Yes, it is that time of the year again. I mean, the time to vote for the WTF Christmas Turkey 2018 (it went quickly, didn’t it?). This year, after six years of men and women vying for the much-coveted prize, this is an all-male line-up, such is the shockingness of their apparel this year. Men’s fashion has gone totally batshit crazy. Their trousers are not on speaking terms with their ankles. Their jackets are not covering their bums. Their jackets are sometimes worn without shirts or teeshirts, not even of any kind. Their brogues are sans socks. Here are twenty examples of male madness for you to choose from. Remember that you can vote for as many people as you like, and as often as you like – none of that single transferable vote stuff here, just good old fashion ticks in the appropriate box or boxes. The guys here appear in first name alphabetical order which absolutely denotes no preference on WTF’s part.
It remains to wish you all a very Happy Christmas, a Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays generally. WTF will be back, tanned and rested, on 11 January 2019.
So – to business. Here is your selection of twenty fashion faux-pas. Off you go!
1. ASAP Rocky, rapper.
Rocky is usually very dapper, and is the face of Dior Homme. But here he is in Gucci, looking like a cross between HRH Princess Margaret and Noël Coward. Extra minus points for the ridiculous fur-lined slippers.
2. Billy Porter, entertainer.
Several months have passed since Billy appeared in the weekly blog, a prat in a hat, but WTF’s opinion has not changed. Billy is wearing a used condom as a coat. And strangely, that is not even the worst part of it, because that top is truly unforgivable.
3. David Potts, celebritee.
The suit is heinous, and he needs to take several sizes up and lose the tie. Or keep the tie and lose the suit. Or, preferably, both. The same goes for the pose which makes him look like a little boy at his first ballet class.
4. Gareth Gates, singer, (seen here with fiancée Faye Brookes).
Is crushed velvet a thing again? And even if it is, this is the colour of a sick person’s poo, and is a perfect example of a too-short jacket and too-short trousers, and is also very tight over the unmentionables.
5. Harry Styles, singer.
Like crushed velvet, flares seem to be back, but these trousers are not so much flares as a couple of inverted Laura Ashley lampshades.
6. Jalen Mills, American footballer.
Just because he has a tattooed chest does not mean that it can be worn in substitution for a shirt. The watch and the neck chain must weigh about the same as a whole room in Fort Knox, and there is no excuse for having a frog perched on your head.
7. Jared Leto, actor.
Ah Jared! Bless him! As WTF remarked at the time, this is Game of Thrones meets American Pie.
8. JaVale McGee, basketball player.
WTF cannot improve on the tweet from a JaVale fan at the time, observing, ‘I get that it’s Gucci or whatever, but do you really gotta put that shit on your waist ‘n all, u could’ve just left it in the car or some shit. That’s why they got Pockets for that stuff.’ Indeed.
9. Jonathan van Ness, TV fashion guru.
It isn’t that he is wearing a skirt. It is actually rather a nice skirt. It is the sheer top, the visible shorts, and the Angelina Jolie Oscars pose. Yurgle.
10. Julian Schnabel, artist and film director.
Yes, he is a famous artist and film director, but facts are facts, and it is a fact that he is wearing his pyjamas on the Cannes Red Carpet. He may have a blazer over it with toning buttons, but they are still pyjamas. End of.
11. Kanye West, rapper, seen with wife Kim Kardashian.
It takes a lot of effort to look worse than Kim, but Kanye manages it effortlessly. The suit may be Vuitton, but he seems to have slept in it, there is chest instead of shirt, and he is wearing slides from his label Yeezy WITH GREY SOCKS.
12. Laurence Fishburne, actor.
WTF aficionado Philippa Charles asked “are those trousers on L Fishburne or did he have to do some crafty work with a tablecloth after an unfortunate spillage/splittage???“ And frankly, there can be no other explanation.
13. Lewis Hamilton, racing driver.
Lewis specialises in looking like a pillock, and this is pillock plus. Having dissed his little nephew for wearing a skirt, and being covered in obloquy as a result, (including bolting out of nowhere to win last year’s WTF Christmas Turkey), Lewis thought he would make amends by appearing in this Tommy Hilfiger-designed kilt. The question is, what is he going to wear next year to make amends to the Scots for this year?
14. Nick Cannon, singer and TV talent-show judge.
On the plus side, it is very colourful. On the minus side, it is seriously terrible, and that includes the headscarf and sunglasses.
15. Nico Tortorella, actor.
Since when did fashion consist of a string vest, pyjama bottoms, a kimono with writing on it, and a hat last seen on Michael Crawford in Some Mothers Do ‘Ave Them? Oooooh, Betty.
16. Patrick Starr, makeup artist.
If a giant orange Gerbera Daisy went to a fancy dress party as Carmen Miranda, this is what it would look like.
17. Pedro Capó singer.
This suit, like a cloth backgammon board, is capable of causing severe retinal damage and constitutes a veritable health hazard. And he isn’t wearing socks.
18. Robert Pattinson, actor.
It is all going so well until the kneecaps and then it all goes horribly wrong, an overgrown schoolboy with skinny little legs and a farouche expression.
19. Thom Yorke, singer.
The suit is like the dark blue section of the Dulux colour chart and is made much, much, worse by those slides. Gentlemen – please remember that if you show your toes, you need to get a pedicure first. Thank you.
20. Tommy Dorfman, actor.
This is designed by Thom Browne, the man who gave us the shorts suit. Ironically, this is the time when a pair of shorts would have been very welcome, as the whole thing is very Britney Spears singing ‘Whoops, I Did It Again’.
OK readers, get voting!!!! See you on 11 January. Love and kisses to you all.