WTF Trump Telephone Special

 Hallo Readers, 

When Donald J Trump was elected President, some people still hoped for a Damascene conversion to something more thoughtful, more measured, less mendacious, that he would be guided by the knowledge, wisdom and experience of his advisers. Yes, they were really that stupid. Of course, there was no Damascene conversion. Trump has not even flown over the road to Damascus on his way to another weekend of golf. And the morons and bigots who voted for him would not want it any other way. As Barry White sang, “Don’t go changing….I love you just the way you are”. They love him for being a narcissist devoid of compassion, a bully and a pathological liar.

On 4 October, four US soldiers were killed in Niger. As Commander in Chief, a President, any President, is required to write or phone or meet Gold Star Families, to thank them for the service and bravery of their loved one and to say a few words of comfort. But this bloated, draft-dodging braggart, a man who boasted that his personal Vietnam had been in avoiding the clap, did not contact the families or even refer to them in his daily tsunami of tweets. On Monday he was asked why, at which point he did what he always does. He made it all about him and he lied. He said he had written letters that weekend which were, or shortly would be, in the post and would call when it was appropriate   He said Obama had not telephoned Gold Star Families whereas he, Trump, always both wrote and telephoned. before admitting that he did not actually know what past Presidents had done. He then told us how upsetting these phone calls were for him. Who knew talking to bereaved families could be so hard? 

On Tuesday, Trump called Myeshia Johnson, the pregnant widow of Sgt La David Johnson, whilst she was in a car taking her, her two children, her husband’s mother Cowanda Jones-Johnson and a family friend, Rep Frederica Wilson, to Miami airport to meet the coffin. On Wednesday, Rep. Wilson publicly criticised that call. She said Trump had told Mrs Johnson “..that’s what he signed up for but I guess it hurts anyway”. Even worse, he had not mentioned Sgt Johnson by name. The Cretin-in-Chief immediately accused the “Democrat Congresswoman” of “fabricating” her account. Rep Wilson stood by her story, which was confirmed by Mrs Jones-Johnson and by another passenger in the car. Trump again denied it, claiming he had “a very nice conversation” with “the woman, the wife”, probably because he had no fucking idea what her name was. Only Trump could claim to have had “a very nice conversation’ with a sobbing widow on her way to receive her husband’s coffin, but then this is the man who told homeless Puerto Ricans to “have a good time” and threw paper towels at them like chucking fish to seals at feeding time.

We now know Trump did refer to Sgt Johnson as “your guy” and not by his name. This was confirmed by Comical Ali in drag, Sarah Sanders. We know that he said, “he knew what he signed up for”. This was confirmed by General Kelly, who was supposed to be the “proof” that this was not said. Rep. Wilson and Mrs Jones-Johnson were therefore not lying but no one will ever apologise to them. Instead Trump, Sanders, Kelly and the rabid Trumpers attacked her for “politicising” the call. Kelly, who is now Trump’s gatekeeper, said he was stunned by “that woman” reporting on a private conversation between the President and a young wife (in which case, why was he listening to it and did Mrs Johnson know he was?) and that Trump had tried to comfort the family “in the best way he could”. (In other words, Trump had completely screwed it up). The point is not that Rep Wilson listened to the conversation and then talked about it. The point is that Trump lied about Obama’s past practice to cover his own dereliction of duty and then lied about Rep Wilson and, by implication, about Mrs Jones-Johnson, to cover up the inadequacy of his call. (He has not contacted every Gold Star family either – another lie). Do you think Trump and Kelly would have been outraged if Rep Wilson had praised his warmth and compassion during that call?

Attacking Gold Star families is getting to be a bit of a habit. And what do Rep Wilson, Mrs Jones-Johnson and the Muslim family Gazir and Ghazala Khan whom Trump attacked last year all have in common? They are not white.  It is a wonder Trump could restrain himself from using the word “uppity”.

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Let us start our review of the week’s clothing crapulence with singer Paloma Faith at the Q Awards in London.

We haven’t seen Paloma on these pages for quite a while but this horror is more than worthy of inclusion. Why would a grown woman want to go out and about dressed as a stick of rock? And where are her feet?

But Readers! That is not even the worst of it. She is wearing gold lip rings.

Some of us who have heard Paloma warbling away over the years might well have wanted her to to keep quiet. But not by stapling her lips together, which is just horrible.

To the AmFAR gala in Los Angeles and artist Romero Britto. His suit is very shiny.

WTF does not like a shiny suit, especially when it is worn with ill-fitting trousers with some unfortunate colour shading in the crotch area, suggesting leakage. And those bejewelled sneakers!

Next up, we have singer Rihanna wearing items from her new range, Fenty x Puma.

The top half of this ensemble is inspired by a Scottish serving wench from Braveheart whilst the bottom half is a homage to the historic moment when Neil Armstrong first set foot on the moon. All Rihanna needs is an upturned fishbowl on her head to complete the look…..

We call in at the at the Elle Women in Hollywood Awards and meet actress Juliette Lewis wearing Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood.

This is the lovechild of a Spanish Flamenco dancer and a Christmas Bacofoil Centurion. Olé!

Actress Kristen Stewart was also Elle’s guest, wearing Antonio Beradi instead of her usual Chanel.

Love the shoes. Quite like the trousers. Could even have lived with the bralet. But that jacket is an It’s Got To Go all on its own with the ubiquitous cold-shoulder that is not actually bare but held together by a pair of old tights.

Actress Nicole Kidman accompanied her husband singer Keith Urban to the CMT Artists Awards in Nashville,  wearing Versace.

Here is a WTF rule. No one looks good in vaginal pink velvet, not even when the dress is nicer than this one. 

Finally, to the TIDAL Benefit in Los Angeles where we encounter rapper Remy Ma, wearing a Jennifer Le fur jacket and Fendi furri bootees. Oh, and her underwear…

Fur has come back as an actual thing after years in the fashion wilderness. WTF confesses to having hung on to her late mother’s mink coat from the 1970’s which she wore to the funeral by way of homage (plus it was a very cold day). But the point of fur is to keep you warm, not to wear it with everything else hanging out and stupid bootees like a polar bear’s paws.

 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sue Peters, who has raised her pet hate, namely the use of adjectives as nouns, such as `My Bad` or`Feed my Funny` (used by the BBC) or `Feed your happy` which has its own website or even ‘Find my Happy’.  It’s bollocks. It’s offensive. It’s twee. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF values them like anything.  And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

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Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, CMT Music Awards 2017, Donald Trump, Elle Women in Hollywood, General Kelly, Politics, racism, Rep Frederica Wilson, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Weinstein Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF never knew that onanism with an ornamental plant was an actual thing, whether with or without others present. It certainly gives a new meaning to the word tosspot. Be that as it may, it is more evidence that Harvey Weinstein is a pig who should probably be in jail and should certainly be cast out of public life, a serial sex pest who harassed and sexually assaulted (and allegedly raped) women. Now we know his MO. Get a young woman up to your hotel suite on some pretext. Expose your fat, hairy body and a stiff schlong. Position yourself between the intimidated woman and the exit whilst demanding that she massage you or  watch you shower or pleasure you. Make it clear that a refusal will damage her career. If she tries to leave, chase her round the room, balls bouncing. Or she may agree because she is overwhelmed or does not think she can overpower your 6 foot, 300 lb. frame or is frightened for her career. Either way, for you it is not about sex but about power and humiliation. Weinstein liked humiliating people, whether by masturbating in front of women in private or by shouting and screaming at men in public. Now he is the one left humiliated – exposed by his accusers, abandoned by his wife, shunned by his colleagues, sacked by his company and denounced by one and all.  The grimmest joke is that the man now putting the whine into Weinstein insists that he ‘respects women’. Of course he doesn’t. He was just exercising his film mogul’s droit de seigneur

There has been a nauseating outbreak of faux-outrage on all sides, a political game of ‘your sex pest is worse than our sex pest’. The Republicans attacked the Democrats and their thespian supporters for not rushing to condemn Weinstein. Donna Karan indicated that women might have asked for it by the way they dress (and then swiftly recanted). The Clintons and the Obamas were certainly far too slow to speak out, as were some major stars and Bill Clinton is undoubtedly  as sleazy as fuck. But the complaints against them came from the same Republicans who staunchly defended Roger Ailes and Bill O’Reilly at Fox News against very similar allegations, the same Republicans whose President laughingly confessed on tape to sexually assaulting women and as regards whom 15 women have gone public. Donald Trump Jr, that boil on the bum of society, mocked Hillary Clinton’s links to Weinstein, despite his own father’s revolting conduct. One hardly knew whom to despise first.

But it was not just what did the Clintons and the Obamas know and when did they know it. Many people obviously did know about Weinstein. The assistants who set up the hotel meetings. The Ray Donovan types who hushed it up.  The Hollywood moguls and major movie stars who shrugged it off as ‘well, that’s Harvey’. The journalists who traded their silence about Weinstein in exchange for juicy stories about someone else. The lawyers who negotiated the pay-offs and the company officials who authorised them – in Weinstein’s case, eight of them. Eight! But still he carried on running the companies and everyone let him carry on.  Just as Fox News settled the claims against Ailes and O’Reilly. The industry regards women as commodities who are only there to flash their bits. It takes real guts to be a whistleblower in any workplace but even more where the giant corporations and the multi-millionaires have the means, the contacts and the power to crush troublemakers or to buy their silence, knowing who is deemed more valuable to the organisation. The first women to speak out this week opened the doors for others to do so. But to blame these women for having stayed silent for so long is just one more assault on them in a La La Land where sexism is rife, dinosaur are still in charge and many prefer to look the other way and cash the cheques.

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We start our review of the week’s atrocious attire at a Royal Wedding in Belgrade last Saturday. WTF loves a Royal Wedding, even where the Royals in question are no longer occupying a throne. Remember Prince Ernst of Hanover’s terrible trousers? Well here is another stinker, as worn by Danica Marikovic at her wedding to Prince Philip of Serbia. The bride is wearing Roksanda Illinic.

Love the crowns but that mishmash of a hospital gown and a sumo wrestler’s kimono is by Roksanda Illinic? Seriously? It simply does not fit anywhere, particularly around the chest, as this picture of the happy couple amply demonstrates.

Here is actress Ruth Wilson at the London Film Festival, wearing Dior.

Yes, those giant Dior panties are back again. Will they never go away? The sweater is cute but the skirt is just a kiddies’ shower curtain with a zip.

And now some shocking super-shockers from the BET Hip Hop Awards in Miami Beach, starting with chart-topping rapper Cardi B, wearing Lauren DeWitt.

This is not so much Lauren DeWitt as Lauren HalfWitt, not to mention Cardi HalfNipple. Plastic protuberances pretending to be tits, genitalia curtains, it is all there. Cardi B used to be an exotic dancer and sadly she is still dressing like one.

Next up, we have lyricist and singer Jazz Anderson, wearing Ashton Michael.

The pink is marking Breast Cancer Awareness, which is Good. But the combat jacket and frayed Robinson Crusoe trousers are Bad. Very Bad.

Nearly as bad as that completely baffling crotch, the female equivalent of elephant vagina syndrome as pioneered by designer Thom Browne.

Meet a rapper called Plies.

WTF has a sneaking admiration for the coat. But not when it is worn with that hat and without a shirt. And this is yet another example of terrible men’s trousers – these ones are folding everywhere with more angles than a Jenga Tower. 

Two hip hop artistes hit the Red Carpet in the same TLZ L’FEMME skirt. Well, I say skirt. First there was  Brianna Perry.


 

And then there was Premadonna in a white version with black lacing and $10,000 St Laurent boots.

That is not a skirt. That is an assortment of large laundry labels tied together with string. And just think of the indentations….

And finally we have a person called Keyshia Ka’oir, the fiancée of rapper Gucci Mane.  She is “wearing” Gucci and the same St Laurent boots. Careful now. You thought Brianna and Premadonna were bad? Wait until you clock this one….

For a Plus One, she seems a trifle underdressed. Why would you wear a chain mail bodysuit? Meanwhile, WTF is going to take a punt here and suggest that those tits are not natural. In fact they are the most unnatural-looking tits she has seen for quite a while, like a pair of Puerto Rican maracas separated from their handles.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from Martyn from Isleworth, West London, who is most exercised about Theresa May’s Vivienne Westwood jacket. 

Martyn’s point is that the jacket is a metaphor for the woman herself – confused and ill-fitting. It is as if she could not decide what shade to wear and so wore this Joseph-and-his-jacket-of-many-tweedy-colours so as to avoid making a decision. WTF agrees and would add that wearing Vivienne Westwood or those saucy shoes May favours or both is her way of trying to tell us that she may seem stupefyingly dull but actually she has this fun, wild side. Except that we know she doesn’t. And this jacket has Got To Go

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF values them like anything.  And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

Posted in BET Hip-Hop Awards, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Harvey Weinstein, Hillary Clinton, Politics, sexism, Theresa May, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Theresa May Special

Hallo Readers, 

As Claudius remarked in Hamlet, “Gertrude, Gertrude, When sorrows come, they come not single spiesBut in battalions”. Claudius must have had Theresa May in mind, although in her case, sorrows have come in armies the size of Russia’s and China’s combined. First she called a General Election that wiped out her majority, the worst public decision since Prince Oberyn Martell fannied about in his trial by combat against Ser Gregor in Game of Thrones and got his skull crushed and his eyes popped out. Then on Wednesday she made the speech from hell to the Tory Party Conference in Manchester. A “prankster” (read “tosspot” and as funny as an outbreak of haemorrhoids) interrupted her speech to hand her a P45, allegedly on behalf of Boris Johnson. She then had a sustained fit of coughing last seen when Mimi pegs out in Act Four of La Bohème. And the backdrop, bearing the words “Building A Country That Works For Everyone”, which had held up all week despite the gallons of guff and hot air emanating from the podium, suddenly succumbed to Brewer’s Droop with letters falling gently to ground like autumn leaves. One can but be thankful that the “o” stayed up in “Country” .

Mrs Maybe soldiered on in that dully determined way of hers. To her credit, she did not run away or have an attack of the vapours. But it did nothing to improve her image as a dead duck quacking. Her interviews throughout the week were punctured with braying laughter, faux-cheeriness and an insistence that her party was united, which everyone knew to be Fake News. Even had her speech been delivered in a voice as mellifluous as a BBC newsreader, it would still have been more uninspiring than a glass of prune juice. The electorate do not like her. Her Party do not trust her. The  Brexiteers suspect her of a sell-out. Her Cabinet is sharpening the knives. And now, a former Chair of the Party is openly calling for her to fall on her sword.  In short, it has all gone totally tits up.

But you can say this for Mrs Maybe. She is all that stands between us and bloated buffoon Boris Johnson, a man as fit to be our chief diplomat as Donald Trump is to man the phone for the Samaritans. On Sunday, Johnson again undercut the Prime Minister by setting out his own “red lines” for Brexit, prompting further calls for his dismissal. On Tuesday, he made a stirring Conference speech urging Britain to embrace leaving the EU and to “Let the Lion Roar”. It was more Katy Perry than Winston Churchill but it seems to go down well in the Hall, only for Boris to blot his copybook within hours by referring to Sirte in Libya as the next Dubai, adding “The only thing they’ve got to do is clear the dead bodies away and then we’ll be there.” The man is a liar, an oaf and a liability. But who else is there in the oasis of mediocrity and incompetence that is today’s Tory Government? If Mrs Maybe looks like the best option, you know that we are all doomed. Maybe that “o” dropping out of country would have been appropriate after all……

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Let us begin our perusal of the week’s preposterous clothing, starting with last week’s effort by a Dior-clad Melania Trump in Toronto, hobnobbing with Prince Harry at the Invictus Games.

Dior has achieved the impossible and made Melania look chubby. Which she is not. So was this a diplomatic attempt to curry favour with HRH by donning the deer-stalking clobber so beloved by his father and brother? All she needed was the matching cap.

Here we are in New York and actress Zosia Mamet at the launch of the Leopard, Leopard Pop-Up Shop.

Zosia has turned The Jungle Book into a one-woman show. And it is bad.

To Paris Fashion Week and celebrity son  Jaden Smith wearing Louis Vuitton.

He looks like a logo’ed knob. That is all there is to say about Jaden. Except “just go away”. 

Still in Paris, we have model  Karlie Kloss wearing an Adam Selman suit and Robert Clergerie boots.

Karlie is a leggy grasshopper in pyjamas. It may be the angle but she seems to have the knobbliest knees in the history of patellae. And why show off your bra when there is so little in it to show?

Next we have supermodel-as-was Claudia Schiffer, wearing Acquazurra.

This foul concoction is what you get when you throw an Austrian blind, a bathmat and a fishing net into a washing machine with a needle and thread. Claudia designed the boots. As Readers will know, WTF hates a peep-toe boot almost above all things. Especially these ones…

During the week, WTF aficionado Pete Clark, alias @creativeblock_, waxed wroth about Chanel’s new collection and in particular, their plastic boots seen on the runway as modelled by 16-year-old  Kaia Gerber.

That stomach is not so much flat as concave, the outfit is a nonsense and the makeup is tragic. But the boots! What the fuck are those boots? They are like the plastic sheaths you are given in department stores and museums to wrap your sodden brolly and avoid dripping everywhere. However, the image that struck WTF was that of Mark Addy in The Full Monty sitting in his shed wrapped in cling film in an effort to lose weight.

Still in Paris, this is Swedish fashion blogger BryanBoy, wearing Louis Vuitton at Miu Miu’s show.

More ridiculous boots. Those boots are amongst the silliest boots ever in the history of ever. If a member of Hitler Youth went to a fancy dress party dressed as a bumble bee, this is what he would look like.

Finally, this is Little Mix singer Leigh-Anne Pinnock at her birthday party in London, wearing something foul of her own design. 

Leigh-Anne Pillock more like. You are wearing no knickers and a bra-and-skirt combo held together with garden twine. You are also wearing a giant yellow thing on top, like the macs in Singin’ In The Rain. Don’t give up your day job, love. Really.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Nicola from Fulham who is exercised about emails with ‘donotreply’ addresses. Nicola asks “how frustrating are they?  They are the snottiest things to receive, frequently hectoring but giving me no chance to respond”. Nicola reports that the other day she received a chastising email from her gym accusing her of not having attended a class she had booked (although, in fact, she had been here). However, she could not reply and by the time she returns to the gym, if ever she does, the moment will have passed. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF values them like anything.  And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Jeremy Corbyn, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

WTF Nigel Farage Special

Hallo Readers,

WTF loathes Nigel Farage. Because of Brexit. Because of UKIP. Because he trousers £80,000 a year plus generous expenses as a Member of the European Parliament, an institution he reviles and hardly ever attends. Because he is always on TV. Because his piss-poor radio show is on five days a week. Frankly, any one of these would suffice, let alone all of them.

And Farage keeps bad company. In 2012, he met Steve Bannon, the neocon who resembles a tramp, and then-Senator Jeff Sessions. Through Bannon, Farage met Trump and Trump’s mate Roger Stone, whom the FBI is currently pursuing for all manner of alleged dodginess and whose probity has been questioned this week by a House Committee enquiring into Russian interference in the 2016 Election. After Trump’s electoral triumph last November, Farage and Piers Morgan battled it out for prime position up the Presidential rectum. Farage won and was photographed in Trump’s golden elevator and touted by Trump (unsuccessfully) as the future UK Ambassador to Washington. In January, Farage told his radio listeners there was no link between the Russians and the hacked Clinton documents published by Julian Assange on Wikileaks to the great detriment of her campaign. Trump denies any link between his campaign and Russia or between his campaign and Assange, though Stone predicted a firestorm would befall Clinton even before her campaign knew it had been hacked. In March, Farage dined with Donald and Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner. Days later, he was seen emerging from the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, where Assange is holed up like an a white rat. Farage first claimed that he couldn’t remember why he had been there, but later claimed it had been to meet Assange for “journalistic reasons”. Smell something funny? Skunks would retch.

Earlier this month, Farage was in Germany to speak at a election rally for the far-right AFD party, which this weekend got 13.3% of the vote. The AFD hates Islam,  immigration and the EU so you can imagine how well Farage was received. On Monday, he was in Fairhope, Alabama to support Judge Roy Moore who was running for the Senate seat vacated by none other than Jeff Sessions. Moore is more toxic than Chernobyl. He thinks 9/11 was God’s punishment for the legalisation of sodomy and abortion. As a state judge, he denied a lesbian mother custody because “Homosexual behavior is crime against nature, an inherent evil, and an act so heinous that it defies one’s ability to describe it,” and because homosexuality makes for an “an unfit parent.” He objected to Keith Ellison taking his seat in Congress because as a Muslim, he would take the oath on the Koran. Given the assortment of fruitcakes in UKIP, including the nutter who thought the 2013/2014 floods were Divine Retribution for legalising gay marriage, Nigel was right at home in Fairhope and went down big with the crowd, railing against Big Business, Banks and Multinationals, the Liberal Media, people wanting to tear down statues, those blocking Trump’s agenda and “the enemy within”. WTF is particularly amused by Bannon’s and Farage’s rejection of Big Business. The former made a fortune at Goldman Sachs. The latter has often moaned how much money he gave up to go into politics from stockbroking. Lady Bracknell advised her nephew “Do not speak disrespectfully about Society, Algernon. Only those who cannot get into it do that”. In neo-con-land, the biggest decriers of banks and multinationals are the ones who made a ton of money from them.

So Farage is to be deplored not just for his pals in the UK but his pals abroad. As Aesop observed, “A man is known by the company he keeps”.  Indeed he is.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial shockers with singer Mel B on the set of America’s Got Talent (she is a Judge), wearing Elia Nadi.

Mel is appearing in a production of Aladdin Goes Streetwalking. The whole thing is preposterous, from the badger’s bum hair to the crotch-high boots to the minge waterfall. WTF would like a rub a magic lamp and make Mel B disappear – for good.

Singer Shania Twain was a guest on the finale of AGT.

If a choirboy went to a fancy dress party as a packet of freshly-ground coffee, this is what he would look like. As for the fishnets and studded boots, WTF prefers not to speak of them.

To the iHeartRadio in London where we encounter singer Harry Styles wearing Gucci.

Gucci has copied Cezanne’s harlequin costume from Mardi Gras and has given Harry a clerical bib to go with it. He should do a duet with Shania. 

Singer Miley Cyrus was also in attendance.

Miley has not featured in the blog for some time but she has slipped back to her old ways in see-through jim-jams and wrap. Why is the top lined but not the crotch? Great sandals though.

Now to actress Katherine McPhee at the Grammy Museum, wearing Maria Medeiros.

Why does Katherine have a couple of coconuts plonked on her chest? Just plain weird.

This is actress Bella Thorne out and about in LA. She is in here a lot.

Bella looks like one of those unfortunates forced to rummage though bins, like Steve Bannon’s young companion. All that is a missing is a bottle of cheap cider….

Meet Ghanian-born comedian Michael Blackson (right), seen here with another comedian, a person going by the name of White Yardie.

Michael looks like a caterpillar, which has the merit of novelty and the demerit of being daft.

Next up, we have former Strictly Come Dancer, Ola Jordan at a charity event in London.

Charity beings at home, which is where Ola should have left this floral body stocking with plunging peekaboo and exposed bellybutton, patterned with decaying vine leaves.

Racing driver Lewis Hamilton is often seen on these pages but he has hit the buffers with this Missoni ensemble worn at Missoni’s Show at Milan Fashion Week.

And you thought Harry and Michael were bad? One word for Lewis. Prat. Two more. Fashion Victim. Three more. What the Fuck? 

Finally, here is hardy perennial, singer Mariah Carey out for dinner in LA with boyfriend and backing dancer, Brian Tanaka.

Mariah always has to be supported because she insists on tottering about in towering heels so it falls to Brian to prop her up as she descends the steps in platform trotters and a dress, not that it is a dress, that looks as if it has simply given up. The indentations from those metal pins must have lingered for days afterwards. WTF also fears for Brian’s back….

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This week’s It’s Got To Go was prompted by complaints from Steve of Muswell Hill and Dan of Hertfordshire, both of whom were pissed off by aspects of the Labour Party Conference this week. Steve and Dan (like WTF) were stunned by the omission of any discussion of Brexit in Corbyn’s speech (which WTF thought was otherwise his best to date). It is only the most important issue this country has faced in decades. How can you talk about being Prime Minister without setting out your vision for how it will work? Dan (like WTF) was also angered by the fact that white Christian men dismissed anti-semitism in the Party on the basis that they themselves had never encountered it. Well, there’s a surprise. It is like a man saying he has never had period pains. Indeed, trade union leader Len McCluskey went further and said that anti-Semitism was invented by those seeking to undermine Corbyn. It’s-not-happening is not the basis of getting to grips with these major problems, lads. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF values them like anything.  And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion Disasters, Hillary Clinton, Politics, Steve Bannon, UKIP, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Fiddler’s Elbow Special

Hallo Readers,

Politicians lie. They just do. Lawyers, who are generally regarded as lower than a snake’s belly, are grateful for politicians because otherwise they would the most reviled group in society rather than the second one. Sometimes politicians lie to get elected. Sometimes they lie because they do not expect to be elected, which presents a real problem if they do get elected because they then have to follow through. Not expecting to win the Brexit Referendum, Boris Johnson and pals drove around the UK in a Big Beautiful Bus emblazoned with the slogan “We send the EU £350 million a week – let’s fund our NHS instead.” They never expected to make good on that promise, any more than Donald Trump thought he would build a Big Beautiful Wall to keep out marauding drugs dealers, rapists and sundry bad hombres with Mexico footing the bill. 

But then the votes came in and Johnson and Trump had to produce the goods. Except there were no goods because the goods never existed. Of course, you cannot tell people that you lied to them because people do not like being told they were lied to, especially when they voted for you because you told them that the other lot were the liars. So what can you do?

In Trump’s case, you keep insisting that there will be a Wall, except that you salami slice the Mexico-will-pay bit, moving inexorably from Mexico will pay for the wall to Mexico will pay the wall “by other means” to “Oh hallo, Congress, please can you allocate me $20bn for the Wall?”. (Answer – no). Meanwhile, you shrink the Wall from a Big Beautiful Wall with Solar Panels to last week’s Presidential tweet, “The WALL, which is already under construction in the form of new renovation of old and existing fences and walls, will continue to be built”. So Building a Big Beautiful Wall becomes Patching the Fence, an advert for Lowe’s, the US version of Wickes. 

The same is true of the £350m. Even before the shock result last year, Sir David Norgrove, Head of the UK Statistics Authority, rubbished the figure and pointed out that £350m was gross and that roughly £200m is recouped in EU subsidies. After the shock result, its even more shocked proponents disowned their claim like a lovechild conceived in an extra-marital romp. In February this year, Johnson and everyone else previously aboard the Big Beautiful Bus voted down an Opposition amendment demanding an analysis of the impact of exiting the EU on the NHS. By then, the pledge had been also salami sliced so that, apparently, it had not meant £350m for the NHS at all. On Saturday, Johnson revived the figure in a 4,000 word opus of his vision for Brexit in the Daily Telegraph, headlined “Yes we will take back £350m from EU for the NHS”. The article  itself said “Once we have settled our accounts, we will take back control of roughly £350m per week….It would be a fine thing, as many of us have pointed out, if a lot of that money went on the NHS…” The article did not say the whole £350m would go to the NHS but it clearly suggested that Britain would be better off by £350m a week. A lot of £350m is a week is more than a lot of £150m a week. Sir David wrote to Johnson saying that he was “surprised and disappointed” to see this canard trotted out again. Weren’t we all? It has been in and out like a fiddler’s elbow – with the emphasis on “fiddle”. 

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We turn to our review of the week’s fashion failures, which all come from last week’s Emmy Awards in Los Angeles. First off, we have proper film star Jane Fonda, wearing Brandon Maxwell.

Jane is remarkable for 79, or indeed for any age, although there has clearly been some interference with the workings of nature. The dress, designed by the bloke who dresses Lady Gaga (which is hardly a recommendation, like being Donald Trump’s hairdresser) comes with its own bullfighter’s cape but WTF’s chief concern is the ridiculous hair, which started life as the tail on a Palomino pony.

Actress Carrie Coon (Fargo, Gone Girl), wearing Delpozo.

Not only is this very unflattering but she looks like a stick of mouldy candy floss.

More dismal Delpozo, this time on actress MacKenzie Davis (Halt and Catch Fire).

This is a lime green wraparound apron with pink shoes (tonally mismatched and just wrong) and does nothing for her. She looks like an ice lolly.

Actor Brandon Flynn (13 Reasons Why).

You do not need 13 Reasons Why this is bad. There is one – the crotch, which suffers from the phenomenon known as elephant vagina syndrome, first identified on designer Thom Browne. That crotch is unforgivable. If you need more Reasons, there are the ill fitting trews, the scruffy shoes and the badly tied tie. 

Actress Kathryn Hahn (Transparent), wearing vintage Courrèges.

She is making a splash in a Dalek shower curtain and sandals. Exterminate!

Actress Tracee Ellis Ross  (Black-ish) wearing Chanel.

Tracee looks like a Swarovski swan having a prolapse.

Actor Deon Cole (Black-ish) wearing tartan. LOTS of Tartan.

Last time WTF saw that much tartan was at the Edinburgh Tattoo. Deon is an ill-fitting, walking advertisement for Younger’s Beer.

Actress Debra Messing wearing Romona Keveza.

This is just a great big slithery aubergine with her head and neck poking out and quite, quite horrible.

Actress Ariel Winter (Modern Family, Batman), wearing Stephen Khalil.

Ariel explained that she normally shows boob so this time she thought she would show leg instead. The problem is that it might not be just her leg she is showing. If anyone ever asks you what genitalia curtains are, just show them this picture.

Finally, we have actor and drag queen RuPaul, wearing who knows what. WARNING – LIKELY OCULAR DAMAGE AHEAD!!!!

RuPaul has come dressed as a tiled hallway. Who knows why?

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado @Wringham (aka The Justified Sinner) who is scornful of racing driver Lewis Hamilton. Hamilton is a regular in the fashion fiascos section of this blog but now he has publicly embraced veganism to save the environment. He gave up red meat several years ago because of his (very reasonable) concerns about all the bovine farts adding to the global gases and more recently, fish and chicken have been ditched as well.

Lewis seems not to have noticed that Formula One is heavily reliant on fossil fuels (to be fair, technology has reduced the emissions over the past few years). The actual vroom-vroom-vroom around the circuit only accounts for about 0.3% of the sport’s carbon emissions. But there are the raw materials and the wind tunnels and the electricity and the computing and all sorts, not to mention the 160,000 km flown across the world every year by drivers and their entourages. What is more, one of Mercedes’ biggest sponsors is Pretonus, the Malyasian oil and gas giant which produces no emissions at all, does it? It is bad enough having to look at Hamilton but being forced to listen to him talk bollocks is just too much. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF values them like anything.  And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Emmys, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Uber Special

Hallo Readers,

Uber’s licence from Transport for London, the body regulating taxis and mini cabs, expires at the end of October. This week ten MPs wrote to TfL opposing any renewal and declaring Uber to be “an unfit and improper operator” which fails to protect passenger safety. They cited the alarming statistic that an (alleged) sexual assault by an Uber driver is reported every 11 days, something the company seems reluctant to deal with. The MPs also raised Uber’s treatment of its drivers, some of whom claim to earn only about £2 an hour after expenses. Uber insists its drivers are self-employed, despite the company imposing all manner of rules and penalties on them and maintains that the contract is between the driver and the passenger despite the fact that neither driver nor passenger agree or even discuss the fare, has no idea who the hell the other one is and it is Uber who is paid, not the driver. The matter is currently occupying the attention of the courts with m’learned Friends rubbing their hands with glee, perusing the new Porsche catalogues and pirouetting around Lincoln’s Inn Fields.

WTF’s own objections to Uber include both of the above matters, in particular the treatment of its workers common to global companies upon people needing a job. The gig economy is basically an excuse for big companies to make money out of people without the concomitant obligations of employing them. She also wishes to add the following charges to the indictment. First, most Uber drivers are crap and have no idea where they are going. They rely on their SatNav, causing them to stop suddenly, usually in the middle of the road and without any prior indication, to the great annoyance of other road users. Second, Uber pays neither tax nor VAT in this country, purporting to be a technology provider based abroad. WTF has a marked dislike of businesses which trade here but do not hand over tax. As she has remarked before, either pay up or piss off. Third, WTF has a great fondness for black cab drivers, who do know where they are going, having studied London roads for several years, and shelled out for their cab on the understanding that they would not have direct competition. Fourth, the said cab drivers have their fares regulated and imposed by TfL which makes them more expensive than Uber, particularly after 8 pm when the fares go up although the price of petrol remains the same. Uber on the other hand, being a global monolith, subsidises its losses of £2bn a year whilst London cabbies go bust. And fifth, Uber and the Tory Government were once cosier than lovers snuggling under the duvet. Uber’s chief lobbyist was godmother to one of David Cameron’s kids. No 10 officials and others vigorously lobbied the then Mayor, priapic windbag Boris Johnson. After May booted him out of office, George Osborne walked into a £650,000 a year, 48 days a year job with Black Rock, which has a massive stake in Uber. Not only did Uber get its licence but Johnson dropped a number of stringent requirements, like ensuring that its drivers spoke English. It all stinks worse than the giant fatberg currently blocking the sewers under Whitechapel. 

Of course, Uber is cheap – much cheaper than a black cab with its regulated fares and regulated drivers. But often things are cheap because the people supplying the services are cheap. So if you do not mind making rich companies even richer and sod the consequences, use Uber. Buy from Sports Direct. Or make a stand for standards. Your call.

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We start the review of the week’s fashion flops with actress Andrea Riseborough at the Fox TV party, wearing St Laurent. 

Andrea used to be dark haired and pale but has fallen into the clutches of a new stylist who needs a sharp talking-to and a new pair of glasses. Andrea’s hair has gone white and her skin is the same colour as her dress. The single sleeve resembles  a leg of ham on her shoulder, like a tiny Pamplona meat porter.

To the Toronto Film Festival and actress Diane Kruger, wearing Prabal Gurung.

This is just designer tinfoil wound randomly around Diane’s person and stapled together by unfortunates on an art therapy course. And that split is putting onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment.

New York was bursting with celebs and fashionistas for New York Fashion Week.  Here is singer Liana Banks, wearing Maison Le Faux at its Show.

WTF does not even know what this is supposed to be but whatever it is, it looks like a giant bat undergoing a post-mortem.

The woman who defines pointless celebrity, Kim Kardashian, walked around New York City in her undies.

This falls squarely into the category of “that’s not even clothes”.  There needs to be more outfit, to whit something, anything, below the waist other than a pair of panties (giving new meaning to the old tune “Just a Thong at Twilight”) and black footless tights. And what’s with the Danaerys Targaryen hair?

To the Harper’s Bazaar ICONS Celebrate Carine Roitfeld shindig, a regular event during NYFW. First up, WTF bugbear and celebrity son Brooklyn Beckham.

He is not dressed for the occasion and looks entirely gormless. He could be taken for the lad delivering the ice sculptures. Why is he even there? Judging from his debut book of photographs, a baboon would have done better with a Box Brownie. 

Actor Jared Leto was there, making it a record four weeks in a row in this blog.  There will now be a moratorium on him. Of course he is wearing Gucci.

Those paying attention will recognise the lapels as the same ones adorning last week’s lairy check number. WTF might even have been able to forgive the Chinese wallpaper pattern were it not for the fact that the trousers are flowing over his embroidered slippers like an ink spilling from a bottle.

Motor racer Lewis Hamilton was also there, looking like a prat.

Here is a WTF rule. If you wear sunglasses indoors or in the dark, you look like a wazzock. In Lewis’ case, the wazzockry is only just beginning. From the neck, it is downhill all the way from the silk blouson to the buckled belt (are those dollar signs?) to the ripped jeans complete with bulging gear box. Wazzock.

And now two models wearing not nearly enough. First up, Anna Cleveland wearing who knows what. WARNING – TITS AHOY!

Anna resembles a particularly wistful ghost clad in used paper hankies.

And this is Leomie Anderson, wearing Versailles Boutique. WARNING! MORE TITS!

Leomie is gorgeous, but she seems to have been taken out of the freezer and is slowly defrosting.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is nominated by WTF of Islington who is appalled by US Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin. Mnuchin made $300m at Goldman Sachs before accepting his new role and has already distinguished himself by flying down to Forth Knox, Kentucky “to discuss gold reserves” on the day of the Total Eclipse (prime viewing point – Kentucky). If he was there to discuss gold reserves, why did the new Mrs Mnuchin go as well? The only thing she knows about gold is that she likes it. It has now emerged that Mnuchin also tried to schnorrer an Air Force plane to fly to Europe on his honeymoon (this is wife number three), citing “communication and security reasons”. Fortunately he was told to pay for his own trip. Greedy bastard. He’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF enjoys them enormously.  And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Harper's Bazaar ICONS, New York Fashion Week, Politics, Uber, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

WTF Houston Special

Hallo Readers

This week, WTF invited her favourite leaver of comments on the blog, Andrew Purcell, to write about his experience when Hurricane Harvey hit Houston. He accepted and the result is exceptional.

“I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them?’ So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.”

-Marcus Cole/Babylon 5

This isn’t really a rant as much as it is a series of observations of things that stood out. It is hard to be angry at a natural disaster. They happen. Something about living on a planet that isn’t just a barren chunk of solid rock. A hurricane is not a villain, just a fact of life in my part of the world.

The leadership exhibited by our elected officials came as a pleasant surprise considering the candidates Texans often vote for. It has been a bipartisan and successful endeavor. Even the visits by Ubiquitous Orange Presence came off without making things worse. 

There are heroes. People towed their boats from one flooded neighborhood to another and pulled flood victims from their houses. I’ve never seen so many monster trucks. Several local mosques built on higher ground opened their doors as shelters the day the storm hit. A furniture salesman pulled every mattress from his warehouse and turned his 160,000 square foot showroom into a shelter. The Cajun Navy showed up with their iconic (and incredibly loud) air boats. There were civilian and military rescue crews from across the country (I passed a convoy of a dozen vehicles marked “San Diego Fire and Rescue”).

There are the not-quite-so-heroic. The local pastor of a mega-church with a national following could have become the conscience of the city. Instead, he had to be embarrassed into opening his 16,000 seat facility as a shelter four days after the storm hit. He explained that no one had asked him but no one had asked the furniture salesman or the imams either, they just did it. The next day, he led a thanksgiving service and promptly passed the collection plate among the refugees. 

There are villains. The vermin that normally hide under rocks saw the disaster as a way to profit financially or politically. The schemers and scammers and rumor-mongers and run-of-the-mill looters. If there is a Hell, these folks have priority reservations. 

For those of you who know hurricanes only through movies and television, one hundred mile an hour winds can be incredibly unpleasant but the main cause of damage are the rains and floods that they bring. The eye of Hurricane Harvey actually hit the Texas coast about two hundred miles south of Houston. Under normal circumstances, it would have continued inland until it cleared the waters of the Gulf of Mexico that fed it and quickly died out, we would have cleaned up our yards and gone back to work. Unfortunately its voyage across Texas was stalled for several days as a second weather front held it in a stationary position over the Gulf, causing it to dump record amounts of rain over a large piece of the state. From central Texas to the Gulf coast, the topography is largely downhill. Water travels downhill. All that water went downhill and it all followed the rivers and bayous to Houston, adding to the fifty inches of rain that had already been deposited directly on us.

Eighty years ago, the City of Houston built a pair of dams to protect itself from flooding just like this. Two big dirt walls, several miles long. One runs from east to the west where it meets its mate that continues to the south. Simple. Elegant. Practical. Inexpensive. Nobody questioned this arrangement until now because it worked. The area around the dams was all farm land. In the unlikely case of water coming over the top, some rancher would lose a few cows, the cost of doing business. This system of flood control is likely to be reconsidered once we dry out. That farm land has been replaced by about 10,000 homes that are now under water. And there aren’t 10,000 spare homes to replace them.

I was back in Houston briefly to rip out soggy carpets and retrieve stuff from the house. A couple of signs in front of one of the unflooded houses offered helpful contact information, free cleaning supplies, free water and beer and a barbecue later in the afternoon. 

Yeah. It’s still Texas. 

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The rest of the blog is by WTF, hence the lowered tone. We start our review of the week’s clothing cock-ups with actor John Malkovich in the South of France.

It’s Colonel Sanders in sandals. But this is not finger-lickin’ good. It leaves the same bad taste in the mouth as a bucket of the Colonel’s revolting offerings.

To London where strumpet Jemma Lucy emerged from the Celebrity Big Brother wearing House of CB.

Jemma, whose USP is climbing into bed with people on reality TV shows, is wearing something handy for such activities, the sartorial equivalent of an emergency entrance.

To the TV Choice Awards and “celebrity” Jessica Shears from TV shagfest Love Island, also wearing House of CB.

This is a pink condom with cups. The cups need to be bigger. Much bigger. Like the poet in Psalm 23, her cups runneth over. 

And now a trio of awful men’s looks from the GQ Awards. First, actor Jared Leto (who has the honour of appearing three weeks  in a row) wearing Gucci. 

There is exuberance and there is ridiculous. This went past ridiculous several miles back and is currently parked at “Christ, that’s bad”, the lovechild of a picnic cloth and a tapestry cushion with too-short trousers displaying white logo socks. What the blue tie has to do anything, WTF cannot say.

Next,  Arsenal footballer Hector Bellerin, wearing Alexander McQueen.

The suit is like a giant pocket handkerchief and the trousers are not only too short, flashing an abundance of ankle, but are also seriously snug over the unmentionables.

And third, Blur‘s Alex James, wearing who knows what.


This is like the scene in Evelyn Waugh’s Decline and Fall where Paul Pennyfeather gets debagged at an Oxford college and sent down. Alex seems too have lost his razor and his iron as well as his trousers ….

This is actress Whoopi Goldberg at the Couture Council Awards wearing Thom Browne.

 

Whoopi is clad in what looks like a partially deflated kiddies’ paddling pool and a deconstructed mitre. This is insane. People have been locked up for less than this.

Finally we pop into the Venice Film Festival and Italian TV personality Sonia Lorenzini wearing Musani Couture.

WARNING – THIS IS BAD. AND BY BAD, WTF MEANS BAD!!!!!!

This is the rancid crème de la crème of Minge Moments. WTF has no intention of giving you a close-up. Suffice it to say Sonia’s minge is more visible than the recent solar eclipse on a clear day in Columbus, South Carolina. You should not look directly at either – and for good reason.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Ruth from Canonbury who is rightly appalled by Glenda and Alan Baker of Crewe, whose story appeared in The Sunday Sport. Under the headline “He shagged the Sunday dinner chicken…but I still love him”, Glenda recounted how she discovered  her spouse doing the sex” to the (uncooked) bird intended for their lunch. In order to demonstrate her displeasure, Glenda “twatted him with a spoon” and has since forbidden him from “doing the sex” to her because she does not want to catch salmonella. Readers will be relieved to hear that the bird went into the bin without any further human contact. WTF is all for culinary experimentation but stuffing a chicken with real sausage-meat is just not on. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF very happy.  And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Celebrity, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, GQ men of the Year Awards, Hurricane Harvey, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments