For the five days between Tuesday November 3rd and Saturday November 7th, millions across the world lived between their bedrooms, their bathrooms and whatever room their TV was in. Days blended into night and back again, people eventually catching a few hours rest, only to find on awakening that the Electoral Votes Counter on CNN had not budged from when they went to bed – 253 for Joe Biden, 213 for Donald Trump. It was Groundhog Day on a loop. Finally, CNN called it and joy was unconfined. We could breathe again. We could bathe again. We could sleep again. Except of course that it was not over, because the Baby-In-Chief refuses to accept he lost. And just like when he did not win Emmys for The Apprentice, when he lost to Ted Cruz in a GOP primary, when Trump University was sued for fraud, he proclaimed that it was all rigged against him and that he had won by a lot. He has not put on his big boy pants. Everyone expected this, both because he cannot countenance being a loser and because he had telegraphed his strategy in neon for the best part of a year – cast aspersions on the election process, claim fraud when he loses, stay put. Especially when man-to-man combat with the attorneys from Southern District of New York awaits him and his shyster family. The fact that his own security services have declared this as the most secure election ever and each state election board has declared there is no fraud is, of course, nothing to the point.
The week has not been without humour. Rudy Giuliani held a press conference in the parking lot of a North Philadelphia establishment called Four Seasons Total Landscaping, wedged between a sex shop and a crematorium or, as one wag put it, on the asphalt between dildo and death. As Tennyson remarked of The Charge of the Light Brigade, ‘someone had blundered’, mistaking the establishment for the somewhat swankier Four Seasons Hotel in the city centre – the equivalent of thinking you were booking a Mayfair hotel, only to find yourself outside a garden centre in Acton. Rudy’s star witnesses did not come up to proof, and one of them later proved to be a convicted sex offender. Meanwhile, sidestepping Trump’s capitalised shrieks of ‘THEY STOLE THE ELECTION’ and other such rubbish, his lawyers also failed to come up to proof, admitting to baffled Judges in Arizona, Pennsylvania and Michigan that they were not actually alleging fraud, but that someone’s sister’s friend’s cousin-twice-removed had heard from the garbage collector that there had been shenanigans. None of these cases have any chance, which is what happens when you don’t have any actual evidence and take the piss, and when your opponent has got five million more votes than you and many more Electoral College votes.
But while we all laughed at Rudy and hapless litigators producing witnesses who had seen no wrongdoing but had felt it in their water, this is not funny. Over 73 million people voted for Donald Trump. Some because they thought he would restore the economy his incompetent handling of the pandemic had destroyed. Some because they had been brainwashed into believing that Joe Biden is a radical socialist with a black woman sidekick who was more radical than Rosa Klebb, and who would take away their guns, and tax them into penury, and make them drink Starbucks. And many voted for Trump not despite his racism, and his misogyny, and his ignorance, and his vulgarity, and his dishonesty, but because of it. Because they like him for it. Because he has made it OK to be hateful and contemptuous and ugly and stupid. 47% of those who voted last week wanted that man as their President. And a sizeable proportion of them genuinely believe that Trump was robbed, gobbling up lies and disinformation from the man who swore to uphold the Constitutional democracy he now trashes so as to stay in the White House and out of Sing Sing. That group is getting ever more angry, inflamed by lying tweets, fake videos, and doctored shareholder documents showing that Nancy Pelosi owns the software in electoral voting machines (she doesn’t), and that voting slips were burned in dumpsters (they weren’t), and that George Soros is paying everybody off (he isn’t). Maybe Trump will broker a deal to leave if he and his spawn never have to face any charges for anything, ever. Maybe he will get bored and slope off to Mar A Lago. Or maybe he will have to be dragged out of the White House by Marines on 20th January 2021, screaming at his betrayal by Fox News and Mitt Romney and Republicans who have edged away from placating him. God Bless America. Because it badly needs His blessing right now.
Let us cheer up a bit. Our review of the week’s sartorial silliness at the 2020 Country Music Awards in Nashville starts with singer Maren Morris wearing Dolce & Gabbana.
Maren always stands like that because her shoes are so high that she would otherwise topple over – every other photo on the night shows her propped up against her husband, who is clearly performing the role of a human Zimmer frame. As for the outfit, it not an outfit. It is waiting for the outfit, and is no more than a bra and Spanx Higher Power Panties, worn with a lacy peignoir.
And here is singer Charlie Puth wearing who knows what?
More Putz than Puth. The women at this event are all tits and legs with so much spangle that ophthalmologists in Nashville are booking luxury holidays in the Turks & Caicos from the proceeds of their emergency treatment for extreme retinal damage among the attendees. The men however pitch up in any old nonsense. Charlie looks like snoopy going for a jog.
To the MTV Europe Music Awards, where we find Little Mix singer Leigh-Anne Pinnock wearing Luis De Javier.
Luis is Spanish but moved to the UK to study design. He describes his work as ‘a big “fuck you” to society’. Well fuck you too, Luis because this is hideous, like a broken sea shell and matching tights with scribbles on.
And here is her Little Mix bandmate Jade Thirlwall, wearing Anniki.
Is it horrid tights week? These, and the matching coat-dress thingy, make Jade look like a strolling strawberry swirl cheesecake.
Now we have singer Doja Cat, wearing Givenchy.
This is our old friend singer Rita Ora, wearing Giambattista Valli.
Rita’s yellow fluff-fest puts one in mind the new Christmas gift craze, the Donald J Trump toilet brush.
Here is singer Bebe Rexha, wearing Christopher Kane.
This is a bodystocking with a Minge Muff and leather bootees. If a Nazi stormtrooper went to a fancy dress party as a kinky Anna Pavlova, this is what he would look like. Actually, that Minge Muff looks like a Pavlova with tits and without the fruit. This is turning out to be dessert week as well as horrid tights week.
Here is singer Madison Beer, sort of wearing Mugler….
Heaven knows what this cost. But for £23, she could have bought a swimsuit on sale from Unique21 and wrapped an old net curtain around her waist.
And finally, meet British singer Yungblud wearing Chrome Hearts.
Think Hannibal Lecter with leopardskin and magenta socks.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington who is perplexed by these ridiculous male Mary Jane shoes from Loewe.
You what? And they cost £450!!!! It’s Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Your comments have started coming in again as well as some tip-top suggestions for It’s Got To Go and WTF is as happy as Joe Biden last Saturday night. Keep them coming, Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.