WTF Twenty Years On Special

Hallo Readers,

20 years ago on 31 August 1997, the Nation went stark, raving mad. Princess Diana, “The Queen of People’s Hearts”, died in a car crash with her paramour in a car driven by a drunk chauffeur in Paris who was driving too fast to escape the attentions of the paparazzi. When the news filtered through in the early hours of the morning, people wept and wailed and tore their garments. In the days that followed, they bedecked Kensington Palace with flowers and did the same at Buckingham Palace. They sat vigil in the parks in the light of flickering candles, clutching teddy bears and sobbing piteously. They mutinied at the decision to keep the young Princes in Scotland away from the bedlam that was London in the throes of grief. WTF has never forgotten the woman who demanded “Where are William and Harry? They should be here in London with us”, as if they were the rightful guardians of two boys aged 15 and 12 who had just lost their mother, as if they were equal in mourning a woman whom they felt they knew but did not know except from TV and the newspapers and OK!  Such was their fury at the Royal Family carrying on in its buttoned-up, fuddy-duddy, stiff-upper-lip manner that a riot seemed likely with demented crowds carrying off the coffin screaming “She’s Ours!” Fortunately, after the Queen returned (grudgingly) to London and made a placatory speech, it all calmed down. Everybody wept copiously at Elton John warbling Candle in the Wind, applauded Diana’s brother’s louche, attention-seeking speech and went away. Even now, WTF is still aghast at the hysteria. 

Diana was conned into the marriage. The Establishment demanded a virgin and in the early 1980’s, virgins of the right vintage and background were as rare as hens’ teeth. The bride and groom had little in common and he was in love with someone else whilst she, poor thing, thought this was a fairy tale. It wasn’t. There was later infidelity on both sides and she, spurned and angry, grew adept at manipulating the press whilst poor, pedantic Charles had no idea how to counter it. She was beautiful and empathetic, seemingly more human that the family she had married into, she died too young and left behind two children who are patently still struggling with their loss.

But come on. She was a woman, not a saint. This was 20 years ago and many have profited from the Diana industry, the staff betraying their duties of confidentiality, the hangers on and the masseuses and the hypnotists and the speech therapists and the spiritualists peddling their tidbits of gossip, the journalists protesting her ill-treatment whilst working for the same papers that paid fortunes for photographs of her from the paparazzi involved in her death. People still begrudge Charles the job he has been waiting for since birth, still cast untrue aspersions on his parenting, still want to deny his wife any rights because “she’s not Diana” and split up the marriage. WTF is no great fan of Prince Charles but for Heaven’s sake. Let it go. Enough.

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We start the review of the week’s sartorial shockers with “Celebrity” Blac Chyna  at the launch of her new plastic dolls in LA. Blac is wearing a custom-made, crushed velvet ensemble with 3-D flowers by Shane Justin.

It is as well that the dolls are small and Chyna is full-size otherwise they would be damn near indistinguishable. As for the outfit, the impression is of a gym bunny emerging from an overgrown flowerbed.

Next up we have Queer Eye and How to Look Naked host Carson Kressly in a PacMan suit and matching tie by Opposuits.

The suits costs a whopping £65 from Selfridges and is marketed as being “fun”. In WTF’s view, things marketed as “fun” are usually not “fun” at all. President Trump described his deranged performance in Phoenix this week as “fun” and look how well that turned out.  

And now we meet “star” of a previous series of Celebrity Big Brother, glamour model and yoga instructor Casey Batchelor out and about in Portugal.

From toe to tit, this is fine. Great abs. But those bronzed balloons on her chest are encased in just a giant bra which must have more support structure than the Golden Gate Bridge. 

An old favourite returns. Of course it is actor Jared Leto wearing Gucci.

WTF is quite convinced that is a woman’s shirt with long ties for a pussycat bow. Unless male tomcat bows are now a thing. The shirt is lovely but it has as much to do with the hideous $1,500 floral joggers as Hitler had to do with cake decoration. Ditto the red socks worn with checkerboard Vans. 

Yes she was in last week but America’s Got Talent judge and former Spice Girl Mel B is back for the second time and with good reason.

Yurgle. Mel has clearly modelled this look, including the badger’s bum hair, on a technicolour version of Storm from X-Men, complete with torso triangles, bellybutton blur and genitalia curtains. No one has owned up to designing this tackfest. Good call.

Finally we have Diva-de-luxe Mariah Carey, on stage with her son Moroccan at Madison Square Garden, wearing Falguni Shane Peacock.

Moroccan is cute but having to stand next to your mum when she is covered in metal filings, flashing her all and wearing no knickers is tantamount to child cruelty. Look at him! He is only six years old and he is mortified. 

Meanwhile, it is time for Mariah to rethink her entire look as a matter of urgency.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is the dude who always stands behind President Trump at rallies, the tosser in a tee-shirt reading “Trump & Republicans Are Not Racist – Gods2.com” whilst holding aloft a sign declaring “Blacks for Trump”. This guy has been getting on WTF’s nerves for a while because of the orgasmic pleasure with which he greets Trump’s every utterance. His name is either Michael Symonette, Maurice Woodside or Mikael Israel, depending on what day it is. He just adores Trump, actually mouthing “I love you” at his hero in Phoenix. Gods2.com is his mad put-on-the-tin-hat-and-the-Bacofoil website in which he peddles a number of conspiracy theories, most notably that Hillary Clinton is a member of the KKK and that the Cherokee Nation are the Real KKK Slave Masters, which must come as one hell of a surprise to the pointy-hood brigade down South. He’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF feel cheery and please keep sending your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Meanwhile spread the word to your friends and relations to embrace the blog. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Hillary Clinton, Politics, Prince Charles, Princess Diana, Royal Family, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Many Sides Special

Hallo Readers,

On 4 October 1936, WTF’s father and three uncles went to Cable Street, a mile from their home in the East End of London, to stop Oswald Mosley’s Blackshirts from marching through the predominantly Jewish area. They were part of 20,000 people, Jews, communists, socialists and others. They were the 20th century version of the Antifa, even WTF’s Uncle Joe who was as mild as could be and was only seen to get angry on one other occasion. (This  was when his wife played the wrong hand at bridge. He promptly had a heart attack but happily he survived). 6,000 police officers were determined to let the 3,000 Blackshirts march and there was a pitched battle, with the demonstrators using rocks, sticks and chair legs as impromptu weapons until Mosley abandoned his attempt and went to Hyde Park instead. His bluff had been called and he and his party soon faded away. Should WTF’s father and uncles and the thousands of others have stayed at home and ignored the whole thing? Or should they have come out and stopped Mosley? Donald Trump would doubtless argue that whilst there were some very fine people on both sides, the alt-left was as bad as the alt-right and that there was wrong on many sides. Many sides.

As usual, Trump is wrong. No-one in a black shirt in 1936 was a very fine person. No one in a KKK hood and holding a flaming torch was a very fine person. No-one marching through Charlottesville, Virginia last Friday was a very fine person. Very fine people do not scream antisemitic and racist abuse. Very fine people do not believe in racial superiority. Very fine people do not set out to intimidate the local population by asserting that racial superiority. Very fine people do not drive their cars into crowds. If any very fine people did attend the march last week because they just wanted to protest about the removal of a Confederate statue, it would not have taken them long to discern the character and motives of their fellow-marchers. At which point, very fine people would have abandoned the march and gone home. 

There was violence from some of the counter-demonstrators. But they were there to protest against fascists and racists, some of whom were armed to the teeth and intent upon mayhem and one of whom killed and injured innocent people with a vehicle. For the original marchers, the statue of Robert E Lee was a pretext and not a cause. Lee never lived in Charlottesville or died in Charlottesville and had nothing to do with Charlottesville. The statue was erected in the 1920’s at a time when, despite the war, black people still were regarded as the underclass. Trump’s grasp of American history is, at best, shaky, as evidenced by his recent pronouncements on Andrew Jackson and General Pershing. For him, it is nothing to do with statues at all but about three things. He does not want to alienate his base by criticising them. He hates Antifa and lefties because they despise him. And he hates being told that he might have made a mistake, in this case not condemning Nazis on the day of the murder. For everyone else, the issue is simple. If it looks like a Nazi, sounds like a Nazi and carries a swastiska, it’s a fucking Nazi. And Nazis must always be opposed.

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Our review of the week’s crappy clothing is all about terrible trousers, starting with singer and WTF regular Kesha in New York wearing Nudie’s Rodeo Tailors.

It’s Kermit in a wig. There is simply no excuse for green hair unless you are either a mermaid, a frog or have gone mouldy. Or for  lime green silk trousers so tight that they fall squarely into the category of Call For The Canesten – particularly when worn with metallic platform boots like horses’  hooves.

Next up, we have model Chrissy Teigen at BeautyCon in LA.

WTF has had a soft spot for Chrissy ever since she was blocked by Donald Trump on Twitter for telling him that “no one likes you, LOL”. It was all going so well until the ankles. Lovely hair. Fab smile. Great top. And then the trousers pooling into the carpet like leaking sewage.  

Also present at BeautyCon was model Iskra Lawrence

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PVC trousers, whether worn with or without a swimsuit, are not a good look on anyone. The effect here is of an oil slick in pixie boots. Iskra’s stylist deserves a slap, a P45 and another slap. 

Welcome back to another WTF stalwart, actor Alan Cumming.

Alan is dressed as a Breton little person. Who knows why? The footwear is particularly offensive.

We now encounter actress Bella Thorne Bella is the one wearing the silly hat.

More bad hair. More very terrible trousers. Not that they are trousers. And more hooves. And WTF hates sunglasses in the dark almost above all things.

Here we are in Australia where the trousers are no better. Meet make-up guru Napoleon Perdis and his daughter, budding model Liana Perdis.

Clearly the apple does not fall far from the tree. Napoleon is dressed as a pervy preacher whilst Liana’s ensemble with suspender-trousers is sort of sexy-spacegirl-in-a-galactic-girlie-club.

What follows are not really trousers at all although they are very terrible. Those of a nervous disposition are advised to skip the final photographs or, at the very least, to have a sick bag handy and/or the number of a healthcare professional on speed-dial. We begin with mega-tattooed “glamour” model, current “starring” in Celebrity Big BrotherJemma Lucy.

Jemma’s career is based upon appearing in raunchy reality programmes where she proceeds to copulate with whoever is on hand. As WTF aficionado Ruth remarked, “I’m surprised she hasn’t got bed sores”. Here is a full-on Minge Moment. And here is the rear – literally.

Of course – the obligatory arse cheeks encased in a greying net curtain. Just go away.

Former Spice Girl Mel B‘s outfit is just as bad, wearing Rocky Gathermole to the opening of the US Show America’s Got Talent, on which she is a judge.

This is a body stocking with a horseshoe vajazzle and tit tokens. You would only wear this if you wanted to Let The World Know You Are OK After Your Dirty Divorce Hit The Headlines. Most puzzling is the metal thing inside the horseshoe.

