WTF Bumper Fifth Birthday Special

Hallo Readers,

Who knew politics would be this tricky? President Maydogan certainly didn’t. She seemed to think that we would leave the EU with everyone lined up to wave us off like in The Sound of Music where the kiddies sang  at Captain von Trapp’s posh party at his house on the lake in Salzburg. “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight……” Everyone would be all smiles over the champagne and canapés, swapping email addresses and trade deals. “You will come to visit, won’t you Jean-Claude? Don’t be a stranger!” “I vill, Theresa. And please can ve have fifty thousand Range Rovers by next Thursday, ve are running low”. Sadly, it is not quite turning out like that. Those dastardly foreigners are playing hardball. You have Jean-Claude Juncker and Michel Barnier round to dinner at No 10 and they bring bile instead of bonbons. They sit round your table feasting on beef in red wine (outside caterers, apparently) and drinking your claret whilst listening to David Davis, the Brexit secretary, telling them the same story three times about how he once sued the UK Government. And how do they thank you? They tell you to your face that you do not understand what you are doing and that the EU is not a golf club” where you can just cancel your subscriptions. They expect to be paid the full whack on the divorce settlement and they are keeping the apostle spoons or there will be no trade deal. And you can forget about the secret negotiations on the settlement you were hoping for. As they leave, rather than waxing lyrical over the magnificent cuisine, they tell you that they are “ten 10 times more sceptical” than when they arrived.

And worse was yet to come. The next day, they slag you off to their mate Angela, saying that you are living in another galaxy and are delusional. Angela then suggests in public that you could not find your arse with both hands and a map. And then they leak the whole dinner conversation to a German newspaper which has the temerity to print it in German, so that you have to translate it into English using Google and we all know how irritating that is. That is the last time you serve them boeuf bourguignon. Next time they can eat jellied eels.  Bastards.

Of course this is being explained to us as “negotiations”. But if you constantly attack your negotiating partners in public like a cut-price Boudicca and tell them point blank over dinner that you are not paying a penny piece and you want negotiations kept confidential and certain things sewn up in months, you expose yourself to the risk that they will view the UK Government as out of its depth, under-prepared and winging it. David Davis in particular, seems unable to grasp that we are bound by contractual and legal commitments. You do not just get up and walk away, like rising from your chair after a restaurant meal. May’s complaint that the EU is interfering with the General Election is just bonkers. And in the meantime the public, promised that Europe needed us more than we needed them, is up in arms at its refusal to let us have the same benefits outside as inside, only without paying for them. The fact is, as any schoolkid would tell you, that you have to be in it to win it. Who knew politics would be this tricky? Well, most of us actually.

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Today is WTF’s Fifth Birthday and we are celebrating it at the Annual Met Gala in New York.  The theme was a celebration of Comme des Garçons designer Rei Kawakubo and almost everyone looked ludicrous. Let us start with singer Pharrell Williams and his wife Helen Lasichanh.

Pharrell was Co-Chair of the event but he did not give his outfit much thought. Writing the word Rei on your kneecap in biro is hardly making an effort. Helen is wearing Comme des Garçons and looks like Po from the teletubbies. Eh Oh.


Next up we have actress Hailee Steinfeld, wearing Vera Wang.

This is a straitjacket with a peplum. If you were not certifiable before you put it on, you would be after you had so this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The glistening turd on her head is a metaphor for the whole look.

This is rapper Wiz Khalifa, wearing Thom Browne.

Wiz seems to have high stepped out of the chorus line in of 42nd Street where the wardrobe mistress washed his costume at too high a temperature. The waistcoat would have to take a bus to get to the trousers and the hems would need to hitchhike to the ankles, only to find those ridiculous boots when they arrived.

And here is Beyonce’s sister, singer Solange (or, as WTF likes to call her, Solangé), also wearing Thom Browne.

 

There is nothing wrong with wearing a padded coat over your outfit in inclement weather. WTF has several of them, all different levels of warmth, including a white one that makes her look like a polar bear with weight issues. But Solangé is wearing this padded coat as an outfit, which comes with its own trailing corrugated groundsheet.

This is model Chrissy Teigen, wearing Marchesa.

Chrissy chose to come dressed as a series of snow flakes melting into a dirty puddle. Marchesa should have saved this one up for the Bergdorf Goodman windows come Christmastime.

Another model, Kendall Jenner, wearing La Perla Couture (i.e. undies).

WTF does not even know what this is supposed to be but she does know that there is not enough of it. Particularly at the back. Not that there is one.

Maybe Kendall wants to be a perambulating wank fantasy but WTF wishes that she would go and perambulate somewhere else. Like Siberia.

Meet celebrity son Jaden Smith (his parents are Will and Jada), wearing Louis Vuitton.

There are three reasons to dislike this. First, the stupid trousers. Second, the fact that he shaved off his dreadlocks and brought them to the party as a fashion accessory. And third, the hideous mouth grill.

And of course there was singer Rihanna, wearing Comme des Garçons.

Rihanna is dressed as a giant mutant dahlia, like something out of one of those science fiction movies when someone has overdone it with the chemical crop spraying. It is certainly colourful but it gives you one hell of a headache. WTF does however confess to a sneaking admiration for the laced sandals and for Rihanna’s general élan.

Of course there was Madonna, wearing Moschino.

WTF aficionado Alison sagely observed that Madge is masquerading as a veteran of the Mosul campaign, complete with tits more squashed than the Victoria Line at 8 am, leather gloves, a camouflage netting boa and a khaki water-bottle/handbag.  And she was another one with a mouth grill.  What is going on here?

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And finally we have another Co-Chair of the event, singer Katy Perry wearing Maison Margiela.

This is, to use WTF’s new favourite expression, a load of my arse, a blood-spattered bridal gown with an absolutely revolting minge donut like a blood-soaked merkin. And then there was the veil, a sort of Salvador Dali insanity with wing mirrors. Wing mirrors! At least you can see who is pissing themselves with laughter behind you. 

And this is what she wore at the after party, this time by Ulanya Sergeenko.

Katy is clearly having a Major Minge Crisis. Call an ambulance!! Or ask Hailee to lend her the straitjacket.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Andrew Purcell, leaver of wonderful comments on the blog (read them – they’re brilliant). Andrew has brought these Barracuda jeans to WTF’s attention. They sell at Nordstrom for $425 and are daubed with fake mud.

Now WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person but this is just not funny. $425 for fake mud? If you really want to look like a leftover from Woodstock, buy a pair of jeans from Gap and roll around in some real mud. If it isn’t muddy, you will still have loads of cash left over with which to buy a watering can and make your own mud in the back garden or local park.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were some fine comments last week which kept WTF from worrying. Take your inspiration from Andrew Purcell and keep them coming. Not to mention your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, General Election, Met Gala 2017, Politics, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Le Pen Special

Hallo Readers. 

Are you sick of the election already? WTF certainly is. Have you heard anyone say anything interesting? Has anyone inspired you? Does it fill you with joy when Sir Michael Fallon comes on? Or Diane Abbott? Tim Farron anyone? Are you thrilled that Zac Goldsmith and Paul Nuttall are back in the frame? It is all as enjoyable as a barbed wire enema. And there are weeks of it to go. Weeks. You could have punch several grannies in the street and be out of prison in less time. And all in the name of cynical opportunism dressed up as getting the country united – united to cheer on President Maydogan as she steers us out of Europe without anyone having the temerity to question what she is doing. The good news is that Nigel Farage is not standing. The bad news is that he is therefore free to comment endlessly on every News Outlet going.

Meanwhile, across the Channel we have another election going on but this one will be done in a fortnight with a run-off between Emmanuel Macron, the man formerly known as “Who?” and Marine, the woman formerly known as Marine Le Pen and Leader of the Front National. (She stepped down to fight the election. When she loses, she will be back.) Le Pen dropped her surname to pretend that she is not the daughter of fascist, antisemitic, holocaust-denying scumbucket Jean-Marie le Pen. Given that both Le Pen père et fille are synonymous with the Front National, this ruse is as about as effective as going to a lynching in ordinary clothes whilst still wearing your pointy white hood with the eye holes. No one is fooled. 

Predictably, other right wing bigots are behind Marine. Although he claimed not to endorse her, Trump endorsed her, noting that she was strongest on borders and  what is going on in France. “Whoever has the toughest policy on radical Islamic terrorism will do well in the election” he said. Unsurprisingly, Le Pen père said he thought his daughter would win if she campaigned à la Trump. The rebarbative Katie Hopkins told Fox “I just wanted to say that Marine Le Pen is not far right, she is just off the right. And she is in the right. She wants to keep France for the French”.  France for the French – ring any bells? Nigel Farage also told Fox’s neanderthal viewers that Le Pen “has dragged the FN a long way from their racist past”. Really? Le Pen wants to deport legal immigrants if they remain unemployed for six months and drastically to reduce immigration. Less than a fortnight into the election, she claimed that the French had played no part in rounding up 38,000 Jews deported to Auschwitz between July and September 1942 (of whom only 780 survived) . According to Le Pen, the people  involved were not French because the real French, the Free French, were in exile. So if you didn’t manage to escape France in 1940, you were a traitor. This from the woman who made a virtue of chucking her father out of the Front National for describing the Holocaust as a “detail of history”.  

Farage and Le Pen have a lot in common. They both trouser the €108,000 salary as a MEP plus the preposterously generous expenses whilst pissing on it at every turn. They both champion nationalism. They both appeal to the nasty, feral, foreigners-are-bad xenophobia that led us to Brexit. And Trump to the Presidency. Admittedly Le Pen has been helped by the terrorist attacks in France and the uselessness of French Intelligence. The French Intelligence could clearly not catch an elephant in a cupboard. Fortunately, everyone who does not want a racist in power will band together to see Le Pen off next Sunday. But look at those queuing up to cheer her on. By their friends shall ye know them…..

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We dip our toes into the week’s sartorial wankiness, starting with actress Jaime King wearing Johanna Ortiz.

No, WTF doesn’t know what is going on here either. The best she can suggest is that Jaime is appearing in a cash-strapped production of Aladdin where the producers told the costume department to use offcuts of curtain material. And frilly, flowery bloomers for the shoulder pads. The fact that Jaime managed a smile is a tribute to her thespian skills. Or evidence that she is bonkers. Or both.

WTF aficionado Pam from Edinburgh will not be happy but here is Orange is the New Black actress Danielle Brooks, wearing Eloquii.

Is it International Curtain Week? First we had Jaime in her curtains and now we have Danielle in flocked brocade and what used to be called a corselette. Frankly, she looked better in her prison uniform.

We are now going A List with actor Ben Affleck, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

The trousers are too short, the shirt and tie are a disgrace and the jacket is too tight. He looks forlorn, like a moping kingfisher.

Next up we have a load of nonsense in our Sheer Tedium section, starting with actress Jena Dewan Tatum wearing WTF bugbear, Minge Maestro Julian Macdonald.

Macdonald is the silliest thing to come out of Wales since they actually named  a place there Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. And this creation is  simply a black lace truss.

Next up is actress Zoey Deutsch, wearing Rodarte.

This is a white lace truss. When did trusses become an actual thing, sartorially speaking? Is there a world hernia epidemic?  *puzzled*

Now we have singer Ellie Goulding wearing Valentino. Valentino!

This horror costs £5,000. Ellie seems to be standing in a torn cardboard box filled with cobwebs. Signor Valentino, who always resembles a man rolled in creosote,  is clearly suffering from advanced sunstroke. 

Bringing up the rear of our Sheer Tedium section is Arianna Huffington, founder of The Huffington Post.

This is not a case of flashing your bra. This is a built in bra. It is just terribly, terribly, terrible. WTF is also in great indignation at the un-manicured toes.

Lastly, and I AM NOT LEAVING HER OUT WHATEVER YOU MAY SAY, Kim Kardashian walking the streets wearing lace cycling shorts by La Perla and a very shiny bra.

Not desperate. Not even a bit desperate. Apparently she was going to a friend’s house for dinner. Had she walked into WTF’s house dressed like that, she would have been wearing her dinner. Idiot.

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This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF of Islington, who has had enough of white anchovies. They are unspeakable, taste like old socks and pop up in dishes where white anchovies are not supposed to be. Like in a Salad Niçoise. Or a Caesar Salad (by the way, the number of places which spell it Ceaser Salad is a whole It’s Got To Go on its own).  Stop serving these excrescences. Now!!!!

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were lots of excellent comments last week which kept WTF from gloom so keep it up. Not to mention  your  suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Anti-Semitism, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Emmanuel Macron, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, French Presidential Election, Marine Le Pen, Politics, racism, UKIP, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Tumbrils Special

Hallo Readers,

You see, this is how it goes. It starts with calling the 48% who voted Remain “Remoaners”. Then there is an attack on the Lord Chief Justice and two members of the Court of Appeal as “enemies of the people” when they rule that Article 50 has to be put to a Parliamentary vote. One judge is called out for being a “an openly gay fencer”. The Lord Chancellor is so cowed by the press, especially the Daily Vile, that she abrogates her sworn constitutional duty to defend the judiciary. The woman who brings the action asking whether Article 50 should go to a Parliamentary vote receives racial abuse and death threats. The Supreme Court gets the same treatment. The Lord Chancellor again bottles it. Article 50 is duly passed with a craven capitulation by the Opposition and the Tory MPs who support the EU, save for the awesome Ken Clarke. But still, the very idea MPs want to challenge and question the final Brexit deal is too much for our Prime Minister. This week, having denied that she would call a snap General Election, she called a snap General Election on the basis that “although the Country is coming together (really?), Parliament is not” and “division in Westminster will risk our ability to make a success of Brexit.” The Opposition opposing! How very dare they? The Daily Vile trumpeted “Crush the Saboteurs!” whilst The Sun literally screamed “Blue Murder!”, crowing that May would “kill off Labour” and would “smash rebel Tories too”. President Erdogan would approve. Well done Theresa. Let us rid ourselves of anyone who dares to question your stance on Brexit. Not that we know what it is. Not that you know what it is. Groucho Marx used to sing

Whatever it is, I’m against it

No matter what it is or who commenced it

I’m against it.

This is the opposite. In the world of President Maydogan, whatever it is, you have to be for it – or you will be for it. Never mind that the referendum was not about the terms on which we would leave Brexit.  Yes meant shut the fuck up forever. On June 8, the tumbrils will roll down the streets and those MPs who dared to question our glorious Brexit Deal (tba) will be despatched into oblivion with only their Parliamentary pensions to live on.

In the world of President Maydogan, the fact that she said one thing (repeatedly) and then went back on it is irrelevant. Walking through Snowdonia with her husband, it dawned on her that she needed an election because the Opposition might, you know, oppose (the clue is in the name, love). The fact that Labour crumbled like a newly-baked loaf and voted with the Government on Article 50 is irrelevant. The fact that neither Parliament nor the electorate has any idea what deal we will get, or won’t get, is irrelevant. It is the patriotic duty of every citizen to back President Maydogan WHATEVER HAPPENS. We have to look united or those foreigners will sense weakness and go for the jugular. The fact that Corbyn may be kicked into oblivion is also irrelevant. 

Readers, here’s the thing. President Maydogan might say that this is an election about Brexit but just because she says it does not mean that it is or that it has to be. It can be about whatever the electorate wants it to be about and that includes failing schools, failing hospitals, the £350m a week for the NHS that seems to have gone walkies, failing public services, a fair tax system and the end of fat cats getting away with anything and everything. As far as WTF is concerned, President Maydogan’s decision to go to the polls is cynical opportunism wrapped up in a big bow of deception. Don’t let her get away with it. ….

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Meanwhile, let us distract ourselves with the week’s fashion follies, starting with Princesses Eugenie and Beatrice (seen with their cousin Prince William) going to church at Windsor on Easter Sunday.

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Eugenie is wearing Burberry with a very silly hat by Goldust Milliners and looks like Inspector Gadget in drag.

Beatrice is wearing a lace tablecloth by All Saints and a metallic coffee bean on her head by JBH Millinery. These sisters have no idea. None at all.

To New York and Model Gigi Hadid, wearing Morgan Lane.

Sleepwalker alert! They may cost $538 but they are pyjamas. They are made as pyjamas. They are sold as pyjamas. Just because Gigi is wearing dainty little sandals and a pair of specs does not convert them into outdoor wear. It just makes her look silly.

Next up, we have actor Christopher Meloni at the premiere of Free Fire.

Why is it that actresses are forced to dress up to the nines for premieres whilst actors just turn up as if they were en route to collect a takeaway? WTF is devoted to Christopher, who played moody, manly Elliott Stabler in her favourite show Law and Order: Special Victims’ Unit for 11 years before he flounced off because they wouldn’t pay him enough. But even WTF’s devotion to him cannot excuse this mess, especially the horrid teeshirt/sweater combo and the back-to-front baseball cap for which there is no excuse, not even of any kind.

Now we have Frieda Pinto at the premiere of her new Sky TV series, Guerilla, wearing Bally.

As WTF aficionado Belinda rightly observed, these are “make-me-a-short-arse” trousers with seams more puckered than a bee-stung bum and horrible hems, exacerbated by the unflattering length of the very boxy jacket. Not to mention the S&M necklace. Just Bally awful.

To the preenfest that is the Coachella festival in California, where luvvies and models various parade in artful hip. Here is actor Jared Leto, wearing Gucci. He never wears anything else.

He is wearing a bank robber’s mask with sunglasses! Are they also Gucci? Knowing him, they probably are. The ridiculous studded and bleached denim jacket is a ridiculous $3,900. You would not want to nestle on the wearer’s shoulder or you would have indentations like an Elizabeth Shaw mint.

The ridiculous teeshirt is a ridiculous $577. And he is wearing a flamingo pink woolly hat in 35 degrees. Ridiculous.

Also sporting ridiculous denim was singer and actress Ryan Destiny wearing jeans “styled” by celebrity stylist Scot Louie.

“Styled” is one word for it. “Grievous bodily harm” are three more. Scot has inflicted grievous bodily harm on an innocent pair of jeans by removing one vital element, to whit, the whole of the right side so that the only thing holding them up is the belt. One-legged jeans are as much use as tits on a fish. Period (as Sean Spicer would say). 

Here we go with more Sheer Tedium, It is not going away, clearly. First up, model Kara del Toro.

Kara is wearing a cobweb and tiny black panties. A veritable mingerama.

Finally, we have singer and reality show judge, Paula Abdul. Who knows what this is?

The designer remains anonymous. Good call. Paula is wearing a froth of spotted tulle and ruffles over a slip with Mickey Mouse ears, showcasing spherical tits and resembling an exploded negligee. When did nightwear become evening wear, any more than it became street wear?

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This week’s It’s Got to Go has been brought to WTF’s attention by aficionado Sally from Totteridge, who came upon these absolutely shocking boots.

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Sally, you will be appalled to learn that these pigs-trotters-cum-cameltoe bootees are in fact by Maison Martin Margiela and cost about £650. They are called Tabi boots, based on a Japanese design and were first launched a couple of years ago. Why anyone would want to spend a small fortune on porcine/vaginal footwear is anyone’s guess but It’s Got to Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were some lovely comments last week which made WTF very happy so get busy with the keyboard and keep up those suggestions for It’s Got To Go as well. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Brexit, Coachella, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

WTF Chocolate Cake Special

Hallo Readers,

It is Good Friday. But will we be here the same time next year or will the World be blown to smithereens? Russia is cross with the US for bombing Syria. Syria is more than cross with the US for being bombed. North Korea hates the US. The US hates North Korea and is threatening to sort them out. A supposed ISIS hideout in Afghanistan has been blown to shit by the biggest US bomb since Nagasaki. Let’s face it – things are not looking good.

In principle, WTF has no objection to bombing the shit out of Assad. Those who try and pretend that the Syrians were not responsible for the chemical attacks – take a long look at yourself. In principle, WTF has no objection to bombing the shit out of ISIS. But that is just the point. There has to be a principle. There has to be a policy. What is exactly is US foreign policy? America First has yielded to Ivanka First. The First Daughter was upset by pictures of horribly maimed little kiddies and so Daddy stepped in to sort the bastards out. But was there a game plan, other to keep Ivanka happy? And what the hell was it? And was there a game plan involved in bombing ISIS? And what the hell was that?

At the time of the attacks, China’s President Xi was paying a State Visit to Trump’s golf club in Palm Springs. Trump had previously been very upset with China and threatened to declare it as a “currency manipulator” but it is amazing how some one-to-one time over pudding can repair international relations. Trump described how he broke the news to his guest. “I was sitting at the table. We had finished dinner. We’re now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen and President Xi was enjoying it. And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded, what do you do? And we made a determination to do it, so the missiles were on the way. And I said, Mr. President, let me explain something to you.” Lord Palmerston gave us Gunboat Diplomacy. Now we have Dessert Diplomacy with an added plug for the Mar-A-Lago chef. There may be a World War, there may be truffle ahead, but President Xi enjoyed his chocolate cake. However, not to fudge the issue, this is bloody dangerous.  

Trump is on a voyage of discovery about international relations and history, things he knows nothing about. For him, history started when he took office.  He described relations between the US and Russia as at an all-time low, clearly unaware of the little matter of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Previously Putin was wonderful and China was horrible. China had to sort out North Korea. Then Putin backed Assad and President Xi explained the history of China and Korea. “After listening for 10 minutes, I realised it’s not so easy, I felt pretty strongly that they had a tremendous power over North Korea. But it’s not what you would think.” Just as he realised that healthcare was more complicated than he had thought, not that he had thought. Just as last week NATO was obsolete and this week it is not obsolete. That is the thing about governing a country. It is complicated. You have to know stuff. Or at least know that you don’t know stuff. And you have to ask people who do know stuff to explain it to you. Which does not include your preppy little twat of a son-in-law. And preferably before you start bombing countries without thinking through the consequences. Mind you, as a distraction from the Russians influencing the election and his still unproven allegations against Obama, it is pretty damn effective. 

Anyway something good has come out of this. Trump and Xi are now best mates. Trump said yesterday, “President Xi is a terrific person, we spent a lot of time together (two days) and he is a very special man”. This is a fine bromance. It is enough to make you ganache your teeth.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry with former Arsenal captain, Tony Adams, wearing a very rascal suit.

Adams has just been appointed manager of Spanish team Granada and on the day this photo was all over the press, despite the fact that it is apparently two years old. Nevertheless, it merits inclusion as one of the very worst suits ever in the history of ever, the lovechild of bathroom mosaic and a picnic tablecloth.  And there are three pieces of it!! Here is how Tony should be dressed. If only he still were….

This is from May 1998 when he scored the fourth goal against Everton at Highbury to clinch the League Title. Those were the days when we used to win things and when we had a defence (*weeps uncontrollably*).

To the Olivier Awards in London where a variety of people were appallingly dressed. Like actress Anita Dobson, formerly Ange off East Enders. WARNING!! A STROBERAMA AWAITS YOU! 

WTF can only conclude that Anita was seeking to repair relations with Spain following the fracas over Gibraltar but frankly, the Spaniards would rather see a couple of Royal Navy battleships steaming towards them than this OTT Flamenco kaleidoscopic frillfest worn with tights and mules. If this isn’t a declaration of war, WTF doesn’t know what is.

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Reader’s favourite Nancy dell’Olio is back again, wearing something horrible and Giuseppe Zanotti wedges, which are also horrible. What was she even doing there?

This net curtain thing is not providing Nancy’s embonpoint with any support and she seems to be on the verge of flashing her all. But the real concern is the shiny face, like a death mask. Yurgle.

And now a trio of Dior excrescence. There is sheer. And there is rip-off Designer sheer. First up, actress Rose Leslie.

Oh come off it! Really? Underneath the dress are black knitted J’Adior boxer shorts (£600). And you can see them.

Admittedly, if you are going to wear £600 of anything, you would want to show it off. But in this case you should resist because it is BAD. It is UGLY. Why would you channel Mark Wahlberg in his Calvin Klein modelling period?

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And there was actress Ruth Wilson, also showing us her under-crackers.

That stance is unflattering, like Keats’ Stout Cortez “when with eagle eyes. He star’d at the Pacific..” The dress is also unflattering because it makes her look square, which she is not. Ruth, no one wants to see your panties. As the other iconic Ruth, Ruth Archer in The Archers, would say…Ooooh Noooo!

And finally, at the premiere of The Fate of the Furious, actress Charlize Theron.

Again, Oooh Noooo! Dior, get a bloody grip. This is like a Roman Centurion in bra and panties. Why? Why the boots? Why the necklace? Just why, ad infinitem??????

Yes, I know she was in last week but this crime against the eyeballs cannot be overlooked. It is WTF’s favourite Z Lister, Lizzie Cundy. Again. This time she is attending the premiere of The Hatton Garden Job, wearing Diaso London. Brace yourselves……

All together now……AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! At least Eve wore a fig leaf that fitted her. And here literally is the rear view.

WTF doesn’t need to say anything, does she? Lizzie, for Gawd’s sake, give it a rest. Cover up. Stay indoors. Go away.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from aficionados @magpie_ms and @UncannyVal who brought the website Buykud.com to WTF’s attention. Or should that be Buykrud.com? @magpie_ms found these revolting “jeans”, a cross between Thai fishermen’s trousers and a bad acid trip. 

@UncannyVal found this cotton dress, the epitome of Concentration Camp Chic. Except that it isn’t chic, just downright offensive.

Someone, somewhere, is taking the piss. It’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There were lovely comments last week which cheered WTF up a treat. With Arsenal going down the pan and nuclear war looming, she needs cheering up, believe me. Keep those suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming as well. Let us meet again next Friday. In the meantime, Happy Easter, Happy Passover, Happy Everything. Be good  x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Olivier Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

WTF Ken Special

You know what. Readers? I really wasn’t going to write about former London Mayor and now “househusband” Ken Livingstone and his views on Hitler’s support of Zionism before he had a turn and went all murderous. I wrote about it last April when he was suspended. On Tuesday, Livingstone was found guilty of bringing the Labour Party into disrepute and banned from holding any office for another year. But as the week has gone on, I have become more and more outraged. Outraged at Livingstone not only standing by what he said but repeating it ad nauseam on every radio and TV show that would have him. Outraged at idiots glibly tweeting that he was only stating a fact. Outraged at the suggestion that this is all faux outrage by the anti-Corbyn lobby and the Blairite lobby and the Zionist lobby. Outraged that instead of chucking him out, the Party let him stay on terms that made no difference to his life.  So I’ve changed my mind. Here goes.

WTF is Jewish. As a child, several of my parents’ friends had tattoos on their arms, people whose parents and grandparents died in the gas chambers. That said, I am not a member of any lobby or caucus (except the Labour Party) although I am a member of a synagogue and even go occasionally. I hate Tony Blair. I hate the Israeli government. My outrage is not faux. It is not prompted by a desire to get Corbyn out or to bring Blair back. I am just fucking furious at the lies attempting to link Hitler and Zionism and angrier still that some people are going along with it.

Last year Livingstone chose to wade into a dispute involving Naz Shah MP who posted antisemitic rubbish about Zionism on Facebook a few years back and proposed a solution by moving Israelis to America. She accepted she was wrong and apologised but after her apology, Livingstone went on the radio arguing Shah had not been anti-semitic, even though she said the opposite, He claimed that Hitler had “supported Zionism” before “he went mad and killed 6m Jews”. Livingstone hates Zionism He wants to link Hitler and Zionism. He wants you to think that the most evil bastard in history was in favour of a Jewish state and that the Jewish State now acts as Hitler once acted. The man who murdered 6m Jews was their former champion. In fact, it’s bollocks. Hitler saw the desire for a State Of Israel as a cynical ploy for Jews to defraud the world in a haven where they could escape censure, not because they wanted to live there. The word support had a genial connotation, in the sense of rendering assistance. It does not apply to a man who alloŵed some Jews to leave only on condition that their goods were confiscated and in effect bought back by people in Palestine buying German goods to beat the international boycott. That is not support, it is blackmail. And while Hitler was supposedly all cosy with Zionists, laws were passed to ban Jews from practising law, from editing papers, from the army, from being teachers, from being pupils. from being vets. They had to wear yellow stars. They had to surrender their passports, they had to surrender their businesses.  You think that is supporting Zionism? He was getting a few out,  getting some goods sold and biding his time whilst he plotted the final solution.

Equally offensive is the idea that Hitler only started killing Jews after he went mad. Is that supposed to be an excuse? “M’Lud, my client pleads not guilty to murder by reason of diminished responsibility”. Poor chap. If only he had not driven all the Jewish psychiatrists and psychotherapists into exile and gassed the rest,  he might have been cured. Again, in fact it is bollocks.  This was always his intention. Read Mein Kampf.  

So when Jews and non Jews say they are outraged, they are. And that is why they are outraged. It is conjuring up every smear against Jews, just like when Livingstone said London Jews were rich so he wouldn’t bother canvassing them as they wouldn’t vote Labour. That trope of the grasping rich Jew behind every ill. He diminished the Holocaust. I don’t want to hear about other people who haven’t been thrown out. like Blair. What Livingstone said was offensive and disgusting and he is still saying it. Corbyn has to act, which it seems he now will. And those supporting Livingstone, in the real sense of the word, have to stop their specious excuses for him. 

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We are lightening the mood and revisiting the week’s sartorial shockers, starting with model Shaun Ross at the Front Row Fashion Awards in Los Angeles, wearing Ports 1961.

The hair looks like he has been plugged into the mains during a power surge. The boots are of different lengths and the thing around his waist looks like a Lego castle. Fashion?

To the GLAAD Awards and actress Victoria Justice, wearing Raisa & Vanessa.

victoria justice raisa & vanessa

She looks like a bad bedspread. What’s with the Minge Fringe?

Also there was Michael’s Jackson’s daughter Paris Jackson, wearing Yanina Couture.

If Salomé had done the Dance of the Seven Veils with shower curtains, this is what she would have looked like.

Now we have model and “star” of TV reality rubbish Real Housewives of Atlanta, Cynthia Bailey.

Tits. Legs. Laced-up labial seam. Peekaboo. The whole nine yards.

Here is a newcomer to these pages, country singer Chris Lane, at the American Country Music Awards in Las Vegas.

The suit not only resembles chintzy curtains but his ankles and his trousers are not on speaking terms. Not to mention the brogues without socks, which WTF hates almost above all things.

She’s back! I refer of course to rapper Nicki Minaj who had a go at looking respectable and then got bored and gave up. Here she is bouncing around Beverley Hills wearing Charbel Zoé and Philipp Plein gladiator sandals.

 Nicky is allowed one ridiculous garment at once.  But not two.  She looks like an extra from Up Pompeii. 

Time to duck behind the sofa. Take care before feasting your eyeballs on US TV personality Savannah Chrisley, wearing Alice & Olivia.

Savannah appears on a programme called Chrisley Knows Best. On this evidence,  WTF begs to differ. Particularly on the inverted crotch cut-outs.

Finally we have WTF’s favourite Z-lister Lizzie Cundy, out and about in Mayfair -Mayfair!!!!!

The dog is trying to make a getaway. He looks mortified, but then everyone else was as well.  The Residents of W1 pay through the nose to live in that poshest of posh areas. They do not expect to see Lizzie’s bits and pieces on parade around the streets. They wear more clothes in Shepherd Market,

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from an appalled Yvonne Ridley, who nominates Michael Howard, another failed Tory leader on a nice little earner in the House of Lords. Last Sunday Howard popped up on our TV screens calling for Britain to go to war with Spain to protect the tax free shopping street and ape sanctuary that is Gibraltar. We needed to sort those dagos out like we sorted  out the Argies when they grabbed the Falklands in 1982. Never mind that we no longer have a navy capable of defending Southend, let alone the Mediterranean. Let us invoke the spirit of St Margaret of Thatcher. Hell, it will take everyone’s mind off the Brexit fiasco.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. There was only the one comment last week which drove WTF even more mental than she is normally. She needs your comments at the moment. Keep those suggestions for It’s Got To Go coming as well. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Anti-Semitism, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Ken Livingstone, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

WTF The Death of Shame Special

Hallo Readers, 

If ever there was an oxymoron, it is “House Intelligence”, as in House Intelligence Committee which is currently investigating connections between the Trump election campaign and/or Transition Team and Russia. Its little arsewipe of a Chairman, Devin Nunes, is a former member of the Trump transition team, which is In itself a trifle iffy. 10 days ago, Nunes suddenly went to the White House to brief the President on some top secret information he had got from “a source”. He did not inform his colleagues on the Committee about his intended trip. He did not tell them about the documents, much less share them. He told the Press that the  new information he had supported the theory that some members of the Trump team might have been surveilled, seemingly shoring up Trump’s unsupported tweets that Obama had tapped his phone.  Nunes said he had gone to the White House the previous evening to meet an unnamed person to look at the unspecified information and then had gone back to the White House the next day to tell the President about what he had learned from the unnamed person, but that the Trump administration had not known about his first visit and the source was not from the White House, which  rather begs the question what the hell that person was doing at the White House at all. The White House is the centre of the Trump administration. As far as WTF is aware, the White House does not take in lodgers. People tend to be there because they are working for the Trump Administration. Equally you cannot just stroll into the White House. You need an appointment. Someone has to sign you in. Someone has to sign you out. Despite this, there is apparently no record of Nunes’ arrival or departure.

Outrage abounded, particularly amongst his Committee colleagues but Nunes refused to tell them what he had learned or from whom. He then unilaterally changed the next Committee hearing from public to private; admitted that the information he had seen did not back up Trump’s claims that Obama had tapped his phone; and refused to resign. He saw nothing wrong with the Chairman of a Committee investigating the President having a cosy chat with that President about the investigation and giving the impression to all and sundry that he was trying to save him from scrutiny. This week, Nunes upped his game. He unilaterally cancelled even the private hearing that was supposed to take place on Monday, which was scheduled to hear from the former Attorney-General who had first warned Trump about the contacts between his former National Security Adviser, Mike “Lock Her Up” Flynn and the Russkies. The one who was sacked for lying about those contacts. The one who is now seeking immunity in exchange for testifying. That Mike Flynn.

Yesterday, The Failing New York Times named two White House officials as Nunes’ source. One of them had narrowly avoided the push after Flynn’s departure on the personal intervention of Jared Kushner and Steve Bannon. The other one was a former lawyer on – wait for it – the House Intelligence Committee. It is of course a complete coincidence that after this story appeared – denounced by Trump as a lie – the White House suddenly invited both Nunes and his Democrat colleague Adam Schiff, plus their Senate counterparts, to come over to look at documents. So Nunes is going back to the White House to look at a document he was shown 10 days ago by the President’s staff and which he went back to the White House to show the President, who already knew about it anyway. He seems to be in and out of the White House like a fiddler’s elbow.  With the emphasis on fiddle.

You know what Readers? It stinks. It stinks worse than a warehouse of fish where the freezers have been turned off. And what makes it stinkier is that this little arsewipe is still Chairman of the Oxymoronic Committee and the White House is still denying any complicity and Sean Spicer is still promising to look into the whereabouts of the Visitors’ Book and Trump is still calling this Fake News. And what makes it yet stinkier is that the whole thing is so bloody inept and yet we are expected to believe these blatant liars – and that they continue to voice outrage that we do not believe them. This is simply the death of shame. Bastards.

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We start our review of the sartorial shockers of the week with Donald Trump’s hair.

Seriously, what the fuck IS this? It is a comb-over combined with a side-over combined with a widow’s peak. When you own hair looks like a bad wig, it is time to rethink your hair.

Next up, we have actress Sara Escudero, wearing who knows what.

Sara, a grown woman, is dressed like as bordello Tinkerbell.

Next up we have actor Jason Sudeikis at the premiere of his new movie Colossal. 

Never mind Colossal, Jason looks a colossal chump. He is clearly channelling the late Benny Hill.

Jason is somewhat underdressed icomparison with his co-star, Anne Hathaway, wearing Armani.

Jason rolls up looking like a schloch whilst Anne parades in a preposterous couture frock with a colossal lace thing poking her in the face, as if she were peeking out from behind a fan. How is this fair?

Meet actress Dania Ramirez,wearing Gosia Bacznyska.

This is just terribly, terribly, terrible, denim offcuts with a pube porthole. What the bag has to do with the price of fish, WTF cannot say, but it is BAD.

This is Gogglebox’s Sandi Bogle at the National Television Awards, wearing KiKi Riki.

If the Sugar Plum Fairy went to a fancy dress party dressed as a flamenco dancer savaged by a bull, this is what she would look like. There is a great deal of tattooed tit. Apparently at one point there was even more tit when one “accidentally” fell out in front of the paparazzi. Yeah. Right.

And now a trio of lacy horror in our Sheer Tedium feature. We start with model Bianca Balti at the Dolce & Gabbana party, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

The top has shrunk in the wash and regular Readers will know that WTF hates a sheer trouser almost above all things.

And then we have former model and new America’s Got Talent Judge Tyra Banks.

Tyra has gone one better than Bianca because she has a lace suit! A double-breasted lace jacket is much use as mudguards on a tortoise and whilst Tyra has knickers on, the effect is of abundant pubes. Extra minus points for the purple lipstick and the ridiculous stance, like a toddler about to do a wee-wee.

She’s back! Readers’ favourite Nancy dell’Olio emerged from a period of obscurity, which frankly we were all enjoying, at an event in the National Portrait Gallery. Brace yourselves.

As you know, criticism is alien to WTF’s nature, but Nancy’s face is shinier than a snooker ball in floodlights at the Crucible. There seems to have been some interference with the workings of nature. As for the dress, it is an abomination.

By all means wrap yourself in a lace curtain if you must, but at least make sure it fits. The zip appears to have surrendered and the nude under-slip is short enough to make onlookers very worried.

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This week’s It’s Got To Go is another example of the Death of Shame. WTF nominates Andy Coulson, the former editor of the News of the Screws, who did time inside for presiding over phone hacking. Now Coulson’s company is doing PR for The Telegraph papers and his main brief is thought to be to promote them as truthful and authoritative. Ye Gods. He’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. This has been another traumatic week and WTF needs your  comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go to keep her even vaguely sane. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, National TV Awards, Politics, Uncategorized, US Election, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Not Cowed Special

Hallo Readers,

It did not take long for the vultures to circle over the corpses left by the London terror attacks on Wednesday. It is an ill wind that blows nobody any good and in this case a notable profiteer was the despicable Katie Hopkins, laughably described last year by Donald Trump as a “respected columnist”. Hopkins is not a respected anything – her role in life is to insult, shock and offend, the media equivalent of urinating into someone’s drink in a public bar. For the past few years, pandering to the Neanderthals who lap this stuff up, Hopkins has attacked Muslims suggesting that they are, pretty much, to blame for everything bad that ever happened. When something bad happened to Muslims, namely being forced to flee from Syria and getting drowned en route, Hopkins wrote in The Sun that “Make no mistake, these migrants are like cockroaches. They might look a bit ‘Bob Geldof’s Ethiopia circa 1984’, but they are built to survive a nuclear bomb”.  Hopkins eventually left The Sun and found her spiritual home in the Mail Online where she has continued in similar vein. Only last year she cost the paper £150,000 when she suggested with no evidence of any kind, that Mohammed Tariq Mahmood and Mohammed Zadiq Mahmood, two British men removed unceremoniously from a Disneyland-bound flight by US authorities, were terrorists with links to Al Quaeda. WTF cannot be bothered to repeat the litany of Hopkins’ other outrages from the mouth and pen of this disgusting excuse for a human being because whatever she writes just makes your skin crawl.

Even before Wednesday’s assailant and his victims had been identified, Hopkins was at it again, tweeting “We are not united. Multiculturalism means we die together too”. She then appeared on Trump’s favourite channel Fox News talking to his lickspittle Tucker Carlson where she said of London and Londoners, “People are cowed. People are afraid. And people are not united.” Bullshit. Hopkins does not live in London but 200 miles away in leafy Devon. The truth is a wholly optional work tool and one she prefers to do without. Never mind that Londoners lived through the IRA bombings and the 2005 Tube and Bus Bombings and the murder of Lee Rigby and the small matter of the Blitz. Never mind that everyone got up yesterday and went to work and carried on in the usual way and will carry on carrying on in the usual way today and tomorrow and the day after that. Never mind that her tweets and column were greeted with universal scorn and derision.  If she can spew out poison in her column or on Fox to bemused Americans who think she knows something, she will be there like a rat up a drainpipe. Presumably Fox viewed Hopkins as an expert but then Fox viewed Judge Andrew Napolitano as an expert and look where that got them. (And him. Fox has buried him deeper than nuclear waste). The only expertise that Hopkins has is in being utterly vile. 

Not that she was alone. There was racist thug Tommy Robinson, erstwhile Head of the English Defence League, arriving at Westminster in record time to stir up hate and fear and to press for mass internment and deportations and ranting about Islam as a “fascist religion calling for murder in 110 verses”. And of course there was Nigel Farage, Trump’s arselicker-in-chief, quick to throw his hate, sorry, hat, into the ring, calling for stricter vetting of immigrants and refugees. Except that the late and unlamented Khalid Masood, né Adrian Elms, was born in Kent 52 years ago and so was neither an immigrant nor a refugee. WTF hopes that Masood rots in hell but he had as much right to be in the UK as Farage, who was also born in Kent 52 years ago. Yes, we have a serious problem in Britain and in Europe with Islamic Terrorism. But the likes of Farage and Hopkins are not providing the answers because they are too busy cosying up to Trump whilst furthering their job prospects. 

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Let us cheer ourselves up with the week’s sartorial sluice bucket starting with actress Mandy Moore, wearing Diane von Furstenburg.

WTF is mystified and then she is mystified some more. Those colours are really horrible together. Mandy seems to have based her look on Top Cat, minus the hat and whiskers.

Next up we have ghastly Z-lister, former TOWIE-person and giant pain in the arse Lauren Goodger on her way to visit her boyfriend in prison, wearing Finders Keepers.

Time was that visiting your boyfriend in chokey was not something you would want publicised but when you are a crap celebrity with nothing else to offer apart from your ever-changing weight issues, you have to make use of whatever you can. So it is that Lauren visited Joey Morrison, currently serving 16 years for violent drug-related crimes (he sounds like a real keeper), in full glare of the cameras and dressed for a July garden party in a giant folded tablecloth and grey over-the-knee boots, making her legs look like bandaged gangrene. Lauren – please go away.

Next up, we have model Suki Waterhouse, wearing Rasario.

This is like three separate dresses put together. The top third is lurex pixie, the middle third is Victorian bloomers and the bottom third is boudoir negligee. They have as much to do with each other as Nigel Farage and the Muslim Council of Great Britain.

Meet a newcomer to these pages, actress Naomi Scott at the premiere of her new movie Power Rangers, wearing Chanel. Chanel! 

No, sorry, WTF is not having this. Chanel!? This is a slip and a back to front apron. Mme Coco must be turning in her grave.

This is Kourtney Kardashian wearing rubbish trousers and a top by Yeezy, her brother-in-law’s clothing line.

How do you actually get these on? And why would you bother?

Bow down to Princess Caroline of Hanover at the Monaco Rose Ball, wearing Chanel.

There is whimsical. And there is wanky. She seems to be standing in a dogs-tooth polo neck behind a cardboard cutout of a design for the Ascot scene in My Fair Lady.

Finally, here is Sundy Carter, “star” of some rubbish called Basketball Wives of LA. Now to be fair, this was a 50 Shades of Filth-themed party but even so….This is a shoo-in for the Summer Stinker 2017 and ranks with Bobby Norris’ cocksock as one of the worst things WTF has ever seen, ever, in the history of ever.

WARNING – THIS IS REALLY, REALLY, BAD!!!

AND HERE IS ANOTHER WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST WARNING!!!

There is not enough brain bleach in the world to erase this horrendousness from your memory. This is not clothes, not even at all. Be-ribboned Minge. Tattoo. Tits. Everything on view. And that’s the front. Here is the rear view. Literally. 

AND HERE IS A THIRD WARNING TO GO WITH THE FIRST AND SECOND WARNINGS!!!

WTF is against flashing your arse, period, but she is all in wonder why anyone would want to flash this particular arse, for which the word flabby has insufficient nuance. As for the blue lipstick, she looks like she is suffering from advanced cyanosis.

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This week’s It’s Got To is from WTF aficionado Ayesha from Stepney who is aghast at the return (for the awful TV charity marathon, Red Nose Day) of Love Actually,  directed by her bete noire Richard Curtis. Ayesha deplores the way that Curtis flogs English clichés to a US audience and the fact that nothing in his films resembles anything familiar from ordinary life. He is the Penny Dreadful of directors presenting his celluloid theme park with one eye on the US Box Office. It is all buttock-clenchingly mortifying says Ayesha and He’s Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. This week has been traumatic in so many ways. Keep your comments and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go flowing in and let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Politics, racism, Uncategorized, Westminster Attack, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments