. People are afraid. And people are not united.” Bullshit. Hopkins does not live in London but 200 miles away in leafy Devon. The truth is a wholly optional work tool and one she prefers to do without. Never mind that Londoners lived through the IRA bombings and the 2005 Tube and Bus Bombings and the murder of Lee Rigby and the small matter of the Blitz. Never mind that everyone got up yesterday and went to work and carried on in the usual way and will carry on carrying on in the usual way today and tomorrow and the day after that. Never mind that her tweets and column were greeted with universal scorn and derision.  If she can spew out poison in her column or on Fox to bemused Americans who think she knows something, she will be there like a rat up a drainpipe. Presumably Fox viewed Hopkins as an expert but then Fox viewed Judge Andrew Napolitano as an expert and look where that got them. (And him. Fox has buried him deeper than nuclear waste). The only expertise that Hopkins has is in being utterly vile. 

Not that she was alone. There was racist thug Tommy Robinson, erstwhile Head of the English Defence League, arriving at Westminster in record time to stir up hate and fear and to press for mass internment and deportations and ranting about Islam as a “fascist religion calling for murder in 110 verses”. And of course there was Nigel Farage, Trump’s arselicker-in-chief, quick to throw his hate, sorry, hat, into the ring, calling for stricter vetting of immigrants and refugees. Except that the late and unlamented Khalid Masood, né Adrian Elms, was born in Kent 52 years ago and so was neither an immigrant nor a refugee. WTF hopes that Masood rots in hell but he had as much right to be in the UK as Farage, who was also born in Kent 52 years ago. Yes, we have a serious problem in Britain and in Europe with Islamic Terrorism. But the likes of Farage and Hopkins are not providing the answers because they are too busy cosying up to Trump whilst furthering their job prospects. 

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Let us cheer ourselves up with the week’s sartorial sluice bucket starting with actress Mandy Moore, wearing Diane von Furstenburg.

WTF is mystified and then she is mystified some more. Those colours are really horrible together. Mandy seems to have based her look on Top Cat, minus the hat and whiskers.

Next up we have ghastly Z-lister, former TOWIE-person and giant pain in the arse Lauren Goodger on her way to visit her boyfriend in prison, wearing Finders Keepers.

Time was that visiting your boyfriend in chokey was not something you would want publicised but when you are a crap celebrity with nothing else to offer apart from your ever-changing weight issues, you have to make use of whatever you can. So it is that Lauren visited Joey Morrison, currently serving 16 years for violent drug-related crimes (he sounds like a real keeper), in full glare of the cameras and dressed for a July garden party in a giant folded tablecloth and grey over-the-knee boots, making her legs look like bandaged gangrene. Lauren – please go away.

Next up, we have model Suki Waterhouse, wearing Rasario.

This is like three separate dresses put together. The top third is lurex pixie, the middle third is Victorian bloomers and the bottom third is boudoir negligee. They have as much to do with each other as Nigel Farage and the Muslim Council of Great Britain.

Meet a newcomer to these pages, actress Naomi Scott at the premiere of her new movie Power Rangers, wearing Chanel. Chanel! 

No, sorry, WTF is not having this. Chanel!? This is a slip and a back to front apron. Mme Coco must be turning in her grave.

This is Kourtney Kardashian wearing rubbish trousers and a top by Yeezy, her brother-in-law’s clothing line.

How do you actually get these on? And why would you bother?

Bow down to Princess Caroline of Hanover at the Monaco Rose Ball, wearing Chanel.

There is whimsical. And there is wanky. She seems to be standing in a dogs-tooth polo neck behind a cardboard cutout of a design for the Ascot scene in My Fair Lady.

Finally, here is Sundy Carter, “star” of some rubbish called Basketball Wives of LA. Now to be fair, this was a 50 Shades of Filth-themed party but even so….This is a shoo-in for the Summer Stinker 2017 and ranks with Bobby Norris’ cocksock as one of the worst things WTF has ever seen, ever, in the history of ever.

WARNING – THIS IS REALLY, REALLY, BAD!!!

AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST WARNING!!!

There is not enough brain bleach in the world to erase this horrendousness from your memory. This is not clothes, not even at all. Be-ribboned Minge. Tattoo. Tits. Everything on view. And that’s the front. Here is the rear view. Literally. 

AND HERE IS A THIRD WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST AND SECOND WARNINGS!!!

WTF is against flashing your arse, period, but she is all in wonder why anyone would want to flash this particular arse, for which the word flabby has insufficient nuance. As for the blue lipstick, she looks like she is suffering from advanced cyanosis.

