WTF UKIP Special

Hallo Readers,

Some concepts are difficult to grasp. Einstein’s Theory of Relativity. Stephen Hawking’s History of Time. And the notion that UKIP can be brought into disrepute. Teams of rocket scientists are currently working around the clock to solve this conundrum and they may be occupied for some time.

UKIP is rather like the stylus or the telegram. That was then – this is now. It once served a purpose for Europhobes but now we are heading out of the EU. Since Nigel Farage purportedly stepped down from politics in September 2016, the Party has had more Leaders than a Girl Guides’ get-together. Hatchet-faced Diane James who lasted less than three weeks before stepping down from a position she never actually took up; Farage as Acting Leader until November 2016; Paul Nuttall, a fantasist with a fictional Ph.D, friends he supposedly lost at Hillsborough but never did, a career as a professional footballer that never happened, a house in his by-election constituency he did not actually live in and a terrible taste in tweed;  after Nuttall stepped down in June 2017, UKIP having failed to win a single seat in the General Election, Steve Crowther in temporary control; and then Henry Bolton who was elected in September, defeating a madwoman who ran an outfit called Sharia Watch and was deemed too extreme to stand as a candidate. Bolton seemed unremarkable other than a chequered marital history, having married a Dane, a Russian and then another Russian, Tatiana, the present incumbent.

It all went wrong in January after Bolton took up with Jo Marney, 29 years his junior, who describes herself as a “presenter, music journalist, model, actor and Brexiteer”. Well, the last bit is certainly true. Bolton and Marney’s romance annoyed his wife (she claims they were still together, Bolton says they had already separated), the tabloids and the Party, which took against Marney’s “glamour” shots, her youth and her evident thirst for publicity. It got worse. A week later, Marney emerged as a virulent racist, even by UKIP standards, when previous Facebook postings and texts came to light. Grenfell Tower was ‘a nest of illegal immigrants of all varieties…that’s why they can’t identify most of them.’ Eastern European women  were ‘sluts’ who would ‘fuck a mangey dog for about 10 quid and a Big Mac’, whilst Princess-elect Meghan Markle was ‘a gender obsessed twat’ whose mixed race seed would ‘pollute the royal family’. Romeo was forced to end his star-crossed tryst but last Sunday the Party Executive passed a motion of no confidence in him, stopped his stipend (he does actually not receive a salary) and resigned en masse. However, Bolton has refused to step down, has vowed to “drain the swamp” and is fronting it out, seemingly about to reconcile with Marney.

The idea that Bolton has brought the party into disrepute is like a turd complaining that another turd is malodorous. Amongst those flouncing off in high dudgeon were Mike Hookem, who allegedly decked his fellow MEP Steven Woolfe in a corridor of the European Parliament; David Kurten, a member of the London Assembly, who has compared homosexuality to child abuse; Aidan Powlesland, a former Parliamentary candidate who campaigned on a policy of developing spacecraft to allow humans to mine the asteroid belt; and John Bickley, who stood in the Oldham by-election and retweeted a cartoon with the slogan “if you want a jihadi for a neighbour, vote Labour”. None of these giants of the political stratosphere has any claim to bestride the moral high ground. The same is true of Neil Hamilton, a Member of the Welsh Assembly, who wants Bolton out on the grounds that “His recent behaviour has been so irrational, he should seek psychological help”. This is the same Neil Hamilton who was kicked out of the Tory Government in 1996 after The Guardian alleged he had taken bribes on brown paper envelopes from Mohammed Al-Fayed; who unsuccessfully sued the paper for libel; who lost one of the safest Tory seats in the country in 1997; and who, with his ghastly Pantomime Dame spouse Christine, set themselves up as a professional Z-Listers, appearing at every awful function and on crappy TV shows and standing in a perspex cage whilst comic Johnny Vegas showered him with fish. 

They will try and force Bolton out. Meanwhile Bolton maintains his private life has no bearing on his Leadership as long as it does not damage the Party and the third Mrs Bolton is doubtless consulting M’Learned friends. This one will run and run….


We start our week’s mega-bumper-ginormous review of crapulous clothing at the National TV Awards in London on Tuesday and TOWIE’s Bobby Norris, fabled winner of the Summer Stinker 2014 AND the Summer Stinker 2015 with his foul cocksocks. At least he is covered up….

Bobby is putting the cock into peacock, whose tail appears to be tickling his groin. There’s a knocking shop somewhere in Shanghai missing its wallpaper….

Next up, we have actress Chelsee Healey, wearing Modemwah.

Chelsee’s face is shinier than a snooker ball and her groin is covered only by a crotch curtain on a crotch curtain rail. What happens she sits down? Plus we can see sideboob and tan lines and a tattoo and all sorts. Our cups runneth over. And hers…..

Here is another soap actress, Sarah Jayne Dunn, wearing Ruth Milliam Couture.

As far as WTF can see, Sarah Jayne is standing amidst the remains of an exploded giant poodle…

We now consider the horror that is actress Zoe Kravitz, wearing St Laurent.

This is imminent visible nipple activity and what can best be described as a minge triangle. Clearly, the designer drew inspiration from the scene in Absolutely Fabulous where a pissed Patsy emerges from a taxi with her bodysuit unfastened….

The rest of the week’s offerings come from the Screen Actors’ Guild Award in Hollywood where thespians various came up with some real stinkers. We start with Gayle Rankin, wearing who knows what?

Gayle is perched precariously on clodhopping sandals behind a portcullis adorned with little flowers, as if welcoming home a soldier from the Crusades. The slip is both ill-fitting and scrunched.

Sally Hawkins, wearing Christian Dior. It is actually a dress although it resembles bad trousers.

This kaleidoscope is giving everyone a headache. And she has a bullseye on her stomach. Sally had better not venture into a pub in her native Lewisham  – someone might throw a dart at her.

Deon Cole. No one has owned up to designing this suit – good call.

