wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

It is Good Friday. But will we be here the same time next year or will the World be blown to smithereens? Russia is cross with the US for bombing Syria. Syria is more than cross with the US for being bombed. North Korea hates the US. The US hates North Korea and is threatening to sort them out. A supposed ISIS hideout in Afghanistan has been blown to shit by the biggest US bomb since Nagasaki. Let’s face it – things are not looking good.

In principle, WTF has no objection to bombing the shit out of Assad. Those who try and pretend that the Syrians were not responsible for the chemical attacks – take a long look at yourself. In principle, WTF has no objection to bombing the shit out of ISIS. But that is just the point. There has to be a principle. There has to be a policy. What is exactly is US foreign policy? America First has yielded to Ivanka First. The First Daughter was upset by pictures of horribly maimed little kiddies and so Daddy stepped in to sort the bastards out. But was there a game plan, other to keep Ivanka happy? And what the hell was it? And was there a game plan involved in bombing ISIS? And what the hell was that?

At the time of the attacks, China’s President Xi was paying a State Visit to Trump’s golf club in Palm Springs. Trump had previously been very upset with China and threatened to declare it as a “currency manipulator” but it is amazing how some one-to-one time over pudding can repair international relations. Trump described how he broke the news to his guest. “I was sitting at the table. We had finished dinner. We’re now having dessert. And we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you’ve ever seen and President Xi was enjoying it. And I was given the message from the generals that the ships are locked and loaded, what do you do? And we made a determination to do it, so the missiles were on the way. And I said, Mr. President, let me explain something to you.” Lord Palmerston gave us Gunboat Diplomacy. Now we have Dessert Diplomacy with an added plug for the Mar-A-Lago chef. There may be a World War, there may be truffle ahead, but President Xi enjoyed his chocolate cake. However, not to fudge the issue, this is bloody dangerous.  

Trump is on a voyage of discovery about international relations and history, things he knows nothing about. For him, history started when he took office.  He described relations between the US and Russia as at an all-time low, clearly unaware of the little matter of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Previously Putin was wonderful and China was horrible. China had to sort out North Korea. Then Putin backed Assad and President Xi explained the history of China and Korea. “After listening for 10 minutes, I realised it’s not so easy, I felt pretty strongly that they had a tremendous power over North Korea. But it’s not what you would think.” Just as he realised that healthcare was more complicated than he had thought, not that he had thought. Just as last week NATO was obsolete and this week it is not obsolete. That is the thing about governing a country. It is complicated. You have to know stuff. Or at least know that you don’t know stuff. And you have to ask people who do know stuff to explain it to you. Which does not include your preppy little twat of a son-in-law. And preferably before you start bombing countries without thinking through the consequences. Mind you, as a distraction from the Russians influencing the election and his still unproven allegations against Obama, it is pretty damn effective. 

Anyway something good has come out of this. Trump and Xi are now best mates. Trump said yesterday, “President Xi is a terrific person, we spent a lot of time together (two days) and he is a very special man”. This is a fine bromance. It is enough to make you ganache your teeth.

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We start our review of the week’s sartorial slurry with former Arsenal captain, Tony Adams, wearing a very rascal suit.

Adams has just been appointed manager of Spanish team Granada and on the day this photo was all over the press, despite the fact that it is apparently two years old. Nevertheless, it merits inclusion as one of the very worst suits ever in the history of ever, the lovechild of bathroom mosaic and a picnic tablecloth.  And there are three pieces of it!! Here is how Tony should be dressed. If only he still were….

This is from May 1998 when he scored the fourth goal against Everton at Highbury to clinch the League Title. Those were the days when we used to win things and when we had a defence (*weeps uncontrollably*).

To the Olivier Awards in London where a variety of people were appallingly dressed. Like actress Anita Dobson, formerly Ange off East Enders. WARNING!! A STROBERAMA AWAITS YOU! 

WTF can only conclude that Anita was seeking to repair relations with Spain following the fracas over Gibraltar but frankly, the Spaniards would rather see a couple of Royal Navy battleships steaming towards them than this OTT Flamenco kaleidoscopic frillfest worn with tights and mules. If this isn’t a declaration of war, WTF doesn’t know what is.

Reader’s favourite Nancy dell’Olio is back again, wearing something horrible and Giuseppe Zanotti wedges, which are also horrible. What was she even doing there?

This net curtain thing is not providing Nancy’s embonpoint with any support and she seems to be on the verge of flashing her all. But the real concern is the shiny face, like a death mask. Yurgle.

And now a trio of Dior excrescence. There is sheer. And there is rip-off Designer sheer. First up, actress Rose Leslie.

Oh come off it! Really? Underneath the dress are black knitted J’Adior boxer shorts (£600). And you can see them.

Admittedly, if you are going to wear £600 of anything, you would want to show it off. But in this case you should resist because it is BAD. It is UGLY. Why would you channel Mark Wahlberg in his Calvin Klein modelling period?

And there was actress Ruth Wilson, also showing us her under-crackers.

That stance is unflattering, like Keats’ Stout Cortez “when with eagle eyes. He star’d at the Pacific..” The dress is also unflattering because it makes her look square, which she is not. Ruth, no one wants to see your panties. As the other iconic Ruth, Ruth Archer in The Archers, would say…Ooooh Noooo!

And finally, at the premiere of The Fate of the Furious, actress Charlize Theron.

Again, Oooh Noooo! Dior, get a bloody grip. This is like a Roman Centurion in bra and panties. Why? Why the boots? Why the necklace? Just why, ad infinitem??????

Yes, I know she was in last week but this crime against the eyeballs cannot be overlooked. It is WTF’s favourite Z Lister, Lizzie Cundy. Again. This time she is attending the premiere of The Hatton Garden Job, wearing Diaso London. Brace yourselves……

All together now……AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! At least Eve wore a fig leaf that fitted her. And here literally is the rear view.

WTF doesn’t need to say anything, does she? Lizzie, for Gawd’s sake, give it a rest. Cover up. Stay indoors. Go away.

This week’s It’s Got To Go comes from aficionados @magpie_ms and @UncannyVal who brought the website Buykud.com to WTF’s attention. Or should that be Buykrud.com? @magpie_ms found these revolting “jeans”, a cross between Thai fishermen’s trousers and a bad acid trip. 

@UncannyVal found this cotton dress, the epitome of Concentration Camp Chic. Except that it isn’t chic, just downright offensive.

Someone, somewhere, is taking the piss. It’s Got To Go.