Hallo Readers,

Last week’s splenetic post on Telford MP Lucy Allan had an enormous number of hits, and no wonder. Readers were aghast that an elected MP can, on the face of it, post a death threat from Constituent A, then admit that the death threat was added in and was actually from Constituent X, as yet unnamed, whose original communication, if indeed there ever was one, has never been disclosed. Yesterday, she was on the front page of the London Evening Standard accused of bullying and haranguing a Parliamentary aide who was off sick. Trouble seems to stick to her like shit to a blanket.

Last week, Allan failed to turn up for her Saturday surgery, claimed that she had received a telephone death threat which happened to postdate her original Facebook post and then reappeared on Facebook railing against her critics. According to Allan, 

Last week was without doubt the weirdest of my political life so far. It was never about my use of social media. It was only ever about activists unhappy they didn’t get the MP they wanted, frustrated they didn’t get the government they wanted and angry that this government has had to implement some tough decisions in order to keep this country on track.

Keen-eyed Readers will notice the absence of any reference to Allan apparently fabricating a death threat against herself and libelling a constituent in the process. Rather, it was all the fault of lefties, crusties and Corbynistas various who had in for her.  Silly us. She was not the perpetrator, she was the victim!  Allan went on to dismiss people who write “under creepy aliases” (like wtffashionshark, for example) and concluded that “these people are not Telford”. Hours later, she disappeared from Facebook again, not realising that the post would still survive. 

Well, you know what Lucy? These people are Telford. They live in your constituency and your job is to represent them, not just the ones whose votes allowed you to scrape in with a majority of 730 with 39% of the vote. The fact that people disagree with you does not mean that you are free to doctor their emails or to dismiss their views. It is more than likely, Lucy, that some of the 16,094 people who voted Tory also disagree with bombing Syria, just as it is likely that some of the 15,354 people who voted Labour, 7,330 who voted UKIP, 930 who voted Green and 927 who voted LibDem, agree with it. And it is more than likely, Lucy, that many of your constituents, even the ones who voted for you, think that you do not deserve to remain as their MP on a generous salary and even more generous expenses. Oh, and Lucy – these people actually live in Telford. Most of them were born in Telford. So it ill behoves someone who was born in Worcestershire, grew up in Devon and has wafted in from Wandsworth to say who is and who is not Telford. And come May 2020, Lucy, they will tell you so.

Let us start our review of the week’s clothing cock-ups for 2015 with splendid Alabama Shakes singer Brittany Howard.

It is as if the curtains detached themselves from the rail and went walkies… By the way, she has a matching dress underneath the ecclesiastical cloak. Proving that you can have much too much of a good thing.

We move on to consider shocking strumpet Carla Howe, seen here at a footballers’ and wannabe WAGs’ night out last Sunday. Sadly, Arsenal players were amongst them, at which WTF is in great indignation. The gentleman with his back to Carla (wise move) is Liverpool and England ace Nathan Clyne wearing Christian Louboutin leopardskin studded loafers, yours for £875.

Carla’s twin Melissa once went out with footballing rat Ashley Cole, who did her wrong, whereupon Carla punched him several times at a nightclub. So she is not all bad. Less edifying is the fact that Carla was allegedly busy last year trying to flog a sex tape of her and skinny rapper Wiz Khalifa, formerly married to show-off Amber Rose. Even less edifying is the fact that Carla went out on a cold December night in only a black leather bra and khaki leather genitalia curtains. Just go away – and take Nathan and his very silly shoes with you.Footballers and taste do not go together. Here is another one, Arsenal goalkeeper Wojciech Szezesny (currently on loan to Roma) and a lady called Patricia Wojnarowska.

Patricia’s bum is on show to everyone, showing more arse cleavage than a gang of navvies. The dress is so long that perhaps someone trod on the train and the back slipped down. Not. WTF is used to fashion horror but this picture caused her to screech like a parakeet. As for Wojciech, his matchy-matchy jacket and trainers combo is just terribly, terribly terrible.

The X Factor final took place last weekend. WTF bailed out early on both nights but she saw enough to note that if the show were a pet, it would have been put down long ago. Sunday’s show also saw a terrible outfit on little Harry Styles from One Direction wearing Gucci.

Is it National Recycle Your Curtains Week? A few weeks ago, WTF suggested that Harry was doing a Caitlyn Jenner. The case rests…...

Actress Phoebe Price is one of WTF’s favourites because she dresses in a consistently ridiculous way. Here she is out for dinner in LA.

Readers are advised to put down their breakfast at this point in order to avoid further spillage. Hot coffee can do damage. Ask McDonalds.

More arse. At what point did it become acceptable for women to flash their arse? Because as far as WTF is concerned, it never did. This is just fashion mooning. 

This next one is officially a pity. Here is gorgeous actress Lupita Nyong’o at the London premiere of Star Wars – Here We Go For the Umpteenth Time wearing Prouenza Schoula. 

Lupita! Why, why, why? And your lips have gone blue like a cyanotic spaceperson standing in a belted, fringed, fishing net. Sack the stylist! Stat!

To LA and the LA premiere of Star Wars – Here We Go For the Umpteenth Time attended by actress Kate Capshaw and her husband, legendary film director Steven Spielberg.

Er…..what? She is wearing leather waders. To a premiere. And a bowler hat. Preposterous. As for Steven, here is a WTF rule. Never wear jeans with a jacket and tie.

Finally, this is actress Jaime King as the LA premiere of Star Wars – Here We Go For the Umpteenth Time, wearing WTF bugbear Monse.

What the buggery bollocks is this supposed to be? And the back is even more nonsensical.

WTF likes a laugh as much as the next person but this is absurd. Monse was clearly inspired by the scene in Singin’ in the Rain where the wonderful Donald O’Connor dances with a dummy. Only here, Jaime is the dummy for wearing this very silly dress.


This week’s It’s Got To Go has been renamed He Had To Go. Of course, it is Jose Mourinho, who yesterday got the heave-ho as Chelsea manager for the second time and will be paid £250K a week to sit at home brooding. In 8 months, his team have gone from champions to 16th and now he has gone from A1 to P45. Wherever he has been, he has fallen out with players and owners alike because he is an unpleasant, arrogant little man. Things have not been right in the Chelsea dressing room since he humiliated Club doctor Eva Carneiro and drove her out of her job. WTF suspects that Dr Carneiro is smiling broadly. As are many of us…..

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Last week was a bumper week for comments and hits and WTF was singing like a happy Christmas canary. Next week, your Christmas Day will be enhanced by the WTF Christmas Turkey Poll 2015 when you will have your pick of 20 revolting fashion disasters to vote for.  Be good and Happy Christmas to you all, even if you don’t celebrate it x


6 responses to “WTF I Don’t Love Lucy Special”

  1. spot on! I don’t love Lucy either

  2. Jaime king clearly mixed up her frock with a bedsheet that someone left on the ironing board. How she managed to get it on with the said board in situ is anyone’s guess.

  3. It may just be an example of English language patterns mutating across oceans, but Lucy’s first place 39% of the vote would be a plurality in the U.S. and not a majority. A majority would be anything over 50%. If she had been running for an American political office she would have been forced into a run-off election.
    We Americans are not unaware of a certain amount of irregularities concerning exactly where our candidates live. There is a law prohibiting a presidential candidate and a vice presidential candidate from the same state running together, so it was with a perfectly straight face that when Texan George W. Bush picked Dick Cheney of Dallas to be his running mate it was determined that Mr. Cheney was really from Wyoming where he had a summer vacation house. And just to demonstrate that I’m not being partisan, when Robert Kennedy was campaigning to be a United States senator from New York in 1966 multiple people noticed the irony that he hadn’t met the residency requirements to actually vote for himself.
    “Exposed bums” sounds so much classier than “bare asses”. Think it has something to do with the British accent.
    When Carol Burnett did the infamous parody of “Gone With the Wind” the curtains were meant to be funny. Brittany Howard didn’t seem to get the joke.

    1. Joshua LaPorte

      Was also thinking of Carol Burnett on wearing your portiers as clothes. As Miss. Scarlett said “they’re my portiers now, aren’t they?”

  4. From the back view of the Phoebe one, it looks as though she is wearing one of those very old, very faded and discoloured but very very comfy bras that we all own and wear only when there is no risk of them being seen. Looks like she forgot that last bit.

  5. I used to think Kate Capshaw was classy–but she looks dreadful! Leather waders, indeed!! And she needs a new stylist–her makeup is awful. And what is that terrible dress on Jaime King? How can she sit down or get into the limo??? Dreadful.

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