This is officially a pity because Deon is handsome with a lovely smile but that rascal suit will not do and the velvet braid is a shocker. He looks like Nicely Nicely in Guys and DollsWTF is also unhappy about the droopy black bow tie like a decomposing bat.

Renee Bargh, wearing Alex Perry.

When Pooh got stuck in Rabbit’s front door because he had eaten too much honey and condensed milk, and had stay there, a wedged bear in great tightness, for a week to get thin, Rabbit used his legs as a towel horse. Renee has a triangular tit window instead of a door and she seems to be using her arms to dry the sheets…


Kate Hudson, wearing Valentino.

BBC recently did a remake of Little Women. WTF failed to notice that Kate was in it….

Jackie Cruz, wearing Laura Basci.

This is essentially a feather duster with tits.

And finally, Kate Nash, wearing Bora Aksu.

Kate looks like a Meissen shepherdess, although this is more Bo Peekaboo than Bo Peep. Having said that, something seems to be hiding underneath her skirts and peering out through the porthole because WTF can see no other reason for it to be there.



This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado @MsAlliance who sent in this utterly revolting wedding jumpsuit by Spanish nuptial-specialist Pronovias. Get a load of this, vicar….








Why would you want your spouse’s granddad to get a whole load of your arse? And as WTF aficionado Philip remarked, the model looks as if someone one has sprayed her bits with whipped cream from one of those aerosols. It has SO Got To Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. You were a bit slow with your comments last week which made WTF anxious, which is A BAD THING. Please do better this week. However, there were some top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x


Posted in Fashion, Fashion Disasters, General Election, Grenfell Tower, Meghan Markle, National TV Awards, Nigel Farage, Politics, SAG AWards, UKIP, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

WTF Carillion Special

Hallo Readers,

Last week, we considered how Mrs Maybe’s Cabinet reshuffle went totally tits up.  This week, we consider how mega-corporation Carillion went totally tits up. On Monday it was defunct. This huge company, which was involved in building buildings, building roads, and providing catering and cleaning staff on contract, which had 450 Government contracts when it went under, is carrion for M’Learned friends, armies of accountants and insolvency practitioners, all of them picking over the carcass. Meanwhile, 20,000 employees are facing the scrap heap (although those working on projects for private companies are to work on and be paid until new contractors can be found) and 1,400 Government apprentices have been left high and dry. There are debts of £1.3 billion and a £600m hole in the pension fund. And it is not just the immediate employees in peril, but the contractors who did business with Carillion who will probably never be paid and who will themselves go under and their employees with them, not to mention their sub-contractors and their sub-sub-contractors and so on. As Henry V put it,

That this foul deed shall smell above the earth
With carrion men, groaning for burial.

Not that everyone waited until the body was dead. Carillion’s directors have been doing just fine. In July 2017, the company posted a profits warning, whereupon Richard Howson, the Chief Executive, who had been earning £1.5m in salary, bonuses and pension payments stepped down. A month later, he popped up again, this time as Chief Operating Officer, scraping by on a salary of £660,000 and £28,000 in benefits. Because the company has done so well under his stewardship, they needed to have yet more of him. He stayed until October when he departed yet again, following Zahar Khan, the Chief Financial Officer, out of the door. Both of these titans (and all other senior executives) had clauses in their contracts entitling them to a year’s salary after termination (£425,000 for Mr Khan) and expected to be paid until the autumn of 2018. Despite the fact that there were clearly problems over the past year, the Board continued to declare dividends and to pay themselves bonuses. In contrast, contractors have complained that Carillion was notoriously slow to pay up, once citing a flood in India as a reason not to pay a small firm in England, whilst doing that thing that companies do, underbidding for contracts and then squeezing contractors and quality to make a profit, shaving a little off here and a little off there and screwing all the littler people in the name of Big Business.

The Insolvency Service has now frozen payments to directors and so Mr Howson, Mr Khan and the other dummies on the Board will have to live on their savings. The Insolvency Service also intends to investigate the company’s trading sheets which, pre July, gave off such a rosy glow. They might also ask Her Majesty’s Government why it continued to dole out contracts to this failing monolith, even after the profit warnings had been sounded. 

You can bet your bottom dollar that had a Carillion builder dropped a brick off a scaffold or a Carillion out-sourced dinner lady been late dishing out the kiddies’ macaroni cheese at lunchtime, they would have been dismissed quicker than you can say P45. No payoff. No continuing access to the goody-bag. Nothing. But these people have presided over catastrophic failure and yet continued to get paid and expected to be paid even after it all collapsed. And other companies will also suffer the same fate because such is the British way, in politics as well as in commerce  – reward failure and let the same people go and cock up something else.


We start our review of the week’s fashion follies with ghastly White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

WTF aficionado Joshua La Porte has long maintained that the more Sarah lies, the more maquillage she wears, like an Estée Lauder Pinocchio. The US taxpayer pays for her makeup and hair, but on this evidence, she also needs a stylist. The dreadful dress does not fit anywhere and it is far too short. More pressing is the question of what has happened to Sarah’s knees – has she been playing American football without protection? When WTF tweeted this picture on Wednesday night, several people thought they saw Donald Trump’s face and hair in her patellae, in the same way that people see Jesus’s face in a piece of fruit. Just saying…

Next to LA, and actress Tracee Ellis Ross, wearing Proenza Schouler.

Tracee is clearly suffering from a bad case of discombobulation and is wearing her bra over her clothes. Which is just very silly.

To Paris, where we find WTF regular, actress Diane Kruger at the Chanel party. She is of course wearing Chanel.

Diane has come straight from the Opéra National where she was dancing one of the little cygnets in a production of Swan Lake.

This is Arsenal footballer Hector Bellerin at London Men’s Fashion Week a fortnight ago, wearing a Christopher Shannon coat, women’s Zimmerman silk pyjamas and Gucci fur-lined velvet slippers. 

