WTF Deranged Special

Posted on June 16, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

The former Prime Minister knowingly lied to the House of Commons, including lying about lying. He then lied to the Parliamentary Privileges Committee about whether he had lied to the House of Commons, including lying about lying. On learning that the Committee had found him guilty and had recommended his suspension for a record 90 days, he promptly resigned as an MP and attacked the Committee and its members as a kangaroo court. He has spent the time since spewing more bile, pausing only to pretend-jog around the leafy Oxfordshire countryside where he has just purchased a £3.8 million, nine-bedroomed mansion with a moat. Anyone with a modicum of shame would have weighed himself down with copies of the Report and jumped into the moat, but Johnson is as interested in shame as he is in the truth. Which is to say, not at all.

This is of course the same former Prime Minister whose lies were so egregious that over 50 of his ministers deserted him, forcing him to resign. He thought that was unfair as well. And the same Prime Minister who then put forward a resignation honours list proposing a knighthood for his father, alleged wife-basher Stanley Johnson, and peerages for his acolytes and handmaidens, not to mention the equivalent of Animal Farm’s Squealer, the perambulating pustule that is Paul Dacre, former editor of the Daily Mail. Sunak at least vetoed Stanley’s elevation and Dacre’s peerage and peerages for three sitting Tory MPs did not happen. We consider Nadine Dorries in the It’s Got To Go section under the fashion. Those who did make the cut include a peerage for some 29-year-old woman of whom no one had previously heard and whose chief function was to ensure a plentiful supply of McVitie’s chocolate digestives, a damehood for Priti Patel, a knighthood for Jacob Rees-Mogg  and a gong for the Parliamentary hairdresser.  Yes, you read that right. Apparently there is a Parliamentary hairdresser. Whom we pay for. And who presumably bore responsibility for Johnson going out and about looking like Worzel Gummidge. And who has been rewarded for her responsibility in allowing Johnson to go out and about looking like Worzel Gummidge. 

Johnson’s intemperate language is eerily similar to the language employed by that other paragon of truth and integrity, former US President Donald Trump, who was indicted this week for retaining classified documents at Mar A Lago, the gaudy pleasure dome in which he resides during the winter months. Like Johnson, Trump has described his indictment as a ‘witch hunt’ and those formulating the charges against him as ‘deranged’. And like Johnson, he has politicians defending him and trumpeting his innocence. In Johnson’s case, his supporters maintain that it was reasonable for their Eton-and-Oxford-educated hero to believe that he had not been at any parties, and if there were parties, they were necessary parties, and anyway he didn’t stay long and his advisers had told him that everything was OK. In Trump’s case, his supporters claim that he was entitled to remove documents, including ones concerning the nuclear capabilities of the country of which he was Commander in Chief, and anyway the documents were his (they weren’t, they belong to the US Government, not to him), and anyway they had been planted and anyway he could declassify them just by thinking about it, and so what if he had told his valet, the poor schnook who has been indicted with him, to move boxes of documents he didn’t have but were his anyway, although they had been planted, from one part of the pleasure dome to another to stop his lawyers looking at them?

And so these two amoral, indecent, narcissistic liars are finding out that although it took decades, they are finally being held accountable. And they cannot believe it. And neither can their brainwashed supporters.

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We start our review of the week’s abysmal attire with a pair of pointless prats possessed of more money than sense with no talent, not even of any kind. WTF speaks of celebritee son and ‘aspiring chef’ Brooklyn Beckham and his ‘wifey’, billionheiress Nicola Peltz. They have popped out to supper in Beverley Hills.

WTF cannot stand Brooklyn, who is a gormless little git with a face like a boiled pudding. And she has no time for his wife, who is parading around in her undies, a bodystocking and stupid pointy boots. Imagine if you were about to tuck into your dinner at $150 a head, only to have these two pillocks come swanning past you. You’d be lucky to make it to the loo in time….. Just. Go. Away.

Next up we are in Sweden where we encounter actor Lily Collins wearing MaxMara at the brand’s launch of its Resort Wear 2024.

In what resort would anyone wear this, apart from the Last Resort? MaxMara usually oozes elegance, but in this case they seem to have put the lovely Lily in a metal corset and then stood her in a dustbin, like one of WTF’s cartoon favourites, Top Cat. 

Singer and presenter Tallia Storm was out and about in London, and she was flashing everything as per bloody usual.

This has a Church tit window displaying suspiciously rounded tits and is as vulgar as everything else Tallia wears. Put it away love, for Gawd’s sake.

Now we have actor Anthony Ramos at one of the endless world premières of Transformers – Return of the Beast. 

Well, this is certainly colourful, so that is a plus. But, as a minus, he looks like a strawberry sundae in very silly shoes. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE SHOES?

In an about turn that stunned WTF, actor Julia Fox showed up at a Vogue Fashion Show in Florence wearing something utterly insane but which almost completely covered her person. Which, for her, is as rare as rocking horse shit. 

There was a slash around the bottom, of course, because what is a dress these days without visible arse cheeks? Perhaps she needed the ventilation in this warm weather…

This is deeply weird. It is as if an airbag has exploded around her waist.

More nylon, this time on comedian and actor Megan Stalter who was attending the Tribeca Film Festival in New York.

WTF spent some time considering whether she had seen anything so awful and then gave up. What is this even supposed to be? Whatever it was supposed to be, what it is actually is is an adult incontinence pad which seems to be chafing her thighs, bigly, held in place by a mayoral chain. It is truly, truly, terrible.  One only hopes that someone has some soothing nappy-rash cream available.

And finally we are at the Tony Awards in New York where actor Lupita N’yongo pitched up in this bizarre creation by designer Misha Japanwala.

WTF is not keen on a breastplate as fashion to start with, but she is especially not keen on this one because it makes Lupita’s tits look shrivelled, like Mélisandre when she took off the magic necklace in Games of Thrones. (And yes, that was a spoiler but the series finished in 2019. 2019!!! We’ve lived through a pandemic since then).

Meanwhile, someone seems to have drawn on Lupita’s head with a Sharpie.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from every single person with a brain who wants to know why dozy dimwit Nadine Dorries is still an MP when she resigned last week ‘with immediate effect?’ 

In other words, Nadine herself said She Had Got to Go and then She Didn’t Go and instead She Has Been Staying, whining and whimpering about not being elevated to the House of Lords on the grounds that she comes from a poor family in Liverpool and is a victim of institutional snobbery. Or something. Look love, you do not deserve a peerage because you are an idiot. You resigned. The other two who resigned at the same time have applied for the Chiltern Hundreds and the by-election dates have been set. Your turn. You’ve Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nadine Dorries, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Courtroom Special

Posted on June 9, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

‘You must not tell us what the soldier, or any other man, said, Sir,’ interposed the judge; ‘it’s not evidence.’ 

‘Wery good, my Lord,’ replied Sam.

In The Pickwick Papers, Mr Pickwick is sued for breach of promise by his landlady, Mrs Bardell.  His faithful manservant Sam Weller is called to give evidence. As you can see from the above exchange, it did not go well. Judges tend not to find for claimants based on all or any of the following; feeling hard done by, knowing it in your water, saying ‘I can’t prove it but I know it’s true’ or ‘it’s not fair’ or‘the defendant has made my life hell for years and now I want my day in court’. Or even ‘the defendant killed my mum’. To win in court, you have to have evidence on which the judge can find, on the balance of probabilities, that you have proved your case. And it is on this technical, but necessary, principle that Prince Harry’s claim of phone hacking against Mirror Group Newspapers seems to have gone tits up. He said that the paper would only have obtained particular information about him, his girlfriends, his nocturnal activities and his goings on generally  by hacking his phone. MGN, which admits to having hacked other people’s phones in the past, says that in this case it could indeed have got the information printed from legal sources, such as courtiers leaking like a sieve, back stabbers in the Royal Press Office diverting attention from the activities of other more important Royals, and reading stuff in the papers. And so it was that time after time in cross examination, Andrew Green KC asked Prince Harry where the evidence was, only for him to reply ‘you know it’s true’. The case still rumbles on, and will do for weeks, during which M’Learned Friends will line their pockets bigly and stash a shed load of cash in pension funds and bank accounts various. Prince Harry will however not be there, having hotfooted it back to California to await the outcome in due course.

This was a man on a mission, namely to protest against the mass intrusions of the press into the private life of himself, his family and his mother, who died in a car trying to escape the attentions of the paparazzi. And he is right in regarding the tabloid press as scummy, dishonest and intrusive. We know that newspapers have had to pay out large sums in damages to many celebrities whose phones have been hacked, with sneaky little stories published in consequence but which were of no real consequence at all – who is sleeping with whom, who said what about whom, who had fallen out with whom. It was cheap journalism in every sense of the word – unimportant, surreptitious and invasive, easy to do and carried out with total indifference to the feelings of the people involved. It was free copy, it filled newspaper columns and it kept the news editors happy, who in turn kept their editors happy, who in turn kept their proprietors happy as the profits rolled in. The whole thing is so depressingly trivial and trite. But the problem is that when you come for these bastards, you have to have the evidence to nail them to the floor because if you don’t, and you fail, it will cost you a lot of money and your life will be made even more miserable than before because they can crow how you lost in addition to all the other stuff they have against you. WTF hopes that she is wrong but it seems that Harry has picked a fight without the weapons to see it through to success – Don Quixote tilting at windmills.

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We start our review of the week’s absurd attire with actor Jeremy Pope at the Moet Chandon Polo event at Liberty State Park, wearing  an AMI suit with a white Esenshel hat.

Dr Seuss wrote about the Cat in the Hat. This is more of a case of the Prat in a Hat. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT HAT? As for the suit, the colour is great but it seems a little tight around the chest and is puckering more than Donald Trump’s mouth when he received his latest set of indictments.

Next we go to South Africa and celebritee Maya Jama presenting the rubbishy TV  show Love Island, in which a bunch of chemically-enhanced, toilet-toothed nonentity wannabees woo each other to win a chance to go on to attend crappy premières  and appear in the Daily Mail Sidebar of Shame. (The ratings have tanked this season, by the way). Maya is wearing a ‘dress’ by Cult Gaia which costs £2,850.

WTF is not sure what she most deplores –  the embossed crotch circle, that some idiot would spend £2,850 on this dreck, that it is extremely ugly or that it looks like a macramé hanging.

We are now at the TV Soap Awards in Manchester with one of our regulars, actor Chelsee Healey, wearing something horrible.

If Morticia Addams went to a fancy dress party as a burlesque dancer, this is what she would look like.

Meet Japanese actor Riisa Naka at the New York premiere of her new film  Transformers – Rise of the Beasts.

You just know that the outfit is an absolute stinker when the shocking pink hair is the best bit of the whole look. The rest of it seems to consist of a bodice of different coloured belts under florescent carwash brushes. And she has lost her feet. 

This one is from the Chelsea Flower show at the end of May, but WTF missed it. This is presenter and former singer Ashley Roberts at a Vanity Fair reception wearing Jean Paul Gaultier

Do not adjust your brain – this is really happening. Maya Jama, whom we see above, was snapped recently in a purple and green version of this, but Ashley’s colourway is worse, not least because the red stream emanating from her minge area, highlighted by hazy stripes, is distinctly menstrual. The bellybutton swirl is also deeply disturbing. 

Finally, we are in LA with Nazi-sympathiser, Jew-hating, off-his-head rapper Kanye West and his alleged wife (they were apparently ‘married’ in a ‘non-binding’ ceremony), Australian architect Bianca Censori. They’re off to Church. Specifically, Kanye’s Sunday Service at which he officiates. 

Kanye is wearing tights. Tights! And a penis purse instead of a bumbag. And stupid sock shoes. And shoulder pads like an American footballer. He looks like a malevolent Robin Hood. Meanwhile the new Mrs West has a stocking pulled over her head like a bank robber and appears to be wearing a dog basket around her neck. They have a lot of forgiveness to seek from the Good Lord for their crimes against fashion.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is seriously fed up with women wearing enormous false eyelashes as an everyday fashion accessory.  How do they even hold their head up or see out of them?

WTF is not against false eyelashes. But she is against huge, stupid ones that make the wearer look like a pantomime cow. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Antisemitism, British Soap Awards, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Meghan Markle, phone hacking, Politics, Prince Harry, Prince William, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Covid Inquiry Special

Posted on June 2, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

In 2021, Boris Johnson’s Government appointed former Court of Appeal Judge Lady Hallett to chair a ‘forensic and thoroughgoing’ inquiry into the UK’s response to the Covid pandemic. You may think that this would be a relatively straightforward task, resulting in a report of half a page featuring the words ‘shit-show’, ‘farrago’ and ‘well dodgy’, but it seems that M’Lady is intent upon conducting a thorough and wide-ranging examination into the subject. Setting up such an Inquiry was also a very convenient excuse for the then Government to avoid any immediate explanations and responsibility for the many and obvious failures of judgement, not to mention the then Prime Minister’s absence from duty in February 2020, when he was busy writing a book on Shakespeare, sorting out his divorce from the second Mrs Johnson and lolling about at Chevening, officially the country home of the Foreign Secretary but which he had commandeered while Chequers had the builders in, rather than concentrating on the impending disaster.  The Inquiry is due to start hearing evidence in a few weeks’ time but has just hit the buffers owing to the Sunak Government refusing to provide unredacted evidence to the very Judge the Johnson government had chosen. When M’Lady insisted on receiving what she had asked for by 4:00 pm on Thursday,  the Sunak Government filed an application for judicial review instead, citing some point of principle which nobody fully understands, but which seems to fall into the category of ‘you must be joking, M’Lady, haven’t we been embarrassed enough already?’ To which the answer is no. Not by a long chalk.

The evidence in question consists of WhatsApp messages between Boris Johnson and others various from 2021 onwards. Apparently, Johnson does not have his messages from before that date because something happened to his phone, an excuse used by WAG Rebecca Vardy in her unsuccessful libel action against fellow WAG Colleen Rooney. Only in her case it was three phones. Be that as it may, this Government maintains that the messages are simultaneously irrelevant and that disclosure is contrary to public policy. Teams of rocket scientists are currently working around the clock to resolve this conundrum, although one feels that M’Lady has already guessed that whatever is in those messages is going to show a number of persons in an even worse light than the one in which they currently bathe. In which case, they must be truly appalling, as it is difficult to see how Johnson, Sunak, Matt Hancock and the moron that was Education Secretary Gavin Williamson could emerge as any more inept and pathetic than they already have.  Weirdly, Johnson at first refused to turn over anything at all, then handed what he says is everything to the Cabinet Office on Tuesday and is now offering to hand everything over to M’Lady direct. Which would at least save time and a great deal of money which would otherwise be lavished on M’Learned Friends, who are currently gambolling around the Temple and Lincoln’s Inn Fields in a state of high excitement. And which would allow Johnson a chance to pour buckets of excrement over his despised former colleagues, something both he and we would much enjoy.

So here we are. The Government appoints someone to lead an Inquiry, promises full co-operation and then sues its own Inquiry for demanding the documents it had promised to provide. It is a new low, even for this lot, which is saying quite a lot. 

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We start our review of the week’s freaky fashion with rapper Bad Bunny, né Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio, wearing leather and some very silly Balenciaga square-toed boots. Scroll down slowly…. 

Yurgle. They’re hideous. And they cost £700. He could have saved himself a ton of money by buying a pair of flippers in a sports shop.

She’s back! Amazingly, she is fully clothed but she still looks ridiculous. Yes, it’s supposed actor Julia Fox strolling around Paris wearing Liwen Liang.

Although an actor, Julia is principally known for two things; wearing very skimpy clothing and going out a few years ago for about a month with Kim Kardashian’s ex-husband, rapper, designer and virulent antisemite Kanye West. Julia is now saying that she only went out with him to distract people from the Covid pandemic and to do Kim a favour by diverting her ex’s attentions. Sure, love, that was very altruistic of you. WTF is off to contact the Novel Peace Prize Committee. Meanwhile, how does Julia walk in those jeans? They are trailing on the trottoirs and adding to the general impression that she is unravelling, like a knitted octopus. 

Meet actor and singer Shameik Moore at the premiere of Across the Spider Verse wearing a weird ensemble.

What terrible trousers. Not only are they very snug around the goolies but he seems to have tripped over and torn them at the knees. Dismal.

And this is Bad Bunny’s girlfriend, model Kendall Jenner, aboard a yacht in Cannes wearing David Koma.

A dark dress against a dark sky and a darker sea gives the impression that she has a floating pair of tits with poppies for nipples. As we know from Armistice Day, poppies are for remembrance but this is a sight WTF is anxious to expunge from her memory. Permanently.

And here we are at the amFAR Gala at Cannes with singer Halsey, wonderfully named Ashley Nicolette Frangipane by her loving parents, wearing Givenchy.

If a pink gin went to the AmFAR gala at Cannes wearing long black gloves and stilettos, this is what it would look like.

To the Cannes Red Carpet where we encounter Léna Mahfouf, known by her nom-de-You-Tube Léna Situations, wearing Vivienne Westwood.

Vivienne Westwood? Really? Where is the rest of the dress? Léna used this outfit to protest at being body-shamed for putting on a few pounds. She looks absolutely fine to WTF, body-wise, but that does not justify appearing coram publico in a swimsuit with wings like Tinkerbell in cameo.

And finally we have Swedish model Elsa Hosk wearing Viktor & Rolf.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. This really happened. Elsa posed like the model she is (she was also a former professional basketball player) sporting (see what WTF did there?) a spare pair of tits. WTF aficionado K Thomas from the Pacific North West sent this pic to @WTF_EEF on Twitter saying ‘For your consideration. We can’t stop laughing’. And is she wrong?

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from a number of WTF aficionados, including WTF herself. I mean, hands up who is NOT sick to death of the endless saga that is the tale of former sofa-sitters Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby of morning talk-show ‘This Morning’, the young bloke Schofield had a fling with and then lied about, former colleagues rabid ranter Dan Wootton and grumpy git Eamonn Holmes, both of whom have not stopped spewing bile since Schofield resigned, some doctor bloke of whom WTF had never heard but who spoke up anyway and every other bugger opining on something we don’t care about.

This has been going on for bloody weeks now, and the weatherman says there’s more to come. WTF even read about in the Washington Post, FFS! Enough! Stop It! Why does anyone watch that drivel anyway? Tune into James O’Brien on LBC. Or take the dog for a walk. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything and gets upset when they don’t appear. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good .

Posted in amFAR, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, General Election, Lady Hallett, Matt Hancock, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Uncategorized, Wagatha Christie, WAGs, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Cannes Red Carpet Special

Posted on May 26, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Those of you who peruse this column regularly (thank you, thank you, thank you) will know that WTF is no fan of Suella Braverman, the woman who puts the gung-ho into Home Secretary. She exudes a blend of malice and incompetence which is notable even in this shitshow of a government, so that one almost – ALMOST – longs for the return of Priti Patel. WTF was surprised to discover only this week that Suella is not actually Suella but Sue-Ellen, named after Sue -Ellen Ewing, the long-suffering, alcoholic wife of dastardly J R Ewing in the popular TV series Dallas which ran from 1979 to 1991. One might think that Sue-Ellen Ewing was a curious role model for a little girl but who knows what passed for  normality in the Fernandez household in Wembley, Northwest London in 1980, the year of Braverman’s birth? That Sue-Ellen became Suella is perhaps understandable, but it is about the only understandable thing about her. For example, how does she continues to escape the sack as she lurches from scandal to scandal on a dizzying roller coaster of failure? One can only conclude that whatever she has on Rishi Sunak must be a humdinger. I mean, it doesn’t bear thinking about …

Last week, Braverman annoyed the moderate Tories by speaking at a number of very right wing, looney tunes conference which was basically a we-love-Boris- and-want-him-back fest, where she also burnished her credentials with the headbangers by ranting on about multiculturalism and ‘political correctness’. She spent most of this week facing allegations that as Attorney -General under Boris Johnson, she tried to pressurise her civil servants into arranging a private speed awareness course for her rather than having to sit through three hours with 20 members of the hoi polloi in a mass act of contrition for doing 24 miles an hour in a 20 mile zone. Fortunately the civil servants told their boss to fuck right off. And then dobbed her in. Good for them. Braverman apologised for speeding but swerved the issue of whether she had made any such request to her underlings. Despite this being an obvious breach of the ministerial code – yes, another one – Sunak concluded there was nothing to see here and announced that there would be no investigation, which means that there will be no censure and that Braverman will survive to cock up something else. It is becoming increasingly difficult to envisage what exactly Braverman has to do to get the push. Then on Thursday, she enraged the headbangers, the ones who drooled with delight at her tough talk about immigrants and shipping them off to African countries various, when the news broke that immigration has hit a record high of 606,000 with around 1.2 million people arriving to live in the UK in 2022. Enraged  backbenchers are now calling for her defenestration with immediate effect. It may be that the only reason (other than whatever she has got on Sunak) that she has survived these calls for her to go is that she has ‘gone to ground’ since the news broke and is not answering her telephone. What new scandals will befall her before we meet again next Friday? Watch this space…..

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Our review of the week’s awful attire is all from the Cannes Film Festival, where a collection of gruesomeness awaits you, so bad you might well think that that the WTF Summer Stinker Poll has come early. We start with actor Cate Blanchett wearing Louis Vuitton.

Oh dear. Oh very dear. She seems to have meringues stuck to her tittage and hippage. Let us hope a short-sighted chef does not try and coat her in creme patissière.

Now we have actor Charles Melton wearing something sparkly at a party thrown by mega-jeweller Chopard. 

If some Bobbi Brown peach eyeshadow went to a black tie Chopard party at Cannes, this is what it would look like.

Meanwhile, the sheer silk top is nearly as silly as the length of the trousers, which are pooling around his ankles like a leaking tap. Was the designer expecting Charles to experience a growth spurt between the fitting and the event? 

Next up we have model Ashley Graham wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

The colour is certainly pretty, but she looks like an unmade bed.

And here is actor Julia Fox wearing what knows what this is supposed to be? But you just know, even without looking, that there is not enough of it.

There is an atomic mushroom cloud of puffery from a giant sheet and a bodice made out of  those silicone tit-shaped jelly moulds you buy in joke shops. Does Julia actually make movies any more, or does she just walk around flashing her bits? This is getting ridiculous. Cover up, love and make a movie. With your clothes on.

And now we meet Indian actor Urshavi Rautela wearing Ziad Nakad.

This is more of a case of Ziad Naked. Why is she dressed as Phoebe the Monster Muppet?

Say hello to French singer Yseult Onguenet, known as Yseult, wearing Alexander McQueen. Careful how you go on this one….

OK here is the problem. The skirt is pretty and the colour is gorgeous, but it is awfully snug around the tits and her head appears to be emerging from a giant ruff, like those masks you wear on Halloween. She needs a bigger size, a longer neck and a lot less ruffle.  Juliet remarked ‘that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet’ but this is a stinker.

And now a rare but much deserved double-appearance in a single week by Russian model Iriną Shayk.  First, she walked the Red Carpet wearing a sort-of-almost leather dress by Mowalola.

Er… she is wearing an ammunition belt as a top, like a Mexican bandito, and her skirt is on back to front.

But that is virtually overdressed in comparison to what she sort of wore when going to a party wearing (?!?!) Dolce & Gabbana. Scroll down slowly….

She is wearing Dolce & Gabbana. Undies. With a diamond dog collar, long sheer gloves and a matching condom. This falls squarely into the category of ‘that’s not even clothes’ and even by Cannes standards, it plumbs new depths. 

Finally, a hardy perennial, model and presenter Heidi Klum wearing Zuhair Murad. WARNING – TITS AHOY!!!!

Heidi is covered in molten custard like a jam roll poly pudding, sporting not only a giant tit window but also a belly button borehole, with the emphasis on bore. Oh, and the inevitable Monge Moment. The tit window was supposed to be kept decent by industrial quantities of tit tape, but of course the tit tape had tit tape failure leading to the inevitable and-oh-so-accidental-my-arse-nip-slippage to the surprise of absolutely no one.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh who sent in this picture from Twitter. 

Who would spend 10 p on this trash? Her astonishing rise to power? What about her astonishing crash from power? She lasted less time than a lettuce. Just Go Away. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. They were mega-fab last week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good .

 

 

 

 

Posted in asylum, Boris Johnson, Cannes Film Festival, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Immigration, Liz Truss, Politics, racism, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Bullitt Special

Posted on May 19, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

When you think of a car chase, you think of Steve McQueen in Bullitt pursuing some nasty looking types up and down the steep streets of San Francisco or Gene Hackman in The French Connection driving like a lunatic through Jamaica, Brooklyn while pursuing an overground train. Speed was definitely of the essence.  But on Tuesday night, village idiot Prince Harry and his fragrant wife the Duchess of Sussex were supposedly involved in a similar episode on the streets of Manhattan. For two hours. Anybody who has ever been to Manhattan knows that traffic crawls along day and night and that if you manage to get up to 15 miles an hour, you have had a major result. But according to their spokesperson, ‘the Duke and Duchess of Sussex and Ms Ragland (Meghan’s mum) were involved in a near catastrophic car chase at the hands of a ring of highly aggressive paparazzi. This relentless pursuit, lasting over two hours, resulted in multiple near collisions involving other drivers on the road, pedestrians and two NYPD officers’. The statement invoked the sad end of Harry’s mother Princess Diana in 1997 in Paris when her car was chased by paparazzi and ended up crashing in a tunnel underneath le Pont D’Alma. That was a high speed chase with a drunk driver at the wheel. It did however seem rather unlikely for the same thing to have happened in Manhattan and the Mayor, formerly the city’s police chief, expressed surprise that a car chase could have lasted for two hours, although he accepted that the incident had been ‘challenging’. Subsequently the Sussex’s spokesperson said that it was a car chase but not a fast car chase, which is about as silly a concept as WTF ever did hear in her life. How can you have a slow car chase? It sounds like the London to Brighton vintage car rally. Like most things where that couple is concerned, there appears to have been a substantial degree of exaggeration. The taxi driver who drove them for a brief part of this episode accepted that his passengers had seemed scared but  he himself had never felt in any danger. Which for a New York cab driver is saying quite a lot. And so here we are again with Harry playing the victim card, harkening back to the appalling death of his mother and generally straining our belief to the limits of credulity. Or should that be incredulity?

Look. Paparazzi is another word for scum. These guys are unregulated, unapologetic and unprincipled, flogging their tawdry wares to any newspaper that will cross their palm with silver. One set of villains flogging stuff which should not be flogged to other villains, and those villains flogging it to their readers in the name of news. In 1997, we all said that things had to change but they haven’t. And they won’t until newspapers stop buying this crap, which they won’t. And it is understandable why Harry was triggered by the incident in question. But by exaggerating and milking it for all that it is worth will unfortunately only exacerbate the paparazzi’s behaviour rather than stop it. And as for protecting his privacy… that stable door is well and truly open. Wide open.

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We start our review of the week’s weird wear at the TV BAFTA Awards with Paul Young (the animator, not the singer or the chocolatier) wearing who can even say what this is?

Apart from the fact that the colour scheme is particularly bilious, WTF is bemused by the fact that Paul has come dressed as a bearded Jane Eyre. Yurgle. The singing Paul Young used to croon a song that went ‘Everytime you go away, you take a piece of me with you’. If only this Paul Young would go away. Far, far away….

Still at the BAFTAs, we meet talented actor Billie Piper wearing Richard Quinn.

Billie used to be married to right wing dimbo Laurence Fox but had the good sense to skedaddle. Something seems to have happened to her face, which is a shame, because she has a fabulous face, while birds seem to be nesting in her hair. As for the outfit, if a fibre optic lamp went to a fancy dress party as a tailor’s dummy, this is what it would look like.

And now we are at the premiere of The Little Mermaid where we encounter lovely English actor Simone Ashley, she of the second Bridgeton series, wearingVersace.

‘Cinderella, you shall go to the Ball’, said the fairy godmother. ‘Unfortunately, though, I cannot mend your frock as my wand isn’t working, due to the increasing price of electricity, so you’ll just have to go as you are’ .

Also there was actor Daveed Diggs wearing Amiri.

There is painterly. And there is what the actual fuck are you wearing? Guess which side of the line this falls? And what are those shoes?

Next up we have actor Sydney Sweeney at the premiere of her new movie, Reality, wearing Schiaparelli. 

Oh dear. It is never going to end, is it? Bared bellybutton – check. Imminent Minge Moment – check. It is as if someone had wrapped her in gaffer tape and run out.

Now to the Academy of Country Music Awards and singer Lainey Wilson wearing one of the most horrible outfits WTF has seen in some time. The designer has failed to own up. Good call. If he/she/they had any conscience, he/she/they would have changed their name by deed poll and become a traffic warden. Ready? 

Ooh, this is hideous. And more bilious green. When did bilious green become an actual thing? This is like a grasshopper with tits….

And finally, here is Jennifer Lopez, the new Mrs Ben Afleck, wearing Valentino in New York City.

You might not think that this is possible but it is much worse from the rear.

All together now. AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!! Fresh from inflicting shocking pink upon our eyeballs all season, Valentino is now dressing Jen as a stuffed cuddly toy in a print stretched across her ample derrière with  crinkled tights and matching shoesies.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Michael from Sydney who is rightly outraged by the revolting remarks made by former Australian Labor politician Mark Latham, now a member of looney-tunes right wing party One Nation, about Independent MP Alex Greenwich, who happens to be gay. Greenwich called Latham a ‘disgusting human being’ after Latham gave a speech in a Catholic Church while an LGBTQ+ group protesting outside were attacked by right wing thugs. Latham responded by tweeting this. WARNING – THIS IS HORRIBLE EVEN THOUGH IT HAS BEEN PARTIALLY REDACTED.

Latham took down the tweet and admitted the language was rather crude, winning the ‘No shit Sherlock’ prize for the 21st century, but then doubled down, saying that Greenwich has ‘a glass jaw’ and  ‘I don’t regret saying that as a straight man, the thought of someone holding a gun to my head saying that I’ve got to have anal sex with another man, I do find that disgusting. That’s what makes me straight’. Mate – you are a disgusting human being, although the human being bit was too kind. You’ve Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. They were mega-fab last week. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good .

 

 

 

 

Posted in Academy of Country Music Awards, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Duchess of Sussex, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Meghan Markle, Politics, Prince Harry, Princess Diana, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Coronation Special

Posted on May 12, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Last week, WTF told you that the Coronation would be a great spectacle and it was. When your place is in the world is diminished and you no longer have military domination and are down to your last aircraft carrier and three pea shooters, you have to take your pleasures where you can find them and there were pleasures aplenty to be found in the pageantry where lots of immaculately-turned out troops bedecked in crimson and gold with dead bears on their heads steaming in the damp and emitting noxious dead bear smells, marched in formation or rode a horse while blowing a trumpet or banging a drum – we know how to do that. We are the cham-pi-ons at that. Inflation is through the roof and our Government is crap but when it comes to parading through rainy streets to the theme of the Dam Busters, we have no rivals. Take that, foreign people….

WTF still cannot get to grips with the concept of Majesty, particularly where a couple of septuagenarians tried to walk in a straight line with bloody great crowns on their heads and trains the length of a football pitch. Tilt your head at the wrong angle and you could end up with zillions of pounds of nicked diamonds and pilfered solid gold rolling down the aisle without you. But the music! The spectacle! The rituals! Penny Mordaunt’s décolletage with her sword erect! mega-cute Royal kiddies. We smashed it. WTF found herself turning into someone wholly unrecognisable from her normal self. She was enraptured. She felt tenderly towards the Archbishop of Canterbury. (I know! I KNOW!!!!). She even bristled when the Anti Monarchist lot, minus the ones the Met Police nicked for no reason whatsoever, demonstrated outside the Palace after everyone else had gone home, shouting ‘Not My King!’ Was it all the champagne she consumed ? Was it the fact that this was the first such ceremony since before she was born? Goodness knows, but WTF’s friends and relations are having a whip-round to send her to Harley Street for an urgent consultation with a head doctor. Stat.

Meanwhile, for sheer entertainment, nothing beat the sight of Princess Anne dressed like Horatio Hornblower in breeches and a stupid tricorn hat with a massive red plume like a giant bottle brush. 

She looked like something out of HMS Pinafore.

Actually, there was something better than the sight of Princess Anne dressed as Horatio Hornblower and that was Princess Anne dressed as Horatio Hornblower and sending a huge fuck-you to village-idiot Prince Harry by sitting in front of him during the ceremony and using the aforementioned massive bottle brush to obstruct our view of him and his view of everyone else, including the family he jettisoned to go and live in California. If there is one person to whom one would not say ‘er, Auntie, would you mind awfully removing your hat?’, it is Princess Anne. Prince Harry may have wiped out enemies various in Helmand Province but he would not dare to take on the Princess Royal. Still, imagine flying thousands of miles to attend your father’s coronation, forced to stay in a AirBnB at the far end of the Metropolitan Line  and having to take an Uber to Westminster Abbey, and then not even seeing your father being coronated (as our American friends would say) because some plume is blocking the view. No wonder he buzzed off back to the airport and was airborne within 90 minutes of the King and Queen climbing into the Golden Coach and heading back to the Palace for a wave to the masses and a spot of coronation quiche. Who wants to be bettered by a feather?  He could have saved himself the airfare and watched it on TV en famille…

Almost as diverting was the weird guest list. Including the ubiquitous and deeply annoying  Joanna Lumley. WTF has never forgiven her for badgering Boris Johnson into committing himself to the stupidity that was the Garden Bridge based on her friendship with his family, whereupon £50m gurgled down the plughole without so much as a brick laid. But her outfit added fuel to that fire….

I mean, look at her. Who goes to a Coronation dressed as a District Nurse? And wearing what appear to be a pair of Sketchers on her feet? 

And then there was Princess Charlene and her husband, the priapic Prince Albert of Monaco.

Albert has gone portly and looks like a theatre commissionaire, while his fragrant spouse, who purportedly cannot stand the sight of him, clearly left her intended outfit back in Monte Carlo by accident and had to borrow something to wear from an Emirates cabin crew member.

Gosh, she looks miserable, and it is not just the silly hat.

Worse was to come in the form of the flotilla of failure, to whit the previous living Tory Prime Ministers. Kill me now.

Yes, there was Theresa May in a Paddington bear hat, Boris Johnson looking like a sack of shit, as per usual and the Lady Jane Grey of British politics, Liz Truss, in a deeply unflattering, tit-hugging  orange dress with matching chapeau and her customary gormless expression. The fact that she was there all is astonishing. The woman is beyond shameless. Anyone else who had tanked the economy and was beaten in a longevity stakes by a lettuce would have changed their name, had plastic surgery and moved to Outer Mongolia but Truss is made of sterner stuff. And at least she brushed her hair, unlike the ineffable Johnson…

His hair is like a loo brush, that shirt does not look fresh on and his collar has terminal wing-itis. Make him go away. Please.

And this next one can go as well. WTF speaks of Therese ‘Let Them Eat Turnips’  Coffey. Warning – put your breakfast fork down and do not spatter your hot beverage….

Red hat and matching nose, Union Jack scarf, white jacket, blue skirt last seen in the guise of Laura Ashley wallpaper circa 1974, horrible handbag. Like a bulldog in spectacles.

More politicians with the ineffable Tony Blair, looking like a Council Mayor, wife Cherie, Gordon Brown and wife Sarah  and, looking smugger than ever, Call Me Dave Cameron and wife Samantha.

Why do English women dress so badly on these occasions? Sam in florals of her own label (Celfinn), Sarah in a maroon dress better suited to the office and feathers which appear to have landed randomly upon her head and Cherie in hideous pink like Miss Piggy with her head in a flowerpot. Just. Very. Bad.

As for the concert on the following day, it was putrid, featuring a line-up of has beens, never weres and people caterwauling out of tune apart from opera singers, Bryn Terfel and Andrea Boccelli, who were forced to warble You’ll Never Walk Alone.  It was like a trip down memory lane, except it was a place you never wanted to go back to. Someone in the Royal Household has disinterred Take That when it would have been better to let them lie undisturbed. They sounded terrible and Mark Owen looked like Graham Nash’s older brother. It was more of a case of Take Them Away. And there was Katy Perry dressed in Vivienne Westwood, off key to the power of n.

If a box of Ferrero Rocher went to a fancy dress party dressed as a spatchcock oven-ready chicken, this is what it would look like.

And finally, we must sadly note the effects of too much interference with the workings of nature in the form of 73 year old Lionel Ritchie.

No one aged 73 has a face that smooth. No one. Some of it hardly moved. Sadly, the mouth still did. WTF was left wishing that her ears did not. Further, having butchered one song, Lionel then carried on and committed grievous bodily harm to a few more. Can we please stop subjecting our Royal Family to clapped out old codgers warbling tunelessly? Frankly, it would be kinder to send them to the guillotine.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending on your comments and topics for Its Got To Go (no room this week, alas. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good xx

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronation, David Cameron, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, King Charles, Liz Truss, Politics, Prince Harry, Queen Camilla, Theresa May, Therese Coffey, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | 5 Comments

WTF Silliness Special

Posted on May 5, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

So how excited are you about the coronation on Saturday? Are you busily baking your coronation quiche? (Query – if it is vegetarian, why has it got bloody lard in it? What is the point of being King of all the faiths and putting the Chief Rabbi up for the night because he would not otherwise be able to attend the ceremony, and then antagonise Jews, Muslims and vegetarians? Baffled). Or do you not give a stuff and regard it as a shocking waste of money at a time when people are more worried about their bills? The answer is probably a bit of both. You have to be well over 70 to remember the last Coronation, so clearly this one is a piece of living history. And although virtually nothing works in this country, we are really, really good at pageantry. Our armed forces are so depleted and cash starved that they probably could not knock the skin off a rice pudding, but when it comes to marching up and down in highly polished boots with a dead bear on their heads, they can beat the shit out of anyone. Westminster Abbey is stunning, and there will be music to die for, not to mention the prospect of having a good laugh at some very bad hats and – Heaven forfend – fascinators. Plus the joy of knowing that all those Diana fanatics will be seething as Queen Camilla dons the Crown. 

