wtffashionshark

Hallo Readers,

This week saw the sudden death of Bob Crow, General Secretary of the Rail, Maritime and Transport Workers at the appallingly young age of 52. Bob was exactly the sort of trade unionist that the Daily Mail hated more than it hates anyone who is a trade unionist, which is a lot. He was an unapologetic Communist-Socialist. He was articulate, intelligent and funny and even worse he was good at his job, namely to fight for his members. He wasn’t interested in cosying up to the Public. He wasn’t interested in cosying up to the Press. He wasn’t interested in cosying up to the Labour Party. That is what the Press and the Establishment found really threatening – he didn’t give a monkey’s and he was effective. His members always got pay rises. He knew how to win negotiations. After he died, a man from the arbitration service ACAS said that despite the grandstanding and tub-thumping in his public appearances, in round-the-table talks he was quiet, focussed and polite and usually got what he wanted.

There was no doubt that Bob liked the good life. Who doesn’t? He earned a good salary despite the sneering of hugely paid City folk in receipt of million-pound bonuses and the huffing and puffing of hugely paid newspaper editors. At least his members approved his salary which is more than you can say for most company executives. He liked good restaurants and good hotels. He took holidays in places like Brazil. I mean, how very dare he? Surely a cockney oik from a council house who still lived in a council house (he used to say that he was probably the only one in his street who actually paid the rent himself) should have eaten in Nando’s and holidayed in Benidorm or Butlins? I mean, who did he think he was?

And this is why in life (oh, they are all being nice about him now that he is dead) he attracted such dislike. Bob wasn’t beige. He despised beige. He wasn’t ashamed of being working class or left wing. He didn’t want to be one of the bland, interchangeable political class where you can barely tell Dave from Ed from little Cleggy. He didn’t want to keep quiet and know his place because he didn’t believe anyone had the right to tell him or his members what their place was. RIP Bob. You’ll be missed.

From serious to silly and the week’s dreadful fashion horrors, starting with WTF regular Chelsee Healey wearing Doll’s House at a ball in Manchester and nearly giving us a Minge Moment.

Cultured Readers will of course be familiar with the La Fontaine fable of the Scorpion and the Frog where the scorpion stung the frog carrying him across the river, even though the scorpion could not swim. “You fool!” croaked the frog, “Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that? The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drowning frog’s back “I could not help myself. It is my nature”. And the same is true for Chelsee. She cannot help herself either. It is her nature.

Next up let us meet ZZZLister Abi Clarke, formerly off TOWIE.

At what point did it become alright to walk about in public like this with huge fake tits falling out of their tit-basket? Extra minus points for the appalling foot-blotch and the tan lines. Hideous, and I am being kind….

Readers often complain that there are not enough men featured in these posts and some have even gone so far as to accuse WTF of misogyny, which is upsetting. (It is also bollocks). WTF has said this before – when she sees a shockingly dressed man, she will feature him. Last week there were two, Johnny Weir and Pharrell Williams. And this week we have director Darren Aronofsky at the premiere of his new movie, Noah, seen here with young actors Logan Lerman (in brown) and Douglas Booth (in blue). The boys both look cute and nicely turned out.

By all accounts Darren’s movie is as big a stinker as his suit. Have you ever seen anything so ill-fitting? WTF has long railed against this trend of the short, buttoned-up tight-fitting jacket and she is also unimpressed with the split tie, the knitted scarf and the too-long trousers billowing over the groin department. As for the suit, it is made out of the same fabric as Ronnie Barker’s grocers’ coat in the popular TV comedy series Open All Hours.

Readers are now warned to put on those goggles they tell you to wear when looking at a full eclipse of the sun. Here is Jennifer Lopez in J Brand top and jeans and a pair of rather nice but very high Louboutins.

There is bright. And there is retinal damage. This falls squarely into retinal damage. Further, the jeans are a prime example of what WTF has identified as “Call for the Canesten”. The poor woman must be rubbed raw around the crotch. Questions must also be asked about her outbreak of foot-blotch and the My Little Ponytail hair.

This week’s It’s Got To Go is the televising of the Oscar Pistorius trial for shooting his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp on Valentine’s Day 2013. During the French Revolution, les tricoteuses would bring their knitting to watch toffs being guillotined. There was no TV, radio, cinema or internet in those days and entertainment options were limited. The Pistorius file is the high-tech version of the guillotine with every gut-wrenching detail, every re-enactment, every bloodstain in closeup, every time the accused pukes, every horribly hammy shouty-question from Defence Counsel, beamed into your living room or office for public delectation. Can we just remember that a woman was brutally killed and stop treating the trial as a glorified Law and Order – Pretoria? Watching it is like going down to the site of a crash – ghoulish. 

To New York and the launch of Sarah Jessica Parker‘s new shoe collection. SJP is wearing Dolce & Gabbana. And of course a pair of her own shoes.

Last week WTF brought you Whoopi Goldberg at the Oscars wearing something similar in homage to Julia Roberts’ Golden Globes outfit, another D&G dress (strapless in her case) worn with a white shirt. Readers expressed great disapprobation and with good reason. SJP’s interpretation of this look is equally ghastly, a red lace pinafore worn with a white shirt and semi-sheer stirrup tights like Heidi meets an 80’s Jane Fonda going for the burn and buggering a lot of people’s backs in the process, WTF’s included. 

Pride of place this week goes to the Kardashian sisters Kim and Khloe. First we have Khloe.

This is not so much Puss in Boots as Pussy in Boots because we are getting a lot of gynecological detail here, together with masses of heaving tit and rounded thigh and a very nasty Chanel bag. As for the boots, they looked trashy on Julia Roberts 24 years ago in Pretty Woman and she had the legs for them. But then Julia was supposed to look trashy. She was playing a hooker. 

And then we have Kim at the opening of a new family boutique in Miami.

Kim gave an interview recently admitting that she and her fiancé had perhaps been foolish to wear head to toe black leather in Mexico in August only to repeat that folly in Florida by dressing as Joan of Arc in chain-mail at Orléans. Not that Joan of Arc would have flashed her bra and panties on the battlefield, partly because underwired bras and panties had yet to be invented and partly because she was better than that. Joan was burnt at the stake  as a heretic in 1431. Just imagine how her accusers would have reacted had she been dressed like this.

OK Readers, that’s your lot for this week. A goodly crop of comments on the last post made WTF very happy so keep them coming and let us meet again next Friday. Be good x