Velvet fur-lined slippers!!!!!!

Fur-lined slippers worn outdoors as much use as a sponge leg in a swamp. (A bit like Hector’s defending). And they cost £645. Is Hector sleepwalking? (Also a bit like Hector’s defending). The whole outfit is an outrage. WTF was already sick of watching Hector play like a prat. Now she has to put up with him dressing like one.

Stella McCartney was flogging her wares in LA. Here is Katy Perry wearing part of the new Autumn Collection.

Katy is dressed as a frilly red bell pepper in pink shoes. Who knows why?

This is actress Yara Shahidi at the Marie Claire party in Hollywood, wearing Shiaparelli Couture.

Only last week, women were at the Golden Globes wearing funereal black in solidarity with their sisters who had been sexually assaulted by groping fat cats, as part of the #MeToo movement. Yet Yara is wearing something suggesting that one of those aforesaid fat cats is standing behind her with his hands fondling her front bits. There is quirky and there is creepy. This has gone way past creepy and is verging on the downright pervy.

You always expect singer Lady Gaga to dress outlandishly because that is her schtick, but having a Minge Moment in a Barcelona street is going far too far. Here she is, wearing Ted Khouri.

Hasn’t Catalonia suffered enough without exposure to the Gaga groin?

Finally, we have two horrors from the NAACP (American National Association for the Advancement of Colored People) Image Awards in LA, starting with actor Algee Smith.

Bare chest, a necklace and bare ankles WORN WITH BROGUES (which WTF hates almost above all things) are bad enough. But a bellybutton triangle in a dinner jacket? As Dorothy Parker used to say whenever the front doorbell rang, what fresh hell is this?

Answer – not nearly as hellish as actress Halle Berry, wearing Reem Accra. Brace yourselves. MAJOR MINGE ALERT!!!!! CARE SHOULD BE TAKEN BEFORE PROGRESSING FURTHER….

The only word here is mingetastic.

Halle is 51 (although she could be 31) and is seriously stunning but that is no excuse to her to parade about in public with her pubis covered by little more than a beaver braid. Reem Acrid – shame on you…


This week’s It’s Got To Go has come from a number of WTF aficionados who are not at all happy, not even at all, with the new Victoria and Albert Museum uniforms designed by one Christopher Rae. Here is why….

The staff seem to have stumbled into a Laura Ashley 1970s reunion in horrible clashes of blue and orange. WTF aficionado Tom remarked that the bald bloke at the far end has been moonlighting as a train guard. WTF thinks the big bloke in the middle looks like a tartan version of Paddington Bear. The staff’s smiles are somewhat forced and with good reason because this is seriously bad. It’s Got To Go…..


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. You sent in lovely comments last week which made WTF smile, which is A GOOD THING. Please keep it up. And don’t forget your top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday where we will digest the SAG Awards Red Carpet. Be good x


Posted in Carillion, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, NAACP Image Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Reshuffle Special

Hallo Readers,

In 1967, the Hollies, a popular singing troupe, had a hit with a song called King Midas In Reverse. You get the picture. Unlike the mythical monarch whose touch turned everything to gold, this guy’s touch was less effective.  The chorus goes:

He’s King Midas with a curse.
He’s king Midas in Reverse.
He’s King Midas with a curse.
He’s King Midas in Reverse…….

Put an S in front the He’s and this could be Mrs Maybe’s theme tune, because whatever she touches turns to ordure. Item, the General Election last June, when she turned a working majority into a minority, necessitating a shotgun marriage with the Neanderthal DUP and a billion pound dowry. Item, her Party Conference Speech last October, in which she coughed more than Mimi in the last act of La Bohème and was handed a mock P45 whilst the letters behind her spelling out the slogan “Building a Country That Works for Everyone”, slid off the wall randomly like autumn leaves drifting down to earth from dehydrated branches. Item, her Deputy and close friend, Damian Green, forced to resign in December 2017 after lying about porn on his PC and amid allegations of fondling a young lady’s knee. Item, her defending the appointment of sexist, misogynist, puerile prat Toby Young to a position for which he was manifestly unsuited. And now her Cabinet reshuffle, which went seriously tits up. 

The point of the reshuffle was to make the Cabinet more feminine, less posh and less old but it started badly and got worse. Tory Central Office announced that Chris Grayling, who would have to improve to be totally useless, was the new Party Chairman. Except that he wasn’t and the tweet was swiftly deleted but only after everyone saw it. Instead, the role went to Ray-Winstone soundalikey, Brandon Lewis, whilst Grayling remains at Transport, the attempt to shift him derailed. Jeremy Hunt, the utterly inept Health Secretary, refused to move to Industry, and ended up with additional responsibilities  instead. Only Mrs Maybe could give someone failing in his job even more to do in it, rather than defenestrating him. In contrast, Justine Greening refused to move from Education and ended up resigning, a comprehensive-schooled, gay woman out of the door, whilst hideous persecutor-of-the-disabled, professional Scouser Esther McVey, was brought in. When the dust settled, there were no more women in the Cabinet and as many toffs as before and all the big beasts were still snug in their lair, Boris Johnson at the Foreign Office, the idiot David Davis at Brexit, Philip Hammond still at the Treasury, Amber Rudd at the Home Office. It could not have been more farcical had someone had dropped their trousers outside No 10.

Any one of these matters would be a misfortune, but to have them all happen to her suggests she is indeed cursed. Chaos sticks to her like shit to a blanket.  She is a female Job, punishments raining down upon her head, suffering them with the same stoicism as her biblical counterpart and soldiering on.  Of course in the end the Almighty rewarded Job with twice what he had before, but only after he had lost everything first. Has Mrs Maybe got the stamina to keep going? Like Job, she is very religious. She will need to be. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed is the name of the Lord.


Our sartorial survey comes from the Golden Globes in LA., where attendees wore black in purported solidarity with women who have been sexually assaulted or coerced by Harvey Weinstein and other starry sleaze-bags. The air was thick with that soapy blend of self-congratulation and gleeful whoop-whoop-whooping which tends to embarrass and annoy the hell out of anyone who is neither a thespian nor an American and the preponderance of black fabric was like watching a couture wake with tits. Fortunately some guests could not resist flashing the flesh, despite the worthiness of their cause. Let us start with actress Halle Berry, wearing Zuhair Murad.

Halle is resplendent in peekaboo lace, bellybutton blast and a minge fringe. Either wear black in solidarity with your wronged sisters or go see-through. But not both. The same applies to the next 2 ladies….

Actress Kate Hudson, wearing Valentino. 

Kate, who is putting the globes into Golden Globes, is dressed in an old onion bag and gym knickers.  And then there was…

Actress Catherine Zeta-Jones, wearing Zuhair Murad.

Catherine is even more see-through than Halle, only just protecting her modesty with a groin garland.

Former Olympic skater and now fashion pundit, Johnny Weir.

Johnny is wearing a chain mail polo neck and a frock coat (designed for someone a foot taller), bearing a striking resemblance to Mr Sowerberry, the undertaker from Oliver Twist – all he needs is a top hat and a hearse. Although his hair is virtually a top hat in itself.


Talking of Dickens, here is actress Diane Kruger wearing Alexander McQueen at the after party.

Guten Abend, Fräulein Haversham….

Model Barbara Meier, wearing not nearly enough.

Barbara, a former winner of America’s Top Model, ignored the black edict and turned up in a mash-up of Eve in a fig leaf and Joseph and his Coat Of Many Colours. She wrote on her Instagram “If we want this to be the Golden Globes of the strong women who stand up for their rights, I think, it’s the wrong way not to wear any sexy clothes anymore or let people take away our joy of showing our personality through fashion.” Otherwise known as “sod it, I am wearing that dress, ja!”

Models Kendall Jenner wearing Alexandre Vauthier and Hailey Baldwin, wearing DSquared2, at the afterparty.

These two resemble a couple of bedraggled doxies after a fight which neither of them won.

And actress Blanca Blanco, (sort of) wearing Atria Clothing.

Blanca also ignored the dress code, justifying it as follows, “I love red. Wearing red does not means I am against #timesup movement. I applaud and stand by the courageous actresses that continue to brake [sic] the circle of abuse through their actions and their style choice.” Translated as, “sod it, I want my picture taken with my bits out”. Blanca has form, as seen at last year’s Oscars where she wore a dress of her own design and pretended not to know that her pubes were on display. Meanwhile, although criticism is alien to WTF’s nature, Blanca’s breasts are not the only thing tumbling forth – her toes are spilling over her sandals like rafts over Niagara Falls.

We switch to attention to the Critics’ Choice Awards last night where colour was permitted, although actress Elisabeth Moss stuck to black, wearing Erdem.

WTF loves Elisabeth but she does not love this dress, which has seams in the most unflattering places to give her phantom nipples. WTF has long fought a battle against VNA (Visible Nipple Activity) but PVNA (Phantom Visible Nipple Activity) is a new horror for her to contend with.

And finally actress Kiernan Shipka, wearing Delpozo.

Kiernan is 18, not 8, but even an 8-year-old would look absurd in this explosion of sickly pastels and netting. If the Sugar Plum Fairy went to a fancy dress party as Violet Elizabeth Bott from the Just William stories, this is what she would look like.



This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF of Islington who is fed up, and then fed up some more, with all this talk about Oprah Winfrey running for President in 2020. No-one, not even Melania Trump, hates Donald J. Trump more than WTF but honestly, haven’t we had enough of showbiz personalities playing at politics? Just because Oprah made a storming speech about  sexual harassment at the Golden Globes last week does not make her Winston Churchill or even George W Bush. If she wants to get into politics, let her start as a Congresswoman or Senator and learn the ropes. We have had quite enough of amateur dramatics, thank you very much. It’s Got To Go…..


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. You were a bit slow with your comments last week but you still have time to keep WTF happy by sending them in this week. And don’t forget your top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x



Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Critics' Choice Awards 2018, Donald Trump, General Election, Golden Globes, Oprah Winfrey, Politics, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Size Matters Special

Hallo Readers And Happy New Year,

Size matters, and it certainly matters a lot to Donald J Trump. He is 6’2″(and almost as wide as he is tall – he has, in the words of WTF’s late mother, gone double). He has silly little hands, seemingly transplanted from someone else’s littler body. During the primaries, he attacked his rival Senator Marco Rubio for having the temerity to be only 5’7″and called him “little Marco”. Rubio retaliated by teasing Trump about his tiny digits. Trump assured his voters that there was no correlation between his hands and his todger, “I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.”  5′ 7″ is clearly just unacceptable to him – he did not appoint Senator Bob Corker as Secretary of State because he deemed him too short for such high office. Everything about Trump is always bigger and better – the biggest crowd EVER at his inauguration (it wasn’t); the biggest tax cuts EVER (they weren’t); more bills passed in his first year than any President EVER (they weren’t); the safest year in US civil aviation EVER (it wasn’t). He is either a liar, deluded or demented or all three but Trump has set several records. His approval ratings are the worst EVER. And he is without question the biggest knob to occupy the White House EVER. Whatever the size of his appendage. 

This week Trump taunted Kim Jong-Un, who had boasted about the nuclear button “on my desk at all times”. Trump tweeted, “Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!” Ooh, er, missus! It was like being being trapped in an episode of The Benny Hill Show directed by Quentin Tarantino. In fact, Trump does not have an actual nuclear button but the response was puerile and downright dangerous. Kim Jong-Un is more unstable than a three-legged dog whilst Trump is daily becoming more unhinged and his mood unlikely to improve. On top of Mueller, there is also Michael Wolff’s book Fire and Fury, much of which is based on information from Trump’s former adviser Steve Bannon who was settling scores with a vengeance. The book depicts Trump as a demented, burger-eating, TV-obsessed, paranoid slob, like Captain Queeg with bad hair. Bannon did not confine himself to anecdotes about Trump but also took aim at the dismal husband and wife combo, nepotism made flesh, Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, as well as the idiot Donald Jr, whose arrest and perp walk of shame is awaited by all right-thinking people. And then there is the absence of the invitation to Harry and Meghan’s wedding, although the Obamas will probably receive one. All this will make him madder than a wet hen with mental health issues and when he is in that mood, he takes to Twitter to goad his enemies,  including North Korea. Who knows what could happen? If we are all to perish, please let it not be because two fat madmen are engaged in a willy-waggling contest and because a suave black couple will be feasting on the canapés and champagne instead of a ghastly white couple.


Our review of the Christmas period’s sartorial shockers starts with the self-same Donald Trump and his spouse Melania enjoying the New Year’s Eve festivities at Mar-a-Lago, his private club in Florida. She is wearing a $5,500 dress by Erdem. Tickets were $750 a head ($600 for members, but membership is now $200,000 a year, the fees having gone up from £100,000 a year since Trump was elected). Keep on draining that swamp, Mr President….

POTUS is as orange as a jar of marmalade whilst his ridiculous tresses have been tweaked and super-glued into the shape of a peaked cap. FLOTUS, who has the dead-eyed, rictus smile of the truly miserable, looks like a foil-wrapped Christmas bunny and has either had new breast implants or has slipped a couple of airbags under the dress because she is more upholstered than an over-stuffed sofa.

Now we have heiress Paris Hilton, wearing German designer Namilia.

A pink velour motocross outfit is just silly, like putting boxer Anthony Joshua into a tutu. But hey, it could have been worse. Namilia also makes this excrescence…

At least this horror has a crotch (of sorts). Keen Readers may recall le jean string featured in It’s Got To Go in October last year. And now take a look at singer Demi Lovato.

Call WTF old fashioned, but what is wrong with trousers with a crotch? What is even the point of suspender jeans and a corset belt, let alone when worn over shiny hosiery with pointy white bootees? Either wear trousers or don’t wear trousers. Shit or get off the pot. Frankly, Demi would have done better to have put her legs through the arms of the jacket and worn it as a skirt.

To the Palm Springs International Film Festival and actress Gal Gadot, wearing Oscar de la Renta.


WTF might have been persuaded to overlook the fact that she has on a swimsuit as a top  but the cut of the suit is more shocking than the pink fabric and those trousers are terrible. She appears to be wearing a codpiece.

Next we go to Glasgow, where we find singer Rod Stewart at the Celtic-Rangers match wearing a hideous jumper and coat combo.

The cross-eyed lion looks as if he is ready to throw up and who can blame him? Rod is wearing a fur-lined, leather dressing gown for which some poor animal died in vain….

Next up, one of WTF’s favourite Z-listers, soap actress Chelsee Healey wearing Liverpudlian designer Patty Fashion.

Chelsee is flaunting her post-baby body, as The Mail would say, in recycled Christmas wrapping paper with plenty of groin gape, a very visible thong line and an equally visible bikini line. Classy….

And now we welcome back Swedish actress Noomi Rapace, wearing Louis Vuitton.

Another Vuitton nonsensical a-stray-bra-off-the-washing-line-has-landed-on-me nonsense.  Jennifer Connelly wore something similar a few weeks ago. This version is a leather halter neck bra worn over a fat man’s brocade waistcoat. Noomi should give her stylist a slap, a P45 and another slap and she also dispense with her hairdresser, given that she resembles a corn dolly.







To start with, Lewis, clad entirely in Missoni, was nowhere near the top of the poll, with TV nutritionist Gillian McKeith establishing a big lead over former TOWIE star Gemma Collins. But on Boxing Day, Lewis made nasty comments about his little nephew wearing a Princess dress and suddenly he shot into the lead and stayed there with Gillian a commendable second and Gemma third. He may not have been worse dressed than either of those two ladies, but he was certainly a lot more unpopular. Let that be a lesson to you, Lewis. Karma….


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Katie from North London, who is rightly appalled by the emergence of a horrible new phenomenon, the party-bar.

Katie says, “these pedal powered monstrosities block traffic, blast out terrible music and the people on them look miserable and uncomfortable. Just have your office party down the pub like everybody else!!” Agreed. Travelling around town is stressful enough without trolleyfuls of wankers clogging up public thoroughfares and assaulting your eardrums with karaoke renditions of “I Will Survive”.  It’s Got To Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Make it your New Year’s resolution to keep your comments coming in as WTF loves reading them. And don’t forget your top suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x







Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Honours List, Politics, UKIP, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2017

Hallo Readers,

And here we are again. It is time for the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2017 where you get to choose the most dire fashion folly of the last six months. Hasn’t time flown? It seems like only yesterday that we were canvassing the Christmas Turkey for 2016. That one was bad (with octogenarian Baddie Winkle as a worthy winner) but Readers, what follows is even worse.

Sartorially speaking, there is loads of sheer nonsense about and tons of tit. Plus the inevitable minge moments. WTF is almost immune to the sheer skirt by now, but sheer trousers and sheer onesies are another thing altogether. Why do men dress women like this? And why do women want to dress like this?

So, Readers, this is where you come in. You are tasked with trawling through the 20 horrors below and choosing the worst one or worst ones, because you can choose as many as you like. The contenders are arranged in first name alphabetical order so no favouritism is to be inferred from the order in which they appear. There is none of that Single Transferable Vote malarkey here. Vote early and vote often and make sure that everyone you know does the same. Should you choose to do so, you can also leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes.

The results will be published in the next blog which will be 5 January 2018. Happy holidays! See you next year.


