wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Welcome to another edition of ‘Nothing to see here, move along, well maybe there is something, whoops’, in which undistinguished members of the Conservative Government behave badly, deny blindly that they have behaved badly, threaten to call in m’learned friends if anyone suggests that they behaved badly, are subsequently shown to be bang to rights, and then try and cover it up. This week’s contestant is Party Chairman Nadhim Zahawi, who for a short period was Chancellor of the Exchequer under Boris Johnson after Rishi Sunak resigned from that post. Zahawi founded the polling company YouGov and he is very rich, although not as rich as Rishi Sunak, his predecessor and the present Prime Minister. Do keep up. During his short stint as Chancellor, Zahawi was forced to negotiate a settlement of his outstanding liabilities arising out of some complex arrangement in which his shares in YouGov were held in the name of his father in a trust in Gibraltar. The taxman was unimpressed with Zahawi’s claim that he was not liable to pay tax on this and in the end the taxman’s view prevailed over his boss, who was forced to fork out millions of pounds as a result. When news of the settlement became public a few months ago, an indignant Zahawi bridled at the suggestion that there was anything iffy going on and he threatened to sue anyone and everyone for libel, at which m’learned friends got very excited and started doing jigs around Lincoln’s Inn Fields and planning their new cars. However, it is now clear that not only did Zahawi have to pay tax, but had to pay penalties for not having originally paid the tax. Zahawi maintains this was all an innocent error but as the Head of the Service pointed out, you don’t pay penalties on an innocent error, unless of course the innocent error is that you haven’t paid the tax due in the first place, instead asking Messers Less Is Better LLP to shove it in a Gibraltarian trust and save you a shedload. Sunak now claims that nobody told him about these penalties and looks like a man with itching powder down the seat of his (far too short) trousers, Tory MPs find themselves plunged into another shitshow and want Zahawi gone, and everyone else is pissing themselves laughing and enjoying the discomfiture.

Zahawi himself has declared that he is staying put, but then Zahawi does not do shame, as evidenced by his accepting the appointment as Chancellor under Johnson, only to turn round 36 hours later and urge him to resign, then to   himself stand for Leader, fail, back Liz Truss, back Johnson’s return after Liz Truss went and ten minutes after Johnson withdrew his candidacy, to go full throttle in favour of Sunak. A man who sticks his head up so many different bottoms in such a short time is unlikely to be fazed by a little matter of having to negotiate with the department he presided over to pay outstanding tax that his department is obliged to collect. Sunak has tried to kick the whole matter into the long grass by appointing an inquiry into whether his Party Chairman broke the ministerial code (answer – of course he did), in which the part of Sue Gray is now played by some bloke in a suit who is his new ethics adviser. You couldn’t make it up, but sadly you don’t need to because this is now becoming standard fare. Standards in public life have slipped to a subterranean place so tucked away from sight that crack teams of cavers armed with infrared equipment could not locate them.

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We start our review of the week’s clothing cobblers with actor Chase Liefeld wearing who can even say what this is?

This falls  squarely into the category of ‘you must be fucking joking matey’,  as does the fact that not only did Chase wear this horrible shiny thing but actually HAD A STYLIST who found it for him. And the stylist claims credit for doing so. Not even a man as handsome as Chase can carry off something this ludicrous. Yurgle.

Next up, actor and singer Jennifer Lopez at the premiere of her new RomCom (read, rubbish) Shotgun Wedding, wearing Valentino.

Why has she wearing a beaver bow under her gown? WTF tried to think of the she last saw anything so silly and then gave up. Younger Readers are fortunate not to have been born when Tony Orlando and Dawn released a vomit-inducing ditty called Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Ole Oak Tree. Click on the link and weep. It is all about a convicted felon coming out of prison after three years and travelling home to find out if his wife still wants him. If she does, she should tie a yellow ribbon round the aforementioned tree, a traditional American welcome home for those who have been away. (Spoiler – she did. A hundred of them). WTF does not know about Sgr Valentino’s musical tastes, but he seems to have been inspired by Tony’s warbling from all those years back.

And now we go to Paris Fashion Week where we encounter actor Lucien Laviscount wearing Louis Vuitton.

The top half is cute. The floaty thing over the bottom half is not cute, the love child of overalls and a peignoir. And on what on earth are those things on his feet? They look like mini hoovers……

Meanwhile, over at Dior, actor Robert Pattinson graced the Front Row wearing this.

What nonsense is this? He resembles the late Princess Margaret in her prime.

Next, celebritee Kylie Jenner on the steps of the Schiaparelli show.

Er…. what? WHAT?????!!! She has a lion growing out of her tit. It is as if they have remade the Wizard of Oz starring noted lion and tiger slaughterers, Eric and Donald Trump Jr.

Also there and also wearing Schiaparelli was singer Doja Cat.

Do not adjust your eyeballs. Doja is a walking. blood-soaked pustule, like a germ version of the old Sissy Spacek movie, Carrie.

We are not done yet, Readers. Here are identical twin and US TV personalitees Shannon and Shanade Clermont wearing not enough.

The twins even have had identical plastic surgery (they admit the surgery, except for the tits. Because those tits are so realistic, aren’t they?).  As for the alleged outfits,  there is insufficient fabric between the two sets of tit covers to make a small dishcloth, let alone to cover the two pairs of globularity stuck onto their chests, the hoodies are not so much cropped as aborted and they are wearing minge pads. If a couple of baseball players went to a fancy dress party as titsy Palomino ponies, this is what they would look like.

And finally, rapper J Balvin wearing Loewe at Loewe. Scroll down slowly….

 Oh my Lord. He looks like a giant ballsack. And no, you are NOT getting a picture.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from women everywhere, although the news this evening (Thursday night) has changed this to She’s NOT Going To Go. WTF refers to convicted double rapist, né Adam Graham, who now (post -rapes) goes by the name of Isla Bryson and says she is a trans woman waiting for gender reassignment. 

The Scottish Government’s original position was that Isla is a woman and so she would have the right to serve time in a woman’s prison, once sentenced. Even though the heinous crimes were committed by Adam Graham, a man who violated two women with the penis Isla still has. As you can see from the picture above. But such is the outcry that even Nicola Sturgeon has had to admit that this would be an outrage and so Adam/Isla is going to a man’s prison. Hopefully for a very, very, long time. Let us not have this nonsense ever again. Rapists do not belong in a woman’s prison. Full stop. The end.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Get those comments coming in and make WTF smile and she needs to smile, trust me. As for your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go, it is a pleasure to receive them. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x