Which of you can honestly say that you did not enjoy the footage of squeaky-voiced Ivanka Trump getting iced out at a G20 Reception in Osaka by an imperious, irritated, Christine Lagarde, Head of the International Monetary Fund? Nepotism Barbie had barged into a discussion between Lagarde, Mrs Maybe, President Macron and Prime Minister Trudeau, whereupon she made asinine and irrelevant remarks whilst waving her hands about and smiling in a way winning only to her pervy old dad. It was as if Barron Trump, her 13 year old half-brother, had attempted to interrupt a conversation between Stephen Hawking and Noam Chomsky. With one eye roll, Lagarde made it clear that Barbie’s aperçus were about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. And with good reason, because what on earth was she even doing there?
Barbie is a Special Adviser to the President, aka Daddy. Prior to his election, she displayed no notable interest in politics, and had devoted herself to running her business flogging tat made in Asian sweatshops, and involving herself in various Trump enterprises and charitable foundations that are now attracting the attention of the District Attorney for the Southern District of New York. Now she accompanies Daddy everywhere, a veritable Zelig on every major occasion. G20, she is there. Meeting the Pope, she is there. A State Banquet at Buckingham Palace, she is there. Crossing the DMZ into North Korea, she is there. Popping up on a White House video to talk about trade talks with President Xi, she is there. The woman of whom her father said ‘If she weren’t my daughter, I would be dating her’ and who allegedly asked ‘is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?’ (answer – yes), is clearly being groomed to be President in 2024. Never mind that she knows nothing about anything. Neither did Daddy, and now he’s in the White House.
Barbie does not get a salary because that would be contrary to the nepotism laws. But she is getting learn-as-you-don’t-earn experience. And her share of the Trump businesses grows exponentially, particularly the Trump Hotel in DC, where it is now mandatory to book a suite if you want to do business with the US Government. She and her equally dumb, entitled, husband, Jared Kushner, are hardly struggling – last year, they declared an income of $165 million. Clearly Daddy thinks she could do any job. In his view, she could have run the World Bank because she is ‘good with figures’. She would have been brilliant as UN Ambassador because ‘she is a natural diplomat’. It is a surprise that she has not been asked to Head up the Pentagon. The only good part of all this is that oleaginous, God-bothering, homophobic, Mike Pence, a man who has spent the last 30 months gazing at Trump with the devotion of a puppy given an extra doggie treat, could be denied his accession to the top job. But even that is scant consolation for the sight of Barbie playing the lovechild of Henry Kissinger and Mother Theresa. This is how far the United States has fallen. For shame.
We start our review of the week’s fashion flotsam with WTF’s avatar, singer Ashanti, wearing Minge Maestro Michael Costello at the launch of her own collection for Pretty Little Thing.
Beyoncé goes trashy. There is a large helping of tit and, to be frank, that cross-strap holding them is not up to the job, like a sprat to catch a bucketful of mackerel.
Next up, we have young actor Dacre Montgomery at the Netflix premiere of Stranger Things, wearing his jim jam jacket.
WTF is partial to a pyjama jacket, but even she has her limits, and this has motored way past them on the road to infinity. He looks like a cut-price version of Hugh Hefner.
À propos of not much, in this picture the late lamented HH looks amazingly like Joe E. Brown in Some Like It Hot.
And now we are off to Paris Fashion Week, where nonsense poured forth, starting with singer Zendaya Coleman wearing Dior.
We have not seen trousers over tights since the halcyon days of Princess Diana, and Zendaya’s trewsies look more like jodhpurs. But WTF’s chief disapprobation is reserved for the shrunken evening shirt, which is, on any view, a ridiculous garment, making her look like a perky penguin who did her washing at too high a temperature.
Nick’s brother Joe is competing with him as to which one of them can be the most irritating Jonas Brother, Joe having married GOT’s Sophie Turner a few months ago, and again this week in Paris. So Nick has been forced to up his game and bounced along the boulevard dressed as a floral-bedecked plumber in army boots. His spouse looks elegant in bottle green, albeit with very pointy tits.
Here is actress Riley Keogh, Elvis Presley’s granddaughter, wearing Louis Vuitton.
If anyone knows what this is, and why it is so dog-ugly (sorry, canines), please post the answer in the comments section below.
And now a rare honour, last bestowed many years ago on Rita Ora – a double feature in one blog! Step forward, diva Celine Dion,. First, we find her wearing Off White.
Do not adjust your eyeballs. Celine is wearing a swimsuit, worn with a matching jacket designed for someone bigger and broader. It is as if Peter Dinklage raided Vin Diesel’s wardrobe. And that is not even the worst of it. Why is she not wearing anything over her nether regions?
And here is Celine again, this time wearing Attico, mom jeans and fluffy mules.
If Martha Monster went to a fancy dress party dressed as a creosoted twiglet en route to a Freemasons’ lodge night, this is what she would look like.
Finally, this is just horribly, horribly, horrible. Make sure you have a receptacle handy and the number of a mental health professional on speed dial. Ready? You won’t be. This is Geordie Shore strumpet Chloe Ferry ‘wearing’ a ‘swimsuit’ by Oh Polly.
WARNING!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!
Batle-hardened as she may be, on first seeing this photo WTF emitted a squawk like Polly the Parrot on steroids. Chloe has tits like a couple of cannonballs and more minge on display than a Bangkok sex club. Yurgle.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF from Islington, who is in great indignation at the sudden infestation of London streets by tossers on electric scooters. Do they even know how preposterous they look?
Grown men and women should not be scooting about on scooters, period, and certainly not on public thoroughfares. They’re a hazard and they are really, really, annoying. Ditto silly people on skateboards. Go to the park if you want to ponce about on kiddie transport. It’s Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Please send in your comments, as they have been sparse of late and you know how WTF frets when she is denied sight of signs of life out there. And don’t forget your utterly splendid suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good. x