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This week’s It’s Got To is from WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney who is aghast at the return (for the awful TV charity marathon, Red Nose Day) of Love Actually,  directed by her bete noire Richard Curtis. Ayesha deplores the way that Curtis flogs English clichés to a US audience and the fact that nothing in his films resembles anything familiar from ordinary life. He is the Penny Dreadful of directors presenting his celluloid theme park with one eye on the US Box Office. It is all buttock-clenchingly mortifying says Ayesha and He’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. This week has been traumatic in so many ways. Keep your comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go flowing in and let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Westminster Attack, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Safe Space Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF happened upon a debate on The Daily Politics on BBC 2 yesterday lunchtime. It concerned freedom of speech at universities and the seeming urge of many students’ unions to ban anyone whose opinions they do not agree with. Not protest against. Ban. As in, you can’t come. On came a person called Kaite Welsh to defend this stance, in particular the call for bans on Germaine Greer and Julie Bindel from speaking because they had questioned whether trans women were really women and on Peter Tatchell from speaking because he had called on universities not to ban people from speaking – the so called no platforming policy. Welsh was all for it. It wasn’t censorship, she maintained – indeed, it was an example of freedom of speech because it represented the views of those who were opposed to having people with those views on their campuses. Andrew Neil, a former Rector of St Andrews University, pointed out that the issue was not whether what speakers said was right or wrong – it was whether both sides of the argument should be heard. Welsh was having none of it. It was, she said, saying no to bigotry, no to hatred. At which point, WTF considered putting her foot through the screen and only desisted because she wanted to catch up with the latest episode of Madam Secretary later and didn’t fancy a trip down the shops for a new TV.

You see, Readers, that is the problem with democracy. It isn’t just the ones who shout loudest that have a right to be heard. Or the ones in the majority. Or the ones you agree with. We are currently getting this with Brexit where anything said by the 48% who voted against leaving means that they are not only derided as “Remoaners” and “Traitors” but are not allowed to express any view at all. And the same, it seems, is true of university campuses. Do they support Zionism? Don’t let them speak! Do they question whether a trans woman cannot have the same shared history of women who have ovaries and periods and children?  Keep them away! Do they believe that abortion is wrong? Don’t let them have a stall at the Freshers Fair! It isn’t safe! They’re threatening my space! Ban them!

There are so many reasons why this is wrong. What about their rights? Why do your rights trump their rights? Why does your sense of what is right outweigh their right to say what may well be wrong? At what point did students assume the right not just to shout down those we oppose but to vaporise them from the campus altogether? What happens when the tables turn and those people start banning you? What happens when they object to someone’s headscarf or someone’s yarmulke because it makes them feel unsafe? If you are at university, are you really so feeble-minded that you cannot even countenance the existence of an alternative point of view? When did your safe space turn into an exclusion zone?

WTF’s mother was studying at university in Yassi in Romania in 1941. One day, the Iron Guard arrived, rounded up all the Jewish students, including her, threw their books out of the window, declared that they had all failed their exams and expelled the lot. That’s terrible, you cry (at least WTF hopes that you do). Now work out how many steps away there are between that and banning speakers because you don’t like their views. Then come back and talk about a safe space.

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We turn to the clothing cobblers of the week by way of light relief, starting with White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer conducting his scandalous press conference yesterday.

It was bad enough that Sean could not tell the difference between a tapp of Trump’s phone by Obama just before the election and a fucking lie. But to do it whilst painted as orange as an orange and in a stained, badly-tied green tie was beyond unacceptable.

This is singer  Rita Ora out and about in London, wearing Au Jour le Jour.

Rita is clearly modelling herself on Jon Snow in Games of Thrones. Only North of the Wall, it snows. And his legs were covered. 

 

Next up, we have ubiquitous model Heidi Klum at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards.

Heidi and Versace are a lethal combination at the best of times, but this was a kiddies’ event and it was therefore inappropriate for Heidi to go flashing her rib-cage (aptly named, given the bondage bodice) and vast expanses of thigh. Poor show. Or as The Donald would say, Sad!

Meet Australian actress and singer Maia Mitchell at the premiere of her new movie Hot Summer Nights, wearing Ports 1961.

This is just ugly. Ugly as in steaming-pile-of-poo-ugly. This appears to be constructed from worn-out chamois leathers discarded by the local carwash, but in fact it costs about $1,000.

Now we have singer Ellie Goulding at the launch of her collaboration with Deichmann shoes. The shoes are fine.

This look is a sort of eclectic fancy dress outfit where you go to a tarts and vicars party dressed as a bit of both. The ruffly sheer thing is pervy Aled Jones and the rest is just pervy.

Here is singer Hatty Keane at the London premiere of The Time of Their Lives, wearing Antonia Nae.

As they almost say in Parliament, the Naes do not have it. WTF is not a fan of the chainmail and is even less a fan of the furry Minge Mask resembling cascading pubes. It’s a Nae from me……

“Star” of Geordie Shore  Marnie Simpson, seen wearing something totally revolting by Fashion Nova. Careful now….

This thing costs £18 97 and Marnie has been overcharged. This is what you wear under skiwear and falls into the category of that is not even clothes. There is visible nipple activity and what are those bumps and lumps on her stomach? Has her colon broken loose? 

And finally we have Brazilian model and “pet adoption advocate” (whatever that may be) Ana Braga out and about in LA, wearing more pink, Louboutins and not a lot of top. CAREFUL HOW YOU GO WITH THIS ONE!!!!

WTF has seen some pointless garments in her time but this one has sped past pointless and ended up at WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK??? It can best be described as a boob bib with sleeves. Let us hope that Ana was not arrested by the cops and told to put her hands above her head or things could have got even more embarrassing. 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go was suggested separately by two outraged aficionados, The Justified Sinner and Lady Sumarumi, both of whom were in great indignation at these vile Topshop “Mom” jeans with plastic inset knees.


These jeans are like the masks they wear in movies when scientists come in looking for radioactive matter. They’re ugly. They’re stupid. They are, as Lady Sumarumi sagaciously observed, a pane. They’ve Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. As you can see, the justified text has been sorted out so WTF is happy again but not nearly as happy as she gets on reading your comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To GoLet us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in AACTA Awards, AMAs, amFAR, Anti-Semitism, ARIAS, Athletics drug scandal, Attitude Awards, BAFTA TV Awards, BAFTA TV Awards 2014, BAFTAs, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

The WTF Lies, Lies and More Lies Special

 

Hallo Readers,

Last Saturday at around 6 30 am, the President of the United States woke up, did whatever men of a certain age need to do when they wake up and then reached for his mobile phone, letting forth a series of inflammatory tweets. Most people expel their shit in the toilet. Trump expels his on Twitter.  This time, he accused his predecessor of tapping his phone the previous October. This was “Watergate!”, he raved. This was “McCarthyism!”, he told us. Obama was a “bad (or sick) guy”. Trump was so distraught about this flagrant assault upon his constitutional rights and upon democracy that an hour later he was busy taking a pop at Arnold Schwarzenegger for getting fired from The Apprentice.  That is the nature of the man. Unthinking. Uncontrolled. Unconcerned about the truth. Un-fucking-believable.

The world waited for something, anything, resembling evidence in support of his Obama allegations. And it is still waiting.  And will wait a very long time. Trump insists that the “wire tapp” did happen. The idiot cannot even bloody spell. The Deputy Press Secretary, motherhood-and-apple-pie-made-flesh Sarah Huckabee Sanders, appeared on the weekend talk show circuit and floated various turds across the bowl, none of which made any sense. She told us that the President was entitled to ask Congress to investigate his allegations because they had previously been aired by the Guardian and the BBC and the New York Times. This was untrue because none of those outlets alleged that Obama was personally involved in tapping Trump’s phone. That was spouted only by a crackpot AltRight shock-jock and crackpottier Alt-Right website, Brietbart. And when did the New York Times and the BBC stop peddling FAKE NEWS and start informing the President about stuff? Sanders also maintained that the President was entitled to know if the allegations were true, although he had already asserted and continues to assert that they were true.  Sanders was bad as in shockingly, mortifyingly, horribly, bad but then we got the actual Press Secretary Sean Spicer. According to Spicey, it was not appropriate for the President to provide Congress with actual proof of the allegations because of the “separation of powers”. On that logic, not that it is logic, Trump can accuse anyone of anything and then demand Congress waste time and resources investigating it without being providing even the most basic proof. The Clintons are in league with the Martians! Obama regularly rapes cats! John McCain was linked to the assassination of JFK…. Oh hang on. Sorry. According to Trump, that was Ted Cruz’s dad. And whilst we are on the subject, didn’t Trump promise to cut out unnecessary expenditure? Except the cost of flying his whole family down to Florida every weekend so that he can play golf. And except the cost of taking the Nation’s mind off actual and credible evidence of contacts between his team and Russia? The same Russia that leaked emails about Clinton so crucial to Trump’s electoral success. That Russia. 

Here’s the thing, Readers. Trump was elected to “drain the swamp” but the swamp is now filling up with poisonous snakes and all manner of effluent emanating from the Trump circus. Who cares if we said this? Now we are saying that. Why does it matter if we can’t substantiate a claim? Investigate it anyway. So what if our National Security Adviser and our Attorney-General lied about their contacts with Russia? We’ll just start a shit-storm to cover it up.  Never apologise. Never explain. It worked before, did it not? It took him years to admit that Obama was not born in Kenya, but his supporters still believe it because he kept telling them that it was true. Now they believe that Obama tapped his phone because Trump told them that it was true. How long will it take him to withdraw this canard? How is this any way to run a Government? How can this sleazy, thin-skinned, self-obsessed liar be President of anything, anywhere? And what the hell is America going to do about it?

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Talking of effluent, let us cheer ourselves up with the week’s sartorial shite, starting in London with ex-TOWIE person (and gymnast) Pascal Craymer, wearing who knows what.

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It is like the end of The Maltese Falcon when they take beautiful but dodgy Brigid O’Shaughnessy away in the lift, only Pascal is in her bra and panties, not a fur coat. 

 

To Germany and actress Nicole Kidman, wearing Gianbattista Valli.

You see Readers, you can be fully covered and still look dreadful. Nicole is a woman of mature years but is dressed in a $20,000 kiddies’ nightdress, like Wendy from Peter Pan.

 Singer Christina Milian wearing Rubin Singer.

Christina looks as if she is being squeezed out of both ends of a tube. WTF cannot but feel that she needed to take a size up.

Rapper Kent Jones wearing who knows what at the iHeart Radio Awards.

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Look, WTF knows that these are music awards but Kent looks like the man who has come to mend the boiler. WTF is also wondering how he manages to get in and out of the outfit, particularly at wee-wee time.

Singer Daya was also there, wearing Balmain.

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Daya has rehashed this horror, previously worn in a brown version by Jennifer Lopez. That one made JLo look as if she had rolled in pigshit. This one makes Daya look as if she has been spray-painted but the painters ran out of paint. Both versions are to be deplored but at least Jennifer’s hugged her curves. This one is hanging off Daya and looks ridiculous….

As was singer Halsey, wearing Versace.

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Er….love, you’re confused. That isn’t a top. That is a belt. It is supposed to go around your waist. It is not supposed to be wrapped around your tits with the perforations leaving indentations like the aftermath of a frenzied woodpecker attack.

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And finally from these Awards, model Hunter McGrady wearing  a mash-up of Chromat, Prabal Gurung for Lane Bryant and FTF.

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Hunter apparently threw this outfit together. WTF saw it and threw up. It can best be described as porno-dungeon-dominatrix whilst the bodice, if such it can be called, resembles a broken cage with a built-in bra.

To Paris and singer Nicki Minaj,  wearing a Mugler jacket and a pair of leather shorts by Givenchy. Mind how you go with this one!. Seriously!!

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Givenchy is not to blame and it is not often that you can say those particular words. The shorts are yummy. Mugler, however, is guilty as hell because had it produced a jacket with two sleeves rather than one, as is the usual practice, Nicki would not have succumbed to the urge to compensate for the asymmetry. She could have kept her tit inside her jacket, rather than whipping it out and sticking a nipple pasty on it like an ultra-shiny band-aid. She is also wearing ski-goggles, the purpose of which is not immediately apparent.

Do you know what, Readers? they are all so bad that we need a poll to decide on the worst.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is 0bvious –  Donald Trump’s mobile phone. See above. He has got to stop tweeting. It is not just embarrassing; it is an affront to probity. 

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do keep those comments coming in which keep WTF relatively cheerful in these very taxing times. And please do not forget to send your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To GoLet us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, iHeartRadio Music Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

WTF Oscars Debacle Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF is no fan of the House of Lords, an unelected ragbag of former politicians, academics, lawyers, arselickers, moneybags, ageing luvvies and people whose great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother had it off with Charles 11. The whole thing is undemocratic, even though many of them do an excellent job.  On a documentary aired this week on BBC 2, one peer described it as “the best daycare centre for the elderly in London”. Only usually you pay for care. In the House of Lords, they pay you, £300 a day whether you are there for ten minutes or ten hours. There is also an excellent selection of bars and restaurants at very competitive prices, all paid for by Tom and Tilly Tosser, the taxpayers. 

Be that howsoever as that may be, the House of Lords is part of Parliament and our Parliamentary system depends upon checks and balances. The Lords cannot stop a bill becoming law but they can delay it if they think the Government needs to reconsider it. Unlike the Commons, the peers care  less about party dictates because their peerages are irrevocable and they are not going anywhere. Once you’re in, you’re in. Like the Garrick, only with women members. 

Do you remember the Brexit campaign and all that stuff about Parliament being sovereign? Well, the House of Lords is part of that sovereign Parliament and the peers were doing their job when they blocked the Brexit  bill by insisting that the Government protect the EU nationals already living here and do not use them as a pawn in negotiations. People who have lived here for years, who have worked here, trained here, paid taxes here, married Britons, had British children, have been living in fear and trepidation since 23 June last year. How is this in any way the mark of a civilised nation? 358 peers decided that it was not and so the Brexit bill has to go back to the House of Commons for further consideration, despite Lord Tebbit enquiring “Why is everybody here today so excited about an amendment which looks after the foreigners and not the British?”. It’s called humanity, M’Lord. You should try it sometime.

Cue the traditional howls of outrage. The Daily Mail and the Daily Express went bonkers. Their readers (insofar as the Express has any readers) went completely bonkers. The Lords are traitors betraying the nation (er, they’re not). The Lords had no right to interfere, they thundered (er, they do). That is not their role (er, it is). They are unelected (well, that’s true). And then the old chestnut – the People Have Voted For Brexit! Can we please get this straight? The People did vote for Brexit by 52%-48%. But that is all they voted for. They did not vote on the timetable. They did not vote on the terms. They did not vote on the fate of those EU nationals living here or, for that matter, of those British nationals living there. And so WTF wishes that people who clearly have no grasp of the constitution, no grasp of the law (as witnessed by the preposterous reaction to the Court’s adjudication on the proper mechanism by which Brexit should be effected), who invoke the Sovereignty of Parliament only when it suits them just as they invoke the supremacy of the Courts only when it suits them, should please, please, please just stop shouting the odds and go and read a book about how our system works.

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Talking of institutions, we turn to our review of the Oscars fashion outrages, encompassing both the Red Carpet and the after-parties. Ryan Gosling was lucky to escape inclusion for his ridiculous bar mitzvah boy shirt, but let us start instead with Diva-de-luxe Mariah Carey, wearing Philipp Plein.

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Ouch! It is not just the impending nip-slip. It is the dress (which is lovely) which is slicing her boobs in half, like couture plastic surgery. Look!!!!!!!!

mariah-chest

Good grief. Is this some form of pervy Opus Dei? Has her boob been punctured like air oozing from a balloon? Either way, it is horrible to behold.

Singer Gabrielle Union, wearing Jean Paul Gaultier Couture.

She’s stunning. But this is another example of JPG’s tedious half crap, half different crap schtick. This one is half bikini and wrap, half evening gown, 100% seriously stupid.

Actor Alan Cumming, without whom no Awards ceremony blog would be complete.

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Alan omits no opportunity to flash his pasty Celtic calves. WTF is a great fan of cropped trousers but these are not so much cropped as truncated, and there is also great disapprobation for the Nehru coat-smock-and-boots combo. As for the hair, it is not so much tousled as tragic.

Actress Dakota Johnson, wearing Gucci.

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Obviously keen to get away from her raunchy fuck-me-sideways Fifty Shades of Filth character, Dakota turned up in Queen Victoria’s nightgown worn, inexplicably, with a matching fanny fan. And it’s creased. And her hair looks lank. Sack the stylist, stat!

Musician Mica Levi (aka Micachu). 

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This diarrhoea-coloured thing is quite possibly the worst suit WTF has ever seen. It’s the sort of getup you got as a demob suit in 1945 when everything else had run out and this was the only one left. Also those boots! This was the Oscars Red Carpet, not the Grand Canyon.

Actress Diane Kruger, wearing Minge Maestro Alexandre Vauthier.

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You know those Greek myths where maidens are turned into laurel trees and gods transform themselves into bulls? Well, in this version a goddess has transformed herself into a silken bed sheet with waterfall snatch scarf, perhaps to escape from Vauthier and other designers who think women should parade about like this.

Actor Jared Leto (of course) wearing Gucci (of course).

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He is wearing a dressing gown and a woolly hat. At a party. And white socks, which are a no-no anywhere, except at the gym or if you’re Michael Jackson. And trousers which have fallen out with his ankles. Ridiculous. Even for him.

Actress Janelle Monae, wearing Elie Saab.

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It’s so BIG. How did she get through the door? She must have come in sideways. And it’s so TITSY…..

THE OSCARS(r) - The 89th Oscars(r) broadcasts live on Oscar(r) SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2017, on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Tyler Golden) JANELLE MONAE

It is beautifully made, yes, but it is far too Marie Antoinette and her chest is under attack from all manner of little feathered creatures having a nibble.

And of course there were the minge-flashers. There always are, those who otherwise would languish in obscurity. Like model Tanya Mityushina, wearing something even more titsy by Rani Zakhem.

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Tits. Bellybutton. Minge Moment. Just go away.

And socialite Lady Victoria Hervey, wearing Julia Clancey.

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This is a lace crotch curtain worn, inexplicably, with white panties.

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Where is Robespierre when you need him?

And finally actress Blanca Blanco, in a dress of her own design. Careful now….

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Blanca flashed her side-vag at the camera and then did that thing where you pretend that you had absolutely no idea it would happen. Like there was any other feasible outcome with a hip-high slit. Nice try, love.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is nominated by Jen from Fulham who is unimpressed with Martha Luis and Brian Cullinan, the PWC partners who charged the Academy Awards loads of money to supervise the voting process and the ceremony. Why do they even need accountants? You could count the votes on your kitchen table and perhaps a minion more used to be around movie stars would have been less star-struck than Cullinan, who was so busy perving up over Emma Stone that he handed Warren Beatty the wrong envelope to open for Best Movie. As that was the last award of the night, it was hardly complicated. Luis seems less culpable but has been blamed for allowing three minutes and several speeches to elapse before the producers of La La Land were forced to hand over the statuette to its rightful owners. I mean, it isn’t rocket science, is it? On the other hand, today’s news that they now have to have bodyguards after death threats on Twitter shows what a nasty society we have become.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep commenting and suggesting nominations for It’s Got to Go.  WTF is troubled, what with Trump and Brexit and everything and she needs your support.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Oscars, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF By-Election Special

Hallo Readers, 

A man goes back to the doctor, who tells him that there is good news and bad news. The good news, he says, is that the man has a day to live. The man is stunned. “What’s the bad news?”, he asks. The doctor replies “I forgot to call you yesterday”. And that, Readers, is Labour under Jeremy Corbyn. The good news is that Labour saw off UKIP Leader, fantasist Paul Nuttall, in the Stoke-on-Trent Central by-election, on a very low turnout of 38%. The bad news is that it lost the admittedly marginal seat of Copeland, the first time the Opposition has lost a seat to the sitting government in over half a century.

Labour was lucky to be up against such a hapless cretin as Nuttall, a man who struggles to distinguish the truth from a steaming bucket of shit. Over the years, he has claimed to have been a professional footballer, when he wasn’t; has claimed to have a PhD, when he didn’t; and claimed to live at 65 Oxford Street, Stoke on his nomination form when he lived in Bootle. The Stoke property had been rented only the day before he filled in the form and he himself had never even seen it. Then he was caught out again. His website claimed that he had lost close friends at Hillsborough. Not a close friend, singular. Close friends, plural. Except that he hadn’t. In an interview last week, Nuttall admitted that he hadn’t lost one close friend, let alone more than one, although “I lost people I knew”. As Lady Bracknell nearly remarked, to not lose one close friend may be regarded as a misfortune. Not to lose two looks like carelessness. The blame was shifted onto a hapless Press Officer instead. He still claims that he had been at Hillsborough on that fateful day in 1989 and has the audacity to be affronted when questioned about it.  Scousers cannot lie about Hillsborough. They just can’t.  In the same week, his Immigration Spokesman tweeted a cartoon with the slogan “If you want a jihadi for a neighbour, vote Labour”, echoing the infamous 1965  campaign in Smethwick when the Tory candidate was elected on the slogan “If you want a n****r for a neighbour, vote Labour.” UKIP had claimed that it would storm the old Labour heartlands, especially Stoke where 69% had voted for Brexit. Like Nuttall’s other claims, it proved to be false.

The Labour candidate in Copeland (who shamefully left the Hall after the result without making a speech) is a volunteer for the St. John’s Ambulance Brigade. After coming second to the Tories in a seat which had voted Red since 1935, it is time to apply the Heimlich Manoeuvre  and some  mouth-to-mouth resuscitation both to her and to the Party, because this is as bad as it gets. Corbyn immediately put out a statement blaming the failed political discourse but it is his discourse that is failing. For the past year he has been talking to himself and his supporters and mistaking their evangelical support for national support. But, as yesterday showed, national support ain’t there. Labour should have walked Stoke, and with another UKIP candidate, it might have done much worse. Labour should have held Copeland, but it didn’t. In both cases, the by-elections had been prompted by resignations of disaffected Labour MP’s who bailed out rather than put up with Corbyn, and constituents do not like unnecessary by-elections and having to schlep out to vote on a wet and windy day, let alone in the middle of Storm Doris. But losing Copeland is not just the equivalent of dropping the ball – it is being unable even to spot where the bloody ball has gone. Corbyn doesn’t look like a Leader. He doesn’t sound like a Leader. He isn’t a Leader. He is unelectable and He’s Got To Go. 

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Time to distract ourselves with silly sartorial choices, starting at the Naked Heart Foundation Gala and designer Joshua Kane, wearing himself.

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Charles 11 meets Victorian whimsy meets Bertie Wooster’s spats. Ugh.

And then there was excellent actress Kristen Scott Thomas, wearing Fendi.

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She looks barking mad like the spiritualist Madame Arcati in Blithe Spirit.

BLITHE SPIRIT by Coward, , writer - Noel Coward, Directer - Michael Blakemore, Gielgud theatre, 2014, Credit: Johan Persson/

The jumpsuit evokes the sort of cheap duvet cover you buy at ASDA’s Home Department and there is more clutter than your ancient auntie’s basement.

Here we are in London at the BRIT Awards and singer Rita Ora wearing Minge Maestro Alexandre Vauthier.

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No, no, no. Rita is dressed like a GI in drag who has gone mouldy. The groin garland is particularly offensive. Although not nearly nearly as offensive as the “OMG-I’ve-just-been-caught-in-a-downpour-OMG” hair.

And this is stylist Kyle De’volle, wearing Vivienne Westwood.

 kyle-devolleIf there is one thing WTF Absolutely Cannot Bloody Stand, it is Concentration Camp Chic. Like this. As The Donald would say, “Sad!” Not to mention, “Tasteless!”

And now three women dressed in feathers. As far as WTF is concerned, they all deserve the bird. First, we have X Factor winner Louisa Johnson, wearing Barrus.

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She  looks as if she has trampled over an eagle’s nest. Meanwhile, pink hair doesn’t even look good on a troll and they’re meant to be weird…..

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And ditto with knobs on for model Nadia Vodianova, wearing Givenchy.

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A scrawny pink budgie on stilts with built-in Minge Moment and wings. Why?Here is one of WTF’s favourite rules. If it looks shit on a supermodel, then it is probably is.

All four members of the band Little Mix looked dreadful. They cannot grasp that it is not mandatory to flash everything all the time. Or at all. This is one half, Perrie Edwards and Jade Thirlwall.

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 22: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY) (L-R) Jesy Nelson, Leigh-Anne Pinnock, Perrie Edwards and Jade Thirlwall of Little Mix attend The BRIT Awards 2017 at The O2 Arena on February 22, 2017 in London, England. (Photo by Mike Marsland/Mike Marsland/WireImage)

Perrie has also gone down the feathery route and has conical tits made from hubcaps, a veritable Black Swan as envisaged by an SS choreographer. Jade is wearing a crumpled sheet and is trying hard to show us that she is not wearing panties. 

And here is the other half of the band, Jesy Nelson and Leigh-Anne Pinnock.

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 22: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY) (L-R) Jesy Nelson, Leigh-Anne Pinnock, Perrie Edwards and Jade Thirlwall of Little Mix attend The BRIT Awards 2017 at The O2 Arena on February 22, 2017 in London, England. (Photo by Mike Marsland/Mike Marsland/WireImage)

Jesy has put a zip in an armchair and worn it as a dress. Leigh-Anne has also gone for conical tits, like a couple of tiny denim sombreros, and the rest of her ensemble is not so much distressed as distressing.

This is model Eliza Cummings wearing Giles Deacon.

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If Lady Mary from Downton Abbey went to a fancy dress party as a transgender Toad of Toad Hall, this is what she would look like.

We move on to the L’Oréal and Vanity Fair Young Hollywood Event and Modern Family star Ariel Winter, wearing house of CB.

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This falls squarely into the category of “not even clothes”. A tit truss swimsuit and matching sarong may be fine at the pool. But not at a gala. 

Finally, this is Westworld actress Angela Sarafyan, wearing Celia Kritharioti.

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Why is this even a thing? She looks as though she has been run over by a line-painting truck.

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Jeremy Corbyn. See above.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Next week will be an Oscars Special. In the meantime, keep commenting and suggesting nominations for It’s Got to Go. Let us meet again this Friday. Be good x

Posted in Brexit, Brits, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Naked Heart Foundation, Politics, UKIP, Uncategorized, Vanity Fair Young Hollywood, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

WTF Super-Mega-Gigantic Awards Special

Hallo Readers,

It has been the sort of week that made WTF want to poke out her eyes with chopsticks before setting about her ears with a rusty knife. Yes, losing one ear was good enough for Van Gogh but that would still leave WTF with another one to catch the relentless flow of rubbish, mendacity and ignorance emanating from across the Atlantic. Drastic action is required.

The Trump regime goes from bad to worse to bloody unbelievable. Last Sunday saw us subjected to dead-eyed automaton Stephen Miller, Trump’s Senior Advisor and the love child of Frankenstein and Elena Ceausescu, who appeared on virtually every US political programme to indoctrinate the masses with his shouty bullshit. “It is a fact  – and you will not deny it – that there are massive numbers of non-citizens in this country who are registered to vote”. Except that it is not a fact and no one has ever adduced any evidence of it being a fact, save to assert that it is a fact, which does not make it a fact. Not even at all. By the way, the purpose of this is to explain why Trump lost New Hampshire. And listen to this one. “Our opponents, the media, and the whole world will soon see as we begin to take further actions, that the powers of the President to protect our country are very substantial and will not be questioned”. Forget the Constitution. Forget the Courts. Kim Don-Un will not be questioned.

The Glorious Leader spent the week tweeting about the dishonest Media which had forced the departure of his former defence advisor who, depending on who you asked and what day you asked about it, either insisted on resigning, was asked to resign or was fired. General Flynn, who makes Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now look like Gandhi, had spoken to Moscow about lifting Obama’s sanctions on Russia even before Kim Don-Un became President. Not that Flynn had done anything wrong, you understand; he had just forgotten to mention it to the Vice-President, you know, even though the Vice President was appearing on TV and telling everyone that discussions with Moscow never took place. Even on his own story, the Attorney-General brought this matter to the Presidential attention in January but the President didn’t tell the Vice President either. Maybe he should sack himself. The Intelligence Services were also excoriated for leaking classified information, which simultaneously was also Fake News. So the information was Fake and True and Classified but Flynn was only dismissed when the Media got hold of the story. I trust that’s clear.  

Yesterday saw a Press Conference which was, without question, the maddest thing ever in the history of ever. Having deplored Fake News, The Glorious Leader spread some of his own, namely that he had got the highest number of electoral college votes since Reagan. When it was pointed out to him that Obama had got more, he said he meant Republican Presidents. When he was then told that George H Bush had got more, he said he was just repeating the information given to him and he had also seen it somewhere. (Probably in his dreams, together with the 1.5 million people at his inauguration and the illegals pouring into New Hampshire to vote for Clinton). He batted away questions about his staff’s dealings with Russia as “a ruse” and insisted that the only thing Flynn had done wrong was in not telling the Vice President. “I’ve watched various programs and I’ve read various articles where he was just doing his job.” He also explained “You know what uranium is? It’s this thing called nuclear weapons, and other things, like lots of things are done with uranium, including some bad things”. Doubtless this came as a surprise to those who thought uranium was a good thing. Thank goodness he warned us.

In other news, his travel ban (not that it was ban) had a smooth roll-out and his administration, the one that is leaking like a leaky sieve with extra leaks and currently subject to a court injunction, is “running like a fine tuned machine”.  Frankly, the only fine tuned machine he should be thinking about is an ambulance speeding him to a secluded spot where the Nation’s top psychiatrists, psychotherapists and behavioural psychologists can try and figure out what the fuck he was talking about. Until then, it is all aboard the fast canoe to shit creek. Don’t bring your paddle.

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We absolutely need cheering up.  Let us turn to a Baker’s Dozen of the week’s worst sartorial shite, starting at the BAFTAS with actress Anya Taylor-Joy, wearing Gucci.

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Sorry, Anna. This is just a glorified loo-roll cover with added whimsy.

This is French singer Heloise Letissier aka Christine And the Queens, wearing Lanvin.

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Inspired by a stick of liquorice, tailored by Charlie Chaplin, a shirt that shrank in the wash and a train with a concentration camp print. Worn with army boots. Lanvin is taking the piss. In fact, there is more piss than in a pub pissoir at closing time.

Next up is Irish actress Caitriona Balfe, wearing Valentino.

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WTF does not even know what this is. It seems to be a patchwork of randomly – coloured thermal vests worn over a pleated sweet wrapper. Valentino? Really?

To the Grammys, where horror was in great abundance. We begin with singer Nicole Scherzinger at a pre-Grammys party, wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello. 

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She looks as though someone ran her over with a truck. Get that Northern Irish bloke from Silent Witness onto those tyre marks!

Singer Halsey is appearing for the second week running, this time wearing Christian Wijnants.

halsey

The colour is good but this is just an oversized tracksuit with tit tape. The buttons have fallen off the jacket, the camisole was never on in the first place and the trousers belong to Giant Haystacks.

Meet actress Rose McGowan and her boyfriend Boots. 

rose

Boots looks like a poodle with distemper and he would be well advised to invest in a comb. Rose has come straight from an S&M party and someone seems to have thrown a pot of gold paint over her hair.

Meet musician and producer George Clinton, pictured with Carlon Thompson-Clinton (who looks good).

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First question. Why he is wearing a bathrobe? Second question. What on earth is that thing on his head?

George Clinton arrives at the 59th annual Grammy Awards at the Staples Center on Sunday, Feb. 12, 2017, in Los Angeles. (Photo by Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP)

On closer inspection, it appears to be a metallic chauffeur’s cap with spikes. Is it for head-butting parking attendants when they hove into view?  

Of course Lady Gaga was there, wearing a jacket and shorts by Alex Ulichny.

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WTF uses the word wearing” loosely. There is cropped, there is bolero and there is tit-baring. Meanwhile, the boots are positively death-defying. It would be safer trying to walk a high wire between skyscrapers….

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This is serial offender  Jacqueline von Bierk, wearing Andre Soriano. 

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Younger Readers, those shiny things on her dress are called CDs, which is how we used to listen to music before iTunes. Jacqueline is a mouldy CD Pixie, complete with wings and green hair. 

Now we have Australian model Nicole Trunfio, wearing Zuhair Murad.

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Zuhair Murad has dressed Nicole in a puce muff ruff, putting onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment. 

And here is another serial offender, Joy Villa, also wearing Andre Soriano. 

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Last year Joy came dressed as a fence. This year, she is not sitting on it.

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Joy wants us to “see [Trump] over the politics”, which appears to be her justification for dressing as an Alt-Right wet dream. 

Next up is singer Girl Crush, who describes herself as “LA’s newest pop tart”. 

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Never mind tart, she looks like a mermaid popping out of a cupcake.

And there is more, like singer CeeLo Green.

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It later emerged that CeeLo was wearing a costume for his new alter ego, Gnarly Davidson. WTF can only observe that if his intention was to look like a knob, he more than succeeded.

Finally, artfully combining the Grammys and It’s Got To Go, this is rapper Lil Yachty and his $35,000 jewelled teeth commissioned specially for the occasion. 

lil-yachty

There is no nice way to say this. He looks like a twat with more money than sense. $35,000 on jewelled teeth? They resemble a mouthful of Skittles. And he is dressed like a 19th century Riverboat Gambler. He, his droopy bow tie and his teeth have all Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Last week there were only a few comments and you know how that upsets WTF no end. Where is your humanity? Put some effort in and send in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go whilst you’re at it.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in BAFTAs, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Grammys, Politics, Stephen Miller, UKIP, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments