wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Over the years the esteem  in which the public holds Members of Parliament has become less and less reverential.  Heaven knows, there have been many low points recently including  Wallpapergate and Partygate. But this week we reached the nadir with Wankgate when we learned that a Tory MP was sitting on the benches in the House of Commons glued to his screen of his mobile phone watching porn. With what he was glued WTF would rather not speculate. Now, it is true that much parliamentary business is as dull as ditch water. The complexities of clause 299(1)(b)(ii) of the Ways and Means (Sewerage and Waste)(Yorkshire) Bill is not as much fun as watching a man with a huge dick pretending to be a plumber and giving the full service to some titsy blonde in her scanties, whilst she encourages him on with monotone exclamations of ‘ride me big boy’ and ‘ooh, that’s nice’. Nevertheless, there is a time and place for such entertainment and the Chamber of the House of Commons is neither the time nor the place. A few years ago, Damian Green MP, then a Government bigwig, was forced to step down from his post when saucy stuff was discovered on his work laptop. But at least that was in the privacy of his office rather than on the leather benches of the Mother of Parliaments. In contrast, Freddie Filth MP subjected not only himself, but his colleagues, to an eyeful, rather than furthering the interests of the constituents whom he was elected to serve.

Elsewhere in parliament it turns out that 53 MPs including three Cabinet ministers, two shadow ministers and sundry others are facing complaints of sexual harassment, while an unnamed Tory MP was busy suggesting to the Mail on Sunday that the deputy leader of the Labour Party, Angela Rayner MP, was not only as rough as a bear’s arse and an unmarried mother (Carrie Johnson, anyone?) but had resorted to emulating Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct and flashing her minge at the Prime Minister to put him off his superior Oxbridge debating skills at the despatch box. One does not know whom to despise more – the sexist scumbag who fed the story to the Mail on Sunday, the newspaper for printing it, the editor Dave Dillon for refusing a summons to meet the Speaker of the House on the purported  grounds of freedom of the press or ghastly Daily Mail columnist Sarah Vine, the former Mrs Michael Gove, for claiming that Rayner should be jolly flattered by the suggestion that her female allure could distract the self-proclaimed saviour of Ukraine and the Man Who Got Brexit Done.

Rounding off the week, we had Johnson and Matt Hancock excoriated in the High Court for sending elderly and vulnerable people into care homes where they perished from COVID at the height of the pandemic. Thousands of them. Dumb and Dumber responded by lying through their teeth and suggesting that they had had absolutely no idea that there was any risk of asymptomatic transmission, despite being advised of that very possibility by their own Government Medical Officer and countless boffins who had raised this issue. Readers, you will not be surprised to hear that neither of them has stepped down. Nor is there any possibility that they will do so, given that the only thing that matters now in politics is keeping your bum on the seat and hoping the public will forget how horrible and useless you really are….

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial silliness with actor Alysia Reiner at the premiere of HBO’s We Own This City. No one has owned up to designing this outfit. Good call. Scroll down slowly…

Alysia, whom you will recognise from Orange Is The Only Black, seems to be dressed as Ghandi in a sprigged dhoti. Even little Justin Bieber does not wear his crotch that low…

Next we are in London at the BAFTA Craft Awards, where we encounter writer Russell T Davies.

Russell is a good writer but even his most fevered Dr Who imagination could not have conjured up more terrible trousers. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE TROUSERS? They have taken on a life of their own, billowing in all directions like a fleet of ships lost on a storm-tossed sea. And they are paired with a tightly buttoned overcoat like Reggie and Ronnie Kray on a day trip to Clacton with their old mum….

Here we are in California with glamour model and personalitee Demi Rose wearing Shein.

It is not just that a horse’s tail has landed on her head and that she is wearing ridiculous ombre boots like an extra from Better Call Saul. It is not even that radio handbag. It is the fact that she is dressed as one of the Tiller Girls, a group of dancers that used to perform in synchronisation on Sunday Night At the London Palladium in the 1950s and early 1960s in a more gentle and decorous period of TV entertainment.

We are in Leicester Square for the premiere of Downton Abbey – The New Era, aka Let’s trot out more old bollocks and laugh all the way to the bank. Actor Laura Carmichael aka Lady Edith is wearing Giambattista Valli Couture.

It is so droopy and so horribly unflattering. It is as if she is cocooned in sheets wound randomly around her person…..

Another Laura, actor Laura Haddock who is new to the cast list, as Lady Whatnot wearing Prada.

Last week WTF introduced you to the notion of parrotcide, where innocent parrots are stripped of their feathers to adorn dresses for big nights out. Now we have Muppetcide in the former form of Maurice the Muppet, now sadly gone to Heaven in the name of fashion. RIP Maurice… you are now reduced to a minge fringe like extra fluffy pubes.

Here we are at model Gigi Hadid‘s 27th birthday party in New York City. She is wearing Dion Lee.

This is a white lace peignoir worn over a nappy and a see-through trouser. Loyal Readers will know that WTF deplores a see- through trouser almost above all things. Was poor Gigi ambushed on her way to the boudoir where somebody stole her skirt?

And finally we have actor, singer and now author Janelle Monáe wearing Dead Lotus Couture.

OK, love, we get it. The book is futuristic and so you are dressed in something futuristic. The thing is, it is excessively clingy, affording everyone an in-depth view of your minge. If an astronaut went to a fancy-dress party as the Flying Nun, this is what he/she would look like. Meanwhile it is fervently to be hoped that the Good Lord has blessed Janelle with a large tube of Canesten because she will be needing it….

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Honsa from Paddington who was unimpressed by then-candidate, now victorious French President, Emmanuel Macron showing a great deal of very hairy chest and manspreading to the power of n….

Honsa says ‘there is nothing wrong with chest hair (I myself come from Eastern tribes) but seriously?  Could he not have done up one more button? If it is not OK for a woman to unbutton her shirt so low, it should not be OK for a man either’. Agreed. It’s Got to Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please keep those comments coming in as they make WTF cheery. And cheery is good, right? Oh, and do not neglect your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x