WTF Turn on a Sixpence Special

Hallo Readers,

Welcome back to He said WHAT????!!!!, Britain’s most popular reality show. The aim of the game is for contestants to provide ever more improbable explanations as they try and wriggle out of situations when they appear to be bang to rights.  The winner of the previous week’s show returns the following Wednesday to top the nonsense spouted the week before. This Wednesday, as for many Wednesdays before then, the winner was cuddly, mop-haired, laugh-till-you-cry Boris Johnson who, while straining incredulity beyond limits, continues to come up with utter bollocks which ordinary people would never even dare to voice. Last week, he told us that while he admitted that he was at a party (the one he had denied being at the week before that), he did not know that it was not a party. This week he told us that no one had told him that he was not allowed to attend a party in his own back garden, not that he had stayed very long, and even though he was the one who had appeared daily at the Downing Street lectern explaining what the rules were to everyone else. The producers take the view that Boris’s sublime contempt for the boundaries of reality and common sense, coupled with his ability to turn on a sixpence to a degree last seen in Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean in Sarajevo in 1984, mean that he is a contestant of unrivalled mendacity, which is why despite a vigorous hate campaign by viewers, MPs, commentators and members of the general public, he is still hanging on. It is great TV. If only people were at work, it would be a wonderful water-cooler moment. And it takes people’s minds off the more serious stuff, like the failure of Brexit, the rising cost of living, the exorbitant increase in fuel costs and England’s shocking performance in the Ashes.

However, the producers recognise that they regularly have to freshen things up to prevent ennui. So this week, there was a bloke nobody had ever heard of changing sides just before Boris came on air and one of his formerly loyal supporters standing up and telling him to his face that he was crap and should bugger off  and look snappy about it. And there were allegations that Boris’s henchmen had been threatening his rivals with all manner of retribution, including disclosure of illicit acts of jiggy-jiggy and, if they really failed to fall back in line, telling their mums. As it happens, this seems to have backfired with some waverers falling back into line as they united in anger against public acts of betrayal of the self-same person they had been slagging off only moments earlier. As for next week, Boris has told us for weeks to wait for the trump card to be played by Sue Gray. Next week may well be Sue Gray day! In fact,  it might even be Wednesday, the day of next week’s instalment. Will he get away with it – AGAIN??? Tune in ….

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We start our review of the week’s fashion flops with actor Jeff Goldblum in Milan wearing Prada on the catwalk.

The coat does not fit very well and the trousers have more folds than a concertina but WTF’s chief disapprobation is for the bizarre Russian hats around the elbows as if his arms are hosting a meeting of the Politbureau.

Next, we have American model and designer Joy Corrigan on holiday in Mexico wearing not enough with Bottega Veneta mules which cost more than enough. £665 to be specific.

In line with her surroundings, Joy is wearing a dress which appears to be made out of cacti, is posed perilously over her titties and is putting appalled onlookers in fear of an Imminent Minge Moment. Not to mention an actual arse moment. 

To London and the auditions for another series of the interminable fright-fest that is Britain’s Got Talent. Which is a lot more than can be said for one of its judges, Amanda Holden, wearing David Koma.

WTF has never seen any point to Amanda. Indeed, the only points to Amanda are her nipples, which always seem to be silhouetted through whatever she is wearing, and she is also giving us another Imminent Minge Moment. And she has also succumbed to some form of interference with the workings of nature so that her face is more frozen than that of Princess Ella.

Here is Fashion influencer and model, former Miss Universe, Olivia Culpo wearing Aya Muse.

OK this is getting silly. This resembles one of those hospital gowns which fall open and expose your bits and pieces to all and sundry. Except that this one is designer and costs loads. And which would be awfully chilly in these inclement temperatures ….

Next up we have newly engaged couple actor Megan Fox and her fiancé musician Machine Gun Kelly, both wearing Dolce & Gabbana.

MGK looks rather dashing in his disco glitter ball ensemble although he has clown feet but Megan, who has followed Amanda down the road of interfering with nature, looks like the lovechild of a floozy and a gunslinger.

Meet ‘Corrie star’ Arianna Ajitar and ‘Love Island star’ Mary Bedford. Arianna is wearing Mugler leggings costing £490 and some sort of corset body.WTF does not know what, in every sense of the word, Mary is wearing.

Yikes!  Arianna appeared in seven episodes of Coronation Street several years ago, while Mary failed to find a partner in Love Island 2021 and was eliminated before the finals. But in these times, that is enough to make you a star. Arianna’s teeth are so white that they can be seen from outer space, like the Great Wall of China, while her waxing professional is getting a lot of free advertising for her prowess in dehairing Arianna’s vulva. Mary just looks rank and even ranker from the back. Arianna is showing us the inevitable arse cheeks. 

Also parading around Manchester in an affront to public decency we have porn star Ava Koxxx flashing her bits. There is no link to anything here, as every website for her is downright disgusting.

WTF is going out on a limb here and is suggesting that those breasts are not the originals.  Ava is the first 2022 winner of the Phil and Grant Mitchell award for improbably round and shiny tits.

After all those body parts on display, it is almost a relief to get to the Prime Minister who is displaying only his shapely pink calves as he goes out for an early morning jog with Dilyn the dog. However….

The dog looks good, particularly in relation to Johnson, who is wearing Compo’s woolly hat from Last of the Summer Wine, swimming trunks or boxers and the world’s crapppiest running shoes . WTF wonders whether he is auditioning for a remake of Lady and the Tramp to fill in time, and to swell the coffers, after he is deposed.

 

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF of Islington who has had enough of Right Said Fred, aka Fred and Richard Fairbrass, the putrid one-hit wonders from the 1990s.

 Not only are these two has-beens rabid anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers but they also appeared in a video this week in company with such figures for liberty as David Duke, former head of the Ku Klux Klan, and Holocaust denier Mark Collett. Superannuated scumbags. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Do not forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go and your top comments which cheer WTF up no end. Let us meet again next Friday.  Be good  x

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to WTF Turn on a Sixpence Special

  1. quixote
    quixote says:

    I can’t keep up. Nobody tells me anything. What’s with the pairs of women holding hands? Is that required? And the arse displays. I’ll leave that to my partner. I may be out of it, but I do try not to frighten the horses.

    (What do you mean, there are no horses to frighten?)

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