OK, so I won the Senate and I lost the House of Representatives but look over here – I am going to give a 90 minute press conference! OK, so my press conference was a total disaster when I came over as mean, petty, petulant, and unhinged, but look over there – that mouthy little bastard from Fake News CNN, Jim Acosta, assaulted one of my interns so I am going to ban him from the White House, like forever, because he is a rude, nasty man! OK, so I am getting flack for banning Jim Acosta and faking a video of him assaulting my intern, but hey look over yonder – I sacked my Attorney-General and have put my pal in charge of the Justice Department, so if Mueller thinks he is going to put Don Jr in jail and get my tax returns he’s got another thing coming. Trump always has another distraction up his sleeve, each one sleazier and more repugnant than the one before. He is like a reverse pole-vaulter – each time you think he can sink no lower, he does. And will keep on doing so.
The week has been dispiriting as well as cheering. The hate-mongering, rabble-rousing, mendacity that passes for Presidential behaviour worked – it kept the moronic base happy and they (mostly) supported his candidates in the Senate race. This gave him the Senate, which means he will be able to appoint more God-fearing, conservative judges when the older ones topple over, and approve any crackpot appointments for new cabinet positions. Millions of ordinary people drank the bile as if it were nectar, overlooked the lies and were buoyed by the blatant racism. Like the good Christians they pretend to be, they Believe. They believe they are at imminent risk from marauding hordes of Guatemalans and Hondurans. They believe a black woman Yale Law School Graduate who led the opposition in the Georgia Senate for five years is ‘unqualified’ to be a Governor. They believe a black male who has been Mayor of his town and was running for Governor of Florida and reduced its crime rate is ‘a stone-cold thief.’ They believe that Republicans are dedicated to preserving pre-existing conditions for their healthcare even though those self-same Republicand have repeatedly voted against it. They believe that an enquiry into Russian dodginess is a ‘hoax’ even though it has already produced 23 indictments but they also believe that Hillary ran a paedophile ring from the basement of a pizza parlour in Washington DC, which did not even have a basement. They probably believe that Melania Trump loves her husband. Credo quia impossible est. People actually bought this stuff. Bigly.
And so WTF is dispirited. Because this lying lump of orange lard, a man without a single redeeming feature, continues to be the subject of adulation and admiration. Because in the absence of a credible Democratic candidate, he will probably win a second term. Because in a land that rams its democratic (small d) credentials down the world’s throat, voters have to stand in line for hours to vote, and if they are African American in some States, when they get to the front of the queue they will be turned away because there is an apostrophe in the wrong place on their driving licence, or they are not on the roll or, if they ever get in front of the voting machine, it will register a Republican vote whoever the hell it is they think they’re voting for. Because, sadly, shits continue to prosper. So WTF is not dancing with joy this weekend. And will not be dancing until one particular shit is disgraced, unseated and in jail……
We start the week’s review of clothing cock-ups at the LACMA Art + Film party and rapper ASAP Rocky, wearing Gucci.
Well this is surprising – Princess Anne meets Noel Coward, rapper style. The dressing gown would be nice – as a dressing gown. And clock the fur-lined mules.
Also there was singer Andra Day wearing Gucci.
Andra is still in her nighty, having overslept. This is why WTF hates satin – it creases, it clings, it crumples.
This is the Women in Hollywood event and actress and singer Shailene Woodley wearing Ralph and Russo.
Shailene’s look is inspired by Ruby Keeler, the 40’s tap-dancing sensation.
However, that Ruby Keeler look is not working on Shailene, however fabulous her legs, as no one could look good in tin foil short-shorts which must chafe like hell and prompt a beastie yeastie….
To the MTV EMAs in Bilbao, where we meet the night’s host, actress and singer Hailee Steinfeld, wearing Armani Privé.
More fabuous legs in a very unfabulous outfit, a cross between a mutant butterfly and an outsized silvery minge. WTF likes this even less than the Armani Privé blue version worn by Nicole Kidman at the Oscars earlier this year.
Meet Spanish singer Rosalia, wearing who can even say what this is?
If a frilly loo-roll holder went to a fancy dress party dressed as a bullfighter, this is what it would look like.
Here is singer Halsey, also wearing Raisa and Vanessa.
The rear view is worse. Much worse……
Halsey is wearing a giant incontinence pad under a diamanté-decorated net curtain. It is very bad. Very bad indeed.
Look, it is sweet that they are colour-coordinated and all that, and they seem very devoted, but love can only take you so far and it certainly does not afford you any protection against looking like a spangly circus ringmaster whose trousers have shrunk in the wash.
Finally, we have the ‘star’ of Geordie Shore Chloe Ferry, wearing Ladore by Laura.
No. NO. Enough already. Quite apart from the horrible mermaid hair, the black eyes, as if fresh from a bout with Tatiana Ali, and lips more rubbery that a bee-stung Mick Jagger, that thing she is wearing makes her look like Eve in a wintry Garden of Eden with an icy minge, Frozen remade and starring Stormy Daniels.
This week’s It’s Got to Go comes from WTF aficionado WTF, supported by WTF aficionado Yvonne from Jedburgh, who agrees with WTF’s view that the three most fearsome words in the English language, even worse than ‘replacement bus service,’ are Women for Trump. Like this one, here.
They all look the same. Long hair, usually blonde. Masses of makeup. A face more plastic than a wallet full of credit cards. A hint of cleavage. And a rictus smile, as they extol the virtues of the Orange One. They appear to be in inexhaustible supply and most of them end up on Newsnight, where they tell masses of lies whilst gurning and grinning like a Halloween Ghoulie. They’ve All Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. WTF enjoyed your comments last week and hopes to carry on enjoying them this week. And don’t forget your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good.