WTF Spot the Rhino Special

Hallo Readers,

 

Until recently, President Trump thought that a Rino meant ‘Republican In Name Only’, an epithet he uses to describe any member of the GOP who has the temerity to disagree with him. But now the rhino (with an h) has taken on a new significance. Look at the three animals above. PRESIDENT TRUMP CAN NAME ALL OF THEM! ALL OF THEM! Yes, really. And not only can he do  that, but he can repeat back five words given to him, AND THEN DO IT AGAIN 10 MINUTES LATER!!! Yes, really. And there is more! When he repeated the words back the second time, his doctors were so astonished at his accomplishment, they told him ‘that was amazing, Sir’.   They were amazed because, ‘nobody gets it in order, it’s actually not that easy’.

But it is. It is not meant to to be hard. The purpose of these questions, known as the Montreal Cognitive Assessment Test, is to determine whether someone might be suffering from early Alzheimer’s or have had a stroke. But to hear Trump describe it, you would think that it is the test to become a Fellow of All Souls, Oxford, or the viva for a PhD. When interviewed last week by Fox News’ Chris Wallace (who, despite whom he works for, is actually a proper journalist), Trump bristled at the suggestion that the test was not actually ‘very hard’ and insisted that Wallace would not have done as well as he had, and would have been unable to answer the last five questions. These ask the subject to name the date, the year, the month,  the place and the city.  It would not be going out on a limb to suggest that Wallace, a Harvard graduate, probably would have found the correct replies – eventually. Trump is now demanding that his rival for the Presidency, Joe Biden, take the same test because, in his view, he (Biden) ‘does not know he’s alive’ and has ‘lost it’. Biden has yet to respond. Would he pass it? One hopes so.

Trump may be able to recognise a rhino, count backwards from 100, and  know that he is in Washington DC, but surely the role of President demands something more than being, as he described it, ‘cognitively there’?  Even if he is, which is a matter open to question. This is a man who talked about that well-known African country ‘Nambia’; who referred to rioting in ‘Mindianapolis’; who thought that Helsinki was in Russia; who called Tim Cook, the CEO of Apple, ‘Tim Apple’; and who described how the soldiers fighting the War of Independence ‘manned the airports’. In 1776. This is a man who can barely read from a teleprompter, who refuses to read any brief longer than a couple of pages, if he reads it at all, which he often does not,  and who spends 8-10 hours a day watching Fox News or tweeting. Stephen Hawking, he is not. He is lazy, ignorant, and lacking in any intellectual curiosity.  He regularly puffs books on Twitter but it is wholly unlikely that he has ever read one, at least not all the way though. Even if it is about him.

America is being ravaged by COVID, racism and a struggling economy. The next President needs to have more about him than the ability to recognise wild animals. He needs to be more interested in running the country than in boasting about his intellectual acuity. And Donald Trump is not that man.

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Next week will bring you the legendary WTF Summer Stinker Poll. Despite a short timespan of people going out and about in 2020 before the plague confined us all indoors, WTF can guarantee you an absolutely ghastly selection.

This week’s retrospective of weird wear features sportsmen and sportswomen but excluding footballers, whom we have already featured a few weeks back. We start in December 2012 with Olympic silver medal-winning gymnast, Louis Smith, clad in Vivienne Westwood Man.

Louis is a good-looking man but this suit was a dud. The jacket was too short, the crotch was not so much dropped as collapsed, and the trewsies were too long. Plus his bow-tie was more crooked than the Soprano family. He looked like a member of the Nation of Islam.

In May 2014, Olympic gold medallist snowboarder Jamie Anderson went to the White House Correspondents’ Dinner wearing this. Do not adjust your eyeballs,

It is possible that there is a more unflattering dress somewhere out there in the world. Luckily, WTF has been blessed enough never to have seen it. It was unfinished around the tits  and it had a minge waterfall. The whole effect was of skin peeling after too long in the sunshine.

 In August 2014, Rory McIlroy showed off his US Masters trophy at Manchester United’s home ground, Old Trafford.

What the hell was that suit? To call it putrid is to be kind. Even legendary racing pundit and TV personality, the late John McCririck, would have thought that pattern was too over-the-top. And red socks? 

We are now in August 2016 with our Olympic British women’s cycling team, namely Katie Archibald, Joanna Rowsell-Shand, Elinor Barker and Laura Trott wearing their Stella McCartney-designed cycling gear. 

Why have they got codpieces???? Was Stella inspired by Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange?

In June 2017, boxer Chris Eubank went to Ascot. Scroll down slowly.,…

What nonsense was this? He looked like the love-child of Fred Astaire and a Victorian coachman, and he appeared to have stuffed the entire contents of his sock drawer into his very snug jeans.

September 2017 saw golfer Rickie Fowler at the Kentucky Derby looking very remarkable.

This might just have fallen into the category of novelty clothing, with the jacket decorated with little horsies, but the preponderance of vomit green, worn with a pink, blue, and white jacket, was like an explosion of sweeties in their wrappers.

October 2017 saw British tennis player Heather Watson at the premiere of the tennis movie Battle of the Sexes. She was almost wearing Amanda Wakeley.

How do I hate this? Let me count the ways….. strap marks, arse-cheeks, hideous shoes, and her designer label peeking out.

In March 2018, Olympic gold medallist skater Adam Rippon popped up at the Oscars wearing Moschino.

WTF likes Adam, who as an openly gay man refused to hob-nob with the obsequious, homophobic Vice President Mike Pence. But even that principled stand cannot make her forgive him for having gone out in public looking like the Gimp from Pulp Fiction.

We are now at the ESPYS, the American sports awards, in July 2018  with American footballer Jalen Mills.

A three piece suit without a shirt, not even of any kind, just looked ridiculous, especially when worn with matchy-matchy sneakers, a heavy gold chain, and what appeared to be a dead frog on his head. The colours were like an exotic bird.

The same event also gave us basketball player JaVale McGee wearing Gucci.

The suit was silly, like a floral meadow at night,  and his trousers were engaged  in a stand-up row with his sockless ankles. As for the bag, WTF wholly concurs with the tweet posted at the time from a JaVale fan observing, ‘I get that it’s Gucci or whatever but do you really gotta put that shit on your waist n all, u could’ve just left it in the car or some shit. That’s why they got Pockets for that stuff’. Seconded.

And another one from the ESPYS that year, Olympic gold medallist skier Lindsey Vonn (an ex of Tiger Woods), wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello.


To be fair, this is a lot less mingy than Michael’s usual offerings, i.e. it is at least covered up. If a pair of shiny pantyhose went to a fancy dress party as Batman, this is what is what it would look like.

And finally, we are in April 2019 with former American footballers Vince Wilfork (left) and DeAngelo Williams.   

Vince is dressed  like a Keralan fisherman with a sense of humour, whilst De Angelo resembles an extra from Strictly Come Dancing.

 

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This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from WTF aficionado Sam, who felt compelled to send in a picture of these foul denim shorts, which were brought to HER attention by her friend Harriet.

As Sam observes, these are shorts with a zip over the arse crack. They are as ugly  as sin and they probably leave horrible marks on your bum. Sam is right. They’ve Got To Go

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your comments, and please don’t forget your sizzling suggestions for It’s Got To Go and for the celebrity fashion retrospective. Let us meet again next Friday for the WTF Summer Stinker Poll 2020. Be good, be careful and wash your hands. x

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

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2 Responses to WTF Spot the Rhino Special

  1. Joyce says:

    Love Fridays waiting for the WTF blog – always top quality but you excelled yourself today – absolutely brilliant! Can’t wait for next week’s Summer Stinker!

  2. quixote says:

    Well, I did like the bird. Meaning the quetzal.

    What worries me is that you must have to look at a lot more than just these photos to pick out the monstrosities. How do you stand it? Share tips if you can. In these days of being confronted with Trump’s hideousness every minute, we need all the help we can get!

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