But deep down WTF suspects that the majority of people will watch because it is an event, rather like the Eurovision Song Contest or the World Cup final, rather than as an expression of genuine love and respect for the Royal Family and the monarchy. Charles has been knocking around for so long waiting for the call that the fact he has now ascended the Throne seems almost an anti-climax. He is in his mid 70s, as is his wife. Unlike the Coronation in 1953, when a beautiful young woman succeeded her father in a grey post-war country, this is all a bit senior citizens play dress up. The nation may be fond of Charles and respect his commitment to good causes, but does it really love him? Or does it feel in 2023 that to address anyone, let alone these two, as Your Majesties, is an absurdity. The age of deference has long faded away succeeded by disillusion and disappointment. You get the job because you are born to it and the rest of the family either supports you or makes a spectacle of itself, whether it be hobnobbing with paedophiles or living out some ghastly soap opera, boring everyone to death with their psychobabble and long held, much vented,  resentments.

So tomorrow WTF will crack open the champagne and feast upon her home- baked, non-lardy quiche, keep up a running critique on the fashion and enjoy the show whilst thinking, deep down, that accidents of birth should not confer majesty on anyone.

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Our review of the week’s sartorial silliness comes from the Met Gala which happened last Monday and provided the usual abundance of nonsense. The theme this year was to honour the late Nosferatu lookalikey Karl Lagerfield, king of Chanel. We start with actor Pedro Pascal wearing Valentino.

Pedro is a good looking man but even he has a problem carrying off a fabulous red coat and matching shirt in under-crackers and army boots, like a martinet  called to the battlefield at very short notice.

 

Next up is actor Rachel Brosnahan, in for a third week running. She must be grateful that this is the last series of The Marvelous Mrs Maisel or she would be in every week. She is wearing Sergio Hudson.

WTF hates a nipple pasty almost above all things, and these look like black dahlias as seen in a Rohrbach test. Just plain nasty. Let us hope Rachel did not have to reach for anything during the evening or those pasties would have gone walkies, leading to visible nipple activity.

This is fashionista Alexa Chung wearing Róisín Pierce.

This manages to be simultaneously frumpy and fussy, not to mention the imminent Minge Moment. It could be one of the winning entrants in the annual challenge to make a wedding dress out of loo rolls…

No Met Gala would be complete without actor Jared Leto looking ridiculous. This year he excelled himself by coming dressed as Karl’s treasured moggy, Choupette (to whom/which he bequeathed £1.3m).

Creepy. And then some. How did he pee? Did he have a built -in catlitter-box?

Here are director Baz Luhrmann wearing Thom Browne and his wife, producer Catherine Martin.

Catherine looks fine. Baz looks like a cross between a keyboard and the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in shrunken trewsies. Meanwhile, one is obliged to observe, looking at Baz’s visage, that there has been some interference with the workings of nature.

Next up we have actor Janelle Monáe wearing Thom Browne.

It starts silly. Then it gets sillier.

If a conical strainer wore a bikini and football boots, this is what it would look like.

Singer Lil Naz X looked truly remarkable wearing (??) Dior Homme.

On the face of it, Dior Homme did not have much to do except perhaps get in some extra fabric for the jockstrap and some spray paint. Stand by the mandatory arse cheeks. Although at least they are male rather than female ones for a change. And then clock the boots. He looks like a Minotaur without the tail.

 

Finally, meet model Alton Mason wearing ….something. Brace yourselves….

Readers, we may be looking at the winner of the WTF Summer Stinker 2023 because this is one of the most preposterous things WTF has seen in quite a while. What does it not have? A ruff. Padded shoulders. Not so much a tit window as tit arches. And a baby’s christening gown. If D’Artagnan went to a fancy dress party as an Elizabethan bride, this is what he would look like.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Anna from South London  who has sent in more vile tat by  Schein, or Scheit as WTF prefers to call them. Get ready…

These are marketed as ‘low rise booty shorts’ and they are about as bad as bad can be. Talk about Call for the Canisten. Anna asks ‘I mean, what even are these? If they’re meant to be knickers, surely they will cause nasty chafing? And the alternative doesn’t bear thinking about’. She is entirely correct. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good .

 

 

 

 

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Coronation, Duchess of Cambridge, Duchess of Sussex, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, King Charles, Met Gala 2023, Politics, Prince Harry, Prince William, Princess Beatrice, Princess Diana, Princess Eugenie, Queen Camilla, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Fox Special

Posted on April 21, 2023 by fashionshark


Hallo Readers,

You may think having to pay $787.5 million for defamation damages is a serious defeat. Chastening. Humiliating. A kick in the nuts for Rupert Murdoch, so soon after he ditched his fiancée of all of two weeks, but only after he had handed her a diamond ring worth $2 million. Which she’s keeping. Fox News, which has nothing to do with news, not even at all, has just had to settle for that very large sum with Dominion, a company that makes voting machines for US elections. In 2020, after Trump was given a good kicking and lost the presidential election, a collection of people who ordinarily would be in straitjackets chained to a wall somewhere, appeared on Fox News to maintain that Dominion has fiddled the votes using some sort of incomprehensible laser system operating from somewhere above Italy, and had turned votes for Trump into votes for Biden. The hosts of the evening programmes, which don’t even pretend to be news, allowed this bollocks to be repeated with hardly a raised eyebrow, let alone interlocution to the effect of ‘are you raving fucking mad, just sit there quietly while I call 911’. Fox viewers lapped it up, just as they swallowed whole the other lies peddled by Trump and his minions on Fox News and other Looneytunes right wing news outlets. That was bad but what made it worse is that evidence produced for the trial showed that the main presenters did not believe a word of it, but spewed it out anyway. And not just them but the managers and the owners, the Murdoch family, who knew this to be preposterous, but allowed it to go on for fear of their viewers deserting them for the other Looneytunes channels. Indeed, the mere fact that Fox News was first to call Arizona for Biden on election night caused outrage at the White House and on the executive floors at Fox for what was seen as disloyal behaviour which would piss off the faithful and cause them to get their lies elsewhere.

Dominion sued for $1.6 billion which is about 20 times what the company is actually worth even when it is doing well. Fox tried to swagger it out, hiding behind the first amendment. When that didn’t work, it maintained that it was not endorsing these views, but airing them as a matter of public interest. The judge was having none of it, leaving the only issue for the jury to decide as whether Fox knew that these were lies, but broadcast them anyway, which of course it did. Before the evidence was called, Fox wrote the cheque. But it didn’t have to apologise. It didn’t have to admit it deliberately lied. It didn’t have to tell its viewers that it led them by the nose because it’s what they wanted to hear. In other words, while pretending to inform them about the truth, it kept lying to them knowingly to ensure that the viewing figures stayed high  and the advertisers kept pumping their money in.

So yes, $787.5 million is a hell of a lot of money. And yes, Donald Trump will be extremely upset that the company caved instead of backing him up. Not that he has to pay the bill because of course Trump doesn’t pay the bill himself. Ever. Fox will make that money back because it will keep spoon feeding the viewers the lies they want to call the truth and its disgusting star presenters, on millions of dollars a year, will keep on pretending that they are enlightening the people they despise. Even though Rupert Murdoch has had a bad 2023 so far, there is still plenty of money to be made, and that is all that matters. 

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We begin our review of the week’s wanky wear with Mrs Maisel, aka actor Rachel Brosnahan, wearing Thom Browne.

Oh dear. Oh very dear. Haute couture meets naughty Scottish schoolgirl going  peekaboo in tartan offcuts and ankle socks. Seriously? Rachel would have done better to go onto Amazon and buy a sexy schoolgirl outfit for about 20 bucks.

Here is actor Katie Holmes wearing something silly.

So this is a lady tennis player with an old curtain wrapped around her but with a crotch cutout like a draped entrance to the Tunnel of Love. Worn with the world’s most horrible handbag, something your granny would have sent to the charity shop, and matching old lady shoes with a very weird stain on one of them. Did a bird poop on it?

And now two gentlemen both dressed as a couple of Florida retirees.  You know. The sort who think Ron de Santis is a really, really, good guy. First up, actor Woody Harrelson at the premiere of his new HBO TV series White House Plumbers.

All the women turn up for these premieres and photo calls dressed to the nines. Woody isn’t even dressed to the twos. Admittedly he looks comfy. That is the best that one can say and that, Readers, is a sad statement.

And next for your lack of delectation is WTF regular Lewis Hamilton at Coachella, the preposterous desert music festival in California, where posers go to pose.

Note how both of the chaps, Lewis and Woody, are opting for the trainer footwear to go with their patterned attire. They are like a walking advertisement for life under Ron DeSantis, strolling to the restaurant for the early bird supper. God help us all.

Talking of comfort here is model, presenter, whatever, Heidi Klum strolling around New York in her pyjamas.

Only the rear view is rather surprising…

WTF has questions. Like WTF? Like how does it stay up, like why is she wearing it? Answers on a postcard please…

Now we are back in Coachella where we meet newcomer to these pages, singer Romy Flores and a male friend, both looking perfectly frightful.

WTF’s first thought was this was a dress rehearsal for a desert production of The Rocky Horror  Show but then it dawned on her that it wasn’t and that the pair of them were in full Gimp mode by choice.

And finally here is Madonna’s daughter Lourdes Leon at the launch of the Mugler collection for H&M. Although this is more of a case of S&M.

No wonder the poor love seems so miserable. I mean, wouldn’t you be, trussed up like a rotisserie chook? She obviously had a major waxing experience before putting on those leggings and the experience seems to have been an unhappy one as that is one hell of a bruise on her left lady area. The whole thing is a serious minge moment waiting to happen and the general impression is one of the love child of a Zebra and a pair of tits.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Annette who sent in this utterly revolting pair of faux leather ruched jeans, made by Schein or Scheit as WTF prefers to call them. Get ready…

Annette points out that her daughter discovered this, but fortunately did not buy it. Both of them were aghast at this arse-baring monstrosity like a pair of chaps with no trousers under them. And they are not wrong. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good .

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Suella Special

Posted on April 14, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers, 

In recent weeks, two Muslim men have been viciously assaulted on their way back from the mosque, one of them actually set on fire and sustaining life changing injuries. Synagogues and Jewish schools require protection. Hotels housing asylum seekers have been attacked. The atmosphere, stoked by our Prime Minister and our Home Secretary, both of Asian heritage, is febrile. On Sunday, Suella Braverman toured the TV and radio studios spouting inflammatory stuff aimed at the people who read the Daily Mail or watch GB News – i.e. morons. According to Cruella, groups of “vulnerable white English girls” were being “pursued and raped and drugged and harmed by gangs of British Pakistani men who’ve worked in child abuse networks”. Grooming gangs had a “predominance” of “British Pakistani males, who hold cultural values totally at odds with British values . The Government was going to get tough and “political correctness” would not get in the way of stopping these gangs.  

It is certainly true that the fear of seeming racist among police forces and local councils allowed grooming gangs to flourish in places such as Rochdale, Rotherham and Telford, together with sexism, snobbery and sheer incompetence. And it is certainly true that those gangs were largely Pakistani men. But as the Home Secretary, Braverman knows perfectly well that in 2020 the Department she now runs found that “offenders in child grooming gangs are almost commonly white”  and that although a number of high profile cases had “mainly involved made of Pakistani ethnicity”  there were “significant limitations to what can be said about links between ethnicity and this form of offending”. In other words Braverman’s comments were misleading and inflammatory, not to mention downright racist. The Home Secretary should not sound like Tommy Robinson. This was certainly the view taken by former Tory Cabinet Minister Baroness Warsi, who lambasted these comments on Wednesday, accusing her of tarnishing a whole community and that she “needs to understand that when she opens her mouth she is speaking as a home secretary she can’t use loose language. This kind of shock jock language is becoming a pattern with her. It feels she is more interested in the rhetoric and the noise of creating a culture war then the actual job. Whether this consistent use of racist rhetoric is strategy or incompetence however doesn’t matter both show that she is not fit to hold high office”. 

Warsi is of course absolutely right. The Government’s stance is all part of the war on woke, encompassing the BBC, the Guardian, lefty lawyers, anyone who lives in North London, people who eat Muesli and defenders of human rights. It is the old tactic of “don’t look over there, look over here”.  The economy is stymied, interest rates are galloping, Brexit is a dud… let’s start a war on migrants, ethnic minorities and people offended by gollies (which used to be known as gollywogs, a clue to why they are offensive). The Equality Act 2010 specifically provides that it is not a defence that the discriminator has the same protected characteristic as the person being discriminated against. And that applies as much to Braverman as to anyone else.

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We start our review of the week’s wanky wear with Mrs Maisel star Rachel Brosnahan wearing Magda Butrym at a Clarins Precious Intimate Dinner in New York.

This is a very mystifying garment, which appears to be one-legged jeans for a uniped with the full leg unpicked and worn as a skirt, the other leg worn as a bralet with everything held together by a dead hydrangea.

Next up, we have the not-very-fully-clad-as-bloody-usual actress Julia Fox, wearing what appears to be toilet roll.

And not just a toilet toll, but a very bedraggled and torn toilet roll, as if the Andrex puppy had become over-excited and launched a kamikaze attack on the bathroom accroutements.

Meet actor Andrew Chappelle at the premiere of series 2 of Blindspotting wearing who knows what this is?

If a 1950s Colonial  policeman went to a fancy dress party as a majordomo with side napkin, this is what he would look like. Those shorts are a disaster and have fallen prone to a severe case of elephant vagina syndrome. 

This is model Joy Corrigan wearing not enough.

One must of course pay tribute to the undoubted talents of Joy’s waxing technician, a veritable da Vinci in her field. But otherwise, there is little to commend here, including the very silly lime green mini-bag like a squashed frog and a pair of trousers descending south, the same fate suffered onstage recently by little Justin Bieber.

Here we are at the Stella McCartney x Addidas  launch party in Los Angeles with singer Noah Cyrus wearing, er,  Stella McCartney.

This might well be one of the silliest things WTF has seen in quite a while, with Noah dressed in one-shouldered swaddling clothes and a baby bonnet?

And now we are back in New York with actor Taraji P Henson wearing Marc Jacobs about to go on the TV talkshow The View.

The footwear was last seen on the preposterous Daphne Guinness and the furry thing makes Taraji look like a giant teddy bear. 

WTF loves teddy bears, and is still inseparable from her Mr Teddy, who was in her cot when she first came home from the hospital at all of two days old.  (WTF was late arriving, with her poor mother in labour for 36 hours, and was a baby fatso weighing in at 9.7 lbs. Plus ça change…) But Mr Teddy does not parade around Sixth Avenue having his picture taken taken by the paparazzi. (This is not Mr Teddy by the way. Insofar as he still has any fur, it is blue).

And finally we have actor Chelsee Healey wearing not enough.

Chelsee was off to supper at The Ivy in Manchester with everything on show or hanging out or both. Frankly, law abiding diners should be entitled to eat their signature Ivy fishcake and sticky toffee pudding (both are absolute winners) without being plunged into a state of apprehension of an imminent nip slip. It’s a restaurant, love, not a lap dancing club.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado  Bindy from Wiltshire, who was horrified – and with good reason – by this picture of a girl’s bikini’d arse with champagne bottle illustrating an article in a March newsletter from the purportedly respectable PROPERTY CHRONICLE.

Bindy says “Everyone – and not just women – will find this, using a woman’s proffered arse as a headline invitation to read their newsletter, very poor indeed. Note also the use of the bottle neck, a trick  often used by porn photographers to suggest the possibility of penetration…They should be ashamed of themselves. No wonder the feature is by “the Undercover Investor” – whoever he is, he is the one who should be exposed; and if this was passed by the Editor, He’s Got To Go”. Agreed.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good .

Posted in Antisemitism, asylum, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Politics, racism, Rishi Sunak, Suella Braverman, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Temper Tantrum Special

Posted on April 7, 2023 by fashionshark

Hallo Readers,

In the unlikely event that you needed proof of America having gone to hell in a handcart, look no further than Nashville, Tennessee. Yesterday the State’s House of Representatives voted to expel three members of Congress. And I don’t mean expel them in the sense of compelling them to leave the Chamber or suspending them for a period of time. I mean expel as in er, that’s it, you are no longer a Member of this Congress even though you were voted in by the people in your district. It will come as no surprise that the Congresspersons, two young black men, and a middle-aged white woman, are Democrats and that the majority trying to send them forth are gerrymandered Republicans in what is admittedly a hotly-contested field, is one of the most revolting legislatures in America. Do not forget that Tennessee is the birthplace of the Klu Klux Klan. So what did Justin Jones, Justin Pearson and Gloria Johnson do? Did they conspire to overturn an election? Nope. That was Donald Trump. Did they praise people who rioted in the Capitol, defecated in the corridors and attacked policemen with lasers and American flags while chanting ‘Hang Mike Pence’, and call them ‘patriots’? Nope. That was also Donald Trump, as well as the Senators, Congresspersons and Governors in the Republican Party.  Did they get arrested for falsifying accounts and hiding payments silencing porn stars and Bunny Girls? Nope. That was Donald Trump – again. Did they accuse the President of the United States of being a paedophile? Nope. That was GOP Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene. Did they stand for election pretending to be university-educated, pet-loving, Wall Street bankers whose mothers sadly met their demise in the Twin Towers on 9/11? Nope. That was GOP Congressman George Santos.

No, the offence committed by the three in Tennessee was to chant ‘No Justice, No Peace’ in the Chamber of the State House for about thirty seconds before the House was put into recess by the Speaker, and then carry on. This was after the GOP State and Federal representatives reacted to the shooting dead of three nine year olds, two teachers and a school janitor, all in their early 60s, by doing absolutely fuck all to control gun violence. And not just doing absolutely fuck all but announcing that they has no intention of doing anything because the 2nd Amendment gives citizens a God-given, inalienable right to bear arms, even if it means splattering little kiddies and devoted Christians over the walls of their school with an AC-15. At which point former teacher Johnson and her two colleagues staged a brief protest with – oh, the horror – a megaphone in the well of the House. Moves were immediately on foot to throw them out, with the House Speaker calling them ‘maybe even worse’ than the January 6 insurrectionists. During the expulsion debate yesterday, the sponsor of the bill to expel, with all the ultimate condescension of generations of Southern white men towards Southern black men, accused Pearson of having  ‘thrown a temper tantrum’ and of being ‘attention-seeking’. It is a wonder he did not call him ‘uppity’ or address him as ‘boy’. The two black men were expelled for breaching the Rules of the House. Johnson – the white woman – survived the vote, having argued that she was not shouting or using the megaphone, a difference of sanction she attributed to the respective colour of their skins. Republicans have got to the point where they will not tolerate dissent against what they want to do, but they may find that their insistence on ramming guns and abortion down the public throat will backfire, as it did in the elections in November 2022. Democracy is on its knees in the land that likes to brag that it is the Greatest Democracy on Earth and the cradle of freedom. But it isn’t. It really isn’t. And it never was.

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We start our review of the week’s Easter eggstraordinary egregiousness with pop mogul Simon Cowell on the set of America’s Got Talent, wearing what he always wears, but worse, and a face suggesting some interference with the workings of nature.

COME OFF IT!!! Those jeans are the absolute pits. The stubble is the absolute pits. As is the face. WTF has been watching the new Great Expectations on the BBC and, to be frank, Magwitch looked better dressed.

To the Olivier Awards at the Royal Albert Hall in London where we encounter actress and singer Beverley Knight wearing Atsuko Kudo.

Yikes. The whole thing is deeply disturbing, like Batman in a frock, but WTF is particularly exercised by the silver thing on her stomach. WTF is it? It looks like a vial of something? Could it be extra talcum powder to get the dress off? #Baffled… Meanwhile, that puddle on the grass makes it appear as if Bev is melting away in the spring sunshine. Get inside, Bev! Quick!

Next we go to Austin, Texas for the annual fright-fest that is the CMT Country Music Awards with ExtraTV host Alecia Davis wearing something absolutely ghastly.

WTF does not even know what this is, but she does know what it is isn’t, and it isn’t nice. Particularly that Minge triangle. If a dinosaur went to a fancy dress party as a disco ball, this is what it would look like.

Singer Cody Belew was also walking the Green Carpet, wearing Any Old Iron.

Never mind ExtraTV, this is extra gay with added gay. WTF could have lived with the trousers, even the Alhambra embroidery, but not the peekaboo tux jacket thingy. And that terrible moustache is an It’s Got to Go all on its own, making him look like the late, lamented Burt Reynolds in need of a blood transfusion.


And here is singer Gwen Stefani wearing Couture (!) Valentino.

The top half is Gwen is fine, other than the turd topnot, which Readers will know WTF deplores almost above all things. But that is not a skirt, it is a sparkling money belt, and those boots, while not quite as stupid as the ones worn by Julia Fox last month, are still pretty bad, conjuring up images of a gorilla somewhere hobbling about on its knees or forced to swing from branch to branch in perpetuity.

To Hollywood and the premiere of the new series of Disney+’s The Crossover and its stars, actors Sabrina Revelle wearing AnnaKiki and Derek Luke wearing a suit made for someone somewhat taller.

Other than the need to go visit a tailor for urgent hemming activity, Derek look OK but his colleague, while undoubtedly cute as a button, appears to be standing behind a giant lectern covered in fabric left over from erecting a circus tent.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado  WTF of Islington who has had enough of the crappiness that is Britain’s railway system. It’s a joke but it isn’t funny. At the moment it is taking OVER SIX HOURS to get to Glasgow because of works to the track outside Carlisle. Over Easter and throughout May, all manner of horror is to be visited on unfortunate fare-paying punters as they attempt to lower their carbon footprint and not drive to places. It is a shit show. Nothing works in this country and the rail system is no exception. Abject. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep sending in your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments, which WTF likes more than anything. Let us meet again next Friday. Happy Easter. Happy Pesach. Happy Ramadan. Be good .

Posted in America, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, George Santos, Gun Violence, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Olivier Awards, Politics, racism, Second Amendment, Tennessee, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments