It has been a bad week for the Johnson Brothers, Boris and Jo. And a worse week for the taxpayer who had to pay for their mistakes, not to mention the enquiries into their mistakes. Both have been roundly criticised for failure properly to follow process but do they care? Boris and Jo both went to Eton and Oxford, where they were waited upon hand and foot by minions various. Why bother to clean up your mess when someone else can do it?
Boris needs no introduction, a shambling, rambling, mendacious mess of a man without morals and with an overwhelming sense of entitlement. He is currently engaged in steering HMS Brexit onto the rocks but yesterday, he was dragged before the London Assembly as its former Mayor to explain the shambolic Garden Bridge project which wasted £40 million of public funds, although construction never actually started. This proposed Eden was supposed to provide pedestrians with a leafy stroll across the Thames amidst bushes and trees, even though Blackfriars Bridge, (admittedly not leafy because it’s a bloody bridge), is close by and though the public would be kept off the bridge much of the time whilst it was hired out for corporate events with the profits going to private owners. The concept was dreamt up by actress Joanna Lumley, a friend of the Johnson family, who prevailed upon Boris to champion the scheme. And he did. The tendering process was a fix with the design contract going to a firm of architects with little experience of bridges and with which by sheer coincidence, Lumley was associated. Guarantees were given by various public bodies, all spending our money but matching private funding never materialised. Last year, new Mayor Sadiq Khan pulled the plug to avoid further losses. Boris neither saw a problem nor apologised. Instead he bemoaned the lack of vision in killing Joanna’s scheme. But then when you’re about to plunge the whole British economy into chaos, who cares about £40 million?
Meanwhile, Jo was also playing the chumocracy card. As Minister for Universities, he set up a pointless quango called the Office for Students. Advertisements were placed for Non-Executive Directors and for a “Student Experience” representative. 220 people applied for the NED role and 131 for the Student role in a process that was supposed to be fair and impartial and result in a diverse board. But Jo approached Boris’ mate Toby Young, a journalist and champion of Academy schools, suggesting he apply. Young was duly appointed by the all-male, all-white selection board, despite Jo’s boss, the Secretary of State, querying Young’s suitability and despite his reputation as a foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed, eugenics-espousing, snobbish pig with a back catalogue of revolting tweets about women’s breasts, anal rape and admitting proles to Oxford, his alma mater. His social media accounts and public utterances were never checked, unlike the choice for the Student Experience candidate, whose every tweet was closely scrutinised and who was rejected by no 10 “advisers” and Department of Education officials because he was seen as too lefty. Jo and his colleagues wanted people like Young, white, Oxbridge, “one of them”, avid supporters of Tory education policies and good fun at garden parties. Fortunately, Young’s appointment prompted such an outcry that he was forced to resign within a week and before even taking office, despite (or perhaps because of) vocal support from the Brothers Grimm. As for the Student Experience post, none of the candidates got the gig and an interim appointment had to be made. If only one of them had hobnobbed with the Johnsons over cocktails, it could all have been so different.
We start our review of the week’s outlandish outfits with professional showoff Frankie Grande, who hosted the Make-Up Artists and Hair Stylists Guild Awards, looking very shiny.
The jacket is cute but he has a couple of toy cars on his feet and his hair is like a badger that some cruel child psychopath has plugged into the mains.
Actress Kira Kosarin was at the same event, wearing not a lot.
Kira tweeted that the dress had ‘shifted off-centre’. She would have done better to have shifted it into the bin. There is a silly slanted tit window, the halter neck is strangling her and there is a serious Minge Moment in progress.
Something is peeping out of that thigh-high slit, and whatever it is, it should not be on display. Yurgle.
Now we visit the premiere of A Wrinkle in Time attended by actress Angela Bassett, wearing Greta Constantine.
Never mind a Wrinkle in Time, this is a Throwback in Time to Studio 54 in 1979. Any woman would be proud of those abs, let alone someone of 58. However, that is no excuse for going out in public looking like Scheherazade on the pull.
Here is pointless person Kim Kardashian out and about in New York, wearing a big black jacket, baggy trewsies and Celine mules.
Where to start? The My Little Pony hair? The preponderance of plastic tittage (Kim has revealed that she prevents nipslips with industrial strength gaffer tape – ouch! Imagine removing gaffer tape from your nipples – they would be would be more raw than a steak tartare). The jacket big enough for both her and Kanye, should he be so minded? The horrible trewsies? The mules whiter and brighter than any toothpaste ad? Not that she ever had it, but Kim has seriously lost it. Just go away.
Billionaire fashionista James Goldstein at Milan Fashion Week.
WTF has no idea who Ms Cameltoe is or why she is dressed as a titsy astronaut in kinky boots or what that thing is around her waist. James, who is wearing his usual leather hat and ridiculous, eye-wateringly expensive designer togs, is the colour of stewed tea and looks like Crocodile Dundee’s granddad.
To a charity do in LA and singer Britney Spears, wearing Gucci.
Britney always looks the same, wearing a tight, tiny, tawdry, little thing no longer than a tunic and barely covering her crotch. What distinguishes this outfit from her other outfits are the sandals.
Her toes are overhanging like gargoyles projecting from a church….
This is actor Keesha Sharp at the BET American Black Festival Honors, wearing who even knows what.
You know when you slow- roast a shoulder of lamb and the bottom of the pan is thick with encrustations that are near impossible to remove, no matter how long you leave it to soak? That is what this dress looks like. It also seems to have been designed for someone about a foot taller than Keesha and WTF cannot but remark on the very visible belly-button, which she hates almost above all things.
Here is actress Jennifer Tilly, wearing a most remarkable ensemble.
Sometimes you might wear an oversized teeshirt at home, perhaps with a pair of bed socks. Or slip one over your swimsuit to nip down to the beach on a Greek island. But you do not go out to an evening event in one, particularly when it is very sparkly with a nightmarish logo. And you do not style it with what appears to be matching spats and the world’s ugliest clutch. Sack the stylist. Or get one. Or something…..
Finally, here is actress Sharon Stone at the Forbes Travel Guide launch.
Another stunning woman in her late 50s in a truly terrible dress. Last week we saw a hairy merkin on the catwalk. Now we have a sequinned merkin onstage. For some reason, Sharon has a broom head around her waist whilst the bottom of her dress is made from the remains of a bedraggled blackbird.
This week’s It’s Got To Go is the Daily Mail’s disgusting “journalist” Sarah Vine, aka Mrs Michael Gove. That is reason enough to hate her, Heaven knows, but Vine continues to provide new reasons to keep that hatred fresh. This week she slammed the BBC women who had the gall to complain that they were underpaid compared to men doing the same work. She wrote” ‘No one else is going to say it, so I will. Some people get paid less than others, not because they are not posh enough (see Steph McGovern, who claims she is underpaid at the BBC on account of being from Middlesbrough) or a certain gender (Carrie Gracie, former China editor for the BBC who resigned over equal pay), but for the simple reason that they are not as good at their jobs as others’.
Not only is this untrue, it is vicious, cheap, bullshit from a woman who would probably not hold on to her piss-poor column were she not married to a Tory grandee, let alone earn a six-figure salary for writing it. Sarah has so Got to Go.
OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Thank you for your lovely comments last week and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go. Let us meet again next Friday to consider political developments and to review the Oscar Red Carpet. Be good x