wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers

In Copenhagen last Saturday, a young Muslim man shot through a café window where people had gathered to discuss blasphemy and cartoons depicting the Prophet Mohammed. Amongst those present was  Swedish cartoonist Lars Vilks who had drawn a caricature of the Prophet as a dog in 2007 and has been under police protection ever since. Instead the gunman killed a Danish filmmaker, Finn Noregaard. Hours later, he also killed Dan Uzan, a Jew standing guard outside a synagogue where a bat mitzvah was being celebrated. Whilst police hunted the killer that night, an unedifying debate took place on Twitter and on TV. Some complained that there had been less coverage of the events 3 days earlier in Chapel Hill, North Carolina where Yusor Mohammad Abu-Salha, her husband Deah Sallah Barakat and her sister, Razan Mohammad Abu-Salha were allegedly shot dead by their neighbour Craig Hicks. Others replied, maintaining that Copenhagen was more significant. It was depressing.

I am outraged when people are shot dead because they are exercising their right of free speech. I am outraged when Jews are shot dead in supermarkets and outside or inside synagogues or anywhere else just because they are Jews. I am outraged when Muslims are shot dead anywhere because they are Muslims. I am outraged when a soldier has his head hacked off in a London street. I am outraged when any place of worship is desecrated. I am outraged when anyone of any religion is bullied or threatened or abused because of that religion. Despite Benjamin Netanyahu’s invitation to me and other European Jews to come and live in Israel, Israel is not my home. London is my home. I believe in freedom of speech and democracy and the right to practice your religion, any religion or no religion, with impunity and in safety and so do the majority of people of all religions.  Can we stop blaming whole communities for the acts of a few? In Oslo this weekend the Muslim community are going to gather around synagogues as a act of solidarity with the Jewish community, a wonderful gesture. This is not an outrage competition and we need to remember that and start supporting each other.

To the fashion frock-ups of the week, starting with the London premiere of the second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel movie. WTF thought the first one was a pile of patronising poo and simply a job creation scheme for elderly English actors but no matter.  One of those in attendance was actress and professional Scouser Claire Sweeney.

This is just horrible, like a bad beach dress from BHS. Bright colours are one thing. A bilious yellow robe with an abundance of blue and green swirls and a split skirt displaying mottled winter legs and gold sandals is quite another. Questions also have to be asked about the hair, like a Cavalier’s wig.

We now encounter TOWIE shocker Abi Clarke. (We will meet one of her co-stars later on). Abi was at the Birmingham showing of Fifty Shades of  Filth wearing, if that is the word I am looking for, which it palpably is not, this olive green thing by Boutique Boo.

WTF has been writing this blog for a while but cannot recall ever seeing someone quite so orange. But then Abi is the quintessence of fake. Tan. Tits. Hair. Nails. Lips. Talking of tits….

Since flashing her falsies is part of her job description, it is at least incumbent upon Abi to ensure that everything on show is the same shade of citrus. Just saying…

Here is a newcomer to these pages, ghastly Tea-Party harridan  Sarah Palin, who was nearly Vice President of the United States. Thank you Lord for not letting it happen. Thank you.

Sarah popped up at Saturday Night Live‘s 40th birthday party, despite having been mercilessly lampooned in it for years by the brilliant Tina Fey. But then the woman was always as thick as double dog-shit. Sarah actually borrowed her daughter’s dress and teamed it with shiny sausage-skin open-toed tights, the better to show off her Christian Louboutin peep-toe bootees. Mutton dressed as lamb.  Just go away…

SNL’s 40th Anniversary was not the only big event in the Big Apple this week. It was New York Fashion Week where celebs were everywhere showing off their borrowed finery. We start with heiress Paris Hilton and cross-dressing designer Philippe Blond, one half of design team The Blonds, at the Blonds’ show. Presumably they are both wearing The Blonds.

Paris is the one in the corset looking like the love child of a Las Vegas showgirl and Jon Bon Jovi. As for Philippe, there is something very disturbing about those tight little shorts, like a member of the Hitler Youth out on the lash in Sally Bowles’ Munich.

And then there was top actress Naomi Watts wearing Antonio Berardi and some rather fine Bulgari jewellery. (Her dad was Pink Floyd’s road manager! Who knew?)

WTF likes Naomi but let us be frank  – she is wearing a table napkin. Perhaps she was planning to smuggle out the sapphires under the ruffle at the end of proceedings.

Still at NYFW, we have Kelly Osbourne and stylist Brad Goreski wearing Thom Browne.

 Kelly and Brad were participating in Naomi Campbell’s Fashion Against Ebola! (as if Fashion would ever be For Ebola!). Regular Readers will know that Thom Browne is the man who thrust the shorts-suit upon an unsuspecting world, at which WTF continues to be in great indignation,  so it is something of a surprise to see Brad in actual trousers. That said, he looks like an extra from The Mikado whilst Kelly, whose hair is a public scandal, seem have been attacked by a flock of birds en route to the catwalk.

 WARNING!!! AND ANOTHER WARNING!!! AND A THIRD WARNING!!! ANYONE OF A DELICATE DISPOSITION OR OFFENDED BY MALE NUDITY STOP READING NOW AND COME BACK NEXT FRIDAY. EVERYONE ELSE, TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND HAVE THE NUMBER OF A HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL ON SPEED DIAL.

That was your warning. Do not go suing WTF for nervous shock.

Readers will not have forgotten, because it is not possible to forget, Bobby Norris, the runaway winner of the WTF Summer Stinker 2014. Bobby was pictured on the beach in Marbella wearing a red cock-sock, his thing in a thong to the horror of all holidaymakers going about their sandy business. This year Bobby decided to up the beach ante in his quest to be the silliest man ever to emerge from Essex and trust me, there is hot competition for that title. Ready? You won’t be..

Is this actually supposed to be attractive? And if so, to whom? Bobby looks like a string of spaghetti with a blob of Bolognese. This new packer-wrapper is just plain revolting. Never mind how it stays on – why did this wood-hood ever go on? Someone should charge every police officer in Marbella with gross dereliction of duty…

 This week’s It’s Got to Go can be taken shortly. Readers were in uproar last week after being subjected  to the sight of Madonna’s arse at the GRAMMYs and who can blame them? Most people know more about her body than they do about their own. WTF aficionado Lottie nominated Madge for this week’s slot (as it were) and added “She has spent the last 30-odd years being very annoying with her squeaky little ‘singing’ voice, and now she is embarrassing too. Just put it away, dear, and go count your money.” And so say all of us….

Ok Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep the comments coming and your super suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet against next Friday when we will have a bumper edition of the worst of the Oscars AND the Brits. Be still my beating heart. x