wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers 

Last week’s It’s Got To Go called for the World Cup 2022 to be taken away from Qatar on the grounds that (i) 500 migrant workers have died building the stadiums (ii) it is corrupt (iii) it is hot and (iv) having it there is bonkers. Almost no sooner had WTF hit the publish button than the Sunday Times, in the shape of investigative reporters Jonathan Calvert and Heidi Blake, unleashed a torrent of evidence demonstrating that Qatar had bought the World Cup vote in December 2010 through a certain Mohammed Bin Hammam who had been raining gold, as Zeus did to Danae, into the pockets of African delegates various. The same newly-enriched personages promptly supported the bid to put a summer football tournament into a place hotter than hell on a hot day with no football tradition, no access to booze and an intolerance of everything and everyone.  Qatar denied that he had anything to do with the bid. Which was in contrast with its statement in 2009 that  “Bin Hammam will be a good asset to us with his expertise and contacts.” This is the same Bin Hammam who tried to bribe his way into the FIFA Presidency and was slung out in 2011. Believe me, you have to do something pretty bad to get slung out of FIFA. On the plus side, he probably loves his mother.

Meanwhile, in another part of the quagmire, we have Michel Platini, formerly one of the greatest players ever to grace the game, and now a FIFA and UEFA bigwig. Platini has indignantly denied any wrongdoing but admits  breakfasting with Bin Hammam and also dining with ghastly Little Person, former French President Nicolas Sarkozy and the Qatari Prime Minister at the Elysée Palace. Platini voted for the bid a month later and the following year Platini Jnr. was made Managing Director of a top car dealership in Qatar. Of course everybody knows that was simply a coincidence.

WTF is a simple soul and looks at it this way. Bin Hammam was dodgy as fuck. The Qatari bid was dodgy as fuck. Qatar was not even appropriate place for an afternoon kickabout in the park let alone a World Cup. The only proper action is to strip it of the tournament and to hold another vote. But what chance is there that a bloated, corrupt organisation headed by the vile Sepp Blatter will ever do the right thing or even that in doing the right thing, it won’t do the right thing wrong again? Football has become so huge, so monied, so all-powerful that common sense has flown skywards higher than an England penalty kick. Morals don’t matter. Fans don’t matter. Deaths don’t matter. Only money matters, loads and loads of it. Blatter has previously described the vote as “a mistake”. No, love. Leaving your wallet in your other trousers is a mistake. Forgetting to set Sky+ for Game of Thrones is a mistake, This was not a mistake. This was a scandal.

We move to the week’s fashion. Joyce of Hong Kong, you can relax. WTF has declared the blog a Kardashian-free zone for the foreseeable future. We start in Nashville for the CMT Awards and singer Jason Aldean.

Those jeans are a health hazard. They are not so much distressed as wretched. WTF gets the whole country thing but that does not mean that he has to walk the Red Carpet looking as though he has rolled in pigshit.

To London and The Glamour Awards 2014 where a distinct lack of glamour awaited appalled onlookers, including singer Eliza Doolittle wearing a shirt.

And not just a shirt. A crumpled, sheer shirt exposing striped panties. The back is as bad if not worse. 

Forget shirt tails – this actually is a tail. Either that or some loo paper has become attached to her bottom. Either way, the results can best be described as singularly unfortunate.

Next we have splendid actor Samuel L Jackson.

Samuel is wearing blue in solidarity with a charity called One For The Boys which promotes awareness of male cancers. WTF is wholly supportive of anything done to raise awareness of cancer but that said, there is blue and there is blue and although the suit is rather lovely, the striped shirt and green tie, particularly in combination with each other and with the suit, are not. Samuel once had an addiction to hard drugs and WTF was much in need of some on seeing him in this outfit.

And now supermodel Naomi Campbell wearing Alexander McQueen.

Seriously? She looks like an exploded parrot in a bad wig and those shoes are the most hideous things that WTF did ever see in her life.

Which neatly brings us to It’s Got to Go, prompted not just by Naomi’s shoes but by the protestations of WTF aficionado Louise from New York who has had enough of ugly footwear, particularly wedges and more particularly still, platform wedges which make women look as if they have boxes on their feet like contestants on a game show. They lack elegance and they ruin deportment but most shoes now do that. Venture out into any town centre and you will see women tottering about on tart’s trotters, wholly unable to get from A to B without assistance. Catch them later in the evening and they will have usually discarded them altogether with their bunions burning and corns catching fire. Ouch. 

To New York and the CFDA Awards 2014, starting with actress Marion Cotillard wearing Dior.

Dior has taken a pretty lace shift dress and buggered it up by adding breast flaps. As WTF aficionado Dee sagely remarked on seeing this picture, they look like the material used to cover up when feeding a baby in public. Why this would be Marion’s look of choice, WTF cannot say.

Next, we come across designer Thom Browne wearing Thom Browne.

WTF blames Thom for the introduction of this shorts-suit business, a look that has been embraced by Pharrell Williams and others to their detriment. At least Thom has eschewed the other development loathed by WTF with a passion, namely the Norman Wisdom-style too-short, t00-tight fitted jacket, although questions must be asked about the measly bow-tie. And talking of ugly shoes….

Now we have Lupita Nyong’o wearing Suno.

You see all love affairs start like this. There is enchantment. There is excitement. And then it begins to go tits up and you start to find fault. This is how WTF feels about the lovely Lupita. She stormed the Red Carpet earlier in the year but things have gone badly wrong recently, first at the Met Gala in Prada and now in these crappy culottes. But all can still be salvaged should Lupita follow this advice. Sack the stylist. Stat.

Finally this is a newcomer to these pages, although WTF already loves him like a wayward brother – preposterous Chilean-born pseud and fashionista Di Mondo (né Edmundo Huerta), now based in New York.

Yes, he is not only wearing a tux made out of corrugated iron and a wonky bow tie (WTF hates a wonky tie almost above all things) but he is wearing a jewelled face mark.

And no, WTF does not know why. So please help her out by opting for one of the possible explanations below:

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OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. Keep the comments coming in and your suggestions for It’s Got To Go and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x