WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL 2020

Hallo Readers,

Before we turn to the main business  of the week, the Summer Stinker Poll, we must pause to consider the matter of why it (rightly) unacceptable to denigrate Muslims, or people of colour, or the disabled, but it is acceptable to denigrate Jews. Not Israel. Not Nethanyahu.  Jews. And why Twitter, which will suspend your account almost instantaneously if you abuse any of the aforementioned groups, or if you were to call someone a moron, even if they are, or to suggest that they push off and have sex with themselves, nevertheless is slow to act when the targets of the attack are Jews.

Last weekend, a rapper called Wiley, of whose existence WTF had hitherto been unaware, sent out a continuous torrent of anti-Semitic filth. The immediate target seemed to be his managers, who are Jews. And then the verbal diarrhoea started, and it went on and on. Jews were the ‘worst people in the world’. They had ‘got rich on the backs of black people’. They also got the best service in hospitals (eh?). There might well have been a tweet about them using the blood of babies for matzos but WTF managed to miss it. What she did not miss was both the wave of outraged Jews and non-Jews on Twitter demanding that the stuff be taken off, or those who supported Wiley in similar terms and were then retweeted by him. And what did Twitter do? Nothing,

Let us imagine that someone had written that blacks ae the worst people or Muslims are the worst people in the world. The howls of outrage from the left would deafen us all. But substitute the word ‘Jew’ and the excuses come thick and fast. ‘It is not racist because Jews are not a race’. Actually, they are, but in any event, Muslims are not a race either and the sentence ‘Muslims are the worst people in the world’ would never be tolerated. ‘It is an attack on Israeli aggression’. No, it is an attack on Jews. Wheel out the old Jewish tropes. Jews control the banks. Jews control the world. Jews own the media. Jews are mean. Jews are venal. Blah, blah, blah. Bring back the yellow stars.

But this time, Jews – and those who understood the reality of these attacks on Jews, and Twitter’s inaction  – had had enough. They boycotted Twitter for 48 hours. And guess what? Wiley has been now banned from Twitter. Because the place to hit Twitter – and Facebook, and Instagram – is in the pocket.

Wiley is unrepentant, offering that splendid non-apology that he was not attacking Jews, he was attacking ‘slimy people.’ Right.

So here is the question, anti-racism warriors who either supported Wiley or stayed silent. Where the hell were you?

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NOW it is time for the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2020. Yes, people stopped going out from mid March, but fortunately the early months were in Award Season – Oscars, Grammys, Critics’ Choice, BAFTAs – and so we still have rich pickings from which to choose. Sixteen of them.  All you have to do is to study these clothing calamities and then to vote for as many or as few of them as you like. They are featured in alphabetical order (by first name), so there is no indication of WTF’s preferences or personal views. There is none of that Single Transferable Vote malarkey  here – you just vote for whomsoever you want, and for as many as you want, and as many times as you want, and then tell everyone you know to do the same.

The results will be in next week’s edition on 5 August. 

Brace yourselves. What follows is BAD, BAD, BAD. Off we go!

  1. Billy Porter, American Broadway star, wearing Hogan McLaughlin.

Billy has been appearing in dresses at Red Carpet events for a while now, some of them rather stunning, like the one he wore to the Oscars in 2019 by Christian Siriano. But this one looked like the back of a dining chair with a skirt, as you see at weddings, while Billy’s faux butterfly tattoos set WTF all of a flutter, and not in good way.

2. Cardi B, American rapper, wearing Nicholas Jibran.

Cardi B has always been open about having had her tits done, but then she could hardly have denied it, as normal tits do not look like a couple of oversized crème caramels. As for the dress, the bottom half was fine, although it was in truth a lot more than a half, given how small the top bit was. She must have bought up California’s entire supply of tit tape.

3. Celine Dion,  Canadian singer, wearing Prada.

Celine seems to employ the same tanning technician – and to use the same shade – as the Trumps. As for the outfit, she looked like a technicolour refuse collector. 

4. Edith Bowman, British radio DJ and presenter.

The über-frilly dress, like Queen Victoria’s nightie, was bad enough, but made infinitesimally worse by an inexplicable yellow belt and blue Marigold washing- up gloves. One word for Edith – hairbrush.

5. Gwyneth Paltrow, American actress and wellness guru, wearing Fendi and  (borrowed) Bulgari diamonds.

Peekaboo frills the colour of diseased animal droppings with a side order of buttock. And there was also the necklace worn UNDER the dress. At the time,  WTF wondered whether this was a precaution against the risk of her jewels being nicked by a dastardly jewel thief. If only someone had nicked the dress the night before and done everyone a favour.

6, Harry Styles, British singer and actor, wearing Gucci.

Harry, once a gormless lad in bad jeans on The X Factor, has become quite the fashionista, clad in head-to-toe Gucci. WTF could have lived with the trousers, but not the lacy-collared shirt and cashmere sweater worn with pearls, like the lovechild of Greta Garbo and Miss Marple. And white shoes on men are never acceptable. Fact.

7. Hunter Schafer, American model and actress, wearing Rick Owens.

 

When the hideous backdrop looks better than what you’re wearing, you have a problem. In this case, a yellow top that resembled an oversized gas mask and double-split genitalia curtains like a giant sanitary pad, worn with horses’ hooves.

8. Jon Hamm, American actor, wearing Tom Ford.

This is officially a pity. Jon is a handsome man, but even he was defeated by this snug-fitting, satin suit like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. Questions also had to be asked about the white sneakers and the grey poloneck. And the answer to both was ‘no’.

9. Jorja Smith, British singer, wearing Jean-Paul Gaultier.

The colours were great, and WTF quite enjoyed the matching Three Musketeer boots. But not the shadow of death around the minge and running down her inner thighs. Yurgle.

10. Lauren Goodger, British celebritee, wearing Oh Polly!

This is more a case of “Oh Dear!’. Those tits are deeply improbable and the last time that WTF saw lips like that, they were attached to a four-wheel drive. As for the onesie, there was more lace on Harry Styles’ shirt collar. Cheap and nasty. It is time for Lauren to go away and do something useful with her life.

11. Lizzo, American rapper and singer. 

There was probably a good reason why Lizzo stepped out in public looking a pantomime boy in an avante-garde production of The Sleeping Beauty set in a Spanx factory. It is just that WTF has no idea what it was. The hair and makeup, however, were tops.

12. Retta, American comedienne and singer.

WTF does not even know what this was supposed to be. But whatever it was supposed to be, it probably got Retta a bigger laugh than any of her punchlines. Unless her intention was to look like a raffia doll left out in the rain.

13. Richard Malone, Irish fashion designer, wearing himself.

Richard looked like a third rate bullfighter with a late growth spurt, and he needs to tailor his trousers better, because these suffered from elephant vagina syndrome. As for the platform boots, WTF had a pair of those in the 1970’s, only not nearly as ugly – or as high. They were from Sacha, long gone, and were so tight that they left indentations on your calves for hours after they had been taken off.

14. Ricky Rebel, American singer-songwriter and Trump toady.

What was it with raffia this year? That was not a top and the lace cloak was preposterous, but the penis peepholes were plain offensive. Just. Go. Away.

15. Shaun Ross, American model, wearing an outfit of his own design.

He appeared to be covered in Maltesers after the chocolate has been sucked off them. How did he sit down without extreme discomfort around his nether regions?

16. Tommy Dorfman, American actor, wearing Martin Margiela.

More male crotch. The outfit was fine as far as it went, save for the Pan Am air stewardess hat from the 1960s, and the ‘ickle candy clutch with thumb hole, which had nothing to do with the price of fish. But it did not go far enough, to whit a total absence of anything even vaguely resembling trousers, affording us a glimpse of his crotch. Further, blue lips are never a good idea on anyone because they make you look cyanotic.

OK Readers, now it is your turn to do the work. You have sixteen spew-making specimens to choose from. GET VOTING!!!!

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Lesley from Devon. who is appalled by Dr Stella Immanuel, who is madder than a box of frogs with mental issues.

Dr Immanuel was born in Cameroon, trained in Nigeria and practices medicine in Houston, Texas. She is also a preacher at the Divine Church of the Raving Mad, and espouses the view that female ailments are as a result with nighttime nookie with incubi. Yet President Trump retweeted her endorsement of using  hydroxychloroquine for treating coronavirus (she is a paediatrician, not an epidemiologist). When her unusual views were put to him, he declared both that he thought her impressive and her views important, and that he knew nothing about her. To be frank, BOTH of them Have Got To Go.

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments, and please don’t forget your sizzling suggestions for It’s Got To Go and for the celebrity fashion retrospective. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good, be careful and wash your hands. x

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2 Responses to WTF SUMMER STINKER POLL 2020

  1. quixote says:

    Oh my goodness. You’re not making it easy for us, are you? They’re all hideous.

    Except Lizzo. In some way I can’t quite put my finger on she just make me think of teddy bears.

    The rest? Lordy. Billy Porter, right from the start, a nightmare. But then, Cardi B. More or less of a nightmare? Hard to say.

    Celine Dion was a bit of a relief after that since she was merely peculiar, not avert-your-eyes gross.

    Lauren Goodger does give Cardi B. excessively strong competition. And then we sink to Ricky Rebel and Tommy Dorfman who go right back to vying for the Gross Championship.

    Having stood it for as long as I could, this was as close as I came to a decision:

    Tied for 1st place: Goodger, Rebel, Dorfman.

    Tied for 2nd: Cardi B. and Porter.

    3rd: everybody else gets Honourable Gross Mentions, except:

    4th: Edith Bowman, who looks like she can’t decide which costume to wear for the fancy dress party. Especially the bizarre shoulder-sprouted wing-buds.

  2. Sir William Nicholson says:

    Goodger.
    But why is Harry Styles dressed like the late Princess Diana?

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