Is it a keyhole? A keyring?  Her house key? Whatever it is, it is should not be on display.

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This week, it is not so much a case of It’s Got To Go as Don’t Go There. WTF aficionado Nicky from Highgate is upset about the Aparthaus Paradies, the hotel-from-hell in the Swiss mountain resort of Arosa and its manager, Frau Ruth Thomann, who put up the following sign.

When asked about the sign, Frau Thomann denied that she was antisemitic and claimed that the hotel has many Ultra-Orthodox Jews staying (not after this, it won’t) and there had been complaints from other guests that they did not shower prior to taking a dip. She admits that her words were ill-chosen and asserts that she had been “naive”. WTF feels safe in saying that there is some work to be done in improving the hotel’s Gemütlichkeit and that Frau Thomann should choose her words more carefully in future.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF is still a bit nervous about being blown to smithereens and needs distracting. Do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go either.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

Posted in Anti-Semitism, Celebrity, Charlottesville, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Bundle of Bollocks Special

Hallo Readers, 

Yes, WTF is back from a somewhat damp but lovely Cornwall and a sunny and lovely Gloucestershire and is resuming her mission to descry idiocy both political and sartorial. Starting with the growing phenomenon of people who are happy to opine with total confidence on subjects about which they know absolutely nothing. These are the people who dwell in the land of Twitter and radio phone-ins and newspaper comments under articles where opinion is fact and fact is annoying. The thing is, you cannot have a worthwhile opinion on anything without it being based on the facts, otherwise what you are giving is not an opinion at all but a jumbled bundle of bollocks based on half-truths and non-truths and alternative facts (©Kellyanne Conway) and prejudices which might or might not be interesting to someone but is basically bollocks. And post Brexit, post Trump, when not knowing anything is a badge of honour, this bundle of bollocks has gone beyond passing for argument – it has become truth. Don’t bother to read up on the topic – just see what your favourite tweeter says because that will be true, right? Others can contradict it if they dare. If they’re lucky, they will get contempt or abuse; if they’re unlucky, they will get a death threat. This is the world we now live in.

There has been a plethora of recent examples. Like the case of little Charlie Gard, when people whose only medical expertise came from watching Casualty became expert on infantile onset encephalomyopathy mitochondrial DNA depletion syndrome. Not that most of them even knew what it was called or what it was, but they were confident in pronouncing on his prospects of recovery. Why wouldn’t Peter the Plumber from Pontepool and some Pastor from Poughkeepsie know more about infantile onset encephalomyopathy mitochondrial DNA depletion syndrome than doctors at Great Ormond Street who had dedicated their lives to caring for infants and had, you know, medical degrees? 

Then there are the people who know more about Roman history than Professor Mary Beard, a renown classicist, and who feel entitled to contradict her assertion that Roman Britain was multi-cultural based on their extensive reading of er…Beano and who back up their alleged arguments with death threats and abuse.

And then there were the people who could not distinguish between the European Court of Human Rights and the Court of Justice of the European Union, people who could not find their arse with two hands and a magnifying glass. The outgoing President of the Supreme Court, Lord Neuberger, questioned the lack of guidance in the EU Exit Bill on how Judges should apply CJEU decisions post-Brexit. Lord Neuberger knows stuff.  He has been a judge since 1996. He knows how to construe a statute and he knows that this statute-in-waiting was as clear as mud on this topic and that judges who did apply CJEU law would be covered in ordure by The Daily Mail as Enemies of the People and Saboteurs. But the non-arse-finders on Twitter and radio phone-ins and the commentators under articles were sufficiently au fait with the law to declare that M’Lord was talking nonsense and was obviously a Member of the Establishment and a Remoaner and that it was all terribly simple and straightforward. 

The best exchange of all was on Twitter yesterday. After Trump mendacious tweet  claiming to have “renovated and modernised” the country’s nuclear arsenal, one Stephen Schwartz (@atomicanalyst) said that nothing had happened in the 201 days since the Inauguration. Cue for buckets of abuse from non-Defence experts everywhere, including from a Newcastle FC supporter of unknown domicile (handle @_toon_fan) who asked Schwartz how he knew this. Schwartz’s reply was sublime. “I’m a nuclear weapons and weapons policy expert specializing in US nuclear weapons. It is literally my job to know. What’s your expertise?”.  Sadly, @_toon_fan vanished from  Twitter without answering that question. But we know the answer, don’t we?

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We now turn our attention to the sartorial sluice bucket of recent weeks, starting with Princess Charlene of Monaco pictured with her husband, Prince Albert, at an event in Monte Carlo. She is wearing Versace.

Princess Charlene represented South Africa in the swimming pool at the Sydney Olympics in 2000, as you can see from her powerful shoulders, but that does not mean that she has to go about the Principality dressed as a fish.  This metallic monstrosity with silvery scales makes her look like Caliban from The Tempest with strap marks and a scaly codpiece. And the back is still worse.

Is her head on backwards? Could this is fact be the front of Princess Charlene, together with cleavage and pubes? Either way, the whole thing is just terribly, terribly, terrible.

To the premiere of Valerian in Mexico City and one of its stars, actress and model Cara Delevigne, wearing Versace.

More Versace, more fishiness. This time we have a very thin-looking Cara in piscatorial peekaboo.  Enough already with the fishes.

Next up, we have actor Chris Sullivan at an NBC event in Beverley Hills.

Actually, bring back the fishes. It is as painful to behold as that sunburn must be. Memo to Chris. Next time (a) slather on the suncream, Factor 50 (b) hire a stylist and (c) lose the varnish on the toes.

This is singer Kesha, wearing a Gucci cape and sparkly leggings, seen with her boyfriend Brad Ashenfelter at LA Airport. 

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds vomit…. And that is before they clock the price tag, namely $4,100. (Leggings not included). If your granny knitted this for you as a Christmas gift, you would thank her warmly and then take it down to the charity shop PDQ.

To Paris and singer Celine Dion, continuing her mission to be seen in ever- more ridiculous haute couture. Here she is wearing Alexander McQueen. The young gentleman is her backing dancer, Pepe Munoz.

Sarah Jessica Parler might have worn this 20 years in Sex And The City but that was then and this is now. Celine looks like a Fairy Queen who has gone ten rounds with the Big Bad Wolf. Note the difference between her ludicrous formality and Pepe’s casual jeans-and-tee effort.

Amongst those in attendance at the premiere of Sharknado  (shudder) in Las Vegas was actor and TV host Jai Rodriguez of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy fame, wearing a most alarming ensemble.

Ouch! Ouch! And thrice Ouch! No need to ask which side Jai dresses. Those shorts are a fast track to male thrush. Memo to Jai. Next time, (a) take a size up (b) lose those brogues and (c) buy some Fluconazole.

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Next we go to Black Girls Rock! in Newark, New Jersey and actress Michelle Mitchenor, wearing Carlos Antoine.

This is an Imminent Minge Moment if ever there was one and there is also a cornucopia of tit, all barely contained in a chartreuse dressing gown.

Finally we have actress Hailee Steinfeld, wearing Balmain at the Opening of the Balmain Boutique in LA.

Well, this is hideous. The dress, not that it is a dress, has a built-in pussy pelmet and those things crawling up her legs are laced peep-toe boots, an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. The whole thing is the cursed lovechild of Renoir’s Mme Loge and Grey Worm from Game of Thrones.

 


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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF of Islington who wants to see the end of the revolting Nigel Farage on her TV and radio. The man is supposed to have retired from public life but he pops up more regularly than toast in a posh café. He has a radio show where he talks bollocks and he is still regularly interviewed by other media where he talks bollocks and he keeps appearing on Fox News where he talks even more bollocks whilst revelling in his association with President Trump. We have all had more than enough of him and He’s Got To Go.


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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as WTF needs cheering up. She is a bit nervous about being blown to smithereens in this nonsensical standoff between two fat lunatics with bad hair. And do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Lord Neuberger, Mary Beard, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF Dr Dick Special

Hallo Readers,

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. (WTF always thought that it was giveth and taketh but apparently this is not so although it sounds better). In this case, the Lord in question is Lord Hall, the Director-General of the BBC. This week there has been a lot of giving and taking. For a start, the Lord Hall has given us a female Doctor Who and taken away the male ones, whereupon there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth. All over the country distraught men rent their garments and bemoaned a further assault upon their manhood by lefties, feminists, lesbians and harridans in all their various combinations. How unrealistic for a woman – a WOMAN – to portray a time-traveller in a Tardis who has already changed bodies and personalities a dozen times and who fights metal monsters on coasters. Will this Doctor get all moody when she is on the rag? Will she cry when confronted with Silence? And since women have no idea about mechanics, how will she manage to wield the sonic screwdriver? Will she have to reach for a tampon instead? WTF particularly liked the cretin who demanded “what next – a male Lady Macbeth?”, unaware that actresses were not really a thing until the Restoration and all Shakespearian roles were originally played by men. Heaven knows how these champions of Dr Dick survived Dame Edna Everage. Not to mention Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer.

Back at the BBC, there was more giving and taking away. On Wednesday the Lord Hall disclosed the “stars” earning over £150,000, of whom only a third were women. The top seven were all chaps, most of whom you would not watch if you were chained to a radiator. Like Chris Evans who is as funny as a bad attack of haemorrhoids and who crashed Top Gear into the wall in one series. Like perma-tanned Gary Lineker who is paid £1.7m a year to make putrid puns and say things like “Alan, you’ve been impressed by [insert as applicable] today”. Admittedly the whole salary structure seems random (which idiot decided to pay Tess Daly £350,000?) but even so, there are some bewildering disparities. National Treasure Claire Balding, who seems to do a lot more than Lineker, is paid 90% less than he is.  Sarah Montague, who has been presenting Today on Radio 4 for 12 years, is not even on The List. The BBC Gender Pay Gap is a chasm because it works on the same principles as these things always do in public and in private employers. Men paid more because “they won’t stay unless they are paid more”, even if they have no intention of going anywhere. Men paid more because their salaries are settled by other men. Women paid less than the men they replace because they are already paid less so why pay them the same? Men paid more because women, well, you know, go off and have a baby, come back and then go off and have another baby. It’s a lifestyle choice, innit? And for all the BBC’s promises to even things up, there has never been a female Director-General. A female Doctor Who is all well and good but real life is a lot more important. Lord Hall and your overpaid managers, male and female – put on sackcloth, sit in ashes and repent mightily. Most of your humiliated female presenters currently wish all ten plagues upon you. Stop splashing public money around and what you do splash, splash more equitably. Here endeth the lesson.

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To the week’s sartorial shockers with actor Paul Bettany wearing a most ridiculous suit.

This is what Steve McQueen would have looked like had he slept in his car for a fortnight. What on earth is going on with that collar? And the shirt? And the trousers? And the shoes? Yurgle.

And this is lovely actress Charlize Theron, wearing Dior.

WTF has been fulminating about J’Adior undies for some time because they are a rip-off perpetrated upon the paying public. Charlize is actually paid to wear them (and the slip pretending to be a skirt) but that is absolutely no excuse.  

Next up is singer (and now actor) Harry Styles, wearing Calvin Klein.

Yee haw! Trousers pretending to be  cowboy boots. Is Harry were auditioning  for a remake of Los 3 Amigos?

We go to the ESPYS, the American Sports Awards, where we encounter NBA player Mike Conley Jr of the Memphis Grizzlies and his wife Mary Peluso.

WTF hopes that it was not windy outside or Mary would have been whipped to death by her tassels. As for Mike, this outfit is certainly grizzly, a veritable tribute to 1960s wallpaper.

And here is American footballer Odell Beckham Jr. wearing Louis Vuitton v Supreme and actress Dove Cameron, wearing Marc Jacobs.

Dove looks fine but the same cannot be said for Odell. First, something seems to have died on his head. Second, WTF hates a shorts suit almost above all things and hates a white tuxedo shorts suit worn with a teeshirt even more than that. Why is a grown man and successful sportsman dressed like the kid who parks your car at a Trump golfing resort?

More 20th Century horror, as worn by singer and reality show judge Rita Ora in Chloe. Only she has gone from the 1960s to the 1970s. And turned into a JLo lookalikey en route.

For some reason, the 1970s were ablaze with brown and orange, like the dying days of Autumn. It was everywhere, both on people (WTF had a brown Afghan coat with orange embroidery which, when it rained, stank like a decomposing skunk) and as decor. Rita has gone full period costume in this migraine-inducing horror together with haystack hair and silly sunglasses. On reflection, she is not so much JLo as Dayglo and looks positively radioactive.

And now we are in the 1980’s with TOWIE’s Gemma Collins wearing Gerda Trubon.

This may actually be one of the worst dresses WTF has ever seen. Did she borrow Odell Beckham Jnr’s footballing shoulder pads? Ludicrous.

And finally, she is back. And when you see her, you will know why. WTF speaks of Kim Kardashian West, wearing vintage Helmut Lang and sandals by Yeezy, her husband’s clothing line.

You know those plastic bags covering your dry-cleaning? Kim is wearing one of those together with white panties and bare boobs. Here is WTF’s question. Why bother with the bag at all? Just wear the coat and panties. Save the planet.


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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionados Leslie from North London and Nick from South London, who have submitted a joint complaint. Here it is. “People walking down the street glued to their ‘phones and causing a mobile obstruction. Their mates who have headphones on and scream into a piece of attached wire. The look of wounded indignation they give you when you trip them up. The high decibel count of their conversation. And the sheer tedium of the content. If you must insist on the world hearing your business, at least make it interesting, make something up, let people think you are a MI5 operative or a top Hollywood producer, instead of just heralding the news that you are having salad and cold cuts for your tea!” WTF agrees and has nothing to add save that It’s Got To Go.


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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF more cheery than a cheery thing feeling cheery. And of course,  your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  WTF is to enjoy the loveliness of Cornwall and Gloucestershire for the next fortnight. Normal (?!?!?) service will be resumed on Friday 11 August 2017. Be good x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, ESPYs, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

WTF Orange is the New Orange Special


Hallo Readers,

WTF spent the week debating whether she is more offended by Donald Trump Jr’s lies or his ineptitude. Don – here’s the thing. When invited to hold a meeting with “a Russian government attorney” offering incriminating stuff on your father’s opponent as part of “Russia and its government’s support for Mr Trump”, you should have said no and then phoned the FBI. Remember the Trojan Horse? “Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes” translated as “I fear the Greeks even when bearing gifts”. The same was true of the Russians. And once you did meet the lawyer, you should not have done all or any of the following:  

1. When asked last year whether Russia wanted to hurt Clinton, describing the suggestion as phoney” and “disgusting”, coming across as outraged as Fox News when faced with a Democrat;

2. When approached by the “failing” New York Times, telling them you did meet some Russian woman but you didn’t know why she was coming and assumed she wanted to flog you caviar, whereas she just banged on about adoptions, which was really boring;

3. When the actually-doing-rather-well New York Times said they knew this was a lie, admitting that you had known she was coming to give you damaging stuff about Clinton but she didn’t have any stuff and just banged on about adoptions, which was really boring;

4. Despite having made a fool of yourself, sending out a snarky tweet claiming you only did what was common in campaigns (like you’d know); in other words, you moved from “I did not collude” to “I knew nothing” to “So what if I did collude?” in 48 hours. 

5. Having been told by the now-nailed-on-for-a-Pulitzer New York Times that it had an email showing you knew the woman was coming to give you material as part of the Russian government’s support for your father, releasing the emails including the one that said the information was to be given as part of “Russia and its government’s support” for your father. Oh, and the one which said that the woman was “a Government lawyer”. Oh, and the one which said you replied “I love it”. Those emails.

In short, Donald Jr, you are a numbskull, a liar and a booby. Even if you have (finally) told the truth, which you most probably have not, you are still a numbskull, a liar and a booby. You may run a zillion-dollar company (thanks to your father) but most people would not leave you in charge of their budgie.

As for you, Mr President, most people would not leave you in charge of cleaning out their budgie cage. You spent six months descrying your campaign’s collusion with Russia as FAKE NEWS. You sacked James Comey because the “Trump and Russia” story was FAKE NEWS. Until last week you never acknowledged that Russia interfered with the US Election. Your accolytes like Kushner, Sessions, Flint and Donald Jr all forgot their various contacts with Russian officials and had to correct earlier accounts. Your son had a meeting supposedly arranged at the behest of the Russian Government and attended by your campaign manager and your son-in-law but you claim you never knew about it. You praised your son’s “honesty” and his  “transparency” even though the truth had to be dragged out of him with pliers. You now claim that any politician would have had the meeting, thus failing to distinguish between Moscow, Idaho and Moscow, Russia and after months of denying any contact at all. Why are all these people around you (a) hobnobbing with Russians and (b) forgetting to mention it? Including, apparently, to you. Hardly anyone believes a word you say. And certainly no one with a brain.

Meanwhile, where is Sean Spicer? What have you done with Sean Spicer? He has not been seen for weeks. It is time to come clean. You do not want to be tried for false imprisonment do you? You have enough on your plate. You would have to wear an orange prison jumpsuit and it is so not your colour….

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We start our review of the week’s fashion frippery in Germany with Prince Ernst August Jr. of Hanover and Ekaterina Malysheva who got married last Saturday.


The new Princess looks beautiful but the same cannot be said of His Highness Prince Pudding-bowl. Your Highness, this is your wedding day. Your collar has wing-itis, your tie is wonky, your morning coat is ill-fitting and you are wearing very ridiculous trousers. They do not hug your waist, they billow at the knees and they sit on your scruffy, unpolished shoes like spats.

Where was your housemaid with an iron and a needle and thread to stop your hems brushing the cobbles? Poor show.

Now we have actress Bella Thorne out and about in LA.

If you are at the beach, fine. If you are in the street, not fine. This is a titsy waistcoat with chains instead of buttons as worn by a pervy businessman at a fetish club. And those boots are definitely not made for walking.

Here is boxer and Mixed Martial Arts person Conor McGregor displaying legendary Irish charm to his opponent Floyd Mayweather at their press conference before the fight tomorrow.


Think this is just an ordinary pinstripe suit? Look closer……

And top of the morning to you too, you rude man….. The idea is not even original as the Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi, wore a similar purported pinstripe to meet President Obama in 2015. But his just said Narendra.

To Paris where Celine Dion has been clad head to toe in couture for what seems like weeks now. If it is hers and not borrowed, she will need to charter a jumbo jet to take it all home. Here she is, wearing DSquared2.

The jeans are not so much distressed as hysterical whilst the jacket makes her look like a medieval troubadour.

We go to Florida and Univision’s Premios Juventud 2017 where we meet Venezuelan singer Nacho Bailame.

Why is he dressed as the Artful Dodger? Are they big Dickens fans in Venezuela? Who knew?

Finally, we have Australian rapper Iggy Azalea.  Careful now…. 

It’s a latex Barbie. We have had a Firefighter Barbie and a Pilot Barbie and a Moschino Barbie and a Wonderwoman Barbie. Now we have a Kinky Barbie with more camel toe than a caravan of camels. But, Readers, this is not the worst of it. Have your smelling salts to hand and the number of a healthcare professional on speed-dial.

Yes it is bare bum time. Again. Think of the indentations when she sits down, like a lattice window. MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!!


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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Annie Bishop who has taken  exception (and rightly so) to the oeuvre of Spanish designer Palomo. This week he sent male models down the runway in some of the most preposterous outfits WTF has ever seen. Like these two…

 

WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person, but penis pretties are just not funnyPalomo – piss off. Or Enojar as they say in Spanish.


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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep those comment coming in (WTF does love them so) as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Hillary Clinton, Politics, Sean Spicer, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF Fawning Special

Hallo Readers,

The last General Election was fought, or certainly initiated, on the basis that President Maydogan should not be opposed because it would be treasonable to do so. The Mail’s headline was “Crush The Saboteurs” whilst The Sun trumpeted “Blue Murder!” Even though downgraded to Mrs Maybe, the Prime Minister who was responsible for the worst political misjudgment since, er, the last one, is still there. There has however been a sea change. During the campaign, her Cabinet were silent as Trappist Monks with the focus on Vote Maydogan rather than Vote Tory. But now that she is clinging onto power by virtue of a billion pound bung to the DUP, they are sharpening their stilettos. Despite mocking the Labour Party for its fiscal profligacy and voting for the Queen’s Speech, they are now calling for less austerity, wage rises for the public sector and all sorts. At this rate, they will be demonstrating outside no 10 with placards before the year is out.

Labour is heading in the other direction. Jeremy Corbyn not only thinks that he won the election but that he is also the lovechild of Jesus Christ and Justin Bieber. He headlines at Glastonbury. He comforts the suffering. He will soon be walking across the Thames and divvying up a baguette and a bottle of Beaujolais amongst the 5,000. And although he speaks of reconciliation towards those who spurned him, others are markedly less, well, Christian. In Liverpool Wavertree, sitting MP Luciana Berger is on maternity leave. Her local party voted in a new committee of Momentum members, amongst them one Roy Bentham who said Luciana needs to get on board quite quickly now. She will now have to sit round the table with us the next time she wants to vote for bombing in Syria or to pass a no confidence motion in the leader of the party – she will have to be answerable to us. We would like her to come out publicly like other MPs have done and apologise for not supporting him in the past.” At which point Ms Berger issued a statement praising “the revitalised national party under Jeremy Corbyn” but stopped short of an actual apology. Now there is a list circulating from Momentum to ditch 49 disloyal MPs. When did this country become Cambodia under Pol Pot? Will Ms Berger be frogmarched into Anfield and made to confess all in front of a baying crowd singing “Oh, Jeremy Corbyn”? Apologise? Is this what we want the Labour Party to be? For shame.

Of course, the high watermark of fawning is President Trump, who considers any criticism of him Fake News. He complains about what the MSM is not writing. He loves Fox News, his personal Pravda. In Warsaw yesterday he complained that NBC criticised him although he had made them a fortune with The Apprentice. He avoids direct questions from he Press, preferring to address adoring, handpicked crowds at rallies. His Beliebers see no wrong and blame the media and “the Left” for everything. Watch his new Cabinet spending 11 minutes praising him to the skies and thanking him for the blessing of being able to work with him – it will put manufacturers of emetics out of business.  Slowly but surely, Trump is creating a parallel universe where only what he says or what Fox says or what Breitbart says is the truth – anything else is a lie.  Stalin would be drooling….

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We start our weekly review of fashion follies at the Essence Festival in New Orleans with soul singer Monica Brown, wearing Balenciaga. 

First, this is a deckchair purporting to be a dress. Second, as regular Readers will know, WTF hates a one-sleeved dress almost above all things but this new variant is simply not to be borne. What is the point of a long sleeve and a short sleeve on the same same garment? WTF can only surmise that it is to get the sun on your arm as you drive.

Next up, we have singer Gwen Stefani wearing – who can say what this is?

Bamboozled. WTF is bamboozled.  This trench coat is neither use nor ornament. It might repel the elements down to Gwen’s waist but thereafter she will be left with soggy nether regions, like net curtains blowing out of a window into the rain. The kiddie, however, is mega-cute. And much better dressed.

This is Dan Edgar from TOWIE. The picture is not recent, but it was brought to WTF’s attention by outraged WTF aficionado Johan, who demanded its inclusion. And he has a point.

Three words. No, not those ones. What. A. Fool. We saw something similar at Ascot with Chris Eubank and this is no better. It is as if he has been dressed by two different people on a job share. Whoever did the top half can just about be excused, although the white tie is pathetic. But whoever did the bottom half needs to book an urgent appointment with an optician.

These are very, very terrible trousers. Very terrible indeed. They should not be worn at all but certainly not with anything in the pockets. What HAS he got in there? Is something plugged in to a pair of sockets?

To Paris Fashion Week Haute Couture, where women are paid to wear this crap. What follows is a trio of duds from Dior, starting with model and actress Aymeline Valade wearing Dior.

This punches a lot of WTF’s hate buttons, from the straggly top-knot like a decomposing squirrel to the teeny, tiny bra with VNA (visible nipple activity) under the sheer top to the dead cobra round the rest of her and the Prisoner of Cell Block H wardress shoes.  

The whole thing is profoundly unsexy and worse, bloody ugly.

And here is poor Jennifer Lawrence who has a contract to wear Dior and always seems to be the low woman on the totem pole where its clothes are concerned..

You all know how much WTF hates those big panties with the Dior J’Adior logo (you have to buy them on eBay, where they fetch about $2000) and here they are again, this time under Jennifer’s Western-saloon-floozy outfit with more fringing than a sofa warehouse. And the sideview is worse.

I mean, you would pray that there is no wind, wouldn’t you? You would summon any priest, witchdoctor, ANYONE, who could try and stop the wind blowing. Because if the won does blow, you’re fucked.

And – of course- there was Bella Hadid.

Bella has gone one better than JLaw and has got the matching bra (another $2,000).  Oh, and a dress that isn’t really a dress, just a swathe of material chucked on willy-nilly.

Finally, one of WTF’s favourites, fashionista de luxe heiress Daphne Guinness, wearing Dutch designer Iris von Herpen.

Front Row at Paris Fashion Week Haute Couture Fall 2017: All The Pictures

Not to herpen about it but the worry about the imminent Minge Moment behind the snowflake stencils is eclipsed by those hideous hooves – very Daphne Guinness – which seem to come with their own built-in couture galoshes.


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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF of Islington who is sick to the back teeth of those self-appointed wankers on building sites whose job it is to walk into the middle of the road and stop the traffic whilst their colleagues do whatever it is they are doing with winches or guide large lorries inch out into the road whilst motorists sit and fume. They already have stolen one lane from the traffic – now they are out to steal another one. And who the hell gave them the right to stop traffic on the Queen’s Highway just because they have a high-viz jacket, a hard hat and a copy of The Sun protruding from their back pocket? They’re wankers and They’ve Got To Go.


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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep those comment coming in (WTF does love them so) as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Grenfell Tower, Jeremy Corbyn, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF Facelift Special

Hallo Readers,

It is a little known fact that there are twin Trumps and they take in turns to pretend to be President. One day it is Donny A, the next it is Donny B. They share the same phone, so when Donny A is President, he gets to tweet and when it is Donny B’s turn, he does the tweeting. That is why it is so unfair to criticise the President for golfing every weekend. On weekends, one of them plays golf and the other one runs the country from the White House. It is all under the control. Believe me.

No wonder that the President’s tweets are so contradictory and he gets so upset at being ridiculed. Donny A didn’t realise that Donny B had called Russian interference in the election a hoax, which is why Donny A came out all guns blazing and attacked his predecessor for failing to stop Russian interference. Because no one would attack someone for not doing something about something that didn’t exist, would they? Donny A tweeted that he was not under investigation and Donny B then tweeted that he was. Donny A railed about the Fake News Media not talking about his many accomplishments (no, me neither) but Donny B woke up on Thursday morning and tweeted this about Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough, her fiancé and co-presenter of MSNBC’s Morning Joe.

Yes Joe and Mika have attacked him relentlessly (and fairly) for his lies, his tweets, his oafishness, his self-absorption. And they used to be his pals. But his retaliatory tweets were so childish, offensive and misogynist that Republican Representatives and Senators criticised them. Even Fox News criticised them. But not Melania Trump (who has not noticed that she has two husbands although she tends to keep her distance – can you blame her?). FLOTUS, whose cause is to end cyber-bullying, put out a statement which said “As the First Lady has stated publicly in the past, when her husband gets attacked, he will punch back 10 times harder“. And Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the Deputy Press Secretary, defended the President as “a fighter” who was entitled to respond to “bullying”. Sanders is a devout Christian. Now WTF is no Biblical scholar but she thought that a (lifted) eye for a (lifted) eye and a (capped) tooth for a (capped) tooth was in the Old Testament not the New One, which is about turning the other (botoxed) cheek.

WTF has some questions for Mr President.

  • Why are you watching TV instead of running the country?
  • Why are you tweeting instead of running the country?
  • Why are you behaving like a petulant toddler (Mommy! The nasty girl hit me first)?
  • Why are you obsessed with women bleeding? Are you a haemomaniac?
  • Why are you calling Mika, a graduate of Williams College, someone with a low IQ? 
  • Why didn’t you attack Joe’s appearance, only hers?
  • Why can’t you be more, well, PRESIDENTIAL?

You are supposed to a figurehead, not a fathead, a leader, not a lout. You are supposed to set a moral example. The Office of President represents America and its people. The irony is that this week you had a real target – a YUGE Fake News story which forced CNN to grovel and three employees to resign for making false, unchecked allegations,. This was a scandal which did a disservice to the cause of genuine journalists trying to do their job under continuous attack. Most of your travel ban got lifted. You had an open goal. But instead, just like you did with your ridiculous “Obama tapped my phone” tweets after your well-received State of the Union address, you diverted attention away from good news and made your idiocy the story, which is bad news. Your tweet is not even true, as there are pictures of you, Mika and Joe together on New Year’s Eve.  Meanwhile, Donny A and Donny B need to start talking to each other and listening to those who understand the dignity of the Office. Grow up, pipe down and log off.

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We start our review of the sartorial shockingness with the publicity-hunting, Trump-loving, ex-politican-but-threatening-a-comeback, Nigel Farage.

As WTF aficionado Sian remarked, that lion is averting his eyes, and with good reason, because the sight of Nigel dressed up as a nationalist, technicolour shambles is more than any self-respecting lion could bear, even if he does have a heart of stone.

Next up, we have singer Dua Lipa, wearing Blumarine.

Ouch. And again WTF says ouch. Anyone with abs like these would want to show them off but these trousers fall squarely into the category of “Call For the Canesten”. They are tight over her bits but then as billowing as the sails at the Henley Regatta and as creased as Tracey’s Emin’s rumpled bed.

Back for a second week running, singer Celine Dion out and about in Paris, wearing Balmain.

Celine has been splashing the cash of late. Those are boots, not trousers and they cost $2,076. The coat is snakeskin and it costs $23,403. The teeshirt is a mere snip at $771. That is a lot of money for so little result. (Except for Balmain, of course).

Meet model, musician and aristocrat Lady Mary Charteris at the Serpentine Gallery Summer Party.

This is not a dress. This is a cobweb worn with big panties.

To the BET (Black Entertainment Television) Awards which are always a rich source of sartorial shockingness. This year was well up to scratch, or down to scratch, or whatever direction sartorial shockingness goes in when assaulting our eyeballs. Here is a good example in the shape of actress and singer Ryan Destiny wearing Misbhv.

Why are the jeans concertina-ering about her calves? Why does she need silly little sunglasses in the dark? And why is she wearing a golf bag?


Ryan had better watch out. Donald Trump may pick her up and take her off to Mar-A-Lago or one of his other golfing establishments – a fate far worse than death.

Next up, we have DJ Kwaylon RogersWhat the hell is he wearing?

Kwaylon is obviously moonlighting as a head-to-toe, perambulating Northern Lights poster.

This person is the newest cast member of some TV reality rubbish called Love and Hiphop – Hollywood. Her name is Alexis Skyy.

Alexis used to be in a relationship with rapper Fetty Wap (why do these people have such stupid names?) and is now embroiled in a dispute with him over the release of a sex tape, about which Fetty has got the hump. WTF also has the hump because Alexis is wearing a cutout doily with a mesh window where a mesh window should not be.

Finally, we have rapper Lil’ Kim at the Angel Brinks fashion show.

Lil’ Kim is certainly short in stature (4’9″) but who knew that she could still fit into baby grows? This one is very sparkly, very tight and has a belt with a mini television on it. Oh, and a hood.

This entertaining ensemble puts WTF in mind of Woody Allen dressed as sperm in Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF stalwart Andrew Purcell who found these truly obnoxious lacy shorts and shirts by US company Hologram City. They come in a variety of nausea-inducing pastels and cost $49 for the shirt and $49 for the shorts.

WTF is all for equality, but just because women are going around flashing their all in lace does not mean that men have to do it as well. The whole trend has most definitely Got to Go.


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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week.  Please keep those comments coming in (WTF does love them so) as well as your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

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