wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

Before she sat down to write this week’s rant, WTF polished off a delicious supper of steak and salad, washed down with a large glass of Pinot Noir and a square or two of dark chocolate with caramel and sea salt. Which doubtless would not wholly please Professor Dame Sally Davies, England’s Chief Medical Officer who pronounced on Thursday that 32% of women and 42% of men over 18 were fat bastards and a further 24% of women and 25% of men were obese. As for the next generation, 28% of children between 2 and 15 were overweight. In addition, Dame Sally told us that only 34% of those living in even the higher income households are eating their 5 a day. In short – we are digging our own grave with our teeth.

We live in a schizophrenic age. We are obsessed with celebrities with their toned thighs and amazing abs and post-baby bodies but newspapers and magazines still survive on advertising from the manufacturers of junk food. We watch endless cookery shows using expensive and pretentious ingredients. We buy DVDs in which formerly fat Z-listers who have then starved themselves and exercised 4 hours a day to drop 6 dress sizes leap about in lycra before pocketing the sale proceeds and putting it all back again. But most people eat a crap diet, sugary foods, fried foods, fatty foods, processed foods, chickens that never saw the light of the day and are mostly water, meat pies and puddings made from reconstituted, extruded bits of animals you would rather not think about mixed with spit, sawdust and enough chemicals to keep you buzzing until dawn. Alcohol is taken to excess. Kids are bombarded with advertising for stuff they should not be eating. Chocolates and sweets are always placed near the tills in shops and garages. School dinners, now healthier thanks to the sterling efforts of Jamie Oliver, are deemed to be too expensive so kids take cheap and nasty food with them instead or nip out for chips. Stuff billed as “low fat” is awash with sugar and salt.

Body fascism is bad – witness the ridiculous ravings of the recently consciously uncoupled Gwyneth Paltrow, whose monthly shopping list comes to thousands of dollars. Most people cannot afford their own macrobiotic chef.  But too much weight and too much booze bring health problems and misery as well as additional demands upon our already overburdened health services. Shockingly, some young people now have the sort of advanced cirrhosis formerly seen in the late middle aged. And the cause of this current state of affairs? Some of it is caused by laziness and some of it is caused by ignorance but a lot of it is down to economics and education. Nor is it a coincidence that councils have been systematically flogging off school playing fields for years. This is a serious problem and it is time we started taking it seriously. But do the politicians have the stomach for it?

Let us turn to the sartorial disasters of the week. First off we have Sinitta, one of Simon Cowell’s many exes, at the premiere of  the new musical I Can’t Sing which is supposedly a parody of The X Factor (as if such a thing is even possible). 

The show’s title was probably inspired by Sinitta who had a couple of hits in the 1980s and, as WTF remarked in her WTF Cowell Baby Special, she and the rest of the coven of exes have stuck to Simon like shit to a blanket ever since. It would of course be wholly unfair to suggest that Sinitta was trying to steal the limelight from Simon’s new squeeze Lauren Silverman, mother of the aforesaid baby, by wearing this ridiculous cut-out dress and horrendous shocking pink snakeskin jacket with a red furry lining. And WTF is sure that the fact her nipple later fell out was sheer accident. Not.

Another Z-lister,  ghastly TOWIE “star”  Jasmin Walia looking, er, ghastly.

What we have here are three horrible items of clothing made even more horrible by their being worn together. There is the leather  top, like Brünhilde in a bra. There is the “remind-me-not-to-go-to-that-dealer-again-this-ecstasy-is-bad-stuff” Minge Moment skirt. And there are the matchy-matchy fuck-me shoes. Even a dog’s breakfast would scrub up better than this.

This month Kim Kardashian finally achieved her dream of appearing on the cover of Vogue and editor Anna Wintour has been roundly abused for it. Just to prove her detractors right, Kim then wore this Rachel Roy dress and some painful-looking Tom Ford sandals to have dinner with Anna with the World’s press looking on.

Ouch! Those sandals are cutting into Kim’s feet like cheese wire. As for the dress, it is foul and rendered worse still by the large black bra and panties and the way it showcases that ridiculous fake arse. Meanwhile WTF notes, for information only, that Kim’s face is more plastic than a warehouse-full of Evian bottles.

She’s back! Fashionista Daphne Guinness was spotted out for a totter in New York.

A number of questions spring to mind. First, if it is cold enough for a fur jacket, why is it warm enough for suspender tights and very short shorts? Second, how does she walk in those things and why do her feet look like the hooves on an equestrian statue? And third, why is she not in a padded cell? Daphne claimed in a recent interview that she only wore things that were waterproof, presumably to protect her from the consequences of people pissing themselves laughing.

This week’s It’s Got To Go pushes WTF into a position she did not want to take but she is taking it anyway.  Arsenal Manager Arsene Wenger. He’s Got to Go. 

He used to be terrific. But he isn’t any more. Over the years his magic touch has faded like Merlin hitting a prolonged bad patch and he has become more bank manager than manager, concerned about balancing the books rather than buying the talent we need to replace the talent we have sold. We haven’t won anything since 2005. That, Heaven knows, is bad enough but this season we have also  been comprehensively pissed on by all the big teams. 6-0 at Chelsea. 5-1 at Liverpool. 6-3 at Manchester City. We even failed to beat Manchester United either at home or away, a feat achieved by almost every other team. It cannot continue. Neil Young sang “Only Love Can Break Your Heart”. He obviously wasn’t a Gooner.

Say hi to Rihanna who popped out to supper parading her pink panties in a Simone Rocha plastic lace skirt (£985) and Givenchy lace trainers (£785).

To be fair to Simone Rocha, the skirt does come with a petticoat and the shoes are gorgeous if you can be carried everywhere by bearers. Meanwhile, it is time that Rihanna surprised us all and started covering up. Enough already with the flashing.

Sarah Harding is one of those who, as my friend Ruth would say, always gets it wrong. Here is she at a charity event at Kensington Palace wearing Yuvna Kim.

Yuck, Yuck, Yuckety Yuck.  And this is the back.

More Yuck. The expression on the face of the woman in black says it all and more. Quite apart from the fact that this is hardly appropriate wear for (i) a Palace and (ii) a charitable event for kids, we do not want to see either Sarah’s buttocks or the sea of ugly tattoos adorning her back. And as WTF aficionado @joshualaporte remarked on seeing this picture on @WTF-EEK, when did heterosexual women start dressing as drag queens?

OK Readers that’s your lot for this week. Keep your comments coming in and we shall meet again next Friday. Be good x