WTF Scheherazade Special

Hallo Readers,

This Government has a habit of saying no which turns out to mean yes. More specifically, it means no when it says no, but then it finds itself unable to progress with no because no comes under remorseless attack from everyone, including its own backbenchers, and is given the nostril; so that before you can say Three Line Whip, it is yet another U Turn and the policy in question goes glug, glug, glugging down the toilet bowl.

And so it was this week that yet another wizard wheeze hit the buffers. We kept hearing how Johnson would come to Parliament once the Sue Grey report was published and/or the Met finally handed down its Fixed Penalty Notice, or Notices as the case may be.  One has almost lost hope of ever seeing the Sue Grey report, which seems to slip further and further away with every new party, sorry, gathering, like Scheherazade concocting yet another tale for her husband to stop him slicing her head off the next day. But the Met then served the first FPN on Johnson, Mrs Johnson and Rishi Sunak plus 50 other people and the weatherman says there’s more to come. And so it was that Johnson appeared in the House on Tuesday and told us that he was very, very, sorry indeed for doing whatever it was that he was sorry for, not that it was remotely clear what he was sorry for, as he never actually said what it was. Instead he writhed and undulated like Uriah Heep, dodging every question and  repeating how sorry he was for whatever it was that he was sorry for. And he did not knowingly mislead the House when he said that there were no parties, and if there were parties, he did not know about them and although he had attended them, he did not know that they were actually parties until Sue Grey and/or the Met told him otherwise. Meanwhile, we were at war with Russia and he was too busy leading the World’s response to spend any more time on this stuff.  But he was really very, very, sorry and very, very, ‘umble.

This new-found state of ‘umbleness did not last long. That evening, Johnson cast his Uriah mask aside and returned to maintaining that he had  done nothing wrong and that he certainly had not misled the House, and who did the Archbishop of Canterbury think he was slagging off the Government’s plan to ship asylum seekers on a one way ticket to Rwanda and the BBC was no better. At which point, the Opposition Parties decided to table a motion to sanction an investigation into whether and why Johnson misled Parliament. Johnson then authorised a proposed amendment adjourning the investigation until the Sue Grey report, a move which was not so much a case of kicking the can down the road as throwing it into the undergrowth and burying it under concrete. It was too much for its backbenchers and so it was announced that er, there would be no amendment and that Johnson ‘welcomed’ the investigation. Of course, it is about as welcome as a bread pudding at the Passover table and the exact opposite of what was said about an hour earlier. But Johnson is at least consistent in his inconsistency. Meanwhile, some Tories are poking their heads back up above the parapet and calling for him to go, Ukraine or no Ukraine. As the self-proclaimed Brexit hard man Steve Baker put it, the Prime Minister’s contrition “only lasted as long as it took to get out of the headmaster’s study … Really, the Prime Minister should just know the gig’s up.” Maybe he does but they will have to carry him out of no 10 because he is going nowhere voluntarily….

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam with actor Claire Foy in New York, wearing Valentino.

It pains WTF to speak frankly but, as Gwendoline put it so well in The Importance of Being Earnest, ‘On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one’s mind. It becomes a pleasure’. These are hairy pyjamas. Cute hairy pyjamas. But hairy pyjamas nonetheless. Why Claire would want to walk around New York like wee Willie Winkie, WTF cannot say…

Nest up, we have actor Tessa Thompson wearing Schiaparelli.

The sandals are miraculous and the jumper looks snuggly, but the skirt has a pube porthole, putting appalled onlookers in fear of an imminent Minge Moment. Yikes!

Now we are forced to acknowledge two separate examples of parrotcide. First up, we have actor Nicole Kidman wearing Prada at the premiere of The Northman.

RIP birdies. As for Nicole and Prada, the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds has been alerted of your crimes.

And also complicit is actor Tracee Ellis Ross wearing Germanier on Jimmy Kimmel Live!

More parrotcide. What is occurring? Has Will Smith’s violently slapping Chris Rock brought out every thespian’s worst tendencies? We should be told……

Now we have pregnant singer Rihanna in Barbados with her babyfather ASAP Rocky. Riri is wearing Dundas. 

No sooner has ASAP Rocky landed back in the US from his Caribbean sojourn than he was arrested by the cops in connection with an assault with a deadly weapon in 2021. Frankly, Dundas should be arrested and charged with something similar for foisting this horror upon us, like the lovechild of a corset and an exploding parcel.

To California where we encounter celebritee sibling Khloe Kardashian out to lunch, in every sense of the word, wearing Mugler.

Mugler has been churning out these foul leggings this season, and they look no better on Khloe than on anyone else, ie they look like a sack of shit. That central seam is very unfortunate, with more camel toe than a dromedaries’ day trip to Dakar.

And finally, in case you were worried that there were no chaps this week, breathe out. Here is actor Dan Stevens, the one who was married to I-Speak-Your-Weight-Machine Lady Mary in Downton Abbey, at the premiere of Gaslit in New York wearing Licong Gong. Scroll down slowly and have a receptacle at hand…..

Frankly, WTF was reaching for the receptacle at the green tinted sunglasses but its need became ever more urgent when she got to the coat and trewsies of many colours, and was imperative once she saw the striped footwear. There is a burger bar in Beverley, Yorkshire that has taken to serving rainbow burgers. Whether that that was inspiration for this dog’s breakfast is unclear….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Alessandra from North London who objects – with every reason – to these foul jeans from Shein, or, as WTF prefers to refer to the brand, Sheit.  

Can you imagine the indentations on her personage? Not to mention the degree of polishing and waxing of the pubes before putting them on? Eek!!!! It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in – there were loads last week and WTF was as happy as a happy thing on happy tablets. Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

Posted in Boris Johnson, Carrie Symonds, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Partygate, Politics, Steve Baker, Ukraine, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Hotel Rwanda Special

Hallo Readers, 

There are few things to be said in favour of Boris Johnson and Priti Patel, but you have to hand it to them. Michelle Obama famously said of the Trump camp ‘when they go low, we go high’. In the case of this grizzly duo, when they go low, they go lower. And lower still. If they keep this up they will be in Australia in no time…

WTF was already reeling at the unexpected news that we are at war with Russia. Yes really. It seems that we cannot rid ourselves of the pimple on the arse of politics that is our present Prime Minister because of the war in Ukraine, or, as some ministers have taken to calling it, the European war. As far as WTF knows, no declaration of war has been made, no piece of paper has been waved and our troops have not yet been deployed to partake in man-to-man combat in the streets of Kharkiv. But apparently Ukraine’s survival depends upon the pudgy liar who is ‘leading the world’s response’ to Putin’s invasion. It seems that President Zelenskyy cannot do without him by his side, although the reality is that Zelenskyy would give Beelzebub a cuddle were he to come calling with some anti-tank missiles and a crate load of AK47s. The willingness of this Government to dance on the grave of Ukrainian citizens in order to shore up the Prime Minister is utterly sickening.

Meanwhile, in the most blatant dead cat bounce since Johnson’s trip to Kiev last week in order to distract us all from Partygate, he and Patel have come up with a wheeze to allay the concerned citizens of Kent and Essex and the backwoodsman who represent them in Parliament. Yesterday, they announced that single men arriving in the UK and claiming asylum would be put on a one way flight to Rwanda where their claims would be processed by Rwandans. If they are then adjudged to be genuinely seeking asylum, they can have it – in Rwanda. Never mind that Rwanda, contrary to the assurances of our Prime Minister, has an appalling human rights record and a President who received 99% of the votes at the last election. The Israelis tried shipping their asylum seekers to Rwanda and withdrew PDQ as nearly every one of them ran away. Like the God-awful Australian Government which assured its citizens that scooping up desperate boat people and shipping them to Papua New Guinea was really for their own good because it stopped the traffickers in their tracks, our own Government is trying to tell us that flying desperate people 4,000 miles away to Africa is for their own good because it will save them from the traffickers, even if they can only get here by using traffickers. Out of sight, out of mind. Heads we win, tails you lose. Have a nice flight. Don’t forget the Duty Free…..

Of course, this designation of single men will apply to brown people and Muslims – Syrians, Afghans, Iraqis, while Ukrainians – white and Christian – will be fine because they’re women and children and granddads. One does not know what is worse with our lot. The cynicism. The dishonesty. The hypocrisy. The incompetence. The inhumanity. But one thing we do know. This Government will go lower. And lower still….

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial sluice with superstar Beyoncé wearing Celia Kritharioti.

Sigh. At least her boobs look genuine, but we can see a great deal of them, and indeed of her, in this alleged ‘dress’ which gives the illusion that she has been partially spray-painted with particular concentration on the nipples and the minge area. As for the sunglasses, they are silly.

Next up, we have actor Anya Taylor-Joy at the premiere of Northman in London, wearing Dior.

Anya has the most fabulous face but this outfit seems to have been inspired by a vintage Barbie skater doll and is far too short. How on earth she sits down in it without giving everyone a view of her lady parts, WTF cannot say. Nor is she convinced that ice-pink is Anya’s colour…….

To the Kids’ Choice Awards 2022 where we encounter ubiquitous TV personality, Heidi Klum,wearing Christian Cowan.

Quite apart from the fact that WTF hates a one-armed garment on a two-armed person, this also seems to be a one-legged garment on a two-legged person, and if that is not enough to put WTF in a foul mood, she does not know what is. Heidi looks like a mutant aubergine.

To WTF’s extreme disappointment, the Country Music Awards Red Carpet was positively tasteful. Have these people no compassion for someone waiting to take the piss out of them? For shame! Luckily, Queer Eye presenter Tan France was there, wearing Grenier. 

You know the expression someone ‘looks good enough to eat’? Tan certainly does, but only because his suit is covered in Smarties.

Here is actor Julia Fox wearing not enough. As per bloody usual.

It has got to the point where WTF is more familiar with Julia’s torso and groin than her own. There is also the strong possibility, nay, probability, of an imminent Minge Moment given that Julia has removed the waistband from her jeans and used it as a bra, leaving very little infrastructure to ensure that the jeans stay up. Not to mention an imminent nip slip. It is all at risk of hanging out, Readers. The bag has more fabric than the rest of the outfit…..

We are at the premiere of Sonic the Hedgehog 2  where we find rapper Kid Cudi wearing some very remarkable items.

 WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE JEANS???? They seem to be made from frosted shredded wheat. And while we are on the subject, WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE TRAINERS??????

Here is  actor Natasha Lyonne at the premiere of the latest  series of her show, Russian Doll, wearing Moschino.

Oh how we laughed! Jeremy Scott, Moschino’s designer, is making a pun about knockers!! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha… not.

Now finally, back to London and the Olivier Awards. Singer and musical actor Beverley Knight was there, wearing Rami Kadi.

She is wearing a fishing net. And you can see her knickers. That is all.

And finally, actor Emma Corrin wearing Loewe.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. It is a dress with balloons so she has burst balloon tits!! Loewes’s Jonathan Anderson and Moschino’s Jeremy Scott should go out for a drink together and get this nonsense out of their system. And just to make sure we are not affronted enough, Emma has doubled down with the ugliest boots on the history of boots. If ever there was a reason to burst a balloon with a darning needle, this is the reason made flesh – and PVC…..

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is aghast at the conspicuous consumption of the $3m extravaganza that was the Nicola Peltz/Brooklyn Beckham wedding …..

 STOP PRESS! Nonentity One marries Nonentity Two. No one cares about either of them except their nearest and dearest and a load of celebs with their tits out guzzling champagne. Just. Go. Away. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in – there were NONE again last week and WTF was very sad. Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Happy Easter. Happy Pesach. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

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WTF Glamorous Grammys Special

Hallo Readers, 

You can be married to a British citizen, give birth to British children, own three magnificent houses in the UK (not to mention a California beachside home) and live in a Government building set aside for those who are  supposed to run the country – and yet, while you are obliged to pay taxes on any income you have in the UK, you pay diddly squat on your income outside the UK, which is a serious loss to the Exchequer because your income outside the UK has been estimated at some £11 million a year. And you also get to avoid inheritance tax on the death of your parents, which again is a serious loss to the Exchequer because your father is a billionaire and your share of whatever he’s got is on the large side of extremely large. So what if you’ve lived here for nine years? Register as a Non Dom for the trifling sum of £30,000 a year and you are exempt from the rules that govern ordinary residents. Many may think that if they could legally avoid paying tax, they would. The problem here is that the person depriving the Exchequer of this money is none other than the wife of the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Whoops.

No one was surprised that Rishi Sunak’s wife Akshata Murthy was availing herself of a tax advantage. This Government has not lost its moral compass because it never had one. If there is a trough, there will  be a minister or a ministerial spouse or family member with their snouts shoved inside it. Murthy is of course entitled to avoid tax, but just because you can does not mean that you should.  She is not popping over for the occasional  holiday -she has lived here for nine years. Her husband has dreams of becoming Prime Minister, although those dreams now seem fanciful. WTF would have preferred Murthy to have waved two fingers at the public rather than issuing a mealy-mouthed and misleading statement suggesting that her Indian citizenship and birthplace governed her tax status. Indian citizenship is irrelevant to Non Dom status; it does not come to you, you go to it – with a cheque for £30,000 and a great deal of expensive advice from Messers That’s Mine, Now Bugger Off LLP. 

Last month Sunak’s Spring Statement failed to help those who do not have £30,000 to give HMRC and who are now facing astronomical fuel rises and cannot sleep for worrying how they will feed their kids, not to mention themselves and the Department of Health stopped giving out free Covid lateral flow tests. This week the Government hoiked up the cost of National Insurance despite Johnson’s promise in 2019 that he would not increase taxes. While pensioners huddle under blankets and families live off food banks, it was no comfort to them to know that the Chancellor’s wife was acting legally.  At 7 pm on Friday night Murthy said that she would pay tax on overseas income in this country after all – doubtless in an attempt to save her husband’s career. It may well be too late…..

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Our review of the week’s clothing crapulence is all from the Grammys which were held last Sunday in Las Vegas, starting with singer Tayla Parx dressed as a wankersaurus.

Er…… WTF’s adored great nephew and niece would go crazy for an outfit like this, but they are aged 5 and 3 respectively. Tayla is 28. Further, while WTF has no great expertise in palaeontology, she doubts whether dinosaurs had arses like that, or wore studded pom-poms in their hair, probably because they did not have any hair. 

Actor and singer Jared Leto wearing Gucci.

It as if the Sheriff of Nottingham moonlighted as a lingerie model for Victoria’s Secrets. Meanwhile, WTF has long made clear her views on white boots – no. No. NO. 

Singer Carrie Underwood wearing Dolce & Gabbana. 

In the interests of bringing culture to the naffs, someone is remaking Pride and Prejudice using the Jumanji characters. Mudboy is cast as Elizabeth Bennett, and here she is having arrived at Netherfield with a dirty petticoat to the great disapprobation of Mr Bingley’s sisters. “Yes, and her petticoat; I hope you saw her petticoat, six inches deep in mud, I am absolutely certain; and the gown which had been let down to hide it, not doing its office.”

Award-winner on the night, singer Jon Batiste, wearing Gucci.

A sparkling Harlequin in crocodile boots. Yurgle.

Japanese Breakfast aka Michelle Zauner wearing Valentino.

This is more Dog’s Breakfast than Japanese Breakfast. If a forsthyia went to a fancy dress party as a plate of scrambled eggs, this is what it would look like….. 

Record producer Benny Blanco wearing who knows what?

Benny has modelled his look on John Malkovich in Dangerous Liaisons. Except that John’s trousers did not hang forlornly above his ankles, he did not wear Mexican peasant bootees and he did not have embroidered saddlebags.

Singer H.E.R. wearing Dundas.

This seems to be the lovechild of Hyperion and a banana.

Rapper Jidenna wearing his granny’s curtains. And ombre boots.

It is to be hoped that Granny was doing her house up and throwing these out after 5o years of good service. It would be unconscionable were Jidenna to have nicked them, even in the name of recycling, leaving  the old dear exposed to daylight and the prying eyes of her neighbours.

Singer Cailin Russo wearing an old armchair.

The outfit is an excrescence, composed of the offcuts from Furniture Village; and the combination of the pale green hair and orange leather puts WTF in mind of a tree frog.


And finally, we have singer Justin Bieber wearing a Balenciaga suit AND Balenciaga Crocs.

What a total knob. Kudos to WTF aficionado Dan from Stevenage who let WTF know that Justin’s preposterous look, minus the neon pink beanie hat and Crocs, is straight out of the old Tom Hanks movie, Big.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Bindy from Wiltshire who was aghast to discover this dress recommended by the Daily Telegraph as the perfect dress in the perfect colour for any occasion….. it is by Voyager London and costs £260.

 Bindy disagrees with the premise of the article. She says  ‘Perfect?? This is the sort of dress that makes anyone except the skeletally thin feel terrible. If you are channeling your inner Ma Larkin then this dirigible in slime green is just the thing’. Agreed. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in – there were NONE last week and WTF came over all funny as a result. Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Akshata Murthy, Boris Johnson, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Grammys, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities, Yorkshire | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Super-Enormous Oscars Special


Hallo Readers,

Forty years ago, Argentina invaded the Falkland Islands. Acknowledging the failure to prevent this debacle, Lord Carrington, the Foreign Secretary, promptly resigned and John Nott, the Defence Secretary, proffered his resignation but Mrs Thatcher refused to accept it. The days when people behaved with honour have long gone. This week saw a number of shameless people spit on the concept of honour and wave two fingers at the public. Any of them could have been the subject of this week’s rant but that would mean leaving someone out. So here we go – WTF’s Roll of Shame March 2022.

1. The Chief Executives, medical staff and midwives at the Shrewsbury & Telford NHS Trust for years of gross negligence resulting in the death of hundreds of babies and some of the mothers who bore them. Faced with allegations of ineptitude, doctors hung up on bereaved parents, midwives blamed mothers for being too fat or for not complaining loudly enough (not that they would have listened), medical records were altered and internal reports were ignored. Despite this, instead of donning sackcloth and sitting in ashes like the King of Nineveh and his people, the previous CEOs in charge over that period have all gone on to bigger and better things, earning a fortune and looking forward to their big, fat, gold-plated pensions. Resignations? Don’t be silly.

2. Boris Johnson. For not answering a single bloody question at what is laughably called Prime Minister’s Question Time. For refusing even to admit any criminality during the Downing Street parties-that-weren’t-parties-but-work-gatherings after 20 Enforcement Notices were issued by the Met. For lying repeatedly to the House of Commons. Last week he told the House the Government would take action against P&O for breaking the law when sacking 500 people to replace them with something cheaper. This week Transport Secretary Grant Shapps said the Government had no power to do so. Resignations? Don’t be silly.

3. Every Tory MP who attended a slap-up dinner at the Park Plaza Hotel on Tuesday on the day the aforesaid #Partygate notices were issued and on the first anniversary of the nearby Covid Wall commemorating the 165,213 souls who died of it. The MPs walked past a demonstration by some bereaved families without so much as an acknowledgement, anxious to wrap their faces round champagne, salmon tart, chicken thighs and chocolate praline and, as mop-haired muppet Michael Fabricant MP put it, ‘having some fun’.  Who cares if there are people out there who cannot turn on their central heating or light the stove to boil an egg as energy prices soar by up to 100%?  Let them eat canapés. Resignations? Don’t be silly.

4. Chancellor Rishi Sunak, who is busily telling UK companies to sever all links with Russia while his wife, daughter of a billionaire, holds $900 MILLION in shares in her daddy’s company Infosys, which continues to operate in Russia despite other Big Tech companies pulling out. When challenged on this, Rishi bristled, stamped his little £300 grey leather trainers and said his wife is not elected. No she isn’t, but he is. Presumably, unless things have gone tits up chez Sunak, he enjoys some of the benefit of her wealth. Resignation? Don’t be silly.

5. And talking of wives, Will Smith, who laughed uproariously at Chris Rock’s stupid joke about Jana Pinkett-Smith’s crewcut until he caught a glimpse of his missus’s expression, realised he was in deep matrimonial doo-doo and leapt up onto the stage to lamp Rock before shouting and swearing at him. In the customary lachrymose speech after he won the Oscar an hour later (for Best Actor, not Best Lamper) Smith apologised to everyone except the person he assaulted. And, it emerged on Thursday, he refused to leave the building after the assault, despite being told to. As for the Academy, what did they think Rock was going to talk about?  Daffodils? And as for those who stood and cheered Smith to the rooftop when he won Best Actor….. The bar for next year has been set high. Anything less than someone being eviscerated live on stage will be a real letdown. Resignations? Don’t be silly.

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We begin our review of the Oscars sartorial shit-pile with actor Kristen Stewart, wearing Chanel.

There is dressing down. And there is looking like a chorus girl in a 1940s musical. Any minute now and she will burst into song and do a tap dance. Meanwhile, her hair looks like a Pomeranian died on her head.

Actor Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, aka Jaime from Game of Thrones, wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

Is he moonlighting on The Love Boat? And the fit of those trewsies is just terribly, terribly terrible.

Model Elsa Hosk wearing Mônot at the Vanity Fair Party.

Of course she has an amazing body, but that is not so much a tit window as a French window with a breast flattener.

Singer Joe Jonas, wearing Louis Vuitton.

Good grief. He looks like he is being electrocuted. Throw a blanket over him!

Makeup artiste Jane Vernon, wearing something frightful and fluffy with leather leggings.

If Ozzie Osbourne had sex with a Norwegian Forest Cat, this is what their progeny would look like…….

 Actor Timothée Chalamet wearing Louis Vuitton.

At least Joe Jonas was wearing a shirt with his LV suit. Prat. Next!

Singer and actor Janelle Monáe, wearing Christian Siriano.

Yurgle. She seems to be trapped in a backgammon board while giving us flashes of under-boob and putting us in fear of an imminent Minge Moment.

Colombian actor Sebastián Yatra wearing custom Moschino. 

Moschino nicked the design for this suit from the Security Staff at the Bank of England, adding a pair of toning Co-Respondent shoes just in case there was not enough pink…. 

Actor Tracee Ellis Ross, wearing Caroline Herrera.

Aficionado Michelle tweeted to ask WTF, ‘Did you see Tracee Ellis Ross’s red dress? For a woman with style, I dread to think who told her wearing that did her any favours #toomuchtit’. Michelle, WTF did see it and her eyes bulged out of her head as much as yours did. It is not so much a case of #toomuchtit but #toolittlebodice as those mice ears were clearly not up to the job. And for that matter, #toosmallaroundthehips.

Actor Wesley Snipes, wearing Bogard by MikeB.

If a red cabbage went to a fancy dress party wearing a penis pelmet, this is what it would look like.R&B singing sisters Chloe x Halle namely Chloe Berry (left) wearing Robert Cavalli and Halle Berry wearing LDVF (right, or in her case, very wrong).

MINGE!!!!!!!!! Put some knickers on, girls. Chloe seems to have come from the beach while Halle’s dress appears to have split along the seam. And those purple sandals are beyond hideous.

Finally, we have actor and Instagram person RickeyThompson wearing GCDS.

For some reason, Rickey has chosen to attend the event dressed as a display stand from well-known tat retailer, Claire’s Accessories. As for the trousers, Rickey needed to take a size up – at least…….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sal who brought this monstrosity to our attention – it’s the new Balenciaga Men’s Collection.

 Sal observes that ‘This year’s fashion look for menswear appears to be, “my mum says I’ll grow into it”.’ She is right. Men’s clothes are getting sillier and sillier. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they keep WTF happy and you don’t want her to be unhappy, do you? Of course you don’t. And do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Oscars, Politics, Rishi Sunak, Uncategorized, Will Smith, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Send Her Back Special

Hallo Readers,

In Dickens’s Martin Chuzzlewit, Mark Tapley, Martin’s manservant, does his best to remain relentlessly cheerful despite the many vicissitudes which meet man and master.  One suspects that even Mark would currently struggle to maintain his equilibrium. War still rages in Ukraine. Here in the UK, the billionaire Chancellor of the Exchequer failed to assist those who have sunk from Just About Managing to Being Unable to Turn on the Heating or to put on the oven to cook a food bank potato. And even when there is good news, the return of Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe after six years of incarceration in Iran, it turns out that a woman not born in the UK, not white and not Christian, will be castigated for failing to show sufficient gratitude for her release.

Zaghari-Ratcliffe did a number of things to offend the gammon. For a start, she looked well. She was not covered in scabies and her ribs were not sticking out. Since the outbreak of COVID she had been under house arrest in her parents’ home in Tehran where she had the benefit of eating properly, adequate personal care and a comfortable bed. Never mind the depression, the nightmares, the years of solitary, the mental torture – her hair was glossy! Second, she dared to contradict her husband who had politely thanked everyone in the UK government working for his wife’s release. Zaghari-Ratcliffe pointed out, ever-so-gently while squeezing her husband’s hand, that there had been five Foreign Secretaries during her stay in Iran and she had lost faith in all of them, given that their promises to her never translated into freedom. For the gammon this was tantamount to pissing on a portrait of Her Majesty the Queen while shouting Allahu Akbar and torturing a cat. Her poor husband! After everything he did for her! What a miserable bitch! He’ll be sorry soon enough, if he isn’t already! And the woman is downright ungrateful! Many of these same people regarded the requirement to wear a mask on the number 15 bus and in Asda as cruel and unusual punishment but find it unreasonable that a woman failed by successive governments, and especially by the man who is now Prime Minister, feels aggrieved to have been separated from her husband and her child for so long when all five foreign secretaries knew exactly what had to be done to free her, namely to pay the debt to Iran owed for decades for equipment it never received.

The hashtags #SendHerBack and #UngratefulCow were soon trending, full of woeful, xenophobic ignorance. It was her fault for going there and she was warned not to go! (Was she?). She’s not even British! (She is). We couldn’t pay the ransom because the EU regulations forbade it! (Rubbish). What sort of mother goes out to a place like that and leaves her child behind? (She took little Gabriella with her).  She was a journalist, so what did she expect? (She wasn’t). Never mind that former Foreign Secretary Jeremy Hunt and former Foreign Office minister Alistair Burt both admitted that there was a case to answer on the charges of incompetence and delay – the gammon know better. This brown Muslim woman, with the good fortune to marry a Brit, is an ungrateful cow and should be sent back whence she came. There are times when this country makes you shudder. Even Mark Tapley would be reaching for the sick bucket.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry at the Gibraltar marriage of former boyband singer Lee Ryan (Blue) and his bride Verity Paris. Also present was baby Ryan…..

This was sent in by WTF aficionado Kari Mac who noted ‘It’s lovely to see any happy couple on their wedding day, but I’m not sure why Lee Ryan thought it was a good idea to dress up as Jimmy Tarbuck?’. WTF respectfully disagrees with Kari and is getting more of a Tony-Blackburn-on Top-of-the-Pops-vibe. She does however agree that as an outfit in 2022, nuptial or otherwise, it is the pits; she also notes there is very little room in those trewsies and further she deplores the blushing bride’s fascinator on the basis that all fascinators are an abomination. The family tableau is only saved by the baby, who looks cute….

To the Producers Guild of America Awards in LA where we find actor Kerry Washington wearing Sergio Hudson.

It’s so slithery, with seams where seams ought not to be. If a prawn cocktail went to a fancy dress party as a courtesan, this is what what it would look like.

Here is singer Lily Allen out and about in New York wearing a vintage frock, no bra and black knickers.

WTF says vintage, but in truth the previous owner appears have been Miss Haversham from Great Expectations. And she says black knickers, but in truth she is extremely worried that they might be something else, like over-abundant pubes. WTF has also taken against that smug look on Lily’s face, which is annoying.

Gucci has been going down the pan for some time, and here are two outfits proving that fact. The first is worn by actor Jared Leto at the premiere of his new movie Morbius.

The second is worn by actor Dakota Johnson at the South by Southwest Film Festival in Austin, Texas.

Forget Jared’s ridiculous red lace gloves like Scarlett O’Hara and the rebarbative 1970’s curtain fabric of Dakota’s suit. The real assault on the eyeballs are the horrible external zips on both of them, particularly the bit at the end of Dakota’s which looks like an exposed genital wart.

To the UK premiere of season 2 of the fuckfest that is Bridgerton,  the historical romp that is as nonsensical as it is watchable. Sadly, Regé-Jean Page is not in it this season but actor Luke Newton, who plays one of the Bridgerton younger brothers, is. He is wearing something very heinous.

Whoever put Luke into this foulness is not his friend. A shit-coloured brown tux is a criminal offence (and if it isn’t, it should be), especially when worn with a matching wonky bowtie and trewsies made of gold Thai silk like an extra from The King & I. The whole outfit puts WTF in mind of those wedding outfits they make for doggies accompanying their adoring owners to the altar.

Now that Lady Daphne and the Duke of Whatnot have romped off into the hinterlands, the spotlight shifts to Daphne’s brother Viscount Thingy and a new character, Kate Sharma, played by Simone Ashley. Here she is wearing Gucci.

The green velvet pelmet is baffling but not nearly as baffling as the white thing which seems to a serviette which has landed randomly upon her chest and shoulders.

We are now at the Marbella Film Festival where we meet a newcomer, Argentine actor Valentina Zenere wearing not nearly enough.

MINGE!!!!!!!! VULVA!!!!!!!!!! YURGLE!!!!!!!!!!

We are certainly zipping about today. Here we are at the iHeart Radio awards in LA with singer Maggie Lindemann wearing Andre Emery.

See that black mark above her right knee? That is where the hemline should have been. There should also have been more side, more tit-cover and less homage to Raquel Welch in One Million Years BC.

Finally, and horribly, this is singer Halsey “wearing” Andres Sarda.

Oh. My. Gawd.  She is making Ms Lindemann look positively overdressed. It is as if Kaa the Snake had dipped himself in silver before crawling all over Mowgli…..

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Annette via Ange Waters, who sent in this vile excuse for an outfit from “designers” FIERYCR.

 It’s on sale!!! If you are completely raving mad with the taste of a washed-up Vegas showgirl, you can now buy it for only $34 99.  Or you can send the money to the Ukraine appeal, bleach out your eyeballs and develop some taste. Your call. WTF, Annette and Ange are quite clear on this one. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF cheerier than Mark Taplow. And of course,  your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again on Friday – it’s the Oscars edition! Be good x

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Bridgerton, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Coronavirus, Covid, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, iHeartRadio Music Awards, Iran, Liz Truss, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, Oscars, Politics, Producers Guild of America, Richard Ratcliffe, sexism, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Success Special

Hallo Readers 

Jacob Rees-Mogg popped up on the radio this week in an interview on LBC. For some people the big takeaway was his admission that he had never owned a pair of jeans or a tee shirt. Of course he hasn’t. But for WTF, the most striking part was his assertion that Brexit has been a great success. WTF seems to recall some stuff during the referendum campaign about how leaving the EU would return British jobs to British workers, apart that is from the ones that they do not wish to do and which nobody is now doing, like fruit picking and long distance lorry driving. Although if those benighted Ukrainians ever manage to get past Priti Patel’s maze of red tape, they can always hotfoot it down to the rural idylls of England and get cracking on the strawberries. However 800 British people did have British jobs working for P&O, the ferries that sail between the UK and the Continent. That is, they had jobs until lunchtime on Thursday when they received a Zoom message from the management announcing they were all getting the push with immediate effect to be replaced by cheap labour, presumably un-unionised and inexperienced, brought in via a “third party” from who knows where in order to save money. Never mind that the company, now owned by a “wealth fund” in Dubai, was quick to take millions of pounds of furlough money during lockdown, not to mention a sub of £33 million. Now that the era of Covid is officially over  (© Boris Johnson) and people are venturing back on holidays,  P&O has decided to reward experienced seafarers by chucking them on the scrapheap. The law requires 90 days consultation before a redundancy takes effect, but P&O paid as much attention to that as they did to loyalty and decency. Vote Brexit! Get the sack! If the Ukrainians are not up for a bit of agriculture, perhaps the newly-unemployed seafarers can give it a go… If this is what Rees- Mogg (who is, do not forget, the Minister for Brexit Opportunities), regards as a great success, one shudders to think what failure looks like. Although we know what failure looks like. It looks like him and his wretched colleagues…

There was one bright light this week in a slough of despond. Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe and Anoosheh Ashoori finally returned home to their families after the Foreign Office did what it should have done decades ago and repaid Iran the £400 million it owed them for an aborted arms deal. There was an emotional reunion at RAF Brize Norton in the early hours of Thursday morning. WTF gives credit to Foreign Secretary Liz Truss for actually pushing the deal through, which is more than her predecessors managed, especially the five pounds of shit in a four pound bag that is Boris Johnson, whose lack of preparation and arrogant stupidity extended her stay in a Tehran prison. But just as WTF was beginning to think more warmly of the Truss, she saw that she had barged her way into the Brize Norton reunions, photobombed practically every picture of the happy families and then retweeted endless pictures of herself throughout the day. With Truss, no good deed goes unpublicised.

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam with singer Rihanna out and about wearing a diamond bra, leather jacket and mini skirt by Alexander Wang and Amina Muaddi boots.

Rihanna is pregnant, apparently. Who knew? Answer – bloody everyone.  It is very tedious. This time she has ventured out dressed as Glenn Hughes aka Leatherman from Village People in a pair of kinky top boots.

And here we are at the BAFTA Awards in London actor Emma Watson wearing Oscar de la Renta,

Emma’s outfit caused WTF aficionados Baroness Bishop LLB Hons Ph.D to point out that Emma was dressed as something out of Swan Lake with a black regulation swimming costume and John to ask why Emma was dressed as a chicken. And they are both bang on the nail.

And a rare honour for Emma because she is in twice! This has happened only about three times over the past ten years. Her second appearance is for her choice of legwear/shoes thingy at the Chanel BAFTA dinner.

WHAT???? WHY???? And they are so wrinkled! Even Nora Batty in Last of the Summer Wine would be embarrassed…

 This is actor Daniel Kaluuya, wearing Prada.

 

Jeff Goldblum wore the black version of this nonsensical item at Milan’s Men’s Fashion Week and although this fits Daniel much better than it fit Jeff, the Russian hats on the arms are even sillier in cobalt blue than they were in black. At least WTF can repeat the picture from last time …..

Finally from the BAFTAs here is actor Florence Pugh wearing Carolina Herrera.

Oh Lord. Really? The bow and train are like a flowing placenta….

For reasons quite unclear to everyone, the BAFTAs took place on the same night as the Critics Choice Awards in LA, starting with actor and director Kristen Wiig wearing Rodarte. 

Yawn. Next.

Next up we have actor Lady Gaga wearing Gucci.

This is a stinker if ever there was one. In contrast to her gorgeous Ralph Lauren  dress worn for the BAFTAS, this is tawdry and tacky. And since when did California introduce a tit mask mandate?

This one is just plain sad. Here is former tennis superstar Venus Williams, wearing Versace

From the earliest days of the blog, WTF has always said that Versace was Italian for vulgar and if this is not proof positive of that adage, what is? Either wear a skirt or don’t. But do not venture out on the Red Carpet wearing a loincloth.

Next we have actor Jodie Turner-Smith, also wearing Gucci. Gucci was having a bad night on both sides of the Atlantic.

This is like a checklist of things that WTF hates almost above all things. A one-sleeved dress on a two-armed woman. Frills where frills do not need to be.  A thing around her neck like a silk floor mop.  She resembles an overdone cockatoo.

And finally, it’s her again. Yes, singer Rita Ora  in Elie Saab and  her producer boyfriend Taika Waititi.

MINGE!!!!! GROIN!!!!! BELLY BUTTON!!!!! It’s a gynaecologist’s wet dream. Give it a rest love, for Gawd’s sake. 

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado David from the Barbican who has taken against Lady Gaga’s handbag at the  BAFTAS. Not the beautiful Ralph Lauren dress she wore but the handbag.

David says ‘This is possibly the ultimate Minge / Merkin moment being held at a distance as if it were some kind of exhibit. And its he wrong? It’s so HAIRY!!!! Who holds their handbag like that? Although in this case you can see why…..It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments which cheer WTF up no end. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good  x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in BAFTAs, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Critics' Choice Awards, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Liz Truss, masks, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, Nigel Farage, Politics, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Leading the World Special

Hallo Readers,

This Government keeps telling us that Britain is leading the world’s response to the Russian invasion of Ukraine. It is true.  Britain’s response to dealing with Ukrainian refugees is leading the world in its ineptness, insistence on red tape and mendacity. Refugees are made to jump through more hoops that Simone Biles. Bear in mind that these are people with little more than the clothes they stand up in, women and children and babies, bewildered, broken, homeless. But the Home Office system – until next Tuesday – thinks that it is completely reasonable to make them apply for visas by filling in a 15-page form online, uploading copies documents they probably do not even have, like ID cards and birth and wedding certificates, translating those documents from Ukrainian into English, and then schlepping to a Home Office outlet in Moldova, Poland, Belgium or France to have their biometric fingerprints taken. Once at the outlet, they then wait weeks for an appointment. These, by the way, are the people Patel and Johnson told us could come here because they already have family here. Except they can’t, because they need a visa, and to get a visa, you have to produce documents you may not have, using internet that may not be there, and then wait weeks in another country where you probably do not know anyone, have no money  and do not speak the language.  And so it is that we have to date granted about 1,000 visas while Ireland (population 5.5 million) has already admitted more than 2,500. 

The reason for this, apparently, is that these women and children and grandads (there are no men between 18 and 60 as they are not allowed to leave Ukraine) may be security risks’, coming here to spy on us and take out our citizens. Putin is so ruthless that he has trained up killer kiddies to undermine our democracy. So what if they are only 8 years old? I mean, you just cannot tell, can you? 

Priti Shocking started the week telling the House of Commons that Britain had  Home Office personnel in Calais. Except that er, we didn’t. She then announced that refugees would have to go to Paris or Brussels except that er, they can’t. Then some underling at the Home Office announced that they could take a free ride on the Eurostar to the new processing centre in Lille – except that er, the Eurostar does not run from Calais to Lille. No apologies. No explanations. No resignations. When the Prime Minister is a blatant liar, why would anyone in his Government feel it necessary to tell the truth? On Thursday, Shocking announced a new ‘streamlined system’ operative from Tuesday, which allows refugees with ID cards for passports to apply for visas online and give the biometrics when they get here. Which is fine as long as your house didn’t get bombed before you could get to the bureau to rescue your papers and grab your wallet…. Don’t it make you feel proud?

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We begin our review of the week’s clothing cockups with actor Kristin Scott Thomas wearing Valentino at Paris Fashion Week.

Kristin! Mais non, c’est déguelasse!!! Not only are you wearing puce, against which WTF is waging a campaign, and Chartreuse, which is unwearable by anyone, and your handbag is an offensive weapon, but you look like Gorgon Heap from The Muppets.

And here she is AGAIN, yes pointless but very, very, rich celebritee Kim Kardashian wearing Balenciaga.

WTF has questions. First, how you go to the loo in this thing? Or do you wear an incontinence pad underneath it, which might account for Kim’s unfeasibly enormous arse? Second, are the bootees part of the outfit? Third, how long does it take to get in on and does it come with its own dresser? But the main problem is that it is utterly ridiculous. As WTF aficionado Anna observed, Kim appears to be wrapped in the tape police erect at crime scenes. 

Say hallo again to singer Justin Bieber, also wearing Balenciaga.

Justin has long worn the crotch of his trousers much further away from the goolie area than any sane human being would countenance, but he has now upped the ante by inflating the trouser legs with helium. These track bottoms are £950 and the jacket £1,250, which is a hell of a lot of money to pay to look like a garden gnome.

To the Film Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica where we find newly ubiquitous actor Julia Fox wearing No Sesso.

This is more No Sense than No Sesso. Julia, who has now parted from egomaniac Kanye West after boosting her public profile about 1,000,000,000%, is incapable of leaving her bedroom without giving us sight of almost all of her. She appeared on the Blue Carpet in this ragged-arsed horror show resembling Tom after he has – yet again- come off worst with Jerry. Put it away love, for Gawd’s sake.

Also present was artist David Choe wearing who can say what?

His left foot is encased in something which is the lovechild of a shoe and a hoola hoop. How you walk in it, WTF cannot say, but it at least has the merit of originality and wit. The suit, however, is the pits and WTF does not like the way it emphasises his bits, like those prehistoric men with giant willies etched on Wiltshire hillsides.

Still in LA, here is Instagram celebritee Kara de Toro wearing not enough.

Seriously? This is just a tent with two-tone tits and an imminent Minge Moment.

Here is singer Dua Lipa wearing Area on the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

The abs are admirable, but the skirt is simultaneously too short and has sprouted mould spores at the sides. As for the boots, they put WTF in mind of the movie Trading Places, where Clarence Beeks dresses up as a gorilla and gets more than he bargained for when he is put in a cage with a real one.

Finally, we are at the American Riviera Award in Santa Barbara, where we find actor Kristen Stewart wearing Chanel. Scroll down slowly.

It is not just the fact that Kristen is putting appalled onlookers in immediate fear of an imminent Minge Moment, although that is bad enough, Heaven knows. It is that those things around her minge remind WTF of Stormy Daniels’ description of Donald Trump’s yeti pubes, although in this case they have been gathered into yeti pube garlands……..


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sara from Pembrokeshire who nominates  Evgeny Ledbedev, elevated to the House of Lords in 2020 for no apparent reason other being Boris Johnson’s pal and having oodles of roubles courtesy of his Russian oligarch dad. His formal title is “Baron Lebedev, of Hampton in the London Borough of Richmond upon Thames and of Siberia in the Russian Federation”.

Ledbedev owns various media outlets and is a well-known London society figure, hobnobbing with the likes of Elton John. This week, flustered Government Minister and oxymoron James Cleverly justified his peerage by explaining that he has never actually attended the Lords (presumably, he does not need the £300 daily sub) or voted on anything. In which case, why is he even there? And why did Johnson overrule the Security Services, which raised objections to the appointment? It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF more cheery than a cheery thing feeling cheery. And of course,  your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again on Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Film Independent Spirit Awards, Paris Fashion Week, Politics, Priti Patel, racism, Russia, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Volodymyr Zelenskyy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF Volodymyr Special

Hallo Readers,

This week a man was recognised for his contribution to making the world a better, braver, more ethical place. Such courage! Such charisma! No, not Volodymyr Zalenskyy. We will get to him shortly. WTF speaks of village idiot and Frank Spencer lookalikey Gavin Williamson, on whom Boris Johnson conferred a knighthood ‘for services to the Conservative Party’. Really? Williamson made Chris Grayling look like Machiavelli, a man whose rise without trace saw him sacked as Defence Secretary by Theresa May for leaking and then sacked as Education Secretary by Boris Johnson after a stint during lockdown that united parents, public, politicians and the teaching profession against him.  As Shadow Education Secretary Bridget Phillipson remarked yesterday ‘Gavin Williamson left children to go hungry, created two years of complete chaos over exams and failed to get laptops out to kids struggling to learn during lockdowns. His record is astonishing and disgraceful’. Arise Sir Gavin, the man who, as Defence Secretary, famously told Vladimir Putin to ‘go away and shut up’. That told him….

Surprisingly, Williamson’s manly poking of the Russian bear did not deter Putin from the path of warfare and destruction, and so it was that last week tanks rolled across the border into Ukraine and the cities of Kyiv, Lviv  and Kharkiv were shelled and bombed. Refugees streamed across the borders into Moldova and Poland or took trains to Germany, although men between 18 and 60 were not allowed to leave, urged to stay and fight by Zelenskyy, a stocky, unshaven figure in a khaki teeshirt who has inspired his countrymen to fight by a mixture of charm, grit, humanity, determination, actual charisma and guts. Grannies have been making Molotov cocktails. Citizens have stood in front of tanks or thrown chairs or tree trunks in front of convoys to block their paths. Described by Putin as a NeoNazi (he’s a Jew) and a drug-addict (he isn’t, unlike Putin who is so full of steroids he might have been blown up with helium), he is the antithesis of the  bloodless, dead-eyed madman in the Kremlin who doesn’t care how many die in his quest to take Ukraine back within Russian borders and snuff out the fledgling democracy that has been growing next door. He is out in the streets filming himself on his phone to prove that he has not fled the country.  He gives press conferences in his bunker. He addresses the EU and the UN, imploring aid and bullets. It is magnificent to behold. The man is a hero, a Leader. But in WTF’s heart, she knows that ultimately he is doomed. That Putin, frustrated by his lack of progress to date, will use ever more terrible means of pounding the country and its government into submission.  That the heroism of Zelenskyy and his people will burn like the brightest flame and then, like the Prague Spring of 1968 and the wonder of Tiananmen  Square in 1989, be snuffed while the world watches on powerlessly. WTF has never hoped so much that she is wrong. Our generation and younger generations grew upon thinking we were safe. Then we got hit by Covid and now the realisation that we cannot stop anyone doing anything if they really want to do it. Just pray and hope. “Slava Ukraini!”.

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It seems a little frivolous to worry about frocks at this point when the money lavished on absurd outfits could feed a large number of refugees, but we need the light relief. There were so many candidates for the review of this week’s fashion faux pas that several people who looked like dead certs early on in the week were saved from public ignominy – yes, you Douglas Hodge, Cynthia Erivo and several others who can thank their lucky stars that the NME Music Awards came along a few days after the SAG Awards, not to mention Fashion Weeks in Milan and Paris. We start with actor Lily James at Milan Fashion Week’s Versace show wearing, er,  Versace.

This is vulgar  and cheap, while the weird looking strap suggests that Lily is being battery operated and for some reason, she has been sprayed Donald Trump day-go orange. Plus, as the picture below demonstrates, she is living proof of the WTF rule that if you have to hold your bag in front of your Minge, there is something wrong with your outfit. And with you for wearing it…..

Next, we are in Paris for the Dior show, where we encounter a pregnant Rihanna wearing Dior.

Yes, love, you’re pregnant. We get it. We have been looking at your bump for weeks now. This may come as a surprise, but you are not the first woman to be with child. The outfit may delight ASAP Rocky, your babyfather, in the boudoir but it is ridiculously OTT for outdoor wear. Cover up and go away…..

To the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards in LA, where we find actor Shari Belafonte wearing who can even say what?

Here is BoHo and there is HoHo. This is the latter. Shari looks like Peruvian peasant about to blow her pan pipes.

This is actor Rob Morgan wearing Toure Designs.

He must be a really good actor because he is managing a beaming smile, despite wearing a roll of 1960’s wallpaper.

Actor Jessica Chastain wearing Dior Haute Couture !!??!!!!

Bloody hell. The only thing haute about this nonsense is the waistline. Even Simon Cowell doesn’t wear his trousers that haute. WHERE ARE HER FEET? If you are wearing Haute Couture, at least hem the bloody trewsies. And she has forgotten to put something under her jacket, namely a top. Or even a bra.

It would not be a real awards ceremony without Jared Leto wearing Gucci. 

Jared has gone all Showboat to the extent that you expect him to start belting out Only Make Believe  and he had donned the full Riverboat Gambler look with that ridiculous ribbon tie. WTF is sorry to note that satin creases like hell, especially around the goolies like a thrush petrie dish, and no man should ever wear white shoes unless he is a doctor or playing tennis. The most offensive thing, though, are the gloves, like ill-fitting, frilly sausage skins.

And here is Succession’s Jeremy Strong wearing Prada.

Jezza is bedecked in a suit of raspberry velvet, with a shirt and bowtie the colour of putty. WTF is giving it the raspberry. He looks like a greying wedding pageboy.

To the NME Awards in London where we find rapper FKA Twigs wearing Liza Keane.

WTF is not Keane on this titsy horror, which makes Twigs look like the love child of a scarecrow and a mud wrestler.

And finally we have rapper Saweetie at the Women in Music Awards wearing Valentino. Valentino! Ye Gods….

WTF is battle hardened but on sight of Saweetie’s improbably globular titties, like a pair of  leather footballs stuck to her chest, WTF emitted a squawk like a tortured parrot and kept on squawking while her neighbours dialled 999. And that was before she discovered that it was by Valentino…..


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, Ayesha from Stepney who takes up the baton from last week’s It’s Got To Go proffered by Leslie of Lisson Grove. Leslie was fed with with those artfully “curated” bookshelves on telly Zoom/Webex interviews. Ayesha is equally fed up with some people’s horrible decor and artworks. Like this….

This is William Cohen, former US Secretary of State for Defence, and this, presumably, is his sitting room or study. Ayesha has taken against the terrible picture, which looks like some beginner’s painting-by-numbers, and she has also spoken in an unfriendly way about the plaster head (not William’s). At least he is not showing his bedsheets. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF more cheery than a cheery thing feeling cheery. And of course,  your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again on Friday. Be good x

 

 

 

Posted in Billboard Music Awards, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chris Grayling, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, Milan Fashion Week, Paris Fashion Week, SAG AWards, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Vladimir Putin, Volodymyr Zelenskyy | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Worst Week Ever Special

Hallo Readers,

It is an understatement to say that this has been one hell of a week, as if the world had fallen into a food mixer with the lid off, spattering disaster in every direction. Over the weekend, the UK was hit by three storms in succession, bringing the usual pot pourri of wind, rain, floods, trees falling, trains cancelled, people stranded, lorries upended and rivers bursting their banks. One could only wonder when the frogs and lice would arrive.

On Monday, Boris Johnson announced Freedom 2022-style, so that meant that citizens are now permitted to infect fellow citizens with whatever variant is running rampant at the time. No masks. No self-isolation after a positive diagnosis. We were told that we do not need legislation to make people behave responsibly. To which WTF can only observe that Johnson has clearly not been on a tube or a bus recently, suffering the hot breath of others on his neck. But then, as we know, Johnson is not a great one for observing rules, not even the ones he himself laid down for others to follow. Tory MPs greeted this announcement as if it were VE Day 1945, with well-fed, red-faced men from the shires extolling the government’s management of the pandemic, completely overlooking the enormous number of deaths we suffered, the billions of pounds spaffed up the wall on inadequate PPE, not to mention the $32 bn which went walkies from the budget for Track and Trace.  Meanwhile Her Majesty the Queen, shortly to celebrate her 96th birthday, marked Freedom Day 2022 by going down with Covid and has confined herself to ‘light duties’.

On Tuesday, Johnson was back in the House of Commons to announce sanctions against the Russians who were clearly on the brink of invading Ukraine. The sanctions consisted of banning 3 oligarchs, two of whom don’t live here anyway, and taking some rudimentary measures against a couple of Russian banks no one has ever heard of.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, these measly steps did nothing to dissuade Vladimir Putin from invading Ukraine in the early hours of Thursday morning. Not just to ‘protect’ two newly independent republics which only he recognises, but to destroy Ukraine so that bombs are falling on the outskirts of Kiev. Over in the United States, Donald Trump praised Putin for being ‘savvy’ and described the Ukraine as ‘a large piece of land with many people in it’, as if he were marketing a new golf course. There has been not a word of criticism from Trump and his acolytes, (Nigel Farage included, who managed to blame NATO and the EU) about the invasion because, as we all know, Trump loves a brutal dictator. Which is why the Leader of the Republican Party, a party which hounded alleged communists in the 1950s and 1960s, and which continues to dismiss any form of civilised social care as socialism, now refuses to denounce mass murder and open aggression.

God knows what will happen on Friday and over the weekend. Chaos and madness have descended upon us, and it does not look as it will abate any time soon.

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We need light relief, so we start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam with Foreign Secretary Liz Truss wearing something frightful.

WTF had this brought to her attention by aficionados Sonia and,  separately, Annette, and both were rightly aghast. Unlike the PM, who cultivates his tramp-who-has-broken-into-a-charity-shop-and-raided-the-gents-clothes-rail-look, Liz fancies herself as a fashionista, which will be news to anyone contemplating her horrible maroon wash’n’wear trouser suit with ill-fitting trousers like jodhpurs, the wrong length jacket and what appear to be galoshes. Meanwhile, someone should tell Liz that women are not allowed to be Freemasons. Why she has rolled up her right trouser leg, Heaven alone knows.

To London Fashion Week, where we find singer and  TV personalitee Tallia Storm wearing Oh Polly! at the eponymous fashion show.

Tallia has taken to going out in see-through body stockings, but this one resembles a particularly virulent outbreak of eczema. Memo to Tallia. Stop it. And buy a nicer flesh coloured bra, one that is actually  the colour of your flesh, fake-tanned or otherwise, and a bigger pair of matching panties.

Meet actor Amy Jackson at the Evening Standard Magazine relaunch party, wearing Miscreants.

Ah, the saucy French maid look, only this time with matching gloves that seem to be  trimmed with  dinosaur scales. Is Amy auditioning for a remake in Allo ‘Allo?

And a welcome return to the blog for singer Paloma Faith at a London Fashion Week party wearing something deeply weird.

WTF can only assume that Paloma was dressed in this way in order to show solidarity with the people of the Ukraine. Because she cannot think of any other reason why anyone would appear in public like this……


And here is actor Olga Kurylenko at the Oswald Boateng show, wearing Gavin Rajah.

If a roll of damask had sex with Oscar the Grouch, this is what their love child would look like.

And now to the London premiere of the umpteenth version of Batman with actor Andy Serkis wearing something deeply weird.


WTF is having trouble deciding which is worse – the hideous tartan lining or the appalling fit of the trousers, which are more wrinkled than a sharpei’s bum.

Here we are in Madrid at a photocall for the movie Compendia Official with Spanish actor and Oscar-nominee Penelope Cruz, wearing Chanel.


Chanel!!!! Seriously? This is a mixture of a housecoat and a slanket and it is perfectly foul. And it is puce. Why is puce making a comeback? The only place for it is in the bin. Recently we saw Vicky McClure in puce and now the lovely Penelope.  Enough!!

Finally, here is actor Nicole Kidman on the cover of Vanity Fair wearing Miu Miu.

This is one of the worst things WTF has ever seen. Nicole is 54 years old and a mother of daughters aged 11 and 13. Although this photo sees her more touched up than someone at a pervert’s party, she is beautiful, as slender as a reed and she is up for an Oscar- again. She has no need to go out and about dressed as a Britney Spears tribute act.


This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado, nay staple, Leslie from Lisson Grove, who waxes with his usual eloquence on the Covid-era phenomenon of talking heads on TV being interviewed on Zoom/Webex/Skype. 

Leslie say ‘I can understand why football managers and footballers find the need to stand in front of a board of sponsors – they need to earn their corn. BUT. I’m growing tired of news broadcast interviewees standing in front of an immaculate ‘styled’ bookcase. Are we to believe they all read Proust, Bronte, Dostoyevsky,  and the like on a daily basis? Are we also to believe that the cutesy, mixy-matchy arrangements of subtly toned ornaments, awards, and flora (even their offsprings’ finger-painting all appear to be done with Farrow & Ball testers) just found themselves there by accident? Just buy a Zoom backdrop and get over yourself!

Yup. To which WTF would add the habit of authors turning their own books face on to the camera, which is really, really, wanky. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF more cheery than a cheery thing feeling cheery. And of course,  your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go.  Let us meet again on Friday. Be good x

Posted in Academy of Country Music Awards, Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Coronavirus, Covid, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Floods, Joe Biden, Liz Truss, masks, Mike Pompeo, Nigel Farage, Politics, The Queen, UKIP, Ukraine, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Prince Andrew Special

Hallo Readers,

We live in an age in which charity, selflessness and generosity are met with cynicism. And so it is that when the royal formerly known as HRH Prince Andrew gave a woman whom he had never met £12 million for the benefit of her charity for trafficked and sexually abused women, he was showered with obloquy and allegations of all sorts of naughtiness, rather than being lauded as the decent chap people know him to be. The fact that those people consist only of himself, his ex-wife, the toe-sucking schnorrer and professional car crash that is the Duchess of York, and a couple of iffy potentates from places that used to be part of the Soviet Union, is nothing to the point.

It is generally accepted that Andrew is not an adornment to the House of Windsor. He is widely regarded by those who have the misfortune to know him as arrogant, strong willed and thick, in addition to being immensely priapic and boring as hell. For some reason which remains entirely opaque to virtually everybody with a brain cell, Andrew is the apple of his mother’s eye, and for decades he has been indulged in his every whim. In recent years stories have abounded about his rudeness to staff and his deep seated conviction that he is above advice. Only a complete idiot, which he is, would have kept company with a notorious paedophile, failing to notice the harem of post- pubescent girls coming in and out of Jeffrey Epstein’s bedroom like a fiddlers elbow. Only a complete moron, which he is, would have renewed the acquaintance after Epstein was released from prison after serving time for child sex offences, jetting off to his pal’s palatial Manhattan mansion  to say bye bye to him – over four days. And only someone thicker than double dog-shit, which he is, would have gone on television to be interviewed by one of the BBC’s finest, make a complete and total fool of himself and yet walk out of the room proudly telling his acolytes that he thought the whole thing had gone rather well. Since then he has been stood down from royal duties, stripped of his HRH title, and denied the various military roles that allowed him to appear in public bedecked with medals and looking like something out of a Ruritanian wedding photo. Having promised to cooperate with the FBI in their investigations into the activities of Epstein and his Madame, Andrew’s friend Ghislaine Maxwell, his phone seem to have gone dead to any transatlantic calls and when Virginia Roberts, now Guiffre, sued him for civil assault in having sex with her when she was only 17 and trafficked across the Atlantic, he dodged service of the writ. He then attempted to have the case thrown out for lack of service before his lawyers embarked upon an enthusiastic slut-shaming exercise and raised a number of arguments in court for which the word specious would be kind. When all of this failed, and a trial loomed, Andrew had no option but to dosh up – or to get someone else to do so. He may argue that it was to save Mummy embarrassment in her 70th jubilee year, but no one believes him. The arcane workings of American jurisprudence are beyond most of us, whether legally qualified or not. But 99.99999% of the British public will take the view that you do not pay £12 million to someone you say you have never met, and never had sex with. He has sunk as low as he can go and he is now thankfully condemned to dwell in the obscurity to which he so clearly belongs. Good Riddance.

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We start our survey of the week’s clothing cockups at the Winter Olympics in Beijing with Canadian ice dancers Piper Gilles and Paul Poirier wearing something very orange.

Things have certainly changed since Torvill and Dean. WTF was astonished to notice that garb for this year’s competitors appeared to be involve flashing very large amounts of chest, bum and tummy, but these two (who, by the way are very good indeed), went overboard on the costumes and ended up looking like something out of the Tango adverts, but with added bunting.

February is the NFL Super Bowl in the USA. WTF loathes American Football which is a legal excuse to assault other people with maximum prejudice whilst simultaneously boring the bejesus out of you. The Super Bowl is an excuse to have loads of parties attended by underdressed and/or badly dressed personages, some of whom are featured here for our appalled delectation. We begin with NFL footballer Aaron Jones of the Green Bay Packers at the NFL Honors.

Those trousers are the absolute pits, starting out as snug on the hips and over the goolie department and then tapering around  the calves like Edwardian knickerbockers. As he is carrying his phone in his hand, one shudders to think what he has stashed in the pockets…..

Next, we have the artiste who performed at the Super Bowl, singer Mary J Blige, arriving wearing who knows what?

This does at least have the merit of being better than her showtime blingtastic outfit, but it is still fantastically OTT, Pussy in Boots with a side order of Minge.

And of course here is Heidi Klum at a Rolling Stone Super Bowl party wearing – if that is the word I am thinking of, which it probably isn’t – Dundas.

The word tacky has insufficient nuance. This left classy about fifty miles down the road and is currently refuelling at tacky-de-luxe. If a yeti went to a fancy dress party as a latticework blueberry pie with tits, this is what it would look like.

And here we have singer Beyoncé wearing Off White, D&G and Levis at the Super Bowl. 

Because of course this is what you wear to watch an NFL game on a hot night in LA (it was 90 degrees F).  Bey may think she is the bees’ knees, but sadly the whole look dates backs to when the WAGS invaded Baden Baden in 2006.

Here we are in Disneyland  with celebrity son Jaden Smith and new girlfriend, model Sab Zada, on Valentine’s Day.

The best thing that can be said about Jaden is that he is not quite as pointless as Brooklyn Beckham, but that is like saying that salad cream is not as bad as sandwich paste. His jacket and shirt combo look like a kaleidoscope threw up over him while Sab, who is a Daenerys Targaryen lookalikey. is clad in an ill-fitting boob tube last seen on Bianca Jagger in 1982 and cameltoe pink jeans that would make a dromedary blush.

 

Finally, we are at the Goya Film Awards in Madrid where we meet actor Eduardo Casanova. wearing Man Concept.

Seriously? Violet Elizabeth Bott goes to the movies…..

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sarah from Lancaster who has drawn WTF’s attention to an appalling new phenomenon, circle beards. And is she wrong?

What the fuck do these men think they look like? Have they had a mudpack facial and forgotten to wipe off the residue? Lads. Whoever told you that you look good is not your friend. Trust WTF on this one. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. WTF keeps asking you to send in your comments to stop her fretting. BUT YOU DON’T. Are you completely heartless? And don’t forget your splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein, Politics, Prince Andrew, The Queen, Uncategorized, Virginia Guiffre | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments