Hallo Readers,
To be honest, there are few, if any, members of the current Cabinet you would want to hang around with. Michael Gove? Grant Shapps? Suella Braverman? I mean, come on – wouldn’t you rather endure a barbed wire enema? Perhaps Therese Coffey could be a bit of a laugh, were it not for her repulsive views on gay marriage, her penchant for removing people’s Social Security payments and her foul habit of smoking cigars, and that is ignoring the fact that she is best mates with Liz Truss. Nevertheless, WTF would rather lock herself in a room with all of the above than spend even ten minutes in the company of Dominic Raab, the Justice Secretary and Deputy Prime Minister. Raab is one of those supercilious, sneering types who is simultaneously immensely arrogant and not very bright, and to date, he has not distinguished himself in his current or any of his previous Cabinet posts. As Brexit Secretary, he was forced to admit that he had not read the Good Friday Agreement all the way through, which, as WTF remarked at the time, was like trying to be a doctor though never having read Gray’s Anatomy. He later became Foreign Secretary, lounging by the pool of his holiday hotel in Greece as Afghanistan fell to the Taliban, a dereliction of duty then compounded by his sulky defence of his inactivity and his insistence that he had not gone surfboarding as “the sea was closed”. Reshuffled out of that post by Boris Johnson, he was made Minister of Justice and Lord Chancellor, only to insult striking criminal legal aid barristers, misrepresenting how much they were paid and spitting whenever he had to utter the words “human rights”. Liz Truss gave him the heave-ho, but a few short weeks later, he bounced back under Sunak and was reinstalled at the Justice Department, as if the whole Truss thing had never happened – rather like Bobby Ewing in Dallas, standing in the shower after two seasons during which he was supposed to be dead. Go figure…..
On becoming Prime Minister one hundred days ago, Sunak stood outside No 10 and vowed to clean out the Augean stables, a promise that fell apart about 29 minutes later when a horrified nation watched Braverman, who had been sacked the previous week by Truss for breaches of the Ministerial Code, strolling along Downing Street to reclaim her spot at the Home Office. Since then, Sunak has lost the dubious services of “Sir” Gavin Williamson, who fell on his sword following bullying allegations and last week, he was forced to sack Nadhim Zahawi, not just for being iffy with his taxes, but for failing to mention that he had been iffy with his taxes and threatening to sue anyone who suggested that he had been iffy with his taxes. But Raab, the subject of ongoing bullying claims by civil servants at various departments he has purported to run, remains in situ, clinging to power like shit to a blanket. Adam Tolley KC is carrying out an independent enquiry into the allegations, all of which were public before Sunak appointed him, and underlings various are forming an orderly queue outside Tolley’s door to dish the dirt on their boss. Raab was stoutly defended by the unspeakable Jacob Rees-Mogg, who complained that people should not be too “snowflakey” about getting told off at work, so perhaps that will do for him in the end, but like the unspeakable Priti Patel, Raab will probably not go voluntarily if the allegations are upheld. Perhaps Sunak will be forced to sack Raab, unlike Johnson, who shielded Patel even after she was found to have bullied her officials, and after a senior civil servant in her department had to be paid oodles of public cash to settle his unfair dismissal claims after he quit in disgust. But, as WTF said last week of Zahawi, shame and honour are not the defining qualities of this or any recent Tory governments. Zahawi was sacked only two days after WTF’s rant. One suspects it will take a lot longer before Raab packs his pencil case.
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We begin our survey of the week’s sartorial shite with model and influencer Jasmine Sanders at Pamela, A Love Story, a film about Baywatch star Pamela Anderson.
Pussy in Boots. Jasmine is doing that ‘I’ll-turn-up-and-flash-my-fanny-and get-my- picture-in-the papers’ thing that people do when they have no actual talent. And what is worse, there is (presumably an intentional) rip in the gusset of her pantyhose.
Next, celebritee and sometime singer Tallia Storm, at a Magic Mike launch wearing who knows what?
Next we have actor Jeremy Pope wearing a most extraordinary creation with much moobage. What is it supposed to be?
If a Ju Jitsu fighter had an early night, this is what he would look like. Meanwhile clock the steel-toed shoes, not to mention the very unfortunate elephant-vagina syndrome around the crotch.
And here is another man who cannot find a shirt. This is actor Simu Liu wearing a suit and Tiffany jewellery at a Tiffany Lock event in Toronto.
There is nothing wrong with the suit. Or those abs. But not only can you see the abs, you can also see his under crackers. As such, he is this week’s winner of the Cute Bare-chested Baby Award. Any excuse to use this pic again……
Yes, it’s her again. Rita Ora was wearing Fendi at the Fendi Show at Paris Fashion Week.
WTF can safely say that she hates loo everything Rita is wearing, from the blue cyanotic lipstick to the cut-out coat to the blue welly-like boots. The whole thing is clearly inspired by the King of the White Walkers from Game of Thrones.
To New York and actor Rose Byrne with her partner, actor Bobby Cannavale. WTF has long thought that Bobby is a piece of terrific and she likes Rose, but she does not like what Rose is wearing, which is a dress by Ulla Johnson. The jury is out on the shoes and has been sent home for the weekend to think about it some more.
Here is the thing about Rose’s dress. First, it resembles something that Rose’s great granny wore and which has discoloured over a period of time. Second, the sleeves are silly. And third, the way it falls around the minge area makes her appear to have a penis. And no, you’re not getting a picture.
Finally, we have (yet again) Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the newly installed Governor of Arkansas and former Trump Press Secretary, wearing something truly horrible. Brace yourselves.
For Goodness Sake! Don’t they have clothing boutiques in Little Rock? Or mirrors? And, for that matter, opticians? This woman is the Governor of the State. The same State Bill Clinton used to govern. At least try and look the part, Sarah. Those knees should never be on show, except to loved ones and Orthopaedic Surgeons. She looks like Dennis the Menace in pearls. Yurgle.
This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is fed up with the ridiculous sums being spent on footballers. This week, Chelsea paid Portuguese club Benfica a UK record fee, €121m (£107m), for Enzo Fernandez. This is simply obscene. People can’t afford the electric bill to switch their tellies on and a club pays this sort of money for a 22 year old player? No, no, no. It’s Got To Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x
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