wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers

It is true that any conclusion in the Mueller Report short of condemning Trump to spend the rest of his life in Sing-Sing, preferably suspended by his testicles, would have been a profound disappointment to many, WTF included. So initially, she experienced feelings of deep dissatisfaction when Attorney-General Bill Barr, a man wedged so far up Trump’s arse that he is applying for permanent residence, ‘summarised’  the report into collusion and obstruction by Trump and his election campaign, a report two years in the making. According to Barr, you would have thought that Trump was Mother Teresa and St Francis of Assisi rolled into one portly orange parcel. No collusion! No obstruction! Witch-hunt! Presidential Harassment! 

Unsurprisingly, the actual report, albeit redacted by Barr with his trusty colour-coded  sharpies, turned out to be rather more critical than we had been led to expect. Yes, there was no conspiracy between the campaign and the Russians so as to justify criminal charges, but Trump knew he would benefit from Russian interference on his behalf, and encouraged it, and that his written answers to questions posed to him, and the evidence of some of the witnesses, were somewhat unsatisfactory. Equally, despite Barr’s earlier assurances that Mueller had been unable to conclude that there was no evidence of obstruction, Mueller found that Trump did his best to obstruct the investigation, (he gives eleven instances), including encouraging people not to co-operate, and urging White House Counsel Don McGhan to get the Deputy Attorney-General to sack Mueller (and then instructing him to deny that he had told him). His attempts at orchestrating obstruction were largely  thwarted because his subordinates ignored his instructions. everyone, including Trump and his Press Secretary, told blatant lies. The policy of the Justice Department was not to prosecute a sitting President, which puts a different complexion on Mueller’s task. Mueller says in terms that had there been evidence exonerating the President the report would have adduced it. But there was no such evidence. That is not total and complete exoneration – it is the opposite.

So here’s the thing. The Attorney-General, a man whose sworn duty is to protect the Constitution of the United States, lied about the report’s conclusions a fortnight ago and lied again yesterday morning, conveniently holding a press conference before the report was actually published. He sees it as his duty to shore up the pile of putrid corruption that is the sitting President, rather than to enforce justice.  The Republican Party is intent upon shoring up the pile of putrid corruption that is the sitting President, rather than to enforce justice. Fox News sees it as its duty to shore up the pile of putrid corruption that is the sitting President, period. And so it is that a liar, a cheat, a fraud, a man devoid of morality, decency, or shame, continues in office and may well win a second term. In just over two short years, Trump and his enablers have succeeded in perverting and undermining truth so that it has ceased to have any relevance to a large number of his fellow citizens and to the party which he heads. Winning is all that matters. Stopping abortion, cutting taxes, attacking immigrants, preserving gun laws, keeping  control of the Senate – who cares how it is achieved? It is enough to make you turn your face to the wall and weep.

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We begin our review of the week’s fashion flotsam with ghastly First Daughter Ivanka Trump, wearing Alex Perry on a state visit to Abidjan. Senators Chris Coons (D) and Arselicker-Supreme Lindsey Graham (R) are on either side of her ridiculous cape.

Bloody hell. Apart from the fact that it is hugely inappropriate for a State Dinner, there is the small matter of Ivanka resembling Superman in something tight and titsy in a most unpleasant shade of vaginal pink. Kudos to WTF aficionado Trevor from Truro who pointed out that Ivanka was a dead ringer for the Girl in the White House from Tim Burton’s Mars Attack.

Next, we have actress Lucy Boynton wearing Marc Jacobs.

Lucy looks very fluffy and flouncy, like a Christmas Tree Fairy in a nightgown and matching choirboy’s ruff. 

Next to a reception in the Whitney Museum in Manhattan and actress Diane Kruger, wearing Michael Kors.

Diane has legs to die for, but this outfit is just silly, tiny shorts under a jacket last worn by the Big Bad Wolf in a dramatisation of The Three Little Pigs and a shirt with a collar the size of a pair of garden shears.

We are in Paris at the première of Gloria Bell with Julianne Moore, wearing Valentino.

Julianne is wearing a mattress topper. With bare legs and bootees. It is just terribly, terribly terrible and white is SO not her colour.

And now are at Coachella, the wanky poseurs’ music festival in Indio, California, where celebrities pose wankily in wanky clothing. Like singer Billie Eilish here wearing Vuitton, looking wanky.

Indio is in the desert and IT IS HOT. So why is Billie wearing furry trousers like Grover from Sesame Street and a heavy LV jerkin?

Next up actress Amandla Stenberg wearing Levi’s.

She looks like she is having a good time, but then she doesn’t have to gaze at a column of denim off-cuts masquerading as a top. We do.

And finally from Coachella, the husband and wife combo of actor Evan Ross and singer Ashlee Simpson.  Ashlee is wearing Zimmerman.

Ashlee looks fine, which is more than be said for her spouse, who is wearing some preposterous long-jacket-and-cropped-trousers-thingy, showcasing spindly shins and huge trainers. He looks like Magwitch from Great Expectations.

To London and the premiere of the movie Once Upon a Time in London where we encounter The Voice singer Kalon Rae. Who knows what he is wearing?

Kalon has come dressed as Boy George dressed as Mother Goose. Every item of clothing is hideous, made more hideous  at being worn together.

Brace yourselves! Real horror lurks in the horrible form of TV nutritionist Gillian McKeith and her daughter, Afton McKeith.

The Crowns are an argment for regicide. Acton is only 19 so perhaps she could hide behind her mother’s skirts on this one. The problem is that her mother is not wearing a skirt, not even of any kind, and is instead flashing her thighs under a fishing net tied around her waist with a minimum of effective coverage. And what the fuck are those boots, like a couple of fat purple ferrets?

This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from Tim Brannigan, via WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh, who highlighted this ridiculous new concept – the shirt-stay from a firm called Sharp & Dapper. Should you be raving mad, you can buy it for £20.

Kill me now. No one is suggesting that men should wear the body brought to you decades ago by Donna Karan to avoid shirt-spilth, but who would want to go to these lengths just to avoid it? And imagine stripping off for a moment of passion and revealing yourself to be trussed up like an Easter turkey?  No, sorry. It’s Got To Go.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Have a wonderful Easter and/orPassover and/or break. WTF is going to do the same in sunny Cornwall because there are short pickings over the holiday period, but she will be back on 26 April. Keep sending your splendid comments as well as your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again in a fortnight. Be good. x