wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

There have been some major miscarriages of justice – the Guildford Four, the Birmingham Six, Stefan Kiszko. The conviction and incarceration of Stephen Christopher Yaxley-Lennon, aka Tommy Robinson, is not one of them. Yet Robinson’s latest spell inside has prompted an international outcry. Half a million morons have signed a petition to free this Prisoner of Zenda and Nelson Mandela all rolled into one, a champion of free speech festering in a fetid dungeon for daring to expose a cover-up. The truth, however, is somewhat less inspiring.

Mr Valiant-for-Truth is a racist scumbag who used to head up the English Defence League, a bunch of far-right nationalist thugs. Robinson, who owns a sunbed shop in Luton, first went to prison for beating up an off-duty policeman who had intervened in a public row our hero was having with his girlfriend. Since then, he has been in and out of jail like a fiddler’s elbow for public order offences, assaults various, using a fake passport and mortgage fraud.  In between his sojourns at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, Robinson has denounced immigration and Islam, never happier than when someone Islamic mows down white people or stabs a copper so that he can appear at the scene and preach hate. Last year he was given a suspended sentence after recording Muslim men on trial for child sex offences in Canterbury Crown Court, conduct which could have prejudiced their trial. This year, he turned up at Leeds Crown Court where another alleged child grooming trial of a group of Muslim men was taking place. Robinson stood on the court steps, live-streaming and shouting loudly about Muslim paedophiles, despite the trial judge having imposed an order restricting any reporting during the proceedings. Robinson was sentenced to 13 months (the original ten months from last year, and another three for breaching his suspended sentence) and is now back inside.

A fecal stream of inaccuracy was released into the Twittersphere. #FreeTommy warriors are untroubled by, and ignorant of, both the law and the facts. It is said he was denied a trial by jury, although the offence of contempt of court is triable by the judge, not a jury. It is said he was denied a lawyer, although he had a very experienced barrister. It is said that he was only given a ‘prosecution lawyer’;  WTF does not even know what one of those is, but it is bollocks. It is said he was coerced into pleading guilty, except he was not. It is said he was exposing the secrecy with which perverts are dealt with by our oh-so politically-correct society, except that the case is still ongoing, in a public court, where a jury is hearing the facts and will decide innocence or guilt; the effect of the order is that no one can report anything until the end of the proceedings to avoid prejudicing a fair trial, not that everyone is forever silenced. 

Nevertheless, everyone is now a Professor of Jurisprudence, including dimwits from Dunstable and Duluth whose combined knowledge of the English legal system could be written on a badger’s left buttock. But of course, this is not about freedom of speech. This is about Islamophobia. Do you suppose that Mr Valiant-for-Truth would have been hanging about a court where white men were accused of these offences? Or that Dave from Dudley or Les from Little Rock would have been campaigning for the Bedfordshire Arkady Babchenko? Tommy is a poster boy for bigots, Islamophobes and nationalists. The same people who claim to honour the Flag and who voted Brexit to regain control of our courts do not care about any of that if it results in a racist criminal jeopardising a fair trial of brown people. As far as WTF is concerned, Robinson can rot in jail and his pig-ignorant, knuckle-dragging, supporters can shut the hell up.

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Let us cheer ourselves up with a review of the week’s sartorial slurry, starting with singer Lady Gaga , wearing Gareth Pugh.

It would be foolish to expect Lady Gaga not to look foolish, but this time she has outdone herself.  Usually there is something hanging out somewhere but here she is dressed as a bleached reggae toy leopard, complete with leopard leggies and paws. 

Meanwhile, the last time WTF saw shoulders like that, they were on Tom Brady.

Still in New York, we encounter actress Olivia Munn, wearing Adriana Iglesias.

These are cropped pyjamas worn with a bra and sandals. What this is not is outdoor wear. Not even at all.

To Los Angeles, and singer Leona Lewis wearing Atelier Prabal Gurung.

It may be Atelier Prabal Gurung, but it looks as if the St John’s Ambulance kiddies’ brigade have had a practice session, with Leona gamely volunteering to be their mock casualty. On this evidence, they definitely need more practice.

Now we find ourselves in Paris where the designers are showing us their Cruisewear Collections. Here is preposterous fashion blogger Bryanboy, wearing Louis Vuitton.

He looks like a particularly camp Cherubino in trainers about to sing Voi Chi Sapete in The Marriage of Figaro.

Gucci Cruise also produced some stinkers, like this getup on artist Petra Collins .

Petra’s silver tit looks like the finial at the end of a curtain pole holding up heavy purple velvet drapes.

This is also bad. Meet South Korean singer and actor K.A.I. 

It is true that WTF has been ranting on for some time now about men’s silly short jackets, but this is going too far the other way, i.e. downwards, not to mention the knee-length sweater underneath it. As if to make up for the excess of lairy checks, the trousers are hovering around the ankles like a pair of tartan hummingbirds. However, WTF’s chief ire is reserved for the farcical fringed headpiece.

One of our regulars, singer Jennifer Lopez wearing Ralph and Russo.

We have had Petra in velvet curtains. Now we have Jennifer in net curtains. What is the purpose of sheer white trousers other than to flap around her feet? She risks going arse over tit with every step…..

Finally, we have actress Shirley Rumierk. wearing who even knows what?

Shirley may or may not be wearing panties but that is not the issue. The issue,  dear Readers, is that she looks as if she isn’t, which is bad; and worse, she appears to have undergone a particularly stringent bikini wax, leaving only what is called “the French”. Ooh la la….

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep sending in your top comments and your excellent suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday. Be good x