1. Alex James, singer, wearing a DJ and undercrackers.

Unshaven. Manky tie. A shirt that is not fresh on. Undercrackers. Grey socks. Ancient Chelsea boots. No. Just no.

2. Bryanboy, fashion blogger.

This is a silly person wearing silly clothes, especially those ridiculous boots like knee socks on a toy soldier.

3. Cardi B, rapper, wearing who knows what?

This is probably the ugliest onesie ever, a horrible ordure-brown colour with giant tit-window and crotch embellishment. 

4. Clare Stewart, film festival director, wearing who knows what?

This astonishing, not to mention downright disconcerting, garment can best be described as an origami clitoris worn with thick tights and clogs.

5. Demi Lovato, singer, wearing Frolov.

As WTF noted at the time, anything would be better than the baggy beige leg, a bare leg, a prosthetic leg, a table leg, just anything at all, and the outfit is  a weird blend of garish toga meets Penelope Keith.

6. Gemma Collins, celebrity, wearing Gerda Trubon.

Gemma is dressed as a wrinkled papaya off to play American football. And as a general rule, your dress should not be the same colour as your face, especially this particular shade.

7. Gillian McKeith, TV presenter, wearing who knows what? 

Half Madame, half serving wench from Game of Thrones – all bad.

8.Iggy Azalea, rapper, wearing who knows what?

Frankly, Iggy looks as if she is wearing an added-on arse. The latex crotch must hurt like hell, prompting a call for the Canesten, and just imagine the indentations when she sits down.

9. Jared Leto, actor and singer, wearing Gucci.

Jared has appeared in many tragic Gucci outfits this year but WTF has picked this one because of the, ahem, visible trouser snake, clashing vomit pastels, woman’s blouse and mutant floral adornment on the jacket.

10. John Cameron Mitchell, actor, wearing who knows what?

The off-cut couture is nearly as bad as the matching 50 Shades of Grey hair and the I’ve-been-run-over-by-a-line-painting-machine shoes.

11. Keyshia Ka’oir, celebrity fiancée, wearing Gucci and St Laurent boots. 

Quite apart from the fact that those are the most improbable tits WTF ever did see in her life, the glitter condom with matching $10,000 boots are pure Porno Barbie.

12. Lewis Hamilton, racing driver, wearing Missoni.

Further evidence, not that any evidence was required, that Lewis dresses like a knob. This time, he is in a designer bathrobe with massive boots. Don’t even get WTF started on the hair.

13. Lil’ Kim, singer, wearing Angel Brinks.

Another sparkly condom, this time with a novelty hood and mini TV worn as a belt.

14.Mariah Carey, singer, wearing who knows what?

There is body confident and there is WTAF!! This is the latter. Whatever that Liz-Hurley-safety-pin-ripoff is, it is not a dress. In fact, it is barely a top and it is putting onlookers in fear of an imminent minge moment,

15. Mel B, singer and talent show judge, wearing Rocky Gathermole.

The horseshoe hooha with built-in keyring is downright offensive.

16. Ola Jordan, dancer, wearing who knows what?

She may or may not be wearing panties but the very fact that you have to ask is not OK. In addition, the belly-button plunge and silver this-way-to-my-minge-arrow is an assault on the retinas of all right-thinking people.

17.Peaches, singer, wearing who knows what?

On seeing this horror, WTF aficionado Trisha commented “the tin-foil troubador with the squished tits and nipple slip must proceed immediately to the Christmas Turkey Table”. Done.

18. Prince Ernst of Hanover at his nuptials.

His wife looks lovely but HRH seems to have spent the night in a skip. He has a pudding bowl haircut, a skewed tie, a frock coat which is too large, comedy trousers and scruffy shoes. Smarten yourself up, son. It’s your wedding day.

19. Rita Ora, singer wearing Burberry.

Rita usually wears too little so it is something of a relief to see her in actual clothes, but dressing as a Burberry chav almost makes you long for less cover and more Rita.

20.  Whoopi Goldberg, actress and comedienne, wearing Thom Browne.

As WTF remarked at the time, Whoopi is wearing a partially deflated kiddies’ paddling pool and a deconstructed mitre. She looks completely mad.

OK Readers! Get voting!





























Posted in Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Sovereignty Special

Hallo Readers,

Here’s the thing. For the last 18 months the country has been at each other’s throats over Brexit. The Brexiteers think that the Remoaners are refusing to honour the outcome of a democratic vote and, worse, are out to sabotage it. The Remainers think that the Brexiteers are misinformed, misled and, in many cases, downright dumb. Negotiations are in the hands of David Davis, a man so profoundly unsuited for the role that Mickey Mouse wears a David Davis watch. The idea that we should leave our political and economic future to him is disturbing because (a) he is an idiot and (b) he lied to Parliament about impact assessments, for which there has been neither an apology nor an explanation and (c) you cannot rely upon anything he says. Last Friday, we were told that Mrs May had secured a great deal with the EU to progress onto the next stage  of negotiations, and that we had agreed to fork out £39 billion (the money David Davis told us we would not have to pay). Then on Sunday, Davis said that the deal was not binding. Then on Monday, he said that it was binding. Then the EU said that it was only a gentleman’s agreement but they regarded it as binding. So is it an agreement or not?  When will it become an actual agreement? Will white smoke emerge from the Downing Street Chimney? Even then, how will we know that it is just not hot air blowing out of David Davis’ fundament? 

On Wednesday, Parliament voted for an amendment giving it the final say on the final agreement (if it actually is an agreement, which it might not be, even if David Davis says it is, see above). Previously all that was on offer was a take-it-or-leave-it vote without any chance to demand a change. Eleven Tories led by the splendid Dominic Grieve, the man Cameron sacked as Attorney-General for sticking up for Human Rights, voted for the amendment, leaving Mrs May with another bloody nose. Cue the usual outrage. The Mail spat blood, calling them “traitors”. The Express, owned by a soft-porn-merchant, referred to the rebels being “slapped down in a patriotic attack”, which turned out to be reference to the appalling Nadine Dorries MP, best known for prancing about in I’m a Celebrity Get Me, Out of Here, calling for them to be deselected. Twitter raged. Why? They wanted Parliamentary Sovereignty restored. Well now it has been and they don’t like it. It does not get any more Supreme than the Supreme Court but they did not like it when M’Lords and M’Lady decided the issue of Article 50 either, even though we supposedly voted to restore the supremacy of our judicial system. To the Leavers, because we voted to Leave, no one gets to question when we Leave or how we Leave or on what terms we Leave, even though none of these things were decided upon in the vote and most people did not know the difference between the Customs Union and their left buttock. They parrot the word democracy but revile the right of those we voted for to use their conscience and common sense to ensure that we Leave on the best possible terms. For anyone to want a say is just treachery, innit? And so we end 2017 as we began it, with recrimination, suspicion and mutual contempt. And the weatherman says that there is more to come in 2018. 

On a happier note, Readers, next week, there will be the much-loved WTF Christmas Turkey Poll where 20 vile examples of fashion disasters await your selection. Remember – vote early and vote often! You know you want to….


Let us lighten the mood with our weekly review of sartorial silliness, starting with actor Chris Sullivan  at the GQ Party. There wasn’t room for him last week.

Chris has a penchant for loud suits and this one is positively deafening, like a bad bedspread in a Bognor bed and breakfast. Extra minus points for the cream brogues, which have absolutely nothing to do with the price of fish.

Here is actress Sofia Carson wearing Francesco Scognamiglio.

Nice to see Sofia getting into the Christmas spirit dressed as everyone’s favourite purple-wrapped chocolate in the Quality Street box.

Next up, we have singer Rita Ora out and about in New York, wearing Estaban Cortazar.

How much tartan does a person need? There is enough here to clothe a whole clan of McOras, set off by a jacket that seems to be composed of old flock wallpaper, a randomly hanging paisley shirt and puce bootees, like a rag doll.

To the British Independent Film Awards in London, where we encounter a newcomer to these pages, actor and singer Cosmo Jarvis.

Cosmo looks mortified, as well he might, because he has come to the event dressed as a hotel bell boy. The jacket is too short, the trousers are too long, the green tartan bow tie (why?) is wonky and the shoes are plain offensive. Cosmo must have spent the whole evening dodging requests from people to bring them their luggage.

Also there was actress Joanne Froggatt, aka Anna in Downton Abbey, wearing Temperley London.

The top is pretty but under the obligatory sheer shirt, Joanne seems to be wearing a pair of Elizabethan pantaloons last seen on Sir Walter Raleigh.


Still in London, we pop in to the premiere of The Last Jedi  and actress Daisy Ridley, wearing Calvin Klein.

Calvin Klein is taking the piss because this is a bin bag. That is all there is to be said.

Singer Janelle Monáe went to the Refinery 29 exhibition in LA wearing a Kaimin outfit, a headpiece by Dead Lotus Couture (no, me neither) and Via Spiga boots.

This is certainly striking, as in struck in the face striking. WTF can best describe this as the top half of one of Lewis Hamilton’s discarded racing outfits with padded shoulders, worn with Mickey Mouse ears.

Finally we have singer and electronic artist Peaches at Cyndi Lauper’s party. Careful now…..

The hair and makeup are gruesome and the outfit is the lovechild of a sleazy Superwoman and a medieval be-bowed troubadour, including the bow tied around the knee. All she need is a mandolin. Everything is on display but who wants to see it? There are slashes in the leg like windows in a church steeple and a worrying headlong rush down to the crotch, putting onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment.


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from the Borders who has taken objection to South Tyneside Council in the North East which has installed anti-sleeper slabs to stop people sleeping rough.

Does the Council suppose someone chooses to sleep rough in the coldest winter we’ve had for years? Does it suppose that someone thinks, ‘oh hallo, it’s  minus 3, why don’t I bed down in a corner and have a nice night’s kip?’ No? If you don’t want people sleeping rough, give them somewhere to go and some money to pay rent. Happy Christmas to you, South Tyneside Council. It’s Got To Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF just loves them to bits. And don’t neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.



Posted in AACTA Awards, AMAs, amFAR, Anti-Semitism, ARIAS, Arsene Wenger, Athletics drug scandal, Attitude Awards, BAFTA TV Awards, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Furious Special

Hallo Readers 

Last Saturday, WTF was so outraged by everyone and everything that she practically exploded. She was put on the Twitter naughty step and was generally homicidal and downright furious. (Admittedly, this was not helped by Arsenal losing at home to Manchester United). At about 9 pm, her friend Dave emailed her to suggest she have a large drink and an early night (neither involving him). WTF replied that she was operating on the hypothesis that everyone was a c**t. Whilst that may have been somewhat broad (and of course, dear Readers, there are exceptions to that designation), the general principle still holds good. Good God, why are so many shits prospering and why are so many credulous fools allowing them to prosper? 

Take Brexit. Early this morning we have scraped together some sort of deal to proceed onto the next stage of negotiations, preserving the present status of the  Irish border and the rights of EU citizens here and there and we are still in for at least two more years. It will cost us (as yet untold) billions just to leave, despite what the idiot David Davis told us. A deal was almost reached on Monday but was scuppered when the malignant dinosaurs that are the Democratic Unionist Party, whose support Theresa May bought with a billion pounds of our money, objected to the proposals about the Border. Who knows what they will have been promised to get to today’s deal? The Irish Prime Minister, Leo Varadkar, was attacked for putting the interests of his country before ours, the abuse heaped upon him obviously exacerbated by his being gay and half-Indian. And during the week, Davis admitted to a Commons Select Committee that there were no impact assessments on the effect of our leaving, although he had said on a previous occasion that Theresa May was reading them. And then he giggled. He giggled! But where is the outrage from those who had previously believed him? There was a time when people resigned for lying. Now they just giggle, blame gay foreigners and carry on letting you pay their fat salaries.

And there is Trump. And Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who drove a tax bill through the Senate on the middle of the night that no one had actually read, 500 pages affecting people’s lives for decades to come which Democrats were given one hour to peruse. Republicans, with one honourable exception, voted for tax cuts for billionaires, voted for tax-free private planes. This Bill was sold as a tax cut for the Middle Class but next year those cuts will be offset by hikes in everything else to pay for it and cuts in services to those needing them most, whilst the billionaires continue to benefit, putting the billion into Bill. Including Donald J Trump, who told us that the bill would cost him money although the abolition of estate duty will save his family more than a billion dollars and his taxes (if indeed he pays any) are cut by 15%. And all the time, his idiotic fans purr and coo with pleasure whilst being fleeced by a conman. He has poisoned peoples minds, a cancer on the body politic, turning his devotees against Robert Mueller, James Comey the FBI, the CIA, the courts, the media, anyone or anything shedding light on his fraudulence and his vile cultist followers spew poison about them on Twitter and Fox. This Tuesday, an alleged child molester, a rabid, religious maniac who thinks homosexuality is akin to bestiality, will be elected Senator for Alabama with the support of the President of the United States and the GOP because they need his vote. They need it to slash welfare and healthcare. They need it to build a Wall. They need it to elect more conservative, intolerant judges to outlaw abortions, to ban Muslims from coming in, to throw Dreamers out, to deny rights to women and gays.  Above all, they need it to prevent this lying, incompetent, blustering, racist, crook from being impeached. This is the world we live in and these are the morons whose votes allow shits to prosper and honesty, integrity and the values we held dear to vanish down the drain. 

So yes, WTF is furious because there is a lot to be furious about. And you know what Dave? A large drink and an early night is not going to make it better.


Let us at least smile at the sartorial survey of the last seven days, starting  with actress Jennifer Connelly wearing Louis Vuitton.

It seems that granny’s old, discoloured bra blew off the washing line and landed squarely on Jennifer’s chest. What nonsense is this?

Next up, we have fashion blogger Jonysios at Beautycon, London.

His nausea-inducing, ruched trousers have had a serious fallout with his ankles and he is wearing brogues without socks. Meanwhile, the eyebrows! The preposterous pout! The fur! He looks like Joan Crawford as Mildred Pierce.


To the iHeart Radio festival and singer Demi Lovato, wearing Frolov.

It is not often that WTF wishes that someone had worn less but in this case, anything, a bare leg, a prosthetic leg, a table leg, would have been better than one half of these floppy beige slacks worn with a gold lamé, one-limbed toga. And where are her feet?

To the British Fashion Awards in London where a variety of rubbish was available for inspection, including this terrible Burberry trouser suit on model and actress Agyness Deyn.

WTF is astonished that (i) Burberry would design this (ii) someone would wear it. If you found this in the rummage basket at an Oxfam shop, you would shudder and put it back.

And there was singer Zendaya in a silly blonde wig, wearing Vivetta.

She has horses’ heads on her tits. Horses’ heads. Remember that scene in The Godfather? These horses’ heads are bloodless but are distinctly pervy.

There is also the small matter of the baggy illusion panels…..

Oh here he is again. WTF speaks of racing driver Lewis Hamilton, seen here with Donatella Versace. She looks great. Note that his hanging hankie matches her frock.

Lewis is giving us his Twatty McTwatty look with hiking boots and a necklace over a polo neck and the aforementioned hanging hankie in homage to Captain Sparrow. Why does he always have to look like such a knob? Teams of rocket scientists are currently working around the clock to resolve this conundrum.

Finally from this fiesta of fashion farragos, designer Matty Bovan, presumably wearing something of his own design.

This is Madame Butterfly in full kabuki meets Piglet with a side order of silly sleeves. Daft.

TV health pundit,  Dr Gillian McKeith is back again.

Gillian has been giving in to her inner showgirl, as she did a few weeks back in similarly revolting fashion. Just because you can does not mean that you should. Go and buy a skirt. If you’re short of cash, WTF is sure that her Readers would willingly each contribute 20p for such a deserving cause.

Another serious stinker, this time on singer Janelle Monáe, wearing Thom Browne.

She has an extraordinarily beautiful face, looks fabulous in that hat and the shoes are great. Everything else is awesomely bad, particularly the crotch-casement, the stupid suspended trouser and the handbag like an upturned Louboutin pump.

This last one come from the London Film Festival in early October this year but WTF missed it. However, it is, without question, one of the worst outfits anyone has ever seen. Brace yourselves. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!


This is so….labial. It is like examining an excited frog’s vagina in 4D. That is quite bad enough but then there are the sparkly clogs and the thick Ms Marple tights and the way the “skirt’ explodes from her waist like a set of overstarched tablecloths. This is a stupendous stinker.


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF stalwart Leslie of Lisson Grove who is fed up with the constant assault on his earholes by non-stop Yuletide songs. Leslie writes, No sooner does the calendar click over to December 1st and it’s like someone fired an ill-tuned starting gun on Christmas Carols. Now, I have no problem with Christmas Carols sung correctly and in an appropriate setting, but it seems that every grocery store is hell bent on reminding me to spend spend, spend like crazy by blasting out the worst of Christmas music ‘sung’ by artists various – Whitney, Britney, Mariah, Pariah etc, who, without the aid of an auto-tune machine, would be unable to carry a tune in a bucket up Regent Street. Supermarket are becoming a no-go area and D.I.Y stores assault our ears with lurid tales of how I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus”. He is right. It’s Got To Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF just loves them to bits. And don’t neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.












Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, British Fashion Awards 2017, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump Jr, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, James Comey, Politics, Robert Mueller, Roy Moore, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments