WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2019

Hallo Readers,

Usually the annual WTF Summer Stinker Poll is a politics free zone, but it would be impossible to publish anything this Friday without mentioning one of the most ridiculous weeks in British history. We all knew it was coming, but it is better to travel hopefully than to arrive. And this is what we arrived at.

Be still my beating heart. On Tuesday, we learned that this absolute buffoon, this charlatan, this barefaced liar, this adulterous, love-child-spawning, chancer,would shortly be ensconced in 10 Downing Street and poised to lead us to, and then over, the Brexit precipice. And like some two-bit Southern Baptist preacher, he will get us there with optimism! And with enthusiasm! Believe and We Will Leave! Click your heels together three times and say ‘There’s no place like home’ and you’ll be there. Only in this case, home is shit creek with a serious paddle shortage.

On Wednesday, Donald Trump, another charlatan, pathological liar and adulterer, praised Johnson and boasted that people were saying (Trump-speak for he just made it up) that he was ‘the Britain Trump’. He is, but only in the ‘buy one, get one free’, sort of way. After a waffling speech better suited to Sports Day at St Trinian’s outside his new residence and before the world’s press, Johnson then assembled the most dismal Cabinet in living memory, a Hammer House of Horror of right-wing fervour, mediocrity, ignorance, mendacity, and sheer incompetence. Say hallo to dim-as-a-dead-lightbulb Priti Patel and to pipsqueak Gavin Williamson, sacked by Mrs Maybe for lying and leaking respectively. Blow a kiss to Esther McVey, who lied blatantly to the House of Commons. Wave to Dominic Raab, the former Brexit Secretary (for about twenty minutes), who never bothered to read the Good Friday agreement, but still felt free to opine on the vexed issue of the Irish border, and who admitted that he had only recently realised the importance of the English Channel. Doff your cap to Jacob Rees-Mogg, the Catsmeat Potter-Pirbright of Westminster, who is the new Leader of the House of Commons and who is allowed to attend Cabinet by special Old Etonian dispensation. He talks in Latin and so people think he is ever-so-intellectual. And this dismal collection of numpties, nobodies, and ne’er-do-wells constitute the new Government. Our new Government. Kill me now.

On Thursday, as if signalling His displeasure with what was occurring in Britain, the Almighty (not Trump, Him Upstairs), sent us the hottest July day since records began and our already-suffering citizens sweltered and sweated while train lines melted, tarmac cracked and tempers flared, followed by thunder, lightning, flooding and all sorts. The frogs and locust are probably on their way. Get ready, Britain, for a roller-coaster ride – with no safety certificate.


And so the main business – the Summer Stinker Poll!!!!!! All you have to do is to vote for the ghastly fashion disasters below, all of them vying for the coveted title of the WTF Summer Stinker 2019. None of that Single Transferable Vote nonsense here – just vote as often as you like, and for as many as you like, and tell all your friends and neighbours to do the same. Are you ready? Here they are, in first name alphabetical order, denoting no preference whatsoever on the part of WTF, the compiler of this shower of sartorial shite.

1. B Simone, rapper.

B pitched up at the BET Awards in a sheer condom with frilled boobage, an encrusted minge, and what looks suspiciously like a folded antimacassar around her neck.

2. Billy Porter, entertainer.

Frankly, anything that Billy has worn on the Red Carpet recently would have been eligible for nomination, but this suit from the Critics’ Choice Awards gets the nod because it is wrinkled like a sharpei’s bum and has a bow large enough to wrap around Broadway – twice.

3. Celine Dion, singer.

The last time WTF saw that many bones, they were in an ossuary. Extra minus points for the ridiculous shoulders, sunglasses worn in the dark, and the black leather cap like a pervy private.

4. Charly Arnolt, actress and WWE announcer.

Not so much a woman, more a fluorescent tangerine with globular tits. Just. Very. Bad.

5. Cynthia Erivo, actress.

Like an exploded candy-floss maker. The good news is that she is wearing panties. The bad news is that you can see them.

6. Gillian McKeith, TV nutritionist (right). Her daughter (left) is not a candidate.

Will this be third time lucky for Gillian?  She has been robbed of the award twice running. A polo-neck body, a fishing net in lieu of a skirt, a pair of foul velvet bootees, a cape made from an old curtain, and a toy crown do not an outfit make. Except for her.

7. Halsey, singer.

Halsey looks like an anaemic frog in a bikini. Great hair, though.

8. Kim Kardashian West, pointless celebrity.

Ouch! It is one thing to have straps over your nipples. It is quite another to have them so tight that there is spilth above and below, leaving Kim with imprimatur for days afterwards.

9.Lewis Hamilton, racing driver.

A distinguished former winner, Lewis is the ultimate fashion victim. Dressed like this, he should consider making an application to the Criminal Injuries Compensation Board.

10. Lil Kim, rapper.

As WTF remarked at the time, if a scaly anteater went to a fancy dress party as Lil’ Kim, this is what it would look like. The Chanel handbag resembles a wrecking ball and is stupid.

11. Linda Cardellini, actress.

A raspberry muppet with a mullet. And a bow, just in case there was the smallest danger of someone thinking that Linda was underdressed.

12. Lyali Hakaraia, designer and stylist (!)

He is wearing a prick-skimmer as a skirt, which is horrific enough, but more offensive still is the abundant man-cleavage. Button that coat, sir!!!! And then go away.

13. Nana Ghana, actress.

Nana is wrapped up like a birthday present, the fabric is cutting into her right boob, and she is wearing her bedroom mules. None of this makes any sense.

14. Nick Cannon, entertainer and TV host.

This is preposterous. Why is Louis Vuitton making bullet proof vests with matching gas mask and deck shoes? On what occasion would you wear them, other than during a civil war in Monte Carlo?

15. Olivia Munn, actress.

The material looks like the scum floating on top of polluted water and she appears to be micturating, courtesy of the minge waterfall.

16. Odell Beckham Jr, American footballer.

Odell is dressed as a Prada postman complete with sewn-in mailbag.

17. Patrick Starr, makeup artist.

Patrick! Bless him! He should be on top of a Christmas tree.

18. Perez Hilton, personality and celebrity blogger.

Look Readers, this man publishes a blog featuring the week’s worst dressed celebrities. As Jesus was wont to remark, Physician, heal thyself.

19. Poppy, singer.

This seems to be a Hell’s Angel’s nightgown with a tit-frill and spiked collar, while Poppy’s head appears to have been photoshopped onto it.

20. Post Malone, rapper.

WTF hates a tattooed face almost above all things, and she is also resoundingly unimpressed by the preponderance of baby pink studded leather WITH MATCHING BOOTS. Even more unpleasant is the fit of the trousers with built-in crotch-snuggle.

21. Shawn Everett, sound technician.

Shawn is another distinguished former winner of this competition, and now seems he is making a bid for a double crown (a feat previously achieved only by Bobby Norris in his assorted cock socks), dressed as an extra from Game of Thrones.

22. Tiffany Young, actress.

This is part pantomime boy, part Minge Moment and the voile boots are very, very, silly.

OK Readers, now it’s your turn. WTF has made the selection. Now you get to select from that selection. You can vote as many times as you like, and as often as you like, and the polling form allows you to leave unpleasant comments to go with your votes – or you can comment in the usual manner below. The results will be published next Friday. See you then. Be good.


Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Dominic Raab, Donald Trump, Esther McVey, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, Gavin Willliamson, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Priti Patel, Russian hacking, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

WTF Squad Special

Hallo Readers,

Here’s the thing. If you are going to be a stone-cold racist, at least have the indecency to own up to it. Don’t suggest that people should go back to places they have never been to, or have run away from and have become not just a citizen of your country, but an elected representative, and then pretend you are not a racist. Don’t whip up a crowd of imbeciles with a collective IQ in double digits and smirk happily as they chant your racist views, tweet what a great crowd they are, send your lickspittle out in front of the press to stick up for you, but then, as it dawns upon you that lots of people, including those whose votes you really need to get re-elected (and thus dodge the legal proceedings which might well land you in jail) think you and your imbecilic crowd are really, really, racist, then condemn that same crowd in whose adulation you basked like a hippo in a muddy lake. In short, don’t be Donald Trump.

Trump considers people of colour to be inferior to white people. Many years ago, he and his KKK-loving father refused to rent apartments to blacks and were twice sanctioned for it. He wanted the Central Park Five to be executed, even after they had been proved innocent. He claimed Barrack Obama was not born in the United States and a Muslim. (The evidence, like the proverbial cheque, was always imminent, but never actually produced). Black political candidates were unqualified, even if they went to Harvard or Yale. Black athletes who took the knee were sons of bitches. Black TV presenters were the dumbest men or women on television. And black politicians who criticised him were and are crazy, dangerous and enemies of America. All this we knew about. But this week, he went further. Four radical female newly-elected, Democrats in Congress, all non-white, were told they should go back where they came from, even though three of them were born in the US and the fourth has lived here since she was ten years old and naturalised at seventeen. That apparently was not racist because he was criticising their politics, their hatred of America, their criticism of the country that took them, or their parents, in. And so the GOP and Fox News backed him up because that is what they do. They failed to contradict the lies he was spewing about who the women were, what they wanted, and what they had said. But even the GOP struggled to watch a baying crowd chanting of Rep Ilhan Omar, born in Somalia, ‘send her back’, for fully thirteen seconds whilst Trump paused to emphasise the momentum of that chant. Because it was chilling. It was terrifying. It suggested to every immigrant, to every child of an immigrant, to everyone who was not white, that their place was not in America, whatever the colour of their passport and the wording on their birth or naturalisation certificate. It suggested that they had no right to criticise their country, whatever the First Amendment says. It suggested that if their politics differed from Trump’s, they might either find themselves chained to the armrest on a jet heading overseas or detained charged with treason. And to avoid that fate, they had to be supine. As servile turncoat Senator Lindsay Graham told reporters, it wasn’t that Omar was Somali because ‘I think a Somali refugee embracing Trump would not have been asked to go back’. So buy your MAGA hat, keep quiet and hope for the best. Or else.

You do not have to agree with the four women – The Squad – to deplore what is happening. Both Omar and Rashida Tlaib have made some deeply offensive  antisemitic comments. But you do not deport people for anti-Semitic statements, and certainly not in the name of the flag Trump is so keen to dry-hump at every opportunity. You do not question people’s citizenship and loyalties because their politics are different to your own. You either live in a democracy or you don’t. And a democracy does not threaten political opponents with deportation or suggest that the colour of their skin makes them lesser citizens. This time Trump backed down and sold his supporters down the river. But he will make it up to them. He  will say it again. Because he knows that stoking up their fears and their prejudices is the best way to retain the White House in 2020 – whatever the cost.  God Bless America – and God knows, it needs all the help it can get.


We start our weekly consideration of curious clothing with pointless youth and professional son, Brooklyn Beckham, wearing Ralph Lauren.

What is Brooklyn Beckham actually for? Anyway here he is somewhere or other looking like a 1970’s history professor at a second-rate university. Hate the hair. Hate the splayed collar. Hate the tie. In short, just go away.

To Centre Court, Wimbledon, and Mirka Federer, wife of losing finalist, the wonderful Roger Federer, wearing Zimmerman.

During the match (which was totally tops), WTF received a communication from aficionado Katie from Golders Green, who was most unhappy with Mirka’s £750 frillfest, which, she said, seemed to have been stolen off a Victorian china doll. And she’s right. All Mirka needs is a bonnet.

Still in London, we are at the ITV Summer Party, graced by the presence of husband-and-wife combo and sometime X Factor Judges Robbie Williams and Ayda Field. She is wearing a dress by The Vampire’s Wife.

Robbie’s eyes are popping, as if something has been wedged up his rear end. WTF is more than happy with the diamanté butterfly brooches on his pinstripe suit, but not with the absence of something underneath the said suit, like a teeshirt. As for Ayda, whatever she is wearing, it looks very slithery and over-ruched, like something run up from granny’s old bedspread.

And now to the European premiere of The Lion King, where A listers and D listers mingled with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. First we have British singer Raye,wearing Vivienne Westwood.

Dame Viv has good days and bad days. This is a bad day. Not only does the dress look like tinfoil, but it has very ridiculous crimped and crumpled tit covers, closely resembling the way you roast a chicken with a beer bottle in the cavity.

Next up, we have TV presenter, Maya Jama, wearing Rami Kadi.

It was all going so well from shoulder to waist until the explosion of frothiness reminiscent of waves on a heaving sea at sunrise. And there is the inevitable sight of arse cheek or what might be arse cheek. WTF will say it again – arse cheek should not be on show. Or make you think that it might be.

Then there was singer Pharrell Williams, wearing Chanel.

Lovely jacket. Silly shorts. And why is he wearing white socks? Bar mitzvah boy goes bonkers…..

And finally, superstar Beyoncé wearing Vietnamese designer Cong Tre.

Why is this even happening? She is stunning. She does not need to wrap herself up like a Ferrero Rocher with no knickers.


This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado, Leslie (yes, him again) and from WTF aficionado WTF (yes, her again) and it can be taken very shortly. The Republican Party. See above. Enablers. Cowardly, disgusting fuckers. The GOP deserves every iota of contempt. It’s Got to Go. And hopefully it will go and very soon.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please send in your comments, as they have been sparse of late and you know how WTF frets when she is denied sight of signs of life out there. And don’t forget your utterly splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x



Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Donald Trump, Duchess of Sussex, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, racism, Uncategorized, Wimbledon, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

WTF Law and Order Special

Hallo Readers, 

Luton’s answer to Nelson Mandela, Stephen Yaxley-Lennon, or, to use his nom de brutalité, Tommy Robinson, is a racist thug with more than a passing acquaintance with the inside of Her Majesty’s Prisons, having been variously banged up for assault, financial and immigration fraud, public order offences and, most recently, contempt of court. His criminal record is longer than the queue for the loos at Wimbledon’s Centre Court, and you could be forgiven for thinking that Robinson’s principal contribution to the justice system was in providing m’Learned Friends with frequent opportunities to top up their bank accounts. But to many, he is now seen as a fighter for freedom of speech and a victim of State oppression. Except of course that he is isn’t.

Last year Robinson was already on a suspended sentence for contempt of court, namely giving details about the ongoing trials of alleged paedophile gangs in defiance of a court reporting order prohibiting identification of the defendants or mention of their offences until the end of the trial, because there were other ongoing trials. And then, whoops, he did it again, this time in Leeds, where a gang of paedophiles from Huddersfield were on trial, again subject to reporting restrictions. Why did Robinson act in this way? Because these were gangs of Asian men of Pakistani heritage, and they were Muslim. The rationale of Robinson’s behaviour was that the British public needed to know that these trials were going on because they had been “hushed up” and the police were failing to act. Despite the fact that the police had indeed arrested the men, the crown Prosecution Service  had put them on trial, the trials being heard inside the very buildings Robinson was cavorting outside in his self-appointed role as a ‘citizen-journalist’.  Even people charged with disgusting crimes are entitled to a fair trial, and indeed they could walk free without one if there was a substantial risk of  justice being seriously prejudiced, thereby stopping the very thing that Robinson claimed he wanted, i.e. justice for the victims.

Robinson went to prison, was freed on appeal because of questions about the fairness of his trial, and was retried last week, whereupon he was again found guilty. Yesterday he did the Long Walk of Non Freedom back to prison for nine months, although he has already served most of that time. At which point the neanderthals who espouse his noble causes of stopping Brexit hating Muslims, and let’s-get-back-to-the-halcyon-(white, Christian)-days-of-1964, ran amok in Parliament Square, demonstrating their commitment to the rule of law and freedom of speech by attacking journalists, causing criminal damage, and breaking up anti-Brexit protests. Because nothing says law and order more than a group of fat, tattooed, yobs smashing things up whilst calling for Robinson’s release. Meanwhile, morons on both sides of the Atlantic claimed that the Luton Mandela had been denied a fair trial (he hadn’t), had been incarcerated while the paedos went free (they didn’t), is the victim of a Government conspiracy to get him killed in prison (he isn’t), had been punished for doing something the mainstream media do every day (they don’t) and had been denied a jury trial (which he had, but only because contempt trials are always tried without juries).

The great irony is that before his current incarceration, our hero had begged Donald Trump to grant him political asylum. That is the same Trump who was sued for raping a 13-year-old-girl (her case was later dropped), who said that if his daughter were not his daughter, he would be dating her, and who, in 2002, praised his billionaire pal Jeffrey Epstein for being a fun guy who loved beautiful women and who liked them young. The same Trump whose Secretary of Labour, Alex Acosta, had cut Epstein a plea deal in Florida in 2008, which allowed him to serve a year in prison but spending twelve hours every day in his office, despite many young girls claiming Epstein had raped and assaulted them. And now Epstein has been charged with more of the same, this time in New York. Are the MAGA morons throwing up their hands, loudly demanding that Acosta be dismissed and that Trump answer for his  previous friendship with Epstein? Of course not. It is only Muslim alleged paedophiles they care about.


We being our survey of the week’s sartorial slurry singer Halsey wearing an Alyx Studio dress over a Bebe Agiurre bikini.

If an anaemic frog went to a fancy dress party as a Love Island contestant, this is what it would look like.

Next up, we have actor Jason Mamoa with his wife actress Lisa Bonet.

Lisa looks ethereal. As for her spouse, Jason sprang to fame as Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones and his nipple-baring shirt appears to have been inspired by his, er, nipple-baring, non-shirt in that series. 

To Paris Fashion Week and singer Christina Aguilera wearing Viktor and Rolf.

WTF rather admires this in a perverse sort of way as it has a certain insouciance. But it still looks like an old curtain with swearing on it.

And this is actress Araya A Hargate wearing Christian Dior. This one was held over from last week but it bears examination, so here it is.

Everything between the neck and the waist is excellent. But the ‘Allo ‘Allo hat is ridiculous, and as for the skirt, the last time WTF saw something like that it was wrapped around a couple of apples.

Away from Paris, we find former wrestler and now hardman actor Dave Bautista, wearing a most ill-advised ensemble.

Now admittedly Dave is what our Australian friends call a big unit, and so any attire is going to be a challenge, like wrapping a bag of butcher’s brawn in a Saville Row suit. But no one should ever wear a v-necked teeshirt under a suit jacket, especially a double-breasted jacket several sizes too small, and showcasing muscles like  melons.

This is model and actress Sririta Jensen wearing Elie Saab.

If only the skirt were actually a skirt, you know, in the sense that it encompassed her whole lower half, but it isn’t and it doesn’t. One is therefore obliged to worry about what one is seeing in the minge department, and although that shadow is in fact a pair of panties, appalled onlookers should not have been subjected to the stress of worrying about it in the first place.

To the ESPYS and American footballer Odell Beckham Jr wearing Prada.

WTF does not even know what this is. He looks like the lovechild of a postman and a kangaroo’s pouch.

And finally we have model and presenter Heidi Klum in ridiculous Louboutin boots.

Sometimes an item of clothing is just plain silly. And these boots are just plain silly. They look like a couple of maypoles. It is a surprise beribboned country folk are not dancing around her.


This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF stalwart and aficionado, Leslie from Lisson Grove. Rest your appalled gaze on these pantyhose, handmade by German artist Daniel Struzyna through the Etsy online store Tinkercast.

Leslie has two observations, both pertinent. First, he says the model looks as if she is leaking. And second, he says, Lord alone knows where the rest of the creature resides! Agreed. It’s Got to Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please send in your comments, as they have been sparse of late and you know how WTF frets when she is denied sight of signs of life out there. And don’t forget your utterly splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x

Posted in Brexit, Burkha, Donald Trump, ESPYs, Fashion, Fashion Disasters, racism, Tommy Robinson, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

WTF Nepotism Barbie Special

Hallo Readers,

Which of you can honestly say that you did not enjoy the footage of squeaky-voiced Ivanka Trump getting iced out at a G20 Reception in Osaka by an imperious, irritated, Christine Lagarde, Head of the International Monetary Fund? Nepotism Barbie had barged into a discussion between Lagarde, Mrs Maybe, President Macron and Prime Minister Trudeau, whereupon she made asinine and irrelevant remarks whilst waving her hands about and smiling in a way winning only to her pervy old dad. It was as if Barron Trump, her 13 year old half-brother, had attempted to interrupt a conversation between Stephen Hawking and Noam Chomsky. With one eye roll, Lagarde made it clear that Barbie’s aperçus were about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. And with good reason, because what on earth was she even doing there? 

Barbie is a Special Adviser to the President, aka Daddy. Prior to his election, she displayed no notable interest in politics, and had devoted herself to running her business flogging tat made in Asian sweatshops, and involving herself in various Trump enterprises and charitable foundations that are now attracting the attention of the District Attorney for the Southern District of New York. Now she accompanies Daddy everywhere, a veritable Zelig on every major occasion. G20, she is there. Meeting the Pope, she is there. A State Banquet at Buckingham Palace, she is there. Crossing the DMZ into North Korea, she is there. Popping up on a White House video to talk about trade talks with President Xi, she is there. The woman of whom her father said ‘If she weren’t my daughter, I would be dating her’ and who allegedly asked ‘is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?’ (answer – yes), is clearly being groomed to be President in 2024. Never mind that she knows nothing about anything. Neither did Daddy, and now he’s in the White House. 

Barbie does not get a salary because that would be contrary to the nepotism laws. But she is getting learn-as-you-don’t-earn experience. And her share of the Trump businesses grows exponentially, particularly the Trump Hotel in DC, where it is now mandatory to book a suite if you want to do business with the US Government. She and her equally dumb, entitled, husband, Jared Kushner, are hardly struggling – last year, they  declared an income of $165 million. Clearly Daddy thinks she could do any job. In his view, she could have run the World Bank because she is ‘good with figures’.  She would have been brilliant as UN Ambassador because ‘she is a natural diplomat’. It is a surprise that she has not been asked to Head up the Pentagon. The only good part of all this is that oleaginous, God-bothering, homophobic, Mike Pence, a man who has spent the last 30 months gazing at Trump with the devotion of a puppy given an extra doggie treat, could be denied his accession to the top job. But even that is scant consolation for the sight of Barbie playing the lovechild of Henry Kissinger and Mother Theresa. This is how far the United States has fallen. For shame.


We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam with WTF’s avatar, singer Ashanti, wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello at the launch of her own collection for Pretty Little Thing.

Beyoncé goes trashy. There is a large helping of tit and, to be frank, that cross-strap  holding them is not up to the job, like a sprat to catch a bucketful of mackerel.

Next up, we have young actor Dacre Montgomery at the Netflix premiere of Stranger Things, wearing his jim jam jacket.

WTF is partial to a pyjama jacket, but even she has her limits, and this has motored way past them on the road to infinity. He looks like a cut-price version of Hugh Hefner.

À propos of not much, in this picture the late lamented HH looks amazingly like Joe E. Brown in Some Like It Hot.

And now we are off to Paris Fashion Week, where nonsense poured forth, starting with singer Zendaya Coleman wearing Dior.

We have not seen trousers over tights since the halcyon days of Princess Diana, and Zendaya’s trewsies look more like jodhpurs. But WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the shrunken evening shirt, which is, on any view, a ridiculous garment, making her look like a perky penguin who did her washing at too high a temperature.

Oh no, it’s them again, Nick Jonas and his spouse, actress Priyanka Chopraboth clad in Dior.

Nick’s brother Joe is competing with him as to which one of them can be the most irritating Jonas Brother, Joe having married GOT’s Sophie Turner a few months ago, and again this week in Paris. So Nick has been forced to up his game and bounced along the boulevard dressed as a floral-bedecked plumber in army boots. His spouse looks elegant in bottle green, albeit with very pointy tits.

Here is actress Riley Keogh, Elvis Presley’s granddaughter, wearing Louis Vuitton.

If anyone knows what this is, and why it is so dog-ugly (sorry, canines), please post the answer in the comments section below.

And now a rare honour, last bestowed many years ago on Rita Ora – a double feature in one blog! Step forward, diva Celine Dion,. First, we find her wearing Off White.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. Celine is wearing a swimsuit, worn with a matching jacket designed for someone bigger and broader. It is as if Peter Dinklage raided Vin Diesel’s wardrobe. And that is not even the worst of it. Why is she not wearing anything over her nether regions?

And here is Celine again, this time wearing Attico, mom jeans and fluffy mules.

If Martha Monster went to a fancy dress party dressed as a creosoted twiglet en route to a Freemasons’ lodge night, this is what she would look like.

Finally, this is just horribly, horribly, horrible. Make sure you have a receptacle handy and the number of a mental health professional on speed dial. Ready? You won’t be. This is Geordie Shore strumpet Chloe Ferry ‘wearing’ a ‘swimsuit’ by Oh Polly. 


Batle-hardened as she may be, on first seeing this photo WTF emitted a squawk like Polly the Parrot on steroids. Chloe has tits like a couple of cannonballs and more minge on display than a Bangkok sex club. Yurgle.


This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington, who is in great indignation at the sudden infestation of London streets by tossers on electric scooters. Do they even know how preposterous they look?

Grown men and women should not be scooting about on scooters, period, and certainly not on public thoroughfares. They’re a hazard and they are really, really, annoying. Ditto silly people on skateboards. Go to the park if you want to ponce about on kiddie transport. It’s Got to Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please send in your comments, as they have been sparse of late and you know how WTF frets when she is denied sight of signs of life out there. And don’t forget your utterly splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x





Posted in Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Ivanka Trump, Kim Jong Un, Paris Fashion Week, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

WTF Wizard of Oz Special

Hallo Readers,

Last Friday there was a blazing row between Prime Ministerial candidate Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds, his current inamorata, at her flat in South London. Upon hearing shouting, screaming, crashing plates, and cries of “get off me” (her), the neighbours summonsed the police, and then called The Guardian to give them chapter and verse – plus a recording of the whole thing which they made on their iPhone. Johnson spent the weekend refusing to answer questions about the fracas, whilst his supporters threw ordure at the neighbours, who were described variously as ‘lefties’, ‘curtain-twitchers’, ‘Guardianistas’, and ‘like the Stasi’. They declared that Johnson had been secretly taped, when you do not have to be to Q out of the James Bond films  to turn on your iPhone and capture shouting so loud you can hear it in your own living room. The Daily Mail also got in the fact, as it always does, that the female half of the couple was Jewish.  Johnson’s private life, declared his supporters, was private, and as long as he delivered Brexit, they were indifferent to what he did or with whom. Indeed, some of them claimed the incident made him ‘more normal’. Johnson himself declared that he never talked about his loved ones. Given that there are two ex wives, a mistress, discarded mistresses various, and at least one love child in addition to the four he has officially, talking about them would take longer than the whole of Wagner’s Ring Cycle. That is, if he could remember which one was which.

On Monday, the Daily Mail, which had excoriated the leftie, curtain-twitching, Guardianista, Stasi-like, Jew and her spouse, published a picture of Johnson and Symonds sitting in a leafy pastoral idyll, and gazing into each other’s eyes like a rom-com poster. Except the picture was obviously not recent, as Johnson’s hair was much longer than it had been on his last public appearance on Saturday. Unless he had donned a wig for the day. Nor was it clear how Daily Mail had come into possession of the snap, unless the couple, or one of them, or some minion, had leaked it to give the impression that all was well again in Paradise. In other words, invading their own private life for PR purposes, having complained of having their private life invaded. Johnson spent Monday in purdah, refusing to give interviews or to debate his rival for the premiership, Jeremy Hunt, on Sky TV. At which point, he was roundly condemned as a coward, whilst the media ran around playing Where’s Wally? On Monday night, he surfaced to splutter, burble, and lie to the BBC’s Laura Kuennsberg, and then did the rounds of radio programmes on Tuesday, refusing to discuss the photograph, or even to confirm when it was taken, or by whom. Smoked out by the scandal, and by the perception that he was too scared to take on Hunt, whom even Mrs Hunt would not call a political giant, or that he was too likely to cock it up, Johnson was forced to emerge from behind the curtain and show himself, like the Wizard Of Oz, to be inept, barely able to construct a sentence, without any discernible grasp of the facts, and very short on detail. He has a plan for making Brexit work, but he cannot tell us what it is, or what is in it. He has a plan for tax cuts but he will not give us the maths. We are definitely leaving on the EU on 31 October, probably. He will go out without a deal, but a no-deal is 1000-1. Like King Lear ‘I will do such things— What they are, yet I know not, but they shall be the terrors of the earth!’  It was soon very clear why his minders thought that the best way for him to win was for him not to speak.

And Readers, the worst thing? His supporters do not care. The MPs that praise him to the skies do not care. They want Brexit. He promised them Brexit. The fact that this man has never kept a promise in his life, and will probably break this one, has not occurred to them. Frankly, they deserve him. But what about the rest of us? 


We begin our weekly wade into the fetid fashion waters at the Serpentine Summer Party in London with actress and writer Lena Dunham, wearing Christopher Kane.

The hair is good. The dress is truly terrible, an ill-fitting, elongated teeshirt with Shoulder-Shag and Minge Fringe. And the ‘Christ, I’m-dying-for-the-loo’ pose merely serves to demonstrate that her shoes don’t fit her either. Meanwhile the invitation on her chest is, to be blunt, uninviting.

To Paris Fashion Menswear Week, where we find NBA player Russell Westbrook. wearing Louis Vuitton.

There is an awful lot of limb crammed into those red trewsies, which are more than a trifle snug around his unmentionables, and he is baring his chest like Stormy Daniels about to meet Donald Trump for dinner.

Still in Paris, here is Russian model Natalia Vodianova, wearing Beluti.

The top half is very school teacher, but it all goes wrong below the waist with hairy culottes and some weird Native American woodland leggings.

Here we are at the NBA Awards, attended by rapper 2Chainz (né Tauheed Epps) wearing  a remarkable suit and no shirt. Not even of any kind.

How does he hold his neck up under the weight of those chains and the giant Olympic medal for epic sartorial silliness? He looks like an ice cream sundae in brogues.

Now to one of WTF’s favourite events, the Black Entertainment Television (BET) Awards, always a bedrock of bad taste, exemplified here by singer Stefflon Don.

Yurgle. It is cornucopia of craziness – tit portholes, peekaboo, and a black tablecloth wrapped randomly around her person to prevent an imminent Minge Moment. 

Next, we have singer B Simone, wearing For the Stars Fashion House. 

It is all highly offensive, worn without panties and with a heavily encrusted crotch resembling a particularly unpleasant outbreak of pustulent pubes. 

Singer Lil’ Kim never fails to look ridiculous, and this was no exception. Here she is, wearing Naz Couture by Rufat Ismayli and a Chanel bag.

If a scaly anteater went to a fancy dress party as Lil’ Kim, this is what it would look like. And that handbag looks like a wrecking ball in chains.

Meet singer Doja Kat, wearing who can even know what?

Pussycats adore playing with knitting materials, and this one is hiding behind grandma’s half-finished bedspread.

Finally, rapper Cardi B headed out after the ceremony, wearing Nicholas Jebran.

Nice to see fairy tales undergoing gender reversal. In olden days, the beautiful princess kissed the frog, which turned into a handsome prince. Here the prince has kissed the frog, which has turned into Cardi B with a giant leg tattoo, wicked stepmother shoulders and a Minge Waterfall.


This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado Elaine from Manchester, who has taken great exception to these revolting ‘shoes’ from Nike. They have kitten heels and are designed by Romanian designer Ancuta Sarca.

These are basically recycled trainers.  More like regurgitated. They are ugly. Er, that’s it. It’s Got to Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please send in your comments, and don’t forget your utterly splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x





Posted in BET Awards, Boris Johnson, Brexit, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Chanel, Jeremy Hunt, Paris Fashion Week, Stormy Daniels, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

WTF Sadiq Special

Hallo Readers, 

Last week, the malignant virus that is ‘journalist’ Katie Hopkins, tweeted a vicious, Islamophobic, attack on London Mayor Sadiq Khan. No surprise there, of course. Hopkins hates Muslims, claims white people and Christian values are under threat, and would trample over her own granny to earn a spot on Fox News, especially as no media outlet will touch her with a disinfected bargepole over here. The capital city had endured another terrible weekend in which two people were stabbed and another one was shot. The Angel of Death wrote ‘This is Khan’s Londonistan’. As it happens, this ghastly spate of stabbings and murder appears to have no connection at all with Islam – the comment was therefore both spiteful and inapposite. But the Angel of Death is unconcerned with petty details like fact, not when there is a Crusade to undertake. And who retweeted this bilious drivel? None other than Donald J Trump. Never mind that what happens in London is none of his damn business. Never mind that US cities, including Trump’s home town of New York, have a much higher murder rate. Never mind that he is a shill for the National Rifle Association, which champions the right to bear arms, translated into the inalienable right to shoot dead perfect strangers, preferably kiddies, and to stockpile weapons, even though you have every sort of psychiatric problem and should not be able to buy a pea-shooter, let alone an AK47. Trump tweeted that Khan was ‘A national disgrace who is destroying the City of London’. (Note to Trump – the City of London is not the same as London. But then Trump does not know the difference between England and Britain, or Britain and the United Kingdom, or indeed between his ever-burgeoning arse and his elbow).

The tweet provoked outrage. Outrage at Trump retweeting the Angel of Death, and outrage at Trump having yet another go at a Muslim citizen of another country. Just to ensure that everyone was clear that this was an Islamophobic tweet, Hopkins tweeted her thanks to the President for his retweet, referring to London’s ‘Muslim Mayor’. Back home, the Prime Minister and the Foreign Secretary failed to condemn Trump’s interference or his racism, although politely distancing themselves from the actual language and the input of the horrible Hopkins. Only the Muslim Home Secretary, Sajid Javid, condemned Trump, as he had done on a previous occasion of an Islamophobia tweet, which probably explains why his invitation to the State Banquet on Trump’s visit was lost in the post. Meanwhile, many over here piled in, supporting Trump’s attack and condemning Khan as the worst Mayor ever.

But here’s the thing, Readers. Knife crime have soared since 2014 (two years before Khan was elected) and that is not unique to London – it is countrywide. Since 2010, the knife crime rates in the North East have risen by 33%; in Yorkshire and the Humber, by 77%; and in Wales, by 50%. But it is only Khan that gets the flack. Why do you suppose that is? London now has fewer police officers than it did in 2003 – 20,000 officers down since 2010. Forty youth clubs have closed. The Government has demanded savings in the police budget of £1bn nationally, including £334m in the Metropolitan Police which also has to find another £104m because of pension changes. Police stations have closed. God forbid that you should ever see actual officers on the street. But Theresa May (remember that she was Home Secretary for six years from 2010 to 2016) says there is ‘no direct correlation between certain crimes and police numbers’. Right. It is of course much easier to throw shit at a brown, Muslim, Labour, Mayor. Trump and the Angel of Death are pure scum, of whom nothing is to be expected except more lies, racism and filth. But everyone else should take a long hard look at themselves.


We start our review of the week’s fashion fiascos with racing driver Lewis Hamilton at the Paris Men’s Fashion Week, wearing Valentino.

What is he wearing now? The words ‘fashion victim’ have insufficient nuance to sum up Lewis’ ridiculous sartorial choices. This time, his top makes him look like the late, lamented, Victoria Wood in Dinner Ladies, the jeans were bought in anticipation of his having a late growth spurt, and the trainers look plain manky.

Now to Los Angeles and the TrevorLive! charity gala, where we find model and actress Cara Delevigne, wearing Balmain.

This is just very silly. From the front, it looks like a sleeveless gilet sewn into an old net curtain, paired with saucy boots. The back, however, is worse.

From the back, it looks like Bridget Jones panties and an old net curtain. It is as if Cara were off to a Halloween party and couldn’t be arsed to make any effort with her costume.

Next up, we have Kate Moss’ little sister, model Lottie Moss, wearing Aadnevik at the Victoria and Albert Summer Party. Why she was there at all, WTF cannot say.

This is not a dress. Not even at all. It is an elongated bustier worn over a pair of panties, and it is foul. Lottie used her Instagram account to air her concern about her weight (seriously?), and obviously thought that wearing this would boost her confidence. She should stop worrying about her girth and start worrying about her taste. Or her stylist. Or both.

And now we go to the MTV Movie and TV Awards in Santa Monica, where an abundance of horror awaited us. We kick off with actor Nico Tortorella, wearing his school uniform and fancy loafers.

WTF takes the view that once a man is past bar mitzvah age, shorts suits should not occupy space in his wardrobe. Particularly when worn with gingham loafers and lashings of blue guy shadow. And he has been drawing on his legs with a magic marker.

Here is singer Spice, who won an award for some reality rubbish called Love and Hip Hop: Atlanta, wearing something frightful.

Only smurfs should have blue hair, and no-one, not even a smurf, should wear a tit-baring bodysuit resembling a trail of neon yellow alyssum.

This is another reality star, Lala Kent, who is in something called Vanderpump Rules. She is wearing affair.fff.

Lala has less VNA (Visible Nipple Activity) on display than Spice, but instead is giving us a major Minge Moment. Meanwhile, WTF is trying to work out whether Lala is wearing her shoes under the lace or over it.

Finally, we have entertainer and (winning) TV Host Nick Cannon, formerly Mr Mariah Carey, wearing Louis Vuitton. This is about as stupid an ensemble as WTF ever did see in her life. Brace yourselves.

What is going on? Why is Louis Vuitton making logo’ed bullet proof vests and gas masks with matching deck shoes? What are those truncated cargo thingies? And why is he wearing them all with a Mayoral chain? Someone at LV has been overdosing on Nicholas Cage as Big Daddy.



This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of London, who is aghast at the terrible barstools the five Tory Leadership contenders were made to sit on during the BBC ‘debate’ on Tuesday. As splendid Guardian columnist John Crace noted, “they looked like an ageing boy band. Take Twat”. There was a lot of man spreading as they perched gingerly on their stools like a bunch of old bores at the Garrick  Club Bar. They looked uncomfortable, the whole thing was uncomfortable, and on the basis that one had any faith left in democracy before the debate, it certainly would have gone walkies afterwards. Dismal. Depressing. It’s Got to Go.


OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please send in your comments, and don’t forget your utterly splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x


Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, Donald Trump, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, Katie Hopkins, MTV Movie and TV Awards, Politics, racism, Sadiq Khan, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

WTF And They’re Off Special

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Posted in Boris Johnson, Celebrity, Celebrity Fashion Disasters, David Cameron, David Davis, Dominic Raab, Donald Trump, Esther McVey, Fashion, Fashion Awards, Fashion Disasters, General Election, Liz Truss, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, Olivier Awards, racism, Theresa May, Uncategorized, Worst Dressed Celebrities | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments