wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Jeremy Corbyn has not had a good week.  Last Saturday, London Mayor Sadiq Khan came out against him, citing a failure of leadership. Twitter, aka #wearehismedia, exploded in a frenzy. WTF is surprised that the “he” is not Capitalised, such is the religious fervour surrounding Jezza, and, after all, he and the Lord Jesus have the same initials. Khan was not just a traitorous, backstabbing, neoliberal, globalist, Tory, Blairite who had bitten the hand that fed him the Mayoral candidacy and won him the election (which, by the way, is nonsense). He was a Zionist. He was manipulated by the Friends of Israel. He was pictured in a yarmulka. He was, according to one tweeting prat, an Israelite. WTF wondered whether this was a reference to the late Desmond Dekker’s oeuvre of the same name in 1969 but then lost the will to live and gave up wondering. There is of course absolutely no Anti-Semitism in the Labour Party. None whatsoever.

On Monday Kezia Dugdale, the Leader of the Scottish Labour Party, came out against JC.  She escaped the Zionist tag but also was subjected to dog’s abuse from #weareHismedia. Admittedly, Scottish Labour is so far down the toilet that it can only be seen with a periscope and Ms Dugdale’s authority is limited, but did she really merit such a degree of obloquy? 

Tuesday brought Traingate, a splendid example of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. British trains are overcrowded, overpriced and overdue. People routinely have to stand in the corridor or sit on the floor outside malodorous toilets. On Southern Trains, services routinely run half an hour late, if they run at all, whilst passengers, or customers as they are now known, are packed against each other at the same angle as the Leaning Tower of Pisa. So when JC was filmed sitting on the floor next to some Virgin Trains toilets on the 11 am from Euston to Newcastle, speaking earnestly to camera and feeling the pain of fellow seatless travellers, it struck a nerve with many, even Tories. Until it turned out, thanks to Virgin East Coast’s CCTV, that he had got a seat, that he could have found a seat before that (he hadn’t booked) and that there had been available seats in (Sub)Standard Class. Some seats had been reserved for travellers but there were no travellers in them. JC’s people then said that there had been children on the seats, which is why they could not be seen on camera. Did JC have the misfortune to encounter the 21st century version of Kindertransport? WTF’s own theory was that there were loads of Little People en route to a Peter Dinklage appreciation convention in York. The story then changed. There were seats available, just not two together and JC had wanted to sit with his wife. Is that not Quixotic? He would rather sit on the floor outside a pungent pissoir than be separated from his spouse. Except there was no sign of Mrs C. Even when he was filmed taking his seat, there was no sign of her. So where was she? Should we not be told? Have the British Transport Police been informed? Or Interpol? 

JC’s spin was not, on the whole, that serious in the scheme of things and he certainly had a point about overcrowding but he looked like a hypocrite (having previously eschewed spin) and worse still he looked inept. However, to #weareHismedia, it was all a conspiracy hatched between Sir Beardie Branson and the capitalist press and everyone else who is out to get JC, which, in their eyes, is everyone who does not support him.  And any further criticism of him will be treated in exactly the same way because it is simply impossible that anyone could genuinely hold a contrary view of him which is not based on some malign ideology. This is the way that things are. Welcome aboard. The buffet car will shortly be open serving a variety of tasty toasted sandwiches, hot and cold beverages and alcoholic drinks. Please keep the aisles clear at all times.

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To the sartorial silliness of the week. On Wednesday, WTF suffered from a bad case of Olympic-athletes-coming-home-burnout and if she hears the words “golden couple” once more, she will run amok with a bicycle chain. Still, seeing them disembark in their Stella McCartney tracksuits reminded WTF that she had not yet discussed the said garments, worn here by yachting gold medallists Hannah Mills and Saskia Clark.

Sorry but this is nasty, particularly in its extreme swirliness. Looking at them, you keep worrying that the picture is out of focus. Or that your eyes are. 

Here is actor Bradley Cooper at the premiere of his new movie War Dogs.

There is casual and there is I’ve-been-sleeping-in-a-cardboard-box-in-Bloomingdales’-doorway. This falls clearly into the second category. Memo to Bradley. You’re rich. Buy one of these….

And now for a new feature entitled Sheer Tedium, in which we deplore the continuing yawn-fest that is see-through clothing. First up is actress Naya Rivera of Glee fame, wearing House of CB.

Hate the sheer. Hate the tapered minge curtains.  Hate the whole  thing.

And next up, Mel B wearing Yousef Al-Jasmi.

Is she going ice-skating? If you are going to wear flesh-toned undies, choose some that actually tone with your flesh. WTF has taken wildly against both the faux-pubes and the grey hobgoblin boots. The back is also bad.

That zip cannot be comfortable. And she looks as if she has been sitting on the floor next to a train toilet…..

At the risk of alienating WTF aficionado Pamela Timms, aka @eatandust, whose Corbynista-like loyalty to the OITNB cast led her to forgive Danielle Brooks for flashing her bra and Dascha Polanko for wearing see-through lacy-jim-jams under an Ali Baba coat, WTF is forced to bemoan the third and fourth cast members in a quartet of queasiness. This is Natasha Lyonne, aka Nicky, wearing Faith Connexion.

Natasha looks as if she is wearing a leather straitjacket over a turtleneck top. Faith Connexion deserve immediate incarceration for this crime against fashion.

And this is Jackie Cruz, aka Flaca, (the one with the painted teardrop).

This seems to have been constructed out of random pieces of sheet metal. Which ran out before she’d finished….

Off to New York and actress, writer and standup Amy Schumer, wearing – it’s her again – Stella McCartney.

This is further proof, were proof actually required, that Stella continues to take the piss. The top looks like an M&S corsellette whilst the trousers are doing Amy no favours and flap about like Dumbo’s ears. Memo to Amy  – if you really have to wear these (and you so don’t) then take a size up.

Finally, here is reality TV horror Charlotte Dawson wearing fashion fecal matter of unknown provenance. Careful now….

Anyone who was not a complete moron with defective eyesight would recoil at this leather child’s safety gate worn over a leotard and under a surgical gown. Charlotte, who clearly is a complete moron with defective eyesight, had a different take on this, as expressed by her on Twitter.

Charlotte, babe, you do not look gr888. UHGTBSM (You Have Got To be Shitting Me).  This best describes what you look like…..