wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers, 

A few weeks ago, British Airways dismissed Sid Ouared, 26, after only two weeks in his job because he had a man bun. Sid, who is young enough to get away with a mun, was told that ‘he looked like a girl’ and was given the choice of wearing a turban (he is not Sikh), wearing his hair in dreadlocks (he is not Rastafarian), or getting the sack. He opted for the third and is now unemployed, doubtless consulting M’Learned Friends about an action for sex discrimination.

BA was very concerned that a male staff member might look like a girl. It should be more concerned about its CEO looking like an overpaid pillock, although, to be frank, hairy-faced Alex Crux would have to improve about 10,000 per cent just to aspire to pillock. Ever since he took over ‘The World’s Favourite Airline’ in 2016, having previously run the cut-price, crap, Spanish airline called Vueling, it has been one cock-up after another. Last year, the computer packed up on the second May Bank Holiday weekend. One thousand flights were cancelled and passengers were left stranded around the world, sleeping on the floor in departure lounges for several days, their luggage AWOL, or forced to abandon their sunny holidays and trudge back home to watch the umpteenth repeat of The Sound of Music on the telly. This year, the website was hacked (it took a whole fortnight before anyone noticed) and the data of 380,000 passengers (WTF’s included) was appropriated, including such insignificant matters as our names, addresses, credit card information (including the pin numbers) and bank account details. As it did last year, BA apologised profusely but has failed to accept any actual blame whilst Cruz remains in his preposterously well-paid job (he pocketed £1.36m in 2017) and will carry on wrecking BA with all the enthusiasm of a wrecking ball on steroids. Already under his tenure, he has abolished free food on flights in Economy lasting less five hours, instead flogging overpriced Marks & Spencer sandwiches and charging £3 50 for a paper cup of pre-brewed coffee, smelling of old socks. He has narrowed the legroom between seats in short-haul Economy to twenty-nine inches, less than on Ryanair, and has also removed reclining seats in short-haul Economy, presumably for the same reason. Customers are treated with open contempt by ground crew and cabin crew. You would have a more luxurious ride on the 253 bus to Tottenham Court Road. But hey! Who cares? Cruz certainly doesn’t. Shave a few quid off here, cut a corner there. So what if customers’ knees are embedded in the seat-back like a Tom and Jerry cartoon? So what if they can’t move their elbows without committing an act of grievous bodily harm on their neighbouring customers? So what if they are in London and their luggage is in Lagos? So what if someone is busily dipping into our bank account because BA could not keep its website safe? So what if customers have spent the last three days sitting on a phone line trying to get through to BA or to our Banks or our Credit Card issuers; at least it is not on the premium phone line BA set up last year after the May Bank holiday fiasco. And you know what, Readers? BA is going to get a massive fine for breaching its data protection obligations, and will have to pay millions more in compensation to those affected, and will probably lose a lot of customers who will switch to other airlines. But do you think Cruz will forgo his massive pay cheque and bonuses? Of course not. Do you think he is ashamed of his rubbish airline, his awful service, his uncomfortable seats and his ill-functioning  IT? Cruz does not do shame. Shame is so last century….

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We start our sartorial review with Tony award-winning actress Cynthia Erivo at the Toronto Film Festival, wearing Stella Macartney.

This is one ugly dress, sort of Caspar the Friendly Ghost takes clerical orders, and is yet further evidence, not that evidence were necessary, that Stella is taking the piss – bigly.

And here we are at the Creative Arts Emmys and Jonathan van Ness from Queer Eye, wearing Margiela.

Jonathan tweeted ‘We absolutely came to slay this lewk & fuck a gender norm, biggest congrats to the @queereye family on our wins!’, WTF is not bothered by gender norms, but she is bothered by a see-through top, a black shawl last seen on the King of Spain’s granny, but here worn as a skirt, and that ridiculous pose made infamous by Amgelina Jolie – and it looked stupid on her as well. 

And now nonsense of the highest level at New York Fashion Week, starting with actress Gwendoline Christie (aka Brienne of Tarth in Game of Thrones), wearing Calvin Klein.

We have seen a few chaps in pyjamas recently, like the ridiculous Julian Schnabel on the Red Carpet in Venice last week. Now we have Gwendoline with hair like a poodle in her jim-jams, and her feet forced into extremely unfortunate sandals showcasing some strange-looking toes and no pedicure.

Next, we have pregnant model Slick Woods wearing Nina Ricci.

Slick is wearing a feather duster with matching mules. Does she rub herself up against the furniture to get it nice and shiny? 

Actor Ansel Elgort wearing Prada Linea Rossa.

Ansel’s outfit is clearly inspired by The Golden Girls, the TV sitcom where four, ahem, mature ladies retire to Miami. He looks mortified, and he is not wrong.

This is  a person called GloeNYC who manufactures the ‘the only bra and leg harness”, $200. The blinkers could be yours for only $80.

Why? That is the question. WHY? Why is a woman going about in a Swarovski -studded bra and leg harness? Fugaichi Pegasus was the world’s most expensive racehorse ever and even he didn’t have a Swarovski harness – or BOSS blinkers.

The Marc Jacobs show featured Nicki Minaj wearing one of his creations.

If Little Bo Peep went to a fancy dress party as pair of curtains with tits, this is what she would look like.

We call into the Harper’s Icons party hosted by Carine Roitfeld, where well known women looked really stupid. First up is singer Christina Aguilera, wearing Andreas Kronthaler for Vivienne Westwood.

This is Christina looking like a white Silkie chicken with red lippie and matching pumps (Christina, not the chicken).

And this is actress Victoria Justice wearing Paolo Sebastian.

This is the quintessence of Tacky McTacky from Tackyville. Paolo Sebastien should be tarred and feathered, whilst Victoria has been glued and fringed like a sleazy showgirl. The groin garland is greatly to be deplored. And she’s moulting…

Finally, here is model Bella Hadid wearing Mugler.

Whatever this is, it isn’t clothes, it is a flesh-coloured Minge Moment. She looks like a dance student who has forgotten her tutu and those tits are making the most determined bid for freedom since Clint Eastwood escaped from Alcatraz.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x